WEBVTT - Therapy Time: How Valuable it’s Been to My Life 0:00:03.320 --> 0:00:07.080 I'm so glad that therapy when I was introduced to 0:00:07.120 --> 0:00:10.600 it happened when it happened, because it has really helped 0:00:10.600 --> 0:00:14.360 me survive everything that I've gone through, going through therapy 0:00:14.400 --> 0:00:18.520 with my divorce, realizing or I was wrong, being able 0:00:18.640 --> 0:00:21.840 to say, well, wait a second, perhaps you did become 0:00:21.960 --> 0:00:25.880 a little controlling. Now that I'm going to start couples therapy, 0:00:26.200 --> 0:00:31.000 I am looking forward to becoming a better partner and 0:00:31.120 --> 0:00:39.800 eventually a better wife. You guys know what time it is. 0:00:39.960 --> 0:00:43.519 It's time for your favorite podcast, Cheeky's and Chill. I'm 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:46.199 your host Cheeky's and I'm so happy to be recording 0:00:46.240 --> 0:00:49.720 a new episode for you guys today. I'm constantly talking 0:00:49.720 --> 0:00:52.080 about how much of an advocate I am for therapy, 0:00:52.560 --> 0:00:55.120 and therapy has helped me so much over the years. 0:00:55.160 --> 0:00:57.640 So I thought i'd record an episode on some of 0:00:57.680 --> 0:01:01.240 the biggest lessons I've learned about you. But I'm ready 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:03.920 to jump into today's episode, so let's do it. This 0:01:04.080 --> 0:01:18.240 is Cheeky's and Chill. Alrighty guys, So I'm gonna make 0:01:18.280 --> 0:01:22.040 this short and sweet and to the point, but bottom line, 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:25.640 I love therapy and I think we all need it. 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:28.440 It's not a sign of weakness. It's not that there 0:01:28.520 --> 0:01:32.679 is something wrong with you, that you're crazy, none of that. 0:01:32.920 --> 0:01:35.880 Because I don't know about you, guys, but growing up, 0:01:35.920 --> 0:01:38.479 I heard it was more of like a negative thing. 0:01:38.560 --> 0:01:40.240 If you have to go to therapy, it's like, oh, 0:01:40.520 --> 0:01:43.600 something's wrong with you, and depression doesn't exist, and blah 0:01:43.640 --> 0:01:47.120 blah blah. Thank goodness, now people speak about depression and 0:01:47.160 --> 0:01:50.200 anxiety a little bit more openly, especially after the pandemic, 0:01:50.280 --> 0:01:53.480 and talk about therapy, and I hear it a lot 0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:55.520 more now, which I'm so grateful for because I've been 0:01:55.560 --> 0:01:59.040 in therapy since I was twelve years old, when you know, 0:01:59.120 --> 0:02:00.840 we found out, or my mom found out that I 0:02:00.880 --> 0:02:03.440 was sexually abused by my dad. My mom didn't know 0:02:03.600 --> 0:02:06.200 much about therapy, she had never gone to therapy herself, 0:02:06.840 --> 0:02:12.360 and the police department and the doctor basically mandated it, 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:14.799 like you have to take her to therapy, and once 0:02:14.800 --> 0:02:16.960 she does her individual therapy, you guys have to do 0:02:17.000 --> 0:02:19.720 family therapy. So that's when my journey started with therapy. 0:02:20.480 --> 0:02:24.639 And I'm so glad that it happened. When it happened 0:02:24.960 --> 0:02:27.960 therapy when I was introduced to it, because it is 0:02:28.080 --> 0:02:32.119 really I think helped me survive everything that I've gone 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:35.920 through and that I've had to face and endure in 0:02:36.000 --> 0:02:40.160 my lifetime. And I remember being twelve and talking to 0:02:40.280 --> 0:02:44.480 this strange person, this woman that she was so nice, 0:02:44.639 --> 0:02:45.919 but I was like, how am I going to tell 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:50.520 her everything? But it was so nice to not feel shy. 0:02:50.600 --> 0:02:53.160 She made me feel so comfortable and I was able 0:02:53.200 --> 0:02:55.880 to just express to her without worrying about her getting 0:02:55.960 --> 0:02:59.680 upset or feeling shy, just telling her everything that had happened. 0:02:59.680 --> 0:03:03.720 Things I still at that moment, and I think my 0:03:04.000 --> 0:03:06.880 entire life really was able to talk to my mom 0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:08.679 about it. I was able to talk to my mom 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:10.920 you guys, about what had happened, the details of the 0:03:10.960 --> 0:03:13.760 sexual abuse to anyone really. So it was nice to 0:03:13.800 --> 0:03:16.119 speak to someone that wasn't in my household, that wasn't 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:18.200 my thea, that wasn't my sister, that wasn't my mom, 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:21.560 that it was just like someone that wanted to know 0:03:21.560 --> 0:03:24.360 how I was doing. And I liked it. I would 0:03:24.480 --> 0:03:27.480 leave there and I'm like, oh, I could breathe. I 0:03:27.560 --> 0:03:30.960 just felt lighter, and it really helped me get through it, 0:03:31.400 --> 0:03:34.040 especially after my dad, you know, went on the run 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:38.480 for ten years, I continued it and it was covered 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:42.280 at that time by our insurance, so that was great. 0:03:42.360 --> 0:03:44.360 So I was able to do it for a few months. 0:03:44.400 --> 0:03:46.360 And then we did family therapy, which was kind of 0:03:46.400 --> 0:03:48.600 cool because my mom was still trying to figure out 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:52.480 how to deal with this whole situation, and you know, 0:03:52.520 --> 0:03:54.400 and I think she did a great job. You know, 0:03:54.480 --> 0:03:57.400 she never questioned me. She was very supportive of like 0:03:57.560 --> 0:04:00.120 whatever it is that I was feeling, but she never 0:04:00.520 --> 0:04:03.000 allowed me to victimize myself, you know, to feel sorry 0:04:03.000 --> 0:04:04.640 for myself. It was kind of like, Okay, this happened, 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:07.040 let's move forward. And I'm so grateful she was like that, 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:11.080 without her even knowing, she would give me therapy. So anyways, 0:04:11.080 --> 0:04:14.680 the point is that's when I started, and I've learned 0:04:14.680 --> 0:04:18.880 a lot about myself, about life, about other people through therapy. 0:04:19.080 --> 0:04:22.599 And I think the difference between therapy, I feel, and 0:04:23.120 --> 0:04:25.919 counseling or life coaching is that in therapy, you're just 0:04:26.000 --> 0:04:28.600 able to express yourself and just let it out and 0:04:28.760 --> 0:04:31.680 talk freely to someone that is not going to judge 0:04:31.720 --> 0:04:36.080 you and just unload. And then life coaching is more 0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:38.200 like here are the tools, you know. So I've done 0:04:38.279 --> 0:04:40.880 both and they've both been great. And I started off 0:04:40.920 --> 0:04:43.159 with therapy and then as I got older, I did 0:04:43.200 --> 0:04:47.360 life coaching. But it's helped me out through you know, 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:51.520 that situation, the sexual abuse. It helped me through I 0:04:51.600 --> 0:04:56.440 experienced bullying at a young age because we didn't have 0:04:57.560 --> 0:05:00.279 you know, I didn't have the right shoes. I didn't 0:05:00.320 --> 0:05:03.360 have the cool clothes. You know, we didn't my mom 0:05:03.400 --> 0:05:05.360 wasn't driving the best car then, you know what I mean, 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:07.520 So little things like that, and also because of my 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:11.080 body weight, So that helped me, especially through like my 0:05:11.160 --> 0:05:15.320 divorce and mainly through losing my mom. And I think 0:05:15.360 --> 0:05:19.800 that was one of the most important sessions. I'll never 0:05:19.839 --> 0:05:23.680 forget that session when my therapist told me, and I've 0:05:23.680 --> 0:05:25.800 shared this with you guys plenty of times here on 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:29.960 the podcast, but you know, when my therapist said, two 0:05:29.960 --> 0:05:33.159 weeks before my mom passed, you know, you need to 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:36.559 start living your life as if your mom were no longer. 0:05:36.600 --> 0:05:41.000 Here guys, at that moment, I was like, what are 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:45.000 you saying. He was a very very strong therapist, this man, 0:05:45.240 --> 0:05:47.000 and I'm so grateful for him, and I don't know 0:05:47.400 --> 0:05:49.479 where he is or what happened. I lost touch, but 0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:51.920 I hope he's well, because little does he know he 0:05:51.920 --> 0:05:54.520 helped me so much. He's the one that taught me 0:05:54.640 --> 0:05:57.400 it is okay to love people from Afar if they 0:05:57.400 --> 0:05:59.760 are not good for your heart and your mental health. 0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:04.200 Doesn't matter who they are, it's okay for you to 0:06:04.400 --> 0:06:10.240 excuse yourself from their life and remove them from yours. 0:06:10.600 --> 0:06:12.200 And I for a long time, I was like, what, 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:15.000 I live in a culture where it's like family. You know, 0:06:15.040 --> 0:06:17.479 blood is thicker than water, and it's like, no matter what, 0:06:17.680 --> 0:06:20.680 that's your family member, that's your mom, your dad, Like 0:06:20.760 --> 0:06:24.360 you need to put up with them even if there 0:06:24.440 --> 0:06:29.200 is emotional, verbal, even physical abuse. Sometimes that's how I think. 0:06:29.240 --> 0:06:31.520 And I don't know about you guys, other Latin people 0:06:31.600 --> 0:06:35.880 here listening, if you guys experienced that, but I definitely did. 0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:39.800 And he really helped me understand that. I'll never forget 0:06:39.839 --> 0:06:41.880 when he told me that. And I was at first 0:06:41.880 --> 0:06:43.680 in shock and I was resistant, and I was like, 0:06:43.760 --> 0:06:46.080 what is he talking about? And I'm not gonna lie. 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:49.839 I thought, Okay, well, he's Caucasian, you know, maybe he 0:06:49.920 --> 0:06:53.400 just doesn't understand my culture, you know, but it really 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:55.800 helped me. I left there and I cried, and I 0:06:55.880 --> 0:06:58.560 was like, how am I gonna like go on with 0:06:58.600 --> 0:07:00.200 my life, and like, oh, my mom's not here when 0:07:00.200 --> 0:07:02.400 I know she's literally fifteen minutes away from my house. 0:07:02.960 --> 0:07:05.520 But it helped me because I started little by little 0:07:05.560 --> 0:07:09.520 practicing it, and then my mom passed and I continued 0:07:09.640 --> 0:07:13.400 with therapy and I had to actually when she passed, 0:07:13.440 --> 0:07:14.640 it had to stop a little bit because I had 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:16.640 to go like tend to my siblings and make sure 0:07:16.640 --> 0:07:19.160 they were okay, and I got them into therapy. I 0:07:19.200 --> 0:07:20.800 was like, you guys got to get into therapy. I've 0:07:20.920 --> 0:07:24.000 I've all of us, all of my siblings were all 0:07:24.160 --> 0:07:26.160 we've all done therapy. To me, it's something that has 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:29.120 been super important. I'm like, no, this is huge. If 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:31.760 there's anything we're gonna invest in, it's going to be therapy. 0:07:32.280 --> 0:07:34.240 You know. So they were going to therapy. And then 0:07:34.280 --> 0:07:37.200 after I've continued, I go on and off. It's not 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:39.720 just going through therapy or going to therapy when and 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:42.320 everything is falling apart in your life. Yes you definitely, 0:07:42.400 --> 0:07:44.840 yes we need it, but also when things are great, 0:07:44.960 --> 0:07:47.280 it's just it's it's like a car, you know, you 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:51.360 got to keep maintaining it. The maintenance is important. Which 0:07:51.400 --> 0:07:55.480 is why I just had a session yesterday and it 0:07:55.560 --> 0:07:58.120 was great, and I was like, I hadn't had a 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:01.520 session in like three weeks, and I was like, oh, 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:04.040 I felt so much better, you guys. So I just 0:08:04.040 --> 0:08:08.080 want to share my experience with you guys and let 0:08:08.120 --> 0:08:11.760 you guys know how passionate I am about this topic 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:16.320 and what I have learned and how much it's helped me. 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:20.120 So hopefully you guys can also go to therapy and 0:08:20.160 --> 0:08:23.280 not think of it in a negative way, you know, 0:08:23.400 --> 0:08:25.920 because like I said earlier, some of us were taught 0:08:26.480 --> 0:08:37.760 or heard that it was a bad thing. But it's not, okay. 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:42.440 Another very important breakthrough that I had in therapy was 0:08:43.840 --> 0:08:46.920 when the whole thing with my dad happened, and I 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:50.000 felt when I was twelve, I remember, I was like 0:08:50.080 --> 0:08:53.679 almost thirteen, had been in therapy for almost like a 0:08:53.720 --> 0:08:57.320 whole year. So anyways, I remember the therapist telling me 0:08:57.400 --> 0:08:59.760 this is not your fault. I need you to know 0:08:59.800 --> 0:09:02.360 that this is not your fault, that you didn't do 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:05.200 anything wrong, because for a long time I felt like, well, 0:09:05.240 --> 0:09:08.000 what if it was me? What if I hugged him 0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:12.559 too much? What if I called this upon myself? For 0:09:12.840 --> 0:09:16.000 you know, I thought so many different things. And that's 0:09:16.040 --> 0:09:19.280 one thing that when I heard that for those of 0:09:19.320 --> 0:09:23.520 you who have dealt with sexual abuse or have a 0:09:23.559 --> 0:09:26.640 family member or a friend like, it is so important 0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:30.840 to let them know it's not your fault and it 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:35.440 doesn't make you less valuable because for a long time, 0:09:35.480 --> 0:09:39.080 you guys, I felt dirty, I felt less than I 0:09:39.120 --> 0:09:41.600 felt like no one's gonna want me. I'm used up. 0:09:41.720 --> 0:09:44.120 I had all these thoughts at such a young age, 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:47.000 even after you know what I mean, Like it took 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:50.200 I'm telling you years a therapeat it to hear this 0:09:50.280 --> 0:09:52.439 and be like, hey, get that out of your mind. 0:09:52.600 --> 0:09:54.680 You're not used up. You're still going to find someone 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:57.320 that's going to love you and value you for who 0:09:57.360 --> 0:10:00.559 you are and it's not your fault. And another thing 0:10:00.679 --> 0:10:04.319 was I was always told you're a liar. You're a liar, 0:10:04.480 --> 0:10:07.280 like because I think my dad wanted to make my 0:10:07.360 --> 0:10:10.440 mom believe that. And I did feel like, oh my gosh, 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:12.480 to appoint you guys, where I was like, oh my god, 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:14.200 is this all allied? Did I make this up in 0:10:14.240 --> 0:10:17.559 my mind? Did this really happen? Like I was questioning 0:10:17.640 --> 0:10:21.439 and doubting myself. It was the craziest thing. So that's 0:10:21.520 --> 0:10:24.040 one thing that going to therapy like got me out 0:10:24.040 --> 0:10:27.400 of my head and saying these things out loud and 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:30.679 having someone else tell you, hey, wait stop, that is 0:10:30.720 --> 0:10:34.480 not true and helping you understand what is really happening. 0:10:34.760 --> 0:10:40.440 So that was a huge thing. Another thing was my divorce. 0:10:41.040 --> 0:10:43.560 That was another breakthrough, you guys, going through therapy with 0:10:43.640 --> 0:10:50.439 that and uh, realizing that or I was wrong as 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:54.720 well because I was so fixated on this didn't work 0:10:54.760 --> 0:10:57.680 because you hurt me because the things that he had 0:10:57.720 --> 0:11:00.960 done were so loud, right, and so in your face 0:11:01.600 --> 0:11:03.880 where it's like, Okay, the divorce happened because of you, 0:11:04.559 --> 0:11:07.200 and it didn't work because of you, but really being 0:11:07.320 --> 0:11:10.080 able to say, well, wait a second, do you not 0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:16.839 see that perhaps you did become a little controlling because 0:11:16.880 --> 0:11:19.120 of what was happening, but still, let's take away what 0:11:19.240 --> 0:11:22.959 he did. You had the power to stop yourself from 0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:26.120 being that way. And that was another moment where I 0:11:26.160 --> 0:11:27.880 was like, oh shoot, because I wanted to kind of 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:32.360 blame him for everything, and looking within yourself and saying, 0:11:32.360 --> 0:11:33.760 you know what, I'm not going to focus so much 0:11:33.840 --> 0:11:37.000 on what that other person did or didn't do or whatnot. 0:11:37.520 --> 0:11:39.880 It's what can I change to move forward because I 0:11:39.880 --> 0:11:42.599 never want this to happen again. I want a healthier relationship. 0:11:42.600 --> 0:11:44.120 I want to be better dude. And this just was 0:11:44.160 --> 0:11:47.360 like a few years ago, after being in therapy for years, 0:11:48.280 --> 0:11:50.280 I had to go through therapy for the sexual abuse, 0:11:50.360 --> 0:11:54.360 for my mom, for just like getting into the music industry, 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:58.120 going through a divorce. Now with even my current relationship, 0:11:58.120 --> 0:12:00.880 it's like it's fine tuning and still learning. It's like 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:04.800 we're evolving creatures, We're changing constantly. Things are changing around us. 0:12:05.120 --> 0:12:07.280 That's why for me it's important to continue for the 0:12:07.280 --> 0:12:10.640 rest of my life with therapy, especially being in the industry, 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:13.080 so that I don't get caught up in things that 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:16.480 aren't necessarily important. I can always focus on my mental health, 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:20.480 my spiritual health, my emotional health. And that helped me 0:12:20.520 --> 0:12:22.880 so much to say, hey, wait a second, you're not perfect, 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:25.400 you know what I mean, Like, you also did things 0:12:26.240 --> 0:12:29.880 that caused tension in the relationship. And when I saw 0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:32.920 it that way and my therapist told me, I was like, oh, shoot, okay, 0:12:33.600 --> 0:12:36.800 here's the mirror, look at it, look at yourself, and 0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:40.920 also forgive yourself. It's okay and forgive the person and 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:45.240 not hold resentment and not only blame them, because when 0:12:45.240 --> 0:12:48.559 we do that, it's like you you you, Like they 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:50.679 say you're pointing one finger, and there's three fingers pointing 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:53.160 back at you. And for a long time, I was 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:55.480 so upset and so angry for this and that, and 0:12:55.520 --> 0:12:57.760 it's like for a whole year, and it was so 0:12:57.840 --> 0:12:59.640 I was so unhappy and I was carrying so much 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:02.640 that I was like, you know, what if that, you know, 0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:05.440 that's stuff that they have to deal with. Let me 0:13:06.040 --> 0:13:09.120 deal with what I have to deal with within myself 0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:11.120 and what can I change and how can I be 0:13:11.200 --> 0:13:15.160 a better human being? How can I be just better overall? 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:17.880 So that helped me out. That was another breakthrough, you guys. 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:19.760 And it was a harsh reality. I'm not gonna lie 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:23.199 because I was say, wait, what, I'm not perfect? Oh 0:13:23.240 --> 0:13:26.719 my goodness. And then I started dating a medio and 0:13:26.760 --> 0:13:29.960 then I realized that I'm really I really have some 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.680 things I got to heal. But it's been great and 0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:34.959 I'm learning and I'm growing and I can honestly say 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:38.520 I'm very proud of where I'm at and how I 0:13:38.559 --> 0:13:42.920 feel about myself. And even after losing weight, you'd think, oh, 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:45.320 my goodness, cheeky's like you've lost so much weight, like 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:48.240 you are so confident. Yes I am, but there are 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:51.320 little things. We all have little insecurities. And I owe 0:13:51.360 --> 0:13:54.880 it all to therapy, you guys, to talking to someone 0:13:56.320 --> 0:14:00.520 that has an unbiased opinion and advice that's only to 0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:04.760 be like, hey, I want the best for you, and 0:14:04.800 --> 0:14:08.480 that feels so good. Another thing that therapy has helped 0:14:08.520 --> 0:14:10.640 me with and I kind of mentioned it right now, 0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:16.560 but really stepping out of myself and out of an egoistic, 0:14:16.920 --> 0:14:22.080 egocentric mindset and being able to put myself into another 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:26.560 person's shoes. That's another thing, and that isn't always the 0:14:26.600 --> 0:14:28.840 easiest thing to do, but it really has helped me 0:14:28.920 --> 0:14:32.440 be more compassionate with myself first and foremost, but also 0:14:33.320 --> 0:14:35.640 with other people and saying, well, wait a second, let 0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:39.440 me take a deep breath and say, okay, I'm feeling 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:40.960 this way, but let me put my feelings to the 0:14:41.000 --> 0:14:42.840 side for a little bit and put myself in the 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:46.320 other person's shoes. And it just helps you really see 0:14:46.360 --> 0:14:49.640 things in a different way. And I'm so grateful and 0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:52.000 I owe it honestly to my therapist, and I've had 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:54.920 different therapists, you guys, throughout the years. I like to 0:14:54.960 --> 0:14:57.160 switch to them like for a while, Like right now, 0:14:57.160 --> 0:14:59.800 I've had this last therapist for the past I don't know, 0:14:59.840 --> 0:15:02.120 like year and a half, and she's been great. She's 0:15:02.160 --> 0:15:05.400 so awesome, And now she's going to become my couple's therapist. 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:07.440 You know, I'm going to do therapy with the medium, 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:10.480 and I'm really excited because that's like a whole other 0:15:10.520 --> 0:15:14.520 phase of therapy. But it's great if you can stick 0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:17.040 with the same one forever. But I just, I don't know. 0:15:17.080 --> 0:15:19.480 I like to also see what else I can learn 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:22.360 from someone different, So it's all up to you. But 0:15:22.560 --> 0:15:24.840 it definitely has helped me become, I guess, in a way, 0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:28.600 a kinder person, a more compassionate person, and being able 0:15:28.680 --> 0:15:32.360 to understand that other people are going through things as well. 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:36.000 You know, I can't take it personally when someone on 0:15:36.000 --> 0:15:38.280 social media is saying you're this, you're that, you're fat, 0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:40.720 you can't this, you can't whatever negative thing they're throwing 0:15:40.760 --> 0:15:43.080 at me. I've learned to say, you know what, instead 0:15:43.080 --> 0:15:46.520 of getting upset, I'm just gonna be compassionate, say you 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:48.760 know what, this person is probably not happy, because if 0:15:48.760 --> 0:15:52.600 this person were happy, they wouldn't be saying this. A 0:15:52.680 --> 0:15:57.600 content person, a healthy person, doesn't have the need to 0:15:57.640 --> 0:15:59.560 go out and try to make another person feel bad. 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:01.680 So that's another thing. It's helped me with that as well, 0:16:01.720 --> 0:16:04.680 with the cyber bullying and people being rude, because that 0:16:04.680 --> 0:16:07.240 can take you into like a dark, dark, dark hole, 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:16.760 and it's helped me with that as well. Also with 0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:19.240 my siblings. You know, I was kind of like their 0:16:19.240 --> 0:16:22.360 mother figure for so long, and I had to learn 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:25.080 to step away and be more of a sister figure 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:29.160 and let them make mistakes and learn and come to 0:16:29.200 --> 0:16:31.320 me when they're ready and not be so invasive and 0:16:31.440 --> 0:16:33.640 overbearing because I was. And it's like, I don't want 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:35.760 you to fall, like let me help you, let me 0:16:35.800 --> 0:16:37.360 hold you by your hand, and it's like, that's not 0:16:37.440 --> 0:16:40.240 the way life works. It's go ahead, I'm gonna let 0:16:40.320 --> 0:16:42.680 go of your hand. You go your own way and 0:16:42.720 --> 0:16:45.720 figure things out. And that was a hard pill for 0:16:45.800 --> 0:16:48.840 me to swallow. And the fact that all my siblings, 0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:51.560 all of them are either in therapy or have been 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:55.360 in therapy, I think it's really helped us heal the 0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:58.960 loss of our mother and understand that all of us 0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:01.280 feel different about it and are going to mourn her 0:17:01.440 --> 0:17:05.000 differently and at different times. And I think that that 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:09.240 has been a game changer, because you know, sometimes like Jenica, 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:12.000 for instance, my sister Jenica, she she's not one to 0:17:12.119 --> 0:17:14.120 cry and to express how much she misses my mom. 0:17:14.160 --> 0:17:16.600 If she says it, it's like, oh shoot, but she 0:17:16.720 --> 0:17:19.840 does it on her alone time, you know, and for 0:17:19.880 --> 0:17:21.399 a while, it's kind of like, well, you don't miss her, 0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:23.160 you don't cry, like you don't have feelings, and it's 0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:24.840 like that's not a right way to look at it. 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:28.080 So it's like going to therapy has helped us understand 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:31.000 each other and the process of losing our mom and 0:17:31.040 --> 0:17:33.800 how we all handle it differently. And that's why I'm 0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:36.159 so grateful because all of us again are on the 0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:39.359 same page. And I can honestly tell you guys that 0:17:40.119 --> 0:17:42.919 I am so glad that I was going and I 0:17:42.960 --> 0:17:45.600 was in therapy before I met Emilio, and we both 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:52.040 are in therapy now. He's been in therapy consistently since 0:17:52.080 --> 0:17:55.720 we've been together, like weekly. If he misses a session, 0:17:55.840 --> 0:17:57.359 it's like not more than a month, you know what 0:17:57.400 --> 0:18:00.240 I mean, Like he's very, very consistent, and I appreciate 0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:03.040 that because that shows me he's doing his work, his 0:18:03.119 --> 0:18:07.119 internal work. Because a relationship, and I've learned this throughout 0:18:07.119 --> 0:18:09.880 the years and through therapy, is a relationship is basically 0:18:09.920 --> 0:18:15.280 two individuals coming together with their own thoughts, their own opinion, 0:18:15.280 --> 0:18:19.880 is their own feelings to help each other not necessarily 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:21.879 become better. It's like, no, you have to work on 0:18:21.920 --> 0:18:24.160 yourself as an individual and then come back and want 0:18:24.160 --> 0:18:26.760 to be a better person for yourself first and foremost, 0:18:26.920 --> 0:18:29.000 and then for your partner. And I think him and 0:18:29.000 --> 0:18:31.800 I are on the same page. And I'm glad that 0:18:31.920 --> 0:18:34.320 I've gone through every relationship I've gone through because it's 0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:37.159 really just helped me learn more about myself, about what 0:18:37.320 --> 0:18:38.880 I want and I don't want, and how I want 0:18:38.880 --> 0:18:42.760 to be different in myself to have a healthier relationship. 0:18:43.600 --> 0:18:46.640 And it really has helped my relationship a lot. And 0:18:46.760 --> 0:18:49.120 now we're going into the phase of Okay, for two 0:18:49.160 --> 0:18:51.720 and a half years, we've been doing our individual therapy 0:18:51.800 --> 0:18:53.760 and now we're going to do our couples therapy because 0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:55.760 now we're engaged, and now we have to know that 0:18:55.840 --> 0:18:58.600 this is a huge commitment and are we both ready 0:18:58.640 --> 0:19:03.160 for it, and I'm excited for that because we're still 0:19:03.280 --> 0:19:06.399 learning from each other, we're still growing. And now that 0:19:06.440 --> 0:19:08.840 I'm going to start this new phase of therapy, like 0:19:08.920 --> 0:19:12.040 doing couples therapy and having a partner that is so 0:19:12.119 --> 0:19:14.679 willing and so open to doing it, I am looking 0:19:14.720 --> 0:19:21.720 forward to becoming a better partner and eventually a better wife, 0:19:22.040 --> 0:19:27.160 you know. And I think communication is huge, but being 0:19:27.520 --> 0:19:29.720 able to communicate in the right way as well, and 0:19:29.880 --> 0:19:34.200 understanding that he is his own individual person and there's 0:19:34.240 --> 0:19:37.680 no need to control or to have to know where 0:19:37.720 --> 0:19:40.399 he is at every moment of the day. And this 0:19:40.440 --> 0:19:42.480 is huge, you guys, because this is one thing that 0:19:42.680 --> 0:19:46.320 I was very worried about before and even now where 0:19:46.359 --> 0:19:49.159 it's like, Okay, things change once you get married, and 0:19:49.200 --> 0:19:51.280 I kind of and I think through therapy, I'm like 0:19:51.320 --> 0:19:55.359 really looking forward to understanding that I don't have to 0:19:55.359 --> 0:19:57.840 see it that way, that it could be something very beautiful, 0:19:57.840 --> 0:19:59.880 that it's like we're growing together and things will change, 0:19:59.880 --> 0:20:02.280 but maybe it'll change for the better, instead of seeing 0:20:02.280 --> 0:20:05.879 it as a negative thing. So I'm really looking forward 0:20:05.880 --> 0:20:08.320 to that, and I'm excited to do it with this 0:20:08.440 --> 0:20:12.840 couple because they've also had obviously their share of situations 0:20:12.840 --> 0:20:15.120 in their marriage, and this is why they can give 0:20:15.200 --> 0:20:20.000 us advice and counseling because they are now a healthy 0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:22.439 relationship because of what they've gone through and what they've 0:20:22.480 --> 0:20:25.000 grown through, you know. So I'm really looking forward to that. 0:20:25.080 --> 0:20:27.840 I really really am. And am I nervous. Yes, I'm 0:20:27.880 --> 0:20:31.000 nervous because I'm pretty sure that I'm going to hear 0:20:31.000 --> 0:20:34.840 things I don't want to hear about myself. But it's 0:20:34.840 --> 0:20:39.760 okay because being uncomfortable also helps you grow. So I 0:20:39.800 --> 0:20:41.440 want to grow and I want to be a better 0:20:41.520 --> 0:20:44.119 version of myself for myself and for my partners. So 0:20:44.320 --> 0:20:46.600 really looking forward to it. I'll keep you guys updated 0:20:46.600 --> 0:20:49.480 on that after a few sessions, and you know, I'll 0:20:49.520 --> 0:20:51.760 always be honest. So I'm sure I'm going to hear 0:20:51.760 --> 0:20:53.440 a few things and I'm not gonna want to hear. 0:20:53.560 --> 0:20:56.199 The truth hurts sometimes, you guys, but that is what 0:20:56.320 --> 0:20:59.159 helps us become better, which is why I want to 0:20:59.160 --> 0:21:01.640 do this episode. You got to be honest and tell 0:21:01.680 --> 0:21:03.880 you guys that I'm not trying to shove it down 0:21:03.880 --> 0:21:06.760 your throat. You know, therapy and counseling and life coaching, 0:21:06.800 --> 0:21:09.960 but I kind of am. I'm a huge advocate and 0:21:10.000 --> 0:21:13.359 I just really want you guys to understand and to 0:21:13.400 --> 0:21:17.800 see how it's helped my life. And there are programs 0:21:17.800 --> 0:21:19.880 out there you guys, where they can help you, give 0:21:19.920 --> 0:21:22.640 you a nice discount or even sometimes for free through 0:21:22.640 --> 0:21:26.120 your insurance or through medical Like I think, if where 0:21:26.160 --> 0:21:29.239 there is a will, there is a way, and if 0:21:29.320 --> 0:21:31.320