Speaker 1: Handing My Purse is a production of iHeart podcasts, What's
Speaker 1: Up Friends and Ken. So this is the second and
Speaker 1: final portion of the series that I did on the
Speaker 1: state of dating in the Black community. This is a
Speaker 1: retro episode. It's the second one. I think you're gonna
Speaker 1: like this one a lot. I hope you liked the
Speaker 1: first one. I wanted to start off with something serious
Speaker 1: and finish off with something a little more light and
Speaker 1: fun and funny. And this might be one of my
Speaker 1: favorite episodes ever in the history of Handing My Purse.
Speaker 1: I've listened to it probably six or seven times because
Speaker 1: it is hilarious to me. Candice is absolutely in front
Speaker 1: of the show. She is a friend of mine, She's
Speaker 1: like my little sister. But this episode is ridiculously funny.
Speaker 1: We share a lot of information about of pride. We
Speaker 1: are very transparent, I should say about some of our
Speaker 1: experiences with online dating. And I just hope you guys
Speaker 1: enjoy it as much as we enjoyed recording it during
Speaker 1: the pandemic. We recorded this in twenty twenty, and when
Speaker 1: I tell you it's hilarious, if you don't think that
Speaker 1: this is funny, you might need to check your pulse
Speaker 1: because it's hilarious. I might I can't wait to listen
Speaker 1: to it, just for quality assurance, to make sure it
Speaker 1: sounds good. Excuse some of the sound if it's not
Speaker 1: that great. I had just started. But I just hope
Speaker 1: you guys enjoyed it. It was amazing and I will see
Speaker 1: you on February the twentieth with a brand new episode
Speaker 1: of Hammy My Purse.
Speaker 2: Enjoy I'm sorry, I can't see the thing.
Speaker 1: Okay, what's up, y'all? Welcome to Hand Me My Purse
Speaker 1: the podcast. I am Mimi Walker, and I will be
Speaker 1: your forever host, each and every single time you tune
Speaker 1: into this podcast. So go ahead and get comfortable. Get
Speaker 1: yourself a glass of your favorite beverage, whether that's alkaline water,
Speaker 1: red kool aids, a hot cup of tea with honey,
Speaker 1: a glass of Cabernet Salvignon or Hennessy, and light yourself
Speaker 1: a candle, some incense or burn some stage and just
Speaker 1: get ready to chill out and have a good time.
Speaker 1: What's up, friends, and ken, it's MEMI Resident Auntie Supreme
Speaker 1: here hand me my Purse, and today I am sipping
Speaker 1: on what's called a craft cocktail. I'm sipping on a
Speaker 1: drink that my guests today made for us, and she
Speaker 1: used the Cane Collective Passion through Jalapeno mixer with Tito's
Speaker 1: vodka and Club soda. Why because life is good and
Speaker 1: I live a grandiose life full of joy, and because
Speaker 1: my friends are bartenders. The dope part about making a
Speaker 1: drink with a Cane Collective mixer is that you get
Speaker 1: the experience of having a fresh, fancy, what's called a
Speaker 1: craft cocktail right in your own home. Like you don't
Speaker 1: have to go to a posh restaurant or like a
Speaker 1: totally expensive bar. You can have it right at home.
Speaker 1: So that is what we're sipping on today. And I'm
Speaker 1: going to tell you more about Kine Collective later on
Speaker 1: in the show. So, guys, today's show, I'm sure if
Speaker 1: you ever read the title, is about the culture of
Speaker 1: dating and black community. And it's only in the black
Speaker 1: community because I'm black. I'm a part of the black community.
Speaker 1: So that's what I know about. I am speaking, of course,
Speaker 1: from personal experience, and my guest is also black, so
Speaker 1: that's her perspective as well. For today's show, I could
Speaker 1: have gone with so many songs, because there are so
Speaker 1: many songs about dating and love and all that stuff.
Speaker 1: But this song takes me back to my childhood and
Speaker 1: it reminds me of singing with my mother, and I
Speaker 1: remember my mother had this boyfriend, his name was Frank,
Speaker 1: and Frank's niece, I think, used to sing this song
Speaker 1: and she used to mess the words up, and my
Speaker 1: mother and I would always laugh at the fact that
Speaker 1: she couldn't get the words right, even though she was
Speaker 1: like a little girl. Not laugh at her in like
Speaker 1: a mean girl way, but it just tickled us. We
Speaker 1: thought it was so funny. So I chose this song
Speaker 1: because it hits me in a nostalgic place. It makes
Speaker 1: me happy, and it's the perfect song. And the cover
Speaker 1: that I found is actually stupid amazing, And the reason
Speaker 1: that I like it so much. I love when people
Speaker 1: do covers of song and they take it and make
Speaker 1: it their own. Case. In point, tonight, somebody sent me
Speaker 1: a country rendition of the song Wop by Cardi B
Speaker 1: and Megan thee Stallion, and I gotta say it wasn't
Speaker 1: appropriation ish at all. She nailed it. It was super creative.
Speaker 1: It was dope. I really really liked it. If you
Speaker 1: can find it, check it out. I'm not gonna post
Speaker 1: it anywhere, but it was pretty awesome. And so the
Speaker 1: reason that I like the cover of this song, which
Speaker 1: is What's Love, got to do with It by Tina Turner,
Speaker 1: the young lady who did the cover. Her name is
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's Shana. Here we go. You
Speaker 1: know how I roll like when it comes to people's names.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't know if I'm saying it right.
Speaker 1: And it's not even that this is a hard name
Speaker 1: to say, but this name can be said so many
Speaker 1: different ways. So I don't know if it's Shana Tucker
Speaker 1: or SHAWNA Tucker, but either way, I'm gonna go with
Speaker 1: I think it's Shanea. Either way, Miss Tucker slays the
Speaker 1: cover of this It's very jazzy. It has such a
Speaker 1: good feel. It sounds like something that you would hear
Speaker 1: at like a jazz festival or wine festival while you're
Speaker 1: sipping on your breasling or whatever people drink at wine festivals.
Speaker 1: I've never been to one. I'm not really interested in going.
Speaker 1: Nanny and I love wine, but check it out because
Speaker 1: she kills it. So here is What's Love? Got to
Speaker 1: Do with It by Tina Turner and it's being covered
Speaker 1: by Shana Tucker and get into it because it's pretty dope.
Speaker 1: You know the covers I find, sometimes it's hit or miss.
Speaker 1: Sometimes they are really really good and sometimes they are
Speaker 1: not really really good. Notice I didn't say bad because
Speaker 1: I'm a positive person. But this time I have to
Speaker 1: say I found a winner. Check it out. Is her
Speaker 1: name Bobby, there's a freeze that ba what whatever the reason?
Speaker 1: Do it for me? Puss got to Do It is
Speaker 1: pus what a second daddy motion? Puss up Got do?
Speaker 1: Got to Do It is by Hart and hertn be broken.
Speaker 1: Now let's get into the show. Yeah, all right, friends
Speaker 1: and ken. So today on the show, I have my
Speaker 1: good friend Candace Kandas and I have been friends for
Speaker 1: several years. We lost count because we can't really figure
Speaker 1: out when we met. We know we met at a
Speaker 1: mutual friend, our friend Aaron's house. We don't remember if
Speaker 1: it was for the super Bowl or if it was
Speaker 1: for a New Year's Eve party. Aaron probably remembers, she
Speaker 1: definitely remembers, and I don't know when, but when we met,
Speaker 1: it was like instant friendship. It was like we have
Speaker 1: been friends since we were little kids, and she is
Speaker 1: like my little sister. And I want you to say
Speaker 1: hello to my folks. Can what's up y'all? Wasn't it?
Speaker 1: It's fine, It's fine. What's up y'all? So today we
Speaker 1: are going to be talking about dating. And this is
Speaker 1: actually the start of a three maybe even a four
Speaker 1: part series that I'm going to do on the culture
Speaker 1: of dating in the Black community specifically, but just the
Speaker 1: culture of dating period. But of course everything I do
Speaker 1: is it kind of perchangs to the black community because well,
Speaker 1: were black. So today we're going to talk a little
Speaker 1: bit about our experiences online date, with online dating and
Speaker 1: in true handing my first form and or a fashion,
Speaker 1: I did a survey and a poll because I like
Speaker 1: to keep you all involved in what I do. I
Speaker 1: like to be interactive, and I ask folks some questions
Speaker 1: about their online dating experiences. I'm going to share that
Speaker 1: with you guys. But we're going to talk about some
Speaker 1: of our experiences. First. First, let's just define what online
Speaker 1: dating is. Online dating is what in the world is
Speaker 1: that meeting somebody online and starting to date them. It
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be necessarily in an app right. It
Speaker 1: could be on Facebook, it could be on Twitter, it
Speaker 1: could be on Instagram, it could be what am I missing? Yes,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think kids are because they're nasty
Speaker 1: and sneaky, but I don't know if actually you know
Speaker 1: what's interesting. There's this guy. I've been on two dates
Speaker 1: with him. I think I met him on Plenty of Fish.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say his name. It doesn't matter because
Speaker 1: he doesn't listen to my podcast. I met him on
Speaker 1: Plenty of Fish in probably twenty fourteen. Okay, we've been
Speaker 1: on two dates. So that just goes to show that
Speaker 1: there's not really much happening over there. Right. He sends
Speaker 1: me these videos of him, like singing R and B
Speaker 1: songs in the shower, and I'm I'm almost positive that
Speaker 1: he doesn't only send them to me. So if you
Speaker 1: know him and he sends them to you, I hit
Speaker 1: my damn so we can figure out what can he say?
Speaker 1: He lip sings them, and he doesn't like show any
Speaker 1: of his you know, nasty parts. He doesn't show his bits,
Speaker 1: you know, but he's like soaping it up and sending
Speaker 1: it and like at first when he first started doing it,
Speaker 1: like when he first started doing it like it was
Speaker 1: like funny, right, and it was cute? Is this this
Speaker 1: is all solicit? It's gotta be Oh, it's I do you?
Speaker 1: I mean like we've been friends for a while. Do
Speaker 1: you tag me as the kind of ship? How would
Speaker 1: you like ask hey, send me a video of you
Speaker 1: soaping it, soaping it up and singing usher in the shower?
Speaker 1: I know I don't. First of all, he's lip taking
Speaker 1: it back to the lips. How would he so I
Speaker 1: didn't have vocals. No, he can't even sing. I don't
Speaker 1: know if he can sing, and if I could be
Speaker 1: really honest, I don't really give a shit if he
Speaker 1: can sing, because the funniest part is that what happened.
Speaker 1: He's still doing it and it's twenty twenty, and I
Speaker 1: know he started it in like twenty sixteen, twenty seventeen
Speaker 1: with the sending the shower videos. This is his niche though,
Speaker 1: This is his niche, This is his thing, and he
Speaker 1: should probably start an only fans. Oh you don't know
Speaker 1: what OnlyFans is, Candae And I was talking about that earlier.
Speaker 1: I don't google it because I'm not really I'm here
Speaker 1: to tell you guys about that. I just know that
Speaker 1: you know it's a way that people are making money.
Speaker 1: So can this have you I already know the answer
Speaker 1: to this. But you have dated online before? I have
Speaker 1: for how many years? Like? Have you done it off
Speaker 1: and on? I know I'm deep in this game since. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've been around. I think I think I did it
Speaker 1: for the first time was two thousand. Actually, the first
Speaker 1: time I joined an online dating site was like twenty twelve.
Speaker 1: But if we're considering Twitter and all of that stuff, sure, yeah,
Speaker 1: assists been in the game since like twenty ten. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I will say that Twitter and Facebook and all
Speaker 1: that has the uses have changed right over the years.
Speaker 1: Initially it probably wasn't for dating. That wasn't my thing
Speaker 1: about that, But I mean I was sorry with Black Planet.
Speaker 1: I messed a buy from Black Planet that was probably
Speaker 1: like I don't know where they're black? What are they white?
Speaker 1: And sixty five? I was out here for the risk?
Speaker 1: Was in the long time, right right? She said? I was
Speaker 1: out here for the risk. I don't know, And you
Speaker 1: know what's crazy, I so want a girlfriend about it.
Speaker 1: I was on AO while in chat rooms when I
Speaker 1: was like fourteen. I was never meet anybody, but I
Speaker 1: definitely had a boyfriend. Our song was Jagged Edge, Let's
Speaker 1: get Rided, And we used to talk every day at
Speaker 1: the school at a certain time. That's cute. And he
Speaker 1: probably wasn't even black and fourteen too, he could have
Speaker 1: been Asian and seventy. I don't you didn't know. I
Speaker 1: didn't don't know. No, Well, that's the kind of risky
Speaker 1: one with like chatroo. But she weren't meeting anybody. No,
Speaker 1: but you know what, I will say, with you not
Speaker 1: meeting him, that is kind of safe. That's for teenagers,
Speaker 1: not these teams really weird grown. I wasn't growing at fourteen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: these teenagers banging glasses. Yeah, No, I was wearing which
Speaker 1: is cool. Wait no, no, no, hold on, She says
Speaker 1: she was wearing fooboo when you were fourteen?
Speaker 3: How No, like I was from the free market.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, this is where this conversation is. Stop because
Speaker 1: I don't want to affiliate with anybody who was wearing
Speaker 1: food boo flee market. You were fourteen? So did judge me?
Speaker 1: My father?
Speaker 3: You said me to the fleetwaltget one sad it is.
Speaker 1: I'm not want to judge you, you know what, But
Speaker 1: I told y'all. In the beginning that I do judge
Speaker 1: on stuff like that, I do back to online dating.
Speaker 1: So I think that the first my first dabbling online
Speaker 1: dating was probably oh look, I'm not going all the
Speaker 1: way back that far. I think I first started experiencing
Speaker 1: with match, I was actually paying in the beginning.
Speaker 3: Really, I was really about I was really about that.
Speaker 1: About that life. Yeah. So and I met some great men,
Speaker 1: really I did. I can't get to the fun boys shit,
Speaker 1: So I got to the free style. Okay, it's okay,
Speaker 1: it's okay, it's okay. She was concerned. You know, we
Speaker 1: talked about this on the front end, about the cursing,
Speaker 1: because you know, like she and I are very comfortable
Speaker 1: around each other and we do a lot of cursing.
Speaker 1: We do, and you know, it just rolled out, and
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm going to keep it. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to edit that out because it's okay. Yeah, because the
Speaker 1: boy is a fun boy and it is what it is.
Speaker 1: It kind of is, yeah, And I mean we can't
Speaker 1: really speak to you know, because I don't want men
Speaker 1: saying like, oh, I don't do a lot of male
Speaker 1: bashing on the show. It's not my ministry. I love
Speaker 1: black men. I think black men are kings. They are
Speaker 1: the original kings. But sometimes they be on some bullshit,
Speaker 1: like straight up, and so do black women. Like let's
Speaker 1: just keep it a stick. Black women are on bullshit too,
Speaker 1: and people are going to say, well, everybody's on bullshit.
Speaker 1: I don't really care about everybody else. I'm talking about
Speaker 1: black women and black men right now. Of course, there
Speaker 1: are white men and Latino men and Latino women and
Speaker 1: white women and Asian Okay, but I'm not talking about
Speaker 1: them right now. Oh man. So I do know. I
Speaker 1: was a freelance makeup artist and I traveled a lot
Speaker 1: to New York and there were a lot of guys
Speaker 1: that through circles of my friends, like, I would meet
Speaker 1: people and you know, they would be creatives or artists too,
Speaker 1: and you know, they would follow me on Twitter and
Speaker 1: they would be like, oh, you're really talented, and then
Speaker 1: it would just go from there. So I dated a
Speaker 1: lot of photographers. I dated a lot of photographers like
Speaker 1: a man with a vision, yeah right, and a camera
Speaker 1: and a heavy camera bag and no money. Okay. I
Speaker 1: don't think I got on an actual site like a
Speaker 1: dating site until like twenty twelve and my godsister was
Speaker 1: already in it. She was already doing it suit tradition. Yes,
Speaker 1: she eased me in to the game, and I got
Speaker 1: started in twenty twelve and I hit the ground running
Speaker 1: and I had a good time. I think mine might
Speaker 1: have been maybe twenty thirteen. Okay, definitely started on match.
Speaker 1: Met some cool people. Black guys were a match, yes, ma'am. Oh, okay, listen,
Speaker 1: I don't care what nobody say. People are searching for
Speaker 1: love time. It's just easy to pick up your phone
Speaker 1: and have a conversation. It's easy to you know, correspond
Speaker 1: and meet people from your phone. You don't have to
Speaker 1: go anywhere. Everything I spent no money. You can do
Speaker 1: you some some weeding out if you will. It's online
Speaker 1: is a great way to vet people. People always say.
Speaker 1: I hate when people say, oh, I don't date online
Speaker 1: because it's weird and it's so many weirdos online. It's
Speaker 1: weird those in the grocery store, because it ain't madam, Hey,
Speaker 1: it's weird those at church. It's weird those at the airport.
Speaker 1: It's weirdos in the mall. Like crazy people gonna be crazy. Dad,
Speaker 1: It's not only crazy people online. You know, I can
Speaker 1: understand where people say, you know, it's a little easier
Speaker 1: when you're online because you can pretend to be somebody else.
Speaker 1: But think about everybody, stopped for five seconds, take a
Speaker 1: pause for the cause. Think about somebody that you have
Speaker 1: dated that sent their representative and not their true self.
Speaker 1: Did you meet them online? Or did you meet them
Speaker 1: at your sister's house when y'all was playing taboo? Thank
Speaker 1: you sis, exactly, Thank you bro. You met them at
Speaker 1: somebody's house, You met them in the grocery store. Everybody
Speaker 1: has met somebody who was faking it and playing the
Speaker 1: whole game with you that you did not meet online. Now,
Speaker 1: don't get me wrong, You're gonna meet a whole lot
Speaker 1: of people what you always love it? Okay, you know what,
Speaker 1: It's time for stories, So let's just stop right hand.
Speaker 1: Kansas's story is so funny that I laughed for like
Speaker 1: twenty minutes after we talked about it. You can't make
Speaker 1: it out, no, So I okay, So after I got
Speaker 1: off a match, I'm not I'm no longer paying for it, Okay, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: because you just reached this point where you're like, I'm
Speaker 1: kind of good. Yeah, I'm kind of good.
Speaker 4: I'm not right.
Speaker 3: Look, I'm trying to meet people in real life, like
Speaker 3: you know, I'm good.
Speaker 1: So somebody told me about plenty of fish. I have
Speaker 1: no idea who it was. Let me. Fish is a
Speaker 1: dark hole. It's just dumb. It's dumb.
Speaker 3: So I'm no longer on that on that app. But anyway,
Speaker 3: back in the day when it.
Speaker 1: Was regular, Yeah, it's normal, yep, normal, got on and
Speaker 1: I honestly it's a numbers game. But men are everywhere. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're very attainable, right, I'm not gonna say I don't
Speaker 1: eve want to say men people are.
Speaker 3: It's easy to get what it is you're looking for, right.
Speaker 1: If you want a date, that's easy. If you want
Speaker 1: to have sex, that's easy, right, It's not difficult to
Speaker 1: find your one is rare, like that's right on your
Speaker 1: person to kind a Matt right, Yes, compatibility is yeah,
Speaker 1: chemistry is rare, right, even authenticity rare. Right, that's rare,
Speaker 1: and just human beings it is it is. But you
Speaker 1: you get what I'm Okay, So I'm really, I honestly
Speaker 1: picky about the pictures, but kind that even photo quality, right,
Speaker 1: But at the thirteen our phones aren't really popping like
Speaker 1: they are now, so you don't have filters on them. Guys,
Speaker 1: you know, their angle is terrible, terrible, terrible. So anyway,
Speaker 1: this guy had a decent amount of pictures. It wasn't
Speaker 1: just one. He had a couple of pictures. Right, So
Speaker 1: I'm going through. I'm like, hey, I'm decent looking right,
Speaker 1: regular everything in this right place and spot. So we
Speaker 1: have a little conversation, easy conversation, cool conversation, right, just
Speaker 1: a couple back and forth, you know whatever. I like
Speaker 1: to get that out the way.
Speaker 3: You know this is this is ridiculous.
Speaker 1: You know, we progressed from video chat. Wasn't even really
Speaker 1: a thing PopEd like that. So we progress from the
Speaker 1: site to the phone, right, So a couple of phone conversations.
Speaker 1: So now I'm like, okay, we can meet up in
Speaker 1: a public place, right, So we go to a place
Speaker 1: downtown on one right, I pull up. I don't think
Speaker 1: he's there yet, but something hit me and I was like,
Speaker 1: this guy never smiled at any of his pictures. But
Speaker 1: I'm like, god' don't smile because they're trying to, you know, right.
Speaker 1: So I'm like whatever, I brush it off and keep
Speaker 1: hopping into the place. So he's there sunglasses on and all.
Speaker 1: For second, lady, if you don't know, that is a
Speaker 1: violation of Like I don't know if I've talked about
Speaker 1: this on the show before, but I don't trust people
Speaker 1: who wear sunglasses indoors. It's pointless, Like what are you doing?
Speaker 3: What do you have, Lasik?
Speaker 1: I don't know why it is now you ain't even
Speaker 1: get the way of glasses for you just had them.
Speaker 1: I just had Lasi, she knows, right, So I do
Speaker 1: shout out the doctor goal, but yeah, he ain't have
Speaker 1: lacy because it's twenty thirteen. That won't talking.
Speaker 3: And so he had sunglasses on in the booth.
Speaker 1: Okay, right, So I rolled up. First of all, I'm
Speaker 1: thinking he not even he made for me. I don't
Speaker 1: what you're here to do? But they ain't here. We're like,
Speaker 1: I'm still doing around him? God looking around? Oh no,
Speaker 1: that's him, of course it is. So I sit down.
Speaker 1: I'm expecting him to take the sunglasses off, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like that's kind of just right. No,
Speaker 1: So I realized we have had like two sentences of
Speaker 1: conversation back and forth. The glasses is so one.
Speaker 3: So what I'm not about to do is have a
Speaker 3: concitions with you with the right.
Speaker 1: So they're concerned.
Speaker 3: About the vision, you know what I'm saying, a lot
Speaker 3: of fingers.
Speaker 1: Going on there, my boy, I'm concerned, right, I'm a
Speaker 1: concerned black woman.
Speaker 3: So right, just trying to trying to support the black king.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: So I'm like, are you I mentioned the glasses?
Speaker 1: Is it part of the set? The get up? Is
Speaker 1: that you know?
Speaker 3: Because maybe that is part of the fashion, the coordination.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe it's his like his look. I
Speaker 1: think he thought it was, but it wasn't. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: he takes the glasses off. I'm like, his eyes aren't crossed, like,
Speaker 1: I don't like where his eyes they were real, I
Speaker 1: wish it was crossed. Some have made more right.
Speaker 3: So anyway, he's I.
Speaker 1: Don't regularly sensitivity. So the glasses come off and we're having,
Speaker 1: you know, conversation, and.
Speaker 3: I noticed he's a low lip talker.
Speaker 1: They had a low lit talk. So I talked him
Speaker 1: my whole face, like teeth, nose, everything right, super dramatic,
Speaker 1: super expression all that. I talked about faith and my
Speaker 1: hands right right and besides my eyes and I think
Speaker 1: I'm pretty animated. Yes, yeses super animated. So everything you
Speaker 1: gotta get all, you get it, You got to get
Speaker 1: it now. I wish you could see her hands flailing about. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: get all of this right, Yes, it lands better, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it lands. It's a good the what's the word I'm
Speaker 1: looking for? I don't know because I'm a little tipsy.
Speaker 1: Thanks to Cane's Collective. Shout out to Kane's Collective. Shout
Speaker 1: out to you Aaron for this. This is a mini ad.
Speaker 1: Do you like do you like alcoholic beverages? Do you
Speaker 1: like grown up beverages? We'll try Canes Collective's Passion fruit
Speaker 1: jalapeno mixer with Tito's vodka and a slash of club soda.
Speaker 1: Why because it's delicious.
Speaker 3: I'm loving it.
Speaker 1: So he's a low lip talker, right, So this man
Speaker 1: did not have a problem in my slash. Okay, I
Speaker 1: feel like they're only like for the sixteen overgrow. So okay,
Speaker 1: you in there promident my stage. I think he did
Speaker 1: have facial hair, but either way, no, it wasn't like
Speaker 1: a low lip. It was like, yeah, low lip talker.
Speaker 1: So I'm okay, that's different. You know, I notice everything
Speaker 1: that's a different look. So let's order we order. So
Speaker 1: I think I got maybe a salad or maybe wings.
Speaker 3: I'm not really sure, but I definitely.
Speaker 1: Know he got wings and pizza. Bojo, he got wings
Speaker 1: and pizza, right, Okay, cool, So still low lipping. He
Speaker 1: started telling me about.
Speaker 3: His you know, coach a little football league and you know, yeah,
Speaker 3: a lot.
Speaker 1: Of kids give it back to this community. So I'm
Speaker 1: here for it. So the food comes out, and I'm
Speaker 1: pretty sure it was a drumm. If it wasn't a flat.
Speaker 3: This young man dipped it into blue.
Speaker 1: I think it was blue cheese.
Speaker 3: I don't think it was right, dipped it in the blue,
Speaker 3: brought it to the mouth.
Speaker 1: His two front teeth was gone.
Speaker 3: They were like nowhere in sight gone.
Speaker 1: They weren't like you know how people made like a
Speaker 1: little teeth chicken, my teeth na. They were I saw
Speaker 1: back to his talks. They that that little dangly thing
Speaker 1: that's swinging the back swinging that they was gone. That
Speaker 1: his front teeth was gone. Why would he not order
Speaker 1: super salad like I did? I don't really even know
Speaker 1: what I would do.
Speaker 4: He dating?
Speaker 1: Well, what I mean, he should he not find love?
Speaker 1: Should he not find them? To front tip? Even a
Speaker 1: bridge come on says he he had a decent job
Speaker 1: with insurance. They're understand people are afraid.
Speaker 3: But what I'm not ready to do is be dating
Speaker 3: out here.
Speaker 1: Not even remember remember she told you that she's really animated.
Speaker 1: That's that's her hitting the table. That's what you hear.
Speaker 1: So sorry, But what I'm not ready to do is
Speaker 1: this with him. Yeah, you know I would have been.
Speaker 1: First of all, here's a little tipbit about me. I'm
Speaker 1: afraid of people who are missing teeth, Like it freaks
Speaker 1: me out. When I was younger, my godmother would take
Speaker 1: her dentures out, okay and chase me around the house
Speaker 1: with them. Yeah, it's a little bit funny, but I
Speaker 1: see your face. She's touching my shoulder right now to
Speaker 1: try to come for me as she lasts, but she
Speaker 1: sees my face because it's not funny. It scared me.
Speaker 1: That's a dating requirement. Yeah, see period two fronts? Are
Speaker 1: they not the main ones? That's almost like, oh, I
Speaker 1: want a woman with a flat stomach and a big
Speaker 1: butt and a small waist and big breasts, and so
Speaker 1: she needs to be a dime and a dime piece.
Speaker 1: We don't show up and say do you have your
Speaker 1: two front teeth. We don't show up and say you
Speaker 1: need to have a flat stomach, and we definitely I
Speaker 1: ain't even gonna go here too much, okay, but we
Speaker 1: definitely don't say could you please have a penis over
Speaker 1: the size of a gurkin? Okay? Or a small flastic
Speaker 1: pickle and a jar. We don't do that. We accept
Speaker 1: you as you are. Okay. Some women might complain about
Speaker 1: your finances, but that does not give you the right
Speaker 1: to say that we have to be a certain size
Speaker 1: or that you know our breasts have to be a
Speaker 1: certain size because you are stepping on the scene with
Speaker 1: a sweet girkin pickle penis and no front teeth, Like,
Speaker 1: how dare you so? For me? I'm not going to
Speaker 1: tell the one about the guy that I dated from
Speaker 1: Southeast DC. He ended up being my boyfriend and we
Speaker 1: were we dated for like we were in a relationship.
Speaker 1: I was monogamous. I don't know if he was, but
Speaker 1: for about three or four months. But I'm not going
Speaker 1: to talk about that story. There was this guy, his
Speaker 1: name is Frank. Okay, So I dated this guy named Frank,
Speaker 1: and Frank was short. I've dated a couple of short
Speaker 1: guys because short guys like big ladies. This this guy
Speaker 1: was little. He was short, and I don't really know
Speaker 1: why I dated him because I was just having a
Speaker 1: good time and he contacts my short He was probably
Speaker 1: like in person, he was probably five four, but on
Speaker 1: his profile he said he was five to seven. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so that's another thing I get back to that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: lying lying about your height, because guys will lie about
Speaker 1: their height everybody. Yeah, so he showed up. He said
Speaker 1: he was five to seven. I'm about five six. So
Speaker 1: he showed up. He said it without seven, yeah, with
Speaker 1: no heels, right, and so I'm like, okay, he's five
Speaker 1: to seven. He gets there, he's got to be at
Speaker 1: least five four. He has locks. I don't really like
Speaker 1: men with long hair. It's just my preference. There's nothing
Speaker 1: wrong with men with long hair. I just don't like it.
Speaker 1: He had locks, he's short, and okay, it's fine. So
Speaker 1: we go out. We have a good time. You know,
Speaker 1: it was fun or whatever. And so this is around
Speaker 1: Christmas time and he tells me this is about a
Speaker 1: month in Like we're talking. We may have gone out
Speaker 1: like two times. Because I don't really want to be
Speaker 1: seen in public with him, forgive me lord, but because
Speaker 1: he's small, he's really smart. You're still dating him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're not, well if we're really dating him, but we're
Speaker 1: just Yeah, but you wanted to content you con went
Speaker 1: on a second. I mean it was just something to do. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so that was really my Most of my online dating
Speaker 1: life was something to do. Okay, I get married. You
Speaker 1: were looking for a husband. Oh, I found my I
Speaker 1: thought I found him. That's a different story. But we're
Speaker 1: not going there because that's the dark is. We're going
Speaker 1: to go to a dark place. I don't want to
Speaker 1: do that. It's tender. It's still a drink. Your drink,
Speaker 1: but okay, drink, you drink. So we go out. You know,
Speaker 1: we're having a good time. We're cool or whatever. And
Speaker 1: it's Christmas time and he's like, oh, I want to
Speaker 1: get my son. He had a son. I want to
Speaker 1: get him as Christmas gifts. Oh, but I don't get
Speaker 1: paid to a certain times. Do you think you can
Speaker 1: loan me some money? Let me tell you something about
Speaker 1: me to bring me my money. I will loan the
Speaker 1: people that I love money. I don't expect to get
Speaker 1: it back because I just don't give money expecting to
Speaker 1: get right he asked me for like three hundred dollars. Stop.
Speaker 1: I said, I ain't gonna be able to do that.
Speaker 1: But where did you own that? Though? Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah,
Speaker 1: no no no. I said, at the most I can
Speaker 1: give you like seventy five dollars because it's pretty jo.
Speaker 1: That was nice, but it was Christmas time and all
Speaker 1: I could think of was his kid, right that I
Speaker 1: didn't even know. But this is just me being kind.
Speaker 1: Your heart is beautiful. Yeah, if no one's told you today,
Speaker 1: thank you. I appreciate you, sis, thank you for seeing me.
Speaker 1: So I give this Bama seventy five dollars and he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give it back to you on Monday. This
Speaker 1: was probably like a Thursday. I don't bring it up
Speaker 1: again because I know I'm not gonna get it back.
Speaker 1: He never gave you my money. And then finally I
Speaker 1: think around after Christmas, like around New Year's Eve, New
Speaker 1: Year's I was like, do you plan on giving me
Speaker 1: my money back? Because at this time I'm still a
Speaker 1: freelance makeup artist, so I'm not really making a lot
Speaker 1: of money. Sisney's are coins? Okay, you could have been
Speaker 1: the president of apple. Yeah, see job right. May he
Speaker 1: rest in peace? You need your coin? Yeah, you did
Speaker 1: a good thing. Yes I did. And you know, he
Speaker 1: was like, oh yeah, I'm gonna bring it, bring it,
Speaker 1: bring and bring bring. Needs to say, I never got
Speaker 1: my seventy five dollars back, and it's okay because God
Speaker 1: has blessed me since then. Not necessarily in the dating department,
Speaker 1: but he has definitely blessed me. And I'm grateful. And
Speaker 1: I hope that his child had a happy merry Christmas.
Speaker 1: But I will never loan a man money ever again.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, yeah, no, hmm, what if it is your man? Well,
Speaker 1: my man is different, okay, yeah, but I'm still not
Speaker 1: gonna give him. A lot A lot of got burned
Speaker 1: from over the seventy five. Yeah, but you know that
Speaker 1: happens to a lot of women too. I have a friend.
Speaker 1: A guy got her for like four hundred and fifty dollars. Yeah,
Speaker 1: crazy burn more than that, No, it was three hundred.
Speaker 1: But what's crazy is he was my man. He had
Speaker 1: lost his job, right, So I know how that looks, right,
Speaker 1: it's projected out of his pours, right. He down hard
Speaker 1: time with they really do? He told me he needed
Speaker 1: some money to make ends meet, and as his girl,
Speaker 1: I felt like, if I can help, I will. Even
Speaker 1: if I wasn't his girl, I think I would. If
Speaker 1: I can help, I will, right, absolutely, So it was
Speaker 1: a Thursday situation, Thursday month situation. I'll get it back
Speaker 1: on my day. So I got it back on Monday.
Speaker 1: Oh so I'm like we could I got it back
Speaker 1: just how I came to him all the twenties, appreciate
Speaker 1: your brother, right cool? So that time what I noticed
Speaker 1: was he he asked if I could help. Right, Another
Speaker 1: time came so still no job bills are still stacking
Speaker 1: right down stop. I got offered. No hell noy, I offered,
Speaker 1: and I ain't never get it back. Well, that's because
Speaker 1: you offered. But I offered under the pretenses that I
Speaker 1: would be getting it back. And I only offered because
Speaker 1: I knew he was a good steward of my money.
Speaker 3: Right, So, just a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1: Ago, it was a right now. But he probably thought
Speaker 1: that when you offered that you were giving it it
Speaker 1: was a gift. I watched a lot of.
Speaker 3: If anybody knows me, I don't know why they would
Speaker 3: ever think it was a gift.
Speaker 1: I'm tight on that thing, right, Look tight it in
Speaker 1: the well is wop? It ain't tight.
Speaker 3: That's not just that's a thing about it though, No,
Speaker 3: it's three things.
Speaker 1: It's a thing about it. No, what the viscosity to
Speaker 1: do with? No, No, it's not what.
Speaker 4: Is just what?
Speaker 1: The viscosity is a thing. It has nothing to do
Speaker 1: with its tightness. Right, that's the third layer. Girl, keep talking.
Speaker 1: All I'm saying is now, do y'all understand why millennials
Speaker 1: get on my damn nerd? Keep talking? The brothers stuck
Speaker 1: me from my paper. Yeah, damn why he's trying to
Speaker 1: stick you for your paper? Right? So, and I feel
Speaker 1: you and all I have to say I feel you
Speaker 1: in that he was my man and I still got
Speaker 1: got you know what I'm saying. I probably shouldn't have
Speaker 1: chosen to be my man. That was probably well.
Speaker 3: I mean he fell on hard time, though he did,
Speaker 3: but I should have.
Speaker 1: Got it back. Yeah, he should have paid when he
Speaker 1: came up because wh I saw again he had any tattoo.
Speaker 1: So so what's up with that? Brethren? You don't hear what?
Speaker 1: Look bicepspot man, he took your money and got asleep. Basically,
Speaker 1: disrespect I thought, nope, he might have got that from
Speaker 1: another girl because they be doing that. And and I
Speaker 1: will say this, men been doing that for years, for decades.
Speaker 1: That ain't new. I don't seen that happen close to home.
Speaker 1: I ain't gonna say no names by who it was,
Speaker 1: but it was somebody I don't seen them do it,
Speaker 1: and they are much older than me, and they may
Speaker 1: or may not be related to me. Right, I'll say this,
Speaker 1: It has taught me to be more selective about my man. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the man that I share space with that have access
Speaker 1: to me. I'm actually talking to my therapist about that,
Speaker 1: about how I choose and how I select who has
Speaker 1: access and who I choose to be available to, which
Speaker 1: to me ties into the culture of dating. I think that,
Speaker 1: you know, everything is so fast now, you know, dating
Speaker 1: is not If you look at dating when like our
Speaker 1: grandparents were dating, it's very different. You know, you come
Speaker 1: over to the house, you talk to the father or
Speaker 1: the older brothers or the uncle, and you get clearance
Speaker 1: or permission to take this young lady on a date.
Speaker 1: And if they don't want you to date her, you
Speaker 1: don't and that's it. And she might sneak out. But
Speaker 1: ultimately you still have to go through that. There's nobody
Speaker 1: that you have to go through to get clearance now,
Speaker 1: so nobody says you have permission, Like there's nobody to
Speaker 1: say you meet the standards, right, And I kind of
Speaker 1: feel like, you know, the standards are kind of gone
Speaker 1: because I know I don't dated some people who were
Speaker 1: not worthy enough to smell my feet after walking through
Speaker 1: horse manure that could have got went left, but it
Speaker 1: was only because she was making weird faces. I was like, oh, wait,
Speaker 1: I didn't know you were going to meet me. Slow down,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah, I know I didn't either, But
Speaker 1: you know what, you can attempt to meet people three
Speaker 1: people right. Social media helps you see who you have
Speaker 1: in common, people you might know in common. Do your research,
Speaker 1: you know, Maryland ksearch is always available all right, just
Speaker 1: to see what's going on there. But I think it's
Speaker 1: also important to bet do your due diligence right. And
Speaker 1: now we have to create our own standards, so we
Speaker 1: don't have the dads and the males maybe to you know,
Speaker 1: for that extra step or protection or whatever. But as
Speaker 1: women think it's important to have our own standards, and
Speaker 1: I think we should do it for each other. How
Speaker 1: would that look? You asked me or I ask you?
Speaker 1: Or why don't you meet him? I want you to
Speaker 1: meet him and just kind of feel his energy out
Speaker 1: because I know him already, or you know me already
Speaker 1: and we're supposed to be going out, or like meet
Speaker 1: us somewhere, or you and your dude meet us somewhere,
Speaker 1: or let's go on a group thing or I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's just something to throw out. I just think that
Speaker 1: that is a missing piece. And that's not to say
Speaker 1: that that's going to make anything any better, Like so
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know. I'm just saying, like the
Speaker 1: culture of dating has changed so much, and I think
Speaker 1: a lot of it has to do with technology, social media,
Speaker 1: like this instant you can Yeah, if I want to
Speaker 1: go on a date, like right now, I can make
Speaker 1: that happen.
Speaker 4: Whether that's easy.
Speaker 1: I mean, I would go on a dating site. Instagram
Speaker 1: is typically for somebody. You may be a referral. Y'all
Speaker 1: know some comic people, right, I'm not sure that people
Speaker 1: are using Instagram. They're using theof I don't know, wouldn't
Speaker 1: say that's the same, but I could go on hinge
Speaker 1: bumble wherever these times you can see who's in your vicinity. Well,
Speaker 1: I know that they have locations on it, and I know
Speaker 1: I learned from a gay guy friend years ago that
Speaker 1: they have that one grinder yep, and like you get that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and he did it too, and I was like nasty. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I feel like grinder might just be for right.
Speaker 1: It's just so if I wanted a date. People say,
Speaker 1: po just for sex. Well, I'm not gonna comment. I
Speaker 1: was on he probably maybe one. I dated a lot
Speaker 1: of guys I dated, not just if we had a
Speaker 1: boyfriend that I met.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, for sure. So I really it's the person
Speaker 3: that's on there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, man, the guy who sends me the soapy
Speaker 1: shower videos. I met him. That is the funniest thing ever.
Speaker 1: Let that be my story. We like you were watching
Speaker 1: them like I would have been confused about what was
Speaker 1: even taking place. I'm still in the shower with him.
Speaker 1: Were you outside on the toilet like face off? I
Speaker 1: was at my house on my phone.
Speaker 3: No, I know, his phone with his phone Like, oh no, he.
Speaker 1: Holds wah, I mean holds it. Oh you were like
Speaker 1: on the toilet seat, you know, I like outside of
Speaker 1: the shr so I phone is in the shower, so
Speaker 1: he's no, his phone is in the shower with him. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't believe in sharing bathroom space with people. That
Speaker 1: is my holy space. Ever, ye're like, I want to
Speaker 1: be alone. It is literally like it's palatial to me.
Speaker 1: It's like my palace. Leave me alone. So let's look
Speaker 1: at some of these comments. The first one is from
Speaker 1: Trinny dread from San Fernando, Trinidad. That's what's says. I
Speaker 1: used Bumble. It was fun. Then I thought I found
Speaker 1: the one. Turns out it was his representative. We were
Speaker 1: just talking about that. The real man has too much issues.
Speaker 1: He didn't need me, he needed a therapist and I
Speaker 1: have the wrong degree. Well I understand that. Sys, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I figure that out. Let me tell you something. I'm
Speaker 1: not even going to get into that because I'm not
Speaker 1: telling them all my business, but I understand that.
Speaker 3: Can we also talk about what bumble is?
Speaker 1: Talk about it? Because I met the last the last
Speaker 1: guy that I dated, I met Bumble, so I have
Speaker 1: heard that. So sites like po F there is no like.
Speaker 1: I like him, he likes me, and now we can talk, right.
Speaker 1: POF is just everybody in an inbox, which is ridiculous. Yes,
Speaker 1: it can be overwhelmed because you got, we got. It's
Speaker 1: too much vetting. Yeah, the Hennessy battle to the right.
Speaker 1: You know your drawers is out. I would never even
Speaker 1: date you. I'm not even sure why you send a message.
Speaker 1: So sites like tender Bumble, Hinge Black you both have
Speaker 1: this wipe right, then you can start the conversation the difference.
Speaker 1: I'm just that way too. I mentioned that like last
Speaker 1: episode because I'm thinking about doing that. I definitely so
Speaker 1: you should go in with yes, try it, try it out.
Speaker 1: Hinge is like the upper echelon and the reason that
Speaker 1: I'm interested in Hinge because Hinge it's said that it's
Speaker 1: the last dating app that you should use because people
Speaker 1: there are really into relationships or finding like a RUSSI.
Speaker 1: So this is the one thing I don't know to
Speaker 1: be true because I don't pay for the apps anymore. Right,
Speaker 1: the people that I see, so this is I'm not sure,
Speaker 1: assuming maybe it's rumor the people that I see are
Speaker 1: also the people that are down for the free for
Speaker 1: the free ninety nine. But if you were to pay,
Speaker 1: it opens you up to a different echelon of people.
Speaker 1: Oh right, I'm not privy to them because I don't
Speaker 1: pay right, so we on the same level. So maybe
Speaker 1: so maybe there's some like more serious men, or you know,
Speaker 1: if you did pay for the one month or you
Speaker 1: know whatever. I'm not sure. I'm not gonna find out.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Bumble, though bumbo is the same as tender.
Speaker 1: You both as white right to begin a conversation. But
Speaker 1: a woman has to initiate this conversation within twenty four hours.
Speaker 1: I love that. But a man can extend her time, right,
Speaker 1: So let's say twenty four hours good bye. I was working,
Speaker 1: I was busy. I don't know. I don't you know,
Speaker 1: as I could. They want to get there, right, Some
Speaker 1: men have extended my time to give you a little
Speaker 1: more grease, right to still be able to send them
Speaker 1: a message. Once a time lapses, it's a rep you
Speaker 1: gotta rematch with them, right. So people do like bumble women,
Speaker 1: especially because they have the ability to initiate. However, some
Speaker 1: women feel like a man should lead the show, whatever
Speaker 1: that means. But I think bumble, if I'm not mistaken,
Speaker 1: I've read that they do that so that women can
Speaker 1: feel safe, which is what I liked, So that women
Speaker 1: can feel like they're in control, because sometimes on these
Speaker 1: dating apps, like men are out of control and they're
Speaker 1: saying while well, while relentless stuff, and I mean it
Speaker 1: may not be for women like us who men would
Speaker 1: probably get the idea to not say something because it's
Speaker 1: not going to be in your best interest to talk
Speaker 1: sideways to me because I'm gonna come right back with
Speaker 1: something worse. But they don't know what to the pictures, right,
Speaker 1: So let's just say we match. I in initially a conversation, first,
Speaker 1: only got I only got a one liner. Everybody gets it.
Speaker 1: It ain't special. Everybody get the same thing. They gets it.
Speaker 1: He has like a recipe something said, everybody gets it. Hey,
Speaker 1: hand say hands on. That's it. That's all I got.
Speaker 3: I don't have a nose for stranger.
Speaker 1: That's good. And then respond to that right. Some of
Speaker 1: them are like, oh my gosh, you think I'm keep right.
Speaker 1: So no, that's what I told your friend to everybody
Speaker 1: the same thing. But whatever, right, it's easy, right, So
Speaker 1: after that's done, he can then absolutely because I don't
Speaker 1: got hit with the hay sexy chocolate. Yes, I'm already yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I can't even get that with that yeah, hey, sexy chocolate.
Speaker 1: Who's saying that in twenty twenty? Well, I would all
Speaker 1: make it cold stuff. I would always get stuff related
Speaker 1: to my size, like big sexy. Don't fucking call me.
Speaker 1: Excuse my language. Who's calling people big sexy in twenty twenty?
Speaker 1: Also like, hey chocolate. Yeah, like I know I'm big,
Speaker 1: I know I'm sexy. That doesn't mean you use it
Speaker 1: as a company. What are you like even talking about it?
Speaker 1: Do you can't figure out anything? Like anything better? And
Speaker 1: the worst part about it is your pictures were crystal clear,
Speaker 1: your seat was double breasted, Like what why would you
Speaker 1: need to say sexy chocolate? But I think part of
Speaker 1: my issue around the culture of dating now is that
Speaker 1: people are not And I can only speak for men
Speaker 1: because I date men, but like, I just feel like
Speaker 1: men are like lacking in their effort. Oh I think
Speaker 1: they just pull out anything out of their lint filled pocket.
Speaker 1: Who it's ours because we accept it, like we got
Speaker 1: to have accountable No, we just we want a man
Speaker 1: so bad or you know, we.
Speaker 3: Asked him on a date, plan to date, pay for
Speaker 3: the day as on the date again.
Speaker 1: No, I'm not doing that. Hell no, But I mean
Speaker 1: it's happening in real life.
Speaker 3: It has to be happening for this to be the result.
Speaker 1: It's happening in real because they some women just want
Speaker 1: a man so bad, so bad. I just think that
Speaker 1: we need to be more mindful of what we accept.
Speaker 1: Like I saw this meme the other day and and
Speaker 1: it hit me in my chest because I'm going to
Speaker 1: be honest, like I have allowed that. It said, stop
Speaker 1: spending your time with a man who only wants to
Speaker 1: see you at night. You are not a roach? Sis,
Speaker 1: Oh I see? Oh it hit me in my chest. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: yeah I am a roach. I was a roe. Yeah
Speaker 1: I was. I was a roach. And it made me
Speaker 1: feel like it hit me in my chest like damn,
Speaker 1: Like I felt like that, and that don't even move
Speaker 1: me no more, Like you can't hit me at night
Speaker 1: because I'm sleep.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, if I'm not asleep, I'm pretending to be.
Speaker 1: There's just no word to be. Well, it made me
Speaker 1: feel bad, because bad you grow.
Speaker 3: I mean.
Speaker 1: Also, I'm not dealing with him anymore. And look, and
Speaker 1: that's the one. Yeah, you're right, you're right, And I
Speaker 1: am not a roach. You got no damn roach. Well
Speaker 1: I'm a butter little kids. Okay, so I have here.
Speaker 1: This is from James from Texas. Okay, James says, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna say this word happened. James is scorned. Okay,
Speaker 1: I think it's safe to say that somebody hurt James,
Speaker 1: like yesterday. Yeah, this happened this morning. And James said
Speaker 1: that m FA's play games or like to fill voids.
Speaker 1: He talking about women, he's talking about us, he is,
Speaker 1: or like to fill voids or keep you around till
Speaker 1: you actually find someone who matters. Then they mad blah.
Speaker 1: All right, James, you know, whoever hurt you, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: but you're probably a nice guy. Thomas McGee says that
Speaker 1: I haven't had much luck with sites like tender pof
Speaker 1: or et cetera. But I've racked up, he said, racked up,
Speaker 1: racked them, and I've racked up the girl. He racked
Speaker 1: up in Facebook singles groups. I probably met him in
Speaker 1: a Facebook sing So that's a thing. Oh no, it
Speaker 1: is right, it's a thing thing they have so Facebook
Speaker 1: the groups are popping. Oh listen, I'm not in.
Speaker 3: People the streets to be talking.
Speaker 1: I'm not even all with none of that, Polly all
Speaker 1: that it gets wild it's real. Well, I was in
Speaker 1: an HBCU one. I was not in Akay, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was a It was a super drum. Actually it was
Speaker 1: not really no, because mine is dumb. But I think
Speaker 1: that they probably moved on to some of those groups
Speaker 1: that you mentioned. Maybe right now, I guess everybody is
Speaker 1: just looking out for each other. Well, this was a
Speaker 1: few years ago. I was in this HBC. You're much
Speaker 1: trying to people jobs. I mean, COVID, you know you
Speaker 1: looked at for a job. But it gives the opportunity
Speaker 1: to actually interact around topics and learn the person before
Speaker 1: deciding to express interest and DM slide sliding into them dms.
Speaker 1: That's the thing. So you know what, what I'm finding
Speaker 1: that men are paying attention to women's presence right, how
Speaker 1: they present themselves on social media, because this is kind
Speaker 1: of the thing that we're doing. Hence why my Instagram
Speaker 1: account is public. Why. So I was listening to a
Speaker 1: live situation about dating during the quarantine, right, and this
Speaker 1: woman said, you know, make space for your husband before
Speaker 1: you have one, and I'm like, what that fun? Rights?
Speaker 1: Sometimes so deep, I don't they do they do?
Speaker 3: And something sho just sound good? Right?
Speaker 1: But in practice. What is that? So she went as
Speaker 1: far as I said she didn't make seas in her closet.
Speaker 1: She said she made space in her class for a man,
Speaker 1: her man. So first of all, right, I mean it's
Speaker 1: a lot you setting her up. She since it's setting
Speaker 1: herself up for failure. But is that the case or
Speaker 1: are we being to see part of I feel like
Speaker 1: women have gotten very lax in their standards while men
Speaker 1: have raised the bar in their.
Speaker 3: Standards because now they know they have agency.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh they think they Yeah, especially black men. They're
Speaker 1: like we popping in these streets. These men are research
Speaker 1: and education. They got the SAT words online up okay,
Speaker 1: so yeah they know they were but I know you're
Speaker 1: worth king still showing up with that girkin though, And
Speaker 1: usually the ladder they bark a lot. The ladder that well,
Speaker 1: I I've seen it. The louder they bark, the more
Speaker 1: like a girk and it is. But that makes sense, yeah,
Speaker 1: because who's loud. I don't like it. I don't like it.
Speaker 1: You send me swang and that should have been the
Speaker 1: song day. But back to this strategy around the right.
Speaker 1: So one of her things was making space for your
Speaker 1: husband where he gets there. So as far as the
Speaker 1: clause it goes, I'm gonna beat you all that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I think in my heart, maybe cleaning out my
Speaker 1: baggage emotionally, right, I think that's a space. I think
Speaker 1: that's the best place to start. I think that part
Speaker 1: of the issue is and I've been talking to my therapist,
Speaker 1: shout out to my therapist, doctor D. I think that
Speaker 1: it is important to take care of self first because
Speaker 1: the reality is that so many of us, especially let
Speaker 1: me hold on, let's just get deep, let me put
Speaker 1: my glass when it comes to Black people and relationship, right,
Speaker 1: And I don't care if you are in a homosexual relationship,
Speaker 1: if you are bisexual, LGBTQ, heterosexual, whatever. Black people in
Speaker 1: relation or when it comes to connection, there is an issue.
Speaker 1: There's an issue there because we have been taught in
Speaker 1: condition for years, for hundreds of years, to hate who
Speaker 1: we are. If we hate who we are on an
Speaker 1: individual level, of course, we're gonna hate who we are
Speaker 1: holistically or as a unit. Right. So the conditioning behind that,
Speaker 1: and the mental health baggage and the complexity behind that
Speaker 1: needs to be healed. Whether people want to talk about
Speaker 1: it or not, sure think about it when you hear
Speaker 1: those rap songs where people are talking about I think
Speaker 1: low Wayne has I don't even really says they talk
Speaker 1: about red bones, they talk about yellow bones, or they
Speaker 1: may talk about dark skin systems only. And I think
Speaker 1: that at the end of the day, like why are
Speaker 1: we I mean, preference is fine because I got mine,
Speaker 1: you know, but I don't need to wear it on
Speaker 1: a T shirt, you know what I mean. I think
Speaker 1: that we have to heal so many things within our
Speaker 1: community before we are able to really unconditionally love one another.
Speaker 1: And I think that that starts with self, which is
Speaker 1: why I constantly preach self healing, self care, self And
Speaker 1: it ain't selfish, it's self preservation. You have to take
Speaker 1: care of yourself first, because you are of no use
Speaker 1: to anybody if you are all rotten on the inside.
Speaker 1: And what's happening is people are showing up rotten.
Speaker 3: And we talked about it earlier.
Speaker 1: I can only love you from my capacity, right, so
Speaker 1: our capacity is super low, right, I can't even love
Speaker 1: I can't even love you. Also, another thing to think
Speaker 1: about that I've talked about what my therapist is. If
Speaker 1: somebody does not show up for themselves and if somebody
Speaker 1: does not put their own mental health and their own
Speaker 1: self love and their own self care on the front
Speaker 1: burner or in the forefront of their priorities. Why the
Speaker 1: hell do you expect them to put you in the
Speaker 1: front of their priorities. You're not getting their cis, You're
Speaker 1: not getting there bruh, Right, And the problem is on women.
Speaker 1: So I started seeing that even happen. But women are
Speaker 1: putting needs and wants and whatever, but for her own well.
Speaker 1: I think that's also social conditioning, because I think that
Speaker 1: that is something that has been going on for years,
Speaker 1: Whereas I always thought that or you know, we've always
Speaker 1: been taught that it should be that the man takes
Speaker 1: care of the household and he takes care of the family.
Speaker 1: And I'm all about breaking like traditional norms and like
Speaker 1: like cultural norms, but like, when is there a balance
Speaker 1: in the relationship. I can't put you first all the time,
Speaker 1: you can't put me first all the time. There has
Speaker 1: to be a dance. And I think that what is
Speaker 1: happening a lot of times in black relationships is that
Speaker 1: the dance is not balanced because there's no conversation or
Speaker 1: if we're talking, we are talking past one another.
Speaker 4: Or over one another, right, right?
Speaker 1: And also it's crazy that was having a conversation and
Speaker 1: the comment I made was do you work contacts or glasses? Right?
Speaker 1: And he said, well, why would you assume we're either?
Speaker 1: And I said, oh, I wasn't assuming anything. I was
Speaker 1: asking one of the other. He said, oh, I heard
Speaker 1: it differently, and I'm like, that's crazy because I said
Speaker 1: it with intention, right, but he received it under different prefenses.
Speaker 1: Now we have a little inside joke because there's ever
Speaker 1: a misunderstanding we see contacts and glasses. So now we've reset.
Speaker 1: But look how beautiful that is though, right, and it's
Speaker 1: so small, but it's big, but it's really big. And
Speaker 1: you have established, you know, your own form of communication. Right.
Speaker 1: If everybody, if all relationships, even friendships, even familiar relationships
Speaker 1: stop and took the time to break that kind of
Speaker 1: stuff down, we will break so many barriers. And for me,
Speaker 1: that goes beyond communication. It goes back to like understanding
Speaker 1: and know what the willingness to want to yes to
Speaker 1: want to understand because now that I understand you, I
Speaker 1: understand how to communicate with you. Now we have this
Speaker 1: little joke. So now when it's about to be a
Speaker 1: fight or argument. We can break all that ship up
Speaker 1: with contacts and glasses and it dissolves it dissipation level.
Speaker 1: It's it. Yeah, I mean yeah, and really we created it,
Speaker 1: not even though we were creating anything. He can't be
Speaker 1: your boyfriend. Well yet, all that's to say communication is
Speaker 1: I guess it starts to sound cliche kind of, but
Speaker 1: it's it is. It's very important. See, I don't think
Speaker 1: communication is the most important. I've mentioned that. So I
Speaker 1: mentioned that on the show before about a guy that
Speaker 1: I was dating who was actually sure I think I
Speaker 1: don't they like me. It's it's a well known well.
Speaker 1: I liked him because he was smart. I love a
Speaker 1: smart black man, and I love a black man that
Speaker 1: I can learn from. No, it's not what can I
Speaker 1: learn from you? You don't care about herself? Knowledge, she's
Speaker 1: gonna be spitting on my food? No, no, knowledge is
Speaker 1: being spat. I'm not dating nobody with no front teeth
Speaker 1: when well, when he gets them, he can call me.
Speaker 1: So anyway, the guy, the guy who was short, he
Speaker 1: told me that, and I told this story before. But
Speaker 1: that understanding is because I used to think it was communication.
Speaker 1: That understanding is the most important aspect of a relationship
Speaker 1: because if I don't understand who you are, I don't
Speaker 1: even know how to communicate with you. Until I understand
Speaker 1: who you are, I don't know how to communicate with you.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to love you. I don't know
Speaker 1: how to be honest with you. I don't know how
Speaker 1: to be truthful to you. I don't know to have
Speaker 1: faith in you because I don't even know who you
Speaker 1: are at your core. But how would you know who
Speaker 1: I am? And lest we communicate? Well? But I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about like basic level communication. I'm talking about ain't
Speaker 1: not in vacation, Ain't not basic. Yeah, I'm talking about
Speaker 1: heavy level communication. Talking and just getting to know each
Speaker 1: other is basic communication. That's like basic, fundamental communication. I'm
Speaker 1: talking about me telling you about my nuances because you
Speaker 1: can tell me all day that it's important to me
Speaker 1: that you don't come into the bathroom when I'm in
Speaker 1: the bathroom. But unless you understand that I have issues
Speaker 1: around coming to the bathroom, why, Because yes, you got
Speaker 1: to know the why before we go any further. Right,
Speaker 1: But I think that's on you maybe to be open
Speaker 1: and willing to share, absolutely, right. But if I don't
Speaker 1: understand you, then I don't even know how to be
Speaker 1: open and share, and may judge me as the person
Speaker 1: with the with the bathroom since, yeah, if you just
Speaker 1: say I need some alone time in the bathroom, right,
Speaker 1: that's something that's fair to say, and you can pay period,
Speaker 1: don't know if you want. I think it's important though,
Speaker 1: to maybe be a little bit vulnerable, maybe a little
Speaker 1: bit transparent in that and extended to say because blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah. Right, so you're still getting your
Speaker 1: point across because you're allowing somebody to understand you to
Speaker 1: begin that process. So maybe it's on us to help
Speaker 1: facilitate that thing exactly. But at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: it's it's that understanding of knowing who I am and
Speaker 1: why right now, understanding the why do many of us
Speaker 1: know who we are? Even? No, right, that's that's a
Speaker 1: whole other level with him. So maybe the most important
Speaker 1: thing is understanding yourself. Being self aware is very important.
Speaker 1: So Elaisha from Georgia said, is they all suck all
Speaker 1: of them. It's the people using them, not the platforms.
Speaker 1: Bumbo is the best as far as how it sets
Speaker 1: up interactions. But I think they all need better filters. Yes,
Speaker 1: they all suck. Boo Radley, who is from Balmer hunt.
Speaker 1: That's how you know she's really from Baltimore because only
Speaker 1: people from Baltimore noticed called Balm Baltimore Balmer. She says
Speaker 1: that Tender, she had a guy question how old her
Speaker 1: photos were. Meanwhile, he looked like a slim gym. You
Speaker 1: know what That probably means that he was brown and wrinkley.
Speaker 1: How old her photos were? Yeah, it was the I
Speaker 1: guess he was trying to say, pixels, you're dumb, dude,
Speaker 1: the pixels. Men don't think about stuff like that. Maybe
Speaker 1: I mean somebody's phone was older. I'm getting that. Maybe
Speaker 1: he's saying that savage. Oh I want to read this.
Speaker 1: And last, you don't think I think you're crazy. The
Speaker 1: ten ass entity that thing is Chris. I think that
Speaker 1: something is wrong with her. Chrissy from Baltimore says, I've
Speaker 1: tried Tender, plenty of fish and hinge. I will say
Speaker 1: the hinge is better than the others, but I got
Speaker 1: off of there. I just honestly think that the online
Speaker 1: thing is for hookups. From my experience, not anyone looking
Speaker 1: for anything long term or serious. So it's a no
Speaker 1: for me. I understand that because that's how I feel.
Speaker 1: I have not read these before, so I have no
Speaker 1: idea what people have read. Let me say this. The
Speaker 1: next one is from Mumbi from Athens, Georgia, and Mumby
Speaker 1: says tender. I went on two tender dates with a
Speaker 1: guy before he told me he was a swinger with
Speaker 1: his wife and asked me to join them. I kind
Speaker 1: fully declined, but he continued to reach out, so we
Speaker 1: would hang out periodically for drinks. Cut to one to
Speaker 1: two months later. I don't know, ohmy, it sounds like
Speaker 1: you were with it or you were trying to get
Speaker 1: it up to it. Yeah, y'all going out. You guys
Speaker 1: are going steady. I went to China for two weeks
Speaker 1: and returned to like twenty five voicemails and crazy text messages.
Speaker 1: When I turned on my phone, literally as soon as
Speaker 1: I got to the third or fourth text and was
Speaker 1: slowly piecing together the insanity, this guy's wife called me,
Speaker 1: cursing me out because she thought I had given her husband. Oh,
Speaker 1: I don't know, that sounded like a MITD. This guy's
Speaker 1: wife called me cursing me out because she thought I
Speaker 1: had given her husband a seed and she got it
Speaker 1: as a result. I had not, We had never had
Speaker 1: sex or even kissed. Some other woman had clearly infected them,
Speaker 1: and for some crazy reason he threw me under the bus. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I never spoke to him again. He was also a
Speaker 1: teacher and I would see him sometimes at local events. Dummy,
Speaker 1: So I think that out, that's a great content for
Speaker 1: a story entertainment. That's wild.
Speaker 3: I'm glad she wasn't involved.
Speaker 1: I'm glad she went to China. Shout out to China.
Speaker 1: How about that? Well, not shout out to right the
Speaker 1: corona d from the Queen City? What's the Queen city?
Speaker 1: Maybe like New York. I don't think it is. That's
Speaker 1: Queen Apple, but like Queen you know, just be quiet
Speaker 1: because you're smart and it doesn't sound good. I've been
Speaker 1: on plenty dating apps, but have never gone on a
Speaker 1: date from any of what, never even really met anyone.
Speaker 1: I normally delete the app after about a month of
Speaker 1: no action. What is she expecting she's not doing to?
Speaker 1: I mean, who goes on dating's house and doesn't get
Speaker 1: any action? But who doesn't get any action? I think
Speaker 1: a blond, deaf dog will get some action.
Speaker 3: Well, you know what, one of my girlfriends says that
Speaker 3: Sean really.
Speaker 1: She has actors. Yeah, she might not put forth any
Speaker 1: app career. I could see that posturing, right, How are
Speaker 1: you postured? How are you online? I feel like maybe
Speaker 1: women do need to be a little more forward. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and we have Jane here. Jane says, I use bumble
Speaker 1: and hinge. I have been on five first dates with
Speaker 1: five I have different men. I opted out of second
Speaker 1: dates because none of their personalities and or spirits mash mine. Listen,
Speaker 1: I get it, like, protect your spirit at all costs.
Speaker 1: Take sage on them dates, sage floor to water, holy water,
Speaker 1: holy oil, and just throw it at them. And if
Speaker 1: they start out, then you know it ain't right if
Speaker 1: it's burning. I feel like everyone acts fake or walks
Speaker 1: on eggshells with online dating, and you aren't able to
Speaker 1: see people's true personalities before in person dates. I disagree.
Speaker 1: I definitely, I totally disagree with that. And I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, I've done this for a long time. I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm not currently dating online, but I did
Speaker 1: it a long time and I did a lot of vetting.
Speaker 1: And it's easy to do vetting if you pay close attention,
Speaker 1: like you can see now some of them gonna get
Speaker 1: by you now, of course, but I mean in person
Speaker 1: they're gonna get by you too, absolutely, Like it's you know,
Speaker 1: I hate when people say, oh you do that online dating,
Speaker 1: Oh it's dangerous. You meet a lot of crazy people.
Speaker 1: I mean crazy people on them all. I mean crazy people.
Speaker 1: Let the grocery store, I work with crazy people. Like,
Speaker 1: crazy people are everywhere, and you can meet crazy people
Speaker 1: and go on dates with them and meet them in person.
Speaker 1: A lot of it is about discernment, right, yes, And
Speaker 1: the other part of it is for some reason, women
Speaker 1: seem like they're afraid to ask man questions, not even interrogatively.
Speaker 1: But five five different men, five first dates, and you
Speaker 1: didn't like anybody for a second date. No. I definitely
Speaker 1: understand if your spirit ain't there or it ain't like,
Speaker 1: then you got to go your way. I definitely get that.
Speaker 1: But at some point you got to think about, well,
Speaker 1: what am I What am I giving on? That's fair,
Speaker 1: That's the first thing. I'm always reflected first. Also, I
Speaker 1: would ask myself that any of them attempting.
Speaker 3: Go on a second date with me because she didn't
Speaker 3: That wasn't mentioned, right, I.
Speaker 1: Thought she said she didn't go.
Speaker 3: No, that was she didn't, but she didn't say that.
Speaker 1: They didn't. They were trying to. She just didn't go right.
Speaker 1: But maybe no White thought it was like a date
Speaker 1: and I didn't. There is a question. Maybe maybe This
Speaker 1: one is from Lisa B. And Lisa says, I recently
Speaker 1: tried the Facebook dating app. I got to see this
Speaker 1: Facebook dating app. I've I've seen it on my scroll,
Speaker 1: but I thought it was Oh, I X out of
Speaker 1: it because it freaks me out. Facebook knows too much
Speaker 1: about our lives. So you've never been on it. Heck, no,
Speaker 1: I don't get it. I'm not getting on it. We'll
Speaker 1: get on it and tell me about.
Speaker 3: I would do it for research, but I I mean.
Speaker 1: Okay, we'll get on it. I recently tried the Facebook
Speaker 1: dating app. I think it's a great way to meet people.
Speaker 1: Most men, mostly men, are on the app, and they
Speaker 1: appear to be diligent and looking for a life partner
Speaker 1: aka a husband or wife smiley face. Especially with the pandemic,
Speaker 1: it's a resourceful tool to use in order to meet
Speaker 1: a man. I would say, if you are serious about
Speaker 1: online dating, sisters, get ready because the men are waiting
Speaker 1: to take you on a date. In her perspective, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you know, I know I got trust issues and
Speaker 1: my therapist will tell you that in a heartbeat. But
Speaker 1: some about this sounds like an ad Right, what are
Speaker 1: you saying she coped for Facebook? I don't know, But
Speaker 1: why would she because nothing is going to happen Like
Speaker 1: I'm not going to report this actim but maybe maybe
Speaker 1: she didn't and maybe she is just so are you
Speaker 1: going to get on there? No? Probably not, But you said,
Speaker 1: but this is this is what I wanted to say
Speaker 1: to our last, our last, our last person. Okay, since
Speaker 1: we're in quarantine or COVID or whatever, people are really
Speaker 1: not gland anywhere, not saying that you can't go for
Speaker 1: a hike, or you can get more creative, a little
Speaker 1: more effort for half. I want to say this. I
Speaker 1: went on a hike recently with my best friend and
Speaker 1: I felt I feel like I almost died. I think
Speaker 1: she was trying to kill me. But I went on
Speaker 1: a hike with her and it was a little bit
Speaker 1: of me overcoming a fear because we were in the woods.
Speaker 1: We was we was in them woods. Do you understand me?
Speaker 1: Like in the woods, like what time was it? This
Speaker 1: sounds late that No, it was at twelve noon and
Speaker 1: that Why are you so scary? Don't do that to me.
Speaker 1: You're judging me, and I do not like it. Why
Speaker 1: don't you ask my therapists how about that? Okay? No, no,
Speaker 1: I will not see. This is the kind of judging
Speaker 1: that I do not accept. Here on hand, me my purse.
Speaker 1: It's is not judging. These are questions that is not okay,
Speaker 1: introspectively dig anyway, you're trying to understand me. I guess. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't feel comfortable being that deep in the woods, Okay,
Speaker 1: because how do I get out? M hm? So I
Speaker 1: don't know if I would go hiking on a first date. Oh,
Speaker 1: it would be deep in the worlds. I was scared
Speaker 1: of that.
Speaker 4: Peace.
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying I do for a first date,
Speaker 1: I don't. I wouldn't suggest hiking. No, I would suggest
Speaker 1: a picnic. I think that idea in a park where
Speaker 1: I mean people are open first dates. Grocery shopping definitely
Speaker 1: not traditional, but I need to get groceries right. But
Speaker 1: I also think people are not utilizing video chat as
Speaker 1: much as I think they should. Because you can video
Speaker 1: chat within these apps, so I don't have to give
Speaker 1: you my phone number if I don't feel comfortable yet, right,
Speaker 1: I can talk to you on the phone or video
Speaker 1: chat with you through this app, so I can definitely,
Speaker 1: you know, check out your front teeth. And that's kind
Speaker 1: of like money running that and they think it's funny.
Speaker 3: So now I'm super witty and keep what apps.
Speaker 1: But that's a thing. Any of my material you can use, Okay,
Speaker 1: absolutely feel free, feel free. But yeah, I think your
Speaker 1: point about to your point about vetting, there's no way. No, granted,
Speaker 1: I can't see the inside of your soul. I can't
Speaker 1: get down to your That's gonna take some time, but
Speaker 1: not for me to feel comfortable going on a first date.
Speaker 1: I feel like the only one that said her spirits
Speaker 1: is all that could didn't match to connect. I think
Speaker 1: I would have been figured that out on the first
Speaker 1: few first conversations via videage. I think it's fine for her,
Speaker 1: I do see it, but I'm just saying I think
Speaker 1: she could have got there quicker before going on a
Speaker 1: real for outrun of the day. No, granted, if she
Speaker 1: likes men to take her out, then maybe that was
Speaker 1: you know, that might have been prognant. Some women do
Speaker 1: like that they do, but right now with COVID, ain't
Speaker 1: nobody really going nowhere nowhere else? On another note, like
Speaker 1: I don't really want to go out with nobody because
Speaker 1: I don't really know, like bring me your COVID papers. Look,
Speaker 1: I don't even have my COVID papers, so I don't
Speaker 1: have but I know I'm I don't have no symptoms
Speaker 1: and things are working over here. So just wish you
Speaker 1: around January then we can go on all the ice
Speaker 1: skating dates. I do miss that though. I miss going
Speaker 1: on dates. Yeah, yeah, I love a good iceat Do
Speaker 1: you think men playing great dates or are these maybe
Speaker 1: a little I think exceptional men playing great Yeah, exceptional
Speaker 1: men playing great dates? Is it because basically does he
Speaker 1: listen to what you're saying? Some of them are listening
Speaker 1: to what we are saying. And some of them are
Speaker 1: just exceptional. Some of them are just they're creative, you know,
Speaker 1: they know how to some of them know how to
Speaker 1: play the game. Yeah, and then some of them just
Speaker 1: some of them like to have a good time. Let
Speaker 1: me tell you something. I dated this guy. When I
Speaker 1: tell you, I just had a ball with him, Like
Speaker 1: his spirit was just like beautiful, like we just had fun,
Speaker 1: like and we could just be walking to seven eleven. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and we just had a good time. Yeah yeah yeah
Speaker 1: yeah he yeah. Anyway, our last online dating poll is
Speaker 1: from Lena, and Lena says, this is a beautiful one.
Speaker 1: I'm going to read this one. I joined Black People
Speaker 1: Meet in twenty ten. I did that too, Did you
Speaker 1: ever do that? Black People Meet? Absolutely? Girl, They stole
Speaker 1: my money though Black on me wasn't free. No, I know,
Speaker 1: I pay, I paid, and they stole forty dollars from me.
Speaker 1: I had to write sole how they steal it? Like
Speaker 1: they took it and I had canceled it and they
Speaker 1: kept on taking it after I had canceled it. Oh
Speaker 1: yeah you doing That's how they do? Yeah, well automatic pain. No, No,
Speaker 1: I had unsubscribed from the automatic pay. It wasn't within
Speaker 1: thirty days. You gotta read the I don't know. No,
Speaker 1: they were wrong. They were wrong. Now did get it back? Yes?
Speaker 1: I did so. It wasn't melo, Now get my money came.
Speaker 1: It was pretty new. They trotting out of publicity. No,
Speaker 1: it was. It was way after twenty ten. I joined
Speaker 1: Black People Meet in twenty ten. Says Lena. I initially
Speaker 1: paid for the six month subscription. I had a few
Speaker 1: conversations that came about, but no connection and definitely no dates.
Speaker 1: She venting hardcore, you understand. I decided to give the
Speaker 1: site a break for a few months. I went back
Speaker 1: on the site at the end of the year. This
Speaker 1: time I subscribed for just one month. Within a week
Speaker 1: of my expiration date, I received a message from a
Speaker 1: guy I had come across previously that was local. I
Speaker 1: had not engaged him before and where he was. I
Speaker 1: decided to reply, and surprisingly, I offered my phone number
Speaker 1: to him. Because my work schedule was so crazy that
Speaker 1: I knew I couldn't chat much on the site. We
Speaker 1: talked for hours, as if we already knew each other.
Speaker 1: I felt instant comfort. Within two weeks we had a date,
Speaker 1: but I made shorter play is safe. From there, we
Speaker 1: have been inseparable. Oh we were exclusive a month after meeting,
Speaker 1: and within eighteen months we were married. Look at God,
Speaker 1: we just celebrated eight years of marriage last week. Come on, Jesus,
Speaker 1: shout out with j shit. Even y'all shine though, let
Speaker 1: me tell you something. No, you're worth playing. That's that's
Speaker 1: a beautiful. It's beautiful. It is it is, and what's
Speaker 1: crazy is like that's real. No, it is really like
Speaker 1: that's the thing. I've heard the stories like this. There
Speaker 1: are so many people and this is why, like some
Speaker 1: people say, oh, online dating its for hookups or online
Speaker 1: datings for the listen, it is for who it's for,
Speaker 1: but it's also what you make it. So if I'm
Speaker 1: at a bar and I'm trying to get laid, guess
Speaker 1: what's it gonna get? Lad pipe? Right, So like it
Speaker 1: sounded like, I mean, it sounds quite organic, but you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, like, if I meet a man today,
Speaker 1: I'm not looking for that right solely right, So it
Speaker 1: ain't no not to say I can't get bamboos, because
Speaker 1: of course I know, but this sounds like, yeah, this
Speaker 1: is love. It sounds like that, especially since she said,
Speaker 1: you know, she didn't usually give guys her phone number,
Speaker 1: but she gave it to him because her work schedule
Speaker 1: is crazy and she knew she wouldn't have time. And
Speaker 1: they've been inseparable ever within eighteen months they were married.
Speaker 1: This gives me hope, halleluyah, not to ruin.
Speaker 3: This beautiful moment because this is dope.
Speaker 1: I read something today that said, you know, when you
Speaker 1: meet somebody that feels like you know, y'all known each
Speaker 1: other forever, could that really be something in you that
Speaker 1: is recycling old ship? I felt that with my friend.
Speaker 1: I felt that way about you when I met you,
Speaker 1: and we're friends. That's true. They were taking it in
Speaker 1: a toxic place. Well, people, maybe people need to stop
Speaker 1: thinking about things from I want the word to like
Speaker 1: be canceled. Toxic. I don't like it, but I like it.
Speaker 1: I think we're over using it toxic. I don't everything
Speaker 1: is toxic and it's not. It is. Most things are
Speaker 1: decisions that you've made, choices. They're choices, right if you
Speaker 1: think about it. Most women know the man they're marrying.
Speaker 1: They married him anyway, and he ended up being aduce
Speaker 1: She was a decent fort you said, I.
Speaker 4: Do, sir.
Speaker 1: You know I always say that to people, right, maybe's
Speaker 1: like thirty something years. I'm like, well, what's me like that?
Speaker 1: When you met him? You know your man? You know
Speaker 1: your man? Why I know your man? Right? Well? But
Speaker 1: I'm loving her story because I feel like that here's
Speaker 1: people hope. It definitely getting on hands in September. Why
Speaker 1: are you writing. I know my therapist says when you
Speaker 1: think about I know when I talk about my therapists
Speaker 1: a lot. Though I love her so well. I just
Speaker 1: love her so much. And you know why I love
Speaker 1: her because the breakthroughs that I'm having like that is
Speaker 1: god Like. It's a godsend when you've been stuck for
Speaker 1: a long time on stuff like She's like a little
Speaker 1: angel with her little self. I love her. But anyway,
Speaker 1: I don't even know what I was saying. Anyway, guys,
Speaker 1: I want to thank Canvas for being on the show today.
Speaker 1: The next show will be the next part in the
Speaker 1: series about dating. I hope you enjoyed the show. I
Speaker 1: love this girl. She is crazy and hopefully I'll have
Speaker 1: her on the show again because I love having people
Speaker 1: on the show that make me laugh. And I hope
Speaker 1: none of you guys get caught with her guy that
Speaker 1: she went on a date with with no teeth, And
Speaker 1: if you do, I hope the Joka has gotten a
Speaker 1: partial plate. The bridge shout out to can't collective again
Speaker 1: for listen. That drink was good. It's gone. Yeah, we've
Speaker 1: had actually, so we are on we've had two and
Speaker 1: the cup is probably like twenty two ounces. We drinking
Speaker 1: like old ladies from south central LA. Like if it
Speaker 1: was a forty we would have downed it. So shout
Speaker 1: out to Can't Collective. If you don't know who they are,
Speaker 1: I will link them in all of my posts about
Speaker 1: the show on Instagram. If you're local in the DMV area,
Speaker 1: you need to find out about them and you can
Speaker 1: order and they will deliver and it is delicious and
Speaker 1: it is worth it. It's worth it. It's totally worth it, absolutely,
Speaker 1: and she even knew who about them before we even
Speaker 1: sat down. She had some in a refrigerator, but I
Speaker 1: brought my own because I wanted what I wanted. Love you, Candice,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Absolutely. I apprecid you having me here. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: Thank you. All right, friends and can today for straight facts,
Speaker 1: we have a question coming from Lou of Riverdale, Georgia.
Speaker 1: And Lou wants to know how do I address my girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I love her and want to be with her, but
Speaker 1: she is insistent on bringing a third party into our relationship.
Speaker 1: I'm selfish and jealous and I don't like to share,
Speaker 1: but I don't want to lose her. Well, Lou, this
Speaker 1: is where the rubber meets the road, I guess they say,
Speaker 1: because if you don't want to lose her, but she
Speaker 1: is insistent on palm bringing someone else in, it's time
Speaker 1: to have like a really tough conversation. It's time to
Speaker 1: get to like the nucleus of why she wants to
Speaker 1: bring someone else in, and then get to the nucleus
Speaker 1: of why you don't like to share and you don't
Speaker 1: want to do that. When you guys get to that,
Speaker 1: you guys got to kind of talk that out. And
Speaker 1: if she's not willing to compromise, or you're not willing
Speaker 1: to compromise, I hate to say it, my guy, but
Speaker 1: it might be time to take your love elsewhere because
Speaker 1: I don't believe that in situations like this people should
Speaker 1: have to compromise that heavily, because you know, if you
Speaker 1: know that this is a big issue and you are
Speaker 1: not interested in bringing the third party in because that
Speaker 1: you know that's a major step, then I don't think
Speaker 1: you should have to compromise that. I really don't And
Speaker 1: if she really wants it, I don't think she should
Speaker 1: have to compromise really wanting it, because guess what, there
Speaker 1: is somebody out there who will want to be with
Speaker 1: you without adding a third party. And there's somebody out
Speaker 1: there who will be totally okay with bringing a third
Speaker 1: party in if that's what she wants. So I think
Speaker 1: it's time to have a very ugly conversation. Well, you
Speaker 1: know what, let me take that back. Not an ugly conversation.
Speaker 1: I think it's time to have a very serious, authentically
Speaker 1: honest conversation. And if these are deal breakers, I don't
Speaker 1: think the two of you should compromise that. So, friends
Speaker 1: and Ken, for today's we got to do better. While
Speaker 1: I was at Candice's house, I saw this deck of
Speaker 1: cards on like her bar, and I asked her if
Speaker 1: I could open them and just take a look at him.
Speaker 1: I can't. I believe the company is called I Am,
Speaker 1: I AM Co or I AM Company, and they have
Speaker 1: a deck of cards, and I believe they're called the
Speaker 1: I AM Affirmations. And I'm going to read one and
Speaker 1: it says this is the first one actually in the deck.
Speaker 1: They're numbered. It's a set of thirty affirmations to read
Speaker 1: to yourself every day that start with I AM. The
Speaker 1: one I'm going to read today it's number one and
Speaker 1: it is I AM Love. I may not have always
Speaker 1: made the right choices, but I did my best. I
Speaker 1: have so much love to give and everyone around me
Speaker 1: can feel it. I am given a clean slate every
Speaker 1: single day to be the best version of me that
Speaker 1: I can be. I am forgiven. I am love. That's it.
Speaker 1: It's real simple, no need to really expound on it.
Speaker 1: It's a simple message. Read it to yourself again. Read
Speaker 1: it to yourself over and over and over and over,
Speaker 1: and let it bring some joy to your heart. How
Speaker 1: about that? Friends and Ken, you already know how this goes.
Speaker 1: The first thing that I want to do is thank God,
Speaker 1: because you know, it's kind of what we do here
Speaker 1: and hand me my person. We thank God first because
Speaker 1: we are grateful for all of the blessings that have
Speaker 1: been bestowed upon us. I also want to thank my guests,
Speaker 1: my homegirl Candace for joining me today and making me
Speaker 1: laugh so hard that it actually hurt. I also want
Speaker 1: to send a serious Auntie shout out to the dudes
Speaker 1: over at Caine Collective for this awesome drink we had today.
Speaker 1: I mean, Candace definitely crafted the drink, but without Cane
Speaker 1: Collective and their passion fruit jalapeno mixer, it would clearly
Speaker 1: just be a vodka soda and I don't like vodka soda.
Speaker 1: I highly suggest that if you are in the DMV
Speaker 1: area you find out about Cane Collective. I'm going to
Speaker 1: post all of their info, including their IG account information
Speaker 1: and their website and their Instagram is like always popping
Speaker 1: and tells you like all of the places you can
Speaker 1: purchase their mixers where there'll be every weekend so you
Speaker 1: can purchase it live and direct. You know, support black business.
Speaker 1: It's what I do, is what we do here at
Speaker 1: hand Me my Purse. We support plenty of businesses, we
Speaker 1: support all businesses, but we absolutely with pride Black Pride
Speaker 1: support black businesses here and hand me my Purse. I
Speaker 1: want to thank my family, my friends, my supporters, and
Speaker 1: of course you guys out there listening. I appreciate you
Speaker 1: guys more than you will ever know. I want you
Speaker 1: to know that I love you dearly and I cannot
Speaker 1: wait until we get to do this again, which will
Speaker 1: be on the first of next month. Now, before you
Speaker 1: exit out of whatever streaming service you are using to
Speaker 1: listen to this, I want you to stop, go click
Speaker 1: subscribe or follow if you can if they allow, and
Speaker 1: then I want you to get on over to Instagram
Speaker 1: and follow me at hand Me My Purse Underscore podcast.
Speaker 1: You can also follow me on Twitter at HMMP podcast
Speaker 1: and on Facebook just search hand Me My Purse podcast.
Speaker 1: And if you listen on Apple Podcasts or any other
Speaker 1: medium that allows you to do so, please rate and
Speaker 1: review Hand Me My Purse. I love you for it,
Speaker 1: and you know what I want. I wanna start reading
Speaker 1: reviews and comments that you guys leave me about the show,
Speaker 1: saying that you like the show and how you feel
Speaker 1: about the show. So go on ahead and write me
Speaker 1: a review now and maybe I'll read yours on the
Speaker 1: next show. Show notes are available at hand Memipurse dot
Speaker 1: buzzsprout dot com. Again, that is hand Me My Purse
Speaker 1: dot buzzsprout dot com. If you get lost on the
Speaker 1: interwebs trying to find me, ch'a just google Hand Me
Speaker 1: My Purse Podcast. I'm gonna pop up go to the
Speaker 1: buzz Sprout website and everything you need will be there.
Speaker 1: How to listen, where to listen, all of my social
Speaker 1: media stuff. It's gonna help you out. And just stay
Speaker 1: tuned because there will be a website launch in the
Speaker 1: near future. I want you to submit your questions for
Speaker 1: the straight fact segment, photos of your auntie, stories about
Speaker 1: your aunties, quotes from your aunties to Hello at hand
Speaker 1: memipurse dot com, or send me a DM on Instagram
Speaker 1: or on Twitter, and don't forget. You can expect a
Speaker 1: brand new episode of hand Me My Purse the podcast
Speaker 1: on the first and fifteenth of every single month, so
Speaker 1: the same way you expected those checks on the first
Speaker 1: and the fifteenth early in the morning, you already know
Speaker 1: your girl is going to have you covered on those
Speaker 1: days again the first and fifteenth of every month on
Speaker 1: your podcast streaming services such as Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher.
Speaker 1: These are for my international friends and ken and anywhere
Speaker 1: else you may even think that you can find it,
Speaker 1: or you can just go straight to my bus sprout
Speaker 1: website and find it there. I look forward to you,
Speaker 1: looking forward to listening, and I'm out of business. Hand
Speaker 1: Me My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts. For
Speaker 1: more shows from iHeart Podcasts, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.