WEBVTT - I Choose ... to Let Myself Be Loved with Sarah Drew 0:00:01.760 --> 0:00:09.280 You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Welcome 0:00:09.600 --> 0:00:12.760 back to I Choose Me. We talk about the choices 0:00:12.800 --> 0:00:16.360 we make in life and where they lead us. I'm 0:00:16.360 --> 0:00:21.120 so incredibly excited about today's conversation. My guest is an 0:00:21.200 --> 0:00:26.480 actress you have loved and cried with for years, probably 0:00:26.640 --> 0:00:32.120 especially on one of the most culturally dominant shows of 0:00:32.159 --> 0:00:35.200 our time. But what you might not know is that 0:00:35.240 --> 0:00:40.280 she's also a director, a producer, a pastor's daughter, and 0:00:40.360 --> 0:00:44.440 someone who makes profound choices every single day to live 0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:50.240 a life aligned with her purpose. Please welcome the brilliant, wonderful, 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:53.920 and deeply real Sarah Drew. I have so much to 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:55.840 talk to you about. You've been so brave in your 0:00:55.840 --> 0:00:59.200 career and all the choices you've made. You work NonStop, 0:01:00.040 --> 0:01:02.840 so many credits, I couldn't keep scrolling through them all. 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:05.000 It's been what. 0:01:05.280 --> 0:01:10.160 I feel, so lucky and so blessed, and I you know, 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:13.040 I don't. I just I love where I love to work, 0:01:13.080 --> 0:01:16.160 and I love that there have been opportunities to keep working, 0:01:16.240 --> 0:01:19.120 and and then I started writing, so then I started 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:22.560 making my own work and I love them. It's it's yeah, 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:25.440 it's a lot but it's and it's a lot to 0:01:25.520 --> 0:01:27.280 juggle with kids and everything. 0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:30.600 It really is it? Really speaking of kids, something you 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:34.200 said really resonated with me. I think you said before 0:01:34.240 --> 0:01:38.240 you had your kids that you were terrified of becoming 0:01:38.240 --> 0:01:40.600 a mom, because that's it. I mean, I mean, that's 0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:43.399 the one of the biggest I choose me moments. You 0:01:43.480 --> 0:01:47.440 can make that choice to become a mother. What what 0:01:47.520 --> 0:01:50.760 were you so terrified of? And now that you have 0:01:51.760 --> 0:01:55.040 what a tween and a teen? Yeah, are you so 0:01:55.280 --> 0:01:56.960 terrified or are you more terrified? 0:01:57.400 --> 0:02:00.640 It's it's it's gosh, it's just all of the ever thing, right. 0:02:00.840 --> 0:02:04.440 I think I was really afraid of failing like a 0:02:04.920 --> 0:02:09.600 as a mom. Just I knew that becoming a mother 0:02:09.639 --> 0:02:12.480 would require a lot of sacrifice, and I was really 0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:19.360 content to be pretty self absorbed. Actually, wait, and I 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:22.359 think that there was a real fear that I would 0:02:22.360 --> 0:02:25.400 not be able to rise to the occasion. And I 0:02:25.960 --> 0:02:29.160 remember writing to my dad. My dad's a pastor, retired pastor, 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:32.519 but he is like just a founta of wisdom always 0:02:32.600 --> 0:02:34.920 for me and I when I was pregnant, it's like 0:02:34.960 --> 0:02:38.160 I'm not sleeping it. Also, it also took me a 0:02:38.200 --> 0:02:41.880 while to feel ready to even start the process of 0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:44.480 trying to get pregnant, like a bunch of my friends 0:02:44.480 --> 0:02:48.520 had had babies before me. I remember hiding it, like 0:02:48.560 --> 0:02:52.120 with an anxiety attack in a side room at a 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:55.120 baby shower, just because there's so much joy happening in 0:02:55.160 --> 0:02:57.840 the room, and I'm like, I'm just not ready for this. 0:02:57.960 --> 0:03:02.160 I don't. I want. I want all these things in life, 0:03:02.200 --> 0:03:05.360 and I want everything to be all set up. I 0:03:05.360 --> 0:03:09.440 want the table set, you know, before I embark on 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:13.000 this thing that feels so huge. And the reality is 0:03:13.040 --> 0:03:15.720 that the table is never set in life. You are 0:03:15.840 --> 0:03:19.280 constantly clearing dishes and resetting the table. That's a good 0:03:19.280 --> 0:03:23.200 add it just it's if you're waiting for the table 0:03:23.240 --> 0:03:26.639 to be set for anything, you will never move forward. 0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:30.240 So true, right, like universal. 0:03:29.880 --> 0:03:34.359 Yes, absolutely, And I think that knowing that I had 0:03:34.360 --> 0:03:37.680 to get comfortable in the surrender of it all, in 0:03:37.720 --> 0:03:40.320 the reality of like, yeah, I'm totally going to fail 0:03:40.480 --> 0:03:44.560 at times. As long as I can get comfortable with 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:49.680 messing up and repairing and taking responsibility and learning from 0:03:49.680 --> 0:03:53.480 those mistakes, then the sky is the limits in terms 0:03:53.600 --> 0:03:56.320 of how you can grow and how you can parent 0:03:56.400 --> 0:03:58.640 and how you can be a partner and you know 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:00.960 how you can be an artist the world. You just 0:04:01.560 --> 0:04:04.040 have to keep throwing shit at the wall. 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:05.760 I mean for sure. 0:04:06.120 --> 0:04:08.800 No, it's it's like that fear. 0:04:08.520 --> 0:04:11.160 Though of the unknown. It can stop so many of 0:04:11.240 --> 0:04:12.520 us from taking action. 0:04:13.160 --> 0:04:16.640 Absolutely, absolutely, it was very I remember my dad when 0:04:16.640 --> 0:04:19.720 I emailed him just to be like, I'm not sleeping 0:04:19.760 --> 0:04:23.120 at night. I'm so scared of this child coming and 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:28.840 then me just like ruining their life or just not 0:04:29.120 --> 0:04:31.960 enjoying anything any part of it. Like everything about it 0:04:32.000 --> 0:04:34.000 is so scary. He gave me a bunch of like 0:04:34.839 --> 0:04:37.839 lovely Bible verses to meditate on, and then one of 0:04:37.880 --> 0:04:41.440 the things that really sustayed with me was he said, 0:04:41.800 --> 0:04:45.400 I want you to start habit of aggressive gratitude. I 0:04:45.440 --> 0:04:49.120 was like, what he said, when you are in a practice, 0:04:49.240 --> 0:04:51.680 and he called it aggressive because it's like you got 0:04:51.720 --> 0:04:55.400 to work at it. You got to be on the gratitude. 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:56.320 You got to keep choosing. You had to. 0:04:56.360 --> 0:04:59.520 Keep choosing it over and over and over again. Because 0:04:59.520 --> 0:05:02.320 it doesn't us fly at your face. I mean it 0:05:02.360 --> 0:05:04.880 does in like heightened moments of bliss and whatever, but 0:05:05.040 --> 0:05:07.919 in real life, it's more it's easier to find the 0:05:07.960 --> 0:05:12.080 faults and of course imperfections, yes, of course. So like, fine, 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:15.040 look deciding I'm waking up in the morning and I'm 0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:18.240 choosing to be grateful for this and this and this, 0:05:18.320 --> 0:05:20.560 And he said, it's going to feel weird at first, 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:24.040 but once you get going with it, you'll start to 0:05:24.120 --> 0:05:27.040 see things in your world that just make you go, oh, 0:05:27.760 --> 0:05:29.680 I was looking for it because I was already in 0:05:29.760 --> 0:05:32.120 gratitude this morning, and there's something else to be grateful for, 0:05:32.279 --> 0:05:34.880 something else. And he said, you can't just tell yourself 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:38.200 to stop fearing. You have to replace it with something else. 0:05:38.480 --> 0:05:44.080 So replacing it with this active, aggressive gratitude, it ends 0:05:44.160 --> 0:05:48.560 up kind of dispelling that stuff that usually never comes 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:51.039 to pass, because that's what fear is, you know, it's 0:05:51.080 --> 0:05:55.960 not substantive, it's not real, it's it's just a thought. 0:05:56.400 --> 0:06:00.240 It's thoughts, and ninety eight percent of the things we 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:05.880 freak ourselves out about don't come to pass, right, So yeah, 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:10.240 So I started a practice of doing that, and it really, yeah, 0:06:10.440 --> 0:06:14.080 it really transformed like just my heart and my heart 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:17.440 space and just sort of preparing the way for this 0:06:17.640 --> 0:06:18.920 child to come and change my life. 0:06:19.040 --> 0:06:21.599 Oh my gosh. And that's what happens when you become 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:26.080 a mother. What would you say now to your younger 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:28.920 self who was so scared in that moment, or if 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:31.840 somebody's listening now that maybe's having their first baby. 0:06:32.000 --> 0:06:39.640 Yeah, oh, I would just say, first of all, you 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:42.159 got to want to be a mom a parent, Like, 0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:45.200 don't just fly into it because everybody else says that 0:06:45.240 --> 0:06:47.840 this is a thing you should do. I think the 0:06:48.360 --> 0:06:50.440 desire needs to be there, and I think maybe a 0:06:50.480 --> 0:06:52.480 lot of people walk into it kind of going because 0:06:52.680 --> 0:06:54.000 this is what we're supposed to do, right, We're just 0:06:54.000 --> 0:06:55.120 supposed to have babies. 0:06:54.800 --> 0:06:57.760 In the I'm a mom and I take care of family. 0:06:57.920 --> 0:07:00.279 It's exactly like, I think there needs to be a 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:06.039 real desire there. But if that desire is there, the 0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:12.600 leap is terrifying. But the adventure is so beyond your 0:07:12.640 --> 0:07:16.360 wildest dreams. And I don't mean that it's full of 0:07:16.400 --> 0:07:20.680 bliss all the time. It is hard, and it is 0:07:21.920 --> 0:07:28.280 oh so painful at times hilariously funny. You know, when 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:30.600 they get to the age where they start cracking jokes 0:07:30.600 --> 0:07:33.920 and they start becoming company instead of work. It's like 0:07:34.280 --> 0:07:39.560 this magical transformation where you're like, you are funny and 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:41.480 I'm enjoying you. 0:07:42.040 --> 0:07:44.840 What is it like with the tweeney and the teeny? 0:07:45.400 --> 0:07:46.920 How is it in your house right now? 0:07:49.160 --> 0:07:55.360 It's really fun and really vibrant. Homework has gotten harder, 0:07:55.400 --> 0:07:58.040 and so there are many tears involved with homework. 0:07:58.120 --> 0:07:59.560 What is this thing with homework? 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:03.560 The homework load is really intense, The managing schedules is 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:06.960 really intense. The relational drama has like picked up, and 0:08:07.000 --> 0:08:11.280 so there's real things that are happening in the kids' 0:08:11.280 --> 0:08:14.800 hearts and stuff. But also my kids are like musical 0:08:14.840 --> 0:08:18.280 theater kids, and there's a lot of singing in our house. 0:08:18.320 --> 0:08:21.320 They're like belting at the top of our lungs. Like 0:08:21.320 --> 0:08:23.880 my daughter will start singing a song from Dear Evan Hanson. 0:08:23.920 --> 0:08:25.480 Then my son will pick it up in his room, 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:27.480 and then they'll just be singing across the house in harmonies. 0:08:27.560 --> 0:08:28.560 Oh, that's so interesting. 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:33.319 So you live in a musical. I live in a musical. Yeah. 0:08:33.480 --> 0:08:35.640 There are times when my husband and are like and 0:08:35.679 --> 0:08:38.400 I are like, if we could just turn the volume down, 0:08:38.520 --> 0:08:42.560 just like a tiny bit, it would feel better on 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:45.840 our nervous systems. But of course, no, don't ever say that. 0:08:46.040 --> 0:08:49.880 Oh, let them sing, No, let them sing Yeah, is 0:08:49.920 --> 0:08:53.400 so true, because there will be a day in their development. 0:08:53.760 --> 0:08:56.880 Hopefully it'll be quick when they'll Yeah, I don't want 0:08:56.920 --> 0:08:59.000 them to be quiet. Maybe you won't, maybe they won't 0:08:59.000 --> 0:08:59.800 ever be quiet. 0:08:59.559 --> 0:09:02.080 But I don't no, I will say all of the 0:09:02.240 --> 0:09:05.880 really deep conversations, like when they really need to talk 0:09:05.880 --> 0:09:08.880 about something, begin at ten fifteen at night. 0:09:09.920 --> 0:09:11.360 That kind of passed my prime. 0:09:11.520 --> 0:09:15.240 Yeah, I'm already asleep. My face mask is on my head, 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:19.360 ready to be shoved over my eyeballs. Oh my god, mommy, 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:20.560 I need to tell you about something. 0:09:20.600 --> 0:09:21.280 It's the worst. 0:09:21.360 --> 0:09:24.040 You're like, okay, yep, here we go, Here we go 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:25.640 another hour. 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:28.880 God bless the fact that they're coming and talking to you. 0:09:29.280 --> 0:09:32.960 I would not trade it for anything. And my son 0:09:33.080 --> 0:09:35.679 right now is doing a production of a Christmas Carol 0:09:35.720 --> 0:09:38.280 and it's like it's a noise within which is a 0:09:38.280 --> 0:09:42.199 professional theater in East Pasadena. So he's got eight shows 0:09:42.240 --> 0:09:44.840 a week. He's just had a student matinee today. You know, 0:09:44.960 --> 0:09:50.000 he is working, working, and also applying for high schools, 0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:55.800 and so we've been immersed in just time management, which 0:09:55.840 --> 0:10:00.600 is those conversations are so agonizingly unfun. Not fun. 0:10:01.600 --> 0:10:04.360 I mean, it's a lot to juggle. I feel like 0:10:04.559 --> 0:10:06.840 I always said, like I would take back the diaper 0:10:06.920 --> 0:10:10.000 years in a heartbeat. Those were so much more easy, so. 0:10:10.040 --> 0:10:12.839 Much easier, so much easy, so much more, so much 0:10:12.920 --> 0:10:16.959 less emotional weight was there. Yeah, it was just about 0:10:16.960 --> 0:10:18.679 taking care of something, keeping it a lot, just keep 0:10:18.679 --> 0:10:20.680 it alive, just keep it, just both. 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:21.319 Called it it. 0:10:21.920 --> 0:10:25.960 You know it, it's crying. What does it need? There 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:28.080 are four things it could need? 0:10:28.520 --> 0:10:32.000 So okay, I want to talk about the cultural giant 0:10:32.400 --> 0:10:35.480 that was your home for nine seasons. So for those 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:38.600 of you listening that don't know, maybe you lived under 0:10:38.600 --> 0:10:45.239 a rock. You played April Kepner on The Great Gray's Anatomy. 0:10:45.760 --> 0:10:47.800 What an honor. It really shaped your career? 0:10:48.080 --> 0:10:50.120 Oh yeah, absolutely transformed my life. 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:53.480 Yeah, really really, I want to know how. But I 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:55.920 also think, like you know, when you're a part of 0:10:55.960 --> 0:10:58.320 a big crew like that, it's very easy to kind 0:10:58.320 --> 0:11:01.120 of find your rhythm and your and things and you 0:11:01.320 --> 0:11:05.760 kind of your purpose. You know, when you step away, 0:11:07.280 --> 0:11:09.920 things change. Oh yeah, it's a big transition. We'll talk 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:11.880 about that in a second. But how to being a 0:11:11.920 --> 0:11:16.360 part of that world shape who you are as a 0:11:16.360 --> 0:11:21.000 person on a personal level? I mean in so many ways. 0:11:23.040 --> 0:11:27.360 I think one of the biggest ways for me was 0:11:27.440 --> 0:11:31.400 actually learning how to use my voice on a set 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:36.280 in an environment where that was welcome and encouraged. I 0:11:38.480 --> 0:11:41.480 Sandra oh Is I just love her so much. I 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:45.000 have so much respect for her, and she's so talented, incredible, 0:11:45.080 --> 0:11:48.560 She's so incredible. But what I got to witness with 0:11:48.720 --> 0:11:51.120 the way that she engaged with the writers, it was 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:53.560 such a beautiful thing to see. She would advocate so 0:11:53.840 --> 0:11:58.200 passionately for her character and her character's storylines, and the 0:11:58.240 --> 0:12:01.960 writers loved it because it was it was done with 0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:04.920 such respect and such collaboration, and it was like they 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:07.920 were on this journey together. And I was like, oh, man, 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:11.199 if Sandra oh can do that, is she can use 0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:13.920 her voice and advocate for because you sign on to 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:15.840 a show and you have no idea where the writers 0:12:15.840 --> 0:12:18.480 are going to take you, right, and it's so it's 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:21.840 every every week is a new episode going, oh, I 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:24.120 guess that's who I am? Is that who I am? 0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:24.480 Oh? 0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:25.760 Okay? You very much like. 0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:31.120 Life, very much like life exactly. You're adjusting and recalibrating 0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:33.600 and and but then as you get to know your 0:12:33.720 --> 0:12:36.040 character and you start to inhabit your character for a 0:12:36.080 --> 0:12:39.319 long time, then things start to feel like, well, I'm 0:12:39.320 --> 0:12:41.680 not sure she would actually go down that road, or 0:12:41.720 --> 0:12:43.559 maybe she would go down that road in this kind 0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:45.439 of a different way. And now that I've been living 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:48.719 in her skin for a couple of years, like, I, 0:12:49.600 --> 0:12:51.000 what about if we do it like this? 0:12:51.400 --> 0:12:54.840 Had you been in environments previously where you didn't have 0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:57.240 a voice, I didn't. 0:12:58.600 --> 0:13:01.280 I didn't know that I was allowed to have a voice. 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:04.800 I think I think in my previous like, I've always 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:09.240 been vocal in terms of like blocking, you know, when 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:12.480 we're on set, in terms of oh, oh, is that 0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:13.880 how the scene is going to go? Oh? Because I 0:13:13.920 --> 0:13:16.280 was thinking about it from this perspective, but oh, let's 0:13:16.280 --> 0:13:18.959 try it this way, you know, in that kind of collaboration. 0:13:19.640 --> 0:13:23.040 But in terms of getting the script and then going 0:13:23.720 --> 0:13:26.520 is that the trajectory of my character? I don't know. 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:30.360 But what about what we did in the scene two 0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:33.320 episodes ago and when she said this thing? How is 0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:36.439 that connecting to this? Help me understand? Or is there 0:13:36.480 --> 0:13:38.640 another way that we can say this that feels more 0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:41.600 in line with who she was two episodes ago? You know, 0:13:42.040 --> 0:13:46.440 I just had never I had never known that I 0:13:46.520 --> 0:13:50.280 could speak into that piece of the collaborative process. 0:13:50.440 --> 0:13:53.600 Do you think that affected you in your personal life 0:13:53.640 --> 0:13:58.080 as well? Did that kind of spill into you finding 0:13:58.120 --> 0:13:59.199 a new sort of. 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:04.840 I think it's more that I've always expressed my opinion 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:08.200 in life, but I didn't bring it to my work. 0:14:08.600 --> 0:14:12.000 So it was more about allowing more of like who 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:16.280 Sarah is to come into play in the work environment. 0:14:17.000 --> 0:14:20.240 I mean, I'm an actor but also a people pleaser 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:23.160 by nature and an achiever by nature. And so I 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:26.120 think I spent a lot of my life just wanting 0:14:26.160 --> 0:14:31.960 to keep everybody happy, you know. And even if I 0:14:32.120 --> 0:14:37.160 was like, I'm not sure about that, I'm often will 0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:41.440 I would often take responsibility for something I didn't I 0:14:41.440 --> 0:14:44.640 didn't have responsibility for just to avoid the conflict, just 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:47.920 to make everybody okay, you know. And so I think 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:54.960 in allowing myself to speak but also learn how to 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:58.560 navigate in the relationships so that I wasn't stepping on 0:14:58.640 --> 0:15:01.200 toes and nobody was getting a And it was really 0:15:01.840 --> 0:15:07.160 about let's craft something gorgeous together, and look at what 0:15:07.200 --> 0:15:09.120 you're bringing to the table, and look at what I'm 0:15:09.200 --> 0:15:13.680 also bringing to the table, and how can we find 0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:17.240 the best idea together. You know, it's kind of hard. 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:20.160 To shift from you know, your those years where you're 0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:23.520 creating the autonomy and figuring yourself out and then finding 0:15:23.520 --> 0:15:26.800 your stride, and then you meet somebody and you're in 0:15:26.800 --> 0:15:30.920 a relationship. Yeah, and then that's like screech, tire screech. 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:33.280 The funny thing is I've been with my husband for 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:35.560 like twenty six years. So we met, I know, we 0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:39.600 met when I was so, so, so young. And what's 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:42.760 very interesting about that is, I feel like you change 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:46.040 and grow so much in your twenties and thirties, it's bananas. 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:49.560 I feel like we met, we've reacquainted each other with 0:15:49.600 --> 0:15:51.800 a new version of ourselves every seven months. 0:15:52.000 --> 0:15:52.600 How old were you. 0:15:52.600 --> 0:15:53.240 When you met him? 0:15:53.360 --> 0:15:53.800 Eighteen? 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:55.640 Wow? Okay, yeah, it's good. 0:15:55.840 --> 0:15:59.160 Yeah, So we were babies and we got married. I 0:15:59.240 --> 0:16:02.120 was twenty one. I was like a month out of college, 0:16:02.680 --> 0:16:06.320 and so I think I was finding myself while I 0:16:06.440 --> 0:16:11.160 was already in a relationship. And I'm so grateful that 0:16:11.240 --> 0:16:13.120 I met him as young as I did. It didn't 0:16:13.120 --> 0:16:17.080 come without its challenges, for sure, but he's not in 0:16:17.120 --> 0:16:21.720 the industry, and he is he and he knew me 0:16:21.760 --> 0:16:24.320 before I had I had found any kind of success. 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:27.720 I was a college kid, you know, nothing had happened 0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:31.200 in micro I was just Sarah, and so we got 0:16:31.240 --> 0:16:35.440 to kind of take this journey of discovery together. Yeah. 0:16:35.560 --> 0:16:38.280 I love that. Yeah, because it can be a lonely journey, 0:16:38.640 --> 0:16:39.560 especially for a woman. 0:16:40.440 --> 0:16:44.680 Yes, I imagine it is. I mean, I don't know, 0:16:44.720 --> 0:16:47.720 I don't know, I don't I was just thinking about 0:16:47.720 --> 0:16:52.560 it today because I mean, so much stuff with with 0:16:52.560 --> 0:16:55.320 what our kids are going through and my son entering 0:16:55.360 --> 0:16:58.440 into high school at Applying Price, there's a lot that we're 0:16:58.480 --> 0:17:01.240 sort of spinning around in our heads and a lot 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:03.960 of things we're thinking about. And my husband is so 0:17:04.920 --> 0:17:09.080 grounded and so level headed, and he he thinks about 0:17:09.080 --> 0:17:12.240 things from nineteen thousand different perspectives and does research on 0:17:12.320 --> 0:17:15.680 every single possible thing. Oh, I'm much more so helpful. 0:17:15.800 --> 0:17:18.960 I'm much more impulsive, much more like, this is my gut, 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:21.800 let's just do this, you know. And it's and I'm 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:25.359 so grateful to him because he has been I've been 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:27.080 in and out of town so much so he's really 0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:30.640 been the grounded force in our family life. And I 0:17:30.680 --> 0:17:32.760 was just I was just driving in my car, going 0:17:32.960 --> 0:17:37.480 thank God that I have Peter. Thank God that I 0:17:37.560 --> 0:17:39.480 met him when I did, Thank God that he is 0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:42.040 the father of my children and my partner in life. 0:17:42.080 --> 0:17:45.400 Like it was just there's that aggressive gratitude. 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:48.640 Yes, you can keep practicing, Just keep practicing. 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:53.879 Absolutely. So. Your character went through quite a lot on 0:17:53.920 --> 0:17:54.520 grays Havy. 0:17:54.680 --> 0:17:56.040 I so much trauma, Yeah. 0:17:55.920 --> 0:18:00.480 So much trauma, drama, all the things, emotions. I know 0:18:00.560 --> 0:18:04.280 from experience how that can kind of put you in 0:18:04.320 --> 0:18:06.920 a certain head space, especially when you're at work doing 0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:11.320 really I mean, your character was saving lives or not, yeah, 0:18:12.040 --> 0:18:15.680 and dealing with all of that. How did you turn 0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:18.800 that off? As your kids were younger? You would go 0:18:19.080 --> 0:18:22.040 to work I'm assuming twelve hours a day at least 0:18:22.080 --> 0:18:24.720 at least yeah, and then you would come home and 0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:26.639 switch gears to being a mom and have to shed 0:18:26.760 --> 0:18:28.760 all of what you just were. 0:18:29.119 --> 0:18:33.240 I mean not always successfully, right. I had a really 0:18:33.720 --> 0:18:36.600 I mean a couple crazy stories, one of which is 0:18:37.240 --> 0:18:40.080 I played this really traumatic pregnancy storyline while I was 0:18:40.080 --> 0:18:43.359 pregnant with my daughter. Yeah, I was eight months pregnant 0:18:43.400 --> 0:18:47.639 with her when when I played this horrible labor delivery 0:18:47.640 --> 0:18:49.520 and death scene where the baby dies in my arms 0:18:49.560 --> 0:18:54.240 and I'm Okay, actually that's pregnant. Yeah, And I got 0:18:54.280 --> 0:18:56.600 home and ten hours later went into premature labor. And 0:18:56.640 --> 0:18:58.120 she came a month early and was in the nick 0:18:58.160 --> 0:18:59.040 you for two weeks, like. 0:18:59.000 --> 0:18:59.800 That's not gonna happen to me. 0:19:00.200 --> 0:19:02.159 Yeah, she was like, I'm getting out of here. You 0:19:02.200 --> 0:19:06.199 started it apparently on set, pretending. So here we go. 0:19:06.280 --> 0:19:10.240 We're in labor now, you know. So, because your body, 0:19:10.920 --> 0:19:14.639 when you're going through trauma, you're and you're really entering 0:19:14.680 --> 0:19:17.760 into the imaginary space in that way of the character 0:19:17.840 --> 0:19:21.639 of the character, you don't your body doesn't know the difference. 0:19:21.720 --> 0:19:24.719 Your body's like, oh, yeah, we're adrenaline spiking now, and 0:19:25.000 --> 0:19:28.120 our cortisol levels are through the roof and you're panicking now, 0:19:28.160 --> 0:19:30.879 and you're hyperventilating now, and so our heart is racing, 0:19:30.960 --> 0:19:34.320 and so we don't we don't know that this isn't real. 0:19:34.680 --> 0:19:37.359 There's a lion that's really chasing us, you know. And 0:19:37.400 --> 0:19:40.639 so coming out of that was really hard. I do 0:19:40.720 --> 0:19:44.600 remember when my character was going through a divorce. It 0:19:44.720 --> 0:19:48.199 was such a dark, sad storyline. And it was so 0:19:48.359 --> 0:19:52.520 sad too because my friend Jesse Williams, who played my 0:19:52.840 --> 0:19:56.040 main acting partner on the show. We both loved working 0:19:56.080 --> 0:20:01.360 together and loved being in this in this on Green relationship. 0:20:01.400 --> 0:20:05.000 It was so we had we told so many beautiful stories. 0:20:05.040 --> 0:20:08.399 We had such a fun, delightful friendship, and we were 0:20:08.440 --> 0:20:13.199 both sad then they were just like splashing pieces, you know, 0:20:13.560 --> 0:20:17.639 And and I would come home and be like so 0:20:18.080 --> 0:20:21.800 sad about just how sad April and Jackson were. And 0:20:21.920 --> 0:20:25.280 I remember my husband being like, you have two living 0:20:25.359 --> 0:20:29.239 children and you are in a happy marriage. Can I 0:20:29.280 --> 0:20:32.040 talk to Sarah and not April now, Like, can you 0:20:32.280 --> 0:20:36.480 let the trauma from your fake life? Just like relax 0:20:36.680 --> 0:20:37.320 in the corner. 0:20:37.640 --> 0:20:40.520 Very helpful to like it here. 0:20:40.680 --> 0:20:43.439 Let's just say I just need to come back to 0:20:43.480 --> 0:20:47.480 meet Sarah, Like you're too much in April's pain, Because 0:20:47.520 --> 0:20:50.000 she was in pain every day. I would have to 0:20:50.040 --> 0:20:52.360 go for like twelve hours and just be in agony. 0:20:53.600 --> 0:20:55.040 That sounds like so much fun. 0:20:56.880 --> 0:20:59.280 I mean, weirdly, I'm a bit of a glutton for 0:20:59.320 --> 0:21:01.560 punishment when it comes to any kind of big emotion. 0:21:01.680 --> 0:21:03.560 I mean, otherwise why would I. 0:21:03.520 --> 0:21:04.160 Be an actor? 0:21:04.640 --> 0:21:08.720 You know, I think emotions are so underrated. Yeah, people 0:21:08.760 --> 0:21:11.240 just try to hide them. People tell you they're bad, 0:21:11.359 --> 0:21:12.320 You're too emotional. 0:21:12.880 --> 0:21:15.040 No, you let a fly. I say this to my 0:21:15.119 --> 0:21:18.760 son all the time because he he cries, and from 0:21:18.800 --> 0:21:22.440 the earliest years of his life, I'm like, apps, get 0:21:22.600 --> 0:21:26.600 that cry out, you express it. Don't ever think this 0:21:26.640 --> 0:21:29.800 is a weakness. Crying is so good. It feels so good. 0:21:30.320 --> 0:21:32.840 And whenever he has like a big cry about something, 0:21:32.880 --> 0:21:37.480 I'm like, yes, yes, let's exercise all of this, get 0:21:37.480 --> 0:21:40.160 it all out of your systems. Feel so good. 0:21:41.400 --> 0:21:41.920 I love that. 0:21:42.480 --> 0:21:44.879 That's a good mom right there, that's a good mom. 0:21:45.720 --> 0:21:49.400 So Shonda Rhimes, who created the show, famously has. 0:21:49.240 --> 0:21:52.879 A no jerks policy. Did you ever feel as a 0:21:52.920 --> 0:21:55.600 female actress, or even just an actor, did you ever 0:21:55.640 --> 0:21:59.600 feel pitted against other actors or actresses for more? 0:22:00.640 --> 0:22:00.880 Never? 0:22:01.080 --> 0:22:02.480 Nothing, Oh my gosh, never. 0:22:03.080 --> 0:22:08.119 No. I felt so supported and so cared for. And 0:22:08.200 --> 0:22:12.800 I even remember after my daughter Hannah was born, I 0:22:12.880 --> 0:22:15.960