Speaker 1: Welcome to Go Ask Ali, a production of Shonda Land
Speaker 1: Audio and partnership with I Heart Radio. I think, like
Speaker 1: a vaginas have a lot to say. I think we
Speaker 1: should let them spay out of it and they'll just talk. Yes,
Speaker 1: one of the hardest things to absorb for those who
Speaker 1: are new to these kinds of fights. Again, if we
Speaker 1: want all of them, we wouldn't be here. If you
Speaker 1: see a monster, don't try to run away, step right
Speaker 1: up to it and say, what do you have to
Speaker 1: teach me? Why are you? In my mind, I want
Speaker 1: to be the person who has cancer and doesn't run
Speaker 1: a marathon, Like, do I have to work that hard? No,
Speaker 1: it's the best excuse not to run a marathon. Welcome
Speaker 1: to Go Ask Alli. I'm Alli Wentworth Now in my
Speaker 1: podcast Go asked Alli. I mostly have a lot of
Speaker 1: people I don't know because I often go to experts
Speaker 1: and people because there's things I want to be educated on,
Speaker 1: and then sometimes I talk to people I do know.
Speaker 1: Nancy Jarecki is one of my very best friends, and
Speaker 1: she has an incredible story that I want to be
Speaker 1: told in every form because she is somebody who has
Speaker 1: basically kissed death on the lips and lived to talk
Speaker 1: about it. And I also, after she takes us through
Speaker 1: this story, I want to talk to Nancy about how
Speaker 1: it has changed her life. Because Nancy is the most fun,
Speaker 1: the greatest sense of humor, the biggest zest for life,
Speaker 1: always game for anything. This is a girl who could
Speaker 1: discover a band in Nashville, direct a film, probably run
Speaker 1: for office fly fish in Montana. She is beloved by everybody,
Speaker 1: and she has a story to tell. So, so hello,
Speaker 1: Nancy Jarecki. Well, hello, Ali, I'm so glad you're here
Speaker 1: because your story is a story that needs to be heard,
Speaker 1: and it's a story that I have told so many times,
Speaker 1: and it's a story that I'm actually involved in. That's right,
Speaker 1: So would you mind regaling my my audience with your story?
Speaker 1: And then we're gonna go into a little Q and
Speaker 1: A about lessons learned. Sure, I guess we might as
Speaker 1: well start with that night. Myself and my two sons
Speaker 1: are big fans of Alleys, and she had a wonderful
Speaker 1: show called Headcase. It's the red carpet. We arrive at
Speaker 1: the moment and I see George, your lovely husband. I
Speaker 1: see him at the end of the red carpet. Standing there,
Speaker 1: we start to chat. He sees the kids, He's like,
Speaker 1: no one wants you know, they're board kids. Go downstairs.
Speaker 1: There's some food down there. So as I'm talking to him,
Speaker 1: I just feel out of the blue, a little lightheaded,
Speaker 1: and I think to myself, you know, I had some food.
Speaker 1: I had a banana. It can't be you know, low
Speaker 1: blood sugar. And then got really hot. And I remember
Speaker 1: talking to him speaking about some political stuff. I'm sure
Speaker 1: it was very intelligent, because I have intelligent conversations George
Speaker 1: all the time. Always. Anyway, all of a sudden, I
Speaker 1: felt this rush come in me, was kind of heat,
Speaker 1: and oh am I going to throw up? And as
Speaker 1: I was kind of looking at him, he just stops.
Speaker 1: It's as though he just stops and freezes. And I'm thinking,
Speaker 1: within you know, seconds, I'm going, oh, the flashbulbs are
Speaker 1: going off from the red carpet. I've stunned my eyes.
Speaker 1: So I continued to try and blink him back to moving,
Speaker 1: and he doesn't, and then another flash comes over and
Speaker 1: I thought, I'm going to faint. Was a flash like
Speaker 1: when somebody freezes on FaceTime? Was it like that? Yes,
Speaker 1: except it was a little darker and then almost black
Speaker 1: and white, and then when the flush comes over me again,
Speaker 1: it's kind of this ready sepia liquid. And I just thought,
Speaker 1: that's not right. I say to George, I think I'm
Speaker 1: going to faint. He says, I'm going to get you
Speaker 1: a chair. This is how I remember. I'm going down. Now.
Speaker 1: I wake up and so many people are around me.
Speaker 1: They're touching me, which is amazing. I can't emphasize enough.
Speaker 1: And somebody saying to me, Hi, Nancy, it's Jessica. I'm
Speaker 1: right here. We've called an ambulance. I'm going to stay
Speaker 1: by your side. And I'm thinking, in that crazy I fainted.
Speaker 1: I knew I fainted, so you could hear. You could
Speaker 1: hear voices. I could hear voices, And just to give
Speaker 1: the other perspective, we are all standing around Nancy, assuming
Speaker 1: she fainted. I of course thought she's on some weird diet.
Speaker 1: And we're standing around and there was a photographer there
Speaker 1: who was one of the guys on the red carpet,
Speaker 1: and he looked at her because she was having the
Speaker 1: quick moments where her hand would shake, her mouth would move,
Speaker 1: her eyes were fluttering, and the photographer said to all
Speaker 1: of us because we're about to pick her up. Don't
Speaker 1: touch her. This is not somebody that they did. This
Speaker 1: is somebody that's having a seizure. Yeah, so I don't
Speaker 1: know any of that. I'm trying to tell people. I'm okay,
Speaker 1: I just fainted. Jessica kept telling me we've called an ambulance.
Speaker 1: I'm like an ambulance. I don't need an ambulance. And
Speaker 1: a funny side of it that what I was thinking
Speaker 1: was I really had to peep. So a few minutes
Speaker 1: after that, the ambulance comes. So these paramedics come and
Speaker 1: you're aware of all of us, You're aware of paramedics
Speaker 1: touching you. And yes, it was so comforting, even though
Speaker 1: I thought it wasn't something serious. The paramedics come move
Speaker 1: in and they're doing all kinds of stuff. They're asking
Speaker 1: questions and it's very rushed and I'm trying to answer,
Speaker 1: but they're talking over me, and I was getting and frustrated.
Speaker 1: And so then by the way, you think that you're
Speaker 1: talking to all these people, but you're not. Right from
Speaker 1: their perspective, you have not communicated anything. And I had
Speaker 1: my eyes kind of rolled back that you were describing
Speaker 1: the fluttery. I had a seizure where I found out
Speaker 1: later that when I thought I was telling Jessica, yes,
Speaker 1: I'm very hot, I was actually scratching her so badly
Speaker 1: from the seizure. Then when I got into the gurney,
Speaker 1: they had secured my legs and my wrists, and I
Speaker 1: went ballistic. So you had like a physical reaction for
Speaker 1: somebody that was just lying down kind of having a seizure,
Speaker 1: you suddenly have some strong physical motions. And the reason
Speaker 1: I'm asking you this is because recently and has died
Speaker 1: and she had, you know, driven her car into this house,
Speaker 1: burst into flames, and I saw this footage of a haze,
Speaker 1: and she was on the gurney and all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: her whole body kind of leaps up and she kind
Speaker 1: of tries to get off the gurney, which did not
Speaker 1: it didn't make sense with what I was reading in
Speaker 1: the paper that happened to her. So is there a
Speaker 1: physical reaction? Is It's almost like your brain has no
Speaker 1: idea what's going on, and your your body goes, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm getting the hell out of here. Yeah. And I
Speaker 1: think once I learned more about my brain and what
Speaker 1: happened at that event, it makes sense. My brain had
Speaker 1: a very big bleed in it and it was starting
Speaker 1: to kind of get angry. And I didn't know this,
Speaker 1: but your brain starts to kind of shut down with
Speaker 1: that much blood. You know, that had ruptured and I
Speaker 1: was starting to come to, But I also was confused
Speaker 1: why I was restrained. I think I just started to fight,
Speaker 1: like hell, that could be something that happened, you know
Speaker 1: with Ann Hash where she's like, wait, what's going you know, yep, yep, yeah.
Speaker 1: But it was a real fear, and I knew I
Speaker 1: was in an ambulance, but I didn't know where anybody was.
Speaker 1: And a couple of friends followed me there and they
Speaker 1: take the kids because now I'm really ballistic. They're telling
Speaker 1: me that they have to do a scan. I go,
Speaker 1: I can't go into the scan. First of all, I
Speaker 1: have to go the bathroom. And I had gotten bits
Speaker 1: and pieces that something was neurologic, like basically I was
Speaker 1: paralyzed on the left side, so I had droopiness because
Speaker 1: I could hear the paramedics say something about that. So
Speaker 1: you're you're connecting the dots based on what you're hearing.
Speaker 1: These kind of murmuring voices around you. I was, but
Speaker 1: I was still concentrated on No, I have to go
Speaker 1: to the bathroom. What's he talking about? And the biggest
Speaker 1: thing is I don't like Mr Ees what I call
Speaker 1: this metal coffin, and I just know you're not going
Speaker 1: to get me in there. And I completely blocked myself
Speaker 1: from going into the scanner, into that MRI machine. They then,
Speaker 1: I think, had to give me whatever it is that
Speaker 1: calms you down a little bit. And I also just
Speaker 1: felt like I can't I can't fight anymore. I'm so tired,
Speaker 1: and Max and now says what happens is I just
Speaker 1: stop and I have a little bit of a relief smile,
Speaker 1: and I just peed everywhere. That's what you even wanting
Speaker 1: to do all night? And he goes, it was so peaceful,
Speaker 1: Oh my god. All right, so you black out them?
Speaker 1: When when are you conscious again? After that, later I
Speaker 1: find out that I was in what they call a
Speaker 1: critical holding pattern, and that's when the bleed has happened.
Speaker 1: That's when she's probably not gonna make it. Let's put
Speaker 1: her on lifelines. And I'm in the special room where
Speaker 1: you're basically put on I didn't need life support, but
Speaker 1: in the event that I did. You're on that because
Speaker 1: it's such critical care. And then these doctors come in
Speaker 1: and they explained that I had a sub or acknoid aneurism,
Speaker 1: which at hemorrhage, which means that your main artery in
Speaker 1: your head, your M three had ballooned out and it ruptured,
Speaker 1: so the blood is everywhere in in your brain. At
Speaker 1: this point, nobody has operated on you. You've had nothing right.
Speaker 1: So because I was unconscious, they think I'm in a coma,
Speaker 1: and usually a rupture will not rebleed, so the damage
Speaker 1: is the damage. They're hoping it won't be bad that
Speaker 1: next morning, and and I just kind of woke up
Speaker 1: that next day and that's the morning of the surgery. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what did they do during the surgery. What they did
Speaker 1: is they go in, they make a big hole in
Speaker 1: the side of your head, the area where the bleed is.
Speaker 1: They find the artery and they just kind of clip
Speaker 1: it but make sure the blood can still flow so
Speaker 1: you have blood going into your brain. Then they sewed
Speaker 1: me back up and that was early Friday morning. I
Speaker 1: woke up later Friday evening and I remember seeing my kids.
Speaker 1: At that time. I did not know who they were
Speaker 1: and that upset my kids. Then I went back to sleep.
Speaker 1: I woke up and a friend of mine, Charlie Westler,
Speaker 1: walks into the room. And I had been so quiet,
Speaker 1: but I heard his voice and from my bed, I go, Charlie,
Speaker 1: is that you? And the entire room was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I go can you believe it? Look what
Speaker 1: happened to me? And then I saw the kids I
Speaker 1: knew of them. I said hello, and then I went
Speaker 1: back to sleep, and then didn't wake up till later
Speaker 1: that night. And they did as much mending as they could.
Speaker 1: And now it's up to you how your brain is
Speaker 1: going to react. Is your husband Andrew with you the
Speaker 1: whole time? Yes, he is with me. He was not
Speaker 1: with me when it happened. He was in l A
Speaker 1: making a movie and he had to make a decision
Speaker 1: to either get on a plane and come in for
Speaker 1: the surgery or should he just stay and be part
Speaker 1: of the real time what's going to happen to me?
Speaker 1: But he chose to get on a plane. The flight
Speaker 1: attendant had to wake him up. He called and I
Speaker 1: had lived through the night, okay, Jesus Scott, And I
Speaker 1: said to him, how did you get here so fast,
Speaker 1: and so that's when everyone was like, her memory is great,
Speaker 1: and the doctors are like, don't count on it. We're
Speaker 1: gonna take a short break and we'll be right back,
Speaker 1: and we're back. What did they find and what did
Speaker 1: they do after that surgery? Everything seemed to be fine.
Speaker 1: And then it was the next day where it was
Speaker 1: an emergency that my intercranial pressure was getting high. It
Speaker 1: means that my brain is swelling, and so they did
Speaker 1: a craniotomy where they took out on my right hand side.
Speaker 1: They have to remove as much skull as possible for
Speaker 1: the brain to expand. The brain does very well, but
Speaker 1: it's really got to have the room to expand. And
Speaker 1: that's when people like Natasha Richardson, when she hit her
Speaker 1: head and her brain swelled and she had there was
Speaker 1: nowhere for the brain to go and unfortunately it can't survive.
Speaker 1: I mean, it all happened so fast for her. But
Speaker 1: had she been taken right away to a hospital, if
Speaker 1: they were able to immediately do what they did, to you,
Speaker 1: what that I've saved her life? Do you think? I
Speaker 1: think it probably would have helped, because I know that
Speaker 1: it was from brain swelling. I also know that it
Speaker 1: didn't happen that fast. She had hit her head. She
Speaker 1: had been complaining of a headache. She refused to get
Speaker 1: help because we don't know, we don't know what's going on,
Speaker 1: the likelihood that she has a brain bleed. She did
Speaker 1: have a brain bleed, And a lot of times when
Speaker 1: you do have these aneurysms, you can't survive them. A
Speaker 1: lot of people, and I think many will probably relate
Speaker 1: to this. You hear about someone who has the most
Speaker 1: excruciating headache, they decide I'm gonna take to askpen and
Speaker 1: take a nap and go to bed and never wake up.
Speaker 1: They don't survive. And I just happened to be in
Speaker 1: a public area. I did not have the precursor to
Speaker 1: what most people feel when they have an aneurysm. I
Speaker 1: only had that moment it with with George, those feelings
Speaker 1: and that rush in the flash. People talk about seeing
Speaker 1: double sometimes or having the worst headache in the world
Speaker 1: days leading up to it. I didn't have any of that.
Speaker 1: So they take what a quarter of your your skull off.
Speaker 1: They took this called like two flaps. Two flaps. Can
Speaker 1: you imagine like a quarter of a cantaloup a little
Speaker 1: bit more than a quarter. You now wear a helmet, yes,
Speaker 1: And how long did you wear the helmet for and
Speaker 1: how long was the recovery from that surgery? Um, so,
Speaker 1: what you have is your scalp that has your hair,
Speaker 1: but what's underneath it is just a swollen brain that
Speaker 1: has extended out from the rest of your skull. So
Speaker 1: there's hair, so it's not like an open wound. And
Speaker 1: that's what needs to be protected by the helmet. And
Speaker 1: I thought to myself, well, if you took it out,
Speaker 1: which you do with it, it's so then what they
Speaker 1: did do is they put it in your abdomen what
Speaker 1: they call, you know, safe keeping, And so I use
Speaker 1: in the hospital for another three and a half weeks.
Speaker 1: I had some issues. My brain was starting to spasm
Speaker 1: and stroke, so I had another brain surgery to fix
Speaker 1: that anything that probably could go wrong. I had a
Speaker 1: little hydrocephalus, you know, but I kind of rallied out
Speaker 1: of it, and then they thought, you know, I'm doing
Speaker 1: pretty well. I have my memory, I'm starting to walk
Speaker 1: pretty well. So they sent me home for my brain
Speaker 1: to de swell. And that was for another two and
Speaker 1: a half months, almost three months, and then once your
Speaker 1: head looks like there's a big golf divot in your head,
Speaker 1: then you know that your brain is de swelled and
Speaker 1: you're ready to put the flaps back in, the flaps
Speaker 1: that you've been hiding in your abdomen. Yes, yes, because
Speaker 1: what they do is they print in you're the fat
Speaker 1: of your abdominal wall, the fat part. But I had
Speaker 1: lost so much weight they started to click up against
Speaker 1: my ribs. It's God, Nancy, and how was that surgery?
Speaker 1: When they put the flaps back, I had about three
Speaker 1: months of just living in fear. Everyone kept saying, this
Speaker 1: is you lived through the worst part of it. You
Speaker 1: live through the parts that you were supposed to live through.
Speaker 1: This is just putting back your skull. But I started
Speaker 1: to write just about why am I so scared? You
Speaker 1: were scared of dying. I've dying, Okay, I made it
Speaker 1: through that. Well, what if something goes wrong and I
Speaker 1: have like twenty seven things that are so irrational that
Speaker 1: I thought could happen to the doctor. I had a
Speaker 1: private detective a couple of friends go and maybe try
Speaker 1: and follow the doctor to see he didn't go to
Speaker 1: a bar, so he was like prime for the surgery.
Speaker 1: I'm not even Catholic. I saw priest walking down this
Speaker 1: street and I thought he looked at me one day
Speaker 1: and I was on the helmet and I could take
Speaker 1: these little walks and his his cloak blew over my leg,
Speaker 1: and I really thought it was a sign, a good
Speaker 1: sign or a bad sign. I thought it was a
Speaker 1: good sign that I meant to talk to him, so
Speaker 1: I followed where he was. I don't even know anything
Speaker 1: about the Catholic church, but I went in to a
Speaker 1: one of those when you confessional confessional and I just
Speaker 1: started to cry, and I go, I'm not even Catholic,
Speaker 1: but I'm worried about you know. And the fear that
Speaker 1: I had is so out of it's I can feel
Speaker 1: it now. But it was also a fear of like, wow,
Speaker 1: I made it through the big stuff. What if this
Speaker 1: the little stuff that is going to trip me up?
Speaker 1: And I had to process that, and it really was
Speaker 1: trying to get me through those double doors, because I
Speaker 1: knew once I the surgery was going to have been
Speaker 1: Once I went through those double doors, there was no
Speaker 1: going back right and there was no control. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: that surgery was the worst surgery. Here's the thing, Nancy,
Speaker 1: I've never had anything that traumatic happened to me. I've
Speaker 1: never been tested physically this way. I've never been in
Speaker 1: a situation where I would think that a priest's cloak
Speaker 1: brushing against my leg had meaning. So for those of
Speaker 1: us that knock gun wood have not experienced anything like that.
Speaker 1: You know, you've heard of people, You've seen films, you've
Speaker 1: read books about people that were in the hospital and
Speaker 1: they see the light and they come back from the
Speaker 1: light and become different people. You're very much the same person,
Speaker 1: A lovely, just positive, life affirming lady. Tell us the
Speaker 1: things that only a person that has lived through a
Speaker 1: life altering situation. What kinds of things you've learned, I'd
Speaker 1: have to say in NEU, I see you. They were
Speaker 1: of ones who kind of embraced me and said, your
Speaker 1: personality before you had this, we feel has a lot
Speaker 1: to do with how you're accepting this and how you
Speaker 1: move forward. And I thought, you know, what it happened.
Speaker 1: There's not much more I can do. But what I
Speaker 1: can do is I can make everybody else feel more
Speaker 1: at ease. And so my recovery, which I always was
Speaker 1: very appreciative of my kids my life, my upbringing. I
Speaker 1: started to realize it was more of the small things
Speaker 1: that I really started to appreciate. You know. With the kids,
Speaker 1: I did become more physically loving, you know, where I
Speaker 1: drove them crazy where it's like, okay, not so much touching.
Speaker 1: Another one where one day I was supposed to be
Speaker 1: going somewhere, And this is after I'm kind of recovering
Speaker 1: in New York City. There's all kinds of things that
Speaker 1: are happening in the streets. I just found myself stopping
Speaker 1: and watching stuff. And one particular thing was I was
Speaker 1: watching this crane lift a piano, and for whatever reason,
Speaker 1: I just stayed there and it must have been for
Speaker 1: like an hour. I started just to stop and see
Speaker 1: process and ask questions. Yes. And that's another thing that
Speaker 1: has changed is, you know, I have much more curiosity,
Speaker 1: but I also am more blunt and probably less patient.
Speaker 1: You know. It's interesting to me because I've interviewed Michael J. Fox,
Speaker 1: who has gone through so much with Parkinson's for such
Speaker 1: a very long time, and he's always an optimist, and
Speaker 1: I think of you as an optic missed and I
Speaker 1: wonder if there is a connection between people who just
Speaker 1: are naturally optimistic if there is a correlation with how
Speaker 1: people deal with a brain aneurysm, Parkinson's, any kind of
Speaker 1: disease or kind of trauma, because I know a lot
Speaker 1: of people who have dealt with no pun intended hard
Speaker 1: blows who did not fare as well. But there were
Speaker 1: people that were very cynical. Yes, And in my understanding,
Speaker 1: I've researched the brain a lot, because nobody knows about
Speaker 1: the brain until something happens to it for layman like myself.
Speaker 1: So I learned all about why is it? I had
Speaker 1: a great recovery, and there really is something about having
Speaker 1: a positive attitude, a sense of happiness, love, and kind
Speaker 1: of you know what, We're all here for a reason.
Speaker 1: There's a reason why this happened. And that's how the
Speaker 1: hospital and the people that were directly dealing with me
Speaker 1: really felt. You recovered very well and in an extremely
Speaker 1: weird positive way because of your attitude. Are you more
Speaker 1: spiritual now? Um? I am more spiritual in feelings, meaning
Speaker 1: now I've tapped into if something upsets me or if
Speaker 1: something makes me really happy, I can only really express
Speaker 1: that through crime. It's the weirdest thing. Yeah, It's like
Speaker 1: because I feel something visceral. So I'm more in touch
Speaker 1: with my feelings, I believe. But I do think that
Speaker 1: pre Nancy was a precursor to a more positive outcome
Speaker 1: post Nancy and YOURYSM. You know, it's unfortunate that Mike
Speaker 1: has Parkinson's. It was unfortunate that happened to, you know,
Speaker 1: with me. But you can't change it. And I think
Speaker 1: the skills of radical acceptance. You can't change it. You
Speaker 1: might as well make the best of it, so you
Speaker 1: lean into it, lean into it. Yeah, we're gonna take
Speaker 1: a short break and we'll be right back. Welcome back
Speaker 1: to go ask Gali. And so you didn't do any
Speaker 1: drastic changes after you recovered. You didn't become a painter,
Speaker 1: You didn't change your sexual preference. There weren't any big swings.
Speaker 1: There was a big swing I became, which also is
Speaker 1: part of my personality. I became manic, clinically manic, and
Speaker 1: a lot of people don't understand sometimes when there's something
Speaker 1: comes to the brain, you can go into a deep depression.
Speaker 1: Because I think I was predisposed to a gregarious, happy
Speaker 1: per person. I went manic. You know, before it's like
Speaker 1: high functioning, really excited but this was at a level
Speaker 1: where it could be very destructive, and that's where sexual
Speaker 1: stuff can come in. This is where I was. I
Speaker 1: felt like I just wanted to like be part of everything.
Speaker 1: I had euphoria. You don't think about consequences. You know,
Speaker 1: if I had the opportunity, I probably would have like
Speaker 1: cheated on my husband. And I was just kind of like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I sexually I'm attracted to like that
Speaker 1: cup of pencils, and it can be very destructive. You know,
Speaker 1: I do shopping, but I didn't go crazy, but I
Speaker 1: did go crazy with emotions. But for some people who
Speaker 1: have gone through that, that have survived a brain aneurysm
Speaker 1: and they had that kind of manic behavior, they probably
Speaker 1: did by three hundred of the exact same bed frame online. Right, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, and I had an assistant her named Laura,
Speaker 1: who basically was like babysitting me. I mean, it's a
Speaker 1: real thing. So then you go on these drugs to
Speaker 1: control the the manic part of it, and I was
Speaker 1: on that for years. I just got off all of
Speaker 1: my meds last year. And how many years has it
Speaker 1: been since the surgery? Twelve years? And now you're not
Speaker 1: on anything. I'm not on anything, and it's probably the
Speaker 1: first time because I think also what was happening is
Speaker 1: I didn't need to have those drugs anymore. And I
Speaker 1: was getting evaluated and they thought, we think you might
Speaker 1: You don't need to have that medication that keeps you down.
Speaker 1: You know that keeps you down. We don't think you're
Speaker 1: gonna be manning anymore. So it took some time and
Speaker 1: they weaned me off of it. How do you feel now,
Speaker 1: I feel very good. I feel very very good. So
Speaker 1: it's it's not like you've recovered. One thing that happens
Speaker 1: is when you have a change like this um and
Speaker 1: even though as bad as it was, it changed it
Speaker 1: for the best. Like I wouldn't have had the experiences
Speaker 1: that I've had now, I feel that I've been given
Speaker 1: a gift because one thing that I do really feel
Speaker 1: fortunate about is I went through something and I learned
Speaker 1: about it and now I can help people. I love
Speaker 1: when someone says, hey, my aunt has X Y and Z.
Speaker 1: I said, you know what, let me think I think
Speaker 1: I can help you. Like I love that. I feel
Speaker 1: like that is something that is an identity. It's now
Speaker 1: part of my personality and I've embraced it and I've
Speaker 1: written about it, and people were really supportive, and even
Speaker 1: though most of the people that they know died of
Speaker 1: an aneurism, they were all so happy for me. Oh, yes,
Speaker 1: very happy. Yes. Well, it's like when soldiers come back
Speaker 1: from war and you know, you're incredibly sad that we
Speaker 1: lost so many men, but the men that do come
Speaker 1: back from war, yeah, it's victorious, you know, And it's
Speaker 1: victorious that you you got through this. And so what
Speaker 1: I'm hearing is that one of the great takeaways from
Speaker 1: what was a horrific experience is that because you lived
Speaker 1: to tell you're able now to write articles, to write books,
Speaker 1: to talk to people and share your experience in a
Speaker 1: way that has provided so much help for people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and also providing what other people can do when they
Speaker 1: know somebody who's going through this, right, who would have
Speaker 1: thought because you're lying in the bed, he can't really
Speaker 1: do much. So there's all these visitors that are looking
Speaker 1: at you and just kind of like they don't know
Speaker 1: what to say. They're also being very quiet because it's
Speaker 1: such a serious thing. That I'm the one who was
Speaker 1: cracking jokes. Andrew says, I was showing off. No, you
Speaker 1: were you were taking care of your guests, which you
Speaker 1: didn't need to do right exactly. And by the way,
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be a brain and you're ism.
Speaker 1: You know, anybody that's gone through any kind of trauma,
Speaker 1: physical trauma, you're providing service, which is how do we
Speaker 1: act when we're in a hospital room? Do we bring
Speaker 1: macaroni salad? How do we deal with the family of
Speaker 1: the person that's in the hospital. But because that's not
Speaker 1: really talked about a lot, it's not and a lot
Speaker 1: of people don't know what to say, don't know what
Speaker 1: to do, And when you're in crisis like that, you know,
Speaker 1: I'll give you one little anecdote where I've survived. I'm
Speaker 1: out and about I run into somebody. They hadn't seen
Speaker 1: me since the whole ordeal, and they're like, I've got
Speaker 1: a bone to pick with your husband And I'm like yeah,
Speaker 1: and he goes, yeah, you know, I didn't know your
Speaker 1: email or your number, and I tried to call your
Speaker 1: husband and he never called me back. Jesus Christ. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, you mean when I was in the hospital
Speaker 1: and he goes, yeah, he goes, I have a bone
Speaker 1: to pick with him. He never got back to me,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, well, unfortunately that's gonna go in
Speaker 1: my book. Yeah, of course it is as something he'll say, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: sorry that he didn't put down everything because his wife
Speaker 1: was in crisis to take care of your needs, you know.
Speaker 1: But I think people innately want to help in some way.
Speaker 1: But we can't forget about humor. It's very uncomfortable because
Speaker 1: you're not sure. I can't make a joke, but there
Speaker 1: are times that is such a nice relief. Well, I
Speaker 1: am so glad that you brought that up, because you know,
Speaker 1: humor is my thing and and it's something that you
Speaker 1: and I share together too. Do you remember what you
Speaker 1: said to me? No, tell me when I visited you
Speaker 1: in the hospital, what did I say? Okay, So you
Speaker 1: come in there and we had guests there, and it's
Speaker 1: been such a quiet nobody wants to talk. Everybody's just
Speaker 1: so worried because the doctor says she's not out of
Speaker 1: the wood, you know, and it's already like to whatever
Speaker 1: it was, you know, so it's still a very critical time.
Speaker 1: And you walk in and you had a gift for me,
Speaker 1: and you threw it at me. You go fucking drama queen.
Speaker 1: You stole my night. Hey listen, because one of the
Speaker 1: things that you have taught me through this process was
Speaker 1: how important humor was for you and how important it
Speaker 1: is for people. Everybody is so terrified and anxious, and
Speaker 1: it gets to be a little morose and probably too
Speaker 1: morose for the patient who's lying in the hospital bed. Yes,
Speaker 1: because we feel we already feel guilty that our kids
Speaker 1: are suffering from something that they don't understand. Our parents
Speaker 1: are there, everyone's there. We already feel somewhat guilty that
Speaker 1: people are fawning over us and oh my god, what
Speaker 1: does this mean? And one, it gave me something to
Speaker 1: do too. I just really felt like I'm going to
Speaker 1: help them. You know what's great. I loved it when
Speaker 1: my Nashville friends brought me in my playlist on a
Speaker 1: little recorder. You know what, I can teach people to
Speaker 1: do that, right, Don't take them country music because they
Speaker 1: might not like it, but take them their playlist. There's
Speaker 1: two things that you really taught me, and one is
Speaker 1: you know, I'm a big believer in humor, and you
Speaker 1: taught me that when people are in you know, you
Speaker 1: have to read the room. But in difficult times, sometimes
Speaker 1: humor is such a relief. I mean, they say humor
Speaker 1: is the best medicine for a reason. You know, sometimes
Speaker 1: people need to laugh because they've been crying so much.
Speaker 1: And the other thing that you taught me was that
Speaker 1: we have a tendency as humans when people are in
Speaker 1: crisis and whatever that means. People have a tendency to retreat.
Speaker 1: And you've always taught me, no, bring that cast role,
Speaker 1: call all them up, email them, let people know that
Speaker 1: you're there. Don't retreat. They don't want people to go away. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's absolutely true. And what's interesting is in my
Speaker 1: research of this particular behavior where we retreat, you know,
Speaker 1: we modify our behavior thinking we're being sensitive. It's the
Speaker 1: most insensitive thing you could possibly do. We feel like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, if I bring it up, And I
Speaker 1: always say, what if you bring it up, you're gonna
Speaker 1: remind them they know that they had an aneurism, or
Speaker 1: they know that their father died, so we make it
Speaker 1: about us. That's exactly right. And it was really helpful advice.
Speaker 1: And I've used it since you gave this to me.
Speaker 1: So having gone to the brink of death, shall we say,
Speaker 1: has it changed how you view death, how you expect
Speaker 1: to experience death. You know, some people say they fear
Speaker 1: it even more. Some people get excited about the notion
Speaker 1: of it. On me, about how you feel about the
Speaker 1: the idea, let's say, of death, still completely scared about death,
Speaker 1: scared to death, scared to death. A lot of people thought,
Speaker 1: you've got a second chance at life. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: everything must be amazing, you know, you must be just
Speaker 1: on a high. And I mean, you shouldn't be depressed
Speaker 1: about anything. And it's like it doesn't really work that way, don't.
Speaker 1: I get nervous about things that I don't know about.
Speaker 1: I would actually think that the last thing you ever
Speaker 1: thought you would experience with a brain aneurysm, And so
Speaker 1: it would actually make me think, oh, if this can happen,
Speaker 1: what else can happen? You know what I mean? Yes,
Speaker 1: I live in a world where the most unusual things happened.
Speaker 1: So I do not rest because I've already been through
Speaker 1: a near death situation. I do not rest. I embrace it,
Speaker 1: and I try not to live a life that is
Speaker 1: always in fear. But I do look over my shoulder
Speaker 1: in a different way about what's coming. Well put well
Speaker 1: put all right, So, Nancy, you have been so great,
Speaker 1: and now my podcast go ask Ali. I let the
Speaker 1: guests ask me a question. So, Nancy Direky, do you
Speaker 1: have a question for Ali Wentworth? You know I do. Ali.
Speaker 1: You're one of my favorite people. I think you know
Speaker 1: that I'm one of your biggest fans. I love you.
Speaker 1: But what I really want to ask you is what's
Speaker 1: your favorite thing about you? My favorite thing about me
Speaker 1: is my humor. You know, I'm married to an overachiever,
Speaker 1: and I'm never gonna be able to talk to him
Speaker 1: about theology from the fifteenth century. I'm not good at
Speaker 1: predicting who is gonna win local elections. I'm mediocre in bed,
Speaker 1: but I love my sense of humor. I love what
Speaker 1: makes me laugh, and I feel like I have here
Speaker 1: we Go. I'm gonna put it into terms of this podcast.
Speaker 1: I feel like I have worked on that muscle in
Speaker 1: me that gives me a quick wit and makes me
Speaker 1: appreciate other people that can kind of play comedy tennis
Speaker 1: with me. And I appreciate so much the ability to
Speaker 1: laugh that I like to give it to other people.
Speaker 1: So that's my favorite thing about me. Now, had you
Speaker 1: asked me what my least favorite thing was about me,
Speaker 1: well beyond for the next few hours. I wanted you
Speaker 1: to say it was your humor, because I really feel
Speaker 1: that you're so witty, you're so quick, and the idea
Speaker 1: that you can embrace that and say, you know what,
Speaker 1: that's what I love about myself. Too many people complain
Speaker 1: about what they don't like about themselves, so I just
Speaker 1: wanted to hear you say it. Well, hold on, I
Speaker 1: would say it's my humor. But I have an amazing
Speaker 1: ass I know, do people know about that? Yes, well,
Speaker 1: you're always called up just behind these you know podcasts.
Speaker 1: I'd have to say, you asked is amazing. It is.
Speaker 1: I did not get George Shepanopolis to marry me based
Speaker 1: on my cooking alone, but it is something that I
Speaker 1: like about myself. Are pretty good. Thank you, Thank you,
Speaker 1: but you should try my milkshade that's not getting dirty
Speaker 1: brings all the boys of the yard. Thank you for
Speaker 1: listening to Go ask Alli. For more info and what
Speaker 1: you heard in this episode, check out our show notes.
Speaker 1: Be sure to subscribe, rate and review Go ask Alli,
Speaker 1: and follow me on social media on Twitter at Ali
Speaker 1: e Wentworth and on Instagram at the Real Ali Wentworth Now.
Speaker 1: If you'd like to ask me a question or suggest
Speaker 1: a guest or a topic to dig into, I'd love
Speaker 1: to hear from you, and there's a bunch of ways
Speaker 1: you can do it. You can call or text me
Speaker 1: at three three three four six six, or you can
Speaker 1: email a voice memo right from your phone to Go
Speaker 1: Ask Gali podcast at gmail dot com. If you leave
Speaker 1: a question, you may hear it on Go Ask Alli.
Speaker 1: Go Ask Gali is a production of Shonda land Audio
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