WEBVTT - Lessons From a Near Death Experience w/ Nancy Jarecki 0:00:01.080 --> 0:00:04.200 Welcome to Go Ask Ali, a production of Shonda Land 0:00:04.200 --> 0:00:08.039 Audio and partnership with I Heart Radio. I think, like 0:00:08.119 --> 0:00:10.000 a vaginas have a lot to say. I think we 0:00:10.000 --> 0:00:13.120 should let them spay out of it and they'll just talk. Yes, 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:16.040 one of the hardest things to absorb for those who 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:18.840 are new to these kinds of fights. Again, if we 0:00:18.880 --> 0:00:21.479 want all of them, we wouldn't be here. If you 0:00:21.560 --> 0:00:25.240 see a monster, don't try to run away, step right 0:00:25.320 --> 0:00:27.000 up to it and say, what do you have to 0:00:27.000 --> 0:00:29.240 teach me? Why are you? In my mind, I want 0:00:29.280 --> 0:00:31.520 to be the person who has cancer and doesn't run 0:00:31.560 --> 0:00:34.080 a marathon, Like, do I have to work that hard? No, 0:00:34.400 --> 0:00:43.080 it's the best excuse not to run a marathon. Welcome 0:00:43.120 --> 0:00:46.000 to Go Ask Alli. I'm Alli Wentworth Now in my 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:49.440 podcast Go asked Alli. I mostly have a lot of 0:00:49.479 --> 0:00:54.200 people I don't know because I often go to experts 0:00:54.200 --> 0:00:57.120 and people because there's things I want to be educated on, 0:00:58.080 --> 0:01:00.880 and then sometimes I talk to people I do know. 0:01:03.200 --> 0:01:06.560 Nancy Jarecki is one of my very best friends, and 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:10.679 she has an incredible story that I want to be 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:14.600 told in every form because she is somebody who has 0:01:14.760 --> 0:01:20.000 basically kissed death on the lips and lived to talk 0:01:20.040 --> 0:01:23.200 about it. And I also, after she takes us through 0:01:23.280 --> 0:01:26.800 this story, I want to talk to Nancy about how 0:01:26.920 --> 0:01:32.760 it has changed her life. Because Nancy is the most fun, 0:01:33.640 --> 0:01:37.840 the greatest sense of humor, the biggest zest for life, 0:01:38.000 --> 0:01:42.000 always game for anything. This is a girl who could 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:46.600 discover a band in Nashville, direct a film, probably run 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:52.960 for office fly fish in Montana. She is beloved by everybody, 0:01:53.200 --> 0:01:56.560 and she has a story to tell. So, so hello, 0:01:56.840 --> 0:02:01.120 Nancy Jarecki. Well, hello, Ali, I'm so glad you're here 0:02:01.160 --> 0:02:04.160 because your story is a story that needs to be heard, 0:02:04.160 --> 0:02:06.360 and it's a story that I have told so many times, 0:02:06.600 --> 0:02:09.720 and it's a story that I'm actually involved in. That's right, 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:13.800 So would you mind regaling my my audience with your story? 0:02:13.840 --> 0:02:15.880 And then we're gonna go into a little Q and 0:02:15.960 --> 0:02:19.640 A about lessons learned. Sure, I guess we might as 0:02:19.680 --> 0:02:23.960 well start with that night. Myself and my two sons 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:26.720 are big fans of Alleys, and she had a wonderful 0:02:26.760 --> 0:02:32.200 show called Headcase. It's the red carpet. We arrive at 0:02:32.200 --> 0:02:36.720 the moment and I see George, your lovely husband. I 0:02:36.760 --> 0:02:39.799 see him at the end of the red carpet. Standing there, 0:02:39.880 --> 0:02:42.040 we start to chat. He sees the kids, He's like, 0:02:42.120 --> 0:02:45.600 no one wants you know, they're board kids. Go downstairs. 0:02:45.600 --> 0:02:49.040 There's some food down there. So as I'm talking to him, 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:52.480 I just feel out of the blue, a little lightheaded, 0:02:53.320 --> 0:02:56.519 and I think to myself, you know, I had some food. 0:02:56.560 --> 0:02:59.000 I had a banana. It can't be you know, low 0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:01.600 blood sugar. And then got really hot. And I remember 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:05.120 talking to him speaking about some political stuff. I'm sure 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:08.400 it was very intelligent, because I have intelligent conversations George 0:03:08.400 --> 0:03:12.360 all the time. Always. Anyway, all of a sudden, I 0:03:12.520 --> 0:03:16.320 felt this rush come in me, was kind of heat, 0:03:16.720 --> 0:03:20.359 and oh am I going to throw up? And as 0:03:20.400 --> 0:03:22.840 I was kind of looking at him, he just stops. 0:03:23.600 --> 0:03:28.519 It's as though he just stops and freezes. And I'm thinking, 0:03:28.520 --> 0:03:31.760 within you know, seconds, I'm going, oh, the flashbulbs are 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:35.760 going off from the red carpet. I've stunned my eyes. 0:03:35.960 --> 0:03:40.200 So I continued to try and blink him back to moving, 0:03:40.480 --> 0:03:44.440 and he doesn't, and then another flash comes over and 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:47.440 I thought, I'm going to faint. Was a flash like 0:03:47.560 --> 0:03:50.880 when somebody freezes on FaceTime? Was it like that? Yes, 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:54.520 except it was a little darker and then almost black 0:03:54.560 --> 0:03:57.440 and white, and then when the flush comes over me again, 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:04.280 it's kind of this ready sepia liquid. And I just thought, 0:04:04.480 --> 0:04:08.160 that's not right. I say to George, I think I'm 0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:10.800 going to faint. He says, I'm going to get you 0:04:10.840 --> 0:04:13.880 a chair. This is how I remember. I'm going down. Now. 0:04:14.400 --> 0:04:17.880 I wake up and so many people are around me. 0:04:17.960 --> 0:04:21.760 They're touching me, which is amazing. I can't emphasize enough. 0:04:22.080 --> 0:04:25.400 And somebody saying to me, Hi, Nancy, it's Jessica. I'm 0:04:25.520 --> 0:04:28.479 right here. We've called an ambulance. I'm going to stay 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:32.800 by your side. And I'm thinking, in that crazy I fainted. 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:35.240 I knew I fainted, so you could hear. You could 0:04:35.320 --> 0:04:39.599 hear voices. I could hear voices, And just to give 0:04:39.720 --> 0:04:44.280 the other perspective, we are all standing around Nancy, assuming 0:04:44.320 --> 0:04:48.120 she fainted. I of course thought she's on some weird diet. 0:04:48.880 --> 0:04:54.200 And we're standing around and there was a photographer there 0:04:54.279 --> 0:04:56.480 who was one of the guys on the red carpet, 0:04:56.960 --> 0:05:00.040 and he looked at her because she was having the 0:05:00.680 --> 0:05:04.880 quick moments where her hand would shake, her mouth would move, 0:05:05.040 --> 0:05:08.600 her eyes were fluttering, and the photographer said to all 0:05:08.680 --> 0:05:12.039 of us because we're about to pick her up. Don't 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:15.680 touch her. This is not somebody that they did. This 0:05:15.760 --> 0:05:20.200 is somebody that's having a seizure. Yeah, so I don't 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:23.480 know any of that. I'm trying to tell people. I'm okay, 0:05:23.520 --> 0:05:27.600 I just fainted. Jessica kept telling me we've called an ambulance. 0:05:27.640 --> 0:05:30.000 I'm like an ambulance. I don't need an ambulance. And 0:05:30.839 --> 0:05:32.600 a funny side of it that what I was thinking 0:05:32.680 --> 0:05:35.680 was I really had to peep. So a few minutes 0:05:35.720 --> 0:05:40.039 after that, the ambulance comes. So these paramedics come and 0:05:40.120 --> 0:05:42.800 you're aware of all of us, You're aware of paramedics 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:47.159 touching you. And yes, it was so comforting, even though 0:05:47.200 --> 0:05:51.719 I thought it wasn't something serious. The paramedics come move 0:05:51.839 --> 0:05:54.239 in and they're doing all kinds of stuff. They're asking 0:05:54.320 --> 0:05:58.120 questions and it's very rushed and I'm trying to answer, 0:05:58.120 --> 0:06:01.000 but they're talking over me, and I was getting and frustrated. 0:06:01.400 --> 0:06:04.440 And so then by the way, you think that you're 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:07.760 talking to all these people, but you're not. Right from 0:06:07.800 --> 0:06:11.600 their perspective, you have not communicated anything. And I had 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:14.120 my eyes kind of rolled back that you were describing 0:06:14.160 --> 0:06:18.000 the fluttery. I had a seizure where I found out 0:06:18.120 --> 0:06:21.200 later that when I thought I was telling Jessica, yes, 0:06:21.279 --> 0:06:25.400 I'm very hot, I was actually scratching her so badly 0:06:26.120 --> 0:06:31.200 from the seizure. Then when I got into the gurney, 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:36.520 they had secured my legs and my wrists, and I 0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:41.200 went ballistic. So you had like a physical reaction for 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:44.359 somebody that was just lying down kind of having a seizure, 0:06:44.400 --> 0:06:48.400 you suddenly have some strong physical motions. And the reason 0:06:48.440 --> 0:06:53.320 I'm asking you this is because recently and has died 0:06:54.200 --> 0:06:57.840 and she had, you know, driven her car into this house, 0:06:58.480 --> 0:07:02.160 burst into flames, and I saw this footage of a haze, 0:07:02.480 --> 0:07:04.440 and she was on the gurney and all of a sudden, 0:07:04.480 --> 0:07:07.160 her whole body kind of leaps up and she kind 0:07:07.160 --> 0:07:09.840 of tries to get off the gurney, which did not 0:07:11.400 --> 0:07:15.080 it didn't make sense with what I was reading in 0:07:15.080 --> 0:07:18.640 the paper that happened to her. So is there a 0:07:18.720 --> 0:07:22.600 physical reaction? Is It's almost like your brain has no 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:25.640 idea what's going on, and your your body goes, hey, 0:07:25.680 --> 0:07:28.640 I'm getting the hell out of here. Yeah. And I 0:07:28.680 --> 0:07:31.280 think once I learned more about my brain and what 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:34.880 happened at that event, it makes sense. My brain had 0:07:34.920 --> 0:07:37.920 a very big bleed in it and it was starting 0:07:38.280 --> 0:07:42.440 to kind of get angry. And I didn't know this, 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:45.600 but your brain starts to kind of shut down with 0:07:45.680 --> 0:07:49.480 that much blood. You know, that had ruptured and I 0:07:49.520 --> 0:07:52.280 was starting to come to, But I also was confused 0:07:52.360 --> 0:07:56.600 why I was restrained. I think I just started to fight, 0:07:56.720 --> 0:07:59.920 like hell, that could be something that happened, you know 0:08:00.080 --> 0:08:03.520 with Ann Hash where she's like, wait, what's going you know, yep, yep, yeah. 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:06.920 But it was a real fear, and I knew I 0:08:06.960 --> 0:08:11.400 was in an ambulance, but I didn't know where anybody was. 0:08:11.880 --> 0:08:16.640 And a couple of friends followed me there and they 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:20.880 take the kids because now I'm really ballistic. They're telling 0:08:20.920 --> 0:08:24.280 me that they have to do a scan. I go, 0:08:24.400 --> 0:08:25.760 I can't go into the scan. First of all, I 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:27.920 have to go the bathroom. And I had gotten bits 0:08:27.920 --> 0:08:32.840 and pieces that something was neurologic, like basically I was 0:08:32.880 --> 0:08:36.600 paralyzed on the left side, so I had droopiness because 0:08:36.640 --> 0:08:40.360 I could hear the paramedics say something about that. So 0:08:40.480 --> 0:08:44.240 you're you're connecting the dots based on what you're hearing. 0:08:44.960 --> 0:08:48.560 These kind of murmuring voices around you. I was, but 0:08:48.640 --> 0:08:51.440 I was still concentrated on No, I have to go 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:54.800 to the bathroom. What's he talking about? And the biggest 0:08:54.800 --> 0:08:58.320 thing is I don't like Mr Ees what I call 0:08:58.440 --> 0:09:01.600 this metal coffin, and I just know you're not going 0:09:01.679 --> 0:09:04.840 to get me in there. And I completely blocked myself 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:09.440 from going into the scanner, into that MRI machine. They then, 0:09:09.480 --> 0:09:11.760 I think, had to give me whatever it is that 0:09:11.800 --> 0:09:16.160 calms you down a little bit. And I also just 0:09:16.240 --> 0:09:20.360 felt like I can't I can't fight anymore. I'm so tired, 0:09:20.559 --> 0:09:25.120 and Max and now says what happens is I just 0:09:26.160 --> 0:09:30.160 stop and I have a little bit of a relief smile, 0:09:30.520 --> 0:09:34.240 and I just peed everywhere. That's what you even wanting 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:38.640 to do all night? And he goes, it was so peaceful, 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:42.160 Oh my god. All right, so you black out them? 0:09:42.240 --> 0:09:45.720 When when are you conscious again? After that, later I 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:48.560 find out that I was in what they call a 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:53.680 critical holding pattern, and that's when the bleed has happened. 0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:57.600 That's when she's probably not gonna make it. Let's put 0:09:57.600 --> 0:10:01.360 her on lifelines. And I'm in the special room where 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:05.600 you're basically put on I didn't need life support, but 0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:09.040 in the event that I did. You're on that because 0:10:09.040 --> 0:10:13.199 it's such critical care. And then these doctors come in 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:17.840 and they explained that I had a sub or acknoid aneurism, 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:22.360 which at hemorrhage, which means that your main artery in 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:29.520 your head, your M three had ballooned out and it ruptured, 0:10:29.720 --> 0:10:34.439 so the blood is everywhere in in your brain. At 0:10:34.480 --> 0:10:39.520 this point, nobody has operated on you. You've had nothing right. 0:10:39.600 --> 0:10:43.880 So because I was unconscious, they think I'm in a coma, 0:10:45.160 --> 0:10:51.040 and usually a rupture will not rebleed, so the damage 0:10:51.040 --> 0:10:54.120 is the damage. They're hoping it won't be bad that 0:10:54.200 --> 0:10:57.280 next morning, and and I just kind of woke up 0:10:57.320 --> 0:11:01.079 that next day and that's the morning of the surgery. Yeah, 0:11:01.200 --> 0:11:03.480 what did they do during the surgery. What they did 0:11:03.600 --> 0:11:06.080 is they go in, they make a big hole in 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:08.800 the side of your head, the area where the bleed is. 0:11:09.200 --> 0:11:11.760 They find the artery and they just kind of clip 0:11:11.800 --> 0:11:13.720 it but make sure the blood can still flow so 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:17.240 you have blood going into your brain. Then they sewed 0:11:17.280 --> 0:11:21.360 me back up and that was early Friday morning. I 0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:29.280 woke up later Friday evening and I remember seeing my kids. 0:11:29.360 --> 0:11:31.160 At that time. I did not know who they were 0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:35.680 and that upset my kids. Then I went back to sleep. 0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:40.240 I woke up and a friend of mine, Charlie Westler, 0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:44.520 walks into the room. And I had been so quiet, 0:11:44.640 --> 0:11:49.240 but I heard his voice and from my bed, I go, Charlie, 0:11:49.559 --> 0:11:53.640 is that you? And the entire room was like, oh 0:11:53.679 --> 0:11:56.440 my god, I go can you believe it? Look what 0:11:56.520 --> 0:11:59.600 happened to me? And then I saw the kids I 0:11:59.679 --> 0:12:03.240 knew of them. I said hello, and then I went 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:06.680 back to sleep, and then didn't wake up till later 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:12.400 that night. And they did as much mending as they could. 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:14.599 And now it's up to you how your brain is 0:12:14.600 --> 0:12:17.440 going to react. Is your husband Andrew with you the 0:12:17.440 --> 0:12:21.240 whole time? Yes, he is with me. He was not 0:12:21.360 --> 0:12:23.520 with me when it happened. He was in l A 0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:28.559 making a movie and he had to make a decision 0:12:29.120 --> 0:12:32.200 to either get on a plane and come in for 0:12:32.400 --> 0:12:36.800 the surgery or should he just stay and be part 0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:39.319 of the real time what's going to happen to me? 0:12:39.679 --> 0:12:43.640 But he chose to get on a plane. The flight 0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:45.960 attendant had to wake him up. He called and I 0:12:45.960 --> 0:12:50.040 had lived through the night, okay, Jesus Scott, And I 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:52.400 said to him, how did you get here so fast, 0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:55.640 and so that's when everyone was like, her memory is great, 0:12:55.679 --> 0:13:01.240 and the doctors are like, don't count on it. We're 0:13:01.240 --> 0:13:03.120 gonna take a short break and we'll be right back, 0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:15.959 and we're back. What did they find and what did 0:13:16.000 --> 0:13:19.120 they do after that surgery? Everything seemed to be fine. 0:13:19.160 --> 0:13:21.679 And then it was the next day where it was 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:27.240 an emergency that my intercranial pressure was getting high. It 0:13:27.280 --> 0:13:30.280 means that my brain is swelling, and so they did 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:34.800 a craniotomy where they took out on my right hand side. 0:13:34.840 --> 0:13:38.080 They have to remove as much skull as possible for 0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:41.200 the brain to expand. The brain does very well, but 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:45.440 it's really got to have the room to expand. And 0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:49.640 that's when people like Natasha Richardson, when she hit her 0:13:49.679 --> 0:13:54.000 head and her brain swelled and she had there was 0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:57.880 nowhere for the brain to go and unfortunately it can't survive. 0:13:58.240 --> 0:14:00.680 I mean, it all happened so fast for her. But 0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:03.600 had she been taken right away to a hospital, if 0:14:03.600 --> 0:14:07.280 they were able to immediately do what they did, to you, 0:14:07.320 --> 0:14:09.960 what that I've saved her life? Do you think? I 0:14:10.000 --> 0:14:12.400 think it probably would have helped, because I know that 0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:15.440 it was from brain swelling. I also know that it 0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:18.000 didn't happen that fast. She had hit her head. She 0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:22.400 had been complaining of a headache. She refused to get 0:14:22.400 --> 0:14:25.520 help because we don't know, we don't know what's going on, 0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:28.440 the likelihood that she has a brain bleed. She did 0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:31.480 have a brain bleed, And a lot of times when 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:34.920 you do have these aneurysms, you can't survive them. A 0:14:34.920 --> 0:14:37.560 lot of people, and I think many will probably relate 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:39.680 to this. You hear about someone who has the most 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:43.000 excruciating headache, they decide I'm gonna take to askpen and 0:14:43.160 --> 0:14:46.360 take a nap and go to bed and never wake up. 0:14:46.400 --> 0:14:49.560 They don't survive. And I just happened to be in 0:14:49.600 --> 0:14:54.000 a public area. I did not have the precursor to 0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:57.760 what most people feel when they have an aneurysm. I 0:14:57.840 --> 0:15:02.680 only had that moment it with with George, those feelings 0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:06.360 and that rush in the flash. People talk about seeing 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:10.120 double sometimes or having the worst headache in the world 0:15:10.240 --> 0:15:13.080 days leading up to it. I didn't have any of that. 0:15:13.360 --> 0:15:17.160 So they take what a quarter of your your skull off. 0:15:17.840 --> 0:15:21.000 They took this called like two flaps. Two flaps. Can 0:15:21.040 --> 0:15:27.040 you imagine like a quarter of a cantaloup a little 0:15:27.040 --> 0:15:31.000 bit more than a quarter. You now wear a helmet, yes, 0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:33.360 And how long did you wear the helmet for and 0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:37.560 how long was the recovery from that surgery? Um, so, 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:40.880 what you have is your scalp that has your hair, 0:15:41.400 --> 0:15:45.960 but what's underneath it is just a swollen brain that 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:50.120 has extended out from the rest of your skull. So 0:15:50.280 --> 0:15:52.960 there's hair, so it's not like an open wound. And 0:15:53.000 --> 0:15:56.520 that's what needs to be protected by the helmet. And 0:15:56.800 --> 0:15:59.680 I thought to myself, well, if you took it out, 0:15:59.760 --> 0:16:03.720 which you do with it, it's so then what they 0:16:03.800 --> 0:16:06.960 did do is they put it in your abdomen what 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:08.960 they call, you know, safe keeping, And so I use 0:16:09.000 --> 0:16:11.040 in the hospital for another three and a half weeks. 0:16:11.080 --> 0:16:14.880 I had some issues. My brain was starting to spasm 0:16:15.080 --> 0:16:17.920 and stroke, so I had another brain surgery to fix 0:16:18.000 --> 0:16:20.680 that anything that probably could go wrong. I had a 0:16:20.720 --> 0:16:24.040 little hydrocephalus, you know, but I kind of rallied out 0:16:24.040 --> 0:16:27.360 of it, and then they thought, you know, I'm doing 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:29.800 pretty well. I have my memory, I'm starting to walk 0:16:29.840 --> 0:16:33.480 pretty well. So they sent me home for my brain 0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:36.840 to de swell. And that was for another two and 0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:40.920 a half months, almost three months, and then once your 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:46.840 head looks like there's a big golf divot in your head, 0:16:47.040 --> 0:16:49.280 then you know that your brain is de swelled and 0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:52.760 you're ready to put the flaps back in, the flaps 0:16:52.800 --> 0:16:56.520 that you've been hiding in your abdomen. Yes, yes, because 0:16:56.600 --> 0:16:58.400 what they do is they print in you're the fat 0:16:58.480 --> 0:17:01.480 of your abdominal wall, the fat part. But I had 0:17:01.520 --> 0:17:03.960 lost so much weight they started to click up against 0:17:03.960 --> 0:17:09.480 my ribs. It's God, Nancy, and how was that surgery? 0:17:09.520 --> 0:17:14.320 When they put the flaps back, I had about three 0:17:14.359 --> 0:17:19.560 months of just living in fear. Everyone kept saying, this 0:17:19.640 --> 0:17:21.679 is you lived through the worst part of it. You 0:17:21.760 --> 0:17:23.840 live through the parts that you were supposed to live through. 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:28.320 This is just putting back your skull. But I started 0:17:28.359 --> 0:17:32.199 to write just about why am I so scared? You 0:17:32.200 --> 0:17:35.840 were scared of dying. I've dying, Okay, I made it 0:17:35.840 --> 0:17:38.359 through that. Well, what if something goes wrong and I 0:17:38.400 --> 0:17:41.359 have like twenty seven things that are so irrational that 0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:44.080 I thought could happen to the doctor. I had a 0:17:44.119 --> 0:17:48.840 private detective a couple of friends go and maybe try 0:17:48.880 --> 0:17:50.800 and follow the doctor to see he didn't go to 0:17:50.840 --> 0:17:54.280 a bar, so he was like prime for the surgery. 0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:59.760 I'm not even Catholic. I saw priest walking down this 0:18:00.000 --> 0:18:03.160 street and I thought he looked at me one day 0:18:03.359 --> 0:18:04.920 and I was on the helmet and I could take 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:10.240 these little walks and his his cloak blew over my leg, 0:18:10.400 --> 0:18:13.080 and I really thought it was a sign, a good 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:15.800 sign or a bad sign. I thought it was a 0:18:15.800 --> 0:18:18.720 good sign that I meant to talk to him, so 0:18:19.119 --> 0:18:22.119 I followed where he was. I don't even know anything 0:18:22.119 --> 0:18:26.119 about the Catholic church, but I went in to a 0:18:26.760 --> 0:18:30.800 one of those when you confessional confessional and I just 0:18:30.840 --> 0:18:33.959 started to cry, and I go, I'm not even Catholic, 0:18:33.960 --> 0:18:36.480 but I'm worried about you know. And the fear that 0:18:36.520 --> 0:18:39.680 I had is so out of it's I can feel 0:18:39.680 --> 0:18:43.280 it now. But it was also a fear of like, wow, 0:18:43.320 --> 0:18:46.080 I made it through the big stuff. What if this 0:18:46.240 --> 0:18:49.159 the little stuff that is going to trip me up? 0:18:49.960 --> 0:18:53.520 And I had to process that, and it really was 0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:57.159 trying to get me through those double doors, because I 0:18:57.240 --> 0:19:00.199 knew once I the surgery was going to have been 0:19:00.480 --> 0:19:03.600 Once I went through those double doors, there was no 0:19:03.680 --> 0:19:07.359 going back right and there was no control. Yeah, and 0:19:07.359 --> 0:19:11.240 that surgery was the worst surgery. Here's the thing, Nancy, 0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:15.360 I've never had anything that traumatic happened to me. I've 0:19:15.440 --> 0:19:19.240 never been tested physically this way. I've never been in 0:19:19.240 --> 0:19:22.320 a situation where I would think that a priest's cloak 0:19:22.359 --> 0:19:26.040 brushing against my leg had meaning. So for those of 0:19:26.160 --> 0:19:30.280 us that knock gun wood have not experienced anything like that. 0:19:30.920 --> 0:19:33.480 You know, you've heard of people, You've seen films, you've 0:19:33.480 --> 0:19:35.600 read books about people that were in the hospital and 0:19:35.640 --> 0:19:37.320 they see the light and they come back from the 0:19:37.400 --> 0:19:41.480 light and become different people. You're very much the same person, 0:19:42.119 --> 0:19:47.960 A lovely, just positive, life affirming lady. Tell us the 0:19:48.040 --> 0:19:52.000 things that only a person that has lived through a 0:19:52.200 --> 0:19:56.760 life altering situation. What kinds of things you've learned, I'd 0:19:56.800 --> 0:19:59.919 have to say in NEU, I see you. They were 0:20:00.000 --> 0:20:05.720 of ones who kind of embraced me and said, your 0:20:06.280 --> 0:20:11.040 personality before you had this, we feel has a lot 0:20:11.200 --> 0:20:15.480 to do with how you're accepting this and how you 0:20:15.720 --> 0:20:20.280 move forward. And I thought, you know, what it happened. 0:20:20.440 --> 0:20:23.440 There's not much more I can do. But what I 0:20:23.480 --> 0:20:26.520 can do is I can make everybody else feel more 0:20:26.560 --> 0:20:32.320 at ease. And so my recovery, which I always was 0:20:32.440 --> 0:20:37.439 very appreciative of my kids my life, my upbringing. I 0:20:37.520 --> 0:20:41.199 started to realize it was more of the small things 0:20:42.800 --> 0:20:48.439 that I really started to appreciate. You know. With the kids, 0:20:48.560 --> 0:20:51.639 I did become more physically loving, you know, where I 0:20:51.760 --> 0:20:55.120 drove them crazy where it's like, okay, not so much touching. 0:20:57.080 --> 0:21:00.760 Another one where one day I was supposed to be 0:21:00.760 --> 0:21:03.240 going somewhere, And this is after I'm kind of recovering 0:21:04.359 --> 0:21:06.080 in New York City. There's all kinds of things that 0:21:06.080 --> 0:21:09.040 are happening in the streets. I just found myself stopping 0:21:09.840 --> 0:21:14.840 and watching stuff. And one particular thing was I was 0:21:14.920 --> 0:21:21.440 watching this crane lift a piano, and for whatever reason, 0:21:21.640 --> 0:21:23.320 I just stayed there and it must have been for 0:21:23.400 --> 0:21:28.439 like an hour. I started just to stop and see 0:21:28.480 --> 0:21:35.000 process and ask questions. Yes. And that's another thing that 0:21:35.080 --> 0:21:39.000 has changed is, you know, I have much more curiosity, 0:21:39.400 --> 0:21:44.320 but I also am more blunt and probably less patient. 0:21:46.240 --> 0:21:51.000 You know. It's interesting to me because I've interviewed Michael J. Fox, 0:21:51.480 --> 0:21:54.760 who has gone through so much with Parkinson's for such 0:21:54.800 --> 0:21:58.399 a very long time, and he's always an optimist, and 0:21:58.600 --> 0:22:01.600 I think of you as an optic missed and I 0:22:01.640 --> 0:22:06.000 wonder if there is a connection between people who just 0:22:06.119 --> 0:22:11.720 are naturally optimistic if there is a correlation with how 0:22:11.880 --> 0:22:18.520 people deal with a brain aneurysm, Parkinson's, any kind of 0:22:18.520 --> 0:22:21.120 disease or kind of trauma, because I know a lot 0:22:21.160 --> 0:22:25.480 of people who have dealt with no pun intended hard 0:22:25.520 --> 0:22:29.000 blows who did not fare as well. But there were 0:22:29.000 --> 0:22:34.160 people that were very cynical. Yes, And in my understanding, 0:22:34.200 --> 0:22:38.080 I've researched the brain a lot, because nobody knows about 0:22:38.119 --> 0:22:41.600 the brain until something happens to it for layman like myself. 0:22:41.600 --> 0:22:45.080 So I learned all about why is it? I had 0:22:45.080 --> 0:22:49.840 a great recovery, and there really is something about having 0:22:49.960 --> 0:22:55.960 a positive attitude, a sense of happiness, love, and kind 0:22:56.000 --> 0:22:58.920 of you know what, We're all here for a reason. 0:22:58.960 --> 0:23:04.840 There's a reason why this happened. And that's how the 0:23:04.920 --> 0:23:07.639 hospital and the people that were directly dealing with me 0:23:08.000 --> 0:23:13.520 really felt. You recovered very well and in an extremely 0:23:13.840 --> 0:23:18.880 weird positive way because of your attitude. Are you more 0:23:18.920 --> 0:23:26.000 spiritual now? Um? I am more spiritual in feelings, meaning 0:23:26.520 --> 0:23:29.479 now I've tapped into if something upsets me or if 0:23:29.520 --> 0:23:34.640 something makes me really happy, I can only really express 0:23:34.720 --> 0:23:38.080 that through crime. It's the weirdest thing. Yeah, It's like 0:23:38.920 --> 0:23:42.320 because I feel something visceral. So I'm more in touch 0:23:42.400 --> 0:23:46.199 with my feelings, I believe. But I do think that 0:23:46.560 --> 0:23:51.600 pre Nancy was a precursor to a more positive outcome 0:23:51.880 --> 0:23:56.080 post Nancy and YOURYSM. You know, it's unfortunate that Mike 0:23:56.160 --> 0:23:59.600 has Parkinson's. It was unfortunate that happened to, you know, 0:24:00.040 --> 0:24:03.840 with me. But you can't change it. And I think 0:24:03.920 --> 0:24:09.439 the skills of radical acceptance. You can't change it. You 0:24:09.520 --> 0:24:12.679 might as well make the best of it, so you 0:24:12.800 --> 0:24:17.439 lean into it, lean into it. Yeah, we're gonna take 0:24:17.480 --> 0:24:27.840 a short break and we'll be right back. Welcome back 0:24:27.880 --> 0:24:31.520 to go ask Gali. And so you didn't do any 0:24:31.760 --> 0:24:36.280 drastic changes after you recovered. You didn't become a painter, 0:24:36.920 --> 0:24:41.640 You didn't change your sexual preference. There weren't any big swings. 0:24:42.880 --> 0:24:45.960 There was a big swing I became, which also is 0:24:46.040 --> 0:24:50.639 part of my personality. I became manic, clinically manic, and 0:24:50.680 --> 0:24:54.000 a lot of people don't understand sometimes when there's something 0:24:54.040 --> 0:24:56.280 comes to the brain, you can go into a deep depression. 0:24:56.640 --> 0:24:59.760 Because I think I was predisposed to a gregarious, happy 0:24:59.800 --> 0:25:03.719 per person. I went manic. You know, before it's like 0:25:03.960 --> 0:25:08.679 high functioning, really excited but this was at a level 0:25:08.800 --> 0:25:14.000 where it could be very destructive, and that's where sexual 0:25:14.040 --> 0:25:16.719 stuff can come in. This is where I was. I 0:25:16.760 --> 0:25:20.200 felt like I just wanted to like be part of everything. 0:25:20.320 --> 0:25:24.320 I had euphoria. You don't think about consequences. You know, 0:25:24.480 --> 0:25:26.560 if I had the opportunity, I probably would have like 0:25:26.640 --> 0:25:29.080 cheated on my husband. And I was just kind of like, 0:25:29.119 --> 0:25:31.480 oh my god, I sexually I'm attracted to like that 0:25:31.800 --> 0:25:35.040 cup of pencils, and it can be very destructive. You know, 0:25:35.240 --> 0:25:37.720