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Speaker 1: Now here's a highlight from Coast to Coast AM on iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 2: And welcome back to Coast to Coast. George Nory with you,

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Speaker 2: Daniel Coyle with us. This book is called Flourish, The

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Speaker 2: Transform into Power of Creating Community. Dan, you mentioned the

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Speaker 2: Chilean the miners, thirty three of them. They were trapped

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Speaker 2: underground for sixty nine days back in twenty ten. All

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Speaker 2: of them were rescued. Tell us that story.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, West mostly remember that right. I was a few

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Speaker 3: years ago. And when they came out.

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Speaker 4: Remember the brotherhood and the connection that they had. They

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Speaker 4: kept that going even when they didn't think they were

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Speaker 4: going to be rescued. They had sixteen days where they

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Speaker 4: had no idea that they were going to be saved.

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Speaker 4: And during that time they were able to sort of stop.

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Speaker 4: The boss took off his white helmet. They all connected.

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Speaker 4: They created this moment of meaning. And this moment of

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Speaker 4: meaning wasn't about like relaying information. It was about creating

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Speaker 4: a sense that each individual there was valued and that

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Speaker 4: they were connected to something bigger in that little moment

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Speaker 4: and preserving that through rituals, through that little traditions, they

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Speaker 4: built like a little civilization down there, and by the

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Speaker 4: time they came out, they were sort of no one

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Speaker 4: wanted to go because everyone was saying, oh, you should

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Speaker 4: go first, you should go first, after you. So it

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Speaker 4: was just such a beautiful example of how even in

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Speaker 4: the most difficult situations, if you stop and really see

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Speaker 4: the value in other people and then connect to something bigger,

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Speaker 4: that is that moment where meaning gets created. Energy connection,

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Speaker 4: that's where flourishing begins.

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Speaker 2: And they made a movie of it called The Thirty Three, didn't.

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Speaker 3: They They did, They did unbelievable.

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Speaker 4: Of course, after they got out, some of those relationships

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Speaker 4: did fracture because they were fighting over movie rights and

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Speaker 4: stuff like that, which is kind of ironic.

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Speaker 3: But you know, we're built to do that a little bit.

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Speaker 4: But in certain conditions we can connect and then in

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Speaker 4: other conditions we don't connect.

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Speaker 3: But the difference isn't in us. We're capable of either one.

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Speaker 2: What about the Michigan Deli.

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Speaker 4: Oh man, there's this little place called Zingerman some of

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Speaker 4: your listeners might have gone. It started in the eighties

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Speaker 4: as this little one building place. It has grown into

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Speaker 4: a ninety million dollar community of businesses, and it's done

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Speaker 4: by disobeying just about every single rule of business. When

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Speaker 4: the people show up to do orientation there new employees,

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Speaker 4: they sort of flip it on its head. Rather than saying,

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Speaker 4: here's what you need to know to succeed here, what

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Speaker 4: they do is they just ask questions of the employees, well,

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Speaker 4: how'd you get here?

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Speaker 3: What do you care about? What matters to you?

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Speaker 4: And they create exactly what the Chilean miners created. They

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Speaker 4: see the value, the deep value in each other, and

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Speaker 4: then they connect to something bigger and that's how meaning

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Speaker 4: gets created. We kind of think everything is about productivity

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Speaker 4: and maximizing and optimizing, but these places slow down. They

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Speaker 4: don't focus on providing answers. They focus on questions because

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Speaker 4: questions are the things that bring people together. When you

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Speaker 4: circle up around a question what does your perfect day

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Speaker 4: look like? Where do you really want to be in

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Speaker 4: five years? Why does doing this show matter to you?

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Speaker 4: Then you have a conversation that actually it's not about

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Speaker 4: connect creating, you know, exchanging information. It's about building real, deep,

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Speaker 4: authentic connection. And that's what these places are really skilled

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Speaker 4: at doing. It's not they're not magical, but it feels

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Speaker 4: like magic.

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Speaker 2: Help zinger Man, Well.

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Speaker 4: It was originally a guy started with his partner whateveryone

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Speaker 4: was a dishwasher, the other one was kind of a

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Speaker 4: low level restaurant manager.

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Speaker 3: And over time they just started out.

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Speaker 4: With a vision, and their vision was to build a

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Speaker 4: deli that served a ruben where.

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Speaker 3: The juice was so juicy the juice would run down

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Speaker 3: your arm. That was the original vision.

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Speaker 4: But over time people started copying them and they so

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Speaker 4: they finally had to sit down on a bench one

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Speaker 4: day and say where do we actually want to go?

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Speaker 3: What do we actually want to build?

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Speaker 4: And that's when they started reaching out the community, finding partners,

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Speaker 4: and they do this weird little exercise.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't make any sense, but it kind of works.

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Speaker 4: It's where you turn off your brain, get a piece

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Speaker 4: of paper and just write where you want to be

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Speaker 4: in five or ten years. Write a postcard to yourself

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Speaker 4: in time. I guess time slip wouldn't be a bad

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Speaker 4: way to put it. Write a postcard from your future.

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Speaker 4: Just it's an average Tuesday, it's the year twenty thirty five,

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Speaker 4: and I just got up and describe what you're doing.

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Speaker 3: Describe what you're doing, write it down and see what

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Speaker 3: comes up.

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Speaker 4: Because what will come up, oftentimes is the things you

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Speaker 4: value most, the relationships you care about most, the horizon

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Speaker 4: you want to chase the most. And so they did that.

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Speaker 4: They did that weird little exercise, but it was a

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Speaker 4: beautiful way of creating meaning mattering connection and it led

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Speaker 4: them to this where they are now.

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Speaker 2: Ann Arbor, Michigan. They started with one.

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Speaker 3: Right, yeah, oh yeah, and they don't go out of

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Speaker 3: ann Arbor.

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Speaker 4: They got an offer for fifty million bucks to go

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Speaker 4: to Walt Disney, and they took about ten minutes before

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Speaker 4: they said no, thanks, we get our meaning, our value,

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Speaker 4: we know who we are.

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Speaker 3: We stay here. They said.

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Speaker 4: Hey, they told Walt Disney, hey, if you ever open

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Speaker 4: a Walt Disney World in an Arbor, will definitely be

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Speaker 4: a part of it.

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Speaker 3: I love it.

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Speaker 2: I love it.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 2: What about the Dutch Sucker team story.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, these guys, you know, it was a tiny team,

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Speaker 3: tiny country.

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Speaker 4: They weren't any good and they decid I had to

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Speaker 4: do a little experiment, kind of a little you know,

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Speaker 4: we tend to be allergic to mess these days, right,

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Speaker 4: we like everything to be planned and neat, and you

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Speaker 4: swipe left and swipe right and everything is just going

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Speaker 4: to function very clean without any friction. Well, these guys

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Speaker 4: were at the bottom of the world. They weren't any good.

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Speaker 4: But so they decided to do an experiment, which was

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Speaker 4: we're going to have every player on the team learn

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Speaker 4: to play every position like forwards, play back, defenses, defenders,

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Speaker 4: go way forward, mix it up, go wherever.

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Speaker 3: You want, and learn how to do that. And it

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Speaker 3: was gloriously messy, crazy messy.

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Speaker 4: And over time it was messy for little while, and

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Speaker 4: then they gradually figured out how to do this together

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Speaker 4: and how to signal to each other, and how to

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Speaker 4: take down other teams dismantle it.

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Speaker 3: So it was like playing pick up basketball.

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Speaker 4: Right, and so over time though they got within two

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Speaker 4: years they became one of the best teams on the planet.

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Speaker 3: Little Netherlands.

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Speaker 4: The Dutch team ended up going to the finals of

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Speaker 4: the World Up in nineteen seventy four because they did

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Speaker 4: what flourishing groups do, which is to embrace the mess. Actually,

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Speaker 4: if you're not creating a mess, you're not doing it right.

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Speaker 4: I mean, the rule that I would say is about

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Speaker 4: twenty percent of everything should be a little messy because

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Speaker 4: that's where the good stuff happens. That's how growth happens.

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Speaker 4: You don't get growth without mess.

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Speaker 2: And what's the story Dan about the parish neighborhood that

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Speaker 2: puts something together.

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Speaker 4: Oh, there was this neighborhood that was just all disconnected,

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Speaker 4: typical people heads in their phones and nobody talking to everybody.

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Speaker 4: And somebody did an experiment. They put a table, long

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Speaker 4: table in the middle of the street and invited the

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Speaker 4: whole neighborhood to lunch. Everybody came. They have a huge

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Speaker 4: pot luck, and then they let people self organized into

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Speaker 4: interest groups like if you're into bicycles, go over here,

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Speaker 4: and if you're into food, go over here, and if

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Speaker 4: you're into museums, go over here. And over time, this

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Speaker 4: habit of these big gatherings plus these small interest groups

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Speaker 4: have made this neighborhood feel just like a village. And

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Speaker 4: it's important that the interest groups have two rules. Number one,

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Speaker 4: no negativity and no politics. Number two, you got to

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Speaker 4: gather around a joy device, which means food, wine, whatever,

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Speaker 4: so joyful and then no politics. And you walk in there.

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Speaker 4: There's a woman, older woman who broke her wrist. I

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Speaker 4: think she got fifteen offers from people who wanted to

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Speaker 4: help her carry her groceries. It's super connected and it

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Speaker 4: shows we're pre wired for this stuff. Our modern life

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Speaker 4: builds all of these barriers. But if you find a

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Speaker 4: way to create a little mess, put people together, let

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Speaker 4: them self organize, people.

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Speaker 3: Are ready to flourish.

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Speaker 2: Does flourish include people who do good deeds for other people?

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Speaker 3: It's that's at the very core of it.

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Speaker 4: You know, every spiritual tradition in the world has got

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Speaker 4: love your neighbor at the core of it. Right, love

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Speaker 4: your neighbor hard thing to do. But in the places

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Speaker 4: I visit it, they put it in action. You know,

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Speaker 4: it wasn't love is in you know, kind of a

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Speaker 4: big emotional expression. It was more like that little town

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Speaker 4: in Norwich where you know, there's a little girl who

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Speaker 4: doesn't have the money to get skis and somebody notices

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Speaker 4: it and says, oh, maybe we'll get skis for you,

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Speaker 4: and she is on to become an Olympian. So little

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Speaker 4: moments of care, little moments of getting outside yourself and

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Speaker 4: taking care of each other.

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Speaker 3: Is really what it's all about.

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Speaker 2: What would you say is the best attribute to have

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Speaker 2: in order to flourish?

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Speaker 3: Curiosity? You know, the thing we talk about curiosity that

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Speaker 3: we're built. We have these we have a coup.

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Speaker 4: We don't have attention isn't just one thing. We actually

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Speaker 4: have two ways of paying attention. The one way is narrow,

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Speaker 4: it's called task attention. You're just focused on getting something done.

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Speaker 4: But the other way is really broad. It's called relational attention.

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Speaker 4: Relational and it's how we form meaningful relationships.

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Speaker 3: So those little moments where you get a signal, huh,

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Speaker 3: what's going on over there or what's that person like?

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Speaker 4: And you step into uncertainty and you step into relationship,

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Speaker 4: those are the moments where community happens.

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Speaker 3: You know, those are the moments where relationships are born.

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Speaker 4: And we all can think back in our lives to

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Speaker 4: certain relationships that never would have happened except for some

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Speaker 4: chance encounter or the fact that we pushed through our

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Speaker 4: shyness to make a connection. And that's the moment that

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Speaker 4: you find over and over again in these flourishing communities.

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Speaker 3: People are open.

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Speaker 4: They're not closed, they're open, and so when something happens,

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Speaker 4: they sort of step into that uncertainty together and in

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Speaker 4: doing that they create a relationship.

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Speaker 5: And I know you're going to want someone after hearing this,

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Speaker 5: this is an amazing story.

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Speaker 1: We've got Stephen and Malachi Gregory in Nelson, New Zealand.

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Speaker 5: Now I understand that Malachi, who is eight almost nine

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Speaker 5: years old now, was suffering with not just one or

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Speaker 5: two warts, but I mean as significant outbreak of warts

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Speaker 5: all over his body, so significant it impacted his ability

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Speaker 5: to really function.

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Speaker 6: Yeah. Yeah, he was having trouble even holding a pencil

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Speaker 6: to right. It was Tie's book. Actually they got me

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Speaker 6: thinking about it.

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Speaker 3: I'm not surprised.

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Speaker 1: It is an amazing immuno modulator, and so I can

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Speaker 1: see that it would work.

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Speaker 5: And so at what point did you see that there

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Speaker 5: was actually improvement it's really going to work.

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Speaker 6: Well, look, we really started to notice it around twelve weeks.

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Speaker 6: You can see these things actually smaller and smaller, and

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Speaker 6: then going down to the with just little red marks,

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Speaker 6: the whole things are gone. And we're talking about what's

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Speaker 6: you know one that size the warner. I thought, no way,

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Speaker 6: that's gonna Wow. That's just been miraculous to see him

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Speaker 6: get into a pair of shoes.

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Speaker 5: Yes, how wonderful.

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Speaker 6: It's great to see him so happy and yeah.

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Speaker 5: Confident, Absolutely wonderful.

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Speaker 1: For instead of seen it that is blown away, Ti,

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Speaker 1: this is awesome, Yeah, this is awesome.

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Speaker 7: Another amazing story. Why we're talking about Carnivora, call them

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Speaker 7: to awaken your immune system and protect yourself now called

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Speaker 7: thirty five. Or visit carnivora dot com c A r

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Speaker 7: niv O r A carnivora dot com.

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Speaker 2: What about that person that just can't seem to find

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Speaker 2: or mesh with somebody or some group and he's almost

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Speaker 2: like a loaner.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, there are loaners all the time, and there's a

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Speaker 4: place for solitude, for sure, but it is a it

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Speaker 4: is something that it takes a lot of courage, and

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Speaker 4: it takes a lot of practice. Like we're not necessarily

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Speaker 4: good at it, and certainly there's a trillion dollar industry

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Speaker 4: that wants to keep us isolated and on our screens, right,

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Speaker 4: that's how they make money. So I would say number one,

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Speaker 4: putting away devices. Number two, just looking for one opportunity

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Speaker 4: a day to go through what I would call a

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Speaker 4: yellow door. A yellow door is you know, we always

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Speaker 4: are well looking for green doors that are open and

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Speaker 4: red doors that are closed, but yellow doors are those

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Speaker 4: things like oh, that little conversation on the bus with

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Speaker 4: somebody just saying hi or whatever. That might be some

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Speaker 4: little moment of reaching out. And the other thing I

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Speaker 4: would say is look for the relationships that are already

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Speaker 4: kind of hidden in your life. I know somebody who

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Speaker 4: puts names of people that they care about on a

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Speaker 4: three x five card just on their desk, so that

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Speaker 4: they just are thinking of them, and occasionally we'll call

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Speaker 4: them or text them and just make a habit of that.

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Speaker 4: Get out of the scroll and just make that little ping,

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Speaker 4: that little connection once a day.

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Speaker 2: When the COVID started back in December twenty nineteen, I

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Speaker 2: was in Saint Louis at the time, Dan and it

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Speaker 2: was devastating in terms of relationships with people. One of

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Speaker 2: my favorite little restaurants shut down a corner of their place.

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Speaker 2: You couldn't sit anywhere, you couldn't meet with people. It

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Speaker 2: was just one of the worst times humanity has ever felt.

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Speaker 2: How did we get through that?

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Speaker 4: How did we How did we remember the people standing

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Speaker 4: on the corner and they would all bang pots and

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Speaker 4: pans at the same time. The creativity that bubbled up

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Speaker 4: at that time, the way people found a way to

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Speaker 4: connect was, you know, as hard as it was, was

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Speaker 4: still you know, really inspiring and showed how we were

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Speaker 4: really wired for that connection and how we're tortured when

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Speaker 4: we can't have it. It's torture. There's a reason that

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Speaker 4: you know, you know, isolation is used as that in prison.

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Speaker 3: We really need each other.

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Speaker 4: And you know, despite the fact that our devices often

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Speaker 4: keep us separate, it's it is so powerful to sort

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Speaker 4: of put them down and find a way and create

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Speaker 4: an intentional space for some ritual, for some way to connect.

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Speaker 2: And you find that those that create flourish, make meaning

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Speaker 2: and also build community.

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Speaker 1: That's it.

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Speaker 3: That's it. There's a pause where they make meaning. You

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Speaker 3: make meaning during the question and the pause and the

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Speaker 3: mystery where you're stopping.

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Speaker 4: You're opening up that curiosity and you're saying, what really

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Speaker 4: matters to us here?

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Speaker 3: What are we all about? And that's the pause, that's

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Speaker 3: like the inhale. And then you do something together.

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Speaker 4: You do some messy projects, You try to improve your neighborhood,

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Speaker 4: you try to improve your work, you do something. So

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Speaker 4: there's kind of this always this doing, and that's that's

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Speaker 4: how we're built to grow by making these stumbling steps

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Speaker 4: forward together.

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Speaker 2: Can you flourish with just your family?

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Speaker 3: Absolutely? Absolutely? Yeah, Those are relationships. Think about the one

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Speaker 3: of the funnest nights that I have as a family.

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Speaker 3: I have four daughters. It's when the power.

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Speaker 4: Goes out, right, the tower goes out, It's dark all

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Speaker 4: of a sudden.

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Speaker 3: We got it now, we got to figure it out.

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Speaker 3: We got to get the candles, we got to figure

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Speaker 3: out we're going to eat for dinner. We're gathering up

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Speaker 3: in this.

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Speaker 4: Small space, and it throws us back to how we evolved,

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Speaker 4: you know, in candle lit spaces, fire lit spaces and

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Speaker 4: close community taking care of each other. So finding ways

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Speaker 4: to create those conditions, to create those conditions that smush

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Speaker 4: people together and help them self navigate, self organized around

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Speaker 4: some obstacle. Those blackouts. On paper, it's a tough night, right,

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Speaker 4: we don't have any heat. It it's really a drag,

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Speaker 4: and yet in our family memory, they're these beautiful memories

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Speaker 4: of togetherness.

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Speaker 3: We're flourishing.

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Speaker 2: I want to use an example, this tragedy with Nancy Guthrie.

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Speaker 2: I call it a tragedy. We don't know the outcome yet,

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Speaker 2: but somebody abducted and kidnapped an eighty four year old woman.

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Speaker 2: God knows why. There's still no proof of life. They

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Speaker 2: really haven't come through with a ransom demand because I'm

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Speaker 2: not sure whoever sent emails to TMZ was the guilty party.

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Speaker 2: How do you flourish when you have stuff like that

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Speaker 2: out there?

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Speaker 3: You know, there's always going to be suffering, there's always

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Speaker 3: going to be evil, there's.

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Speaker 4: All as always, and the flourishing is what gives you

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Speaker 4: strength to get through that. Actually, you know, the idea

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Speaker 4: flourishing isn't that you get some tidy answer and everything's

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Speaker 4: always smooth and it's all seashells and balloons all the time.

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Speaker 4: It's actually about building capacity to face the hard stuff

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Speaker 4: and face the great stuff too.

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Speaker 3: So what we find in this moment is I see

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Speaker 3: the Guthrie family. They're not alone.

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Speaker 4: They're all together, right, They're gathered together so that they

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Speaker 4: can withstand this and navigate it together. And in some sense,

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Speaker 4: all of a sudden, the News are kind of doing

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Speaker 4: the same thing. Like we lean into that because we

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Speaker 4: feel that pain, and so these connections and sharing these

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Speaker 4: stories are not incidental, right, This is how we're built

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Speaker 4: to respond to pain. And if we think about times

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Speaker 4: in our lives where we were struggling, it's always about

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Speaker 4: coming together and without that kind of of capacity that community,

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Speaker 4: that ecosystem to carry us.

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Speaker 3: Those times are even more difficult.

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Speaker 2: You went through some tough times yourself, didn't you.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, it's kind of kind of a general

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Speaker 4: purpose midlife crisis. I've got a I've got a friend

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Speaker 4: who says everyone should should every every couple of years,

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Speaker 4: whether you are have any problems or not, everyone should

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Speaker 4: just go to rehab rehabs like healthy. And I don't

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Speaker 4: know I did. That was not my story, but I

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Speaker 4: did have kind of this come to Jesus moment where

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Speaker 4: I was part way through my career, my kids were grown,

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Speaker 4: my wife and I were kind of looking at each other,

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Speaker 4: and it was just to you know, my parents both

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Speaker 4: passed away.

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Speaker 3: Her parents both passed.

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Speaker 4: Away, and no matter what how old you are, when

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Speaker 4: your parents die, you're an orphan. Afterwards, you feel that, right,

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Speaker 4: the world changes and so just all those things adding

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Speaker 4: up are what. Uh. It wasn't anything unusual. They were

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Speaker 4: just normal sufferings that every human being has. But I

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Speaker 4: think modern life had kind of trained me to look

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Speaker 4: away from them. And so when I when I went

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Speaker 4: through him and kind of looked toward them, I found

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Speaker 4: myself looking at my support system and looking at my

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Speaker 4: community and that's that's what really kind of sent me

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Speaker 4: on this journey now to say, oh, that's what got

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Speaker 4: me through. Where else do we see that? That's that's

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Speaker 4: kind of the real, real powerful force.

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Speaker 2: My dad passed away when he was eighty eight. My

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Speaker 2: mother's still going strong at ninety seven.

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Speaker 3: Wow, that's so cool. Is she've ever been on the show, George?

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Speaker 2: She's on every every May for her birthday.

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Speaker 3: Oh, that's so cool.

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Speaker 2: She has a little bit of words of wisdom. We

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Speaker 2: got to get ready for her in a couple of

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Speaker 2: months and she's probably writing it as I speak.

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Speaker 3: Dan. Oh, that's wonderful.

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Speaker 2: What is your biggest recommendation to somebody? We're coming up

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Speaker 2: on the top of the hour.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, look for yellow doors right, stop, stop and pause.

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Speaker 4: Get good at pausing. Get good at pausing. We all

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Speaker 4: our world pushes us to a proactivity. Do do, do,

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Speaker 4: do do, and yet think about your life. The most

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Speaker 4: important moments have happened when you stopped and saw the

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Speaker 4: world from a new perspective.

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Speaker 1: Listen to more Coast to Coast AM every weeknight at

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Speaker 1: one a m. Eastern and go to Coast to COASTAM

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Speaker 1: dot com for more