WEBVTT - Attachment Theory with Kendall Long 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:06.120 Alright ready boys, you know you're ready to Yeah, alright, 0:00:06.120 --> 0:00:11.959 cool I Suck It Dating with Dengler, Jared Haven and 0:00:12.119 --> 0:00:18.760 I Heart Radio Podcast and Kendall Long. What's up, suck? 0:00:18.800 --> 0:00:22.600 Aren't you with studio today? It's so good to be here. 0:00:22.640 --> 0:00:25.080 You guys want to know what I realized the suck noise. 0:00:25.160 --> 0:00:26.400 I still love it, you guys want to want to 0:00:26.440 --> 0:00:29.200 realize on the way over to the podcast today. This 0:00:29.280 --> 0:00:31.840 is the fourth calendar year that Help I Suck It 0:00:31.960 --> 0:00:34.199 Dating has been around. And I know it's a bit 0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:36.400 of an embellishment because technically we've only been doing it 0:00:36.400 --> 0:00:41.760 for like twenty eight months, but it started in four 0:00:41.800 --> 0:00:45.120 calendar years and that it's definitely the longest commitment I've 0:00:45.120 --> 0:00:49.000 ever had in my life as anything. Absolutely, I'm sure 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:50.920 I've been in and out, up and down throughout the 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:53.800 whole four years. But you know, I'm proving on my own. 0:00:54.200 --> 0:00:57.560 I've been with Vanessa, i'veing with Jared, but here we 0:00:57.600 --> 0:01:00.400 are back in studio. It's my first time in studio 0:01:00.400 --> 0:01:02.400 in two thousand twenty. If you haven't listened to the 0:01:02.440 --> 0:01:04.759 last week's episode, feel free to do that. We checked 0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:09.240 in on me. I think I called him from London. Yes, 0:01:09.480 --> 0:01:11.120 and uh, I kind of updated you guys on my 0:01:11.200 --> 0:01:12.720 injury and I guess we can kind of continue to 0:01:12.760 --> 0:01:14.200 that as the recovery goes on. Joy to see the 0:01:14.200 --> 0:01:16.800 scar real quick, chared, Yeah, it looks it looks like 0:01:16.800 --> 0:01:22.160 a tattoo. It was. Yeah, I kind of like which 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:25.080 one is. Millipede would be a much more I feel 0:01:25.080 --> 0:01:26.760 like it would have more so so for the audience 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:29.039 who can't see it. It's right above the so it's 0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:31.960 on his right thigh, on the right side, right above 0:01:32.080 --> 0:01:35.720 his Instagram verified tattoo. I got that. It's about i'd 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:38.399 say a good four and a half inches five inches long, 0:01:38.440 --> 0:01:41.280 six inches six inches six inches. That doesn't seem like 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:49.639 six inches. I can care. I think you're rounding up 0:01:50.360 --> 0:01:54.000 and about your six inches. I mean, if that's six inches, 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:56.040 I'm feeling pretty good about it. It's funny because I 0:01:56.080 --> 0:01:57.480 was laying in the hospital bed and it was all 0:01:57.480 --> 0:02:00.200 bandaged up, and it was like the day after surgery, 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:02.160 and the doctor comes in and I was asking about 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:03.680 the incision and everything, and he goes, yeah, it's six 0:02:03.720 --> 0:02:06.920 centimeters long. We did three screws into plate in your hip. 0:02:07.280 --> 0:02:09.839 And then after a couple of days when I could 0:02:09.840 --> 0:02:11.400 take the bandage off, I was like, that's not six 0:02:11.440 --> 0:02:13.600 centimeters long, because six centimeters like an inch and a half. 0:02:13.800 --> 0:02:16.600 And I was like, that's surprisingly small. Uh turns out 0:02:16.639 --> 0:02:18.359 at six inches long. And it turns out they put 0:02:18.360 --> 0:02:20.400 five screws into plate in my hip. So I don't 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:22.160 know if it was like a communication thing. Did they 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:28.639 ask your consent beforehand? The I feel like that's so invasive, Yes, 0:02:28.840 --> 0:02:31.600 very invasive. They did ask my consent, but I always 0:02:31.600 --> 0:02:33.639 like hopped up on pain killers when they asked, They're 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:35.640 like five screws, Like oh wait, no, no no, no, three? 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:41.720 But you know how excused you want to? Yeah? I 0:02:41.720 --> 0:02:43.480 think I think I mentioned last week. But when they 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:45.200 were doing all that stuff, like I was like hopped 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:47.120 up on pain killers and they were like, yeah, we're 0:02:47.120 --> 0:02:48.600 doing this, We're doing this, we're doing this, can sign 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:50.639 this form and I'm like okay, And then I woke 0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:52.080 up a couple of hours later. But I don't want 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:54.120 to talk about me too much today because we obviously 0:02:54.160 --> 0:02:56.480 have Kendall in studio. She's gonna be our co host 0:02:57.120 --> 0:03:00.480 and happy to be here. Yeah, we've got a great 0:03:00.480 --> 0:03:02.200 episode for you guys. We've got Kendall. Obviously we want 0:03:02.200 --> 0:03:04.480 to catch up with her. And Jared was just in 0:03:04.520 --> 0:03:06.520 San Francisco doing Almost Famous Live. I want to hear 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:09.160 more about that. Yeah, we were in San Frantico's past weekend. 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:12.960 We had an almost I didn't Ashley and Ben had 0:03:12.960 --> 0:03:15.480 an Almost Famous live podcast. It was a lot of fun, 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:17.880 Like four people came out. But the reason I bring 0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:21.120 it up is because when I went on stage, because 0:03:21.160 --> 0:03:22.440 I was one of the guests. I went out after 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:27.079 Derek and I got on stage, and obviously I'm shamelessly 0:03:27.120 --> 0:03:31.440 plugging this podcast, telling everybody to listen, to subscribe, comment, 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:36.880 follow us on Instagram. And then somebody from the audience goes, help, 0:03:36.920 --> 0:03:41.040 I suck at dating. So then I started spreading like, yes, help, 0:03:41.120 --> 0:03:43.640 I suck at dating. And so I started doing it, 0:03:43.680 --> 0:03:46.240 and I got at least of the people to start chanting, 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:49.040 help I suck at dating. How How great would it 0:03:49.040 --> 0:03:50.560 have been if while you were on stage chanting it. 0:03:50.760 --> 0:03:52.600 I walked in through the back door and started chanting 0:03:52.600 --> 0:03:59.440 and getting the back of the crowd riyals And that's 0:03:59.560 --> 0:04:06.200 pretty much my purpose in life. Mob angry sucky mob. 0:04:06.520 --> 0:04:09.280 And then there was a section afterwards where we did 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:11.720 like a little meet and greet, and at least fifteen 0:04:11.720 --> 0:04:13.480 people came up to me and we're like, hey, I'm 0:04:13.560 --> 0:04:17.680 part of Stuck Army. Yes, it's an army, it's a movement. 0:04:17.720 --> 0:04:20.159 How many were how many were in attendance? Like twenty thousand? 0:04:21.360 --> 0:04:25.840 That's good, it's a lot. It's like it's a starting point, Dean. Okay, 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:27.880 but it was pretty cool when people came off and started, 0:04:28.080 --> 0:04:30.120 you know, commenting on how much I love the podcast, 0:04:30.160 --> 0:04:31.800 and it was a really cool moment. We do need to, 0:04:31.839 --> 0:04:33.800 I'm sorry, we need to change that sound effect. It 0:04:33.839 --> 0:04:37.080 sounds like an octopus like tentacle. Yeah right, I picture 0:04:37.120 --> 0:04:40.039 like suck. Yeah. But what I think we should do 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:43.400 is we should make one of Dean yelling like sucked 0:04:43.560 --> 0:04:48.280 army assemble. I'll be pretty good. Maybe like a vacuum 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:54.280 cleaner just turning on real quick. Oh, anyway, we'll work 0:04:54.279 --> 0:04:56.240 on changing that sound. But yeah, anyway, back to you, 0:04:56.360 --> 0:04:58.960 Kendy Kendall, thank you for joining us. You know what's 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:01.159 funny I mentioned the last time you're on this podcast, 0:05:01.200 --> 0:05:03.480 but the first time I ever co hosted this podcast 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:06.760 was with you. Yes, I remember, and that was long 0:05:06.800 --> 0:05:09.040 before I was a staple on the podcast Thank You 0:05:09.080 --> 0:05:11.760 Amy has your own podcast to down to Date This 0:05:11.800 --> 0:05:14.320 is true down to date and help other people find 0:05:14.720 --> 0:05:18.200 you're main competition. I know, bring it on. We brought 0:05:18.200 --> 0:05:20.400 you here today. It's actually to murder you. Yeah, you're 0:05:20.440 --> 0:05:26.120 gonna die, tell us about it. Yeah. So basically I 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:28.920 faciltate a first date between two strangers in the podcast 0:05:28.960 --> 0:05:31.680 studio and um, I act as like a third wheel, 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:34.800 fly on the wall, and UM, I try to bring 0:05:34.839 --> 0:05:37.479 it on in the podcast studio. It's it's pretty fun 0:05:37.480 --> 0:05:38.800 get on the podcast. How do you get these people 0:05:38.800 --> 0:05:40.680 to come on and go on the first date? Um? Friends, 0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:44.039 friends of friends, like literally anybody can go on and UM, 0:05:44.080 --> 0:05:46.880 it's been fun to see like how people act during 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:50.600 like a first date that I control. And so how 0:05:50.600 --> 0:05:53.320 do you match them up? Do you? Kind of? Usually 0:05:53.320 --> 0:05:55.440 most of this time, yeah, you don't get to know 0:05:55.480 --> 0:05:58.120 the person beforehand, not really. Sometimes I help my friends 0:05:58.120 --> 0:06:00.400 go on, but I feel like the best kind of 0:06:00.400 --> 0:06:03.000 relationships are the ones you don't expect. So I like 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:05.440 to put people in a room together and just let 0:06:05.480 --> 0:06:07.200 it all hang loose and just go for it. Sometimes 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:09.960 it works, Yeah, it does. You had any success yet? Um, 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:14.039 we've had some people who have gone on multiple dates afterwards. 0:06:14.720 --> 0:06:17.320 I'm not sure if there's any commitment going on yet, 0:06:17.600 --> 0:06:19.840 but I think it's a pretty hyper spil. Season two 0:06:19.880 --> 0:06:21.400 is four. You can follow up with all the guests. 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:23.640 Season two. I want to I really want to be 0:06:23.720 --> 0:06:26.920 an officiate for a wedding someone as officiate. You'd like 0:06:27.000 --> 0:06:29.000 to officiate a wedding. I'd like to officiate a wedding. 0:06:29.000 --> 0:06:30.680 I think that'd be kind of cool, and that would 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:33.279 be a wedding of two people that met on down 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:36.520 the date. Hopefully that's what your accept any other wedding, Yeah, 0:06:36.520 --> 0:06:39.560 I think you should do like a smaller version of Bachelor, 0:06:39.600 --> 0:06:41.440 Like you bring two people in that don't know each 0:06:41.440 --> 0:06:44.080 other that you've done no research on, and they either 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:46.480 get engaged by the time the podcast ends or they 0:06:46.480 --> 0:06:49.320 go their separate ways. There's nowhere in between. Can I 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:52.040 also add to this, uh this this Sprain serving Sally 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:54.920 bring it on, maybe bringing one guy and then bringing 0:06:54.920 --> 0:06:57.240 like four girls all on the mics, and every ten 0:06:57.240 --> 0:06:59.920 minutes the guy eliminates one girl until there's one girl left. 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:02.919 So savage, it's pretty savage, but that's the nature of 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:06.240 the game. That's true, like almost like a blind dating 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:10.440 kind of podcast games of podcasts. Again, we're not telling 0:07:10.480 --> 0:07:12.000 you how to run your podcast here, no, but I 0:07:12.040 --> 0:07:14.120 like these ideas. Keep them coming out, steal all of them. 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:16.200 Give you no credit. You do this help I second 0:07:16.240 --> 0:07:20.840 dating one episode? Well yeah, okay maybe, and then beyond 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:23.200 the podcast, you just got a dog. I did. He's 0:07:23.200 --> 0:07:27.280 a little weenie, Um, a little weenie dog. Yeah, I 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:31.120 bought six inches. His name is on a good Day Um, 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:34.080 and he's great. He's like a cuddler. He'll cuddle me 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:37.480 like every night, and um he hates everybody else but me. 0:07:37.640 --> 0:07:40.600 So it's perfectly what made you want to get a dog? Um. 0:07:40.640 --> 0:07:44.040 I've always wanted to rescue, and I've um fostered a 0:07:44.080 --> 0:07:46.240 lot of dogs. So I felt like I really wanted 0:07:46.280 --> 0:07:50.480 to make the commitment of actually like saving a dog. UM. 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:52.320 And it always breaks your heart to have to leave them, 0:07:52.520 --> 0:07:56.080 So I figured, why not, it's go for it. Then 0:07:56.120 --> 0:07:58.320 you just picked this one. I'm so with the rescue 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:01.160 how to go about? Um so rescued from Bunny's Buddies, 0:08:01.160 --> 0:08:03.680 which a lot of people are familiar with. UM, and 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:06.840 they sent me kind of a grainy photo of him 0:08:07.240 --> 0:08:09.480 and they said he was going to die in two days, 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:13.640 and I was like, I will saythan yes. So um, 0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:15.480 you can't say no to that, so you know, I'm 0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:18.320 glad that I didn't and so um yeah. A month 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:20.920 later they flew him to America and he is now 0:08:20.920 --> 0:08:24.480 an American pup. Where from He's in South Korea? Nice 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:29.400 and what's his name again, Dashio Dasio. He's a little nuttie. 0:08:29.560 --> 0:08:32.160 So I've got a real, real soft spot for dockxins. 0:08:32.200 --> 0:08:33.600 When I was a kid, we had a miniature long 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:37.199 haired docksins. The long haired ones are a little feisty. 0:08:37.240 --> 0:08:40.360 She was really yappy, but just ever since having her, 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:42.240 her name was Soubrette, I've always had a soft spot 0:08:42.240 --> 0:08:44.760 for them. My roommate hates docksins. Like if he dates 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:46.360 a girl and it ends up she has a docks in, 0:08:46.400 --> 0:08:50.680 he like immediately severs all ties of communicating. I mean, well, 0:08:50.920 --> 0:08:54.000 docksins are very They're fiercely loyal and like highlighting on 0:08:54.040 --> 0:08:57.560 the fierce part. I feel like he's just he has 0:08:57.600 --> 0:09:00.800 been abused in previous homes, so I feel like he 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:02.960 has a distrust for humans, but he loves other dogs, 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:06.720 so it just perfect. How can you not like other dogs, 0:09:07.520 --> 0:09:10.240 he's he First he was a little bit hesitant to 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:14.439 warm up, but then, um, he did really well. Now 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:16.880 he does really well. Well, how do how do take 0:09:16.880 --> 0:09:20.640 to you? Automatically he loved me. You know, it just 0:09:20.679 --> 0:09:22.160 makes me feel a lot better about who I am. 0:09:22.240 --> 0:09:23.520 You know, like when a dog doesn't like you, you 0:09:23.559 --> 0:09:26.000 take it personally. Yeah. The fact that he just automatically 0:09:26.000 --> 0:09:28.079 loved me and I I printed on me right away, it 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:30.800 makes me feel really great. You agree to adopt Pistachio 0:09:30.840 --> 0:09:33.520 before you've even ever met him? Yes? Yeah, And well 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:36.040 let's say, for obviously worst case scenario, they bring him 0:09:36.080 --> 0:09:38.080 to America and then, for whatever reason doesn't work out 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:39.600 with you and him, then would you bring it to 0:09:39.640 --> 0:09:43.160 a foster shelter here in Los Angeles? For me, that 0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:45.600 wasn't ever an option. Um. I feel like, once you 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:48.480 commit to life, you have to just dedicate, you know. 0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:50.760 So for me, it was like all I mean, right now, 0:09:50.760 --> 0:09:53.520 he's through training. He had his first training class today. 0:09:54.000 --> 0:09:55.840 He got so many little hot dogs. He was very 0:09:56.040 --> 0:09:58.360 very proud of him. Um, so yeah, I mean we're 0:09:58.360 --> 0:10:00.160 getting better. I mean he's not. He definitely has a 0:10:00.160 --> 0:10:03.360 lot of behavioral issues. He has to work out, but um, 0:10:03.400 --> 0:10:06.960 I'm along for the long ride, you know, to bounce 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:08.760 off your idea about once you commit to a life. 0:10:08.800 --> 0:10:13.400 My sister and her husband rescued a dog, and uh 0:10:13.720 --> 0:10:16.600 they he had a heart murmur, which was we found 0:10:16.600 --> 0:10:19.079 out as soon as they got I think from a breeder, 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:21.120 I can't remember exactly, and it was pretty rescue, I 0:10:21.120 --> 0:10:22.720 cant remember. But they found out they had a heart murmur, 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:24.520 but it was a very low level one, wasn't gonna 0:10:24.559 --> 0:10:26.600 cause any health issues. Two weeks later they brought into 0:10:26.640 --> 0:10:28.439 the event, found out it was the worst level heart 0:10:28.480 --> 0:10:30.280 murmur you could possibly have as a dog, and the 0:10:30.360 --> 0:10:32.440 dog would live only until six months unless they have 0:10:32.480 --> 0:10:35.000 heart surgery, which would have cost them six thousand dollars. 0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:37.880 They found this out two weeks after they got the checkbook, 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:40.800 so of course they had to have the conversation, do 0:10:40.920 --> 0:10:42.800 we go forward with this and spend this kind of 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:45.880 money to save the dog, or after two weeks, do we, 0:10:46.120 --> 0:10:48.000 you know, give him away and get another one. And 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:50.439 of course they paid the six thousand dollars and now 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:52.800 Boston is a very healthy, long living dog. You would 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:54.360 have told that story if didn't pay the six Out 0:10:54.360 --> 0:10:57.160 of absolutely I knew where this story was going. Yeah, 0:10:57.280 --> 0:10:58.880 you think I was gonna end that story and be like, yeah, 0:10:58.880 --> 0:11:00.280 so they gave him the dog, and the dog probably 0:11:00.280 --> 0:11:04.520 did now, but now they have a healthy little bijon 0:11:05.080 --> 0:11:08.840 uh named Rascal. No uh, but yeah, that would have 0:11:09.000 --> 0:11:11.040 been a dark turn to say the last. My brother 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:12.360 has got a wing too. By the way, before we 0:11:12.400 --> 0:11:14.640 move on, I want to show Kendle this real quick. 0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:16.720 So Kendall reach out to me after my surgery and 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:18.240 gave me a bit of advice and I went out 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:20.920 and oh, my gosh, you're reading it. I have not 0:11:20.960 --> 0:11:23.360 cracked it yet. Okay, Well, you know the original plan 0:11:23.400 --> 0:11:24.840 was to read about a hundred pages of this book. 0:11:24.880 --> 0:11:28.000 Kind of recommended to get the book. What's the name 0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:29.719 of this book? Will Blow your Mind? Journeys at the 0:11:29.720 --> 0:11:32.440 Extremes of Science. It's an amazing, amazing book. It definitely 0:11:32.440 --> 0:11:35.400 does blow your mind. Why did you recommend it? Um? 0:11:35.440 --> 0:11:38.040 Because it's one of those things that kind of takes 0:11:38.080 --> 0:11:42.040 you away from your current situation. What is it about? Well, 0:11:42.160 --> 0:11:44.400 it's about mind blowing things, right, yeah? Okay, so well yeah, 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:48.600 it's about it's basically about um, things that happen in 0:11:48.920 --> 0:11:51.280 the real world. That you can't believe happen. It's just 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:54.720 so mind blowing. Um So, a lot about like space, 0:11:54.800 --> 0:11:57.960 a lot about just like like how we see color, 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:01.640 just in general, like things we take for granted every day. 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:05.160 Is that the kind of thing like what my blue 0:12:05.320 --> 0:12:07.679 is could be your red? No, I've heard this before. 0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:10.520 I don't necessarily believe in that. I feel like, Okay, 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:12.720 So our eyes are so limited in the sense that 0:12:12.760 --> 0:12:14.839 we can only see a certain amount of colors because 0:12:14.840 --> 0:12:17.120 of the amount of cones that we have. Um So, 0:12:17.160 --> 0:12:18.720 if you look like a Mansais shrimp, they have like 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:21.760 twenty three cones, so they can see like two million, thousand, 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:24.400 bozillion colors compared to how many colors we can see. 0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:26.920 Um So, that kind of stuff blows your mind. So 0:12:26.960 --> 0:12:29.800 if somebody's color blind, do they only have two cones? Yeah? 0:12:29.800 --> 0:12:31.959 Well so, so there's two different kinds of color blind. 0:12:32.000 --> 0:12:34.520 So there's one color it's like become like a science podcast, 0:12:34.520 --> 0:12:38.240 it's great. Um So, there's one kind of color blind 0:12:38.280 --> 0:12:40.160 where you have a lack of cones. And usually men 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:41.920 are the ones that have that kind of color blind 0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:45.880 symptom because I haven't one less chromosome um than women. 0:12:46.400 --> 0:12:49.400 Um but then there's another one where you're, well, actually 0:12:49.400 --> 0:12:51.480 it crosses, it blends colors. So those are the ones 0:12:51.520 --> 0:12:53.280 where you see people putting on those glasses and they're like, 0:12:53.280 --> 0:12:56.120 oh wow, I can see colors now, you know. So 0:12:56.280 --> 0:12:59.640 there's just it depends. But there's been like studies where 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:02.440 they have like injected like red cones into like chimpanzees 0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:05.199 eyes and people not people, and the chimpanzee can actually 0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:08.520 start seeing like red. So it's pretty fascinating. The crazy 0:13:08.520 --> 0:13:13.120 thing to think about that. And sorry, and she's ready 0:13:13.160 --> 0:13:14.880 to go, We're gonna bring her in before we do that, though, 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:16.160 I do want to say the crazy thing to think 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:18.640 about to your point, you said, mantis shrimp have uh 0:13:18.800 --> 0:13:21.160 ten x more cones in their eyes than we do. 0:13:21.640 --> 0:13:23.920 It's like it's it's colors that we can't even fathom 0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:29.160 what they are, right, Like their rainbow is like extra thick, yeah, 0:13:29.360 --> 0:13:32.200 you know. I mean it's usually variants of the same colors. 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:34.360 I mean, I guess it's like the best that we 0:13:34.360 --> 0:13:35.920 can do, like variants of the same color as we 0:13:35.960 --> 0:13:38.240 can see, but like different kinds of magenta are different, 0:13:38.559 --> 0:13:40.679 you know. So well, we'll talk about more of that 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:45.280 maybe affair anyway. Next up, we have Dr Tracy McMillan 0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:47.920 coming in and we are going to dive into a 0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:49.840 little bit bit of a bit about her and what 0:13:49.960 --> 0:13:52.240 she has to offer for our Suck Army. She has 0:13:52.280 --> 0:13:54.600 a lot of thoughts, actually here she has. She says 0:13:54.640 --> 0:13:56.840 that men are way more into relationships than women's terms 0:13:56.840 --> 0:13:59.040 of commitment. That's false. She says that you should have 0:13:59.080 --> 0:14:03.880 the baby before you get marry. She's pro arranged marriages. Interesting. 0:14:04.080 --> 0:14:05.320 She has a lot of interesting thoughts that we need 0:14:05.360 --> 0:14:07.120 to get into it. She was on Oprah. I feel 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:09.640 like that's that's impressive as well. That was super impressive. 0:14:09.720 --> 0:14:11.080 Point is you're not gonna want to miss it. So 0:14:11.080 --> 0:14:21.920 stay tuned, will be right back. Welcome back, Suck Army. 0:14:22.000 --> 0:14:23.720 To help I suck at dating. We have a very 0:14:23.760 --> 0:14:26.160 special guest who is in studio with us right now. 0:14:26.200 --> 0:14:29.120 She is a television writer, relationship expert, and author of 0:14:29.200 --> 0:14:33.200 three books, including Why You're Not Married Yet and her 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:35.800 ted talk. The Person You Really Need to Marry has 0:14:35.840 --> 0:14:40.040 more than twelve million views. It is doctor Tracy McMillan, 0:14:41.120 --> 0:14:45.080 except I'm not a doctor. We're gonna call you doctor anyways. Yeah, 0:14:45.120 --> 0:14:48.800 people do people on Twitter, it says right there on 0:14:48.840 --> 0:14:53.240 the front, doctor Tracy McMillan. People on Twitter decided I 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:57.960 was a doctor on the weekend. Just accept it. It's 0:14:57.960 --> 0:15:02.000 somebody called me a doctor. I and Dr Jared Haven 0:15:02.280 --> 0:15:07.160 m d on whatever you think I practiced, all right, Well, Tracy, 0:15:07.200 --> 0:15:09.120 thank you so much for coming in having me. I 0:15:09.160 --> 0:15:14.200 love being here, of course. So actually, Mark was expressing 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:17.600 some of your views before you came in, which I 0:15:17.640 --> 0:15:20.080 think the audience would love to know more about. One 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:24.880 example is men are way more committed to relationships. Okay, well, okay, 0:15:25.000 --> 0:15:29.160 that's probably a little bit simplified over something. So here's 0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:31.160 the things what we do here help us. That's okay, 0:15:31.240 --> 0:15:34.800 that's okay. So one of the things about, for example, 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:40.720 women filed for divorce the time. Women are the people 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:44.080 who filed for divorce, So you gotta wonder why is that. 0:15:45.400 --> 0:15:48.080 I think part of the reason is that when women 0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:51.440 are unhappy in a marriage or a relationship, because it's 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:54.600 kind of goes for a relationship, they're way more unhappy 0:15:54.760 --> 0:15:57.240 than when a man is unhappy in a marriage because 0:15:57.240 --> 0:16:01.520 like dudes can compartmentalize in way days that women either 0:16:01.640 --> 0:16:06.320 kenna will not will not and Also, there's a lot 0:16:06.400 --> 0:16:10.640 of research about how when men are committed to the 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:15.800 relationship and open to being what's called influenced by their wives, 0:16:16.360 --> 0:16:19.280 this would go for the girlfriends to the relationship is 0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:23.600 much happier now it doesn't work the other way. Well, 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:26.920 my explanation on that, I think my on my idea 0:16:27.000 --> 0:16:30.000 would be that guys are and I'm speaking as a 0:16:30.040 --> 0:16:31.800 guy so I can say this. You know, we might 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:38.680 be a little stubborn, maybe a little, So I think 0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:41.640 guys are just I think also a lot of relationships 0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:44.240 that I've seen, women are the ones who are not 0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:48.800 afraid to speak about their and where a guy will 0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:53.080 just if something's wrong, he'll just handle itpartment compartmentalized and 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:57.360 and and not want to deal with the situation. That's right. Women, Um, well, 0:16:57.400 --> 0:17:00.400 this is all research. Um. Women are the people who 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:03.680 bring up problems in a relationship like much more than 0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:06.800 men do. So I think the thing about being influenced, 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:11.520 what it means is, as to explain Dean Um, So basically, 0:17:12.359 --> 0:17:15.439 to be influenced means you listen to your partner, you 0:17:15.560 --> 0:17:18.040 take in what they say, and you allow yourself to 0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:21.960 be changed by it, as opposed to just oh, there's 0:17:22.000 --> 0:17:25.119 words raining down on my ears. Nothing is going to 0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:28.320 change in my heart or in my behavior. So when 0:17:28.320 --> 0:17:31.200 a man is open to being influenced by his wife 0:17:31.280 --> 0:17:35.840 or girlfriend, they those couples report a much higher satisfaction 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:39.120 in their relationships. Now, when women are open to being 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:42.480 influenced by man, it doesn't change the outcome of the 0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:46.560 happiness quotient. It's really a guy thing, because I think 0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:49.080 it's it works the other way. When a guy is 0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:54.040 not open to being influenced in his relationship, it makes 0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:58.000 a lot of unhappiness, very unhappy partner influence what do 0:17:58.000 --> 0:18:01.400 you mean? Influence on what like to be taking in 0:18:01.520 --> 0:18:04.480 what they're hearing, to be moved by what they're hearing, 0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:08.119 to be willing to change, learn, but doesn't cover the 0:18:08.119 --> 0:18:13.240 gambit like change emotionally change. So if you say, okay, 0:18:13.280 --> 0:18:16.919 for for example, in one of my marriages, because guys, 0:18:17.119 --> 0:18:19.360 you know I've been married a lot, right, okay? How 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:22.440 many times? Three times? Okay? Okay, So judging by your math, 0:18:22.440 --> 0:18:24.280 I'm just gonna crunch the numbers real quickly. You filed 0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:26.960 for divorce twice out of those three times, All three 0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:29.840 times I was just I looked down in your hand. 0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:31.400 I didn't say rings. I like, I think it's three 0:18:31.400 --> 0:18:33.880 times no. But the thing about it is is that 0:18:33.960 --> 0:18:38.320 even the third time he was like iffy and the 0:18:38.880 --> 0:18:41.760 but he would have stayed married. See, he was okay 0:18:41.880 --> 0:18:45.919 to have do we swear on this show? Okay, he 0:18:46.000 --> 0:18:49.080 was okay to have bullsh going on and be married. 0:18:49.160 --> 0:18:50.760 He was just like, why do you have to leave? 0:18:51.280 --> 0:18:53.680 It's just Bill, And I'm like, no, because I don't 0:18:53.720 --> 0:18:55.879 do bull Do you think it's because maybe men sometimes 0:18:55.920 --> 0:18:58.320 are better at like distracting themselves too. Yeah, that's to me. 0:18:58.400 --> 0:19:01.639 The compartmentalizing thing he did, it wasn't like it didn't 0:19:01.680 --> 0:19:04.639 mean he didn't want me. It just meant he was 0:19:04.800 --> 0:19:07.600 very confused and wanted to be able to go to 0:19:07.600 --> 0:19:12.639 dinner with other women and maybe date them. Cheating, cheating, 0:19:12.880 --> 0:19:14.720 That's what I said to him. He's like, but why 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:19.359 he more wanted to probably have something very nontraditional. Was 0:19:19.359 --> 0:19:22.680 this your third marriage? Was? My first two husbands were 0:19:22.720 --> 0:19:25.640 super saying, super solid, and I was the one who 0:19:25.680 --> 0:19:28.040 wasn't ready. So can I ask you why why keep 0:19:28.040 --> 0:19:31.440 getting married again? Well it wasn't exactly like that. So 0:19:31.480 --> 0:19:35.600 the first time it was the eighties so I was nineteen. Okay, guys, 0:19:35.640 --> 0:19:38.720 I love how people use that as an explanation. Brings 0:19:38.720 --> 0:19:40.920 so much join in my heart, Like it was the eighties. 0:19:41.680 --> 0:19:46.000 It's what happened. It's true. And I'm from Minnesota, so 0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:48.680 it's absolutely what people were going to do. Right then, 0:19:48.720 --> 0:19:50.440 It's be like, we've we've been together two and a 0:19:50.440 --> 0:19:54.439 half years, We're getting married. It's the next obvious step here. Um, 0:19:54.520 --> 0:19:57.199 never mind, I'm a teenager, but whatever. A lot of 0:19:57.240 --> 0:19:59.160 my high school friends are still married to their high 0:19:59.160 --> 0:20:02.720