Speaker 1: Alright ready boys, you know you're ready to Yeah, alright,
Speaker 1: cool I Suck It Dating with Dengler, Jared Haven and
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio Podcast and Kendall Long. What's up, suck?
Speaker 1: Aren't you with studio today? It's so good to be here.
Speaker 1: You guys want to know what I realized the suck noise.
Speaker 1: I still love it, you guys want to want to
Speaker 1: realize on the way over to the podcast today. This
Speaker 1: is the fourth calendar year that Help I Suck It
Speaker 1: Dating has been around. And I know it's a bit
Speaker 1: of an embellishment because technically we've only been doing it
Speaker 1: for like twenty eight months, but it started in four
Speaker 1: calendar years and that it's definitely the longest commitment I've
Speaker 1: ever had in my life as anything. Absolutely, I'm sure
Speaker 1: I've been in and out, up and down throughout the
Speaker 1: whole four years. But you know, I'm proving on my own.
Speaker 1: I've been with Vanessa, i'veing with Jared, but here we
Speaker 1: are back in studio. It's my first time in studio
Speaker 1: in two thousand twenty. If you haven't listened to the
Speaker 1: last week's episode, feel free to do that. We checked
Speaker 1: in on me. I think I called him from London. Yes,
Speaker 1: and uh, I kind of updated you guys on my
Speaker 1: injury and I guess we can kind of continue to
Speaker 1: that as the recovery goes on. Joy to see the
Speaker 1: scar real quick, chared, Yeah, it looks it looks like
Speaker 1: a tattoo. It was. Yeah, I kind of like which
Speaker 1: one is. Millipede would be a much more I feel
Speaker 1: like it would have more so so for the audience
Speaker 1: who can't see it. It's right above the so it's
Speaker 1: on his right thigh, on the right side, right above
Speaker 1: his Instagram verified tattoo. I got that. It's about i'd
Speaker 1: say a good four and a half inches five inches long,
Speaker 1: six inches six inches six inches. That doesn't seem like
Speaker 1: six inches. I can care. I think you're rounding up
Speaker 1: and about your six inches. I mean, if that's six inches,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling pretty good about it. It's funny because I
Speaker 1: was laying in the hospital bed and it was all
Speaker 1: bandaged up, and it was like the day after surgery,
Speaker 1: and the doctor comes in and I was asking about
Speaker 1: the incision and everything, and he goes, yeah, it's six
Speaker 1: centimeters long. We did three screws into plate in your hip.
Speaker 1: And then after a couple of days when I could
Speaker 1: take the bandage off, I was like, that's not six
Speaker 1: centimeters long, because six centimeters like an inch and a half.
Speaker 1: And I was like, that's surprisingly small. Uh turns out
Speaker 1: at six inches long. And it turns out they put
Speaker 1: five screws into plate in my hip. So I don't
Speaker 1: know if it was like a communication thing. Did they
Speaker 1: ask your consent beforehand? The I feel like that's so invasive, Yes,
Speaker 1: very invasive. They did ask my consent, but I always
Speaker 1: like hopped up on pain killers when they asked, They're
Speaker 1: like five screws, Like oh wait, no, no no, no, three?
Speaker 1: But you know how excused you want to? Yeah? I
Speaker 1: think I think I mentioned last week. But when they
Speaker 1: were doing all that stuff, like I was like hopped
Speaker 1: up on pain killers and they were like, yeah, we're
Speaker 1: doing this, We're doing this, we're doing this, can sign
Speaker 1: this form and I'm like okay, And then I woke
Speaker 1: up a couple of hours later. But I don't want
Speaker 1: to talk about me too much today because we obviously
Speaker 1: have Kendall in studio. She's gonna be our co host
Speaker 1: and happy to be here. Yeah, we've got a great
Speaker 1: episode for you guys. We've got Kendall. Obviously we want
Speaker 1: to catch up with her. And Jared was just in
Speaker 1: San Francisco doing Almost Famous Live. I want to hear
Speaker 1: more about that. Yeah, we were in San Frantico's past weekend.
Speaker 1: We had an almost I didn't Ashley and Ben had
Speaker 1: an Almost Famous live podcast. It was a lot of fun,
Speaker 1: Like four people came out. But the reason I bring
Speaker 1: it up is because when I went on stage, because
Speaker 1: I was one of the guests. I went out after
Speaker 1: Derek and I got on stage, and obviously I'm shamelessly
Speaker 1: plugging this podcast, telling everybody to listen, to subscribe, comment,
Speaker 1: follow us on Instagram. And then somebody from the audience goes, help,
Speaker 1: I suck at dating. So then I started spreading like, yes, help,
Speaker 1: I suck at dating. And so I started doing it,
Speaker 1: and I got at least of the people to start chanting,
Speaker 1: help I suck at dating. How How great would it
Speaker 1: have been if while you were on stage chanting it.
Speaker 1: I walked in through the back door and started chanting
Speaker 1: and getting the back of the crowd riyals And that's
Speaker 1: pretty much my purpose in life. Mob angry sucky mob.
Speaker 1: And then there was a section afterwards where we did
Speaker 1: like a little meet and greet, and at least fifteen
Speaker 1: people came up to me and we're like, hey, I'm
Speaker 1: part of Stuck Army. Yes, it's an army, it's a movement.
Speaker 1: How many were how many were in attendance? Like twenty thousand?
Speaker 1: That's good, it's a lot. It's like it's a starting point, Dean. Okay,
Speaker 1: but it was pretty cool when people came off and started,
Speaker 1: you know, commenting on how much I love the podcast,
Speaker 1: and it was a really cool moment. We do need to,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, we need to change that sound effect. It
Speaker 1: sounds like an octopus like tentacle. Yeah right, I picture
Speaker 1: like suck. Yeah. But what I think we should do
Speaker 1: is we should make one of Dean yelling like sucked
Speaker 1: army assemble. I'll be pretty good. Maybe like a vacuum
Speaker 1: cleaner just turning on real quick. Oh, anyway, we'll work
Speaker 1: on changing that sound. But yeah, anyway, back to you,
Speaker 1: Kendy Kendall, thank you for joining us. You know what's
Speaker 1: funny I mentioned the last time you're on this podcast,
Speaker 1: but the first time I ever co hosted this podcast
Speaker 1: was with you. Yes, I remember, and that was long
Speaker 1: before I was a staple on the podcast Thank You
Speaker 1: Amy has your own podcast to down to Date This
Speaker 1: is true down to date and help other people find
Speaker 1: you're main competition. I know, bring it on. We brought
Speaker 1: you here today. It's actually to murder you. Yeah, you're
Speaker 1: gonna die, tell us about it. Yeah. So basically I
Speaker 1: faciltate a first date between two strangers in the podcast
Speaker 1: studio and um, I act as like a third wheel,
Speaker 1: fly on the wall, and UM, I try to bring
Speaker 1: it on in the podcast studio. It's it's pretty fun
Speaker 1: get on the podcast. How do you get these people
Speaker 1: to come on and go on the first date? Um? Friends,
Speaker 1: friends of friends, like literally anybody can go on and UM,
Speaker 1: it's been fun to see like how people act during
Speaker 1: like a first date that I control. And so how
Speaker 1: do you match them up? Do you? Kind of? Usually
Speaker 1: most of this time, yeah, you don't get to know
Speaker 1: the person beforehand, not really. Sometimes I help my friends
Speaker 1: go on, but I feel like the best kind of
Speaker 1: relationships are the ones you don't expect. So I like
Speaker 1: to put people in a room together and just let
Speaker 1: it all hang loose and just go for it. Sometimes
Speaker 1: it works, Yeah, it does. You had any success yet? Um,
Speaker 1: we've had some people who have gone on multiple dates afterwards.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if there's any commitment going on yet,
Speaker 1: but I think it's a pretty hyper spil. Season two
Speaker 1: is four. You can follow up with all the guests.
Speaker 1: Season two. I want to I really want to be
Speaker 1: an officiate for a wedding someone as officiate. You'd like
Speaker 1: to officiate a wedding. I'd like to officiate a wedding.
Speaker 1: I think that'd be kind of cool, and that would
Speaker 1: be a wedding of two people that met on down
Speaker 1: the date. Hopefully that's what your accept any other wedding, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you should do like a smaller version of Bachelor,
Speaker 1: Like you bring two people in that don't know each
Speaker 1: other that you've done no research on, and they either
Speaker 1: get engaged by the time the podcast ends or they
Speaker 1: go their separate ways. There's nowhere in between. Can I
Speaker 1: also add to this, uh this this Sprain serving Sally
Speaker 1: bring it on, maybe bringing one guy and then bringing
Speaker 1: like four girls all on the mics, and every ten
Speaker 1: minutes the guy eliminates one girl until there's one girl left.
Speaker 1: So savage, it's pretty savage, but that's the nature of
Speaker 1: the game. That's true, like almost like a blind dating
Speaker 1: kind of podcast games of podcasts. Again, we're not telling
Speaker 1: you how to run your podcast here, no, but I
Speaker 1: like these ideas. Keep them coming out, steal all of them.
Speaker 1: Give you no credit. You do this help I second
Speaker 1: dating one episode? Well yeah, okay maybe, and then beyond
Speaker 1: the podcast, you just got a dog. I did. He's
Speaker 1: a little weenie, Um, a little weenie dog. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: bought six inches. His name is on a good Day Um,
Speaker 1: and he's great. He's like a cuddler. He'll cuddle me
Speaker 1: like every night, and um he hates everybody else but me.
Speaker 1: So it's perfectly what made you want to get a dog? Um.
Speaker 1: I've always wanted to rescue, and I've um fostered a
Speaker 1: lot of dogs. So I felt like I really wanted
Speaker 1: to make the commitment of actually like saving a dog. UM.
Speaker 1: And it always breaks your heart to have to leave them,
Speaker 1: So I figured, why not, it's go for it. Then
Speaker 1: you just picked this one. I'm so with the rescue
Speaker 1: how to go about? Um so rescued from Bunny's Buddies,
Speaker 1: which a lot of people are familiar with. UM, and
Speaker 1: they sent me kind of a grainy photo of him
Speaker 1: and they said he was going to die in two days,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I will saythan yes. So um,
Speaker 1: you can't say no to that, so you know, I'm
Speaker 1: glad that I didn't and so um yeah. A month
Speaker 1: later they flew him to America and he is now
Speaker 1: an American pup. Where from He's in South Korea? Nice
Speaker 1: and what's his name again, Dashio Dasio. He's a little nuttie.
Speaker 1: So I've got a real, real soft spot for dockxins.
Speaker 1: When I was a kid, we had a miniature long
Speaker 1: haired docksins. The long haired ones are a little feisty.
Speaker 1: She was really yappy, but just ever since having her,
Speaker 1: her name was Soubrette, I've always had a soft spot
Speaker 1: for them. My roommate hates docksins. Like if he dates
Speaker 1: a girl and it ends up she has a docks in,
Speaker 1: he like immediately severs all ties of communicating. I mean, well,
Speaker 1: docksins are very They're fiercely loyal and like highlighting on
Speaker 1: the fierce part. I feel like he's just he has
Speaker 1: been abused in previous homes, so I feel like he
Speaker 1: has a distrust for humans, but he loves other dogs,
Speaker 1: so it just perfect. How can you not like other dogs,
Speaker 1: he's he First he was a little bit hesitant to
Speaker 1: warm up, but then, um, he did really well. Now
Speaker 1: he does really well. Well, how do how do take
Speaker 1: to you? Automatically he loved me. You know, it just
Speaker 1: makes me feel a lot better about who I am.
Speaker 1: You know, like when a dog doesn't like you, you
Speaker 1: take it personally. Yeah. The fact that he just automatically
Speaker 1: loved me and I I printed on me right away, it
Speaker 1: makes me feel really great. You agree to adopt Pistachio
Speaker 1: before you've even ever met him? Yes? Yeah, And well
Speaker 1: let's say, for obviously worst case scenario, they bring him
Speaker 1: to America and then, for whatever reason doesn't work out
Speaker 1: with you and him, then would you bring it to
Speaker 1: a foster shelter here in Los Angeles? For me, that
Speaker 1: wasn't ever an option. Um. I feel like, once you
Speaker 1: commit to life, you have to just dedicate, you know.
Speaker 1: So for me, it was like all I mean, right now,
Speaker 1: he's through training. He had his first training class today.
Speaker 1: He got so many little hot dogs. He was very
Speaker 1: very proud of him. Um, so yeah, I mean we're
Speaker 1: getting better. I mean he's not. He definitely has a
Speaker 1: lot of behavioral issues. He has to work out, but um,
Speaker 1: I'm along for the long ride, you know, to bounce
Speaker 1: off your idea about once you commit to a life.
Speaker 1: My sister and her husband rescued a dog, and uh
Speaker 1: they he had a heart murmur, which was we found
Speaker 1: out as soon as they got I think from a breeder,
Speaker 1: I can't remember exactly, and it was pretty rescue, I
Speaker 1: cant remember. But they found out they had a heart murmur,
Speaker 1: but it was a very low level one, wasn't gonna
Speaker 1: cause any health issues. Two weeks later they brought into
Speaker 1: the event, found out it was the worst level heart
Speaker 1: murmur you could possibly have as a dog, and the
Speaker 1: dog would live only until six months unless they have
Speaker 1: heart surgery, which would have cost them six thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: They found this out two weeks after they got the checkbook,
Speaker 1: so of course they had to have the conversation, do
Speaker 1: we go forward with this and spend this kind of
Speaker 1: money to save the dog, or after two weeks, do we,
Speaker 1: you know, give him away and get another one. And
Speaker 1: of course they paid the six thousand dollars and now
Speaker 1: Boston is a very healthy, long living dog. You would
Speaker 1: have told that story if didn't pay the six Out
Speaker 1: of absolutely I knew where this story was going. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you think I was gonna end that story and be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: so they gave him the dog, and the dog probably
Speaker 1: did now, but now they have a healthy little bijon
Speaker 1: uh named Rascal. No uh, but yeah, that would have
Speaker 1: been a dark turn to say the last. My brother
Speaker 1: has got a wing too. By the way, before we
Speaker 1: move on, I want to show Kendle this real quick.
Speaker 1: So Kendall reach out to me after my surgery and
Speaker 1: gave me a bit of advice and I went out
Speaker 1: and oh, my gosh, you're reading it. I have not
Speaker 1: cracked it yet. Okay, Well, you know the original plan
Speaker 1: was to read about a hundred pages of this book.
Speaker 1: Kind of recommended to get the book. What's the name
Speaker 1: of this book? Will Blow your Mind? Journeys at the
Speaker 1: Extremes of Science. It's an amazing, amazing book. It definitely
Speaker 1: does blow your mind. Why did you recommend it? Um?
Speaker 1: Because it's one of those things that kind of takes
Speaker 1: you away from your current situation. What is it about? Well,
Speaker 1: it's about mind blowing things, right, yeah? Okay, so well yeah,
Speaker 1: it's about it's basically about um, things that happen in
Speaker 1: the real world. That you can't believe happen. It's just
Speaker 1: so mind blowing. Um So, a lot about like space,
Speaker 1: a lot about just like like how we see color,
Speaker 1: just in general, like things we take for granted every day.
Speaker 1: Is that the kind of thing like what my blue
Speaker 1: is could be your red? No, I've heard this before.
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily believe in that. I feel like, Okay,
Speaker 1: So our eyes are so limited in the sense that
Speaker 1: we can only see a certain amount of colors because
Speaker 1: of the amount of cones that we have. Um So,
Speaker 1: if you look like a Mansais shrimp, they have like
Speaker 1: twenty three cones, so they can see like two million, thousand,
Speaker 1: bozillion colors compared to how many colors we can see.
Speaker 1: Um So, that kind of stuff blows your mind. So
Speaker 1: if somebody's color blind, do they only have two cones? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Well so, so there's two different kinds of color blind.
Speaker 1: So there's one color it's like become like a science podcast,
Speaker 1: it's great. Um So, there's one kind of color blind
Speaker 1: where you have a lack of cones. And usually men
Speaker 1: are the ones that have that kind of color blind
Speaker 1: symptom because I haven't one less chromosome um than women.
Speaker 1: Um but then there's another one where you're, well, actually
Speaker 1: it crosses, it blends colors. So those are the ones
Speaker 1: where you see people putting on those glasses and they're like,
Speaker 1: oh wow, I can see colors now, you know. So
Speaker 1: there's just it depends. But there's been like studies where
Speaker 1: they have like injected like red cones into like chimpanzees
Speaker 1: eyes and people not people, and the chimpanzee can actually
Speaker 1: start seeing like red. So it's pretty fascinating. The crazy
Speaker 1: thing to think about that. And sorry, and she's ready
Speaker 1: to go, We're gonna bring her in before we do that, though,
Speaker 1: I do want to say the crazy thing to think
Speaker 1: about to your point, you said, mantis shrimp have uh
Speaker 1: ten x more cones in their eyes than we do.
Speaker 1: It's like it's it's colors that we can't even fathom
Speaker 1: what they are, right, Like their rainbow is like extra thick, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know. I mean it's usually variants of the same colors.
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess it's like the best that we
Speaker 1: can do, like variants of the same color as we
Speaker 1: can see, but like different kinds of magenta are different,
Speaker 1: you know. So well, we'll talk about more of that
Speaker 1: maybe affair anyway. Next up, we have Dr Tracy McMillan
Speaker 1: coming in and we are going to dive into a
Speaker 1: little bit bit of a bit about her and what
Speaker 1: she has to offer for our Suck Army. She has
Speaker 1: a lot of thoughts, actually here she has. She says
Speaker 1: that men are way more into relationships than women's terms
Speaker 1: of commitment. That's false. She says that you should have
Speaker 1: the baby before you get marry. She's pro arranged marriages. Interesting.
Speaker 1: She has a lot of interesting thoughts that we need
Speaker 1: to get into it. She was on Oprah. I feel
Speaker 1: like that's that's impressive as well. That was super impressive.
Speaker 1: Point is you're not gonna want to miss it. So
Speaker 1: stay tuned, will be right back. Welcome back, Suck Army.
Speaker 1: To help I suck at dating. We have a very
Speaker 1: special guest who is in studio with us right now.
Speaker 1: She is a television writer, relationship expert, and author of
Speaker 1: three books, including Why You're Not Married Yet and her
Speaker 1: ted talk. The Person You Really Need to Marry has
Speaker 1: more than twelve million views. It is doctor Tracy McMillan,
Speaker 1: except I'm not a doctor. We're gonna call you doctor anyways. Yeah,
Speaker 1: people do people on Twitter, it says right there on
Speaker 1: the front, doctor Tracy McMillan. People on Twitter decided I
Speaker 1: was a doctor on the weekend. Just accept it. It's
Speaker 1: somebody called me a doctor. I and Dr Jared Haven
Speaker 1: m d on whatever you think I practiced, all right, Well, Tracy,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming in having me. I
Speaker 1: love being here, of course. So actually, Mark was expressing
Speaker 1: some of your views before you came in, which I
Speaker 1: think the audience would love to know more about. One
Speaker 1: example is men are way more committed to relationships. Okay, well, okay,
Speaker 1: that's probably a little bit simplified over something. So here's
Speaker 1: the things what we do here help us. That's okay,
Speaker 1: that's okay. So one of the things about, for example,
Speaker 1: women filed for divorce the time. Women are the people
Speaker 1: who filed for divorce, So you gotta wonder why is that.
Speaker 1: I think part of the reason is that when women
Speaker 1: are unhappy in a marriage or a relationship, because it's
Speaker 1: kind of goes for a relationship, they're way more unhappy
Speaker 1: than when a man is unhappy in a marriage because
Speaker 1: like dudes can compartmentalize in way days that women either
Speaker 1: kenna will not will not and Also, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of research about how when men are committed to the
Speaker 1: relationship and open to being what's called influenced by their wives,
Speaker 1: this would go for the girlfriends to the relationship is
Speaker 1: much happier now it doesn't work the other way. Well,
Speaker 1: my explanation on that, I think my on my idea
Speaker 1: would be that guys are and I'm speaking as a
Speaker 1: guy so I can say this. You know, we might
Speaker 1: be a little stubborn, maybe a little, So I think
Speaker 1: guys are just I think also a lot of relationships
Speaker 1: that I've seen, women are the ones who are not
Speaker 1: afraid to speak about their and where a guy will
Speaker 1: just if something's wrong, he'll just handle itpartment compartmentalized and
Speaker 1: and and not want to deal with the situation. That's right. Women, Um, well,
Speaker 1: this is all research. Um. Women are the people who
Speaker 1: bring up problems in a relationship like much more than
Speaker 1: men do. So I think the thing about being influenced,
Speaker 1: what it means is, as to explain Dean Um, So basically,
Speaker 1: to be influenced means you listen to your partner, you
Speaker 1: take in what they say, and you allow yourself to
Speaker 1: be changed by it, as opposed to just oh, there's
Speaker 1: words raining down on my ears. Nothing is going to
Speaker 1: change in my heart or in my behavior. So when
Speaker 1: a man is open to being influenced by his wife
Speaker 1: or girlfriend, they those couples report a much higher satisfaction
Speaker 1: in their relationships. Now, when women are open to being
Speaker 1: influenced by man, it doesn't change the outcome of the
Speaker 1: happiness quotient. It's really a guy thing, because I think
Speaker 1: it's it works the other way. When a guy is
Speaker 1: not open to being influenced in his relationship, it makes
Speaker 1: a lot of unhappiness, very unhappy partner influence what do
Speaker 1: you mean? Influence on what like to be taking in
Speaker 1: what they're hearing, to be moved by what they're hearing,
Speaker 1: to be willing to change, learn, but doesn't cover the
Speaker 1: gambit like change emotionally change. So if you say, okay,
Speaker 1: for for example, in one of my marriages, because guys,
Speaker 1: you know I've been married a lot, right, okay? How
Speaker 1: many times? Three times? Okay? Okay, So judging by your math,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna crunch the numbers real quickly. You filed
Speaker 1: for divorce twice out of those three times, All three
Speaker 1: times I was just I looked down in your hand.
Speaker 1: I didn't say rings. I like, I think it's three
Speaker 1: times no. But the thing about it is is that
Speaker 1: even the third time he was like iffy and the
Speaker 1: but he would have stayed married. See, he was okay
Speaker 1: to have do we swear on this show? Okay, he
Speaker 1: was okay to have bullsh going on and be married.
Speaker 1: He was just like, why do you have to leave?
Speaker 1: It's just Bill, And I'm like, no, because I don't
Speaker 1: do bull Do you think it's because maybe men sometimes
Speaker 1: are better at like distracting themselves too. Yeah, that's to me.
Speaker 1: The compartmentalizing thing he did, it wasn't like it didn't
Speaker 1: mean he didn't want me. It just meant he was
Speaker 1: very confused and wanted to be able to go to
Speaker 1: dinner with other women and maybe date them. Cheating, cheating,
Speaker 1: That's what I said to him. He's like, but why
Speaker 1: he more wanted to probably have something very nontraditional. Was
Speaker 1: this your third marriage? Was? My first two husbands were
Speaker 1: super saying, super solid, and I was the one who
Speaker 1: wasn't ready. So can I ask you why why keep
Speaker 1: getting married again? Well it wasn't exactly like that. So
Speaker 1: the first time it was the eighties so I was nineteen. Okay, guys,
Speaker 1: I love how people use that as an explanation. Brings
Speaker 1: so much join in my heart, Like it was the eighties.
Speaker 1: It's what happened. It's true. And I'm from Minnesota, so
Speaker 1: it's absolutely what people were going to do. Right then,
Speaker 1: It's be like, we've we've been together two and a
Speaker 1: half years, We're getting married. It's the next obvious step here. Um,
Speaker 1: never mind, I'm a teenager, but whatever. A lot of
Speaker 1: my high school friends are still married to their high
Speaker 1: school sweethearts, so it can work. Do you think they're miserable? Um? Actually,
Speaker 1: I think most of them are not. Miss And sometimes
Speaker 1: this other friend of mine and will be like, are
Speaker 1: they really happy? I'm like, I think they are. Do
Speaker 1: you think there was a time when they were miserable. No,
Speaker 1: I think we're about to step into another whole topic
Speaker 1: around attachment and secure attachment. And I think securely attached
Speaker 1: people enjoy being in a relationship. It to no big deal.
Speaker 1: And but they pair up very young and then they're
Speaker 1: out of the dating pool. Well, so, so you first
Speaker 1: marriage with the eighties. The second time I was pregnant,
Speaker 1: and that was in the nineties, so there were thirteen
Speaker 1: years between my first and my second marriage. So when
Speaker 1: you say why I keep getting married, I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: that was a long time in between, and then there
Speaker 1: was My next marriage was in two thousand and five,
Speaker 1: so that was to two thousand five. Second math nine
Speaker 1: years and then and that's four years ago since I
Speaker 1: was married. Wow. Yeah, great, you missed the you want
Speaker 1: to hit every decade had you hit? I know, Well
Speaker 1: we're not done yet. Yeah, that's okay. I've learned. I
Speaker 1: don't need to. I do want to get married again.
Speaker 1: I do, I mean, but not for just because it
Speaker 1: has to be right. I'm to hear what kinda thinks
Speaker 1: about all this, because you have some interesting ideas. When
Speaker 1: you say the baby before getting married the person essentially, Yeah,
Speaker 1: here's what I want to do. I want to open
Speaker 1: your guys minds to other ways to be in a
Speaker 1: relationship that isn't the bachelor, because that only works for
Speaker 1: some people, for a small amount of people. I would
Speaker 1: say my example is always like a home perm. It's
Speaker 1: like a home perm. One third of the people are
Speaker 1: going to get nothing, one third of the people are
Speaker 1: going to get perfect curls, and one third of the
Speaker 1: people are gonna be like they stuck their finger in
Speaker 1: a socket. And I feel like the traditional idea of
Speaker 1: like we got we met, we got married, we were
Speaker 1: twenty four whatever, that works for one third of the people,
Speaker 1: and then there's everybody else, and so I'm trying to go,
Speaker 1: what if you're in the other sixty let's talk. No,
Speaker 1: it's get creative. I think part of me agrees that
Speaker 1: usually it's a female that gets restless in a relationship. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm curious because you you had mentioned before that you
Speaker 1: were interested or you you support like, um, arranged marriages.
Speaker 1: Why why is that? Well, I'm gonna say, I'm going
Speaker 1: to use that word loosely. I'm gonna say there's a
Speaker 1: lot of research on arranged marriages that they're actually very happy.
Speaker 1: They are happy marriages. Now, I'm always looking for the
Speaker 1: wise when I read this stuff, I'm like, why is that.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say, number one, it's probably because people when
Speaker 1: they get romantic, like that romantic thing that happens where
Speaker 1: you're just like turned on and like whoa fired up?
Speaker 1: That is actually unresolved trauma, emotional stuff, childhood stuff, generational
Speaker 1: stuff coming to the surface being activated. That's what that exciting,
Speaker 1: fearful feeling is so when you somebody arranged as a marriage,
Speaker 1: they're not choosing out of that, they're choosing out of
Speaker 1: like you're this and you're this, and like this should work,
Speaker 1: and there's not the expectation that this person is gonna
Speaker 1: make me happy. The expectation is we're going to build
Speaker 1: a live Yeah, I can agree. I think the advent
Speaker 1: like of like dating apps and stuff like that, it's
Speaker 1: like the power of choice, and at one point is
Speaker 1: the power of choice to bilitating you know, Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: pretty soon, right, yeah, five minutes into swiping, you're like this,
Speaker 1: And I feel like that's why dating is so like short,
Speaker 1: you know, so quick. It's like a quick turnaround. At
Speaker 1: least I'm speaking for Los Angeles because I feel like, um,
Speaker 1: there's always something else that's shiny, and so the idea
Speaker 1: of you're committed to this, you're in this, make it work,
Speaker 1: or find a way to find happinessness is kind of
Speaker 1: something that you know, it sounds kind of cool. Well,
Speaker 1: it's a lot us about like thumbs up. I like that.
Speaker 1: I don't like that. It's just so much less about
Speaker 1: which way the wind is blowing. Emotionally or inside of you,
Speaker 1: because like we change a lot of times. I would
Speaker 1: say the idea of arranging a marriage, like I see
Speaker 1: a lot of couples who got married because it was time,
Speaker 1: and people say that's a bad thing, But I'm kind
Speaker 1: of like not so sure. I'm like, maybe that's okay.
Speaker 1: It's that's a good thing for people to get married
Speaker 1: when it's time. No, I'm saying it's an option that
Speaker 1: you could just choose somebody who's like appropriate, that you
Speaker 1: get along with, that you could And I'm saying all
Speaker 1: the ways they arrange a marriage the same set of criteria,
Speaker 1: and that you come into it not with the idea
Speaker 1: like this is gonna be the most passionate, oh my
Speaker 1: god thing. You come into it like we're going to
Speaker 1: build a life together. Well, I think people forget with
Speaker 1: marriages and relationships that this person, yes, you'll be spending
Speaker 1: the rest of your life with, but you're also gonna
Speaker 1: be spending every day with. So like you said, there
Speaker 1: has to be more than just the romance. You're gonna
Speaker 1: have a conversation with this person every day for the
Speaker 1: rest of your life, hopefully as long as it works,
Speaker 1: and you have to factor that in when you're choosing
Speaker 1: who you want to hopefully spend the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: I saw a study I just looked it up about
Speaker 1: arranged marriages, and it says, according to a two thousand
Speaker 1: twelve study by Statistic brain Take that as you go,
Speaker 1: fifty three percent of marriages are arranged worldwide. The global
Speaker 1: divorce rate for arranged marriages is six point three. I
Speaker 1: gotta said, it's pretty low, but also we also but
Speaker 1: we also understand that maybe there's probably a lot of
Speaker 1: different factors into why arranged marriages stay married. Come on
Speaker 1: the other side, I disagree with the range marriage things.
Speaker 1: Uh explain. I think it's like fringe territory of human trafficking.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like pseudo in a sense. And the
Speaker 1: only reason, in my opinion, again I could be wrong,
Speaker 1: in just an opinion that the divorce rate is low
Speaker 1: is because the only reason they're doing it is to
Speaker 1: fulfill fulfill their family's wishes, their mother and father whatever
Speaker 1: it is which is that's going to stop and feeling
Speaker 1: divorce as well. I'm not suggesting your mom and dad
Speaker 1: set you up. I'm suggesting you find a marriage that
Speaker 1: is appropriate that you're not choosing from the Bachelor criteria,
Speaker 1: You're choosing from these other criteria that are more like
Speaker 1: building a life with someone. And I also want to say,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying I'm in favor of arranged marriages. I
Speaker 1: was just bringing up the stats for context people. Um,
Speaker 1: but I agree with you there because sometimes when I
Speaker 1: look at the Bachelor now that being in a relationship
Speaker 1: for uh, you know, a couple of years, after being
Speaker 1: friends with my wife for so long and now being married,
Speaker 1: you do realize that while you're watching the show, and
Speaker 1: and I understand that those feelings are real because I
Speaker 1: was there there in their spot at one point, as
Speaker 1: we all were, and the feelings are real. But you
Speaker 1: what they don't know in the moment is that that
Speaker 1: relationship right there in that bubble, you're gonna have to
Speaker 1: take back into the real world and develop up and
Speaker 1: strengthen and choose each other every day and incorporate each
Speaker 1: other into each other's lives, both with families, location, uh,
Speaker 1: work goals. Because sure, there's probably a lot of things
Speaker 1: that you guys have in common when you're talking and
Speaker 1: having conversations, but I guarantee you there's a lot of
Speaker 1: other things that you don't have in common that you're
Speaker 1: not even thinking about that a year and a half
Speaker 1: down the road you're gonna realize could cause uh some
Speaker 1: issues in the relationships. So what we're talking about is
Speaker 1: what is the quality of that first nine to eighteen
Speaker 1: months going to be? Like is it going to be
Speaker 1: like super hot or is it going to be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I think I met somebody I can really work with.
Speaker 1: So that's really what we're talking about, because what you're
Speaker 1: saying is after the eighteen months, the work is the same.
Speaker 1: It's about choosing each other every day. It's about So
Speaker 1: we're talking about a quality of the hot part, because
Speaker 1: the hot part cools off pretty much for every I
Speaker 1: guess like because the bachelor world is such a like
Speaker 1: a fantasy in a lot of ways, it tears you
Speaker 1: out of your normal life and puts you in like
Speaker 1: this world where anything is possible, and um, when that
Speaker 1: starts to become a challenge, then that's where the real decisions. Yes,
Speaker 1: and I think that the falling in love period mirrors
Speaker 1: that fantasy period. Like now that I've been in relationships
Speaker 1: as many as I've been in I in the falling
Speaker 1: in love period, I just say to the person, guess
Speaker 1: what this is gonna wear off? Like, I do not
Speaker 1: think this is going to maintain because it's not how
Speaker 1: long do we think it's supposed to last? Well, there's
Speaker 1: actually a lot of brain chemistry on this. It's like
Speaker 1: it's like anywhere between nine to fifteen months, you know,
Speaker 1: six to twelve, like somewhere in there. It's so interesting
Speaker 1: because it makes you think, were we built to be
Speaker 1: monogamous and to have like these long lasting relationships, or
Speaker 1: were we built to have oh that quick, fiery passion,
Speaker 1: have a baby, move on. I think we are built
Speaker 1: for all of it and go to the home perm thing.
Speaker 1: Some people are built for multiple partners, some people are
Speaker 1: built for one part or some people could go either
Speaker 1: way depending on circumstances. And if you were having a
Speaker 1: tribe of like a hundred and fifty people, which is
Speaker 1: how we used to live, you'd want some of each. Obviously,
Speaker 1: you don't want everybody getting married a hundred times, and
Speaker 1: you don't you know, you don't want everybody doing that,
Speaker 1: but you it would be good for you know, keeping
Speaker 1: things not just interesting, but well, it's more like the
Speaker 1: variety that you would get, the genetic variety that you
Speaker 1: would get, because some people run over to the other
Speaker 1: tribe and go get somebody, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Like the variety that you would get would be good
Speaker 1: for the species, like we are animals and we evolved.
Speaker 1: Jared made a good point, I think near the end
Speaker 1: of December and November, one of those episodes, you said that, Uh,
Speaker 1: correct if I'm wrong. Obviously you said humans in your opinion,
Speaker 1: aren't inherently monogamous, but you make it the choice to
Speaker 1: be every single day. And I find that more romantic.
Speaker 1: I think in our society, a lot of people just
Speaker 1: believe eve or want to believe that you're destined to
Speaker 1: be with one person and and you know, you you
Speaker 1: find your soul mate. I believe that there is a
Speaker 1: type of person for me that I connect with more
Speaker 1: than others. So if you want to say that that
Speaker 1: type of person is my soul mate, sure, but I'm
Speaker 1: not sure if that really narrows it down to one person.
Speaker 1: And so like with my wife, I her and I
Speaker 1: choose each other every day, and we're gonna have to
Speaker 1: continue doing that every day in order to have a
Speaker 1: successful marriage. Uh. And that's something that I try not
Speaker 1: to forget about. Um. And I try to remind myself
Speaker 1: because I think a lot of times in relationships, UM
Speaker 1: people they back out too easily because they think, well,
Speaker 1: if it's hard here, then this person is not meant
Speaker 1: for me. And I've said it a million times on
Speaker 1: this podcast. But like I said, if something gets difficult
Speaker 1: and they choose to go the other way, and they're like, wow,
Speaker 1: it just didn't work out because you know that was
Speaker 1: really hard, and it's like, I got news for you.
Speaker 1: Whatever relationship you're in, there's gonna be a lot of
Speaker 1: difficult times and you're going to have to work at it.
Speaker 1: And so really what it comes down to is either
Speaker 1: you choose to be with this person or you don't.
Speaker 1: Don't you can choose to do work or you don't. Exactly.
Speaker 1: Some people just hold the beach ball underwater, though, and
Speaker 1: then they're like we're getting along, look at us, but
Speaker 1: they just don't ever open the closet, you know, they
Speaker 1: don't ever have the conversations, the hard conversation, no way
Speaker 1: to go through life, right. I feel There's been like
Speaker 1: certain studies with lizards that show that some are built
Speaker 1: to be monogamous while others are more polyamorous. So there's
Speaker 1: like proteins that are built in the DNA, and I
Speaker 1: think they find that in humans as well. So I
Speaker 1: feel like I feel bec I'm very scientifically minded that
Speaker 1: humans are either born monogamous or born polyamorous, and I
Speaker 1: think you'd like society live up to that. And I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say, there's probably okay, So if we're going to
Speaker 1: the genetic thing, it would be like there's probably some
Speaker 1: things that are you know, like eye color where it
Speaker 1: can be not just blue, or what it could be
Speaker 1: in half, and there's probably people because I feel sometimes
Speaker 1: I think of it as hunters and farmers and like
Speaker 1: I'm a hunter. R Okay, Like I'm part hunter for sure.
Speaker 1: Obviously I've been married three times, I've been in eleven relationships,
Speaker 1: and I sometimes joke that I'm gonna be lying on
Speaker 1: my death bed holding the hand of my new boyfriend,
Speaker 1: you know, but I really don't want that. But once
Speaker 1: I'm but I need to be monogamous inside of a relationship.
Speaker 1: And I do not want to have casual sex. I've
Speaker 1: never wanted to have casual sex. I never had a
Speaker 1: one night stand. I do not want to have a
Speaker 1: one night stand. So I feel like I'm both of
Speaker 1: those things, you know. But then how long do I say?
Speaker 1: My longest is like almost six years. But then if
Speaker 1: you go to my relationship with my kids, Dad, we
Speaker 1: just talked today and my kids twenty two and we
Speaker 1: still get along. But we started out as coworkers and
Speaker 1: we still are. You know what I'm saying. It's like
Speaker 1: the coworker relationship was a perfect building block for family.
Speaker 1: It was like, we make decisions together, We are very
Speaker 1: functional together. I mean, was it super passionate. No, If
Speaker 1: it were seven, would that be a great marriage. Sure,
Speaker 1: But we're not in n And like people want to have,
Speaker 1: you know, um self actualization through their through their relationships,
Speaker 1: we want to capture like something spiritual through our relationships.
Speaker 1: Have a longer life expectancy exactly. I mean I feel
Speaker 1: like it because life is so much longer. There's so
Speaker 1: much more room for things to go wrong, for things
Speaker 1: to be upsetting in a relationship, and also to do
Speaker 1: it in different ways. That's also why I want to
Speaker 1: just put it out there, like we need to invent
Speaker 1: some new ways to structure relationships, you know. And that's
Speaker 1: where it comes in where it's like maybe you have
Speaker 1: the baby with somebody who's great that you can work with,
Speaker 1: but you don't necessarily imagine that this is going to
Speaker 1: be where you're gonna partner. You can partner in a family.
Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean that's not to say was a
Speaker 1: romantic partnership. I'm just there's a lot of different ways
Speaker 1: to look at it too. I had a question because
Speaker 1: we talked about I think we talked about two separate things.
Speaker 1: One uh, like you said, holding the beach ball into
Speaker 1: water and not having those difficult conversations. So I guess
Speaker 1: for people listening out there that might be going through
Speaker 1: difficult time in their relationship, how far is too far?
Speaker 1: Because I say, you know, you have to still be
Speaker 1: willing to fight for the relationship. Do what you guys
Speaker 1: need to do with it. You go to therapy, talk more,
Speaker 1: be more romantic, put each other first, so and so forth,
Speaker 1: or go the other side. You know, when do you
Speaker 1: know enough is enough and it's time for you to
Speaker 1: move on? I'm gonna say I'm going to the attachment
Speaker 1: thing now. If the relationship is not secure functioning, what
Speaker 1: we would call secure functioning, so secure functioning relationship, it's
Speaker 1: like it works on a basic level and so when
Speaker 1: I'm in a relationship that doesn't have secure functioning, right,
Speaker 1: that's when I leave. So what you're describing where each
Speaker 1: of you you negotiate things, you're each choosing it every day.
Speaker 1: There's this um you have basic trust, you know. And
Speaker 1: when I say basic trust, I mean like you trust
Speaker 1: each other. Because see, here's the thing. We are primates.
Speaker 1: We come in our brain is too big, we get
Speaker 1: born too early, and we have this intense period of
Speaker 1: dependency on our caretakers for the first year or two
Speaker 1: really ten of life but could be, but but for
Speaker 1: sure for the first year. So what that means is
Speaker 1: we evolved to need to attach. That is number one.
Speaker 1: It's even more important than food. Right. So we attached
Speaker 1: to our mother. That becomes our primary attachment. Whatever that is.
Speaker 1: That thing is what we map love relationships onto later.
Speaker 1: So the thing is is when you're meeting in somebody
Speaker 1: and you're falling in love, you're just doing bond in
Speaker 1: an attachment. Okay, So some people attach in ways that
Speaker 1: are insecure. They don't feel safe. It's like their mom
Speaker 1: doesn't come when they cry, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like they're in distress a lot. The partner doesn't know
Speaker 1: how to calm them down. These are the things I'm
Speaker 1: talking about. So if you're in a relationship that's hard,
Speaker 1: but it's hard in a way where you never feel safe,
Speaker 1: you feel like you're very upset all the time, you
Speaker 1: have cortisol going all the time, every day, there's arguing,
Speaker 1: it's uncertain. That's when you that's that's when you want
Speaker 1: to go. Now if it's hard, like, oh wow, I'm
Speaker 1: really having to confront myself, I'm really having to do this,
Speaker 1: you know, hard work of making this choice one day
Speaker 1: at a time and growing emotionally and you know, being
Speaker 1: honest on a whole new level and dealing with shame
Speaker 1: and all the things that come up in a relationship.
Speaker 1: That's not the kind of hard you leave, you know,
Speaker 1: So there's different kinds of heart. Makes perfect sense. I think,
Speaker 1: what do you think? It's just so hard to know?
Speaker 1: And I guess in life you never truly know. No,
Speaker 1: I'm going to know because your body's going to tell you.
Speaker 1: I agree. And the way that she described it makes
Speaker 1: it sound like it's easier to know because I've been
Speaker 1: in those relationships before where I was always on edge,
Speaker 1: this anxiety of coursing through my body all that you said, Uh,
Speaker 1: and now in the relationship that I'm in now, I
Speaker 1: don't feel that same way. So it is I agree,
Speaker 1: and I can see why. Maybe, like in the moment,
Speaker 1: you it's hard to pinpoint exactly what's causing the anxiety
Speaker 1: or whatever it is. But then once you move yourself
Speaker 1: from that relationship and you don't miss it, even if
Speaker 1: you love the person the sex was so great, you're like,
Speaker 1: thank god I was. I see, I was in a
Speaker 1: different scenario. Granted this was in my younger twenties to
Speaker 1: mid twenties, but I was in a situation where I
Speaker 1: ended it with a girl who is incredible, and because
Speaker 1: I she was my first girlfriend, she was, you know,
Speaker 1: the first everything, and so I was like I need
Speaker 1: to kind of figure out myself and move on. Blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah. And then months went by and
Speaker 1: I was like, I am an idiot, and so I
Speaker 1: from then on, I always that I didn't fight hard
Speaker 1: enough for the relationship, because that's what we kind of
Speaker 1: were talking about, that I wasn't willing to really fight
Speaker 1: for her, and I thought, looking back on it, in
Speaker 1: the moment, no grants, it all worked out because I
Speaker 1: found the person I wanted to be with my life.
Speaker 1: But at the moment, I was like, she was absolutely right.
Speaker 1: I ended it too early where I should have fought more.
Speaker 1: And so that's why I come from the standpoint of like,
Speaker 1: I think my gut was telling me one thing, but
Speaker 1: maybe it was wrong, or to what we talked about
Speaker 1: on the podcast, not Dean, you weren't here, but we
Speaker 1: talked about listening to your gut. But sometimes what happens
Speaker 1: is when your gut speaks to you, you let it
Speaker 1: go to your head and then all these other factors
Speaker 1: start coming into what should be just a gut decision.
Speaker 1: But now you start overthinking it, and then you can't
Speaker 1: tell what your gut is actually telling you versus to
Speaker 1: what versus what it is telling you. And so I
Speaker 1: think maybe I found But you're not describing that you
Speaker 1: were in Cortisol all the time. You're describing Actually it
Speaker 1: was a secure functioning relationship. You just weren't ready, So
Speaker 1: you were I'm talking about when the couple is like,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking I think you haven't been
Speaker 1: in a relationship like that. That's what you're in a
Speaker 1: secure function relationship, and you were in other secure function,
Speaker 1: and so you're kind of like insecure people. Secure people
Speaker 1: are like, what do you I don't because he's a
Speaker 1: secure attachment as an avoid attachment, especially if you're with
Speaker 1: the anxious and the anxious and the avoid and find
Speaker 1: each other. But anxious anxious is I mean avoidant to
Speaker 1: avoidant is very stable, but it's it's dry. I feel
Speaker 1: like I was an avoiding relationship like state, like most
Speaker 1: of my relationships, and then get to a certain point
Speaker 1: and I jump ship and come up with some excuse um,
Speaker 1: and it almost takes fighting through that, going over that
Speaker 1: hill to realize how you would be in like a
Speaker 1: new kind of relationship, Like it completely shifts. Yeah, what
Speaker 1: do you mean by dry? Well? It's like not a moist, yummy,
Speaker 1: delicious the relationship alationship that works where you're not getting
Speaker 1: triggered because see the reason and a person up more
Speaker 1: on And I'm going to say, I'm not gonna say
Speaker 1: these are hard and fast definitions. I'm gonna say it's
Speaker 1: more spectrum me. So let's say there's avoidance from one
Speaker 1: to one hundred and at different points of your life
Speaker 1: and with different people. Because if you're with somebody who's
Speaker 1: a ninety eight avoiding and you're a seventy four avoiding,
Speaker 1: You're gonna start to look really anxious, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, because they're just out doing you in it.
Speaker 1: But so let's say you're in a in a spectrum
Speaker 1: and you've got it, you're on the avoidance side. A
Speaker 1: little bit more. Um, that person auto regulates what called
Speaker 1: auto regulates. That person solves problems by going and being
Speaker 1: alone and by watching TV or doing something alone with themselves,
Speaker 1: playing a video game, um, smoking pot like whatever. They're
Speaker 1: going to go away from the relationship to try to
Speaker 1: calm down and get restore equilibrium. Well, it's a style,
Speaker 1: so that's what I do too. But I would also
Speaker 1: argue that, like you said, I'm as secure you are,
Speaker 1: but I know because you don't do it to the
Speaker 1: to the same degree that Dean's gonna do it. Dean's
Speaker 1: gonna do where the girlfriend's going to be like this
Speaker 1: doesn't work, and she's gonna start giving a lot of
Speaker 1: problems for me. It's like I'm gonna go down to
Speaker 1: the coffee shop down the street for a while. Dean's like,
Speaker 1: I'm going to go to Europe for exactly that's how
Speaker 1: I said. It's like a spectrum. I can already feel
Speaker 1: that you're on the secure side. It's it's a tone. Now,
Speaker 1: I know it when I encounter it, right, Um, and
Speaker 1: then if you know who you are, you know when
Speaker 1: your stuff wakes up. Okay. So one of the ideas
Speaker 1: is that if you're on the anxious side, part of
Speaker 1: why your anxious is about the way you're um, mom
Speaker 1: will just call her mom. But whoever your primary attachment
Speaker 1: person was how they interacted with you. So if you're anxious,
Speaker 1: you're anxious because it was intermittent. Intermittent so sometimes they
Speaker 1: were there and sometimes they weren't well when they were there,
Speaker 1: and you're like in the crib and they're coming and
Speaker 1: they're gonna meet your needs and you're like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: my needs are getting mad. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.
Speaker 1: That's what you It's called somatic markers, right. You build
Speaker 1: little moments in your body markers miles like little signposts
Speaker 1: that are like around excitement. So when you meet that
Speaker 1: avoidance boom, the somatic markers get activated and you're like, mommy,
Speaker 1: you know you don't know that you think he's hot
Speaker 1: and when you meet a secure person, you're like, oh, hum,
Speaker 1: I'm not failing it, and you move on to the
Speaker 1: next You go find the next avoidance or the next
Speaker 1: anxious or whatever type of insecure attachment because that's what
Speaker 1: you match with. Well. Think it depends on kind of
Speaker 1: stimulation you need as well. Like so I think maybe
Speaker 1: you can need more stimulation because I feel like when
Speaker 1: I'm in a relationship, I need like constant stimulation or
Speaker 1: I started to feel stagnant and that's when I'm like,
Speaker 1: this water isn't moving. I need to jump to like
Speaker 1: a different ship. Yes, I get that, but I'm gonna
Speaker 1: say the attachment is the cause of the stimulation need
Speaker 1: level rather than the result. Why do you think you're
Speaker 1: an avoidant? Um? I think I'm just comfortable doing my
Speaker 1: own thing. And I feel like if you're comfortable in yourself,
Speaker 1: you don't necessar really need a relationship to fulfill that
Speaker 1: within you. I have a great family, I have great friends. Um,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm okay on my own. And but
Speaker 1: then again, I love like the physical attachment of like
Speaker 1: having like a partner. One of the things about the
Speaker 1: avoidance is that they tend to go in get their
Speaker 1: needs met and withdraw yeah you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Like they're kind of like, I want to just get
Speaker 1: my needs met here. And then the anxious person more
Speaker 1: wants to and mash or be together all the time.
Speaker 1: The secure person like they're just like I like it
Speaker 1: both ways, and you're like, I don't even know you people.
Speaker 1: I love it though. See that's my dream. Somebody asked
Speaker 1: me I was at a party. They're like, so, what
Speaker 1: are you looking for in a man? I'm like, secure attachment.
Speaker 1: But I know that's going to be very challenging for me. Like,
Speaker 1: if you give me secure attachment, all kinds of things
Speaker 1: are going to happen for me because it really goes.
Speaker 1: Now you start getting into some of the more because
Speaker 1: the attachment is more baseline, that's like scientific. Then then
Speaker 1: you've got the stuff that results from that, like the
Speaker 1: timacy issues, which are more um, you know, it's scary.
Speaker 1: Intimacy is scary for everyone, but thet they secures because
Speaker 1: in an avoidance is good to feel engulfed by intimacy.
Speaker 1: They're gonna be like, oh my god, because that's what
Speaker 1: it was. Oftentimes an avoidant is because there was the
Speaker 1: primary attachment person was um m hmmm, consistently not able
Speaker 1: to respond. I love your mom and we're not trying
Speaker 1: to say anything bad at the joke. But like I with,
Speaker 1: my first question was where are you in the birth order? Um,
Speaker 1: I'm the first on a twin, so three seconds first.
Speaker 1: So as much as that counts, I think twins are
Speaker 1: a special case too, because a lot of times I
Speaker 1: think your primary attachment is to the twin. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: mean we've had each other through every single second, so
Speaker 1: it's almost like I have the love of my life already. Yes,
Speaker 1: you know, the other person is just a bonus, but
Speaker 1: not to belittle like the relationships at all, but you're
Speaker 1: being real. Yeah, so I don't. And I think a
Speaker 1: lot of relationships that I've been in they freak out
Speaker 1: because they're like, oh my gosh, why do you not
Speaker 1: need me the way that I need you? Right? And
Speaker 1: I'm like, wellhy, I do you attract anxious? I I
Speaker 1: attract Yeah. So here's anxious regulates with other people. So
Speaker 1: when if you're in a fight, Okay, let's say there's
Speaker 1: a conflict in a relationship and the avoidance is going
Speaker 1: to go off and be like I'm gonna go watch
Speaker 1: the game, or I'm gonna go to Europe. In your case,
Speaker 1: the the anxious is gonna want to work it out
Speaker 1: right then and there. And if they can't work it
Speaker 1: out with you, they'll go to their friends. And but
Speaker 1: they're not they can't work it out all by themselves.
Speaker 1: And like, I'm a mixing that way because I tend
Speaker 1: to want to talk through things. I don't like to
Speaker 1: let things rest because then it changes what you're actually
Speaker 1: there's nothing like being fresh and like talk true and
Speaker 1: avoidance do not like conflict. They want to get it
Speaker 1: over with really fast. They're like, let's just get through
Speaker 1: this and move forward, because they do not want to
Speaker 1: stay stuck in it, where the anxious can much more
Speaker 1: get mired mired down in that. I feel like I've
Speaker 1: never felt more seen than whenever I listen. Do you
Speaker 1: talk okay? Well? And that's really interesting and that feels
Speaker 1: so good for for an avoidance until maybe five or
Speaker 1: six months into the relationship, when you're like, stop looking
Speaker 1: at it. I mean a lot of things you say
Speaker 1: really do make a lot of sense, but unfortunately we
Speaker 1: have to wrap up. I know, I feel like we
Speaker 1: can talk to you all day long, honestly, I mean people,
Speaker 1: we didn't even talk about dating, well we did. This
Speaker 1: is all dating and I definitely I hopefully we can
Speaker 1: get you back at some point. I just slep down
Speaker 1: the street. You can see my house before. You're working
Speaker 1: on something. Now. It's called Family or Fiance. It's on
Speaker 1: the own. It's UM, a reality show about couples who
Speaker 1: want to get married. They're engaged, and the families are
Speaker 1: against it. And we moved the whole gang into a
Speaker 1: house in Malibu, and basically it goes down in the
Speaker 1: most beautiful way. And oftentimes nobody is prepared for the
Speaker 1: amount of healing and growth that happens on this show.
Speaker 1: And there's nothing everybody there has problem to either. You have,
Speaker 1: your friends have, your family has Like it's so relatable,
Speaker 1: it's so moving, you laugh, you cry. I love it,
Speaker 1: And how do we find it? It's on own, so
Speaker 1: you have to like check your cable provider or whoever
Speaker 1: your satellite people are UM or you can get the
Speaker 1: app Oprah Winfrey Network. Well, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: joining us. Coming up, we have one more segment. We're
Speaker 1: gonna answer a couple of emails and then say see
Speaker 1: you later. Oh right, we are back and listening to
Speaker 1: that tone, it made me realize that at the top
Speaker 1: of this episode, I was like Dean plug the email.
Speaker 1: A couple of times throughout this entire episode, I haven't
Speaker 1: done it once. We love your listener emails, So email us.
Speaker 1: I suck a dating at i heeart media dot com.
Speaker 1: We have one email today from Hannah. I'm gonna have
Speaker 1: marqueritea for us. Well, I'll be happy to the three
Speaker 1: of us. Hopefully we'll I'll be ality. I select that
Speaker 1: a little bit, you know. I think this's just something
Speaker 1: that a lot of people deal with, and so I
Speaker 1: thought it was a good one for us to discuss.
Speaker 1: My name is Hannah'm twenty two years old and single
Speaker 1: for two years. I've only been in one relationship and
Speaker 1: it was from being a freshman in high school till
Speaker 1: a sophomore in college. So I know I'm young, but
Speaker 1: it was a good five years of my early adult life.
Speaker 1: I'm finally ready to date again, and it'll be really
Speaker 1: nice to have someone to share the good things in
Speaker 1: life with. I've read all the dating apps, I've met
Speaker 1: some guys, the mutual friends. It's always good the first
Speaker 1: couple of dates and then we have the talk and
Speaker 1: guys always want something more casual, more of a friends
Speaker 1: with benefits type scenario. Shortly after, I'm always ghosted. Should
Speaker 1: I try to get guys a little older than me
Speaker 1: because they're more mature? What ages too old to date? Help?
Speaker 1: I suck at dating? By the way, I love the podcast.
Speaker 1: I listened every week. Well, Hannah, first and foremost, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for being a part of Stuck Army.
Speaker 1: We love that more than anything. Where's the sound effects here?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna love this one over to Kendall because I
Speaker 1: think she's gonna have some great insight on this. Um,
Speaker 1: thank you. I feel like it's a very American thing
Speaker 1: to have the talk about are we monogamous? What's going on?
Speaker 1: And UM, I see that as like a sense of
Speaker 1: you're not really being who you were in the beginning
Speaker 1: of the relationship. You're all of a sudden becoming somebody
Speaker 1: that I mean, yes, their strength and vulnerability. But I
Speaker 1: think that doing something maybe during date one and day two,
Speaker 1: it's not the correct time to have that talk, and
Speaker 1: it might be scaring people away. UM. I always feel
Speaker 1: like it's better to wait until you are in like
Speaker 1: a really emotionally secure place with someone that you're dating
Speaker 1: before having any sort of serious, scary conversation. So I mean,
Speaker 1: I have a friend who's going through this currently and
Speaker 1: they had just text, you know, the guy that they're seeing,
Speaker 1: trying to talk about monogamy, trying to talk about are
Speaker 1: you dating anyone else? And um, you know, in the
Speaker 1: beginning of a relationship, it's supposed to be fun, it's
Speaker 1: supposed to be stress free, and no one wants to
Speaker 1: be put on the spot. So I feel like, don't
Speaker 1: just avoid it. Why are you even trying to be
Speaker 1: you know, thinking about that right now. Just enjoy the
Speaker 1: beginning of a relationship, like the passion that it is,
Speaker 1: for the discovery that it is. And there's ways to
Speaker 1: ask questions that don't directly put someone on the spot.
Speaker 1: I think the only thing is that probably Hannah and
Speaker 1: maybe some other girls too, they just want to know
Speaker 1: if this guy's sleeping with other people. It might be
Speaker 1: afraid I'm being dead serious though, because then you get
Speaker 1: into like other stuff and I'm curious if they want
Speaker 1: to know, like, Hey, you're sleeping with other people or not,
Speaker 1: because that's an awkward question to ask, to be like, hey,
Speaker 1: is it just me? Or so I think maybe they
Speaker 1: ask without asking to be like, oh, are we are?
Speaker 1: Is it just us? Are we seeing other people? I mean,
Speaker 1: I I agree with I think I agree with that
Speaker 1: you want to be safe. You don't want to be
Speaker 1: with someone who's sleeping in a bunch of different people
Speaker 1: if you sleep in like three girls all night, you know.
Speaker 1: But I also feel like there's a lot to be
Speaker 1: said about developing trust very early on in a relationship
Speaker 1: and not trying to peg someone down. UM. I think
Speaker 1: that if the person is going to meet you and
Speaker 1: you're developing really strong relationship and they're going to go
Speaker 1: off and sleep with other people, maybe that's not the
Speaker 1: kind of person you want to attract into your life.
Speaker 1: And if that's something they're thinking about early on, is
Speaker 1: something they're gonna be thinking about later on in the relationship. UM.
Speaker 1: I do I love the answer you gave for the
Speaker 1: fact that it's I think it's correct, But it's not
Speaker 1: the answer that I wanted to give, And so I
Speaker 1: think that yours might be more right than mine. Well,
Speaker 1: answer you want to get, I'm serious, and so I
Speaker 1: just wanted to let you know that I think that
Speaker 1: your answer was the best answer between the three of us.
Speaker 1: I'm curious answer is just that she should date older
Speaker 1: because when I look back to me, when I was
Speaker 1: dating as a twenty two year old, I was dating
Speaker 1: other twenty two year olds. I was that guy that
Speaker 1: would run away at the idea of a relationship. But
Speaker 1: then when I turned twenty eight, at a certain point,
Speaker 1: I just hit a point where I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm going to be in a relationship now,
Speaker 1: and then manna be the best dan boyfriend I can
Speaker 1: possibly be. So I think that there is something in
Speaker 1: a guy's head that eventually flips over the other side,
Speaker 1: and maybe dating older for her would be beneficial in
Speaker 1: that sense because it sounds like she does want a relationship.
Speaker 1: And if you are seeking out a relationship and not
Speaker 1: necessarily looking for like that fun, spicy beginning stage um
Speaker 1: beat as it may, then maybe go date older? Well
Speaker 1: how old? Uh? Well? My friends four so I don't
Speaker 1: see like you can go. I agree with you. I
Speaker 1: think guys really take a long time to develop. They
Speaker 1: really do. And I wouldn't I wouldn't wish two year
Speaker 1: old me on anyone relationship, and really, twenty two year
Speaker 1: guys are the kind of the worst. Really, I mean,
Speaker 1: the only the worst than twenty two year old grids
Speaker 1: of teenage guys, the absolute words, only worse than twenty
Speaker 1: two year old guys one year old guys. I agree, though,
Speaker 1: I I think for my thing for Hannah is to
Speaker 1: make sure that you are ready, because Hannah, don't be
Speaker 1: also forgetting that you are twenty two as well, and
Speaker 1: so just make sure you're ready for a relationship because
Speaker 1: then if you start dating older someone, a guy who's
Speaker 1: like twenty nine and thirty, they were going to be
Speaker 1: ready for a relationship. So just be prepared for that
Speaker 1: because I'm sure a lot of guys you're dealing with
Speaker 1: right now are you know, very fluid and just don't
Speaker 1: really care. And so when you deal with someone who's
Speaker 1: ready for a relationship, it's going to be different conversation.
Speaker 1: It could be a little scary exactly. Hear that from
Speaker 1: another guy, because the guys in his late twenties, I mean,
Speaker 1: he could be ready to potentially find someone he wants
Speaker 1: to be with for a very long time. One more
Speaker 1: point I'd like to make on this, and you bring
Speaker 1: up the talk guys always wanted friends with benefits tepe scenario.
Speaker 1: Now that leads me to believe that you've given them
Speaker 1: a reason to believe a friends with benefits situation is
Speaker 1: on the table. That's why I brought up what to Kendall.
Speaker 1: That's why I said to Kendall, I think some girls
Speaker 1: want to ask have you slept with other people? And
Speaker 1: the way they ask that is not by saying have
Speaker 1: you slept with anybody? It's sure? Are we just? Is
Speaker 1: it just us? Well? This is when I, you know,
Speaker 1: get I get eye rolls when I say stuff like
Speaker 1: this because I'm the old one and I'm the dad
Speaker 1: and I've got daughters. But my wife to Hannah, if
Speaker 1: don't sleep with these guys. So if you really want
Speaker 1: a relationship with these guys, let them get to know you.
Speaker 1: If they're intrigued by you, they'll stick around a little
Speaker 1: longer than if they get what they're looking for so quickly,
Speaker 1: and then they're gonna move on. I don't know, I know,
Speaker 1: maybe that's not reality. I don't know, but this is
Speaker 1: my advice. That's gonna vice. Maybe a twenty two year
Speaker 1: old probably want stick around for very long, but at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, that weeds them out anyways, exactly.
Speaker 1: But there's wayte I always feel like there's ways to
Speaker 1: have the serious conversation without having the serious conversation, Like
Speaker 1: instead of saying do you want to be a monogamous
Speaker 1: or do you want to do this? Maybe ask like
Speaker 1: a creative fun question that gives them an out to
Speaker 1: be funny or but then if they actually are interested
Speaker 1: in you, they can they would probably gear it towards
Speaker 1: something that would be more experience. You could you could
Speaker 1: even make a comment like, oh is out last weekend?
Speaker 1: Some guy tried to hit on me, but I was like,
Speaker 1: like not interested or something like to see how they respond.
Speaker 1: I think an interesting question is if you had a
Speaker 1: clock that could count down to any moment in your life,
Speaker 1: what would you want that clock to count down too?
Speaker 1: And that's like that leaves a space open for what
Speaker 1: I wanted to count down to the next person that
Speaker 1: I meet, or I wanted to count down to like
Speaker 1: when I get an awesome cars. Like the way you
Speaker 1: take a question like that shows what you're looking for
Speaker 1: and shows what you're prepared for. I saw your tweet
Speaker 1: and I was gonna response sarcastically what I was I
Speaker 1: did teat that, but I thought it was an interesting question.
Speaker 1: For like getting to someone and getting to know what
Speaker 1: their inner voice is saying, well, Dean, what what what's
Speaker 1: your clock ticking down to? My sarcastic response was going
Speaker 1: to be to the time I lose my virginity, But
Speaker 1: I didn't really think about it very seriously back in time.
Speaker 1: I don't, uh negative, I don't know what I'm gonna be.
Speaker 1: I'll think about I'll come back next week with an
Speaker 1: answer for you. There do you j This is? This
Speaker 1: is a fascinating what the car your countdown clock? So
Speaker 1: there's something you're excited for, like's eve or something you're
Speaker 1: looking forward to and counting the minutes until. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I'm excited to have kids, but I also don't
Speaker 1: think Ashley and I are. I mean we're ready to
Speaker 1: a sense, but I'm also ready to push it off clock.
Speaker 1: Look at it's an exciting Clark. It's also yeah, what
Speaker 1: would you want it to be? Like? Genuinely? What? Like?
Speaker 1: What sex? No? Well, I mean yeah, sex is great,
Speaker 1: but what would you want your clock to be? What
Speaker 1: do you mean what would you want coming down to
Speaker 1: a specific moment? Oh? No, that's what I mean. Like,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm trying to think of the next stage of
Speaker 1: my life. I guess buying a house. I've always wanted
Speaker 1: to go. I've always wanted to own property and I
Speaker 1: never have, So I think buying something that's mine that
Speaker 1: would be really cool. Uh, potentially owning my own business.
Speaker 1: But again these are also like very generic things. I
Speaker 1: wish those are very good. It just shows that your
Speaker 1: priorities are right now, that are top of mind. I
Speaker 1: was gonna heard about that great another podcast that doesn't
Speaker 1: live in Los Angeles. Oh my, I think I think
Speaker 1: for a while, minord B, I've got an answer for you.
Speaker 1: Is just when I could walk without crutches again the
Speaker 1: immediate herz's go ahead and get that squared away, and
Speaker 1: then I'll move on to the next What does the
Speaker 1: doctor say? They say my hip will have fully began
Speaker 1: rebuilding the bone after six weeks from surgery from the
Speaker 1: accident sets in three weeks. I could pretend you walk again.
Speaker 1: I think I'll be walking sooner than that. But I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna put any I'm not going to risk it,
Speaker 1: So you shouldn't push that. Yeah, don't push it. What
Speaker 1: would yours be? Um? Mine would be mm hmm, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you prett me on the spot. I can't answer me.
Speaker 1: Um Um, I think it changes a lot, but I
Speaker 1: think mine would probably be right now. My mind's thinking, Oh,
Speaker 1: when would I want to like own property. That's something
Speaker 1: that I've been thinking about a lot. Um. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess when will I feel um like, I guess
Speaker 1: when will I feel like, um, like I've gotten to
Speaker 1: a place in my life where um it's I'm like
Speaker 1: comfortable and I can I don't know. It's really hard
Speaker 1: to answer this question, picked up by Box as the
Speaker 1: hot new midseason replacement series. Well exactly yeah wait wait
Speaker 1: people five Yeah, true, Okay, yeah, I was she was
Speaker 1: onto something. I want to hear what she was gonna say. Um,
Speaker 1: I guess, I guess there's I guess. The one thing
Speaker 1: it's really hard to I try not to live in
Speaker 1: the future. I think that's something that bugs people, allows
Speaker 1: people not be happy in the present. Um, how to
Speaker 1: not live in the future. I feel like a lot
Speaker 1: of people have trouble doing that. I feel like I
Speaker 1: try to just Um. I think reading a lot allows
Speaker 1: me not to live in the future, allows me to
Speaker 1: be in the present and to reflect on things that
Speaker 1: relate to my life now. Um. And I think is
Speaker 1: when I'm learning something. Is when I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: growing myself currently and presently. So that's how I keep
Speaker 1: yourself learning. So you recommend everyone, but you have a
Speaker 1: countdown clock. Yes, except for me, I'm not allowed to
Speaker 1: be put on the spot, but everyone else is give
Speaker 1: us one comdown, one clock, calmdown. It'd be interesting to
Speaker 1: see when Um, like, first I think, oh, maybe like
Speaker 1: when I die. You want to know, I mean opinion
Speaker 1: that well, because then then you can feel like you
Speaker 1: don't have to be stressed about it and kind of
Speaker 1: knowing at that point if it's at twenty four hours,
Speaker 1: you would be so stressed about it and you're like
Speaker 1: not going in the street, not going to like talk
Speaker 1: to anybody. What happens after you die? Um? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I guess it depends. I think there's a lot
Speaker 1: of things that could potentially happen after you. That's the
Speaker 1: scary part. What if nothing happens. Not to be that guy.
Speaker 1: I mean, energy is neither created or destroyed, so it
Speaker 1: goes somewhere. But like consciousness is the question, like where
Speaker 1: does your conscious consciousness go after you die? I mean
Speaker 1: when you fall asleep or when you are put to
Speaker 1: sleep during a surgery. Where were you? Then I woke up?
Speaker 1: You're nowhere. It's like, guess that's proof that maybe there's
Speaker 1: nothing God. I read a book called They Both Die
Speaker 1: at the End, which I do recommend, by the way.
Speaker 1: So it's a young adult novel when most of the
Speaker 1: novels I read are that um, but it's the premises
Speaker 1: that Sorry guys, I mean, you know, the service that
Speaker 1: calls you the day you're going to die, and I
Speaker 1: think we're very sorry to tell you this, but this
Speaker 1: is your last day on earth, you know, so sorry,
Speaker 1: I get your affairs in order, but this is it.
Speaker 1: And so sometime in the next twenty four hours you
Speaker 1: are going to die and you don't know how. But
Speaker 1: that's that's reality. Everybody gets that call in the whole world.
Speaker 1: So it's not like this you're expecting it, you're dreading it.
Speaker 1: But when that call comes, you gotta do the best
Speaker 1: you can. Prefer that. I appreciate that, you know, because
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, dangit, I need to write my will
Speaker 1: and testament, like and even I have never even written one.
Speaker 1: So you know I've been about writing a will lately. Yeah,
Speaker 1: after your accident, well before I think it was. Once
Speaker 1: I got licensed to skydive, I was like, if I die,
Speaker 1: I want my brothers to like have my money in
Speaker 1: the van. Obviously that's really nice. I mean, I haven't
Speaker 1: done it, so should go to museum, don't you think? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I guess so. Actually I had a funny story. So
Speaker 1: yesterday I was driving the jeep from Venice to uh
Speaker 1: West Hollywood, and I'm as I'm starting to explain this story,
Speaker 1: I realized I don't want to explain. But we were driving.
Speaker 1: I was driving my Jeep and my roommate was driving
Speaker 1: my van, and so I've got vanity plates for both
Speaker 1: of my cars because I'm an I'm that guy. And
Speaker 1: we were driving through as Hollywood. We got lunch and
Speaker 1: there was this big TMZ truck that drove by, and
Speaker 1: Caitlin was in the passenger seat and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: look at the TMZ truck. All of a sudden, it
Speaker 1: stops dead in the tracks right in front of us,
Speaker 1: and the lady runs out on the loudspeaker, going, it's Dean,
Speaker 1: It's Dean, It's Dean. I don't know why I got
Speaker 1: how I thought of this story, but it was one
Speaker 1: of the most bizarre experiences of my entire Did you
Speaker 1: try like running away? I was in my car so
Speaker 1: I just got into the oncoming traffic land and zipped off.
Speaker 1: Why didn't you say hi to the tour I honked
Speaker 1: at him a couple of times. Well, anyways, Yeah, the
Speaker 1: TMZ bus is nice because those are people just kind
Speaker 1: of that aren't in l A and just seeing the sides.
Speaker 1: That was my segue into ending this podcast, I think. Anyways,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for the listeners out there for
Speaker 1: joining us on the second episode of the year two
Speaker 1: thousand and twenty. We love you guys. What's the email
Speaker 1: Dean that the email is? I suck a dating at
Speaker 1: ihart media dot com. Email us please, I will get
Speaker 1: on my one good knee and bang you to email us.
Speaker 1: We love the listener emails hand and we hope that
Speaker 1: Kendall's advice helped you, or maybe Jared's or maybe mine.
Speaker 1: Email us, I suck at dating at iHeart Media dot com.
Speaker 1: Big thank you to our guest Tracy McMillan. Don't forget
Speaker 1: the doctor at the beginning of that be sure to
Speaker 1: check her out on Family or Fiance on the own network,
Speaker 1: and of course Kendall, thank you for coming in co
Speaker 1: hosting with us today. Of course, thanks for having me on.
Speaker 1: Always a pleasure. I know this might be challenging because
Speaker 1: you already host your own podcast. You've got a lot
Speaker 1: going on, but we need you in studio more often.
Speaker 1: It'd be fun. I like talking about all the three
Speaker 1: bril things. I'll bring a little bit of a I'll
Speaker 1: bring down the mood a little bit with my darkness.
Speaker 1: Bring the darkness. That's what we need. Is there anything
Speaker 1: else we want to give? Thanks to Mark Easton. I
Speaker 1: think that's gonna do it for today. Great well, thank
Speaker 1: you guys for being here. Thank you for being here.
Speaker 1: You're okay. I'm gonna be here for the foreseeable futures.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys for listening. Be sure to tune in
Speaker 1: next week, where maybe we will suck just a little
Speaker 1: bit less. Follow Help I Suck at Dating with Dean
Speaker 1: Anglert on I Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen
Speaker 1: to podcasts.