1 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:06,960 Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot Ill, a production of I Heart 2 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:17,080 Speaker 1: Radio or What's Up Everybody? Uh, this is Joe Scott 3 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,600 Speaker 1: and welcome to Jay dot Ill the Podcast. I am 4 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:23,200 Speaker 1: sitting here with me and me. Guys. He had manas 5 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:34,479 Speaker 1: uh agent Graydon dansela um bone your huh. I'm the 6 00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:38,080 Speaker 1: fabulous La st Cloud. No. I only speak French. Oh 7 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:43,680 Speaker 1: wait wait wait wait wait wait here come one? Uh 8 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:47,320 Speaker 1: damn Japanese, I do, but I could remember. I can 9 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:49,400 Speaker 1: only remember Canichia right now. I was like, I don't 10 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,000 Speaker 1: want to got too. I don't know, you know, ad 11 00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:56,320 Speaker 1: got goes I my, that's thank you very much. Oh yes, well, 12 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,360 Speaker 1: thank you very much for listening to j dot El 13 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:02,760 Speaker 1: the podcast today. I was I was thinking, of course, 14 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 1: damn it, y'all when when you get a good man 15 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:13,840 Speaker 1: mm hmmm, because it makes you know, people make it 16 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 1: seem like there's it's impossible to get a good man, 17 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:31,080 Speaker 1: right if you know that's what you're into? Um sood 18 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:36,920 Speaker 1: men not interested in a good man. I was thinking 19 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:40,880 Speaker 1: about why did I get married? I probably was too, 20 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:44,440 Speaker 1: and I remember a line It was something like the 21 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,680 Speaker 1: hardest thing in the world is to have a good man. 22 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 1: After you had a bad one. And I think Tyler 23 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 1: Perry probably fed me that line at the time, something 24 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,920 Speaker 1: Sheila said. But damn, y'all, that sounds like a Sheila line. 25 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,600 Speaker 1: It kind of is a Sheila line. Like, damn y'all. 26 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:03,760 Speaker 1: Like we talk so much about what what a good 27 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:06,520 Speaker 1: man is and how we want a good man or 28 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:10,280 Speaker 1: a good partner, all the things like what do you 29 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:14,840 Speaker 1: do when you actually got what you asked for and 30 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 1: you ain't ready for it and you're not ready for 31 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:25,120 Speaker 1: it and you ain't ready? Come on, now, all those thoughts, 32 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:29,799 Speaker 1: all those those prayers, all that meditation, all the so 33 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:33,680 Speaker 1: what you want them to be? Like some people make lists. 34 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:37,920 Speaker 1: I love a list is a good thing to me. Yes, 35 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:43,280 Speaker 1: your girl, oh boy, putting the list in your body. 36 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,400 Speaker 1: I gotta put I guess I should put something because 37 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 1: I'd be like, Lord, Lord's get in today, get him, 38 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:54,799 Speaker 1: hold and hold and Lord, get in, make him right today. 39 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,680 Speaker 1: Lord put that thing in your head. That would be 40 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,600 Speaker 1: a prayer and a dream, and then you get what 41 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,360 Speaker 1: you asked for. I mean, it could be on so 42 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 1: many levels, just getting what you asked for. When you 43 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 1: get what you asked for, are you even ready for 44 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,799 Speaker 1: what you asked, what do you even really like what 45 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:15,880 Speaker 1: you asked for? Is he corny? Don't call him corny? 46 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 1: Is he ll all corny? That's a good one. But 47 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:24,079 Speaker 1: do you like what you had asked it for? Do you? 48 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:29,760 Speaker 1: Or do you like it? With your question for wow, 49 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,440 Speaker 1: did you get some things in the middles? Did you 50 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:36,760 Speaker 1: get the middles? That's what I always says, grays. You 51 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: got the blacks and the whites, but you for got 52 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,400 Speaker 1: the grays. When when you start your list, do you 53 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 1: started at you know, I guess I would go with 54 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 1: the the shallow in do you do? You start there? 55 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 1: You should, though, right, because your first list is not 56 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 1: going to be your most in depth list. It should 57 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:56,440 Speaker 1: be very basic what you should be committed to building. Okay, 58 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 1: so you're saying that there's more than one list. Oh yeah, 59 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,760 Speaker 1: the list, Jill. The list starts to start a very 60 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 1: young age and continue to grow, and by the time 61 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:04,800 Speaker 1: you get it, it's like, what is a little thing? 62 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 1: Because now I got the intricacies. Now I didn't date 63 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,360 Speaker 1: it a little bit, and I know, oh I want this, 64 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,400 Speaker 1: but I also needed to be this on top of that. 65 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:15,560 Speaker 1: You know, yeah, it makes sense. It makes sense that 66 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 1: the list grows, you know as you grow, Right, working list, 67 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 1: a working list about you know, who you want to 68 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:27,200 Speaker 1: spend your time with. Yeah, I realized that I don't 69 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:31,920 Speaker 1: want somebody who is flashy so much with money. I 70 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:35,080 Speaker 1: don't like that. But you want the money though, I 71 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:38,360 Speaker 1: want you to have some money something the grades. You 72 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:43,760 Speaker 1: see what I'm saying, Like that was a being irresponsible, 73 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,560 Speaker 1: I think is the word I'm looking for. Being irresponsible 74 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,839 Speaker 1: with money. Flash is fine if that's what you like, 75 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,760 Speaker 1: that's what you like. But you know, being irresponsible buying 76 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:56,039 Speaker 1: something that is um ridiculously expensive and it you know, 77 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:59,279 Speaker 1: as soon as you pull off the lot, it's it's depreciated. Yeah, 78 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:04,040 Speaker 1: I mean, like you know that that's irksome to me, Like, 79 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:05,719 Speaker 1: what are you doing? I used to have this, uh, 80 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:08,240 Speaker 1: this item on my list. I remember, because y'all, I'm 81 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:10,840 Speaker 1: real conscious about my evolutionary list. I tell everybody I'm 82 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:14,480 Speaker 1: an evolutionary data, like every dude should be an evolution 83 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 1: of the last. And so I put I remember I 84 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 1: put on my list ten years ago, like I want 85 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,800 Speaker 1: to do who's older? Who can you know teach me 86 00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:23,680 Speaker 1: some things or whatever? Right? So I got that I 87 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:26,280 Speaker 1: got older due and he but he was too bossy. 88 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,480 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. He wasn't willing to listen, 89 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:30,400 Speaker 1: to listen to me because I forgot to ask for that. 90 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:35,279 Speaker 1: You understand I'm saying. So I wanted to be smart 91 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,520 Speaker 1: but a listener also exactly. That's what I mean about 92 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,160 Speaker 1: the list. That's why it's like sometimes you don't know 93 00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:48,560 Speaker 1: until you experience it, like God, God, And so yeah, 94 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,880 Speaker 1: I got I got a few of those little things 95 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:56,039 Speaker 1: of m How do you think you should evolutionary list? 96 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:59,000 Speaker 1: When you're in a relationship? Like how does that go? 97 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,560 Speaker 1: You gotta do the that do you have to go 98 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:04,960 Speaker 1: to like therapy? Or like how does that work? Like? 99 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:09,040 Speaker 1: Because I feel like people's communication styles change over the years, 100 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:11,479 Speaker 1: Like the team I got married young sweden't know what 101 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 1: the hell like we went. Our communication style started off 102 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:23,479 Speaker 1: like arguing, but it happened, it happened. Then eventually we're 103 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,520 Speaker 1: just like God, damn, I was just tired to fight 104 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,279 Speaker 1: with your ass, like well what you what to eat? 105 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,400 Speaker 1: Like what what? Like let's talk about it because lord, 106 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:33,600 Speaker 1: ha mercy. If we argue about this ship, we're more 107 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:39,040 Speaker 1: good pressure together. But I mean I feel like, okay, 108 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,600 Speaker 1: so we're on the precipice of twenty four years of marriage, 109 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,400 Speaker 1: and we got hell of question hella, questions that have 110 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:48,039 Speaker 1: come up in the past couple of years because I've 111 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 1: turned forty a few years ago. He's about to turn 112 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:57,719 Speaker 1: fifty next year. So like it's definitely an evolutionary list. 113 00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,720 Speaker 1: Like I don't have this answer, I'm gonna put it 114 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:03,440 Speaker 1: out it to the people because I swear I really 115 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:06,719 Speaker 1: don't know. I'll be thinking people stuff be getting real 116 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,279 Speaker 1: jacked up around this time period, Like I'm trying to 117 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 1: figure out. I feel like at this point. People think 118 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 1: you suppose the coast at this point, but I actually 119 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:18,840 Speaker 1: think this point is actually the much more complicated part 120 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:25,440 Speaker 1: of the marriage. If you ask me, oh, trying to 121 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,880 Speaker 1: find I ain't gonna lie. That's scary because you think 122 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,640 Speaker 1: that you know you're together long enough and you you've 123 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,760 Speaker 1: got you settled into your ways, your habits, the way 124 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:40,080 Speaker 1: you do things, and life does what it does and 125 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:42,679 Speaker 1: trick you up. Well, you know what, maybe I should 126 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:46,640 Speaker 1: shift the conversation not to be general, right, because I 127 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:51,160 Speaker 1: think that's really important when you're talking about once needs relationships, 128 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:54,280 Speaker 1: what each person needs, because a lot of times I 129 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:57,400 Speaker 1: think we get messed up with these very general ways 130 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,720 Speaker 1: that we talk about relationships, which is why people feel 131 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,520 Speaker 1: so loss because they're like, oh, well that I don't 132 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:05,600 Speaker 1: fit in that box. So does that mean I'm never 133 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:08,160 Speaker 1: gonna find or I'm never gonna get or this isn't 134 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,880 Speaker 1: what I want or need because they say that a 135 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 1: good relationship has this, and a good relationship does that. 136 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:15,640 Speaker 1: So I feel like, let me just shift it a 137 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,960 Speaker 1: little bit. I think that's been a more complicated aspect 138 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:25,120 Speaker 1: of my relationship is that now there are some very 139 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 1: pertinent questions around the evolutionary list, right, and so some 140 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 1: things that may have worked for me at one time 141 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,800 Speaker 1: when I was busy having kids the day, Yeah, that 142 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,520 Speaker 1: stuff ain't working well. I love the idea of the 143 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:45,679 Speaker 1: evolutionary list. I think that's fantastic because that, yeah, I 144 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:49,560 Speaker 1: don't know that I was necessarily doing that. I've been 145 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:52,560 Speaker 1: blowing it a little bit, and even subconsciously. I always 146 00:08:52,559 --> 00:08:56,040 Speaker 1: wonder about people that that like data sat person or 147 00:08:57,040 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 1: oh I don't like that, but I've done it, definitely 148 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 1: done the same person in different skin before big dummy, 149 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:15,360 Speaker 1: you big dummy. Yeah, like that's been whacked. Yea, what 150 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,679 Speaker 1: about let me ask you, do you think that you 151 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:22,760 Speaker 1: put yourself on a pedestal when you make an evolutionary list. 152 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,680 Speaker 1: That could be that could happen not not not not Jill, 153 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:28,920 Speaker 1: that could be a side effect. Um, but yeah, because 154 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:32,439 Speaker 1: you know a lot of them, oh demand themand podcast 155 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:37,839 Speaker 1: they'd be talking that ship. Y'all think y'all so special? 156 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:45,240 Speaker 1: Queen special? Queen you queen's ain't y'are special? Y'all think 157 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:48,800 Speaker 1: y'are the only ones post to wants something? We want 158 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:52,320 Speaker 1: something too. But that's why this conversation started with Jill 159 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,840 Speaker 1: saying to like, if you are ready to receive that 160 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,640 Speaker 1: goodness that you perceive as goodness, like are you ready yourself? 161 00:09:58,679 --> 00:10:00,640 Speaker 1: Are you a good person? Are you good woman? A 162 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 1: good man? Like a good day? Whatever? Like that's you 163 00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:06,960 Speaker 1: want somebody to the chief. But can you control y'all? 164 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 1: So why you had to bring that up? Because you 165 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 1: know I'm looking at that and you can you be 166 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,160 Speaker 1: subtle enough not to happen, you know, to not notice 167 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,400 Speaker 1: how you do this? That's where the self work come in. 168 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:27,800 Speaker 1: So oh, Jill, it might have just hit me that, 169 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:32,079 Speaker 1: But I also think they're more nuanced things like you 170 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:39,240 Speaker 1: talked earlier about listening big one. Listenings are one because 171 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:44,840 Speaker 1: sometimes people tell you a whole lot, so you miss it. 172 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:48,240 Speaker 1: One thing I know about myself is that I need 173 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:52,640 Speaker 1: somebody to hear what the hell I had said? Okay, 174 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 1: that's been on the list a long time within the 175 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:59,600 Speaker 1: same relationship, like, yo, did you see you not listening? 176 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,600 Speaker 1: You know that sounds It's an interesting challenge that and 177 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:06,679 Speaker 1: I would say this, it's it's more of a fun 178 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:11,160 Speaker 1: and creative and productive challenge for the singles. However, for 179 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:14,240 Speaker 1: the marriage, it's an interesting challenge because both parties got 180 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:17,199 Speaker 1: to be up to knowing that we're growing. Well yeah 181 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,480 Speaker 1: that that that part is super tricky because then people 182 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,640 Speaker 1: then then it's like, okay, well why why are you growing? 183 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,480 Speaker 1: What is where is this coming from? The comfort thing? 184 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:28,520 Speaker 1: That's the thing like and I'll go back to that, 185 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 1: like Jill was talking about how like, yeah, you're supposed 186 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:33,440 Speaker 1: to be in your comfort zone by then sometimes the 187 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,959 Speaker 1: comfort zone is the problem. And comfort don't even sound 188 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,000 Speaker 1: I don't know. You don't want to be too comfortable anyway, 189 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:41,760 Speaker 1: Like if don't sound fund it sounds settled, don't be 190 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,120 Speaker 1: the girl, don't be low key toxic comfort And it 191 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:49,640 Speaker 1: sounds comes from that. Relationships and marriage, you know, they 192 00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:51,520 Speaker 1: make it seem like that, you know that you get 193 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:53,880 Speaker 1: to a place where you're settled, and then you guys 194 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:57,560 Speaker 1: are just togather forever, hella high water. Don't know what's 195 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,440 Speaker 1: gonna happen when we're gonna do it together, right. But 196 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,360 Speaker 1: you know, this is part of the reason why people 197 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:07,080 Speaker 1: romanticize old quote unquote old school marriages, because they normalized 198 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,000 Speaker 1: a lot of things over the years that looked like 199 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,320 Speaker 1: comfort but they actually weren't working for you. This is 200 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,400 Speaker 1: what I was saying to you. You just saying what 201 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:14,840 Speaker 1: I was trying to say. But you know how you 202 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,920 Speaker 1: always say things better than me. See, that's what I 203 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:20,319 Speaker 1: was saying. With the comfort thing. I apologize. I didn't. 204 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:23,079 Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I might have had you might have had 205 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:27,640 Speaker 1: triggered a little bit. I apologize, I'm sorry. Sometimes that 206 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:33,560 Speaker 1: what I guess, girl, because I was like, but I'm saying, 207 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:38,120 Speaker 1: I guess what I'm saying is that like, yeah, like 208 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:41,320 Speaker 1: sometimes it's like that comfort zone is actually not really 209 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:43,439 Speaker 1: a good place, but you used to it to you 210 00:12:43,559 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 1: just kind of chilling there and you know, you know 211 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,040 Speaker 1: where everything is, and you know how to get to 212 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:53,240 Speaker 1: all the toxic shit. It's right there. The devil, you know, 213 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:59,880 Speaker 1: is better than the devil you listen, I pould forgive me, 214 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:06,160 Speaker 1: but there's a little bit of that, a little bit 215 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,760 Speaker 1: of that that that I feel okay about because it's 216 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:12,080 Speaker 1: like out in the world, the world is wild, the world. 217 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:21,040 Speaker 1: Get out in these streets in this sets, especially if 218 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,000 Speaker 1: you excuse me for the excuse me, jail for the pun, 219 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:29,880 Speaker 1: but excuse especially if if you twenty, you might as well. 220 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:34,760 Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm saying. In your relationship is twenty, 221 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,440 Speaker 1: where is is dopest fucking It's just you think you missed, 222 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:39,199 Speaker 1: you know, the whole thing, and I know it's bullshit 223 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:44,559 Speaker 1: because whatever why I remember the premises that eight percent 224 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:48,680 Speaker 1: of everything between y'all is good. But that is nagging 225 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:53,760 Speaker 1: and go after not realizing that you lost. This is 226 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,199 Speaker 1: what I'm That's that's why I and that's another motivation 227 00:13:56,280 --> 00:14:01,559 Speaker 1: not to be in these streets. That's what I'm saying. However, 228 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:07,040 Speaker 1: right so in in the as you begin to create 229 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:13,440 Speaker 1: the list, it have to fit into the eighty Like 230 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:20,920 Speaker 1: what if of your list is in, I think it's 231 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:26,640 Speaker 1: time to go. I'm not high I'm not high of 232 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:33,360 Speaker 1: your list is in brackets to evaluate, right, because also 233 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,800 Speaker 1: representative of like your once versus your knees, and like 234 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:40,320 Speaker 1: could be, could be, could be not so Okay, so 235 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:43,000 Speaker 1: here's my thing. Let me let me circle back, because 236 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,920 Speaker 1: y'all are sharing in the beginning about some stuff that 237 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 1: you wanted in the beginning that kind of shifted later 238 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:53,480 Speaker 1: or like the elevated later. Okay. When I first got married, 239 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:58,000 Speaker 1: I was really really particular about making sure that I 240 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:03,720 Speaker 1: married someone who was dependable, who was dedicated, who was 241 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:10,000 Speaker 1: um loyal, Like these were like my top things. I 242 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,680 Speaker 1: saw these kinds of things break down my parents marriage, 243 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:17,720 Speaker 1: and so I definitely built my list based on a 244 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:23,240 Speaker 1: a lens of labs, so we do, Okay, this is 245 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,479 Speaker 1: what we do. So I definitely that was my lens 246 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 1: all day long, and I felt so strongly about it. 247 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,880 Speaker 1: It was kind of my mental comeback from people who 248 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:36,000 Speaker 1: were like, well, you don't even know yourself, you don't 249 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 1: even know what you want yet you're too young. And 250 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,680 Speaker 1: my comeback was like, look, I've seen what don't work. 251 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:46,200 Speaker 1: I'm good. I got this list and he hitting them 252 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,680 Speaker 1: boo boo boo boo bow and I would actually like 253 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:54,520 Speaker 1: to say, in twenty four years, he's always hitting, still 254 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 1: hit the list, still hit the list, still okay. I 255 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:04,600 Speaker 1: think ow bow bow okay. One thing that I realized 256 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,480 Speaker 1: that in being in a more intimate relationship with someone 257 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,520 Speaker 1: for a lot of years is that then you start 258 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,160 Speaker 1: to kind of recognize some of the more psychological and 259 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,600 Speaker 1: emotional things that they just did not receive. And it's 260 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,800 Speaker 1: not really their fault. It's just that everybody's life is 261 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:20,560 Speaker 1: their life, everybody's experience is their experience. And then you know, 262 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,520 Speaker 1: it's the magic word of the day, which is trauma. 263 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:27,360 Speaker 1: People have their own individual traumas and working through those 264 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:30,560 Speaker 1: things is so when you don't get what you need, 265 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:33,480 Speaker 1: a lot of times, it's not tied into the desire 266 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:37,040 Speaker 1: of the person to love you. It's in their inability 267 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:40,120 Speaker 1: to push past their own personal traumas, you know what 268 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 1: I'm saying. So it's just interesting where it's like we 269 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:46,880 Speaker 1: we talked about, like are you the good person? Are 270 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:50,040 Speaker 1: you doing the work to push past your personal traumas? 271 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,880 Speaker 1: Because if you're in it and you want to stay 272 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,400 Speaker 1: there and you don't want to be out in the streets, 273 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,680 Speaker 1: then you have to consider, like what does it take 274 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:00,720 Speaker 1: to actually meet this person's needs because you might not 275 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,480 Speaker 1: actually have the skill set. It might not be or 276 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:04,720 Speaker 1: you just don't want to do it, or that's not 277 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:07,440 Speaker 1: part of your personality. We we add a lot of 278 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,920 Speaker 1: things into personality that just be trauma responses. The person 279 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:12,359 Speaker 1: just been through some ship, they on how to do 280 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,920 Speaker 1: we're learning that now, that's that's the new, in the 281 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,120 Speaker 1: new new, that's the new new, right, But we all here, 282 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,000 Speaker 1: so we're we're all experienced in the new new. We 283 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,240 Speaker 1: might not be. Oh yeah, I mean even in my 284 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:25,399 Speaker 1: list making and all that I haven't discovered. Like, you 285 00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,879 Speaker 1: also have to consider things like you may ask for 286 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,159 Speaker 1: some things, but people may love differently, Like understand that 287 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,320 Speaker 1: the love may show up differently and not going to 288 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:37,159 Speaker 1: show up how you fantasize or romanticize about it. Like 289 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,680 Speaker 1: I'm just this is actually very new to me. I'm 290 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:43,520 Speaker 1: just starting to discover that and that's okay, and discover 291 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:48,240 Speaker 1: that that's okay because that romanticized idea you have a 292 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,639 Speaker 1: love of somebody mirroring what you do, like mirroring the 293 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:52,160 Speaker 1: way you look like that I don't know if that's 294 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,600 Speaker 1: that's a dent real life all the time, but they 295 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:59,480 Speaker 1: still love. It's just don't look like yours? Right, Yeah? 296 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,879 Speaker 1: Is that and that's it's still it's still good luck. 297 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:06,840 Speaker 1: That's a toughie. Ah, that's a tough one though, because 298 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:11,359 Speaker 1: it's like a thin line between acceptance, isn't it? Is 299 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,520 Speaker 1: it a thin line between acceptance and settling. Very thin 300 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:23,440 Speaker 1: and very very thin line. More real talk after the break. 301 00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:37,960 Speaker 1: You know, I'm looking at our younger um sisters and counterparts, 302 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:43,159 Speaker 1: and I'm I'm like, it just seems that the the 303 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:48,280 Speaker 1: desire it's so strong to have somebody who's paid. You know, 304 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 1: we've got to have a lot of money. You gotta 305 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:52,200 Speaker 1: have a lot of money. You know, you's gotta have 306 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:55,359 Speaker 1: a lot of money. And I gotta be honest with you, 307 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:59,159 Speaker 1: like some of y'all may not ever get this. And 308 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:02,239 Speaker 1: I've said it be for to you know some men 309 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,359 Speaker 1: who were in that in the stature that I'm talking about, 310 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:08,639 Speaker 1: and they were like, please don't ever say that again. Uh, 311 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:14,240 Speaker 1: I'm not really moved by rich men. They seem like 312 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:18,520 Speaker 1: they feel like trouble to me. They don't. They don't 313 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:22,720 Speaker 1: just stereotype the whole genre. I can't and that's not 314 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:26,080 Speaker 1: fair to stereotype are all men or or rich men. 315 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,359 Speaker 1: But I'm just saying that it's it seems it seems 316 00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:30,480 Speaker 1: like a shallow thing to one initially, it's it does. 317 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,240 Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like long term happiness because rich don't 318 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,359 Speaker 1: mean good to you. Well, I don't know if it 319 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,840 Speaker 1: feels like Okay, so I feel like this is where 320 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,440 Speaker 1: it gets generational. Let me just say, let me just 321 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:44,160 Speaker 1: say this part before the rich part comes in, because 322 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:48,560 Speaker 1: that's that's really nice. I like to spend somebody else's money, 323 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:51,119 Speaker 1: and I like somebody else to spend their money on me. 324 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 1: It feels great. I've enjoyed that in my lifetime. However, 325 00:19:56,040 --> 00:20:00,920 Speaker 1: I think character goes a lot further than then. Well, yeah, 326 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,800 Speaker 1: that's why I'm like and be rich. You know what 327 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,320 Speaker 1: I'm saying. Like, a lot of times people lean on 328 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:12,440 Speaker 1: their wealth as a personality trait, and it's not. It's 329 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:15,560 Speaker 1: a it's a circumstance. It's a circumstance that you you 330 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:18,040 Speaker 1: may have worked for. You might be a trust fund baby, 331 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:22,840 Speaker 1: you know we have those now. But um yeah, it's 332 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:26,040 Speaker 1: real nepotism happening in the world for brown people now. 333 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:31,520 Speaker 1: Like hallelujah, Okay, but sometimes people just rest on the 334 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,280 Speaker 1: fact that they've got a lot of money and they 335 00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:38,080 Speaker 1: don't really have a good character. You know, a good character. Um, 336 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,440 Speaker 1: someone who is is like we said, loyal and a friend. 337 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,920 Speaker 1: Somebody who who you know, loyal is big because you 338 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,520 Speaker 1: could cheap major when you've got a lot of money, 339 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,600 Speaker 1: I mean catch cheap anyway, you know, without it. If 340 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,040 Speaker 1: your part already is somebody with money, are you that 341 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,200 Speaker 1: good person looking for somebody good or is you just 342 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,200 Speaker 1: motherucker looking for a motherfucker with money? Like that means 343 00:20:58,240 --> 00:20:59,879 Speaker 1: that you're not ready for that good ship, then right, 344 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,280 Speaker 1: you're ready for the money ship. That's your priority that 345 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,480 Speaker 1: you go in. That's what that's if that's top, I 346 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,800 Speaker 1: don't know, y'all, because there's so many I don't know, y'all, 347 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:12,000 Speaker 1: because there's so many women out here searching for the 348 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,960 Speaker 1: good good and having a hard time getting the good good, 349 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:19,159 Speaker 1: getting a good person saying that I want someone to 350 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,600 Speaker 1: have money and min judice wasn't me. Me and ferteen 351 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,040 Speaker 1: had two quarters between us when we got married. So 352 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:28,320 Speaker 1: there's that. But the thing is that you know, by 353 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:32,159 Speaker 1: saying I want someone who has money, I feel like 354 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:35,880 Speaker 1: it's the addressing somewhat the elephant in the room where 355 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,879 Speaker 1: it's like, I think some of the young girls are saying, 356 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:41,640 Speaker 1: there are some things I want to do in my life. 357 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,240 Speaker 1: I want to have a certain kind of leisure I 358 00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:46,560 Speaker 1: want to have. There's certain kind of places I want 359 00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,680 Speaker 1: to go, things I want to do, and I want 360 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,840 Speaker 1: my partner to be able to do those things. And 361 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,119 Speaker 1: I think that is not quite saying I need a 362 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,840 Speaker 1: rich man, but that's saying I need someone to kind 363 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:00,920 Speaker 1: of meet the lifestyle to which I'm accustomed. I mean, 364 00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,679 Speaker 1: I feel like it's up fun, it's honest, honest. However, 365 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:07,280 Speaker 1: if it's number one on your list, all I'm saying 366 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,040 Speaker 1: is that cold be not. I'm just saying you might 367 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:10,719 Speaker 1: want to push that down a little bit because there 368 00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,200 Speaker 1: are some more important things that are going to be 369 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,840 Speaker 1: needed in addition to being able to somebody be able 370 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:17,200 Speaker 1: to travel like you travel, do the things you do, 371 00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 1: and be able to like they're inside their character, like 372 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:22,720 Speaker 1: what Jill was leading to, that's gonna be more important 373 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,720 Speaker 1: than all of that ship Like I'm just telling you, 374 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,520 Speaker 1: I mean I can help you fast forward. I feel 375 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:32,920 Speaker 1: absolutely that character supersedes all these and as I totally 376 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,000 Speaker 1: agree with you. It shouldn't be number one. I just 377 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:37,879 Speaker 1: hear a lot of times, a lot of criticism around 378 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:41,560 Speaker 1: the way that younger women are like prioritizing, you know, 379 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:45,600 Speaker 1: finding and the but and they don't have a time 380 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,440 Speaker 1: of me on that because guess what I did the 381 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,720 Speaker 1: same thing is the reason that I'm where it is 382 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:52,639 Speaker 1: right now, because I'm like, I wanted the partner and 383 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,800 Speaker 1: the situation to be what it is. I mean that 384 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:57,840 Speaker 1: shot I saw all my sisters now that is rocking 385 00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:01,720 Speaker 1: then for it isn't single and didn't get there. But 386 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,200 Speaker 1: that's why I'm just I can show you better and 387 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:09,159 Speaker 1: I can tell you That's all I'm saying. Because I 388 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:15,200 Speaker 1: got a I have a friend whom his girl is official, 389 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:19,480 Speaker 1: you know, they were she's she's well off financially, but 390 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,560 Speaker 1: she's got a lot of shoes and she's got a 391 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,679 Speaker 1: lot of bags, but she don't have a lot of books. 392 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:35,880 Speaker 1: Like finally, somebody one thing. Putting a learner on your 393 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:40,720 Speaker 1: list is a big deal interested in learning. You know, 394 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,880 Speaker 1: it's a lot of shoes. There's three thousand, thousands, six 395 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:49,359 Speaker 1: thousand dollars, you know, twelve thousand dollar bags and fifty dollars. 396 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,040 Speaker 1: What was the last thing you know that that stimulated 397 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,639 Speaker 1: your mind that made you want to try something different 398 00:23:56,800 --> 00:24:00,960 Speaker 1: or or recalculate your thoughts, had that and just have 399 00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:03,040 Speaker 1: only been to Miami and you're good with that, right, 400 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:05,800 Speaker 1: Like that's the thing. And you know, he was like, 401 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,639 Speaker 1: I can't do it. I can't, I can't do it. 402 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,240 Speaker 1: And I was like, I really respect he said, she fine, 403 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,879 Speaker 1: she got money, you know, she she don't need me 404 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:18,280 Speaker 1: for anything like that. Sex is great, It's like, but 405 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:24,000 Speaker 1: when it comes to the other aspect, the grades in betweens. Yeah, 406 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:30,960 Speaker 1: like there's only so much Valenciaga conversation that I should have. Like, yeah, 407 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,680 Speaker 1: it's really nice. I like that. That's that's that's dope. 408 00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:38,600 Speaker 1: But I like how you put that together to discuss 409 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,960 Speaker 1: the shade room. Even the shade room. Stop posting after 410 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,520 Speaker 1: a minute, what you're gonna talk? You're like, what you 411 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:54,199 Speaker 1: How do you even listen to Jade illed out? I mean, 412 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,919 Speaker 1: zu you even at least, at the very least spend 413 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:02,160 Speaker 1: your mind. I'm sorry, but that ship is real. It's 414 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,879 Speaker 1: so real. You've got to do They want a certain 415 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,280 Speaker 1: kind of figure. She gotta have this, and she gotta 416 00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:09,800 Speaker 1: be like that, she's gotta this that, But then you'll 417 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,560 Speaker 1: be mad when you get mad and she busted you 418 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,000 Speaker 1: because you ain't asked for the mind to be right. 419 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:19,359 Speaker 1: You just wanted that bad as you forgot about the 420 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:23,280 Speaker 1: other important part parts of the woman. You might want 421 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,320 Speaker 1: to check. You know, how does he whomever you're dealing with, 422 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:30,560 Speaker 1: how do they handle anger? Because people get angry? How 423 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:35,199 Speaker 1: do they handle disappointment? What does that look like? How 424 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:39,520 Speaker 1: do they get financial? You know situations? You know there 425 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:41,720 Speaker 1: are some people that go off in the in the 426 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:45,119 Speaker 1: box in the closet and go sit quiet for a 427 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:47,000 Speaker 1: long time. I happen to be one of those people. 428 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,639 Speaker 1: I will get the hell away. I will get the 429 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:56,080 Speaker 1: hellth away of okay, because the process I gotta I 430 00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 1: gotta draw something, you know what I mean, Like I 431 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,320 Speaker 1: gotta I gotta custom hours. I got to replant or 432 00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,320 Speaker 1: repot some plants to something. You know, I kind of 433 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:07,240 Speaker 1: do something real simple and by myself. And you need 434 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,800 Speaker 1: to be okay. But I need you to stay over there. Yes, 435 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:13,240 Speaker 1: that's important to me that I'm not I don't want 436 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,960 Speaker 1: to be your everything. See, this is the this is 437 00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:20,520 Speaker 1: the in between, It's the grave, right because I was 438 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:24,200 Speaker 1: gonna say that. I was like, people mostly feel like 439 00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:27,320 Speaker 1: they're raggedy and that you just kind of have to 440 00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:30,680 Speaker 1: walk yourself through it and walk them through it, and 441 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:32,960 Speaker 1: they got to walk you through it and walk themselves 442 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:36,440 Speaker 1: through it. Thinking maybe it's just the willingness to accept 443 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:41,080 Speaker 1: that everybody is just kind of consistently evolved you are 444 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:44,320 Speaker 1: and so is your partner, and having a sense of 445 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:48,600 Speaker 1: empathy in a sense of, you know, welcoming to that 446 00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:54,080 Speaker 1: change and that transformation and just almost being I don't know, 447 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:58,200 Speaker 1: just excited and anticipating it, like what's know about you today, 448 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:00,800 Speaker 1: what's going on? Get an to know the person that 449 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:04,040 Speaker 1: you with on a consistent basis, because you could discover 450 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:06,320 Speaker 1: some things about yourself, to be honest, if you really 451 00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:08,280 Speaker 1: trying to listen to them about who they are and 452 00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:10,440 Speaker 1: what they're trying to do. Because a lot of times 453 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:13,000 Speaker 1: it's just coming from a super vulnerable place. But then 454 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,560 Speaker 1: the day people just want to feel safe there. I 455 00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:19,520 Speaker 1: feel like safety and trust are the number one things. 456 00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:22,720 Speaker 1: That's why it's like people be having these conversations on 457 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:26,560 Speaker 1: the internet about being each other's peace or or women 458 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:28,760 Speaker 1: being the neck or some I don't know, what the 459 00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:34,720 Speaker 1: hell when they be talking what's the thing they talk about? Yeah, 460 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:38,919 Speaker 1: oh girl, oh child, when they be talking about women 461 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,720 Speaker 1: being oh, submitting, and the whole thing is you don't 462 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:47,120 Speaker 1: submit and you don't you acting like a man. Yeah, 463 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:50,720 Speaker 1: but I think but it's not just him. It's a 464 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,320 Speaker 1: whole lot of people say this. It's a whole congregation 465 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:57,240 Speaker 1: out there talking the same talk, talking that same talk. 466 00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,520 Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is I know what I'm saying. 467 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:03,840 Speaker 1: I think it comes from the fact that what people 468 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:06,120 Speaker 1: want from each other at the end of the day 469 00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:10,760 Speaker 1: is that there's a sense of comfort and safety and trust. 470 00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:15,600 Speaker 1: That men want to feel trusted and women want to 471 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:18,720 Speaker 1: feel trusted. Women want to be safe, and men want 472 00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:21,760 Speaker 1: to be with a woman who feel safe and and 473 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:25,120 Speaker 1: they want to be safe too, And like everybody wants 474 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:28,280 Speaker 1: this empathy and safety, but we we come up with 475 00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:31,919 Speaker 1: these things that are supposed to do that rather than 476 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,800 Speaker 1: just talk to the other individual about saying, hey, what 477 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:39,280 Speaker 1: makes you feel safe, what makes you feel heard, what 478 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:42,720 Speaker 1: makes you feel trusted? And what do you you know 479 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:45,320 Speaker 1: those kinds of things, and how do you define the 480 00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:48,960 Speaker 1: word trust? Because like I I've always set with that 481 00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:51,480 Speaker 1: because I'm like, yeah, I'm not really into these roles. 482 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,520 Speaker 1: I don't want nobody telling me what I'm supposed to do. 483 00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:58,440 Speaker 1: I want to feel the feeling that I need to 484 00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:02,560 Speaker 1: feel when I'm in a acting with people, motivation, when 485 00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,280 Speaker 1: I'm when I'm feeling that good feeling, I'm with you 486 00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:10,880 Speaker 1: in friendship and partnership, sex, love, whatever, When I when 487 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:14,520 Speaker 1: I feel that safety and that trust and that comfort. 488 00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:17,320 Speaker 1: When I feel those things, there's nothing like it. I 489 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,240 Speaker 1: know when it's happening, and I'm ready to be all 490 00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:24,480 Speaker 1: I can be. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I 491 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:30,560 Speaker 1: have I have another homeboy who he got everything he wanted. 492 00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,600 Speaker 1: Blood stories, really, you know, he made the lists, He 493 00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:37,360 Speaker 1: made the list, and he got everything he wanted. But 494 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:44,240 Speaker 1: unfortunately he's still very attracted to the toxic nature of 495 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:50,080 Speaker 1: his ex wife. Was like sex was because the sex 496 00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:54,640 Speaker 1: was probably popping, yeah, but the rage was trauma. Oh 497 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:59,680 Speaker 1: that trauma bonding Yeah, because I was on that one too, 498 00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:04,000 Speaker 1: Because that's that's the thing that damn never remind me of. Well, Damn, 499 00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:05,960 Speaker 1: I just got too many stories of girlfriends who skipped 500 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,240 Speaker 1: out on the good dude and then circle back years 501 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:10,400 Speaker 1: later and it's like, dang, I was a good dude, 502 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,400 Speaker 1: but I was dating a bad boy. It's just it's 503 00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:17,200 Speaker 1: it's a And there's some guys like that too, where 504 00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:21,840 Speaker 1: they these girls they think it's they think it's being sexy. 505 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:28,080 Speaker 1: They think it's she's exciting. It's like, you know, she's 506 00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:31,960 Speaker 1: mean and she's like koy, but you know, we'll tear 507 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,360 Speaker 1: some girl up or you know, it's like it's just 508 00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:37,400 Speaker 1: too much drama, like people addicted to the drama and 509 00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:42,760 Speaker 1: that ship that might have been sexy, sexy and so 510 00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:48,080 Speaker 1: much and and and too you know, creating a list. 511 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:51,760 Speaker 1: People have a list, and sometimes it's the list is 512 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:54,680 Speaker 1: who who they smashed, but who they intended on smashing 513 00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:58,480 Speaker 1: one day. Y'all gonna get it yourself, but in the 514 00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:00,840 Speaker 1: back of a van, you know what I mean, Like 515 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:02,960 Speaker 1: they have the ideas like that. I'm not saying that 516 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:07,320 Speaker 1: that's what that's the goal saying, but I'm saying that 517 00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:11,120 Speaker 1: that that they have a list of people. You know, 518 00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:15,040 Speaker 1: particularly I'm talking about like rich dudes. They're famous people. 519 00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:17,280 Speaker 1: You know, they have a list and they're like, I 520 00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:20,640 Speaker 1: want to know what it's hitting for. And I think 521 00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:25,640 Speaker 1: sometimes it famous dudes and rich dudes are looking for 522 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:30,000 Speaker 1: inspiration for a time, and I don't think that that's 523 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:33,240 Speaker 1: necessarily a bad thing as long as you know that's 524 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:39,760 Speaker 1: why they're there. That happened. I gotta well, you know something, 525 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:42,760 Speaker 1: just when viral recently, like it was on Twitter, was 526 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:48,320 Speaker 1: blowing up about how, um, several famous wealthy men, they 527 00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:52,120 Speaker 1: were all white men, all only dated women under the 528 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:55,320 Speaker 1: age of and that they went to the list of 529 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,880 Speaker 1: all of the women that they had dated and all 530 00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,320 Speaker 1: of them were under twenty five, even though these men 531 00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,800 Speaker 1: have continued to get older. So that just made me 532 00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:05,440 Speaker 1: think about that when you said they're with you for 533 00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:09,000 Speaker 1: a certain kind of inspiration and for a moment in 534 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:12,880 Speaker 1: a season, and then that's then that's it. But at 535 00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:16,160 Speaker 1: the end of the day, if both parties both are 536 00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:20,560 Speaker 1: okay with that, then I can't say anything about that. 537 00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:22,400 Speaker 1: I mean, if that's what y'all with, if that's what 538 00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:26,800 Speaker 1: y'all into, Hey, I'm not here to police your list, right, 539 00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:29,880 Speaker 1: so let's be clear about that. We're not We're not 540 00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:32,200 Speaker 1: here to judge who the hell are we We're not 541 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:36,040 Speaker 1: trying to your list. We just think it might be 542 00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:39,800 Speaker 1: a really good idea to create an evolutionary list, as 543 00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:43,080 Speaker 1: you go along for your relationships. If you want to 544 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,440 Speaker 1: be in a committed relationship, you may not. You may not, 545 00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:49,440 Speaker 1: And there is no judgment here about that. Boot. Boot. 546 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:51,840 Speaker 1: If all you want to do is have a really 547 00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:54,400 Speaker 1: good time and travel the world and spend money and 548 00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:58,240 Speaker 1: and enjoy and and hand the conversations and then go 549 00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:03,960 Speaker 1: to hell home by yourself where nobody half your sandwich, okay, 550 00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:09,080 Speaker 1: then that's just fine, as long as your car and 551 00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,360 Speaker 1: make it something that is not because I've done that. 552 00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:14,360 Speaker 1: I've done that where it should have just been a 553 00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:16,640 Speaker 1: good time. And I was like, that's my man. And 554 00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:20,360 Speaker 1: my mom was like that that is a toy. I 555 00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,760 Speaker 1: was like, now, now it's not a toy. Was like that, 556 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:28,880 Speaker 1: it's a toy. Play with it. He told you he 557 00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:31,120 Speaker 1: was a toy. You're not listening. It looked like a toy, 558 00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:32,680 Speaker 1: walked like a toy, talk like a toy. But you 559 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:34,800 Speaker 1: want to read it like something funny. Thing is he 560 00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:38,080 Speaker 1: probably told you it was a toy, but you wasn't listening. 561 00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:54,080 Speaker 1: We'll be back after the break. You might not, You 562 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:57,240 Speaker 1: might be. You know, you might not be good for everybody, 563 00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:59,920 Speaker 1: but good for the person that you're actually spending your 564 00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:03,400 Speaker 1: your time with maybe sharing at home with or child 565 00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:08,520 Speaker 1: or um, you know, anything a relationship? Are you good 566 00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:11,520 Speaker 1: for them and good enough for what you're asking for? Right? 567 00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:15,360 Speaker 1: This is a tricky, tricky thing here. I feel like 568 00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:22,560 Speaker 1: we do have a difficult time in our society with value, 569 00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:30,320 Speaker 1: like deciding other people's value and deciding our own value, 570 00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:35,560 Speaker 1: like who is worthy of love and who is worthy 571 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:39,920 Speaker 1: of of anything. It's more of are you ready to 572 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,760 Speaker 1: give as much as you are ready to ask for? Balance? 573 00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:47,399 Speaker 1: So what you're what you're saying is balanced? Right? Yeah? 574 00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:49,600 Speaker 1: I mean sometimes people ask for things that they're not 575 00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,600 Speaker 1: willing to give. I like it. What's this? The word 576 00:34:52,680 --> 00:35:00,239 Speaker 1: reciprocity is that it reciprocity like balance, you know, even 577 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:03,880 Speaker 1: taking relationship fairness. You want him to be faithful? Can 578 00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:05,799 Speaker 1: you do that? I had to ask myself, like, I'm 579 00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:08,080 Speaker 1: sorry I went back to Jill's thing, but that was 580 00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:10,640 Speaker 1: a serious thing for me. Right Like, at a certain point, 581 00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:13,240 Speaker 1: it's like, well, you want a man to be faithful 582 00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:14,759 Speaker 1: to you? Can you do that? Because your last couple 583 00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:18,000 Speaker 1: of relationships, you know you Okay, I let me work 584 00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,759 Speaker 1: on this, let me work on this. Okay. You may 585 00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:22,960 Speaker 1: have discovered that you used to be a cheater. Okay, 586 00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:26,279 Speaker 1: say say it and say it because that's what bitch, 587 00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:29,160 Speaker 1: because you is all right now change it? Yeah, I 588 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:34,440 Speaker 1: love you too, damn it. Beat the it's the bitch conversations, bitch. 589 00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:38,439 Speaker 1: It's those that you have to have with your own 590 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,359 Speaker 1: with your own soulf like, bich, how are you gonna ask? Like, bitch, 591 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,239 Speaker 1: look at yourself, like what you just do the other day, 592 00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:46,359 Speaker 1: Like that's what you're doing right now? Would you want 593 00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:48,640 Speaker 1: that to be him doing it to you? Don't this up? 594 00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:54,640 Speaker 1: Don't do right, don't don't don't, don't don't do that. 595 00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:59,759 Speaker 1: Come on, You've been asking for this for a long time, right, 596 00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:01,719 Speaker 1: I'm me all you didn't give you what you you 597 00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:05,640 Speaker 1: did was give you what you asked for. I'm just saying, like, 598 00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:08,399 Speaker 1: are you sucking it up? Because that looked good because 599 00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:09,640 Speaker 1: you had that and that was good when you had 600 00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:11,359 Speaker 1: it before, and that I should knocked your back out, 601 00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:15,120 Speaker 1: But you cool you You're satisfied. You satisfied, rainy while 602 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:18,080 Speaker 1: you get satisfied. I just want to play. I ain't 603 00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,160 Speaker 1: gonna lie. I just want to play. I want to 604 00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:23,080 Speaker 1: play a lot. I want to laugh and be silly 605 00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:25,120 Speaker 1: and I want to play games and I want to 606 00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,359 Speaker 1: run around. And I was like, that's a good one 607 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:35,840 Speaker 1: to the I wanna play games like that, you know, 608 00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:38,719 Speaker 1: I want to I want to grow and learn some 609 00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:42,200 Speaker 1: ship and have conversations about the things that we learned. 610 00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:46,359 Speaker 1: And I don't know, I've got everything that I've ever 611 00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:53,720 Speaker 1: asked for and terrified rag great, what's that about waiting 612 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:59,719 Speaker 1: for the ball to drop? Stuff? That's weird? Yeah, it isn't. 613 00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:02,319 Speaker 1: And you listen, if you look at your life like, well, 614 00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:04,640 Speaker 1: I already paid for everything on my karma, you know. 615 00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:06,279 Speaker 1: I feel like my carma is paid up for. So 616 00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:12,319 Speaker 1: he's like this about time. Shout out the wizzle. It's 617 00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:18,360 Speaker 1: about goddamn time. It's a bit. I think mine is like, bitch, 618 00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:23,600 Speaker 1: you're the motherfucker. Get make sure everybody around you understands 619 00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:29,840 Speaker 1: the ship, particularly yo man, the true motherfucker a bitch, 620 00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:34,279 Speaker 1: get your ship together. I like that. Assert assert yourself, bitch. 621 00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:40,080 Speaker 1: That's not like sitting in that cell, sitting in that jail, 622 00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:44,399 Speaker 1: sitting in that yeah about ready to rock the down chip, 623 00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:53,680 Speaker 1: everybody rocking every rocky. I got it. I'm sitting in 624 00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:59,840 Speaker 1: that therapy and I'm like, listen, I've never had everything 625 00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:04,160 Speaker 1: I ever wanted ever. Girl, congratulate girl, you not even 626 00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:07,320 Speaker 1: congratulations as it should be. Now what you know? Like 627 00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:13,960 Speaker 1: now what now? You gotta do the work a little bit. Yes, 628 00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:19,640 Speaker 1: stuff is happening that I'm not necessarily prepared for, Like, oh, ship, 629 00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:24,480 Speaker 1: you are so kind you are to not just me, 630 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:29,479 Speaker 1: but to everybody. And and not a applause, not because 631 00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:33,719 Speaker 1: if he is looking snap, not because you're looking to 632 00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:37,239 Speaker 1: be rewarded. But I have noticed that men do really 633 00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:44,640 Speaker 1: like rewards. I haven't noticed this girl. Acknowledgements. Acknowledgements is important. Yeah, 634 00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:46,719 Speaker 1: I kind of. I can't. Friend. I adds a little 635 00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:51,840 Speaker 1: bit yesterday, like don't tell me that you swept the patio. 636 00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:58,920 Speaker 1: Don't tell me that again. I saw you. You do it? 637 00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:05,600 Speaker 1: You so much, Shoan, thank you. I'm doing something. Wow. 638 00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:10,880 Speaker 1: Mine loves a mission. If I give the mission, it's important, 639 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:14,440 Speaker 1: he's the mission is going to happen, understand me. The 640 00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:17,360 Speaker 1: mission is going down, it's going to get accomplished. Okay, 641 00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:24,160 Speaker 1: But once it gets accomplished, it's like, what's you're gonna 642 00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:32,839 Speaker 1: do from what? Hello? Hello, Hello, I did it? Where 643 00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,880 Speaker 1: is my applause? Where's my standard ovation? Where is my 644 00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:40,759 Speaker 1: ovation something that I necessarily asked for. I didn't because 645 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:42,320 Speaker 1: it needed to get done. I did it because you 646 00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:44,959 Speaker 1: wanted it done. Wait wait wait okay, so wa go Jill. 647 00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:48,000 Speaker 1: But this goes to this goes to the love languages. 648 00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:52,120 Speaker 1: This goes to our love languages because although it was 649 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:55,480 Speaker 1: not something that you would ask for, and I all 650 00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,680 Speaker 1: praise due to the to my boy, the man in 651 00:39:57,760 --> 00:39:59,759 Speaker 1: my life, because we did have that conversation early on. 652 00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,399 Speaker 1: Listen my love language. A matter of fact, they all mind, 653 00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:05,960 Speaker 1: all of them, all of them. Actually, it's just it's 654 00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:11,280 Speaker 1: really an order what priority. They know, You're right, because 655 00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:14,200 Speaker 1: some things just are important to people. Like I said, 656 00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:16,560 Speaker 1: I didn't ask you to do that, but they like, 657 00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:18,800 Speaker 1: this is how I showed love. So I need you 658 00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:21,720 Speaker 1: to acknowledge that I showed you that I love it girl, 659 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:27,600 Speaker 1: and needed to be done. So it did it. Uh, 660 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:31,759 Speaker 1: but that's not but that's not the point though. That's see, 661 00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,919 Speaker 1: y'all sound like ladies. And surely it needed to be done. 662 00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:41,000 Speaker 1: Surely it needed his perspective, It surely needed to be done, 663 00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:44,360 Speaker 1: and I did it. So now I want a small parade, 664 00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:49,279 Speaker 1: and yes, and and then but you know what thought 665 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:51,799 Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna lie to you. I personally would 666 00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:54,479 Speaker 1: appreciate a few more parades in my own I would, 667 00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:58,960 Speaker 1: So maybe tonight I'll tell for Teine, listen, I'll give 668 00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:02,520 Speaker 1: you a parade if you give me a parade. It's 669 00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:06,000 Speaker 1: just gonna be parading and celebrating out this speech. We're 670 00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:09,400 Speaker 1: just gonna be out here called call somebody and just 671 00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:14,080 Speaker 1: just talk about me. You this woman here, let me 672 00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:18,080 Speaker 1: just hear. Let let maybe in the other room real loud, 673 00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:27,600 Speaker 1: do that. We're alloud. You're allowed. My wife is amazing. 674 00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:33,439 Speaker 1: That's right, My wife is amazing. But that's the queen. 675 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:35,800 Speaker 1: And listen, you might not have never got that parade 676 00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:37,480 Speaker 1: if you ain't asked. Because I know some of some 677 00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:39,720 Speaker 1: of us women out there all and men and others, 678 00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:43,520 Speaker 1: we think that people should just know I'm talking about myself. 679 00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:46,279 Speaker 1: We think that people should just know what we need 680 00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:49,120 Speaker 1: because you should just know me because we've been in Yeah, 681 00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:52,919 Speaker 1: but it's like how you don't know. But sometimes people 682 00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:55,000 Speaker 1: can't read your mind, Like, yeah, people can't need your mind. 683 00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:56,800 Speaker 1: You got to you got to, you got to, you 684 00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:59,160 Speaker 1: got to say it, and so that people can't need 685 00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:01,160 Speaker 1: your mind. Jill Well I'm gonna say this, I have 686 00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:03,680 Speaker 1: fifty million things on my brain in any given day. 687 00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:06,239 Speaker 1: But I'm saying that's why you need to ask for 688 00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:09,120 Speaker 1: your parade though, And that's why you gotta ask no 689 00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:13,800 Speaker 1: seriously and then and then you know it's who child 690 00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:18,399 Speaker 1: Lord have mercycy. And this is why some people opt out, yes, 691 00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:22,719 Speaker 1: because the ship getting complicated for me, Like, I'm like, 692 00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:26,040 Speaker 1: wait a minute, Oh, I gotta have an evolutionary list. 693 00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:28,920 Speaker 1: I gotta share on the list. I gotta listen to 694 00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:32,439 Speaker 1: your list. CoFe, you're always giving us tips on being 695 00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:34,680 Speaker 1: better blacks and ship. You know how many books we got? 696 00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:42,759 Speaker 1: I am? She said, Oh no, be what you're not 697 00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:45,399 Speaker 1: gonna do is what you're not gonna do is give 698 00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:51,279 Speaker 1: out homework and not thick. Okay, my soli is thick. 699 00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:56,160 Speaker 1: I love your ass to the bone, Marrow. Do you 700 00:42:56,320 --> 00:43:01,719 Speaker 1: hear me? Oh girl? Can you just can you just fun? 701 00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:10,000 Speaker 1: I love you and say nice things just me feeding 702 00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:15,200 Speaker 1: tell me pretty sometimes, like me out and tell me 703 00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:19,520 Speaker 1: I'll pretty in my next life. You know, I've talked 704 00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:21,239 Speaker 1: about this quite a bit in my you know, to 705 00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:24,120 Speaker 1: to the creator. I said, hey, look, you know, next 706 00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:26,120 Speaker 1: time around, I want to be a cat. I want 707 00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:28,440 Speaker 1: to be a cat in a lovely home with people, 708 00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:33,279 Speaker 1: with nice people. I'm going about some on my back 709 00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,319 Speaker 1: with my belly out, and every now and then I'm 710 00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:39,279 Speaker 1: gonna let somebody rub it and I'm gonna enjoy that her. 711 00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:41,880 Speaker 1: And then I'm going about my business and hide up 712 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:45,640 Speaker 1: in a tree somewhere and until I feel like until 713 00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:47,120 Speaker 1: I feel like doing something else, and then I'm gonna 714 00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:52,080 Speaker 1: jump real far. You know, maybe your sexual urges will 715 00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:53,640 Speaker 1: be gone, because you know, I don't see cats doing 716 00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:56,160 Speaker 1: too much fucking so but that's cool too, Yeah they 717 00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:59,360 Speaker 1: do unless they get spade. Girl. They trust me. I 718 00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:01,440 Speaker 1: have a cat. I mean, I mean, I know you 719 00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:10,400 Speaker 1: got a cat, so a per per. That means that 720 00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:16,479 Speaker 1: I have a tendency to be selfish. Oh right right, yeah, 721 00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:20,560 Speaker 1: back in the chair, back sitting in that in that jail, 722 00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:24,480 Speaker 1: you know, back in therapy, Like, okay, you I have 723 00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:26,920 Speaker 1: someone that's really wonderful to me. I have to make 724 00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:31,560 Speaker 1: sure that I'm not a selfish asshole. Yeah girl, you 725 00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:36,520 Speaker 1: know what. Oh I like this, No, I like this exercise. 726 00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:40,040 Speaker 1: I like this exercise. I have somebody who's totally dependable 727 00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:43,880 Speaker 1: and tenacious. I'm a bit of a procrastinator. I can 728 00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:47,000 Speaker 1: get on top of ship. He can get a task, 729 00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:54,000 Speaker 1: go do it, come back, tast done, thinking, day chilling yep, 730 00:44:55,040 --> 00:45:00,120 Speaker 1: as your ass be on the phone doing forever. You know, 731 00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:02,200 Speaker 1: when you go where you gotta wrap. You gotta wrap 732 00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:03,799 Speaker 1: the folks. You know, you gotta wrap the people when 733 00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:07,440 Speaker 1: you're gonna girl, I do, and when I'm not talking 734 00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:10,359 Speaker 1: to people. Actually, I probably get it faster when I'm 735 00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:15,200 Speaker 1: talking to somebody because they keep me honest. I'm like, 736 00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:18,879 Speaker 1: you know, the dog going up when he'd be like squirrel, Yep, 737 00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,759 Speaker 1: that's me too. I'll be cleaning the room, I'll be like, oh, 738 00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:25,600 Speaker 1: this a nice box of pictures, let me sit down, 739 00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:32,160 Speaker 1: let me see here, and oh I have been meaning 740 00:45:32,239 --> 00:45:39,200 Speaker 1: to read this book. Like realizing that your your partner 741 00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:43,400 Speaker 1: may have traits and qualities that you wanted that you 742 00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:49,960 Speaker 1: can't catch. Yeah, it's not a rash. That's why you've 743 00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:52,399 Speaker 1: been getting to my yang dough like you're feeling them guys, 744 00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:56,320 Speaker 1: like that's feeling these other's gaps. Then that's yeah, little 745 00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:59,600 Speaker 1: I'm a little jealous, like, damn, that was awesome. You 746 00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:03,799 Speaker 1: gotta up you did. How much I'm gonna turn over 747 00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:15,080 Speaker 1: head right now, I'm kind of write it, you know 748 00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:19,279 Speaker 1: what I'm saying terrible, like who could put up with that? 749 00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:22,280 Speaker 1: And then I think those things like who is putting 750 00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:23,960 Speaker 1: up with me? But you know you, Jill, you're not 751 00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:25,960 Speaker 1: telling us, You're not tell you can't tell us your 752 00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:28,000 Speaker 1: great stuff there. If he was sitting here, he'd be like, no, 753 00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:31,279 Speaker 1: but baby, yeah, girl, you do this, You do that. 754 00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:36,320 Speaker 1: You made me all kinds of feel good. Yeah. And 755 00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:40,600 Speaker 1: it shows, it shows because he just blooms and blossoms 756 00:46:40,719 --> 00:46:43,360 Speaker 1: right in front of my face. It is so fire. 757 00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:51,200 Speaker 1: This evolutionary list thing, it really seems like it doesn't 758 00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:53,279 Speaker 1: seem like it's something to do. It's something to pay 759 00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:56,960 Speaker 1: attention to. And as you create a list about what 760 00:46:57,080 --> 00:47:00,279 Speaker 1: you want in your your life and your relationship, hips, 761 00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:04,320 Speaker 1: business and otherwise, you also have to pay attention to 762 00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:10,000 Speaker 1: your yourself and try the thing. You know, having somebody 763 00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:15,239 Speaker 1: who's completely dependable may sound great, but when you want 764 00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:19,520 Speaker 1: a booshit and they're trying to be dependable, uh, it's 765 00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:22,080 Speaker 1: not so great. It's just a balance that all things. 766 00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:28,320 Speaker 1: I trust this that having a relationship, being in a 767 00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:33,680 Speaker 1: relationship is never ever going to be All ships and giggles. Ever, 768 00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:37,400 Speaker 1: there's always going to be some kind of work. And 769 00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:39,880 Speaker 1: if it's in you and that's what you want out 770 00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:43,000 Speaker 1: of this life, to share your partnership, to to share 771 00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:47,439 Speaker 1: your life with somebody, then ultimately, friends, the work still 772 00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:50,880 Speaker 1: exists no matter how old you get, no matter how 773 00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:59,200 Speaker 1: long you've been together. Uh fuck and seen that. That's 774 00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:04,120 Speaker 1: what it is. Friends, I just don't want you to 775 00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:08,600 Speaker 1: give up on love, that's all. Yeah, And it can't 776 00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:11,840 Speaker 1: be so much fun. I know what it looks like. 777 00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:15,120 Speaker 1: I know, I know what it looks like. It looks like. 778 00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:18,719 Speaker 1: You know, women ain't ship, Men ain't ship, ain't nobody ship. 779 00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:21,520 Speaker 1: But that's not true. You kind of have to pull 780 00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:25,160 Speaker 1: away from what was in order to create something new 781 00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:27,520 Speaker 1: for yourself. And you're gonna have to be a learner, 782 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,319 Speaker 1: learn how to do something different that you've never done 783 00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:33,400 Speaker 1: for your greater good. It's up to you to choose 784 00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:35,360 Speaker 1: what those things are and it's up to you to 785 00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:37,880 Speaker 1: do the work. We love you for real, like like 786 00:48:38,160 --> 00:48:40,800 Speaker 1: wal like for real. It's not even a question. We 787 00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:43,160 Speaker 1: really want you to to have all the things that 788 00:48:43,239 --> 00:48:45,320 Speaker 1: you want out of this life, the things that truly 789 00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:48,680 Speaker 1: benefit you, not just your quirks, you know, the things 790 00:48:48,719 --> 00:48:52,520 Speaker 1: that truly benefit your existence. And that's that's it. That's 791 00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:54,759 Speaker 1: all we got for today. Thank you so much for 792 00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:58,359 Speaker 1: listening to Jay dot Il the Podcast. That's I don't 793 00:48:58,360 --> 00:49:09,400 Speaker 1: have it else to say. That's it. Thanks. How do 794 00:49:09,520 --> 00:49:15,360 Speaker 1: you eat an elephant? One by it time? Hey listeners, 795 00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:19,080 Speaker 1: it's Amber, the producer of Ja do Ill here. It 796 00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:22,640 Speaker 1: is hard to know when you're ready for a relationship. 797 00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:26,520 Speaker 1: There really isn't a blueprint. Relationships are some of our 798 00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:30,160 Speaker 1: greatest teachers, and you don't need to be perfect, just 799 00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:33,520 Speaker 1: self aware. I want to share this beautiful article from 800 00:49:33,560 --> 00:49:38,120 Speaker 1: the Atlantic that has data as well as advice from 801 00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:42,240 Speaker 1: experts about how to really evaluate when you are ready 802 00:49:42,719 --> 00:49:45,560 Speaker 1: to jump into a long term relationship and when you 803 00:49:45,680 --> 00:50:01,320 Speaker 1: jump into one, how to handle it. Hi, if you 804 00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:04,759 Speaker 1: have comments on something he said in this episode called 805 00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:08,239 Speaker 1: eight six six, Hey Jill, if you want to add 806 00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:12,359 Speaker 1: to this conversation, that's eight six six nine five four 807 00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:15,279 Speaker 1: five five, don't forget to tell us your name and 808 00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:18,920 Speaker 1: the episode you're referring to. You might just hear your 809 00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:22,680 Speaker 1: message on a future episode. Thank you for listening to 810 00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:29,680 Speaker 1: Jill Scott Presents Jay dot Il the Podcast. Ja dot 811 00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:33,120 Speaker 1: Ill is a production of I heart Radio. For more 812 00:50:33,239 --> 00:50:37,320 Speaker 1: podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, 813 00:50:37,719 --> 00:50:41,720 Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.