WEBVTT - All I Really Need 0:00:01.080 --> 0:00:04.920 When the vision itself came to me was the culmination 0:00:05.000 --> 0:00:11.200 of an accumulation of learnings over my lifetime. You might say, 0:00:12.960 --> 0:00:15.840 at first, I thought, why am I being given this vision? 0:00:16.320 --> 0:00:22.400 Surely there are others more worthy of being burdened with 0:00:22.480 --> 0:00:31.720 the gift of child honoring as a philosophy. I'm Chris Garcia, 0:00:32.200 --> 0:00:35.319 and this is Finding Raffie, a ten part series from 0:00:35.320 --> 0:00:38.440 My Heart Radio and Fatherly in partnership with The Rococo 0:00:38.520 --> 0:00:43.000 Punch about the life, philosophy, and the work of Raffie, 0:00:43.960 --> 0:00:53.760 the man behind the music. One morning in Raphie says 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:56.240 he woke up from a deep sleep with a vision 0:00:57.080 --> 0:01:04.000 two words suspended in mid air, char honoring. I knew 0:01:04.000 --> 0:01:07.080 in that luminous moment that I was being given something 0:01:07.600 --> 0:01:10.319 that would be the work of the rest of my life. 0:01:11.600 --> 0:01:14.760 I knew in that moment that it was a unique 0:01:14.800 --> 0:01:20.000 social change revolution that connects personal, culture and planet, an 0:01:20.080 --> 0:01:30.840 integrated philosophy for restoring communities and restoring the earth. Everything 0:01:30.920 --> 0:01:34.160 in Ralphie's mind seems to come down to child honoring. 0:01:34.520 --> 0:01:38.440 It came up over and over again in our conversations. Basically, 0:01:38.480 --> 0:01:42.040 it's his philosophy for saving the planet by putting children first. 0:01:42.560 --> 0:01:46.200 It eventually became a book and an online course, and 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:49.240 Ralphie was selling it to me pretty hard and one 0:01:49.280 --> 0:01:53.520 way you can deepen your connection with the beautiful words 0:01:53.520 --> 0:01:55.720 that you might read and wonder how might I practice 0:01:55.720 --> 0:01:59.800 this in my own family, as you would take the 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:03.240 online course in child hon ring that my Raffie Foundation 0:02:04.000 --> 0:02:08.440 offers for a very reasonable price. On my dad, I 0:02:08.560 --> 0:02:13.560 took the bait. Raphie's philosophy covers a lot. He asked 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:16.880 us to consider so many different concepts with children in mind, 0:02:17.400 --> 0:02:19.680 from the way we grow our food to how we 0:02:19.760 --> 0:02:23.880 measure economic progress. He paints a picture of a utopian 0:02:23.919 --> 0:02:27.880 world full of farmers, markets, parents volunteering with their kids, 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:31.000 and pesticide free parks. I found it hard to know 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:33.720 where I'm supposed to step in, both as a person 0:02:34.120 --> 0:02:37.799 and as a parent. See and reading it, it made 0:02:37.880 --> 0:02:40.920 me think a lot about privilege, because it's there's so 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:44.560 much pressure on parents to make sure they're doing everything 0:02:44.639 --> 0:02:48.560 just perfectly, reading the right books, having the right toys. 0:02:48.639 --> 0:02:50.560 But at the end of the day, it's about survival 0:02:50.600 --> 0:02:53.840 and love, and not everyone has the means to curate 0:02:54.200 --> 0:02:59.079 the perfect bubble for their child. There's no such thing 0:02:59.680 --> 0:03:03.400 as perfect parenting. So let's just put that out of 0:03:03.400 --> 0:03:16.880 our minds. All parents, in their various situations, sum are 0:03:16.960 --> 0:03:19.839 having a tough time month after month making ends meet. 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:25.200 You know. Everybody's got different pressures, different challenges, and also 0:03:25.360 --> 0:03:29.440 different rewards, you know, but we're all doing our best. 0:03:30.280 --> 0:03:33.960 And the point of conscious parenting is to be conscious 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:39.080 of how we are parenting, how we were parented, what 0:03:39.440 --> 0:03:42.800 that instilled in us that might be passed on to 0:03:42.920 --> 0:03:48.800 our children. So it's a call to conscious living. Raphae's 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:52.760 child honoring vision might sound a little esoteric, but I 0:03:52.880 --> 0:03:55.640 have to give the guy credit. He knows when and 0:03:55.680 --> 0:03:58.360 who to ask for help. He called up the top 0:03:58.400 --> 0:04:03.880 thinkers and environmental health education, business, in psychology, you name it, 0:04:04.120 --> 0:04:08.760 to test his ideas and shape his philosophy. I would 0:04:08.760 --> 0:04:11.160 like to think that before I met Rafiel, I was 0:04:11.200 --> 0:04:14.800 doing child honoring work. This is Dr Sharna Olfman, a 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:18.560 Canadian expat living in Pittsburgh. She co wrote Raphael's Child 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:21.200 Honoring book and happens to be a leading expert in 0:04:21.279 --> 0:04:25.320 developmental psychology. One of the many reasons I'm excited to 0:04:25.480 --> 0:04:29.080 talk to you um today is because you're an expert 0:04:29.120 --> 0:04:32.359 in all of this and I am a sponge that 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:35.800 wants to soak in all this knowledge with you. Well, 0:04:35.880 --> 0:04:39.440 I want to be really clear that the child honoring 0:04:39.520 --> 0:04:46.000 philosophy is Raphael's philosophy, but we're part of this community. 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:51.599 The solutions require the work and the ideas of people 0:04:51.720 --> 0:04:55.679 in many, many different professions. In her book series called 0:04:55.880 --> 0:05:00.560 Childhood in America, Sharna writes about some controversial educational reforms 0:05:00.600 --> 0:05:04.039 that she believed were harming our children, and Raffie was 0:05:04.120 --> 0:05:07.200 all about it. What were you trying to communicate to 0:05:07.240 --> 0:05:09.760 the world at that time? There were kind of a 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:12.599 confluence events that led to the creation of that book, 0:05:12.839 --> 0:05:15.159 So maybe it would help to unpack that a little bit. 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:21.919 If you were in preschool in the nineties, you most 0:05:21.960 --> 0:05:24.680 likely spent your days playing with ghak and sitting on 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:28.360 a carpet square singing Barney songs. It was pretty chill. 0:05:28.960 --> 0:05:33.119 Playtime was the popular curriculum. Then flash forwards two thousand 0:05:33.160 --> 0:05:36.680 and two, Former President George W. Bush had just passed 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:40.600 the highly criticized No Child Left Behind Act, and suddenly 0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:45.200 schools became very test driven, meaning preschool kids spent more 0:05:45.240 --> 0:05:47.920 time sitting at their desk taking tests than they did 0:05:47.960 --> 0:05:56.360 outside learning how to play. As a clinical psychologist, I 0:05:56.480 --> 0:06:00.720 was aware of this very big up surge in the 0:06:00.839 --> 0:06:04.480 number of children who are being diagnosed with attention deficit 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:09.400 disorder and who are also being prescribed stimulants. So there 0:06:09.400 --> 0:06:12.640 were like one in ten kids being prescribed riddle in 0:06:13.240 --> 0:06:16.040 there are these kind of formal preschool settings, and also 0:06:16.279 --> 0:06:21.039 there was this uptick in play getting translated to screen time. 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:31.440 At the time, my son had just lost a person 0:06:31.960 --> 0:06:34.840 that was very, very important to him, and it was 0:06:34.880 --> 0:06:39.000 a very very traumatic event for my son. So I'm 0:06:39.000 --> 0:06:42.200 looking at all of these different trends and I'm thinking 0:06:42.240 --> 0:06:46.480 about my child, and I'm thinking that these preschool settings 0:06:46.480 --> 0:06:49.120 don't feel right for him. This was how I felt 0:06:49.160 --> 0:06:51.479 as a parent, but it is also how I felt 0:06:51.480 --> 0:06:54.719 as a developmental psychologist. If you take a bunch of 0:06:54.800 --> 0:06:57.600 kids and you sit them at desks when they're meant 0:06:57.640 --> 0:07:01.279 to be playing creatively, and then you know they spend 0:07:01.279 --> 0:07:04.680 their leisure time in front of screens, it's going to 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:11.720 create some developmental issues. I look back and I think 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:16.080 about my childhood and I was a very energetic boy 0:07:16.120 --> 0:07:19.360 that sat in a desk in a Catholic school all 0:07:19.440 --> 0:07:23.160 day and then watched TV at night, and I think 0:07:23.240 --> 0:07:26.040 my teachers and then my parents thought that I was 0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:29.640 just a bad student or incapable of learning. I ended 0:07:29.680 --> 0:07:32.760 up going to UC Berkeley, one of the best colleges 0:07:33.000 --> 0:07:35.640 in the world, but I stumbled out of the gates 0:07:35.680 --> 0:07:38.440 because I don't think I was meant to sit in 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:43.360 a chair and then watch The Simpsons all night. Afterwards, 0:07:43.960 --> 0:07:47.360 in my own head, I almost saw myself as a 0:07:47.400 --> 0:07:50.840 bad student, even though I wasn't, because I just couldn't 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:57.240 participate in that environment absolutely, And then those labels risks 0:07:57.320 --> 0:08:01.200 sort of becoming self fulfilling prophecies. You know. The the 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:04.440 issue isn't that you can't get there from a lesson 0:08:04.520 --> 0:08:08.640 optimal beginning, but why make it so hard? Um? Should 0:08:08.640 --> 0:08:10.840 I be paying you for this session? And is this 0:08:11.160 --> 0:08:13.600 become a therapy session? Now? I feel like I feel 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:16.080 so much. I'm like, you're right, and you know it 0:08:16.160 --> 0:08:18.840 wasn't my fault and if only that would have happened, 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:21.040 I figured it out, But you know I shouldn't. I 0:08:21.080 --> 0:08:24.120 shouldn't have had to. Um. Can you tell me about 0:08:24.240 --> 0:08:28.120 the first time you met Raffie? So you know, Raffie 0:08:28.360 --> 0:08:31.800 heard about my work and Ralphie was kind enough to 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:36.719 fly out to Pittsburgh and he uh met me at 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:39.960 my home. At the time, Sharna's kids were six and 0:08:40.040 --> 0:08:43.880 nine years old, prime Raffie years. So when we finished 0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:49.480 our meeting, Raffie grabbed a banana from my kitchen, put 0:08:49.480 --> 0:08:51.800 it to his ear and his mouth like he was 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:56.560 holding a banana phone from just like the cover art 0:08:56.760 --> 0:09:01.240 on his famous Banana Phone album, and he greeted the 0:09:01.320 --> 0:09:04.560 kids and he talked to them through the banana. It 0:09:04.679 --> 0:09:08.360 was just a really wonderful a first meeting, and my 0:09:08.440 --> 0:09:13.840 kids just were enthralled. Ring ring ring, ring, ring ring ring. 0:09:13.840 --> 0:09:20.120 Banana phone Ying Yang Yin Yang Yin Yang ying yan fool. 0:09:21.559 --> 0:09:24.720 It's a real live mama and Papa phone, a brother 0:09:24.840 --> 0:09:28.160 and sister and a doga phone, a grandpa phone, and 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:42.600 a Granma phone to oh yeah, my cell learn Ralph 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:45.400 he saw something in Sharna's work that he'd been trying 0:09:45.440 --> 0:09:49.120 to articulate for the last several years. How we treat 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:52.560 our children is the key to building a sustainable world. 0:09:52.920 --> 0:09:56.360 A few months after their first meeting, Ralfie flies Sharna, 0:09:56.720 --> 0:09:59.280 her husband Dan, and their two young children out to 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:02.000 his home on a small island off the coast of Vancouver, 0:10:02.360 --> 0:10:05.120 and I like to say we were living the child 0:10:05.160 --> 0:10:08.840 honoring life. You know, it really was a beautiful, idyllic 0:10:09.120 --> 0:10:18.320 two weeks. Main Island is this beautiful island off the 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:24.120 coast of British Columbia, surrounded by the Pacific Ocean. We 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:29.439 timed the visit to coincide with this amazing nature camp 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:31.560 that was taking place that my kids were able to 0:10:32.120 --> 0:10:38.680 participate in. And it was such a magical camp, wooded, beautiful, 0:10:38.720 --> 0:10:42.560 and the kids spent all day every day in nature, 0:10:43.120 --> 0:10:48.720 tramping around the woods, splashing around in the ocean, collecting shells, 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:54.640 and putting on little plays, et cetera. Evenings, he would 0:10:54.640 --> 0:10:59.000 often join us for dinner and we would spend hours 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:01.959 talking about how how to make the world a better 0:11:01.960 --> 0:11:07.000 place for children. I think that Ralphie took me more 0:11:07.080 --> 0:11:12.120 deeply into my awareness of you know, issues like global 0:11:12.160 --> 0:11:17.280 warming and soil health, etcetera. Yeah, it was absolutely a 0:11:17.360 --> 0:11:23.080 pivotal experience for me, and it was just a wonderful 0:11:23.400 --> 0:11:27.160 way to kind of launch the work that we did 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:30.400 together over the course of the next couple of years 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:36.320 bringing the book to fruition. What would you say is 0:11:36.600 --> 0:11:40.880 was the vision or the goal for this book. So 0:11:41.160 --> 0:11:45.920 the Child Honoring Philosophy is both profound and elegant, I 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:49.320 would say, in its simplicity. But I would say that 0:11:50.040 --> 0:11:55.520 probably the first impulse for Rafie in creating The Child 0:11:55.559 --> 0:12:01.240 Honoring Philosophy was his concern about the health the physical planet. 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:09.640 You know, his concern about global warming, his concern about water, air, soil. 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:14.000 You know, at the core, we're literally killing our children's home, 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:16.760 We're killing their planet. And if we want to turn 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:19.680 this ship around and we want to create a healthy 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:23.480 planet and a healthy world, not in which children can survive, 0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:26.840 but in which they can fully thrive and fully self actualize, 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:31.720 then all of us need to lead with the question 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:35.800 is what I'm doing, what I'm saying, how I'm acting 0:12:36.480 --> 0:12:40.560 in the best interests of the young child. So I 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:43.600 would like to say that the child Honoring Philosophy could 0:12:43.600 --> 0:12:48.199 also be thought of as a value. When we lead 0:12:48.240 --> 0:12:52.120 with that value, then we create a world that is 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:56.120 fit for children. When we don't, we end up with 0:12:56.160 --> 0:12:59.439 the dying planet and kids who are eating junk food 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:03.439 and getting sick and not thriving and feeling like they 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:07.400 can't find a place for themselves in the world. It's 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:11.600 putting kids first and their well being, and by doing that, 0:13:12.160 --> 0:13:16.600 everything will fall in place exactly. So sometimes we get 0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:20.160 like blinders even when we're working. Oh, it's all about 0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:26.239 the soil health, it's all about legislation, it's all about education, 0:13:26.280 --> 0:13:28.920 it's all about mental health. Now, it's all about all 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:32.720 of these things because they all are integrated and they're 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:37.439 all interdependent. And that's the child honoring philosophy, understanding that 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:41.080 it's not just one issue, but it's all of the above. 0:13:44.600 --> 0:13:48.600 I mean it it's where, Yeah, I'm just taking a 0:13:48.640 --> 0:13:57.160 moment to absorb all this. It's a lot. If I 0:13:57.280 --> 0:14:00.360 sound hesitant, it's not that I disagree with the one 0:14:00.440 --> 0:14:03.160 aspect of this philosophy or what it hopes to do, 0:14:04.080 --> 0:14:06.360 but like, how am I supposed to meet a tiny 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:09.640 humans most basic needs twenty four hours a day while 0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:13.640 also considering how my every action impacts the world she's inheriting. 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:17.760 I mean, from my vantage point, it's a lot for 0:14:17.920 --> 0:14:21.360 a new parent to take in because you're talking about 0:14:21.680 --> 0:14:25.960 humongous systemic issues. Because I have to admit, doctor, I 0:14:26.080 --> 0:14:29.280 started when we knew we were having a child. I 0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:32.400 jumped in. I was I was reading so much and 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:35.400 then you have a child, and you become a zombie 0:14:35.400 --> 0:14:39.080 for about three months, and then you crawl out. You 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:41.720 you come out of the thaw, and then you no 0:14:41.800 --> 0:14:44.880 longer have time to read or understand anything. How do 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:46.760 I take this in? Where do I step in? Help 0:14:46.800 --> 0:14:50.880 me out here? That's a really really good question. Ironically, 0:14:51.000 --> 0:14:54.720 in the effort to curate that perfect bubble, sometimes parents 0:14:54.800 --> 0:14:57.760 are moving their kids away from what they need most. 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:02.600 We want children's create civity to come from within, like 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:06.960 go on a nature trail. It's free, there's nothing better, 0:15:07.480 --> 0:15:10.520 you know. But at the end of the day, what 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:14.440 your child needs from you is your love and your time, 0:15:15.240 --> 0:15:19.560 and everything else is optional. I love allowing that space 0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:24.440 for leniency because so many of his philosophies are incredible 0:15:25.360 --> 0:15:31.320 in theory, but in practical application are they even possible? Right? So, 0:15:31.560 --> 0:15:36.000 I think the idea is they're aspirational, but we do 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:46.480 what is healthiest for the family system. I don't know 0:15:46.560 --> 0:15:49.120 if we have a system. It's more of a putting 0:15:49.120 --> 0:15:52.800 out fires than saving the world kind of thing. Honestly, 0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:56.200 we're just trying to make it to bedtime. And my 0:15:56.320 --> 0:15:59.520 parents didn't have much of a system either. As I've 0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:03.480 said before, or they both had difficult upbringings, lived under 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:07.640 an oppressive regime, and as immigrants moved to an unfamiliar 0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:10.520 country where they didn't speak the language or have much support. 0:16:11.680 --> 0:16:15.160 One of the unintended consequences that affected how they raised 0:16:15.200 --> 0:16:21.280 me was anxiety. For example, my parents food insecurity growing 0:16:21.320 --> 0:16:24.800 up poor in Cuba translated to over feeding me and 0:16:24.920 --> 0:16:28.400 rushing through meal times. I still eat like the secret 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:31.440 police is going to take my plate away. And though 0:16:31.440 --> 0:16:34.600 I've been fortunate enough to not have to flee my homeland, 0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:37.800 I don't want to mirror my anxieties about the world 0:16:38.120 --> 0:16:58.600 directly onto Sunny. You know, while I have you here. 0:16:58.880 --> 0:17:02.400 Um I just something I think about a lot recently. 0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:08.080 I'm the first American born son of Cuban refugees, and 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:11.119 um so one thing I think about a lot is 0:17:11.280 --> 0:17:16.000 inherited family trauma, generational trauma. As people talk about these days, 0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:19.199 how something that happened to, say, my great great grandpa, 0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:23.480 affects me today and how it may have affected my 0:17:23.960 --> 0:17:27.199 the rest of my family, either physically or emotionally or 0:17:27.240 --> 0:17:31.480 something like that. How do I avoid passing that trauma 0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:35.200 down to my daughter, to Sunny, I think a common 0:17:35.240 --> 0:17:38.280 mistake is for the pendulum to swing so far the 0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:40.080 other way, like, I'm not going to do it that 0:17:40.119 --> 0:17:43.399 way because that's you know, or I'm working from a 0:17:43.440 --> 0:17:45.439 place of fear, and so I'm going to do the 0:17:45.480 --> 0:17:49.800 diametric opposite, which is also not always the best way 0:17:49.800 --> 0:17:54.760 to go about it. So first is consciousness, so that 0:17:54.800 --> 0:17:58.280 we can think through our choices and how they affect 0:17:58.359 --> 0:18:02.800 us and what triggers us. And knowing that your daughter 0:18:02.880 --> 0:18:07.560 will carry less of that trauma and will have other 0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:13.640 opportunities because you are doing the work of trying to understand. Yeah, 0:18:13.760 --> 0:18:16.240 I don't know if anyone in my family's ever had 0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:18.960 almost the privilege to think about this. You know, they've 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:22.200 they've just been trying to survive and then, um, you 0:18:22.240 --> 0:18:25.120 know these cycles they're vicious and they just almost automatically 0:18:25.119 --> 0:18:30.520 happen unless you take a moment to acknowledge it, become aware. Absolutely, 0:18:30.600 --> 0:18:33.120 I would agree with that. And you know, a conversation 0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:37.040 that Raphie and I had on more than one occasion was, 0:18:37.160 --> 0:18:41.400 you know the difference between being child centered and always 0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:49.960 putting child at the center of everything. You want to 0:18:50.000 --> 0:18:53.800 give your children to the best of your ability with 0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:57.560 the means at hand, living in this very imperfect world 0:18:57.560 --> 0:19:01.120 that we live in the best opportunity to meet their 0:19:01.160 --> 0:19:04.760 developmental needs. But at the same time, you don't want 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:07.959 to raise a child who feels that they are at 0:19:08.000 --> 0:19:10.560 the center of the universe and only their needs matter. 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:15.080 So part of being a child honoring parent is honoring 0:19:15.119 --> 0:19:20.080 yourself and honoring your needs and honoring your wellness so 0:19:20.119 --> 0:19:22.560 that children also grow up to understand that they are 0:19:22.680 --> 0:19:27.800 part of a family system. Well, dr, this has been 0:19:27.880 --> 0:19:30.520 so helpful. Um, should we just pencil in one of 0:19:30.520 --> 0:19:33.919 these for next week as well? And then uh, we 0:19:33.920 --> 0:19:37.679 could just make this a regular thing because it's just 0:19:37.800 --> 0:19:41.040 been so lovely and h yeah, thank you so much 0:19:41.080 --> 0:19:44.160 for talking to me today. You're very very welcome, and 0:19:44.200 --> 0:19:47.159 I can see with great clarity that you are a 0:19:47.280 --> 0:19:52.159 child honoring parent and that Sonny is very lucky to 0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:55.240 have you as a father. And it's been a pleasure. 0:19:55.520 --> 0:20:14.920 Um speaking with you. Has developing the child honoring philosophy 0:20:15.840 --> 0:20:20.480 been healing to you in a similar way, like do 0:20:20.520 --> 0:20:23.720 you feel like it allows you to kind of break 0:20:23.760 --> 0:20:28.000 the cycle of past traumas or hell part of you? Well, 0:20:28.040 --> 0:20:31.479 I imagine it has been that way for me. I 0:20:31.520 --> 0:20:35.439 think what child honoring has also given me is a 0:20:35.520 --> 0:20:40.480 window into the truth of how we live and how 0:20:40.520 --> 0:20:46.880 we become our true selves. It's like when you discover, 0:20:47.359 --> 0:20:50.919 you know, the foundational experience of what it feels to 0:20:50.920 --> 0:20:54.000 be human as being in those early years. Well, you 0:20:54.000 --> 0:20:56.360 want to shout it from the rooftops. You want to say, Hey, 0:20:56.440 --> 0:20:59.920 it's not just the university degree. In fact, more important, 0:21:00.280 --> 0:21:09.720 it's how we raise these impressionable, vulnerable, susceptible people. We 0:21:09.880 --> 0:21:14.200 just want to co create a world that doesn't inflict 0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:18.360 so much trauma. Honest children, that's what we want. We 0:21:18.359 --> 0:21:22.760 want to create a child honoring world, and that is 0:21:22.800 --> 0:21:40.000 my deepest passion. Next time, on Finding Raffie, we dive 0:21:40.040 --> 0:21:43.040 into how one family made sure their daughter was always 0:21:43.040 --> 0:21:46.520 seen and heard for who she really was. Their parenting 0:21:46.600 --> 0:21:51.840 journey is Raffie's philosophy come to life, radical, disruptive, and 0:21:51.920 --> 0:21:55.600 child rearing like few in the West have experienced. This 0:21:55.680 --> 0:22:00.440 is what child honoring really looks like. But does it work? 0:22:05.000 --> 0:22:11.600 My parents did this crazy thing. They sacrifice so much financially, emotionally, whatever, 0:22:11.760 --> 0:22:15.200 They made this amazing thing, and oh boy, I better 0:22:15.240 --> 0:22:18.399 turn out well I'm the one. As an example of 0:22:18.480 --> 0:22:20.960 look I turned out like this, so that means it works. 0:22:27.200 --> 0:22:29.959 Finding Raffie is a production of My Heart Radio and 0:22:30.040 --> 0:22:35.080 Fatherly in partnership with Rococo Punch. It's produced by Catherine Findalosa, 0:22:35.440 --> 0:22:39.720 Meredith Hanig, and James Trout. Production assistance from Charlotte Livingston. 0:22:40.160 --> 0:22:43.600 Alex French is our story consultant. Our senior producer is 0:22:43.680 --> 0:22:48.159 Andrea swahe Emily Forman is our editor. Fact checking by 0:22:48.240 --> 0:22:53.840 Andrea Lopez Crusado. Raphae's music is courtesy of Troubadour Music 0:22:54.160 --> 0:22:58.240 Special thanks to Kim Layton at Troubadour. Our executive producers 0:22:58.240 --> 0:23:02.440 are Jessica Albert and John parad at Rococo Punch, Ty Trimble, 0:23:02.520 --> 0:23:06.000 Mike Rothman and Jeff Eisenman at Fatherly and Me Chris 0:23:06.040 --> 0:23:07.879 Garcia thank you for listening.