Speaker 1: Let's just get started, man, Okay, do you want to
Speaker 1: do like a little intro because I'm feeling kind of
Speaker 1: like hot underneath the collar if I had a collar.
Speaker 1: I have something to I want.
Speaker 2: To talk about. Yes, we could just get right into it.
Speaker 1: Okay, So Brandon Ambition fam. We're recording a few days
Speaker 1: earlier this time because I'm going on vacation. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I can't wait. You know how they say there's studies
Speaker 1: at show that you're never happier about vacation than the
Speaker 1: week before you go on vacation.
Speaker 2: Even more so than when you're actually on vacation.
Speaker 1: Yes, and then yeah, so I feel like I'm a
Speaker 1: peak excitedness right now. So forgive us if we miss
Speaker 1: a few days worth of news. We'll get to that
Speaker 1: next week. I have to start things off by talking
Speaker 1: about Leanne lah Beauty. Do you know LeAnn Lahavas? No,
Speaker 1: have you talked about her before? So she is this
Speaker 1: British like beautiful singer, singer songwriter. She's like, it's hard
Speaker 1: to describe her music. It's kind of like a mix
Speaker 1: of R and B soul folk. She's kind of like
Speaker 1: a Corinne Bailey, ray Born Hill vibe. She's amazing. Okay,
Speaker 1: she's kind of She's not huge huge, but she's big ish.
Speaker 1: I'll say, I've been to two of her shows. I
Speaker 1: went to her show in September. She performed in New
Speaker 1: York and we just went and actually spent a pretty
Speaker 1: penny getting good seats for her show that she did
Speaker 1: earlier this month at the at A venue also downtown Manhattan. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I love her music, like everyone loves her and like
Speaker 1: there was nothing it was probably the crowd like seventy
Speaker 1: five percent, just like black women at her shows like
Speaker 1: Women Lovely and anyway, all that aside, she went on
Speaker 1: a Twitter raid today. So the brit Awards for this
Speaker 1: weekend or this week yesterday or the day before or
Speaker 1: something like that, right, the briton words, that's like the
Speaker 1: Grammys of Britain.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I saw so you know how.
Speaker 1: They had the hashtag Oscar so white. Yes, they had
Speaker 1: the hashtag going BRIT's so white because I think someone
Speaker 1: wrote that. Like anyway, the vast majority of nominees were white,
Speaker 1: and then of course the winners were white. Okay, Leanne
Speaker 1: who I think she was nominated? She was definitely there.
Speaker 1: I mean, she's British totally makes sense. She is she
Speaker 1: white black? Ok Yeah, I should have said that. So
Speaker 1: she's mixed. She's biracial, half Jamaican, half Greek.
Speaker 2: Okay, she's wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she has like big beautiful natural hair. She I mean,
Speaker 1: you could just I have to before I tell you
Speaker 1: why I'm so everyone's so upset at Leanne right now.
Speaker 1: I have to talk about like when women of color
Speaker 1: talk about Leanne, they feel like that sense of ownership
Speaker 1: in her because she rocks the natural hair. She's a
Speaker 1: beautiful black woman. She feels like, you know how, we
Speaker 1: get really attached and we're like, oh, she's ours, She's
Speaker 1: for us, like you know how, kind of like Beyonce,
Speaker 1: but like on a smaller scale. So she came out
Speaker 1: on Twitter, don't know why, denouncing the britso white hashtag.
Speaker 1: And it wasn't just the fact that she was saying
Speaker 1: that the hashtag. She called it horrible and she called
Speaker 1: it racist. She said that she wanted to be removed
Speaker 1: from any reference to it, and she deleted all these tweets.
Speaker 1: So thank you blavity dot com for curating all these
Speaker 1: people who took screenshots. You know, people aren't to let
Speaker 1: anyone get away with anything. You know, there's always a start.
Speaker 1: You cannot use Twitter. I think you can delete stuff
Speaker 1: and it's just number just gonna.
Speaker 3: Go away unless twenty sixteen, unless you're like Edward Snowden,
Speaker 3: but even then, So anyway, she's like going back and
Speaker 3: forth tweeting at people, just random people, talking about how she.
Speaker 1: Doesn't think that we should be using it as very offensive,
Speaker 1: saying every like like like Stacy Dash level stuff like
Speaker 1: oh well, if there was a hashtag Brits so black,
Speaker 1: there'd be outraged, So why isn't the other way around?
Speaker 1: And then she caps everything off with one single tweet,
Speaker 1: one single hashtag, all Lives Matter.
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, what where you making? Father? You don't understand.
Speaker 1: I just read this. I was busy all day. I
Speaker 1: didn't see I didn't notice this happening. I didn't feel
Speaker 1: the ripple in the matrix when this happened on Twitter.
Speaker 1: But I was just reading in a minute agoing, oh man,
Speaker 1: why And then she deleted everything, and all that slept
Speaker 1: is like a tweet saying she's going to go visit
Speaker 1: her grandma right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I bet you are.
Speaker 1: Your Grandma's who you go to when you know you
Speaker 1: did wrong and he wants someone to love you anyway.
Speaker 2: An right, Hey, Grand's like it's okay baby.
Speaker 1: Ah, it's just really disappointing, and people are Blavity has
Speaker 1: a hilarious story.
Speaker 2: Oh I want to read what's her name again?
Speaker 1: Leanne Leanne l I A N N E. Okay, her
Speaker 1: music is is good. I'm not gonna do you know
Speaker 1: what anyway, So the Blavity story, the Blavity story is
Speaker 1: called seventeen Hilari reactions to Leanne Lahavas becoming a problematic
Speaker 1: fave because she was everyone's fave. She was like the
Speaker 1: prom queen.
Speaker 2: You know, ah damn.
Speaker 1: And it's not even like the Beyonce level, where I
Speaker 1: feel like Beyonce was so huge that everyone was waiting
Speaker 1: and like they were really expecting Beyonce to speak out,
Speaker 1: And that's why everyone was so excited about the Formation
Speaker 1: video because they were like, finally, we've been waiting for
Speaker 1: someone of her caliber to call people out on this.
Speaker 1: With Leanne, there's not all that pressure there. But at
Speaker 1: the same time, she's not so huge she's on a
Speaker 1: central figure in Black America at all. She's British for
Speaker 1: one thing, and I mean I'll get to that as well.
Speaker 1: I think her being British plays a big role in
Speaker 1: her point of view, although I think that the UK
Speaker 1: has maybe not as many problems with the police because
Speaker 1: police don't even carry firearms in the UK. But I'm
Speaker 1: gonna venture a guess that blacks in the UK are
Speaker 1: not treated all the time as equally as as whites,
Speaker 1: just like it is here. She even tweeted at someone
Speaker 1: who was saying I thought she were half Jamaican. She's like, listen,
Speaker 1: I don't mean to. She's like, no offense, bad idea,
Speaker 1: whatever you episode of sad, delete delete, I just stop,
Speaker 1: no offense. But I'm also half Greek, is what she responded. Okay,
Speaker 1: well just because go ahead.
Speaker 2: Honestly, it's so hilarious because I'm like looking like Blavity
Speaker 2: has no chill, no chill. It's like number one tweet,
Speaker 2: it's about to go down the second tweet. It is
Speaker 2: like the picture of like what is John John Legend's wife.
Speaker 1: Christy Tagan? The Christy Tagan reaction, Yes.
Speaker 2: And that's like the the Beyonce like ooh face, yes, yo,
Speaker 2: it is hilarious. Oh. You know what the thing is
Speaker 2: with social media? You just I don't understand. What I
Speaker 2: don't get is that regular everyday people know not to
Speaker 2: wild out on social media. What did you want with
Speaker 2: celebrity brains? Like I know not to put anything crazy
Speaker 2: on social media, Like my friends know, I've never really
Speaker 2: anything crazy from them. Why is it so difficult for
Speaker 2: somebody who has a huge following to say, you know what,
Speaker 2: I might this might not be a good.
Speaker 1: Idea because everybody loves celebrities and they're so used to
Speaker 1: putting a tweet out there and everyone's laughing and loving
Speaker 1: them and oh retweeting, and they just love me, love me,
Speaker 1: love me, and they get in that mode and they
Speaker 1: start to think everything I say matters, everything I say
Speaker 1: is has a point and I need to say it.
Speaker 1: Like they just get in that mode. And then it's
Speaker 1: when they say something stupid.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know somebody wrote, wow, Leanne Lahaves broke my
Speaker 2: little black heart.
Speaker 1: Even what I'm saying, why, yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean, like, and I get it, I will say
Speaker 2: this that. I mean, it's hard to see perspective if
Speaker 2: you one are not kind of like inundated in that culture,
Speaker 2: or you don't know anyone of that culture. Like for example,
Speaker 2: when when Beyonce. Remember she did that recently, that video
Speaker 2: with Coldplay, and she was wearing like Indian garb uh oh.
Speaker 1: I never watched that, like Indian of India, right.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah that's so. And so at first
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, she looks pretty. It didn't even click.
Speaker 2: And then someone was like, oh, it's cultural appropriation, and
Speaker 2: it didn't. I'm not gonna lie. That wasn't my knee
Speaker 2: York reaction. But then I thought to myself, you know what,
Speaker 2: I could see that. It's just because I'm not Indian.
Speaker 2: So I did not have that reaction. But if I
Speaker 2: saw Kesha dressed in like like cultural Nigerian clothes and like,
Speaker 2: I'd be like, what what is she doing? Because you know,
Speaker 2: so I can see how sometimes you can miss these
Speaker 2: these cues if you're not a part of certain cultures.
Speaker 2: But I think what's important is that then when someone
Speaker 2: educates you and says, hey, this is why that, you
Speaker 2: kind of take a step back and you're like, you
Speaker 2: know what, I could see that or like, you know,
Speaker 2: if I was in that person's shoes or if that
Speaker 2: was my culture or that was my experience, I can
Speaker 2: see how. You know, it's not hard to have empathy
Speaker 2: for someone else by just really taking a step back.
Speaker 2: It's just that people refuse to do so on both sides.
Speaker 2: So it's not just the whatever the argument is. I
Speaker 2: see that you know more and more. I mean, I'm
Speaker 2: not gonna lie. Social media. It's like so depressing these
Speaker 2: days because it's just so much you know, it is, yeah,
Speaker 2: it is, and so but and what I'm saying is like.
Speaker 1: We're all tired of responding to it too, bro.
Speaker 2: We are. Honestly at that point, if.
Speaker 1: You're not woke, then no one's gonna wake you up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't want to be woke. You're like no,
Speaker 2: You're like you have okay, you threw your long clock
Speaker 2: against the wall and you're just like, no, don't. And honestly,
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to wake anybody up. I'm just like, man,
Speaker 2: I'm just trying to get by day by day. You know,
Speaker 2: I'm just trying to make sure I take my vitamins
Speaker 2: in the morning, which, by the way, gummy vitamins are everything.
Speaker 1: I just took my two gummy vitamins earlier. Are you
Speaker 1: just discovering this.
Speaker 2: No, But it's just I mean it's so crazy. But
Speaker 2: literally every morning. I'm like, okay, when okay, she'll ripe
Speaker 2: before breakfast. No, wait, okay, wait wait, cause they're so
Speaker 2: they're so good. I'm like, should I take one down
Speaker 2: and one later? They are so delicious it is sinful.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm sure there's like no nutritional value in
Speaker 2: the vitamins that I have, but darn it, I take
Speaker 2: them every morning with joy.
Speaker 1: I mean there's a placebo effect too. If it makes
Speaker 1: you feel better, yes.
Speaker 2: It does. It puts a smile. I don't care what
Speaker 2: kind of morning or what kind of dream I had
Speaker 2: When I see that jar of done me vitamins on
Speaker 2: my in my bathroom, on my bathroom sink, I'm like, yes,
Speaker 2: you and me.
Speaker 1: Oh, speaking of joy, can we please talk about Virginia
Speaker 1: McLaurin one hundred and six year old Virginia mclauren who
Speaker 1: got to visit the White House and shake her little
Speaker 1: one hundred and.
Speaker 2: Six year old booty.
Speaker 1: Yes, that was Keith Obama's. That was so cute.
Speaker 2: First of all, how was that so hilariously different from
Speaker 2: the other older lady? They did they remember the other
Speaker 2: older lady?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: What was her name?
Speaker 1: FLOSSI? Yes, Oh, so we didn't talk about that last week,
Speaker 1: but Tiffany and I got a little chuckle out of
Speaker 1: the BuzzFeed. BuzzFeed, I think we're not BuzzFeed. This was
Speaker 1: like a local report in Seattle. One hundred and how
Speaker 1: cold was she? One hundred and fourteen or something something
Speaker 1: like that. Ten Her name was FLOSSI just google Flossy.
Speaker 2: Yes, old and FLOSSI is the sassiest oldest Like they're like, hey, Flossy,
Speaker 2: she's drinking her little coffee, like why are you here?
Speaker 2: And they're like, are you excited about your birthday? She said,
Speaker 2: not one bit?
Speaker 1: She said not one Yeah, she was not even going
Speaker 1: to speed up her cadence a voice for this woman.
Speaker 1: It's the best four minutes you can spend on the internet,
Speaker 1: I would say. But Miss Virginia is not sassy. She's
Speaker 1: just happy. It's so sweet to see her joy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was really sweet. I was like, that's right,
Speaker 2: you just danced it on up, you know. But that
Speaker 2: was just hilarious, Like between the two of them, it's
Speaker 2: been a great week for old people.
Speaker 1: But you know, I'm really starting to feel And it
Speaker 1: wasn't just because of that viral video of the little
Speaker 1: girl the little black girl crying about Obama leaving?
Speaker 2: Did you see that?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: I saw that one.
Speaker 1: Oh it wasn't just because of that. But I'm starting
Speaker 1: to really and I get the sense everyone is starting
Speaker 1: to really feel sad about the end of the Obama's
Speaker 1: And I think what's really making it for me is
Speaker 1: just like the insanity of this presidential race right now.
Speaker 1: I had to put my head on my desk earlier
Speaker 1: today because Trump won Nevada this week. He's probably gonna
Speaker 1: sweep some states on Super Tuesday next week. I cannot
Speaker 1: believe we are letting this happen. And I don't know
Speaker 1: what to do. I just every headline is another dagger
Speaker 1: in my heart. I don't know what's happening. I don't
Speaker 1: know how we allowed this to happen. If it was
Speaker 1: the media, If it's just like there was way more
Speaker 1: racist and bigots in America than I ever thought possible,
Speaker 1: I guess that's the answer.
Speaker 2: Any other buzzworthy things, Well.
Speaker 1: One last thing I wanted to share so I earlier
Speaker 1: this week I was I wrote a story for Yahoo
Speaker 1: about did you ever hear about that startup that launched
Speaker 1: last fall called swan Love? Yeah, Swan luv So this
Speaker 1: was from the very get go, a ludicrous platform for
Speaker 1: a startup. They promised that they were going to loan
Speaker 1: couples ten thousand dollars for their weddings, no strings attached,
Speaker 1: so long as they stayed married. If they got divorced,
Speaker 1: they were going to get the ten thousand dollars back
Speaker 1: with interest. If they stayed together, they can keep the
Speaker 1: tang grin forever. So okay, crazy premise. How are you
Speaker 1: going to finance that? How? How?
Speaker 2: Why? So?
Speaker 1: This was back in November at the time. They had
Speaker 1: everyone go to their website and sign up for their
Speaker 1: list oh site. They were basically like saying, put your
Speaker 1: email on the list and when we launched Valentine's Day
Speaker 1: twenty sixteen, you'll be the first to be able to
Speaker 1: apply for the Swan Love Wedding funding or whatever it
Speaker 1: was called. And then Valentine's Day rolls around and people
Speaker 1: went to the website and it wasn't working and they
Speaker 1: were told to wait twenty four hours. Like one lady
Speaker 1: I talked to you named Keana. She's twenty two years
Speaker 1: old from Shreveport, Louisiana. She went back the next day
Speaker 1: and the site was just down. So she went to
Speaker 1: the Facebook page and there they posted a letter saying,
Speaker 1: we're really sorry to let you guys know, we decided
Speaker 1: to change our business strategy, basically change the whole way
Speaker 1: the platform works, and instead of giving you guys ten
Speaker 1: thousand dollars, we're going to allow you to raise money
Speaker 1: from your friends and family up to ten thousand, and
Speaker 1: then if you'd get divorced, you owe them the money back.
Speaker 1: What So they completely lopsided on there on their initial promise.
Speaker 1: And I mean not that any any reporter who initially
Speaker 1: covered it was that surprise because it sounded crazy, right,
Speaker 1: they said they they said they were overwhelmed by the interest.
Speaker 1: No duh? Why no duh? I mean the Trader Joe's
Speaker 1: sample line goes out the wall. Okay, teny little paper cup.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm asking myself when I'm at Trader Joe's. Why
Speaker 1: am I standing in this line for a teeny tiny
Speaker 1: little paper cup with a baby sized morsel of pretzel?
Speaker 2: Why you're there? You're like, I don't care, I'll get
Speaker 2: my press.
Speaker 1: It's free, so you want it, right?
Speaker 2: Yes? Oh yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah. So I couldn't even get in touch with the
Speaker 1: CEO because they are obviously just hiding under a rock somewhere.
Speaker 1: But they said that they people so many people, so
Speaker 1: many people signed up that they would have had to
Speaker 1: show out two billion dollars. Wow, wah, two billion. Maybe
Speaker 1: you should have thought about.
Speaker 2: That, right, Like, who's not gonna go for free money?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was a nunny story. But you know what,
Speaker 1: I talked to like four or five really upset brides
Speaker 1: to be and the comments, of course were really negative, saying,
Speaker 1: you know, why would you ever expect anybody to pay
Speaker 1: for your wedding? This is trashy. But as someone who's
Speaker 1: planning a wedding, I can I can I empathize with
Speaker 1: these women? You know, if there was a chance for
Speaker 1: ten k I would I would snatch that up in
Speaker 1: a heartbeat exactly.
Speaker 2: And people always you know, one thing, my friend told
Speaker 2: me that my friend marked to it because I was
Speaker 2: like having like a hard time with I was doing
Speaker 2: something nice for like a group of people, and somebody
Speaker 2: was complaining and I'm like, but it's nice and it's free.
Speaker 2: I don't understand. And he said, Tiffany, my mentor told me,
Speaker 2: you could literally stand in the middle of time Square
Speaker 2: with a stack of one hundred dollar bills, giving them
Speaker 2: one to each person, and somebody will say this is
Speaker 2: not enough. The next person will say, you know, this
Speaker 2: is too much. The next person would say, well, how
Speaker 2: come they get the same amount as me? I have
Speaker 2: more bills than No matter what you do, that there's
Speaker 2: always gonna be someone, not everyone and not even most,
Speaker 2: but there will always be someone to complain, even if
Speaker 2: it's something good and free and amazing, And so you
Speaker 2: just learn that, like just got to kind of roll
Speaker 2: with it, like, well, there's always going to be some pushback,
Speaker 2: you know, when it comes to.
Speaker 1: Listen, there's another this reminded me of. I was listening
Speaker 1: to one of my really one of my new favorite podcasts.
Speaker 1: It's called Strangers, and it's basically stories about strangers doing things.
Speaker 1: You know, it's just it runs the gamut. But there
Speaker 1: is a recent story that this woman produced and put
Speaker 1: together about a woman in Wisconsin who just decided to
Speaker 1: donate a kidney, just decided to donate it anonymously or
Speaker 1: not anonymously, but to donate it to somebody, okay. And
Speaker 1: she went to this website called donormatch dot com or
Speaker 1: something where you can find people who are looking for donors.
Speaker 1: They basically set up profile saying, you know, here's my story,
Speaker 1: I really need a kidney. I'm seventy five, I'm fifty five. Whatever.
Speaker 1: So she picks someone that she likes. She's an older
Speaker 1: woman in her sixties, and she's pretty healthy anyway. Blah
Speaker 1: blah blah. She's giving this woman one of her organs
Speaker 1: that she does not need to give anybody. It's hers.
Speaker 1: She could keep it like most of everybody else, because
Speaker 1: no one just gives kidneys unless you really know someone
Speaker 1: who needs.
Speaker 2: It, right mm hmm.
Speaker 1: And yet, and yet she's gotten so much crap from
Speaker 1: people who are upset because she chose someone who's older.
Speaker 1: They're upset because she chose someone at all. They think
Speaker 1: that she's playing god. She should have done an anonymously,
Speaker 1: you know, like why didn't she give it. I'm just like,
Speaker 1: but she's giving an wagon.
Speaker 2: I don't understand what is Like, let's really talk about that,
Speaker 2: because I'm not gonna lie. I've been struggling with that
Speaker 2: this week, like in my business, like I can't even
Speaker 2: tell you, Mandy. Sometimes I'm like, I'm just gonna close
Speaker 2: the shop and then you guys can help yourself because
Speaker 2: I just don't get how like, I don't understand. I'm like,
Speaker 2: but it's free. Someone actually emailed me to say, hey,
Speaker 2: you know, i'd like, you know, half an hour of
Speaker 2: your time, and you know, to like, I'm doing your
Speaker 2: challenge which is free. You know, I'm in the group
Speaker 2: which is free. Thank you for all the resources which
Speaker 2: are free, but I want you to talk to me
Speaker 2: on the phone stranger that I don't know. And I
Speaker 2: just said, honestly, like, I don't have the bandwidth to
Speaker 2: do one on once, but I could certainly suggest when
Speaker 2: someone to you or even better, the group is free,
Speaker 2: and if you post your question in the group, I
Speaker 2: will tag the appropriate person that can help you get
Speaker 2: your response. You know that was not enough. It was, well,
Speaker 2: I think you're selfish and I, you know what, this
Speaker 2: might not be the right program for me, the free program.
Speaker 2: I was like, am I unaware of some payment that
Speaker 2: she made? This might not be the right program? And
Speaker 2: I just thought, and I just I didn't even know
Speaker 2: what to say there. Literally, I have nearly ninety thousand
Speaker 2: people doing this free thing, and it's just not possible
Speaker 2: for me to get on the phone. And I you know,
Speaker 2: I tried to explain it because I always I always
Speaker 2: feel like you know that sometimes people reach out to
Speaker 2: me and I know that they're scared or they're afraid,
Speaker 2: and I understand that, so I try, you know, even
Speaker 2: when I'm upset with them. I never you take that tone.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm not gonna lie. I might say it
Speaker 2: out loud, but I'm not gonna write you back that way,
Speaker 2: because I always believe you should leave with kindness. But
Speaker 2: it took everything in my body. I had to step
Speaker 2: away from the computer, like I just I just And
Speaker 2: it's days like that, and it's been happening more and
Speaker 2: more where folks are just like, you mean to tell
Speaker 2: me you can't give me more, and I'm just like,
Speaker 2: I don't even know what to say, cause I'm just
Speaker 2: like if people only knew, like I know that the
Speaker 2: things that like, you know, especially if if you're giving
Speaker 2: kind of like for a living, and I see like
Speaker 2: this with other brands that give a lot, like I
Speaker 2: don't think people understand just how much it costs. I
Speaker 2: have literally spent my life savings to like create some
Speaker 2: of the things that I give away absolutely for free,
Speaker 2: because it's just that important to me that I always
Speaker 2: knew that I wanted to live a life of service,
Speaker 2: and like I was putting that before almost everything at
Speaker 2: some points. And then finally, like last year, I was like, Okay, Tiffany,
Speaker 2: we're not trying to be broke, old lady, so you
Speaker 2: got to start setting aside for your future, which I'm
Speaker 2: doing and I'm much much better now. But I have
Speaker 2: given away so much, and I'm like, why so you
Speaker 2: want my leg, you want this finger, you want my kneecaps.
Speaker 2: You know, I just don't get it. And sometimes could
Speaker 2: you just be so frustrating that you're just like, you
Speaker 2: know what, Because honestly, I don't get any really any
Speaker 2: money from the free stuff. And that's fine, because that's
Speaker 2: not honestly, that's not why I do it. It just
Speaker 2: makes me feel really good to know that people are better.
Speaker 2: And so most of my money comes from speaking at
Speaker 2: different organizations, so like a large organization or a school
Speaker 2: or church, they'll pay me and so I live off
Speaker 2: that money, and then in their interim I give away
Speaker 2: like the other things for free to individuals, just so
Speaker 2: because I like to do that. But honestly, that people
Speaker 2: have you questioning whether you should help them. And even
Speaker 2: though I'm knowing the vast majority are grateful. It's the
Speaker 2: people who are the loudest are always the meanest and
Speaker 2: the negative ones, and it just it makes you not
Speaker 2: want to do it anymore. And it's been a rough
Speaker 2: week for that. I'm just like, man, there are days
Speaker 2: where I'm like, man, I'm about to shut this whole
Speaker 2: group down. There's seventy thousand people nearly in this group.
Speaker 2: Y'all gonna be on your own because I just can't
Speaker 2: take another negative email or nastiness behind the scenes, because
Speaker 2: I won't do some some additional free thing for someone
Speaker 2: on top of everything else that I give. You know,
Speaker 2: But it's just it has been like a rough week,
Speaker 2: and I'm just like, like all of my entrepreneur friends,
Speaker 2: I always lean on them and I'm like, what do
Speaker 2: you do? And some days they have bad weeks two
Speaker 2: in other days, you know, you let it roll off
Speaker 2: your back, but you're just not inhuman. It's just I
Speaker 2: don't know, honestly what you're supposed to do. I'm hoping
Speaker 2: that with time I'll grow past this. This. Every every
Speaker 2: I notice every year, I always have one new mental
Speaker 2: hurdle to get over. There was like a jealousy year
Speaker 2: that I had. There was a self confidence year, and
Speaker 2: I feel like this year is the Maybe it's like
Speaker 2: the sensitivity year, where like I'm extra sensitive to people
Speaker 2: being critical. I don't know, but yeah, it's just been
Speaker 2: a rough week. But yeah. So if you're listening and
Speaker 2: you're part of the Dreamcatchers group, please be nice.
Speaker 1: She I think with you. It's probably taken time because
Speaker 1: they're taking this along because people really identify with you personally.
Speaker 1: They like you first, then they love what you do
Speaker 1: and that you know that you have that halo effect
Speaker 1: for a while.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're like, no, we're taking you down.
Speaker 1: Let's go on to brown Break.
Speaker 2: You want to go first, because I went first to
Speaker 2: last couple of.
Speaker 1: Times, I had one naguna. Make me forget it, man,
Speaker 1: I knew I should have written it down. Old lady brain,
Speaker 1: hold on, just give me two seconds and I'll think
Speaker 1: about it.
Speaker 2: Do you have an old lady name? I feel like
Speaker 2: you should have one, Mandy. My name is Wanda, and
Speaker 2: I need you to have one.
Speaker 1: I need an old lady name.
Speaker 2: Yes, everybody has to have an old lady name. So
Speaker 2: my old lady name. I came up with it because
Speaker 2: when I was one of my strategies for like saving
Speaker 2: for retirement. So when I was making choices and I
Speaker 2: wasn't sure, I would ask myself, what does Wanda need?
Speaker 2: And Wanda's my old lady, my eighty year old self,
Speaker 2: and so I would decide, like, well, I really don't
Speaker 2: want Wanda to eat cat food, so and so that.
Speaker 2: But then it became like a fun game like with
Speaker 2: my friends, like mmm, my Wanda and your girtruth, they're
Speaker 2: gonna be fighting on the fighting over the old and
Speaker 2: at the the I don't know, yes, at the nursing home.
Speaker 1: Or like you know, I'm a nursing home. Just shoot me.
Speaker 2: So you have to think of an old lady name.
Speaker 2: That is your homework for next week. Everyone should think
Speaker 2: of an old lady name. And tweeted to us at
Speaker 2: the BA podcast, I want to know your old lady name.
Speaker 1: Yeah, who are you saving for?
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: My grandma's name was Doris. That's pretty good.
Speaker 2: Ooh, I like that. Oh that's a nice old lady name.
Speaker 1: Dorry. They called her.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I think that is like the most
Speaker 2: adorable old lady name.
Speaker 1: Her middle name was also something that my grandpa's son,
Speaker 1: her middle name was also Eleanor, so those are also
Speaker 1: two Dori.
Speaker 2: Can you imagine as a baby, I guess I'm assuming
Speaker 2: Doris and eleanor probably you know, we're like probably like
Speaker 2: regular names when she was a kid, but like now
Speaker 2: it's like double whemmy old lady name, which I love.
Speaker 1: That's how I feel about kids. You have grown up
Speaker 1: names as a baby's like George, like Frank.
Speaker 2: Yes, Frank is such a grown man who like works
Speaker 2: hard and like comes home. It just wants his dinner.
Speaker 2: It doesn't want to and doesn't want any lip from you. Well,
Speaker 2: like you know what, I love. I kind of love
Speaker 2: and hate it when people name their dogs like those
Speaker 2: serious names like oh this is my dog Joseph.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I have a dog named
Speaker 1: Phil I signed to He's a Schnauzer. He's very regal.
Speaker 2: When I get a dog, I'm totally gonna name, know,
Speaker 2: like a regular name, like oh this is my dog Amanda.
Speaker 1: Sounds like a like a dig at me.
Speaker 2: No, it just came to mind.
Speaker 1: So I still haven't remembered my brown break.
Speaker 2: You go first, Okay, so my brown break. It's kind
Speaker 2: of related to the social media thing kicked that we're on.
Speaker 2: So have you ever been on Facebook and you see
Speaker 2: someone say goodbye, cruel world, I'm leaving Facebook or I
Speaker 2: need a Facebook break, and then they make an exit,
Speaker 2: like a public exit on social media. So my brown
Speaker 2: break is these public exits on social media. I was
Speaker 2: in a group recently and the guy was like, I
Speaker 2: don't like the way the poe are going. I'm leaving
Speaker 2: this group is not what it used to be. And
Speaker 2: somebody wrote underneath this post, you know what, this is
Speaker 2: a group of over seventy thousand people. Nobody would have
Speaker 2: missed you if you left. Good fine, yes, And I'm
Speaker 2: just like, I think that just seems so unnecessary and
Speaker 2: so dramatic. Why are you making a public exit? Why
Speaker 2: not just go like, if you're gonna take a break
Speaker 2: from Facebook, take a break, start now, Or if you're
Speaker 2: going to leave a group, just leave the group. People
Speaker 2: don't need like an exit like post.
Speaker 1: And so yet, I have a very dear friend of
Speaker 1: mine who in college, every like two months would delete
Speaker 1: her Facebook profile and whenever, you know, like back then,
Speaker 1: you used to be able to tell because you would
Speaker 1: lose like two hundred photos because every photo they had
Speaker 1: tagged you when or posted of you. They would when
Speaker 1: they deleted their profile, it would go away. Oh I
Speaker 1: would lose like five hundred votos and be like, oh
Speaker 1: there goes de Nisha, She's gone, and we just laugh
Speaker 1: about it. She always would text us, yeah I know.
Speaker 1: So she'd always be like, listen you guys, I just
Speaker 1: can't anymore. And I'm like, some people just think you
Speaker 1: think about them a lot more than you do. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I think we all are like that. I'm always like, oh, man,
Speaker 1: are they thinking that I'm like rude because I left
Speaker 1: the elevator door close on them?
Speaker 2: But I did, yeah too, Or.
Speaker 1: Like people don't think about it as much as you
Speaker 1: think you do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think they do. You're right right. I'm always
Speaker 2: the one like that is a bad habit, and I
Speaker 2: find that guys don't do that as much as most
Speaker 2: girls that I know. One of my friends, he is
Speaker 2: like the king of like not thinking about other people
Speaker 2: in that way. One time he came over we were
Speaker 2: hanging out, and I was like, stopping so loud my roommates.
Speaker 2: This is like years ago, stopping so loud my roommates.
Speaker 2: And then my roommates actually came home and he was like,
Speaker 2: are you kidding me? And that just stuck in my
Speaker 2: mind because I thought to myself, Tiffany, you're always so
Speaker 2: overly accommodating for people who one don't care, and your
Speaker 2: roommates weren't even here, you're accommodating them. And so I
Speaker 2: told myself to stop. I think because I came from
Speaker 2: a big family and I have four sisters, so you
Speaker 2: always have to be accommodating. But I know for a
Speaker 2: fact that I'm overly accommodating, and like, yeah, I always
Speaker 2: remember being quiet for roommates who weren't even home for
Speaker 2: two hours.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I know that's just called being courteous.
Speaker 1: I feel guilty because I'm the opposite of that. I
Speaker 1: come in like a wrecking ball. Wherever I go, I.
Speaker 2: Come in like a raging ball. I actually kind of
Speaker 2: like that song. I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: It's a great song.
Speaker 2: It is. The video is weird, but it's a good song.
Speaker 2: So that's that's your brown break.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, My brown break was just gonna be
Speaker 1: work because I'm finally leaving and it's been almost a
Speaker 1: year and for me taking any time off, I didn't
Speaker 1: even take off Christmas I think that's why I'm so desperate.
Speaker 2: Oh girl, I thought you said leaving. I thought I
Speaker 2: meant like you were leaving, like quitting.
Speaker 3: I was like on air, this girl having like I'm like,
Speaker 3: she's taking an awfully light No.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, I mean quitting's not the worst
Speaker 1: thing ever happened to anybody. Happens all the time. No,
Speaker 1: I'm just taking this, taking this time off. I'm gonna go.
Speaker 1: I'm already resent, I'm already regretting how short it It's
Speaker 1: it's only eight days and I'm thinking, man, we should
Speaker 1: have done two weeks. This is what I mean. Like,
Speaker 1: you're never as happy for vacation.
Speaker 2: Yep, until you're ready to ready to go on and
Speaker 2: right before you're about to go.
Speaker 1: So brown break from work, brown break from email, brown
Speaker 1: break from bosses, brown break from writing, break from telephones,
Speaker 1: ringing all day long. This is going to be very nice, right.
Speaker 1: I want to know if you guys have any vacations planned?
Speaker 1: Where are you going spring break? That's what I'm trying
Speaker 1: to avoid personally.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when is spring break?
Speaker 1: It's like this month. I feel like it gets earlier.
Speaker 1: It's like this month and through early April. That's when
Speaker 1: people do spring break. I think it depends on what
Speaker 1: part of the country you live in. Down South it's
Speaker 1: mid March. But anyway, I just.
Speaker 2: I'm trying to think when is the next place I'm going.
Speaker 2: I mean, honestly the two I'm also going on vacation,
Speaker 2: but I just have not been in the mindsetate to
Speaker 2: like because for me, vacation is like game on to
Speaker 2: plan it because you know, I'm like always looking for
Speaker 2: the best deal and doing search and I just can't
Speaker 2: buy vacation. So the planning of it is stressful in itself.
Speaker 1: But I have an easy solution for you. Just to
Speaker 1: plan a vacation with your Dominican in laws and they
Speaker 1: will just make it impossible for you to plan anything
Speaker 1: because they will not have their act together. And then
Speaker 1: you'll just go. You'll just they'll one day they'll call
Speaker 1: and say we're ready to go, and then you just
Speaker 1: book your flight two weeks before the vacation. Well lest
Speaker 1: you going done.
Speaker 2: But you know, I, I mean, the good thing is
Speaker 2: that I do have, Like I think, in July, I'm
Speaker 2: booked to speak once in like Miami and then another
Speaker 2: in La in California, and Superman and Supergirl are gonna
Speaker 2: come with me to California, So I'm excited. It's their
Speaker 2: first trip to California. So we're gonna go to La
Speaker 2: and then we're gonna drive to San Diego and like
Speaker 2: hang out with my girl Diessa, who's one of my thaives.
Speaker 2: I'm just like enjoy. And then I actually got booked
Speaker 2: to speak in New Orleans in December. And I'm curious,
Speaker 2: for those of you who live in Nola, how is
Speaker 2: New Orleans? And like November December, is it really cold?
Speaker 2: And chili?
Speaker 1: Just so I know, I think a little chili, but
Speaker 1: the least you won't have the humidity of the summertime
Speaker 1: in the fall.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, but New Orleans is in December.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you won't have all that humidity.
Speaker 2: Oh that's true. That's true because I remember New Orleans
Speaker 2: is the first time that I actually what is it
Speaker 2: that I actually was like officially dehydrated, Like I was
Speaker 2: walking down the tree. I didn't know what was wrong
Speaker 2: with me, but I thought I had never felt like
Speaker 2: that before, and I'm like, it is something wrong, Tiffany.
Speaker 2: I just I was literally weaving through the street. I
Speaker 2: felt like I was drunk, and I stumbled into a
Speaker 2: gay bar and I knew it was a gay bar
Speaker 2: because they all looked at me like, uh, I think
Speaker 2: you might being a wrong place. It was all men,
Speaker 2: but he could just tell that. I was like, I don't,
Speaker 2: I don't feel well. He said, ooh, honey, that the
Speaker 2: heat done got to you. And I was like, well,
Speaker 2: he's like, you're dehydrated. So they made me sit down
Speaker 2: and they pumped me full of water, and he was right.
Speaker 2: I didn't even know.
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's really hard to stay hydrated at conferences.
Speaker 1: Do you notice that?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Because well, if I carry around your own water supply,
Speaker 1: yeah you do. But oh I wouldn't. I wanted to
Speaker 1: ask earlier. If you guys have vacations you got planned
Speaker 1: or dream vacations you want to write us about that'd
Speaker 1: be fun to share. You can email us at Brown
Speaker 1: Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com. Yes, Or if you
Speaker 1: have vacation disasters you want to share it too, Those
Speaker 1: are always fun. Oh god, I'm gonna drink myself knock
Speaker 1: on wood. I don't want a disaster. I don't want
Speaker 1: the Zecra virus. That's my biggest fear. No, the Zeka
Speaker 1: is in Dominican Republic. That's where I'm going. It is.
Speaker 2: And my mother sent me because she's a nurse. She
Speaker 2: always sends me stuff. So she sent me like an
Speaker 2: email with like updates and stuff. So she's like obsessed with,
Speaker 2: like I don't know, diseases.
Speaker 1: She's always tell me anything I don't want to know
Speaker 1: before I go. I got I got one hundred okay,
Speaker 1: and long sleeves, you know, And you.
Speaker 2: Don't have to for Dominican Republic. You didn't have to
Speaker 2: go get like.
Speaker 1: Any shots, right, Nope, but I hope not.
Speaker 2: No, I don't think so doubtful nope.
Speaker 1: Any who, I think that wraps up brown Bree.
Speaker 2: I believe so well, we gotta do some tips, man.
Speaker 1: Yeah. We got actually quite a few emails about your
Speaker 1: pack underwear confession.
Speaker 2: Ohoos, you know what I know. People were like, oh,
Speaker 2: tif any wears pack underwear. Yes, I have no problem
Speaker 2: being honest about it. I'm wearing a pack. I'm wearing
Speaker 2: underwear from a pack as we speak.
Speaker 1: Okay, congrats, No, but.
Speaker 2: I do want to switch. I want to change my ways.
Speaker 2: So what do they say? What do they say?
Speaker 1: Well, what's funny is well, a couple people had recommended
Speaker 1: in places. One of them said Journal, which in my
Speaker 1: experience is a very kind of expensive lingerie place. Okay,
Speaker 1: someone said Nordstrum, Macy's, department stores, department stories. But one woman,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna call her out because I don't think
Speaker 1: she wants her business out there. I was talking about
Speaker 1: how she wears pack underwear, but she throws them away
Speaker 1: every month.
Speaker 2: Oh every month? Who throws every month? I'm like, I'm
Speaker 2: not about that.
Speaker 1: Life have underwear from comin.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna lie, I still have underwear. I'm like, you
Speaker 2: can help one more time of the month. Yes he
Speaker 2: got your special, Like yeah, no, okay, so but I did.
Speaker 2: Somebody you guys tweeted me thank you so much. Like
Speaker 2: someone tweeted me at the Budgetista that north Strum's was
Speaker 2: a good place, but it's a little pricey. But I
Speaker 2: think I'm gonna try Coles this weekend, and I'm also
Speaker 2: gonna try Macy's because you know, Macy's always has coupons
Speaker 2: on coupons, and I know what I probably have to
Speaker 2: do is like what Mandy said, is that right? You said, like,
Speaker 2: once I kind of find like a brand that I like,
Speaker 2: then I can just that can be my go to brand.
Speaker 2: That's really the problem is that it's hard for me
Speaker 2: to find like underwear that fits that are comfortable, and
Speaker 2: so I have to kind of go through a few
Speaker 2: of them before I find like this is my go
Speaker 2: to brand. I could just pick up my underwear whenever
Speaker 2: I'm ready for it, because I still got to find
Speaker 2: like bras that I like. So I know, I got
Speaker 2: to get fitted by north Stum. So you know, I'm
Speaker 2: gon I'm gonna keep guys updated with my underwear situation.
Speaker 2: Since you're so interested.
Speaker 1: Listen, everybody has to wear well, everyone should wear underwear.
Speaker 1: It's a universal topic, all right. So le's gettingto some
Speaker 1: real questions. I think we can do two this week
Speaker 1: because we have a couple well, we have one last
Speaker 1: week that we wanted to get to that we forgot
Speaker 1: about for our friend Darla. Darla wanted to know how
Speaker 1: do you respond to a family family member who asks
Speaker 1: you to borrow money.
Speaker 2: That's a good one.
Speaker 1: Have this. I've had this happen to me. Has this
Speaker 1: happened to you?
Speaker 2: Has it? Well? Yeah, yeah, of course, But I always
Speaker 2: say it depends who it is, so how much yes,
Speaker 2: because honestly, typically like my family members don't ask. So
Speaker 2: on occasion, like a sister of like, we'll ask, but
Speaker 2: that's rare. Like I can honestly say, my older sister
Speaker 2: Karen has never asked. My sister Tracy, in all of
Speaker 2: our years, has asked me once. The baby, she doesn't count.
Speaker 2: She's just a she's a revolving door of money, so
Speaker 2: she doesn't ask to borrow money. She just says, can
Speaker 2: I have so you know the baby? Yes, you know,
Speaker 2: the baby of five girls, So she's just like a baby.
Speaker 2: But so it depends. So if if I was lending
Speaker 2: money to my my sisters, my older sisters and anybody
Speaker 2: but the baby, then I know that it's something serious.
Speaker 2: So cause it's it's such a rare occurrence, I'm like,
Speaker 2: you need to borrow money? Are you okay? You know?
Speaker 2: Now the baby, I'm like, what do you need it for?
Speaker 2: What am I gonna get it back? What are you
Speaker 2: going to do with it? Show me what you got
Speaker 2: because I already know that her borrowing money might not
Speaker 2: be the best use of whatever she's gonna do with
Speaker 2: my money. But other than that, like my parents don't ask,
Speaker 2: my extended family does not ask. So I'm really fortunate.
Speaker 2: But Superman, oh my gosh, he is a bank of Superman.
Speaker 2: I mean a day does not go by, like literally,
Speaker 2: he lent money to a cousin, just got it back
Speaker 2: and not even but not even two days later, they
Speaker 2: asked to borrow money. I'm like, like, it doesn't even
Speaker 2: make sense, like and I told him, I'm like, at
Speaker 2: some point you have to just say, this is ridiculous
Speaker 2: because they're not even giving it back to you for
Speaker 2: you to have it. They're giving it back to you
Speaker 2: to hold for them for when they need it next time.
Speaker 1: And so like a keev alone, can you hold this
Speaker 1: for me?
Speaker 2: Because you know money the next week.
Speaker 1: It's an interesting situation. It's not quite what she was
Speaker 1: talking about. But what do you do when your partner
Speaker 1: it's your partner who's giving money to family, and when
Speaker 1: you're even I but it's even worse when you're married
Speaker 1: and your money is tied up together. Yes you know.
Speaker 2: So this is what I've done to help with me
Speaker 2: and Superman because we live together, we share finances and stuff.
Speaker 2: And so what I learned is this is what works
Speaker 2: best for him, is that before like his check, when
Speaker 2: he gets it, I sat down, we talked about his goals,
Speaker 2: and then we had his check from his job automatically
Speaker 2: split into those goals. So he has a daughter who's nine,
Speaker 2: so he puts money in her college fund. We have
Speaker 2: a joint savings account, so money automatically goes there. He
Speaker 2: has a bill's account, so money automatically goes there. So
Speaker 2: basically everything is kind of split already, and then kind
Speaker 2: of what's left. I've learned that he could do whatever
Speaker 2: he wants with it because he's already taken care of
Speaker 2: the things that he's supposed to be responsible for, and
Speaker 2: so I just learned to be like, well, if he
Speaker 2: wants to lend out, lend his money away, then okay,
Speaker 2: it's not you know what I mean. So I've just
Speaker 2: learned to just be like, as long as what needs
Speaker 2: to be taken care of is taken care of, that
Speaker 2: excess is really his choice and his decision. And honestly
Speaker 2: it speaks to his character because he's just a really genuous,
Speaker 2: nice person. Although sometimes it's like just it just blows
Speaker 2: my mind how generous he is, but ultimately it doesn't
Speaker 2: take away from our household.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say when it comes to family members
Speaker 1: or even friends, every time I and that's not terribly often,
Speaker 1: but whenever I give money to people or loan money
Speaker 1: to people, I always think, Okay, that was not a loon.
Speaker 1: That was a gift, and I don't want to get
Speaker 1: that money back, and I don't need that money back.
Speaker 1: And if I can feel okay saying I definitely don't
Speaker 1: need this money back, then I'll loan it. Because I
Speaker 1: feel like you're gonna lend family members' money, you have
Speaker 1: to be realistic with the fact that they may not
Speaker 1: pay you back. Yeah, you know, they may really be
Speaker 1: needing it. And I think every family member wants to say,
Speaker 1: when they're asking for money, oh well, it's going to
Speaker 1: be a loon, I'll pay it back, pay it back.
Speaker 1: But I don't know. I feel like when I give
Speaker 1: money away, I'm not expecting it back. It's great if
Speaker 1: it comes back. Yeah, But that just for me, that
Speaker 1: instantly reduces that tension. It instantly removes any sort of future,
Speaker 1: any tension, or any chance of an argument, because I
Speaker 1: don't have anything to be, you know, upset about in
Speaker 1: my own head. That was alone, that I a gift
Speaker 1: that I gave somebody. So that's my litmus test. I'm like,
Speaker 1: can I afford. I'll only give what I can afford,
Speaker 1: not to give back.
Speaker 2: Yes, that's definitely a good idea.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: But what if it's somebody important, Like what if it's
Speaker 2: like your mom who's like, you know.
Speaker 1: Oh, I definitely wouldn't want that back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, no, but meaning like, like what if your
Speaker 2: mom is like, you know, we don't have it and
Speaker 2: we really need help, and you really don't. It's it
Speaker 2: would put a strain on you to give, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, Like, there's certain people who I can
Speaker 2: easily be like no, girl, bye, and there's certain people
Speaker 2: You're like, h do I put myself in financial harm's
Speaker 2: way to make sure my mom is okay?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I agree. But I'm just saying that what if, Like,
Speaker 2: but what if your mom or someone like that, someone
Speaker 2: who you know looked after you, took care of you,
Speaker 2: is constantly coming Because I've had that, I mean, I
Speaker 2: get this from a lot of women, especially women in
Speaker 2: my age range, especially women of color, who have you know,
Speaker 2: they're the first in their family to go to college,
Speaker 2: they're making the most in their family, and people who
Speaker 2: kind of helped them along the way grandma mom. So
Speaker 2: not just random auntie and uncle, but like those people
Speaker 2: who really cared for them are literally bringing them down financially,
Speaker 2: and they're like, how do I tell my mother no?
Speaker 2: And she needs medication and she needs food, and you know, well, I.
Speaker 1: Think that, I mean, that's a danger, that's a I've
Speaker 1: experienced that. I know people who have too. I think
Speaker 1: that it's it's if it gets to the point where
Speaker 1: they're actually putting a straight on you, then I think
Speaker 1: it's time for you to have a conversation with them
Speaker 1: and maybe readjust their expectations of what you can give.
Speaker 1: If they've been looking to you as a source of
Speaker 1: emergency cash, they need to know that that cash is
Speaker 1: going to run dry and that they won't be able
Speaker 1: to lean on you. And they've been going to you,
Speaker 1: you know, that's easier to them, that's become the default,
Speaker 1: and you need to let them know nicely that hey,
Speaker 1: I don't know what you think my situation is, but
Speaker 1: I really don't have this much. I can afford to
Speaker 1: give you this much. If you need help, let me
Speaker 1: help you find another means of income. But I've definitely
Speaker 1: also had one of my you know, I don't even know.
Speaker 1: A cousin of a cousin of a cousin email me
Speaker 1: randomly and was like, Yo, cuz it's can I get
Speaker 1: a ticket to New York?
Speaker 2: You know? And I'm like, uh right, I'm sorry, Right,
Speaker 2: I mean, that's.
Speaker 1: Easy to say no too, It's it's definitely hard when
Speaker 1: it's your family. And I think moms, you know, I've
Speaker 1: watched I've seen mothers who have a really hard time
Speaker 1: obviously saying no to their kids. The kid might have
Speaker 1: issues just whether not just being lazy, but they may
Speaker 1: have issues with drugs or you know, other sort of
Speaker 1: substance abuse, and they become this this huge burden on them,
Speaker 1: and in that case, it's almost impossible to turn them away. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's your blood.
Speaker 2: Yeah it is. And so the only thing we can say,
Speaker 2: what's the woman's name that wrote us, Darla? Darla? Is
Speaker 2: the transparency, help sitting down and communication and really sharing, like,
Speaker 2: you know, if this is what I can afford to
Speaker 2: do with those people, and for those people who you
Speaker 2: kind of know, like if it's your mom and she's like,
Speaker 2: we don't have food or medicine, that's something different. But
Speaker 2: if it's your uncle, who's like, you know, we really
Speaker 2: need help. It's another thing to just be like, you
Speaker 2: know what, I don't have it, because people figure out
Speaker 2: a way when they know you can't do it, they
Speaker 2: figure out a way, you.
Speaker 1: Know, And if you let them, if you show that
Speaker 1: you're an easy to begin with, they will remember that
Speaker 1: and continue tapping the well. And I think women tend
Speaker 1: to feel like you know, they want to Like we
Speaker 1: said earlier, we want to please, we want to provide,
Speaker 1: we want to take care of people. But you have
Speaker 1: to take care of yourself first, and especially I have
Speaker 1: a family, kids, and this goes for men too. That's
Speaker 1: your priority, your family and your kids first, just like
Speaker 1: you said Superman, as you know, as long as the
Speaker 1: priorities are paid for first and he can do whatever
Speaker 1: he wants with the rest. Don't guilt yourself and to
Speaker 1: give you money to anybody. Yeah, question number two this
Speaker 1: is from oh how do I say this, Charlisia? Okay,
Speaker 1: Charlicia says, oh, she really loved the episode about the
Speaker 1: FU Fund. Yes, and that was all about having a
Speaker 1: little money set aside for you to just say you,
Speaker 1: F you to a bad boyfriend, f you to a
Speaker 1: bad job, F you to a waiter who you know
Speaker 1: is rude to you for whatever reason, just f you
Speaker 1: fund so, she says, So she's dating somebody, let me
Speaker 1: make sure. Oh yeah, I'm dating an amazing man. But
Speaker 1: when I have mentioned that I have a pot of money,
Speaker 1: a pot of my own money on the side, against
Speaker 1: my mother's advice to not tell him until after we
Speaker 1: were married, he was not receptive to it. She gives
Speaker 1: us some context. I'm his only girlfriend since college, and
Speaker 1: he's a person who does not love often, but loves hard.
Speaker 1: His parents divorced, and he feels like wanting my own
Speaker 1: little pot of side cash is a sign that I'm
Speaker 1: not all of course. Okay, she says, to be honest,
Speaker 1: I struggle with this too. I don't want to be
Speaker 1: I don't want to be planning an exit, but I
Speaker 1: like the idea of a separate account for whatever may happen.
Speaker 1: I want to do it, but I don't want to
Speaker 1: keep that a secret. She wants to know what our
Speaker 1: thoughts are in juggling an independent how to be an
Speaker 1: independent and prepared woman versus making sure that the guy
Speaker 1: she loves knows that she's one hundred percent all in.
Speaker 2: I you know, what I think it was the presentation
Speaker 2: because for example, Superman and I, like I said, I
Speaker 2: have a bill's account. He has a bill's account, We
Speaker 2: have a one joint savings account. He has money in
Speaker 2: his daughter's account, and then he has like other moneies,
Speaker 2: like he has another savings and some other things. But
Speaker 2: I don't. And it's not a secret that he has
Speaker 2: those things. But I don't. I don't know what everything is.
Speaker 2: And I will say, he's my boyfriend, so we're not married,
Speaker 2: but and me too. He knows that I have savings
Speaker 2: accounts and I have other things, and I have a
Speaker 2: business with that has its own savings accounts, and so
Speaker 2: I don't. I didn't present those accounts as a just
Speaker 2: in case fund because nobody really wants to hear that
Speaker 2: that's just stuff, you know, like right that exactly, So
Speaker 2: I can see why he's feeling that way, because presentation
Speaker 2: is everything. If it's just like, oh, you have you
Speaker 2: have your bill money, and this is where I have
Speaker 2: some of my bill money, and it's more like that
Speaker 2: this is just an account that you have because all
Speaker 2: of our money is not our money. You're gonna have
Speaker 2: some money that's yours, and I'm gonna have some money
Speaker 2: that's mine. It's not money set aside specifically for it
Speaker 2: should I have to leave you, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: So I think if if that I mean, I'm not
Speaker 2: saying that's how you presented it, but if that's how
Speaker 2: you he received it, then you might want to go
Speaker 2: back and say, Babe, this account is not for should
Speaker 2: I have to leave you? This is just my money.
Speaker 2: You know, we're paying bills together, we have savings together.
Speaker 1: And see they're not married, they're just dating.
Speaker 2: Okay, So then that's I think maybe going back and
Speaker 2: just saying like, no, just like you have money, I mean,
Speaker 2: we don't have a If you don't have any joint
Speaker 2: savings and joint money together, then he has whatever whatever
Speaker 2: accounts that he has, it's not with you, technically similar
Speaker 2: accounts that you have without him. So I just think
Speaker 2: representing it and repositioning it in a way that it's
Speaker 2: not an exit strategy fund.
Speaker 1: It's just a fund, right, And I think maybe I think, well,
Speaker 1: what I'll say initially is that if he's truly upset
Speaker 1: by the fact that you have a little money on
Speaker 1: the side, is this an issue that you should be
Speaker 1: worried about I think that if a man is threatened
Speaker 1: by a woman who has a little bit of cash
Speaker 1: on the side, it can be a And I'm not
Speaker 1: saying this is the case at all, because I don't
Speaker 1: know all the context, but I feel like it can
Speaker 1: be a sign that he is intimidated by someone having
Speaker 1: what he thinks as an exit, like he's afraid that
Speaker 1: you might leave and actually have the means to leave,
Speaker 1: rather than feeling like, Oh, I found a woman who's
Speaker 1: really independent and can take care of herself and is
Speaker 1: smart and saves a head. And I don't know if
Speaker 1: it sounds like he's telling himself that that narrative in
Speaker 1: his head, like you said, he's you know, the divorce,
Speaker 1: and so am I and we see that and we worry.
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of that worry is maybe
Speaker 1: happening in his own mind and he's just sort of
Speaker 1: projecting that onto you in this savings account. But I
Speaker 1: agree with Tiffany to talk to him again about it
Speaker 1: and just let him know you are all in this
Speaker 1: money is something that you feel is important to have
Speaker 1: for your own financial security. If it's to the point
Speaker 1: where you guys can do this or want to do this,
Speaker 1: why don't you present the idea of creating a pot
Speaker 1: of money you both can save for or have, you know,
Speaker 1: put toward a common goal, whether it's the wedding or whatnot.
Speaker 1: But I definitely feel like being open and honest is
Speaker 1: important I I personally, and maybe I did it way
Speaker 1: too soon because I am just like I don't have
Speaker 1: any filter. And I also because I talk to people
Speaker 1: about their finances every day, I forget that it's awkward.
Speaker 1: I forget that people don't like doing it. And so
Speaker 1: early on when we moved in together, me and my fiance,
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, what do you have? Where is
Speaker 1: it at? And here's what I have, and here's where
Speaker 1: it's at. And I and I kind of we continue
Speaker 1: sort of doing that, and we would, I would, you know,
Speaker 1: want to make sure because so where are we at
Speaker 1: with this? Where's the savings? Where's the credit dead? And
Speaker 1: I mean not like overbearing, but I'm really really because
Speaker 1: I grew up in a household where money was such
Speaker 1: a hush hush topic and the only time manyone was
Speaker 1: talking about as if they were fighting about it, I
Speaker 1: really wanted to make it more of a positive, normal
Speaker 1: conversation to have and I wanted him to know where
Speaker 1: I was and for me to know where he was.
Speaker 1: You know, I didn't want to go into marriage blind
Speaker 1: and and I feel like we were stronger because of that.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it was always easy. It wasn't awkward.
Speaker 1: We didn't fight about some stuff, you know, when I
Speaker 1: tried to push too much to get the information that
Speaker 1: I wanted. But I don't think you should keep it secret.
Speaker 1: I think you did the right thing. I think it's
Speaker 1: just a I think you'll continue probably having this conversation.
Speaker 1: You'll see when you're in relationship, you'll continue talking about
Speaker 1: the same things, and you'll think you get over it.
Speaker 1: He's down with the savings account, and then it'll come
Speaker 1: up a year from now, and you'll just have to
Speaker 1: keep revisiting it and reiterating sort of what you've said before.
Speaker 1: But I feel like that's just part of relationships.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is. And so you just it's like a
Speaker 2: dance that you do. I always say, especially in the beginning,
Speaker 2: I don't know how long you've been dating him, I
Speaker 2: always say, you know, when you start a relationship, it's
Speaker 2: like dancing with the guy for the first time, or whoever,
Speaker 2: for the first time on the dance floor, both of
Speaker 2: you guys are like trying to figure out each other's rhythm,
Speaker 2: like wait, okay, wait, okay, no you go first, okay wait,
Speaker 2: and then you know, the longer you dance, you start
Speaker 2: to just know people's movements. And then you see people
Speaker 2: who have been together for a long time and they're
Speaker 2: in sync with each other, because that takes time, and
Speaker 2: it's okay not to be in sync right away, you know,
Speaker 2: just learning the keywords and the buzzwords that kind of
Speaker 2: like make him feel uncomfortable because you might be saying
Speaker 2: the same thing, but saying it in a different way
Speaker 2: could change everything. So just give it time and open
Speaker 2: open communication and transparency are.
Speaker 1: Key, alrighty. If you guys have any questions, you can
Speaker 1: email us at Brown Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Detailed questions are always preferred, and let us know if
Speaker 1: you want us to say your name or not. I
Speaker 1: kind of just call people out.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I want to.
Speaker 1: I just feel like if you don't want your name
Speaker 1: to be said, then you would say, don't say.
Speaker 2: Monday, say my name, say my name. Do you want
Speaker 2: to end with any wins?
Speaker 1: I would love to end with a win. What was
Speaker 1: my oh my win this week? Well, can we set
Speaker 1: it up actually do the whole win thing? Okay for
Speaker 1: editing purposes, Okay.
Speaker 2: You go.
Speaker 1: Do you want to do the win win Okay?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's like your saying, all right, so let's start again,
Speaker 2: all right. All I do is win, win, win, no
Speaker 2: matter what. I never know the second line. I don't
Speaker 2: really care.
Speaker 1: We established this last week so much so that one
Speaker 1: of my friends text and they were like, yay, you
Speaker 1: got the second line.
Speaker 2: Oh well friend, sorry, Oh that's cute. Our friends are like,
Speaker 2: what you have? You have a podcast? I'm like, you
Speaker 2: know what you know?
Speaker 1: I don't know what. I love that they listen. But
Speaker 1: at the same time, I'm like, okay, you're gonna pick
Speaker 1: apart everything I said this week. Okay, good, here we go.
Speaker 2: And I'm glad. I'm like, like, definitely a lot of
Speaker 2: people I know listen, but like as far as like
Speaker 2: my close close friends, no, because I'm like they're gonna
Speaker 2: be like really packed under her Tiffany.
Speaker 1: Really they're really close. They should know by now.
Speaker 2: So what is your win my win this week?
Speaker 1: I don't know. If you watch the show Blackish, do
Speaker 1: you yes? Love it.
Speaker 2: Did you watch this week's episode? No, but I saw
Speaker 2: that clip that you're about to probably give a win too.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen the clip. What clip? I just I
Speaker 1: didn't do the whole episode.
Speaker 2: Oh well, they talked about like when she was like,
Speaker 2: don't worry, you're not going to get shot. That couldn't
Speaker 2: be you, and she goes in. They go in to say, yes,
Speaker 2: that could be you to their kids, like, I guess
Speaker 2: they're watching like a case on TV about a young
Speaker 2: black dady. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let me let me do the whole thing, okay.
Speaker 1: I mean, because the whole context for the show is
Speaker 1: this episode. It was called Hope okay, and I knew
Speaker 1: it was going to be about Black lives matter, although
Speaker 1: they never really said black lives matter in the whole
Speaker 1: episode now that I think about it. But they were
Speaker 1: handling the Black Lives Matter movement and all these instances
Speaker 1: of police brutality against black men and black women. They
Speaker 1: handled it in such a cool way. And I was
Speaker 1: worried going in. I was like, it's sitcom. How do
Speaker 1: they're really funny? How are they going to make Black
Speaker 1: lives matter funny? And they managed to do it, and
Speaker 1: the way that they did it. I mean the family
Speaker 1: and the show. It's a mom and dad and then
Speaker 1: four hilarious kids. There's the two twins who are about
Speaker 1: how they're like eleven. I don't know how they old,
Speaker 1: like nine to eleven years old. I'm really bad at
Speaker 1: like age perception of children. Then you got the older
Speaker 1: kids who are like maybe fifteen and seventeen, and they're
Speaker 1: all sitting around watching CNN and they are watching I
Speaker 1: think it's a fictional case that's happening. They're waiting for
Speaker 1: to see whether these cops will be indicted for shooting
Speaker 1: an unarmed black man. And the entire episode is them
Speaker 1: in the living room. That's the only set there is
Speaker 1: really okay, the whole episode from start to finish, they're
Speaker 1: sitting in front of the TV. It's almost like a play,
Speaker 1: like a like a one act play or something. And
Speaker 1: the kids come in and they get the young kids
Speaker 1: want to know where. They say, you know, why is
Speaker 1: everybody so mad? And then the mom and dad go
Speaker 1: back and forth because the dad wants to tell them
Speaker 1: and the mom wants to protect them, and the teenage
Speaker 1: son wants to go out because after the indictment comes
Speaker 1: down and after there's no indictment. He wants to go.
Speaker 1: There's all these riots in the city. He wants to
Speaker 1: go downtown, and the dad wants to let him and
Speaker 1: the mom doesn't. And it's a really, I think, authentic
Speaker 1: picture of the struggle parents have when their kids can
Speaker 1: see everything. You know, back in the day, in the
Speaker 1: nineteen the sixties, seventies, like there were no twitters or facebooks.
Speaker 1: You could really turn the TV off and that was it.
Speaker 1: Your kids were not going to see anything. And now
Speaker 1: there's no way you can't shut off. There's too many
Speaker 1: screens and outlets, Like kids are exposed to all this stuff.
Speaker 1: And I just thought the show and Kenya Harris, who's
Speaker 1: the I think she is the creator and the writer
Speaker 1: of the show, did an amazing job tackling that subject
Speaker 1: matter and doing a really authentic depiction of what it's
Speaker 1: like for families today.
Speaker 2: I saw like the clip a clip of it, and
Speaker 2: I was like, Wow, this is great. So I think
Speaker 2: I might I'm not really a big TV person and
Speaker 2: I never got into Blackish because I just don't watch TV,
Speaker 2: but I think I might might have to do.
Speaker 1: So. It's a funny, it's quirky, it's so quirky that
Speaker 1: you'll be surprised they even did Black. I thought they
Speaker 1: would just you know, I never thought they would do
Speaker 1: it because it's such a quirky and funny show. I mean,
Speaker 1: the first of all, the kids are hilarious. The two
Speaker 1: little kids, Diane I think her name is Marquise, might
Speaker 1: be getting that wrong, Marquis or something like that. The
Speaker 1: kids are amazing, and you know, it has Tracy Ellis
Speaker 1: Ross and yeah, it's a good show. And now I'll
Speaker 1: be a loyal fan because I thought that was just
Speaker 1: really well done.
Speaker 2: Okay, Black Ash, we see you, all right. So I
Speaker 2: found my wind via Google on my phone. So apparently
Speaker 2: the Oscars, which are happening soon.
Speaker 1: Sunday, I will not see them, and I'm okay with that.
Speaker 2: And so there are a bunch of black Hollywood stars
Speaker 2: that are skipping the Oscars to attend a Justice for
Speaker 2: flat benefit. Our Faith is going to be there. Jesse
Speaker 2: you know, we.
Speaker 1: Love him, Jesse from Empire.
Speaker 2: No, Jesse him, Jesse Williams. Yes, our Faith, Abra Duvene,
Speaker 2: ournother fave is going to be there, and a bunch
Speaker 2: of other people. So they're like, you know, and I
Speaker 2: don't know that it's an anti oscar statement versus a
Speaker 2: pro Flint Michigan statement.
Speaker 1: You know I like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, me too, Like it's one thing just to stay home,
Speaker 2: but why not do something with that time? Like, you know,
Speaker 2: why not? I just think that this is a great
Speaker 2: idea I would love to see. Not to say Jada
Speaker 2: Pinkett Smith doesn't do like you know what she does
Speaker 2: for child She does, like what isn't it child sex traffic? Yes,
Speaker 2: you know, so people act like Jada doesn't do anything,
Speaker 2: but she does. But it would be nice to see
Speaker 2: that if you're going to stay home from the oscars,
Speaker 2: then putting that energy towards something it doesn't have to
Speaker 2: be Flint, but towards something else, and bringing attention towards
Speaker 2: something else like one thing. I mean, I know this
Speaker 2: for sure, but it's hard sometimes is that we have
Speaker 2: to remember that what you put your energy toward is
Speaker 2: what you kind of bring forth in your life. So
Speaker 2: you could be anti something. I think they quoted Mother Teresa.
Speaker 2: You know, I was about to say instead of mother Teresa,
Speaker 2: I was about to say Queen LA'TI f oh oh,
Speaker 2: But the Queen's awesome too, So Mother Teresa. They asked
Speaker 2: her if she would ever attend an anti war rally
Speaker 2: and she said no, I would never And they said
Speaker 2: why not, and she said, I would instead attend a
Speaker 2: pro peace rally because what you put your energy toward,
Speaker 2: you know, what you focus on is really what you
Speaker 2: grow in your life. And just reminding that's just a
Speaker 2: little reminder for me too, like this week, like put
Speaker 2: your energy toward good things and that's what you see
Speaker 2: and that's what you get. And I like that they're
Speaker 2: putting their energy toward something positive versus just anti oscars.
Speaker 1: Oh, I totally agree. That's awesome. Oh and it's co
Speaker 1: hosted by Ryan Coogler, he directed Creed. Mm hmm, that's cool.
Speaker 1: You know, I feel like this is a really like
Speaker 1: you said, it's a good reminder to actually do something.
Speaker 1: When you say, oh, if you're not for the state
Speaker 1: of America right now, then what are you doing to
Speaker 1: make it better?
Speaker 2: Mm?
Speaker 1: Hm, you know, don't wait around for someone to fix
Speaker 1: it for you. That's great. I wonder I Phil, we
Speaker 1: can be invited now since we support this. I hear
Speaker 1: it's open an event. We had to pay thousands of
Speaker 1: dollars to go.
Speaker 2: No, I don't think so whatch for Flint?
Speaker 1: Where's my where's my invite? At? Ashtack? Justice for Flint?
Speaker 2: Yes, the winds, the winds, the winds. I'm glad we
Speaker 2: always end with a win. It's just a little little up,
Speaker 2: little uptick.
Speaker 1: You know. This reminded me real quick of a mini win.
Speaker 1: The New York Times did that whole feature on like
Speaker 1: what it's like to be in Hollywood if you're not
Speaker 1: a white man.
Speaker 2: I didn't see that.
Speaker 1: It's good. Everyone go to New York Times and look
Speaker 1: it up. Yeah, it's awesome. It's yeah, it's up there.
Speaker 1: It's up there. It's going to be the magazine this
Speaker 1: weekend too. But who you know? You can read a
Speaker 1: line now, Oh, I know I get the magazine. I
Speaker 1: know who reads it. I do because I pay for it,
Speaker 1: But no one else does. I know.
Speaker 2: Honestly, y'all think that I'm the shady one. Mandy. It's like,
Speaker 2: and you know it's so crazy, Mandy. I don't know
Speaker 2: what it is about me, But all of my friends
Speaker 2: that I love the most, you have like the identical
Speaker 2: personality to my best friend Drina, to my CEO who
Speaker 2: I love Sierra, like all of my like friends, not
Speaker 2: all of them, but a great number of like my
Speaker 2: friend's friends, all have this similar like like just lovable
Speaker 2: but definitely sassy and like like this like shady on
Speaker 2: on the low sometimes personalities, And I'm like, I wonder
Speaker 2: why I track these people. Maybe because secretly I wish
Speaker 2: that I could be.
Speaker 1: Like your mind, you're a good cop.
Speaker 2: Yes, that bad cop.
Speaker 1: I love being bad cop.
Speaker 2: Yes, and they do too. What Drina loves it. She's like, girl,
Speaker 2: I start with not liking you, and then you earn
Speaker 2: your way to like it. I'm like really, but she's like, no,
Speaker 2: I'm always you know. What it is is that I'm
Speaker 2: always like everybody's great. And she's like, well, let's see.
Speaker 1: That.
Speaker 2: Yes, I know, And I'm like, that's why I love
Speaker 2: Maddy so much. I'm like, you just remind me of
Speaker 2: all all my favorite people. That was the back hitm No,
Speaker 2: it wasn't, because I just like when people are not
Speaker 2: afraid to not always have to be lovable, because I
Speaker 2: have not quite mastered the art of not feeling like
Speaker 2: I have to be likable at all times, you know.
Speaker 1: I feel like by the time you get to Wanda,
Speaker 1: you'll have learned.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, I cannot wait. I feel like Wanda is
Speaker 2: gonna be cussing and fussing and enjoying it.
Speaker 1: Wanda has zero fucks to give, but anybody's opinion, mss Wanda.
Speaker 1: I can't wait for Miss Wanda. I love timmany, but
Speaker 1: we'll get to ms Wanda one day.
Speaker 2: So are you, Dory? So what have you decided?
Speaker 1: I think I'll be Dorry Okay, Dorry, Dory eleanor when
Speaker 1: I'm being fancy.
Speaker 2: Yes, when we are signing off, Wanda and Dory, we
Speaker 2: will check y out later.
Speaker 1: Next time I talk to you, I will be hopefully
Speaker 1: three shades browner oo and nice and the last Yes.
Speaker 1: All right, have a great week you too.
Speaker 2: Bye bye