1 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:05,160 Speaker 1: I am Yamla, your host for this journey. I was 2 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:09,560 Speaker 1: a hopeless love aholic but just could not get my 3 00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:14,120 Speaker 1: love to work. Then, after a series of heartbreaks and 4 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:19,000 Speaker 1: deep heartache, I finally got clear about what love is 5 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:22,480 Speaker 1: and what it is not. I want to share some 6 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:27,639 Speaker 1: of what I've learned about love a holism. Welcome to 7 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:42,880 Speaker 1: the Rspot, a production of shandaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. 8 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:51,040 Speaker 1: Greetings and grand rising to you. I am I on 9 00:00:51,159 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 1: the van ZANDT your guide, your support, facilitator, teacher for 10 00:00:56,400 --> 00:01:00,760 Speaker 1: some soft place for others. And this is the Our Spot, 11 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 1: the place that we come to talk about all things relationships, 12 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:09,560 Speaker 1: all kinds of relationships, because relationships are one of the 13 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:14,759 Speaker 1: most important elements of our life. Everything is a relationship, y'all. Everything, 14 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:18,680 Speaker 1: how you eat, your money, when you see people in 15 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:23,319 Speaker 1: the street, your body, everything is a relationship. And our 16 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:28,520 Speaker 1: relationship with ourselves and our relationship with other people really 17 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:31,560 Speaker 1: determine the course, the nature, the tone, the tenor of 18 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 1: our lives. So here at the Our Spot, we want 19 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 1: to touch that place in your relationships that'll help make 20 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:42,000 Speaker 1: you better. And you know this season only our Spot, 21 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:45,480 Speaker 1: I promised you I'm gonna do things differently because I 22 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,800 Speaker 1: don't want to be an old dog that don't do 23 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,280 Speaker 1: new tricks. Actually, I don't want to be a dog 24 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:54,320 Speaker 1: at all. I just want to be old because you 25 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:57,440 Speaker 1: don't have to age. You don't have to age, but 26 00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 1: you've got to get older. So that's what I'm doing. 27 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:03,600 Speaker 1: And this season, I'm bringing in other people to talk 28 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:06,480 Speaker 1: to you about relationships. We've had guests, and I have 29 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:10,280 Speaker 1: a guest today that I'm so excited about to introduce 30 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:14,320 Speaker 1: you to in talking about relationships, and the thing that 31 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:16,960 Speaker 1: I love. The thing that I love about this guest 32 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,080 Speaker 1: is that this is a man who talks to women. 33 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:21,880 Speaker 1: I love that because women talking to women, you know, 34 00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:24,120 Speaker 1: we don't pay each other no mine, and we get 35 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 1: defensive and we get resistant. But when you have a 36 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,120 Speaker 1: fine young thing talking to you, and that what Michael 37 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,480 Speaker 1: Jackson said, pretty young thing, No you said young, I'm 38 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:38,120 Speaker 1: saying fine. You know when a woman says fine, you 39 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,120 Speaker 1: talk about wine and that's not going to make you 40 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:44,000 Speaker 1: drunk today. But no, I have a beautiful, beautiful brother 41 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:48,440 Speaker 1: with me today. You've probably seen him on Instagram on YouTube. 42 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 1: I love the title of his book. He's lion siss 43 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:58,640 Speaker 1: straight up. He lying. Any time a man is going 44 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,840 Speaker 1: to give you the cheat cheet on how to deal 45 00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:06,120 Speaker 1: with his brothers, He's okay in my book. Please join 46 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:10,000 Speaker 1: me and welcoming to the our spot. Stefan and you 47 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:13,720 Speaker 1: know him from Stefan Speaks, Welcome to the spot. 48 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:14,959 Speaker 2: Thank you for having me on. 49 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:18,960 Speaker 1: I'm so cute're just so cutey p tuty. I can't 50 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 1: say fine because that's my cougar talking, So I want 51 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 1: to call you cutie. And then you know, I'm talking 52 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: to you like an elder, like a hanti. Okay, why 53 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:33,040 Speaker 1: are you talking to women about men? Why are you 54 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 1: doing that? 55 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:37,720 Speaker 2: So the reality is that I speak to both men 56 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,200 Speaker 2: and women, but I was just saying to someone the 57 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:44,440 Speaker 2: other night, I, without any shame, I make women a 58 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:50,160 Speaker 2: priority because I feel that women have a very powerful 59 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:54,400 Speaker 2: level of influence and impact in the world. They are 60 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:59,080 Speaker 2: our mothers, our sisters, wise girlfriends, you name it, and 61 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:03,120 Speaker 2: so they're energy is extremely important because the woman's energy 62 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 2: has the power to dictate the whole room, the whole household. 63 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 2: So to me, I've used this saying before. I could 64 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:12,880 Speaker 2: heal a thousand men, but they may not be able 65 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,000 Speaker 2: to help heal a one woman, But if I hear 66 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:17,080 Speaker 2: a thousand a one woman, she can help heal a 67 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:17,839 Speaker 2: thousand men. 68 00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 1: Because she's the mother. 69 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:21,480 Speaker 2: Yes, she's a teacher, teacher exactly. 70 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,680 Speaker 1: You know, the honorable Elijah Muhammad said many many years ago, 71 00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:27,960 Speaker 1: if you educate a man, you educate a man, But 72 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,680 Speaker 1: if you educate a woman, you educate a nation. Absolutely, 73 00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:33,840 Speaker 1: So that is how we're rolling. And some of the 74 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:37,160 Speaker 1: things that you educate us about, I love it. I 75 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,680 Speaker 1: love it. So I went through all of your YouTube 76 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:44,440 Speaker 1: some of them I was fussing at you as some 77 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,480 Speaker 1: of them. I was amen, Yes, And so I want 78 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 1: to just review with you some of the things that 79 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,719 Speaker 1: you have said or I've heard you say, so we 80 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,880 Speaker 1: can expound upon that. First of all, you said one thing. 81 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,760 Speaker 1: I just want to start here why I think it's 82 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:07,280 Speaker 1: so important that you're talking to women and men, Because 83 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:12,039 Speaker 1: we're sick of it. We're done with y'all. We're done, 84 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:16,120 Speaker 1: We're over it. Tired of being the sex partner, the housekeeper, 85 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:19,520 Speaker 1: the babysitter, and a soft place to fall, Tired of 86 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 1: you not responding when we offer you an input. And 87 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 1: I'm not saying the way we do it is always 88 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,840 Speaker 1: appropriate and correct, because it's not. But we're just sick 89 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:32,520 Speaker 1: of it. We're sick of it. And more and more 90 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:35,960 Speaker 1: women are opting to be alone rather than to put 91 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:40,760 Speaker 1: up with the conflomeration and wahalla that you guys are living. 92 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:44,080 Speaker 1: So I'm really grateful that you do this. Talk to 93 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:47,440 Speaker 1: me about Let me find this one statement. There's a 94 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:52,600 Speaker 1: lot more women with trauma stories than there are men. 95 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,839 Speaker 1: Tell me what you know about that and why. 96 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,080 Speaker 2: Well, I think we have to start with understanding how 97 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:03,239 Speaker 2: women are a differently than men. They are more emotionally driven. 98 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:05,799 Speaker 2: You know, people will argue, oh, men are just as emotional, 99 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:09,560 Speaker 2: they're not as emotionally driven. What's happening is you're seeing 100 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:13,480 Speaker 2: maybe more outbursts from men because men tend to suppress 101 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:16,640 Speaker 2: so much and when it finally comes out, it just 102 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:24,000 Speaker 2: pours out. But women feel constantly. Women are processing emotions constantly, 103 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:27,239 Speaker 2: so they have a bigger impact on them. 104 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:29,520 Speaker 1: And include me say you y'all. 105 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:36,839 Speaker 2: So, you guys, because of this, the trauma is at 106 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:39,240 Speaker 2: a higher level because there's more you're going to take 107 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:43,240 Speaker 2: from each experience emotionally, men tend to be so much 108 00:06:43,279 --> 00:06:48,240 Speaker 2: more detached, so there's less of an impact on them 109 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,599 Speaker 2: with each situation that they have. Now, don't get me wrong, 110 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:54,760 Speaker 2: men have plenty of trauma plenty, but I would argue 111 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 2: that yes, women take in more by the nature of 112 00:06:58,600 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 2: how they are wired. 113 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:03,560 Speaker 1: Because my focus this year in twenty twenty four is 114 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:07,320 Speaker 1: really going to be on men. Tell me the impact 115 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:11,680 Speaker 1: of men not knowing how to process their feelings, how 116 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:14,000 Speaker 1: does that show up in our relationships? 117 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:17,800 Speaker 2: So it shows up one in So a lot of 118 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 2: men subconsciously are choosing women who they can and both 119 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:26,120 Speaker 2: sides do this, but I think men aren't aware of 120 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 2: it at all. They're choosing women where they can maintain 121 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,760 Speaker 2: a level of emotional control. So basically, you'll hear some 122 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:35,040 Speaker 2: people on the internet say a man should not fall 123 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 2: in love with for women because when he falls in love, 124 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,880 Speaker 2: he loses all rationale, all logical thinking. And what that 125 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,280 Speaker 2: tells you is that a lot of men don't know 126 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 2: how to handle being in love. They don't know how 127 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,920 Speaker 2: to handle those emotions. They got burned by it before. 128 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 2: So now the only way to not fall in love 129 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,760 Speaker 2: again because no one chooses in that moment, let me 130 00:07:57,840 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 2: just fall in love. We don't say okay, I want them, 131 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,480 Speaker 2: I'm gonna fall in love with them. It's something that 132 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:06,600 Speaker 2: just occurs naturally. So in order to avoid it, you 133 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 2: have to basically consciously or subconsciously choose individuals you're not into. 134 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:15,120 Speaker 2: Like that, really yes, because it's the only way you 135 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:19,080 Speaker 2: can guarantee I won't cross this line. See, I like 136 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,480 Speaker 2: them at a level eight, but they can't get me 137 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:24,320 Speaker 2: to level nine or ten. That way, I won't ever 138 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:27,040 Speaker 2: be in that Google guy got love that I felt 139 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:30,080 Speaker 2: burning me before. But the problem for both men and 140 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:33,439 Speaker 2: women is that they don't understand love was not the issue. 141 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:37,839 Speaker 2: Fear was a lack of love was not understanding how 142 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,800 Speaker 2: to process their emotions. Love does not hurt you. Love 143 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:45,160 Speaker 2: is kind, Love is patient, love is considerate. Love never 144 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:50,440 Speaker 2: did you wrong, but your fear and your thought that 145 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:53,040 Speaker 2: I will lose this person, and then trying to hold 146 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:56,240 Speaker 2: on to them, I lost myself. And once you start 147 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,600 Speaker 2: to separate it, then you don't have to run from love. 148 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,560 Speaker 2: But a lot of men due to their trauma, due 149 00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:04,240 Speaker 2: to heartbreak, because for a lot of guys, that's where 150 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,319 Speaker 2: a lot of trauma is. It's either for most people, 151 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:10,679 Speaker 2: it's going to be childhood and deep relationships, deep emotional relationships. 152 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,560 Speaker 1: I think the first place a man suffers heartbreak. And 153 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,800 Speaker 1: I could be very wrong, but my experience, particularly with 154 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:19,600 Speaker 1: my own son, I was the first woman to break 155 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 1: his heart. I think most mothers don't recognize how they 156 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,360 Speaker 1: break their son's heart. They break their son's heart when 157 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:32,640 Speaker 1: they emotionally abandon them. They break their son's heart when 158 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 1: they elevate them to the man of the house and 159 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:40,640 Speaker 1: then don't and then chastise them when they can't hold 160 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:44,200 Speaker 1: that responsibility or when they fail in that responsibility. I 161 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 1: think we break our son's heart by not affirming them, 162 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 1: by not acknowledging them. I think we break our son's 163 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:56,080 Speaker 1: hearts by making them responsible for things that they're not 164 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,559 Speaker 1: equipped to handle. I could be very wrong. 165 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,680 Speaker 2: No, I think it depends on the individual experience. I 166 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:03,960 Speaker 2: think for some men that has been the case, and 167 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,800 Speaker 2: all the things that you mentioned, especially the not affirming them, 168 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:10,600 Speaker 2: I think has a big role. On the flip side, 169 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:13,360 Speaker 2: you have some men who may not have been hurt 170 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:15,800 Speaker 2: by their mother, but they've been what's the word I'm 171 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:18,959 Speaker 2: looking for, they've been hindered by her. Yes, absolutely, because 172 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:22,920 Speaker 2: she's overly calledled them. She's overly affirmed them. She's given 173 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:27,400 Speaker 2: them no responsibility. Yes, and now this man grows up 174 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,760 Speaker 2: looking for a new mother that he has sex with. 175 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:30,440 Speaker 2: You see what I'm saying. 176 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:34,000 Speaker 1: Oh, called incest. That's nasty. 177 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,920 Speaker 2: He's just looking for someone to replace her role, but 178 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,600 Speaker 2: not in a healthy way because he does not know 179 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 2: how to stand on his own two feet. So it 180 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,240 Speaker 2: can go both ways with that. But I do think 181 00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 2: if you were to talk to a lot of men, 182 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,880 Speaker 2: I come across more men who their heartbreak is a woman, 183 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:54,080 Speaker 2: a woman that they felt deeply for, whether they were 184 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,520 Speaker 2: in an actual relationship, whether they were a friend of 185 00:10:56,559 --> 00:10:59,280 Speaker 2: hers and wanted her bally and she went with someone else. 186 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:03,320 Speaker 2: There's usually something like that of that nature in their life. 187 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,000 Speaker 1: How do I Okay, let's talk about that. And this 188 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,840 Speaker 1: is not the direction I thought we were going. But 189 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:09,800 Speaker 1: since we go on in this direction, let's just go 190 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:13,559 Speaker 1: on in this direction. We'll talk about that when they 191 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:22,360 Speaker 1: come back. Welcome back to the rspot. Let's pick up 192 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:26,480 Speaker 1: where we left off. How do women break men's hearts? 193 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:27,480 Speaker 1: Tell us how we do that? 194 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:29,360 Speaker 2: Where did we start? 195 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:32,080 Speaker 1: So listen, give me the top three, Give me the 196 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:32,560 Speaker 1: top three. 197 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 2: Well, the top number one is just flat out rejection. Okay, 198 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:39,000 Speaker 2: well maybe we don't like you, granted, but it's still 199 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:43,160 Speaker 2: heartbreaking to that man. But it's rejection in the face 200 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:46,400 Speaker 2: of I'm trying to love you and give you good 201 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:51,240 Speaker 2: So number two, which is attached to number one, it's 202 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:53,960 Speaker 2: not only the rejection, but you rejected me for I 203 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,360 Speaker 2: hate to say, like this, for that trash of a man. 204 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:58,640 Speaker 2: You went to, this man over here that we all 205 00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:02,480 Speaker 2: saw was toxic, unhealthy guy. Yes, doesn't do you right. 206 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,640 Speaker 2: I'm here trying to love you and you still choose him. 207 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 2: That's heartbreak. Number two, that just compounded number one. 208 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,960 Speaker 1: Well, you know, because I gotta stick up for the sisters. 209 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,400 Speaker 1: I'm a good woman, I'm a clean woman, and you 210 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:16,920 Speaker 1: go over there and get the thought. 211 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:23,200 Speaker 2: You're a lot of men, yes, done with it, And 212 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,880 Speaker 2: so I think, so let's touch on that for a second, 213 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 2: because here's what both sides are missing in that dynamic. 214 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 2: I always say, a lot of men say, oh, these 215 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,680 Speaker 2: women just want thugs and bad boys, and I tell them, like, listen, 216 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,200 Speaker 2: it's not that he's a thug or a bad boy. 217 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:41,640 Speaker 2: Is that he exudes certain masculine traits that women are 218 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,559 Speaker 2: drawn to, and they would rather deal with a thug 219 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,840 Speaker 2: bad boy with those masculine traits or those perceived traits, 220 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:50,199 Speaker 2: than to deal with who they view as too soft 221 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,680 Speaker 2: and I have to toughen them up. See, it's easier 222 00:12:52,679 --> 00:12:54,800 Speaker 2: for a woman to say, let me take the really 223 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,400 Speaker 2: hard guy and try to soften them up than the 224 00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,719 Speaker 2: soft guy and try to harden them up, because that 225 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:03,200 Speaker 2: to her true nature. Her nature truly is on the 226 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,400 Speaker 2: softer side, not the hardest side. On the flip side, 227 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,720 Speaker 2: men aren't going to the thought because she's a thought. 228 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,400 Speaker 2: No man wakes up and says, I can't wait till 229 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:15,040 Speaker 2: I marry a hope like that doesn't it doesn't happen 230 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:18,160 Speaker 2: like that. That's not the dream that men have. It's 231 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:23,000 Speaker 2: just that the quote unquote thought possess certain traits and 232 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 2: qualities that men are drawn to. And again, men will 233 00:13:27,559 --> 00:13:30,880 Speaker 2: over many men, despite what they may claim, will overlook 234 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:35,440 Speaker 2: that perceived thoughtness, so to speak, because she's exuding those 235 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:38,840 Speaker 2: other things such as what like what that feminine energy, 236 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,200 Speaker 2: that that sexual energy? 237 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 1: That its feminine or the sexual because a good girl, 238 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:45,800 Speaker 1: she has a lot of feminine energy. 239 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:49,840 Speaker 2: No, a lot of good girls have very neutral energy. 240 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:54,440 Speaker 1: So you don't have to tell me because I know 241 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:54,880 Speaker 1: about that. 242 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,959 Speaker 2: Yes, it's like they think being calm and cool is 243 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:02,640 Speaker 2: being feminine. No, you're neutral. You're not expressing desire, you're 244 00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:05,240 Speaker 2: not showing interest. So I always say, if you pay attention, 245 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,640 Speaker 2: a lot of people, both men and women, they may 246 00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:10,080 Speaker 2: have a good person and let's say a crazy person, 247 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,640 Speaker 2: and a lot of times they choose the crazy person 248 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:16,959 Speaker 2: to be with. Why Because the crazy person shows them desire, 249 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:20,200 Speaker 2: makes them feel wanted. And a lot of times these 250 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:24,120 Speaker 2: good people think just laying back, sitting back and because 251 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 2: I'm good, you should pick me. But they're not expressive. 252 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:32,480 Speaker 2: They're not seductive, they're not affectionate in a way that 253 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:36,440 Speaker 2: draws that person in. So a perfect example of that 254 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,680 Speaker 2: feminine energy that the quote unquote thought may give. An 255 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,120 Speaker 2: analogy I'll use is I tell women, if you were 256 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,680 Speaker 2: to ever go to a strip club, all right, and 257 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,600 Speaker 2: you paid attention, the woman who can make the most 258 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 2: money isn't necessarily. The woman that looks the best is 259 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,480 Speaker 2: not necessary. The woman has the best body, the one 260 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,920 Speaker 2: who talks to the custom of the best, the one 261 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:58,280 Speaker 2: who comes with that certain energy that makes the man 262 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:02,360 Speaker 2: feel good about himself. That's the thing that they're drawn to. 263 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,800 Speaker 2: And the reality is that the quote unquote perceived thought, 264 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:10,320 Speaker 2: and sometimes it's just a perception. She's not actually no, you. 265 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,480 Speaker 1: Don't know what I say. I say, and I'm real 266 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:15,280 Speaker 1: clear about it. I didn't understand it for a long 267 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:18,200 Speaker 1: time and I denied it. I'm not a hoe, but 268 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:23,040 Speaker 1: I'm hoish. I'm hoish. I know how to do that thing. 269 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 1: I really do, and you know, I want to teach 270 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:30,160 Speaker 1: women how to do it, how to walk, because a 271 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,960 Speaker 1: woman who knows who she is can walk in the 272 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,800 Speaker 1: room and take total control of a man's body. She 273 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,040 Speaker 1: don't have to touch it, she don't have to even 274 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:41,040 Speaker 1: go near it, but she can drop that wholeness on 275 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:46,600 Speaker 1: and work the room. But we have been taught, particularly 276 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 1: those of us who grew up in the church, that 277 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:51,720 Speaker 1: that's bad, that that's wrong. So I ain't a hoe, 278 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:53,400 Speaker 1: but I am hoish. 279 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 2: And that's why we have to separate the behavior from 280 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:02,160 Speaker 2: the energy. Yes, no one's saying to be a whole 281 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:05,640 Speaker 2: in behavior, so to speak, but yes, you have to 282 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:10,800 Speaker 2: exude that energy, that femininity, that desired, that seductiveness. Like 283 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,240 Speaker 2: I have this thing where I tell people what I've 284 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 2: seen from both sex is that you know, a lot 285 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,880 Speaker 2: of men on the internet say they don't want a 286 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:17,560 Speaker 2: woman that has. 287 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,280 Speaker 1: A pass but that has a pass. 288 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:21,760 Speaker 2: But tons of men you didn't. 289 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:25,560 Speaker 1: Want a woman that has a who got a pass. 290 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 2: They want skilled without the. 291 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:32,080 Speaker 1: Experience that acquire that. That's ridiculous. 292 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,440 Speaker 2: But the thing is, despite them saying that, if they 293 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 2: meet a woman they like and she has a pass 294 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:41,680 Speaker 2: and nobody knows about it, they go with it. They 295 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,480 Speaker 2: don't make an issue about it. It's only when it's 296 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:47,560 Speaker 2: known in public that it becomes a problem. And the 297 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,720 Speaker 2: funny thing is women do the same thing on the 298 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:52,960 Speaker 2: flip side, but not with sexual pass. With if he's 299 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,480 Speaker 2: broke or not. A lot of women will get online 300 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,320 Speaker 2: and say I won't they have broke man, this, that 301 00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:00,600 Speaker 2: and the other. But if they meet a man and 302 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,720 Speaker 2: they like him and it turns out he's broke, as 303 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:03,320 Speaker 2: long as. 304 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:06,880 Speaker 1: The world broke, okay, she will deal. 305 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:10,520 Speaker 2: With amount of times. And so that's the thing. What 306 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 2: people claim they want idealistically is not how things play 307 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:17,200 Speaker 2: out realistically, and so, but it doesn't change the fact 308 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,400 Speaker 2: that there will still be people who will have their 309 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,960 Speaker 2: perceptions of you based on certain behaviors. 310 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaker 1: Okay, I want to go back to wholeness and hooker 311 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:29,560 Speaker 1: in and whatever moment. And this is what I want. 312 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:34,359 Speaker 1: This is what I want women to know. For me, 313 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:40,399 Speaker 1: it's not the actual physical act. It's the exchange of 314 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:45,280 Speaker 1: energy as a woman. Every time a man makes a 315 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:50,880 Speaker 1: deposit in you, he is stepping into your space, into 316 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:53,320 Speaker 1: your world. And I tell women all of the time, 317 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:55,960 Speaker 1: one of the reasons that you can't find a man 318 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:59,040 Speaker 1: today is because you've still got so many attached. You're 319 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,320 Speaker 1: still in the bed with the other two or three. 320 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:06,119 Speaker 1: Because as women, we are receptacles. We are receptacle energy, 321 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:10,760 Speaker 1: and so we receive that energy. And there's ways that 322 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,160 Speaker 1: we need to clean ourselves up in order to clean 323 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,320 Speaker 1: away our past. So it's not that she's doing all 324 00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:19,680 Speaker 1: of this with all of these men. It's that he's 325 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:23,040 Speaker 1: making deposits in her energy that she doesn't know about, 326 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:27,679 Speaker 1: which brings me to my next topic, cheating or not 327 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:31,919 Speaker 1: being honest when you're in a relationship, because you and 328 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:35,560 Speaker 1: I are together, and you're over there with Katrina and 329 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:38,720 Speaker 1: Cafada and whoever else, and you bring that home to me, 330 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:43,760 Speaker 1: and so I'm in relationship now with her, and I 331 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:49,480 Speaker 1: didn't make that choice. That's my problem with it. So 332 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,200 Speaker 1: talk to me about cheating. Man. 333 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:57,000 Speaker 2: Cheating is such a delicate topic, but I do believe 334 00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:01,280 Speaker 2: it's a very misunderstood issue. You know. I don't like 335 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:04,280 Speaker 2: the people who say, well, and let me make sure 336 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:07,480 Speaker 2: I clarify this. They'll say, it's never the fault of 337 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:10,480 Speaker 2: the person who got cheated on, right, It's always the cheater. 338 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:12,840 Speaker 2: It's always the cheating. So the minute someone cheats, it's 339 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,240 Speaker 2: on them. That's it and the story. And I think 340 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:18,600 Speaker 2: that's very dangerous to tell people this because some people 341 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:22,080 Speaker 2: are continuously being cheated on because they're not identifying certain 342 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:25,800 Speaker 2: negative patterns within themselves that lead down that path. One 343 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,920 Speaker 2: quick example was there was a man who reached out 344 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,399 Speaker 2: to me and he was swearing off Christian women, and 345 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,399 Speaker 2: I'm like, what's going on? And he said, he been 346 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,760 Speaker 2: cheated on twice before, and now this third woman who 347 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:46,439 Speaker 2: was his fiance cheated on him with his baby's mother's BOYFRIENDY. 348 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,760 Speaker 2: And so he's like, I'm done with these women. But 349 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,040 Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, if you got cheated on three 350 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:54,000 Speaker 2: times in a row in your last three relationships, there's 351 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:57,520 Speaker 2: something you're overlooking. We can't just say women are horrible. 352 00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,399 Speaker 2: What's going on? So we dig deeper, and what it 353 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:03,040 Speaker 2: turned out was he was the type of guy that thought, 354 00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:06,199 Speaker 2: if I pay the bills, my job is done. Old school, Oh, 355 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,159 Speaker 2: you don't need to do anything else. You should be happy. 356 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:12,320 Speaker 2: So these women were drawn to the financial security but 357 00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:16,480 Speaker 2: were left void emotionally, and that just opens the door 358 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:19,960 Speaker 2: to people entertaining someone else. And so the same thing 359 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,080 Speaker 2: happens on the flip side, where you have some women 360 00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:25,800 Speaker 2: who will lure a man in with how she initially 361 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,480 Speaker 2: acts sexually. Because I've heard so many stories, I said 362 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,879 Speaker 2: that I was so many couples and she knows she 363 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:32,080 Speaker 2: can't sustain that. 364 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:38,280 Speaker 1: It's my hand, put yourself down. 365 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:44,600 Speaker 2: And then it turns into a marriage that has all 366 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:48,919 Speaker 2: this sexual neglect. And then when he finally does cheat, 367 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,400 Speaker 2: if he does cheat, it's, oh, it's he's the problem. 368 00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,320 Speaker 2: You can't do that because. 369 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,920 Speaker 1: I was neglectful. I was just tired by the time. 370 00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:02,359 Speaker 2: You know what, and listen, sometimes there's understandable reasons. But 371 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,240 Speaker 2: I'll give another example. There was one time where a 372 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,040 Speaker 2: man he was married to a woman. They were already 373 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:09,600 Speaker 2: kind of rocky with the sex, but then she had 374 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,560 Speaker 2: some kind of issue. I think she had assist in 375 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:15,120 Speaker 2: her uterus. So the doctor said, Okay, for the next 376 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:18,240 Speaker 2: six months, there's gonna be no sex. The husband was like, 377 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:22,040 Speaker 2: all right, I'm a supporter. I understand, we're good, you know, and. 378 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,720 Speaker 1: There's a distinction. But I don't want you to stop 379 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:26,960 Speaker 1: your story. But I just want our listeners to know 380 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:31,280 Speaker 1: that there's a distinction between sex and intercourse. So for 381 00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:34,080 Speaker 1: six months, there's no intercourse, but they could have still 382 00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:37,440 Speaker 1: made love and done all manner of wonderfulness exactly. Don't 383 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:38,760 Speaker 1: ask me how I know these things. 384 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:43,959 Speaker 2: He was still, he was still very accommodating, very understanding. 385 00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:47,160 Speaker 2: His mindset was, I'm gonna be a good husband. But 386 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:49,640 Speaker 2: once this is all, we're past this. We're gonna get 387 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:52,800 Speaker 2: back to being more intigivement and having more sexual intercourse. 388 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:57,000 Speaker 2: Six months past, she finishes her process, she's good. Not 389 00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:01,480 Speaker 2: only is she now healed, the even tells her, it's 390 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,320 Speaker 2: actually a good idea that you start having sex right now. 391 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,840 Speaker 2: And what happened They still didn't have sex. Why that's 392 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:11,080 Speaker 2: the thing. The reality is that a lot of women 393 00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 2: are not being honest with men about one what they 394 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,520 Speaker 2: need to be sexually receptive to them to the fact 395 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,960 Speaker 2: that they get with men they're not sexually satisfied by. 396 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:25,080 Speaker 2: So you have this phenomena where the woman meets this 397 00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:27,600 Speaker 2: great guy, she likes him, she feel like she can 398 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,679 Speaker 2: have a relationship with him, but the sex is not 399 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:32,080 Speaker 2: what it needs to be. But for her, it's like, 400 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 2: I don't want to rock the boat and lose this man, 401 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,600 Speaker 2: so I'm gonna act like the sex is good. I'm 402 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,679 Speaker 2: gonna just roll with this. Or she's riding off the 403 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:43,600 Speaker 2: high from having the potential of finally getting married and 404 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:47,160 Speaker 2: having that long lasting relationship, and that high is enough 405 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:50,479 Speaker 2: to push her through these sexual moments and have her 406 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,520 Speaker 2: be excited. But once the goal is achieved and there 407 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:57,440 Speaker 2: is marriage, now the smoke is cleared and the reality 408 00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:01,480 Speaker 2: is she never really liked it. I know, if one 409 00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:04,680 Speaker 2: woman where she has several sexual partners, let's say she 410 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 2: had seven. Six out of the seven it was very 411 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:12,160 Speaker 2: block but there's one out of the seven that it's amazing, 412 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,680 Speaker 2: and the way that she shows up sexually for him 413 00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:17,840 Speaker 2: is night and day compared to the other six she experienced. 414 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:21,040 Speaker 2: All right, Okay, So part of that is because for 415 00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,640 Speaker 2: a lot of women, the connection outside the bedroom will 416 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:25,320 Speaker 2: dictate the connection inside. 417 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,679 Speaker 1: The bedroom absolutely for all women. 418 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:31,600 Speaker 2: So I do think some women have gotten to a 419 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,520 Speaker 2: place of in being so in tune with themselves, in 420 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:37,480 Speaker 2: their body and other thing how to enjoy sex, that 421 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:41,840 Speaker 2: they can still handle that lack of connection better than 422 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:45,120 Speaker 2: the next woman can. Okay, all right, And so even 423 00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:47,200 Speaker 2: speaking to that, part of the reason why a lot 424 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,919 Speaker 2: of women don't even enjoy sex, I believe is because 425 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:53,400 Speaker 2: there's so much in their head and they don't allow 426 00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:56,840 Speaker 2: themselves to enjoy in that process, which is why we 427 00:23:56,960 --> 00:24:00,480 Speaker 2: now have the issue of how the toxic man tends 428 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,800 Speaker 2: to be better in bed for a lot of women. 429 00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,960 Speaker 1: And mercy sleeping with toxic But. 430 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:09,919 Speaker 2: Let me tell you, I believe that what's happening is 431 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:15,240 Speaker 2: so when a woman is truly emotionally invested into a 432 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:19,520 Speaker 2: man and more vulnerable, she is going to be more like, 433 00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,119 Speaker 2: am I doing it right? What does he think of me? 434 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 2: She's processing all these things. This is going to hinder 435 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,600 Speaker 2: her ability to enjoy the experience. When she's dating the 436 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,360 Speaker 2: toxic man that she knows is toxic, and she knows 437 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:34,119 Speaker 2: there's no real future with this man, she no longer 438 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,199 Speaker 2: cares her emotions aren't tied to it, so he's like 439 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:41,280 Speaker 2: a life sized dildo to her. She's going in strictly 440 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:45,119 Speaker 2: for enjoyment. So now it is not that he's that 441 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:49,040 Speaker 2: much better, it's that she unlocks the door to allow 442 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:52,280 Speaker 2: herself to enjoy it at a much higher level. And 443 00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:55,600 Speaker 2: if she can transfer that kind of mindset to the 444 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:59,760 Speaker 2: man she loves, she would experience a much greater sexual 445 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,119 Speaker 2: experience with that man. A lot to it. 446 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:07,240 Speaker 1: This is the Our Spot and we are really talking 447 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,399 Speaker 1: about relationships, although we seem to be stuck on sex. 448 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,800 Speaker 1: So when we come back from this break, I promise 449 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:18,280 Speaker 1: you we are going to talk about relationships and sex. 450 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:25,879 Speaker 1: We'll be right back. Welcome back to the Our Spot. 451 00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:31,399 Speaker 1: My guest today is Stefan, a certified relationship and dating coach, 452 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:33,800 Speaker 1: and I don't know how we fell into the whole 453 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,760 Speaker 1: talking about sex, but it's been twice. I know, holes 454 00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:41,160 Speaker 1: and sex and toxic men, but here at the Our Spot, 455 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:44,000 Speaker 1: we want to talk about what's real and what's raw, 456 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:47,879 Speaker 1: and what it is that makes our relationships work and 457 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,320 Speaker 1: what it is that doesn't make them work. I want 458 00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:53,440 Speaker 1: to go back to this topic for one second because 459 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:57,960 Speaker 1: on one of your podcasts you talked about a woman 460 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:02,000 Speaker 1: who was not sexually attracted to a man, but was 461 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:06,480 Speaker 1: with him because he paid the bills. And I want 462 00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 1: to talk about that for a moment, and not from 463 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:14,119 Speaker 1: her perspective, from his perspective. If he's is he paying 464 00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:18,679 Speaker 1: for sex? I mean, really, he's paying for sex, and 465 00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:19,400 Speaker 1: that's okay. 466 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,000 Speaker 2: For a lot of men, all they care about is 467 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:25,240 Speaker 2: the end result, which is which is getting the sex, 468 00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:28,560 Speaker 2: which is her time and attention during that moment, and 469 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:32,639 Speaker 2: being able to have more authority, I guess in that situation, 470 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:35,680 Speaker 2: because he's just taking care of everything for some men. 471 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,000 Speaker 2: For some men there's a level of wanting that authority. 472 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,679 Speaker 2: And when I say authority, it's like, okay, in a 473 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:44,080 Speaker 2: casual situation or a situation he's paying for sex. What 474 00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,280 Speaker 2: he likes about that is I don't have to invest 475 00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:49,800 Speaker 2: emotionally in this, all right, And he gets to control, yeah, 476 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,880 Speaker 2: and he has actually more say so in what he desires, 477 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:57,399 Speaker 2: because if you're just establishing a loving relationship, there's more 478 00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:00,800 Speaker 2: of a give and take there in a very transaction relationship. 479 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,280 Speaker 2: Is hey, I give you this in return for this. 480 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,280 Speaker 2: That's it in the story, and either you're with it 481 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:09,400 Speaker 2: or you're not. But in a romantic relationship he has 482 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:12,720 Speaker 2: to be more flexible and more considerate how she feels 483 00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:15,760 Speaker 2: in that moment. If he's paying for it, he don't. 484 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:20,760 Speaker 1: Care because for me, that's just you know, a private 485 00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:27,720 Speaker 1: enterprise prostitution, you know, And I guess that can work, 486 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:31,040 Speaker 1: because you know, I gave it away for love and 487 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:36,879 Speaker 1: didn't get the bills paid. I just wondering, maybe I. 488 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:39,239 Speaker 2: Don't know. 489 00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:42,000 Speaker 1: It's just so you know, today we are just so 490 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:47,119 Speaker 1: depraved and everything and how we do everything. There's just 491 00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:52,439 Speaker 1: such a level of baseness and depravity, and it really 492 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:57,840 Speaker 1: it hurts me for women because this is not going 493 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:01,920 Speaker 1: to be good because as we continue to bring children 494 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,960 Speaker 1: into it, and as an elder now I'm always everything 495 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:11,000 Speaker 1: I do, I'm wondering with the women behind me when 496 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:13,199 Speaker 1: they look at me, what do they see? You know. 497 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,240 Speaker 1: I can talk about all of it, and I've been 498 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:17,719 Speaker 1: through a lot of it, But what I want to 499 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,760 Speaker 1: demonstrate is something completely different and some of the things 500 00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:27,360 Speaker 1: that I see men doing today and the behavior it's 501 00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:30,800 Speaker 1: not good for those coming up underneath them. I want 502 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:34,720 Speaker 1: to ask you this question, where do men learn how 503 00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:39,120 Speaker 1: to manage their emotions and develop an emotional vocabulary, because 504 00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:41,160 Speaker 1: one of the things that I find with men is 505 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:45,880 Speaker 1: they do not have a very sophisticated emotional library, a vocabulary. 506 00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:49,400 Speaker 1: It's either good, bad, right, wrong, fair, unfair, happy, sad, 507 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:52,000 Speaker 1: that's it. I mean. They don't know about anxiety. They 508 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:55,680 Speaker 1: don't know about frustration, they don't know about disappointment. Although 509 00:28:55,720 --> 00:29:00,840 Speaker 1: they experience, they don't talk about it. Insecurity, inadequacy, because 510 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 1: what I've learned is inadequacy is to kryptonite to man. 511 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,920 Speaker 1: If he feels he's inadequate in any way, he goes crazy. 512 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:11,640 Speaker 1: But where do men learn to manage and handle their emotions. 513 00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:14,880 Speaker 2: I mean most men don't have anywhere. They don't in 514 00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:17,800 Speaker 2: the natural flow of their life. They don't learn it 515 00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,560 Speaker 2: from anywhere. I was just speaking to my barber earlier, 516 00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,160 Speaker 2: and he was saying, how you know he struggled sometimes 517 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:26,240 Speaker 2: in relationship because he saw I think it was his 518 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:29,800 Speaker 2: father or a family member. Whenever that the baby's mother 519 00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:33,000 Speaker 2: was upset, he just gave him money. Yes, okay, So 520 00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:36,560 Speaker 2: to him, that's the answer. He doesn't understand. You need 521 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:38,960 Speaker 2: to communicate, you need to be able to express things, 522 00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:41,680 Speaker 2: and that's just not a place he's been comfortable with 523 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:42,960 Speaker 2: so for a lot of it. 524 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:44,840 Speaker 1: Is it that he's not comfortable or is it that 525 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:47,840 Speaker 1: he doesn't know how, But rather than admit that he's 526 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:51,400 Speaker 1: inadequate in that area, he comes it up with dollarbility. 527 00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:54,120 Speaker 2: I think it's both. I think it's it's he doesn't 528 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:57,520 Speaker 2: know how in one sense, but also not comfortable because 529 00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:00,080 Speaker 2: he's never he hasn't been there, he hasn't lived in 530 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:03,000 Speaker 2: that place, and you don't know what's coming from that. 531 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:03,520 Speaker 1: You know. 532 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:05,160 Speaker 2: One of the fears a lot of men have in 533 00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:08,240 Speaker 2: opening up and being more expressive is the woman throwing 534 00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:10,120 Speaker 2: it back in their face. And a lot of men 535 00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:11,680 Speaker 2: have experienced that. 536 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:13,800 Speaker 1: I want you to I want you to say that 537 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:17,840 Speaker 1: again to all of you are spot women out there listening, 538 00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:18,800 Speaker 1: say that again. 539 00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:21,120 Speaker 2: A lot of men are afraid to open up because 540 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:22,960 Speaker 2: the fear of the women throwing it back in their face. 541 00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:26,440 Speaker 1: And we're historians, and we'll go back and dig up 542 00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:29,440 Speaker 1: something for fifty six. Well, when you said so and 543 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:32,920 Speaker 1: so and so so, ladies, you're hearing that, don't do that. 544 00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:36,520 Speaker 1: And we do it to our sons also, hell y'all 545 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:39,200 Speaker 1: do it to each other. A lot of women to 546 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:39,880 Speaker 1: bring that in. 547 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:44,480 Speaker 2: A lot of women will not. I always laugh when 548 00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:47,320 Speaker 2: some women swear they know everything about their friend, and 549 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,920 Speaker 2: I'm like, no, there's things you don't know because she knows. 550 00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,120 Speaker 2: If she tells you and y'all ever have a fallen out, 551 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,760 Speaker 2: you will use it against her. So she will go 552 00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:57,560 Speaker 2: to the grave with some of this information. She'll be 553 00:30:57,640 --> 00:30:59,840 Speaker 2: quicker to tell a guy friend than she will have. 554 00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:02,680 Speaker 1: It's true that you know. I want you all to 555 00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:06,600 Speaker 1: hear this is a man speaking to us about how 556 00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:10,960 Speaker 1: we be, how we be with each other. Yeah. So 557 00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:17,320 Speaker 1: men don't learn how to process even identify emotions. 558 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:19,720 Speaker 2: I mean the way that they learn. Those who do 559 00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:23,160 Speaker 2: learn are those who go on that discovery, that path 560 00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:27,800 Speaker 2: of trying to understand, trying to grow. Also, those who 561 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:31,120 Speaker 2: may be in certain environments are forced to learn, so 562 00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:35,200 Speaker 2: to speak. But you know, the everyday man, if he's 563 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:38,440 Speaker 2: not making that intentional choice to go learn, where is 564 00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:39,480 Speaker 2: he really going to get it from? 565 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,240 Speaker 1: Well, so I want to I want to support us 566 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:46,200 Speaker 1: and women and also push us women to say that 567 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:50,959 Speaker 1: it's it is. I think it is incumbent upon us 568 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:56,240 Speaker 1: as women to begin to raise our sons and in 569 00:31:56,240 --> 00:32:00,680 Speaker 1: my case, grandsons and great grandsons with a level of 570 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:09,960 Speaker 1: emotional sensitivity and awareness and vocabulary. Because we're raising other 571 00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:14,200 Speaker 1: people's fathers and husbands, I think it's incumbent upon us 572 00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:19,000 Speaker 1: to make the space for our sons, grandsons, brothers, fathers. 573 00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:21,880 Speaker 1: Because every man is raised by a woman or not 574 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,400 Speaker 1: raised by a woman, and it's going to impact how 575 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:29,240 Speaker 1: he is in relationships. So I think it's incumbent upon us. 576 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:31,080 Speaker 2: So what. 577 00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:40,800 Speaker 1: Because men aren't very often emotionally closed or guarded when 578 00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:45,000 Speaker 1: an emotional man shows up, how do we handle it? 579 00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:48,200 Speaker 1: As women? How do we men crying? And all of 580 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:50,600 Speaker 1: you know, because of what I do, that doesn't bother me. 581 00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:54,400 Speaker 1: But most women see a man cry or get into 582 00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:57,680 Speaker 1: his feelings, as you would say, they don't know what 583 00:32:57,760 --> 00:32:59,680 Speaker 1: to do with that. What do you do with that? Well? 584 00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:03,240 Speaker 2: Think all the man needs you to be is consoled. 585 00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:05,880 Speaker 2: It's the same way if you had a son, what 586 00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,000 Speaker 2: would you do. You'd rub his bag. You're gonna tell 587 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:08,920 Speaker 2: me it's gonna be okay. 588 00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:12,200 Speaker 1: No, we tell him stop that crying. Boys don't cry. 589 00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:18,239 Speaker 2: Yeah, So that's what you shouldn't be doing. And the 590 00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,000 Speaker 2: thing is this, though, I will say this to the 591 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:23,640 Speaker 2: whole boys don't cry issue. We have to learn to, yes, 592 00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:27,600 Speaker 2: encourage our boys to be expressive, but we should not. 593 00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,680 Speaker 2: But we have to teach them not to be emotionally unstable, 594 00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:32,800 Speaker 2: right and not to be You did a. 595 00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:36,560 Speaker 1: Video on that man, an emotionally unstable man, exactly. 596 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:39,800 Speaker 2: And so the example I give is that if a 597 00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,560 Speaker 2: child comes to you and they're all whining, crying and 598 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,719 Speaker 2: they're frantic, you still want them to calm down and 599 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:49,200 Speaker 2: use their words and express themselves, but you just don't say, okay, 600 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,720 Speaker 2: just keep crying and keep being frantic. So I think 601 00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:53,600 Speaker 2: some people have taken it to the wrong end of 602 00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:55,680 Speaker 2: the spectrum and say, yes, let these boys just be 603 00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:58,120 Speaker 2: all emotional all over the place, and it's like no, no, no, no. 604 00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,200 Speaker 2: They still have to learn how to reel it in. 605 00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:05,000 Speaker 2: But then yes, express themselves properly. And so when that 606 00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:08,600 Speaker 2: man comes to you crying and being emotional, yes, I 607 00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:11,879 Speaker 2: think it's about being that soft place for him right there, 608 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:15,759 Speaker 2: being that peace, being that encourager speaking life into him 609 00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:18,560 Speaker 2: in that moment. That's what he needs. But I also 610 00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:23,560 Speaker 2: do tell men that understand, like I believe, the issue 611 00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:26,000 Speaker 2: is less about the man crying to the woman and 612 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,280 Speaker 2: a lot of times. What he's crying about? 613 00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:31,719 Speaker 1: All right, okay, and and tell me more about that too. 614 00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:34,120 Speaker 2: So I give you an example. I have a friend 615 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,560 Speaker 2: and he was like, he he knows his woman who 616 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:40,000 Speaker 2: left his left her guy after she lost after he 617 00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:43,440 Speaker 2: lost her his job. I said, that's all that happened? 618 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,200 Speaker 2: You sure like she does up and left the minute 619 00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:47,359 Speaker 2: after he lost his job. 620 00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:48,120 Speaker 1: Yeah. 621 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:49,839 Speaker 2: I was like, no, there's got to be something else 622 00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:53,239 Speaker 2: to this. He said, well, okay, technically she did tell 623 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:55,880 Speaker 2: me that. It was a month or two after he 624 00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:58,600 Speaker 2: lost his job, and every day since he lost his job, 625 00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:02,640 Speaker 2: he was moping, he was whining, he was dwelling in negativity. 626 00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:06,200 Speaker 2: I said, that's why she left. You can't. It's one 627 00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:09,239 Speaker 2: thing to have a moment of vulnerability. It's another thing 628 00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:11,959 Speaker 2: to live in that. And I think, what a lot 629 00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:14,560 Speaker 2: of men don't realize a lot of people don't realize. 630 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,160 Speaker 2: A lot of men aren't as masculine as they think 631 00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:20,040 Speaker 2: and want to believe they are. They have not evolved 632 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:21,480 Speaker 2: and developed the way that they think they have. 633 00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:24,239 Speaker 1: Well, what does that mean they're not as masculine as 634 00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:26,000 Speaker 1: they think they are. What does that mean they. 635 00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:30,320 Speaker 2: Are not as poised and being able to manage their emotions. 636 00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:32,879 Speaker 2: They are not as strong in the sense of being 637 00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:36,480 Speaker 2: able to face adversity and find ways to overcome it 638 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:39,399 Speaker 2: all right. They crumble in the face of it. And 639 00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,040 Speaker 2: for a woman, she does not want a man who's 640 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:45,440 Speaker 2: gonna crumble anytime something goes wrong. She wants a man 641 00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:48,040 Speaker 2: that she can feel like, that's my rock. He's gonna fight, 642 00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,000 Speaker 2: and he's gonna make sure we're good. At least he's 643 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,239 Speaker 2: gonna fight to make sure we're good. Even if he 644 00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:55,080 Speaker 2: can't fully succeed, he's gonna put his best foot forward. 645 00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:58,480 Speaker 2: A lot of men aren't as tough as they proclaim 646 00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:00,600 Speaker 2: or try to give off to the world. So what 647 00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:05,240 Speaker 2: happens is when he finally has that moment that quote 648 00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:09,879 Speaker 2: unquote breaks him, his true self starts to show that 649 00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:13,480 Speaker 2: weaker self that never developed, and she starts to realize, 650 00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:15,880 Speaker 2: wait a minute, this ain't the guy thought he was 651 00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:19,080 Speaker 2: all right. So now to the world, is she left 652 00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:22,799 Speaker 2: him because that thing happened? But in many cases, no, 653 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,080 Speaker 2: it's because who he's now showing himself to be she 654 00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,799 Speaker 2: can't stomach and deal with. Oh, she doesn't know, yes, 655 00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:30,879 Speaker 2: And so look at it this way. Let's flip it. 656 00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:33,080 Speaker 2: It's almost like if a man got with a woman 657 00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:36,880 Speaker 2: because initially she was being all sweet and feminine in 658 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:40,120 Speaker 2: all these things, and then something happens where she just 659 00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:44,840 Speaker 2: turns negative. Right now, if she just has a negative moment, 660 00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:47,840 Speaker 2: he's gonna be willing to look past that. But what 661 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:51,080 Speaker 2: happens if she now lives in that negativity and it 662 00:36:51,239 --> 00:36:55,040 Speaker 2: carries on for months and months, There's gonna be a 663 00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,600 Speaker 2: lot of men that say, I don't want this anymore. Yeah, 664 00:36:57,640 --> 00:36:59,680 Speaker 2: you know. Now, some will struggle to walk away. Then 665 00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:02,719 Speaker 2: that's for other reasons, but people don't realize what's going 666 00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:05,440 Speaker 2: on behind closed doors is a lot deeper than what 667 00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,920 Speaker 2: we're seeing on the surface. And so going back to 668 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:11,640 Speaker 2: the whole men opening up and being vulnerable. I do 669 00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:14,960 Speaker 2: think that men have to learn what I tell men 670 00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:16,680 Speaker 2: on because I have a channel for men as well. 671 00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:19,640 Speaker 2: I tell them being vulnerable will help you expose what 672 00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:20,919 Speaker 2: kind of women you're dealing with. 673 00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:25,719 Speaker 1: Okay, right now, you know, in defense of my women, sisters, 674 00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,600 Speaker 1: my sister women, my sister women, I have to say, 675 00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:31,800 Speaker 1: some of us don't know how to process our emotions 676 00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:34,160 Speaker 1: because we were talked out of them, beaten out of them, 677 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:37,560 Speaker 1: frightened out of them. So we don't even know what 678 00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:40,759 Speaker 1: we're looking at. Because for me, a man in his 679 00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:43,240 Speaker 1: and that's me, I'm old, So pay me no mind. 680 00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:47,759 Speaker 1: A man in his heart and feelings if he can 681 00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:50,719 Speaker 1: articulate it, which is usually where the problem comes. They 682 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,319 Speaker 1: don't have a language for it. They don't know how 683 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:57,120 Speaker 1: to articulate it. That doesn't frighten me as much as 684 00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:01,640 Speaker 1: one who's who says he has no fear, because that's 685 00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:03,720 Speaker 1: the boy that's gonna slit your throat when you sleep, 686 00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:06,359 Speaker 1: and I'll punch you in your eye one day. I'm 687 00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:10,160 Speaker 1: scared of him. One who can't articulate it, I'll struggle 688 00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:12,880 Speaker 1: with you. Let's find a word. But so many women 689 00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:18,799 Speaker 1: are out of their emotional self also, until what else 690 00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:21,759 Speaker 1: gonna do? I just it's just talking about this is 691 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:23,800 Speaker 1: depressingly well. 692 00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:29,560 Speaker 2: This highlights, This highlights the real issue. The real issue 693 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:31,560 Speaker 2: is people lack healings. 694 00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:34,279 Speaker 1: Wait a minute, lait a minute. I would stop right 695 00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:38,000 Speaker 1: there because I'm gonna I want you to come back, 696 00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:41,719 Speaker 1: and that's where we're gonna start. If you've been listening, 697 00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:47,640 Speaker 1: I've been with stefan certified relationship and dating coach, and 698 00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:50,640 Speaker 1: we've been talking about the intricacies, the ins and outs 699 00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:56,360 Speaker 1: of our relationships. Stefan and I will be back next week, 700 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,120 Speaker 1: so we'll see you then. In the meantime, stay in 701 00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:07,719 Speaker 1: peace and not in peace. The R Spot is a 702 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:13,319 Speaker 1: production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more 703 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:18,799 Speaker 1: podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 704 00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,760 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.