Speaker 1: Kutbooms.
Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
Speaker 2: of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to the Clearinghouse
Speaker 2: of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth
Speaker 2: Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 1: In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
Speaker 1: Mahler and Danny g Radio and a happy NFL Sunday.
Speaker 1: The Audio Sweatshop does not stop. We had a very
Speaker 1: sporty edition of this podcast yesterday. I must Danny take
Speaker 1: a shower. We can't do all sporty all the time.
Speaker 1: Fortunately we have the mailbag today and we have football.
Speaker 1: The Lrims and the Jacksonville a couple of four and
Speaker 1: two teams. Don't like the London game, Danny, I don't these.
Speaker 3: Are but London actually gets a couple of decent teams
Speaker 3: to watch.
Speaker 1: In theory. The Rams don't have Puka Nakuah. Your Raiders
Speaker 1: play the Chiefs. That should not be a very competitive game.
Speaker 1: Unfortunately they well, we'll see who knows. That's that's why
Speaker 1: they play the games, that's why they People.
Speaker 3: Have said that in past matchups between those two and
Speaker 3: Max Crosby's all over Mahomes and Kermit goes down and
Speaker 3: Max has another sack and the Raiders intercept Mahomes and
Speaker 3: run it back pick six. Remember that from Jack Jones. Yeah,
Speaker 3: Christmas a couple of years back. But you're right. Usually
Speaker 3: it's just the Chiefs beating up on the Raiders.
Speaker 1: Well, Gino can not throw an interception then, yet shot
Speaker 1: to at least.
Speaker 3: Keep it cute. It'll just limit it to one turnover, Gino,
Speaker 3: just one, just one.
Speaker 1: Just we're at that point.
Speaker 3: Just one.
Speaker 1: Based on records the Rams Jaguars game as mentioned, what
Speaker 1: else is Colts Chargers also record wise five and one.
Speaker 1: Chargers are four and two with Sunday night, what do
Speaker 1: we have the Niners tonight? Yeah, Niners and Falcons.
Speaker 3: Falcons had a big win over the Bills. Though, are
Speaker 3: they for real or was that a mirage?
Speaker 1: Well, normally what the Atlanta Falcons have done is they
Speaker 1: get a big win, then they come back and drop
Speaker 1: a deuce their next game. So we'll see if they
Speaker 1: do that here.
Speaker 3: I'm looking to lose to the Panthers thirty to nothing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we got two Monday night football games tomorrow, the
Speaker 1: game Tampa and Detroit. I'm looking forward to that. That's tomorrow, though,
Speaker 1: that's not that is going to be good. I guess
Speaker 1: Eagles Vikings not terrible. That's not a terrible matchup. Eagles
Speaker 1: and Vikings.
Speaker 3: Eagles need to rebound and the Lions need to rebound
Speaker 3: as well.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, those are some of the games today. But let's
Speaker 1: get to the mailbag. And that means, Ohio, al can
Speaker 1: you please get me in the mood?
Speaker 3: Ohio, Yeah, no more sports talk, man, It's.
Speaker 1: All right, thank you. Yes, we got to get away
Speaker 1: from the sports talk. We're ruining our reputation on the
Speaker 1: Fifth Hour podcast. So Jake in Toledo, the Jake, it says,
Speaker 1: the Jake in Toledo. He writes in these are actual
Speaker 1: letters by actual listeners to the show. People have sent
Speaker 1: their letters in care of Real fifth Hour at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. Has Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: And Jake writes and says, hey, Ben and Danny, did
Speaker 1: you hear that Tigers play by play announcer Dan Dickerson's
Speaker 1: hot mike incident following the a l D s Yes,
Speaker 1: that was great. He did not want to do the
Speaker 1: postgame thing that he had to do. And yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: he says.
Speaker 3: To this is even necessary.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he says, do either you have any memorable hot
Speaker 1: mic incidents of your own or any favorites you've heard
Speaker 1: on a hockey season onto hockey season. Let's go red
Speaker 1: wings from Jake in Toledo. So there have been many
Speaker 1: wonderful hot mic situations. You actually appreciate this, Jake. So
Speaker 1: when I was doing vocal radio in La, the Angels
Speaker 1: had a broadcaster named Mario and Pemba who became a
Speaker 1: Detroit Tigers broadcaster. And it was an Angels spring training
Speaker 1: game and they were starting the spring training broadcast and
Speaker 1: things got completely messed up. Somebody hit the wrong button.
Speaker 1: Mario and Pemble's trying to talk, there's music playing, He's
Speaker 1: trying to scream over the music. It's just a total mess.
Speaker 1: And in a live mic, he says, this is I
Speaker 1: forget exactly what he said. It was like a cluster
Speaker 1: F but he didn't say F. And it was broadcast
Speaker 1: asked on the air, and so I, through sources I
Speaker 1: will not reveal even though the statute of limitations as
Speaker 1: went out. I got my hands on a copy of
Speaker 1: this audio and we played it on the radio, and
Speaker 1: you know, this is before social media and all. That
Speaker 1: we played it on the radio was hilarious, and we
Speaker 1: actually got a cease and desist letter from the Angels
Speaker 1: in Major League Baseball because they were apparently that was
Speaker 1: MLB properties and we were not allowed to.
Speaker 3: But it was hilarious. You were saying the Angels were
Speaker 3: even little bitches back then.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying they did not appreciate they did not
Speaker 1: appreciate the comedic value of that. There was an incident
Speaker 1: at Fox Sports Radio. We were doing the Blitz me
Speaker 1: and Tom Looney on a Sunday, which was a seven
Speaker 1: hour day of radio. I think it was seven I
Speaker 1: We started at ten in the morning, ten eleven, twelve,
Speaker 1: one to the Yeah, we went to seven hours, went
Speaker 1: to four o'clock, did seven hours of radio and one
Speaker 1: of our engineers, I will not name the person, but
Speaker 1: he was not always the most meticulous danny at his job,
Speaker 1: so he also had kind of a limp. So not
Speaker 1: that that matters, but just made the story right. Because
Speaker 1: we were we were doing the show, we go to
Speaker 1: a commercial time out, our engineer kind of hobbles down
Speaker 1: the hall to go get some water. We were in
Speaker 1: the old studio, and five minutes later we see him
Speaker 1: hobbling and like trying to run because apparently he had
Speaker 1: left our microphones on. And myself and Tom liked to
Speaker 1: gossip a lot about the radio, and we were on
Speaker 1: the whole time in the background, like and he was.
Speaker 1: It was Unfortunately we weren't like right on the you know,
Speaker 1: the mics are on, but you're not.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you were just faintly heard in the background.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, And thank god we could only be faintly heard,
Speaker 1: because if you we could actually be heard, that would
Speaker 1: have been the end of my broadcasting career. That and
Speaker 1: Looney as well, that would have been the end of it.
Speaker 1: But yeah, that was That was famous.
Speaker 3: I mean this, it did.
Speaker 1: There have been a bunch a lot of it's recorded stuff.
Speaker 1: Bill O'Reilly. You know, I'll do We'll do a live,
Speaker 1: I'll do a live you know that thing a cy
Speaker 1: case I'm sick and coming in upbeat song and I
Speaker 1: gotta do a dead dog. I gotta do a dog
Speaker 1: a dedication about a dead dog.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: That's so good, so so freaking good. But yeah, stuff happens.
Speaker 1: You know, it's live radio, all right. Next up on
Speaker 1: the mailbag, Kevin in Minneapolis writes in he says, Uh,
Speaker 1: there have been multiple reports of a creepy clown or
Speaker 1: clowns harassing residents in Cloquette, Minnesota, says, but the police
Speaker 1: here locally have not been able to figure out what's
Speaker 1: going on. He says, according to the media here, locals
Speaker 1: have reported on social media seeing clowns that were armed
Speaker 1: with knives. However, the police department has found no suspects
Speaker 1: or anything. And so Kevin says, Ben and Danny, could
Speaker 1: this be where Hayes from Minnesota lives. That's from Kevin
Speaker 1: in Minneapolis. So this guy, I don't know if you
Speaker 1: know Hayes case is a guy that works at a
Speaker 1: cemetery in Minnesota and calls up every so often and
Speaker 1: sounds like a guy that may or may not have
Speaker 1: partaken in some kind of sadistic rituals involving human sacrifice.
Speaker 1: So what do you want me to do, Kevin? Doesn't
Speaker 1: the clown thing pop up every couple of years in
Speaker 1: some town, Danny, where there's like weird clown sightings. Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, yeah, it's not not that unusual. Mike from
Speaker 1: SoCal in Orange writes and says, hey, bandon, Danny, g
Speaker 1: I know you guys both go to Trader Joe's. Whose
Speaker 1: side are you on? As Trader Joe's is being sued
Speaker 1: by Smuckers for ripping off uncrustables? Mike, I support I
Speaker 1: support Trader Joe's, he says, And he says, do they
Speaker 1: have a case?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 1: Yeah, as you know, Mike, I'm not a lawyer, but
Speaker 1: I play one on the radio and podcasting. So they
Speaker 1: have a case. You can sue anybody for anything. Now
Speaker 1: will they win? That's the question. And here's my problem
Speaker 1: with Smuckers on this, Danny. I go to Trader Joe's
Speaker 1: at least once a week to get some kind of
Speaker 1: crap for dinner or whatever. And I didn't even know
Speaker 1: they made these. Now I want to try them, the
Speaker 1: Trader Joe's generic brand uncrustables.
Speaker 3: I want that. Yeah, I will say this, I've tried
Speaker 3: the Trader Joe's version. You have them not as good
Speaker 3: as the Smucker.
Speaker 1: Why what is lacking in it?
Speaker 3: Don't Maybe there's more sugar and the Smucker.
Speaker 1: More chemicals, more sugar more.
Speaker 3: Yes, definitely. Okay.
Speaker 1: Is the Trader Joe's version cheaper? I would think it would.
Speaker 3: Be cheaper, maybe by just a little bit.
Speaker 1: What is the law on that? Because I know that
Speaker 1: if you go to like Walmart or you know, the
Speaker 1: cereal business, there's those ripoff serials.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, the the yellow bag version.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like so that's allowed? What like this isn't allowed that.
Speaker 1: I'm looking at the story here. Mike sent a link
Speaker 1: and it's essentially saying the Smucker's argument is that they
Speaker 1: took Trader Joe's, used the same color palette and a
Speaker 1: similar logo.
Speaker 3: Same formula, and they Smuckers claims that they've spent over
Speaker 3: a billion dollars developing uncrustables the in the good will
Speaker 3: associated with them. The company said in a lawsuit.
Speaker 1: Well, ship, come on, I mean, what kind of bull
Speaker 1: crap if you spent a billion dollars. Listen, when I
Speaker 1: was a kid, we made we made those. I don't
Speaker 1: want the crust mom, Okay, I'll cut the crust off.
Speaker 1: Boom and crustables was born at the Mallor mansion. Why
Speaker 1: didn't my mom get the money? My god, come on,
Speaker 1: it's ridiculous.
Speaker 3: Thanks, Mike.
Speaker 1: I do love Trader.
Speaker 3: Joe's, though, that's a billion dollar idea. Apparently.
Speaker 1: The only problem I have with Trader Joe's as an
Speaker 1: introvert no self checkout. You always have to deal with
Speaker 1: somebody at the checkout counter, and it's always some kind of.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and they train their employees to talk your air off.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: It's always like some woman in her thirties has got
Speaker 1: like pink or purple hair. Oh, you're having pizza. How
Speaker 1: did you figure that out? Because I bought pizza dough
Speaker 1: and tomato sauce, and I bought cheese. I wonder how
Speaker 1: you figured out I'm having pizza for dinner. My god,
Speaker 1: what do you have? You're a psyche.
Speaker 3: Brenda told me she was at Trader Joe's the other
Speaker 3: day and the checker was like a kid in his
Speaker 3: early twenties, and he was asking everybody in line what
Speaker 3: they're favorite animal was Wow.
Speaker 1: Uh there you go?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I asked her. I said, did you tell
Speaker 3: them a liger?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: It's good.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I I recall, Well, mine's the Komodo Dragon. I
Speaker 1: like the Komodo dragon. But the uh remember the trade.
Speaker 1: We did a story on the fifth Hour podcast about
Speaker 1: Trader Joe's and how they train their tellers. They know
Speaker 1: when you go up to a Trader Joe's employee and
Speaker 1: you ask them about a product, like where a product is,
Speaker 1: they'll say, Oh, it's over here, by the way, Have
Speaker 1: you tried this? I just started eating. It's really good.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: They upsell, but they upsell it in a way where
Speaker 1: they make it seem like they're your best friend.
Speaker 3: Yeah. One of the checkers told me, oh, I'll show
Speaker 3: you where the mayo is. Oh my god, I switched
Speaker 3: to it. It's got a lemon flavor to it. And
Speaker 3: that's all I use now is our version of mayonnaise. Like, yeah, okay,
Speaker 3: I had this, got way too excited about mayo.
Speaker 1: I had the same thing at the It wasn't Traded Jo's.
Speaker 1: It was a different grocery store. And there's this specific
Speaker 1: salsa that we get. We have Taco Thursday, not Taco Tuesday,
Speaker 1: Taco Thursday at the Malory Mansion. So there's a specific
Speaker 1: salsa that we love that's our go to salsa. So
Speaker 1: and it's pretty expensive and used it used to be.
Speaker 1: When we started buying it. It was about three dollars
Speaker 1: for container of salsa. Now it's six dollars and forty
Speaker 1: cents for the same container of salce. They must have
Speaker 1: started putting gold in there. So I get the salsa
Speaker 1: and I check out, and this woman's like, oh that's
Speaker 1: the Oh that's such good salsah. She's like God, and
Speaker 1: she's like she's like waxing poetic loquation. It was like
Speaker 1: that she was doing a tribute, a love song to
Speaker 1: the salsa. I was like, just calm down, lady, it's
Speaker 1: it's just a freaking thing of salcea. It's not that
Speaker 1: big a deal. Ferg Dog in Fullerton writes, in that
Speaker 1: winder winter Land and we're almost to the point where
Speaker 1: we're getting those winter tire rack commercials. We'll get those
Speaker 1: in soon. Ferg Dog and Fullerton writes, and he says, hello,
Speaker 1: Ben and Danny g I have a follow up question
Speaker 1: to the origin story of how you became Ben plastic Man.
Speaker 1: That's right, last week we revealed I'm still here. I
Speaker 1: survived my crossover. I have a plastic like senses I do.
Speaker 1: He says, did you bite off a chunk of the
Speaker 1: plastic fork in your mouth? Or did you break apart
Speaker 1: or did it break apart in the bowl and you
Speaker 1: just kind of scooped up the broken part. Great question
Speaker 1: for a dog, good investigative journalism?
Speaker 3: Is it a great question?
Speaker 1: I actually used my powerful chompers and I bit it
Speaker 1: off in my mouth. I bit the fork, the piece
Speaker 1: of the fork off.
Speaker 3: Eating reighty. Who has more impressive chompers? You or Freddie Freeman?
Speaker 1: Freddy's got he should do a dental commercial billboards for
Speaker 1: a dentist. Also, Ferg Do says, by the time you
Speaker 1: open up the mail bag here I sent this obviously
Speaker 1: a couple of days ago, the Dodgers will have swept
Speaker 1: the Brewers. Do you think it will be any consolation
Speaker 1: prize whatsoever for the brew crew that they won all
Speaker 1: six regular season games against the Dodgers? Or do you
Speaker 1: think that they're pretty bummed out right now? That's Ferg Dog.
Speaker 1: So the series ended on Friday. How many of the
Speaker 1: players are in Hawaii, Danny? And how many of the
Speaker 1: players are in Cancun? You want to do a breakdown?
Speaker 1: Do you have a ven diagram, Danny on where the
Speaker 1: Brewer players are on vacations?
Speaker 3: Well, unfortunately your allotted sports talk time has expired.
Speaker 1: Okay, we must move on in the broadcast, I'm sorry
Speaker 1: for a dog. If you want sporty fifth hour, tune
Speaker 1: into Saturday's podcast. It was all sporty, all sporty, all
Speaker 1: the time. Eric writes in from Parts Unknown. He says,
Speaker 1: a love radio and you and Danny g are great.
Speaker 1: It's more personal, more personally, says, get to know you
Speaker 1: as a human being, for better or worse. Your challenge,
Speaker 1: he says, is to identify the words and idioms of
Speaker 1: the week contained herein. It will be difficult for babbling
Speaker 1: nimrods like yourselves. So I guess this is a riddle.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say that the Eric know you as a
Speaker 1: human being, that's an idiom for better or worse as
Speaker 1: an idiom, And that's all I got.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would like to say it's too damn early
Speaker 3: in the morning for riddles.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I do like the use of nimrod though. It's
Speaker 1: a fun word. Nimrod. I should use that word.
Speaker 3: I agree. I like that too, that's a good one.
Speaker 1: I like Dingleberry and Schmendrick. I use those words nimrod.
Speaker 1: I need what do you think the most annoying word is?
Speaker 3: They were talking about this in the studio the other day,
Speaker 3: your boy the vegan. He he said, I think that
Speaker 3: the word moist bothers people the most.
Speaker 1: I have heard people annoyed by the word moist. That
Speaker 1: there's people I've come across normally women get very upset
Speaker 1: by the word.
Speaker 3: Why. I don't know, That's what he was debating with
Speaker 3: some people, like, wellhy are women offended by that word
Speaker 3: or bothered by that word so much? Well?
Speaker 1: The one when you think of words that bother people
Speaker 1: with women, there's a word that starts with a C.
Speaker 3: Danny that I thought, Yeah, yeah, But I mean, how
Speaker 3: about words that aren't meant to offend a woman?
Speaker 1: Yeah, moist is a pretty good one. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: think off the top of my head. I'm not really bothered.
Speaker 1: There's some words I have trouble saying, freak freak like vanilla,
Speaker 1: vanilla No. Eddie used to say, I didn't want to
Speaker 1: say milk. That was which milk? Oh yeah, milk. It's
Speaker 1: the same thing as vanila, the same thing. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: he said, you say your eyes as ease.
Speaker 3: Sometimes I just want to.
Speaker 1: Make sure you're paying attention. That's all I could. I
Speaker 1: could come in here and do the King's English. If
Speaker 1: I wanted to, but I want to be relatable. I'm
Speaker 1: trying to be relatable, Danny. I learned that from the
Speaker 1: great Rick D's radio legend, Rick d'z Ricky.
Speaker 3: Oh in sa Quon you call him sequon? Yeah, why not?
Speaker 1: But Rick Dz would famously Rick D's would record his
Speaker 1: first hour on one oh two point seven Kiss f M.
Speaker 1: And he gave me a hallway lesson on how to
Speaker 1: record audio. He said, Ben, when I record, if I
Speaker 1: make a mistake, I leave it in. And I said,
Speaker 1: why would you do that, Rick, You're recording, He says,
Speaker 1: when people are listening and they hear a mistake, they
Speaker 1: assume that it's live because if it was recorded, you
Speaker 1: would take the mistake out. I said, that's right, Rick,
Speaker 1: I'm making mistakes on purpose, just to be relatable so
Speaker 1: people think it's fresh and live and all that. Next
Speaker 1: up is a person did not sign their name. What
Speaker 1: a schmuck, it says Ben and Danny. Did you see anonymous?
Speaker 1: We'll call the person anonymous. Did you see the NFL
Speaker 1: fan find a hack to drive and watch the game
Speaker 1: at the same time. So this video went viral on TikTok,
Speaker 1: and he sent me a link here, guys driving, he
Speaker 1: put his cell phone on the dashboard. He placed the
Speaker 1: phone on the dashboard, and then the phone screen reflected
Speaker 1: onto the windshield, allowing the man to both look at
Speaker 1: the road and watch the Thursday night game.
Speaker 3: This is from the Eagles Giants game Man Ingenuitive.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have a problem with this. I have a
Speaker 1: problem with this. My problem is, dude, we have a
Speaker 1: way to watch the game and drive. It's called radio.
Speaker 1: Just listen to the freaking game on the radio. It's
Speaker 1: better anyway radio when done right theater of the mind
Speaker 1: a good probably play announced. You don't need to watch
Speaker 1: it and drive. Listen to the freaking game on the radio.
Speaker 3: My complaint about that would be I've had the full
Speaker 3: Serious XM package before, where I can hear play by play,
Speaker 3: but it was too expensive every month, so I cut
Speaker 3: the package down and they took my play by play
Speaker 3: channels away.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't pay for the Serious XM, but I
Speaker 1: know that the Monday night and the Thursday night games
Speaker 1: are broadcast like here in LA I think they're on
Speaker 1: AM eleven fifty I think usually right, So they're on
Speaker 1: the radio. You just have to find the station, your
Speaker 1: local Westwood one affiliate, and they'll.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're your old school AM radio, like you get
Speaker 3: the search button on your AM.
Speaker 1: Anything to save a buck, anything to save a buck, Danny,
Speaker 1: I will save. I will go to great lengths to
Speaker 1: save Lucky Tony writes in on the mail bag here
Speaker 1: on the fifth hour on this NFL Sunday Week seven,
Speaker 1: which began back on Thursday with the ben Gals up
Speaker 1: adding the Pittsburgh Steiers. Lucky Tony writes and says one
Speaker 1: word ground and fucking pound Saints nineteen Bears sixteen. Lucky
Speaker 1: Tony says, what was the best style of ball one
Speaker 1: of your teams played in any sport? Bash Brothers baseball,
Speaker 1: rich gannon air assault, he says, take care of fellas, Bears.
Speaker 1: That's from Lucky Tony. So he's talking about style. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well the Clippers, listen, they didn't win, but the Lob
Speaker 1: City Clippers were. Boy were they fund?
Speaker 3: Man?
Speaker 1: Were they fund? And for me, the Rams. I hate
Speaker 1: saying this because I wasn't a Rams fan at the time.
Speaker 1: The greatest show on turf in Saint Louis when they
Speaker 1: were putting up those huge point totals that Kurt Warner
Speaker 1: and Tory Holt and Marshall Falk and they were electric
Speaker 1: and unfortuate.
Speaker 3: Man, I don't mean to interrupt you, but I hate
Speaker 3: to say this, but you're allotted sports talk time. That's expired, right.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry about that. We must move on on the broadcast.
Speaker 1: I thank you for that though. Quang rights in from
Speaker 1: Ho Chim in Vietnam. He says, Big Ben and Daddy
Speaker 1: g in honor of Newbie Night. I asked my friend
Speaker 1: VJ to follow the Ben Maler Show podcast and to
Speaker 1: write a review. He says, By the way, what happened
Speaker 1: to the backscratcher? It's a great point.
Speaker 3: Then we used to do this, yeah, dude, And it's
Speaker 3: funny that he says that, because I saw a random review,
Speaker 3: a five star review complimenting the both of us. And
Speaker 3: this was long after you used to ask for those.
Speaker 3: So somebody just randomly put a review up, and I
Speaker 3: was like, Ben used to ask listeners for those.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we used to beg for those, and we stopped
Speaker 1: because it.
Speaker 3: Was you used to beg for those. You were you
Speaker 3: would say give me five stars, and I'd say, if
Speaker 3: you think Ben deserves it, it's more like a two
Speaker 3: or three.
Speaker 1: Oh no, we need we here we are. It's October.
Speaker 1: What is October nineteenth today? And we have not gotten
Speaker 1: a review on the podcast since May second. May second.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but we didn't ask for that one. On May second,
Speaker 3: we did not. We did not. That's a win.
Speaker 1: So if you want to get if you would like
Speaker 1: to help us out, podcast dot Apple dot com and
Speaker 1: then type in the fifth hour and type that in
Speaker 1: the fifth hour with Ben Mattlin and you can help
Speaker 1: us out the stars. Oh my god, this is We're
Speaker 1: over nine hundred episodes. You've been with me most of it.
Speaker 1: I did it with Gascon for a while, but this podcast,
Speaker 1: I didn't even notice. I have to go to the
Speaker 1: podcast page to find out when we started doing the podcast.
Speaker 1: I started in twenty nineteen. So this is this is
Speaker 1: year six of the podcast. Wow, that's what on twenty
Speaker 1: six years at your seven?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I've been here a long time. That's wild. That's a
Speaker 1: lot of podcasts. Holy crap. All right, Scott from Florida
Speaker 1: right since says I first listened to you driving home
Speaker 1: late nights from work in San Francisco to Pacifica, California.
Speaker 1: In twenty sixteen. You were calling the Cubs chokers and
Speaker 1: historical losers. Not your most original content, but right up
Speaker 1: there with your most honest content. As a lifelong Cubs fan,
Speaker 1: I was drawn in by your honesty, though I later
Speaker 1: figured out it's because you were a Dodger homer, which
Speaker 1: leads me to these Los Angeles questions. Have you written
Speaker 1: the Clipper championship monologue already? Is it pre recorded? In
Speaker 1: case you're already dead when it happens? He says, how
Speaker 1: many days in a row do you think you'd run
Speaker 1: a Clipper theme monologue? Would Coop just call in sick
Speaker 1: all week? That's Scott now living in Florida. Well, first
Speaker 1: of all, Scott, I don't prepackage my Mallard monologues. They
Speaker 1: happen organically.
Speaker 3: I wait.
Speaker 1: As we mentioned in a podcast this weekend, Danny read
Speaker 1: and react, that is the case. And I'm a good winner.
Speaker 1: I like losers more than winners. I don't handle winning
Speaker 1: very well. Since I've been on the air, the Dodgers
Speaker 1: have won the World Series hardest World Series of all time.
Speaker 1: In twenty twenty, the Clippers reached the final four, the Rams.
Speaker 3: The final foot.
Speaker 1: They did Rams have won the Super Bowl.
Speaker 3: So no, Ben Ben, I'm so sorry, I don't mean
Speaker 3: to interrupt you, but you're allotted sports talk time. That's
Speaker 3: way expired.
Speaker 1: Airpoint. Let's move on ALF from the pair shop right
Speaker 1: since says greetings, gentleman, he says, recently the ALF mobile
Speaker 1: has been in the blue tent. So how out of
Speaker 1: sorts are you when driving your spouse's car or when
Speaker 1: you drive someone else's vehicle that's from from ALF. So
Speaker 1: the mallor the wife has the good car, I've got
Speaker 1: the beater car, as we call it. So I drive
Speaker 1: a car which is you know, it's getting it's old,
Speaker 1: it's got a lot of miles on it, but I
Speaker 1: don't really care. I don't feel like spending eighty ninety
Speaker 1: one hundred thousand dollars on a car. We have a
Speaker 1: third car, which is not really a dependable third car.
Speaker 1: The reason we have a third car we had the
Speaker 1: original Malamobile, the blue one that Steve Harvey this is
Speaker 1: the one Danny, remember, Steve Harvey said, that's a good
Speaker 1: looking color for that car. He really liked that color.
Speaker 1: So that's the original Malormobile that Steve Harvey gave the
Speaker 1: thumbs up to with his armed security guard when he
Speaker 1: was walking into the Premiere Network studios years ago. We
Speaker 1: kept that car as a third car, except we neither
Speaker 1: one of us trusted, so in one of the cars
Speaker 1: is in the shop, we turned to that car. It's
Speaker 1: supposed to be our around town car. Danny, you don't
Speaker 1: want to go more than like five miles from the
Speaker 1: house in that car.
Speaker 3: It's the guard the way. He liked the color, but
Speaker 3: just not the car, so he got that color for
Speaker 3: his next Lamborghini.
Speaker 1: It's actually a Bentley, but yeah, no, so we have
Speaker 1: that and I do drive my wife's car. She on
Speaker 1: the weekends, I'll drive it. Whatever we go out, we
Speaker 1: take her car.
Speaker 3: It's not does she have trash in both sides of
Speaker 3: the doors.
Speaker 1: She does not clean the car as I would like
Speaker 1: the car to be cleaned.
Speaker 3: Yeah, neither neither does my better half. It's like a
Speaker 3: it's like a mobile trash unit. The only time she
Speaker 3: empties it is when she actually gets gas, and while
Speaker 3: she's pumping the gas, she'll throw it all away in
Speaker 3: one big heat.
Speaker 1: My wife also has an amazing ability of parking the
Speaker 1: car wherever there are birds. So I have to take
Speaker 1: the car to you know, get the car washed because
Speaker 1: there's always bird shit all over the side of the car,
Speaker 1: and there's nothing like trying to get into the car,
Speaker 1: and the birds have strategically shit right where the handle is,
Speaker 1: you know. I you have to pull the handle to
Speaker 1: get in the car. And you're like, oh my god.
Speaker 3: Oh you can't let that stay on the paint. That's
Speaker 3: horrible for your paint.
Speaker 1: I know. I when I see it, Danny, I take
Speaker 1: it and get it washed and all that, and that's
Speaker 1: you know, that's my that's my thing. But yeah, so
Speaker 1: you you and your wife, you you have the same
Speaker 1: issues right with the car.
Speaker 3: I mean, I have a muscle car. She doesn't like
Speaker 3: driving it. She says it's too low to the ground.
Speaker 3: She has the family mobile that has a good car
Speaker 3: seat in it, and she's rough on cars, so there's
Speaker 3: no way she could have the kind of car I have.
Speaker 3: I watch every scratch or scrape on my car, keep
Speaker 3: my car spotless. Her car, as I before mentioned, looks
Speaker 3: like a like a dumpster Starbucks from three weeks ago.
Speaker 3: And I get it. CoA is in the back seat
Speaker 3: and he's like throwing bananas on the floor and he's
Speaker 3: squirting apple sauce on the seat and it's a big mess.
Speaker 3: And then when she goes to get him out of
Speaker 3: the car, he's crying and he's unhappy because he was
Speaker 3: locked in his damn car seat. So she leaves messes behind.
Speaker 3: And then when it comes to a head, I need
Speaker 3: to take it to the damn car wash because it's
Speaker 3: gross at this point, and it takes me a good
Speaker 3: hour just to vacuum out the inside.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, the kid thing is, you're gonna have to
Speaker 1: wait till co is thirty before that. That's not a.
Speaker 3: Kids ruin everything.
Speaker 1: Yeah, kids and old people they're blessing.
Speaker 3: Though they're blessing. Just don't let the little mongrels in
Speaker 3: your car.
Speaker 1: Are you reading off parentcloche dot com? Is that what
Speaker 1: you're reading? Barry in South Carolina rights and says Yo Yo, Ma,
Speaker 1: Benny and Danny G. Have you guys ever heard of
Speaker 1: the she wi? This is a device that allows women
Speaker 1: to peece standing up. Have your women ever used one?
Speaker 1: That's from Barry in South Carolina. That's so I've heard.
Speaker 3: Of the shei Wi. No, I don't.
Speaker 1: As far as I know, I don't know anyone that's
Speaker 1: used the shei Wi. I feel like this more of
Speaker 1: a gag gift. Do you think someone actually uses it,
Speaker 1: like on a regular basis. I think it's a woman
Speaker 1: out there that actually it's like, I got my SHEI wi,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to the urinal in the men's room
Speaker 1: and use my she.
Speaker 3: What is that? Around Christmas time they called a white
Speaker 3: elephant gift? Yes, yes, that would be good for that.
Speaker 3: And I'd love to have one on hand so that
Speaker 3: when Brenda acts like she's running, I can just hand
Speaker 3: that to her and be like, I've had it.
Speaker 1: Enjoy knock yourself out right, all right, that's funny. Good
Speaker 1: to hear from Barry. It was cool meeting Berry. He
Speaker 1: put together set up the malard meat we did in Charleston,
Speaker 1: South Carolina. Had a great time. My niece still lives
Speaker 1: Barry in Charleston. She graduated from school there at the
Speaker 1: University of Charleston or whatever it was called there. And yeah,
Speaker 1: she's still living. She's out of school and living her
Speaker 1: life in South Carolina. I thought Berry's trying to move
Speaker 1: though maybe not. We'll find out in the next episode.
Speaker 1: Last one. Angelo in Sundayego, Hello, Angela, I don't think
Speaker 1: you've emailed before, it says Ben and Danny. He says,
Speaker 1: I heard you talking about North Carolina and they're talking
Speaker 1: to Saudi Arabia for money this week, and I saw
Speaker 1: this story. I wanted to get your thoughts on it.
Speaker 1: He says. How far will the US sporting world go
Speaker 1: in flirting with Saudi Arabia. He then sends me a story.
Speaker 1: Angela's in San Diego. The Holiday Bowl, which is a
Speaker 1: bowl game played in San Diego every year, said officials
Speaker 1: met in Saudi Arabia this spring about moving the Holiday
Speaker 1: Bowl to the Middle East. Saudi Arabia.
Speaker 3: See now, I'll let this go because this is more
Speaker 3: about money than it is sports.
Speaker 1: But the ACC didn't want to move the game, so
Speaker 1: the Holiday Bowl will remain in San Diego. So he
Speaker 1: wants to know our thought that this is next level
Speaker 1: and there really is no end to it. Angelo, Roger
Speaker 1: Goodell's talked about playing a Super Bowl away from the
Speaker 1: United States, and people say, well, they'll play the game
Speaker 1: in London because the NFL does business in London, or
Speaker 1: they'll play the game in Japan because there's a lot of.
Speaker 3: Money in Japan.
Speaker 1: Like I would say, it is the most appealing and
Speaker 1: arousing for the NFL owners Saudi Arabia because the amount
Speaker 1: of money that the NFL could get to sell this.
Speaker 3: How about Dubai, You think it could go there.
Speaker 1: Well, no, it's all about the Saudi Arabian Public Investment Fund.
Speaker 1: The reason all these guys are going to Saudi Arabia
Speaker 1: is because they're trying to use the great oil money.
Speaker 1: This is as I read this months ago, maybe years
Speaker 1: ago now and in the story. So the Saudis have
Speaker 1: all this money. It's the Saudi Arabian Public Investment funds
Speaker 1: called PIFF Public Investment Fund. It is worth over nine
Speaker 1: hundred billion dollars. They have nine hundred million dollars in assets.
Speaker 1: They're the ones behind they're the ones behind the live golf.
Speaker 1: It's the Sovereign Wealth Fund of Saudi Arabia. It is unpressant.
Speaker 3: Did the same ones who paid Tom Brady to throw
Speaker 3: the football for flag?
Speaker 1: Yes, it's the Kingdom there. They're sports washing. They're trying
Speaker 1: to change their reputation. They're the ones that had the
Speaker 1: Washington Post reporter killed like they've done, according to what
Speaker 1: I run the internet, some terrible things. And so they're
Speaker 1: trying to spreend the money to change the reputation and
Speaker 1: all these sports. If the NFL said, hey, I know
Speaker 1: you asked me Angelo about this Bowl game, the Holiday Bowl,
Speaker 1: but just play this out. If Roger Gell and the
Speaker 1: owners went to Saudi Arabia, so listen, how about fifteen
Speaker 1: billion dollars? How about forget that, how about thirty two billion,
Speaker 1: one billion for each team in the NFL, and we'll
Speaker 1: give you a Super Bowl And they've got nine hundred
Speaker 1: and twenty five billion. Do you think Saudi Arabia would
Speaker 1: give the NFL thirty two billion dollars for a Super Bowl?
Speaker 1: The host in riodd Saudi Arabia.
Speaker 3: I bet they would. What if they bought our network
Speaker 3: and they told you, okay, we're going to raise your
Speaker 3: salary by ten million dollars. What if your takes aren't
Speaker 3: hot enough, you might get jumped in the parking garage.
Speaker 1: Boy, that's uh. I just think I'm not their type
Speaker 1: of talk shows, Danny. I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1: I don't think they'd really be into me as a
Speaker 1: talk You don't know what I'm saying. I was born
Speaker 1: into a family they might not like. But but yeah,
Speaker 1: it's crazy. They see these everyone in sports is a whore.
Speaker 1: We're all kind of whores in one way or another.
Speaker 1: But it's just wild to see, Like when you look
Speaker 1: at the reputation of Saudi Arabia and all these people
Speaker 1: like Bill Belichick, if that story is correct, sending Mike
Speaker 1: Lombardi to Saudi Arabia with a briefcase to try to
Speaker 1: pitch these people to send them money.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, at some point people are going to
Speaker 3: have to put their foot down and say there are
Speaker 3: some things more important than money. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's one of those things, Danny, Like back in
Speaker 1: our day, Danny, we're getting old, but we were kids, right,
Speaker 1: This was a thing we were taught that, you know
Speaker 1: some things that you can't you can't put a price on.
Speaker 1: And I feel like that's gone away. All right, we'll
Speaker 1: leave it there. NFL today, and I got the Rams
Speaker 1: coming up here in a little bit and then with
Speaker 1: the rest of the card, I'll be on tonight. You'll
Speaker 1: be on this, Danny. Anything else you want to promote, book,
Speaker 1: comedy club, anything you're doing, any kind of gets you
Speaker 1: want to promote here, any appearances, nothing, Okay?
Speaker 3: Oh, but you know what I'm putting together today while
Speaker 3: I watch NFL football, I ordered a pool for Coha,
Speaker 3: because it's getting too cold for him to be out
Speaker 3: on the patio where he's got one of those plastic
Speaker 3: pools from like Target. Yeah, so on Amazon, I had
Speaker 3: to find like a luxury little blow up mini spa
Speaker 3: because this kid is so spoiled. He likes to sit
Speaker 3: in warm water and play with his pool toys. That's awesome. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I'll take a picture. So he's basically gonna sit in
Speaker 3: this warm little mini jacuzzi in the living room like
Speaker 3: he's Biggie Small's.
Speaker 1: Daddy. That's like dad of a year territory right there.
Speaker 1: That's that's impressive.
Speaker 3: Man.
Speaker 1: He'll appreciate that when he's like forty, he'll appreciate that's
Speaker 1: that's awesome.
Speaker 3: And like his cabana boy, I keep coming over with
Speaker 3: buckets of warm water to warm the water up.
Speaker 1: That's awesome. Hey, you gotta live your best life, man,
Speaker 1: you gotta enjoy.
Speaker 3: Man, Someday I want to be waited on like that.
Speaker 1: Well, that's the thing. When when he's forty, you'll be
Speaker 1: the one in the pool, Danny, you'll be feeding apple sauce.
Speaker 1: Maddy g here's some apples.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: We'll get out of that day we'll catch you next
Speaker 1: week on the podcast.
Speaker 3: And all that. We'll see you then. Austa Pasta gotta murder,
Speaker 3: I gotta go.