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Speaker 1: I do not like the way the young girls are

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Speaker 1: dressing these days. They show everything.

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Speaker 2: Mira los tempos and cambiallo they hell us. Besides, you

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Speaker 2: could learn a thing or two about fashion from them.

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Speaker 2: Try wearing something other than your bata.

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Speaker 1: I know, but I like my bata.

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Speaker 3: Senora Yora, Senora, Senyora, Senora, Senora, senorita, Senora, Senora Ai

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Speaker 3: Senora s So what Senora Senora Yora sa Senora, Hi, Senora.

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Speaker 4: Welcome to the Senora sex Ed.

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Speaker 2: Senora sex Said is not your mommy's sex talk. This

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Speaker 2: show is la platica like you've never heard it before.

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Speaker 2: We're breaking the stigma and silence around sex and sexuality

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Speaker 2: in LATINX communities. Latinas have been hyper sexualized in popular

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Speaker 2: culture but notoriously denied sex education. This podcast is an

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Speaker 2: intergenerational conversation between Latinas from gen X to gen Z.

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Speaker 2: We're covering everything from puberty and body image to representation

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Speaker 2: in film, television and media.

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Speaker 1: And by the way, before we go any further, let's

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Speaker 1: define how we are using the word senora on this podcast.

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Speaker 1: We know many of you are in your so called

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Speaker 1: Senora era, and in this show we believe that a

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Speaker 1: senora is a woman with a lot of life experiences

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Speaker 1: and stories to share. Maybe she's in her thirties, maybe

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Speaker 1: she's in her forties, fifties or older. Maybe she's trans,

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Speaker 1: maybe she sis, Maybe she's a mother, maybe she's not.

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Speaker 1: We are your hosts and producers, Viosa and Mala.

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Speaker 2: You might recognize us from our flagship podcast, look Atra Radio.

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Speaker 2: We've been podcasting since twenty sixteen, and since then we've

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Speaker 2: covered all kinds of topics, ranging from politics, to mental health,

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Speaker 2: current events, and of course sex. But we still have

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Speaker 2: so much to learn, which is why we're excited to

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Speaker 2: bring you Senora Sex said. We hope you listen to

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Speaker 2: each episode with the senoras and senoritas in your life.

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Speaker 4: Look one, Chapter two.

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Speaker 1: Be gentle to women.

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Speaker 4: Don't forget to humanize the woman, you know, because we don't.

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Speaker 4: We don't. We just villainize. And we learned that from

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Speaker 4: our theas and our aurulas, because they learned it from

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Speaker 4: their theas and there our weilas. That's Aiva Rodriguez. She's

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Speaker 4: a Puerto Rican Dominican stand up comedian, actor, writer, and humanist.

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Speaker 4: You'll hear about her experience growing up in a religious

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Speaker 4: household and how she internalized and externalized shame.

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Speaker 2: Before you hear from Ida, we want to discuss some

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Speaker 2: of her own experiences with misogyny and religion.

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Speaker 1: When I think about misogyny and religion, I am taken

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Speaker 1: back to eighth grade religion class and our religion teacher

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Speaker 1: at the time having a conversation with all the eighth

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Speaker 1: grade girls, sitting us down and explaining that when we

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Speaker 1: went on field trips off campus that the girls we

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Speaker 1: needed to do our hair and make ourselves look presentable

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Speaker 1: because the boys in our class. This is a direct

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Speaker 1: quote that I will never forget, because the boys in

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Speaker 1: our class wanted to be proud of their women, and

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Speaker 1: so so as not to embarrass the eighth grade boys,

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Speaker 1: the eighth grade girls we needed to step up and

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Speaker 1: make ourselves more presentable.

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Speaker 2: My memorable experience dealing with both the intersection of misogyny

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Speaker 2: and religion is also in the eighth grade with my

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Speaker 2: eighth grade teacher. Now picture this, We're twelve years old.

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Speaker 2: The hormones are raging through our bodies. We start to

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Speaker 2: be like flirty with the boys, We start to be playful.

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Speaker 2: We even start to kind of sit on each other's laps,

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Speaker 2: and it's very scandalous for the eighth grade teacher, and

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Speaker 2: to do that at a Catholic school. So what our

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Speaker 2: eighth grade teacher decides to do is one Friday where

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Speaker 2: we have like an early dismissal the last twenty minutes

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Speaker 2: of class, she decides she's going to play a slide

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Speaker 2: show about abortion. She was showing us late stage abortions

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Speaker 2: and it was very graphic and it was horrifying. And

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Speaker 2: I remember connecting the dots and thinking she's trying to

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Speaker 2: scare us so that we act right and we get

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Speaker 2: in line, or we're going to have one of these

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Speaker 2: abortions if we don't stop.

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Speaker 4: Now I can look.

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Speaker 2: Back and recognize she was showing us misinformation.

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Speaker 4: Doctored photos.

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Speaker 2: That was very impactful for me and I'll never forget it.

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Speaker 1: For all of our listeners, we want to provide a

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Speaker 1: trigger warning before you hear from Iva. Throughout this interview,

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Speaker 1: you'll hear mentions of sexual abuse and violence. Please take

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Speaker 1: care of yourselves and pause if you need to. Iva

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Speaker 1: speaks about how growing up in a religious household shaped

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Speaker 1: her perception of sex and sexuality.

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Speaker 4: I grew up very religious. It was very It was

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Speaker 4: very confusing. I was born into Catholicism. Later my family

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Speaker 4: became Pentecostal, my mom mainly, and then my grandmother converted

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Speaker 4: to Seventh Day Adventism. So I was somewhere between those two.

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Speaker 4: And you know, I wasn't allowed to wear pants, I

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Speaker 4: couldn't shave my legs, I could have cut my hair.

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Speaker 4: Sex was something we didn't talk about.

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Speaker 2: I know, was baptized into Catholicism, but grew up with

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Speaker 2: different sex within Christianity. She believes her mom used religion

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Speaker 2: to find something within herself.

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Speaker 4: I was born into Catholicism because I was baptized Catholic

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Speaker 4: with a baddino and a mandina anda Catholic Church, and

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Speaker 4: they did the whole thing, the Pentecostal religion. I think

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Speaker 4: my mom was My mom had a very she just

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Speaker 4: had a very troubled and tormented life. She also was abused.

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Speaker 4: She was always trying to get out of home because

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Speaker 4: her abuser was in the home. And so I think

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Speaker 4: religion was somewhere that she would turn to feel I

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Speaker 4: don't know, Holly, to feel you know, pure and clean,

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Speaker 4: because so much was taken from her, and I think

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Speaker 4: that she was looking for salvation and trying to She

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Speaker 4: had been told so many problematic things about sin and sex.

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Speaker 4: I think she was trying to find an answer. There

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Speaker 4: was a lot of shame about having children with different fathers,

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Speaker 4: children out of wedlock, and I just think that the

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Speaker 4: women in my family were always trying to find, you know,

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Speaker 4: just to be made whole mad, you know, make an

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Speaker 4: honest woman of you through religion and going to church

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Speaker 4: and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: Ida's grandmother and her mother both became moms at a

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Speaker 1: very young age. This contributed greatly to the information that

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Speaker 1: received while growing up that, along with being sexually abused,

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Speaker 1: forced to mature very quickly.

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Speaker 4: My mom was a teen pregnancy. My grandmother was a

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Speaker 4: teen pregnancy, but it was just for my grandmother was normal.

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Speaker 4: She was from Puerto Rico, and she got pregnant the

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Speaker 4: first time when she was thirteen, she had her first child.

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Speaker 4: So for me, I learned about sex first and foremost

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Speaker 4: through being sexually abused, because I was sexually abused when

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Speaker 4: I was very little, and then through the misinformation of

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Speaker 4: people around me. As a result of those things, just

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Speaker 4: you know, awakening something in me that I wasn't ready

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Speaker 4: for mentally, I don't know if I was riding my

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Speaker 4: bike and just panicking because I was spotting and I

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Speaker 4: thought that my hymen broke, and I was like, they're

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Speaker 4: gonna kill me, you know, because I didn't have sex.

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Speaker 2: Do you remember being warned about your hymen as a

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Speaker 2: young girl? Well, what is a hymen? Anyway to answer

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Speaker 2: that question, we're getting a house call from obg y

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Speaker 2: N Doctor Rodin.

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Speaker 5: Oh La senor as I'm Rodin, MD, calling in to

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Speaker 5: talk to you about the hymen, oh emen. I'm a

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Speaker 5: resident physician specializing in obstetrics and gynecology. Now, before we

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Speaker 5: continue with our call, this informational segment should not be

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Speaker 5: interpret as official medical advice, and if you have any concerns,

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Speaker 5: always consult with your medical provider. Now, let's talk about

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Speaker 5: an emin and do some myth busting around the hymen

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Speaker 5: and the concepts of virginity. Now, well, it is the hymen.

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Speaker 5: The hymen is a normal anatomical remnant. It's a little

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Speaker 5: piece of skin that's left over from the development and

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Speaker 5: it's right at the entrance of the vagina. Now, at

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Speaker 5: the time of puberty, the hymen is supposed to naturally

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Speaker 5: regress in order to allow for menstrual blood flow to

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Speaker 5: come out of your body. In many cultures throughout the world, however,

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Speaker 5: a quote unquote intact hymen is considered to be a

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Speaker 5: sign of virginity. However, the reality is that the hymen

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Speaker 5: really doesn't have anything at all to do with virginity,

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Speaker 5: and in fact, if the hymen does not regress, nothing

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Speaker 5: can go in, but also nothing can come out, which

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Speaker 5: can cause some major medical problems. For instance, your hymen

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Speaker 5: is still intact at the time of puberty, you will

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Speaker 5: not be able to have blood flow or menstrual blood

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Speaker 5: flow come out of your body. That can cause a

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Speaker 5: backup of blood, which can cause some lower abdominal pain,

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Speaker 5: it can cause infection, it'll of course cause the lack

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Speaker 5: of a period, and sometimes this even requires surgical correction.

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Speaker 5: So if your hymen has regressed normally and you don't

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Speaker 5: have one, it doesn't mean that you're not a virgin

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Speaker 5: or that you have had sex. It just means that

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Speaker 5: your body did exactly what it was supposed to do.

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Speaker 5: Virginity is a social construct, but it is not a

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Speaker 5: medical concept. You want your hymen to break, it's meant

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Speaker 5: to break, and it has nothing to do with having sex.

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Speaker 5: So when you do have reaplatica with the singoititas in

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Speaker 5: your life, don't focus on the hymen. Instead of you

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Speaker 5: using scare tactics, focus on actual sex education, including consent,

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Speaker 5: the use of contraceptives, STI prevention, pregnancy prevention, and making

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Speaker 5: sure that young people in your life are emotionally ready

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Speaker 5: to take that next step. So don't be afraid to

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Speaker 5: use tampons, and ladies, don't be afraid to ride your bikes.

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Speaker 1: When Iva was in middle school, her school did provide

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Speaker 1: a form of sexual education, but she was not allowed

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Speaker 1: to participate.

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Speaker 4: And my mom didn't want me to do it because

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Speaker 4: my stepfather was like lag effect that like if she goes,

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Speaker 4: which it was absurd. I just remember my mom saying,

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Speaker 4: you know, she, first of all, you told me sex

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Speaker 4: was painful. She also told me that it was going

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Speaker 4: to lead to pregnancy and it was going to ruin

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Speaker 4: my life. And then they told me about lay and

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Speaker 4: fed medales. But there was no technical talk about you know,

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Speaker 4: how it happens. It was just off, fear based and

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Speaker 4: I don't think anything there was anything constructive that came

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Speaker 4: out of that conversation because then it made me, made

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Speaker 4: me even more afraid and awkward with boys.

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Speaker 2: Ida eventually started dating and had sex for the first time.

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Speaker 2: She had no intention of telling her mother, but her

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Speaker 2: mother found out anyway.

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Speaker 4: When my mother found out that I lost my virginity,

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Speaker 4: she physically beat me. She beat me like I was,

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Speaker 4: you know, somebody on the street. It was like a beatdown.

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Speaker 4: It was I can't believe you did this. Your value

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Speaker 4: is automatically gone down. Nobody's gonna want to marry you,

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Speaker 4: my boyfriend told her. She asked, and he told her

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Speaker 4: the truth because he was like, I'm going to marry her,

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Speaker 4: so I want to be honest without nobody consulted with

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Speaker 4: me though. That was the He didn't tell me he

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Speaker 4: was gonna tell her. She didn't tell me, she was

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Speaker 4: gonna ask him. She went into She went in to

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Speaker 4: speak to him, and they asked. She asked me to

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Speaker 4: step away, and then had the conversation with him privately

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Speaker 4: about me. They both had this ownership over me. That

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Speaker 4: was I mean, eventually ran me away, but it was yeah.

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Speaker 4: They had a conversation and she was like, are you

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Speaker 4: having sex with my daughter? He was like, I am

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Speaker 4: having sex with your daughter. And he didn't know he

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Speaker 4: thought he was being honorable and she was going to

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Speaker 4: respect that. And I was like, bro, you have no idea.

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Speaker 4: And yeah. We got in a car and my uncle

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Speaker 4: was driving. My cousin was in the car. We sat

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Speaker 4: in the back and she beat me. The whole ride

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Speaker 4: was She cried, how could you do this to me?

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Speaker 4: You know, how could you do this to you? We

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Speaker 4: got to keep this a secret. We can't let your

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Speaker 4: dad know. It was just a mess. It was a lot.

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Speaker 1: I thus family was keen on shielding her from sexual education,

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Speaker 1: yet they were very invested in her maintaining her virginity.

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Speaker 4: I was the second coming, the hope that my mother

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Speaker 4: didn't fulfilled, because my mother also lost her virginity without

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Speaker 4: before getting married, she got pregnant. I had so much

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Speaker 4: pressure on me to right all the wrongs of all

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Speaker 4: the women before me, and it was very hypo. I'm like,

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Speaker 4: you weren't a virgin. You weren't. Did you get married?

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Speaker 4: Why does it have to be me?

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Speaker 2: We hope you're enjoying this conversation. Stay tuned, there's more

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Speaker 2: to come.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for sticking around.

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Speaker 4: We are back.

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Speaker 2: Either felt the pressure to be a ninya buena, but

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Speaker 2: did she actually go in that direction or did she

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Speaker 2: resist it.

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Speaker 4: I battled a lot with what was nature versus nurture.

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Speaker 4: I think that instinctively, I am just pretty monogamous and

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Speaker 4: pretty calm in my ways, and I just struggle with

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Speaker 4: that because I don't know if that's they beat me

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Speaker 4: into that, or if it was that's just who I

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Speaker 4: was gonna be. Anyway, Did I go through my wild phase? Yeah?

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Speaker 4: I did. I did go through a wild phase, but

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Speaker 4: it didn't involve, you know, having multiple sex partners. It

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Speaker 4: was really about going out, drinking, hanging out, going to

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Speaker 4: the clubs, dating different people. I went through this phase

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Speaker 4: where I went on a date. I went on like

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Speaker 4: eight dates with eight different NBA players, you know, just

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Speaker 4: to flex to say that I could. I didn't have

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Speaker 4: sex with any of them, because I just I realized

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Speaker 4: that after the first date that's what they wanted. I

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Speaker 4: was like, oh, they they they buy in dinners for sex.

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Speaker 4: But it was like a flex for me to say

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Speaker 4: that I didn't have sex with any of them, And

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Speaker 4: I was like, why is that a Why do I

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Speaker 4: feel like that's a flex? What makes me does? How

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Speaker 4: does that make me? But special? But then I realized

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Speaker 4: that it's all those views of all that stuff that

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Speaker 4: they tell us to be able to say, I went

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Speaker 4: out with eight guys in the NBA, and I never

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Speaker 4: had sex with any of them, as if that makes

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Speaker 4: the person who did have sex. You know, it's all

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Speaker 4: that stuff has just been I'm unpacking it even to

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Speaker 4: this day.

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Speaker 1: I'd just share so much about internalizing the shame. She

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Speaker 1: was taught from a young age. She and the other

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Speaker 1: girls around her were also taught to shame one another.

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Speaker 4: These two little girls that had come from Cuba, and

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Speaker 4: culturally they were very different than the Puerto Ricans on

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Speaker 4: the block, right, because Puerto Ricans it's very common that

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Speaker 4: Puerto Ricans don't let their daughters cut their hair till

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Speaker 4: they're fifteen and shave their legs. It's a lot of religious,

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Speaker 4: a lot of Pentecostal, a lot of kojake, a lot

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Speaker 4: of that in there. And these Cuba girls that came,

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Speaker 4: they were already wearing makeup and like short shorts and

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Speaker 4: you know, feeling good in their little bodies. They were

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Speaker 4: just little, pretty little girls. And I was told not

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Speaker 4: to play with them because they looked like hoes, you know.

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Speaker 4: And sampletikas is what they would say they didn't want

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Speaker 4: me hanging out with those little girls because of the

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Speaker 4: way that they you know, the way that they presented.

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Speaker 4: They were wearing little short shorts. I wasn't allowed to

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Speaker 4: wear shortshorts as they had makeup on and all that stuff.

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Speaker 4: And I remember being told that I wasn't like them,

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Speaker 4: you know, that they were gonna, you know, they were

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Speaker 4: gonna be a problem in life, and they were gonna

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Speaker 4: give their parents a headache. And then the turn happened

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Speaker 4: one day when I found out that their mother didn't

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Speaker 4: want them playing with me. My mother had children that

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Speaker 4: had different fathers, and they were talking about my mom

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Speaker 4: and slut shaming my mom. Then I jumped in and

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Speaker 4: I was like, man, these hoes are talking about my mom.

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Speaker 4: You know this is me. I was a little kid,

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Speaker 4: and I just remember their mother walks around with all

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Speaker 4: this tight clothes and she's sleeping with somebody's husband. Like

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Speaker 4: I knew. We all knew the tea because we were everybody.

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Speaker 4: Nobody ever censored around the kids, and it was just

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Speaker 4: all this love shaming going around, and it was just

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Speaker 4: it was so toxic, and the only people who paid

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Speaker 4: the price were the women and the girls. You know,

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Speaker 4: body else was a villain ever, it was always us

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Speaker 4: if you cheated. If a man cheated on his wife

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Speaker 4: is because the woman trapped him into cheat, you know

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Speaker 4: what I mean. It was just never, ever, ever a

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Speaker 4: man's fault. Everything was always the girls.

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Speaker 2: Quick reminder for our listeners, there will be discussions of

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Speaker 2: sexual violence. Please take a break if you need to.

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Speaker 2: Eva approaches her writing and comedy with radical honesty, but

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Speaker 2: does she approach sex and sexuality the same way.

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Speaker 4: I'm getting there. You know, I also was raped. So

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Speaker 4: I also had during a time that was when I

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Speaker 4: was feeling my power and I've never really talked about this,

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Speaker 4: but I feel safe. I had and the moment where

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Speaker 4: I was getting a divorce and I was getting feeling

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Speaker 4: my own power and I'm gonna do what i want

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Speaker 4: to do and I'm gonna start going out, I was

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Speaker 4: violently raped, and so kind of set me back a

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Speaker 4: little bit because for I blamed myself. I also, you know,

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Speaker 4: was going through oh this is what happens when you're

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Speaker 4: out here wilding out, and all of that stuff kind

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Speaker 4: of set me back a little bit, if I'm honest,

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Speaker 4: and I had to regroup and start all over again.

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Speaker 2: Stay tuned, there's more to come.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for sticking around.

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Speaker 4: We are back.

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Speaker 1: Eva described growing up with her kids. Her relationship with

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Speaker 1: both of her children has taught her a lot about

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Speaker 1: her own beliefs.

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Speaker 4: I have a daughter, you know, and my daughter and

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Speaker 4: I have had a lot of challenges around this because

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Speaker 4: I was I tried to impose some of those beliefs

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Speaker 4: on her, and she doesn't subscribe to that the way

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Speaker 4: of thinking, and she has her own way of seeing things.

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Speaker 4: And I learned a lot from her.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 4: She's been my greatest teacher about issues that have to

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Speaker 4: do with sex. You know. I grew up with my kids,

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Speaker 4: and so I remember asking my son what tea bagging

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Speaker 4: was because I didn't know. He was like, he grabbed

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Speaker 4: me by my hand and kissed me on my forehead.

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Speaker 4: He was like, oh, my little mommy, like it's such

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Speaker 4: a baby like he's he was like, you know, like

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Speaker 4: because he was like, I could see the innocence in me,

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Speaker 4: and he sat me down and he told me. But

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Speaker 4: they've been my greatest education because I didn't I didn't

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Speaker 4: get that at home. But I have very honest conversations

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Speaker 4: about sex.

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Speaker 2: I the attempted to have her own version of la

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Speaker 2: platica with her daughter. Here's how it went.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I was also very uncomfortable, and she said that

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Speaker 4: it was very tok sick, and she told me that

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Speaker 4: it was you know, she was like, it was just

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Speaker 4: a mess. It was just a mess. And I thought

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Speaker 4: I was doing something because it was it was a

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Speaker 4: progress from my mother. But I think my fears were

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Speaker 4: in there as well, and I don't think that. You know,

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Speaker 4: my daughter was already getting sex education at school and

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Speaker 4: she was coming home talking about what herpes was, and

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Speaker 4: I was like, oh my god, what are you getting

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Speaker 4: this from? What is this about. We've had such a

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Speaker 4: journey about this because they've they've both helped me unpack

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Speaker 4: so much of this and release some of the guilt

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Speaker 4: and shame that I think that even physically made me

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Speaker 4: sick because I was, you know, having these horrible periods

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Speaker 4: and all this pain and all this trauma. And I

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Speaker 4: feel that it has to do with the emotional all

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Speaker 4: the emotional root of it all.

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Speaker 1: What was it like for either to get this kind

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Speaker 1: of feedback from her daughter.

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Speaker 4: I felt attacked, But through time, yeah, and therapy, just

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Speaker 4: going to myself to therapy because she would also she

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Speaker 4: was also in therapy. But yeah, there was a lot

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Speaker 4: of unhealthy views that I had that just I mean,

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Speaker 4: I even you know, to this day, I'm like, where

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Speaker 4: did that come from? Like where did where does this?

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Speaker 4: Where's the root of all of this? Like my moms

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Speaker 4: who told her that, you know, you know, logically it

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Speaker 4: doesn't make sense, but but for some reason, when you

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Speaker 4: put religion into it, you know there's there's a way

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Speaker 4: to get the get the information to people to receive it,

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Speaker 4: so that through fear and all that stuff.

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Speaker 2: I then wrote a memoir titled Legitimate Kid, which details

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Speaker 2: her life, her hardships, and how she's transformed pain into laughter.

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Speaker 2: Since publishing her first book, she came to these realizations.

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Speaker 4: Well, when I finished writing that book, I had a

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Speaker 4: lot of physical ailments and I was told by my therapist,

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Speaker 4: my physical therapist, Mama Sous that I had trauma trapped

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Speaker 4: in my body and it was trying to work itself out.

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Speaker 4: Because I have finally let some of that stuff out

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Speaker 4: writing that book and talking about that whole thing about

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Speaker 4: us finding legitimacy, you know, as a Latina, as a

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Speaker 4: Puerto Rican Dominican, as a woman, there was so many

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Speaker 4: different factors in many avenues of how I was trying

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Speaker 4: to find my legitimacy. I think that I really had

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Speaker 4: to put it to rest, and it was the best

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Speaker 4: thing that I could have done for myself is to

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Speaker 4: finally put that down and say I am legitimate. I

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Speaker 4: don't need this validation. And meeting my father was really

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Speaker 4: the stamp on that, because meeting him didn't answer questions,

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Speaker 4: it just gave brought up more, you know, And so

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Speaker 4: I was just like, oh, this idea of what needing

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Speaker 4: other people to give me their stamp has driven me

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Speaker 4: to so many dark places, you know, even like being

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Speaker 4: in a relationship with somebody having sex with them and

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Speaker 4: not liking the sex and feeling obligated to stay with

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Speaker 4: the person because it's the honorable thing to do because

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Speaker 4: you already had sex with them. Like I was just

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Speaker 4: like where did that come from? Like I have a

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Speaker 4: right to just be happy and say I'm good, you know,

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Speaker 4: I don't want to do this anymore. This whole idea

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Speaker 4: that I can't rack up numbers, you know, like, oh,

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Speaker 4: but that's another person. Like all of that stuff just

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Speaker 4: was like like I washed away in a river and

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Speaker 4: just being able to walk away from something and saying

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Speaker 4: this doesn't serve me, I don't want to do. This

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Speaker 4: is something that I was having a real hard time doing.

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Speaker 4: And I feel that now I don't feel that way anymore.

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Speaker 4: Like now I feel like I want my life and

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Speaker 4: I want to have agency and ownership, and I think

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Speaker 4: being able to get that out of my system was

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Speaker 4: really helpful.

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Speaker 1: I that's relationship with her children has evolved in the

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Speaker 1: same way that her relationship with her own mother has

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Speaker 1: also changed.

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Speaker 4: My mo I was here for six months staying with me,

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Speaker 4: and my daughter taught my mother about agency and they

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Speaker 4: would go on walks and I had a talk with

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Speaker 4: my mom. I was on the phone with her, and

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Speaker 4: I just remember her saying, well, I can do that

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Speaker 4: because I have agency. And it's because she learned it

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Speaker 4: from much she received it from my daughter. So I

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Speaker 4: think that, you know, she told my mom what toxic

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Speaker 4: masculinity is, and you know, just things that I don't

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Speaker 4: think she would have heard from us from her children,

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Speaker 4: but she heard it from my daughter.

434
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Speaker 2: There seemed to be parallels between the grandmother granddaughter relationships

435
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,960
Speaker 2: and I thus family. Aya was close to her grandmother

436
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,720
Speaker 2: and now Ada's daughter is able to be honest and

437
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 2: teach her own grandmother a thing or two.

438
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,400
Speaker 4: My daughter is my mother's favorite person because my daughter

439
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:51,639
Speaker 4: is very truthful with her and I was too afraid

440
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,160
Speaker 4: to ever be that with my mom. But she would

441
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 4: be like, no, Grandma, that's not okay for you to

442
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 4: say that about people. That's not okay. You shouldn't say that.

443
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 4: That's not nice. And this is why where me, it

444
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 4: would be like, I can't wellet you deal said that.

445
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,640
Speaker 4: You know, it's just a very different She has some

446
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 4: patience with my mom. But she can also tell my mom,

447
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:12,320
Speaker 4: I don't want to talk right now. Is that if

448
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:16,480
Speaker 4: that's okay? I need some space? And then, you know

449
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 4: that used to be framed in my family as white

450
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 4: people shit. They'd be like, oh, that's not white people's stuff.

451
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:23,440
Speaker 4: How are you going to tell your mom you don't

452
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 4: want to talk right now or your grandmother? And now

453
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 4: my mom will be like, I don't want to talk

454
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,720
Speaker 4: right now? Can I call you back later? And I'm like,

455
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 4: oh good.

456
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 1: Either received lessons and feedback from her daughter, But has

457
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 1: AIDA's mother also been receptive to feedback from Aina.

458
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:44,720
Speaker 4: She feels guilty and it taked for her to face it.

459
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:47,199
Speaker 4: So if she owns it, she has to face it.

460
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,439
Speaker 4: But she's a lot more receptive to it than she

461
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 4: was before. You know, she's also done a lot of

462
00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 4: reading and done a lot of work, and gone the

463
00:26:56,040 --> 00:27:00,720
Speaker 4: therapy and been in programs. And I think that, you know,

464
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 4: my mom has a very different way of moving in

465
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 4: the world because of her circumstances that I don't think

466
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:10,560
Speaker 4: I would have survived the things my mother went through.

467
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,640
Speaker 4: I think I probably would have taken my own life.

468
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,080
Speaker 4: I don't know that I would be able to and

469
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 4: God forgive me, or the Most High or the universe,

470
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 4: the saints, the ancestors, whoever it is that's in charge.

471
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:25,959
Speaker 4: I feel that I say that because I didn't have to,

472
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 4: you know, even though my daughter was like, your life

473
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 4: is kind of tough too, my man, like, I don't

474
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 4: know what makes you think that yours? You always feel

475
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,679
Speaker 4: like your stuff is not ever as tough as other people.

476
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:39,960
Speaker 4: My mom has a hard time dealing with it. And

477
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,439
Speaker 4: I Commndor for the effort that she's made and the

478
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,400
Speaker 4: apologies that she's made, and to be able to say

479
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 4: I didn't know, I was so sorry. You know, because

480
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:53,159
Speaker 4: I have friends who will tell me their parents have

481
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:57,080
Speaker 4: never apologized to them, their whole lines. And my mom

482
00:27:57,119 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 4: has been able to sit down with me and we've

483
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 4: cried together. She said I was just so wrong.

484
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 2: Iva shared so much about her personal journey with sex,

485
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,720
Speaker 2: sexuality and learning to be kind to other.

486
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 4: Women, women, be gentle with other women. I think that

487
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 4: it makes me want to cry. I want to think

488
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,879
Speaker 4: about it because I think that we've been conditioned and

489
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:23,880
Speaker 4: socialized to hate one another. And it's a lot of projection.

490
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 4: It's a lot of what we're feeling about ourselves projecting

491
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:28,200
Speaker 4: it onto others.

492
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:28,919
Speaker 6: You know.

493
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 4: I remember being younger, you know, I moved here with

494
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:38,200
Speaker 4: two kids in my early twenties, divorced and just being

495
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 4: so hard on other women because I thought that I

496
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:46,200
Speaker 4: had that pick me energy, like, you know, wanting to

497
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:50,520
Speaker 4: just I wanted men to approve of me so much

498
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:53,480
Speaker 4: that I would diss other women because I would be like,

499
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:57,440
Speaker 4: I'm not like them, And that's so harmful to others.

500
00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 4: But it's so harmful to yourself because if you give

501
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:03,640
Speaker 4: them the power to feed you, you give them the

502
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,400
Speaker 4: power to starve you. And it's such a it's such

503
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 4: a double edged sword. So I just women. I always

504
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:16,480
Speaker 4: say poor women. This is my phrase, because women are

505
00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 4: in a constant battle on a daily basis, and you know,

506
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:26,160
Speaker 4: you throw in race and ethnicity and economic situation. We

507
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 4: don't need to pour more trauma onto each other because

508
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 4: it it does just boomerang back onto us. When you

509
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 4: talk about virginity and you talk about sex, and you

510
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 4: talk about relationships and adultery, don't forget to humanize the woman,

511
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 4: you know, because we don't. We don't. We just villainize.

512
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:49,480
Speaker 4: And we learn that from our theas and are our

513
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,200
Speaker 4: welas because they learned it from their theas and they're

514
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 4: our welas. And we have to start a new dialogue

515
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 4: so that the little babies that we love right now

516
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:04,440
Speaker 4: and have a world that nurtures them into growth, into

517
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:07,240
Speaker 4: their best selves, because it just keeps going.

518
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 1: If after talking to Iva today, it has me thinking

519
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 1: about how important it is to not only be gentle

520
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:26,240
Speaker 1: with ourselves, but like Eva mentions, being gentle with other women,

521
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:30,479
Speaker 1: you never know when you're passing judgment on another person,

522
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 1: how or when that judgment will be passed right back

523
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 1: to you.

524
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 2: In the next episode of Senora Sex said, we hear

525
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:44,120
Speaker 2: from mother and Daughter duo Sizzle and Goco.

526
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 4: No I.

527
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:07,840
Speaker 2: Thank you for listening to Senora Sex Said nos Vermos.

528
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 1: Senora Sex Said is a production of Loka Thora Productions

529
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,240
Speaker 1: in partnership with Iheartsmichael Dura Podcast Network.

530
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 2: Executive producers are Mala Munios and Theosa Fem.

531
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:25,240
Speaker 1: Senora Sex Said is also executive produced by Giselle Banseth.

532
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:33,000
Speaker 2: Produced by Stephanie Franco, Creative director Mala Munjos, story editor Medosa.

533
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:34,920
Speaker 1: Music producer Brian Gazzo.

534
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 6: Music director Grisol Lomeli.

535
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 4: Three