1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,880 Speaker 1: Hey guys, welcome to this week's episode of the PhD podcast. 2 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:08,200 Speaker 1: It's your Girl, M and A And I cannot believe 3 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:10,920 Speaker 1: I am saying this, but this is the last episode 4 00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:14,800 Speaker 1: for twenty nineteen. This is a rewind episode of I 5 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:18,479 Speaker 1: Am a Psychotherapist. And during this episode, I interviewed my 6 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,400 Speaker 1: therapist and she is just so fucking fired, y'all. Like, 7 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,079 Speaker 1: I am so happy that I found her in July, 8 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:26,119 Speaker 1: and this could not have been a better decision for 9 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,680 Speaker 1: me to take better care of myself, take better care 10 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:32,120 Speaker 1: of my mental because niggas be fucking trying it. Um, 11 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:34,159 Speaker 1: So I really do hope that this episode inspire you 12 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:38,720 Speaker 1: all for to invest more in yourself. UM, thank you 13 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,720 Speaker 1: all so much for rocking with me. I started this 14 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:43,680 Speaker 1: episode January the eighth, or not this episode. I started 15 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,840 Speaker 1: this podcast January the eighth, and here we already semmit 16 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,479 Speaker 1: thirty one and I just cannot be more related on 17 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:52,680 Speaker 1: the support that I've been receiving for all of my 18 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: professional home girls out there. So please, if you're listening 19 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:57,640 Speaker 1: to this, if you want to show me some love, 20 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:01,880 Speaker 1: showing me some appreciation, please leave review on the Apple 21 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:06,880 Speaker 1: um podcast app only on iPhones. UM d on me. 22 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,000 Speaker 1: I have a phone number where you all can text me. 23 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:12,279 Speaker 1: That's coming soon and there's so many more exciting things, 24 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:15,080 Speaker 1: So if you have any questions, comments and concerns, please 25 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:18,800 Speaker 1: email me at Hello at the pH G podcast dot com. 26 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 1: And happy fucking new year, y'all. I cannot believe you 27 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 1: are about to be in twenty and I know what 28 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:31,319 Speaker 1: they say clear vision, So let's get it until next time, guys. Later, Welcome, come, 29 00:01:33,120 --> 00:02:08,560 Speaker 1: you are now listening to the Professional Hey, guys, welcome 30 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,360 Speaker 1: to this week's episode of the PSD Podcast. Is girl 31 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:14,639 Speaker 1: eban A and I'm very excited about this week's episode. 32 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:18,440 Speaker 1: Before we begin, let's do a little housekeeping. Please follow 33 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:21,000 Speaker 1: me on Instagram at the Professional home Girl, at the 34 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:24,960 Speaker 1: PSD podcast, and last but not least, at eban a Beauty. 35 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:26,920 Speaker 1: Please keep in mind that all of my guests are 36 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: not unless so let's begin this week's episode. So, I'm 37 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,320 Speaker 1: so excited to interview my guest this week. I think 38 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,480 Speaker 1: this episode is long overdue, but I want to make 39 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:39,880 Speaker 1: sure she was the one. I am interviewing my therapist, 40 00:02:39,919 --> 00:02:41,720 Speaker 1: so I know a lot of my listeners have reached 41 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,480 Speaker 1: out to me and I have shared her information so 42 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:47,040 Speaker 1: if you are interested and or if you like after, 43 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 1: if you like what you're here after this conversation, you 44 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,239 Speaker 1: can always hear her email me at hello at the 45 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:55,280 Speaker 1: Professional Homegirl dot com. I think you're gonna really like 46 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:59,200 Speaker 1: this episode, so you're ready, So I'm ready. So my 47 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:03,440 Speaker 1: first question is how were you introduced to therapy? So? 48 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:07,520 Speaker 1: I was actually introduced to therapy in two different ways. 49 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:12,040 Speaker 1: One was I attended a transfer high school when I 50 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,960 Speaker 1: was in my crazy days back in the days. Um, 51 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 1: what's your crazy days? Girl, We're getting into it already. UM. 52 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 1: So I was a kid that couldn't stand going to 53 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,280 Speaker 1: school and I would cut school all the time. And 54 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:29,519 Speaker 1: I took myself, well, you know, registered myself into another 55 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,480 Speaker 1: high school because I know that the one high school 56 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,080 Speaker 1: I was in was not working out, which was Bush 57 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 1: for High School. Um, And I found out about like 58 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,440 Speaker 1: this kind of outreach program, and me and my girlfriend 59 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,040 Speaker 1: went over here and signed ourselves out. And a part 60 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:45,040 Speaker 1: of the program was like giving kids classes that they 61 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 1: actually would be interested in. So like instead of like 62 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,480 Speaker 1: a regular math class or English, we got like, um, 63 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:54,920 Speaker 1: political government classes, we got psychology. And one of the 64 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,640 Speaker 1: teachers in there was a psychologist and he was talking 65 00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:01,400 Speaker 1: about like, um, how he just helped people transform their 66 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 1: lives and you know, healed through their pain and things 67 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,360 Speaker 1: like that. And I used to be so mesmerized by him. 68 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 1: So I think I was like seventeen and I was like, oh, 69 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:12,000 Speaker 1: when I get older, I want to be a psychologist. Um. 70 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 1: But I got kicked out of that school and as 71 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:17,479 Speaker 1: it last very long, um, but then I, you know, 72 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,920 Speaker 1: life kind of just kept taking this course and I 73 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:24,680 Speaker 1: eventually had my son. Um, got my g D. Just 74 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:27,120 Speaker 1: put it out there. I got my g D. You 75 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:29,520 Speaker 1: have a son? Yes, I had my son at nineteen, 76 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:34,320 Speaker 1: got my g D. Enrolled in BMCC, and I had 77 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,160 Speaker 1: like switched my major so many times and different things, 78 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,000 Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, why can't I just get it? 79 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,520 Speaker 1: Why can't I just graduate? And kind of like a 80 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,200 Speaker 1: lightbulb moment went off, was like what are you good at? 81 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,400 Speaker 1: And I was like, well, I'm good at talking to people. 82 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:51,120 Speaker 1: So I registered for like a human service class and 83 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:54,160 Speaker 1: started like seeing counseling classes and stuff like that, and 84 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,360 Speaker 1: I was like I like this. So I was like, okay, 85 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:59,680 Speaker 1: so my goal could be like something in counseling. And 86 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,640 Speaker 1: I was kind of the start of that. That was 87 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 1: one part. The second part was just going through my 88 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:09,280 Speaker 1: own traumas and childhood traumas. UM I started to see 89 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 1: a therapist, like early in my twenties, mid twenties, um 90 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,200 Speaker 1: and she was a Buddhist and Bluddist therapist, so very 91 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 1: different from like white American therapist that we see right, oh, 92 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:22,840 Speaker 1: white ladies sitting in front of you you, Like, but what 93 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:25,600 Speaker 1: do you think about that? She was really into like 94 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,520 Speaker 1: let's larn some meditation, you know, let's really have some 95 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:33,920 Speaker 1: cleansing activities and releasing ceremonies and things like that. And 96 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,960 Speaker 1: um I was like, this is the kind of therapist 97 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:38,320 Speaker 1: like I want to be. I want to do some 98 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,520 Speaker 1: kind of counts and work like that. So that was 99 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:42,920 Speaker 1: the sort of like me realizing that I could be 100 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,000 Speaker 1: a very different therapist and go into therapy. So what 101 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:49,200 Speaker 1: was the turning point for you to actually become a therapist? 102 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:55,599 Speaker 1: Um I graduated with my social work license in twenty twelve. 103 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 1: I think it was wow, so long ago, um And 104 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:02,479 Speaker 1: I was working in a clinic. Um I actually let 105 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 1: me rewind that. So I graduated from school and I 106 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:06,640 Speaker 1: was working in a high school. I always worked in 107 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,440 Speaker 1: high schools as a social worker, a counselor or something 108 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:12,360 Speaker 1: like that. And I kept saying like, I really want 109 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 1: to do something different. I want to do something different. 110 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:18,080 Speaker 1: And I remember telling my friend like, I want a 111 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:21,360 Speaker 1: part time job doing something like in the counciling field. 112 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:25,160 Speaker 1: And I'm very intuitive about just like the university and 113 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,360 Speaker 1: president of my life and things happening for a reason. 114 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:30,080 Speaker 1: And I kept telling my friend. I was like, Yo, 115 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:31,680 Speaker 1: I need to get a suit. I need to go 116 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:33,159 Speaker 1: buy a suit. I feel like I need to have 117 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,240 Speaker 1: a suit. And she was like what, and I was 118 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 1: like yes, And I was like, well, I feel like 119 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,039 Speaker 1: I need just a suit, like an interview suit. I 120 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:42,520 Speaker 1: always have like slacked in a you know, top or whatever. 121 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,760 Speaker 1: So I went to and I handle money at that time. 122 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:48,919 Speaker 1: I'm with J C. Penney, get me like a three 123 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:52,960 Speaker 1: piece suit for all of fifty dollars. Right, And as 124 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,640 Speaker 1: soon as I got in my car, this woman called 125 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 1: me and was like, hey, we've seen your information on 126 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:01,000 Speaker 1: LinkedIn and she it's like, we want you to come 127 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,800 Speaker 1: in for an interview to be a psychotherapist. Right as 128 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,680 Speaker 1: soon as I got in the car, and I was 129 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 1: like what. So I went and I interviewed and I 130 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,800 Speaker 1: got the job as a psychotherapist, and she was like, 131 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,080 Speaker 1: you know, this is your job duties, whatever, this is 132 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:15,640 Speaker 1: your caseload. And I was just like, oh my god, 133 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,760 Speaker 1: so this is the start of it. And then at 134 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:19,600 Speaker 1: the same time one of my friends was like, oh, 135 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,400 Speaker 1: so you're gonna be doing therapy shops, Like I got 136 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,200 Speaker 1: two little kids for you to work with and you 137 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:24,760 Speaker 1: could do therapy with them. And I was a play 138 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:28,680 Speaker 1: therapist at the time. UM. And that started, like my 139 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:32,200 Speaker 1: private practice, and then I started my clinical job at 140 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 1: the same time at my high school job. All at 141 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:37,400 Speaker 1: the same time. She is such a hustler, y'all. We'd 142 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,680 Speaker 1: be like strategize on things that I can do. Another like, wow, 143 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,920 Speaker 1: like how do you balance everything? Because she really be 144 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 1: doing every single thing. Um, what would you say is 145 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:49,000 Speaker 1: the most challenging part about your job? Because you've been 146 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:52,320 Speaker 1: doing this for how long? I've been doing this maybe 147 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 1: as a as a counselor social worker since about two 148 00:07:56,160 --> 00:08:02,040 Speaker 1: thousand and ten, two thousand nine, um and my private 149 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:05,120 Speaker 1: practice going on four years this year. UM. I was 150 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:09,040 Speaker 1: doing clinical work maybe about four years back. UM. So 151 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,120 Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe tempathy yet so far yeah, my 152 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,440 Speaker 1: math is not good at all. UM, That's why I'm 153 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:16,920 Speaker 1: a good therapist. It's not a good mathematician. So who 154 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:19,160 Speaker 1: would you think what's the most challenging part about your job? 155 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:25,800 Speaker 1: It is finding a way to relieve or alleviate some 156 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,800 Speaker 1: of the stuff that you take in. So I've heard, 157 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 1: I mean, some of the most traumatic life stories and 158 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,920 Speaker 1: things like that, and being able to give that to 159 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:38,079 Speaker 1: someone or not absorb it into my own spirit. So yes, 160 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,280 Speaker 1: I want to be a healer for people, but knowing 161 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 1: how to also heal myself and know when it's time 162 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:46,040 Speaker 1: for me to shut off. UM. The other thing is 163 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,520 Speaker 1: I feel like when you're good at what you do 164 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:50,800 Speaker 1: and you really put your heart into it, so many 165 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:55,120 Speaker 1: opportunities pop up, and knowing which your opportunities are for you, right, 166 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,320 Speaker 1: Because you can be like I just want the money, 167 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,839 Speaker 1: I just want to do this, But if you really sit, 168 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,320 Speaker 1: I can think about and be very intentional. You know, 169 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,320 Speaker 1: you have to say which opportunities are for you. So 170 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,559 Speaker 1: I think those two things for me one being able 171 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 1: to you know, be em pathetic um and hold space 172 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:13,120 Speaker 1: for people, but also learning how to um, you know, 173 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,679 Speaker 1: be able to bring out some space for myself will 174 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:18,080 Speaker 1: open up some space for myself too. How do you 175 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,440 Speaker 1: remove yourself from like, because I feel like you're like 176 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:23,200 Speaker 1: a sponge inousnce, So how do you remove yourself from 177 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:27,719 Speaker 1: soaking in somebody traumatic experiences? Um? So, one of the 178 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:31,280 Speaker 1: things is I meditate a lot um. I also pray 179 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,560 Speaker 1: a lot um when I come into my office. I 180 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:38,880 Speaker 1: meditate about just being able to receive people's energy in 181 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:41,439 Speaker 1: their traumas, but also to be able to cut off 182 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:45,640 Speaker 1: that space because if I get so wrapped into people's stuff, 183 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,880 Speaker 1: now I'm just your friend, right, we're crying together. So 184 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,120 Speaker 1: I got to make sure that there's also a certain 185 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:55,760 Speaker 1: level of my professionalism that comes in, um me being 186 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,080 Speaker 1: a therapist and the skills that I have being able 187 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,600 Speaker 1: to come into So I try to, you know, kind 188 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,360 Speaker 1: of balance that out. Yeah, so what do you love 189 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,200 Speaker 1: most about being a therapist? I feel like you're just 190 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 1: so cool, And I thank you because it's so hard 191 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,680 Speaker 1: trying to find like a really good therapist that you 192 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,679 Speaker 1: can look at and like really listen to. So I 193 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:16,840 Speaker 1: feel like, and I know you really love your job. 194 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:18,480 Speaker 1: So I think it makes it easier for me to 195 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:19,760 Speaker 1: be like, all right, let me just open up and 196 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:21,880 Speaker 1: tell how I feel about things, So like, what do 197 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 1: you love about it? I love that I get to 198 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,640 Speaker 1: be on a journey with people and their healing. Um. 199 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:31,120 Speaker 1: I remember when my therapist was on a journey with 200 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 1: me through my healing, and I feel like sometimes people 201 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,240 Speaker 1: have no one at all, and being able to be 202 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:39,600 Speaker 1: that person for someone and see them at their best 203 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:43,200 Speaker 1: when they can't see their selves in that space. So 204 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:45,800 Speaker 1: sometimes I have clients that are like, I don't have 205 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:49,240 Speaker 1: a friend at all, or I don't have any goodness 206 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 1: in my life at all, and me being able to say, 207 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,719 Speaker 1: but I can see you when you have that U 208 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:57,240 Speaker 1: and knowing that I can sometimes be that phone call 209 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,240 Speaker 1: where people are like I just feel like I want 210 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,319 Speaker 1: to end it right out, and I'm like, just give 211 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,440 Speaker 1: me a call, right, let's just talk about it together. 212 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,040 Speaker 1: So being able to watch people in their journey and 213 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,560 Speaker 1: experience their journey, but being able to see them after 214 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,080 Speaker 1: when things are totally different and they get all the 215 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:14,880 Speaker 1: things that they want in life. What are the misconceptions 216 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:18,920 Speaker 1: about therapy. I think people think the main thing is 217 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,800 Speaker 1: have to be crazy. Um, you know, we always like 218 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:24,000 Speaker 1: I'm not crazy, So I don't think I need therapy. 219 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:27,160 Speaker 1: Therapy is not about being crazy, um. It is about 220 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,839 Speaker 1: being able to have a person that you can give 221 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:32,680 Speaker 1: you know, the things that are not okay for you, 222 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:36,400 Speaker 1: the unhealthy behaviors in your life. The trauma is a dysfunction. 223 00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:39,120 Speaker 1: Is being able to sit with someone that can um 224 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:44,440 Speaker 1: see your situation um for you right or extract you know, 225 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:46,680 Speaker 1: your your problems and things like that, and show you 226 00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:49,840 Speaker 1: that it's not you, but it's the problem at hand. Um. 227 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:52,719 Speaker 1: So I think that and I totally got off the 228 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:56,080 Speaker 1: question my biggest obstacle. I'm like, I'm going on and on. 229 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:00,680 Speaker 1: So the biggest obstacle for me, you know, what's a 230 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:07,280 Speaker 1: misconceptions about therapy? I'm looking at my question. I think 231 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:12,880 Speaker 1: the other misconception is financiers like therapy costs a lot. 232 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,240 Speaker 1: If you you know, if you get a really good therapist, 233 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,520 Speaker 1: you're gonna pay to three hundred dollars um. I think 234 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,040 Speaker 1: a lot of reasons people don't go to therapy, yes, 235 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,520 Speaker 1: and I think finding a good therapist, they always find 236 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,640 Speaker 1: a way to have a sliding scale, right, because they 237 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:29,560 Speaker 1: want to reach everyone a sliding scale. Just care for 238 00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:32,680 Speaker 1: those who don't know what sliding scale is. When they 239 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:36,679 Speaker 1: open up their session rates, so it slides from a 240 00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 1: lower rate to a higher rate, and then the client 241 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,400 Speaker 1: gets a chance to choose what feels good for them. 242 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,440 Speaker 1: So it's a lot of trust in that too, because 243 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,360 Speaker 1: you can say to a client like, you know, I 244 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,400 Speaker 1: trust that you're going to give me a fair amount. 245 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,679 Speaker 1: My sliding scale starts from you know, eighty dollars to 246 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,280 Speaker 1: one hundred and whatever. And I have a lot of 247 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:55,680 Speaker 1: clients I feel as super honest that will be like, no, 248 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,640 Speaker 1: I want to pay the top rate because I make 249 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,360 Speaker 1: enough that I can afford that. So it allows people 250 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:04,400 Speaker 1: to slide in either direction based on their income. But 251 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,199 Speaker 1: do you feel like a lot of therapists offered the 252 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,560 Speaker 1: sliding skille because before I met you, I was looking 253 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:10,480 Speaker 1: for a therapist and not to not find anybody that 254 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:14,160 Speaker 1: was flexible with the rate with their rate. I don't 255 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,160 Speaker 1: think a lot of them do I think now people 256 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:19,000 Speaker 1: especially women of color. Yes, I think now people are 257 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:22,200 Speaker 1: seeing like, yeah, I can do it, But I don't 258 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:23,560 Speaker 1: think a lot of them do it. I have a 259 00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:25,200 Speaker 1: couple of friends that do it and they're like, no, 260 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,719 Speaker 1: I see the benefit in it because I also want 261 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:30,360 Speaker 1: to be sure that everyone is able to get therapy. 262 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,720 Speaker 1: And that's my biggest reason for doing it because I'm like, 263 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,439 Speaker 1: everyone gets to go, Like, everyone gets to go to therapy, 264 00:13:35,559 --> 00:13:38,400 Speaker 1: and it shouldn't be financial. And you know as your 265 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:42,400 Speaker 1: reason why you can't heal yourself. So what do you 266 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:46,120 Speaker 1: think seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients and therapy. 267 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:50,520 Speaker 1: Being able to be open and being able to trust. Um, 268 00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:54,120 Speaker 1: when you come from a background of trauma. Right, so 269 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 1: let's think of sexual abuse. UM. As black and brown people, 270 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,480 Speaker 1: we deal with a lot of like, UM, people who 271 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:03,800 Speaker 1: are dishonest. Um, you know they lie to us, they 272 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,640 Speaker 1: still they cheat, parents who tell us where not saying 273 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,720 Speaker 1: things like that. And now I come in the room 274 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:10,839 Speaker 1: and someone's gonna tell me that I get to have 275 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:14,280 Speaker 1: a good life. Really seriously like going through all of this. 276 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,199 Speaker 1: So being able to trust the process and say I'm 277 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,960 Speaker 1: just gonna come in and be open. Um, I'm also 278 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:23,720 Speaker 1: gonna allowest person to know my deepest, darkest things because 279 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 1: they can help me fix that. UM. Being able to 280 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:33,240 Speaker 1: be I think like optimistic that life can change, right. 281 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,680 Speaker 1: And I have some people that have come to therapy 282 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,120 Speaker 1: for a really long time, and I'll say to them 283 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:41,360 Speaker 1: like I don't think we're moving forward because there is 284 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,440 Speaker 1: no optimism in this. And I told somebody that before. Yes, 285 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:47,040 Speaker 1: I mean I've come on everyden, you sit with me 286 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:52,400 Speaker 1: all the time, and I will wrote up and awkward conversation, 287 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:54,720 Speaker 1: but I gotta do it. We had a session. What 288 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,800 Speaker 1: was that Friday or Saturday? Yeah, yo, she got in 289 00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,920 Speaker 1: my ask. Yeah, I was really coming to come in 290 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,520 Speaker 1: to um this session. I was like, yeah, I don't 291 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:03,320 Speaker 1: have anything to talk about, like everything is going good 292 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,400 Speaker 1: and stuff. And I don't know what made the conversation 293 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,720 Speaker 1: go into the direction we win it, but man, she 294 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:12,600 Speaker 1: really got you really got on my asset, and I 295 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,480 Speaker 1: was almost on the verge of crying. I was like, no, 296 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:20,440 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna like yes, so I've had and I 297 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:23,360 Speaker 1: am not the therapist that would just want to take 298 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,720 Speaker 1: your money, like if we're not moving forward, I'm gonna 299 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,240 Speaker 1: tell you so. And there's been times that I've gotten 300 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,480 Speaker 1: into it with a client because they're like, no, I'm 301 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,240 Speaker 1: not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that, and 302 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:36,080 Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, so we've hit our mark of how 303 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,160 Speaker 1: you can grow right if you don't want to open 304 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:41,200 Speaker 1: up and you don't feel like you want to allow 305 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 1: me to hold space for your emotions, We're not going 306 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,000 Speaker 1: to move forward. We're just gonna sit here and look 307 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,160 Speaker 1: at each other, and you're gonna pay me. I'm not 308 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,280 Speaker 1: that therapist. So a lot of times I'll tell clients 309 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,920 Speaker 1: go home and think about our session, right, think about 310 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:55,680 Speaker 1: what direction you want this to go into. If you 311 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,480 Speaker 1: don't feel like you're ready to move forward, great, what 312 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,800 Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you is hit me up when already 313 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 1: because we can't sit here and look at each other. 314 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,720 Speaker 1: That's not the business I'm in. I'm in the business 315 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,600 Speaker 1: to make sure that you get the life that you 316 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,640 Speaker 1: want to have, not that you're sitting here on Saturday morning. 317 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:13,560 Speaker 1: It's just warming the couch. But how you ever told 318 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:19,240 Speaker 1: a client is something that you regret? No, No, not 319 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 1: at all, not at all. Um, I am thinking while 320 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,880 Speaker 1: you're thinking, Um, while you're talking, I am my My 321 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,360 Speaker 1: brain is really like putting things together. I really cloked 322 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,680 Speaker 1: that up to my connection to guy in the universe. 323 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 1: So before a client walks in my office, when I 324 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:39,480 Speaker 1: immediately walked into my office, I meditate. I always say, 325 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:42,760 Speaker 1: I surrender my whole self to you. Whatever it is 326 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:44,120 Speaker 1: that you want me to say. What do you want 327 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 1: me to do? Who you want me to speak to? 328 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,880 Speaker 1: That's up to you. Got in this universe, um, and 329 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 1: then I walk in that in the day. So when 330 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,760 Speaker 1: things are about to come out, there's times that I'm like, okay, 331 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:57,800 Speaker 1: like I really want to say this, I will like 332 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,280 Speaker 1: pause for a second, and I'll say to my client, 333 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,400 Speaker 1: I'm trying to find the right words to say so 334 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:05,840 Speaker 1: that this doesn't feel, you know, very harsh. Um. The 335 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,200 Speaker 1: other thing, if I know it's gonna be harsh, I'm 336 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,640 Speaker 1: just gonna soften the blow. Feel So this is gonna 337 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,960 Speaker 1: be awkward. You think you'd be soften the blow with me? Yes, 338 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:17,359 Speaker 1: I do. I put on kid gloves with you. But yeah, 339 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:21,120 Speaker 1: I know it's gonna be awkward. You might not feel 340 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,359 Speaker 1: good when you walk away from here today, but guess 341 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:26,240 Speaker 1: what it would change your life, all right, sitting that awkwardness, 342 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:29,400 Speaker 1: sitting those not so good feelings, right, because that's where 343 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:30,959 Speaker 1: we want you to be so we can get out 344 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,560 Speaker 1: of that. Right. So, what makes therapy effective? Like how 345 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,359 Speaker 1: can somebody apply the tools or the resources they use 346 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:42,600 Speaker 1: in therapy today everyday living? So practical tools? Right? So 347 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,160 Speaker 1: if you have a therapist. And one of the ways 348 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:45,960 Speaker 1: that I work with clients, like you give them away 349 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 1: some good knowledge. Yeah, I hope people are listening. People 350 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,480 Speaker 1: go and email me like, hey, what's your therapist name? 351 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:56,720 Speaker 1: Or find a therapist. Right. The goal is that yes, 352 00:17:56,800 --> 00:18:00,600 Speaker 1: you call me, but find someone that works for you. Um. 353 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,280 Speaker 1: So I think that one of the ways that people 354 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:06,600 Speaker 1: can so I work with clients through CBT. So CBT 355 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:09,239 Speaker 1: is cognitive behavioral therapy, and what that means is that 356 00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:13,000 Speaker 1: your thoughts create a behavior, and sometimes those behaviors could 357 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:16,040 Speaker 1: be very very healthy, right, Like, so I'm thinking that 358 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,679 Speaker 1: I really want to be a millionaire, and I know 359 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,719 Speaker 1: that I gotta wake up every morning. You know, I 360 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 1: have a regiment and do what I need to do. 361 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,440 Speaker 1: Some of them could be very very dysfunctional and very 362 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:27,880 Speaker 1: painful and and just hurtful for people, which can be 363 00:18:28,359 --> 00:18:31,080 Speaker 1: I'm nobody and nobody cares about me, and nobody loves me. 364 00:18:31,119 --> 00:18:33,040 Speaker 1: So I'm just gonna roll back over in the bed. 365 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:36,880 Speaker 1: So we will deal with where do those thoughts come from? Um? 366 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:39,000 Speaker 1: But then I will say to you, one of my 367 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:42,000 Speaker 1: homeworks would be and I think this is a way 368 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,440 Speaker 1: that therapy works is doing the homeworks that your therapists 369 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:46,920 Speaker 1: give you. So I will say that, be very cognizant 370 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,800 Speaker 1: of your thoughts. You know, when you're about to roll 371 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,000 Speaker 1: back over in the bed, right, what's coming up for you. 372 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:54,879 Speaker 1: So they'll be like, well, those thoughts that I'm not 373 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,879 Speaker 1: good enough, Okay, now let's counteract those thoughts. Do the 374 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,280 Speaker 1: work in your bed, but it's out You're no book 375 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,240 Speaker 1: and be a lot. You know, right in your note book, 376 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,320 Speaker 1: my irrational thoughts are this, and then I'm gonna write 377 00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:09,440 Speaker 1: underneath that. But my rational thoughts are this. Do that 378 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:12,840 Speaker 1: enough and it becomes automatic field. So clients do not 379 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:16,200 Speaker 1: do the homework because you know, seventy five percent of 380 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:19,040 Speaker 1: it is you outside of the room. Twenty five percent 381 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,000 Speaker 1: is me helping you understand what's happening for you. But 382 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:24,600 Speaker 1: the seventy percent is you being conscious of your thoughts 383 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:28,040 Speaker 1: doing the homeworks that we give you. You know, consciously 384 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 1: saying I want to be better and I see myself 385 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:34,240 Speaker 1: in an optimistic way. Yeah. Why do you think there's 386 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:38,359 Speaker 1: such a stigma of therapy and the black community. I 387 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:42,159 Speaker 1: think that goes way beyond just right now, right, that 388 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:46,440 Speaker 1: goes way into slavery in my opinion, right, um, just 389 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:49,880 Speaker 1: feeling like we just gotta keep on moving. We gotta 390 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:54,239 Speaker 1: keep on going. We can't let Grandpa's death affect us, right. 391 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,320 Speaker 1: We can't sit here more on for a husband that 392 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,240 Speaker 1: we lost. We can't sit here more on a husband 393 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 1: that cheated, a wife that cheated, someone that left. We 394 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:03,760 Speaker 1: can't do that because we have to move forward. We 395 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,399 Speaker 1: don't have the financial means to stay home, you know, 396 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,600 Speaker 1: twelve days to grieve. We got to get back to work. 397 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:12,960 Speaker 1: We don't have insurance, you know, to pay for these things. 398 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,960 Speaker 1: So all of this plays apart and why people don't 399 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,320 Speaker 1: really get therapy, you know, the financial part, you know, 400 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:22,800 Speaker 1: the stigma that we're not crazy, um, and if you 401 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:25,359 Speaker 1: go into a therapist, you're crazy. The other thing is 402 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:29,200 Speaker 1: hidden secrets, right, So many families have all these hidden 403 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,440 Speaker 1: secrets and they feel like, you know, if I tell 404 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:34,159 Speaker 1: you now, it's out there, like molestation and things like that. 405 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:38,200 Speaker 1: If I tell you uncle such and such community, Yeah, 406 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,160 Speaker 1: if I tell you that he was touching me now, 407 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:44,080 Speaker 1: the whole family has to really really start to recognize that, 408 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,520 Speaker 1: and people have to own up to the things that 409 00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,600 Speaker 1: they've done. Right, We've been under the rug um, you know, 410 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,200 Speaker 1: telling you this didn't happen. So a lot of people 411 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,960 Speaker 1: are not willing to do that because when I come 412 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,439 Speaker 1: to therapy, it's not just me that changes. It's a system, right, 413 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,159 Speaker 1: It's my entire family that's starts to change, and that 414 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,600 Speaker 1: could be super painful. So how do you think we 415 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,720 Speaker 1: can break that barrier? I think about more people just 416 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,960 Speaker 1: coming right and people saying spreading the word, spreading the 417 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,320 Speaker 1: word that you know, when I go to therapy, I 418 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:16,560 Speaker 1: feel really good. You know, I've put my secrets out there, 419 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 1: but it's my therapist job to hold that right. I'm 420 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,920 Speaker 1: not walking down Broadway saying, hey, I know everybody's secret, 421 00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:25,520 Speaker 1: I know what your mama did. You know, things like that. 422 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,560 Speaker 1: When you walk on my office, it's like this never 423 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,040 Speaker 1: even happened. This is between you and me, So this 424 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,240 Speaker 1: is your safe space to talk about all of that, 425 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,720 Speaker 1: but also knowing that there is a hope that things 426 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:37,560 Speaker 1: could change. So if I come in the room all 427 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,280 Speaker 1: the time and I share these things and I get 428 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:43,560 Speaker 1: feedback and information, my whole system can change, work can change, 429 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:48,520 Speaker 1: My family can change. After right, all these things could 430 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:52,000 Speaker 1: change if I just start to change. Hey, guys, the 431 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,879 Speaker 1: PHG podcast is sponsored by eban a Beauty. Eban a 432 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,280 Speaker 1: Beauty is a beauty company that I found it and 433 00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,560 Speaker 1: our very first product is are Beautiful Me lashes that 434 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,080 Speaker 1: you can wear up to twenty five times, yes, twenty 435 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:06,600 Speaker 1: five times with the proper care. UM. For more information, 436 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:10,000 Speaker 1: visit e b O and e beauty dot com. Use 437 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,840 Speaker 1: cold PHG tend to receive some coins off at checkout 438 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,800 Speaker 1: and trust me, all these lashes are really beautiful, Like 439 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,640 Speaker 1: I have been receiving nothing but really good reviews on them. 440 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,040 Speaker 1: So make sure you go to the website and a 441 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,600 Speaker 1: Beauty used the code. And let's get back to this 442 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:27,480 Speaker 1: week's episode. Um, so you spoke about feeling good. What 443 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,000 Speaker 1: are some other ways of persons can benefit from therapy? 444 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:35,520 Speaker 1: Um changing their perceptions and perspectives about themselves and the 445 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:40,760 Speaker 1: world right, UM, allowing themselves to release a lot of 446 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:44,119 Speaker 1: pain because sometimes, yeah, we'll talk about it, but we 447 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,880 Speaker 1: haven't let it go. Um. You know, we're not going 448 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,680 Speaker 1: back into the past to keep thinking about it. And 449 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,119 Speaker 1: a lot of people do it. They just hold it. 450 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,280 Speaker 1: And you know, when I'm feelings that I grab it 451 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:53,879 Speaker 1: off the shelf. If I want to add this to 452 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:57,160 Speaker 1: my you know, my pain, but releasing that and letting 453 00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,600 Speaker 1: it go, um, and that's another way to feel good. 454 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,080 Speaker 1: So I release that, I've let that go, and what 455 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:05,120 Speaker 1: I've done is essentially started to welcome all these great 456 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,800 Speaker 1: and new things into my life. And that feels good, 457 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,600 Speaker 1: you know, seeing myself in a newer and and I 458 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:14,760 Speaker 1: guess healthier way. UM. So I know you spoke on 459 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:17,440 Speaker 1: this before about you dropping the client that you thought 460 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:19,880 Speaker 1: wasn't a good fit. Do you feel bad about doing 461 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:23,040 Speaker 1: it or no? So I don't just like open the 462 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:26,320 Speaker 1: door and kick you out, like okay, So you know, 463 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,440 Speaker 1: we'll talk about why I don't think they were really 464 00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:32,359 Speaker 1: good fit. Um. And if if that conversation is happening, 465 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,440 Speaker 1: usually I'm going to refer you to like three or 466 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:38,000 Speaker 1: four people I'm on a bunch of site. Yes, so 467 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,760 Speaker 1: by the Social Work Code of Ethics doesn't allow us 468 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,040 Speaker 1: to just like discontinue a client and like we're not 469 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,359 Speaker 1: talking to you anymore. We have to refer you to 470 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,000 Speaker 1: at least three people, um, or refer you to some 471 00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:50,760 Speaker 1: type of resource that's going to help you, because you know, 472 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,200 Speaker 1: we are the person that's the professional in the room. 473 00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,160 Speaker 1: So I can't just say to you, just don't work 474 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,600 Speaker 1: for you, because what I'm essentially doing is abandoning you 475 00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,320 Speaker 1: and rejecting you. So it's probably the read is why 476 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,040 Speaker 1: you've come to therapy. Now, this person that I asked 477 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,200 Speaker 1: for help has just told me you're not even good 478 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:07,720 Speaker 1: enough for therapy. So what will I do? Depending on 479 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:09,760 Speaker 1: what kind of mental state there is, Yeah, when I 480 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:12,120 Speaker 1: do go jump over a bridge, kill somebody, do something 481 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,159 Speaker 1: so that that's never gonna be on me. So what 482 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,399 Speaker 1: I will say to you is I would refer you 483 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:18,520 Speaker 1: to someone else. We're not a good fit. I'm going 484 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,320 Speaker 1: to give you to these three people, and sometimes the 485 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:23,400 Speaker 1: sites that I come home for I'll just tell them, hey, 486 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,320 Speaker 1: it's probably best that you just go back to the 487 00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,159 Speaker 1: site and find another person, because just because it's two 488 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:29,720 Speaker 1: of us are not a good fit doesn't mean you 489 00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:32,200 Speaker 1: don't make a good fit with another therapist. But I 490 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:35,560 Speaker 1: also give them the reasons why. So I'll give you 491 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,720 Speaker 1: an example how the client that was UM just not 492 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:43,040 Speaker 1: her time management wasn't good UM, and then she would 493 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:47,480 Speaker 1: always try to negotiate her fee. So when we sit down, yes, 494 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,640 Speaker 1: it's it's the worst. And I find that this only happens. 495 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,560 Speaker 1: And I'm gonna say this with black and brown people, right, 496 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,600 Speaker 1: we sit in the room and we feel like, yes, 497 00:24:57,160 --> 00:25:00,240 Speaker 1: we want to negotiate the face. So I'm thinking, we 498 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:03,399 Speaker 1: already negotiated the fee. You're at the lowest level of 499 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:06,320 Speaker 1: my sliding scale fee, and I'm okay with that. I'm 500 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:08,800 Speaker 1: happy about that because this is what you can afford. 501 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:11,879 Speaker 1: But then what happened was it was it was like 502 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:14,360 Speaker 1: she came into therapy and then a friend of hers 503 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:18,120 Speaker 1: came into therapy, two separate situations, two separate people paying 504 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:20,720 Speaker 1: two separate fees. But it's kind of like, I know 505 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,119 Speaker 1: you're paying lower, so I want to pay lower. I 506 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,680 Speaker 1: never tell people how much I'm paying. Yes, So then 507 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:28,720 Speaker 1: she told me that her front was paying lower. She 508 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:30,800 Speaker 1: wanted to pay lower. I was like, all right, I 509 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,320 Speaker 1: kind of knew that was gonna happen, so I'm gonna 510 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:36,240 Speaker 1: eat it is happy, but I'm gonna eat ten dollars 511 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,920 Speaker 1: like the universe is gonna provide for me. God canna 512 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,040 Speaker 1: provide me, So ten dollars is not gonna kill me, 513 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:44,320 Speaker 1: and you're gonna still be okay. Right, So then that happened. 514 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,000 Speaker 1: Then it was kind of like I have a cancelation policy. 515 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:49,639 Speaker 1: I like for people to cancel twenty four hours before 516 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:54,679 Speaker 1: at minimum, right, because if you cancel before twenty four 517 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,280 Speaker 1: hours before, I can call you up Evan and say, hey, 518 00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:00,520 Speaker 1: someone canceled like I digited, so one can so I 519 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,480 Speaker 1: have an open space. And I was excited, Yeah, you 520 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,080 Speaker 1: could come in two hours earlier and still have your 521 00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:09,040 Speaker 1: whole day. But it was happening to like to the 522 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:12,440 Speaker 1: point that it was right before her session. So it 523 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:14,600 Speaker 1: was annoying me. And I'm gonna be very serious, it 524 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,440 Speaker 1: was annoying me. And I was just can't get you 525 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:19,960 Speaker 1: don't value my time. First, you've said that when you 526 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:22,520 Speaker 1: wanted to negotiate your fee, but now you're saying that 527 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:25,320 Speaker 1: when you're not valuing my time. So I was just like, 528 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,560 Speaker 1: at this point, you know what, I think that you 529 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,119 Speaker 1: need someone that is around the time frame, with your 530 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,720 Speaker 1: same time frame you need, but someone that you actually 531 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:34,919 Speaker 1: can't afford as well, because I don't think you can 532 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,880 Speaker 1: afford my fee. Um. Of course she was piste off, 533 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:41,760 Speaker 1: and that's what she was pissed um, and and that's 534 00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,119 Speaker 1: for her to deal with. And I was just like, 535 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,440 Speaker 1: here's three people that I might refer you to and 536 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:48,639 Speaker 1: also back to the site that you would or But 537 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,840 Speaker 1: do you think people like that do that because you 538 00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:54,200 Speaker 1: are a woman of color? Um? Yes, I do, Yes, 539 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:56,040 Speaker 1: I do it. I think they do it be called 540 00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,720 Speaker 1: they feel like they don't want to pay. I feel 541 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:04,160 Speaker 1: like because she probably want to do it to my girl, Becky. Yes, yes, 542 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,280 Speaker 1: And I feel like they feel like when they walk 543 00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:10,320 Speaker 1: in the room like, oh, she's a sister, right, she's 544 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:13,480 Speaker 1: she's my sister. Um. And do I feel like I 545 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,960 Speaker 1: want to pay you know, another black woman or a 546 00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,720 Speaker 1: black person. Yes. So that hurts my heart when it happens, 547 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:22,840 Speaker 1: because I'm like, we always feel like we got to 548 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:26,200 Speaker 1: negotiate with our you know what our people as opposed to, 549 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:28,720 Speaker 1: you know, just giving them the fee that they asked for. 550 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,400 Speaker 1: But you won't do it with Becky, right, Becky asked 551 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:34,719 Speaker 1: for two hundred dollars. You find it. You're putting down 552 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:36,920 Speaker 1: those bags in the store, you put down those shoes, 553 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,520 Speaker 1: and you're actually paying her, But you won't pay a 554 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:44,040 Speaker 1: black or brown woman. Yes, damn yeah. And it's hard 555 00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:46,399 Speaker 1: for all of us. Like I've been on panels with 556 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:51,000 Speaker 1: white women, Asian you know, black women and black men 557 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,520 Speaker 1: and we all talk about, you know, how hard it 558 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,040 Speaker 1: is for us because we love the work, how hard 559 00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:59,119 Speaker 1: it is for us to actually charge certain prices. So 560 00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:01,080 Speaker 1: when we're doing it, it's like a struggle too, because 561 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,280 Speaker 1: we're like, damn, I want to charge somebody a hundred 562 00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:05,840 Speaker 1: and seventy five dollars doing the work that I enjoy. 563 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,480 Speaker 1: But then you're really good at right, and you're gonna 564 00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:10,000 Speaker 1: look me in the face tell me you ain't even 565 00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,760 Speaker 1: work that. So that's hard to write, So you don't. 566 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:15,960 Speaker 1: Usually I don't like working with clients that are negotiating 567 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:19,080 Speaker 1: all the way down the road. Yeah, that's kind of 568 00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:22,200 Speaker 1: it was really sad. Yeah, it becomes sad. And I 569 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:24,720 Speaker 1: always think to myself, like, why would it have to 570 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:28,440 Speaker 1: be my sister? Right? If you know it's not because 571 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,359 Speaker 1: if somebody looks like yeah, I'm like why when I 572 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,159 Speaker 1: have clients that don't look like me that are so 573 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:35,520 Speaker 1: happy to pay right, they're like, oh, I'm paying for 574 00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:37,719 Speaker 1: the whole month. I'm coming in here four times, I'm 575 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:41,200 Speaker 1: paying for the whole month. Here's my everything, right, Yeah, yeah, yeah, 576 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 1: I agree. Um, what's the difference between a psychotherapist and 577 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:49,600 Speaker 1: a psychologist? So a psychologist UM is a person that, 578 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:54,800 Speaker 1: in my opinion, deals with more of UM neurological neurological 579 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:58,240 Speaker 1: stuff UM, and they do similar work to us, but 580 00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:02,160 Speaker 1: they are more about brain and neurology and things like that. 581 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,880 Speaker 1: We are more about behavior, so we really deal with 582 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:07,280 Speaker 1: thoughts and behavior. Just in case somebody wants to know 583 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:10,400 Speaker 1: the difference because you are a psychotherapist, I'm a psychotherapist. Yeah. 584 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:15,120 Speaker 1: And psychologists deal with more of like UM, longstanding trauma, 585 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:17,400 Speaker 1: so they go through your entire life history. You can 586 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:21,160 Speaker 1: get like a psychoanalytical UM therapist to that deals with 587 00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:24,000 Speaker 1: all of the childhood trauma. They kind of stay in this. 588 00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:26,680 Speaker 1: How do you feel it's more of you talking UM 589 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,240 Speaker 1: and them just listening to happen into your emotions. We 590 00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:33,560 Speaker 1: are more about behavior, so future forward UM talk therapy 591 00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:38,200 Speaker 1: UM future focused and more practical tools. And how do 592 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:40,000 Speaker 1: you feel about because I'm just curious, how do you 593 00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:43,720 Speaker 1: feel about medication and therapy? UM? It doesn't bother me. 594 00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:47,520 Speaker 1: I do tell clients really try to think of like 595 00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:50,640 Speaker 1: a holistic point of view. So think of your diet, 596 00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:54,880 Speaker 1: think of your vitamin intake, thinking of your workout regimens. 597 00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:58,800 Speaker 1: How many days, how many hours you're outside, how much 598 00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:03,440 Speaker 1: sunlight you're getting, your friendships, your family relationships, your intentional relationships, 599 00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:06,640 Speaker 1: you're making your your jobs right, think of all these things, 600 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:10,360 Speaker 1: because if all these things isn't harmony, sometimes you don't 601 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,600 Speaker 1: need the medication. Right. People come in with anxiety all 602 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:15,680 Speaker 1: day long. When you get to the root of the problem, 603 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,120 Speaker 1: it's like, I'm anxious because I can't get on the 604 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,760 Speaker 1: train because I had a trauma on the train. If 605 00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:23,520 Speaker 1: we work through that, then you don't need the anxiety meds. 606 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:25,560 Speaker 1: But then I think on the other side of that, 607 00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,320 Speaker 1: there are people that really really need the medication, and 608 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:30,760 Speaker 1: I tell them, if you need them, take them to 609 00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:33,400 Speaker 1: make sure that you're doing yourself a service by you know, 610 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:39,360 Speaker 1: doing both. So psychotherapy and medication. Yeah, this is so good. 611 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:41,200 Speaker 1: I was just thinking about you. Was talking to something 612 00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:44,120 Speaker 1: like that's so true, because like I text her, She's 613 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:46,320 Speaker 1: probably one of my go to because I text you 614 00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:48,120 Speaker 1: and I was about to leave my job and I 615 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:49,560 Speaker 1: was like, hey, this is a good deal this Now. 616 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,520 Speaker 1: I showed her um the offer day that they was 617 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,600 Speaker 1: making for me. So that just shows to you how 618 00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:57,240 Speaker 1: much I like really trust her and like value what 619 00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:00,280 Speaker 1: you're saying, and it just kind of sucks that people 620 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:02,200 Speaker 1: that look like us and are willing to invest in 621 00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:06,240 Speaker 1: themselves by paying you what you deserve. Yeah, I also 622 00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:09,160 Speaker 1: think people don't think is super important. Like I know, 623 00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:11,360 Speaker 1: when I was doing therapy, I was like, Okay, my 624 00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:14,040 Speaker 1: therapist at the time was like seven dollars or something, 625 00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:16,320 Speaker 1: and I was like, Wow, if I'm not going out 626 00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,479 Speaker 1: to eat every single day in the week, I can 627 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:21,160 Speaker 1: actually pay for therapy. Um. You know, if I'm not 628 00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:23,880 Speaker 1: buying an extra pair of shoes that I probably don't need, 629 00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:26,680 Speaker 1: I could pay for therapy. I also really wanted a 630 00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:29,280 Speaker 1: total different life from what I had in my twenties, 631 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:31,400 Speaker 1: and that was the only way to get it if 632 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:34,520 Speaker 1: I really worked through whatever traumas that I had within myself. 633 00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:36,920 Speaker 1: So for me, it was really seeing myself in a 634 00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:40,880 Speaker 1: different place, um space within myself, um, and being very 635 00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:44,240 Speaker 1: intentional about that and saying, I'm gonna sacrifice some things 636 00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:47,160 Speaker 1: because my life, you know, ten years from now, seven 637 00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,800 Speaker 1: years from now, it's so much worth it. Right, It's 638 00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:52,880 Speaker 1: worth me doing that. I could buy shoes at any time, right, 639 00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:54,800 Speaker 1: seven years later, I could buy all the shoes I 640 00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:57,520 Speaker 1: want for now, I really need to be sitting and 641 00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:00,400 Speaker 1: talking to someone and working through probably why need all 642 00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:04,400 Speaker 1: these shoes right to make me feel better? Yes? How 643 00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:07,720 Speaker 1: often would you recommend therapy? Um? So, I usually see 644 00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:10,640 Speaker 1: clients every other week as opposed to weekly. I do 645 00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:13,480 Speaker 1: see clients that are in a major crisis once a week. 646 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:17,840 Speaker 1: So people who are going through big transitions. So if 647 00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:20,160 Speaker 1: you are going through work stuff, so there's been times 648 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:22,240 Speaker 1: you are not seeing each other, like, man, I told 649 00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:24,560 Speaker 1: you my last job was killing me. Yeah, so when 650 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:26,360 Speaker 1: you have things like that, you're just like, I just 651 00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,920 Speaker 1: need to give this to someone. I need insight, I 652 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:30,920 Speaker 1: need hope. Right, So every time I sit with this 653 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,840 Speaker 1: person and you're like, okay, so we're moving forward working, 654 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:35,840 Speaker 1: this is what we're gonna do, so next week could 655 00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,360 Speaker 1: look better. That feels good for some people, but for 656 00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,000 Speaker 1: some people they are like okay, so you know, pretty 657 00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:43,240 Speaker 1: even thought in my life, but I know that things 658 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:44,960 Speaker 1: come up every two weeks and I really want to 659 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,640 Speaker 1: work through them, so weekly or bi weekly, and then 660 00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:50,360 Speaker 1: I have people also to finish that off sometimes once 661 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,840 Speaker 1: a month or that check in. Yeah, that I've been 662 00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:55,240 Speaker 1: seeing though, So I've had people I've been seeing for 663 00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:57,720 Speaker 1: four years now and they're now like checking in once 664 00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,720 Speaker 1: a month. And what's the age Letton, what do you 665 00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:02,880 Speaker 1: what do you think it's an appropriate age for somebody 666 00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,560 Speaker 1: to start going to therapy? Um, do you see kids still? 667 00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:07,480 Speaker 1: So I used to, Yeah, I was. I don't see 668 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:09,240 Speaker 1: kids anymore. But I was a play therapist and I 669 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:12,000 Speaker 1: started seeing kids that were maybe four or five years old. 670 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:17,800 Speaker 1: So I've seen kids that dealt with sexual trauma four 671 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:21,320 Speaker 1: years old. They was able to. It's really a reason 672 00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:23,520 Speaker 1: why you do play therapy with them. So you're playing 673 00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:26,480 Speaker 1: with them while they're talking to you. Um, you're doing coloring. 674 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:29,840 Speaker 1: It's very intentional play. So you're playing with dolls and 675 00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:33,240 Speaker 1: dollhouses and things like that. They're showing you things. Um, 676 00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:35,440 Speaker 1: you're teaching parents how to work with them, how to 677 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:37,680 Speaker 1: help them do their trauma, how to help them not 678 00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:42,600 Speaker 1: have nightmares. And that was hard. It was very hard. 679 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:47,520 Speaker 1: It was very emotional. Um, working with kids that you're like, 680 00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:52,120 Speaker 1: this innocent kid was raped and just because someone was like, 681 00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:54,720 Speaker 1: oh my god, like I can't believe that happened, the 682 00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:57,600 Speaker 1: kid internalized this like people said, I don't believe you, 683 00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:00,800 Speaker 1: and from them started to really act out. So you're 684 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,800 Speaker 1: teaching parents how to say no, I did believe you. 685 00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:06,680 Speaker 1: I just it was a surprise to me. Um. And 686 00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:10,120 Speaker 1: then also helping parents to really navigate through that as well. 687 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:12,160 Speaker 1: And then you're teaching kids kids that they don't have 688 00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:14,640 Speaker 1: a voice. Yeah, you're teaching them that they have a voice. 689 00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:18,200 Speaker 1: You're teaching them how to really express their emotions instead 690 00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:21,520 Speaker 1: of acting out and throwing things and you know, misbehavior 691 00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:23,880 Speaker 1: and things like that. You're teaching them to say, you know, 692 00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:27,279 Speaker 1: I'm scared. You know, I'm scared this this thing hurt me. 693 00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,399 Speaker 1: Or that man reminded me of the man that did 694 00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:33,320 Speaker 1: this to me and that made me scared, or you 695 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,279 Speaker 1: touched me in a way that made me feel icky, right, 696 00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:38,479 Speaker 1: And I want to be able to tell that to someone. 697 00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,080 Speaker 1: So it was hard. I loved it though. I did 698 00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:43,560 Speaker 1: it for a couple of years and then kind of 699 00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:46,359 Speaker 1: as I grew I started to grow into different populations. 700 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:49,280 Speaker 1: But as early as four years old, kids to get therapy. 701 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:53,279 Speaker 1: I work with people that are twenty four all the 702 00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:58,000 Speaker 1: way up until fifties sixties. Ye oh nice. What is 703 00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:00,680 Speaker 1: an advice you would give to the listeners if they 704 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:04,319 Speaker 1: want to lead a more fulfilling life. One I think 705 00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:06,800 Speaker 1: if you are in a place where your life is 706 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:10,000 Speaker 1: not fulfilling, sit down and talk to someone and figure 707 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:13,160 Speaker 1: out why, right, Um, figure out why we are still 708 00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:15,600 Speaker 1: doing the same thing over and over again expecting a 709 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:19,680 Speaker 1: different result. Um, Which is the definition of insanity. I'm 710 00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:21,680 Speaker 1: doing the same thing every day, and I'm thinking that 711 00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,120 Speaker 1: they're going to be better, So sit down and talk 712 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:26,959 Speaker 1: to someone. The other thing is really sitting down and saying, 713 00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,239 Speaker 1: you know, where do I want to see my life go? 714 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:31,680 Speaker 1: You know, I am doing the same thing over and 715 00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:34,360 Speaker 1: over again, but maybe I don't even have a trajectory 716 00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:36,319 Speaker 1: on where my life should go or where I wanted 717 00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:39,440 Speaker 1: to go. Um, sitting down with yourself, by yourself and 718 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,799 Speaker 1: saying what can I imagine happening in my life five 719 00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:45,480 Speaker 1: years from now, seven years from now, with no holds barred. 720 00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:47,440 Speaker 1: Because sometimes we do that and we're like, well, I 721 00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:49,160 Speaker 1: don't know if I'm gonna have money for that house. 722 00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:51,959 Speaker 1: We don't know, right, and we can get you there. 723 00:35:52,239 --> 00:35:54,440 Speaker 1: We don't have to dream with like limits on it. 724 00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:56,920 Speaker 1: So I allow want people to sit with themselves and 725 00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:59,279 Speaker 1: say where do I see myself going? And if I'm 726 00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:01,239 Speaker 1: capable of get in there on my own, if I'm not. 727 00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:03,239 Speaker 1: Let me reach out to someone and talk to them 728 00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:06,680 Speaker 1: about it. Yeah. I even say that people do four 729 00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:08,840 Speaker 1: or five sessions. You don't have to walk into it 730 00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:11,440 Speaker 1: with a lifelong you know, commitment to it. Do four, 731 00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:14,680 Speaker 1: four or five sessions get some insight. Have you ever 732 00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:17,040 Speaker 1: told somebody that you think their time is done, like 733 00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:21,120 Speaker 1: they reached their highest potential? What do you mean my 734 00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:25,239 Speaker 1: highest potential? Like you feel like maybe they have reached 735 00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:27,319 Speaker 1: the highest level of their growth, like they was doing. 736 00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:29,360 Speaker 1: They did so well over the years, and there's no 737 00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:31,440 Speaker 1: need to like unless they really need to come back 738 00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:35,120 Speaker 1: to you. I've never said that to a person. What 739 00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:39,480 Speaker 1: I usually do with clients is maybe monthly or every 740 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:42,040 Speaker 1: two months, we'll sit down and talk about the progress 741 00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:44,600 Speaker 1: UM that they've had and what are the growth you know, 742 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,759 Speaker 1: places in their lives that they have grown UM. And 743 00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:50,040 Speaker 1: then I will say to them what do we want 744 00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:54,640 Speaker 1: to work on next? UM. But therapy is life is 745 00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:57,719 Speaker 1: like like you're like an onion. So you'll come for 746 00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,360 Speaker 1: a couple of days, so a couple of couple of ships, 747 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:03,279 Speaker 1: and you're just peeling off the outside layers. A lot 748 00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:05,719 Speaker 1: of pills. Yeah, so you learn about those things and 749 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:08,399 Speaker 1: as you get through that, another bunch of layers come, 750 00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,719 Speaker 1: and then another bunch of layers come, um and you 751 00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:13,560 Speaker 1: continuously do it right until you get to the point 752 00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:17,600 Speaker 1: where you're like, oh, everything has changed, and then it's like, 753 00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:19,560 Speaker 1: I don't want it to ever go back to that. 754 00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:22,279 Speaker 1: So most people are like, I'll check in with you 755 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:24,440 Speaker 1: once a month. I will have these months a month 756 00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:27,759 Speaker 1: check ins because life still happens all the time, and 757 00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:31,719 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be triggered still. I'm not healed one where 758 00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:35,279 Speaker 1: life don't make me feel anyway. Sometimes people check in 759 00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:38,920 Speaker 1: every couple of months because something happens, right. They get married, 760 00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:42,360 Speaker 1: baby is born, a job is lost, a relationship is lost. 761 00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:45,640 Speaker 1: And when those things happen and we're in emotional distress, 762 00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:48,200 Speaker 1: it's so easy for us to shift back into who 763 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,600 Speaker 1: used to be, even if it's only for a moment. 764 00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:52,239 Speaker 1: But you want to make sure that you have a 765 00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:55,720 Speaker 1: lifeline to someone that can say, all right, so this happened, 766 00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,080 Speaker 1: We're okay, right, We're okay. Life shook you for a 767 00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:00,040 Speaker 1: little bit. Things are gonna be okay. We're going to 768 00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:04,440 Speaker 1: move forward. Breathe, yes, breathe, And I remember my therapist, 769 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:05,799 Speaker 1: you say that too. I used to be like, oh 770 00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:08,480 Speaker 1: my god, it's a catastrophe. I don't know if I'm 771 00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:10,320 Speaker 1: gonna make it, and she would be like, just breathe, 772 00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:12,600 Speaker 1: We're gonna get through this. It was just a bump 773 00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:14,880 Speaker 1: in the road, right. Life comes in abbs and flows 774 00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,640 Speaker 1: and let's get through this together. And people really need that. 775 00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,480 Speaker 1: Do you still saw to your therapist? Yeah? I talked 776 00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,319 Speaker 1: to my therapist probably once a month. Um, or if 777 00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:27,480 Speaker 1: life starts happening, I'm like, okay, I gotta call her 778 00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:30,600 Speaker 1: because I gotta give this to someone. Um. But I've 779 00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:33,000 Speaker 1: known her for so many years, since I was in 780 00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:37,560 Speaker 1: my twenties that, um, it's kind of like a friendship. 781 00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:39,640 Speaker 1: Like I can call and say, Okay, this is what's 782 00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:41,840 Speaker 1: happening for me, and let's figure it out. And she 783 00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:45,960 Speaker 1: knows my probably darkest secrets. She's probably the one person 784 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:48,440 Speaker 1: in this world that knows my deepest, darkest secrets and 785 00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:50,800 Speaker 1: she gets it right and she's just like, Okay, so 786 00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,719 Speaker 1: this is what's happening. And remember ten years ago when 787 00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:55,600 Speaker 1: we worked on this and it used to come up. 788 00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:57,480 Speaker 1: Now is the time for us to work through this 789 00:38:57,880 --> 00:38:59,800 Speaker 1: because things can come up in therapy, but you're not 790 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,480 Speaker 1: ready to work through them. But the more you keep 791 00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:05,560 Speaker 1: on working on other stuff, it'll be like, Okay, so 792 00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:08,160 Speaker 1: this came up a long time ago. Now I'm ready 793 00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:10,000 Speaker 1: to work through it because I'm seeing it happen in 794 00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:13,640 Speaker 1: my life so often. And last, or not least, what 795 00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:16,040 Speaker 1: is an advice you would give to the listeners out 796 00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:22,360 Speaker 1: there that's a little nervous about seeking therapy. People are scared, 797 00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:28,920 Speaker 1: I say, find a person that looks like you. Yes, um, 798 00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:32,160 Speaker 1: find someone that looks like you. But also going with 799 00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:35,800 Speaker 1: an open mind, it is something that's very fearful because 800 00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:38,840 Speaker 1: we're going against the norm. Right, We're doing things that 801 00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:43,280 Speaker 1: are very different nowadays. We are putting more more effort 802 00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:47,319 Speaker 1: into us. We are trying to heal these wounds from ancestors. Right. 803 00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:49,880 Speaker 1: So that is scary, But it doesn't mean that it 804 00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:53,400 Speaker 1: has to be paralyzing. Right. So I'm scared, yes, but 805 00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:57,120 Speaker 1: staying here scares me most, so let me just try it. Um. 806 00:39:57,520 --> 00:40:00,839 Speaker 1: Also talking to friends about it, like, hey, girl, I've 807 00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:02,640 Speaker 1: been thinking about therapy. What do you you know? What 808 00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:04,759 Speaker 1: do you think? Most of the times your friends will 809 00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:07,840 Speaker 1: say I've had a therapist for five years, right, or 810 00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:10,759 Speaker 1: I've had one before it wasn't for me, but it 811 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:14,279 Speaker 1: might be something that works, feel um, looking online and 812 00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:17,880 Speaker 1: seeing like what type of modalities work for you. So 813 00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:20,000 Speaker 1: a lot of people will call me and say, hey, 814 00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:21,960 Speaker 1: I know you do CBT. I don't know a lot 815 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,840 Speaker 1: about it. I read up on it. It seems like 816 00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:26,520 Speaker 1: something that can help me. So doing some research too. 817 00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:29,200 Speaker 1: But the biggest thing is kind of like jumping in 818 00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:32,040 Speaker 1: the water and saying I'm just gonna try it. Yeah, 819 00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:34,000 Speaker 1: and I'm gonna go for it. And I think you 820 00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:36,160 Speaker 1: touched on a good point because I feel like representation 821 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:38,520 Speaker 1: really matters because before I met you, I had just 822 00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,120 Speaker 1: you know, white therapist like, you know, let me not 823 00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:44,160 Speaker 1: be um judge monitory and day, let me just going there, 824 00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:46,640 Speaker 1: you know, being open and stuff. And Yo, she just 825 00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:50,560 Speaker 1: did not get it, like like two completely different styles 826 00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:52,719 Speaker 1: from you and her. So I think it's important that 827 00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:54,520 Speaker 1: when you do have somebody that looks like you and 828 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:57,640 Speaker 1: it gets it, it makes the process a lot easier. Yeah, 829 00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,759 Speaker 1: and you know, I'm not counting out like we can't 830 00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:04,000 Speaker 1: see white people, we can't see Latin people, whatever, But 831 00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:07,040 Speaker 1: go with what you feel comfortable with. You're paying your money, 832 00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:09,320 Speaker 1: you know, sitting in a room with someone that you're like, 833 00:41:09,719 --> 00:41:12,040 Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna be one percent comfortable with her. 834 00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,080 Speaker 1: I've had a deal with a lot of men to 835 00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,000 Speaker 1: work with a lot of men, and really, yeah, I 836 00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:17,719 Speaker 1: have a lot of male clients stuff. I think my 837 00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:23,160 Speaker 1: client basis probably six men compared to women. But men 838 00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:26,200 Speaker 1: will call on their like I want a bi racial therapist. 839 00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:29,279 Speaker 1: You know female therapists, this is the person I want. 840 00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,239 Speaker 1: I want to work with you, Like they know off 841 00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:33,719 Speaker 1: the bat who they want to work with. So I 842 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:35,680 Speaker 1: think no one who want to work with and not 843 00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,879 Speaker 1: being afraid to say no, Like if I do see 844 00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:40,440 Speaker 1: this white woman and I'm like, I don't think she 845 00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:43,600 Speaker 1: could relate to me. Finding you someone that can and 846 00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:48,240 Speaker 1: working with them, yeah, well I'm super excited about this episode. 847 00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:52,319 Speaker 1: I feel like my therapist has been very uh influential 848 00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:54,480 Speaker 1: in these past couple of months. I mean, I got 849 00:41:54,560 --> 00:42:02,360 Speaker 1: a job, I haven't killed my boyfriend yet. If you 850 00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,080 Speaker 1: need a therapist, I highly recommend my therapist. I don't 851 00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:07,000 Speaker 1: like sharing people, but I really feel like if you 852 00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:08,640 Speaker 1: need to help out there, because you know, if you 853 00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,359 Speaker 1: the more people that use you. And then the last 854 00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:14,000 Speaker 1: time I have been constant booking the point I'm just playing, 855 00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:16,239 Speaker 1: but no, seriously, if you really need a therapist, I'm 856 00:42:16,239 --> 00:42:17,920 Speaker 1: all about mental health. I feel like we're living in 857 00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:19,400 Speaker 1: a time now where we have to take care of 858 00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:23,160 Speaker 1: ourselves mentally because times are getting hard. So if you 859 00:42:23,239 --> 00:42:25,760 Speaker 1: are interested in reaching out to my therapist, please email 860 00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,360 Speaker 1: me at hello at the professional homegirl dot com and 861 00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:31,000 Speaker 1: I have no problem sharing you her information and you 862 00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:34,000 Speaker 1: better pay her what you were not playing games with? 863 00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:39,920 Speaker 1: Y'all until next time, guys, later later on you you're 864 00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:40,320 Speaker 1: welcome