1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,320 Speaker 1: It's not really just about putting away your phone either. 2 00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:05,400 Speaker 1: I actually had to relearn how to create conversation. I 3 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:08,879 Speaker 1: had to relearn asking questions we should actually be such 4 00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:10,879 Speaker 1: a normal part of a connection. 5 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:12,240 Speaker 2: That's just step one. 6 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: Sitting there in silence isn't very useful either, So you 7 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:18,640 Speaker 1: have to start thinking how can I inject intention and 8 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 1: meaning into this interaction. I'm radi Wkah and on my 9 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:26,119 Speaker 1: podcast A Really Good Cry, we embrace the messy and 10 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 1: the beautiful, providing a space for raw, unfiltered conversations that 11 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:33,400 Speaker 1: celebrate vulnerability and allow you to tune in to learn, 12 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:37,240 Speaker 1: connect and find comfort together. So I've been thinking about 13 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,440 Speaker 1: this topic a lot lately, and honestly, when I moved 14 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:44,400 Speaker 1: away from home years ago, it really heightened this feeling 15 00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:48,159 Speaker 1: of separation from my family. And I'm sure, whether you've 16 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:50,159 Speaker 1: moved away or you've had to be away from your 17 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:54,160 Speaker 1: family for long periods, maybe even during COVID, I'm sure 18 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 1: you've experienced this desire to just spend more quality time 19 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:00,760 Speaker 1: with them. And many times since I've actually gone back 20 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:04,800 Speaker 1: after moving away, I will spend time with my family, 21 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:07,319 Speaker 1: and on the flight back, my mind will say, did 22 00:01:07,319 --> 00:01:10,320 Speaker 1: you really spend quality time with them, like I would 23 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:13,520 Speaker 1: feel a little bit empty even after having spent time 24 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 1: with them. And I really tried to figure out recently 25 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:18,000 Speaker 1: what that felt like, because as I'm going home for 26 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:21,680 Speaker 1: the holidays, it's something that I'm really conscious of, like, 27 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:26,040 Speaker 1: how do I spend more quality time with my family 28 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:29,040 Speaker 1: and what does that look like? Because the worst thing 29 00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:31,760 Speaker 1: is coming away from having spent time with people but 30 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,200 Speaker 1: not feeling like it was good enough, you know. And 31 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 1: sometimes I'm rushing around for work, I'm always on my phone. 32 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:41,280 Speaker 1: I'm there physically, but I'm not truly there cherishing the 33 00:01:41,319 --> 00:01:44,280 Speaker 1: moments and connecting with them. And as I've gotten older, 34 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:48,320 Speaker 1: I've had to start acknowledging the fact that my parents 35 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:51,240 Speaker 1: and my grandma are also getting older, and I felt 36 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,960 Speaker 1: this urgency to make the most of our time together 37 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 1: and have more present, meaningful interactions. I realized, you know, 38 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:02,000 Speaker 1: the intention is great, but it just wasn't good enough. 39 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 1: I really had to change the habits and consciously make 40 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,480 Speaker 1: an effort to create those moments together. 41 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:10,119 Speaker 2: And one big. 42 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:13,360 Speaker 1: Part of it, a huge part of it was having 43 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,959 Speaker 1: my phone on me every single time we're spending time together. 44 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 1: It's probably the main reason that I feel we haven't 45 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:23,440 Speaker 1: had quality time. You know, I think of my phone 46 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,800 Speaker 1: as the thief that I keep letting into my mind. 47 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,840 Speaker 1: I leave the door wide open for it, showing it 48 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,960 Speaker 1: exactly where the jaws are at and saying, come back 49 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:35,680 Speaker 1: again tomorrow, just come back for free. I'll let you 50 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,720 Speaker 1: into my house. You can take all my free time, 51 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,520 Speaker 1: and I'll give it to you without a fight. And then, 52 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:46,880 Speaker 1: between work and notifications, social media and a million distractions, 53 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:50,720 Speaker 1: being present has never been harder. And really, I think 54 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,560 Speaker 1: when you end up having time with someone, the difference 55 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:59,840 Speaker 1: between just time and quality time is presence, how present 56 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:01,880 Speaker 1: you Because you can have a short period of time 57 00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:04,560 Speaker 1: with someone, but if you are truly present and you're 58 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,000 Speaker 1: looking at them in the eye and you're connecting to them, 59 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:11,520 Speaker 1: those small moments can be a lifetime of memories. But 60 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:15,280 Speaker 1: if you can spend a lifetime having time with someone 61 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,480 Speaker 1: but not truly being present, and then it will never 62 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:21,600 Speaker 1: feel like enough. And so being more present in the 63 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: moment is, in my opinion, the key way of making 64 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,880 Speaker 1: more meaningful moments with the people that we love. So 65 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,920 Speaker 1: first day's get real. I want you to go to 66 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:35,280 Speaker 1: your daily screen time on your phone. Yeah, go to 67 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,720 Speaker 1: your screen time on your phone right now and look 68 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,280 Speaker 1: at that number straight in the eye. 69 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:41,240 Speaker 2: What is it? Is it two hours? Is it? 70 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,800 Speaker 1: Three hours? Five hours, six hours? Take a good look 71 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,280 Speaker 1: at your start point, because hopefully that's the last time 72 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,960 Speaker 1: you're seeing those numbers on your screen. For some people, 73 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 1: it may even be double digits. And you know what, 74 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,400 Speaker 1: where you're starting at isn't important. It's your goal and 75 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:58,000 Speaker 1: where you want to be at. So have a look 76 00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,320 Speaker 1: at it. You may be really happy with it. It may 77 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 1: say one hour two I was, depending on whether you 78 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,080 Speaker 1: work on your phone. Like for me, I work from 79 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:06,920 Speaker 1: my phone, whether it's emails, whether it's social media. You know, 80 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 1: a lot of my life is on my phone. The 81 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,360 Speaker 1: problem with that is this habit that I get into 82 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,280 Speaker 1: where if I don't have something like that in my hand, 83 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,159 Speaker 1: it's almost like I don't know how to function. And 84 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,359 Speaker 1: that sounds so ridiculous, but it's so true. It's like 85 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,279 Speaker 1: all the little things in between I'm on my phone. 86 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,479 Speaker 1: And so I saw this crazy statistic. I have to 87 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,360 Speaker 1: share it with you guys, because it blew my mind. 88 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,960 Speaker 1: The average person checks their phone about ninety six times 89 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,360 Speaker 1: a day, ninety six times. That's once every ten minutes, 90 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,400 Speaker 1: with an average screen time of three hours a day, 91 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:40,039 Speaker 1: which adds up to forty five days a year, and 92 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,800 Speaker 1: most of that time is actually just spent scrolling. If 93 00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:44,560 Speaker 1: your screen time is double about which by the way, 94 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,360 Speaker 1: mine has been on many days, that's six hours a day. 95 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:51,320 Speaker 1: That's almost two months of your life just spent scrolling, 96 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:55,960 Speaker 1: nothing useful, just scrolling through social media, probably feeling bad 97 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 1: about yourself, probably judging other peoples, and maybe a few 98 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:02,000 Speaker 1: like funny baby videos which got in there which do 99 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,200 Speaker 1: make you laugh, so that's probably worth it. But apart 100 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 1: from that, nothing that feels substantially good for you. And 101 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,480 Speaker 1: you know, it ends up being like a black hole 102 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,640 Speaker 1: because one minute you're sending an important message and an 103 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,600 Speaker 1: hour later you're looking at cat memes and having a giggle. 104 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 1: It's like of vortex that once you're in you really 105 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:22,040 Speaker 1: can't go out of. I've been there way too many times, 106 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,039 Speaker 1: and I do come out of them not feeling great 107 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,320 Speaker 1: about myself. And you know, we really miss out on 108 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,080 Speaker 1: these spontaneous moments of connection that we could be having, 109 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:33,719 Speaker 1: these spontaneous moments of joy, conversations with our family, learning, 110 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:37,440 Speaker 1: reading activities, that we've always wanted to do, but say 111 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 1: that we don't have time for. It rains us of 112 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:42,600 Speaker 1: our energy, our time, and if you end up being 113 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,240 Speaker 1: targeted with ads, then may be your money to And 114 00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:47,160 Speaker 1: I was thinking about what you miss out on when 115 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,720 Speaker 1: you're on your phone or you're doing other things while 116 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 1: trying to spend time with people, And one thing I 117 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:56,560 Speaker 1: realized was communication is so much more than just words. 118 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 2: You can hear someone speaking, but are you seeing them speak? 119 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,720 Speaker 1: And usually if our head's down looking at our phone, 120 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:06,560 Speaker 1: we miss out on these emotional cues, the facial expressions, 121 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:10,679 Speaker 1: the tone that someone's speaking, in body language. It tells 122 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,360 Speaker 1: us how the people that we love are feeling, whether 123 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:17,600 Speaker 1: it's our kids or our partners or parents. They may 124 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:20,200 Speaker 1: not say what they're feeling, but they will be showing it. 125 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:22,479 Speaker 1: And if we're not present, we will miss out on 126 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:26,720 Speaker 1: this chance to respond with love and with care. You know, 127 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,680 Speaker 1: I think about it when it comes to my dad, 128 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:31,120 Speaker 1: because my dad is a man of very few words. 129 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,919 Speaker 1: He's very intentional with the way that he speaks, but 130 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,159 Speaker 1: he's also not great at expressing when he's in pain 131 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 1: or if his body hurts, or if he's unwell. But 132 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,560 Speaker 1: I can tell by the way he walks into a 133 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 1: room if he's not feeling good. And I can tell 134 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:48,360 Speaker 1: by the way he moves his body or the way 135 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 1: he sits down if his joints are hurting, whatever it is. 136 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 1: By me visually looking at him, I can tell if 137 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,240 Speaker 1: my head's down in my phone, I may not notice 138 00:06:57,279 --> 00:07:00,200 Speaker 1: that day in day out, day in day out. So 139 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:03,039 Speaker 1: really we have to be paying attention and be mentally 140 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:06,200 Speaker 1: available to even notice those things. Sometimes our mind is 141 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:09,040 Speaker 1: so exhausted just because of scrolling that we probably won't 142 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 1: pick up on the things that we normally would, And 143 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:12,960 Speaker 1: that could be a big reason why there's so much 144 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:17,400 Speaker 1: miscommunication in relationships. It's not because we're misunderstanding each other's words. 145 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:21,040 Speaker 1: It's because we're not seeing or acknowledging the in between queues. 146 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,280 Speaker 1: Your partner comes to you and they're like, Oh, can't 147 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,840 Speaker 1: you see I'm so tired. Can't you see I'm struggling. 148 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:29,160 Speaker 1: Can't you see I'm not well? No, because I wasn't 149 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,000 Speaker 1: really paying attention. I was on my phone, I was scrolling. 150 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:35,840 Speaker 1: Speaking is only one small form of communication, and I 151 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:40,520 Speaker 1: really think that to create these deeper, longer lasting, meaningful 152 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:44,560 Speaker 1: relationships between our partners, our friends, or family. It's tuning 153 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:48,240 Speaker 1: into all those unsaid things too. When we choose to 154 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:51,080 Speaker 1: be on our devices, we are essentially choosing to focus 155 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 1: on something outside of our immediate surroundings, and over time 156 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,400 Speaker 1: this affects the quality of our relationships. You might think 157 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,880 Speaker 1: that it's not, but try staying with your partner or 158 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,800 Speaker 1: your family without your phone. Can you think of a conversation? 159 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:08,160 Speaker 1: Words to speak to each other, questions to ask. Scrolling 160 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 1: for me while I'm with someone else became so normal 161 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 1: to me that I realized whether it was car journeys 162 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,520 Speaker 1: or dinners together, I actually had to relearn how to 163 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:20,600 Speaker 1: create conversation. I had to relearn asking questions. We should 164 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,920 Speaker 1: actually be such a normal part of a connection. It's 165 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,600 Speaker 1: not really just about putting away your phone either. That's 166 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:30,119 Speaker 1: just step one. Sitting there in silence isn't very useful either, 167 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,760 Speaker 1: So you have to start thinking, how can I inject 168 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:36,400 Speaker 1: intention and meaning into this interaction and what does that 169 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:38,600 Speaker 1: look like for us? How can I connect to this 170 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:42,040 Speaker 1: person individually? So I wanted to share some practical things 171 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:44,640 Speaker 1: that we can do to move towards a more present mindset. 172 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:47,560 Speaker 1: The good news is it's actually not that complicated at all, 173 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:51,600 Speaker 1: but it requires consistency, a little bit of willpower and 174 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,400 Speaker 1: love to be the driving force. Now, the first thing 175 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:56,480 Speaker 1: I wanted to mention is, you know I was talking 176 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:59,800 Speaker 1: about family time earlier, and for me, whenever I would 177 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:03,280 Speaker 1: go by, it's like this urgent feeling of spending time together, 178 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,880 Speaker 1: making the most of every second, and because I know 179 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,200 Speaker 1: I'd be leaving again. And one thing I came to 180 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:13,800 Speaker 1: the realization of recently, very recently, actually was I kept 181 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:17,240 Speaker 1: focusing on trying to spend time with everybody together. I 182 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,640 Speaker 1: was like, if we're not all spending time together, it's 183 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:23,560 Speaker 1: not complete. If me, my mom, my sister, my dad, 184 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:25,520 Speaker 1: my brother in law, my husband, Like, if we're not 185 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:30,320 Speaker 1: all spending time together, that means it's incomplete. You know, 186 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,360 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, everybody has different things 187 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,600 Speaker 1: that they like doing with each other, and so what 188 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,200 Speaker 1: they did is it limited us to things or we 189 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,520 Speaker 1: had to compromise on some things that one person wanted 190 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:42,240 Speaker 1: to do another another person doesn't really like doing. And 191 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:45,160 Speaker 1: so what I'm now learned and when I'm going to 192 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,439 Speaker 1: try and practice when I go home, is how can 193 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:50,560 Speaker 1: I spend individual time with each person in a way 194 00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:53,559 Speaker 1: that they love spending time because a lot of the 195 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:57,200 Speaker 1: time people's love languages, even within families, are different. And 196 00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:01,400 Speaker 1: so even if quality time for my mom is important, 197 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:05,360 Speaker 1: for my grandma, it's acts of services. And so I 198 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:09,360 Speaker 1: really had to figure out what activities actually don't just 199 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,360 Speaker 1: make me feel like I'm spending time with them, and 200 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:14,920 Speaker 1: it's off quality but for my family or my family members. 201 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:17,960 Speaker 1: So this time, for example, honestly, my mom's at a 202 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:21,479 Speaker 1: place in her life where she just loves doing spiritual activities. 203 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,800 Speaker 1: She loves connecting everything she's doing to her spiritual practices. 204 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,040 Speaker 1: She lives her whole life around it, whether it's the 205 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,280 Speaker 1: spiritual community we're part of, whether it's reading her spiritual 206 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 1: books at home, doing her prayers. That's really what she 207 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:37,360 Speaker 1: bases her life around. And so I would be like, 208 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,200 Speaker 1: spend quality time by I don't know, let's watch a 209 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:43,320 Speaker 1: movie together, for example, But she doesn't like watching movies, 210 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,320 Speaker 1: so us spending time watching movies together is very selfish. 211 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,040 Speaker 1: It's also not a great way to spend time together 212 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:51,520 Speaker 1: because we're not speaking or interacting. And so I called 213 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,719 Speaker 1: my mum recently and I said, you know, I feel like, 214 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,800 Speaker 1: whenever I come back, I don't get to spend time 215 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,600 Speaker 1: with you the way you want to spend time with me. 216 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:00,400 Speaker 1: And so why don't we set up one a week 217 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,840 Speaker 1: when I'm back, or once a day even We'll sit. 218 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:05,719 Speaker 2: Down and we'll read. 219 00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:08,280 Speaker 1: Something together and we'll discuss it, or we'll go on 220 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 1: a walk and we'll talk about what we've listened to 221 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:14,720 Speaker 1: recently or our reflections. And I could tell that meant 222 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,000 Speaker 1: would mean so much to her, and I think that 223 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,960 Speaker 1: that's the way that our relationship will deepen and strengthen 224 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,400 Speaker 1: so much more. And then with my dad, my dad 225 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:24,600 Speaker 1: likes saying physical activity, and so I'd probably go for 226 00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:27,200 Speaker 1: walks with him. Me and my sister, we connect in 227 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,520 Speaker 1: so many different ways, whether it's just going for a 228 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:33,360 Speaker 1: run or sitting and sometimes watching something together and having 229 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,400 Speaker 1: a laugh, or cooking something together, whatever it is. Like, 230 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:41,480 Speaker 1: I've now started realizing that even though this idyllic view 231 00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:46,199 Speaker 1: of having family time is everyone together, to actually initiate deeper, 232 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:49,679 Speaker 1: meaningful relationships one to one, it requires one to one time. 233 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,600 Speaker 1: And so that's really what I'm going to plan to 234 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:55,000 Speaker 1: do when I go back, and I encourage you to 235 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,440 Speaker 1: do that too. What is the thing that you connect 236 00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:00,360 Speaker 1: to that one individual in your family or your partner 237 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,200 Speaker 1: with that you can do that will help strengthen your 238 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:07,080 Speaker 1: relationship with them and their relationship with you. So the 239 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 1: next thing I had to do for myself was to 240 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:11,600 Speaker 1: set boundaries, like think about because I realized I was 241 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:15,199 Speaker 1: getting really addicted to my phone, Like it was so unhealthy, 242 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:17,600 Speaker 1: and it was just getting to a point where I 243 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 1: was having to like throw my phone across the so 244 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 1: far or away from me because I found myself just 245 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:26,800 Speaker 1: mindlessly using it. And I think anything being done mindlessly 246 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,080 Speaker 1: is not good for you. I really wanted to start 247 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 1: using things with more intention. And I realized that even 248 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:32,800 Speaker 1: in your phone, your phone can be used with so 249 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,920 Speaker 1: much intention. Your phone can be used and be useful 250 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,960 Speaker 1: to you in so many ways. But as soon as 251 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,520 Speaker 1: you start misusing something and using it for things which 252 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:45,000 Speaker 1: are not beneficial to you, your relationship to it starts changing. 253 00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:49,240 Speaker 1: And so my relationship with my phone, my relationship with 254 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:53,160 Speaker 1: social media became a negative one because I was misusing it. 255 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,760 Speaker 1: And so I've started to set boundaries. And what I 256 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,600 Speaker 1: realized is the funny thing about boundaries is that it 257 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,559 Speaker 1: sounds so restrictive. When you think about a boundary, it's 258 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:04,360 Speaker 1: a limit, right, It's like you cannot pass this limit. 259 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:09,080 Speaker 1: It feels like it's restrictive, but actually it creates so 260 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:12,720 Speaker 1: much freedom physically and mentally because if you think about it, 261 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:16,920 Speaker 1: you're not being controlled by something. Being disciplined and setting 262 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:19,160 Speaker 1: limits and boundaries is one of the best things you 263 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:21,280 Speaker 1: can do for yourself to achieve what you want to 264 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:24,439 Speaker 1: in life. And honestly, that applies in every single area 265 00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:26,520 Speaker 1: of your life, not just this. And the thing is 266 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,040 Speaker 1: you don't have to cut it out completely that is 267 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:30,880 Speaker 1: so unrealistic. But you can set up things like no 268 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,320 Speaker 1: phone zones in your house, like for us it's our 269 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,640 Speaker 1: meditation room. We remind one another if someone decides to 270 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,360 Speaker 1: sneak it in, or the dining room when we're having 271 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,880 Speaker 1: a meal, maybe saying, you know, what, phone's in the 272 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,240 Speaker 1: basket right now, like, no one has their phone at 273 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,000 Speaker 1: the dinner table. 274 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:48,320 Speaker 2: And I remember growing up, no. 275 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:50,679 Speaker 1: Matter how busy everyone was, how annoyed anyone was at 276 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,360 Speaker 1: each other, everyone would have to sit down and eat 277 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:57,160 Speaker 1: dinner together. And looking back, I really do appreciate that 278 00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 1: because it was the only time we had to make 279 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:02,240 Speaker 1: conversation with each other to catch up to hear each 280 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:05,240 Speaker 1: other's day. You can also create specific times of the 281 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:07,800 Speaker 1: day where everyone puts their phones away, like an hour 282 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:10,280 Speaker 1: before bed, ordering family activities. 283 00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:11,520 Speaker 2: You know, I'm really. 284 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:15,760 Speaker 1: Trying to put my phone away after work hours, or 285 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:18,439 Speaker 1: give myself like an hour where I'll be social on 286 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:20,640 Speaker 1: my phone for an hour after work and then at 287 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:24,520 Speaker 1: least an hour before bed, just putting my phone away. Otherwise, 288 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:27,920 Speaker 1: I started to notice it's this crazy involuntary reaction where 289 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,040 Speaker 1: within five minutes of my hand being empty, it somehow 290 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,600 Speaker 1: finds its way back to my phone, And it's become 291 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,280 Speaker 1: such a habit that I don't even realize I'm doing it. Oh, 292 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,120 Speaker 1: the show is a little bit boring. Let me scroll 293 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:39,160 Speaker 1: in between. H I'm walking to the toilet, let me 294 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,880 Speaker 1: scroll on the way there. You could even have a 295 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,720 Speaker 1: little putting your phone to bed ritual, sing it to 296 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,080 Speaker 1: sleep and call it a day. 297 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:46,960 Speaker 2: Sometimes. 298 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:48,600 Speaker 1: You know, I've tried to do this, but I find 299 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:50,240 Speaker 1: it difficult because I feel like I always want my 300 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:53,400 Speaker 1: phone at reach. Maybe it's a worried thing of wanting 301 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:56,120 Speaker 1: to call my family just in case something's happened. But 302 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,720 Speaker 1: you know, many people leave their phones outside their room, 303 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:01,320 Speaker 1: and I think that's really healthy if you can get there. 304 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,760 Speaker 1: I'm not quite there yet. It's something I'm going to 305 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:07,240 Speaker 1: work on, but yeah, that's definitely a useful one for 306 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 1: when you're going to go to bed and you just 307 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,160 Speaker 1: kind of put it outside and you know there's nothing 308 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,400 Speaker 1: in the room that can distract you. Also, making it 309 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:15,880 Speaker 1: a group decision is so much easier than trying to 310 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:18,480 Speaker 1: do it yourself, because seeing someone else on their phone 311 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,960 Speaker 1: if you're not, it's like being on a sugar detox 312 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:24,880 Speaker 1: and someone's eating I scream around you. We need solidarity 313 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:27,360 Speaker 1: for success people, So trying to do it together. I've 314 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,800 Speaker 1: also noticed that with phones, it's like if I've got 315 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,520 Speaker 1: my phone away and I'm trying to have a conversation 316 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,280 Speaker 1: with the person I'm having a meal with, then they're 317 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,800 Speaker 1: on their phone. Naturally, because you don't feel like they're 318 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:38,920 Speaker 1: paying attention or they're not having a conversation with you, you'll 319 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,000 Speaker 1: also reach for yours, and so trying to do it 320 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,720 Speaker 1: together is a useful way to actually keep to the 321 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,600 Speaker 1: commitment and stay consistent with it. 322 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:47,800 Speaker 2: Okay, so you've put. 323 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,480 Speaker 1: Your phone away and then you're like, what do I 324 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:53,000 Speaker 1: do now like what am I supposed to do? And 325 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:56,160 Speaker 1: so we have to think of what the alternatives are. 326 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,120 Speaker 1: My spiritual teacher once said this, and it is stuck 327 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,520 Speaker 1: in my mind ever since. He said, when you're thinking 328 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 1: about throwing away bad habits, when you're trying to get 329 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,880 Speaker 1: rid of them, do not think about the habit you're 330 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,960 Speaker 1: trying to get rid of. Try and find something better 331 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,600 Speaker 1: to replace it with. So think about what you're adding 332 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,680 Speaker 1: into your life before you start thinking about what you're 333 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:17,000 Speaker 1: taking away from your life. So it then doesn't feel 334 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:20,680 Speaker 1: like a lack. So try replacing the scroll time with 335 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:22,840 Speaker 1: something you can do together as a family. This could 336 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,040 Speaker 1: be as simple as playing a board game, going for 337 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:28,520 Speaker 1: a walk, reading a book, cooking a meal together, even 338 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:32,840 Speaker 1: using conversation cards. There's one box called where not really 339 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:36,200 Speaker 1: Strangers or I came across this other one recently. Honestly, 340 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:38,360 Speaker 1: reading the questions made me emotional because I realized I 341 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,200 Speaker 1: never asked my parents questions like this. It's called parents 342 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:44,560 Speaker 1: are humans, and it has great questions to connect deeper 343 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,320 Speaker 1: to your parents, and you will end up asking questions 344 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,920 Speaker 1: you probably would have never thought about asking your parents 345 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,200 Speaker 1: and understanding them in a way that you have not 346 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:55,600 Speaker 1: had a chance to in the past. You could even 347 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,720 Speaker 1: do some holiday planning together, life planning, planning your next holiday, 348 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,480 Speaker 1: Like there are so many different things, is that we 349 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,200 Speaker 1: can add into our life, probably so many things that 350 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,399 Speaker 1: you've been wanting to do that you never got around 351 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:09,200 Speaker 1: to in that time spent instead of scrolling. The key 352 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:12,000 Speaker 1: is that you're interacting and you're having fun together, and 353 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,920 Speaker 1: you'll be surprised how these little moments end up being 354 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:19,080 Speaker 1: lasting memories together. And look, replacing your device with another 355 00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:22,960 Speaker 1: device like your TV may also not feel like connective moments. 356 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,960 Speaker 1: So if you do fancy putting on the TV, maybe 357 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,679 Speaker 1: choose something like a documentary or something you could talk 358 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,760 Speaker 1: about and discuss together, or maybe even have a laugh 359 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,520 Speaker 1: together about. You know, there have been so many times 360 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 1: that I have come away from spending time with people 361 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:39,600 Speaker 1: and still felt very empty or disconnected from them, even 362 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:43,040 Speaker 1: after spending hours with them. And I honestly find activities 363 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:46,119 Speaker 1: like watching movies or being in front of a screen 364 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:50,760 Speaker 1: together doesn't actually feel like a connection at all because 365 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:53,760 Speaker 1: there's no true interaction. You're just existing within the same 366 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,879 Speaker 1: space with each other with no emotional connection. So another 367 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:01,440 Speaker 1: thing that I have found has created more meaningful interactions 368 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:05,200 Speaker 1: with my family members, and this is especially with my grandma. 369 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,880 Speaker 1: I used to always want to be able to give 370 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,080 Speaker 1: back to her in some way, and she was such 371 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:14,359 Speaker 1: a self sufficient woman that she never really needed help 372 00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:16,240 Speaker 1: from us, like she did everything herself. 373 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,080 Speaker 2: And I would always think. 374 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,920 Speaker 1: What can I do for her, Like I can spoil her, 375 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,159 Speaker 1: and I can, you know, give her gifts and stuff, 376 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,600 Speaker 1: But I don't know. There was something that felt like 377 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:26,200 Speaker 1: it was missing when I was trying to spend time 378 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:29,840 Speaker 1: with her. And she actually had to go into hospital 379 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:33,400 Speaker 1: a couple of years ago, and I was very fortunate 380 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:37,280 Speaker 1: that the hospital let me stay with her in hospital 381 00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:39,639 Speaker 1: with her during the whole time she was there, so 382 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,560 Speaker 1: I would spend the nights with her there and over 383 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,080 Speaker 1: that time I kind of became her care in the hospital. 384 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:47,000 Speaker 1: I would help her with everything. I would take her 385 00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,600 Speaker 1: to the bathroom, I would help her shower and do 386 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:53,760 Speaker 1: all of those things. It became this different type of relationship. 387 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,960 Speaker 1: And obviously this was a horrible situation that she was in, 388 00:18:57,280 --> 00:19:00,840 Speaker 1: but what it made me realize was doing of service 389 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:05,359 Speaker 1: for somebody that you love fills you up like nothing else, 390 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 1: Like when you are lovingly doing something for somebody that 391 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:12,160 Speaker 1: you love. You're able to look after them, You're able 392 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,800 Speaker 1: to care for them, You're able to do something for 393 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,280 Speaker 1: them that they would normally struggle with, or even that 394 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:18,960 Speaker 1: they would normally do themselves, but it gives them a 395 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,159 Speaker 1: little bit of extra spare time to themselves. Sometimes I 396 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,720 Speaker 1: do that with my sister. She has two amazing children, 397 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:28,480 Speaker 1: and she homeschools, and she is the most phenomenal mother. 398 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,199 Speaker 1: And I remember back in the day when she had 399 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:35,120 Speaker 1: just had her third baby, or even when she had 400 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,680 Speaker 1: her first baby, I would go over and I would 401 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,199 Speaker 1: just wash up for her and or like do the 402 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:42,160 Speaker 1: dishes for her, or do a bit of cleaning for her, 403 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,840 Speaker 1: and it was I used to think it was for her, 404 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:46,720 Speaker 1: but it was so much more for me to feel 405 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,640 Speaker 1: like I was contributing and helping her in her life 406 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:52,199 Speaker 1: in a time where she needed it, and so I 407 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 1: know she deeply appreciated it. 408 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,360 Speaker 2: But I also appreciated. 409 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:59,080 Speaker 1: Her saying yes to the help and her letting me 410 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,239 Speaker 1: help her, because it takes a lot for you to 411 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:05,800 Speaker 1: say yes sometimes to let people help you. And it 412 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,400 Speaker 1: actually was a beautiful exchange. I was able to help 413 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,200 Speaker 1: her in a time of need, and I was able 414 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,840 Speaker 1: to give her a little bit of time back to herself. 415 00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:15,880 Speaker 1: And I felt that same way with my grandma. Now, 416 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,560 Speaker 1: my relationship with my grandma is literally every time I 417 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,119 Speaker 1: call her, now, oh, I got used to giving her 418 00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:25,160 Speaker 1: these massages, by the way, and so every single day 419 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,120 Speaker 1: I would give her a massage of some sort. And 420 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 1: now her connection to me is helping to heal her 421 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 1: and massages and getting rid of her pain. So every 422 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:39,159 Speaker 1: time I come home, my mum really laughs about it. 423 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:41,080 Speaker 1: Every time I come home, the first thing she says 424 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,440 Speaker 1: when I walk into the door. She won't complain about 425 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:45,760 Speaker 1: her pain to many other people, but as soon as 426 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,760 Speaker 1: I walk and she's like, oh, I've got these aches 427 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,080 Speaker 1: and pains on my shoulder. 428 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:50,520 Speaker 2: Oh my leg's hurting. 429 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,760 Speaker 1: And so I'd be like, she's like, give you a massage, 430 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,480 Speaker 1: and she'll be like, okay, yeah, take a massage. And 431 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,119 Speaker 1: then what starts off as like a five minute massage 432 00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:01,000 Speaker 1: ends up as an hour. She down I'll give her 433 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:05,399 Speaker 1: a full body massage. And that connection of acts of 434 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:10,440 Speaker 1: service has just completely changed our relationship. And so I've 435 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,359 Speaker 1: started trying to practice that with other people in my 436 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,119 Speaker 1: life that I really care about people that I've been 437 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,600 Speaker 1: wanting to repay in some way, like my parents. How 438 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,760 Speaker 1: can I serve them in their life to make their 439 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,720 Speaker 1: life a little bit easier. What can I do for 440 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,959 Speaker 1: them that can make them feel spoilt and cared for 441 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:28,080 Speaker 1: a little bit more. Sometimes it means planning something for them. 442 00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:31,880 Speaker 1: Sometimes it means prepping my dad's high protein meal plan 443 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:33,320 Speaker 1: for him so they can put on a bit of way. 444 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,159 Speaker 2: You know, there's so many different things that we can do. 445 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:35,920 Speaker 2: It doesn't even have to. 446 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:39,199 Speaker 1: Be in person, but essentially you're doing something for that 447 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,760 Speaker 1: person and it's fueling you and them and it's a really, 448 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:44,400 Speaker 1: really good feeling. Another huge part of actually being able 449 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:47,320 Speaker 1: to be present with someone when you're having a conversation 450 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,159 Speaker 1: with them is active listening. And if you're not in 451 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,920 Speaker 1: the habit of doing that, it can start with simply 452 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:57,040 Speaker 1: making eye contact while that person is speaking, having eye 453 00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,680 Speaker 1: contact with them as they are saying the words out 454 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:02,840 Speaker 1: of them mouth, Stop everything else that you're doing, and 455 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,919 Speaker 1: really listen. Sometimes I even repeat back parts of the 456 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,440 Speaker 1: sentence that they're saying to me to really digest it 457 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:11,400 Speaker 1: and for them to also see that I am listening 458 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:14,640 Speaker 1: and I am paying attention. This kind of presence can 459 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:19,000 Speaker 1: transform the quality of your interactions together. It is so 460 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:21,840 Speaker 1: annoying when you're trying to have a conversation with someone 461 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:24,440 Speaker 1: and they're on their phone and you have to repeat 462 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:27,360 Speaker 1: over and over again what you're saying. I have been 463 00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:29,000 Speaker 1: on both ends of that, by the way. I've been 464 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,040 Speaker 1: the person not paying attention, and I've been the person 465 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:35,199 Speaker 1: that has been trying to get the attention, and honestly, 466 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,600 Speaker 1: it just really limits the conversation. You get so tired 467 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,080 Speaker 1: of that conversation and you end up cutting it off 468 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,639 Speaker 1: because you don't feel heard, you don't feel listened to, 469 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 1: and there's no reciprocation or interaction. And so practicing this 470 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:52,680 Speaker 1: ability to be present while actively listening within conversation helps 471 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,800 Speaker 1: build a deeper connection to you. Being an active listener, 472 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,399 Speaker 1: being present in the conversation, even for that short period 473 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 1: of time, can change that interaction and the connection you 474 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,600 Speaker 1: have to that person. It's also nice creating rituals with 475 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:07,159 Speaker 1: your family. You know, when I think about when I 476 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,600 Speaker 1: was younger, and if you're someone who's a parent, this 477 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,399 Speaker 1: could be really nice to try. And because obviously all 478 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:14,480 Speaker 1: the kids are on screens, nowadays trying to create family 479 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,400 Speaker 1: rituals so it doesn't have to be every day thing, 480 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:18,280 Speaker 1: but it could be an every week thing like this 481 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,760 Speaker 1: is the time that we're spending time together and we're 482 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,359 Speaker 1: going to do cook something together, or we're going to 483 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:26,480 Speaker 1: you know, a tradition that goes on weekly or every 484 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,280 Speaker 1: single day or every single month, something that connects you 485 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:33,200 Speaker 1: all and excites everybody to spend that time together. I've 486 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:34,800 Speaker 1: had this before. I think my sister told me. She 487 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,240 Speaker 1: does this where they kind of recap on their day 488 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,800 Speaker 1: when they're putting the babies to bed, What was your 489 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:41,920 Speaker 1: highlight of the day, What did you love doing? And 490 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:43,840 Speaker 1: all they'll say they're wins of the day, you know. 491 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,439 Speaker 1: I've seen that on I think I was on a 492 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,560 Speaker 1: TV show and I was like, that's so cute saying 493 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:49,680 Speaker 1: what wins you had in the day and what didn't 494 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,080 Speaker 1: feel great in the day. You know, those little moments 495 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:55,800 Speaker 1: of hearing each other and understanding each other's fears and 496 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,960 Speaker 1: what brings each other joy. It can help you to 497 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,360 Speaker 1: understand the person. And that's all we really want, don't 498 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:02,879 Speaker 1: we We want our loved ones to feel like they 499 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,880 Speaker 1: understand us, and we want to feel like we understand 500 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:09,399 Speaker 1: them too. And you know what underneath everything underneath the 501 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:14,359 Speaker 1: mindlessness of scrolling underneath trying to find some sort of stimulation, 502 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,360 Speaker 1: whatever it is. I had to figure out what is 503 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:21,640 Speaker 1: the root cause of me wanting to scroll? Is it boredom? 504 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,479 Speaker 1: Is it an escape? Is it a distraction? What are 505 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,160 Speaker 1: we actually trying to scroll away from? And I think 506 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,479 Speaker 1: trying to understand that is really important because it can 507 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:33,200 Speaker 1: probably uncover a deeper issue that we have to handle. 508 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:36,800 Speaker 1: If it's boredom, okay, but why are we bored in life? 509 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:38,719 Speaker 1: There is so much excitement and left, so many things 510 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,320 Speaker 1: we could be doing. If it is boredom, let's find 511 00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:43,280 Speaker 1: something in our life that excites us. 512 00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:44,280 Speaker 2: If it is a. 513 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,800 Speaker 1: Distraction, and what am I trying to distract myself from? 514 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,320 Speaker 1: Is it something that's hurt me? Is it something that 515 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,200 Speaker 1: I don't want to face because it upsets me too much? 516 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,719 Speaker 2: Is it a person? Is it a job? 517 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:58,080 Speaker 1: You know, really trying to evaluate and have a moment 518 00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:00,360 Speaker 1: of self reflection of why am I doing this? 519 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:02,199 Speaker 2: What is it? Is it anxiety? For me? 520 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,399 Speaker 1: Sometimes it's that I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm so 521 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,200 Speaker 1: stressed right now in my life let me quickly have 522 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,200 Speaker 1: a scroll and see what else someone else is doing. 523 00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,119 Speaker 1: That means I have to cope with that, because trying 524 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:15,200 Speaker 1: to escape from something is never the solution. It's actually 525 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,639 Speaker 1: addressing it and trying to heal yourself from it. And 526 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:21,040 Speaker 1: so I have a little challenge for you. Set aside 527 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,960 Speaker 1: one hour today where your phone is completely off. Literally 528 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,119 Speaker 1: just one hour, and it can't be when you're sleeping. Okay, 529 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,280 Speaker 1: Set aside one hour where your phone is fully off, 530 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,879 Speaker 1: and see where your mind takes you, see where your 531 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,840 Speaker 1: physical body takes you. Where do you what do you 532 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,960 Speaker 1: end up doing in that time? And ideally try and 533 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,280 Speaker 1: do that at a time where you can connect to someone. 534 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,320 Speaker 1: How is that interaction different? How did you connect to 535 00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:47,399 Speaker 1: that person differently? What did you notice about yourself in 536 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:51,800 Speaker 1: those moments? Notice how the energy shifts, how the conversation changes, 537 00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:56,159 Speaker 1: and how your connections feel deeper. Such a small step 538 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,520 Speaker 1: with such a huge impact. So even if you take 539 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,439 Speaker 1: an hour a day where you're like, lock in this 540 00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:03,000 Speaker 1: phone away and it is not coming back out until 541 00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:05,560 Speaker 1: I'm done with the hour, oh my gosh. When I've 542 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:09,040 Speaker 1: done that, I've read amazing books, I've gone for a walk, 543 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,679 Speaker 1: instead just so many things that afterwards I come back 544 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,480 Speaker 1: and I'm like, that was so refreshing and so wonderful. 545 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 1: And so I really truly hope that this episode helps 546 00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,119 Speaker 1: you to create more meaningful moments with people that you love, 547 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:23,480 Speaker 1: Especially during the holidays. I think it's such a special 548 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,040 Speaker 1: time where the whole world this shot off. You're not 549 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,919 Speaker 1: missing out on anything. Just spend that time connecting to 550 00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:29,639 Speaker 1: the people that you truly love and the way that 551 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,800 Speaker 1: you want to so you will never have regrets in 552 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,119 Speaker 1: your life. So if we end up deciding to do 553 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,360 Speaker 1: this together, which I think we all should, reducing our 554 00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:39,520 Speaker 1: device time, I think it will have the opportunity to 555 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,520 Speaker 1: deepen our relationships. By being fully present, We're able to 556 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:46,680 Speaker 1: listen better to each other, respond more thoughtfully, notice things 557 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,320 Speaker 1: in our family members that maybe we weren't noticing before, 558 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,640 Speaker 1: and start to appreciate the people that we're spending time with. 559 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,520 Speaker 1: I also hope that it helps you to reduce your stress. Like, look, 560 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,199 Speaker 1: the holidays are meant to be a time where we 561 00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:00,439 Speaker 1: can decompress. Winter is a time of hibernation. It's a 562 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:03,000 Speaker 1: time where we go a little bit more inward, where 563 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:06,320 Speaker 1: we become a little bit more reflective and also slow 564 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:09,919 Speaker 1: down and scrolling is not a slow paced environment. It 565 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:12,480 Speaker 1: is fast paced, and it can lead to a lot 566 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:17,440 Speaker 1: of mental fatigue, mental anxiety, and just not feeling great. 567 00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:19,840 Speaker 1: You know. So many studies have shown that the more 568 00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,000 Speaker 1: time we spend on social media, the more anxious we 569 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,880 Speaker 1: can feel. So let's hope that during this holiday time 570 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,440 Speaker 1: we're able to step away from our phones, giving our 571 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,959 Speaker 1: minds a chance to reset and rest. 572 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:31,760 Speaker 2: And the holidays are about joy. 573 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:35,439 Speaker 1: Let's hope that this time without our phones allows us 574 00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,399 Speaker 1: to be present and experience actual joy in the moment. 575 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:40,920 Speaker 1: You may not have to, Yes, there's this really hard 576 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:45,119 Speaker 1: balance between when to create memories and then also like 577 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:48,359 Speaker 1: with our phone, taking pictures, taking videos, and then also 578 00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:50,760 Speaker 1: being present in the moment. So maybe switch between the two, 579 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:53,920 Speaker 1: or have a camera out of your hand and on 580 00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:57,200 Speaker 1: a tripod filming everything so that you can be present 581 00:27:57,240 --> 00:28:00,199 Speaker 1: in the moment while it's being recorded for the for 582 00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:02,840 Speaker 1: your future. That way you can be fully engaged with 583 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,280 Speaker 1: the people that you love, but it's also still creating memories. 584 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,080 Speaker 1: I think that's a really good balance, to be able 585 00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:10,280 Speaker 1: to make memories and be able to watch memories back, 586 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,000 Speaker 1: but also be present in the memories while they're happening. 587 00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:16,000 Speaker 1: Thank you all so much for listening to this week's episode. 588 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,679 Speaker 1: I hope you will have such wonderful, meaningful moments with 589 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,400 Speaker 1: your family. Sending your so much love, and don't forget 590 00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,240 Speaker 1: to follow the podcast so that you get all the 591 00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:26,520 Speaker 1: notifications every single time an episode comes out. 592 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:27,480 Speaker 2: Thanks so much.