WEBVTT - Introducing Committed 0:00:14.836 --> 0:00:21.996 Pushing Hey, double date listeners, Marlow Thomas, here, we have 0:00:22.156 --> 0:00:25.156 something special for you today. Phil and I have spent 0:00:25.236 --> 0:00:29.756 the pasture interviewing other couples about what makes their marriage work. Well, 0:00:29.836 --> 0:00:33.996 we recently had the microphone turned on us. Joe Piazza 0:00:34.036 --> 0:00:37.116 of the Committed podcast had us on to tell our 0:00:37.156 --> 0:00:40.156 own love story, and we wanted to share that episode 0:00:40.156 --> 0:00:43.396 with you. We started at the very beginning on the 0:00:43.476 --> 0:00:46.276 set of Phil's show and talked about how we grew 0:00:46.316 --> 0:00:50.596 together over the next four decades. Joe's Committed interviews are 0:00:50.636 --> 0:00:54.436 an incredible glimpse inside what it takes to make a 0:00:54.516 --> 0:01:01.116 marriage work. Sometimes they're heartbreaking, sometimes hilarious, but always relatable. 0:01:01.796 --> 0:01:04.556 Joe finds couples who've gone through some of the most 0:01:04.596 --> 0:01:08.156 difficult challenges life can throw at you and still want 0:01:08.156 --> 0:01:11.436 to wake up together the next day. Her show will 0:01:11.476 --> 0:01:14.396 help you look at marriage and commitment in an entirely 0:01:14.436 --> 0:01:19.036 new way. So okay, here's the episode. Committed is a 0:01:19.036 --> 0:01:27.396 production of iHeartRadio. Marlow Thomas is back. It's been a 0:01:27.436 --> 0:01:29.396 couple of years since she last visited with us. You 0:01:29.476 --> 0:01:32.716 are so thin, am I thinner than I think last time? 0:01:32.836 --> 0:01:35.996 You've never been fat no, no, I eat a lot 0:01:36.036 --> 0:01:37.756 of food to try to gain weight. Excellent. You want 0:01:37.796 --> 0:01:39.236 me to move out, I'm in the way. Excuse me, 0:01:39.996 --> 0:01:44.516 I'm upstaging you. Doctor. Just love the Smooth Show. A 0:01:44.636 --> 0:01:47.116 clip right there is the moment that Phil Donnie Hue 0:01:47.276 --> 0:01:50.476 fell in love with marlow Thomas. That moment right on 0:01:50.516 --> 0:01:53.356 his show in nineteen seventy seven on a sound stage 0:01:53.356 --> 0:01:56.836 in Chicago. I'm sorry that we are out of time. 0:01:57.156 --> 0:02:00.036 You are really fascinating now. You are wonderful, I said 0:02:00.116 --> 0:02:01.276 when we were off there. And I want to say 0:02:01.316 --> 0:02:04.036 you are loving and generous, and you like women and 0:02:04.076 --> 0:02:05.956 it's a pleasure. And whoever is the woman in your 0:02:05.956 --> 0:02:10.676 life is very lucky. How many of us have a 0:02:10.796 --> 0:02:12.676 video of the moment that we first fell in love. 0:02:12.876 --> 0:02:14.356 Actually have a picture of me on a plane right 0:02:14.396 --> 0:02:16.956 when I first saw Nick right that moment, which is 0:02:16.996 --> 0:02:21.396 pretty special. I love this video. Their chemistry is insane 0:02:21.556 --> 0:02:26.116 and undeniable. Phil is a little stumbly and so obviously smitten. 0:02:26.476 --> 0:02:30.076 Marlowe is just so composed and insanely beautiful. You could 0:02:30.116 --> 0:02:33.116 watch this clip and not know anything about what happens 0:02:33.156 --> 0:02:36.156 next and still knowing your soul that these two people 0:02:36.236 --> 0:02:41.036 end up together for the next forty years. So I 0:02:41.156 --> 0:02:43.436 wasn't prepared because I had never seen his show because 0:02:43.476 --> 0:02:45.796 it wasn't in La So when he walked into the 0:02:45.836 --> 0:02:49.156 green room with those killer blue eyes and that great 0:02:49.156 --> 0:02:52.436 white hair, and he shook my hand and I thought, Wow, 0:02:52.476 --> 0:02:54.836 what a good looking man. And then we got out 0:02:54.876 --> 0:02:57.716 in the studio and he was so confident and just 0:02:57.796 --> 0:03:02.156 to watch him work the audience, and I was very 0:03:02.316 --> 0:03:06.356 attracted to him. I mean, we had a chemical reaction 0:03:06.436 --> 0:03:08.556 to each other right right there. You could see it. 0:03:08.596 --> 0:03:11.276 I mean, it's embarrassing to look at that show because 0:03:11.276 --> 0:03:13.636 you can really see it. And I think the most 0:03:13.676 --> 0:03:17.436 important thing is really in a marriage is that it 0:03:17.596 --> 0:03:22.236 starts off like that and that gets rekindled all the time, 0:03:22.356 --> 0:03:26.276 so that there is that sort of not just sexual 0:03:27.196 --> 0:03:33.396 but also attachment. There's a magnet between you that's you 0:03:33.476 --> 0:03:36.516 don't have with anybody else. It certainly was true with 0:03:37.036 --> 0:03:41.036 me and Marlowe. People just they do have that reaction 0:03:41.556 --> 0:03:45.156 to each other, not always but often. And I think 0:03:45.196 --> 0:03:49.236 when you start off that way, it's so exciting and 0:03:49.636 --> 0:03:53.556 well it's risky. Yeah, it's true. You know, half half 0:03:53.556 --> 0:03:58.316 of us get divorced, half of us, so you know, 0:03:58.436 --> 0:04:02.676 you and me babe forever. Yeah, that's that's a musical, 0:04:03.076 --> 0:04:10.716 kind of lyrical ideas. It doesn't consist with reality. And 0:04:10.876 --> 0:04:14.916 that's why making a marriage last can be such a 0:04:14.996 --> 0:04:20.356 challenging thing. It's just isn't easy. Marriage isn't just a struggle. 0:04:20.956 --> 0:04:24.196 It's a struggle every now and then. But again it's 0:04:24.276 --> 0:04:26.836 it's braided, you know, you braid it with love and 0:04:26.996 --> 0:04:32.436 joy and struggle and sadness and happiness and fun and humor, 0:04:32.836 --> 0:04:36.276 and then another sad thing happens. That's life. It's going 0:04:36.356 --> 0:04:39.396 to happen whether you're with this person or not. It's 0:04:39.436 --> 0:04:43.356 just whether this person is the one that is worth 0:04:43.436 --> 0:04:47.156 going through life with and allowing each other to be 0:04:47.276 --> 0:04:49.916 as vulnerable as you want to be. There is no 0:04:50.036 --> 0:04:55.196 such thing as a marriage that is smooth sailing from 0:04:55.236 --> 0:04:59.036 beginning to end. No, it just doesn't happen. You know, 0:04:59.076 --> 0:05:02.436 that's pretty obvious to all of us older folks, right, 0:05:02.716 --> 0:05:06.796 But I don't know if it's totally something that young 0:05:06.876 --> 0:05:12.236 people are aware of. Joe Pianza and this is committed. 0:05:41.196 --> 0:05:45.036 Welcome to Season six Guys Last Month. After more than 0:05:45.116 --> 0:05:47.996 forty years of marriage, Bill Donna Hue and Marlo Thomas 0:05:48.076 --> 0:05:51.596 launched a podcast together, a podcast about long term love. 0:05:52.116 --> 0:05:53.836 It's a show that a lot of our listeners are 0:05:53.836 --> 0:05:57.036 going to be very very into. It's called Double Date, 0:05:57.516 --> 0:06:00.596 and on it they interview longtime celebrity couples to find 0:06:00.636 --> 0:06:05.396 out what really makes a marriage work. We wanted to 0:06:05.436 --> 0:06:08.556 know what makes a marriage last. So in order to 0:06:08.596 --> 0:06:10.436 find out what makes the marriage last, you've got to 0:06:10.436 --> 0:06:13.356 have people who've had some experience being married and who'd 0:06:13.396 --> 0:06:17.196 been through things. You know, somebody had been unfaithful. Kia 0:06:17.316 --> 0:06:21.196 Cedric and Kevin Bacon lost all their money to Bernie Madoff. 0:06:21.796 --> 0:06:25.196 Imagine that Michael J. Fox found out he had a 0:06:25.276 --> 0:06:30.556 lifelong diagnosis of Parkinson's Three years into their marriage. Jamie 0:06:30.596 --> 0:06:34.556 Lee Curtis was addicted to pharmaceutical drugs and her husband 0:06:34.556 --> 0:06:37.716 didn't even know it. I mean, people went through these 0:06:37.916 --> 0:06:43.916 terrible things, but they knew that they loved each other 0:06:44.076 --> 0:06:47.476 and they were going to help them through it without blame, 0:06:48.116 --> 0:06:52.436 without you know, anger, but to get to the other side. 0:06:52.516 --> 0:06:56.436 And somebody, and I said, I think it was Tracy 0:06:56.556 --> 0:07:00.316 Pollin's married to Michael J. Fox. She said, when you 0:07:00.356 --> 0:07:04.116 have a long marriage, you get through something hard and 0:07:04.156 --> 0:07:06.636 there's kind of a relief in it. You think, well, wow, 0:07:06.996 --> 0:07:09.436 we got through that, we'll get through the next thing. 0:07:10.716 --> 0:07:13.156 So I love their podcast. What I needed to know 0:07:13.836 --> 0:07:16.436 was more about Phil and Marlow. I wanted to know 0:07:16.556 --> 0:07:19.876 how they made a marriage work for forty years, what 0:07:20.036 --> 0:07:22.956 makes them tick, how they made it, how they blended 0:07:22.956 --> 0:07:25.716 a family together of Phil's four boys, and how they 0:07:25.756 --> 0:07:28.676 made long distance love work between Chicago and Los Angeles. 0:07:29.196 --> 0:07:31.196 So I took us back to that very first moment 0:07:31.236 --> 0:07:35.836 on phil stage. It's nineteen seventy seven. Marlow's sitting next 0:07:35.876 --> 0:07:38.836 to Phil. She was on a nationwide tour promoting one 0:07:38.836 --> 0:07:41.836 of her many projects, and Phil is saying mostly all 0:07:41.876 --> 0:07:44.516 the right things, except for that line about how she 0:07:44.596 --> 0:07:46.476 looks so thin. I don't know if anyone would be 0:07:46.516 --> 0:07:48.756 able to say that today, But when he says it, 0:07:48.756 --> 0:07:53.116 he's just gazing adoringly at her. Well, you know, I 0:07:53.156 --> 0:07:58.996 was certainly attracted to her. I mean, if you're Catholic, 0:07:59.036 --> 0:08:04.156 you'll understand that she was an impure thought. And I 0:08:04.196 --> 0:08:09.476 did call you, yeah, and I said I knew you 0:08:09.476 --> 0:08:11.996 were on a tour, and I said, what is your 0:08:12.036 --> 0:08:17.516 next city? Right? And you said it's is Denver? And you, 0:08:17.676 --> 0:08:20.436 and you said is I said, it is Denver, very 0:08:20.436 --> 0:08:22.636 far from Chicago, and he goes, oh, no, it's not 0:08:22.796 --> 0:08:26.756 far at all. So he came for dinner, and yeah, 0:08:26.796 --> 0:08:30.156 I flew to Denver and we had dinner, and yeah, 0:08:30.596 --> 0:08:34.716 pretty much fell in love. Yeah, that was the beginning 0:08:34.756 --> 0:08:38.236 of it. And I'd love to hear Phil try to 0:08:38.236 --> 0:08:43.196 get through this without being too mushy. By the way, 0:08:43.236 --> 0:08:45.276 I think I had a cold, did I not? From 0:08:45.796 --> 0:08:48.636 you did? Because you we walked in the rain and 0:08:48.716 --> 0:08:50.876 you took your coat off and then you lost your 0:08:50.956 --> 0:08:54.956 voice and I did. This was a huge deal. Bill Donnie, 0:08:54.956 --> 0:08:57.476 who had the biggest talk show in America at the time. 0:08:57.956 --> 0:09:00.756 He needed to talk who was this woman? Who was 0:09:00.796 --> 0:09:03.836 this woman at Stollfel's voice? He had no voice, and 0:09:03.876 --> 0:09:07.556 his producer was thinking, who is this woman that gets filter? 0:09:08.476 --> 0:09:13.596 Leave Chicago? Gettical as a show, but it was it 0:09:13.716 --> 0:09:17.476 was a We were certainly smitten at first sight. Phil 0:09:17.636 --> 0:09:20.276 was I guess forty when I met you, and I 0:09:20.356 --> 0:09:22.996 was thirty eight when I met you. We were already 0:09:23.036 --> 0:09:28.916 grown people who'd had careers and other relationships, and and 0:09:29.036 --> 0:09:30.996 you had children. I did not have a marriage, but 0:09:31.036 --> 0:09:33.916 he'd had a marriage and children. But we'd had other 0:09:34.036 --> 0:09:37.636 lives and we come to each other with a lot 0:09:37.676 --> 0:09:43.956 of experience that should be appreciated. In our differences are accomplishments. 0:09:44.436 --> 0:09:47.956 Phil was always the first person to tell me how 0:09:47.996 --> 0:09:50.836 proud he was of what I was accomplishing or what 0:09:50.996 --> 0:09:54.996 I had already accomplished. I mean, that's a great that's 0:09:55.036 --> 0:09:58.396 a great gift that your partner gives you that kind 0:09:58.436 --> 0:10:03.756 of cheerleading. Boy, that's very big, I think in a marriage. Yeah, 0:10:03.876 --> 0:10:07.716 as a parent, I wish I had learned that much earlier. Yeah, 0:10:07.916 --> 0:10:12.476 the biggest challenge early years was geography. Phil's entire life 0:10:12.516 --> 0:10:16.156 was in Chicago and Marlowe's entire life was in Los Angeles. 0:10:19.156 --> 0:10:21.076 It was a time in my career where I was 0:10:21.236 --> 0:10:25.316 making a television movie after television movie. I produced and 0:10:25.396 --> 0:10:29.436 starred in about twelve films all in a row, and 0:10:29.556 --> 0:10:32.996 Free to Be was one of the projects at that time. 0:10:32.996 --> 0:10:35.116 It happened one Christmas. I mean, there were so many 0:10:35.156 --> 0:10:37.956 of them, and Phil was doing a show every day 0:10:37.996 --> 0:10:41.676 at nine am, live in Chicago, and four boys, raising 0:10:41.676 --> 0:10:45.836 four boys. So I mean the traveling was just crazy 0:10:46.036 --> 0:10:50.636 and upsetting, and we'd always have an argument on Sunday night, 0:10:50.916 --> 0:10:53.796 one of us would be going back home. And it 0:10:53.836 --> 0:10:55.756 took us a while to realize that the reason we 0:10:55.836 --> 0:10:58.236 fought on Sunday nights is that we were unhappy that 0:10:58.316 --> 0:11:01.676 we were leaving each other. I think geography was the 0:11:01.716 --> 0:11:06.196 biggest problem. And we broke up for three months, obviously 0:11:06.236 --> 0:11:09.916 before we were married, and said this too much. FEEL said, 0:11:09.956 --> 0:11:12.276 I've got these kids, I've got to get them through 0:11:12.356 --> 0:11:15.116 high school. I've got my show. And I said, I, 0:11:15.556 --> 0:11:19.076 you know, I can't come every weekend. I've got responsibilities, 0:11:19.116 --> 0:11:22.356 I've got music scoring, I've script to write. You know, 0:11:22.396 --> 0:11:24.596 I just can't do so it was just impossible. So 0:11:24.636 --> 0:11:27.436 we broke up. And after we broke up, I went 0:11:27.476 --> 0:11:29.636 back to an old boyfriend, and I think he went 0:11:29.676 --> 0:11:32.476 back to an old girlfriend or some new girlfriends whatever 0:11:32.596 --> 0:11:36.076 for about three months. And after the three months, we 0:11:36.196 --> 0:11:39.796 both realize that we needed each other. I often say 0:11:39.796 --> 0:11:43.196 to people when they're concerned about whether or not they 0:11:43.196 --> 0:11:45.636 want to get married to a certain person, I say, 0:11:45.636 --> 0:11:48.516 you know, separate for a couple of months. It really 0:11:48.556 --> 0:11:51.716 gives you a good perspective, It really does. I would 0:11:51.796 --> 0:11:55.116 be out to dinner with another man and I'd be thinking, 0:11:55.116 --> 0:11:57.236 you know Phil would love this or that with that, 0:11:57.396 --> 0:12:00.036 I would be He was on my mind all the time. 0:12:01.556 --> 0:12:04.676 Marlowe never wanted to be married. In fact, when she 0:12:04.796 --> 0:12:07.836 was starring in and producing the sitcom That Girl, a 0:12:07.916 --> 0:12:10.356 show about a single woman living on her own, the 0:12:10.436 --> 0:12:12.996 network producers wanted to end the series with a wedding, 0:12:13.716 --> 0:12:16.356 Marla refused. She didn't even want to get married on TV. 0:12:16.836 --> 0:12:18.676 She did not want to give the impression that the 0:12:18.756 --> 0:12:21.596 only happy ending for a woman was marriage. She was 0:12:21.636 --> 0:12:24.516 also terrified of getting married because she'd never really seen 0:12:24.556 --> 0:12:27.716 a happy and equal marriage in her own family. My 0:12:27.836 --> 0:12:31.956 father was one of ten nine Lebanese boys who were 0:12:32.436 --> 0:12:36.756 not abusive to their eyes, but very dominating, and my 0:12:36.796 --> 0:12:40.476 mother was one of five Italians, four girls and a boy, 0:12:40.556 --> 0:12:45.356 and all of them were involved with dominating men and 0:12:45.476 --> 0:12:48.636 my parents. My mother gave up her career, my father 0:12:49.916 --> 0:12:53.836 ran the world. I just didn't want to live that way. 0:12:54.036 --> 0:12:56.916 I thought, nah, that's not for me. And I had 0:12:56.956 --> 0:13:00.756 wonderful relationships with men in my life, but I just 0:13:01.076 --> 0:13:02.876 didn't want to be married. I just that I want 0:13:02.916 --> 0:13:04.876 a career, I want to be free, I want to 0:13:04.916 --> 0:13:06.476 do what I want to do. I don't want anybody 0:13:06.516 --> 0:13:09.676 telling me when I have to come home, I can't 0:13:09.716 --> 0:13:12.436 do this, or my mother's friends would say things like, 0:13:12.476 --> 0:13:15.076 well he lets me do this, or he'll let me 0:13:15.196 --> 0:13:19.556 have that. I just wasn't raised to want that. And 0:13:19.596 --> 0:13:23.476 then I met Phil, and we've been going together about 0:13:23.516 --> 0:13:26.396 six or seven months, and he asked me to marry him, 0:13:26.916 --> 0:13:29.236 and I said, no, I really don't ever want to 0:13:29.236 --> 0:13:32.836 be married. And so we kept together, going together, and 0:13:32.876 --> 0:13:35.196 then about three years went by, and then one day 0:13:35.196 --> 0:13:37.836 I said, you know, maybe I do want to be married. 0:13:38.556 --> 0:13:42.356 She took three years, and you were very patient. Well 0:13:42.436 --> 0:13:44.996 that time you were busy raising your kids and you 0:13:45.076 --> 0:13:47.636 had your show. So we're busy working and stuff. But 0:13:47.676 --> 0:13:51.356 we were always together. Marlowe moved in with Phil and 0:13:51.436 --> 0:13:54.716 his four boys into their house. And Whennetka, Illinois, I 0:13:54.876 --> 0:13:56.756 was a little naive, you know. I thought, oh, I'm 0:13:56.756 --> 0:13:58.436 in love with this man. And by the way, he 0:13:58.516 --> 0:14:01.476 has four sons. I married a family. I didn't marry 0:14:01.476 --> 0:14:05.036 a man. I married a family. At first, I thought, well, 0:14:05.236 --> 0:14:10.316 I'm not their parent. Fills their parent, and he'll tell him, 0:14:10.356 --> 0:14:14.516 you know, discipline them and teach them and so forth. 0:14:14.836 --> 0:14:17.956 It wasn't It took a while for me to realize 0:14:18.436 --> 0:14:21.916 that I really had to be a part of the 0:14:21.956 --> 0:14:28.556 decision making entity. I couldn't pretend that I was a bystander. 0:14:28.796 --> 0:14:33.116 I wasn't. It was a family, and I helped bring 0:14:33.116 --> 0:14:36.476 it back to being a family because their parents had 0:14:36.476 --> 0:14:39.396 been divorced for a while. When I met Phil. The 0:14:39.516 --> 0:14:42.756 boys are like boys, you know. They took their dinner 0:14:42.756 --> 0:14:44.476 and one would eat it in their baredom, and one 0:14:44.516 --> 0:14:46.556 would eat it in the living and watching television, and 0:14:46.596 --> 0:14:49.196 one would eat it over there whatever there. And I said, 0:14:49.196 --> 0:14:51.636 come on, now, let's have a dinner time. And we'd 0:14:51.636 --> 0:14:54.476 sit down at the table, all of us. And Phil 0:14:54.476 --> 0:14:56.556 said he got to know his kids better because at 0:14:56.556 --> 0:15:00.556 the dinner table they had a real family conversation. When 0:15:00.556 --> 0:15:02.876 I had them all by myself, I mean I was 0:15:03.156 --> 0:15:05.716 really I was scared. I didn't know what to do 0:15:05.836 --> 0:15:08.796 with them. I mean, do I help them all with homework? 0:15:09.116 --> 0:15:11.996 I mean four And I have to say I was 0:15:12.196 --> 0:15:16.476 very impatient. I I went off. I mean i'd have well, 0:15:16.476 --> 0:15:21.956 what the kids called a spaz. That's two z's, you know. 0:15:22.076 --> 0:15:25.796 A spaz was something that bothered me or man, I 0:15:25.836 --> 0:15:29.036 went up. I remember one time I passed Michael who 0:15:29.116 --> 0:15:32.196 was on the phone, and he was saying to his friend, 0:15:33.076 --> 0:15:36.036 let me call you back. My dad is having a spaz. 0:15:37.396 --> 0:15:41.316 And when Marlow came, who was it, Michael? I think 0:15:41.356 --> 0:15:44.596 it was. Michael said to her, we like it when 0:15:44.596 --> 0:15:49.116 you're here because dad doesn't have as many spazes when 0:15:49.156 --> 0:15:54.356 you're here. So, you know, Marlow was a big hit 0:15:54.756 --> 0:15:58.236 with my kids. Well, I brought you know what wasn't 0:15:58.276 --> 0:16:02.476 in the house, the female energy, a mother energy. And 0:16:02.676 --> 0:16:04.796 they were good boys though they really were. They were 0:16:04.876 --> 0:16:09.476 like Phil you know. They were all loved athlete headaches. 0:16:09.596 --> 0:16:12.516 They liked to laugh, they were fun, they liked to ski, 0:16:12.636 --> 0:16:14.716 they liked to play. It was fun for me and 0:16:14.836 --> 0:16:16.836 they knew me from Free to be You and Me, 0:16:17.396 --> 0:16:20.676 so I wasn't a complete stranger to them. And they 0:16:20.756 --> 0:16:24.556 knew I made their father happy. And I think, isn't 0:16:24.556 --> 0:16:27.076 that what everybody wants? You know, they want their parents 0:16:27.076 --> 0:16:31.556 to be happy, and I wanted them to be happy. 0:16:31.876 --> 0:16:36.156 I wanted to be something good in their lives. Marlow 0:16:36.196 --> 0:16:38.636 told me this story about how she became the godmother 0:16:38.716 --> 0:16:41.836 to her stepson Michael's children. Their baby was supposed to 0:16:41.836 --> 0:16:44.476 be born around Christmas time, and Michael and his wife 0:16:44.476 --> 0:16:47.356 called Marlowe and said, hey, we need to talk to 0:16:47.396 --> 0:16:49.836 you about something. We don't want you to be the 0:16:49.876 --> 0:16:53.036 step anything to this baby. We want you to be 0:16:53.076 --> 0:16:56.196 this baby's godmother. And that meant so much to me 0:16:56.796 --> 0:17:03.436 that they had really appreciated my caring and my love 0:17:03.596 --> 0:17:06.076 of them and their dad, because you know, being a 0:17:06.116 --> 0:17:09.916 stepparent can be a very thankless job. You know you're 0:17:09.956 --> 0:17:13.076 on eggshows. You don't want to upset anything, and you 0:17:13.116 --> 0:17:16.996 don't want to take liberties where you shouldn't. I know 0:17:17.116 --> 0:17:20.356 Mary Steinberg and said she has two children of her own, 0:17:20.396 --> 0:17:23.916 and she married Ted Danson with his own to two daughters, 0:17:24.156 --> 0:17:26.236 and she said, I just wanted to be a cheerleader 0:17:26.276 --> 0:17:30.156 for them. So everybody has their way with us. It 0:17:30.236 --> 0:17:33.156 was different because I moved into the house and the 0:17:33.196 --> 0:17:37.116 four boys were there, but it was a good experience 0:17:37.156 --> 0:17:43.236 for me. So Phil and Marlowe had been merging their 0:17:43.236 --> 0:17:47.356 lives together, but after years of living between la and Illinois, 0:17:47.676 --> 0:17:50.676 they ultimately decided to give up their respective cities and 0:17:50.836 --> 0:17:54.156 make a higherly new life together in New York and 0:17:54.276 --> 0:17:57.676 we would start a new life. We gave up where 0:17:57.676 --> 0:18:01.476 we were, gave up our own homes and decided to 0:18:01.556 --> 0:18:04.356 make a life. It was a real commitment. But it's 0:18:04.396 --> 0:18:07.876 not so much that you can't live without somebody, is 0:18:07.876 --> 0:18:11.276 that you just want to live with them. And nobody 0:18:11.676 --> 0:18:18.036 can be somebody's everything. Right, that's some musical lyric. Maybe 0:18:18.076 --> 0:18:22.036 you're my everything. No, no, don't get into that, because 0:18:22.116 --> 0:18:26.956 it's not possible for somebody to be somebody's everything. Well, 0:18:26.996 --> 0:18:31.796 and you don't have what's the word of a contract 0:18:31.836 --> 0:18:34.716 for somebody, as I said, to become you or for 0:18:34.716 --> 0:18:38.596 you to become them. The excitement of a good marriage, 0:18:38.636 --> 0:18:41.036 I think, is not that one and one equals two, 0:18:41.116 --> 0:18:45.116 but it equals two thousand. We find all the parts 0:18:45.116 --> 0:18:49.556 of yourself that are can be nurtured by this other person. 0:18:49.876 --> 0:18:53.636 That's the exciting part. I think marriages go stale when 0:18:53.916 --> 0:18:58.116 there's not enough We call it juiciness, but I think 0:18:58.436 --> 0:19:01.276 there's just not enough interest in a lot of things. 0:19:01.796 --> 0:19:03.876 When we first started going together, you said to me, 0:19:04.356 --> 0:19:06.356 I've never been with a woman who has so much 0:19:06.716 --> 0:19:10.036 interest in so many other things. Other than that's what 0:19:10.076 --> 0:19:12.276 you said. I'm sure I did, and I thought that 0:19:12.356 --> 0:19:15.116 was adorable thing to say. You know that, he was 0:19:15.156 --> 0:19:18.356 really saying, I see this, You aren't going to be 0:19:18.396 --> 0:19:23.036 completely focused on me, and I like it. You know, 0:19:23.116 --> 0:19:27.076 that's was an interesting I realized I was not her 0:19:27.636 --> 0:19:34.236 everything and it was helpful. I mean, you know, it 0:19:34.276 --> 0:19:38.436 makes it easier to get through the reality of life. Well, 0:19:38.476 --> 0:19:42.116 but now you are now you are pretty watched by everything. 0:19:42.716 --> 0:19:47.356 But I think it happens. It happens year by year 0:19:47.396 --> 0:19:50.316 by year by year. But doesn't you know, It's not 0:19:50.476 --> 0:19:54.716 something you give over to somebody. It's something that grows 0:19:54.756 --> 0:19:58.956 and grows until you know it's braided. You know, like 0:19:58.996 --> 0:20:04.796 you see a tree where the two barks are braided. 0:20:05.316 --> 0:20:10.276 That happens naturally. It's not something you can and promise 0:20:10.396 --> 0:20:13.596 to somebody or make them give to you. It's just 0:20:13.676 --> 0:20:16.996 something that starts to happen. And I think, you know, 0:20:17.116 --> 0:20:20.116 Phil said earlier that half of marriages end in divorce. 0:20:20.756 --> 0:20:23.076 I think they end in divorce because they're never really 0:20:23.996 --> 0:20:27.716 taking the time. They didn't try. Time, they didn't try, 0:20:27.876 --> 0:20:31.836 but time. We have a ritual when every year on 0:20:31.916 --> 0:20:36.276 our anniversary from our very first year, we don't buy 0:20:36.276 --> 0:20:39.316 each other a present, We buy a trip that we 0:20:39.436 --> 0:20:42.076 take together. In the early years, it was difficult to 0:20:42.116 --> 0:20:45.596 find the time I was working in La he was 0:20:45.636 --> 0:20:48.796 working in Chicago and had children and four boys that 0:20:48.876 --> 0:20:51.076 lived with him. It was very, very hard to find 0:20:51.116 --> 0:20:53.596 the time, but we always did it. We'd get two 0:20:53.596 --> 0:20:56.756 weeks or ten days or one week, whatever we could get, 0:20:57.076 --> 0:20:59.756 and we'd go to Japan, or we'd go to Indonesia 0:20:59.916 --> 0:21:04.156 or upstate Washington, wherever we could get the time. But 0:21:04.316 --> 0:21:06.276 time is what we gave each other. It's the most 0:21:06.316 --> 0:21:09.756 precious thing that you can give each other. And people 0:21:10.356 --> 0:21:12.956 do date nights and stuff, they kind of squeeze them in. 0:21:13.556 --> 0:21:16.556 But we took this big chunk of time and gave 0:21:16.596 --> 0:21:19.556 it to each other, and in that time where there's 0:21:19.596 --> 0:21:22.436 nothing there at that time. There was cell phones in 0:21:22.476 --> 0:21:25.196 many of those years, but the time without kids, without 0:21:25.276 --> 0:21:29.236 the phone, without work, without responsibility, just to be together. 0:21:30.636 --> 0:21:33.356 You can't have a long marriage without accommodating the other person. 0:21:33.996 --> 0:21:37.996 You just can't. It's impossible. But there's always going to 0:21:38.036 --> 0:21:41.796 be growing pains, especially when you get married later in life, 0:21:42.116 --> 0:21:44.356 when you're already a fully formed grown up with your 0:21:44.396 --> 0:21:47.516 own lives, your own friends, your own careers and interests. 0:21:48.036 --> 0:21:50.676 You're on side of the pad, you're on favorite TV shows, 0:21:51.076 --> 0:21:56.356 all of your own stuff, your own baggage, I'm a 0:21:56.476 --> 0:22:01.116 very impulsive person and feels a very laid back person. 0:22:01.836 --> 0:22:06.236 So he's a kind of person that if something happens 0:22:06.276 --> 0:22:10.276 that needs a reaction, he will it back and go 0:22:10.356 --> 0:22:13.476 over many of the options. I, on the other hand, 0:22:13.956 --> 0:22:17.316 am running for the phone. I'm going to fix it now. 0:22:17.956 --> 0:22:21.036 And sometimes that's good and sometimes that's not good. So 0:22:21.196 --> 0:22:24.796 we had to figure out how to talk it through 0:22:25.396 --> 0:22:28.076 so that if he took forever or not forever, but 0:22:28.116 --> 0:22:29.916 if he took a while to think about it, to me, 0:22:29.956 --> 0:22:32.196 it felt like forever, and I was aggravated by that. 0:22:32.716 --> 0:22:35.076 And if I jumped for the phone, he was aggravated 0:22:35.116 --> 0:22:37.516 that I was being too impulsive. So we had to 0:22:37.596 --> 0:22:41.476 learn how to come to a middle ground there and say, Okay, 0:22:41.556 --> 0:22:43.956 let's just think about this for a couple of minutes, 0:22:44.276 --> 0:22:46.236 and let's just see I don't think this is a 0:22:46.276 --> 0:22:49.556 good thing to react to right away. This one really 0:22:49.596 --> 0:22:52.836 hit home for me, the idea of just taking some 0:22:52.956 --> 0:22:56.076 time to find a middle ground. See, I am also 0:22:56.436 --> 0:22:59.956 very impulsive, and Nick he's one of those people that 0:23:00.076 --> 0:23:04.036 needs to marinate. It's got to marinate on things. But 0:23:04.116 --> 0:23:07.156 it's taken me five plus years of marriage to figure 0:23:07.196 --> 0:23:11.636 that out. Somebody won said that a successful marriage is 0:23:11.756 --> 0:23:14.956 is one where both people don't panic at the same time. 0:23:15.756 --> 0:23:18.516 So we had to learn that as well. That the 0:23:18.596 --> 0:23:21.916 fact that he does take longer than I do, and 0:23:21.916 --> 0:23:24.916 that I do work quicker than he does react quicker, 0:23:25.476 --> 0:23:28.356 we both had to appreciate that in each other and 0:23:28.436 --> 0:23:32.276 give each other the opportunity to at least make their 0:23:32.316 --> 0:23:36.556 case before we decided it wasn't the best way, and 0:23:36.716 --> 0:23:40.236 let each person make their case. And sometimes we go 0:23:40.316 --> 0:23:45.716 his way and sometimes we go my way. Despite being very, 0:23:45.836 --> 0:23:48.236 very famous people for a long time, Phil and Marlow 0:23:48.276 --> 0:23:50.876 try to keep their marriage out of the spotlight. Up 0:23:50.956 --> 0:23:54.436 until this point in our lives, we've never talked about 0:23:54.476 --> 0:23:58.476 our marriage. We thought from the very beginning that our 0:23:58.516 --> 0:24:02.716 marriage would be healthy for its privacy, so we kept 0:24:02.716 --> 0:24:05.956 a very low profile. When we first got married, we 0:24:06.596 --> 0:24:10.116 came back from our honeymoon, everybody wanted us to host 0:24:10.236 --> 0:24:12.876 the Emmy's, host the People's Choice Awards, be on the 0:24:12.916 --> 0:24:16.316 cover of People magazine. It was overwhelming. We sat down 0:24:16.316 --> 0:24:18.276 and talked about it and said, let's not do this. 0:24:18.876 --> 0:24:22.396 If we just keep it private, maybe people won't pick 0:24:22.436 --> 0:24:25.276 at it. We'll do our careers and we'll keep our 0:24:25.836 --> 0:24:30.236 personal life private. But then like thirty nine years later, 0:24:30.356 --> 0:24:33.356 they got this idea for a podcast. Well, we looked 0:24:33.436 --> 0:24:35.916 up and realized we've been married for a hundred years, 0:24:36.796 --> 0:24:40.556