1 00:00:14,836 --> 00:00:21,996 Speaker 1: Pushing Hey, double date listeners, Marlow Thomas, here, we have 2 00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:25,156 Speaker 1: something special for you today. Phil and I have spent 3 00:00:25,236 --> 00:00:29,756 Speaker 1: the pasture interviewing other couples about what makes their marriage work. Well, 4 00:00:29,836 --> 00:00:33,996 Speaker 1: we recently had the microphone turned on us. Joe Piazza 5 00:00:34,036 --> 00:00:37,116 Speaker 1: of the Committed podcast had us on to tell our 6 00:00:37,156 --> 00:00:40,156 Speaker 1: own love story, and we wanted to share that episode 7 00:00:40,156 --> 00:00:43,396 Speaker 1: with you. We started at the very beginning on the 8 00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:46,276 Speaker 1: set of Phil's show and talked about how we grew 9 00:00:46,316 --> 00:00:50,596 Speaker 1: together over the next four decades. Joe's Committed interviews are 10 00:00:50,636 --> 00:00:54,436 Speaker 1: an incredible glimpse inside what it takes to make a 11 00:00:54,516 --> 00:01:01,116 Speaker 1: marriage work. Sometimes they're heartbreaking, sometimes hilarious, but always relatable. 12 00:01:01,796 --> 00:01:04,556 Speaker 1: Joe finds couples who've gone through some of the most 13 00:01:04,596 --> 00:01:08,156 Speaker 1: difficult challenges life can throw at you and still want 14 00:01:08,156 --> 00:01:11,436 Speaker 1: to wake up together the next day. Her show will 15 00:01:11,476 --> 00:01:14,396 Speaker 1: help you look at marriage and commitment in an entirely 16 00:01:14,436 --> 00:01:19,036 Speaker 1: new way. So okay, here's the episode. Committed is a 17 00:01:19,036 --> 00:01:27,396 Speaker 1: production of iHeartRadio. Marlow Thomas is back. It's been a 18 00:01:27,436 --> 00:01:29,396 Speaker 1: couple of years since she last visited with us. You 19 00:01:29,476 --> 00:01:32,716 Speaker 1: are so thin, am I thinner than I think last time? 20 00:01:32,836 --> 00:01:35,996 Speaker 1: You've never been fat no, no, I eat a lot 21 00:01:36,036 --> 00:01:37,756 Speaker 1: of food to try to gain weight. Excellent. You want 22 00:01:37,796 --> 00:01:39,236 Speaker 1: me to move out, I'm in the way. Excuse me, 23 00:01:39,996 --> 00:01:44,516 Speaker 1: I'm upstaging you. Doctor. Just love the Smooth Show. A 24 00:01:44,636 --> 00:01:47,116 Speaker 1: clip right there is the moment that Phil Donnie Hue 25 00:01:47,276 --> 00:01:50,476 Speaker 1: fell in love with marlow Thomas. That moment right on 26 00:01:50,516 --> 00:01:53,356 Speaker 1: his show in nineteen seventy seven on a sound stage 27 00:01:53,356 --> 00:01:56,836 Speaker 1: in Chicago. I'm sorry that we are out of time. 28 00:01:57,156 --> 00:02:00,036 Speaker 1: You are really fascinating now. You are wonderful, I said 29 00:02:00,116 --> 00:02:01,276 Speaker 1: when we were off there. And I want to say 30 00:02:01,316 --> 00:02:04,036 Speaker 1: you are loving and generous, and you like women and 31 00:02:04,076 --> 00:02:05,956 Speaker 1: it's a pleasure. And whoever is the woman in your 32 00:02:05,956 --> 00:02:10,676 Speaker 1: life is very lucky. How many of us have a 33 00:02:10,796 --> 00:02:12,676 Speaker 1: video of the moment that we first fell in love. 34 00:02:12,876 --> 00:02:14,356 Speaker 1: Actually have a picture of me on a plane right 35 00:02:14,396 --> 00:02:16,956 Speaker 1: when I first saw Nick right that moment, which is 36 00:02:16,996 --> 00:02:21,396 Speaker 1: pretty special. I love this video. Their chemistry is insane 37 00:02:21,556 --> 00:02:26,116 Speaker 1: and undeniable. Phil is a little stumbly and so obviously smitten. 38 00:02:26,476 --> 00:02:30,076 Speaker 1: Marlowe is just so composed and insanely beautiful. You could 39 00:02:30,116 --> 00:02:33,116 Speaker 1: watch this clip and not know anything about what happens 40 00:02:33,156 --> 00:02:36,156 Speaker 1: next and still knowing your soul that these two people 41 00:02:36,236 --> 00:02:41,036 Speaker 1: end up together for the next forty years. So I 42 00:02:41,156 --> 00:02:43,436 Speaker 1: wasn't prepared because I had never seen his show because 43 00:02:43,476 --> 00:02:45,796 Speaker 1: it wasn't in La So when he walked into the 44 00:02:45,836 --> 00:02:49,156 Speaker 1: green room with those killer blue eyes and that great 45 00:02:49,156 --> 00:02:52,436 Speaker 1: white hair, and he shook my hand and I thought, Wow, 46 00:02:52,476 --> 00:02:54,836 Speaker 1: what a good looking man. And then we got out 47 00:02:54,876 --> 00:02:57,716 Speaker 1: in the studio and he was so confident and just 48 00:02:57,796 --> 00:03:02,156 Speaker 1: to watch him work the audience, and I was very 49 00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:06,356 Speaker 1: attracted to him. I mean, we had a chemical reaction 50 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,556 Speaker 1: to each other right right there. You could see it. 51 00:03:08,596 --> 00:03:11,276 Speaker 1: I mean, it's embarrassing to look at that show because 52 00:03:11,276 --> 00:03:13,636 Speaker 1: you can really see it. And I think the most 53 00:03:13,676 --> 00:03:17,436 Speaker 1: important thing is really in a marriage is that it 54 00:03:17,596 --> 00:03:22,236 Speaker 1: starts off like that and that gets rekindled all the time, 55 00:03:22,356 --> 00:03:26,276 Speaker 1: so that there is that sort of not just sexual 56 00:03:27,196 --> 00:03:33,396 Speaker 1: but also attachment. There's a magnet between you that's you 57 00:03:33,476 --> 00:03:36,516 Speaker 1: don't have with anybody else. It certainly was true with 58 00:03:37,036 --> 00:03:41,036 Speaker 1: me and Marlowe. People just they do have that reaction 59 00:03:41,556 --> 00:03:45,156 Speaker 1: to each other, not always but often. And I think 60 00:03:45,196 --> 00:03:49,236 Speaker 1: when you start off that way, it's so exciting and 61 00:03:49,636 --> 00:03:53,556 Speaker 1: well it's risky. Yeah, it's true. You know, half half 62 00:03:53,556 --> 00:03:58,316 Speaker 1: of us get divorced, half of us, so you know, 63 00:03:58,436 --> 00:04:02,676 Speaker 1: you and me babe forever. Yeah, that's that's a musical, 64 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:10,716 Speaker 1: kind of lyrical ideas. It doesn't consist with reality. And 65 00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:14,916 Speaker 1: that's why making a marriage last can be such a 66 00:04:14,996 --> 00:04:20,356 Speaker 1: challenging thing. It's just isn't easy. Marriage isn't just a struggle. 67 00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:24,196 Speaker 1: It's a struggle every now and then. But again it's 68 00:04:24,276 --> 00:04:26,836 Speaker 1: it's braided, you know, you braid it with love and 69 00:04:26,996 --> 00:04:32,436 Speaker 1: joy and struggle and sadness and happiness and fun and humor, 70 00:04:32,836 --> 00:04:36,276 Speaker 1: and then another sad thing happens. That's life. It's going 71 00:04:36,356 --> 00:04:39,396 Speaker 1: to happen whether you're with this person or not. It's 72 00:04:39,436 --> 00:04:43,356 Speaker 1: just whether this person is the one that is worth 73 00:04:43,436 --> 00:04:47,156 Speaker 1: going through life with and allowing each other to be 74 00:04:47,276 --> 00:04:49,916 Speaker 1: as vulnerable as you want to be. There is no 75 00:04:50,036 --> 00:04:55,196 Speaker 1: such thing as a marriage that is smooth sailing from 76 00:04:55,236 --> 00:04:59,036 Speaker 1: beginning to end. No, it just doesn't happen. You know, 77 00:04:59,076 --> 00:05:02,436 Speaker 1: that's pretty obvious to all of us older folks, right, 78 00:05:02,716 --> 00:05:06,796 Speaker 1: But I don't know if it's totally something that young 79 00:05:06,876 --> 00:05:12,236 Speaker 1: people are aware of. Joe Pianza and this is committed. 80 00:05:41,196 --> 00:05:45,036 Speaker 1: Welcome to Season six Guys Last Month. After more than 81 00:05:45,116 --> 00:05:47,996 Speaker 1: forty years of marriage, Bill Donna Hue and Marlo Thomas 82 00:05:48,076 --> 00:05:51,596 Speaker 1: launched a podcast together, a podcast about long term love. 83 00:05:52,116 --> 00:05:53,836 Speaker 1: It's a show that a lot of our listeners are 84 00:05:53,836 --> 00:05:57,036 Speaker 1: going to be very very into. It's called Double Date, 85 00:05:57,516 --> 00:06:00,596 Speaker 1: and on it they interview longtime celebrity couples to find 86 00:06:00,636 --> 00:06:05,396 Speaker 1: out what really makes a marriage work. We wanted to 87 00:06:05,436 --> 00:06:08,556 Speaker 1: know what makes a marriage last. So in order to 88 00:06:08,596 --> 00:06:10,436 Speaker 1: find out what makes the marriage last, you've got to 89 00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:13,356 Speaker 1: have people who've had some experience being married and who'd 90 00:06:13,396 --> 00:06:17,196 Speaker 1: been through things. You know, somebody had been unfaithful. Kia 91 00:06:17,316 --> 00:06:21,196 Speaker 1: Cedric and Kevin Bacon lost all their money to Bernie Madoff. 92 00:06:21,796 --> 00:06:25,196 Speaker 1: Imagine that Michael J. Fox found out he had a 93 00:06:25,276 --> 00:06:30,556 Speaker 1: lifelong diagnosis of Parkinson's Three years into their marriage. Jamie 94 00:06:30,596 --> 00:06:34,556 Speaker 1: Lee Curtis was addicted to pharmaceutical drugs and her husband 95 00:06:34,556 --> 00:06:37,716 Speaker 1: didn't even know it. I mean, people went through these 96 00:06:37,916 --> 00:06:43,916 Speaker 1: terrible things, but they knew that they loved each other 97 00:06:44,076 --> 00:06:47,476 Speaker 1: and they were going to help them through it without blame, 98 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:52,436 Speaker 1: without you know, anger, but to get to the other side. 99 00:06:52,516 --> 00:06:56,436 Speaker 1: And somebody, and I said, I think it was Tracy 100 00:06:56,556 --> 00:07:00,316 Speaker 1: Pollin's married to Michael J. Fox. She said, when you 101 00:07:00,356 --> 00:07:04,116 Speaker 1: have a long marriage, you get through something hard and 102 00:07:04,156 --> 00:07:06,636 Speaker 1: there's kind of a relief in it. You think, well, wow, 103 00:07:06,996 --> 00:07:09,436 Speaker 1: we got through that, we'll get through the next thing. 104 00:07:10,716 --> 00:07:13,156 Speaker 1: So I love their podcast. What I needed to know 105 00:07:13,836 --> 00:07:16,436 Speaker 1: was more about Phil and Marlow. I wanted to know 106 00:07:16,556 --> 00:07:19,876 Speaker 1: how they made a marriage work for forty years, what 107 00:07:20,036 --> 00:07:22,956 Speaker 1: makes them tick, how they made it, how they blended 108 00:07:22,956 --> 00:07:25,716 Speaker 1: a family together of Phil's four boys, and how they 109 00:07:25,756 --> 00:07:28,676 Speaker 1: made long distance love work between Chicago and Los Angeles. 110 00:07:29,196 --> 00:07:31,196 Speaker 1: So I took us back to that very first moment 111 00:07:31,236 --> 00:07:35,836 Speaker 1: on phil stage. It's nineteen seventy seven. Marlow's sitting next 112 00:07:35,876 --> 00:07:38,836 Speaker 1: to Phil. She was on a nationwide tour promoting one 113 00:07:38,836 --> 00:07:41,836 Speaker 1: of her many projects, and Phil is saying mostly all 114 00:07:41,876 --> 00:07:44,516 Speaker 1: the right things, except for that line about how she 115 00:07:44,596 --> 00:07:46,476 Speaker 1: looks so thin. I don't know if anyone would be 116 00:07:46,516 --> 00:07:48,756 Speaker 1: able to say that today, But when he says it, 117 00:07:48,756 --> 00:07:53,116 Speaker 1: he's just gazing adoringly at her. Well, you know, I 118 00:07:53,156 --> 00:07:58,996 Speaker 1: was certainly attracted to her. I mean, if you're Catholic, 119 00:07:59,036 --> 00:08:04,156 Speaker 1: you'll understand that she was an impure thought. And I 120 00:08:04,196 --> 00:08:09,476 Speaker 1: did call you, yeah, and I said I knew you 121 00:08:09,476 --> 00:08:11,996 Speaker 1: were on a tour, and I said, what is your 122 00:08:12,036 --> 00:08:17,516 Speaker 1: next city? Right? And you said it's is Denver? And you, 123 00:08:17,676 --> 00:08:20,436 Speaker 1: and you said is I said, it is Denver, very 124 00:08:20,436 --> 00:08:22,636 Speaker 1: far from Chicago, and he goes, oh, no, it's not 125 00:08:22,796 --> 00:08:26,756 Speaker 1: far at all. So he came for dinner, and yeah, 126 00:08:26,796 --> 00:08:30,156 Speaker 1: I flew to Denver and we had dinner, and yeah, 127 00:08:30,596 --> 00:08:34,716 Speaker 1: pretty much fell in love. Yeah, that was the beginning 128 00:08:34,756 --> 00:08:38,236 Speaker 1: of it. And I'd love to hear Phil try to 129 00:08:38,236 --> 00:08:43,196 Speaker 1: get through this without being too mushy. By the way, 130 00:08:43,236 --> 00:08:45,276 Speaker 1: I think I had a cold, did I not? From 131 00:08:45,796 --> 00:08:48,636 Speaker 1: you did? Because you we walked in the rain and 132 00:08:48,716 --> 00:08:50,876 Speaker 1: you took your coat off and then you lost your 133 00:08:50,956 --> 00:08:54,956 Speaker 1: voice and I did. This was a huge deal. Bill Donnie, 134 00:08:54,956 --> 00:08:57,476 Speaker 1: who had the biggest talk show in America at the time. 135 00:08:57,956 --> 00:09:00,756 Speaker 1: He needed to talk who was this woman? Who was 136 00:09:00,796 --> 00:09:03,836 Speaker 1: this woman at Stollfel's voice? He had no voice, and 137 00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:07,556 Speaker 1: his producer was thinking, who is this woman that gets filter? 138 00:09:08,476 --> 00:09:13,596 Speaker 1: Leave Chicago? Gettical as a show, but it was it 139 00:09:13,716 --> 00:09:17,476 Speaker 1: was a We were certainly smitten at first sight. Phil 140 00:09:17,636 --> 00:09:20,276 Speaker 1: was I guess forty when I met you, and I 141 00:09:20,356 --> 00:09:22,996 Speaker 1: was thirty eight when I met you. We were already 142 00:09:23,036 --> 00:09:28,916 Speaker 1: grown people who'd had careers and other relationships, and and 143 00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:30,996 Speaker 1: you had children. I did not have a marriage, but 144 00:09:31,036 --> 00:09:33,916 Speaker 1: he'd had a marriage and children. But we'd had other 145 00:09:34,036 --> 00:09:37,636 Speaker 1: lives and we come to each other with a lot 146 00:09:37,676 --> 00:09:43,956 Speaker 1: of experience that should be appreciated. In our differences are accomplishments. 147 00:09:44,436 --> 00:09:47,956 Speaker 1: Phil was always the first person to tell me how 148 00:09:47,996 --> 00:09:50,836 Speaker 1: proud he was of what I was accomplishing or what 149 00:09:50,996 --> 00:09:54,996 Speaker 1: I had already accomplished. I mean, that's a great that's 150 00:09:55,036 --> 00:09:58,396 Speaker 1: a great gift that your partner gives you that kind 151 00:09:58,436 --> 00:10:03,756 Speaker 1: of cheerleading. Boy, that's very big, I think in a marriage. Yeah, 152 00:10:03,876 --> 00:10:07,716 Speaker 1: as a parent, I wish I had learned that much earlier. Yeah, 153 00:10:07,916 --> 00:10:12,476 Speaker 1: the biggest challenge early years was geography. Phil's entire life 154 00:10:12,516 --> 00:10:16,156 Speaker 1: was in Chicago and Marlowe's entire life was in Los Angeles. 155 00:10:19,156 --> 00:10:21,076 Speaker 1: It was a time in my career where I was 156 00:10:21,236 --> 00:10:25,316 Speaker 1: making a television movie after television movie. I produced and 157 00:10:25,396 --> 00:10:29,436 Speaker 1: starred in about twelve films all in a row, and 158 00:10:29,556 --> 00:10:32,996 Speaker 1: Free to Be was one of the projects at that time. 159 00:10:32,996 --> 00:10:35,116 Speaker 1: It happened one Christmas. I mean, there were so many 160 00:10:35,156 --> 00:10:37,956 Speaker 1: of them, and Phil was doing a show every day 161 00:10:37,996 --> 00:10:41,676 Speaker 1: at nine am, live in Chicago, and four boys, raising 162 00:10:41,676 --> 00:10:45,836 Speaker 1: four boys. So I mean the traveling was just crazy 163 00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:50,636 Speaker 1: and upsetting, and we'd always have an argument on Sunday night, 164 00:10:50,916 --> 00:10:53,796 Speaker 1: one of us would be going back home. And it 165 00:10:53,836 --> 00:10:55,756 Speaker 1: took us a while to realize that the reason we 166 00:10:55,836 --> 00:10:58,236 Speaker 1: fought on Sunday nights is that we were unhappy that 167 00:10:58,316 --> 00:11:01,676 Speaker 1: we were leaving each other. I think geography was the 168 00:11:01,716 --> 00:11:06,196 Speaker 1: biggest problem. And we broke up for three months, obviously 169 00:11:06,236 --> 00:11:09,916 Speaker 1: before we were married, and said this too much. FEEL said, 170 00:11:09,956 --> 00:11:12,276 Speaker 1: I've got these kids, I've got to get them through 171 00:11:12,356 --> 00:11:15,116 Speaker 1: high school. I've got my show. And I said, I, 172 00:11:15,556 --> 00:11:19,076 Speaker 1: you know, I can't come every weekend. I've got responsibilities, 173 00:11:19,116 --> 00:11:22,356 Speaker 1: I've got music scoring, I've script to write. You know, 174 00:11:22,396 --> 00:11:24,596 Speaker 1: I just can't do so it was just impossible. So 175 00:11:24,636 --> 00:11:27,436 Speaker 1: we broke up. And after we broke up, I went 176 00:11:27,476 --> 00:11:29,636 Speaker 1: back to an old boyfriend, and I think he went 177 00:11:29,676 --> 00:11:32,476 Speaker 1: back to an old girlfriend or some new girlfriends whatever 178 00:11:32,596 --> 00:11:36,076 Speaker 1: for about three months. And after the three months, we 179 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:39,796 Speaker 1: both realize that we needed each other. I often say 180 00:11:39,796 --> 00:11:43,196 Speaker 1: to people when they're concerned about whether or not they 181 00:11:43,196 --> 00:11:45,636 Speaker 1: want to get married to a certain person, I say, 182 00:11:45,636 --> 00:11:48,516 Speaker 1: you know, separate for a couple of months. It really 183 00:11:48,556 --> 00:11:51,716 Speaker 1: gives you a good perspective, It really does. I would 184 00:11:51,796 --> 00:11:55,116 Speaker 1: be out to dinner with another man and I'd be thinking, 185 00:11:55,116 --> 00:11:57,236 Speaker 1: you know Phil would love this or that with that, 186 00:11:57,396 --> 00:12:00,036 Speaker 1: I would be He was on my mind all the time. 187 00:12:01,556 --> 00:12:04,676 Speaker 1: Marlowe never wanted to be married. In fact, when she 188 00:12:04,796 --> 00:12:07,836 Speaker 1: was starring in and producing the sitcom That Girl, a 189 00:12:07,916 --> 00:12:10,356 Speaker 1: show about a single woman living on her own, the 190 00:12:10,436 --> 00:12:12,996 Speaker 1: network producers wanted to end the series with a wedding, 191 00:12:13,716 --> 00:12:16,356 Speaker 1: Marla refused. She didn't even want to get married on TV. 192 00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:18,676 Speaker 1: She did not want to give the impression that the 193 00:12:18,756 --> 00:12:21,596 Speaker 1: only happy ending for a woman was marriage. She was 194 00:12:21,636 --> 00:12:24,516 Speaker 1: also terrified of getting married because she'd never really seen 195 00:12:24,556 --> 00:12:27,716 Speaker 1: a happy and equal marriage in her own family. My 196 00:12:27,836 --> 00:12:31,956 Speaker 1: father was one of ten nine Lebanese boys who were 197 00:12:32,436 --> 00:12:36,756 Speaker 1: not abusive to their eyes, but very dominating, and my 198 00:12:36,796 --> 00:12:40,476 Speaker 1: mother was one of five Italians, four girls and a boy, 199 00:12:40,556 --> 00:12:45,356 Speaker 1: and all of them were involved with dominating men and 200 00:12:45,476 --> 00:12:48,636 Speaker 1: my parents. My mother gave up her career, my father 201 00:12:49,916 --> 00:12:53,836 Speaker 1: ran the world. I just didn't want to live that way. 202 00:12:54,036 --> 00:12:56,916 Speaker 1: I thought, nah, that's not for me. And I had 203 00:12:56,956 --> 00:13:00,756 Speaker 1: wonderful relationships with men in my life, but I just 204 00:13:01,076 --> 00:13:02,876 Speaker 1: didn't want to be married. I just that I want 205 00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,876 Speaker 1: a career, I want to be free, I want to 206 00:13:04,916 --> 00:13:06,476 Speaker 1: do what I want to do. I don't want anybody 207 00:13:06,516 --> 00:13:09,676 Speaker 1: telling me when I have to come home, I can't 208 00:13:09,716 --> 00:13:12,436 Speaker 1: do this, or my mother's friends would say things like, 209 00:13:12,476 --> 00:13:15,076 Speaker 1: well he lets me do this, or he'll let me 210 00:13:15,196 --> 00:13:19,556 Speaker 1: have that. I just wasn't raised to want that. And 211 00:13:19,596 --> 00:13:23,476 Speaker 1: then I met Phil, and we've been going together about 212 00:13:23,516 --> 00:13:26,396 Speaker 1: six or seven months, and he asked me to marry him, 213 00:13:26,916 --> 00:13:29,236 Speaker 1: and I said, no, I really don't ever want to 214 00:13:29,236 --> 00:13:32,836 Speaker 1: be married. And so we kept together, going together, and 215 00:13:32,876 --> 00:13:35,196 Speaker 1: then about three years went by, and then one day 216 00:13:35,196 --> 00:13:37,836 Speaker 1: I said, you know, maybe I do want to be married. 217 00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:42,356 Speaker 1: She took three years, and you were very patient. Well 218 00:13:42,436 --> 00:13:44,996 Speaker 1: that time you were busy raising your kids and you 219 00:13:45,076 --> 00:13:47,636 Speaker 1: had your show. So we're busy working and stuff. But 220 00:13:47,676 --> 00:13:51,356 Speaker 1: we were always together. Marlowe moved in with Phil and 221 00:13:51,436 --> 00:13:54,716 Speaker 1: his four boys into their house. And Whennetka, Illinois, I 222 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,756 Speaker 1: was a little naive, you know. I thought, oh, I'm 223 00:13:56,756 --> 00:13:58,436 Speaker 1: in love with this man. And by the way, he 224 00:13:58,516 --> 00:14:01,476 Speaker 1: has four sons. I married a family. I didn't marry 225 00:14:01,476 --> 00:14:05,036 Speaker 1: a man. I married a family. At first, I thought, well, 226 00:14:05,236 --> 00:14:10,316 Speaker 1: I'm not their parent. Fills their parent, and he'll tell him, 227 00:14:10,356 --> 00:14:14,516 Speaker 1: you know, discipline them and teach them and so forth. 228 00:14:14,836 --> 00:14:17,956 Speaker 1: It wasn't It took a while for me to realize 229 00:14:18,436 --> 00:14:21,916 Speaker 1: that I really had to be a part of the 230 00:14:21,956 --> 00:14:28,556 Speaker 1: decision making entity. I couldn't pretend that I was a bystander. 231 00:14:28,796 --> 00:14:33,116 Speaker 1: I wasn't. It was a family, and I helped bring 232 00:14:33,116 --> 00:14:36,476 Speaker 1: it back to being a family because their parents had 233 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:39,396 Speaker 1: been divorced for a while. When I met Phil. The 234 00:14:39,516 --> 00:14:42,756 Speaker 1: boys are like boys, you know. They took their dinner 235 00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:44,476 Speaker 1: and one would eat it in their baredom, and one 236 00:14:44,516 --> 00:14:46,556 Speaker 1: would eat it in the living and watching television, and 237 00:14:46,596 --> 00:14:49,196 Speaker 1: one would eat it over there whatever there. And I said, 238 00:14:49,196 --> 00:14:51,636 Speaker 1: come on, now, let's have a dinner time. And we'd 239 00:14:51,636 --> 00:14:54,476 Speaker 1: sit down at the table, all of us. And Phil 240 00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:56,556 Speaker 1: said he got to know his kids better because at 241 00:14:56,556 --> 00:15:00,556 Speaker 1: the dinner table they had a real family conversation. When 242 00:15:00,556 --> 00:15:02,876 Speaker 1: I had them all by myself, I mean I was 243 00:15:03,156 --> 00:15:05,716 Speaker 1: really I was scared. I didn't know what to do 244 00:15:05,836 --> 00:15:08,796 Speaker 1: with them. I mean, do I help them all with homework? 245 00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,996 Speaker 1: I mean four And I have to say I was 246 00:15:12,196 --> 00:15:16,476 Speaker 1: very impatient. I I went off. I mean i'd have well, 247 00:15:16,476 --> 00:15:21,956 Speaker 1: what the kids called a spaz. That's two z's, you know. 248 00:15:22,076 --> 00:15:25,796 Speaker 1: A spaz was something that bothered me or man, I 249 00:15:25,836 --> 00:15:29,036 Speaker 1: went up. I remember one time I passed Michael who 250 00:15:29,116 --> 00:15:32,196 Speaker 1: was on the phone, and he was saying to his friend, 251 00:15:33,076 --> 00:15:36,036 Speaker 1: let me call you back. My dad is having a spaz. 252 00:15:37,396 --> 00:15:41,316 Speaker 1: And when Marlow came, who was it, Michael? I think 253 00:15:41,356 --> 00:15:44,596 Speaker 1: it was. Michael said to her, we like it when 254 00:15:44,596 --> 00:15:49,116 Speaker 1: you're here because dad doesn't have as many spazes when 255 00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:54,356 Speaker 1: you're here. So, you know, Marlow was a big hit 256 00:15:54,756 --> 00:15:58,236 Speaker 1: with my kids. Well, I brought you know what wasn't 257 00:15:58,276 --> 00:16:02,476 Speaker 1: in the house, the female energy, a mother energy. And 258 00:16:02,676 --> 00:16:04,796 Speaker 1: they were good boys though they really were. They were 259 00:16:04,876 --> 00:16:09,476 Speaker 1: like Phil you know. They were all loved athlete headaches. 260 00:16:09,596 --> 00:16:12,516 Speaker 1: They liked to laugh, they were fun, they liked to ski, 261 00:16:12,636 --> 00:16:14,716 Speaker 1: they liked to play. It was fun for me and 262 00:16:14,836 --> 00:16:16,836 Speaker 1: they knew me from Free to be You and Me, 263 00:16:17,396 --> 00:16:20,676 Speaker 1: so I wasn't a complete stranger to them. And they 264 00:16:20,756 --> 00:16:24,556 Speaker 1: knew I made their father happy. And I think, isn't 265 00:16:24,556 --> 00:16:27,076 Speaker 1: that what everybody wants? You know, they want their parents 266 00:16:27,076 --> 00:16:31,556 Speaker 1: to be happy, and I wanted them to be happy. 267 00:16:31,876 --> 00:16:36,156 Speaker 1: I wanted to be something good in their lives. Marlow 268 00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:38,636 Speaker 1: told me this story about how she became the godmother 269 00:16:38,716 --> 00:16:41,836 Speaker 1: to her stepson Michael's children. Their baby was supposed to 270 00:16:41,836 --> 00:16:44,476 Speaker 1: be born around Christmas time, and Michael and his wife 271 00:16:44,476 --> 00:16:47,356 Speaker 1: called Marlowe and said, hey, we need to talk to 272 00:16:47,396 --> 00:16:49,836 Speaker 1: you about something. We don't want you to be the 273 00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:53,036 Speaker 1: step anything to this baby. We want you to be 274 00:16:53,076 --> 00:16:56,196 Speaker 1: this baby's godmother. And that meant so much to me 275 00:16:56,796 --> 00:17:03,436 Speaker 1: that they had really appreciated my caring and my love 276 00:17:03,596 --> 00:17:06,076 Speaker 1: of them and their dad, because you know, being a 277 00:17:06,116 --> 00:17:09,916 Speaker 1: stepparent can be a very thankless job. You know you're 278 00:17:09,956 --> 00:17:13,076 Speaker 1: on eggshows. You don't want to upset anything, and you 279 00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:16,996 Speaker 1: don't want to take liberties where you shouldn't. I know 280 00:17:17,116 --> 00:17:20,356 Speaker 1: Mary Steinberg and said she has two children of her own, 281 00:17:20,396 --> 00:17:23,916 Speaker 1: and she married Ted Danson with his own to two daughters, 282 00:17:24,156 --> 00:17:26,236 Speaker 1: and she said, I just wanted to be a cheerleader 283 00:17:26,276 --> 00:17:30,156 Speaker 1: for them. So everybody has their way with us. It 284 00:17:30,236 --> 00:17:33,156 Speaker 1: was different because I moved into the house and the 285 00:17:33,196 --> 00:17:37,116 Speaker 1: four boys were there, but it was a good experience 286 00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:43,236 Speaker 1: for me. So Phil and Marlowe had been merging their 287 00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:47,356 Speaker 1: lives together, but after years of living between la and Illinois, 288 00:17:47,676 --> 00:17:50,676 Speaker 1: they ultimately decided to give up their respective cities and 289 00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:54,156 Speaker 1: make a higherly new life together in New York and 290 00:17:54,276 --> 00:17:57,676 Speaker 1: we would start a new life. We gave up where 291 00:17:57,676 --> 00:18:01,476 Speaker 1: we were, gave up our own homes and decided to 292 00:18:01,556 --> 00:18:04,356 Speaker 1: make a life. It was a real commitment. But it's 293 00:18:04,396 --> 00:18:07,876 Speaker 1: not so much that you can't live without somebody, is 294 00:18:07,876 --> 00:18:11,276 Speaker 1: that you just want to live with them. And nobody 295 00:18:11,676 --> 00:18:18,036 Speaker 1: can be somebody's everything. Right, that's some musical lyric. Maybe 296 00:18:18,076 --> 00:18:22,036 Speaker 1: you're my everything. No, no, don't get into that, because 297 00:18:22,116 --> 00:18:26,956 Speaker 1: it's not possible for somebody to be somebody's everything. Well, 298 00:18:26,996 --> 00:18:31,796 Speaker 1: and you don't have what's the word of a contract 299 00:18:31,836 --> 00:18:34,716 Speaker 1: for somebody, as I said, to become you or for 300 00:18:34,716 --> 00:18:38,596 Speaker 1: you to become them. The excitement of a good marriage, 301 00:18:38,636 --> 00:18:41,036 Speaker 1: I think, is not that one and one equals two, 302 00:18:41,116 --> 00:18:45,116 Speaker 1: but it equals two thousand. We find all the parts 303 00:18:45,116 --> 00:18:49,556 Speaker 1: of yourself that are can be nurtured by this other person. 304 00:18:49,876 --> 00:18:53,636 Speaker 1: That's the exciting part. I think marriages go stale when 305 00:18:53,916 --> 00:18:58,116 Speaker 1: there's not enough We call it juiciness, but I think 306 00:18:58,436 --> 00:19:01,276 Speaker 1: there's just not enough interest in a lot of things. 307 00:19:01,796 --> 00:19:03,876 Speaker 1: When we first started going together, you said to me, 308 00:19:04,356 --> 00:19:06,356 Speaker 1: I've never been with a woman who has so much 309 00:19:06,716 --> 00:19:10,036 Speaker 1: interest in so many other things. Other than that's what 310 00:19:10,076 --> 00:19:12,276 Speaker 1: you said. I'm sure I did, and I thought that 311 00:19:12,356 --> 00:19:15,116 Speaker 1: was adorable thing to say. You know that, he was 312 00:19:15,156 --> 00:19:18,356 Speaker 1: really saying, I see this, You aren't going to be 313 00:19:18,396 --> 00:19:23,036 Speaker 1: completely focused on me, and I like it. You know, 314 00:19:23,116 --> 00:19:27,076 Speaker 1: that's was an interesting I realized I was not her 315 00:19:27,636 --> 00:19:34,236 Speaker 1: everything and it was helpful. I mean, you know, it 316 00:19:34,276 --> 00:19:38,436 Speaker 1: makes it easier to get through the reality of life. Well, 317 00:19:38,476 --> 00:19:42,116 Speaker 1: but now you are now you are pretty watched by everything. 318 00:19:42,716 --> 00:19:47,356 Speaker 1: But I think it happens. It happens year by year 319 00:19:47,396 --> 00:19:50,316 Speaker 1: by year by year. But doesn't you know, It's not 320 00:19:50,476 --> 00:19:54,716 Speaker 1: something you give over to somebody. It's something that grows 321 00:19:54,756 --> 00:19:58,956 Speaker 1: and grows until you know it's braided. You know, like 322 00:19:58,996 --> 00:20:04,796 Speaker 1: you see a tree where the two barks are braided. 323 00:20:05,316 --> 00:20:10,276 Speaker 1: That happens naturally. It's not something you can and promise 324 00:20:10,396 --> 00:20:13,596 Speaker 1: to somebody or make them give to you. It's just 325 00:20:13,676 --> 00:20:16,996 Speaker 1: something that starts to happen. And I think, you know, 326 00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:20,116 Speaker 1: Phil said earlier that half of marriages end in divorce. 327 00:20:20,756 --> 00:20:23,076 Speaker 1: I think they end in divorce because they're never really 328 00:20:23,996 --> 00:20:27,716 Speaker 1: taking the time. They didn't try. Time, they didn't try, 329 00:20:27,876 --> 00:20:31,836 Speaker 1: but time. We have a ritual when every year on 330 00:20:31,916 --> 00:20:36,276 Speaker 1: our anniversary from our very first year, we don't buy 331 00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:39,316 Speaker 1: each other a present, We buy a trip that we 332 00:20:39,436 --> 00:20:42,076 Speaker 1: take together. In the early years, it was difficult to 333 00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:45,596 Speaker 1: find the time I was working in La he was 334 00:20:45,636 --> 00:20:48,796 Speaker 1: working in Chicago and had children and four boys that 335 00:20:48,876 --> 00:20:51,076 Speaker 1: lived with him. It was very, very hard to find 336 00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:53,596 Speaker 1: the time, but we always did it. We'd get two 337 00:20:53,596 --> 00:20:56,756 Speaker 1: weeks or ten days or one week, whatever we could get, 338 00:20:57,076 --> 00:20:59,756 Speaker 1: and we'd go to Japan, or we'd go to Indonesia 339 00:20:59,916 --> 00:21:04,156 Speaker 1: or upstate Washington, wherever we could get the time. But 340 00:21:04,316 --> 00:21:06,276 Speaker 1: time is what we gave each other. It's the most 341 00:21:06,316 --> 00:21:09,756 Speaker 1: precious thing that you can give each other. And people 342 00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:12,956 Speaker 1: do date nights and stuff, they kind of squeeze them in. 343 00:21:13,556 --> 00:21:16,556 Speaker 1: But we took this big chunk of time and gave 344 00:21:16,596 --> 00:21:19,556 Speaker 1: it to each other, and in that time where there's 345 00:21:19,596 --> 00:21:22,436 Speaker 1: nothing there at that time. There was cell phones in 346 00:21:22,476 --> 00:21:25,196 Speaker 1: many of those years, but the time without kids, without 347 00:21:25,276 --> 00:21:29,236 Speaker 1: the phone, without work, without responsibility, just to be together. 348 00:21:30,636 --> 00:21:33,356 Speaker 1: You can't have a long marriage without accommodating the other person. 349 00:21:33,996 --> 00:21:37,996 Speaker 1: You just can't. It's impossible. But there's always going to 350 00:21:38,036 --> 00:21:41,796 Speaker 1: be growing pains, especially when you get married later in life, 351 00:21:42,116 --> 00:21:44,356 Speaker 1: when you're already a fully formed grown up with your 352 00:21:44,396 --> 00:21:47,516 Speaker 1: own lives, your own friends, your own careers and interests. 353 00:21:48,036 --> 00:21:50,676 Speaker 1: You're on side of the pad, you're on favorite TV shows, 354 00:21:51,076 --> 00:21:56,356 Speaker 1: all of your own stuff, your own baggage, I'm a 355 00:21:56,476 --> 00:22:01,116 Speaker 1: very impulsive person and feels a very laid back person. 356 00:22:01,836 --> 00:22:06,236 Speaker 1: So he's a kind of person that if something happens 357 00:22:06,276 --> 00:22:10,276 Speaker 1: that needs a reaction, he will it back and go 358 00:22:10,356 --> 00:22:13,476 Speaker 1: over many of the options. I, on the other hand, 359 00:22:13,956 --> 00:22:17,316 Speaker 1: am running for the phone. I'm going to fix it now. 360 00:22:17,956 --> 00:22:21,036 Speaker 1: And sometimes that's good and sometimes that's not good. So 361 00:22:21,196 --> 00:22:24,796 Speaker 1: we had to figure out how to talk it through 362 00:22:25,396 --> 00:22:28,076 Speaker 1: so that if he took forever or not forever, but 363 00:22:28,116 --> 00:22:29,916 Speaker 1: if he took a while to think about it, to me, 364 00:22:29,956 --> 00:22:32,196 Speaker 1: it felt like forever, and I was aggravated by that. 365 00:22:32,716 --> 00:22:35,076 Speaker 1: And if I jumped for the phone, he was aggravated 366 00:22:35,116 --> 00:22:37,516 Speaker 1: that I was being too impulsive. So we had to 367 00:22:37,596 --> 00:22:41,476 Speaker 1: learn how to come to a middle ground there and say, Okay, 368 00:22:41,556 --> 00:22:43,956 Speaker 1: let's just think about this for a couple of minutes, 369 00:22:44,276 --> 00:22:46,236 Speaker 1: and let's just see I don't think this is a 370 00:22:46,276 --> 00:22:49,556 Speaker 1: good thing to react to right away. This one really 371 00:22:49,596 --> 00:22:52,836 Speaker 1: hit home for me, the idea of just taking some 372 00:22:52,956 --> 00:22:56,076 Speaker 1: time to find a middle ground. See, I am also 373 00:22:56,436 --> 00:22:59,956 Speaker 1: very impulsive, and Nick he's one of those people that 374 00:23:00,076 --> 00:23:04,036 Speaker 1: needs to marinate. It's got to marinate on things. But 375 00:23:04,116 --> 00:23:07,156 Speaker 1: it's taken me five plus years of marriage to figure 376 00:23:07,196 --> 00:23:11,636 Speaker 1: that out. Somebody won said that a successful marriage is 377 00:23:11,756 --> 00:23:14,956 Speaker 1: is one where both people don't panic at the same time. 378 00:23:15,756 --> 00:23:18,516 Speaker 1: So we had to learn that as well. That the 379 00:23:18,596 --> 00:23:21,916 Speaker 1: fact that he does take longer than I do, and 380 00:23:21,916 --> 00:23:24,916 Speaker 1: that I do work quicker than he does react quicker, 381 00:23:25,476 --> 00:23:28,356 Speaker 1: we both had to appreciate that in each other and 382 00:23:28,436 --> 00:23:32,276 Speaker 1: give each other the opportunity to at least make their 383 00:23:32,316 --> 00:23:36,556 Speaker 1: case before we decided it wasn't the best way, and 384 00:23:36,716 --> 00:23:40,236 Speaker 1: let each person make their case. And sometimes we go 385 00:23:40,316 --> 00:23:45,716 Speaker 1: his way and sometimes we go my way. Despite being very, 386 00:23:45,836 --> 00:23:48,236 Speaker 1: very famous people for a long time, Phil and Marlow 387 00:23:48,276 --> 00:23:50,876 Speaker 1: try to keep their marriage out of the spotlight. Up 388 00:23:50,956 --> 00:23:54,436 Speaker 1: until this point in our lives, we've never talked about 389 00:23:54,476 --> 00:23:58,476 Speaker 1: our marriage. We thought from the very beginning that our 390 00:23:58,516 --> 00:24:02,716 Speaker 1: marriage would be healthy for its privacy, so we kept 391 00:24:02,716 --> 00:24:05,956 Speaker 1: a very low profile. When we first got married, we 392 00:24:06,596 --> 00:24:10,116 Speaker 1: came back from our honeymoon, everybody wanted us to host 393 00:24:10,236 --> 00:24:12,876 Speaker 1: the Emmy's, host the People's Choice Awards, be on the 394 00:24:12,916 --> 00:24:16,316 Speaker 1: cover of People magazine. It was overwhelming. We sat down 395 00:24:16,316 --> 00:24:18,276 Speaker 1: and talked about it and said, let's not do this. 396 00:24:18,876 --> 00:24:22,396 Speaker 1: If we just keep it private, maybe people won't pick 397 00:24:22,436 --> 00:24:25,276 Speaker 1: at it. We'll do our careers and we'll keep our 398 00:24:25,836 --> 00:24:30,236 Speaker 1: personal life private. But then like thirty nine years later, 399 00:24:30,356 --> 00:24:33,356 Speaker 1: they got this idea for a podcast. Well, we looked 400 00:24:33,436 --> 00:24:35,916 Speaker 1: up and realized we've been married for a hundred years, 401 00:24:36,796 --> 00:24:40,556 Speaker 1: so maybe we have something to share. Well, also, people 402 00:24:40,596 --> 00:24:44,276 Speaker 1: had always asked us, how does your marriage last? What 403 00:24:44,316 --> 00:24:46,476 Speaker 1: do you do and everything? We said, we don't know. 404 00:24:46,636 --> 00:24:49,356 Speaker 1: I love him, he loves me. We like each other. 405 00:24:49,676 --> 00:24:52,996 Speaker 1: I like the way he smells. Does that count. We 406 00:24:53,076 --> 00:24:55,876 Speaker 1: started thinking about it, and when we were having our 407 00:24:55,916 --> 00:24:59,196 Speaker 1: thirty ninth anniversary, we heard from a couple that was 408 00:24:59,236 --> 00:25:01,236 Speaker 1: getting a divorce that had been married a long time, 409 00:25:01,276 --> 00:25:04,676 Speaker 1: and we said, wow, I wonder what they did wrong, 410 00:25:04,716 --> 00:25:07,956 Speaker 1: and I wonder what we did right. And we just 411 00:25:07,996 --> 00:25:11,116 Speaker 1: got curious about it. And so we did that until 412 00:25:11,836 --> 00:25:15,436 Speaker 1: this time, and we thought, let's find out what makes 413 00:25:15,476 --> 00:25:18,836 Speaker 1: it work. And then Phil said, Okay, I'll do this 414 00:25:18,916 --> 00:25:21,356 Speaker 1: with you. I'll go on these double dates and everything, 415 00:25:21,596 --> 00:25:24,076 Speaker 1: but I'm not going to talk about our marriage. And 416 00:25:24,156 --> 00:25:26,476 Speaker 1: I said, okay, I mean, after forty years, you're not 417 00:25:26,516 --> 00:25:29,076 Speaker 1: going to change somebody. But then when we got into 418 00:25:29,116 --> 00:25:33,716 Speaker 1: these conversations like when Mark and Swell has talked about 419 00:25:33,756 --> 00:25:36,956 Speaker 1: his jealousy with Kelly Rippa, Phil talked about his jealousy 420 00:25:36,956 --> 00:25:41,076 Speaker 1: with Chris Kristofferson. Marla made a movie with Chris Christofferson 421 00:25:42,596 --> 00:25:46,036 Speaker 1: and there was a love scene in the movie was 422 00:25:46,076 --> 00:25:48,916 Speaker 1: four minutes long. It looked to me like it was 423 00:25:48,956 --> 00:25:53,396 Speaker 1: about four years long. I remember sitting and watching this 424 00:25:55,076 --> 00:25:59,956 Speaker 1: and I really did. I I had a sense of 425 00:25:59,956 --> 00:26:07,556 Speaker 1: how draining jealousy is. It takes away the time that 426 00:26:08,916 --> 00:26:14,396 Speaker 1: he should be devoted to improving the marriage, building the marriage, 427 00:26:14,556 --> 00:26:18,116 Speaker 1: making you close, and you know, it's nothing to do 428 00:26:18,196 --> 00:26:22,196 Speaker 1: with the person who is the object of your jealousy. 429 00:26:22,316 --> 00:26:25,316 Speaker 1: You know, Kelly Ripper had not done anything to make 430 00:26:25,356 --> 00:26:28,676 Speaker 1: her husband jealous. That was his own ballgame. And that's 431 00:26:28,676 --> 00:26:32,316 Speaker 1: another thing, you know, because when somebody is jealous, whether 432 00:26:32,356 --> 00:26:35,676 Speaker 1: it's male or female, they're blaming it on you and 433 00:26:35,716 --> 00:26:39,156 Speaker 1: you didn't do anything. It's in their head. And that's 434 00:26:39,196 --> 00:26:41,756 Speaker 1: something that the couples have to come to. I mean, 435 00:26:41,796 --> 00:26:45,836 Speaker 1: Phil was very jealous of me with men beginning of 436 00:26:45,836 --> 00:26:47,996 Speaker 1: our relationship, where you talked too long with that man 437 00:26:48,036 --> 00:26:50,236 Speaker 1: at the party and so forth, and then after a 438 00:26:50,236 --> 00:26:53,476 Speaker 1: while you just gave it up. You didn't think it anymore, right, Well, yeah, 439 00:26:53,556 --> 00:26:59,276 Speaker 1: And it was the lesson for me was It just 440 00:26:59,716 --> 00:27:04,596 Speaker 1: took a lot of weight off my shoulders to be 441 00:27:04,676 --> 00:27:08,636 Speaker 1: able to stab jealousy in the heart and get rid 442 00:27:08,676 --> 00:27:11,916 Speaker 1: of it. It is a very liberating thing when you 443 00:27:11,956 --> 00:27:15,796 Speaker 1: sit down with another couple, you're sharing stories. That's the 444 00:27:15,836 --> 00:27:19,116 Speaker 1: fun of being with somebody, with another couple, or being 445 00:27:19,156 --> 00:27:21,516 Speaker 1: with a group of people. And so we were sharing 446 00:27:21,556 --> 00:27:24,916 Speaker 1: stories and before you knew it, even my silent sam 447 00:27:25,756 --> 00:27:29,356 Speaker 1: irishman here started opening up to these people. I mean, 448 00:27:29,476 --> 00:27:31,516 Speaker 1: he didn't open up to me. He's always been open 449 00:27:31,556 --> 00:27:34,756 Speaker 1: to me, but to other people, which is I think 450 00:27:34,756 --> 00:27:37,196 Speaker 1: you're pretty amazed that you've done that. Right. Well, we 451 00:27:37,316 --> 00:27:40,476 Speaker 1: wound up, you know. We figured these interviews would be 452 00:27:40,556 --> 00:27:46,036 Speaker 1: like what twenty five minutes, half hour, well, three hours? Yeah, well, 453 00:27:46,116 --> 00:27:49,276 Speaker 1: you know, and then finally I would say, you know, 454 00:27:49,316 --> 00:27:53,236 Speaker 1: I'm really sorry, but we have to leave, you know, 455 00:27:53,316 --> 00:27:55,276 Speaker 1: and they would look at me and it's got a 456 00:27:55,396 --> 00:28:00,236 Speaker 1: laugh because they had been wondering themselves, when are these 457 00:28:00,316 --> 00:28:04,156 Speaker 1: people going to leave? No, they weren't. We made friends. Actually, 458 00:28:04,156 --> 00:28:07,076 Speaker 1: we made some new friends. Some of the people like 459 00:28:07,156 --> 00:28:10,436 Speaker 1: Alan Alden and Arlene Alden, Rob Ryner and Michelle Ryner. 460 00:28:10,516 --> 00:28:13,156 Speaker 1: We knew a lot of the people, but many we 461 00:28:13,236 --> 00:28:16,076 Speaker 1: didn't know, and it was fun to get to know 462 00:28:16,156 --> 00:28:19,036 Speaker 1: them in such an intimate way. And we were both 463 00:28:19,036 --> 00:28:21,676 Speaker 1: surprised that so many people said yes that they would 464 00:28:22,156 --> 00:28:25,996 Speaker 1: sit down with us, went to their homes and they 465 00:28:26,036 --> 00:28:28,836 Speaker 1: put out things to drink and eat. We had a 466 00:28:28,916 --> 00:28:32,996 Speaker 1: really fun time, a really fun time. I think it 467 00:28:33,836 --> 00:28:39,436 Speaker 1: it mellowed us to see how all these people have 468 00:28:39,676 --> 00:28:44,156 Speaker 1: found the safe spot. We said to each other, you know, 469 00:28:44,556 --> 00:28:47,796 Speaker 1: our marriage is really a cushion. It's a cushion in 470 00:28:47,876 --> 00:28:53,716 Speaker 1: life that if you don't have that, boy, life has 471 00:28:53,836 --> 00:28:57,236 Speaker 1: got a lot of sharp corners. But when you have 472 00:28:58,116 --> 00:29:02,076 Speaker 1: someone who has your back, as all of these people 473 00:29:02,836 --> 00:29:09,396 Speaker 1: did and we do, it gave us an appreciation for that. 474 00:29:09,676 --> 00:29:13,516 Speaker 1: Phil will say to me sometime, Oh, that's great that 475 00:29:13,556 --> 00:29:16,156 Speaker 1: you got that for us, or that you invited that 476 00:29:16,196 --> 00:29:19,356 Speaker 1: person over. I'm so glad you did that. I'm so 477 00:29:19,396 --> 00:29:22,436 Speaker 1: glad that we did this thing you thought of. It's 478 00:29:22,636 --> 00:29:26,316 Speaker 1: an appreciation for the other person, or a gratitude, you know, 479 00:29:26,396 --> 00:29:30,236 Speaker 1: to say to each other. I'm so grateful for what 480 00:29:30,276 --> 00:29:33,676 Speaker 1: you said to me this morning about how I needed 481 00:29:33,716 --> 00:29:36,956 Speaker 1: to not feel bad about something. I'm so grateful for 482 00:29:37,036 --> 00:29:40,156 Speaker 1: what we have together. It means so much. I mean, 483 00:29:40,676 --> 00:29:44,356 Speaker 1: I see marriage like a big plant, a big tree, 484 00:29:44,636 --> 00:29:48,036 Speaker 1: and you need to water it. You know, nothing living 485 00:29:48,716 --> 00:29:53,236 Speaker 1: can continue to flourish unless you water it, unless you 486 00:29:53,316 --> 00:29:56,356 Speaker 1: give it food to nourish it. And I think a 487 00:29:56,396 --> 00:29:59,436 Speaker 1: lot of people get married and then they think, Okay, 488 00:29:59,436 --> 00:30:02,676 Speaker 1: we're married. But it's not that it's a lot of work, 489 00:30:02,716 --> 00:30:07,676 Speaker 1: because that sounds drudgery. It's that it just needs attention. 490 00:30:08,036 --> 00:30:15,036 Speaker 1: I think just having the conversation made our own marriage 491 00:30:15,116 --> 00:30:18,116 Speaker 1: room here. We had more room in the marriage because 492 00:30:18,116 --> 00:30:22,596 Speaker 1: we were bringing in all these other people's feelings and experiences. 493 00:30:23,076 --> 00:30:27,476 Speaker 1: We kind of absorbed them and appreciated. It was fun. 494 00:30:27,756 --> 00:30:32,116 Speaker 1: It was fun talking to people who took their marriage seriously. 495 00:30:58,116 --> 00:31:00,036 Speaker 1: I have to say that I've played so many excerpts 496 00:31:00,396 --> 00:31:03,796 Speaker 1: of this conversation with Philla Marlow to Neck. They're definitely 497 00:31:03,796 --> 00:31:07,156 Speaker 1: teaching me something about my own marriage, much like phil 498 00:31:07,196 --> 00:31:11,036 Speaker 1: and Marlow. Making a podcast about marriage has actually improved 499 00:31:11,036 --> 00:31:13,316 Speaker 1: my own marriage. It has. I don't know if it 500 00:31:13,356 --> 00:31:15,756 Speaker 1: has for Neck, but it has for me. So many 501 00:31:15,796 --> 00:31:18,516 Speaker 1: of these episodes have become like marriage therapy for me 502 00:31:18,876 --> 00:31:21,716 Speaker 1: because they let me see how other couples live in 503 00:31:21,836 --> 00:31:25,356 Speaker 1: the world, what they do behind closed doors. What they 504 00:31:25,396 --> 00:31:27,716 Speaker 1: actually believe. Let they just got things done and live 505 00:31:27,756 --> 00:31:30,276 Speaker 1: in the world together and even after having such a 506 00:31:30,396 --> 00:31:34,236 Speaker 1: long marriage. Their podcasted the same thing for Phil and Marlowe, 507 00:31:34,796 --> 00:31:38,276 Speaker 1: and I think what we were interviewing all these couples, 508 00:31:38,676 --> 00:31:40,796 Speaker 1: these kinds of topics would come up. You know, it 509 00:31:40,836 --> 00:31:43,156 Speaker 1: was a double date. That's why we call a double date. 510 00:31:43,596 --> 00:31:46,076 Speaker 1: They would talk about jealousy, We would talk about jelsie. 511 00:31:46,076 --> 00:31:48,676 Speaker 1: They would talk about fighting. How do you come back 512 00:31:48,676 --> 00:31:52,196 Speaker 1: from a fight? That's a big thing. We talked about sex. 513 00:31:52,276 --> 00:31:56,196 Speaker 1: We asked Alie Wentworth is such a darling. I love her. 514 00:31:56,516 --> 00:31:59,716 Speaker 1: She's so funny, and she's so out there and wild 515 00:31:59,796 --> 00:32:02,876 Speaker 1: and free. And she's buried to George Stephanopoulos, who's pretty 516 00:32:02,876 --> 00:32:06,156 Speaker 1: buttoned up guy. And you would never fix them up together, 517 00:32:06,196 --> 00:32:10,756 Speaker 1: but they're perfect together. And asked her she's written some 518 00:32:10,796 --> 00:32:13,876 Speaker 1: books about relationships, and I said to her, what's your 519 00:32:13,876 --> 00:32:16,996 Speaker 1: advice about sex? And she said, have it and have 520 00:32:17,076 --> 00:32:20,036 Speaker 1: a lot of it, which I thought was great. Rob 521 00:32:20,156 --> 00:32:23,996 Speaker 1: ryanher said he's married to Michelle. They have a great 522 00:32:24,036 --> 00:32:27,236 Speaker 1: marriage too. I said, what's your advice for a young 523 00:32:27,276 --> 00:32:30,516 Speaker 1: married couple. He said, Mary, your best friend that you 524 00:32:30,596 --> 00:32:36,556 Speaker 1: can have sex with. So sex, best friend, no jealousy. 525 00:32:36,716 --> 00:32:39,156 Speaker 1: I mean, these are kind of As you start to 526 00:32:39,196 --> 00:32:42,196 Speaker 1: look at the building blocks of how people have made 527 00:32:42,196 --> 00:32:45,076 Speaker 1: their marriage is work, you see that these are some 528 00:32:45,156 --> 00:32:50,716 Speaker 1: of the ingredients avoid a marriage that involves only one 529 00:32:51,036 --> 00:32:55,036 Speaker 1: passionate member. I have to wonder how many people went 530 00:32:55,076 --> 00:33:02,236 Speaker 1: through life dragging their spouse across the world, a spouse 531 00:33:02,596 --> 00:33:06,716 Speaker 1: not interested in the marriage, not as committed. You see 532 00:33:06,756 --> 00:33:10,836 Speaker 1: that a lot in relationships, Well, one person is doing 533 00:33:10,916 --> 00:33:14,036 Speaker 1: all the accommodating, and then that does become work, and 534 00:33:14,156 --> 00:33:18,356 Speaker 1: that's no longer a love story because a marriage really 535 00:33:18,396 --> 00:33:22,436 Speaker 1: has to be a love story too. There's a growing 536 00:33:23,156 --> 00:33:27,996 Speaker 1: love story. I mean, many people spoke to us about 537 00:33:27,996 --> 00:33:31,636 Speaker 1: the fact that they love their wife or husband more 538 00:33:31,756 --> 00:33:34,916 Speaker 1: now than when they first got married because they got 539 00:33:34,956 --> 00:33:37,316 Speaker 1: to know them and they like them better. And the 540 00:33:37,396 --> 00:33:39,516 Speaker 1: more you like somebody, the more you love them, and 541 00:33:39,556 --> 00:34:03,276 Speaker 1: the more you cherish them. This episode of Committee was 542 00:34:03,316 --> 00:34:05,916 Speaker 1: hosted and reported by Joe Piazza, with special thanks to 543 00:34:05,956 --> 00:34:09,796 Speaker 1: Marla Thomas and Philed Onto You. Supervising producer is Ramsey Young. 544 00:34:10,156 --> 00:34:13,636 Speaker 1: The executive producers are Joe Piazza and Tyler Klein. Theme 545 00:34:13,676 --> 00:34:17,436 Speaker 1: song and music by Tristan McNeill. For comments, suggestions, or 546 00:34:17,476 --> 00:34:19,236 Speaker 1: to be part of the show, give us a call 547 00:34:19,316 --> 00:34:23,836 Speaker 1: at four zero four nine nine six one one seven three. 548 00:34:23,876 --> 00:34:28,716 Speaker 1: That's four zero four nine nine six one one seven three, 549 00:34:28,876 --> 00:34:32,436 Speaker 1: or send us an email at Joe at Committed podcast 550 00:34:32,476 --> 00:34:37,076 Speaker 1: dot com. That's jo at Committed podcast dot com. You 551 00:34:37,076 --> 00:34:39,076 Speaker 1: can grab a copy of Joe's book How to Be 552 00:34:39,116 --> 00:34:42,156 Speaker 1: Married on Amazon or wherever books are sold. Committed as 553 00:34:42,196 --> 00:34:45,796 Speaker 1: a production of iHeartRadio and producing our studios located in Atlanta, Georgia. 554 00:34:46,196 --> 00:34:49,356 Speaker 1: From more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, 555 00:34:49,636 --> 00:34:52,476 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. 556 00:34:57,116 --> 00:34:59,956 Speaker 1: If you like this episode, you can listen to Committed 557 00:35:00,116 --> 00:35:01,916 Speaker 1: wherever you get your podcasts.