WEBVTT - Neuroscientist Emily McDonald: #1 Science-Based Hack to Rewire Your Brain to ACTUALLY Manifest the Life You Want 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.199 The big reason why a lot of people stay stuck 0:00:02.680 --> 0:00:06.160 is that we are actually subconsciously afraid of what it 0:00:06.200 --> 0:00:08.200 might look like if we succeed at doing it. Get 0:00:08.240 --> 0:00:11.840 specific about your goals, but get specific about your fears. 0:00:12.280 --> 0:00:14.800 Hey, everyone, welcome back to on Purpose, the place you 0:00:14.880 --> 0:00:18.400 come to listen, learn and grow and become happier, healthier, 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:23.200 and more healed. Today's guest is Emily McDonald, neuroscientist and 0:00:23.280 --> 0:00:27.360 founder of Mindcraft Neuroscience back tools to rewire your brain 0:00:27.640 --> 0:00:31.600 and master your reality. Emily shares how understanding the brain 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:35.320 can help you break free from limiting patterns, manage your 0:00:35.360 --> 0:00:39.560 emotions more effectively, and consciously create the life you want. 0:00:39.920 --> 0:00:43.440 This conversation will help you see how real change starts 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:48.280 from within and how rewiring your brain can transform your reality. 0:00:48.560 --> 0:00:52.200 Please welcome to on Purpose, Emily McDonald. Emily, it's great 0:00:52.200 --> 0:00:52.760 to have you here. 0:00:53.040 --> 0:00:55.360 It's so amazing to be here. Thank you for having me. 0:00:55.520 --> 0:00:57.720 I love following you on social media. I feel like 0:00:57.760 --> 0:00:59.560 I learned so much. I have so many friends who 0:01:00.040 --> 0:01:02.440 live and swear by your page, and so have you 0:01:02.480 --> 0:01:05.919 here now is awesome. And again, congratulations and all your success. 0:01:05.959 --> 0:01:08.000 I know you just got engaged as well, So thank 0:01:08.040 --> 0:01:10.440 you congratulations on that is wonderful to meet your fiance. 0:01:10.680 --> 0:01:13.280 Yeah. Yeah, but let's start straight in. 0:01:13.959 --> 0:01:17.920 If someone was to listen to our conversation today and 0:01:18.000 --> 0:01:21.080 apply the things you have to say, how would their 0:01:21.080 --> 0:01:21.760 life change. 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:25.679 I'd like to say that it can and will change 0:01:25.760 --> 0:01:29.840 in every single aspect that you apply it to. I 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:32.760 think that And you know, actually, one of my students 0:01:32.760 --> 0:01:35.520 in Mindecraft she joined a few months ago and she 0:01:35.600 --> 0:01:38.039 I asked her, I said, in which ways do you 0:01:38.040 --> 0:01:40.360 think that your life has changed since joining? And she said, 0:01:40.400 --> 0:01:42.840 every single aspect of her life has changed. And I 0:01:42.880 --> 0:01:47.160 think that the principles that I teach and I coach 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:49.280 on and that I practice, I think they really can 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:53.480 be applied to every single area of your life. So yeah, 0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:55.320 I think it just depends on you and what you 0:01:55.480 --> 0:01:57.960 choose and what you intend, right, So it's all about 0:01:58.000 --> 0:02:00.000 intention there, and it's like if you want to apply 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:04.760 to relationships, you can, but also just being more in 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:07.160 control of your brain. I like to make the analogy 0:02:07.200 --> 0:02:10.640 of if you are driving a car down the road 0:02:11.280 --> 0:02:13.640 and you don't know how that car works, if it 0:02:13.680 --> 0:02:15.960 breaks down, you don't know how to fix it. You'll 0:02:16.000 --> 0:02:17.840 be stuck there, right. And I have a story of 0:02:17.880 --> 0:02:19.760 like my car breaking down. My brother, Luckily he's a 0:02:19.760 --> 0:02:23.560 mechanical engineer, and I called him. He's like, oh, poor 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:25.440 water in this oneman hole or whatever, and I could 0:02:25.440 --> 0:02:27.240 be on my merry way. Right, I got home safely. 0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:30.600 But if you don't know how and the brain works 0:02:30.639 --> 0:02:32.639 the same way, right, So let's say you're stressed out, 0:02:32.880 --> 0:02:36.400 or you are overwhelmed, or you're struggling to focus or 0:02:36.400 --> 0:02:38.800 whatever it is. If you don't know how your brain works, 0:02:38.800 --> 0:02:40.840 you might be stuck. But when you know how your 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:43.320 brain works, you can then use that knowledge and apply 0:02:43.440 --> 0:02:46.640 it to whatever area you're really struggling with. So that 0:02:46.720 --> 0:02:49.280 I think that it really can be applied to many 0:02:49.360 --> 0:02:50.480 different areas of your life. 0:02:50.560 --> 0:02:54.280 Yeah, yeah, I love that analogy. I've had many a 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:56.639 time in my life a car that's broken down on me. 0:02:57.120 --> 0:02:59.880 Not been a mechanical engineer. Yeah, I pushed my car up. 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:03.080 And that's what it sometimes feels like for people. I 0:03:03.080 --> 0:03:06.440 feel like people feel that they're fighting against their brain, 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:11.040 they're breaking down their mind, they're trying to push forward, 0:03:11.080 --> 0:03:13.080 and they just feel stuck. I feel like so many 0:03:13.120 --> 0:03:16.960 people listening right now feel stuck in their job, they 0:03:16.960 --> 0:03:20.640 feel stuck in a bad relationship, they feel stuck looking 0:03:20.720 --> 0:03:24.080 for a career. If someone feels stuck, what do they 0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:27.160 need to understand about the brain in order to start 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:28.640 the process to get unstuck. 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:33.959 Yeah, So I think that feeling of being stuck, it's 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:37.360 really quite natural. When you think about neuroscience and your biology. 0:03:38.000 --> 0:03:41.280 The brain loves to keep you in what is safe 0:03:41.840 --> 0:03:44.400 and normal to you. The brain is also, I like 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:47.200 to call it a prediction machine, So we don't necessarily 0:03:47.480 --> 0:03:51.840 experience reality. We experience, you know, our brains sort of 0:03:51.920 --> 0:03:54.920 filtering everything we see here feel touched, but also predicting 0:03:55.240 --> 0:03:57.080 what's about to happen. And that's why a lot of times, 0:03:57.120 --> 0:03:59.440 you know, we feel like anxious or whatever it is, 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:02.480 it has to do with the brain's predicting kind of 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:06.640 something that's upcoming. And so I think that feeling of 0:04:06.720 --> 0:04:09.280 being stuck is quite normal and natural. And I just 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:12.920 want to say that first. But also understanding which area 0:04:12.920 --> 0:04:16.159 you're stuck in, right, And I'm going to take it 0:04:16.160 --> 0:04:18.680 an interesting direction right now, but I like to talk 0:04:18.720 --> 0:04:22.640 about procrastination because it's a good example of feeling stuck. Right, So, 0:04:22.720 --> 0:04:25.039 if you are. Let's say you have a goal and 0:04:25.120 --> 0:04:28.480 you're like, like starting a podcast, and you're like, Okay, 0:04:28.480 --> 0:04:30.800 I want to do it, and then you're procrastinating it. Right, 0:04:30.800 --> 0:04:32.880 So I always say that there are three reasons why 0:04:33.320 --> 0:04:37.280 people procrastinate, and the first reason is there's an identity 0:04:37.360 --> 0:04:40.159 sort of mismatch. And what I mean by that is 0:04:40.200 --> 0:04:43.039 that you don't like your sense of self and who 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:46.359 you believe that you are doesn't match with you working 0:04:46.440 --> 0:04:50.200 toward the goal of launching a podcast. And this actually 0:04:50.400 --> 0:04:53.680 kind of resonated with me personally whenever I was starting 0:04:53.760 --> 0:04:56.120 to write a book. I was procrastinating writing my book, 0:04:56.120 --> 0:04:57.320 and I was like, why am I doing this? I 0:04:57.360 --> 0:04:58.680 know it's a goal, I know I want to do it, 0:04:58.880 --> 0:05:02.080 but I don't know why I'm procross And the default 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:04.360 mode network in the brain is really what's at play here. 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:07.919 So the default mode network is really appropriately named because 0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:12.000 it kind of helps to regulate and propel our default 0:05:12.040 --> 0:05:15.320 mode of behavior. Right, So it's responsible for our default 0:05:15.320 --> 0:05:19.200 mode of being and doing, but it's also responsible for 0:05:19.240 --> 0:05:22.200 our sense of self and constructing the narrative or the 0:05:22.240 --> 0:05:25.600 story of our lives. And so if your sense of 0:05:25.720 --> 0:05:29.359 self doesn't match if your identity doesn't match whatever it 0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:33.000 is that you're trying to do, then your default mode 0:05:33.040 --> 0:05:35.680 network is not really going to be helping you do 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:39.520 the behaviors or take the action toward starting a podcast. 0:05:39.560 --> 0:05:42.800 And so I always tell my clients, I tell my students, 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:46.359 I tell everyone on social media, and like, just identity shift, 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:48.760 you know, like shift your identity. You can just start 0:05:48.800 --> 0:05:51.200 to identify as the version of you who has done 0:05:51.200 --> 0:05:53.839 the thing. And so that's kind of the first part 0:05:53.880 --> 0:05:55.479 of that, and then the second. 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:57.240 That's so interesting. 0:05:57.640 --> 0:05:59.760 That's so interesting, And I love the way you broke 0:05:59.800 --> 0:06:03.720 down the default mode network because this identity mismatch that 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:07.120 you're talking about. Are you saying that if you don't 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:08.960 I know, you've said something which I love you said. 0:06:09.000 --> 0:06:11.960 Science says you have to act like you already have it. Yeah, 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:15.440 before something can happen. Is that what you're saying that 0:06:15.560 --> 0:06:19.520 You've got to feel like I'm already an author, I'm 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:23.240 already a podcaster. How does someone practically apply that identity 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:24.279 to make sure it's aligned? 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:28.920 Right? So it's really just choosing to identify as that person, right. 0:06:29.240 --> 0:06:31.080 And so when I say that you have to act 0:06:31.520 --> 0:06:33.840 like you already have it, or like you already are 0:06:33.880 --> 0:06:35.640 it in order to do it or be it works 0:06:35.680 --> 0:06:37.719 the same way. The analogy I use there is falling 0:06:37.720 --> 0:06:39.520 asleep at night. Like when you fall asleep at night, 0:06:39.560 --> 0:06:41.640 you lay down, you close your eyes, you slow your breath, 0:06:41.680 --> 0:06:44.320 and you pretend like you're asleep until you fall asleep, 0:06:44.360 --> 0:06:47.279 and your brain makes it so. And life works that 0:06:47.320 --> 0:06:50.359 way as well, and you have to act like it 0:06:50.440 --> 0:06:52.080 and move like it, right, Like you're not going to 0:06:52.440 --> 0:06:55.279 become a drummer in a band unless you act like 0:06:55.279 --> 0:06:58.880 a drummer, and drummer's practice. And so it's sort of 0:06:58.960 --> 0:07:02.320 like and so how do I apply that like practically, 0:07:02.400 --> 0:07:05.160 I guess from my book example, I really just decided 0:07:05.279 --> 0:07:07.640 I'm an author, Like from this moment forward, I'm an author. 0:07:07.680 --> 0:07:09.720 And I think a lot of times we don't realize 0:07:09.720 --> 0:07:12.119 the power that we have to choose those sorts of things. 0:07:12.160 --> 0:07:14.200 And this is another reason why I tell people to 0:07:14.240 --> 0:07:17.120 be so careful about the labels that they use to 0:07:17.200 --> 0:07:19.800 identify themselves and the labels that they put on themselves. 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:21.640 And growing up in my own life, I had so 0:07:21.680 --> 0:07:25.160 many different labels put onto me that I believed and 0:07:25.360 --> 0:07:28.800 just kind of allowed to describe who I was, and 0:07:28.840 --> 0:07:32.320 that impacted my life, it impacted my health, it impacted 0:07:32.920 --> 0:07:36.040 everything in my world. And so that's one of the 0:07:36.080 --> 0:07:38.560 reasons why I'm so passionate about it. But yeah, and 0:07:38.600 --> 0:07:41.120 so applying that practically a lot of times, it really 0:07:41.120 --> 0:07:44.280 just looks like choosing to identify as that version of you. 0:07:45.120 --> 0:07:47.200 Like if I'm trying to start a podcast, I am 0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:50.200 a podcaster, and there I am doing. 0:07:50.040 --> 0:07:53.280 It right, almost like how does an author behave? And 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:55.920 let me start practice? Right, So an author gets up 0:07:55.960 --> 0:07:59.480 and write a page even when they don't feel inspired, 0:07:59.520 --> 0:08:02.400 because that's how they get for example, right, or like 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:04.720 a podcast that sits down and you just start interviewing 0:08:04.760 --> 0:08:07.480 the people that are available until you're able to book 0:08:07.480 --> 0:08:08.840 the guests that you really want to speak to. 0:08:09.000 --> 0:08:12.320 Right, exactly exactly, And when that happens when you choose, 0:08:12.360 --> 0:08:14.200 when you write a new what happens then is that 0:08:14.240 --> 0:08:16.520 you're writing a new story and your brain kind of 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:19.640 stops using your past to predict your future and it 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:22.200 kind of starts to take the present moment and your 0:08:22.240 --> 0:08:25.600 new identity that you are choosing to help predict your 0:08:25.680 --> 0:08:28.280 future behavior. And so it's super powerful. 0:08:28.560 --> 0:08:30.120 I love that, all right, what's the second that was? 0:08:30.320 --> 0:08:35.400 Okay? So the second reason why most people procrastinate is fear. 0:08:36.800 --> 0:08:39.840 A lot of times we are actually subconsciously afraid of success. 0:08:39.920 --> 0:08:41.319 And I think this is a big reason why a 0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:43.960 lot of people stay stuck, is that we are actually 0:08:44.000 --> 0:08:47.400 subconsciously afraid of what it might look like if we 0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:50.120 succeed at doing it interesting and for me personally, so 0:08:50.160 --> 0:08:53.280 I'm actually about a launch of podcast by the time 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:55.280 this episode comes out, and may or may not be 0:08:55.440 --> 0:09:00.319 already launched. But when I again I was procrastinating filling 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:02.719 my podcast, and me being me, I sit down and 0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:05.840 I analyze my mind, like why am I procrastinating starting 0:09:05.840 --> 0:09:08.680 to film this podcast? And what I found was that 0:09:08.760 --> 0:09:12.520 I was subconsciously afraid of being seen in sort of 0:09:12.600 --> 0:09:15.520 a more vulnerable way, because long form content is a 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:19.040 lot more vulnerable than a one minute reel on Instagram, 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:22.640 Like you're not really you in that short of period 0:09:22.679 --> 0:09:25.840 of time, but in long form content, people can really 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:28.120 see you. And so that was sort of the fear 0:09:28.120 --> 0:09:31.280 that I uncovered for myself. But yeah, and I think 0:09:31.360 --> 0:09:33.520 this is another reason why I tell people all the time, 0:09:33.600 --> 0:09:36.400 like a lot of people say, get specific about your goals. 0:09:36.760 --> 0:09:40.199 But I also say get specific about your fears, because 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:42.480 your fears, they can have control over you when you 0:09:42.520 --> 0:09:44.920 don't know what they are. But when you identify them, 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:48.000 labeling them, well, that activates the prefernal cortex and the 0:09:48.040 --> 0:09:50.400 prefernal cortex and the amygdala. They sort of have this 0:09:50.480 --> 0:09:54.959 kind of seesaw relationship where when one activity activity in 0:09:55.000 --> 0:09:57.200 one goes up activity and the other goes down. And 0:09:57.240 --> 0:09:59.720 so when you label your emotions, you label the fears 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:02.520 that you you have, you're actually giving yourself your power back. 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:05.640 You're activating the prefernal cortex, which is the CEO of 0:10:05.679 --> 0:10:07.280 your brain. It's sort of the boss of your brain. 0:10:08.280 --> 0:10:11.360 And so kind of getting specific about your fears, I 0:10:11.400 --> 0:10:14.959 would say, is the way to overcome that version of stuckness. 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:18.240 And I think that's a really powerful activity to do 0:10:18.559 --> 0:10:20.360 if somebody were feeling stuck. 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:24.360 How did you get so specific and define your own fear? 0:10:24.400 --> 0:10:26.760 I love that you shared what you were worried about 0:10:26.800 --> 0:10:30.120 in this whole idea that people are scared of success. Yeah, 0:10:30.160 --> 0:10:34.000 how did you come upon that? Like? What process did 0:10:34.040 --> 0:10:36.480 it take? What reflection did you do? How did you 0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:39.800 identify them? I love what you said about identifying your 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:42.600 goals is important, but actually knowing your fears is equally 0:10:42.640 --> 0:10:43.920 as important, if not more. 0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:45.040 How do you do that? 0:10:45.760 --> 0:10:48.520 Yeah, So I think for me, I have the saying 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:50.800 called take it all the way to the end, and 0:10:50.880 --> 0:10:53.640 so allow yourself to go on the journey or the 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:57.400 path all the way to the end. And so I 0:10:57.440 --> 0:11:00.640 sat down and I was like, Okay, if I go 0:11:00.840 --> 0:11:02.640 and I film this podcast, my goal is to have 0:11:02.679 --> 0:11:04.920 a top podcast in the world. Right, so if I'm 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:06.840 having a top podcast in the world, what might that 0:11:06.880 --> 0:11:09.880 look like? Oh, that means that I'm setting myself up 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:12.120 to be seen more and maybe have more hate and 0:11:12.160 --> 0:11:14.719 maybe have more criticism and judgment and all that. And 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:18.160 just seeing myself write that down, I was like, Okay, well, 0:11:18.160 --> 0:11:22.080 if my brain is highlighting that as oh, if you 0:11:22.440 --> 0:11:24.439 go and start a podcast, you're going to have more 0:11:24.480 --> 0:11:28.160 hate and face more criticism, then it might try to 0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:30.120 keep me safe from that. And that's really what that 0:11:30.240 --> 0:11:32.120 is is your brain is just trying to keep you safe. 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:35.319 And so that's why identifying your fears can be so powerful. 0:11:35.320 --> 0:11:37.120 And so yeah, I would say, if you're trying to 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:42.440 identify what your fears are, I would just take the 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:44.280 goal whatever it is that you're trying to do all 0:11:44.320 --> 0:11:46.920 the way to the end, like if it's the top podcast, 0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:48.760 or if it's the best selling book, or if it's 0:11:48.800 --> 0:11:51.600 your business, or even a relationship. Right, like a lot 0:11:51.640 --> 0:11:55.360 of people in relationships, like you're afraid of relying on 0:11:55.400 --> 0:11:58.160 someone or being dependent on someone, or really fully being 0:11:58.240 --> 0:12:01.440 open and vulnerable with someone, and honestly just identifying that 0:12:01.520 --> 0:12:03.600 as the first step and getting super clear on that, 0:12:03.600 --> 0:12:05.319 because when you get clear on that, then you can 0:12:05.320 --> 0:12:08.600 rewrite the story of exactly like you said, Yes, it's true, 0:12:08.679 --> 0:12:12.120 being more vulnerable and being seen my equal more judgment 0:12:12.160 --> 0:12:14.800 or criticism, but it might also equal and to the 0:12:14.840 --> 0:12:17.720 same extent, if not more, more love and more support. 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:21.000 So and you have to identify at first to give 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:24.520 yourself the chance to even rewrite that fear. 0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:26.319 Yeah, I love the idea of take you all the 0:12:26.360 --> 0:12:28.840 way to the end. That's a great one. It's a 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:33.840 great way of actually getting really clear on exactly what's 0:12:33.840 --> 0:12:35.560 tripping you up. And I love what you just said 0:12:35.600 --> 0:12:38.000 there that actually when you come up with it, you 0:12:38.120 --> 0:12:40.520 realize your brain was just trying to keep you safe. Yeah, 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:42.720 it was actually just trying to help you because it 0:12:42.760 --> 0:12:44.920 was scared of that. It wasn't that you weren't good enough, 0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:47.440 or it wasn't that you weren't smart enough, or it 0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:49.480 wasn't that you can't develop the skills. 0:12:49.520 --> 0:12:50.720 It was just trying to keep you safe. 0:12:50.800 --> 0:12:53.440 Yeah, And I think when we think about the brain 0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:55.600 trying to keep us safe, that and that's a really 0:12:55.679 --> 0:12:58.000 big reason why the brain tries to keep us kind 0:12:58.000 --> 0:13:01.000 of in our comfort zone. Right, But it's super important 0:13:01.040 --> 0:13:03.959 to recognize and acknowledge that any sort of growth happens 0:13:04.000 --> 0:13:06.400 outside of our comfort zones. Like I would not be 0:13:06.800 --> 0:13:08.800 in the physition where I am today if I didn't 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:14.240 take delusional level risks and leaps of faith. And so 0:13:14.480 --> 0:13:18.280 it's really a requirement to achieving or receiving or having 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:20.800 whatever it is that we want. And so yeah, getting 0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:22.880 really clear on our fears and take it all the way, 0:13:22.880 --> 0:13:24.400 I take it all the way to the end applies 0:13:24.440 --> 0:13:26.720 to that. It also applies to limiting beliefs as well, 0:13:26.760 --> 0:13:28.720 like take it all the way to the end, see 0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:31.360 what comes up for you. And also, yeah, I think 0:13:32.040 --> 0:13:34.520 because I've had students, I had a specific student ask 0:13:34.640 --> 0:13:38.800 me she was struggling with sand volleyball, beach volleyball, and 0:13:38.840 --> 0:13:40.800 she was like, I had this fear, and I was like, 0:13:40.880 --> 0:13:43.040 take it all the way to the end. Visualize it. Maybe, 0:13:43.120 --> 0:13:44.679 you know, I don't think I've ever heard anyone tell 0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:47.560 people like visualize your fears. But if it's safe for 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:50.520 you and you're not gonna like like have any sort 0:13:50.559 --> 0:13:53.520 of physical reaction, like visualize it and see what comes 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:55.720 up for you and see like what is it really 0:13:55.760 --> 0:13:57.720 that you're afraid of, and then you can give yourself 0:13:57.720 --> 0:14:01.600 the chance to kind of rewrite that story to number three. Okay, 0:14:01.800 --> 0:14:06.480 so we've got there's an identity mismatch or there's maybe 0:14:06.520 --> 0:14:09.600 some underlying fear behind it, and then number three is 0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:13.079 really more of a scientific, kind of simple, straightforward thing. 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:17.680 And it's cheap dopamine. Uh, it's everywhere and society sort 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:21.400 of it's everywhere cheap dopamine, social media, it's all over 0:14:21.440 --> 0:14:24.680 the place and like fast food, binging, Netflix, whatever it 0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:28.160 is that's that's number three is cheap dopamine. And it's 0:14:28.240 --> 0:14:30.920 it's really it's a dream dopamine. I always say, like, 0:14:30.920 --> 0:14:34.240 dopamine doesn't care about your dreams. Dopamine just cares about 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:36.800 what you automate and what you repeat. And so it's 0:14:36.800 --> 0:14:39.720 going to keep you doing that. And also when it 0:14:39.760 --> 0:14:42.440 comes to cheap dopamine, if you're giving yourself a lot 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:45.400 of that, then you're not really And one of the 0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:47.880 big things that I do to help kind of motivate 0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:52.000 myself to doing things is withholding reward. And so whenever 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:54.280 I was in the PhD, I studied drug addiction, and 0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:57.680 so a lot of dopamine research and studying kind of 0:14:57.680 --> 0:15:00.720 the dopamine pathways. But also drug addiction is really maladaptive 0:15:00.720 --> 0:15:04.920 habit formation. And so when I think about kind of 0:15:05.000 --> 0:15:09.600 cheap dopamine and habit formation and behavior, because dopamine drives 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:11.440 a lot of behavior, one of the things that I 0:15:11.480 --> 0:15:13.920 do to kind of motivate myself is just withhold whatever 0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:17.640 reward that I'm wanting. So let's say I saw it 0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:19.480 online or I was shopping or whatever, and I saw 0:15:19.480 --> 0:15:22.920 a shirt that I wanted, I wouldn't allow myself to 0:15:22.960 --> 0:15:24.800 buy it, or a candle or whatever it is, I 0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:27.360 wouldn't allow myself to buy it until after I do 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:30.560 the task that I'm maybe procrastinating or feeling stuck doing. 0:15:30.600 --> 0:15:32.320 And so if someone's out there right now and you're 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:36.280 procrastinating or feeling stuck starting a business or going after 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:38.880 a job, or dating in a relationship or whatever it is, 0:15:39.200 --> 0:15:43.400 and you're regularly giving yourself sort of cheap dopamine or 0:15:43.760 --> 0:15:46.480 you know, allowing yourself to just like have whatever reward 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:47.920 it is, and you just give it to yourself all 0:15:47.960 --> 0:15:50.360 the time, then you're not really setting yourself up for 0:15:50.400 --> 0:15:53.760 success because you're giving yourself your brain is just well 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:55.640 fed on dopamine. And you can think of it sort 0:15:55.680 --> 0:15:58.160 of as the analogy of like snacking all day, right, 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:00.520 So if you're snacking all day, you're never really gonna 0:16:00.520 --> 0:16:03.080 be hungry and to eat that whole meal, and so 0:16:03.640 --> 0:16:05.280 dope means kind of the same way. If you're like 0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:07.880 giving yourself those cheap dopamine hits going on social media 0:16:07.920 --> 0:16:10.440 all day long, then you're never really gonna be driven 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:13.880 to go complete that big task. And that big task 0:16:13.960 --> 0:16:16.120 is going to be a lot more rewarding than the small, 0:16:16.520 --> 0:16:19.480 repetitive cheap dopamine, especially at night. So I want to 0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:22.920 I want to highlight that because this is something newer 0:16:22.960 --> 0:16:26.000 that I've been talking about, and honestly, I discover all this, 0:16:26.200 --> 0:16:30.800 Like obviously I learned about neuroscience in school, but I 0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:34.080 discover a lot of the kind of hacks and stuff 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:36.600 based on what I need and in my own life. 0:16:36.920 --> 0:16:39.720 And so I realized, you know, I was waking up 0:16:39.720 --> 0:16:43.520 with less motivation, waking up low on energy, and just 0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:47.320 not really feeling like normally and I have most of 0:16:47.320 --> 0:16:49.040 the time. I really do wake up and I jump 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:51.040 out of bed and I'm like ready and so excited 0:16:51.080 --> 0:16:53.000 for the day. So I'm like, what's what's happening here? 0:16:53.920 --> 0:16:57.760 And what I actually realized was that so dopamine actually 0:16:57.960 --> 0:17:01.680 resets itself and restores as you sleep, and so scrolling 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:04.680 at nighttime or binge, watching Netflix or any of those 0:17:04.720 --> 0:17:07.600 things that give you cheap dopamine and even eating late 0:17:07.680 --> 0:17:11.480 night snacks and all that that actually up Well, one, 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:14.359 it disrupts your sleep, and that keeps your dopamine system 0:17:14.359 --> 0:17:18.920 from restoring itself. But also it desensitizes your dopamine receptors, 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:20.760 so when you wake up in the morning, you're, for 0:17:20.840 --> 0:17:22.720 lack of better like to keep it simple, you're less 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:25.160 sensitive to dopamine when you wake up in the morning 0:17:25.160 --> 0:17:28.560 when you give yourself cheap dopamine at night, and so 0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:31.800 cheap dopamine is number three. It's a big reason why 0:17:31.800 --> 0:17:34.359 people stay stuck. Yeah, because if you're giving yourself snacks 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:35.840 all day, you're never going to be driven to cook 0:17:35.840 --> 0:17:38.159 a meal. If you're giving yourself cheap dopamine all day long, 0:17:38.200 --> 0:17:39.720 you're never going to be driven to go do the 0:17:39.720 --> 0:17:41.919 big task that's going to help you get closer to 0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:42.520 your dreams. 0:17:43.000 --> 0:17:43.439 I love that. 0:17:43.480 --> 0:17:46.879 How do we convince ourselves that the big task is 0:17:46.920 --> 0:17:51.160 going to be more fulfilling than the cheap, quick dopamine. 0:17:51.280 --> 0:17:52.280 Or what do we do with that? 0:17:52.359 --> 0:17:55.239 Because I think you're spot on that there are a 0:17:55.280 --> 0:17:59.359 million distractions today. It's easy to be caught down a wormhole. 0:17:59.440 --> 0:18:02.720 It's easy to binge your show, and you don't realize 0:18:02.720 --> 0:18:06.240 that actually building the thing you love or starting that business, 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:09.320 or investing in that relationship, whatever it is, will be 0:18:09.359 --> 0:18:11.760 so much more meaningful. What do we do with that? 0:18:12.000 --> 0:18:12.919 How do we get there? 0:18:13.200 --> 0:18:17.320 Yeah? So I think two things. The first is get 0:18:17.400 --> 0:18:20.760 super specific about why you want that thing, right, So, 0:18:20.960 --> 0:18:23.359 if you don't really know why you want and let's 0:18:23.800 --> 0:18:25.760 I guess the big goal for this would be writing 0:18:25.760 --> 0:18:28.440 a book, because that takes so long and it does 0:18:28.560 --> 0:18:29.879 not come easily or company and. 0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:32.200 It never gets easy. I'm I'm writing my third book 0:18:32.240 --> 0:18:33.480 right now. It does not get easy. 0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:36.160 It is not. I'll just tell everyone it's not get. 0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:38.360 Easy, and it's it's you're in it. It's a marathon, 0:18:38.440 --> 0:18:40.280 it's not a sprint. They used to say that to 0:18:40.320 --> 0:18:42.080 me all the time in the PhD. It's even though 0:18:42.080 --> 0:18:45.320 they wanted you to sprint the marathon. And so I 0:18:45.720 --> 0:18:48.480 think for that, it's really understanding and being super clear 0:18:48.480 --> 0:18:51.840 about why you want to do it, because motivation is 0:18:51.920 --> 0:18:54.320 not always going to be there for you, and that's 0:18:54.359 --> 0:18:56.879 where knowing your why. And I kind of have a 0:18:56.880 --> 0:18:59.800 different take on discipline where I don't really think of 0:19:00.119 --> 0:19:03.240 like this hardcore sort of disciplined sort of moment. I 0:19:03.280 --> 0:19:05.679 think of discipline as looking out for future you. And 0:19:05.720 --> 0:19:08.280 I think this is why it's super important for me. 0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:11.879 Whenever I am working with people, I ask them, you know, 0:19:11.960 --> 0:19:14.399 like who do you want to be? Like when you 0:19:14.440 --> 0:19:17.600 imagine yourself like achieving the goals or whatever, it is like, 0:19:17.640 --> 0:19:20.440