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Speaker 1: I am begging you to stop gifting your best friends

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Speaker 1: and your family a candle and a blanket for Christmas

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Speaker 1: and calling you today that just shows I don't know you.

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Speaker 1: So this is what to get the hermit or like

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Speaker 1: little homebody in your life.

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Speaker 2: The biggest heac to being the best gift giver in

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Speaker 2: the twenty twenty three holiday season.

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Speaker 3: Is to start early. It is starterly. It's holiday shopping time.

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Speaker 3: And where do you go when you've got more money

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Speaker 3: than you know what to do with and you're trying

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Speaker 3: to buy a gift for let's say your puppy, and

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Speaker 3: your puppy can't just get any normal gift. They need

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Speaker 3: a gift that costs thousands and thousands of dollars like

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Speaker 3: mister Peeves. Right, yes, my puppy, his name is mister Peeves.

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Speaker 3: He's a Doberman and definitely not getting anything from Gwyneth

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Speaker 3: Paltrow's foot list, but there is a very expensive gift

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Speaker 3: for dogs on there. Every single year, it never fails.

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Speaker 3: Gwyneth Paltrow comes out with her list of cheap gifts

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Speaker 3: that you can get for the holidays, overpriced, ridiculous stuff

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Speaker 3: that people actually buy from her website. Let's go over

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Speaker 3: some of the crazy items that Gwyneth Paltrow has to

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Speaker 3: sale on goop dot com. This blows my mind. Hey,

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Speaker 3: champagne saber. Wait, okay, you.

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Speaker 4: Can make fun of that jewel, but you know, dang well,

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Speaker 4: you're about to put that in your cart because that

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Speaker 4: is something that you would purchase.

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Speaker 3: What is literally a sword for opening up champagne bottles.

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Speaker 3: It'll set you back two hundred dollars. What's freaking cool?

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Speaker 3: That is kind of awesome. I would want to buy that. Actually,

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Speaker 3: two hundred bucks seems cheap for a sword that opens

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Speaker 3: champagne bottle. You ever tried to open a champagne bottle

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Speaker 3: with a saber? Aasya? How do you even do that?

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Speaker 5: Just want a two hundred dollars champagne bottle breaker?

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Speaker 3: Why did you use the saber? I've tried it many times? Okay.

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Speaker 3: I got some sheds at a home depot the other day.

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Speaker 3: They were like thirty bucks. Now we're going to use

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Speaker 3: that you can at home depot? Oh yeah, stop all

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Speaker 3: the plot. I just needed one, but I bought two

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Speaker 3: because why not? So many reasons? Why not?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 6: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Right, We're going over some of the ridiculous items on

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Speaker 3: Gwyneth Paltrow's holiday gift giving list this year. So what

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Speaker 3: do you do when you're super rich and you can

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Speaker 3: afford anything. You find ridiculous things for other people to buy,

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Speaker 3: Like an eleven pound wheel of parmesan cheese aged twenty

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Speaker 3: four months. Okay, but you know that would be amazing

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Speaker 3: that what is normal cheese like sitting for Yeah, I

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Speaker 3: don't know, on the truck to the same threat.

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Speaker 5: Same as this wheel and cheese, but we're just marketing

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Speaker 5: it differently.

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Speaker 3: Three hundred and ninety six dollars for that? Whoa wait,

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Speaker 3: you can sell that? She's selling that? Yes, three hundred

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Speaker 3: and ninety six dollars for an eleven pound wheel of

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Speaker 3: parmesan cheese age for twenty four months because you forgot

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Speaker 3: to eat it. Somebody gotten it an eleven pounding of

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Speaker 3: parmesan cheese. It would take me a minute to process that,

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Speaker 3: and then I would be like, this is a ridiculous gift.

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Speaker 3: Thank you. I'm also lactose and tallness. You don't know

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Speaker 3: me at all, so funny.

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Speaker 4: You know what somebody told me once, the best gift

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Speaker 4: to give anybody is the gift that they would never

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Speaker 4: buy for themselves. So that is a great example that

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Speaker 4: you would appreciate because you're like, I wouldn't have got this, but.

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Speaker 3: This is cool. If you're buying an eleven pound wheel

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Speaker 3: of parmesan cheese for yourself for four hundred dollars, congratulations,

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Speaker 3: you're doing really well for that special puppy in your life.

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Speaker 3: If you've got two thousand dollars lying around and air

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Speaker 3: MAI's doghouse, Oh come, that's cool. That sounds cute. Wait

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Speaker 3: is it like padded inside and everything?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, there has to have like amenities or something with

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Speaker 4: a bidet and a heater.

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Speaker 3: Watch. You can also get nine s cargo picks in

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Speaker 3: translucent glass snail holder. Okay, again another jubil.

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Speaker 4: Remember when we were in Curisow, who kept or ordering

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Speaker 4: us cargo?

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Speaker 3: It was free? Yeah, someone else is paying for it, okay.

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Speaker 3: But also I always look for the weirdest thing on

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Speaker 3: the menu, So if there's snails on the menu, I'm

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Speaker 3: definitely order a Louisviton baby wardrobe. Trump just a little

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Speaker 3: wardrobe for your baby, but like a trunk.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean that's actually really cool, except for no way,

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Speaker 4: it'll set you back seventy three thousand dollars.

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Speaker 3: What Yeah, yeah, no real parent is buying this. No

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Speaker 3: real parent.

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Speaker 5: You know, if you have a baby, their size is

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Speaker 5: changing in the next twenty minutes, and somehow that's gonna

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Speaker 5: end up with puke on it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. For seventy three grand.

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Speaker 5: And drawing and coloring and the Barbie doll's gonna hate

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Speaker 5: it and poke holes in it, that's not But then if.

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Speaker 3: You don't use it, though, the value would definitely go up. Oh,

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Speaker 3: we're going over Gwyneth Paltrow's holiday gift giving list. If

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Speaker 3: you have seventy three thousand dollars, you can get yourself

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Speaker 3: a lou of it on baby wardrobe trunk. Hello Kelly,

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Speaker 3: you bought something from Gwyneth Paltrow before?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I was super curious about that, Like the JJ candle.

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Speaker 6: Oh yeah, I supposed to smell like a really yummies.

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Speaker 6: I don't know, Okay, sorry, but anyway, I got sensual,

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Speaker 6: like that.

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Speaker 2: Could be something sensual to have in my bedroom, And

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Speaker 2: so I ended up putting it like actually in the bathroom.

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Speaker 2: And one day when I was like exhausted putting my

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Speaker 2: contacts in, I knocked.

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Speaker 3: The candle over and it fell under my rug.

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Speaker 2: Which is this really nice like rug that I adore

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Speaker 2: from anthropology.

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Speaker 3: It's like a bathrug. And it got this like.

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Speaker 2: Candle wax and even actually lit part of it on.

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Speaker 3: Fire, so that well, those candles were exploding, Yeah, were exploding, right.

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Speaker 2: And so I did that, and then the problem was

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Speaker 2: is that I don't want to get rid of the

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Speaker 2: rug because it was this really fancy rug from anthropology,

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Speaker 2: and so now it just smells like the JJ, like

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Speaker 2: all over.

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Speaker 3: My bathroom, you know what I'm saying, And because I

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Speaker 3: think someone mine smell like that took also and that

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Speaker 3: candle smelled like flowers. Yeah, if you like roller skates

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Speaker 3: on Gwyneth Paltrow's list of incredibly ridiculous things that you

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Speaker 3: can buy people for the holidays, chanel roller skates, roller skates. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: we'll just set you back, Victoria if you got five

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Speaker 3: thousand dollars for those I do bound that smart spent.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, you're rich big. I was gonna be like, hey,

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Speaker 3: you will kind of borrow off five thousand dollars. If

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Speaker 3: you play tennis, a leather tennis ball holder holds four

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Speaker 3: tennis balls three hundred and fifty dollars only four Well,

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Speaker 3: if you're good, you only need one. Oh, I don't

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Speaker 3: know how tennis works. Not like that. I feel like

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Speaker 3: if you play tennis, you're like three hundred and fifty dollars.

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Speaker 3: I just wiped with that this morning. I toiled off

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Speaker 3: with it after my tennis match. That's nothing ridiculous. Wow, man,

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Speaker 3: there's also a six point eight inch twenty four carry

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Speaker 3: gold uh ring adult spot hitter toy huh for fifteen

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Speaker 3: grand That fifteen thousand dollars for that. Wait, that's funny.

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Speaker 3: You can say, oh my gosh, but are you not

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Speaker 3: like but does it work? Dollars? For that price, you

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Speaker 3: can get rid of your partner having good morning?

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Speaker 1: Can I take your order? An?

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Speaker 3: I get a tall Chris had a large black coffee?

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Speaker 3: Large black?

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Speaker 7: Do you mean a venty?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 2: I mean a large.

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Speaker 3: He means because venty.

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Speaker 2: Is large, is twenty large is large.

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Speaker 3: In fact, toll is large and grande is Spanish for large.

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Speaker 3: Venti is the only one that doesn't mean. He's also

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Speaker 3: the only one that's Italian. Congratulations for stupid and three languages.

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Speaker 3: It's time for you versus Victoria. I love that your

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Speaker 3: chance to battle it out against Victoria Ramirez to see

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Speaker 3: if you will be the Grandmaster Funk of Trivia for

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Speaker 3: the day and blink two tickets. Let's meet our contestant

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Speaker 3: today in You versus Victoria Tanya. Tanya grew up on

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Speaker 3: a Parsley farm before moving to the big city to

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Speaker 3: find herself nice they have this, and eventually moving back

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Speaker 3: to the Parsley farm to take over the family business. Today, Victoria,

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Speaker 3: you're not just playing a regular person. You're playing Parsley Royalty.

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Speaker 3: Welcome Tanya, the Parsley Princess. Hello, Tanya, how are you?

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Speaker 3: I'm good, guys doing great. I enjoyed the little tiny

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Speaker 3: trees that they put in my food for no reason

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Speaker 3: at all. That you make.

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Speaker 7: Into cilantro too.

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Speaker 3: It's exciting news, clan. Are you ready to take on Victoria?

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Speaker 3: Take her down? All right? Here we go, Victoria. That

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Speaker 3: Victoria is leaving the studio. You have thirty seconds to

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Speaker 3: answer as many questions as possible. If you don't know one,

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Speaker 3: just say pass and Victoria has to beat you outright

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Speaker 3: to win. All right, Tanya, your time starts now.

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Speaker 4: What is the number one most stream song on Spotify?

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Speaker 7: Oh it's Oh my god, it's I'll get it.

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Speaker 3: Who started Apple? With Steve Jobs.

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Speaker 7: Oh it was Oh my god, I'm doing terrible.

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Speaker 3: Hat What is the average height of women in the US?

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Speaker 7: Five?

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Speaker 3: Five? How many hours are in a week?

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Speaker 7: How many hours are in a week? There are? Forget it?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I did very terrible. We'll bring Victoria back into

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Speaker 3: the studio. Tanya. What is something else interesting about you

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Speaker 3: that you would like the world to know.

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Speaker 7: Well, I just started playing golf and I got my

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Speaker 7: first hole in one within the first six months of

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Speaker 7: playing golf.

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Speaker 3: Wow, that's amazing. Wow out there's people that don't golfing

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Speaker 3: their whole life that have never had a hole in one.

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Speaker 3: Yeah right here, man.

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Speaker 7: I know I didn't know that, and I was bragging

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Speaker 7: and not really bragging, just so excited and it was like, oh.

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Speaker 2: My god, I'm gonna continue playing this sport.

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Speaker 7: And then people were like, yeah, congratulations, Yeah, good for you.

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Speaker 3: I broke seven golf clubs today while I'm out there,

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Speaker 3: so I'm out a bunch of money because I got

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Speaker 3: to buy new ones. But hey, happy hole in one

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Speaker 3: and they're making me pay for that golf card. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: tip over a golf guard because I was angry on

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Speaker 3: whole four. But whatever, I'm glad you got that hole

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Speaker 3: in one? All right, Victoria is back in studio. Here

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Speaker 3: we go, Victoria thirty seconds to answer as many questions

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Speaker 3: as possible. If you don't know one, just say pass

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Speaker 3: your time starts now. What is the number one most

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Speaker 3: stream song on Spotify? Uh? Greedy? I hate okay? Who

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Speaker 3: started Apple with Steve Jobs? Mark zec? What is the

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Speaker 3: average height of women in the US? Hive?

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Speaker 2: Three?

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Speaker 3: How many hours are in a week? Oh? Too many?

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Speaker 3: Name is Colson Baker? Fishing on? Kelly? What was the

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Speaker 3: highest grossing movie of all time? This Aristor movie? I

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Speaker 3: am confident in none of those answer. I like the machine,

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Speaker 3: Kelly Amy. Let's go over the answer? Well? Who over?

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Speaker 3: The answer is just the second. First, let's find out

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Speaker 3: the score with our scoreboard producer Brad.

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Speaker 5: Unfortunately, the Parsley Princess Tanya passed her way to zero

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Speaker 5: points and Victoria got one correct, shocked and fell into

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Speaker 5: a correct answer.

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Speaker 3: Congratulates Tanya. I'm sorry technically you didn't win, but you

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Speaker 3: are royalty, and you know how that goes. They get

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Speaker 3: everything they want, so congratulations. You still got the tickets.

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Speaker 3: You just don't get to be the Grandmaster. Funk con trivia.

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Speaker 3: That is Victoria today. Annoying with that, that's gonna go

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Speaker 3: straight to my head. Let's go over the answers with Nina.

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Speaker 4: The number one most streams song Spotify is Blinding Lights

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Speaker 4: by the weekend. Steve Wosneyak Wosniak, thank you. Wosniak started

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Speaker 4: Apple with Steve Jobs. The average height of women in

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Speaker 4: the US is five to four.

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Speaker 3: Ooh. There are one hundred and sixty eight hours in

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Speaker 3: a week. I like too many. I thought that was

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Speaker 3: I was gonna say, I got it. It's right right.

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Speaker 3: Colson Baker is machine Gun, Kelly Oh Snap, Grandmaster FuG

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Speaker 3: and the highest grossing movie of all time as Avatar.

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Speaker 3: What Whi's one of the first one? Yeah Yeah, Taylor

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Speaker 3: Swift in that, Tanya, congratulations, Thank you for listening, and

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Speaker 3: thank you for playing. Yeah listen the same time tomorrow

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Speaker 3: when we play You versus Victoria. Every iconic show has

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Speaker 3: their wacky cast of characters, and the Jubil Show is

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Speaker 3: no different. It's time for another episode of The Jubil

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Speaker 3: Show with your drunk ant Nina Hi. When she's not

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Speaker 3: cooking up something fun in the kitchen, she's cooking up

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Speaker 3: a hair brain scheme to nab herself a professional athlete okay,

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Speaker 3: And who could forget everybody's younger sister Victory Ramirez Hi.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes she's fun, sometimes she's feisty. One thing's for sure,

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Speaker 3: though puberty is doing a number on her emotion. What's

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Speaker 3: she up to this week? We'll find out in just

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Speaker 3: a second accurate And of course, who could forget the

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Speaker 3: quirky neighbor kid who drops by once in a week

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Speaker 3: asking for some Crisco so she can oil up her

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Speaker 3: bike chain. It's our digital producer Gabby Hey. Then there's

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Speaker 3: producer Brad. He's a dad. That's me. And lastly, the

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Speaker 3: weird guy who lives up in the attic and is

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Speaker 3: always working on some strange new invention that's going to

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Speaker 3: change the world. Last week it was the pocket waffle Maker,

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Speaker 3: Poppet pocket waffle Maker, perfect way to make your waffles

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Speaker 3: on the goof that's me. I'm Jewbil and this is

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Speaker 3: the Jewbil Show. Let's find out what we've all been

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Speaker 3: up to. Nina wi are you up to this week?

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Speaker 4: So if you follow me on social at Nina on

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Speaker 4: the Air, then maybe you've seen me post about how

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Speaker 4: I bruised a rib so this has been kind of

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Speaker 4: an ongoing problem for me. I was at a birthday party.

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Speaker 4: I tripped over a rug and I fell on my

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Speaker 4: face so well, I fell on my rib bruised it

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Speaker 4: pretty bad. At the same party, I ran into somebody.

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Speaker 4: I hadn't seen it in a very long time. I

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Speaker 4: haven't been dating very much, but I accepted a date

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Speaker 4: to go out with this guy. The night of the date,

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Speaker 4: I'm getting ready, I sit down, I'm chilling for a second.

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Speaker 4: I had to sneeze, and when I sneezed, something tweaked

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Speaker 4: in that rib and made it completely impossible for me

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Speaker 4: to move.

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Speaker 3: That sounds like such an excuse to get out of

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Speaker 3: a date, though, that's what he said.

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Speaker 4: He's like, this is a new one. So my point

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Speaker 4: is I had to cancel a date because I sneezed. Wait,

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Speaker 4: did you reschedule a date?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? We had we read here out of date, yet

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Speaker 3: we had the date. Sorry, I held in a sneeze

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Speaker 3: this time. This time it was fine and it was

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Speaker 3: a very wholesome date. Thank you very much. Victoria Ramirez.

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Speaker 3: What's going on with you this week? Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 3: I guess what came in yesterday? And he guesses, what

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Speaker 3: your boots?

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Speaker 4: What?

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Speaker 6: No?

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Speaker 3: I wish my Britney Spears book I did. I read

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Speaker 3: the first two chapters. I mean they're really small, but still,

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Speaker 3: but I didn't really expect the movie.

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Speaker 8: No, it's easy, thank you very much. But it's like

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Speaker 8: there's a lot of chapters in it. And usually when

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Speaker 8: there's books are a lot of chapters, it's small chapters.

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Speaker 8: But I've recently entered my Discovering Britney era where I'm

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Speaker 8: like discovering Britney Spears and it's really fun.

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Speaker 3: Look at that puberty and Britney Spears. What's your favorite

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Speaker 3: part about the book so far, Victoria, I'm only two chapters,

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Speaker 3: and it's just talking about like her young childhood, and

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Speaker 3: like one of the things to say that she used

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Speaker 3: to love going to like her grandma's house and like

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Speaker 3: have sleepovers.

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Speaker 8: I thought that was so freaking cute. I used to

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Speaker 8: love going to my grandma's house. Oh my god, I'm

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Speaker 8: just like Brittany.

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Speaker 3: Okay, well, oh hey, look everybody, it's our digital producer

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Speaker 3: Gabby dropping by. Hey, what's that's going good? This week?

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Speaker 3: I haven't really done much. I I did a lot

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Speaker 3: of festive activities.

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Speaker 7: I smashed some pumpkins with Victoria this last weekend Let's go,

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Speaker 7: and that was really cool.

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Speaker 3: They lifted us.

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Speaker 7: Up on a crane and then we just dropped the

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Speaker 7: pumpkins down.

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Speaker 3: That was great. Other than that, though, just kind of

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Speaker 3: hanging out vib smash, just vibe and smashing pumpkins was

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Speaker 3: like therapy. Yeah, it was nice. It was really nice.

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Speaker 3: Did you producing bread with some of these this week? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I actually, uh.

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Speaker 5: I for the first time ever, I went flying and

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Speaker 5: took video of it. I have not posted it yet,

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Speaker 5: but not the first time I've ever taken video.

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Speaker 3: I'm glad you got video of it because I didn't

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Speaker 3: answer your text. Brad asked me if you could borrow

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Speaker 3: it go pro for me. Sure, And then it was

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Speaker 3: the next morning when I was pulling out my text

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Speaker 3: messages to check them in the morning, I was like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I hope you got a damner figured out I did this.

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Speaker 3: He is my phone, But I got.

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Speaker 5: I flew around the city, had a lot of fun,

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Speaker 5: and then took my daughter, who was a shimmer Fox

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Speaker 5: this year for Halloween, out to trick or treat. And

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Speaker 5: I'm paying the price today because I feel as I

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Speaker 5: can just feel so much older after trick or treating

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Speaker 5: in the cold. Like I woke up this morning and

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Speaker 5: I was like, oh, I didn't know that muscle could.

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Speaker 3: Hurt like that? What muscle? You're walking a lot of hills? Yeah,

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Speaker 3: he is a dad a lot of hills. I had

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Speaker 3: to carry her for part of it. Well, was there

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Speaker 3: any weird candy that she got? Oh? My gosh, thank

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Speaker 3: you for asking.

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Speaker 5: There was a lady hanging handing out unwrapped candy bars.

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Speaker 3: She unwrapped them. I was like, what, like on the outside, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it was.

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Speaker 9: Like these little truffle things, but they clearly were just

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Speaker 9: and then declan and my daughter, because she's smart, she

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Speaker 9: grabbed one of the wrapped ones that were also available

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Speaker 9: on said tray and I looked at it.

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Speaker 3: It's been inspired for a year. Lady unwrapped all.

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Speaker 9: The chocolate and put her on a tray because it

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Speaker 9: was all inspired.

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Speaker 3: What she's really old? She's not? She wasn't. No, Well,

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Speaker 3: she need to get rid of it. I guess like

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Speaker 3: maybe mid four teacher vibes. Wow. I would not eat

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Speaker 3: a candy that was unwrapped already.

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Speaker 4: I hadn't either, but expired I would eat that.

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Speaker 3: She didn't there was.

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Speaker 5: The candies were also in a wrapper. It was a

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Speaker 5: weird moment. It was just a weird moment all around.

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Speaker 5: Tried to create a problem solved there. I guess these

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Speaker 5: are all out of date, so I'll just unwrapped them

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Speaker 5: than if I was giving out on a date.

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Speaker 3: One little secret funny funny. I noticed, what are people

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Speaker 3: not trick or treating as much anymore? Like doorder door?

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Speaker 3: It doesn't feel like it. Wait, really, I only got

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Speaker 3: three at the house. Oh interesting, Yeah too candy here?

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Speaker 3: YEAHA brought them in, but I would. I was home

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Speaker 3: and I was like, all right, I'm gonna, I'm gonna,

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna. Wow, these tricker treaters participate, I'm gonna participate

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Speaker 3: in this. And I waited and waited and waited. I

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Speaker 3: was just killing time. It felt like as if I

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Speaker 3: was waiting for a date or something, just walking around

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Speaker 3: the house like when are they gonna get here? Checking

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Speaker 3: my text messages like are they gonna text me and

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Speaker 3: sing they're showing up late? Or when are they coming by?

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Speaker 3: And then then three three doorbell rings that's all I got.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, that's crazy. Yeah, And I gave some fruit

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Speaker 3: snacks out because I also forgot to go get candy.

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Speaker 3: But I did have a bunch of fruit snacks because

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Speaker 3: fruit snacks are delicious. They expired. No there, I just

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Speaker 3: got there literally over the weekend. I just got them

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Speaker 3: and I handed this one little girl a fruit snack

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Speaker 3: and she was like, do these have any gelatine in them? Man?

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Speaker 3: These are made a gelatin young man. And I was like,

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Speaker 3: I'm not sure. I'm vegan. Can you check the package.

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Speaker 3: I'll be right back. So I checked it and I said, yes,

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Speaker 3: I'm so sorry. There is Jonathan in there. Is there

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Speaker 3: anything else that you have? I was like, you want

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Speaker 3: a can of soda? There? I have doctor pepper. Can

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Speaker 3: you have doctor pepper as a vegan? She's like, yes,

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Speaker 3: I care you wrote kind of doctor pepper and she

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Speaker 3: was all good.