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Speaker 1: Hello, is this Caesar? Yeah, Caesar, you texted me and

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Speaker 1: you said you wanted to talk about the topic of

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Speaker 1: love in the strip club.

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Speaker 2: Gone right, yep, yep, I remember sending that tax Yeah

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Speaker 2: it was. It was crazy, crazy night and I don't

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Speaker 2: know how I did.

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Speaker 1: It, but yeah, what was What was your night?

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Speaker 2: Let's see kind of started with the whole thing with

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Speaker 2: the strip club was buddy mine. He told me he's

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Speaker 2: never gone to the strip club. This was around I

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Speaker 2: think Christmas Eve or day after Christmas. I'm like, all right,

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Speaker 2: I got you, let's let's go. It was off work

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Speaker 2: to the first time ever taking him to the strip club.

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Speaker 2: I was kind of feeling under the weather. It wasn't

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Speaker 2: really feeling it, but I mean wanted him to experience

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Speaker 2: strip club the first time. So I took him out.

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Speaker 2: He did his thing, and which just went back home.

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Speaker 2: Come the weekend after Christmas, I was feeling much better.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't sick anymore or anything. I was like, all right,

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Speaker 2: I couldn't enjoyed myself the other day, I want to

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Speaker 2: go out have fun by myself. I'm gonna try again.

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Speaker 2: Went to the strip club, chilling there by myself and

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Speaker 2: strip club being. I mean the I know they don't

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Speaker 2: like being called strippers, but the entertainers, stancers. They there's

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Speaker 2: not much of an imagination. They don't leave much to

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Speaker 2: that day imagination. You get to see, you get to

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Speaker 2: see pretty good things.

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Speaker 1: Sure that's I think that's the point.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just I get there, sit at

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Speaker 2: the table. I get a waitress come up to me.

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Speaker 2: They're fully dress, just working as well in the strip club.

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Speaker 2: Comes up to me. I'm still sober her being so

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Speaker 2: even right now. She came up to me, asked her

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Speaker 2: what I wanted to drink, and I saw how beautiful

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Speaker 2: she was, and like, just like right now, I'm fucking

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Speaker 2: up with my words. She had me speechless. They didn't

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Speaker 2: know what to say. Whatever. She was like, okay, I

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Speaker 2: got you. She she understood that. She even laughed and

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Speaker 2: chuckled that I couldn't get my words out. She brought

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Speaker 2: me a drink. She actually brought me her favorite drink,

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Speaker 2: and throughout the night she was my waitress and kept

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Speaker 2: bringing me more and more drinks, more and more drinks

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Speaker 2: in my system. Have a bit more confident that liquid

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Speaker 2: courage and I had the brightest idea and the dumbest

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Speaker 2: idea to ask her if I could get a lap

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Speaker 2: dance from her instead of a stripper that wanted from her,

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Speaker 2: because she was beautiful to me somehow. Do you agree

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Speaker 2: I thought I was about to get kicked out or something.

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Speaker 2: She agreed. I'm not expecting to see anything more than

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Speaker 2: just just a regular lap dance, her fully dressed or whatever,

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Speaker 2: because I find her very attractive. What I got to

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Speaker 2: see more than than what I was from what I thought.

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Speaker 2: So and now so many private room getting the lap

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Speaker 2: dance or whatever. But you think there be a leapt dance. No,

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Speaker 2: it wasn't even a left dance. I was just she

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Speaker 2: tried to do the dance. But I was just there

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Speaker 2: talking to her, just pouring myself out to her, just

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Speaker 2: telling her how beautiful she was and everything. And if

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Speaker 2: if it was through a different situation, a different circumstance,

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Speaker 2: I like to get to know her and everything else,

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Speaker 2: just I myself.

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Speaker 1: So okay, so you guys are back in the private

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Speaker 1: room and there's no lap dancer, just you're just sitting

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Speaker 1: there and talking with each other. You're pouring yourself out

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Speaker 1: to her emotionally, and you say, if this was another situation, yeah, yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: she said, what did she say?

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Speaker 2: So, I mean, yeah, it did start as a left dance,

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Speaker 2: but conversations kept going. But yeah, I mean, strippers have

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Speaker 2: stage names, waitress have their real names. And in the

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Speaker 2: beginning she gave me a real name, and we actually

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Speaker 2: she wanted to exchange socials and contact information, and I'm like, okay, cool,

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Speaker 2: maybe an actual shop here. But I mean at the time,

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Speaker 2: I'm just drunk, happy on winter, not really thinking. I

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Speaker 2: just kept going with the flow, had a good time

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Speaker 2: within her talking.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so was this recent?

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Speaker 2: This was let's see, the weekend after Christmas?

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Speaker 1: Okay, So have you guys, I mean you said the

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Speaker 1: topic of this was love and the strip club gone rights?

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Speaker 1: Has this continued to go?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 1: Have you been in contact with her? Has there what's

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Speaker 1: the situation been or was it all the matrix?

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Speaker 2: So once strip club over here, I'm not sure in

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Speaker 2: other places. Strip club over here closes at two, and

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Speaker 2: there's only one other place in the city that is

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Speaker 2: open a little after hours nightclub. I go over there

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Speaker 2: and just I kept partying. I'm me and her, We're

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Speaker 2: messaging back and forth. I invite her out, and she agreed.

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Speaker 2: She wanted to come out and everything. Then what's it called?

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Speaker 2: She got stuck because they are also the keen up

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Speaker 2: crew at the strip club. Okay, she couldn't come out

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Speaker 2: that night, no problem. Next morning. Next morning, I realized

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Speaker 2: what I've done. I'm apologizing. I'm so embarrassed and everything.

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Speaker 1: Why are you? Why are you embarrassed? Why are you?

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Speaker 1: What's the matter?

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Speaker 2: Because now I'm sober and I'm realizing that somewhat remembering

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Speaker 2: what happened last night, I poured myself out to this

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Speaker 2: chick that I didn't even know that well. And I

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Speaker 2: embarrassed myself. I'm telling all types of things and everything,

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Speaker 2: and like, I mean, everything that I said was truthful,

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Speaker 2: but I embarrassed myself. I was just, I guess what's

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Speaker 2: it called, very lost for words, and her beauty just

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Speaker 2: brought it all out. And then I was drunk.

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Speaker 1: Were you were you telling her like were you just

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Speaker 1: like kind of like emotionally pouring out to her about

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Speaker 1: her or were you kind of like talking about like

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Speaker 1: your life and whatnot?

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Speaker 2: Oh no, not my life? A butt her like that.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to be with her, said her, to know

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Speaker 2: her more, like just I told her a lot of

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Speaker 2: things about her or me wanting to know her. And

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Speaker 2: I just met her that night, and mind you, she's

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Speaker 2: showing me a lot of things city all of that

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Speaker 2: very first night.

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Speaker 1: I have to well, I have to ask. I have

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Speaker 1: to ask. So even though she wasn't a I guess

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Speaker 1: a stripper, were did you did you did you tip?

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Speaker 1: Did you tip her in the way that you would

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Speaker 1: have a stripper giving you a lap dance?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, because I mean at the time, it's still

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Speaker 2: just I wasn't expecting exchangeing contact information. I'm still paying

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Speaker 2: for a dance.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so very in you. You message her and you're

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Speaker 1: apologizing for all this stuff, and then what does she say.

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Speaker 2: She actually wanted to hang out anymore? Really? Yeah? And

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Speaker 2: we kept talking here and there. She helped me do

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Speaker 2: run some errands. I needed help. I needed an extra

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Speaker 2: driver to pick up a vehicle. She offered to help

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Speaker 2: me out.

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Speaker 1: Really, but yeah, you guys are hanging out and she's

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Speaker 1: running errands with you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she sent me her actual address, picked her up,

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Speaker 2: run the errands, I took her back home. I'm thinking

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Speaker 2: I'm just taking her background dropping her off. That's it

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Speaker 2: real quick. Now. Where we sat in front of her place,

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Speaker 2: maybe over two to three hours, just talking in the vehicle.

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Speaker 2: And come New Year's you had New Year's Eve, New

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Speaker 2: Year's Day, I mean, everyone's out partying and everything. She

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Speaker 2: had to work. Marchington the problem. I'm out partying with

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Speaker 2: a few of my buddies, and she actually had time

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Speaker 2: to meet me at the after hours nightclub. So we're

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Speaker 2: over there and me and her hanging out. She's meeting

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Speaker 2: my buddies and everything. I mean, she was at work.

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Speaker 2: I was with my guy friends new Year's with New

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Speaker 2: Year's ball drop or whatever. Like people usually kiss New

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Speaker 2: Year's as soon as it happens. I was my buddies.

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Speaker 2: I'm not kissing none of them. She was at work.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if she was kissing on anyone or not,

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Speaker 2: maybe one of her girlfriends or something at work coworkers.

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Speaker 2: But once we were met up later that night, it's

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Speaker 2: New Year's Day now, maybe like four o'clock in the morning,

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Speaker 2: we're still at this club, and I had actually when

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Speaker 2: she got there, like, so, what you got your New

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Speaker 2: Year's kiss? Shit, I'm like no, She asked me if

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Speaker 2: I got mine. I'm like no, I didn't do anything.

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Speaker 2: But she went for it. She she engaged it and

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Speaker 2: everything like all right, cool, little late to a kiss,

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Speaker 2: but kept going.

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Speaker 1: All right, okay, it sounds like, you know, it sounds

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Speaker 1: like it sounds nice. It sounds nice so far. So

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Speaker 1: this was New Year's Day, that was about twelve days ago.

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Speaker 1: How has how has this evolved or not since then?

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Speaker 2: So kinda in the same city, but with my job,

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Speaker 2: I'm kind of on the road countryside, city side as well,

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Speaker 2: working on the river. I mean, she's also going to school,

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Speaker 2: still working two jobs and things like that. So first

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Speaker 2: week and second week of January, it's kind of like

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Speaker 2: message here there. We're both basically we're both adults and stuff.

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Speaker 2: We got things going on, call each other hand there,

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Speaker 2: try to out whenever we can to see when our

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Speaker 2: schedule is line up. But we both know we're business.

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Speaker 2: We're not we're not trying to Uh, she's not all

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Speaker 2: in my business. I'm not all of her business. If

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Speaker 2: if we may want this to work out, we're gonna try.

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Speaker 2: But it was a good start to the New Year's

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Speaker 2: If if this doesn't go anywhere, I have a good

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Speaker 2: memory of how my New year started.

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Speaker 1: That's nice, man, that's nice. What's your name?

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Speaker 2: Your name.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you gave me your name. Hold on, let me

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Speaker 1: look at it against Caesar. Mm hmmm, that's a nice story. Caesar.

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Speaker 1: What's your your I'm curious about you. What's your Uh?

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Speaker 1: How'd you find this podcast? How do you find me?

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Speaker 1: I'm just curious. I'm curious.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if it was usually going not, so

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Speaker 2: what's it going? I think I was following at one point,

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Speaker 2: on and off, on and off, But I've always seen

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Speaker 2: the phone calls, the reals kept coming up and everything.

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Speaker 2: Some of them I like funny and everything. But then

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Speaker 2: I don't know. Sometimes I just be cleaning out my

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Speaker 2: uh my followings and everything. But I can honestly say

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Speaker 2: I've unfollowed I think a few times, and followed back

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Speaker 2: on and off. So some people do it and everything.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, I like your content, content and everything. I've

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Speaker 2: never heard of someone you were out of country as well.

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Speaker 1: Uh yeah, well I've never heard. That's interesting to me.

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Speaker 1: I've never heard of somebody like I get like unfollowing someone,

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Speaker 1: but I've never heard of unfollow and follow back, and

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Speaker 1: then I like that the back and forth is a new.

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Speaker 2: Not not rapidly like at the same minute.

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Speaker 1: I know not pressing the button rapidly. But I know

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Speaker 1: what you're being No.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, at one point I'm like, Okay, I'm liking

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Speaker 2: the content. I'm watching all the videos and everything. I

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Speaker 2: like it. And later on just I don't know, a

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Speaker 2: wave of different emotions or some shit I just cleaned

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Speaker 2: out all of my followings or whatever, like, oh, let

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Speaker 2: me just refresh my feed get a different feel of things.

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Speaker 2: Then later on, oh I like your content, I start

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Speaker 2: following again, and they just be back and forth.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, so you're on the So your job takes

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Speaker 1: you on the road.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, whenever they call wherever it is that they need me,

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Speaker 2: I gotta go.

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Speaker 1: What is the job?

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Speaker 2: A mechanic for boats?

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Speaker 3: Cool?

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Speaker 2: Wherever? Wherever our company boat is that there's multiple boats.

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Speaker 2: But wherever they're at and something's messed up to I

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Speaker 2: have to go fix it.

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Speaker 1: So I got some questions. So you really poured yourself

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Speaker 1: out to this waitress lady. How's your love life? How's

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Speaker 1: your love life been in the past? You strike me

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Speaker 1: as an emotionally vulnerable man who you know, takes chances

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Speaker 1: when it goes to what's what's your love life been like?

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Speaker 2: So let's see back in high school high school days now,

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Speaker 2: I was an actual lover boy and everything, try to

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Speaker 2: do everything to please whoever I was with. But I'm

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Speaker 2: sure people some people may relate, some people may not.

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Speaker 2: But when when when you actually care for someone and

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Speaker 2: that someone that you're with at the time treats you

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Speaker 2: very badly or does you very dirty, or like you

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Speaker 2: find out the hard way that you actually don't mean

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Speaker 2: shit to them or whatever, It's like that changes or

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Speaker 2: kind of hurts you very bad where you tell yourself

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Speaker 2: You're never going to be this vulnerable again. So I

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Speaker 2: became kind of an asshole for a very very long time.

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Speaker 2: But anyone, anyone that i'd be interested in, like, I

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Speaker 2: try a little bit, but I would hold back. I

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Speaker 2: wouldn't be as open as I was with this girl.

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Speaker 2: And I said I was never going to be that

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Speaker 2: vunerable ever again. But I guess it was just me

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Speaker 2: being very drunk and seeing how beautiful, beautiful she was.

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Speaker 2: It's just all of that came out.

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Speaker 1: Do you feel like over the years people have been

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Speaker 1: have like taken advantage of your emotional vulnerability?

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Speaker 2: When when I start to open up a little more

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Speaker 2: to whoever I'm with, Uh, like Yeah, they see they

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Speaker 2: take advantage of how nice I be, or like I

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Speaker 2: try to offer her. I try to offer help. I

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Speaker 2: think a long time ago an ex of mine, like

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Speaker 2: an actual I considered this one an actual ex because

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Speaker 2: we never hate each other nothing. We only split up

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Speaker 2: because of work. Work wise, we'd never have time for

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Speaker 2: each other. And later on we talked here and there,

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Speaker 2: and I actually offered her to move in with me.

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Speaker 2: Went free. She doesn't have to worry about paying any

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Speaker 2: bills or nothing like that. She can continue working if

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Speaker 2: she wants. I can take care of her, and she

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Speaker 2: can go back to school. I offered that to her.

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Speaker 2: We were in the we were in the moment of

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Speaker 2: actually trying to move her into my place, but with

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Speaker 2: the person or situation she was in the with someone else,

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Speaker 2: it backfiredled her very badly. Now to this day, she's

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Speaker 2: actually still with the person and in a very bad space.

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Speaker 2: She what's it called? She agreed in the beginning we

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Speaker 2: were actually moving the stuff in and backed out last minute,

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Speaker 2: and now she's suffering for it and no one, no

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Speaker 2: one ever will ever get that offer from me ever. Again.

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Speaker 1: Interesting, Okay, so how did it make you feel? She's

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Speaker 1: like moving her stuff in and then she's like, you

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Speaker 1: know what, no, never mind?

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Speaker 2: Well I told her because she said, like, we passed

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Speaker 2: up the street from my place, and I called her

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Speaker 2: and told her, what's going on? Why did we pass

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Speaker 2: it up? Like? Oh, but the person she the situation

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Speaker 2: she was with at the target, like, oh, he wants

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Speaker 2: to talk in person, he wants to explain himself such

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Speaker 2: and such and everything, like I was kind of aggravated

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Speaker 2: about it and whatever. I can't do anything about it.

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Speaker 2: She wants to go talk to him. Impression, okay, I

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Speaker 2: told her. I told her it's either today, we do

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Speaker 2: this now, or you'd never see me again. So she

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Speaker 2: went to go talk to him, trying to see what

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Speaker 2: was going to happen. She told me to just go

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Speaker 2: meet her meet up at her grandma's place. I'm at

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Speaker 2: her grandma's place. We're waiting on her. As soon as

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Speaker 2: she pulls up, she says, oh, he wants to try

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Speaker 2: again and everything. I didn't even let her finish. I

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Speaker 2: just I loaded her case from the vehicle and I left.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm, yeah, was.

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Speaker 1: That the last before this waitress warming? Was that the

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Speaker 1: last sort of romantic situation you were in?

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Speaker 2: Huh? Oh yeah, I think so. I mean, I mean

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Speaker 2: there's another other uh what's it called people around that.

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Speaker 2: I've been with some things, but it's never never been

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Speaker 2: anything deep or emotional. That's just a pastime.

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Speaker 1: Mm hm m m. Do you feel like you will

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Speaker 1: be able to because that's rough someone being like all right,

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Speaker 1: I'm ready to move in with you and then be like,

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Speaker 1: actually I want to try to go with my ex

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Speaker 1: and there's ship is you know halfway in? That's rough.

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Speaker 1: Do you believe, Caesar, that you will ever be able

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Speaker 1: to open your heart again?

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Speaker 2: I mean I won't and all the uh what's it

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Speaker 2: called people have been with, it's it's me pursuing them

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Speaker 2: or trying to get to know them. And I feel

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Speaker 2: like if I stop trying, it would just come to

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Speaker 2: me if someone actually wants to get to know me,

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Speaker 2: and if I see they show effort, yeah, I'll open

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Speaker 2: up to that person.

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Speaker 1: That That's what everyone always says. That's what everyone always says,

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Speaker 1: is like you uh uh, you know what's the people

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Speaker 1: say like the minute you stop looking is when it happens.

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Speaker 1: And I would I would amend that a little bit

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Speaker 1: because you have to put yourself out there and you

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Speaker 1: have to take chances in order to meet new people

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Speaker 1: and whatnot. But I think what they I think what

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Speaker 1: they mean by that is, like, you know, you can

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Speaker 1: kind of tell, you can kind of tell when somebody

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Speaker 1: wants to put effort towards you when they don't.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, let's say so, I usually try to enjoy

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Speaker 2: my myself going up alone sometimes here and there. Like

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Speaker 2: I may go to a bar. I would drink myself

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Speaker 2: just I'll look around, see what's going on or whatever.

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Speaker 2: But I'll sure you can't really findly love at a bar.

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Speaker 2: People in there may not be happy or for someone

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Speaker 2: to go into a bar is a reason that they're there,

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Speaker 2: h it's not isn't a good thing or a bad thing. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: But I may go to a nice fat have dinner

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Speaker 2: by myself or something, look around, talk to a waitress

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Speaker 2: here in there, see how they're day did if they

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Speaker 2: continue with the conversation and be friendly or whatever, like

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Speaker 2: just actually have an actual conversation, not hit on anyone,

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Speaker 2: see where it goes, and so and so whoever you

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Speaker 2: speak with at the time, and like and the actual

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Speaker 2: conversation and they continue more conversation, more conversation, exchange, contact, inspiration, like,

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Speaker 2: don't I wouldn't expect them to be sitting them sending

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Speaker 2: me good mornings or updates on things or whatever. Just

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Speaker 2: like they'll call here and they like, hey, yeah.

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Speaker 1: You can tell. Yeah, you can tell the way that

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Speaker 1: somebody's texting you or carery communicating with you, whether or

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Speaker 1: not they want to be yeah, yeah, and yeah, and

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Speaker 1: just try. I think you were getting on the ID

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Speaker 1: subject and it's just like, yeah, not trying not to

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Speaker 1: like force ship you know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, mm hmm, Caesar, what happens I out of time?

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Speaker 1: No, you're not, There's there is no there's no concept

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Speaker 1: of being out of time. I mean there's death that's

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Speaker 1: being out of time, neither dead. Are you still in

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Speaker 1: a car outside of your house?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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Speaker 1: Oh I forgot. We don't.

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Speaker 2: We can.

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Speaker 1: We can leave this in, but for context we Caesar

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Speaker 1: and I had this conversation for like the first two

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Speaker 1: minutes of it, and then I realized I was a recording,

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Speaker 1: So I asked him if we could redo the first

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Speaker 1: two minutes of this conversation, and I can.

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Speaker 2: I don't.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll mention that, but ninety nine percent of the

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Speaker 1: conversation was what you guys heard. But I realized in

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Speaker 1: that one percent is where the information that you were

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Speaker 1: even or no, no, we're not alive. We're just I

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Speaker 1: just I I I just put I put the phone

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Speaker 1: number on Instagram and I just started recording. But it Uh,

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Speaker 1: I forgot that the information that you are parked outside

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Speaker 1: of your house was in that bit that was lost.

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Speaker 2: Uh.

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Speaker 1: So I'm gonna I'll go. I'll let you get back

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Speaker 1: into your house. Caesar. I appreciate you sharing your story

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Speaker 1: with us, and I think you're gonna have something tells me, Caesar, something,

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Speaker 1: something tells me that you're a You're a You're a

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Speaker 1: sweet guy, and love will find its way to you.

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Speaker 1: Something tells me that I'm not just blowing smoke up

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Speaker 1: your deck.

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Speaker 2: What's it called? So? Uh you saw a message, correct,

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Speaker 2: the one that I said?

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Speaker 1: Of course, yeah, of course that's what I called.

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Speaker 2: You said, this is this isn't live? Correct? Uh No, Okay, Now,

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Speaker 2: if you want to post clips or sorts of it

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Speaker 2: or whatever, I'm cool with it and everything. If you

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Speaker 2: could kind of lead my name out, that's things.

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Speaker 1: Oh sure, wait is your name? Is your real name? Caesar?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, I should have used the fake name.

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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, Well, we can do that, Brandon. Let's

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Speaker 1: let's put.

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Speaker 2: Uh you know, you know never mind.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, really, yeah, serious, you want to put out there?

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Speaker 2: Put it out there? Because I was about to say, like,

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Speaker 2: so that girl from Strict Club, that's one, and there's

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Speaker 2: kind of a few others that I'm not trying to

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Speaker 2: pursue but are kind of in conversations right now. So yeah,

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Speaker 2: whichever is in the least, it's the one I spend

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Speaker 2: more time.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I see what I see what you mean? I

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Speaker 1: a bit you're are you are you worried that this

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Speaker 1: podcast will will be found by one of them an influence?

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Speaker 2: No? No, I mean I like your content. I mean

401
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Speaker 2: I did tell you sometimes I don't follow what I follow,

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00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,960
Speaker 2: but I like your content. Like it's weird, it's funny,

403
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 2: and it's a guy and a great in a get

404
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:07,040
Speaker 2: Go suit. I like it. To me. I don't think

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00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:12,040
Speaker 2: that would ever come on to their feeds. Hopefully, hopefully

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00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 2: it does, like I want you to get more most

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00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:17,399
Speaker 2: people to come through, but highly doubt it may come

408
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:18,880
Speaker 2: across their feed You're.

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Speaker 1: Telling me that you don't believe that in general, beautiful

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Speaker 1: women have therapy. Gecko come across on the Instagram feed

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Speaker 1: for sure.

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Speaker 2: For sure, I'm sure you get get callers and beautiful

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00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 2: women coming through, like, uh, what's it called from the

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Speaker 2: two that are kind of in conversation with right now. Uh,

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Speaker 2: I don't know, maybe maybe it might come across. It's

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Speaker 2: just two two people, righture.

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Speaker 1: But okay, yeah, all right, I'm gonna this is all right,

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Speaker 1: this is I'm gonna take this as your final answer

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Speaker 1: that we can keep the name Caesar.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, and I'll possibly just just burn myself and

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Speaker 2: ruin all chances.

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00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,640
Speaker 1: But you don't have to burn I can I tell

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Speaker 1: you something and listen, I listen sees you don't have

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Speaker 1: to burn yourself genuinely. I mean, I'm sure I think

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Speaker 1: you my my my view of you from the half

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00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:22,720
Speaker 1: hour that I've been talking to you is a positive view.

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00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:29,560
Speaker 1: So I don't think that this would negatively. It seems

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Speaker 1: to me that women and this is, by the way,

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Speaker 1: this is like a dude. I read a book about

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Speaker 1: this when I was like twenty. It's called Models by

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00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 1: this guy, Mark Manson. But actually, I think certain certain

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00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 1: kinds of women are really attracted to, uh, you know,

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Speaker 1: a guy who's who's emotionally vulnerable and honest about his

434
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:02,000
Speaker 1: feelings and whatnot. And so I think I think that

435
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:07,359
Speaker 1: the waitress at the strip club that night, you know,

436
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 1: the thing that I guess you found embarrassing, I say,

437
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:14,119
Speaker 1: it seems as though that actually, like the authenticity of

438
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 1: that perhaps drew her in, you know, and you strike

439
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 1: me as an authentic guy, So I wouldn't look at

440
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:27,520
Speaker 1: any of this is anything to be embarrassed from my perspective.

441
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:33,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I get it. But like she is the

442
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 2: only one that I kind of that kind of really

443
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:43,240
Speaker 2: knows me, somewhat knows me. But part of me, yeah,

444
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:46,120
Speaker 2: there's another part of me, Like you said, you see

445
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 2: me as a nice, genuine person. That that's your point

446
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:55,640
Speaker 2: of view of me, correct, h h. But other side

447
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 2: of me, I'm actually kind of still an asshole.

448
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 1: That's okay, I don't but love it. But I'm going

449
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 1: to refute this real quick because I don't think that

450
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 1: the part of you that's kind of an asshole necessarily

451
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:16,360
Speaker 1: negates or refutes the part of you that I am

452
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:21,720
Speaker 1: perceiving right now. I think that those two parts of

453
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 1: your existence, uh, can coexist as you are a dynamic,

454
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 1: multifaceted human being.

455
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:40,200
Speaker 2: I feel like sometimes I'm probably long, but I feel

456
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 2: like sometimes that autistic because you kind of lost me

457
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 2: there a little bit.

458
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 1: Oh, I love.

459
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 2: No.

460
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 1: I feel like if you're artistic, if if you are autistic,

461
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:54,560
Speaker 1: would have been locked in.

462
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 2: Sometimes. But like, uh, I'm good with words, but sometimes

463
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,959
Speaker 2: I also fucking my words as well, and also with

464
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:07,240
Speaker 2: the chicks, I'm lost for words as well.

465
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 1: So I get you.

466
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:09,080
Speaker 4: Man.

467
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, today, he's also kind of been a long day.

468
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 1: See, it's been nice talking you, Suess. I'm gonna let

469
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 1: you get back into your house. Anything. Is there anything

470
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 1: else you want to say to the people of the

471
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:19,920
Speaker 1: computer before we go?

472
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. I hope everyone finds love, true love and

473
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 2: not get taken advantage of.

474
00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 1: Thank you, brother.

475
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:35,560
Speaker 2: Don't be like me. Don't don't be like me, be

476
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 2: an actual good person.

477
00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 1: You're doing great man.

478
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, this year I said I want to change, I

479
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:43,360
Speaker 2: want to be better, so.

480
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 1: More take care of Thanks for sharing, man, I appreciate you.

481
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 2: Nice talking man you Caesar.

482
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:59,719
Speaker 1: That was Caesar. That was really that was interesting. I

483
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:03,480
Speaker 1: want to an update from Caesar. I really do like

484
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 1: of all the like callers that I would want updates

485
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 1: from that I can think of in my head. Caesar

486
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 1: is one. Caesar doesn't strike me as someone who listens

487
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 1: to the podcast. I think he just follows me on Instagram.

488
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 1: But if he does happen to listen back to this,

489
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 1: give me an update, Caesar. Caesar, I want to hear

490
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 1: from you. I a lot of people I'm like, don't

491
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:29,040
Speaker 1: call me back for another year. I want an update

492
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:30,960
Speaker 1: from Caesar. I would be very happy to hear from

493
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,040
Speaker 1: Caesar again. Call me back and call me back in

494
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 1: a month, Caesar. I want to hear how your love

495
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 1: life's going. I'm invested in.

496
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 2: This all from Jude.

497
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 4: Hello, Hey, Hi is this Lyle?

498
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:46,560
Speaker 2: Yes? Hi?

499
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 1: Who's this?

500
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:47,720
Speaker 4: Oh?

501
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:48,040
Speaker 3: Hi?

502
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:50,360
Speaker 4: This is uh Jude.

503
00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:52,680
Speaker 1: What's going on, Jude? How's life?

504
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 4: I think it's going well so far.

505
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 2: Yeah.

506
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 4: I mean a lot's been happening in the last few

507
00:31:56,880 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 4: months for me. But all things considered, could be could

508
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:04,680
Speaker 4: be worse. I guess that's something to say, But I

509
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 4: think it's going just fine.

510
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 1: You know, was there any particular reason why you wanted

511
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:10,760
Speaker 1: to call me today?

512
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:15,000
Speaker 4: Honestly, I just saw you were online and I figured

513
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:18,880
Speaker 4: I I have tried calling you before on like other

514
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:23,040
Speaker 4: fronts that I've kind of already had, I guess sort

515
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 4: of like topics in mind for but I just didn't

516
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 4: think you were gonna pick up. So I was like, whatever,

517
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:31,680
Speaker 4: I'll give a call and shit. So you know, I'm

518
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 4: a little uh I guess, uh no, that's that's okay.

519
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:37,600
Speaker 2: You know.

520
00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 3: Uh.

521
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 1: We put this podcast through like a background noise removal thing,

522
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 1: so I don't know if it'll pick this up. But

523
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:47,400
Speaker 1: you sound like you have a baby in the back.

524
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:50,640
Speaker 4: I do absolutely actually Ceas just throwing a ball around

525
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:52,520
Speaker 4: right now in like my apartment courtyard.

526
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 1: Is that your baby, Yeah it is, this is your base. Okay.

527
00:32:57,280 --> 00:32:58,600
Speaker 1: I have a really important question.

528
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:00,440
Speaker 4: Mm hmm, go for it.

529
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 1: Have you seen the movie Marty Supreme?

530
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 2: I haven't yet.

531
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 4: No, I've been hearing great things though.

532
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 1: Ah fuck, all right, well shit now I can't talk

533
00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 1: about it. Okay, it's a great I can't why I can't.

534
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:14,720
Speaker 1: The question I had for you would require me to

535
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:16,560
Speaker 1: spoil the movie, and so I don't want to go.

536
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:19,240
Speaker 4: You know what, It's all right, though, go for it

537
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:22,960
Speaker 4: all No, that's like it's too important of a spoiler,

538
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 4: is it it is?

539
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 1: Yeah? No, you should go see that. I actually haven't

540
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 1: yet fully talked about I mean, that's not what this

541
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,600
Speaker 1: podcast is about. But I haven't talked about yet how

542
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,920
Speaker 1: much I loved that movie. Everyone should go see that movie.

543
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:36,959
Speaker 1: It's a good movie anyway, Okay, And I can't tell you.

544
00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 1: I can't tell you why, but I can't tell you

545
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 1: why I brought up that movie without spoiling it anyway.

546
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 1: All Right, you have a child, feel like.

547
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:46,960
Speaker 4: I might have. She's too and a quarter.

548
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 1: How old are you.

549
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 4: Twenty six?

550
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 1: Oh shit? Okay, dude, what's it like being dad? Was

551
00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:55,840
Speaker 1: it like being a dad?

552
00:33:55,880 --> 00:34:00,479
Speaker 4: Honestly, it's fucking insane, like people always say it, you know,

553
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 4: the moment I saw my kid let changed for me

554
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:05,200
Speaker 4: and you think it's like a load of shit, but

555
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:09,439
Speaker 4: it really isn't. Actually, it's pretty intense, Like you feel

556
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:13,759
Speaker 4: this really primal sort of like emotion that you've never

557
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 4: really ever thought was even anywhere within I guess like reach.

558
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:21,799
Speaker 4: And it's just sort of like, I don't know, your

559
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 4: DNA gets fucking changed, and it just says like you

560
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:28,279
Speaker 4: have to protect and fucking provide for this little thing

561
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 4: for the rest of his life, you know, Like it's

562
00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 4: it's pretty it's pretty intense. She's she's yelling at me

563
00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 4: right now that she doesn't want me to play with her.

564
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:41,400
Speaker 4: But even now I'm like, yo, that's that's kind of shitty,

565
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:43,160
Speaker 4: but you know, I got to give her a space.

566
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 4: And uh yet it's it's a whole array of emotions

567
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:50,520
Speaker 4: because I mean, you know, people they always ask you like,

568
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:54,120
Speaker 4: are you ready? But I don't think anybody's ever ready

569
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:59,719
Speaker 4: for any moment because, like you know, every every instance

570
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:02,120
Speaker 4: that that happens, when when it comes down to like

571
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 4: having a kid is sort of just like absolutely brand new.

572
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,200
Speaker 4: They kind of die at the end of every night

573
00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:11,760
Speaker 4: and are reborn every morning because they're just constantly fucking changing.

574
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,879
Speaker 4: So it's it's like you you have to take care

575
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:17,279
Speaker 4: of a new person every single day and you just

576
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:22,080
Speaker 4: have to kind of adapt to this like incredibly unreasonable

577
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,840
Speaker 4: force that just has your face.

578
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:28,360
Speaker 1: What's your name again?

579
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 4: Uh, I'm using my kid's name, but we'll go with Jude.

580
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:38,240
Speaker 1: Jude. That was you're you're a well spoken gentleman.

581
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:38,560
Speaker 2: Jude.

582
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 1: I enjoyed that description. It is interesting a new person

583
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:49,440
Speaker 1: is born every day. You feel like you're going up

584
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:53,480
Speaker 1: against a different child every day. Like it's really that

585
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:57,440
Speaker 1: it's that inconsistent the personality is is ever evolving?

586
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:01,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, I will say that the interests they'll

587
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:04,719
Speaker 4: they'll stick. And so, like, I know, she loves blue

588
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:07,040
Speaker 4: and that's not going to change for a good minute.

589
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 4: She loves the rolling Stones, that's fine, gonna change for

590
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:09,839
Speaker 4: a while.

591
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:13,760
Speaker 1: She she she's two.

592
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:18,800
Speaker 4: She's two in a quarter. Yet she's really like aware

593
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:21,920
Speaker 4: for her age. I always get people kind of like,

594
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:26,120
Speaker 4: generally I don't know, kind of questioning if I'm lying

595
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 4: about her age because she just seems really and I

596
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,799
Speaker 4: know everybody goes, oh, my kid's soul blah blah blah

597
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:35,000
Speaker 4: blah blah, but like I don't, I don't consider she's

598
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 4: not over here fucking you know, in three years. I

599
00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:40,840
Speaker 4: don't expect her to be Beethoven composing symphonies like fucking death.

600
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 4: But I do think she's uh got, I don't know, Well,

601
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,759
Speaker 4: like this, this kind of believes into something else that

602
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,680
Speaker 4: I've I've kind of had in mind about like that

603
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:54,200
Speaker 4: I read this series, this book series that really dipped

604
00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 4: into like reincarnation and ship, and I'm just like, this

605
00:36:56,360 --> 00:37:00,360
Speaker 4: definitely is not this kid's first rodeo, Like he's been around.

606
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:05,200
Speaker 1: That's fascinating. Okay, all right, I have. I have lots

607
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 1: of questions. Uh anyway, First of all, I put a

608
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:13,400
Speaker 1: pin in the uh reincarnation things. I want to talk

609
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,719
Speaker 1: about that. But she's two years old and she likes

610
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 1: the rolling Stones, Like does she like the rolling Stones

611
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 1: in the sense that like you put on the music

612
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 1: for her and she likes the music, or does she

613
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 1: like does she like know who they are? Is a

614
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:31,759
Speaker 1: two year old conscious enough to understand mick Jack's existence.

615
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:37,279
Speaker 4: I will say that she's she's aware of of influence,

616
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:40,879
Speaker 4: like as in sometimes she'll see me try to shoehorn

617
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:43,640
Speaker 4: some of my interests into who she is, and that's

618
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:45,640
Speaker 4: just like a natural part of it, you know, Like

619
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,319
Speaker 4: I don't know, I I guess if I had to

620
00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 4: think of like something, even if if it's like as

621
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:54,880
Speaker 4: my new as what I'm about to bring up. We

622
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,720
Speaker 4: go to this little sushi cafe right down the street

623
00:37:57,719 --> 00:38:01,000
Speaker 4: from us, and I absolutely love of the fucking choshu

624
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:03,400
Speaker 4: pork that's in that ramen. She hates it, and I

625
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 4: always go, you know, trying to go to her like, oh,

626
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:07,960
Speaker 4: this is the these fucking knees you should eat it too,

627
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:09,880
Speaker 4: and she was like no, no, no no, And it

628
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:12,960
Speaker 4: kind of works that way with like generally her interest too.

629
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:16,840
Speaker 4: I mean, she didn't fuck with Batman forever just because

630
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:20,360
Speaker 4: you know, she she really likes bright tones and just

631
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 4: h I guess he's an optimistic kind of kid, and

632
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:27,279
Speaker 4: our relationship is sort of like a Batman Superman kind

633
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:31,200
Speaker 4: of thing, where it's just like she's this bright ray

634
00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:34,760
Speaker 4: of light that sort of like is just unfettered and shines.

635
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:39,000
Speaker 4: And I've always been more kind of a pessimistic, kind

636
00:38:39,040 --> 00:38:42,600
Speaker 4: of detached person. So it's like, you know, as much

637
00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 4: as I would want her to love that man, she won't.

638
00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 4: So when I put on the Stones, she was just

639
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 4: like it was it was jumping Jack Flash, and she

640
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,680
Speaker 4: just started moving her little fucking head, her little fucking heat,

641
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,840
Speaker 4: and I was like, okay, well, I'm gonna introduce to

642
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 4: you what this band is called. And she she recently

643
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 4: also kind of picked up on Nirvana too, and it's just, honestly,

644
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:08,759
Speaker 4: it's just fancy shirts. I think that's kind of what

645
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:15,920
Speaker 4: helps kind of introduce the concepts of these musical groups.

646
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:20,920
Speaker 4: But generally music has always been something that's fascinated her.

647
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:24,920
Speaker 1: So but you said to me, sorry to interrupt you,

648
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:31,600
Speaker 1: but you said that you are a generally pessimistic, detached person.

649
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:35,879
Speaker 1: Did that Did she change any of that in you?

650
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 4: You know it? It definitely took uh uh, she did,

651
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:42,280
Speaker 4: she did, for sure, But it took some time because

652
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:46,160
Speaker 4: I mean she was born and you know, my uh

653
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:49,720
Speaker 4: my baby mama, because we did separate, she was always

654
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:51,880
Speaker 4: more on the optimistic side of things. But for me,

655
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 4: I just like, I'm not even joking. The very first

656
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 4: I want to say, like thirty forty days that she

657
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 4: was born, I would up till like four in the

658
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:04,560
Speaker 4: morning just fucking watching her breathe, making sure she like

659
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 4: didn't spontaneously die on me or something, or you know,

660
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:11,680
Speaker 4: like sometimes kids will roll over and or you'll hear like, oh,

661
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:14,200
Speaker 4: you know, if only someone was awake, they wouldn't have

662
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 4: choked on there, like you know, fucking they drink and

663
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 4: ounce too much of milk and they're gone, and it's

664
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:22,560
Speaker 4: like holy shit, you know, and it it bleeds into

665
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:25,279
Speaker 4: a lot more than just that. But I will say,

666
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:31,759
Speaker 4: she's she's she changed a lot about me, m and

667
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:32,560
Speaker 4: for the better.

668
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:32,799
Speaker 2: You know.

669
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:36,640
Speaker 1: It's just what happened with your baby mama.

670
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:41,719
Speaker 4: Honestly, it was. It was just kind of the age

671
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:44,640
Speaker 4: old story. It's funny. We we fit a lot of statistics,

672
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:48,120
Speaker 4: like almost down to the tea, And it was actually

673
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:49,520
Speaker 4: something that I kind of had in mind where I

674
00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 4: was like, maybe I should start being safe about, like,

675
00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:57,320
Speaker 4: you know, coitus, because I remember, hold up, hold.

676
00:40:57,160 --> 00:40:59,560
Speaker 1: Up, what what do you mean by you fit a

677
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 1: lot of statistics?

678
00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 2: So?

679
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:05,960
Speaker 4: Do you know what the average amount of time that

680
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:09,040
Speaker 4: you have to for lack of a better word, right now,

681
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:15,440
Speaker 4: bang someone to get them pregnant, like concurrently through you know,

682
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:17,759
Speaker 4: like a period of time that you're with them for

683
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:19,280
Speaker 4: like on on average.

684
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 1: My guess, I think it's a lot, right, Like it's

685
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:25,280
Speaker 1: it's hard to get pregnant, like people have to try.

686
00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 4: Well, I think it, you know what. And I don't

687
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:29,920
Speaker 4: remember if I looked at the age range that we

688
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,719
Speaker 4: were when this happened, but maybe it's very specific to

689
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 4: when we were. I believe we were twenty three and

690
00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:41,799
Speaker 4: twenty two ish and it's eight months and that's exactly

691
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 4: when I googled that. And then I'm not joking, Like

692
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:47,040
Speaker 4: two days later, she's like, yo, I'm pregnant. I'm like fuck, okay,

693
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:48,160
Speaker 4: wait you were like.

694
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 1: Fuck okay, okay, hold on, you were you were like

695
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:54,840
Speaker 1: you just you keep unraveling. You were like, fuck, okay,

696
00:41:55,560 --> 00:42:01,920
Speaker 1: but yeah, were you having unprotected sex with this lady

697
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:04,760
Speaker 1: for eight months?

698
00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 2: Eight eight months?

699
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:09,160
Speaker 1: Just we you know, were you pull an ounce?

700
00:42:09,719 --> 00:42:10,000
Speaker 2: Yeah?

701
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:12,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, of course, you know, right all over the back.

702
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:13,600
Speaker 4: That's what you gotta do.

703
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:15,920
Speaker 1: But you know, were you doing it? Were you doing

704
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 1: it at the last minute?

705
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:21,439
Speaker 4: No, well, for the most part, yes, But I will

706
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:24,400
Speaker 4: just say I know when I conceived my child, and

707
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:28,440
Speaker 4: I know exactly why it happened, And honestly, it's because

708
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:32,320
Speaker 4: of the fucking uh Friends Christmas episode where Phoebe's singing

709
00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:34,720
Speaker 4: a happy kitty sad kitty at that cafe.

710
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:38,320
Speaker 1: I have no idea what you're talking about.

711
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:41,640
Speaker 4: So there's this friend's episode. Honestly, it could have been

712
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 4: any fucking Friends episode. We were we were traveling like

713
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 4: to Arizona because that's where my siblings are, and she

714
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 4: she came along with me, right like we were a ers.

715
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:55,319
Speaker 4: Well we were some months in the point is it'll

716
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:57,880
Speaker 4: kind of lined up to that day like when I

717
00:42:57,880 --> 00:43:00,800
Speaker 4: trace it back. Obviously I don't have like the exact

718
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 4: timeline etched into my head, so I can't give you exact,

719
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:07,120
Speaker 4: you know, details on it, but I will say a

720
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:10,840
Speaker 4: thousand percent that day I fell asleep on top of

721
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 4: her because I was I was we were just you know,

722
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:15,480
Speaker 4: like shit, we we got a motel, we might as

723
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 4: well use it.

724
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,640
Speaker 1: And I have to keep a sorry, sorry, sorry, I

725
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:25,400
Speaker 1: keep interrupting you, but I'm trying to. Okay, you're good. Okay,

726
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:29,120
Speaker 1: you're telling me that an episode of Friends.

727
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:31,719
Speaker 4: You're telling me on top of her.

728
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:35,120
Speaker 1: Okay, so you're having sex with your girlfriend and then

729
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:39,000
Speaker 1: while watching, while watching Friends, and then you what you

730
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:40,200
Speaker 1: come in your sleep?

731
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:46,080
Speaker 4: I think I just like I was so bored and

732
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:50,719
Speaker 4: just like I guess numb to both like this act

733
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:52,480
Speaker 4: we were having at the time as well as like

734
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 4: this episode of Friends that I was just kind of like,

735
00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:58,240
Speaker 4: I really dropped the ball, you know. I was distracted, fell.

736
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:02,080
Speaker 1: Asleep with your You like, okay, so you're having sex

737
00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 1: with this lady. Girlfriends drifting.

738
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:06,080
Speaker 4: I was drifting to sleep. I was like in and

739
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:08,719
Speaker 4: out of consciousness, and I was like, I should stay up.

740
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:12,080
Speaker 4: This is happening, and but you know, Friends was on

741
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:13,719
Speaker 4: in the background. I was like, this isn't doing it

742
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:16,520
Speaker 4: for me. I was in Austin, Man, I drove like

743
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:18,320
Speaker 4: nine hours.

744
00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 1: I've never heard of somebody coming in there. Well okay, well, okay,

745
00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:28,840
Speaker 1: all right, hola haha, you had a wet dream inside

746
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:35,799
Speaker 1: of a girlfriend, is what I'm hearing. Yeah, essentially, that's hilarious.

747
00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:40,839
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah. But I do remember also thinking, like day,

748
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 4: maybe I should get Plan B And at the time

749
00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:44,480
Speaker 4: I didn't know they cost like eight bucks at Costco.

750
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:45,759
Speaker 4: And I was like, I'm not I just went on

751
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 4: a road trip. I'm not trying to drop fifty bucks.

752
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 1: I don't have to tell you how much more expensive

753
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:54,319
Speaker 1: having a child is than Plan B.

754
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,920
Speaker 4: Oh, one thousand percent. But also I was like, I mean,

755
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:01,560
Speaker 4: we've been doing this for how long? And it that happened? Like, okay,

756
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:04,360
Speaker 4: I slip up once? What what are the odds the

757
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:08,520
Speaker 4: one time I fall asleep while you know, just a

758
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 4: little underprepared that it's gonna happen.

759
00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 1: And okay, so I mean it's so she it's okay,

760
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:16,120
Speaker 1: So she tells you that she's pregnant, and what's your

761
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:16,880
Speaker 1: first response?

762
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:18,560
Speaker 2: A fuck?

763
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,759
Speaker 4: Straight up? I was just like, I don't, I mean,

764
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:25,800
Speaker 4: I'm mind you, I'm I'm fuck. I was twenty two,

765
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:32,279
Speaker 4: twenty three ish around there, right, and I uh sorry,

766
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 4: I got a text that kind of distracted me a

767
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 4: little bit. But I I was twenty two or twenty three.

768
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:37,839
Speaker 4: I was in and out of college at this point

769
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:41,239
Speaker 4: in time. I just dropped out again and I was

770
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:43,920
Speaker 4: working at a coffee shop broke as fuck. Like my

771
00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:48,080
Speaker 4: last you know, tax thing or whatever's like twenty grand

772
00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:51,640
Speaker 4: in California. I was like, I can't afford a baby.

773
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:54,560
Speaker 4: And also, I don't think that I should be passing

774
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:58,000
Speaker 4: my dreams down, like they're not that great. I'm like

775
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:01,640
Speaker 4: five eight. Most of my family has like a history

776
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:03,880
Speaker 4: of mental illness. And I was like I was in

777
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:06,520
Speaker 4: a real tony soprano thing where I was like, my shun,

778
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 4: what what the fuck did I give my shun? But

779
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:12,799
Speaker 4: my shitty fucking dreams, you know.

780
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:16,279
Speaker 1: So what's your life like now? Like, what do you do?

781
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 1: What's the what's your You're an interesting guy to me,

782
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:21,919
Speaker 1: You're you know, you're smart, dude. I'm curious what's going

783
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:22,319
Speaker 1: on with you.

784
00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 4: I've always said my life is like kind of predicated

785
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:32,240
Speaker 4: on like two very distinct forces, and it's like luck

786
00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:36,919
Speaker 4: and tragedy and uh. For the most part, recently, it's

787
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:40,800
Speaker 4: been just a lot of really cool, lucky breaks where

788
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:44,280
Speaker 4: you know, I knocked her up, and I it's funny.

789
00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 4: So when I found out she was pregnant in that week,

790
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:50,840
Speaker 4: this crazy shit happened where I I basically had to

791
00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:52,840
Speaker 4: save her life so the end, and we thought my

792
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:55,320
Speaker 4: kid died. So it was this whole other thing. I

793
00:46:55,320 --> 00:47:00,560
Speaker 4: won't get too much into it, but essentially I I

794
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:03,160
Speaker 4: I got hooked up with the job out in a

795
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:09,120
Speaker 4: really big, touristy rich area and so now I kind

796
00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:13,680
Speaker 4: of I work maybe five, like maybe thirty hours a week.

797
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:16,840
Speaker 1: I came home with, uh, wait, how did your how

798
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:19,520
Speaker 1: did your wife almost die? What the fuck happens?

799
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:19,799
Speaker 2: Oh?

800
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:24,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, So I mean it's it's kind of crazy.

801
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 4: So I have I have various theories on this, one

802
00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:32,839
Speaker 4: of which is so it's funny. She she had gone

803
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:35,359
Speaker 4: to the doctors during the time that I'd met her

804
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:40,040
Speaker 4: for this, like Ovari insist that she had, and they

805
00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:42,719
Speaker 4: told her, like, it doesn't matter, nothing's gonna happen, like

806
00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:45,640
Speaker 4: it can just fucking stay there, It'll be fine. And

807
00:47:45,719 --> 00:47:49,759
Speaker 4: so then either one of two things was, uh, you know,

808
00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:54,239
Speaker 4: because my my uh sperm was in her and there

809
00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:57,120
Speaker 4: was a little thing at two weeks or maybe like

810
00:47:57,120 --> 00:48:00,800
Speaker 4: the size of a fucking pentoben that pent being probably

811
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:05,040
Speaker 4: like shop on the cyst broke it. And so she's

812
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:09,360
Speaker 4: she's a really recalcit trent person, like very headstrong and ornery.

813
00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:13,719
Speaker 4: So I'm not even joking. I remember we were in

814
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:17,239
Speaker 4: bed and she was she was fucking just she looked

815
00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:19,200
Speaker 4: like ship. She looked like she was gonna die, and

816
00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:22,160
Speaker 4: she actually was. You know, like at one point in time,

817
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:24,480
Speaker 4: I was like, you know, are you sure we shouldn't,

818
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:26,200
Speaker 4: you know, go to the hosports and she's like, no, no, no,

819
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:28,919
Speaker 4: like it really really really fucking hurts, but I'll be fine,

820
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:31,120
Speaker 4: and and then we both dozed off, and when I

821
00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:34,919
Speaker 4: woke up, her lips were pale, she was cold, and

822
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:37,239
Speaker 4: I like smacked her a few times and she just

823
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:39,720
Speaker 4: was unresponsive, and I was like, you know, I finally

824
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:42,040
Speaker 4: ended up getting a kind of like really drows.

825
00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:42,279
Speaker 2: Like, h.

826
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:46,040
Speaker 4: Oh my mom, And I was like.

827
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:48,040
Speaker 2: Your mom's not gonna do shit. I'm gonna call nine

828
00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:51,080
Speaker 2: one one.

829
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:53,560
Speaker 1: And she said that like you said that exactly, like ause,

830
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:59,080
Speaker 1: he's I'm sorry, I'm gonna call that.

831
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:04,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, exactly that That's probably how I sounded in

832
00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:09,560
Speaker 4: the moment too. But I I ended up calling the ambulance.

833
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:14,160
Speaker 4: And this was so when I say we dozed off,

834
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:18,080
Speaker 4: it was it was again like and I don't remember

835
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:20,319
Speaker 4: who started what I mean, she felt like shit, but

836
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:26,680
Speaker 4: somehow like the mood came about and that was when

837
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:29,439
Speaker 4: that was when it got really really bad. Was and

838
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:32,680
Speaker 4: also at that time it was just like again, I'm like,

839
00:49:32,719 --> 00:49:34,160
Speaker 4: twenty two twenty three.

840
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:37,080
Speaker 1: Dude, s down track with me real quick. What do

841
00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:39,640
Speaker 1: you mean the mood? The mood guys at the hospital.

842
00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:44,160
Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, this was before before we knocked out.

843
00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:48,160
Speaker 4: We went for another round, and I like, again, you're.

844
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:51,799
Speaker 1: Jude, You're Jude, Jude. I think that down dude's down

845
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:54,840
Speaker 1: track of man, okay you yeah, this lady, this lady

846
00:49:55,520 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 1: is falling this okay, your girlfriend is like pale and

847
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:03,200
Speaker 1: and you called did you call nine one one?

848
00:50:04,360 --> 00:50:06,160
Speaker 4: I did a thousand percent right away?

849
00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:07,320
Speaker 1: And I guess what happens?

850
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:12,200
Speaker 4: So then they come and they tick her to the hospital.

851
00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:14,960
Speaker 4: They have to like do some crazy surgery, and they

852
00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:18,160
Speaker 4: tell me point blank, they're like, your kid's probably dead

853
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:22,359
Speaker 4: and she might. Yeah. They were like you're you're cause

854
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:24,480
Speaker 4: it was like a two week old thing. It was

855
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:29,000
Speaker 4: it was a tiny, little, like very just new form

856
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:31,319
Speaker 4: of life again, like the size of the fucking pinto bean.

857
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:33,480
Speaker 4: And so they were like, the kid's probably dead, like

858
00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:36,040
Speaker 4: she's lots of ships on the blood. We're gonna have

859
00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 4: to do with surgery. And I remember asking them, like,

860
00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:40,600
Speaker 4: she'll she'll make it though, right, like at least she'll

861
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:44,360
Speaker 4: make it, and they're like, ooh, I mean no promises.

862
00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:47,200
Speaker 4: I was like, fuck, So I'm just like, my kid's

863
00:50:47,239 --> 00:50:50,080
Speaker 4: dead and my girlfriend might die. That's crazy, you know,

864
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:55,120
Speaker 4: But yeah, no, she she ended up pulling through and

865
00:50:55,160 --> 00:51:02,319
Speaker 4: then they, uh, they they ended up realizing that, you know,

866
00:51:03,719 --> 00:51:06,960
Speaker 4: the kid was still alive. But she she again was

867
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:10,120
Speaker 4: like basically recovering from surgery, and it was like the

868
00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:14,520
Speaker 4: first two weeks of of her my kid even being

869
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:17,279
Speaker 4: of any kind of like existence. So they told me

870
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:22,080
Speaker 4: straight up like probably the next ultrasound, it's gonna be

871
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:24,480
Speaker 4: like fifty to fifty, whether or not there's a heartbeat

872
00:51:24,640 --> 00:51:25,839
Speaker 4: or even anything in there.

873
00:51:26,560 --> 00:51:29,440
Speaker 1: Oh wow that How did that make it? Okay? By

874
00:51:29,480 --> 00:51:32,000
Speaker 1: the way, also, the way you were telling that story before,

875
00:51:33,480 --> 00:51:35,400
Speaker 1: when you were like because you were going in and

876
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 1: out of two different stories, and it made it sound

877
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:39,759
Speaker 1: like your girlfriend got really sick and then you guys

878
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:40,759
Speaker 1: started fucking again.

879
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:45,080
Speaker 4: You understand, Oh no, no, no, thousand thousand percent, and.

880
00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:49,120
Speaker 1: So Jude, I'm gonna stop you.

881
00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:49,520
Speaker 2: Okay.

882
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 1: So okay, So when you're when you when you were

883
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:58,839
Speaker 1: told that there was a fifty to fifty chance, like, like, what,

884
00:51:59,000 --> 00:51:59,840
Speaker 1: how did you feel?

885
00:51:59,840 --> 00:51:59,960
Speaker 2: Like?

886
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:02,080
Speaker 1: What was going on in your because I because you

887
00:52:02,200 --> 00:52:06,560
Speaker 1: initially because like it's an interesting emotional roller coaster to

888
00:52:06,600 --> 00:52:08,920
Speaker 1: me because you initially don't didn't you were like, you know,

889
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:10,799
Speaker 1: afraid to even have this baby, and then when you

890
00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:12,360
Speaker 1: hear it's a fifty to fifty chance, like, what do

891
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:13,800
Speaker 1: you like? What's going on in your head?

892
00:52:14,040 --> 00:52:14,440
Speaker 2: Yeah?

893
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:18,239
Speaker 4: Well, I mean when we first got there and they

894
00:52:18,239 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 4: told me it was dead, I mean it felt like

895
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:23,600
Speaker 4: I lost, I lost my kid, I lost And you know,

896
00:52:23,680 --> 00:52:27,520
Speaker 4: I never I never didn't want her. I just always

897
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:31,959
Speaker 4: wanted to like kind of brace her mom for who

898
00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:34,279
Speaker 4: she was gonna have this baby with. So I'd just

899
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:36,800
Speaker 4: tell her like, hey, I'm up for it, I'm game.

900
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:40,040
Speaker 4: But you know, obviously you're like eight months in a

901
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:43,080
Speaker 4: dat and you're not gonna disclose everything about yourself. At

902
00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:45,600
Speaker 4: that point, you're barely out of like the honeymoon phase.

903
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:48,799
Speaker 4: So I was just like as blunt as I could be.

904
00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:51,000
Speaker 4: I told her. I was like, look, I mean, we

905
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:53,680
Speaker 4: could do it. And then she was at whatever. Anyway,

906
00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:57,839
Speaker 4: I felt devastated. I just started bawling and crying and

907
00:52:58,120 --> 00:53:01,279
Speaker 4: I could have fucking I shut down, dude, I was.

908
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 2: I was just not even there.

909
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:08,560
Speaker 4: It felt like some some part of me separated from

910
00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:11,680
Speaker 4: from who I was and just would never come back.

911
00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:16,600
Speaker 4: And then lucky, luckily enough, there was a chance, and

912
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:19,920
Speaker 4: and so it was nothing but hope. I was just like,

913
00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:25,839
Speaker 4: I mean, I think I think this thing's gonna want

914
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:29,000
Speaker 4: to be born. I think it's gonna fight this fucking

915
00:53:29,400 --> 00:53:31,920
Speaker 4: you know, and it and it did like against the

916
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 4: wants man, like you know, she just Kanda is here now.

917
00:53:38,280 --> 00:53:42,840
Speaker 1: Interesting, all right, let's go back to this thing I

918
00:53:42,880 --> 00:53:46,000
Speaker 1: put a pin in earlier about you're you've been reading

919
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:47,280
Speaker 1: a book about reincarnation.

920
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:53,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's it's a series by Yukio Mishima. It's

921
00:53:53,200 --> 00:53:57,600
Speaker 4: called The Sea of Fertility Tetrology. And it starts off

922
00:53:57,640 --> 00:54:01,279
Speaker 4: like really super benign. It's just I mean, this guy

923
00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:05,560
Speaker 4: was a far right radical kind of guy who in

924
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:09,839
Speaker 4: his books is trying to I mean, it's the whole

925
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:14,480
Speaker 4: reincarnation part is a different aspect of who he is

926
00:54:14,840 --> 00:54:17,800
Speaker 4: or what his beliefs are. But essentially in the book,

927
00:54:18,120 --> 00:54:25,640
Speaker 4: there's the central kind of figure who chronicles the lives

928
00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:29,640
Speaker 4: of one of his best friends who comes back to

929
00:54:29,719 --> 00:54:35,879
Speaker 4: life and dies in like ways it just kind of

930
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:39,960
Speaker 4: establish who he is. Like it's sort of like his

931
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:45,040
Speaker 4: hubris ends up being, you know, it not only a

932
00:54:45,080 --> 00:54:49,680
Speaker 4: defining factor of him and his you know kind of

933
00:54:49,719 --> 00:54:53,520
Speaker 4: like coming back every time, but it manifests in a

934
00:54:53,560 --> 00:54:56,719
Speaker 4: different way. So like the first time he's kind of

935
00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:59,360
Speaker 4: obviously going through this is his friends just like this

936
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:03,400
Speaker 4: really pure, dainty, kind of like noble guy who's just

937
00:55:04,640 --> 00:55:11,280
Speaker 4: you know, absolutely just in denial of of being anything

938
00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:15,040
Speaker 4: other than than pure. It's like, of course, I don't

939
00:55:15,160 --> 00:55:18,040
Speaker 4: like this girl, Like that's stupid. I'm I'm I'm the

940
00:55:18,080 --> 00:55:22,520
Speaker 4: embodiment of of what like pre World War One Japan

941
00:55:22,640 --> 00:55:25,160
Speaker 4: and bodies and and it's this whole other thing with

942
00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:27,120
Speaker 4: like you know, the quot shifts and shit.

943
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:34,440
Speaker 1: But so so do you believe that, like, uh, your

944
00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:35,879
Speaker 1: kid used to be someone else?

945
00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:39,799
Speaker 4: A thousand percent. I think a lot of us used

946
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:43,920
Speaker 4: to be people in other lives before this one, Like

947
00:55:43,960 --> 00:55:47,440
Speaker 4: there's there's certain mannerisms in me that a lot of

948
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:49,919
Speaker 4: people kind of like jab at and they're like, what

949
00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:51,799
Speaker 4: the fuck is that, dude? Why do you do that?

950
00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:56,239
Speaker 4: Like you're not You're not. And it's it's something as

951
00:55:56,280 --> 00:56:00,320
Speaker 4: simple as like I've always had this proclivity towards likewing

952
00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:03,360
Speaker 4: my head like just slightly every time, I like, excuse

953
00:56:03,440 --> 00:56:05,040
Speaker 4: myself for and I'm like, where are the fun I'm

954
00:56:05,080 --> 00:56:08,360
Speaker 4: Mexican bro like and and and and that's the things

955
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:13,160
Speaker 4: like nobody understands you. They're like, you're you're fucking weird

956
00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:15,040
Speaker 4: for that. And there's other things where I'm like, I'm

957
00:56:15,040 --> 00:56:17,920
Speaker 4: pretty sure I was like a Japanese dude in my past.

958
00:56:17,920 --> 00:56:19,920
Speaker 1: Was about to say. I was about to say, you like,

959
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:23,600
Speaker 1: it's so funny to me that you read a reincarnation

960
00:56:23,719 --> 00:56:26,279
Speaker 1: book by a Japanese guy and your conclusion was like,

961
00:56:26,440 --> 00:56:28,720
Speaker 1: I was a Japanese guy in the past.

962
00:56:28,880 --> 00:56:30,040
Speaker 4: I was a Japanese guy.

963
00:56:32,840 --> 00:56:34,920
Speaker 1: So so what's next for you?

964
00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:35,440
Speaker 2: Jude?

965
00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:37,960
Speaker 1: What's uh? I You've given me a bit of a

966
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:41,200
Speaker 1: picture of how you got to be living the life

967
00:56:41,239 --> 00:56:43,400
Speaker 1: that you're currently living. Oh what did you kind of

968
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:46,239
Speaker 1: tell me? What happened with the baby mama. So it's

969
00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:47,520
Speaker 1: I mean, it sounds like you guys had a kind

970
00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:53,359
Speaker 1: of a close relationship. Yeah, you like like what, yeah,

971
00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:55,480
Speaker 1: did you? Did you mention what happened there?

972
00:56:56,400 --> 00:56:59,879
Speaker 4: I didn't, and it was it was anything like crazy drum.

973
00:57:00,360 --> 00:57:03,360
Speaker 4: It was just again, you know, we we sit a

974
00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:05,239
Speaker 4: lot of the statistics where it's like eight months we

975
00:57:05,320 --> 00:57:08,600
Speaker 4: got pregnant, fucking two years after having a kid, we

976
00:57:08,680 --> 00:57:11,320
Speaker 4: broke up, and it's just like no bad blood really

977
00:57:11,800 --> 00:57:17,360
Speaker 4: just generally, I don't think we we had enough. I

978
00:57:17,360 --> 00:57:21,680
Speaker 4: guess I'm not sure if it's like background or for

979
00:57:21,840 --> 00:57:25,200
Speaker 4: grand information on what a relationship. I mean, we barely

980
00:57:25,240 --> 00:57:27,840
Speaker 4: had a relationship without a kid, let alone one with

981
00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:31,360
Speaker 4: a kid, and it's just difficult to kind of, you know,

982
00:57:31,440 --> 00:57:36,240
Speaker 4: like learn to be a parent and still be a

983
00:57:36,280 --> 00:57:41,640
Speaker 4: partner when that idea of how we were gonna, like

984
00:57:41,720 --> 00:57:44,120
Speaker 4: I guess you could say love each other was never

985
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:47,720
Speaker 4: even really fully established like we were. We were at

986
00:57:47,720 --> 00:57:50,360
Speaker 4: that point in time where you're barely setting boundaries, you're

987
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:53,160
Speaker 4: barely starting to kind of like really understand who the

988
00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:56,440
Speaker 4: other person is. But the thing is, you know, we

989
00:57:56,440 --> 00:57:58,400
Speaker 4: were we were in a time of transition too. So

990
00:57:58,440 --> 00:58:02,160
Speaker 4: it's just like, I mean, I loved her before she

991
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:04,919
Speaker 4: was a mother, I loved her as she was becoming one,

992
00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:07,880
Speaker 4: and then once she became one. It's not that like

993
00:58:08,200 --> 00:58:11,080
Speaker 4: I stopped or that she stopped, but just rather that

994
00:58:11,440 --> 00:58:15,880
Speaker 4: neither of us were able to really, I guess, put

995
00:58:15,920 --> 00:58:20,600
Speaker 4: in enough time or effort to continue to grow that

996
00:58:21,600 --> 00:58:24,880
Speaker 4: aspect of our lives. It was like, you know, it's

997
00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:27,160
Speaker 4: just it just kind of happened.

998
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:27,600
Speaker 2: One day.

999
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:29,400
Speaker 4: She came home. She was like, I don't think we

1000
00:58:29,400 --> 00:58:31,920
Speaker 4: should be together, and I was like, I don't either,

1001
00:58:32,160 --> 00:58:35,320
Speaker 4: Like house serendipitous, we should probably break up. She's like, probably,

1002
00:58:35,720 --> 00:58:36,520
Speaker 4: all right, cool.

1003
00:58:37,040 --> 00:58:38,480
Speaker 1: That makes a lot of sense to me though, that

1004
00:58:38,560 --> 00:58:43,600
Speaker 1: you have a kid. And then you're like, that makes

1005
00:58:43,600 --> 00:58:45,920
Speaker 1: all aspect because you you guys, So you guys were

1006
00:58:45,960 --> 00:58:48,040
Speaker 1: together for for how long.

1007
00:58:49,120 --> 00:58:54,240
Speaker 4: And total eight months before she got pregnant and my

1008
00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:58,720
Speaker 4: kid was so it makes sense to me that almost

1009
00:58:58,720 --> 00:58:59,240
Speaker 4: three years.

1010
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:02,240
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, so you stayed together for a little bit

1011
00:59:02,240 --> 00:59:02,800
Speaker 1: after the kid.

1012
00:59:04,080 --> 00:59:06,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1013
00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:07,439
Speaker 1: So you wrote that you were together with the kid

1014
00:59:07,440 --> 00:59:08,840
Speaker 1: for longer than you were together without the.

1015
00:59:08,800 --> 00:59:10,360
Speaker 2: Kid, exactly.

1016
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:12,080
Speaker 4: That's what That's what I mean A.

1017
00:59:12,400 --> 00:59:14,760
Speaker 1: Guess it's interesting, right because you were like you had

1018
00:59:14,760 --> 00:59:18,160
Speaker 1: an already premature relationship there where you didn't even like

1019
00:59:20,080 --> 00:59:23,080
Speaker 1: know each other all that well, and then now you

1020
00:59:23,080 --> 00:59:25,520
Speaker 1: have a kid and it's like, oh, we got to

1021
00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:28,720
Speaker 1: get to know not only get to know the kid,

1022
00:59:29,120 --> 00:59:32,800
Speaker 1: but get to know ourselves with the kid. And it's

1023
00:59:32,840 --> 00:59:34,680
Speaker 1: just like, but with all this shit going on, there's

1024
00:59:34,960 --> 00:59:40,160
Speaker 1: not enough room for you guys to really develop your relationship.

1025
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:41,840
Speaker 1: I guess that that makes a lot of sense to me,

1026
00:59:41,960 --> 00:59:43,800
Speaker 1: Like just like logistically.

1027
00:59:44,320 --> 00:59:47,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it was. It was just you know, logistics,

1028
00:59:47,720 --> 00:59:53,720
Speaker 4: and I mean a lot of I guess, like, you know,

1029
00:59:53,800 --> 00:59:57,040
Speaker 4: we we never found our communication style. I guess you

1030
00:59:57,040 --> 01:00:00,440
Speaker 4: could say it was a big because there was. And

1031
01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:02,240
Speaker 4: you know, we've we've been broken up for about three

1032
01:00:02,280 --> 01:00:03,920
Speaker 4: months now, and the first month we kind of just

1033
01:00:03,960 --> 01:00:07,240
Speaker 4: talked it out. We just hashed out, like we were

1034
01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:09,400
Speaker 4: both in a place where we wanted to understand why

1035
01:00:09,440 --> 01:00:12,080
Speaker 4: it didn't work out, and I think we we came

1036
01:00:12,120 --> 01:00:16,600
Speaker 4: to understand that, Like it just it just was for

1037
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:19,800
Speaker 4: the most part, both of us kind of being and

1038
01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:21,920
Speaker 4: a big part of it too, is like you don't

1039
01:00:21,960 --> 01:00:23,480
Speaker 4: want to argue in front of your kid. You don't

1040
01:00:23,480 --> 01:00:25,320
Speaker 4: want to put that on them, but you also can't

1041
01:00:25,360 --> 01:00:27,400
Speaker 4: get away from them. So it's like you never have

1042
01:00:27,520 --> 01:00:32,280
Speaker 4: the time to to really work on compromise. And compromise

1043
01:00:32,360 --> 01:00:35,560
Speaker 4: people say is like when neither party is happy or

1044
01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:39,640
Speaker 4: you know, a thousand percent unsatisfied. So it's like we

1045
01:00:39,680 --> 01:00:42,680
Speaker 4: couldn't work through that progress. So there were times where

1046
01:00:42,720 --> 01:00:45,000
Speaker 4: I would play Kate what she wanted and she would

1047
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:48,680
Speaker 4: do the same without fully wanting to, because there could

1048
01:00:48,680 --> 01:00:50,640
Speaker 4: have been some middle ground that we would have found,

1049
01:00:51,120 --> 01:00:55,520
Speaker 4: but we never felt that we could actually work towards

1050
01:00:55,520 --> 01:00:58,560
Speaker 4: it because you know, we don't want to. We don't

1051
01:00:58,600 --> 01:01:01,520
Speaker 4: want to put it's a sensitive kid, we out, so

1052
01:01:01,600 --> 01:01:04,440
Speaker 4: she would have picked up on it. And how terrible

1053
01:01:04,480 --> 01:01:06,600
Speaker 4: is that? You know, Like I guess at the end

1054
01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:06,760
Speaker 4: of the.

1055
01:01:06,800 --> 01:01:10,840
Speaker 1: Day, Well, as guys, I get what you mean. It's like, Okay,

1056
01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:12,760
Speaker 1: in order for us to really understand each other, we

1057
01:01:12,880 --> 01:01:17,640
Speaker 1: have to like hash things out, and uh, we don't

1058
01:01:17,640 --> 01:01:19,160
Speaker 1: want to be hash in it. We don't want to

1059
01:01:19,160 --> 01:01:21,840
Speaker 1: be hash in and out in front of the kid.

1060
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:26,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, So it's like, you know, if it didn't work

1061
01:01:26,680 --> 01:01:30,640
Speaker 4: out and we we couldn't really like fit each other's

1062
01:01:30,720 --> 01:01:34,120
Speaker 4: molds quite so easily within the context of what life

1063
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:36,959
Speaker 4: had in store for us. Then that's just how she goes,

1064
01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:37,200
Speaker 4: you know.

1065
01:01:37,920 --> 01:01:42,960
Speaker 1: So what are you up to? What's okay? Let me

1066
01:01:42,960 --> 01:01:45,640
Speaker 1: ask you this, okay, So again, Yeah, I have a

1067
01:01:45,680 --> 01:01:47,680
Speaker 1: pretty clear picture of how you arrived at your life

1068
01:01:47,680 --> 01:01:50,320
Speaker 1: as it is before we go, And thank you very

1069
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:53,680
Speaker 1: much for sharing all of this with us. It's been

1070
01:01:53,760 --> 01:02:00,720
Speaker 1: very interesting talking to you. What's next? What's next? Are you, Jude?

1071
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:02,760
Speaker 1: Where where do you see life taking you?

1072
01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:04,320
Speaker 2: Oh?

1073
01:02:04,440 --> 01:02:07,880
Speaker 4: Right now, it's just kind of focusing on, you know,

1074
01:02:08,040 --> 01:02:14,440
Speaker 4: raising my daughter still kind of I guess, reinvesting in

1075
01:02:14,480 --> 01:02:18,360
Speaker 4: myself and pursuing the interest that you know. Unfortunately when

1076
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:20,000
Speaker 4: she was younger, you you kind of have to give

1077
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:24,200
Speaker 4: up and just generally moving on from here.

1078
01:02:24,240 --> 01:02:24,400
Speaker 2: Man.

1079
01:02:24,560 --> 01:02:28,920
Speaker 4: Like you know, I'm not I'm not saying like, oh

1080
01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:33,200
Speaker 4: I I need someone to like feel complete, but I

1081
01:02:33,240 --> 01:02:35,880
Speaker 4: am in a place where, like I feel complete enough

1082
01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:38,280
Speaker 4: that it's like, okay, we're you know, I'm just gonna

1083
01:02:38,720 --> 01:02:40,920
Speaker 4: go with the wind and just you know, be a

1084
01:02:40,960 --> 01:02:43,880
Speaker 4: wave and fucking ride lights out and see where it

1085
01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:46,880
Speaker 4: takes me in. Right now, it's like I feel good, bro,

1086
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:50,040
Speaker 4: I'm I'm I got a decent job, I might go

1087
01:02:50,120 --> 01:02:52,880
Speaker 4: back to school. I have, my kid is happy with me,

1088
01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:56,160
Speaker 4: and like, you know, I recently started kind of talking

1089
01:02:56,200 --> 01:02:59,000
Speaker 4: to someone. So it's like it's all the up and up.

1090
01:02:59,040 --> 01:03:03,960
Speaker 4: It's it's uh, just staying positive and being strong for

1091
01:03:04,680 --> 01:03:09,000
Speaker 4: my child and for myself and just yeah, I think

1092
01:03:09,160 --> 01:03:12,280
Speaker 4: I think there are clearers guys now than ever, and

1093
01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:15,960
Speaker 4: so it's just taking in that sunlight in the you know,

1094
01:03:16,320 --> 01:03:17,720
Speaker 4: can up.

1095
01:03:19,200 --> 01:03:21,080
Speaker 1: I'm uh, I'm glad to hear that. It was interesting

1096
01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:26,640
Speaker 1: the way you describe yourself as a life of tragedy

1097
01:03:27,080 --> 01:03:32,640
Speaker 1: and luck, and it sounds like you're in a great

1098
01:03:32,680 --> 01:03:39,960
Speaker 1: season of luck, that's for sure. That's awesome. Mm, thanks

1099
01:03:40,000 --> 01:03:42,680
Speaker 1: for talking to me, Jude. I appreciate I appreciate this.

1100
01:03:42,760 --> 01:03:47,720
Speaker 1: I felt like I feel like I learned some stuff

1101
01:03:48,280 --> 01:03:49,200
Speaker 1: from listening to you.

1102
01:03:49,920 --> 01:03:51,920
Speaker 4: I'm glad you could take something away from man, and

1103
01:03:53,200 --> 01:03:55,320
Speaker 4: thank you for giving me my fifteen minutes.

1104
01:03:56,680 --> 01:03:57,960
Speaker 1: Is there anything else you want to say is to

1105
01:03:57,960 --> 01:03:59,520
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before we go?

1106
01:04:00,560 --> 01:04:03,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, I guess you know what I will say to

1107
01:04:03,320 --> 01:04:05,880
Speaker 4: like all the single dads out there that feel like

1108
01:04:06,560 --> 01:04:08,240
Speaker 4: right now, you know, maybe you might have just broken

1109
01:04:08,320 --> 01:04:11,000
Speaker 4: up with or have gotten broken up with or whatever

1110
01:04:11,040 --> 01:04:13,200
Speaker 4: the fuck happened between you and your baby mama, and

1111
01:04:13,680 --> 01:04:16,040
Speaker 4: you come home and all your kids shit is there

1112
01:04:16,080 --> 01:04:17,960
Speaker 4: and your kid's not there, and you go, damn the

1113
01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:20,240
Speaker 4: Fuck'm gonna have to be be a piece of shit.

1114
01:04:20,520 --> 01:04:23,080
Speaker 4: Don't do it, man, like just stuffing up. You know,

1115
01:04:23,160 --> 01:04:26,720
Speaker 4: it's it's it's hard to kind of get away from

1116
01:04:26,880 --> 01:04:30,400
Speaker 4: the feeling that things are never gonna be better, or

1117
01:04:30,400 --> 01:04:33,080
Speaker 4: that like you've lost something that you'll never get back,

1118
01:04:33,160 --> 01:04:36,360
Speaker 4: but that's still not true. Like life is so long

1119
01:04:36,600 --> 01:04:43,120
Speaker 4: and you know you've got prospects out there, and don't

1120
01:04:43,120 --> 01:04:48,120
Speaker 4: feel that you have to chase after something that I

1121
01:04:48,120 --> 01:04:51,440
Speaker 4: guess won't chase back after you or that just wasn't

1122
01:04:52,240 --> 01:04:54,800
Speaker 4: in the cards for you. People always say like I

1123
01:04:54,840 --> 01:04:56,840
Speaker 4: wish I had a perfect family, and it's like, there

1124
01:04:56,960 --> 01:04:59,200
Speaker 4: there really is no perfect family. Like even if you

1125
01:04:59,200 --> 01:05:04,520
Speaker 4: have nuclear family, like you got problems, there's drama, there's bullshit,

1126
01:05:04,640 --> 01:05:07,520
Speaker 4: and just because you're not you know, maybe with the

1127
01:05:07,560 --> 01:05:10,280
Speaker 4: mother of your child, don't let that turn it to

1128
01:05:10,920 --> 01:05:15,560
Speaker 4: something that it shouldn't because you know, it's just the

1129
01:05:15,560 --> 01:05:19,200
Speaker 4: the the loss of I guess everything that you have

1130
01:05:19,280 --> 01:05:21,720
Speaker 4: as a foundation when you become a father and a

1131
01:05:21,760 --> 01:05:24,200
Speaker 4: partner in that sort of way. Is is a great

1132
01:05:24,200 --> 01:05:27,680
Speaker 4: one that that's gonna really bring you down, but uh

1133
01:05:28,240 --> 01:05:31,320
Speaker 4: you can, uh you can persevere and uh you know

1134
01:05:31,680 --> 01:05:36,040
Speaker 4: uh in uh Herman has his said dartha. He says,

1135
01:05:36,080 --> 01:05:39,040
Speaker 4: I can think, I can wait, I can fast, And

1136
01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:45,360
Speaker 4: fucking Victor Frankle says that with any with any why,

1137
01:05:45,440 --> 01:05:51,840
Speaker 4: there's always a how so like you know you'll uh

1138
01:05:51,880 --> 01:05:55,960
Speaker 4: you'll be better, bro, don't don't let not you.

1139
01:05:55,920 --> 01:05:59,680
Speaker 1: Know, Victor Victor Victor Frankel, Victor Frankl is the uh

1140
01:05:59,720 --> 01:06:01,440
Speaker 1: the got the Holocaust driver guy.

1141
01:06:02,040 --> 01:06:03,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1142
01:06:03,400 --> 01:06:05,040
Speaker 1: I've been trying to read that book.

1143
01:06:05,960 --> 01:06:08,760
Speaker 4: Dude, It's it's so good. Yeah I have I'm a

1144
01:06:08,800 --> 01:06:11,360
Speaker 4: few by him that I haven't been able to get

1145
01:06:11,400 --> 01:06:15,440
Speaker 4: around you. But he's pretty fucking amazing. All right, let's go, you.

1146
01:06:15,360 --> 01:06:18,960
Speaker 1: Know I am, but dude, I you know, I I

1147
01:06:19,000 --> 01:06:21,840
Speaker 1: know I said we're gonna go in a second. But yeah,

1148
01:06:21,880 --> 01:06:26,840
Speaker 1: the way the picture, the picture you painted struck me.

1149
01:06:27,520 --> 01:06:30,440
Speaker 1: That's very specific thing of being a single father where

1150
01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:34,320
Speaker 1: your kid's ship is at your house but they're not there,

1151
01:06:34,480 --> 01:06:36,480
Speaker 1: and you're just like fuck, what do you even? What

1152
01:06:36,600 --> 01:06:39,200
Speaker 1: is like? What is this room?

1153
01:06:40,040 --> 01:06:40,120
Speaker 2: Is?

1154
01:06:40,120 --> 01:06:44,280
Speaker 1: It is this a home? Is this a fucking bachelor den?

1155
01:06:44,400 --> 01:06:44,520
Speaker 2: Like?

1156
01:06:44,560 --> 01:06:47,480
Speaker 1: What the like? It's just that sounds like just a

1157
01:06:47,480 --> 01:06:53,640
Speaker 1: an interesting, like mental space to be in. It sounds

1158
01:06:53,640 --> 01:06:59,800
Speaker 1: like you're you're writing through it. So I'm proud of you, buddy.

1159
01:07:00,920 --> 01:07:03,520
Speaker 4: Oh thank you man. Yeah, and I definitely appreciate it.

1160
01:07:03,560 --> 01:07:07,520
Speaker 4: And uh again, it's for you know, like I guess,

1161
01:07:07,520 --> 01:07:11,480
Speaker 4: there's always so solidarity to be found, and you know,

1162
01:07:12,240 --> 01:07:15,720
Speaker 4: being in different I guess groups and stuff, and especially

1163
01:07:15,760 --> 01:07:19,200
Speaker 4: like online, you always see shit about single moms and

1164
01:07:19,280 --> 01:07:21,440
Speaker 4: kudos to them and to everything they go through, but

1165
01:07:21,560 --> 01:07:24,640
Speaker 4: there's always that stigma about like men's mental health and

1166
01:07:24,720 --> 01:07:27,400
Speaker 4: talking shit out and you know, I guess I kind

1167
01:07:27,400 --> 01:07:31,640
Speaker 4: of just wanted to really quickly, uh give give voice

1168
01:07:31,680 --> 01:07:35,320
Speaker 4: to to that very niche group of dudes out there

1169
01:07:35,360 --> 01:07:37,920
Speaker 4: that are probably just like because you know, you work,

1170
01:07:38,520 --> 01:07:41,880
Speaker 4: you work, and you come home and help contribute towards

1171
01:07:41,920 --> 01:07:44,040
Speaker 4: the kid, and maybe you don't have the time to

1172
01:07:44,040 --> 01:07:46,280
Speaker 4: see them. I do, thank god, but I know a

1173
01:07:46,320 --> 01:07:48,760
Speaker 4: lot of people probably don't. And maybe you only have

1174
01:07:48,800 --> 01:07:51,000
Speaker 4: them one they're two nights out of the fucking week,

1175
01:07:51,120 --> 01:07:54,560
Speaker 4: but you know, it's it's something and they're always gonna

1176
01:07:54,680 --> 01:07:57,200
Speaker 4: they're always gonna love you for that. And even if

1177
01:07:57,400 --> 01:07:59,640
Speaker 4: if you don't have that constant reminder of them being

1178
01:07:59,680 --> 01:08:02,400
Speaker 4: there at the end of the night to like kind

1179
01:08:02,400 --> 01:08:05,800
Speaker 4: of show you what you're working for. I mean, you know,

1180
01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:10,439
Speaker 4: there's still there's still wherever they are and you're still

1181
01:08:10,440 --> 01:08:12,720
Speaker 4: wherever you are, and it's very important to just.

1182
01:08:14,200 --> 01:08:15,760
Speaker 2: Not go.

1183
01:08:17,320 --> 01:08:21,880
Speaker 4: The easy way out and slowly kind of destroy yourself

1184
01:08:21,880 --> 01:08:23,719
Speaker 4: and be like, well, there's nothing I can do because

1185
01:08:23,760 --> 01:08:25,280
Speaker 4: it was with their mom or they do this or

1186
01:08:25,280 --> 01:08:28,080
Speaker 4: they do that. But it's like, yeah, dude, I anytime

1187
01:08:28,080 --> 01:08:31,280
Speaker 4: you get to see your kids, make that opportunity. Don't

1188
01:08:31,360 --> 01:08:34,200
Speaker 4: don't just go oh, well shit, you know, maybe I'll

1189
01:08:34,240 --> 01:08:35,599
Speaker 4: just only see him for an hour. Maybe I'll only

1190
01:08:35,640 --> 01:08:37,920
Speaker 4: see them for two. Well all right, fuck it, see

1191
01:08:38,000 --> 01:08:39,320
Speaker 4: them for an hour, see them for two, take a

1192
01:08:39,360 --> 01:08:42,760
Speaker 4: little fucking park, you know. Do it, because I know

1193
01:08:42,760 --> 01:08:45,200
Speaker 4: there's some people that are that make themselves victims where

1194
01:08:45,200 --> 01:08:48,640
Speaker 4: they're like, oh, you know, I I only see my

1195
01:08:48,680 --> 01:08:50,840
Speaker 4: kid on Monday, and it's like, well, why why work

1196
01:08:50,880 --> 01:08:53,759
Speaker 4: every other day? And I get tired and it's like, okay, dude,

1197
01:08:54,320 --> 01:08:56,640
Speaker 4: I do it too. Everybody does too. But that's not

1198
01:08:56,760 --> 01:08:59,400
Speaker 4: a fucking excuse to not to not you know, like

1199
01:08:59,760 --> 01:09:02,519
Speaker 4: I don't know that you can't just like play your

1200
01:09:02,520 --> 01:09:05,519
Speaker 4: part by by contributing money and one day out of

1201
01:09:05,560 --> 01:09:08,840
Speaker 4: the week, like you know, but but put every effort

1202
01:09:08,840 --> 01:09:14,639
Speaker 4: that you can to be a good dad. Sometimes. Yeah, absolutely,

1203
01:09:14,680 --> 01:09:16,360
Speaker 4: And I'm sorry I keep sucking ranting and.

1204
01:09:18,280 --> 01:09:20,360
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, it's okay. I I have a

1205
01:09:20,400 --> 01:09:23,920
Speaker 1: lot of respect for the for everything you just said,

1206
01:09:23,920 --> 01:09:25,479
Speaker 1: I think you're doing a great fucking job. Man. I

1207
01:09:26,040 --> 01:09:27,000
Speaker 1: have a lot of respect for you.

1208
01:09:28,760 --> 01:09:31,719
Speaker 4: Thank you, dude. I appreciate you too, and I respect

1209
01:09:31,760 --> 01:09:33,560
Speaker 4: what you do as well because, uh, you know it,

1210
01:09:34,360 --> 01:09:36,040
Speaker 4: this has helped a lot for sure.

1211
01:09:36,360 --> 01:09:36,479
Speaker 2: Uh.

1212
01:09:36,600 --> 01:09:38,400
Speaker 4: Personally, they just get it off by just and to

1213
01:09:38,600 --> 01:09:42,000
Speaker 4: uh I guess feel feel heard in the very specific

1214
01:09:42,400 --> 01:09:45,720
Speaker 4: uh way and topic. And uh you do that for

1215
01:09:45,720 --> 01:09:47,200
Speaker 4: for more than just me, you know, you do that

1216
01:09:47,240 --> 01:09:50,360
Speaker 4: for every person who calls. And sometimes you just give

1217
01:09:50,439 --> 01:09:53,120
Speaker 4: less a laughs and sometimes that's that's all you need,

1218
01:09:53,439 --> 01:09:57,479
Speaker 4: you know. It's like the ridiculousness of it all, like

1219
01:09:58,120 --> 01:10:00,519
Speaker 4: that I'm talking about this. Yesterday, I was about how

1220
01:10:01,000 --> 01:10:04,080
Speaker 4: I wonder if at petting Zoos they make you sign

1221
01:10:04,120 --> 01:10:06,120
Speaker 4: a waiver saying you might get chlamydia, or if they

1222
01:10:06,120 --> 01:10:08,880
Speaker 4: test the koalas for chlamydia before letting them in the

1223
01:10:08,880 --> 01:10:13,040
Speaker 4: petting zoos. And you know, like you need a perfect

1224
01:10:13,080 --> 01:10:17,040
Speaker 4: little balance of both taking life seriously and and thinking

1225
01:10:17,040 --> 01:10:19,080
Speaker 4: about kohala is and chlamydia.

1226
01:10:19,640 --> 01:10:22,479
Speaker 1: And and with that and with that, I think we'll

1227
01:10:22,600 --> 01:10:27,200
Speaker 1: end the call. Good luck, dude, man, Thank you for sharing. Man,

1228
01:10:27,240 --> 01:10:27,960
Speaker 1: I appreciate it.

1229
01:10:28,720 --> 01:10:33,200
Speaker 4: No, absolutely, yeah, uh, thank you. Uh, get blessed. I

1230
01:10:33,200 --> 01:10:34,519
Speaker 4: guess this is what you say at the time, So

1231
01:10:34,560 --> 01:10:35,880
Speaker 4: I'll say.

1232
01:10:35,680 --> 01:10:37,240
Speaker 1: They take care of Jude, get blessed, brother.

1233
01:10:38,040 --> 01:10:40,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you, Bye bye, Okay.

1234
01:10:41,960 --> 01:10:43,680
Speaker 1: I like that guy, Man, that guy is a real

1235
01:10:43,720 --> 01:10:46,719
Speaker 1: sweet dude. I'm I was just blowing smoke up as ass.

1236
01:10:46,720 --> 01:10:46,920
Speaker 2: Either.

1237
01:10:46,960 --> 01:10:49,880
Speaker 1: I really do I respect him, irish, I respect anyone

1238
01:10:49,880 --> 01:10:53,160
Speaker 1: of was fucking uh And like I really have a

1239
01:10:53,160 --> 01:10:55,120
Speaker 1: lot of respect for anyone who has kids that aren't

1240
01:10:55,240 --> 01:10:58,240
Speaker 1: like actively in their life and like taking care of them.

1241
01:10:58,280 --> 01:11:02,799
Speaker 1: Like it's not fucking easy. Uh, it's not an easy

1242
01:11:02,880 --> 01:11:05,880
Speaker 1: pledge to take either, you know. I mean it's a

1243
01:11:05,920 --> 01:11:08,960
Speaker 1: lot of responsibility that feels like like I don't know, man,

1244
01:11:09,000 --> 01:11:13,800
Speaker 1: like I was twenty now he's about my He's not

1245
01:11:13,840 --> 01:11:14,719
Speaker 1: that much younger.

1246
01:11:14,720 --> 01:11:14,960
Speaker 2: Than me.

1247
01:11:15,120 --> 01:11:17,920
Speaker 1: But people with kids, I'm always just like, that's a

1248
01:11:18,000 --> 01:11:20,320
Speaker 1: real adult. I really don't feel I feel like if

1249
01:11:20,400 --> 01:11:26,280
Speaker 1: I really do feel like the only way I see myself,

1250
01:11:26,880 --> 01:11:29,080
Speaker 1: I'm like the only way I feel like like real

1251
01:11:29,120 --> 01:11:33,719
Speaker 1: adults have, like you know, I guess answer to things

1252
01:11:34,280 --> 01:11:39,400
Speaker 1: outside of themselves. So and I've I got to I

1253
01:11:39,439 --> 01:11:41,040
Speaker 1: got a lot of respect and it doesn't always have

1254
01:11:41,040 --> 01:11:41,960
Speaker 1: to be a kid. But I got a lot of

1255
01:11:41,960 --> 01:11:47,720
Speaker 1: respect for folks like Jude, you know, doing their thing.

1256
01:11:50,960 --> 01:11:52,400
Speaker 1: Thank you for thank you for sharing with us.

1257
01:11:52,479 --> 01:11:55,560
Speaker 2: Jude. Hello, are you the get go?

1258
01:11:56,400 --> 01:11:58,760
Speaker 1: I am the gecko? I am the gecko? Who are you?

1259
01:11:59,040 --> 01:11:59,760
Speaker 1: What's going on?

1260
01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:04,200
Speaker 3: I'm Maggie and I'm crashing out?

1261
01:12:04,840 --> 01:12:08,360
Speaker 1: Well you're crashing out? Okay, Well, first of all, nice

1262
01:12:08,360 --> 01:12:13,599
Speaker 1: to meet you digitally, Maggie. Why are you crashing out?

1263
01:12:14,280 --> 01:12:15,520
Speaker 3: My cat has asthma?

1264
01:12:16,640 --> 01:12:17,839
Speaker 1: Your cat has asma.

1265
01:12:19,160 --> 01:12:21,439
Speaker 3: She has asthma, and I just s meant five hundred

1266
01:12:21,479 --> 01:12:23,599
Speaker 3: dollars to get her drugs to fix her asthma.

1267
01:12:24,360 --> 01:12:26,600
Speaker 1: That's really nice of you. Did you get her like

1268
01:12:26,640 --> 01:12:28,840
Speaker 1: a cute like cat Inhaler?

1269
01:12:30,520 --> 01:12:30,720
Speaker 4: Oh?

1270
01:12:30,800 --> 01:12:33,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's been on me inhaler. But that does not work.

1271
01:12:36,439 --> 01:12:37,360
Speaker 1: You know what's crazy?

1272
01:12:37,439 --> 01:12:37,559
Speaker 2: Is.

1273
01:12:37,600 --> 01:12:40,160
Speaker 1: I would think cats don't even need that much air.

1274
01:12:40,200 --> 01:12:42,960
Speaker 1: They're pretty tiny people, so they don't even need that

1275
01:12:43,040 --> 01:12:44,639
Speaker 1: much air. It's crazy they can get asthma.

1276
01:12:46,200 --> 01:12:50,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think she just has like a will to

1277
01:12:50,960 --> 01:12:53,479
Speaker 3: die and for me to spend money on keeping her

1278
01:12:53,479 --> 01:12:55,880
Speaker 3: from dying. It's like a fun game we play.

1279
01:12:56,400 --> 01:13:02,920
Speaker 1: Interesting. Why do you think your cat wants to die?

1280
01:13:03,120 --> 01:13:03,599
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1281
01:13:03,680 --> 01:13:06,320
Speaker 3: I think when she was like burst into the world,

1282
01:13:06,439 --> 01:13:12,519
Speaker 3: she got my genetic anxiety. So maybe it's like that.

1283
01:13:14,960 --> 01:13:17,840
Speaker 1: Do you want to die? That's a load of questions.

1284
01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:24,880
Speaker 3: No, I just have genetic anxiety, you.

1285
01:13:24,840 --> 01:13:28,200
Speaker 1: Know, and you believe that your anxiety is so bad

1286
01:13:28,240 --> 01:13:30,360
Speaker 1: you can pass it on to your animals.

1287
01:13:32,080 --> 01:13:36,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, when she was burst into this.

1288
01:13:36,000 --> 01:13:42,439
Speaker 1: World, that sucks, like being a therapy animal, but like

1289
01:13:42,880 --> 01:13:47,240
Speaker 1: the person's mental illness rubs off on you, you know what

1290
01:13:47,240 --> 01:13:50,599
Speaker 1: I mean. Like if you're like a golden retriever, you're

1291
01:13:50,640 --> 01:13:54,280
Speaker 1: like a golden retriever and you're assigned to make this

1292
01:13:54,400 --> 01:13:57,960
Speaker 1: kid feel less anxious, but instead the dog is like,

1293
01:13:58,000 --> 01:13:59,599
Speaker 1: do this kid's stressing me out?

1294
01:14:00,600 --> 01:14:00,840
Speaker 2: You know?

1295
01:14:01,560 --> 01:14:05,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, it kind of sucks, but like she she

1296
01:14:05,080 --> 01:14:07,679
Speaker 3: does enjoy the saltiness of a tear so I think

1297
01:14:07,680 --> 01:14:08,800
Speaker 3: it's like it's good for her.

1298
01:14:09,240 --> 01:14:12,400
Speaker 1: Does she lick your tears when you get upset?

1299
01:14:12,800 --> 01:14:14,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's like she's pretty baller.

1300
01:14:15,040 --> 01:14:19,000
Speaker 1: Wow, you feed your dog, No, you're not your fucking dog.

1301
01:14:19,280 --> 01:14:23,280
Speaker 1: You feed your cat your own sadness.

1302
01:14:24,120 --> 01:14:26,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it like makes her stronger.

1303
01:14:27,360 --> 01:14:34,799
Speaker 1: That's fucking powerful. Ooh m, your cat is fucking asthma.

1304
01:14:35,520 --> 01:14:38,000
Speaker 1: I think you're lying. Yeah, your cat has asthma. I

1305
01:14:38,000 --> 01:14:38,519
Speaker 1: don't know why I.

1306
01:14:38,520 --> 01:14:42,559
Speaker 3: Said that, dead ass, while dead ass, I.

1307
01:14:42,479 --> 01:14:44,000
Speaker 1: Don't know why I said that. That would be a

1308
01:14:44,040 --> 01:14:51,560
Speaker 1: lame thing for you to lie about. Well, Maggie, Uh,

1309
01:14:52,080 --> 01:14:54,760
Speaker 1: you don't listen, Maggie. We can keep talking about other ship.

1310
01:14:54,840 --> 01:14:57,000
Speaker 1: We could end it right here if you have something

1311
01:14:57,000 --> 01:14:59,679
Speaker 1: else you want to talk about. I don't know if

1312
01:14:59,720 --> 01:15:04,040
Speaker 1: we fully covered the topic of your cat have an asthma.

1313
01:15:04,080 --> 01:15:07,840
Speaker 1: If we didn't, we can keep diving into that. I'm

1314
01:15:07,840 --> 01:15:09,120
Speaker 1: gonna let you take the floor here.

1315
01:15:11,920 --> 01:15:17,599
Speaker 3: Oh god, I mean I think the the cat asthma

1316
01:15:17,640 --> 01:15:18,479
Speaker 3: has been covered.

1317
01:15:19,640 --> 01:15:22,639
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, do you have Do you have asthma?

1318
01:15:24,560 --> 01:15:25,680
Speaker 3: I don't think so.

1319
01:15:29,400 --> 01:15:31,479
Speaker 1: You should? You should? That should be something that you

1320
01:15:31,720 --> 01:15:36,360
Speaker 1: know or don't. No, no, no, I'm gonna go that's

1321
01:15:36,479 --> 01:15:38,080
Speaker 1: not something that you know, or that should be something

1322
01:15:38,080 --> 01:15:40,439
Speaker 1: that you know, whether or not. That's what I meant to.

1323
01:15:40,400 --> 01:15:42,920
Speaker 3: Say, and I'm gonna say no for the for the

1324
01:15:43,000 --> 01:15:43,639
Speaker 3: me asthma.

1325
01:15:44,880 --> 01:15:47,599
Speaker 1: Beautiful Meg, is there anything else you want to say

1326
01:15:47,600 --> 01:15:49,000
Speaker 1: to the people of the computer before we go?

1327
01:15:51,960 --> 01:15:52,280
Speaker 3: Uh?

1328
01:15:52,760 --> 01:15:53,120
Speaker 2: Fuck it?

1329
01:15:53,160 --> 01:15:59,160
Speaker 3: We all get bitches, get money, don't have asthma. Thank you, Maggie,

1330
01:16:00,439 --> 01:16:01,599
Speaker 3: of course, Thank you, Lyle.

1331
01:16:02,200 --> 01:16:05,360
Speaker 2: Never be Ken goes on the line taking your phone

1332
01:16:05,360 --> 01:16:06,320
Speaker 2: calls every night.

1333
01:16:06,680 --> 01:16:08,559
Speaker 1: Never Pinken goes through his eye.

1334
01:16:08,680 --> 01:16:09,360
Speaker 2: He's teaching you

1335
01:16:09,360 --> 01:16:12,439
Speaker 3: A cloud to live your life, but he's not really

1336
01:16:12,600 --> 01:16:14,080
Speaker 3: an expert.