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Speaker 1: Take a deep breath in through your nose. Hold it.

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Speaker 2: Now, release slowly again deep in helle hold release, repeating

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Speaker 2: internally to yourself as you connect to my voice. I

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Speaker 2: am deeply, deeply well. I am deeply well. I am deeply.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: I'm Debbie Brown and this is the Deeply Well Podcast.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Deeply Well, a soft place to land in

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Speaker 2: your journey. A podcast for those that are curious, creative,

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Speaker 2: and ready to expand in higher consciousness and self care.

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Speaker 2: This is where we heal, This is.

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Speaker 1: Where we need become.

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Speaker 2: This is Debbie Brown. Today we are diving into some

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Speaker 2: conversation about friendship. I have been thinking quite a bit

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Speaker 2: about the transformations in my friendships and the growth, the expansion,

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Speaker 2: the releasing that has really gone on, especially in the

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Speaker 2: last four years really since the pandemic hit, and I

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Speaker 2: wanted to explore with you some of my practices that

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Speaker 2: I've been using for the last few years. So we're

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Speaker 2: going to dive into that for this episode. It is

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Speaker 2: all about friendship. It is all about how to actually

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Speaker 2: understand who to prioritize and how to prioritize, and most importantly,

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Speaker 2: how to be the person that you take care first.

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Speaker 2: So we're going to kind of talk about that in

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Speaker 2: some of the lenses of perception that we may have

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Speaker 2: around being in community with other people. Before we get there,

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Speaker 2: I want to just do a quick check in big

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Speaker 2: thanks to everybody that has hit us up on the

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Speaker 2: Deeply Well Instagram page. It's at Deeply Well Pod and

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Speaker 2: we've been growing there and having some posts and you know,

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Speaker 2: conversations and stories. Whenever I talk about social media, I

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Speaker 2: feel like I sound like one of, you know, someone

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Speaker 2: who didn't grow up with it. I'm like, oh, so

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Speaker 2: we're twittering? What are we doing now? But yeah, so

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Speaker 2: thank you Deeply Well Pod. We've been really growing that

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Speaker 2: community over there, so I've been loving all the dms

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Speaker 2: and all the tags that we've been getting. We're trying

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Speaker 2: to get some cool stuff to really engage over there.

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Speaker 2: So that is coming. And you know, before I started

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Speaker 2: recording this episode today, I saw a video on my

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Speaker 2: phone that really blew me away. It was some kind

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Speaker 2: of in paid advertisement. This is not I just saw

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Speaker 2: it so I'm talking about it, but it was a

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Speaker 2: paid advertisement between Joey Badass and Bumble and it was

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Speaker 2: him with an excellent microphone reading a poem to black women,

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Speaker 2: and it was like it stopped me in my tracks

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Speaker 2: the second it started playing. The audio quality, I'm like,

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Speaker 2: oh god, I'm so into voices and great microphones. I

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Speaker 2: used to work on radios, so it's definitely I have

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Speaker 2: a very strong discerning ear for music and for sound

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Speaker 2: and voices. But the way they recorded that, it like

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Speaker 2: gets into the core of your brain and your heart,

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Speaker 2: and it was just so beautiful, Like I really sat

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Speaker 2: there and let myself take it in. So anyone that

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Speaker 2: feels called it was like a collab post on both

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Speaker 2: their pages. So if you follow Joey Badass or Bumble,

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Speaker 2: I think you'll be able to see it there. But

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Speaker 2: if you choose to go listen to it, let yourself

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Speaker 2: watch it, hear it, do it again with your eyes closed.

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Speaker 2: It was really meaningful. I really appreciated that. It was

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Speaker 2: really beautiful and it felt really nourishing. So shout out

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Speaker 2: Joey Badass and Bumble for that excellent collaboration. So let's

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Speaker 2: dive into this episode. People, priorities, and friends. Some years back,

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Speaker 2: I would really say, this was quite a while ago.

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Speaker 2: I would say probably when I was still working in broadcasting,

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Speaker 2: maybe ten years ago. It was really at the height

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Speaker 2: of this kind of like bro cis networking, Like the

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Speaker 2: zeitgeist of the time was very much around, you know, networking,

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Speaker 2: and everybody is you know, you want to grow your

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Speaker 2: network and you want to know everybody and all that stuff.

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Speaker 2: And you know, I've really found that in my life,

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Speaker 2: and I'm sure so many others resonate that's not really necessary.

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Speaker 2: You know, I listen when God speaks to me, and

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Speaker 2: so my focus is really on my own work and

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Speaker 2: myself and my life. And God has always just aligned

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Speaker 2: me or given me the opportunity to rise in a

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Speaker 2: capacity when I'm connected with someone that I'm supposed to

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Speaker 2: be working with. And so I kind of like it

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Speaker 2: that way a lot more. And I've always kind of

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Speaker 2: been that way. I'm not a super big organizations person,

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Speaker 2: probably because I'm an only child, but I'm definitely an extrovert.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, I just I love to do my own thing,

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Speaker 2: and I love to have community and socialize, but I'm

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Speaker 2: really thrilled to kind of follow my own path in

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Speaker 2: a lot of different ways. So I remember around that time,

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Speaker 2: I really start questioning the way that everyone was talking

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Speaker 2: to each other on social media and in person. It

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Speaker 2: just seemed like everyone was so over the top ingratiating themselves,

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Speaker 2: but it didn't feel authentic. You know. It's like everyone

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Speaker 2: was saying, I'm so grateful, I'm so honored, I'm so

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Speaker 2: but it felt so performative, and it was, you know,

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Speaker 2: I would just kind of observe how people do that

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Speaker 2: with people they hardly knew, and it just it was

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Speaker 2: giving so much value to relationships that hadn't even begun

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Speaker 2: to form yet, you know. And I was just kind

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Speaker 2: of observing that without judgment. And I really I remember

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Speaker 2: I wanted to be so diligent when I started noticing

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Speaker 2: that that if I said someone was with my friend,

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Speaker 2: they were my friend. I'm not a person that calls

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Speaker 2: everybody bro and sis again only child, so I don't.

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Speaker 1: Even like that.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, that's not my experience, though I don't know

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Speaker 2: what siblings are like. But yeah, so I'm not a

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Speaker 2: big bro sis person unless you are really that deeply

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Speaker 2: connected in my life. I like, I like for things

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Speaker 2: to be true, you know, And I think we don't

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Speaker 2: have to upsell everything all the time. Sometimes there's beauty

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Speaker 2: and being like, oh that's a new friend we actually

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Speaker 2: just met, but we clicked, I really like them, instead

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Speaker 2: of being like, oh yay, yeah that's my girl, that's

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Speaker 2: my girl. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah we talk, we're connected.

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Speaker 2: You know. It's like, I just like the truth of things.

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Speaker 2: I want to feel things the way they actually are.

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Speaker 2: I want to see, I want to sense, I want

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Speaker 2: to hear, I want to smell. I want to you know,

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Speaker 2: be with things the way they actually are, because that's

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Speaker 2: the point. So some years back, I really I really

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Speaker 2: started being just a little bit more more diligent with that,

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Speaker 2: you know. I didn't want to get wrapped up in that,

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Speaker 2: or if somebody kind of was like overly claiming me

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Speaker 2: in a way that felt beneficial to them but wasn't

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Speaker 2: true for me, I would just kind of call that out,

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Speaker 2: you know, in a very subtle way and just say, yeah,

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Speaker 2: well I don't really know them that well actually, but

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Speaker 2: yeah we met, you know, but just clarifying. I want

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Speaker 2: to be clear, you know, because ultimately it's when it

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Speaker 2: kind of comes down to it and we're seeing that

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Speaker 2: a lot now you don't really know who people are,

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Speaker 2: so you kind of got to be careful with that

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Speaker 2: in a few different ways. I'm gonna go a little

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Speaker 2: bit left right now. But I was watching a story yesterday, sorry,

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Speaker 2: reading an article yesterday that oh god, it just gutted

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Speaker 2: my soul. There is this story out about a YouTube

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Speaker 2: mom who was coming out with all these YouTube videos,

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Speaker 2: all this social media content, being a mother with her

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Speaker 2: multiple children. Oh god, and you know, it just turned

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Speaker 2: out that she was abusing them. And she had all

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Speaker 2: these followers, right she had this very bright face, bright smile.

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Speaker 2: And that's what's always kind of to me about social

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Speaker 2: media too. You know, beauty does not equate goodness. Liability

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Speaker 2: does not equate goodness. You know, someone being able to

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Speaker 2: relate to someone else, it does not equate goodness. But

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Speaker 2: yet everyone is constantly giving away their power, having this

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Speaker 2: kind of bizarre worship of people for really kind of

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Speaker 2: obscure reasons that have nothing to do with their actual

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Speaker 2: character or how they show up or the consistency of

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Speaker 2: the way that they show up. And so I'm always

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Speaker 2: just kind of observing that in general in our society,

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Speaker 2: it's I don't dig it at all. I don't dig

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Speaker 2: it at all. And so, you know, she had amassed

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Speaker 2: all these followers, and you know, people are people project

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Speaker 2: so you see something for whatever reasons you're drawn to it,

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Speaker 2: attracted to it. We follow people for such a multitude

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Speaker 2: of reasons, but then you know, it's like you're pouring

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Speaker 2: your heart out, you're celebrating everything she posts, You're you're

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Speaker 2: following her advice. And she was abusing her children. Her

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Speaker 2: youngest son was able to escape and found help. The

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Speaker 2: police came. They saw that she had been chaining them

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Speaker 2: up in the house, that they had lacerations, and she

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Speaker 2: was putting cayenne pepper and honey into their open wounds. Ugh, Like,

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Speaker 2: it's just sick, It's just sick. It's just sick. Be discerning,

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Speaker 2: you know. We really got to just stop pouring energy

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Speaker 2: and good faith and good will into things without actually

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Speaker 2: vetting it, without actually kind of checking in with ourselves,

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Speaker 2: Like why am I so drawn to this anyway? Sorry,

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Speaker 2: y'all messing with kids? There's just there is nothing that

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Speaker 2: gets that can destroy me more, or gets under my

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Speaker 2: skin more, or just kind of takes me out of

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Speaker 2: myself more. We have to protect our children and we

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Speaker 2: have to step in, and you know, gratefully that was

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Speaker 2: done here. I'm kind of going on a tangent now,

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Speaker 2: so I'll reel it back in. But she ultimately was

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Speaker 2: sentenced to sixty years in jail. Right, So clearly she

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Speaker 2: has some disorders happening and some delusions happening. So she's

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Speaker 2: in jail. God speed exactly what she needs and deserves.

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Speaker 2: So to that point, good Lord, let me fill it

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Speaker 2: back in. So I'm just I'm observing that a lot.

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Speaker 2: I see that a lot, and I think one of

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Speaker 2: the reasons I'm drawn to noticing that, especially when it

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Speaker 2: comes to social media relationships now, because that's really that's

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Speaker 2: become a whole category in and of itself, you know,

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Speaker 2: I just think it's really important to check in, like

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Speaker 2: is this person in your life, in your actual life, right?

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Speaker 2: Like we're meant to learn through relationship. That's one of

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Speaker 2: the ways God changes us and speaks to us. It's

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Speaker 2: one of the ways that the universe really one of

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Speaker 2: the biggest and most profound ways that the universe lets

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Speaker 2: you know what your work is, lets you know, gives

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Speaker 2: you feedback on your choices. And so if we're not

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Speaker 2: having real relationship in the world for those that are able,

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Speaker 2: I know, there's also a multitude of barriers to that

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Speaker 2: for so many different reasons. So this isn't judgment but

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Speaker 2: if that is something that is a part of your life,

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Speaker 2: you know, being able to be in the world with

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Speaker 2: other people, it's just really important that we honor that

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Speaker 2: human experience and that humanity and that you build in

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Speaker 2: real life. And you know, I think in the last

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Speaker 2: kind of fifteen years of social media really growing in

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Speaker 2: the way that it has, and definitely in the last

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Speaker 2: probably ten to twelve years of Instagram, you know, that's

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Speaker 2: really getting lost. And I think I'm noticing that there

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Speaker 2: is quite a bit of delusion present with people in

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Speaker 2: what their relationships actually are and who knows them and

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Speaker 2: what that means. And you know, being able to have

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Speaker 2: real experience and practice with give and receive in a

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Speaker 2: meaningful way that extends past you know, likes and celebratory

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Speaker 2: comments or you know, memes. So our humanity, you know,

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Speaker 2: our humanity looking at those relationships and so those you know,

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Speaker 2: that time ago, when I really started taking that more seriously,

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Speaker 2: I kind of have been. That's been such a beautiful

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Speaker 2: unfolding for me because I really feel profoundly connected to

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Speaker 2: the people that I'm connected to, which also provides such

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Speaker 2: an element of stability and groundedness and the rest of

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Speaker 2: your life right if you're not, if you have the

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Speaker 2: relationships that nourish you and that are mirrors for you

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Speaker 2: and that are reciprocal for you, and that stretch you

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Speaker 2: and teach you and grow you and give you opportunity

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Speaker 2: to do that with others your life, you know, in

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Speaker 2: relation to all the other things happening, it feels a

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Speaker 2: lot more established, right. You're not grasping for things, You're

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Speaker 2: not kind of existing in a space of lack because

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Speaker 2: there are other cups that are full. So something's not

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Speaker 2: going right in career, you have other cups that are full.

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Speaker 2: Somebody's not, you know, going great with family or with love.

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Speaker 2: You have so many other cups that are full. So

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Speaker 2: the authenticity, the depth of relationship, it's something we all

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Speaker 2: have to work towards, right. I think for very few

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Speaker 2: people is it innately easy and are they already on

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Speaker 2: the path where they're meeting equally yoked people and good

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Speaker 2: people right, because there's a real barrier to that. You're

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Speaker 2: only as good as the choices you have access to.

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Speaker 2: But it's important to really, I believe, push ourselves to

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Speaker 2: stretch ourselves to have meaningful intimacy with other people, and

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Speaker 2: especially that extends past romance. It is why we're here

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Speaker 2: and we need it. And you know, hopefully at some point,

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Speaker 2: all of the looking on social media, all of the

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Speaker 2: carent you know, the perceiving, the assuming, it's going to

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Speaker 2: change form. And so it's so important to be investing

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Speaker 2: in your real life and not just your online life.

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Speaker 2: No one is going to remember the stuff you post,

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Speaker 2: even the stuff that gets a million clicks, because what

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Speaker 2: does that even mean anymore? So many people, millions of

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Speaker 2: people get a million clicks, right, So it's out of balance,

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Speaker 2: so there's not a real specialness to that anymore. Now

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Speaker 2: we're just feeding something for what exactly. So that was

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Speaker 2: my first dive into I be talking, That was my

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Speaker 2: first kind of dive into really exploring like I want

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Speaker 2: to have the most authenticity present as possible, and I

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Speaker 2: want to make sure that I am present with also

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Speaker 2: the way other people are connecting themselves. So that is

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Speaker 2: one way that I look at things, and I think

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Speaker 2: another way that I look at friendship and relationship is

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Speaker 2: we have to really be clear about what we have

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Speaker 2: time for. So these were some of my thoughts going

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Speaker 2: into the process. I'm gonna teach in a second, but

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Speaker 2: what do we really have time for in relationship with

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Speaker 2: other people, because sometimes, you know, we can leak our

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Speaker 2: energy when we're just getting so wrapped up and being

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Speaker 2: in connection with high volumes of people, especially high volumes

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Speaker 2: of people, if the quality isn't matching. And I know,

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Speaker 2: you know, all of our lives are shaped differently. So

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Speaker 2: for some people you have legions and legions of friends

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Speaker 2: and connections. For other people, you might have a really

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Speaker 2: tight knit, close group that you've known for a long time.

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Speaker 2: And for some other people, you know, it may be,

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Speaker 2: for whatever reasons, more of a solitary kind of experience

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Speaker 2: at this this lifetime or this moment in life. And

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Speaker 2: I'm definitely one of the one of those people because

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Speaker 2: I've lived a lot of lives in this life, moved

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Speaker 2: a ton, worked in a bunch of different industries, and

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Speaker 2: you know, I'm an extrovert. I'm a double Gemini, so

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Speaker 2: i'd be talking just like on this show. You know,

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Speaker 2: I have a lot, a lot, a lot of people

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Speaker 2: in my life and I'm which has been interesting because

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Speaker 2: I'm also an only child raised by a single parent.

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Speaker 2: But I have a lot of friends, acquaintances, business associates,

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Speaker 2: you know, chosen family, just in my life and it's

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Speaker 2: not really possible to keep up in the deepest ways.

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Speaker 2: So I've had to be realistic with myself and realistic

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Speaker 2: with those closest to me about what's possible for me.

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Speaker 2: Because I do care about my connections deeply, and I

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Speaker 2: know how much they care about me. It nourishes me,

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Speaker 2: you know, to no end. But I've kind of had

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Speaker 2: to adopt a system with myself where I don't really

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Speaker 2: friend flirt. Like if I'm out and I'm in a

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Speaker 2: space where I'm meeting a lot of people, I can't

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Speaker 2: just be like, oh yeah, here's my number, here's my number,

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Speaker 2: or you know, oh yeah, yeah, let's follow each other

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Speaker 2: back because I know at this point in my life,

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Speaker 2: I don't really have space for a lot of new

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Speaker 2: deep connections. I have space to you know, connect, collaborate definitely,

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Speaker 2: like grow fondness, be really kind of supportive casual friends

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Speaker 2: or acquaintances. But my needs are really met in that

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Speaker 2: category of my life of community and friendship. And I'm

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Speaker 2: also a single mom and I have a business, so

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Speaker 2: my focus is on all of the blooming that currently present.

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Speaker 2: So that's just one of the ways that I kind

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Speaker 2: of try to look at it because I also want

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Speaker 2: to make sure that one I'm not leaking energy a

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Speaker 2: bunch of places, and two I'm not being insincere right

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Speaker 2: because you don't know where you know on their path

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Speaker 2: someone that's connecting to you is. So we want to,

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Speaker 2: you know, always give dignity to all involved and loved

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Speaker 2: all involved. But that's one way that I look at

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Speaker 2: approaching new situations. It's how much room do I actually

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Speaker 2: have in my life? And especially when you click deeply

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Speaker 2: with people, which is such a rare experience, you want

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Speaker 2: to make sure you have a room to accommodate.

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Speaker 1: That deeply well.

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Speaker 2: I think Also another way that I look at things

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Speaker 2: is what can I actually give? So looking at my

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Speaker 2: strengths as a friend, I'm not necessarily an everyday friend.

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Speaker 2: I'm that with a very very very few select people.

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Speaker 2: I'm not sit on the phone and talk friend. Very

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Speaker 2: very rare, rare people can I do that with. I'm

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Speaker 2: probably not someone that can text back right away, like

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Speaker 2: I need a nice little three days at least five

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Speaker 2: days sometimes to get back. But what I am is

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Speaker 2: I'm somebody that will get into trenches with you, like

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Speaker 2: that's really what my strength is. If there is something

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Speaker 2: going on, good bad, I will be so deeply present

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Speaker 2: in it with you. I'm present for real intimacy. I'm

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Speaker 2: present for you know, deep talks and connection. I'm present

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Speaker 2: for pleasure, for fun. But I also have a life

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Speaker 2: that requires a lot of me and so not necessarily

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Speaker 2: the everyday friend. And so I try to be very

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Speaker 2: honest with that because it's all just based on our

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Speaker 2: personal preference. Some people are some people love you know,

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Speaker 2: kind of talking all day every day, and so it's

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Speaker 2: just it's good to know our love languages as friends,

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Speaker 2: you know, and be clear with that. One of my

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Speaker 2: closest girlfriends actually, she is like such an extrovert and

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Speaker 2: just so special and sparkly and encouraging and you know,

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Speaker 2: always always connected like deeply to so many different people

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Speaker 2: at the same time. And we've just had to share conversation,

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Speaker 2: you know, and I say, I'm not like that, So

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Speaker 2: I just you know, let's let's give each of us

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Speaker 2: the dignity of our expression. Let's be clear. I love you,

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Speaker 2: I'm here for you always, but it's going to take

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Speaker 2: me a couple days to text you back. And you

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Speaker 2: have to know that that's not personal. And you have

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Speaker 2: to trust my heart, right like you have to trust

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Speaker 2: my character to know that I'm not mad at you,

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Speaker 2: I'm not avoiding you all the things. So having conversations

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Speaker 2: like that with our friends, it just deepened where we

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00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:59,240
Speaker 2: can go. And ultimately it's all just feedback and information.

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Speaker 2: So you know, if someone can't friend the way that

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00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:06,000
Speaker 2: you can feel the disappointment for a moment, but take

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Speaker 2: it as valuable feedback and plant that energy elsewhere. There

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Speaker 2: are nine billion people on this planet. If you are

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Speaker 2: not feeling deeply connected, supported, seen, and flow with giving

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Speaker 2: and receiving with the group of people in your life,

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Speaker 2: you have to take a chance on yourself. There are

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Speaker 2: nine billion people living right now. It's a big world.

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Speaker 2: It's a big world. There are other people out there,

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Speaker 2: all right. I want to get into the process that

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Speaker 2: I talked about. So this is a process that I

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Speaker 2: did that I really started the top of the pandemic

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Speaker 2: when I was exploring all the thoughts that I just shared,

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Speaker 2: and then I put it into action because something that

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Speaker 2: I realized was I am ready to go deeper with

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Speaker 2: some people in my life, and I am ready to

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Speaker 2: release the relationships that may have run their course, may

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00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 2: have never been healthy or may you know, just naturally,

364
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,800
Speaker 2: we're not in timing with each other and we're not

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Speaker 2: in flow. And so I have this process where I meditated.

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Speaker 2: I meditated on thoughts of friendship, and I asked God

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Speaker 2: to bring me clarity to the way that I experienced

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Speaker 2: friendship and community and to give me clear guidance on

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Speaker 2: the choices I should make. And so when I came

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Speaker 2: out of that meditation, I really started thinking about all

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Speaker 2: of the people in my.

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Speaker 1: Life, and.

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Speaker 2: I thought about friendships from the past. I thought about

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Speaker 2: situations where maybe I was hurt by a friend, or

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Speaker 2: there was some kind of betrayal present or some kind

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Speaker 2: of misunderstanding present. I thought about instances where I may

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Speaker 2: have not noticed the impact I was having on someone else.

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Speaker 2: And I just started kind of creating in my journal

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Speaker 2: these little piles, these little columns, these categories. And I

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Speaker 2: first divided it into categories of who do I own

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Speaker 2: apology to in my life? And I wrote down some names.

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Speaker 2: Then I created a category of who's hurt me right?

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Speaker 2: And I let myself write down some names and sit

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Speaker 2: and think about each experience. After I got all of

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Speaker 2: the words on paper, I went outside. My favorite thing,

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Speaker 2: and I kind of moon gazed for a little bit,

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Speaker 2: and I lit a candle and I started talking to God.

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Speaker 2: I got in prayer, and for every person on the

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Speaker 2: side of the list, no matter what the reason was,

390
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Speaker 2: if it was a misunderstanding, no matter if it was mutual,

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Speaker 2: anyone that I felt I wasn't who I am right

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Speaker 2: now with, I said prayer for and specifically my prayer

393
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 2: was for them, and then my prayer was, you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, Please forgive me, and I forgive you.

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Speaker 2: And then I released it, and I really gave myself

396
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 2: some real time to do that. I didn't speed through

397
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Speaker 2: the process. I kind of took some deep breaths. I

398
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 2: gave myself time to think about and remember the interaction

399
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Speaker 2: whatever I could recall. And then I closed my eyes

400
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:32,280
Speaker 2: and I prayed and I bowed to them. I did

401
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 2: the same thing with the people that it hurt me.

402
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,800
Speaker 2: So I thought about those instances. I thought about what

403
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,240
Speaker 2: it meant to me then, what it meant to me now.

404
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 2: I thought about who we were then you know what

405
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 2: life looks like now for each of us. And then

406
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Speaker 2: I did the same thing. I asked them for forgiveness

407
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:56,919
Speaker 2: for any way that I may have wronged them in

408
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Speaker 2: this lifetime or another, and then I told them that

409
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:05,640
Speaker 2: I forgave them for whatever they did in this lifetime

410
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:09,119
Speaker 2: or another. So that was week one. I kind of

411
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 2: settled into that, and then I let myself integrate that

412
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Speaker 2: experience and just kind of let thoughts continue to come

413
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Speaker 2: up over the next few weeks and just greet them,

414
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Speaker 2: explore them, release them all the things. The second part

415
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:27,120
Speaker 2: of this was in my journal. I made another list

416
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 2: and I wrote down everyone that I was in relationship

417
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 2: with in my life and whatever kind of way I

418
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 2: was in relationship with them, and I wrote down it

419
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 2: made categories of like what relationships felt good, what felt yoked,

420
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:46,800
Speaker 2: what relationships felt unequally yoked, whether that was through energy

421
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:50,680
Speaker 2: exchange given or receive, or the ways that we show

422
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 2: up in friendship, because that is something to look at.

423
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:57,159
Speaker 2: Even if someone is doing their best, it still may

424
00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 2: not be the best fit for you. It may not

425
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:01,480
Speaker 2: be the ideal friendship for you. It may be that

426
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,639
Speaker 2: the friendship is just out of balance and there is

427
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:08,280
Speaker 2: no way for you to kind of, you know, energetically

428
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:12,399
Speaker 2: be in harmony with one another. I looked at the

429
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:16,400
Speaker 2: relationships that I wanted to go deeper in. I looked

430
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 2: at the relationships that there was emotional intelligence present and

431
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:28,240
Speaker 2: relationships where it wasn't. I looked at the casual friendships,

432
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:32,320
Speaker 2: who do I love spending time with because you know,

433
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 2: we just connect, but we may not necessarily have you know,

434
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 2: deep conversations, but our time is valuable anyway, right, And

435
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:42,160
Speaker 2: then I looked at ones where it was like, what

436
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,640
Speaker 2: is too casual? Like what do I really not have

437
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,960
Speaker 2: time to keep up with? You know, I think especially

438
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:52,360
Speaker 2: as we're parents, we start to really look at, you know,

439
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:54,120
Speaker 2: what you have time for. So it's like, if I

440
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:57,479
Speaker 2: get one Saturday a month, I can't just catch up

441
00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:00,600
Speaker 2: with anybody on that Saturday, okay, and can't just be

442
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 2: something where you know, I needed to mean something. I

443
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:06,720
Speaker 2: need it. I need it to be nourishing. I need

444
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 2: it to be I need to be able to be

445
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:11,200
Speaker 2: really seen. I need to be able to be fully myself.

446
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:14,240
Speaker 2: I needed to be able to sink in deep right away. Right.

447
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:16,320
Speaker 2: So you look at like, what do you actually have

448
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 2: time for in friendship? How much time you actually spend

449
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 2: with friends? What does that look like? And you start

450
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:25,400
Speaker 2: taking stock of your friend life. So made the column

451
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 2: about casual friendships. Then I made the column about friends

452
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 2: who I have unfinished business with, whether it was something

453
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:36,800
Speaker 2: that happened fifteen years ago, ten years ago, five years ago,

454
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:40,560
Speaker 2: last week, but things happen that we never talked about,

455
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:43,800
Speaker 2: and we've been carrying it around big or small, right,

456
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:47,200
Speaker 2: but the things that kind of rub you the wrong

457
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:49,440
Speaker 2: way or give you a little bit of charge, or

458
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,200
Speaker 2: times that you felt disappointed. And I just wrote the

459
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 2: names down, also knowing that I may be you know,

460
00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 2: I may have my own reckoning when we start that conversation,

461
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:03,560
Speaker 2: and I set the intention that these are my kind

462
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 2: of on the fringe friendships where we can either go

463
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 2: way deeper or it might be time to part ways

464
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:13,080
Speaker 2: because our needs for friendship are really not being met

465
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 2: or you know, I'm tired of having this unsaid, unspoken

466
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:20,960
Speaker 2: unfinished business. So we we got to talk about it

467
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 2: and based on how we each receive that, you know,

468
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 2: that's information and will know how to move. And then

469
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 2: I told myself, I'm going to give myself the next

470
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 2: year to get to my answers on the questions that

471
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 2: I had. So for everyone, the intention was really who stays,

472
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:42,200
Speaker 2: who goes, you know, and not in any goic way, right,

473
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,200
Speaker 2: It's not about you not being able to be in

474
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,920
Speaker 2: my life. It's we both miss out, we both lose

475
00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 2: one another. You know, it's a privilege to be in connection.

476
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:53,160
Speaker 2: It's a privilege for both parties to be in a relationship,

477
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:57,360
Speaker 2: but it's also access that can be taken back. You know,

478
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 2: we can always kind of look over whatever these agreements

479
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,600
Speaker 2: are we have with other people, see what roles just

480
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,520
Speaker 2: don't fit anymore. You know, maybe, especially when you have

481
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 2: friends from early life, it could be like, you know,

482
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 2: the first half of the friendship, they were in the

483
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 2: kind of big brother big sister role. But life changed

484
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:19,320
Speaker 2: and so you don't like kind of playing like that

485
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,080
Speaker 2: anymore because it hasn't been that way in a long time.

486
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:25,000
Speaker 2: You know, you get to decide, you get to grow,

487
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:28,200
Speaker 2: you get to grow up, you get to meet each

488
00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:31,280
Speaker 2: other again. You know, in some of the best case scenarios,

489
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 2: part of me giving myself the year to do that

490
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 2: was also really exploring the conversations that you have to

491
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,719
Speaker 2: have about that, you know, and the boundaries that may

492
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,960
Speaker 2: need to be set, The way that you were going

493
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:50,480
Speaker 2: to share your truth with compassion, the way you're going

494
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:53,959
Speaker 2: to actively listen to someone else sharing their truth. You know,

495
00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 2: you got to approach it with all the depth that

496
00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:00,600
Speaker 2: you also require, especially with the people that you know

497
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:02,520
Speaker 2: you may not get it back from. I think that

498
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 2: is the greatest space that we can practice in. And

499
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 2: can I be who I say I am? Can I

500
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 2: behave how I say I behave? Can I give to

501
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 2: another what I want to receive even if they can't

502
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,640
Speaker 2: keep up right, even if they can't mirror that back

503
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 2: to me? And it's just so important that we do

504
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:25,240
Speaker 2: that because that's really where some of the deeper soul

505
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:30,680
Speaker 2: teaching happens. Sometimes you have to really in neutrality role

506
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 2: model the way that you want people to be with you.

507
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 2: It's important and so getting ready for those conversations and

508
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:41,840
Speaker 2: so over that next year, I just started approaching it

509
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 2: that way. I would reach out to a couple people

510
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 2: and say, hey, can we get together. I want to

511
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:48,920
Speaker 2: talk about a couple of things. Where I called some

512
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,960
Speaker 2: friends and said, hey, do you have space to kind

513
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:55,880
Speaker 2: of talk about us for a second, and then sat down,

514
00:32:56,000 --> 00:33:00,120
Speaker 2: got grounded, walked in with no expectations, which I think

515
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:02,600
Speaker 2: is a big piece of this puzzle too, because whenever

516
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:05,000
Speaker 2: you're ready to make radical change in your life. You

517
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 2: have to detach from the outcome. You have to say,

518
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 2: this could go either way, and I accept that, and

519
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:16,480
Speaker 2: so in those friendship conversations, that's what I did. And

520
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 2: you know, there were a couple people that I felt

521
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 2: weren't there for me in a way that I really

522
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:24,800
Speaker 2: would have liked in a time that I really needed it.

523
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:30,800
Speaker 2: And I felt like I require so little emotionally from friends.

524
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,280
Speaker 2: I'm kind of this, you know, I'm on my path.

525
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 2: I'm this fine tuned machine, so sometimes I don't really

526
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 2: require the same amount of processing that I may assist

527
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:44,640
Speaker 2: with for a friend. And so then, you know, part

528
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:48,320
Speaker 2: of what I experience is that people forget to ask

529
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 2: you if you're okay, or people forget to, you know,

530
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 2: kind of check in in whatever ways they're able to

531
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 2: show up for you because they're used to seeing you

532
00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 2: get through things. And so there were friends that I

533
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:04,719
Speaker 2: had to call and say, you know, I really felt

534
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:10,759
Speaker 2: so unsupported and it hurt. And some of the responses

535
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:15,920
Speaker 2: that you get back can be profoundly beautiful. I remember

536
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 2: I had one friend who I shared that with and

537
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 2: we ended up having the most beautiful conversation for almost

538
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:26,479
Speaker 2: two hours, and in that conversation I was really able

539
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 2: to remember all the ways that in other stages of life,

540
00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:32,640
Speaker 2: this was a long term friend, she had shown up

541
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:38,319
Speaker 2: for me like powerfully, beautifully, generously, and I was able

542
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 2: to kind of reel it back in, you know, and

543
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 2: be like, I was going through something that you know,

544
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 2: maybe the majority of people I know don't have practice

545
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:50,920
Speaker 2: and understanding, So is there a space for that to

546
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,480
Speaker 2: be okay? You know, and can I voice what I

547
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:56,279
Speaker 2: need now? And so with a few friends it was

548
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 2: just that, and now our friendship is like better than

549
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,400
Speaker 2: I would have ever dreamed that. I'm so grateful that

550
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 2: we both kind of had the courage to face it.

551
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:09,120
Speaker 2: And then I had other friends that got defensive. I

552
00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:13,640
Speaker 2: had some friends that you know, we just felt like

553
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:21,880
Speaker 2: it was okay to let go. You know, it felt

554
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 2: really good in all the ways that that showed up

555
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:28,280
Speaker 2: for me in my life. It felt really really good,

556
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 2: and it led to creating space, real space.

557
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 1: Deeply well.

558
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 2: So in that year time span, I investigated that with

559
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:45,560
Speaker 2: a lot of different kinds of people.

560
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 3: I had a lot of conversations. It said a lot,

561
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:53,799
Speaker 3: I heard a lot, had a lot of prayer for

562
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:57,399
Speaker 3: just the cleanliness of the breaks. You know that any

563
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:00,680
Speaker 3: break that happened with anyone in my life, that it

564
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 3: could be done with dignity, with respect, with honor, with grace,

565
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:08,200
Speaker 3: with an appreciation for whatever time we spent together, whatever

566
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:09,399
Speaker 3: we learned from each other.

567
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,759
Speaker 2: And that felt good. That really settled my heart and

568
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:15,120
Speaker 2: spirit and kind of a lot of space of like

569
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:20,400
Speaker 2: I can I can really see you from afar and smile,

570
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,920
Speaker 2: you know, and feel happy for you and feel you know,

571
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:26,920
Speaker 2: grateful for you. But also know that we don't have

572
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,080
Speaker 2: to be an active friendship or partnership anymore. You know

573
00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 2: that that's not what our path is at this time.

574
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:34,799
Speaker 2: But if I run into you, can we can I

575
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:35,680
Speaker 2: give you a big hug?

576
00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:36,040
Speaker 1: Can I?

577
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:40,239
Speaker 2: You know? So in that year that I did.

578
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:44,399
Speaker 1: That, I shed a lot a lot of.

579
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 2: Connections and I created a lot of space for God

580
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 2: to walk into my life, the connections that really are

581
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 2: aligned with who I am in this moment. And again,

582
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:00,600
Speaker 2: in most cases, it's not good or beat. It's not

583
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:03,520
Speaker 2: like new friends were better than the old, but it's

584
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:07,799
Speaker 2: just that we changed so much and it is so

585
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 2: important to be in alignment with who we are with

586
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:13,160
Speaker 2: the calling on our lives with the time, you know.

587
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:18,040
Speaker 2: So in that space I met some new friends that

588
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:21,680
Speaker 2: have become some of the closest people in my life.

589
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 2: I had space to just try new things, to have

590
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:28,040
Speaker 2: more time for myself to try on some new hobbies,

591
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:30,239
Speaker 2: and also in the midst of doing all of that,

592
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:33,880
Speaker 2: I did a massive social media purge. So this is

593
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 2: probably three years ago now, but I always take big

594
00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 2: breaks from social media, typically in the winter, and so

595
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:44,239
Speaker 2: in December, I think I was following like a couple

596
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:48,840
Speaker 2: thousand people. I don't know how many. I unfollowed everyone,

597
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:50,800
Speaker 2: and then I kept it like that for a couple months,

598
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:53,680
Speaker 2: and then when I was ready to see social media again.

599
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:57,160
Speaker 2: I have since and I'm still doing it. Been slowly

600
00:37:57,239 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 2: easing myself back into following people. So I would just

601
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:02,960
Speaker 2: kind of add a couple people here and there. Whenever

602
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 2: they popped into my mind, I would, you know, whenever

603
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:08,879
Speaker 2: they came into my awareness or my consciousness. Then I'd

604
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:10,719
Speaker 2: be like, oh, yeah, I want to follow that person back.

605
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,640
Speaker 2: But that was one of the greatest kind of unfoldings

606
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:16,880
Speaker 2: of this process, too, was clearing house on social media.

607
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:19,160
Speaker 2: I've shared this process with a lot of my girlfriends

608
00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:23,360
Speaker 2: who have since done it as well, but it was

609
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 2: so powerful because something I realized was I don't have

610
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,920
Speaker 2: the time, the space, or the capacity to know the

611
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:33,279
Speaker 2: nuance of everyone's life that I've ever known. Right like

612
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:35,719
Speaker 2: on social media when I first signed up, which was

613
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 2: over a decade ago, you just followed everybody you ever saw,

614
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:42,200
Speaker 2: and you're interacting with each other, and it felt cool

615
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,400
Speaker 2: because you were kind of getting more connected with people

616
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:46,800
Speaker 2: you didn't know well and you know, just able to

617
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:49,400
Speaker 2: share different sides of yourself. And then moving to a

618
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:52,799
Speaker 2: few different states, I was, you know, you kind of

619
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,920
Speaker 2: get this big group of people all at the same time,

620
00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:59,360
Speaker 2: and so I was just following people that I just

621
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:02,320
Speaker 2: hadn't seen and I hadn't talked to, I hadn't thought

622
00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:05,839
Speaker 2: of on my own naturally in ten years. You know,

623
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 2: it's not there's not enough space in my brain to

624
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 2: know what everyone is doing and what everyone who I've

625
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 2: known or met decades ago, what they're reading, what they're eating,

626
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:23,319
Speaker 2: who their kids are, what they like. You know, it's

627
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,919
Speaker 2: fun when you can pop in and get that organically,

628
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 2: you know, like you just happen to run into someone

629
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:31,840
Speaker 2: on the street and that's where you do the big ketchup.

630
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:34,319
Speaker 2: I haven't seen you in twenty years? What are you doing?

631
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:37,319
Speaker 2: Who are you? I wanted more space for that in

632
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 2: my life, like authenticity of surprise, the authenticity of connection.

633
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:44,319
Speaker 2: So I think I'm somewhere around like four hundred people

634
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:46,640
Speaker 2: that I'm following you back. Now there's still people I

635
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:48,880
Speaker 2: haven't followed back. I've definitely got some stuff for that.

636
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:51,759
Speaker 2: That's fine, And it made space to see, like, what

637
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:53,840
Speaker 2: do I actually want to fill my psyche with with

638
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 2: all of the ways that social media floods you're subconscious,

639
00:39:58,239 --> 00:39:59,640
Speaker 2: you know, I want to be a little bit more

640
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:02,440
Speaker 2: diligent and discerning with that too. So that was my

641
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:07,399
Speaker 2: social media process, that was my friend purge process. All

642
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:09,719
Speaker 2: of that got me up to this last year, and

643
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:12,720
Speaker 2: it felt amazing like the last couple of years having

644
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 2: done that have been so rich, so fun, so expansive

645
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:23,560
Speaker 2: in so many different ways, and it just I felt

646
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:26,560
Speaker 2: like it really proved my intuition right, and I felt

647
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:29,120
Speaker 2: so grateful that I took the time to do that

648
00:40:29,239 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 2: because it wasn't comfortable. You know, it is an uncomfortable

649
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:35,160
Speaker 2: thing to have all those conversations, to even check the

650
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:37,600
Speaker 2: charge in your body when you do a mass unfollow

651
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,600
Speaker 2: and how people will feel and you know, but just

652
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 2: being with whatever feeling is present and noticing it. It's

653
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:48,239
Speaker 2: part of the power of the process. So I felt

654
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:51,719
Speaker 2: really great for that, grateful for that, and walking into

655
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:55,960
Speaker 2: twenty twenty four, I thought, let me try this again.

656
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 2: So I sat down with my journal coming into twenty

657
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 2: twenty four, and what I've realized is there's no one

658
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:06,320
Speaker 2: I want to release in my life the last couple

659
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:12,600
Speaker 2: of years. Everyone that came, everyone that stayed, everyone that

660
00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:16,320
Speaker 2: I expanded with. They have been some of the most

661
00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:21,279
Speaker 2: gorgeous relationships of this lifetime so far. And so to

662
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:24,320
Speaker 2: just kind of see that there were no kind of leaks,

663
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 2: there were no areas that were out of balance, felt amazing.

664
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 2: So what I decided to do in that case is

665
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:35,240
Speaker 2: just really start reflecting on the agreements right because based

666
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 2: on the season of life I'm in, based on the

667
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,759
Speaker 2: season of life other people are in, I wanted to

668
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:43,840
Speaker 2: create some understandings of how I might want to spend

669
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 2: my time. So I start looking at the quality of

670
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:50,320
Speaker 2: relationships that are in my life right now, friendships casual, deep,

671
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 2: and also people I'm interested in growing friendship with, and

672
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,560
Speaker 2: some of those new relationships, and so there were some

673
00:41:57,719 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 2: categories where it was like, yeah, I want to go

674
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,279
Speaker 2: even deeper than we've already gone. So you're in the

675
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 2: category of priority. You know, it is a priority to

676
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 2: me that if I happen to get free time in

677
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:10,600
Speaker 2: my month, I want to make sure we get on

678
00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:13,440
Speaker 2: calendar to see each other regularly. Those are really the

679
00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:18,239
Speaker 2: people that like pour into my life, that are like

680
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:22,160
Speaker 2: my regular fixtures. We go to the market together, we

681
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,040
Speaker 2: you know, we're really in each other's day to day lives.

682
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:28,040
Speaker 2: We cook together, we go to museums together, and they're

683
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:30,279
Speaker 2: the people that show up for my kid. Those are

684
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:33,120
Speaker 2: my priorities, Like if I get a chance to have

685
00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 2: free time, that column gets me first. Right. Then I

686
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:41,160
Speaker 2: had a column of who do you want to nourish

687
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,600
Speaker 2: these connections in the way that you're able to but

688
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 2: also know that it may not be aligned in this

689
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 2: year or this season to really see each other as

690
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:53,160
Speaker 2: much because of the way both of our schedules are flowing.

691
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 2: Made that one made another one of like, Okay, who

692
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:59,280
Speaker 2: am I in flow with? That I know is valuable,

693
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:02,640
Speaker 2: but we might us kind of be in some spots

694
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:04,920
Speaker 2: that have charged to it. You know, we may not

695
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:07,160
Speaker 2: be yoked in a way that's just kind of about

696
00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:10,640
Speaker 2: our spiritual curriculum rubbing up against each other. So who

697
00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 2: needs some boundaries, right Who? Who do we need a

698
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 2: little bit of extra space from? So I made that category,

699
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:23,719
Speaker 2: and then I made a category of who have you

700
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:27,000
Speaker 2: kind of met and connected with in this last couple

701
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:29,840
Speaker 2: of years that you want to continue to plant seeds

702
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:32,040
Speaker 2: in that it's not something that requires maybe a lot

703
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:36,280
Speaker 2: of active engagement, but that you're open to really planning

704
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:38,799
Speaker 2: more seeds and seeing how this develops over the next

705
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 2: couple of years. And I really like friendship that way.

706
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 2: In general. I'm not someone that likes to kind of

707
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:50,719
Speaker 2: be casually like, hey, not unless it's true. You know,

708
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:53,400
Speaker 2: I am a very excited person, but not unless it's true.

709
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:58,400
Speaker 2: And I also don't want anyone treating me overly casually.

710
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:02,160
Speaker 2: Right like this this idea that we have to all

711
00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:04,959
Speaker 2: pretend we're tighter and deeper than we actually are without

712
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:07,840
Speaker 2: having done the work to really cultivate that and grow that.

713
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:10,880
Speaker 2: So it feels real, So it feels nourishing. Team no

714
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 2: trauma bonds. So I like to build friendships slowly over time.

715
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:19,880
Speaker 2: We do not need to rush. It's also how I

716
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:24,480
Speaker 2: approach relationships, and you know, love connections build it slowly

717
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:26,480
Speaker 2: over time. I'm not in a rush for any of it.

718
00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:29,040
Speaker 2: My life feels full, I'm not in a space of lack.

719
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:34,319
Speaker 2: I'm focused on hearing God's voice and the way that

720
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 2: God is speaking to me and what I'm meant to

721
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:40,319
Speaker 2: be paying attention to. So why not move slow? You know,

722
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:43,040
Speaker 2: I want to get to know someone in their story

723
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:45,560
Speaker 2: and who they are over time at a rate that

724
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:49,359
Speaker 2: also allows me to respect their stories even more. It's

725
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:51,440
Speaker 2: so much different if someone is telling you one of

726
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,560
Speaker 2: the stories of their lives, right like one of their

727
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 2: big stories, part of their hero's journey, and you don't

728
00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:59,279
Speaker 2: know them well, so you don't know their characteristics, you

729
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:01,640
Speaker 2: don't know there is dience, you don't know their joy.

730
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:04,920
Speaker 2: The story doesn't land in the same way. It's not

731
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:07,720
Speaker 2: as meaningful and maybe inspiring. You may be like damn,

732
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 2: but you can't really connect in the same way as

733
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 2: if you've gotten to know that person a little bit better.

734
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 2: You already kind of understand them, You've already have some foundation,

735
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:22,920
Speaker 2: and then they share something with you and you can

736
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:26,759
Speaker 2: really witness them and what they're sharing with you. You can

737
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 2: really see the truth of them and what they're sharing

738
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:31,440
Speaker 2: with you, and it helps you understand them more. It

739
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:34,719
Speaker 2: helps you give them, you know, more grace, especially when

740
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:37,800
Speaker 2: they need it. You know, we should take the time

741
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:42,440
Speaker 2: to really understand each other. And to do that, we

742
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 2: just got to move a little more slowly. We have

743
00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:48,400
Speaker 2: to be willing to kind of not know everything right away,

744
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:52,360
Speaker 2: to not you know, max out on experiences right away.

745
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:57,319
Speaker 2: That's what I like. So if this process feels good

746
00:45:57,320 --> 00:45:59,760
Speaker 2: to you, consider doing that for your soul work this week.

747
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 2: Start to take stock, make some columns in your journal,

748
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:06,960
Speaker 2: write down, you know, what kind of friend are you?

749
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 2: What are you looking for in a friend? When that

750
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:14,680
Speaker 2: comes up, really evaluate those needs. You know, are you

751
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:17,279
Speaker 2: looking for people in your life to provide things for

752
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:21,480
Speaker 2: you that you're unwilling to provide for yourself. Are you

753
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:23,920
Speaker 2: looking for people in your life to provide things for

754
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:28,400
Speaker 2: you that perhaps the more significant relationships in your life,

755
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:32,839
Speaker 2: like your parents or even your spouse isn't right. Look

756
00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:34,920
Speaker 2: at that because then you also know kind of what's

757
00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:40,000
Speaker 2: true and how deep you can actually go. Again, we

758
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 2: want to give everybody authenticity, dignity, grace and let relationships

759
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:49,520
Speaker 2: be what they're supposed to be and not what we're

760
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:53,080
Speaker 2: trying to control or force them to be. So in

761
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:56,440
Speaker 2: that list, think about the quality of friendship you desire,

762
00:46:56,560 --> 00:47:00,160
Speaker 2: you require, you give, and then started making lists in

763
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:02,520
Speaker 2: your life right now. Who are your deepest friendships that

764
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:07,240
Speaker 2: you trust, Who are your casual relationships, who are really

765
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:10,719
Speaker 2: purely social media relationships, and maybe their relationships that you

766
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:14,319
Speaker 2: thought would grow and then didn't. You know, who are

767
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:17,480
Speaker 2: your work relationships, What are the kind of relationships you

768
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:20,839
Speaker 2: want to call in, What are some recent connections that

769
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:24,280
Speaker 2: you want to explore? Just start to notice, start to notice,

770
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 2: start to notice, start to notice. Spend about a week

771
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 2: with that. Then think about the friends in your life

772
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:33,640
Speaker 2: that you have any unfinished business with, or people in

773
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 2: your life with unfinished business, think about any wounds you

774
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:39,920
Speaker 2: have around friendship and just kind of get them out.

775
00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:42,239
Speaker 2: You can write a bullet point style. It can be

776
00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 2: a couple of words, it could just be names, but

777
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:50,000
Speaker 2: just really notice, you know, what are some of those

778
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 2: pain points, What are some of those stories, What are

779
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:56,480
Speaker 2: some of those experiences that you could have shown up better?

780
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:59,200
Speaker 2: You know, life has given you a reflective view of

781
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:04,440
Speaker 2: think about ways to make peace with that. Sometimes it

782
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:07,880
Speaker 2: is maybe reaching out, maybe being accountable, or maybe having

783
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:13,080
Speaker 2: an accountability conversation with the people in your life, letting

784
00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:16,960
Speaker 2: people know you've been hurt. Sometimes it's about apologizing and

785
00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:21,280
Speaker 2: reaching out and saying you're sorry, saying you got something wrong,

786
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:23,360
Speaker 2: asking if there can be a repair.

787
00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:24,560
Speaker 1: You know.

788
00:48:24,920 --> 00:48:28,280
Speaker 2: For some friends, it's also about dating each other, getting

789
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 2: to know each other again, or saying, hey, I know

790
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:34,320
Speaker 2: we had you know, maybe a harsh point. I would

791
00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:36,359
Speaker 2: like to keep this friendship going, but can we take

792
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 2: it slow to get back there? You know, maybe we

793
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:41,440
Speaker 2: can't just rush right into besties again, but can we

794
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:44,560
Speaker 2: take it slow? Can we commit to maybe seeing each

795
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:46,600
Speaker 2: other once a month, trying to get on the phone

796
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 2: every couple of weeks. Move slow, We have time, We

797
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:54,840
Speaker 2: have time. And then after you finish that, say your prayers,

798
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:58,400
Speaker 2: say your you know, forgiveness recipes for the conversations you

799
00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 2: don't have, and then really say a prayer about what

800
00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:06,400
Speaker 2: you'll call in for your community, and allow yourself to

801
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:10,320
Speaker 2: watch this community release and grow over the next calendar

802
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:14,759
Speaker 2: year and just keep noticing and see the surprises, see

803
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 2: you know, see the opportunities that are present, and consider

804
00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:23,239
Speaker 2: the social media detox recipe that I shared with you.

805
00:49:23,640 --> 00:49:26,560
Speaker 2: It's been a really beautiful experience for me. After I

806
00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:28,960
Speaker 2: did that first kind of purge on social media, I

807
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:32,520
Speaker 2: also followed a few people back and then I muted

808
00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:35,399
Speaker 2: everybody for about another year, and I would just kind

809
00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:37,959
Speaker 2: of check on their page when they came into my head.

810
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:40,080
Speaker 2: So I would, you know, be like, oh my god,

811
00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:41,920
Speaker 2: look what they're up to, or oh, how did I

812
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:45,160
Speaker 2: miss this? And you see me going on a liking spree,

813
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:49,760
Speaker 2: or you know, I'm on all the stories. But something

814
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:52,719
Speaker 2: that I loved about that piece of it was it

815
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:57,600
Speaker 2: really it kind of nudged me and the people in

816
00:49:57,640 --> 00:50:00,359
Speaker 2: my life who actually be in each other's lives and

817
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:03,360
Speaker 2: not just participate on social media and allow that to

818
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:06,720
Speaker 2: be enough. You know, if I'm not engaging in everything

819
00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:08,960
Speaker 2: you post every day, I'm able to catch up with

820
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:10,960
Speaker 2: you for real when I see you, and I'm able

821
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:14,160
Speaker 2: to kind of not have made assumptions or not have

822
00:50:14,239 --> 00:50:16,719
Speaker 2: created a perception, like you know, just hear about your

823
00:50:16,719 --> 00:50:19,759
Speaker 2: life from you and vice versa. And also it's just

824
00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:22,280
Speaker 2: very important for us, especially if you're on a journey,

825
00:50:22,640 --> 00:50:27,440
Speaker 2: to have seasons where you're not consuming things all the time.

826
00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:30,800
Speaker 2: You're not consuming a lot of shows, You're not consuming

827
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:33,759
Speaker 2: a lot of content, You're not consuming a lot of thoughts.

828
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:37,319
Speaker 2: You're not consuming a lot of books. You're not being

829
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:41,440
Speaker 2: influenced by things around you. You're not being led to

830
00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 2: look up things because your phone overheard you say them.

831
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:47,880
Speaker 2: You know, those moments are important. Those are the moments

832
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:50,960
Speaker 2: God speaks to us. Those are the moments that purpose

833
00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:54,440
Speaker 2: can develop because there is a breakthrough thought, there's spontaneity,

834
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:58,920
Speaker 2: there's some level of synchronicity happening. There's signs, their symbols,

835
00:50:59,160 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 2: you know, all of that that can't get through to us.

836
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:06,080
Speaker 2: All of that can't really engage with our intuition if

837
00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:10,520
Speaker 2: we're constantly being fed things really without our consent. You know,

838
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:12,440
Speaker 2: I didn't sign up to watch that, to read that,

839
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:16,239
Speaker 2: to see that, so consider that too. I did that

840
00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:18,880
Speaker 2: for well, yeah, I've shared that on the show before.

841
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:20,719
Speaker 2: For you know, a couple of years just giving up

842
00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:23,880
Speaker 2: watching anything and reading and listening to things, and I

843
00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:28,600
Speaker 2: just let my kind of unique imprint and signature come in,

844
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:33,279
Speaker 2: and I let my own observations and my thoughts really expand.

845
00:51:33,719 --> 00:51:36,640
Speaker 2: It can be so helpful. Consider it let me know

846
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:39,040
Speaker 2: how it goes. Thank you for listening to the show.

847
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:43,600
Speaker 2: Shia Talker excited to share so many new episodes, and

848
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:46,120
Speaker 2: I have something very special coming to the show. For

849
00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:49,120
Speaker 2: the ogs that used to listen to the Dropping Gym's podcast.

850
00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:53,200
Speaker 2: For those that miss the introductory poem by my friend

851
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:59,640
Speaker 2: Namdi okafor we have a surprise coming, so I can't

852
00:51:59,640 --> 00:52:02,960
Speaker 2: wait to share that with you. Thank you for listening.

853
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:08,520
Speaker 2: No mistake, the content presented on Deeply Wells serves solely

854
00:52:08,560 --> 00:52:12,560
Speaker 2: for educational and informational purposes. It should not be considered

855
00:52:12,560 --> 00:52:17,000
Speaker 2: a replacement for personalized medical or mental health guidance, and

856
00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:21,640
Speaker 2: does not constitute a provider patient relationship. As always, it

857
00:52:21,719 --> 00:52:25,160
Speaker 2: is advisable to consult with your healthcare provider or health

858
00:52:25,200 --> 00:52:29,600
Speaker 2: team for any specific concerns or questions that you may have.

859
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:34,160
Speaker 2: Connect with me on social at Debbie Brown that's Twitter

860
00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:37,080
Speaker 2: and Instagram, or you can go to my website Debbie

861
00:52:37,080 --> 00:52:39,600
Speaker 2: Brown dot com. And if you're listening to the show

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Speaker 2: on Apple Podcasts, don't forget. Please rate, review, and subscribe

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Speaker 2: and send this episode to a friend. Deeply Well is

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Speaker 2: a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network. It's

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Speaker 2: produced by Jacquess Thomas, Samantha Timmins, and me Debbie Brown.

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Speaker 2: The beautiful soundback you heard That's by Jarrelyn Glass from

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Speaker 2: Crystal Cadence. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio

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