WEBVTT - Don't Play Yourself 0:00:01.440 --> 0:00:04.360 H m hm. 0:00:06.360 --> 0:00:06.800 M hm. 0:00:08.800 --> 0:00:09.920 M hmmm. 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:14.520 Mm hmmm. 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:23.360 Mm hmmm. Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. 0:00:23.480 --> 0:00:28.880 I'm Erica and I'm Mila and it's Wednesday some day. 0:00:28.840 --> 0:00:32.040 And we're back again, back at you, back at. 0:00:32.000 --> 0:00:36.560 You, Leir Petra Comanasha Clea Patra Vanacha. 0:00:36.360 --> 0:00:38.120 Genc Comga. 0:00:38.240 --> 0:00:42.479 Come on that choice, Jimmy Lynn, Erica cominatcha, none of 0:00:42.479 --> 0:00:48.320 it fucking rolls, Jimmi and Erica was good. Allerica do 0:00:48.479 --> 0:00:52.760 Manacha no better. We sorry, wait, we're gonna stop, guys, 0:00:52.800 --> 0:00:53.400 don't leave yet. 0:00:53.920 --> 0:00:56.400 It's we always got to throw in a nostalgic moment 0:00:56.440 --> 0:00:59.560 from the early two thousands, just so you know. 0:00:59.640 --> 0:01:02.160 Hold they were legends in my mind for that year 0:01:02.200 --> 0:01:02.760 of my life. 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:03.840 What happened to them? 0:01:03.880 --> 0:01:05.959 I was like, Wow, they were like they were like blacks. 0:01:06.000 --> 0:01:07.399 They were gonna be the Black Spice girls. 0:01:07.600 --> 0:01:10.279 They were. They were sisters because they're from English. 0:01:10.360 --> 0:01:12.639 They're funky too. Yeah, there was something. 0:01:13.800 --> 0:01:16.880 Anyway, Hi, Hi, how are you? 0:01:17.680 --> 0:01:18.600 I'm good. 0:01:19.040 --> 0:01:23.880 I'm I've been feeling good because I've been meditating consistently 0:01:23.920 --> 0:01:26.319 since doing the Open Challenge and it feels really good. 0:01:27.240 --> 0:01:34.720 And I'm fine as hell and i am capable of 0:01:34.760 --> 0:01:35.319 all things. 0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:38.280 So these are fact. You know, you are fine as hell? 0:01:38.520 --> 0:01:40.959 Open has really after thirty one days, you kind of 0:01:41.000 --> 0:01:42.039 like inherited as a. 0:01:42.000 --> 0:01:45.559 Tool're like, oh I can't sleep. Boom. Oh I'm stressed out. Boom. 0:01:45.560 --> 0:01:48.360 It's just like a little easy like life hack. 0:01:48.600 --> 0:01:51.960 So yeah, I'm talking about me in positive affirmations. 0:01:52.360 --> 0:01:53.760 Try to do that every single day. 0:01:54.560 --> 0:01:57.400 Ask me how I am, how are you well? I'm 0:01:57.440 --> 0:02:03.240 doing phenomenal. I a so amazing. I'm in my studio, 0:02:03.560 --> 0:02:05.320 I'm feeling good. I'm fine as hell. 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:11.560 I have this eighties vintage disco jogger with no shoulder pads. 0:02:12.280 --> 0:02:14.280 Although people thought you had shoulder pads on. 0:02:14.440 --> 0:02:15.240 It's the style of that. 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:17.240 I think it's why it's cut. Yeah. 0:02:17.040 --> 0:02:18.840 Yeah, I'm a fashion icon. 0:02:19.120 --> 0:02:24.680 So if you just look through the many YouTube episodes, 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:26.880 you will also see I'm a fashion icon in my 0:02:26.919 --> 0:02:29.800 own right and many different looks. And I'm just so 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:33.560 proud to say that to just walk in my purpose 0:02:33.720 --> 0:02:39.000 as wearing so many hots, including fashion icon of YouTube. 0:02:40.400 --> 0:02:43.120 Yeah, I love that and it's all true. 0:02:43.200 --> 0:02:46.040 Oh my god. We should we practice talking and affirmations 0:02:46.080 --> 0:02:47.200 all the time. We should. 0:02:47.280 --> 0:02:50.680 I really like that's I think I think that's what 0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:52.160 we have to do moving forward. We're just going to 0:02:52.200 --> 0:02:54.480 become absurdly overconfident. But it's gonna I. 0:02:54.480 --> 0:02:56.600 Think Orlando does that already. I don't know why I 0:02:56.600 --> 0:03:00.359 haven't picked up yet. How are you amazing the blessing 0:03:00.400 --> 0:03:02.040 of the day. Aren't you so lucky? 0:03:02.200 --> 0:03:02.839 I'm just so lucky. 0:03:02.880 --> 0:03:05.800 I'm your co host, I am Aren't you so lucky 0:03:05.800 --> 0:03:07.560 to know me? I'm so smart, right, I am so. 0:03:07.760 --> 0:03:08.839 I taught you so much. 0:03:08.919 --> 0:03:09.680 You're my blessing. 0:03:09.880 --> 0:03:10.720 I know, so are you. 0:03:10.840 --> 0:03:15.200 I'm just so thankful for your wisdom and your diligence 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:17.080 in our partnership and our friendship. 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:18.840 I appreciate you. Thank you. 0:03:18.840 --> 0:03:19.360 You're great. 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:20.120 Thank you. 0:03:20.160 --> 0:03:25.680 I appreciate your creativity, your intelligence, your graphic design skills, 0:03:26.320 --> 0:03:29.560 thank you, and just your overall energy that you bring 0:03:29.800 --> 0:03:31.000 into our business. 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:31.560 So thank you. 0:03:31.720 --> 0:03:33.080 I appreciate that. Thank you. 0:03:33.200 --> 0:03:36.320 We are just a big blessing, fallow blessings in here. 0:03:36.800 --> 0:03:38.240 Wooh, should do a light reading? 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:38.440 Now? 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:40.840 Why is it so corny to talk this way? But 0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:43.800 we have what we should. I know, right, I. 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:46.480 Feel it, and I'm obviously like I'm really received. But 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:48.920 it's also a little funny and I'm like, it's not, but. 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:51.320 It's all true. It's true, that's true. 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:53.800 Only we could all communicate this way. 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:54.280 I think. 0:03:54.400 --> 0:03:55.880 I think you don't have to just be one big 0:03:56.000 --> 0:03:59.000 orgy of the world. This be one big organy. 0:03:59.000 --> 0:04:01.080 Oh my god, it's called it's it's tantric speech. 0:04:01.560 --> 0:04:02.240 It is. 0:04:03.600 --> 0:04:05.360 This is it, this is what they're talking about. 0:04:05.560 --> 0:04:06.520 I finally get it. 0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:09.000 You know, all those people who seem absurdly. 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:11.520 Happy, they just do it naturally. So now we have 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:12.600 to get on the wave. 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:15.400 This is our proclamation right here. 0:04:15.560 --> 0:04:18.600 This is a proclamation that we can do anything because 0:04:18.640 --> 0:04:23.640 we're great at everything. We're madly talented, good looking, we 0:04:23.720 --> 0:04:29.160 have soothing, sexy voices and just wow, Like, who would 0:04:29.160 --> 0:04:33.560 have thought this magic double duo could just witch up 0:04:33.640 --> 0:04:37.200 the internets and just sprinkle our magic everybody. 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:39.640 Even if you were trying to avoid it. You got 0:04:39.640 --> 0:04:40.799 some of that magic too. 0:04:40.640 --> 0:04:42.080 Bitch, I know you're still here. 0:04:44.000 --> 0:04:50.320 It's called the Jamerica Jenerica effect. Did you meet j America. 0:04:50.800 --> 0:04:52.320 They're so magical. 0:04:53.360 --> 0:04:57.080 Oh oh, you've attended the Jamerica Effect. You've done that. 0:04:57.240 --> 0:04:59.719 Wow, I can tell how you're talking about. You've attended 0:04:59.720 --> 0:05:00.400 the gym America. 0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:03.880 Do you know America, you know them personally, shut the 0:05:03.880 --> 0:05:04.200 fuck up. 0:05:04.240 --> 0:05:06.159 I could tell how you're glowing that you know Jamerica. 0:05:06.680 --> 0:05:09.240 Call him on the call him on speaker. I want 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:10.400 to hear Jamerica speak. 0:05:15.920 --> 0:05:19.320 It's a cult. It's called America. A good cult. That 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:22.600 was beautiful. Well, you know what I thought I was. 0:05:22.640 --> 0:05:24.440 I was wondering, like, how am I going to evolve 0:05:24.839 --> 0:05:28.960 with my tantric my tantric teachings? A am I going 0:05:28.960 --> 0:05:30.880 to get to wear lingerie all the time, which obviously 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:34.640 you've already started. It looks like business and sex. I'm Sally, 0:05:34.680 --> 0:05:37.400 I'm sexy Sally, Sexy Sally, Jesse Raphael. 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:39.599 Yeah, and now I remember using our language to only 0:05:39.640 --> 0:05:43.400 speak positive, highly high vibrational, positive words to ourselves and 0:05:43.400 --> 0:05:43.880 each other. 0:05:44.200 --> 0:05:45.120 And even when we have a. 0:05:45.040 --> 0:05:47.640 Bad day, we're like, oh my gosh, this is an 0:05:48.160 --> 0:05:49.599 unique experience, this. 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:51.159 Is a unique opportunity to win. 0:05:51.200 --> 0:05:51.479 Again. 0:05:51.960 --> 0:05:53.160 Wow, I am growing? 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:55.880 Did I do something stupid? Because you know what that means. 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:58.240 I am taking accountability and I'm growing. 0:05:58.440 --> 0:05:59.480 Growth is on the way. 0:05:59.800 --> 0:06:02.920 It's is it raining? I need to I need God 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:03.840 to some i'ming to slow down. 0:06:03.920 --> 0:06:06.159 He saw me just so so sell my seats. 0:06:06.240 --> 0:06:08.880 Did someone hit me on the freeway. They mightn't need 0:06:08.880 --> 0:06:09.720 my they needed. 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:14.480 Atopped a worse accent ahead, you know I I yes, 0:06:15.040 --> 0:06:15.839 I like that thinking. 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:16.599 But do you know it? 0:06:16.640 --> 0:06:19.000 Today when I went to go do this car shit 0:06:19.040 --> 0:06:20.960 and they told me basically they couldn't take my money 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:23.680 give me all this money for this car, I was just. 0:06:23.560 --> 0:06:27.760 Like, Okay, are you sure positive check that one more time? 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:28.840 Let me just check that. 0:06:29.240 --> 0:06:32.040 Can you just confirm? Okay? Got it? I was like 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:33.000 all right, well, thank you. 0:06:33.080 --> 0:06:36.159 And then I got in the car and I was like, Okay, 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:37.560 well it's gonna It's just. 0:06:37.480 --> 0:06:39.000 Gonna work out. We're just gonna figure it out. 0:06:40.080 --> 0:06:41.839 Like I really feel like there's been like I don't 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:43.280 know what the mind shift is, and I'm sure I'm 0:06:43.279 --> 0:06:46.320 gonna flip out any moment, but I don't know. I 0:06:46.360 --> 0:06:48.599 was just like, Okay, well this feels better than the 0:06:48.640 --> 0:06:52.400 other reaction. The other reaction leaves me like tired, stressed, 0:06:53.120 --> 0:06:55.440 like worried about now I'm worried about other shit that 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:57.800 I wasn't even thinking about before, just like making up 0:06:58.080 --> 0:06:59.880 just making it like this saga of this is the 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:01.839 worst moment in my life type shit, or of my 0:07:01.920 --> 0:07:03.760 month or whatever of the day, and. 0:07:03.760 --> 0:07:07.360 Instead I said, no, I'm not gonna do that, and 0:07:08.720 --> 0:07:09.080 I did it. 0:07:09.640 --> 0:07:12.800 The thing is is like you can choose stress, but 0:07:13.840 --> 0:07:16.960 the twenty four hours is gonna go by regardless. So 0:07:17.160 --> 0:07:18.880 it's like, you know, choose twenty four hours, the next 0:07:18.920 --> 0:07:21.280 five hours of stress and heartache, are you gonna be 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:21.840 like fuck it? 0:07:21.880 --> 0:07:23.480 And I trust what's gonna happen now? 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:25.960 Yeah, either way, I have to figure it out, whether 0:07:26.000 --> 0:07:27.680 I stress or I don't stress. And that's kind of 0:07:27.680 --> 0:07:29.840 what I was like, all right, well either way if 0:07:29.920 --> 0:07:32.920 you had to figure this out. So yeah, and that's 0:07:33.040 --> 0:07:35.640 and that's kind of like how I've been. I guess 0:07:35.920 --> 0:07:38.160 it's been making me feel a lot happier. Like earlier 0:07:38.200 --> 0:07:39.880 this year, I made a choice about how I was 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:45.679 gonna handle my relationship and instead of like like saying 0:07:45.760 --> 0:07:47.760 fuck you and fuck niggas and I don't give up, 0:07:47.880 --> 0:07:49.920 like you know, adding another notch to my belt of 0:07:50.000 --> 0:07:52.720 like reason one hundred and twenty thousand why I don't 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:55.840 trust these niggas, I said, no, bitch, we're not doing 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:58.920 that this month. We're gonna figure out how you don't 0:07:58.960 --> 0:08:01.680 add to your trust is jews. And also how we 0:08:01.760 --> 0:08:04.800 get you to feel happier faster, and that so you're 0:08:04.840 --> 0:08:06.880 not like you're going to have to feel the sadness, 0:08:06.880 --> 0:08:08.960 Like you can't skip that part and you're going to 0:08:09.000 --> 0:08:12.080 feel it throughout. But like, how what needs to happen 0:08:12.120 --> 0:08:17.080 for you to change this pattern in your life? And literally, 0:08:17.120 --> 0:08:21.560 compassion is the word, because I feel like I'm high. 0:08:21.840 --> 0:08:25.720 I'm really good with my boundaries, even with men and like, 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:29.440 but the way that I've handled having boundaries is kind 0:08:29.480 --> 0:08:31.040 of by hating them and. 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:31.920 Saying, like fuck you. 0:08:32.160 --> 0:08:34.480 It's easier for me to create that boundary if that's 0:08:34.960 --> 0:08:37.880 the space that I'm in versus Okay, I'm going to 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:41.600 create this boundary. I still love you, like you obviously 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:44.200 have work to do and things you need to figure out, 0:08:44.640 --> 0:08:47.199 but and I'm going to take this space. And this 0:08:47.280 --> 0:08:49.440 space might mean you never have access to me again, 0:08:49.840 --> 0:08:52.120 or it might mean let's revisit this at a future date. 0:08:52.520 --> 0:08:55.520 And that's kind of like how I've been feeling less, 0:08:55.920 --> 0:08:59.920 I guess, angry, mad, sad, like, and it's starting. 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:02.520 To like trickle down into the other areas of my life. 0:09:02.559 --> 0:09:03.240 And I'm like. 0:09:03.280 --> 0:09:06.400 Really excited about that because I feel like it's a 0:09:06.440 --> 0:09:08.120 wound that I've been needing to heal that it's been 0:09:08.120 --> 0:09:10.840 like affecting everything in my life essentially. 0:09:11.320 --> 0:09:13.080 And it's crazy because I had that. 0:09:13.320 --> 0:09:16.360 Reading by that girl, that lady, not girl, grown ass woman, 0:09:17.440 --> 0:09:19.840 and she told me that I was going something was 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:21.439 gonna happen at the end of this year that was 0:09:21.480 --> 0:09:23.439 going to like lead me to freedom, and it was 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:26.719 I was gonna have to choose and that I was 0:09:26.760 --> 0:09:28.880 going to heal the wound with my father, which was 0:09:28.920 --> 0:09:32.000 like not feeling safe or not feeling like I can 0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:34.840 rely on this person, or not feeling safe, and it 0:09:34.880 --> 0:09:36.360 was going to heal at the end of this year 0:09:36.400 --> 0:09:37.600 through January. 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:38.280 And I feel like. 0:09:38.679 --> 0:09:41.400 It's healing in the most like unexpected way because it 0:09:41.559 --> 0:09:45.160 actually comes from hurt and I didn't expect that. I 0:09:45.200 --> 0:09:48.120 didn't expect the healing, and I thought like something good 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:49.640 was going to come in my life, whether it was 0:09:49.679 --> 0:09:51.760 a relationship that was perfect that was going to heal 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:52.440 that wound for me. 0:09:53.160 --> 0:09:53.360 You know. 0:09:53.400 --> 0:09:55.440 It wasn't that like I was going to be in 0:09:55.520 --> 0:09:58.680 this space again with a similar scenario that I've been in, 0:09:59.160 --> 0:10:00.480 but it was like now I have the choice to 0:10:00.520 --> 0:10:01.160 handle it different. 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:02.319 And that's what's healing about it. 0:10:03.440 --> 0:10:08.920 Yeah, I think there's this like really cool point that 0:10:08.960 --> 0:10:11.720 we've come to in our healing journey. And it's like 0:10:11.840 --> 0:10:15.880 you're never healed, you know, But I think we're at 0:10:15.880 --> 0:10:20.480 this place where we know better than to react a 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:23.640 certain way. I think we've gotten to a point where 0:10:23.640 --> 0:10:27.440 we've consistently done certain work, like the basics at least 0:10:27.520 --> 0:10:30.200 that build the fundamentals that we trust the process so 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:34.320 much and we understand and recognize that, like there is 0:10:34.360 --> 0:10:37.760 this bigger picture and there is always a lesson and 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:40.240 it doesn't always come exactly how we thought it was 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:43.640 going to come, but it allows us to be more 0:10:43.679 --> 0:10:46.760 gentle with ourselves and more gentle with the process because 0:10:46.840 --> 0:10:51.240 we trust that everything always works out and that spirit 0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:55.200 brings us exactly what we need. And so instead of 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:57.400 fighting it and the. 0:10:57.320 --> 0:11:02.040 Resistance the resistance is so draining, and then avoiding it 0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:05.080 because I'm you know, we're good at that avoiding and 0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:07.680 then or or like reacting the same way you would 0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:11.200 previously like fuck you, fuck that, let me go ho out, 0:11:11.559 --> 0:11:15.240 let me go get under some somebody else, and like 0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:18.800 really like sit with ourselves and say, like how did 0:11:18.840 --> 0:11:19.440 I attract this? 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:23.559 Which is like that's that's some I've done some healing 0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:24.040 type shit. 0:11:24.120 --> 0:11:26.240 A lot of times when you're angry about someone else's 0:11:26.360 --> 0:11:30.680 you know, shit, it we take it personally and like, 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:34.000 I'm proud of you, thank you, And I see you 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:37.680 and I and I see you know, like whatever wound 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:40.280 that needs to come up right now, it's it's it's 0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:45.080 it's happening. And you know you have me and I 0:11:45.080 --> 0:11:47.040 support you in it, and I know you're going to 0:11:47.080 --> 0:11:49.960 get through it and come back even better, even more powerful, 0:11:50.040 --> 0:11:54.240 even more divine, even more knowing, even more trusting, even 0:11:54.320 --> 0:11:58.040 more soft, even you know, all of those things, And 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:00.000 I'm excited for you. 0:12:00.000 --> 0:12:00.480 Thank you. 0:12:01.120 --> 0:12:03.120 Those are all the things that I want too. Like 0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:05.880 I feel like I've been the softest I've ever been. 0:12:05.760 --> 0:12:08.440 In a relationship with this. 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:14.480 Person and like conquered certain fears. Like it sounds corny, guys, 0:12:14.760 --> 0:12:19.320 but listen up. I don't fuck with feet, Okay, Like 0:12:19.400 --> 0:12:23.280 I really, I don't fuck with feet. I don't like feet. 0:12:23.280 --> 0:12:24.599 Don't put them on me, don't put them near me. 0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:26.840 The onlyest feet who I fuck with is my daughter's. 0:12:26.840 --> 0:12:29.840 And I know this sounds crazy, but actually in school 0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:31.840 I was encouraged, well we have to like do something 0:12:31.880 --> 0:12:34.440 where we have to give someone like teach either we 0:12:34.480 --> 0:12:36.240 receive the pleasure or we tell someone we have to 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:38.360 give someone pleasure and teach them about the pleasure scale 0:12:38.400 --> 0:12:40.920 and do all that stuff. And I wanted to challenge 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:42.840 myself and do something that was really uncomfortable for me, 0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:46.960 and so like I I was like, I will give 0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:50.080 you a petticare And it was the most uncomfortable shit 0:12:50.200 --> 0:12:52.480 I've ever done, but it was also like the most 0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:54.880 I felt like, I don't want to say soft, but 0:12:54.960 --> 0:12:57.160 it was like a soft act that I'm doing for 0:12:57.200 --> 0:12:59.800 this person and taking care of like the feet that 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:02.199 care gat them through life, you know, whether they are 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:03.840 totally fucked. 0:13:05.400 --> 0:13:07.080 Or beautiful, you know. 0:13:07.600 --> 0:13:09.880 And I did that shit and I was like, wow, 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:14.439 a bitch is real soft now, But I mean that's 0:13:14.480 --> 0:13:17.680 just one really like stupid example, but it's not stupid. 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:20.160 But I just feel like in this relationship, I've just 0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:23.520 like been a lot more soft and I enjoy it. 0:13:23.640 --> 0:13:24.520 I enjoyed it. 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:29.080 And I don't want to stop it, like like I 0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:31.560 know that that's part of I know that's been I 0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:34.360 think as women, we have that in us naturally, but 0:13:34.880 --> 0:13:38.120 I feel like that's something that like I really want 0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:40.560 to I'm proud of and I want to like lead 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:44.080 with that more too, so whether it's with this person 0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:47.600 or whoever is my lover and my person, but it's 0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:50.480 I just feel like my heart, you know what it is. 0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:53.839 Like I was thinking about our our retreats and how 0:13:53.840 --> 0:13:55.600 we you know, work with Sylvia and we do those 0:13:55.640 --> 0:14:00.040 like you know, the heart opening ceremony and delany and 0:14:00.480 --> 0:14:03.320 I remember the first time that we did it in 0:14:03.360 --> 0:14:08.200 Costa Rica, like that was hard for me, Like I 0:14:08.240 --> 0:14:12.360 could feel how closed and guarded and like all the 0:14:12.400 --> 0:14:16.439 boundaries that I'm so proud of too, like there, and 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:19.840 I think that's to the lesson too, is like I'm 0:14:20.040 --> 0:14:23.360 I'm I'm trusting myself to know that I have I 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:24.200 have the boundaries. 0:14:24.240 --> 0:14:26.200 Don't worry. You're good on that. 0:14:26.080 --> 0:14:30.000 Part, you know, like you're not gonna portray your like 0:14:30.000 --> 0:14:32.680 you might betray yourself, but that part is not. Actually no, 0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:35.480 I'm not, but that part you're good at. But when 0:14:35.480 --> 0:14:37.480 I did that exercise, I was like, Yo, this shit 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:40.600 is like to the opening of your heart. 0:14:40.760 --> 0:14:41.320 Yeah. 0:14:41.800 --> 0:14:45.560 Yeah, So I feel like it's slowly but surely my heart. 0:14:45.360 --> 0:14:47.840 And my heart is slowly opening eyes I'm not gonna 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:48.760 be such a cold bitch. 0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:54.920 One one ray of light just enter your cold, black hot. 0:14:56.240 --> 0:14:57.440 I can feel. 0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:01.480 No, but there are space and things and places that 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:05.240 I get really triggered and it's like nope, no thanks. 0:15:06.040 --> 0:15:08.440 It's interesting, like how much work we've done and you've 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:10.920 done and then like there's. 0:15:10.520 --> 0:15:12.800 It's just you got to go deeper. You've got to 0:15:12.840 --> 0:15:13.360 go deeper. 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:16.400 Stop And it's and it tends to just a lot 0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:21.520 of times be mostly digging deeper into yourself. And by 0:15:21.640 --> 0:15:25.880 way of relationships, you know, we get different versions of 0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:28.160 ourselves with different people. 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:30.320 Yeah, because they're mirrors, yeah, and they bring out different 0:15:30.360 --> 0:15:30.720 things in you. 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:33.480 And there's no person alike. So every relationship is going 0:15:33.560 --> 0:15:36.160 to draw a different version of you out in some ways. 0:15:36.640 --> 0:15:39.120 And you know, as we evolve, when we attract partners 0:15:39.120 --> 0:15:42.200 that are evolved semi evolved, you know, we're all evolving. 0:15:42.560 --> 0:15:47.280 But it's just I realize you you know, like even 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:49.120 in manifesting, a lot of women like I want I 0:15:49.120 --> 0:15:50.960 want to do the Sierra prayer, I want this type 0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:53.640 of relationship, I want this, I want that, and I 0:15:53.640 --> 0:15:55.200 want a kid and I want to pick a fence 0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:58.200 and like that, like those are amongst my shit too. 0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:01.240 But it's it's really interesting that even when you get 0:16:01.240 --> 0:16:04.600 those things, or you get like attract a partner that's 0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:06.760 you know, on the same level of you, and ways 0:16:06.760 --> 0:16:10.960 are like you know, like not as not the the toxicity, 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:13.080 and you know, there's an evolution of the partners that 0:16:13.120 --> 0:16:15.800 you choose. You get to start to see like how 0:16:15.880 --> 0:16:19.400 you evolve with the people that you start to gravitate towards. 0:16:19.520 --> 0:16:23.880 But like it's also those relationships cause you to have 0:16:23.920 --> 0:16:26.920 to dig so much deeper in yourself and and and 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:30.320 reflect and notice like tam, that is some like some 0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:32.640 deep wound that I have that has nothing to do 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:35.800 with this, or that's some deep, deep, even deeper shit 0:16:35.880 --> 0:16:37.800 that I have to work through, or you know, I'm 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:43.200 really having to start like you know, taking responsibility and 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:46.440 healing those those parts of yourself and recognize them. I 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:49.760 think it's just like this other portion of healing that 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:54.640 we're unlocking. And it's interesting. Yeah, you know, yeah, it's 0:16:54.680 --> 0:16:55.280 too like. 0:16:55.320 --> 0:17:00.840 The five years later, five years later, we're this unlucky 0:17:01.960 --> 0:17:03.520 cheat coat level one. 0:17:04.560 --> 0:17:05.919 I don't think no, I don't think so. 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:09.040 I think I think that we've we've tended to the 0:17:09.040 --> 0:17:13.080 parts of our things that need attended to at that time, 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:15.840 and we are I feel like we are getting deeper 0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:20.440 into I don't know, like the soil. We're penetrated for sure. 0:17:20.520 --> 0:17:23.359 This is not level one, but that's the beauty of it. 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:25.800 It just keeps going and going and going and going. 0:17:25.640 --> 0:17:25.840 You know. 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:28.520 And it's like how you approach it, Like are you 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:30.280 going to be savvy to do the work or are 0:17:30.320 --> 0:17:32.080 you going to get excited about it? Are you going 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:34.159 to like say, Okay, well fuck it, this is what 0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:38.040 life is about. Let's do this, let's try this. Like damn, 0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:41.119 I don't like that. Oh that feels good still, you know, 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:44.399 So I am I'm inviting and I know that like 0:17:44.520 --> 0:17:47.119 to at this point in my life that every person 0:17:47.200 --> 0:17:50.000 that my love space friendships, whatever it might be, like, 0:17:51.000 --> 0:17:55.119 I trust that I am actively working on myself to 0:17:55.240 --> 0:17:57.480 know that those people that come through, whether they are 0:17:57.560 --> 0:18:01.320 healed unhealed, and like they're meant to come for a 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:04.159 reason and teach me something or show me something or 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:07.520 have me say yep, you yep, you still don't need that, 0:18:08.200 --> 0:18:11.840 you know, like all of them. So I don't know, 0:18:12.000 --> 0:18:15.080 it's it's good. It's scary though, I mean, I I 0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:17.320 think I always thought, like my father wound would be 0:18:17.400 --> 0:18:18.920 healed by my father or something. 0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:22.280 And I think that that's also the lesson too. 0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:24.200 It's like the people that gave you the wound aren't 0:18:24.359 --> 0:18:26.320 necessarily going to be the one to heal it. In fact, 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:28.480 most of the time, it's not, you know, And granted 0:18:28.520 --> 0:18:31.280 there's been healing for sure, like my dad, we have 0:18:31.520 --> 0:18:35.240 like he's done his part to make me feel safe 0:18:35.240 --> 0:18:36.880 in our relationship, but. 0:18:37.040 --> 0:18:39.880 There was still more. There's still there is still more, 0:18:40.160 --> 0:18:40.639