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Speaker 1: Dearest John, it's been a fortnight since I felt your

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Speaker 1: warm embrace.

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Speaker 2: Dear Sam, such it has since we started the Okay

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Speaker 2: Storytell podcast.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and I have a message for you, a delicious

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Speaker 1: story that I think you'll love. Sincerely Sam, But before that,

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Speaker 1: thine divine two minute outbreak must happen, I bid thee farewell.

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Speaker 3: See you in two minutes.

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Speaker 4: My husband's spending habits are ruining our marriage despite him

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Speaker 4: making six figures.

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Speaker 5: We're cutting you off.

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Speaker 4: And this comes directly from the r slash Okay storytime subreddit,

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Speaker 4: so let us know if you're in the comments. Ryan. Now,

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Speaker 4: I thirty eight female, and my husband John forty mail

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Speaker 4: are having marital issues that I believe started with finances.

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Speaker 4: We went into both the relationship and marriage knowing we

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Speaker 4: were on completely different levels financially. John made it seem

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Speaker 4: like a non issue because it's just money and he

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Speaker 4: made so much of it. Despite how he talked about money,

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Speaker 4: I knew things happen and money can be a huge issue,

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Speaker 4: so I wanted to protect us both before we got married.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from correc to stay Stay

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Speaker 4: and if you want to submy your own stories, go

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Speaker 4: to the hour slash okay, story time and sub rereddays

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Speaker 4: and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and I will now forever

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Speaker 4: use Craig creates Day's day. Talk about relationship. Yeah, that's amazing,

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Speaker 4: that's Craig Credit's day. Yeah. But Op says, I made

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Speaker 4: it clear that a prenap was a must and he

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Speaker 4: had to be active in helping me create it. I

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Speaker 4: typed out a fair agreement which left us basically leaving

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Speaker 4: with what we came into unless we became mutually or

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Speaker 4: individually wealthy while married. The major issue was that I

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Speaker 4: went into it with school loans, a mortgage, and a

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Speaker 4: small income, whereas John owned a small home outright and

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Speaker 4: had no debt and made a very comfortable wage. Initially

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Speaker 4: I was in charge of finances. John and I have

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Speaker 4: always done our bills very differently. I grew up poor

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Speaker 4: and felt comfortable knowing how every penny was spent, saving

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Speaker 4: several months worth of expenses as a just in case

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Speaker 4: in budgeting. Accordingly, I didn't have jobs I could easily

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Speaker 4: support us single person, let alone a woman and a child.

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Speaker 4: So the struggle was real, but I always made a

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Speaker 4: work and had enough. John was the polar opposite. While

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Speaker 4: he wasn't rich growing up, he was very comfortable and

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Speaker 4: money was never an a shoe. As an adult, there

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Speaker 4: was never a financial struggle for him either. He bought

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Speaker 4: a home, vehicle, had a row one k, made almost

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Speaker 4: six figures, never put thought into budgeting, paid bills as

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Speaker 4: an afterthought, unbothered by potential late fees, never saved money,

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Speaker 4: and find savings accounts to be secondary to spending accounts,

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Speaker 4: or to be secondary spending account O. Who are his parents?

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Speaker 4: They did they discover oil?

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Speaker 6: Like ya?

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Speaker 5: What is? Or his parents frackers?

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Speaker 4: Who are they? Dude? I don't think his way was

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Speaker 4: necessarily wrong. It worked fine for him as a single

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Speaker 4: man with only himself and two dogs. Story about I'm

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Speaker 4: just highlighting how incredibly opposite our finances were. His way

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Speaker 4: was wrong, Yeah, exactly when we started combining bills, I

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Speaker 4: was naive even assumed he would be better with money

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Speaker 4: because he had so much of it, wasn't in debt,

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Speaker 4: he owned a home outright and never worried about finances

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Speaker 4: and seems so zen about money. I completely took all

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Speaker 4: his suggestions into account, attempted to mix the way I

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Speaker 4: did things with how he did them. Listen to what

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Speaker 4: he would say about it, and I failed. You can't

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Speaker 4: make oil and water mix without an extreme process, and

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Speaker 4: I couldn't figure it out. I couldn't mix what I

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Speaker 4: understood and was comfortable with with what he understood and

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Speaker 4: was comfortable with. Yeah, it makes sense because if you're

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Speaker 4: so incredibly frugal and then you just see some guy

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Speaker 4: that's just.

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Speaker 7: Like ah, just like so you know, so what I

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Speaker 7: do is, yeah, I think I take all the money

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Speaker 7: out of my savings.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, now I just make more because it'll come back.

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Speaker 7: It'll come back. That's what you just gotta realize. Money

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Speaker 7: comes back, so.

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Speaker 5: Spend it while you have it. Exactly in one go

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Speaker 5: on on gambling that.

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Speaker 4: Would make a lot of people very uncomfortable. Yes, I

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Speaker 4: kept trying to measure our financial styles and talk him

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Speaker 4: into making it work, but he hates having conversations about

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Speaker 4: important things that may bring up uncomfortable feelings.

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Speaker 7: You're like, oohause, like, can we please talk about like

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Speaker 7: your you know, how we're gonna approach our finances and stuff?

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Speaker 8: Yeah?

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Speaker 7: Ah, she you know my my motto in life. Yeah,

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Speaker 7: he's Hakuna matata. It means no worry. So I don't

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Speaker 7: worry about anything, and like you bringing up finances.

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Speaker 4: Ah, downer freaking party over here.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, you're really really taking the hakuna out of my mazada.

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Speaker 4: Literally, while I didn't realize it. Then he also felt

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Speaker 4: like I was calling him out for being financially irresponsible.

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Speaker 4: So yeah, but he never said that though. Instead he

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Speaker 4: pointed out that I had always struggled financially and he

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Speaker 4: had not. I struggled to keep bills paid and he

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Speaker 4: had not. He had a four oh one K and

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Speaker 4: therefore had a large and accessible amount of money at

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Speaker 4: a moment's notice, and I did not. Essentially, he pointed

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Speaker 4: out my financial inadequacies, and I felt foolish and decided

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Speaker 4: that he should be in charge of all finances.

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Speaker 9: Oh no, oh oh, I just don't like it. I

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Speaker 9: don't like that that one like sniff of maybe being

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Speaker 9: accused of being like financially irresponsible, and then was like, well.

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Speaker 4: But what, I'm more money.

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Speaker 5: To the finance.

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Speaker 4: Yeah exactly. It's like you don't need to like come

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Speaker 4: at me like that, dude, Come on, like back off,

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Speaker 4: back off. He always told me not to worry about money.

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Speaker 4: If we need it, buy it, if we want it,

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Speaker 4: buy it. I initially had a lot of difficulty with this.

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Speaker 4: We had a few talks about it, and it always

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Speaker 4: seemed to be dismissed as a me problem. So I

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Speaker 4: let it go and just spend blindly to maintain my

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Speaker 4: inner piece. While I spend next to nothing on myself

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Speaker 4: short of a few thrift or Walmart outfits a year

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Speaker 4: and a few coffees a month, I do spend money

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Speaker 4: on fixing the house. Make no mistake, I don't mean

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Speaker 4: buying knick knacks or luxury linens. I bought windows, siding, flooring, trim, insulation,

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Speaker 4: and things of that nature with my portion of the

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Speaker 4: first joint tax return and my stimulus money. John hated

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Speaker 4: that I was buying things in anticipation of a project

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Speaker 4: rather than right before the project started, but he was

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Speaker 4: very upset, and I tried to explain that I needed

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Speaker 4: to buy the materials when I could afford them in

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Speaker 4: order to do the project, because dropping significant amounts of

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Speaker 4: money at the time I was ready to start a

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Speaker 4: project would not be an option for me. He informed

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Speaker 4: me that it not only would be an option, but

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Speaker 4: the whole idea of all that crap taking up space

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Speaker 4: made him angry and uncomfortable. We are three people in

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Speaker 4: a four bedroom, two bathroom home with an attic, basement

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Speaker 4: and shed. I agreed to not purchase any more materials

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Speaker 4: until the projects start, even though that made me nervous

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Speaker 4: and uncomfortable. I had bought about half the siding we

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Speaker 4: would need and almost all the windows the year before

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Speaker 4: prices triple. The next year, twenty twenty three, we decided

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Speaker 4: to have the house resided and new windows installed. I

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Speaker 4: had difficulty finding contractors because they were all so busy,

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Speaker 4: and eventually landed on the cheaper of the two who

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Speaker 4: showed up. John was shocked and upset by the prices quoted,

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Speaker 4: but I was confused by his being upset because we

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Speaker 4: had already discussed that it would be a huge chunk

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Speaker 4: of money all at once, and that it would be fine.

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Speaker 4: In his often repeated words, don't worry about it. I've

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Speaker 4: got money.

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Speaker 5: I trust you less and less every time you say that, Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Don't worry about it, thought.

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Speaker 4: Worry about it.

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Speaker 5: Don't worry about See, I got money.

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Speaker 4: Don't look man, it's in the past.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I looked at it, and then I'd looked away, and

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Speaker 4: now it's in the past. And I don't have to

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Speaker 4: worry about it exactly. That's all everything is in the past,

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Speaker 4: you only look forward exactly. After many confusing discussions where

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Speaker 4: everything I said was wrong, it was decided that we

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Speaker 4: would remove our old sighting to save money. This caused

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Speaker 4: many arguments because John hates working, let alone coming home

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Speaker 4: from work to then need to do anything at the house.

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Speaker 4: We were miserable. It turned out that I saved us

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Speaker 4: well over one thousand dollars by buying materials early.

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Speaker 5: Good on you.

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Speaker 4: This was no comfort to him and actually seemed to

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Speaker 4: upset him. He was awful to me during the whole

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Speaker 4: process and for several months after. But around Thanksgiving we

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Speaker 4: established a fragile piece and things were good again. The

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Speaker 4: next spring, John decided that he wanted a patio in

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Speaker 4: the back of the house. I was dreading a new project,

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Speaker 4: but wanted him happy. I tried talking him into the

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Speaker 4: driveway that I had been planning so we had more

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Speaker 4: parking instead. He was adamant, so I agreed. We fought

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Speaker 4: the whole time. His friend Doug was going to do

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Speaker 4: the patio, but we had to prepare the site for

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Speaker 4: the concrete. Doug was trying to upsell him at every turn,

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Speaker 4: and John kept insisting that it was what he wanted.

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Speaker 4: At first, Doug and John thought a larger, stamped and

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Speaker 4: colored patio would be ideal. I disagreed completely. We're lucky.

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Speaker 4: I finally started insisting on the cheaper, smaller, low maintenance

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Speaker 4: option that mashed our driveway better, or we would still

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Speaker 4: be arguing about it. That project was several thousand dollars

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Speaker 4: at this point, and things were actually starting to get

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Speaker 4: tight financially. We each have a separate bank account and

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Speaker 4: credit card. We have one joint bank account. I buy

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Speaker 4: all household items, gas, groceries, take out for the family,

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Speaker 4: et cetera on my credit card, and he pays the

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Speaker 4: overwhelming majority of the bill. He puts money into the

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Speaker 4: joint account once a month, and then I pay the

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Speaker 4: credit card from there. The crazy extent of the credit

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Speaker 4: card bill every month is food. I contribute the overwhelming

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Speaker 4: majority of my money to the credit card, but it's

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Speaker 4: a pittance compared to the balance. I tried to talk

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Speaker 4: to John about establishing a food budget and eating budget

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Speaker 4: friendly items. He hated the idea and pretty much flat

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Speaker 4: out vetoed it. He hates the whole idea of budgeting,

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Speaker 4: But the idea of not eating beef every day or

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Speaker 4: packaged foods whenever he wants was like slapping him in

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Speaker 4: the face.

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Speaker 6: Wild.

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Speaker 7: He just doesn't know what a budget at all, Yeah,

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Speaker 7: which is crazy, like one thing when you're living alone,

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Speaker 7: but like to have kids and a wife and still

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Speaker 7: not know how to budget, right do you guys, like

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Speaker 7: you know, is he saving for a college fund because

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Speaker 7: he doesn't believe in savings?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Right, Like it has to be just like a crazy

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Speaker 4: amount of inheritance money, because I feel like when people

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Speaker 4: are self made rich, they're usually like extremely fruit.

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Speaker 10: Yeah, it's you know, they're constantly yeah, which, like you know,

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Speaker 10: both kind of makes sense, Like I could see both

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Speaker 10: happening of like, you know, you build this up so

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Speaker 10: you want to be very thoughtful and smart about your

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Speaker 10: money and you want to just have a lot of

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Speaker 10: money rather than you know, buying things, which makes sense.

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Speaker 4: But then it does make sense that if he just

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Speaker 4: grew up like this like that, he wouldn't have any

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Speaker 4: sort of budgeting skills at all, because he's just like

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Speaker 4: we just we have.

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Speaker 5: It's not really money an issue.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's been hard and slow, but I have at

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Speaker 4: least gotten him to be fine with some store brands,

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Speaker 4: and a few other meats sprinkled into our diet, as

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Speaker 4: well as fewer packaged snacks. Our diets were also polar opposites.

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Speaker 4: I'm doing my best to mesh our diets, but all

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Speaker 4: food is outrageously expensive these days, and if we can't

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Speaker 4: keep the peace between us while we go through this

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Speaker 4: very slow process, we just won't make it. You know,

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Speaker 4: I don't have a lot of faith that you'll make

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Speaker 4: it anyway.

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Speaker 5: I've gotta be.

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Speaker 7: Honest, I'm not Yeah, you don't have a lot of

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Speaker 7: faith that you should make it or you op?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, because you're one of us. Yeah, that's true. I

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Speaker 4: forgot about that. Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: It just also feels like she's making so many changes,

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Speaker 4: and so.

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Speaker 5: At least she's your partner, hasn't done a lot of.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just like you sacrificing. That's not what we want.

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Speaker 4: Spite me already having a part time job caring for

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Speaker 4: my son with autism and ADHD, fixing half the things

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Speaker 4: that break, doing all of the cleaning and scheduling and

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Speaker 4: planning for the house. I am now planning to get

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Speaker 4: either a second job or a different full time one.

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Speaker 4: After many arguments and years of being fooled into financial insecurity,

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Speaker 4: I need to start building my walls and coffers back

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Speaker 4: back up. I want a true savings again. I want security, stability,

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Speaker 4: and our happiness back. I've told him that I plan

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Speaker 4: to save almost all of my money from the new job,

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Speaker 4: and I don't want to hear a word about it

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Speaker 4: at this point. I need this or I won't feel

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Speaker 4: okay with continuing this relationship. But yeah, there's a little

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Speaker 4: bit more to the story. But I think it's very

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Speaker 4: smart of her. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I mean, you

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Speaker 4: gotta look out for number one, that's especially with your child. Yeah, totally.

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Speaker 4: And it's good that she was like kind of money

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Speaker 4: conscious set first, Like from the start them perfectly.

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Speaker 7: He was very convincing m and you know, telling you, oh,

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Speaker 7: I should be in charge of all the money, but

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Speaker 7: like very be very never let anyone be fully in

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Speaker 7: charge of your money. You know, people can give you

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Speaker 7: advice and they could be helpful, but always keep an

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Speaker 7: eye out right for what's going on with your funds

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Speaker 7: because you.

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Speaker 4: Can trust people. You could let people and they could

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Speaker 4: love and trust you, but you'd never know.

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Speaker 5: Well, I think It's just.

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Speaker 7: Like you can trust people. People are like a lot

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Speaker 7: of people have your best interest at heart, but they.

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Speaker 5: Also just might not, you know, make the best decisions

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Speaker 5: in general.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, they might make mistake, So just be aware of

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Speaker 7: what's happening with your money because they might not know

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Speaker 7: what they're supposed to be doing.

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Speaker 4: While this isn't all of the issues we have, I

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Speaker 4: believe it's where all of them are branching from. He

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Speaker 4: has so many complimentary equalities that make us mesh like

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Speaker 4: the finely woven fabric you want your life to be.

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Speaker 4: John and I love each other very much, and we

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Speaker 4: are going to start going back to therapy as soon

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Speaker 4: as I can fit it in. When we are in

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Speaker 4: a good place, we are amazingly happy and probably the

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Speaker 4: envy of any couple with how loving and caring we

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Speaker 4: are with one another. John always gave me a piece

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Speaker 4: in my soul that I value more than money, looks

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Speaker 4: and humor, which he also has. The fact that he

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Speaker 4: is verbally lashing out so much anymore is breaking us.

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Speaker 4: Even if he apologizes after my trust in him is broken.

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Speaker 4: At that point, without that piece, I want to back

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Speaker 4: away from what we've built. I want to run far

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Speaker 4: and fast. So, since your redditors have such good advice

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Speaker 4: for posts like this, please give me your two cents.

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Speaker 4: Do you think we can overcome this with therapy or

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Speaker 4: am I beating a past away? Well?

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Speaker 7: I think that you should work with you know, go

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Speaker 7: to therapy first, just because you have a kid. Yeah,

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Speaker 7: in general, like therapy out a co parent is super important.

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Speaker 7: I would say, like your eyes seem to be opened

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Speaker 7: about how he is treating your finances and treating your

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Speaker 7: relationship and not.

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Speaker 5: Really valuing you as a partner.

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Speaker 7: You as someone like that he has to kind of

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Speaker 7: teach and that's right.

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Speaker 5: No, you're not equal to him, it seems. I discovered

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Speaker 5: my husband's text with his coworker two weeks after our wedding.

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Speaker 4: Dude, you mess that up so fast.

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Speaker 7: I'm shaking as I'm writing this right now. My husband,

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Speaker 7: thirty two male, and I twenty six female, got married

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Speaker 7: two weeks ago. We have been together for four and

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Speaker 7: a half years and almost two year old daughter. Oh no,

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Speaker 7: for starters, I am completely in shock. When I say

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Speaker 7: this man is loyal, dependable, considerate, I mean it. He

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Speaker 7: is truly my best friend and my favorite person on

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Speaker 7: earth besides our daughter. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 7: no explanation a two to four on the r slash

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Speaker 7: two out take subreddit, and if you want to spy

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Speaker 7: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story

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Speaker 7: time subparate it.

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Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, I'm Angie, and I'm Keon, and Op says.

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Speaker 7: My husband is an upper executive at a mid size

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Speaker 7: company that we were both working at when we met.

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Speaker 7: We decided I was going to be a stay at

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Speaker 7: home mom once our daughter was born because we were

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Speaker 7: in a good financial spot and it's truly what we

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Speaker 7: both wanted. He is still at this company and part

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Speaker 7: of his former position was to oversee HR. This wasn't

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Speaker 7: exactly typical of someone in his role, but it was

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Speaker 7: a smaller company at the time and it just worked

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Speaker 7: out that way. A woman was hired at the end

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Speaker 7: of twenty twenty two beginning of twenty twenty three. Will

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Speaker 7: call her Amber. I didn't know much about Amber other

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Speaker 7: than seeing her name on a few blanket HR related

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Speaker 7: company emails, but I noticed that she was younger than

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Speaker 7: most of the people we worked with about my age.

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Speaker 7: This actually excited me because I initially thought maybe we

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Speaker 7: could become work friends.

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Speaker 4: Oh so hopeful to night.

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Speaker 7: Fast forward a couple of months and I noticed one

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Speaker 7: day while my husband was showing me a Snapchat video

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Speaker 7: from his friend group that Amber had requested to Adam.

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Speaker 7: I thought this was odd, considering he was her superior

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Speaker 7: and they did interact much, or so I thought at the.

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Speaker 4: Time, don't don't do.

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Speaker 7: I asked him about it, and he brushed it off

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Speaker 7: by saying he had no idea why she added him,

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Speaker 7: but that he wasn't gonna accept he didn't. I then

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Speaker 7: noticed a few months later that they started following each

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Speaker 7: other on Instagram. I again asked him about this and

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Speaker 7: stated that I felt slightly uncomfortable with a female coworker

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Speaker 7: attempting to connect on social media, especially because again I

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Speaker 7: was being told that he really doesn't know this girl

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Speaker 7: and has only doked to her once or twice in

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Speaker 7: the office. I would just like to say, I do

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Speaker 7: have my insecurities like every woman, but I, by no

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Speaker 7: means have ever felt this way towards anyone my husband

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Speaker 7: is interacted with. He has many women coworkers that have

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Speaker 7: become my friends, relation that we both adore. We have

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Speaker 7: a larger friend group of men and women and I

361
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Speaker 7: truly have never thought twice. You then started to deflict

362
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Speaker 7: a bit, saying the Instagram following wasn't a big deal.

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Speaker 7: He's just trying to maintain a good working relationship for

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Speaker 7: professionalism's sake. I didn't buy this. I have had many professional,

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Speaker 7: working relationships with men in my career that never carried

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Speaker 7: over to social media or my personal life. I would

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Speaker 7: like to pause. Snapchat is one thing. Yeah, Instagram. Everyone

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Speaker 7: follows each other on Instagram.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 7: I feel like it's one of the easiest way to

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Speaker 7: network with people that you've just met personally.

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Speaker 4: It's like, really, I feel like in a lot of ways,

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Speaker 4: like if you barely know someone, it's a good Thay.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a better way.

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Speaker 4: I agree. Yeah.

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Speaker 7: Fast forward to the middle and end of twenty twenty three,

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Speaker 7: about three months before I was due to give birth,

378
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Speaker 7: and I got a message from her on teams asking

379
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Speaker 7: me what I was wearing to an upcoming company boat party.

380
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Speaker 7: Mind you, I had never spoken to this woman in

381
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Speaker 7: my life. I didn't know her at all, and I

382
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:59,480
Speaker 7: was unaware that she knew me, because again, they don't

383
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,080
Speaker 7: know each other that well. I gave a polite, unsuspecting

384
00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:04,960
Speaker 7: response and left it at that. I did, however, reiterate

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Speaker 7: to my husband that I felt this woman's intentions were

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Speaker 7: off and I couldn't place why. I had such a

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00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:14,119
Speaker 7: strong gut feeling. At this company party, she made a

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Speaker 7: point to come up and say hello and begin a

389
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Speaker 7: conversation with my husband, where it was clear to me

390
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:24,119
Speaker 7: that they had talked many times previously. She brought up

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Speaker 7: inside topics that they discussed, like her jeep, her plans

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Speaker 7: for the following weekend, etc. And I feel like she's

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Speaker 7: doing this on purpose in front of you.

394
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Speaker 4: It's very possible.

395
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Speaker 7: At this point, I was pregnant, hormonal, oh gosh, but

396
00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:42,360
Speaker 7: my red flags were flagging. All the alarm bells were

397
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Speaker 7: going off. It was at this point that I really

398
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:48,000
Speaker 7: made my feelings known and requested to my husband that

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Speaker 7: they cease contact.

400
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Speaker 5: You agreed and said it was no problem. She ended

401
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,520
Speaker 5: up leaving the company later that year, and things went

402
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Speaker 5: quiet until last night. Don't don't dull, Don't.

403
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,119
Speaker 7: We were sitting on the couch after putting our daughter

404
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,879
Speaker 7: to bed, and he mentioned to me that she texted

405
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:09,440
Speaker 7: him congratulations on our wedding. I was a bit surprised,

406
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,600
Speaker 7: considering it had been almost two years since they would

407
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,320
Speaker 7: have even interacted. I asked to see the message, and

408
00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:18,840
Speaker 7: then my stomach sick. I could see there were previous

409
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,400
Speaker 7: texts dating back to March of this year, about once

410
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:25,680
Speaker 7: a month or so. It's currently August. The first message

411
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,560
Speaker 7: was out of place, meaning that there were messages prior

412
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Speaker 7: to March that were deleted. I immediately confronted him about this,

413
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,560
Speaker 7: and he claimed that he deleted the previous messages because

414
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,640
Speaker 7: he knew I would have been upset that she.

415
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Speaker 5: Was texting him.

416
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,960
Speaker 7: Why why would you have been upset because you said

417
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Speaker 7: a boundary and you agreed to them.

418
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Speaker 4: And oh, I like, I just kept a secret from

419
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Speaker 4: you because I knew you wouldn't like it if you

420
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Speaker 4: knew that I cheated on you.

421
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Speaker 5: That's why.

422
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:55,120
Speaker 7: Again, I didn't even know they exchanged personal phone numbers.

423
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:58,640
Speaker 7: He swears on our marriage that there was never any flirting,

424
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,919
Speaker 7: but that he knew his contact with her alone was

425
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,840
Speaker 7: wrong and that's why the messages were deleted. I don't

426
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:05,480
Speaker 7: know if I can believe him, but I also do

427
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:08,960
Speaker 7: at the same time, I mean, is your marriage really

428
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,080
Speaker 7: that sacred.

429
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Speaker 4: If you cheated on you?

430
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,080
Speaker 7: You know, like, of course he would be spearing on

431
00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 7: that if you cheated right because you didn't care about

432
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 7: the marriage he didn't care, that would be like a

433
00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:17,399
Speaker 7: terrible thing to swear on.

434
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Speaker 5: Yeah. He has now.

435
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,679
Speaker 7: Confessed that they were texting slightly more often when she

436
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,800
Speaker 7: was an employee at this company, but it was only

437
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,480
Speaker 7: one message from her here or there that he would

438
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:30,080
Speaker 7: respond to out of courtesy. My problem. You were being

439
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:34,359
Speaker 7: courteous at the expense of me. I feel so embarrassed

440
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,640
Speaker 7: that she felt comfortable enough to even text my husband

441
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,480
Speaker 7: in the first place. I'm sorry if this is jumbled.

442
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,520
Speaker 7: I'm still in shock. This is not cheating or really

443
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:47,359
Speaker 7: anything close, I hope, but it crossed major boundaries and

444
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:50,440
Speaker 7: it hurt me badly. My trust in him is shaken.

445
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:51,479
Speaker 6: What do we do?

446
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,440
Speaker 7: Reaching out to her for clarification sounds insane and really

447
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,119
Speaker 7: won't solve anything other than make me look desperate. I

448
00:20:57,119 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 7: want to believe him, but how can I How can

449
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,960
Speaker 7: I stand up for myself without blowing this out of proportion?

450
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 7: And there are some comments. Comment one says he's giving

451
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,480
Speaker 7: you bits at the truth as you discover it for yourself.

452
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,240
Speaker 7: There's no way of knowing how much he's kept from

453
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,480
Speaker 7: you as he's proven he's not honest to begin with.

454
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:16,680
Speaker 7: I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I don't

455
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:18,480
Speaker 7: want to just tell you to leave him, because I

456
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:19,080
Speaker 7: know it's.

457
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 5: Not that easy.

458
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:21,800
Speaker 7: You can lay it all out for him and hope

459
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,480
Speaker 7: he's honest with you, but you're at his mercy in

460
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,080
Speaker 7: terms of how much he decides to reveal. My ex

461
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,800
Speaker 7: pulled crap like this. Another reply says, because he was

462
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 7: hiding crap and there is an update, folks, But what

463
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:34,600
Speaker 7: do you think is going on?

464
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:39,439
Speaker 4: I think there's some cheating. Yeah, I don't trust him.

465
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:40,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, trust him.

466
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:43,679
Speaker 4: I don't either, because it's like it's just his excuses

467
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:48,360
Speaker 4: are stupid. They're so bad, like like the terrible. I'm

468
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,920
Speaker 4: agreeing to not talk to this woman anymore for you,

469
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,639
Speaker 4: but I did talk to her because she talks. She

470
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 4: texted me first, but she texted and it was rude

471
00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:02,240
Speaker 4: to not reply, like I you know, I it's like.

472
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,160
Speaker 5: I know you told me not to talk to her, Yeah, but.

473
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:08,920
Speaker 4: Like but like that to me, I guess means I'm

474
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:10,119
Speaker 4: not gonna reach out first.

475
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:13,160
Speaker 5: And then she like asked me out. I had to go.

476
00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:16,639
Speaker 5: It would have been rude to say no, exactly exactly

477
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:17,679
Speaker 5: what do you want from me?

478
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:22,200
Speaker 4: I demand an eternity test, a maternity test. Yes, this

479
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 4: baby even hers there was cheating going on from baby camp.

480
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 7: Yeah, okay.

481
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:32,240
Speaker 5: Update.

482
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:34,280
Speaker 7: First of all, I want to say thank you to

483
00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:38,280
Speaker 7: every single person that responded or offered advice. I know

484
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 7: some of it is harsh, but it's the harsh I

485
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:43,440
Speaker 7: need to keep myself from being gas lit in this situation.

486
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 7: I told my husband I needed a few hours to

487
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:49,720
Speaker 7: myself to think, and took off for a good drive slash,

488
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 7: listen to music and cry session. I'll be speaking with

489
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 7: him tonight after I feel like I'm ready to go home,

490
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 7: and we'll be telling him that we'll all be seeing

491
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,760
Speaker 7: a couple's counselor a SAP. I don't feel as though

492
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,840
Speaker 7: I can engage in a conversation about this without him

493
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:08,520
Speaker 7: deflecting and manipulating me, so I think I need a

494
00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 7: professional to help mediate. I can get really worked up

495
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,959
Speaker 7: when being gas lit due to trauma from a past relationship,

496
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:18,359
Speaker 7: and it makes it very difficult to speak clearly. I

497
00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:21,040
Speaker 7: also need a neutral space away from my daughter so

498
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 7: she is not emotionally affected in any way. A few

499
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 7: clarifications from the comments my husband did block Amber over everything,

500
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 7: Instagram and phone number. I checked other apps for verification

501
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:36,159
Speaker 7: and said that he will absolutely not be speaking to

502
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 7: her again.

503
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 4: I don't believe this man. On second.

504
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 7: I mean, I understand why he wants to, like, you know,

505
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:46,160
Speaker 7: go to counseling everything and that got kid. Sure it's fair. Yeah,

506
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 7: I feel like do that. You know, hopefully there is

507
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,880
Speaker 7: nothing else going on here and it was just texting,

508
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 7: but yeah, keep an eye out for suspicious behavior and

509
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:58,720
Speaker 7: don't let him delia your your losing your mind exactly.

510
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, like you know, they have they've been married, like

511
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:05,560
Speaker 4: you know, it's well, they just got married. But it's

512
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:09,000
Speaker 4: it's worth it to give it a shot, yeah, because

513
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,240
Speaker 4: then if it is cheating, you know, some people can

514
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:14,560
Speaker 4: move past that. Some people can't. It's just kind of

515
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 4: up to you guys. So you know, counseling will help

516
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:21,200
Speaker 4: with that either way. So yeah, I give it a shot.

517
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 4: But I mean, oh, I don't believe it. And I

518
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 4: think the fact that he still lying you is a

519
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:29,119
Speaker 4: big problem. Yeah, he keeps trickle truth and you just

520
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:32,200
Speaker 4: got married. You just just got married. Not a good start.

521
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,240
Speaker 7: No, The texts that I did see were generally non flirtatious,

522
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 7: but they had a friendly tone that surprised me like

523
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:42,040
Speaker 7: a familiarity. A few of them from her mentioned our

524
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 7: beautiful family, and another alluded to an inside joke about

525
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 7: my husband's father slash my father in law, again signifying

526
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 7: some kind of consistent communication. One was a selfie of

527
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:55,720
Speaker 7: her with some mutual contact of thirds. So it makes

528
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 7: me wonder if they were all generally innocent, why delete

529
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 7: them the end of the day. There was something there.

530
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,200
Speaker 7: I just don't know to what extent. I'll be keeping

531
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:08,680
Speaker 7: composed and doing some digging in the meantime, separate from

532
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:12,920
Speaker 7: contacting Amber, which I've decided will do no good. Thank

533
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 7: you again, and comment one says I think therapy is

534
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 7: absolutely necessary. Can I suggest, just so you have more facts,

535
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 7: that you look at copies of the back phone records.

536
00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:26,399
Speaker 7: You should be able to just access them through your

537
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 7: online account if you share a cell plan. I discovered

538
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,679
Speaker 7: an emotional affair by looking at the detailed text and

539
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:36,720
Speaker 7: call logs. There were hundreds to the same number. You

540
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 7: can't see the text themselves, but seeing the number of

541
00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 7: them labeled as incoming and outgoing, we'll at least tell

542
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 7: you if he's being honest about the frequency of contact

543
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:47,720
Speaker 7: and how much he's actually responding.

544
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:48,399
Speaker 4: Good luck to you.

545
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam.

546
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 3: We're go get back to the stories.

547
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:52,760
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

548
00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:56,439
Speaker 4: My husband wanted to take a cruise with another woman

549
00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:58,119
Speaker 4: and lied about it.

550
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 5: You can take a cruise on out of this reallyationship.

551
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 4: Of my thirty female husband thirty eight mail of three

552
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:07,400
Speaker 4: years will always receive free cruise trips for two passengers

553
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 4: at least once every two months. He is self employed

554
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 4: and able to work remotely while I am working in

555
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,919
Speaker 4: an office with limited annual leave entitlement. This means he

556
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:19,400
Speaker 4: can always travel freely while I'm almost always stuck at work.

557
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:24,160
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from impatient to procrastinate. If

558
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,119
Speaker 4: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

559
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,640
Speaker 4: ur slash okay storytime Separated it II Angie, I'm Sophia

560
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:34,119
Speaker 4: and I'm Keon and Ope says. While he will always

561
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 4: check with me first on my availability to go on

562
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:39,600
Speaker 4: these free cruise trips, oftentimes I won't be able to

563
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 4: join and he would go alone instead. On rare events

564
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,200
Speaker 4: that I did join the cruise, it wasn't that enjoyable

565
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 4: for me as he would spend a lot of time

566
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:50,400
Speaker 4: in the casino instead of accompanying me for a swim,

567
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,920
Speaker 4: gym or show. This means that I'm mostly alone during

568
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 4: non meal time and cruising days. Hence I would rather

569
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 4: use my annual leave on air travels instead of going

570
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:03,240
Speaker 4: on cruises. Recently, he told me that one of his friends, Althea,

571
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 4: thirty three female recently single important note there, is interested

572
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 4: in joining him for the cruise trip since she is

573
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,240
Speaker 4: available during that period and it is free of charge.

574
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 4: Servey says no. For background info. I had agreed and

575
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:21,440
Speaker 4: was comfortable with him going on a two week overseas

576
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 4: trip with another friend thirty eight female, a single, as

577
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,919
Speaker 4: her actions are totally appropriate towards opposite gender based on

578
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,880
Speaker 4: the limited interactions that I had with b. However, I'm

579
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:35,080
Speaker 4: not comfortable with him traveling with Alfia as I had

580
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:38,760
Speaker 4: observed Althea being inappropriate in front of a group of friends,

581
00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 4: sitting on the lap of another guy that is just

582
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:42,879
Speaker 4: a friend of hers.

583
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:43,760
Speaker 5: Get off his lap.

584
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 4: That's not where friends sit, that's not where they sit.

585
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 5: Get off his lap.

586
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,000
Speaker 3: I don't know to Coda sits in my lap A

587
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:50,919
Speaker 3: couple of times.

588
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 7: I said a lot on my friend's lab but yet

589
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:56,480
Speaker 7: in this case, but not here off, not like.

590
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:57,919
Speaker 3: This, get a spray bottle.

591
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,680
Speaker 4: We are all from Asian culture. I have not seen

592
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:07,159
Speaker 4: her make any inappropriate action towards my husband, though my

593
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:09,919
Speaker 4: husband casually mentioned to me that Althia suggested that the

594
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:11,680
Speaker 4: three of us share a room on the cruise as

595
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,679
Speaker 4: long as it is free of charge. He told me

596
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,919
Speaker 4: that he is totally not comfortable with Althia's suggestion. I

597
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,159
Speaker 4: also told him that I disagree with him going on

598
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,720
Speaker 4: any one on one trip with Althia because of the

599
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 4: said incident. I observe today not sure if it's my

600
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:27,879
Speaker 4: sixth CeNSE or what. I went to secretly read my

601
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 4: husband's chat with ALTHEA. Oh no, it was my first time,

602
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:35,159
Speaker 4: believe it or not. When Athia first asked if she

603
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,199
Speaker 4: could join him for the free cruise, he replied that

604
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 4: he will definitely say yes if he is not married.

605
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 4: But then he went ahead and checked CRUs availability based

606
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 4: on their available dates. This was not aligned with what

607
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,880
Speaker 4: he told me, and it felt fishy. Thankfully, the cruise

608
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,840
Speaker 4: is fully booked for their dates. On one hand, I

609
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 4: feel guilty to limit the number of trips that he

610
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:56,720
Speaker 4: can go on just because of my limited annual leave

611
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:58,800
Speaker 4: and I want him to travel as much as possible

612
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 4: before we have children. On the other hand, I feel

613
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 4: insecure as I had gained about sixty six pounds in

614
00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:06,720
Speaker 4: stating him. Though my husband is overweight two both of

615
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:09,560
Speaker 4: his female friends are slim, above average looking and date

616
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 4: men on and off. My husband doesn't have any male

617
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 4: friend to travel together with as all his male friends

618
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 4: are married with children. Althea and him don't have any

619
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,760
Speaker 4: mutual friends, so if they travel together, it would just

620
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 4: be the two of them. Is it okay that I

621
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,000
Speaker 4: asked if I can check his chat with Althea and

622
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 4: then clarify with him if he intends to travel one

623
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 4: on one with her? And they would have.

624
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,360
Speaker 7: Been okay if you hadn't secretly done it.

625
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 5: But more so, you shouldn't be in a relationship because

626
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 5: you don't trust each other.

627
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, Because honestly, I mean it like it is weird.

628
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 5: It is suspicious that he said that.

629
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 4: Well, it could be, but also I feel like it

630
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 4: could not be, you know what I mean.

631
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 5: Like the thing is, Yeah, I don't know.

632
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:50,160
Speaker 7: It's just like Opie's lack of trust, which might be

633
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:55,600
Speaker 7: totally correct, right, and on spot it's but yeah, regardless.

634
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:56,360
Speaker 5: Like you don't trust your partner, so.

635
00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, like if he's if he's telling you something different

636
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:01,480
Speaker 4: than what you're finding the chat, then that's something that

637
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:04,080
Speaker 4: I would definitely not trust those words alone. I feel

638
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 4: it could be taken either way. Like I feel like

639
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,680
Speaker 4: it could be like, oh, if I'm not married, then

640
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:09,040
Speaker 4: I'd totally get with you.

641
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 5: But yeah, but it was like, you know.

642
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, like because I'm married, I'm yeah, I can't really

643
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 4: this yeah yeah, oh no, I mean like close fellow.

644
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:23,240
Speaker 7: Written texts can be taken very very different ways, right,

645
00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:24,000
Speaker 7: They're difficult.

646
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I don't think you'd be the a hole

647
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 4: for asking to check the text messages. Yeah, no, we'll

648
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:34,280
Speaker 4: clarify that, I guess. But we do have an update.

649
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 4: So last night, before we went to sleep, I asked

650
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:38,560
Speaker 4: my husband who we had invited to go on the

651
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 4: cruise with him. He claimed that he didn't remember. I

652
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 4: told him that it was impossible to forget, but he

653
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 4: stayed silent. Since I was exhausted after a sleepless night,

654
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,520
Speaker 4: I decided not to push the conversation and went to sleep.

655
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,920
Speaker 4: The next morning, I brought it up again and asked

656
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 4: him one last time who he had invited. He finally

657
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 4: admitted that it was off the end. When I asked

658
00:30:58,160 --> 00:30:59,840
Speaker 4: if he was planning to share a room with her,

659
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 4: he avoided answering and instead justified himself by saying that

660
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 4: he only wanted her to gamble in order to earn

661
00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 4: free cruises, like he does. Wait, what huh, that's just

662
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:11,520
Speaker 4: like a weird line.

663
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 6: What do you do?

664
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 5: What do you mean?

665
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 4: Does he gamble to get these free criss.

666
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 5: So I don't understand. And also he's lying again, lie

667
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:20,480
Speaker 5: more lies.

668
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 4: Everyone's lying in the story about the about not. He said, Oh, yeah,

669
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 4: I don't know who.

670
00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:27,840
Speaker 5: And then people's like, are you staying the same room

671
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 5: and he's.

672
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 4: Like, oh, he avoided, Then yes they are. He added

673
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:36,959
Speaker 4: that he already knew that she wouldn't go with him anyway,

674
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 4: but I thought she was asking about it.

675
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:39,760
Speaker 5: She wants to me.

676
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:42,720
Speaker 4: That response felt like an indirect admission that he had

677
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,480
Speaker 4: intended to share a room with her. I asked him

678
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 4: why he would even invite off THEA if he knew

679
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:51,320
Speaker 4: that she wouldn't agree to go. Deep down, I already

680
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 4: knew the answer. He had been trying his luck. If

681
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:57,680
Speaker 4: she said no, he would lose nothing. If she said yes,

682
00:31:57,840 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 4: he would get what he wanted. When I pressed further,

683
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:02,880
Speaker 4: or he deflected by asking what I meant. After a

684
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 4: long pause, I asked him what he would do differently

685
00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 4: if everything could restart. His answer was that he would

686
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 4: ask me first before inviting ALTHEA, and he apologized. I

687
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 4: told him that I had given him a lot of trust,

688
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 4: because I believe trust is crucial in every relationship. I

689
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 4: explained that I didn't want that trust to be misused.

690
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:22,960
Speaker 4: I acknowledged that it's normal for people in long term

691
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:26,960
Speaker 4: relationships to sometimes find others attractive or even have inappropriate thoughts,

692
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:29,760
Speaker 4: but I reminded him that I trusted him to be

693
00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:33,080
Speaker 4: mature enough not to put himself in situations where things

694
00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 4: could go wrong or where he'd be exposed to unnecessary temptations.

695
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:39,680
Speaker 4: I also said that no couple is ever a perfect

696
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 4: one hundred percent match, and that's okay, But if he

697
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,200
Speaker 4: ever felt like I wasn't giving him enough, or that

698
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:46,440
Speaker 4: I was lacking in some way, I wanted him to

699
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:48,400
Speaker 4: talk to me about it, rather than looking outside of

700
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 4: our marriage to fill those gaps. I made it clear

701
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:52,479
Speaker 4: that I had thought deeply about this, and then I

702
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 4: was prepared to walk away from what we had built

703
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:56,840
Speaker 4: together if it came to that. He stayed silent while

704
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 4: I spoke. After the conversation, I went into another room

705
00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:02,120
Speaker 4: to give him space to think about. Twenty minutes later,

706
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:05,320
Speaker 4: he came in, hugged me, and gave me a sincere apology.

707
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 4: I accepted it. I believe our marriage is still salvageable,

708
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:11,120
Speaker 4: although I can't say I trust him as much as before. Still,

709
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 4: I've decided to give him a bit of trust as

710
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:15,560
Speaker 4: he earns it back over time. And there is an

711
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:20,720
Speaker 4: update eoo, it seems like we've made more progress there. Yeah,

712
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:24,040
Speaker 4: But the fact that there's another update, I don't believe it.

713
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:26,800
Speaker 5: I don't trust it. I feel like there's no suspicious

714
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 5: I don't know. I just feel like she doesn't trust him.

715
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:31,400
Speaker 7: He's still lying to her, even when she brings it

716
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:33,719
Speaker 7: up yeah, and gives him a chance to come forward.

717
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:34,480
Speaker 5: So I don't know.

718
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:38,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, like, you know, if he really does

719
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:41,560
Speaker 4: understand that he, you know, messed up, messed up, should

720
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 4: have done this all differently, and if that apology really

721
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:47,760
Speaker 4: was genuine, then maybe things can be rebuilt. But like

722
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 4: she said, he would have to earn her trust back

723
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:53,880
Speaker 4: over time. Yeah. Yeah, but there is an update, so

724
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:57,120
Speaker 4: let's see update number two. I asked to have another

725
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:58,840
Speaker 4: talk with him. Well, I made the choice to trust

726
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 4: him again. Going back to our original routine like nothing

727
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:04,080
Speaker 4: happened is not going to earn back my trust for him.

728
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 4: He has to do much more than that. He has

729
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:10,480
Speaker 4: to think how to earn back my trust to the

730
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:14,399
Speaker 4: original level. Initiating more intimacy with me is not going

731
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:18,040
Speaker 4: to solve the problem. He remained silent again. I then

732
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 4: left the room to give him the space to think.

733
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:22,920
Speaker 4: After around five minutes, he came to find me, begging

734
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:25,719
Speaker 4: me to go back to the room again. I refused.

735
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 4: I told him that I left the room to give

736
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:30,600
Speaker 4: him space to think, and that it's not an ultimatum.

737
00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:32,359
Speaker 4: If he needs more time to think, I can wait

738
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:34,320
Speaker 4: for a few days. But he can no longer remain

739
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:37,160
Speaker 4: silent on this or else we cannot move forward with

740
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:40,680
Speaker 4: our marriage. Remaining silent hurts as much. He has to

741
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:42,800
Speaker 4: do something to make our marriage work. He offered to

742
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:44,879
Speaker 4: show me his cruise booking through the app to prove

743
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:46,760
Speaker 4: that he will be alone in the room. He also

744
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 4: passed me his phone to check his chat with al THEA.

745
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 4: I didn't check the cruise booking as even if he

746
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:54,439
Speaker 4: is not sharing a room with anyone, it doesn't prove

747
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 4: that he is going alone. There isn't much suspicion in

748
00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 4: his chat with al Thea, apart from the I will

749
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 4: definitely say yes if I'm not married. Whilst rolling through text,

750
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:06,360
Speaker 4: he was explaining the conversation that he had with alt Thea.

751
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:09,719
Speaker 4: He invited her as he knew that she enjoyed cruises

752
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 4: in gambling, but it's too costly for her to go frequently.

753
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 4: He didn't invite any other friends as they have family

754
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,919
Speaker 4: commitments or they have no interest in cruises. He will

755
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:20,840
Speaker 4: still go on this upcoming cruise alone as after this

756
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:24,040
Speaker 4: cruise he will be upgraded to the next tier. This

757
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:27,440
Speaker 4: means that our next cruise will come with free room upgrades,

758
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 4: lounge access and another place to eat with peace without

759
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 4: squeezing in the buffet area. I then explained in details

760
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:37,799
Speaker 4: why it was inappropriate to invite her. She recently broke up,

761
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:40,600
Speaker 4: she doesn't have clear boundaries with the opposite gender, and

762
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:44,680
Speaker 4: she has no control in booze intake. As a responsible adult,

763
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:48,960
Speaker 4: You don't put yourself in circumstances with unnecessary risks. Things

764
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,640
Speaker 4: may or may not happen. If it happens, you have

765
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:54,760
Speaker 4: to bear the consequences if it doesn't happen. You already

766
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:57,320
Speaker 4: knew that you can resist the temptation, but it doesn't

767
00:35:57,360 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 4: mean you can resist it again next time. I did not.

768
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 4: I'm stay in contact with all of my exes because

769
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 4: I don't want to have all of the unnecessary risks.

770
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:07,360
Speaker 4: I add close friends of the opposite gender, but I

771
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:10,759
Speaker 4: went low contact after they have partners because both of

772
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,040
Speaker 4: us are innocent. This does not mean that it will

773
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:16,040
Speaker 4: not cause issues in their relationships. I have never stopped

774
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:18,319
Speaker 4: him from meeting friends of the opposite gender because I

775
00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:21,839
Speaker 4: trust him, but now, because of his interactions with al THEA,

776
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,680
Speaker 4: it makes me not want to meet and know Althia personally.

777
00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 4: ALTHEA isn't going to be the last case if he

778
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:30,400
Speaker 4: continues to blur his boundaries with the opposite gender. And

779
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,760
Speaker 4: I told him that it's not her fault, it's his fault.

780
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:35,480
Speaker 4: But I'm okay for him to continue to go out

781
00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:37,840
Speaker 4: for a meal with her. Just don't invite me. He

782
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,480
Speaker 4: said he doesn't intend to meet her anytime soon. Because

783
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:43,759
Speaker 4: of this issue, he now understood why it's so inappropriate

784
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:45,439
Speaker 4: to invite her to go on a cruise with him.

785
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,120
Speaker 4: He said that I am his first relationship, so he's

786
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:50,399
Speaker 4: still learning what is right and what is wrong. Oh wow,

787
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:53,400
Speaker 4: first relationship. It is unfair for me to expect him

788
00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 4: to know it from a start, as even with our

789
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:58,280
Speaker 4: seven years of relationship together, he is still a learning

790
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:01,120
Speaker 4: new things. It is better for me to tell him directly.

791
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:03,400
Speaker 4: I asked him if he has rejected Althia's interest to

792
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,120
Speaker 4: go on and cruise with him. He said that he

793
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:07,840
Speaker 4: didn't intend to. Uh, He'll just wait until she asks

794
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:09,840
Speaker 4: again and tell her that he no longer has the

795
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:12,840
Speaker 4: free cruise. I told him that this is not acceptable.

796
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 4: I would expect him to downright reject her now and

797
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:18,239
Speaker 4: not keep her hopes up. I don't want her to

798
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:20,040
Speaker 4: think that it's okay to go on a trip with him.

799
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,680
Speaker 4: He said that he will tell her, but won't mention

800
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:25,759
Speaker 4: it is because I objected to it. Man, Yeah, I

801
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:27,680
Speaker 4: don't know. I guess it's kind of hard for me

802
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,840
Speaker 4: to like think about this relationship when I feel so

803
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,840
Speaker 4: differently about like gender norms.

804
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:35,600
Speaker 5: I guess I agree. I just feel like they don't

805
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,680
Speaker 5: trust each other. That's that's my problem. At the end

806
00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 5: of the day. It feels like they don't trust each other.

807
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:41,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I don't know. I just I feel like

808
00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:44,920
Speaker 4: I would in some contexts and in some situations, like

809
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:46,440
Speaker 4: it might be weird to go on to one on

810
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:49,279
Speaker 4: one trip with the friend of the gender that you're

811
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:51,600
Speaker 4: attracted to, But like, I don't know if you trust

812
00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 4: your person, Yeah, well she doesn't.

813
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:54,839
Speaker 5: Yeah, she doesn't trust her.

814
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:58,279
Speaker 7: And also I feel like the whole the evidence that

815
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:01,960
Speaker 7: Althea wasn't a trustworthy persona was that she sat on

816
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:05,480
Speaker 7: another guy's lap who we don't know was in a relationship.

817
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 4: Never heard that right, and like could just like him,

818
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 4: didn't see red Bull randas. What was that comment that

819
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:13,800
Speaker 4: you clicked on one second? Uh, he's getting the cruise

820
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:16,840
Speaker 4: because he gambles so much that he's considered a high roller.

821
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:20,160
Speaker 4: They get their food, room, bars, stuff like that come

822
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:23,720
Speaker 4: colped because they drop so much money in casino in day.

823
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:26,680
Speaker 5: Interesting, That's that's crazy.

824
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:30,800
Speaker 4: They're basically just paying for pretty much.

825
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:31,560
Speaker 5: Yeah.

826
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:34,879
Speaker 4: Literally, that's so funny. That's so funny. Yeah, at first,

827
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 4: I was like, what can I do to get like

828
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 4: this guy. But I don't want to do that. Hey,

829
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:38,799
Speaker 4: I don't want to do that.

830
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:39,880
Speaker 5: There is a.

831
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:42,319
Speaker 4: Little bit more. He mentioned that he would wish to

832
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:45,400
Speaker 4: maintain his friendship with Althea, as she had initiated to

833
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:47,919
Speaker 4: help him through difficult times before my husband and I met,

834
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 4: and he won't be able to pass through those times

835
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:52,799
Speaker 4: without her help. It is difficult for him at his

836
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,560
Speaker 4: age with his work nature, having no colleagues to make

837
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:58,880
Speaker 4: new friends. His friends will only get fewer as he ages,

838
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 4: unlike me, who can make new friends through work. Hence

839
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:05,120
Speaker 4: his he treasures every friendship he has. Now, I agreed

840
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:07,279
Speaker 4: to let him keep the friendship with Althea, but they

841
00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:10,239
Speaker 4: have to maintain clear boundaries going forward. His actions and

842
00:39:10,280 --> 00:39:12,920
Speaker 4: words sounded very sincere to me, and hence I've decided

843
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:15,279
Speaker 4: to move past this issue. We will work together to

844
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 4: earn back the trust level I had for him previously.

845
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 8: I refuse to adopt my husband's step daughter because I'll

846
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 8: end up doing.

847
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:23,520
Speaker 6: All the work.

848
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 8: Honestly, Vallan, I'm thirty three female and my husband is

849
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:30,439
Speaker 8: thirty five male, and he has a daughter who's ten,

850
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 8: and she has a sister who's not my husband's kid

851
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:37,319
Speaker 8: who's three. Their mother is a heavy drinker. Last year

852
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:40,480
Speaker 8: we put her in rehab and it helped. She came out,

853
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 8: got a job and started making a good life for

854
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:45,440
Speaker 8: her kids. By the way, this comes from user royal

855
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:47,920
Speaker 8: Return seven one three six, and if you want to

856
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:50,440
Speaker 8: submit your own stories just like this one, just go

857
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:53,879
Speaker 8: to the r slash okay storytime subreddit and do y'all thing.

858
00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:56,400
Speaker 8: Three months ago, his daughter called in the middle of

859
00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:59,440
Speaker 8: the night saying her mom wasn't home, they hadn't eaten,

860
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 8: and that' they needed help. We went over there and

861
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:05,480
Speaker 8: a few minutes later her mom came back wasted and

862
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:08,759
Speaker 8: probably on other stuff as well. He put her back

863
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 8: in rehab and we've kept both kids. She just got

864
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 8: out and has been talking about how she wants my

865
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 8: husband to adopt her daughter, as she feels she's going

866
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:19,359
Speaker 8: to relapse again and she wants him to just take

867
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 8: the kids after the adoption is finalized. My husband just

868
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,520
Speaker 8: agreed and didn't talk to me about it. When he

869
00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:27,640
Speaker 8: finally talked to me, he said that it will be

870
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 8: better for both of them if this happens and the

871
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,920
Speaker 8: little girl already lives with us. I told him that

872
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:34,880
Speaker 8: he's not taking care of the three year old and

873
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:37,719
Speaker 8: that I am. I also told him that even though

874
00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:40,359
Speaker 8: I work from home, someday I have to go into

875
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:42,799
Speaker 8: the office and it's very random and I can't just

876
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 8: drop her off with anybody because I don't know their schedule.

877
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:49,160
Speaker 8: I also told him that we are having our baby

878
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 8: and I can't handle a baby, a toddler, and a

879
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:55,120
Speaker 8: ten year old. I told him that's too much to handle.

880
00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 8: He said I could just quit my job and stay

881
00:40:57,600 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 8: home until they all turn five or six, and then

882
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 8: go back to work. I told him, if he wants

883
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:05,200
Speaker 8: to adopt her, that he can do that and I

884
00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:07,279
Speaker 8: can go in full time and make more than he's

885
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:10,799
Speaker 8: making and take care of everyone. He got mad and

886
00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:13,319
Speaker 8: said he's going to adopt her whether I like it

887
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:15,799
Speaker 8: or not. I had talked to some people and they

888
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:18,160
Speaker 8: said it's best for the little girl since she doesn't

889
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:20,480
Speaker 8: have family on her mom's side and we don't know

890
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 8: her dad, so that I need to just suck it

891
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:23,799
Speaker 8: up and leave.

892
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:26,279
Speaker 3: So am I the a hole? Edit?

893
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:28,520
Speaker 8: If you all have asked questions, I will try to

894
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 8: answer them, But the main question I keep seeing is

895
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:34,120
Speaker 8: what is the plan with my bio kid. The answer

896
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:36,480
Speaker 8: is I had planned to work and probably see if

897
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:38,719
Speaker 8: I could try to not go into the office as much,

898
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:41,480
Speaker 8: and my mom said, if she's nearby, she won't mind

899
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:44,440
Speaker 8: watching her. But the plan is not solidified and if

900
00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:45,239
Speaker 8: that doesn't work.

901
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:45,960
Speaker 3: Daycare.

902
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:48,320
Speaker 8: A lot of people asked why can't we take the

903
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 8: three year old to daycare. The answer to that is

904
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:53,640
Speaker 8: we brought her last year, and she screamed and cried

905
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:56,280
Speaker 8: and I had to go pick her up early almost

906
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:56,839
Speaker 8: every day.

907
00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 3: They said she might do better at home rather than there.

908
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,359
Speaker 8: I think she just likes to be around people she's

909
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:05,560
Speaker 8: comfortable with, and she knows us, so she's comfortable with us.

910
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:10,040
Speaker 8: People also ask where my stepdaughter goes sometimes after school care,

911
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 8: but most times I'm able to pick her up. Someone

912
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:15,480
Speaker 8: also asked how the three year old called? How the

913
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:18,440
Speaker 8: three year old called? But to specify, she didn't call.

914
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 8: It was my stepdaughter who called us last thing. The

915
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:24,360
Speaker 8: three year old is not my husband's kid. They are

916
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:27,399
Speaker 8: all so different races. Oh, he was not the a hole.

917
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:32,799
Speaker 8: There's some top comments here is the child's father not

918
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:35,719
Speaker 8: an option. I can understand how you feel about the situation,

919
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:39,320
Speaker 8: and it is grossly unfair and a huge imposition. However,

920
00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:40,920
Speaker 8: this is one of those times in life where you

921
00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:43,880
Speaker 8: should probably find a compromise. This is the sister of

922
00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 8: your husband's daughter. Your stepdaughter will not understand if you

923
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:49,880
Speaker 8: send her sister off to live god knows where and

924
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 8: under less than ideal circumstances. If you want stepdaughter to

925
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:55,920
Speaker 8: have a loving relationship with the child you are having,

926
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:59,160
Speaker 8: then let her continue with her relationship with the sister

927
00:42:59,239 --> 00:43:01,920
Speaker 8: she already had. Would your husband pay for a nanny,

928
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:05,239
Speaker 8: maybe even two nanny's so there's always coverage when you

929
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:06,960
Speaker 8: return to work and you won't have to take the

930
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:10,200
Speaker 8: hit to your career. Not a whole though, it is

931
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,839
Speaker 8: very unfortunate that his ex didn't make more of a

932
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:17,640
Speaker 8: mature decision and forego a second child considering her regular use. Ope,

933
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:21,160
Speaker 8: the child's father is not an option. He doesn't know

934
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:23,400
Speaker 8: she exists, and he's just like her mother, and she

935
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:27,399
Speaker 8: doesn't know where he is. Commenter two Info, what about

936
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:29,480
Speaker 8: the three year old's father a paternal again with the

937
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:32,520
Speaker 8: father paternal grandparents? Also, why not just make your husband

938
00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:35,040
Speaker 8: the legal guardian for now in case mom gets her

939
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:38,440
Speaker 8: stuff together? Why did he volunteer you. We don't know

940
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:41,040
Speaker 8: who the father is, we don't know if he has family.

941
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:43,279
Speaker 8: I think they are still working out everything. But she

942
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:46,120
Speaker 8: doesn't think she's going to get her crap together, so

943
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:47,960
Speaker 8: she just wants him to take them permanently.

944
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:49,000
Speaker 3: That's so awful.

945
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:52,839
Speaker 2: I feel like's disgusting that that kind of feels. And

946
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:56,359
Speaker 2: that's why, you know, addictions are crazy thing, right, Like.

947
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:58,560
Speaker 3: It's a disease and it's it's terrible.

948
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:01,640
Speaker 8: But is there no part of this mom that just

949
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 8: like has anything for her own kids?

950
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:05,960
Speaker 6: Well, I'm sure is trying to.

951
00:44:06,239 --> 00:44:08,479
Speaker 2: It sounds like to me it feels like she's trying

952
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:12,719
Speaker 2: to stifle it and being like, if I just get

953
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 2: rid of the responsibility or the presence of my children,

954
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:19,000
Speaker 2: then I can fully just be I can lean into

955
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:23,440
Speaker 2: my addiction without feeling as bad because then no longer

956
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 2: it's no longer on me to take care of my kids.

957
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:28,200
Speaker 6: Right, which is the addiction talking.

958
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:31,680
Speaker 8: Yeah, it's she's clearly not in her right mind. It's

959
00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:34,880
Speaker 8: sad that she doesn't like that. The bio mom doesn't

960
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:36,960
Speaker 8: even like think she's going to be able to get

961
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:40,360
Speaker 8: her stuff together and doesn't really seem like she wants

962
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:41,280
Speaker 8: to at this point.

963
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean it makes sense that he's like, we

964
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:44,359
Speaker 6: should do this.

965
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:46,600
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do this, but it's like, you can't do

966
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 2: that when you're in a relationship, in a partnership or

967
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:51,279
Speaker 2: a marriage and you are a kid on the way,

968
00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:53,040
Speaker 2: It's like, you can't do that.

969
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:54,839
Speaker 3: Tom Menser three not the a hole.

970
00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:57,800
Speaker 8: Him becoming a stay at home dad until the baby

971
00:44:57,880 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 8: is in school sounds like an excellent comp He can

972
00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:02,960
Speaker 8: be the one to take the career hit since it's

973
00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:05,400
Speaker 8: his idea to take in an unrelated toddler coming for

974
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:08,360
Speaker 8: not the a whole your husband is. It may be

975
00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:10,719
Speaker 8: the right decision for the kids, but he made it

976
00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 8: without and gave you an ultimatum. That's a hard pass

977
00:45:14,239 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 8: for me. I think it wouldn't take long before you

978
00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:19,400
Speaker 8: became extremely resentful of the kids. There you go, and

979
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:21,879
Speaker 8: it will show no matter what you try. I'm really

980
00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:24,759
Speaker 8: sorry you're in this position. Personally, i'd be done. And

981
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:30,680
Speaker 8: we do have an update. Three spongebb voys three days leta.

982
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:33,480
Speaker 8: So I've returned and I wanted to address a few questions.

983
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:36,520
Speaker 8: Number One, race does not matter to me. I wouldn't

984
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:38,960
Speaker 8: care if she was white, Hispanic, Asian, or Indian. The

985
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,200
Speaker 8: only reason I said that was people kept accusing my

986
00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 8: husband of being the father. Another thing, yes, I am pregnant.

987
00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:48,520
Speaker 8: Last thing, people kept asking why our schedule now won't work.

988
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:52,320
Speaker 8: And this schedule is temporary, not permanent. If it was permanent,

989
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:54,680
Speaker 8: I would probably get fired. So I talked to my

990
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:57,040
Speaker 8: husband on Saturday and told him that I don't want

991
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:59,400
Speaker 8: him to adopt her. Of course, he asked why, and

992
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 8: I've told him my reasons, which are that I've already

993
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 8: sacrificed a lot for this child, that I can't handle

994
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:07,480
Speaker 8: three children, especially with two that little and who are

995
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:09,759
Speaker 8: probably going to want to be on me, and that

996
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:12,400
Speaker 8: this was never part of the deal. He tried to

997
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:14,719
Speaker 8: argue that there was no deal, and I told him

998
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:17,680
Speaker 8: there was. When I married him. It was supposed to

999
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:20,400
Speaker 8: be one child that wasn't mine that I was supposed

1000
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:23,439
Speaker 8: to care for. He tried to explain that she's young

1001
00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:25,759
Speaker 8: and that she needs us, and I told him that

1002
00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:28,319
Speaker 8: I get that, but he has no plans for what

1003
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:30,719
Speaker 8: will happen if he gets her. He tried to say,

1004
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:33,279
Speaker 8: I leave my job, but I told him again that

1005
00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:36,200
Speaker 8: I'm not doing that. I told him that this would

1006
00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:38,160
Speaker 8: be a real deal breaker for me, and that I

1007
00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:40,640
Speaker 8: would be okay helping him get some form of custody

1008
00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:43,400
Speaker 8: for her as long as it won't affect me, and

1009
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:46,239
Speaker 8: then I would want to leave. He tried to say

1010
00:46:46,239 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 8: that they will need a mom and what we would

1011
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:50,480
Speaker 8: do with our baby, and I told him either fifty

1012
00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:52,920
Speaker 8: to fifty or I get full custody and he can

1013
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:55,440
Speaker 8: pay child support. He kept trying to say he was

1014
00:46:55,520 --> 00:46:57,239
Speaker 8: just trying to do the right thing and that it

1015
00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 8: feels like I'm punishing him for that, and I told

1016
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:01,640
Speaker 8: him I will wasn't, but this would be where I

1017
00:47:01,719 --> 00:47:04,360
Speaker 8: draw the line, because I'm not doing or dealing with that.

1018
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 8: So he asked if I did divorce, would I be

1019
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,279
Speaker 8: willing to watch his kids if he were busy, or

1020
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 8: at least hang out with them as they are attached

1021
00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:13,560
Speaker 8: to me, and maybe let them come over to my

1022
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:18,000
Speaker 8: house some weekends. I told him no to watching them,

1023
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:20,080
Speaker 8: as that would have to be on him to figure out.

1024
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:22,759
Speaker 8: I said his daughter could come to my house sometimes,

1025
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:26,080
Speaker 8: but even then he kept on saying I was punishing

1026
00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:28,520
Speaker 8: him for trying to help, and I told him that

1027
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:29,960
Speaker 8: it wasn't on him to help.

1028
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:30,920
Speaker 3: I understand.

1029
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:32,920
Speaker 8: He feels like he's got to help her, But I

1030
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 8: said that she told you she would and you just

1031
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:37,360
Speaker 8: said okay and jumped with it and never asked me.

1032
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:41,640
Speaker 2: I mean, I think him trying to be like, you know,

1033
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:43,719
Speaker 2: you're punishing me for just wanting to do like the

1034
00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:46,640
Speaker 2: right thing is. It's like, yeah, you want, you do

1035
00:47:46,719 --> 00:47:49,760
Speaker 2: want to do like this righteous thing for this girl,

1036
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:55,239
Speaker 2: but also you're putting all of the like responsibility for

1037
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:56,160
Speaker 2: it on OP.

1038
00:47:56,640 --> 00:47:59,520
Speaker 3: He's gas lighting OP immensely right now.

1039
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:02,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, like, well, you're punishing me for trying

1040
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,080
Speaker 2: to do the right thing. It's like you're actually trying

1041
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:06,880
Speaker 2: to make her do the right thing because you're not

1042
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:09,520
Speaker 2: going to be the one taking care of the kids constantly.

1043
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,239
Speaker 2: You're not the one who's gonna give birth to your

1044
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 2: new baby who's then gonna have to take care of

1045
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:17,040
Speaker 2: that at the same time as a new toddler who's

1046
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:20,359
Speaker 2: been neglected by their mother. And yet yeah, it's also

1047
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:25,880
Speaker 2: like your child's sister, but like you are just not

1048
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 2: in a place where your partner Ope feels that that

1049
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:32,879
Speaker 2: is possible for them. So yeah, if you really were

1050
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:35,680
Speaker 2: like this is the righteous thing to do, you would

1051
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:36,920
Speaker 2: be the one quitting your.

1052
00:48:36,840 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 6: Job so you could take care of the kids full time.

1053
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:43,000
Speaker 8: It's just it's not fair to really to anyone in

1054
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:46,839
Speaker 8: this situation. Yes, the husband is the a hole here,

1055
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:49,400
Speaker 8: I think fully.

1056
00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:50,640
Speaker 6: Because it's just because it needed to be a conversation.

1057
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:56,359
Speaker 8: Yeah, I think his like, I'm doing this without you, regardless,

1058
00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:57,560
Speaker 8: I'm doing this no.

1059
00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,640
Speaker 3: Matter what is his wrong.

1060
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:02,440
Speaker 8: I get that he wants to do the best thing

1061
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:04,520
Speaker 8: for these girls, even though he's not related to them,

1062
00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:09,080
Speaker 8: but he did it in the wrong way and he

1063
00:49:09,160 --> 00:49:13,680
Speaker 8: is now making it everybody's problem. It's not a good

1064
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:15,840
Speaker 8: situation for anyone to be with. But you have to

1065
00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:19,720
Speaker 8: be realistic here, like you are sacrificing the well being

1066
00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:22,600
Speaker 8: of your two bio kids for this one girl who, yes,

1067
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:24,840
Speaker 8: she needs a mother, she needs a parent, But that's

1068
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:28,280
Speaker 8: not an op to have to want to do exactly.

1069
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:29,959
Speaker 6: It's not exactly it.

1070
00:49:29,960 --> 00:49:31,280
Speaker 3: It's not her responsibility.

1071
00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:31,840
Speaker 6: It's really not.

1072
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 2: And it's awful to have to like weigh the importance

1073
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 2: of anyone in this situation. But it's like, if you

1074
00:49:39,719 --> 00:49:45,440
Speaker 2: did your your wife and your unborn child would have

1075
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:51,279
Speaker 2: to take priority over your your daughter's half sister, and

1076
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:55,120
Speaker 2: that's terrible. That's that that is a terrible algebraic equation.

1077
00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:56,279
Speaker 6: That sucks. I hate that.

1078
00:49:56,840 --> 00:50:00,440
Speaker 2: But like if you just made it math, that in

1079
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:02,759
Speaker 2: my head be what it was and doesn't mean that

1080
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,439
Speaker 2: she's not important or not worth it, Like you should

1081
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:07,000
Speaker 2: do whatever you can to help her.

1082
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:09,239
Speaker 6: But like it clearly you.

1083
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:14,120
Speaker 3: It's not what anybody in this situation signed up. It's not.

1084
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 8: It's it's a problem that they're being forced to solve,

1085
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:20,160
Speaker 8: and there really is no good solution here. But the

1086
00:50:20,239 --> 00:50:26,320
Speaker 8: solution that husband is proposing is not absolutely not the solution.

1087
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:28,360
Speaker 6: No, he's just saying, this is the way it's gonna be.

1088
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:29,960
Speaker 6: You can't do that. It's gotta be a conversation.

1089
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:32,440
Speaker 8: That's you're asking Opie to put her entire life and

1090
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:35,480
Speaker 8: career on hold. No, she's worked for this, she has

1091
00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:38,759
Speaker 8: your own bio child on the way. You can't ask

1092
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:40,720
Speaker 8: someone to do that and expect them.

1093
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:43,600
Speaker 3: To be, oh, yeah, sure, let's do it. Yeah No,

1094
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:46,920
Speaker 3: that's not how life is. Yeah, So to the to

1095
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:47,520
Speaker 3: the update.

1096
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:50,560
Speaker 8: Then he went on trying to ask did I even

1097
00:50:50,719 --> 00:50:52,560
Speaker 8: like the little girl? And I told him that I do,

1098
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:55,760
Speaker 8: but I'm tired of making sacrifices for her and tired

1099
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:57,799
Speaker 8: of having her clinging to me all the time and

1100
00:50:57,800 --> 00:50:59,440
Speaker 8: told him that I can't deal with that.

1101
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:02,239
Speaker 3: He got mad and started yelling, so I left and

1102
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:03,600
Speaker 3: went by my mom's.

1103
00:51:03,920 --> 00:51:06,960
Speaker 8: He's tried apologizing, but my mother said not to go back,

1104
00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:09,480
Speaker 8: as I would be unhappy there and to leave that

1105
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:11,919
Speaker 8: on him. I can live with her until I find

1106
00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:14,160
Speaker 8: somewhere else, and she will be happy to watch my

1107
00:51:14,239 --> 00:51:16,640
Speaker 8: baby all day. So for now, I'm going to try

1108
00:51:16,680 --> 00:51:18,719
Speaker 8: to talk to him and see what his plans are,

1109
00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:21,400
Speaker 8: and if he still doesn't have any any then we

1110
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:25,960
Speaker 8: may get a divorce. Top comments are comment to one

1111
00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:28,560
Speaker 8: not the a hole. Even when you were telling him

1112
00:51:28,600 --> 00:51:31,600
Speaker 8: you would leave, he was asking you about childcare while

1113
00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:33,520
Speaker 8: you were gone. Do not agree to look after or

1114
00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:36,160
Speaker 8: help with the children. He needs to understand that adopting

1115
00:51:36,200 --> 00:51:39,239
Speaker 8: this little girl will be on him completely. Also, get

1116
00:51:39,239 --> 00:51:41,239
Speaker 8: a storage locker and start to move your stuff out.

1117
00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:42,799
Speaker 3: Commentary too.

1118
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:45,640
Speaker 8: I laughed out loud when Opie's husband asked if she

1119
00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:47,920
Speaker 8: would still babysit if they got divorced.

1120
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:50,359
Speaker 3: This man does not get it at all.

1121
00:51:50,680 --> 00:51:53,320
Speaker 8: He keeps asking about how it is important to adopt

1122
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:56,400
Speaker 8: the little girl, or keeps talking about how important it

1123
00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:58,719
Speaker 8: is to adopt the little girl, but he is continually

1124
00:51:58,760 --> 00:52:01,919
Speaker 8: making unilateral decision. The thing that frustrated me the most

1125
00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:05,200
Speaker 8: about this entire story is that Opie's husband was willing

1126
00:52:05,239 --> 00:52:07,960
Speaker 8: to adopt, but wasn't willing to do any of the work.

1127
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:10,279
Speaker 8: Opie was left to take care of the two soon

1128
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:12,880
Speaker 8: to be three children, and he didn't really do anything

1129
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:15,560
Speaker 8: to make her life easier. When OPI mentioned that it

1130
00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:17,879
Speaker 8: would be hard to work with three kids, he told

1131
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:19,000
Speaker 8: her to quit her job.

1132
00:52:19,320 --> 00:52:21,280
Speaker 3: Opie was absolutely.

1133
00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:23,280
Speaker 8: Correct in stating that her husband should quit his job,

1134
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:25,239
Speaker 8: as she could make more money than him if she

1135
00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:29,080
Speaker 8: worked more hours. However, he didn't like that option as

1136
00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:31,439
Speaker 8: it would mean he would actually have to take care

1137
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:34,200
Speaker 8: of his own children. I wish OPI the best and

1138
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:36,719
Speaker 8: hope that she gets full custody. I can see her

1139
00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:39,640
Speaker 8: husband trying to pawn off responsibility for his child with

1140
00:52:39,719 --> 00:52:42,040
Speaker 8: OPI from the beginning, so it may be best if

1141
00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:45,799
Speaker 8: he isn't involved. Relationships are about compromise, but in this

1142
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:48,840
Speaker 8: relationship it has been changed to do as I say,

1143
00:52:48,880 --> 00:52:54,160
Speaker 8: not as I do. Another commentor sorry? But is he slow?

1144
00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:57,200
Speaker 3: You want to leave him? If he adopts the child?

1145
00:52:57,640 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 8: Asks if you'll help take care of them if you divorce.

1146
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:03,960
Speaker 8: He's spiraling because he wasn't expecting you to divorce him.

1147
00:53:04,239 --> 00:53:06,840
Speaker 8: He's trying to bully you into accepting he won't go

1148
00:53:06,960 --> 00:53:09,360
Speaker 8: through with it because his only plan for the adoption

1149
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:12,400
Speaker 8: was you to be the primary carer. He has no

1150
00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:14,759
Speaker 8: other childcare options, hence why he wants you to quit

1151
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:17,120
Speaker 8: your job. I'm thinking it's less of a do the

1152
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:19,959
Speaker 8: right thing situation and more of a make my wife

1153
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:22,120
Speaker 8: do the grunt work whilst I have zero life change,

1154
00:53:22,120 --> 00:53:24,880
Speaker 8: but everyone thinks I'm a hero. Honestly, I'd leave that

1155
00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:29,919
Speaker 8: man regardless. Comet four, your marriage is over. He will

1156
00:53:29,920 --> 00:53:32,080
Speaker 8: either keep trying to manipulate you into doing what he

1157
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:35,040
Speaker 8: wants because he truly does not care about or respect

1158
00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:37,200
Speaker 8: your feelings, or he will let the child go and

1159
00:53:37,239 --> 00:53:40,560
Speaker 8: resent you. Then he will throw it in your face constantly.

1160
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:43,680
Speaker 8: Either way, it's over. Get a lawyer and start a

1161
00:53:43,680 --> 00:53:46,840
Speaker 8: plan that does not include this marriage. Wow, and that sadly,

1162
00:53:47,040 --> 00:53:50,719
Speaker 8: we don't have any resolution included in this this story.

1163
00:53:50,520 --> 00:53:53,040
Speaker 6: Is I think that's probably the resolution.

1164
00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:56,120
Speaker 8: To be honest, because yeah, the husband is husband's never

1165
00:53:56,120 --> 00:53:57,160
Speaker 8: gonna let that go at this.

1166
00:53:57,120 --> 00:54:01,799
Speaker 2: Point, Untilly, If as soon as he wasn't immediate immediately

1167
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:04,560
Speaker 2: like okay, yeah, I will quit my job. Actually, you're right,

1168
00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:06,640
Speaker 2: because you would be making more money, So I'll quit

1169
00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:08,200
Speaker 2: my job and take care of all the kids all day.

1170
00:54:08,480 --> 00:54:12,000
Speaker 8: I mean, opp became like solution did the hypocrite Yeah,

1171
00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:15,200
Speaker 8: Op offered the solution of Okay, this can happen, but

1172
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:17,879
Speaker 8: you you're leaving their job. I'm gonna earn more money.

1173
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:19,879
Speaker 8: I'm gonna do my work. I didn't ask for this,

1174
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:21,719
Speaker 8: but if you want this, you do the work.

1175
00:54:21,760 --> 00:54:24,200
Speaker 3: He said. No, okay. I wonder if part of.

1176
00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:27,920
Speaker 8: It may have been maybe like a masculine thing for him,

1177
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:29,719
Speaker 8: like I'm the man, I gotta go to do the work.

1178
00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:31,040
Speaker 6: John here og host.

1179
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:32,759
Speaker 3: We're gonna get back to these stories, but a quick

1180
00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:33,440
Speaker 3: three minute.

1181
00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:34,680
Speaker 6: Break from hops for more sponsors.

1182
00:54:35,160 --> 00:54:39,600
Speaker 2: My mother has been gaining weight on purpose for her boyfriend.

1183
00:54:39,760 --> 00:54:42,799
Speaker 8: That's a I mean, if you're hungry, eat, but not

1184
00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:43,879
Speaker 8: for anybody else.

1185
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:49,040
Speaker 2: Trigger warning here for emotionally harmful slash feeder relationship. The

1186
00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:53,320
Speaker 2: problem relates to my nineteen female mother forty five female

1187
00:54:53,480 --> 00:54:56,000
Speaker 2: and her weight gain over the last year or so.

1188
00:54:56,600 --> 00:54:59,359
Speaker 2: It started sometime last spring or summer, A few months

1189
00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:02,759
Speaker 2: after she had started dating her current boyfriend, Mike. By

1190
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:05,120
Speaker 2: the way, this comes from user throw Away for Life,

1191
00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:07,080
Speaker 2: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

1192
00:55:07,080 --> 00:55:08,840
Speaker 2: to the RT slash Showcase storytime subreddit.

1193
00:55:08,920 --> 00:55:12,520
Speaker 6: I'm Dakota, I'm mat. Prior to that point, she was

1194
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:13,680
Speaker 6: in decent shape.

1195
00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:17,040
Speaker 2: My mom was always a bit overweight during my childhood

1196
00:55:18,080 --> 00:55:22,000
Speaker 2: and teenage years, but after my parents split up about

1197
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:24,520
Speaker 2: two and a half years ago, she started taking better

1198
00:55:24,600 --> 00:55:28,480
Speaker 2: care of herself. We became running and diet partners, and

1199
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:32,680
Speaker 2: she eventually reached the one thirties, although her weight still fluctuated.

1200
00:55:33,440 --> 00:55:36,439
Speaker 2: Sometime around late January of last year, she met Mike.

1201
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 2: He seemed like a nice enough guy when I met him,

1202
00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:42,680
Speaker 2: and they soon became serious. Mike is the first serious

1203
00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:46,120
Speaker 2: relationship my mom has had since she split with my dad.

1204
00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:48,919
Speaker 2: Things were fine heading into the summer of last year,

1205
00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:53,440
Speaker 2: and then sometime around my high school graduation in June,

1206
00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:55,560
Speaker 2: she told me that she needed to have an important

1207
00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:58,480
Speaker 2: conversation with me. When we talked, she told me that

1208
00:55:58,520 --> 00:56:01,680
Speaker 2: she was going to be seriously cutting back on our runs.

1209
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:04,160
Speaker 2: She said that it was because she wanted to put

1210
00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:07,760
Speaker 2: on some weight and become curvier again. Mike had told

1211
00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:12,200
Speaker 2: her that he preferred women who were more curvy, and

1212
00:56:12,239 --> 00:56:15,319
Speaker 2: she wanted to please him. She also said that she

1213
00:56:15,360 --> 00:56:18,080
Speaker 2: wanted to relax for a little while and not worry

1214
00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:20,200
Speaker 2: so much about her weight. I didn't really think that

1215
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:22,560
Speaker 2: much about it at the time, and I assumed that

1216
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:25,000
Speaker 2: my mom knew what she was doing, so I just

1217
00:56:25,080 --> 00:56:26,200
Speaker 2: left it at that and.

1218
00:56:26,160 --> 00:56:28,000
Speaker 6: Didn't really try to discourage her.

1219
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:31,320
Speaker 2: She seemed content with her decision, and I was happy

1220
00:56:31,400 --> 00:56:34,600
Speaker 2: to see her relationship with Mike going so well. After

1221
00:56:34,680 --> 00:56:37,759
Speaker 2: our conversation, my mom cut her runs with me from

1222
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:40,840
Speaker 2: four to five days a week to just one to

1223
00:56:40,920 --> 00:56:43,640
Speaker 2: two days a week, and she started walking instead of

1224
00:56:43,719 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 2: running or jogging. She also stopped being so strict with

1225
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:49,800
Speaker 2: her diet. She had cut things out like SODA's and

1226
00:56:49,880 --> 00:56:52,320
Speaker 2: junk food in order to lose weight, but she started

1227
00:56:52,320 --> 00:56:53,760
Speaker 2: eating and drinking them again.

1228
00:56:54,360 --> 00:56:55,040
Speaker 6: As you can.

1229
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:56,839
Speaker 2: Guess, she started to put on some of the weight

1230
00:56:56,880 --> 00:56:59,080
Speaker 2: she had lost, and by the time I went to

1231
00:56:59,120 --> 00:57:02,600
Speaker 2: college last fall, she had probably put on about fifteen

1232
00:57:02,640 --> 00:57:05,720
Speaker 2: to twenty pounds, which put her back around.

1233
00:57:05,400 --> 00:57:07,720
Speaker 6: What she weighed when she was still with my dad.

1234
00:57:08,400 --> 00:57:11,279
Speaker 2: I wasn't that worried, though my mom carried the weight

1235
00:57:11,320 --> 00:57:14,319
Speaker 2: well and seemed happy with her decision and her relationship

1236
00:57:14,440 --> 00:57:14,839
Speaker 2: with Mike.

1237
00:57:15,719 --> 00:57:17,040
Speaker 6: I didn't see or speak.

1238
00:57:16,840 --> 00:57:19,160
Speaker 2: To my mom that much for the next month until

1239
00:57:19,160 --> 00:57:21,840
Speaker 2: I came home for fall break. That was the first

1240
00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:24,200
Speaker 2: time I had seen her since move in weekend, and

1241
00:57:24,240 --> 00:57:27,280
Speaker 2: she had put on even more weight. I thought it

1242
00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:30,160
Speaker 2: would be okay if I tried to subtly encourage her

1243
00:57:30,160 --> 00:57:32,800
Speaker 2: to be a little healthier, especially since she had stopped

1244
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:36,080
Speaker 2: exercising alltogether by this point. I tried to get her

1245
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:38,600
Speaker 2: to go on a run with me overbreak, but she

1246
00:57:38,600 --> 00:57:41,120
Speaker 2: would just give me an excuse each time, like it's

1247
00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:43,360
Speaker 2: too cold, or she's too tired, et CE.

1248
00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:47,000
Speaker 6: Or Mike would discourage her.

1249
00:57:47,280 --> 00:57:49,840
Speaker 2: I also couldn't help but notice that her diet had

1250
00:57:49,840 --> 00:57:52,920
Speaker 2: become even worse. It seemed like almost everything she ate

1251
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:55,440
Speaker 2: now was fast food or some kind of junk food.

1252
00:57:55,880 --> 00:57:58,560
Speaker 2: I suspected that this was mostly Mike's doing, since he

1253
00:57:58,640 --> 00:58:01,960
Speaker 2: was always bringing home on healthy food and avoiding things

1254
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:05,200
Speaker 2: like fruits and vegetables. Still, I didn't really feel like

1255
00:58:05,240 --> 00:58:07,800
Speaker 2: it was my place to say anything yet, so I

1256
00:58:07,920 --> 00:58:10,840
Speaker 2: left it be. I went back to school and didn't

1257
00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:13,560
Speaker 2: come back home again until Thanksgiving break. But it was

1258
00:58:13,640 --> 00:58:16,320
Speaker 2: more of the same. My mom had gained more weight.

1259
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:19,440
Speaker 2: I hadn't planned on saying anything, but I got worried

1260
00:58:19,440 --> 00:58:22,080
Speaker 2: after watching her eat over break. Even though I knew

1261
00:58:22,120 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 2: it was normal for people to indulge over Thanksgiving, it

1262
00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:27,760
Speaker 2: seemed like she was always eating. I would see Mike

1263
00:58:27,920 --> 00:58:31,200
Speaker 2: constantly bringing her snacks and Mom would eat it, even

1264
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:34,000
Speaker 2: if she said she was full or not hungry. He

1265
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:36,520
Speaker 2: would make a big fuss until she gave in and

1266
00:58:36,720 --> 00:58:38,400
Speaker 2: ate whatever it was he brought her.

1267
00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:38,960
Speaker 3: There we go.

1268
00:58:39,040 --> 00:58:42,280
Speaker 8: There's there's the control again. He's forcing her to do

1269
00:58:42,320 --> 00:58:43,320
Speaker 8: something she doesn't want.

1270
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:43,880
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1271
00:58:43,960 --> 00:58:46,000
Speaker 2: I made a point to speak to my mom and

1272
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:48,200
Speaker 2: told her that I noticed she had still been gaining

1273
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:50,400
Speaker 2: weight and it was starting to worry me.

1274
00:58:50,960 --> 00:58:52,240
Speaker 6: I told my mom that if she.

1275
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:54,560
Speaker 2: Continued to gain weight, it would have a negative impact

1276
00:58:54,640 --> 00:58:57,240
Speaker 2: on her health. She told me that she had just

1277
00:58:57,320 --> 00:59:00,240
Speaker 2: been enjoying herself and the freedom of not having to

1278
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:02,200
Speaker 2: worry about her weight and what she was eating.

1279
00:59:02,400 --> 00:59:04,240
Speaker 6: She said that Mike told her that he.

1280
00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:06,640
Speaker 2: Didn't care if she gained more weight after the first

1281
00:59:06,680 --> 00:59:10,000
Speaker 2: twenty pounds, and it actually encouraged her to get bigger

1282
00:59:10,080 --> 00:59:13,440
Speaker 2: and curvier. I asked her why she had decided to

1283
00:59:13,440 --> 00:59:16,280
Speaker 2: stop caring about herself and her weight, and my mom

1284
00:59:16,320 --> 00:59:18,080
Speaker 2: told me that Mike had helped her see that she

1285
00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:21,240
Speaker 2: was always meant to be an overweight woman. She now

1286
00:59:21,280 --> 00:59:24,000
Speaker 2: believed that she looked better if she was larger, and

1287
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:27,440
Speaker 2: said that she planned to gain some more weight. I'm sorry,

1288
00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:32,400
Speaker 2: nobody was meant to be overweight. We're underweight. We were

1289
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:34,600
Speaker 2: all meant to be a healthy body.

1290
00:59:34,280 --> 00:59:38,280
Speaker 8: Weight, right, Like there is some wiggle room. Like I'm

1291
00:59:38,320 --> 00:59:40,080
Speaker 8: a little chubbier than I would like to be, but

1292
00:59:40,120 --> 00:59:40,800
Speaker 8: I'm within.

1293
00:59:40,600 --> 00:59:44,680
Speaker 6: That hem you're a healthy bodyweight. Yeah, I can't.

1294
00:59:44,680 --> 00:59:46,160
Speaker 8: I'm trying to lose a little weight just to be

1295
00:59:46,160 --> 00:59:49,439
Speaker 8: a little healthier. But like, I'm not in a bad

1296
00:59:49,440 --> 00:59:51,960
Speaker 8: spot right now. And I get like not one to

1297
00:59:52,040 --> 00:59:58,160
Speaker 8: body shame people, but I think discount her discounting her

1298
00:59:58,280 --> 01:00:02,320
Speaker 8: daughter's concern about her mother health is a very bad sign.

1299
01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:03,320
Speaker 2: Right.

1300
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:07,400
Speaker 8: She's fully giving up and just fully let Mike take

1301
01:00:07,640 --> 01:00:08,640
Speaker 8: the reins on her life.

1302
01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:09,240
Speaker 6: Exactly.

1303
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:11,920
Speaker 2: She's like that thing of like the oh, well, I'm

1304
01:00:11,960 --> 01:00:13,800
Speaker 2: just doing this because I'm relaxing and I don't have

1305
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:16,720
Speaker 2: to care. It's like you kind of do have to

1306
01:00:16,800 --> 01:00:19,920
Speaker 2: care if you want to care about your health. You

1307
01:00:19,960 --> 01:00:22,080
Speaker 2: have to care to some extent, but it does it

1308
01:00:22,160 --> 01:00:23,800
Speaker 2: just feels like brainwashing at this point.

1309
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:25,360
Speaker 6: Already it feels like brainwashing.

1310
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:30,960
Speaker 2: Like Mike convinced you that that you're meant to be overweight.

1311
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:35,440
Speaker 2: That's That's not the same thing as someone saying, Oh,

1312
01:00:35,480 --> 01:00:37,200
Speaker 2: it's like I just prefer curveyer women.

1313
01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:40,600
Speaker 6: That's not the same thing at all. This is now

1314
01:00:41,080 --> 01:00:44,120
Speaker 6: quickly becoming insidious. Let's keep going.

1315
01:00:44,560 --> 01:00:48,200
Speaker 2: I asked her when she planned to stop, and she

1316
01:00:48,320 --> 01:00:50,440
Speaker 2: said when she got to around two hundred pounds.

1317
01:00:51,160 --> 01:00:52,439
Speaker 6: I sort of lost it there.

1318
01:00:52,960 --> 01:00:56,000
Speaker 2: I told her that she was eating herself into passing away,

1319
01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:59,040
Speaker 2: and that she needed to eat healthier, be more a

1320
01:00:59,080 --> 01:01:02,680
Speaker 2: lot about, be more active, and lose some weight. We

1321
01:01:02,720 --> 01:01:04,800
Speaker 2: had a huge fight, and I wound up leaving to

1322
01:01:04,880 --> 01:01:08,680
Speaker 2: go back to school early. After the Thanksgiving incident, she

1323
01:01:08,800 --> 01:01:10,840
Speaker 2: messaged me and told me that she was an adult

1324
01:01:11,120 --> 01:01:14,400
Speaker 2: and would not be lectured to or controlled by her child.

1325
01:01:14,600 --> 01:01:17,400
Speaker 2: My mom also told me that if I wanted to

1326
01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:19,800
Speaker 2: live in her house, I needed to respect her choices

1327
01:01:19,840 --> 01:01:22,840
Speaker 2: and not interfere with them or her relationship with Mike.

1328
01:01:23,520 --> 01:01:25,120
Speaker 6: I also got an email.

1329
01:01:24,840 --> 01:01:28,440
Speaker 2: From Mike and it said basically the same thing, respect

1330
01:01:28,480 --> 01:01:31,840
Speaker 2: my relationship with your mother and her choices, or don't

1331
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:34,800
Speaker 2: come home. He had actually moved into my mom's house

1332
01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:37,520
Speaker 2: by this point. I decided to spend Christmas in New

1333
01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:40,040
Speaker 2: Year's with my dad and his family, and I didn't

1334
01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:40,800
Speaker 2: come home.

1335
01:01:40,600 --> 01:01:41,720
Speaker 6: During the spring semester.

1336
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:44,640
Speaker 2: I just recently finished school and moved back into my

1337
01:01:44,680 --> 01:01:47,880
Speaker 2: mom's house for the summer. I had kept up with

1338
01:01:47,920 --> 01:01:51,400
Speaker 2: her through Facebook and knew she had still been gaining weight,

1339
01:01:51,760 --> 01:01:54,600
Speaker 2: but I didn't realize how big she had gotten until

1340
01:01:54,640 --> 01:01:57,960
Speaker 2: I got home. I would guess she's somewhere around, if

1341
01:01:58,040 --> 01:01:59,720
Speaker 2: not over, two hundred pounds.

1342
01:01:59,720 --> 01:02:03,040
Speaker 6: Now everything about her is bigger.

1343
01:02:03,360 --> 01:02:05,360
Speaker 2: She doesn't even look like my mom anymore because of

1344
01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:08,000
Speaker 2: how much weight she has gained in her face. She's

1345
01:02:08,080 --> 01:02:10,480
Speaker 2: mostly sedentary now, other than what she does at her

1346
01:02:10,480 --> 01:02:13,600
Speaker 2: office during the day. After she gets home, she sits

1347
01:02:13,640 --> 01:02:15,880
Speaker 2: on the couch and gorgeous herself.

1348
01:02:16,920 --> 01:02:19,040
Speaker 6: I'm shocked at how much she eats now.

1349
01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:22,360
Speaker 2: Mike is always bringing her food and encouraging her to eat,

1350
01:02:22,680 --> 01:02:25,320
Speaker 2: and she is happy to stuff herself each night until

1351
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:28,160
Speaker 2: she has a belly egg. My mom will also wake

1352
01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:30,040
Speaker 2: up each night and go into the kitchen to fix

1353
01:02:30,040 --> 01:02:33,480
Speaker 2: herself a snack, which is really just another large meal.

1354
01:02:34,160 --> 01:02:35,920
Speaker 2: They don't even hide the fact that my mom is

1355
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:39,720
Speaker 2: actively trying to get bigger. Mike has encouraged my mom

1356
01:02:39,760 --> 01:02:42,160
Speaker 2: to buy larger sizes of clothing so that she has

1357
01:02:42,240 --> 01:02:46,240
Speaker 2: room to grow, and she agreed. I have also heard

1358
01:02:46,280 --> 01:02:48,280
Speaker 2: Mike and my mom talk about her trading in her

1359
01:02:48,320 --> 01:02:50,480
Speaker 2: car to get something that will be more comfortable for

1360
01:02:50,520 --> 01:02:52,640
Speaker 2: her as she gets bigger.

1361
01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:58,800
Speaker 8: I'm wondering, is Mike trying to get Opie's mom to

1362
01:02:58,880 --> 01:02:59,800
Speaker 8: be unalived.

1363
01:03:00,600 --> 01:03:03,440
Speaker 2: I think it's I think I've seen I've seen some

1364
01:03:03,440 --> 01:03:05,560
Speaker 2: stuff about this, and you switch it over.

1365
01:03:06,160 --> 01:03:07,640
Speaker 6: I have seen some stuff about.

1366
01:03:07,400 --> 01:03:10,080
Speaker 2: This before where it's like it all comes down to

1367
01:03:10,160 --> 01:03:13,560
Speaker 2: it's like a form of an abusive control relationship, where

1368
01:03:13,560 --> 01:03:17,120
Speaker 2: it's like they become big enough to where they're dependent

1369
01:03:17,200 --> 01:03:20,080
Speaker 2: on this person for care. They're like Mike might have

1370
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:23,080
Speaker 2: like a savior complex or like you know, and it's

1371
01:03:23,120 --> 01:03:25,520
Speaker 2: easy to fulfill when it's like you get someone in

1372
01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:27,320
Speaker 2: a position where now they're so big they need you

1373
01:03:27,360 --> 01:03:28,360
Speaker 2: to take care of them.

1374
01:03:28,400 --> 01:03:30,360
Speaker 3: They literally cannot take care of themselves right.

1375
01:03:31,520 --> 01:03:36,160
Speaker 2: Which is really messed up and needs to be addressed.

1376
01:03:36,240 --> 01:03:39,120
Speaker 2: So I know this is what they both want, but

1377
01:03:39,200 --> 01:03:41,960
Speaker 2: the extra weight is starting to impact your health. She

1378
01:03:42,040 --> 01:03:44,480
Speaker 2: gets out of breath very easily now and complains if

1379
01:03:44,520 --> 01:03:46,960
Speaker 2: she has to do a moderate amount of physical activity.

1380
01:03:47,400 --> 01:03:50,040
Speaker 2: She also has developed minor knee and back problems and

1381
01:03:50,160 --> 01:03:52,640
Speaker 2: is always tired, and I know that this will only

1382
01:03:52,640 --> 01:03:55,680
Speaker 2: get worse if she continues to gain weight. However, she

1383
01:03:55,760 --> 01:03:59,360
Speaker 2: blames these problems on age and on her asthma rather

1384
01:03:59,440 --> 01:04:02,080
Speaker 2: than her way. It is breaking my heart to see

1385
01:04:02,080 --> 01:04:04,720
Speaker 2: her doing this to herself. I'm so afraid that she's

1386
01:04:04,760 --> 01:04:07,160
Speaker 2: going to pass away young and leave me without my

1387
01:04:07,320 --> 01:04:11,440
Speaker 2: mother if she continues down this path. I've tried bringing

1388
01:04:11,520 --> 01:04:14,200
Speaker 2: up the subject again the other night, even though I

1389
01:04:14,240 --> 01:04:15,960
Speaker 2: knew that Mike and my mom would get upset.

1390
01:04:16,360 --> 01:04:18,120
Speaker 6: I asked her at dinner if.

1391
01:04:17,960 --> 01:04:19,880
Speaker 2: We could maybe try to eat less fast food and

1392
01:04:19,960 --> 01:04:22,560
Speaker 2: junk food, and if she could stop trying to actively

1393
01:04:22,600 --> 01:04:23,160
Speaker 2: gain weight.

1394
01:04:23,640 --> 01:04:24,360
Speaker 6: She got mad.

1395
01:04:24,960 --> 01:04:27,400
Speaker 2: She told me that I was a vain person and

1396
01:04:27,440 --> 01:04:31,000
Speaker 2: that not everyone wanted to be a shapeless rail. Some

1397
01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:34,320
Speaker 2: women wanted to have curves. After that, Mike came into

1398
01:04:34,320 --> 01:04:36,160
Speaker 2: my room and told me that if I said anything else,

1399
01:04:36,560 --> 01:04:38,400
Speaker 2: my mom had agreed with him that I would have

1400
01:04:38,400 --> 01:04:40,200
Speaker 2: to find another place to live for the summer.

1401
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:42,760
Speaker 6: He also told me that I just.

1402
01:04:42,760 --> 01:04:44,760
Speaker 2: Needed to accept that my mom is a larger woman

1403
01:04:45,040 --> 01:04:47,680
Speaker 2: and that she will be getting larger. I asked him

1404
01:04:47,680 --> 01:04:50,200
Speaker 2: what he meant, and mentioned that she said she would

1405
01:04:50,200 --> 01:04:52,320
Speaker 2: stop at around two hundred, and he told me that

1406
01:04:52,360 --> 01:04:55,160
Speaker 2: they both had decided that she should keep gaining past that.

1407
01:04:55,240 --> 01:04:57,440
Speaker 2: You need to have a conversation with your mom away

1408
01:04:57,480 --> 01:05:00,680
Speaker 2: from Mike. That is the only situation. Bring this up

1409
01:05:00,680 --> 01:05:02,960
Speaker 2: at dinner with him present not gonna work.

1410
01:05:03,480 --> 01:05:04,800
Speaker 6: He is now her abuser.

1411
01:05:05,040 --> 01:05:09,800
Speaker 2: This is an abusive relationship and it's emotionally and mentally abusive.

1412
01:05:09,920 --> 01:05:12,600
Speaker 8: Yeah, he's gonna I think Mike is gonna push to

1413
01:05:12,640 --> 01:05:16,040
Speaker 8: the point where he gets himself added to like care

1414
01:05:16,520 --> 01:05:19,840
Speaker 8: like agreements for documents, where he's like legally in charge

1415
01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:20,080
Speaker 8: of her.

1416
01:05:20,080 --> 01:05:22,440
Speaker 3: He's now legally in yeah, right the house, legally in

1417
01:05:22,480 --> 01:05:24,360
Speaker 3: charge of her finding it could be everything.

1418
01:05:24,800 --> 01:05:27,200
Speaker 2: And then at that point the ultimate goal is probably

1419
01:05:27,240 --> 01:05:29,840
Speaker 2: make her bed ridden. Yeah, become her legal caretaker, her

1420
01:05:29,920 --> 01:05:33,120
Speaker 2: legal guardian or whatever as a partner, and then yeah,

1421
01:05:33,160 --> 01:05:35,640
Speaker 2: he has access to heavy then he has full control

1422
01:05:35,760 --> 01:05:38,160
Speaker 2: and he no longer has to even pretend. At that

1423
01:05:38,320 --> 01:05:40,240
Speaker 2: point he doesn't have to be nice and he doesn't

1424
01:05:40,240 --> 01:05:42,680
Speaker 2: have to pretend. Now she is fully dependent on him,

1425
01:05:42,800 --> 01:05:43,920
Speaker 2: and that's when it will.

1426
01:05:43,800 --> 01:05:46,800
Speaker 8: Really really get bad, and then he takes everything and runs.

1427
01:05:46,880 --> 01:05:49,600
Speaker 6: I got angry with him, but was afraid to say more.

1428
01:05:50,240 --> 01:05:53,120
Speaker 2: I don't doubt that they would get me out of

1429
01:05:53,120 --> 01:05:55,360
Speaker 2: my mom's house, and I'm not sure if my mom

1430
01:05:55,360 --> 01:05:58,240
Speaker 2: would try to stop him. I tried contacting my sister

1431
01:05:58,240 --> 01:06:00,439
Speaker 2: about this, but seeing as she lives in an state

1432
01:06:00,520 --> 01:06:03,160
Speaker 2: and doesn't get along with our mom, she doesn't really

1433
01:06:03,200 --> 01:06:05,800
Speaker 2: have anything to say. My dad doesn't want to get

1434
01:06:05,800 --> 01:06:08,920
Speaker 2: involved either, since he has a fiance and his own life.

1435
01:06:09,520 --> 01:06:11,480
Speaker 2: I would speak to some of my mom's friends, but

1436
01:06:11,520 --> 01:06:13,640
Speaker 2: I don't know if that would work. She hasn't had

1437
01:06:13,720 --> 01:06:15,640
Speaker 2: much to do with them since she started dating Mike,

1438
01:06:16,160 --> 01:06:18,440
Speaker 2: so I don't know if they would feel comfortable intervening.

1439
01:06:18,520 --> 01:06:19,960
Speaker 6: I really would appreciate.

1440
01:06:19,480 --> 01:06:22,240
Speaker 2: Any help or advice, and I want to say something again,

1441
01:06:22,560 --> 01:06:24,960
Speaker 2: but I know how that will end. I guess I'm

1442
01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:27,640
Speaker 2: wondering if it is better to take a final, desperate

1443
01:06:27,680 --> 01:06:30,120
Speaker 2: stand or bite my tongue and try to help my

1444
01:06:30,160 --> 01:06:32,520
Speaker 2: mom in a more subtle way, or should I just

1445
01:06:32,600 --> 01:06:34,800
Speaker 2: accept that my mom is an adult and has to

1446
01:06:34,840 --> 01:06:37,640
Speaker 2: make her own choices and mistakes. The way he makes

1447
01:06:37,640 --> 01:06:41,000
Speaker 2: her eat is disgusting. My mom will sometimes complain she's

1448
01:06:41,040 --> 01:06:43,480
Speaker 2: full or not hungry after a meal, but he'll always

1449
01:06:43,520 --> 01:06:46,080
Speaker 2: insist that she needs to eat dessert. If she says no,

1450
01:06:46,280 --> 01:06:49,360
Speaker 2: he will pout until she feels bad. Then she'll eat

1451
01:06:49,400 --> 01:06:52,360
Speaker 2: it to make him happy. There was an incident last

1452
01:06:52,400 --> 01:06:54,880
Speaker 2: week where he brought home a pie. I was going

1453
01:06:54,920 --> 01:06:58,360
Speaker 2: to cat off a slice before dinner, but he stopped

1454
01:06:58,360 --> 01:07:00,800
Speaker 2: me and told me it was my mom's. At dinner

1455
01:07:00,880 --> 01:07:04,200
Speaker 2: that night, after we had finished eating, he brings the

1456
01:07:04,200 --> 01:07:07,240
Speaker 2: pie out for her. He cuts two big slices and

1457
01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:09,920
Speaker 2: puts them on her plate. My mom then tells me

1458
01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:12,640
Speaker 2: that she is full. Mike just looked at her and

1459
01:07:12,720 --> 01:07:15,480
Speaker 2: told her that she was ungrateful. He said he had

1460
01:07:15,480 --> 01:07:17,280
Speaker 2: gone out of his way to get her her favorite

1461
01:07:17,320 --> 01:07:19,680
Speaker 2: pie and that she never appreciated the things he does

1462
01:07:19,720 --> 01:07:22,640
Speaker 2: for her. My mom began to apologize, and she said

1463
01:07:22,680 --> 01:07:25,000
Speaker 2: she was not that full and started to eat the slices.

1464
01:07:25,440 --> 01:07:29,160
Speaker 2: The whole thing was pretty horrifying to experience. I am

1465
01:07:29,200 --> 01:07:31,720
Speaker 2: still deciding what I'm going to do, but I do

1466
01:07:31,760 --> 01:07:34,160
Speaker 2: think that it will depend on what choice gives me

1467
01:07:34,240 --> 01:07:36,920
Speaker 2: the most peace. It would hurt me to lose my mom,

1468
01:07:36,960 --> 01:07:39,920
Speaker 2: whether that is physically or emotionally. But I have a

1469
01:07:39,960 --> 01:07:42,400
Speaker 2: hard time seeing myself being able to just stand by

1470
01:07:42,480 --> 01:07:45,520
Speaker 2: and watch her make decisions that I know she will regret.

1471
01:07:46,200 --> 01:07:48,200
Speaker 2: I also think I wouldn't be a very good daughter

1472
01:07:48,240 --> 01:07:50,280
Speaker 2: if I didn't try everything I could to help her

1473
01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:52,840
Speaker 2: for as long as I can. There are definitely some

1474
01:07:52,960 --> 01:07:55,480
Speaker 2: more subtle things I could do before a final confrontation.

1475
01:07:56,080 --> 01:07:58,640
Speaker 2: If I try everything that people have suggested and it

1476
01:07:58,680 --> 01:08:02,040
Speaker 2: doesn't help, then I would consider being direct. I would

1477
01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:04,920
Speaker 2: hope that either then or someday, she would come to

1478
01:08:04,960 --> 01:08:08,280
Speaker 2: her senses. It may cost me my relationship with my mom,

1479
01:08:08,320 --> 01:08:10,520
Speaker 2: but I can accept that if it saves her life

1480
01:08:10,680 --> 01:08:13,160
Speaker 2: and we have an update. So I read all of

1481
01:08:13,200 --> 01:08:15,720
Speaker 2: the comments that people made in the first post many times,

1482
01:08:15,720 --> 01:08:17,760
Speaker 2: but I was still unsure of whether or not I

1483
01:08:17,800 --> 01:08:22,200
Speaker 2: should say anything and risk being removed from my mom's house. However,

1484
01:08:22,320 --> 01:08:24,600
Speaker 2: I felt like I had to say something. After I

1485
01:08:24,640 --> 01:08:28,640
Speaker 2: continued to watch my mom at Mike's encouragement overeat, I

1486
01:08:28,720 --> 01:08:30,960
Speaker 2: came to the conclusion that my mom's life and health

1487
01:08:31,000 --> 01:08:33,479
Speaker 2: were too important for me to stand by and say

1488
01:08:33,520 --> 01:08:37,240
Speaker 2: nothing while she slowly unalived herself. I knew that I

1489
01:08:37,240 --> 01:08:39,519
Speaker 2: would stand a better chance to help her if I

1490
01:08:39,560 --> 01:08:42,519
Speaker 2: planned out my strategy ahead of time, instead of getting

1491
01:08:42,520 --> 01:08:45,200
Speaker 2: angry and exploding like I've done in the past, which

1492
01:08:45,240 --> 01:08:48,519
Speaker 2: went very poorly. I invited my mom out to eat

1493
01:08:48,600 --> 01:08:50,320
Speaker 2: lunch one day so I could get a chance to

1494
01:08:50,360 --> 01:08:52,840
Speaker 2: speak with her alone. I knew that if Mike were

1495
01:08:52,880 --> 01:08:55,200
Speaker 2: around that I would have no chance of getting her

1496
01:08:55,200 --> 01:08:57,880
Speaker 2: to listen to me. I printed off some materials about

1497
01:08:57,880 --> 01:09:02,160
Speaker 2: harmful relationships and feeder relationships to give her When our

1498
01:09:02,200 --> 01:09:05,680
Speaker 2: conversation was over at lunch, I basically repeated what I

1499
01:09:05,720 --> 01:09:07,920
Speaker 2: had told her in the past that I was concerned

1500
01:09:07,920 --> 01:09:10,320
Speaker 2: about her health because I wanted her to be around

1501
01:09:10,360 --> 01:09:13,280
Speaker 2: for a long time. But I did emphasize that I

1502
01:09:13,360 --> 01:09:16,479
Speaker 2: respected her role as my mother and her ability to

1503
01:09:16,479 --> 01:09:18,760
Speaker 2: make choices for herself as an adult. I told her

1504
01:09:18,760 --> 01:09:21,240
Speaker 2: that I was just concerned and wanted her to have

1505
01:09:21,280 --> 01:09:24,679
Speaker 2: the ability to make informed choices, but ultimately I would

1506
01:09:24,720 --> 01:09:29,000
Speaker 2: respect whatever decision she reached. My mom did not respond

1507
01:09:29,160 --> 01:09:33,080
Speaker 2: to what I said well. She started getting upset, and

1508
01:09:33,280 --> 01:09:38,320
Speaker 2: she got particularly angry about me mentioning feeder relationships. She

1509
01:09:38,400 --> 01:09:40,479
Speaker 2: told me that none of this applied in her case.

1510
01:09:40,880 --> 01:09:44,120
Speaker 2: Mike just liked curvy women. She also accused me of

1511
01:09:44,120 --> 01:09:47,880
Speaker 2: being jealous and insecure about her relationship with Mike, and

1512
01:09:47,960 --> 01:09:52,120
Speaker 2: she said some other hurtful things. She continued to deny

1513
01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:55,840
Speaker 2: that her relationship with Mike was harmful and that her

1514
01:09:55,880 --> 01:09:59,080
Speaker 2: weight was causing her any health problems, even though I

1515
01:09:59,080 --> 01:10:00,599
Speaker 2: think there's no longer any.

1516
01:10:00,400 --> 01:10:01,759
Speaker 6: Doubt that both are true.

1517
01:10:02,320 --> 01:10:04,240
Speaker 2: When we got back home, she told me that I

1518
01:10:04,320 --> 01:10:07,040
Speaker 2: had two days to move out, so I spent the

1519
01:10:07,080 --> 01:10:10,120
Speaker 2: rest of my summer at my dad's house. I didn't

1520
01:10:10,120 --> 01:10:13,000
Speaker 2: see my mom again until two weeks ago. I had

1521
01:10:13,040 --> 01:10:14,439
Speaker 2: to go back to her place to pick up the

1522
01:10:14,479 --> 01:10:16,920
Speaker 2: stuff I left there. I can't say that I was

1523
01:10:16,960 --> 01:10:19,679
Speaker 2: surprised to see that she had continued to put on weight.

1524
01:10:20,200 --> 01:10:22,000
Speaker 2: I was surprised to see the state of the house,

1525
01:10:22,040 --> 01:10:25,639
Speaker 2: though it was an absolute mess. They were all kinds

1526
01:10:25,720 --> 01:10:29,080
Speaker 2: of takeout boxes and food containers all over the place,

1527
01:10:29,400 --> 01:10:32,200
Speaker 2: and it looked like it hadn't been cleaned since I left.

1528
01:10:32,760 --> 01:10:34,679
Speaker 2: I tried to get out as quickly as I could,

1529
01:10:35,040 --> 01:10:37,200
Speaker 2: but before I left, my mom said she wanted to

1530
01:10:37,200 --> 01:10:39,479
Speaker 2: speak with me. She told me that I needed to

1531
01:10:39,520 --> 01:10:42,000
Speaker 2: know that Mike had asked her to marry him and

1532
01:10:42,040 --> 01:10:44,320
Speaker 2: she had accepted his proposal.

1533
01:10:45,520 --> 01:10:49,240
Speaker 8: He wants control, he wants what he wants the house,

1534
01:10:50,000 --> 01:10:52,639
Speaker 8: he wants her money or whatever asked that she might have.

1535
01:10:52,840 --> 01:10:56,640
Speaker 8: He's not in it for her. He is absolutely just

1536
01:10:56,800 --> 01:10:59,639
Speaker 8: in this because she's got something he wants. And when

1537
01:10:59,680 --> 01:11:02,080
Speaker 8: she is to the point where she's too big to

1538
01:11:02,120 --> 01:11:05,040
Speaker 8: care for herself, he's got free reign. He can do

1539
01:11:05,120 --> 01:11:07,800
Speaker 8: whatever he wants. Because I don't hear anything about Mike

1540
01:11:07,880 --> 01:11:09,920
Speaker 8: being this big. I don't hear about anything about him

1541
01:11:10,240 --> 01:11:13,719
Speaker 8: eating this much, so he's fully just trying to take

1542
01:11:13,760 --> 01:11:18,360
Speaker 8: her agency out of the picture. I am in a

1543
01:11:18,439 --> 01:11:20,840
Speaker 8: state of distress listening to this.

1544
01:11:21,000 --> 01:11:24,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, this is like this is this is genuinely

1545
01:11:25,040 --> 01:11:27,200
Speaker 2: like so far above my pay grade in terms of

1546
01:11:27,240 --> 01:11:30,000
Speaker 2: like what I'm able to like give advice for, like

1547
01:11:30,040 --> 01:11:32,880
Speaker 2: how to navigate this, Like this is uh.

1548
01:11:33,280 --> 01:11:34,680
Speaker 6: I don't even know who to call. I don't know

1549
01:11:34,720 --> 01:11:35,120
Speaker 6: what to do.

1550
01:11:35,200 --> 01:11:39,160
Speaker 2: I think maybe at some level nothing you can really do, no,

1551
01:11:40,160 --> 01:11:41,759
Speaker 2: which is terrible.

1552
01:11:41,880 --> 01:11:44,519
Speaker 8: I think that's the only thing you can do is

1553
01:11:44,560 --> 01:11:45,679
Speaker 8: maybe a welfare check.

1554
01:11:46,280 --> 01:11:49,280
Speaker 3: I don't know if OP knows that you can, but.

1555
01:11:49,200 --> 01:11:50,960
Speaker 6: I mean, like if somebody shows up.

1556
01:11:50,960 --> 01:11:52,320
Speaker 2: Her mom's gonna be like, what do you mean, Well,

1557
01:11:52,320 --> 01:11:54,439
Speaker 2: for yeah, I'm great, I'm exactly I'm doing exactly what

1558
01:11:54,479 --> 01:11:57,680
Speaker 2: I want to do. That's how insidious and nefarious this

1559
01:11:57,720 --> 01:11:59,240
Speaker 2: guy is being.

1560
01:11:59,640 --> 01:12:03,320
Speaker 6: He's he's got her wrapped up in that idea.

1561
01:12:03,400 --> 01:12:04,960
Speaker 2: There's like, Oh, I'm meant to just be bigger, and

1562
01:12:05,000 --> 01:12:07,519
Speaker 2: I'm gonna just keep getting bigger and bigger because Mike,

1563
01:12:07,640 --> 01:12:09,840
Speaker 2: my partner, wants it. And it's like clearly, you know,

1564
01:12:10,080 --> 01:12:11,920
Speaker 2: I mean if she was in a vulnerable place when

1565
01:12:11,960 --> 01:12:13,400
Speaker 2: they got together, for sure.

1566
01:12:13,280 --> 01:12:15,799
Speaker 8: Yeah, if the house is really as dirty and messy

1567
01:12:15,840 --> 01:12:17,639
Speaker 8: as Opie claims it is to be, at some point

1568
01:12:17,720 --> 01:12:21,000
Speaker 8: it's going to become a public nuisance. And at which

1569
01:12:21,040 --> 01:12:24,679
Speaker 8: point I think Opie could probably call it in that like, hey,

1570
01:12:24,680 --> 01:12:27,200
Speaker 8: I need a welfare check. This is becoming, yeah, a

1571
01:12:27,280 --> 01:12:30,200
Speaker 8: mess of poet nuisance. It's a health worry for my mother,

1572
01:12:30,320 --> 01:12:32,920
Speaker 8: Like I don't know if she's okay, if they're taking

1573
01:12:33,040 --> 01:12:35,000
Speaker 8: the trust, if she's live, if there's bugs and rats

1574
01:12:35,000 --> 01:12:36,679
Speaker 8: and rodents and all these other things.

1575
01:12:36,960 --> 01:12:38,240
Speaker 3: There's mold growing.

1576
01:12:38,120 --> 01:12:40,760
Speaker 2: Like there, you could do that, But then at that

1577
01:12:40,800 --> 01:12:43,400
Speaker 2: point it's like yeah, so it's like kind of too late.

1578
01:12:43,280 --> 01:12:43,880
Speaker 3: At that point.

1579
01:12:44,520 --> 01:12:47,479
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, my mom told me I needed to know

1580
01:12:47,560 --> 01:12:49,800
Speaker 2: that Mike had asked her to marry him and that.

1581
01:12:49,840 --> 01:12:51,680
Speaker 6: She had accepted his proposal.

1582
01:12:51,880 --> 01:12:54,960
Speaker 2: The wedding would be taking place soon, and I was

1583
01:12:54,960 --> 01:12:57,800
Speaker 2: invited to come if I apologized to the two of.

1584
01:12:57,760 --> 01:13:00,680
Speaker 6: Them for my behavior. She then for me that they

1585
01:13:00,680 --> 01:13:02,040
Speaker 6: were looking to move to Oregon.

1586
01:13:02,680 --> 01:13:05,200
Speaker 2: Mike has family out there, and since my mom has

1587
01:13:05,240 --> 01:13:08,519
Speaker 2: no close friends or family here anymore, mostly because of Mike,

1588
01:13:09,080 --> 01:13:10,400
Speaker 2: she thought it would be a good move.

1589
01:13:10,400 --> 01:13:11,120
Speaker 6: To start over.

1590
01:13:11,600 --> 01:13:15,960
Speaker 2: Oh good, further just furthering the isolation. Honestly, I don't

1591
01:13:16,040 --> 01:13:18,000
Speaker 2: know if this is the only thing I can think of.

1592
01:13:18,640 --> 01:13:20,519
Speaker 2: I think you do apologize just so that you can

1593
01:13:20,560 --> 01:13:22,760
Speaker 2: go to the wedding and then blow it up and

1594
01:13:22,800 --> 01:13:26,480
Speaker 2: be like they shouldn't be marrying this guy's an abuser,

1595
01:13:26,640 --> 01:13:27,320
Speaker 2: like Bubba.

1596
01:13:27,160 --> 01:13:28,679
Speaker 6: Like I don't care, like blow up their wedding.

1597
01:13:30,680 --> 01:13:32,439
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's more of a positive and

1598
01:13:32,520 --> 01:13:34,200
Speaker 2: more of a negative thing to do. I don't know

1599
01:13:34,240 --> 01:13:38,000
Speaker 2: if that's gonna make things better or worse. But I

1600
01:13:38,000 --> 01:13:39,400
Speaker 2: don't even know who's going to be at the wedding.

1601
01:13:39,560 --> 01:13:42,760
Speaker 8: I think maybe for Ope's own sanity, it might be

1602
01:13:43,000 --> 01:13:45,639
Speaker 8: the move to go to the wedding and give one

1603
01:13:45,680 --> 01:13:48,880
Speaker 8: final shot. It's not going to work because I don't

1604
01:13:49,040 --> 01:13:51,680
Speaker 8: think that the mom wants.

1605
01:13:51,400 --> 01:13:52,320
Speaker 3: It to work.

1606
01:13:52,680 --> 01:13:54,920
Speaker 8: But I think for Ope's on sanity to say, hey,

1607
01:13:55,080 --> 01:13:58,720
Speaker 8: I gave everything I could, I did everything I could

1608
01:13:58,720 --> 01:14:00,360
Speaker 8: to try to say my mom, and she just would

1609
01:14:00,360 --> 01:14:01,000
Speaker 8: not be saved.

1610
01:14:01,439 --> 01:14:02,960
Speaker 3: I think maybe Opie has to do it.

1611
01:14:03,960 --> 01:14:04,160
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1612
01:14:04,320 --> 01:14:06,320
Speaker 8: I think that after that, if you do it, though,

1613
01:14:06,640 --> 01:14:08,120
Speaker 8: know that your mom is never going to want to

1614
01:14:08,160 --> 01:14:09,800
Speaker 8: talk to you again. In a couple of months, She's

1615
01:14:09,840 --> 01:14:12,439
Speaker 8: just not going to be there anymore. It's because if

1616
01:14:12,479 --> 01:14:17,320
Speaker 8: she's gone with Mike's family in Oregon, she's not lasting

1617
01:14:17,400 --> 01:14:20,080
Speaker 8: very much longer. I don't think. I think that's the

1618
01:14:20,200 --> 01:14:23,599
Speaker 8: end for her if she leaves. Unfortunately, this is oh

1619
01:14:23,720 --> 01:14:26,320
Speaker 8: Man like, this is very calculated on Mike's part. I

1620
01:14:26,360 --> 01:14:29,320
Speaker 8: wonder how many times she's done airy, how calculated it

1621
01:14:29,400 --> 01:14:33,599
Speaker 8: is he had a timeline, disturbing how calculated this is

1622
01:14:33,880 --> 01:14:38,000
Speaker 8: on him and absolutely had a plan, a timeline, a methodology.

1623
01:14:38,040 --> 01:14:40,439
Speaker 8: I wonder if he's known people who's done it, or

1624
01:14:40,439 --> 01:14:42,000
Speaker 8: if this is not the first time he's done it.

1625
01:14:42,040 --> 01:14:44,080
Speaker 2: I you know, I would say I would probably guess

1626
01:14:44,120 --> 01:14:46,560
Speaker 2: it's not the first time. I'm going back into the

1627
01:14:46,600 --> 01:14:48,200
Speaker 2: story a little bit to see.

1628
01:14:49,640 --> 01:14:52,960
Speaker 6: When, uh, okay.

1629
01:14:53,880 --> 01:14:56,200
Speaker 2: It doesn't say okay, I was seeing I was seeing

1630
01:14:56,200 --> 01:15:00,160
Speaker 2: who divorced too. It doesn't say exactly, yeah, I'm yes

1631
01:15:00,840 --> 01:15:03,599
Speaker 2: that she was the one who was broken up with.

1632
01:15:03,560 --> 01:15:08,519
Speaker 8: Because she has the the devastation response there, right, because

1633
01:15:08,520 --> 01:15:10,760
Speaker 8: it's like like just.

1634
01:15:11,040 --> 01:15:13,639
Speaker 2: Everything about finding this other guy and sort of not

1635
01:15:13,680 --> 01:15:16,599
Speaker 2: being able to say no or think for yourself because

1636
01:15:16,600 --> 01:15:19,439
Speaker 2: it's probably like the fear of losing him again, like

1637
01:15:19,960 --> 01:15:24,320
Speaker 2: losing your partner again. Like, man, she's so much, she

1638
01:15:24,400 --> 01:15:26,960
Speaker 2: was worth so much more than this dude, let's finish

1639
01:15:27,000 --> 01:15:27,439
Speaker 2: this story.

1640
01:15:27,600 --> 01:15:29,240
Speaker 6: So she thought it would be a good move to

1641
01:15:29,280 --> 01:15:29,760
Speaker 6: start over.

1642
01:15:30,120 --> 01:15:32,080
Speaker 2: I didn't really know what to say, so I just

1643
01:15:32,120 --> 01:15:34,639
Speaker 2: told her I was glad she was happy. I honestly

1644
01:15:34,680 --> 01:15:38,160
Speaker 2: don't know what, if anything, I can do. I want

1645
01:15:38,200 --> 01:15:40,160
Speaker 2: to believe that there's something else I can do, but

1646
01:15:40,240 --> 01:15:43,120
Speaker 2: I have no idea what that would be. I hope

1647
01:15:43,160 --> 01:15:46,360
Speaker 2: that she'll eventually realize what Mike is doing and we'll

1648
01:15:46,400 --> 01:15:49,679
Speaker 2: ask for help. I don't think I can attend the wedding.

1649
01:15:50,080 --> 01:15:52,280
Speaker 2: It would feel like I was giving my approval to

1650
01:15:52,320 --> 01:15:55,800
Speaker 2: the relationship and it would feel wrong. I realized that

1651
01:15:55,840 --> 01:15:58,680
Speaker 2: it's probably going to cause further damage to our relationship.

1652
01:15:59,040 --> 01:16:00,960
Speaker 6: But I have to live with my choices too.

1653
01:16:01,600 --> 01:16:03,599
Speaker 2: At some point, you have to let people make their

1654
01:16:03,600 --> 01:16:06,439
Speaker 2: own choices and mistakes, even when it breaks your heart

1655
01:16:06,439 --> 01:16:09,880
Speaker 2: to watch. Even though even though things didn't turn out well,

1656
01:16:10,479 --> 01:16:15,880
Speaker 2: at least we tried. That is the end of that story,

1657
01:16:16,240 --> 01:16:18,120
Speaker 2: and I think that is accurate.

1658
01:16:18,240 --> 01:16:21,639
Speaker 6: You've done pretty much all you can at that point.

1659
01:16:21,880 --> 01:16:22,960
Speaker 6: It's just really unfortunate.

1660
01:16:23,000 --> 01:16:25,360
Speaker 2: You got to just hold on to hope that one

1661
01:16:25,439 --> 01:16:27,679
Speaker 2: day she will see the light and open her eyes.

1662
01:16:27,760 --> 01:16:30,840
Speaker 8: It is just a very sad story, yeah, because Opi

1663
01:16:31,000 --> 01:16:34,840
Speaker 8: is doing everything that she can to save her mom,

1664
01:16:35,120 --> 01:16:37,320
Speaker 8: and the mom just doesn't want to be saved. The

1665
01:16:37,400 --> 01:16:40,599
Speaker 8: mom felt like she was saved by Mike and doesn't

1666
01:16:40,600 --> 01:16:43,599
Speaker 8: want to be saved from being saved. Yes, she doesn't

1667
01:16:43,600 --> 01:16:45,160
Speaker 8: want to make her own decision. She doesn't have to

1668
01:16:45,160 --> 01:16:47,360
Speaker 8: deal with the consequences with Mike.

1669
01:16:47,400 --> 01:16:49,080
Speaker 3: It's easy. Mike tells her what to do and she

1670
01:16:49,120 --> 01:16:49,519
Speaker 3: does well.

1671
01:16:49,560 --> 01:16:51,799
Speaker 2: It's got to be it's some level of like mental

1672
01:16:51,800 --> 01:16:54,160
Speaker 2: illness and exploitation, and it it's like this guy, Mike,

1673
01:16:54,240 --> 01:16:57,120
Speaker 2: it's like a you know, I would, I would make

1674
01:16:57,160 --> 01:17:01,080
Speaker 2: the like comparison of like, you know, there there's like

1675
01:17:01,080 --> 01:17:04,960
Speaker 2: like the parasitic wasp where it's like where it lays

1676
01:17:04,960 --> 01:17:08,200
Speaker 2: its egg in like another creature, and it's like, how

1677
01:17:08,240 --> 01:17:10,000
Speaker 2: does the wasp know how to do that?

1678
01:17:10,120 --> 01:17:11,880
Speaker 6: It's just like it just knows which ones are the

1679
01:17:11,920 --> 01:17:12,360
Speaker 6: right ones.

1680
01:17:12,840 --> 01:17:18,280
Speaker 2: Mike knew instinctively, like after meeting Opie's mom, like, oh Okay,

1681
01:17:18,560 --> 01:17:20,679
Speaker 2: this is someone that I could sink my hooks into.

1682
01:17:20,960 --> 01:17:23,840
Speaker 2: This is someone I could manipulate and slowly get to

1683
01:17:23,880 --> 01:17:28,240
Speaker 2: that point where I have absolute control and I'm moving

1684
01:17:28,240 --> 01:17:30,639
Speaker 2: her out from nobody's gonna know where where we're moving.

1685
01:17:30,800 --> 01:17:33,600
Speaker 2: It's just gonna be me and my family, and she

1686
01:17:33,640 --> 01:17:36,479
Speaker 2: will have no say or no ability to do anything

1687
01:17:36,479 --> 01:17:39,639
Speaker 2: for herself, and it's just like awful