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Speaker 1: Look at God Already yo.

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Speaker 2: Oh La La Loka Mones. Happy New Year. It's twenty

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Speaker 2: twenty six, and I'm so grateful that you're listening to

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Speaker 2: look at radio for another year. Today's episode is a

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Speaker 2: re release from the archives for we recorded an episode

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Speaker 2: of o Ya Lokas where we answer listener questions. In

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Speaker 2: this episode, we give advice to our younger selves. We

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Speaker 2: discuss how to stop taking everything so personally, and what

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Speaker 2: we're leaving behind and what we're bringing with us now.

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Speaker 2: This episode aired in twenty twenty four, so some things

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Speaker 2: may be a little dated, but the themes still stand.

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Speaker 2: We'll be back next week with a brand new episode.

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Speaker 2: Here's advice to our younger selves.

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Speaker 1: Look at Already Yo. You are now listening to Oh Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So I love this first one? How do I stop

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Speaker 1: taking everything personally? This one's hard?

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Speaker 2: This it's hard?

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Speaker 1: How do I stop taking everything personally?

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Speaker 2: Oh? That's hard. It's hard, especially when you're sensitive like me.

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Speaker 2: But I think I sometimes I when I catch myself

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Speaker 2: doing this, I say to myself, it's actually not about you.

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Speaker 2: It's not about you, And in the kindest way to myself,

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Speaker 2: I say, the world actually doesn't revolve around you and

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Speaker 2: how this person is either responding to you right now,

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Speaker 2: or how maybe they're not prioritizing what's important to you,

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Speaker 2: whatever it may be, Like it actually has nothing to

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Speaker 2: do with you. It has everything to do with them, truly,

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Speaker 2: and where they're at in their headspace. That doesn't mean

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Speaker 2: like they have the permission to be mean to you

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Speaker 2: or unkind to you, or treat you horribly or poorly.

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Speaker 2: But there are some things that aren't actually about you.

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Speaker 1: It's even like in the way that we say like

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Speaker 1: taking it personally, it's not that someone's even giving it

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Speaker 1: to me personally. I'm just taking it and making it personal.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that's a good point.

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Speaker 1: It's in my control how I receive something and how

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Speaker 1: I bring it into my own mind unless there's like

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Speaker 1: definitive evidence and proof that oh no, they actually hate me, yeah,

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Speaker 1: or they actually have a problem with me, but that

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Speaker 1: is that's rarely what happens.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I also think it's like who is the person, Yes,

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Speaker 2: you know, is it your mom? Is it someone that

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Speaker 2: loves you and cares about you, then like it's really

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Speaker 2: probably more about them. And if it's someone that doesn't

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Speaker 2: like you, then like, well you don't need to take

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Speaker 2: anything from them.

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Speaker 1: Actually, and like in life, people are gonna not like you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: this is the other thing is actually, yeah, maybe they

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Speaker 1: can't stand you. Yeah, but that just comes with the

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Speaker 1: territory of existing and being out in the world and

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Speaker 1: knowing people and meeting people. So it's also just a

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Speaker 1: hard truth we have to just accept sometimes, like I'm

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Speaker 1: not for this per and maybe I leave them alone

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Speaker 1: because I rub them aroun the wrong way. There's something

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Speaker 1: about me that just doesn't mesh with them and their vibe.

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Speaker 1: And that's all right. I don't have to dwell on

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Speaker 1: it. It doesn't have to keep me up at night. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna dwell and it will keep me up at night,

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Speaker 1: but I don't have to.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I think that's part of like letting go depending

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Speaker 2: if you're you have those people pleasing tendencies like a

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Speaker 2: lot of us do, right, especially me, It's like, okay,

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Speaker 2: I'm not gonna let this actually determine how I view myself,

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Speaker 2: as hard as it may be. And yes, some people

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Speaker 2: are not going to like me, and that's a hard

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Speaker 2: pill to swallow sometimes, but there are lots of people

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Speaker 2: that do like you and do love you and want

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Speaker 2: to be around you, So be with those people.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and if they don't like you, it's probably because

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Speaker 1: they're jealous.

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Speaker 2: It's such a like default Senora thing to says.

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Speaker 1: They're jealous of you because you're so beautiful and talented

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Speaker 1: and smart and they could never and that's why they

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Speaker 1: don't like ya.

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Speaker 2: There we go.

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Speaker 1: They can't be in the same room with you, they

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Speaker 1: can't be next to you. They need a burlap sack

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Speaker 1: over your head because your shine is just too bright.

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Speaker 1: What you should tell yourself in the mirror.

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Speaker 2: And we don't doll our shine for nobody. All right,

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Speaker 2: Next question, what made you finally prioritize yourself? Was it

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Speaker 2: a breaking point with people?

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Speaker 1: Have we prioritized ourselves?

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I think we were doing better at it.

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Speaker 1: I think you're doing better at it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well I think you are too. I think I

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Speaker 2: think you moving was a way of you like prioritizing

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Speaker 2: yourself and like a new phase of your life, like

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Speaker 2: giving yourself that like independence to grow totally. I answer

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Speaker 2: the question for you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, moving, Definitely. School. There's also been some personal,

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Speaker 1: very personal developments that have been going on that will

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Speaker 1: not share it.

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Speaker 2: Am I allowed to say that it's romantic?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's it.

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Speaker 2: That's all we need to say.

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Speaker 1: Not only is it romantic, it's incredibly romantic. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: very romantic.

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Speaker 2: It's old timy.

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Speaker 1: It's very old timey, like I've.

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Speaker 2: Always won and has been manifesting an old timey romance

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Speaker 2: and now she has it. But that's all we're saying

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Speaker 2: because we're protecting it.

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Speaker 1: I will say one more thing. In the vegust of terms,

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Speaker 1: my mom was like, well, you know, this person needs

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Speaker 1: to go talk to your dad and ask for permission

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Speaker 1: to date you.

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Speaker 2: It's that old timy.

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Speaker 1: That true.

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Speaker 2: Actually, there's that layer.

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Speaker 1: There's that layer, and this is that case where like

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Speaker 1: a it's funny, but be this person is game and

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Speaker 1: see like it's actually appropriate, like it actually makes sense.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't make sense here, Like.

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Speaker 1: No, you go tell my dad, Yeah, you go knock

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Speaker 1: on the door and AnyWho, AnyWho. That's all I'm going

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Speaker 1: to say. So that's all I'm going to say.

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Speaker 2: Okay, okay, okay. So this is how you've finally like

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Speaker 2: prioritized yourself.

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Speaker 1: By falling madly in love. Yeah, exactly exactly. How have

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Speaker 1: you proaor yourself.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god. I okay, I have not shared this

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Speaker 2: story with very very many people. Mala obviously knows. But

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Speaker 2: I at the beginning the top of the year, I

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Speaker 2: cosplayed as a single girl for a weekend. Nothing to

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Speaker 2: do with my amazing partner, but I just needed to

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Speaker 2: get away for a weekend because I was at my

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Speaker 2: breaking point. And that kind of set things in motion

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Speaker 2: to change. And sometimes you're around people that are not

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Speaker 2: willing to change for themselves, and so and you begin

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Speaker 2: to recognize, Okay, these people are not going to change,

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Speaker 2: so I have to change, and I change my environment,

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Speaker 2: I change myself. I changed my relationship with these people,

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Speaker 2: whatever that may look like. And so that was my

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Speaker 2: breaking point. My little single girl weekend ended, and it

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Speaker 2: wasn't really a single girl weekend, but I like stayed

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Speaker 2: alone for the weekend in another place, and for me,

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Speaker 2: that was me costplaying as a single girl. And when

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Speaker 2: I came back from that little getaway, I had a

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Speaker 2: very difficult conversation with my family and basically said, like,

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Speaker 2: I'm whatever's going on here, I no longer want to

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Speaker 2: be a part of it, and so I'm removing myself

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Speaker 2: and by default, my partner is also removing himself and

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Speaker 2: so take what you will with that information. And things

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Speaker 2: changed after that, and so I think that was like

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Speaker 2: big sigh, like that was the biggest step that I

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Speaker 2: ever took to finally prioritize myself. But it was years

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Speaker 2: in the making. It was years of therapy, It was

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Speaker 2: all my twenties, all my life practically of like getting

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Speaker 2: to this point.

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Speaker 1: Since I've known you, this particular issue has been an issue, right,

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Speaker 1: like a big one, yeah, you know, just recurring and

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Speaker 1: so to be at the and there had been conversations

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Speaker 1: previously about how to fix this or how it could change,

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Speaker 1: or who would need to change. And so then for

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Speaker 1: this this big shift to happen like this year, it's

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Speaker 1: one of those like, oh it's happening.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, It's one of those things where you don't believe

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Speaker 2: it's happening until it's happened. And I hate just to

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Speaker 2: speak in such vague terms. The reason I'm not so

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Speaker 2: specific is because it's not just involving me, right, it's

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Speaker 2: not my entirely my story to share, which is why

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Speaker 2: I haven't really talked about it on the podcast or

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Speaker 2: even on social media. It's about my family, and I

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Speaker 2: just will say that it was like a really tough

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Speaker 2: couple of months to get through, and then I made

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Speaker 2: it through the other side, and I have no.

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Speaker 1: Regrets, and I do think the hardest part is over.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, thank god.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's got to be smooth from here on out.

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Speaker 2: Yes, please, truly?

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Speaker 1: All right, Next, what are you reaching for and what

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Speaker 1: are you letting go of? Oh my goodness right now?

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Speaker 1: Definitely just reaching for knowledge and learning and just evolving

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Speaker 1: as a creative and just really learning this filmmaking stuff

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Speaker 1: and then figuring out how to apply it back to

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Speaker 1: look at what our productions and then what we can

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Speaker 1: do with it. Because we've talked about what can be adapted,

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Speaker 1: like what can be adapted for the screen in one

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Speaker 1: way or another, and how can our story also be

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Speaker 1: told on screen somehow? Because we have now all this audio,

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Speaker 1: and we've talked about the show as an audio archive,

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Speaker 1: that is still what it is. So we've archived all

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Speaker 1: these years and all these ideas and these thoughts and

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Speaker 1: these interviews and these experiences, and I just think that

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Speaker 1: the podcast itself is so ripe for a different art form,

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Speaker 1: you know, like to be expressed in another way. So

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Speaker 1: that's really kind of where my mind is at and

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Speaker 1: what am I letting go of? Man, I'm just trying

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Speaker 1: to let go of I think over the years, I

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Speaker 1: have evolved a lot as far as my ideas about

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Speaker 1: like my ideas about now even things like femininity and

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Speaker 1: feminism and like the type of woman I am or

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Speaker 1: the type of woman I want to be. And I'm

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Speaker 1: just entering into this era of like feeling my like

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Speaker 1: soft girl vibes and like finding the nurture in myself

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Speaker 1: and like finding the lover in myself and the caretaker

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Speaker 1: in myself, which are categories that I have sort of

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Speaker 1: tiptoed around, or like I haven't touched, Like I haven't

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Speaker 1: always been a very like touchy feely or emotional person,

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Speaker 1: and maybe my emotions have been more stuck to like

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Speaker 1: passion and excitement or joy or like thrill seeking. I

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Speaker 1: have stayed away from like vulnerability, you know, like I'm

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Speaker 1: not the most vulnerable and I'm not the most like

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Speaker 1: open with like sharing my feelings and such. But I

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Speaker 1: am coming into this era where I feel like like

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Speaker 1: the ice queen is melting, you know, and like the

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Speaker 1: armor is being shed, like I am laying down my sword. Wow,

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Speaker 1: which is horrible. It's a horrible feeling, right, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: but it also feels so great at the same time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, when you can be safe and you feel safe

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Speaker 2: enough to do it, like it should feel good. It

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Speaker 2: can be scary, that's always going to be scary, but

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Speaker 2: it shouldn't feel bad if it actually could feel good.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like somebody at school was like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: you're glowing, like what's going on? And I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm in love and it's awful, Like

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Speaker 1: I love it. But it's also like, I feel like

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Speaker 1: this is very much one of those moments where it's like,

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Speaker 1: am I grieving? Low key? This is a new chapter. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And so I'm sort of I'm shedding. I'm kind of

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Speaker 1: grieving a little bit, but also very happily letting go

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Speaker 1: and just kind of letting it. I'm just going with it.

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Speaker 1: I'm just letting it take me, and I'm not resisting.

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Speaker 1: I'm cooperating. I'm being very cooperative.

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Speaker 2: Don't go anywhere, look amotives, We'll be right back. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I think that our whole lives are filled with like

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Speaker 2: a grieving process because we're constantly transforming and evolving.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and so we're.

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Speaker 2: Like constantly letting go of a version of ourselves. And

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Speaker 2: I think on that note, I've been talking about this

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Speaker 2: with my therapist for on and off for a couple

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Speaker 2: of years, is like, you know, kind of grieving that

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Speaker 2: the way my life was set up and the type

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Speaker 2: of person that I am, I was never going to

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Speaker 2: be someone that moved away from my family. And I'm

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Speaker 2: not saying that's good or bad if you did, like

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Speaker 2: there's no judgment there, but it also because that's not

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Speaker 2: who I was raised to be, and maybe also who

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Speaker 2: I chose to be, because I could have just said,

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Speaker 2: al rajo, I'm leaving, like y'all figure it out by yourselves.

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Speaker 2: That's not who I am. But there's that part of

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Speaker 2: me that's like, you know, who could I have been?

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Speaker 2: And who, yeah, who could I have been if I

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Speaker 2: had made some different choices. I think that. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I'm happy with my life and I'm happy with where

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Speaker 2: I'm at, but there is that question that doubt of

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Speaker 2: like could my life have been different if I had

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Speaker 2: maybe made a couple choices differently when I was younger.

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Speaker 2: And this is not to say that I regrets or anything,

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Speaker 2: but I think that to going back to what you're

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Speaker 2: saying about grieving and letting go, It's like, okay, letting

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Speaker 2: go that, like, well, that person can no longer be.

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Speaker 2: That person's gone, So like I cannot get stuck in

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Speaker 2: the what if? And should I? And instead, how can

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Speaker 2: I think about qualities that maybe that version of me has,

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Speaker 2: she's somewhere out there, and how can I bring her

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Speaker 2: into my current life? How can I have some of

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Speaker 2: those qualities that maybe I feel are missing for me

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Speaker 2: or for my life or what I want. Let them be,

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Speaker 2: let them be here, let them be present, as opposed

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Speaker 2: to like thinking my mind letting go and wandering of

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Speaker 2: like what could have been? You know, like, let's be

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Speaker 2: here in.

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Speaker 1: The present, because then it's like, oh, am I just

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Speaker 1: living in this nostalgia, yeah, versus like living exactly my reality, and.

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Speaker 2: It's like you're not appreciating what's right in front of you,

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Speaker 2: you know, and so and I think that we can

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Speaker 2: get caught so caught up in that, especially if maybe

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Speaker 2: there's unresolved feelings about something, whether that be a person

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Speaker 2: or a situation, anything, You can get stuck in that

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Speaker 2: like that nostalgia and it's like, oh, actually, you know,

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Speaker 2: my life is fabulous. It's great. I've built it to

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Speaker 2: be this way, you know, so let me be present

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Speaker 2: here and love what's right in front of me exactly.

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Speaker 1: So important. Also, like if we just think about the

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Speaker 1: human brain and like memories, like our brain cannot retain

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Speaker 1: every detail of things that have happened in the past,

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Speaker 1: and we like fill in details like our minds, you know,

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Speaker 1: like our memories are kind of like fragmented together, and

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Speaker 1: so the nostalgia sometimes is not completely accurate. It's like

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Speaker 1: I remember these major things, but a lot of this

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Speaker 1: is kind of like being filled in and it's almost

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Speaker 1: guessing in some ways. But what we can rely on

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Speaker 1: more is, yeah, what's in front of us now is

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Speaker 1: much more trustworthy than what we're remembering.

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Speaker 2: Definitely, let's see.

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Speaker 1: Can you do an episode on women in their thirties

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Speaker 1: and how that's still baby?

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Speaker 2: Well, I love this questions so much, and you're right,

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Speaker 2: just love the phrasing.

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Speaker 1: Thirty is baby, thirty is baby, I'm baby, I am baby,

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Speaker 1: and that's it.

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Speaker 2: That's it, that's baby.

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Speaker 1: Say no more.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I guess there's that

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Speaker 2: expectation that like you're like a full grown adult when

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Speaker 2: you're in your thirties, right, and so, but in so

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Speaker 2: many ways, like no, we're still everyone is still learning,

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Speaker 2: everyone is still baby. I will be eighty years old

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Speaker 2: and still baby.

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Speaker 1: Oh even more so.

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Speaker 2: I will be even more of a seniority that when

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Speaker 2: I'm eighty Okay.

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Speaker 1: Oh absolutely, I mean we're just thirty something teenage girls.

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Speaker 2: Literally I think about that, and I think about too,

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Speaker 2: God not to be so deep today, But I guess

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Speaker 2: here we are. When I was a little girl, I

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Speaker 2: had lots of little things.

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Speaker 1: I saw your storage clean up.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, I had little beanie babies, I had barbies.

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Speaker 2: Like I definitely had things, not like excessively, right, but

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Speaker 2: like you know, my mom bought me things. And so

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Speaker 2: I've been thinking about that now as someone in their thirties,

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Speaker 2: and how like everyone is like talking about like we're

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Speaker 2: tapping into our inner child. I think a lot of

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Speaker 2: us in our thirties we start to feel safe again,

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Speaker 2: to be like I actually don't care if anyone thinks

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Speaker 2: this is weird or nerdy or you know, immature. I

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Speaker 2: like it, and so who cares? Yeah, And it goes

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Speaker 2: back to like not caring what people think, doing it

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Speaker 2: just for you, connecting with your inner child, like all

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Speaker 2: those things that I feel like we collectively talk about online,

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Speaker 2: women especially talk about online, and it's like, yeah, just

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Speaker 2: you're still baby. Just do it, Yeah, have your little things.

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Speaker 1: Have your little things center play, like finding opportunities to

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Speaker 1: not be in charge and to not be in control

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Speaker 1: and to not make all the decisions and to like

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Speaker 1: not drive and you know, kind of not do anything.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think that's really important. And that's also very baby.

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Speaker 2: He's very baby. I've been talking to Phenenmeno about that

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Speaker 2: too recently. I told him, like, you know, so much

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Speaker 2: of my day to day I'm like scheduling things and

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Speaker 2: organizing things and making sure we're on track.

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Speaker 1: As a production because she keeps us running.

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Speaker 2: I keep us running, and I do it because that's

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Speaker 2: my that's my strength, right, and I'm okay, I'm okay

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Speaker 2: with that. That's my role. But I was telling him like,

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Speaker 2: I actually don't want to pick where to go to dinner.

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Speaker 2: I actually don't want to plan a weekend away. So

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Speaker 2: can you take lead on that because my brain is

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Speaker 2: actually like exhausted. And I didn't realize how I was

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Speaker 2: feeling until I told him that. And it's like, you know,

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Speaker 2: I don't want to be in charge of a date

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Speaker 2: like I need you to do that, Like you need

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Speaker 2: to take a lead on that from now on as

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Speaker 2: he should, as he should. And but then it's like, well,

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Speaker 2: he's not going to know that unless I tell him, right,

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Speaker 2: you know. So it's like I have to you have

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Speaker 2: to communicate or whatever. And so it's one of those

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Speaker 2: things where it's like, Okay, I'm baby, but I have

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Speaker 2: to let everybody know that I'm baby.

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Speaker 1: Yes, you have to be a very verbose, communicative baby

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Speaker 1: who states their intentions and their boundary exactly, a very

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Speaker 1: self actualized baby, which is what it's all about. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's what it's all about. Let's see what's next. At

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Speaker 1: what moment do you risk it all to follow your dreams?

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Speaker 1: I would say, don't risk it all. I mean be

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Speaker 1: able to pay your rent and have like a backup

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Speaker 1: plan until you have something concrete coming in is what

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Speaker 1: I would say. It's okay to work and follow your dreams.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes that's what you have to do. I don't

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Speaker 1: know about risking it all. I don't know if we've

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Speaker 1: had a moment where we like risked it all.

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Speaker 2: No, I think we made very strategic jumps, yeah, and leaps,

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Speaker 2: like the leaps came when they had to come. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think that we didn't. We didn't risk it all

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Speaker 2: until we knew there was a safety net because we

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Speaker 2: just weren't in a position to do that.

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Speaker 1: No, because risking it all means what, oh, now I

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Speaker 1: can't pay my bills and now what Like you can't

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Speaker 1: follow your dreams? Takes money, is the other piece of it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And like getting work done being a creative, like it

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Speaker 1: takes money to get yourself together and to get yourself

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Speaker 1: out there and to build your portfolio and to get

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Speaker 1: work done. And so quite often you kind of have

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Speaker 1: to be self funded anyways. And so how are you

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Speaker 1: going to do that? You gotta work. So I've never

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Speaker 1: been one to say, like, yeah, just take the leap,

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Speaker 1: I mean, put it on your vision board, work towards it,

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Speaker 1: you know, yes, but don't put yourself in like a

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Speaker 1: precarious financial situ situation that we're going to suffer from,

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Speaker 1: and then you can't focus on what you want to do,

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Speaker 1: Like you can't focus on the next thing if you're

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Speaker 1: just you know you, if you have no idea how

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Speaker 1: you're going to pay your rent?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that would be my same advice, don't risk it all,

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Speaker 2: strategically risk it all, baby steps, little risks. Yeah, I agree,

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Speaker 2: I agree. Okay, final question, what advice would you give

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Speaker 2: to your younger self?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 2: Lord, have you seen that meme? That's like do it

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Speaker 2: for your younger self or think of your younger self?

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Speaker 2: And it's like, why would I pay attention to a

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Speaker 2: fifteen year old mentally ill girl?

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Speaker 1: Ah? Poor young me? What would I say to my

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Speaker 1: younger self? I would say to my younger self, Look, girl,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna get through it. Buck up, chin up, You're

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Speaker 1: gonna be okay. And I promise that older you is

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Speaker 1: going to give you grace and understanding that I can promise, like,

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Speaker 1: don't be afraid to make mistakes because there's forgiveness on

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Speaker 1: the other side. And I'm not going to throw you

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Speaker 1: under the bus. I'm gonna defend you. Like That's what

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Speaker 1: I would say to my younger self is like I

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Speaker 1: got you on the other side. I see you. You're

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Speaker 1: gonna be fine. And I'm like, now I'm getting emotional,

408
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Speaker 1: like I've got your back, like make your choices, like

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Speaker 1: do your thing, learn and like I'm going to cover

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Speaker 1: you like you are protected.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. That's beautiful. I would say something similar,

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Speaker 2: you know, like, it's okay to not be perfect. It's

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Speaker 2: okay to not know everything. And it's not your job

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Speaker 2: to take care of other people. You're actually just a kid.

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Speaker 2: And when you're older, I got you. I will take

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Speaker 2: care of you, and I will nurture you, and I

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Speaker 2: will make sure your emotional needs are met. So it's

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Speaker 2: okay to make a mistake. It's okay to not have

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Speaker 2: straight a's ooh big one. It's okay to not have

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Speaker 2: the highest GPA ooh big one. Yes, Catholic schoolgirl here.

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Speaker 2: It's hard. They're mean to us. It's gonna work out,

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Speaker 2: and you know what, the tattoos are fine. You're your

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Speaker 2: own boss. Now, it's cool. You got it.

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Speaker 1: Literally, nobody cares.

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Speaker 2: Nobody cares. My boss, Mala said it was fine.

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Speaker 1: Get more.

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Speaker 2: There we go.

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Speaker 1: Great questions, y'all.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you so much for listening to another episode

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Speaker 2: of look at Our Radio. This was a fun episode

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00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:36,880
Speaker 2: to make.

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Speaker 1: Yes, we laughed, we cried, we did it all all.

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Speaker 1: So thank you for tuning in to another episode of

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Speaker 1: Look at thot our Radio. Until next time, those.

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Speaker 2: Look at Our Radio is executive produced and hosted by

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Speaker 2: Me Theosa and Me Mala, also edited by mers log

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Speaker 2: Alumi