Speaker 1: I want another baby dead as that was to the point, well,
Speaker 1: damn dead as well. I want fifty million dollars, But
Speaker 1: who's gonna give me that? How got you? M got you?
Speaker 1: Show improves. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the ellis Is.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our
Speaker 1: voice and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,
Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one
Speaker 1: more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We
Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's
Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk
Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead
Speaker 1: as is the term that we say every day. So
Speaker 1: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,
Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We bought
Speaker 1: to take pillow talk to a whole new level. Dead
Speaker 1: ass starts right now. Have a baby by me, baby
Speaker 1: be a millionaire, have a baby by me, baby being
Speaker 1: mill and there being million. Don't play no games when
Speaker 1: I'm in that thing. Come see what I mean? You
Speaker 1: see what I means? Let her mama turn me on?
Speaker 1: Have you go? I mean I don't know what the
Speaker 1: words don't someone to mean I ain't. That wasn't even English.
Speaker 1: Just now, someone mean me? Don't another baby? Shout out
Speaker 1: to Neo peoples and Crystal. They have another baby? What's
Speaker 1: uprist have another baby? What's up? Yeah? And they also
Speaker 1: have millions of dollars I'm working on. We can work
Speaker 1: on it collectively. Let me work on that, and then
Speaker 1: I work on the millions of dollars right right. I
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know. I don't know. There's a
Speaker 1: lot that goes into thinking about have another baby. I
Speaker 1: feel like we're ready spread very very thin. So the
Speaker 1: fact that we're even having the same with this topic
Speaker 1: put you up to this topic. I had nothing to
Speaker 1: do it because I literally just got this run of
Speaker 1: the show to my email about two point five seconds ago,
Speaker 1: and I feel set up. All right, So okay, I'll
Speaker 1: tell you how this walking about. All right, This will
Speaker 1: take me the storytime. Storytime, ladies, gentlemen, storytime. As you
Speaker 1: guys know, we just put us a new home, right
Speaker 1: and upstairs, on the second floor there are four bedrooms.
Speaker 1: And as I take people on the tour, I go,
Speaker 1: you know, here we go. This is Cat's bedroom, his
Speaker 1: Cairo's bedroom, here's the stairs, Here's Jackson's bedroom, and off
Speaker 1: in the corner there's a bridge to a fourth bedroom
Speaker 1: and its shaped like a dog. It's shaped like the dollhouse.
Speaker 1: The trembling because I don't understand walking there, and I
Speaker 1: could feel my daughter's presence. Okay, I feel the presence, guys,
Speaker 1: I feel it. Have a little pink room with a doorhouse,
Speaker 1: a little cave running the well. Talking about coaching, Daddy
Speaker 1: Conchin happened. When I say kitchen, you don't find it funny.
Speaker 1: It's not cute when I say kaching. You know my
Speaker 1: nickname is Chinny, right, I was giving everybody the nickname
Speaker 1: is Chingy. Yeah. Shout out to Brian Jordan Jr. Because
Speaker 1: Maurice have an alert on my phone every time the
Speaker 1: American expresses hit and it goes coaching on my phone
Speaker 1: and she'd be sitting right next to me and my
Speaker 1: phone will go off him to be like kachin and
Speaker 1: I'd be like, what did you buy and like, huh
Speaker 1: days ago, that's just hitting the account whatever. Seriously. But yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the best part about it is that since we've
Speaker 1: moved in and we've had, you know, family and stuff
Speaker 1: come to visit my father in law. Even the other
Speaker 1: day when he was here visiting, School was helping Devout
Speaker 1: mount some TVs and whatnot, and School was just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: did you did you check out the baby's room? Because
Speaker 1: I mounted that TV too, and I was like, the
Speaker 1: baby's room. So instantly I'm thinking that he's talking about
Speaker 1: like devour sister or something, because, as far as I'm concerned,
Speaker 1: manifestation in here, manifestation shout out, my sister Tori is
Speaker 1: having a baby and she's having a girl. Yes, manifestation
Speaker 1: at the time about here this, she'll be here already. Yes,
Speaker 1: I think that's amazing. Is gonna have a whole room,
Speaker 1: a whole cousin to play with, a whole little baby cousin.
Speaker 1: So let's all right, so let's get let's get into
Speaker 1: the top of yea happen bringing this to People's court, right,
Speaker 1: because I already know how majority of people feel about
Speaker 1: people's court. We're gonna state our case, right, We're gonna
Speaker 1: state our case as to whether or not codeine or
Speaker 1: not I should have another baby. Now for the record, okay,
Speaker 1: I that I can't guarantee you a girl. But I'm
Speaker 1: about but I'm about nine short, though I'm about as
Speaker 1: far as I know. There's a chance. So where did
Speaker 1: you get from. I've been talking to my boys. Don't here.
Speaker 1: I've been talking to me and said, yo'all need to chill.
Speaker 1: Let the ladies go first. So the ladies will go first,
Speaker 1: and do you have a better chance? But I will
Speaker 1: say this, if I were to get another boy, I'd
Speaker 1: be hyped because then I would just have four boys
Speaker 1: and it would just be ad. So it's safe to
Speaker 1: say that you're your thing here? Is that you want
Speaker 1: a fourth child? I want the baby. Yes, I want
Speaker 1: a fourth child, because everybody got a partner on the
Speaker 1: roller coaster. I said this before. With five of us,
Speaker 1: do we even get a roller coast for that to
Speaker 1: be a determining factor because we don't have four kids.
Speaker 1: That's why we don't go because one kid will be
Speaker 1: left out, so we don't go. But if we have four,
Speaker 1: it would be me and you and then Jackson Chicago,
Speaker 1: and then Cash and the baby. So then then we're
Speaker 1: gonna roller coaster all the time. If you want to
Speaker 1: be a roller coaster for mad long my kid? Yes,
Speaker 1: they were so Yeah, I'm on the fence, devout he
Speaker 1: wants a girl particularly or another baby, we should say,
Speaker 1: I think you've always said you wanted four kids. I
Speaker 1: was kind of always wanted three, you know, I'm one
Speaker 1: of three year one of three. Three just kind of
Speaker 1: felt like a very round number for us as much
Speaker 1: as it's but yeah, four corners right. So that being said, UM,
Speaker 1: you know we're gonna talk about the things we love
Speaker 1: about parenting. You know what we have noticed about our kids? Um,
Speaker 1: what are like deval and I what characteristics are like us?
Speaker 1: Which aren't you know, because some some things that our
Speaker 1: kids do on't my devot that is so ut is
Speaker 1: So tell me why you are so against? Well, you're
Speaker 1: not against. You want the fence, why you want literally
Speaker 1: like a toe on defense. I'm really on the nose side,
Speaker 1: but I have like my my leg is like properly
Speaker 1: explain to me why. For me, it's it's it's more
Speaker 1: than just um, you know, having another person to provide
Speaker 1: for and all that good stuff. I got that there's
Speaker 1: also to this this time that I feel like I
Speaker 1: will have to sit out that I don't know if
Speaker 1: I want you to have to sit out again out
Speaker 1: of like work opportunities, thinking about everything that my body
Speaker 1: goes through. You know, you you you conceive, you're pregnant
Speaker 1: for nine to ten months, and then you deliver this baby,
Speaker 1: but your body is still out of commission after that
Speaker 1: postpartum my fourth trimester for about a year. So I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be out for the count for like two years. No,
Speaker 1: you won't, that's fair. Give you a perfect example, right,
Speaker 1: we have an award winning podcast right that we're do.
Speaker 1: Thank that we're doing from home, so you won't have
Speaker 1: to be out of work because we can do it
Speaker 1: all the way through your pregnancy and you will be
Speaker 1: in the comfort of your home. Plus, right, I've been
Speaker 1: busting my ass. Right, we got a gym in here,
Speaker 1: which means you can be in shape through your whole
Speaker 1: pregnancy and working and you don't got to miss a beat.
Speaker 1: So see, I'm covering all the on camera opportunity voice.
Speaker 1: What if someone calls me for a role and they
Speaker 1: got pregnant roles, They got rolls. Doesn't call for somebody
Speaker 1: to be pregnant. They're gonna write that ship in because
Speaker 1: you just fly like that baby. Make sure make sure
Speaker 1: you have people you can call to write me in
Speaker 1: the record showing you know, I love the record to
Speaker 1: show see. I don't see she putting herself in a box.
Speaker 1: You can't put yourself in the bottom. Man. It's the
Speaker 1: intern and one thing you will never understand. No, you
Speaker 1: watch me go through it, and you can empathize in
Speaker 1: a sense, but you'll never understand what it's like to
Speaker 1: actually fully carry an entire person, deliver that person, and
Speaker 1: then be the source of nourishment for that person for
Speaker 1: months to come. Like. It's a lot that goes into that.
Speaker 1: That's fair, which is why this is even a conversation.
Speaker 1: My here is just starting to grow back casts. I've
Speaker 1: been bad for so long. I'm about to you was
Speaker 1: never boy you have it was always good like you yourself.
Speaker 1: You're hard on yourself. Listen, listen, I understand all of
Speaker 1: those things right as a man. It would be insensitive
Speaker 1: and tone death for me to sit here and make
Speaker 1: it seem as if I make it seem like it's
Speaker 1: easy to have a baby, right. I get that. I'm
Speaker 1: not by any means trying to say that, but I
Speaker 1: will say that I I feel, as your husband and
Speaker 1: your life partner, that I've provided you an opportunity to
Speaker 1: have children and continue to exist in the space of
Speaker 1: work and chase your dreams. And that is a fact
Speaker 1: I will say that is a that is a definite
Speaker 1: pro is that I know that had if we were
Speaker 1: to have another child, that that's something I would not
Speaker 1: have to worry about. I can literally be able to
Speaker 1: be in a space where I'm comfortable and and be
Speaker 1: healthy and take the steps that I need to have
Speaker 1: a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby and all that because
Speaker 1: you will in turn take on the brent of responsibilities
Speaker 1: around the house, finances, all that good stuff. Okay, So
Speaker 1: what you're gonna do about my broken out skin though?
Speaker 1: And the little thing? What you mean you're broken out skin?
Speaker 1: Because of the territory. We will put in a budget.
Speaker 1: We will put in budget for you to get facials
Speaker 1: to make sure that your skin is taken care of.
Speaker 1: Does that sound right to your sound? Fair? Everything? Because
Speaker 1: I've been playing in I understand that my body goes
Speaker 1: through nothing. When you have a baby, I'll be putting
Speaker 1: in the work to get the baby in there, because
Speaker 1: I'll be putting that work work. What Listen, a lot
Speaker 1: of times you just kind of be like, Babe, I
Speaker 1: just kind of want to say, and I'd be like, cool, whatever,
Speaker 1: and I'd be like, it depends on what happens if
Speaker 1: we had a couple of drinks before or not. But
Speaker 1: that's that's I don't as long as you are back
Speaker 1: challenge for me, you argeback challenge for me. It's cool.
Speaker 1: Problem with that is argeback challenge gets boys. That's why
Speaker 1: we have Yeah, you hear the whole wife sales about
Speaker 1: what you can do to get certain things and certain
Speaker 1: you know outcomes. Um, so I got some facts here.
Speaker 1: Let me look at look at some facts making over here.
Speaker 1: So I thought you said you wasn't prepared. I wasn't prepared,
Speaker 1: but know trivile gave me some facts, so I'm gonna see.
Speaker 1: According to economists Brian Kaplan, if you have a typical
Speaker 1: level of American enjoyment of children, you're willing to actually
Speaker 1: adjust your Parrington parenting to the evidence on what matters,
Speaker 1: then the right number of children to have is for see.
Speaker 1: This is why I said we should always bring facts
Speaker 1: to podcasts. This is why. But it's easier said than done.
Speaker 1: Having a baby is much different for women than it
Speaker 1: is from men. And today we're going to make our
Speaker 1: cases for why we do want or not want another baby,
Speaker 1: but let's the record shows that the ideal number is four.
Speaker 1: That's what the kid with this capitalist Brian Kaplan. Scott's
Speaker 1: a smart guy. Brian Kaplan is a smart guy. I
Speaker 1: think it's fair to say that, like four for me
Speaker 1: is ideal, Like when you have two boys and two
Speaker 1: girls who it's like, oh, everybody has like a brother
Speaker 1: and a sister, isn't it like adorable? But that wouldn't
Speaker 1: be the case because we're not gonna try to match
Speaker 1: that if we were to even have another child. But
Speaker 1: because the thing is you have another child, said as
Speaker 1: a girl, it's gonna be like, well, she needs a sister.
Speaker 1: Where does it stop being like listen, not just you
Speaker 1: per se, but you know, people people joking. But we
Speaker 1: could have twin girls. That wouldn't be dope. I don't
Speaker 1: know if my skin could be elasticity and collagen, and
Speaker 1: my skin at this age is not popping, is flawless.
Speaker 1: And I'm not just saying that come trying to get
Speaker 1: you pregnant. I'm saying that because it's the truth. Twin
Speaker 1: girls would look good on you, baby, but also good
Speaker 1: on you. But also I also think about quality of
Speaker 1: life for our children right being able to spend time
Speaker 1: with them once they are here. So let's not even
Speaker 1: talking about pregnancy and all that, like we understand what
Speaker 1: comes with the territory with that, but thinking about wanting
Speaker 1: to spend individual time like that's something very important to
Speaker 1: us that with each child, they get their individual time
Speaker 1: with us. So adding one more person to the to
Speaker 1: the mix is also going to be one more person's
Speaker 1: feelings and thoughts and emotions and us navigating and style
Speaker 1: stepping around how we how we can parent that child.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. We have a y role
Speaker 1: who don't care nothing about us. I haven't seen Jackson
Speaker 1: in five days. What do you mean? And we are
Speaker 1: in the same house. Jackson don't care about us. He's
Speaker 1: not worried about how much time he spent with us.
Speaker 1: But I am concerned. What has one son already gone?
Speaker 1: He's already gone, Jackson. We on't even got to count Jackson.
Speaker 1: Jackson is like a grown I have. I have to
Speaker 1: make a schedule appointment to be able to chill with Jackson,
Speaker 1: because that's what I'm saying. He's very consumed with his
Speaker 1: virtual learn. He takes us very seriously, and between that
Speaker 1: and an extra wait till we get friends and a
Speaker 1: girlfriend and sports. Let's not rush that stuff. I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: I get it. However, it's important to me to make
Speaker 1: sure that we are able to spend an invest time
Speaker 1: in our children, you know what's somewhat evenly, and they
Speaker 1: get that alone time, you know what I mean. So
Speaker 1: I never want something like that to sacrifice. I have
Speaker 1: to sacrifice that with one more child added to the mix. No, alright, conception,
Speaker 1: there's there's different methods, the whole method here, right, So, conception,
Speaker 1: what are you willing to sacrifice? Are you willing to
Speaker 1: sacrifice to your sex life? The sex of the baby
Speaker 1: is determined by which chromosomes are carried by the conceiving
Speaker 1: sperm cell. But according to urban myths, there are certain
Speaker 1: steps you can take to conceive a baby girl. I
Speaker 1: got a story to tell, A quick story to tell.
Speaker 1: There was a point when Cadine was trying to conceive
Speaker 1: a girl, and she tried to happy doing all of
Speaker 1: this wild ship right. For example, we could only have
Speaker 1: sex on certain days, we could only have it in
Speaker 1: certain positions. Um, and there were certain times where it
Speaker 1: would be like certain times in the night where Codeine
Speaker 1: would be looking through her what was the name of
Speaker 1: the book you calculated there was a calculator thing, and
Speaker 1: she'd be like she would be like late at night,
Speaker 1: two am, and she's like, oh, babe, according to the calculator,
Speaker 1: we're supposed to have sex like today, you know, like
Speaker 1: right now. And I'd be like tired, and I'd like,
Speaker 1: you want to have sex right now? And she's just like,
Speaker 1: according to the calculator, is supposed to happen right now.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I bet. And then she'll be like
Speaker 1: and she's just like later and she like what you're
Speaker 1: doing when she said but it got to be missionary
Speaker 1: if we do it any other way, that if you're
Speaker 1: gonna have a boy. So I'm just like, are you
Speaker 1: kidding me? Like she's just like, I'm serious. So we
Speaker 1: tried that, and you know what happened. We had Cairo.
Speaker 1: That's a fact. So all of these urban myths and
Speaker 1: legends to me don't matter, don't matter. So what I
Speaker 1: say is God is going to provide us with what
Speaker 1: we need. That's a fact I'm saying. So if we
Speaker 1: have ultimately, I think it's fun to talk about all
Speaker 1: this stuff, like the different ways, Like they say, for example,
Speaker 1: boys sperm spins faster, so the survival period for them
Speaker 1: is shorter, whereas the women or the female sperm lives
Speaker 1: longer and they will be able to you know, last.
Speaker 1: So they say, if you have sex a little before
Speaker 1: your ovulation, than the chances are you have a girl.
Speaker 1: That's what. That's what, that's what you were trying to
Speaker 1: We're trying to do that loosely, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And then of course there are other high tech options
Speaker 1: for sex selection. There's IVF, and then there's also a
Speaker 1: sperm selection UM. Both of these methods you would have
Speaker 1: to go into a doctor or lab or something to
Speaker 1: do UM. And we we considered UM, IVF and sperm selection.
Speaker 1: Kandin and I actually went through. We went to a
Speaker 1: fertility specialist and we were like, let's kind of see
Speaker 1: what it's like. I don't I don't understand why people
Speaker 1: get judged for trying to do different things. UM Codeina
Speaker 1: and I actually went to. UH wasn't an i V specially,
Speaker 1: so it was a fertility special specialist. So we went
Speaker 1: to a fertility specialist and we found out our options.
Speaker 1: We asked about sperm sorting first, and they told a
Speaker 1: sperm sworting is about a sixty We're like, right now
Speaker 1: we have fifty fifty. Am I going to pay for
Speaker 1: sixty forty? We kind of felt like, what's what's a
Speaker 1: more definite way? So we were asking about IVF and
Speaker 1: we we got all the details about IVF and the
Speaker 1: only thing that kind of um made me I decide that,
Speaker 1: you know, I didn't think this was the best thing
Speaker 1: for us because her body would have to go through
Speaker 1: most of the changes taking the hormone shots, and because
Speaker 1: we already have three children, I felt like I didn't
Speaker 1: want to force her to have to do anything more
Speaker 1: to her body and then carry a child. Now, had
Speaker 1: we not been able to have children, and this is
Speaker 1: something that we wanted, I would definitely would have been
Speaker 1: with IVF. You know, especially with IVF, you get the
Speaker 1: eggs and then you can find out pre insimilating them
Speaker 1: into your spouse if it's a boy or a girl
Speaker 1: pre explanation. But what they did tell us was that
Speaker 1: there is a chance that you could do the I
Speaker 1: v F treatment, get the eggs, get it all together,
Speaker 1: and it'd be all boys, right or all girls or girls.
Speaker 1: So I was kind of like, yeah, and I was
Speaker 1: having still stuck up to God. Whether God wants to
Speaker 1: give us boys a girl's the whole fact. And I
Speaker 1: just kind of feel like, um, you know that I'm
Speaker 1: not against science or anything like, there's a big debate
Speaker 1: to between the science of things and what God, the universe,
Speaker 1: or whoever it is you believe in providing for you
Speaker 1: or giving to you or blessing you with. And UM,
Speaker 1: I battled with that too because I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna try to, you know, paint out this
Speaker 1: picture that is not supposed to be. You know, I
Speaker 1: batted in a way. UM, So I battled with that.
Speaker 1: That's something that kind of crossed my mind. And then
Speaker 1: I also thought about people who are unable to conceive
Speaker 1: naturally and this is like their only option, and I
Speaker 1: kind of feel like, you know, maybe something like this
Speaker 1: should be reserved for people who this is their only option,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Well, what we talked about
Speaker 1: surrogacy to right, and surrogacy is also an option that
Speaker 1: some people have as well. To um, and I was
Speaker 1: kind of like, again that maybe something that's reserved for
Speaker 1: Remember the same sex couple who are unable to have
Speaker 1: and they need a surrogate to carry their baby or um.
Speaker 1: You know, there's so many different reasons as to why
Speaker 1: a woman may or or not. But my body being
Speaker 1: fully able to have carried three children, I kind of
Speaker 1: felt like, you know what, I've been able to do
Speaker 1: that naturally, So if I were to do a fourth pregnancy,
Speaker 1: I would do it naturally and then be happy with
Speaker 1: whatever the Good Lord blesses me with. I remember you saying,
Speaker 1: and we were thinking about doing the surrogate, and you said,
Speaker 1: the one thing you didn't want to have to tell
Speaker 1: you your daughter or son was that, you know, where's
Speaker 1: my maternity pictures? Mom? Like you have maternity pictures with
Speaker 1: Jackson Kyro with And then you're like, well, I wasn't
Speaker 1: strictly for the vanity of it all, like well, I
Speaker 1: didn't want to throw abou getting my body back, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? And understandable, and some of people
Speaker 1: have careers that they're just like, you know what, I
Speaker 1: can't sit out for you know, nine months to a
Speaker 1: year and there's no judgment there, that's just what's something
Speaker 1: that you know what I mean, you feel like you
Speaker 1: just don't want to do or you don't want to sacrifice,
Speaker 1: and that's that's And for me it was like, it's
Speaker 1: your body has to go through it for nine months
Speaker 1: and then a whole year after with you know, nursing
Speaker 1: the baby and then trying to get back. So me
Speaker 1: as a as a man and as your your life partner,
Speaker 1: I felt like it's not my responsibility to tell you
Speaker 1: what's the best way to conceive. So I kind of
Speaker 1: wanted to find out from you, like, what did you
Speaker 1: think would be the worst? Because I was with anything.
Speaker 1: I was with the sperm sorting, I was with IVF,
Speaker 1: I was with um doing the I v F and
Speaker 1: picking a sex of the baby. I was with doing
Speaker 1: a if that's what if? That was with what you
Speaker 1: was with But you felt like you wanted to have
Speaker 1: that connection, So I was like, you know what, she
Speaker 1: wants to have the connection, then we have to do
Speaker 1: it this way. But then you're on the fence now
Speaker 1: about it. So my question to you is how much
Speaker 1: of this is really a partnership and a agreement or
Speaker 1: is it really just if you want to have another
Speaker 1: baby is yes or if there's no is nor how
Speaker 1: much how much it's a difficult that's a difficult situation
Speaker 1: to being or a difficult question to answer, rather because
Speaker 1: it's like, naturally, I would like to consider your feelings.
Speaker 1: I want to consider how you feel what you want
Speaker 1: out of life as well too, and especially if we're
Speaker 1: going to be having children together, Like this is something
Speaker 1: that we're doing together. You if you wanted to, could
Speaker 1: essentially go and have another child with anybody else. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. But I don't want to die, right,
Speaker 1: You don't want to die, You're not crazy. You don't
Speaker 1: want to hurt anybody else to get injured. So that
Speaker 1: being said, you know, the wise thing to do would
Speaker 1: be for us to come to some sort of agreement.
Speaker 1: So um, but yeah, I do feel like I also
Speaker 1: to have to can take into consideration, um, how you feel.
Speaker 1: I think what makes it easier for me to even
Speaker 1: be on the fence at this point is the fact
Speaker 1: that you fully understand the process from consumption to postpartum.
Speaker 1: You are an amazing father. You are super active. He
Speaker 1: actually really is in real life, Dad gosse to. But
Speaker 1: it's like the good thing, well it's in blue, but
Speaker 1: the good thing is that there's no longer any colors,
Speaker 1: there's no gender norms and ships like that. No, No,
Speaker 1: I mean, shoot, blue could be for girl too, but historically, historically,
Speaker 1: um so, yeah, that that makes it easier for me
Speaker 1: to be like, Okay, well, if I were to have
Speaker 1: a fourth child, I know that I wouldn't be in
Speaker 1: this alone. That I would have all of the resources
Speaker 1: and the support that I needed, um and not just
Speaker 1: from you, but like my mom who's here with our
Speaker 1: three boys, who's being driven crazy daily with our three boys.
Speaker 1: Our families are super involved and everything, um like that.
Speaker 1: So that makes it in turn easier for me to
Speaker 1: even be on the fence at this point. Um. So,
Speaker 1: I do try to take into consideration how you feel,
Speaker 1: and I think it does have to be a collective decision.
Speaker 1: So you think it has to be a collective decision.
Speaker 1: At any point, did you feel like I was being
Speaker 1: selfish for wanting another child when you said you have
Speaker 1: done that three Um No, I never felt like it
Speaker 1: was selfish. At first. I thought you were joking, to
Speaker 1: be quite honest. So the fact that we're even having
Speaker 1: this conversation in this podcast, I'm just like, wait a second,
Speaker 1: you are actually really serious. But also I was thinking
Speaker 1: about too, like like women after the age of thirty five,
Speaker 1: you know, become high risk. There's consultations. I mean, according
Speaker 1: to some paper they say that, but I feel very
Speaker 1: twenty one, I feel very but according to this little
Speaker 1: old paper. I mean, I'm I'm not sure what my
Speaker 1: insights look like. Although I do try to take good care,
Speaker 1: so that's something that I also take into accounts to.
Speaker 1: I'm like, man, finished like having cats cat. I was
Speaker 1: literally had cats a week before I turned thirty four,
Speaker 1: So I'm like, man, I was done all my kids
Speaker 1: at thirty three. Now I can focus on get my
Speaker 1: self back in order and whatnot. And it's kind of like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what the recovery is going to be like,
Speaker 1: you know, after it'll be good, so good, I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's rough. It's a lot of things to take into consideration,
Speaker 1: to be quite honest. Um, you know there are many phases.
Speaker 1: There's a newborn phase, you know, where the sleep deprivation
Speaker 1: is real, and I can't help you with that. You
Speaker 1: you breastfeed, I can't. I don't got no breasts. Um.
Speaker 1: I have a pretty big chest from doing all these
Speaker 1: push ups, but there's no comfortable there's no milk coming
Speaker 1: from them. So I can't. I'm not even gonna try
Speaker 1: to state my case for the newborn phase. That's gonna
Speaker 1: be your realm. You and typically your mom and your
Speaker 1: grandmother come up here and stay with us. So the
Speaker 1: good thing is we have space now so everyone can
Speaker 1: feel comfortable and you can have help that lives here
Speaker 1: with us. So you know, you're probably gonna lose more sleeps.
Speaker 1: I'll give you that. The newborn phase is definitely gonna
Speaker 1: be something that's going to be probably, I think a
Speaker 1: positive pro think about caring for four children, um, with
Speaker 1: three boys who are now pretty much independent in us
Speaker 1: that they may be able to help themselves a bit.
Speaker 1: Jackson being like super big brother also helping with the
Speaker 1: two little ones supermature, Um, so I think it would
Speaker 1: be easier in general. You know, I'm trying to think
Speaker 1: of a a countdown count up to the age when Jackson
Speaker 1: will be able to babysit, you know a little bit.
Speaker 1: I think we can kind of loosely have him watch
Speaker 1: his brothers while we're in the house together. We're not
Speaker 1: leaving them alone, but absolutely, you know, um absolutely, so
Speaker 1: you know, by five years old, I think actually now
Speaker 1: Kas can dress himself like Kyro can dress himself. No,
Speaker 1: no, no no, I closed, We are in closes. I'm just
Speaker 1: trying to be fair to the discussion and giving pros
Speaker 1: and con don't get excited, don't all right, all right,
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to be fair to the argument or
Speaker 1: the discussion rather. And then by nine, you know, he's
Speaker 1: doing good. Yeah, it's funny that kid should be able
Speaker 1: to take care of their personal hygiene without assistance, without
Speaker 1: a sistance. But I'm gonna have to remind that. It
Speaker 1: reminds him every single day. He came down this morning,
Speaker 1: for example, we're here recording this podcast, you know, in
Speaker 1: the home, and we have our our producer Triple here,
Speaker 1: we have Josh here, we have Dave U A K
Speaker 1: A dimple God. And I mean, at this point, Jackson
Speaker 1: comes downstairs and he's having a full blown conversation with Triple,
Speaker 1: and I'm looking over him and I'm like, this, brow
Speaker 1: did not wash Brush's teeth this morning. I can guarantee it,
Speaker 1: so I'll call him over. I was like, Jackson, do
Speaker 1: you think that it is wise for you to wake
Speaker 1: up this morning, come downstairs, be all in Triple's face
Speaker 1: without your teeth? He hits me, with the no. The
Speaker 1: back end of the no, I was like, go upstairs
Speaker 1: and brush your teeth. He's nine, and he's like, am
Speaker 1: I in trouble? And I was like, Trible was in trouble?
Speaker 1: O hear you know what I'm saying. Got to remind
Speaker 1: these boys, Okay, he's my brothers broken as record up
Speaker 1: in here. They're probably thinking, I'm like the most naggiest
Speaker 1: person ever in life, But at this rate, I'm just like, man,
Speaker 1: I mean, sometimes you be nagging, but let's stay with focus.
Speaker 1: But let's stay with focus. You're you're talking about we're
Speaker 1: talking about babies here. Jackson is nine, you guys, only
Speaker 1: set of issues at nine. I'm talking about the babies,
Speaker 1: all right. Next one says, what about our relationship? Is
Speaker 1: your marriage able to withstand the changes that come with
Speaker 1: having a new baby in the home? Talk so if
Speaker 1: you don't get what you want in the timely fashion,
Speaker 1: you don't want to hear no excuses? Why we talk
Speaker 1: about and then we just do a whole podcast about
Speaker 1: the next ten and you just theorize all these Can
Speaker 1: I finish reading? Can I finish reading the thing? Our
Speaker 1: relationships were? So? I can't finish reading my thing. Our
Speaker 1: relationships with not to motorist when you were pregnant with Cairo,
Speaker 1: So how did you get pregning with casts? So fast,
Speaker 1: stop it, stop it. There's just some things that have
Speaker 1: to get done. However, look sociologist. Sociologists so gos. Sociologists
Speaker 1: theorized that we're about to lie. He was about to lie, y'all.
Speaker 1: You see, he can't even talk. Strangs and sociologists theorized
Speaker 1: that in heterosexual relationship, mothers are more unhappy with their
Speaker 1: marriages after they have children because they tend to take
Speaker 1: on more second shift work, childcare and housework and begin
Speaker 1: to feel that their relationships are no longer fair. I
Speaker 1: can honestly say that is not true. That's not true,
Speaker 1: isn't So that's why we don't got to worry about that.
Speaker 1: So I feel confidence saying that, according to research, couples
Speaker 1: have sex less often after they have a baby. Now,
Speaker 1: those first six weeks, we couldn't have sex at all.
Speaker 1: But even after the six weeks after that, you were tired, unsexy,
Speaker 1: and in your mind you was unsexy, and my mind
Speaker 1: you was not unsexy. There was nothing sexy about milky boobs,
Speaker 1: and you know that's that's debatable, all right. You were
Speaker 1: swollen everywhere all the right spots, So you can say
Speaker 1: you wanted sexy, but I will, uh, I will respectfully,
Speaker 1: respectfully disagree with you because I felt like you were
Speaker 1: sexy after having children. That's why you got pregnant again
Speaker 1: with kas fifteen months later. But my thing is what
Speaker 1: these sociologists are saying are true for most people. In
Speaker 1: our case, that is not the case. I'm a very,
Speaker 1: very involved father, and you don't get left with all
Speaker 1: of the responsibilities. I also moved your mom in, and
Speaker 1: I will move your grandmother in so you don't have
Speaker 1: to worry about not having help. So for me, all
Speaker 1: of the arguments that women have for saying they don't
Speaker 1: want to have another child because they get left with
Speaker 1: everything and the man gets to go out in rome
Speaker 1: and do and live his life, it's not the case
Speaker 1: with us. So for me, I'm like that goes you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, And the Bible says be fruitful
Speaker 1: and multiplied. It is my guy given duty to multiply.
Speaker 1: I got a multiply like God's only run around here.
Speaker 1: He was just here to second, but only got three,
Speaker 1: only three, four and if a girl, if I could
Speaker 1: get a girl out of that that fourth one son,
Speaker 1: it's a rap, like, man, I'm not gonna ask you
Speaker 1: for nothing else ever in life. We don't even gotta
Speaker 1: have sex. No more, give me a girl. We don't
Speaker 1: gotta have sex. Trying to say that if we have
Speaker 1: this fourth child and it's a girl or a boy,
Speaker 1: or is it just has to be a girl that
Speaker 1: I have asked you. Wow, just I don't know if
Speaker 1: I can hold up to that end of the park.
Speaker 1: And though I mean, I'm just lying because I'm gonna
Speaker 1: want to have sex, but it sounded good when I
Speaker 1: was thinking it until I said it. Then when I
Speaker 1: heard myself, I was like this, no way, but I
Speaker 1: just want four. I want four, and I knew I'll
Speaker 1: be talking about wanting a girl so bad. And I
Speaker 1: have to just say this publicly too, because if I
Speaker 1: do have another son, I don't want people to be like, oh,
Speaker 1: he had another kid. He's not happy with the fact
Speaker 1: that he has a son. If I have four boys,
Speaker 1: I would pound my chest around here and feel like
Speaker 1: the king bro I got four sons. I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm playing with house money and I can't lose because
Speaker 1: if I have a daughter, I get get my princess,
Speaker 1: I get my little minicaated I can spoil, we get
Speaker 1: the dollhouse. And if I have a boy, I got
Speaker 1: four sons. I got four soldiers. You know what I'm saying, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I agree if I had a mini me,
Speaker 1: so that would be great. Um, if I had four boys,
Speaker 1: that I mean, can you see me with like four
Speaker 1: like beautiful men, like eventually walking on protecting you every corner.
Speaker 1: And three look even, that's like a trifecta. You see
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. What I'm saying, you can have three
Speaker 1: in the media and then you can hold my daughter
Speaker 1: right there and then I'll be protected. Like don't that
Speaker 1: sound I sound like the winds glowing in my favor?
Speaker 1: We can talk about it, all right. So, okay, you
Speaker 1: said you want a fence before, so it was are
Speaker 1: you closer this way? I'm straddling the fence because you've
Speaker 1: made some valid points. You've made valid points like the
Speaker 1: fact that you're an involved dad and you are super
Speaker 1: supportive and all that good stuff. That's that's great. Um,
Speaker 1: that's probably of the strongest argument that you've made because
Speaker 1: at least I won't feel like, what that's the strongest one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the strongest one that you made. Then what about
Speaker 1: the fact that you also would like to have a daughter,
Speaker 1: you would like to have a bond. That's a that's
Speaker 1: a very strong point. It would be nice. But I
Speaker 1: don't feel a deficit like I've had conversations with women
Speaker 1: who have all girls are all boys, and that's just
Speaker 1: the natural conversation, like you know, and I'm not. I
Speaker 1: don't take offense to it when people are just like, well,
Speaker 1: when's the girl come, when's the girl come? I don't
Speaker 1: take offense because at this point, and you said, people
Speaker 1: eight'clock in you uterus and be asking what's next when
Speaker 1: it comes to the reproductive system. So I'm okay with
Speaker 1: I don't take offense to it. But I think it's
Speaker 1: a natural question that people ask. If you have all
Speaker 1: of one thing, don't you wonder what it's like to
Speaker 1: have the other? And I had um a conversation on
Speaker 1: I Forget. I think it was on Angels podcasts Um
Speaker 1: that chick Angel on Instagram. I think it was on
Speaker 1: her podcast Angel. Yeah, what's up? Angel? Girl? Angel? Yes,
Speaker 1: she has four boys now, she had one son then
Speaker 1: twin boys, and then she just has her last She
Speaker 1: has four total now, she said she's done. So the
Speaker 1: question he came up that if you know, do you
Speaker 1: feel like a deficit, like you're missing something by not
Speaker 1: having a girl, And she said for her, like even
Speaker 1: with her last son, there was like a morning that
Speaker 1: happened when she found out she wasn't having a girl
Speaker 1: because she's kind of like had this letter written to
Speaker 1: her daughter that she just like, so that's something that
Speaker 1: she's always wanted. So she did kind of feel like, man,
Speaker 1: but now that she has her four boys, she's just like,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm good, Like I have a house full
Speaker 1: of beautiful men, and I get that feeling. I, on
Speaker 1: the other hand, never felt a deficit not having a daughter.
Speaker 1: I really haven't. If you can't see me, my places
Speaker 1: like this, Me and the boys been around here, slamming
Speaker 1: each other into the couch, running far in, looking at
Speaker 1: the video games in basketball, and you just be like,
Speaker 1: that's what boys do, right, And I go to the
Speaker 1: room and I chilled by myself and I'm good when
Speaker 1: taking a nap or watching the show. You don't want to.
Speaker 1: You don't want to, you know, have a little daughter,
Speaker 1: you can dress it would be nice. But I don't
Speaker 1: feel like I honestly don't feel like I have some
Speaker 1: sort of deficit missing in my life. It may be
Speaker 1: different if I eventually have a daughter and then I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't imagine what my life would
Speaker 1: be like without you. So what about the what about
Speaker 1: the little I G pictures? You'd be sending me a
Speaker 1: little cute girls dressed up like their mom because they're
Speaker 1: super cute. She says, she don't have a deficit, but
Speaker 1: she sends these things to me. She sends them to
Speaker 1: me like beautiful, like rings and like vacations and stuff.
Speaker 1: That doesn't necessarily mean that I have to have it
Speaker 1: right now. Somehow, you were sending me rings when you
Speaker 1: wanted to upgrade, and you got to upgrade. You were
Speaker 1: sending me houses when you want the house. You got
Speaker 1: a house, right, we were house shopping. What you mean?
Speaker 1: So you're sending me little girls telling me subliminals that
Speaker 1: you want a daughter. I'm winning this argument, by the way, guys,
Speaker 1: and I got I gave you those two. That's I'm
Speaker 1: a provider. I provide you with the things. Have a
Speaker 1: baby by me, baby be a millionaire. I'm winning an argument. God,
Speaker 1: So that's what we're gonna do. We're gonna take a
Speaker 1: quick break, right, We're gonna answer some listen to letters.
Speaker 1: When we come back after listening letters, it's gonna do
Speaker 1: our moment of truth. You're gonna tell me whether or
Speaker 1: not we're gonna have a baby or not. No, I
Speaker 1: don't like that kind of pressure. I need to sleep on.
Speaker 1: You know. I'm gonna sleep on that kind of person.
Speaker 1: So sleep while we pay these bills on these ads,
Speaker 1: and when we come back, we're gonna do these listening
Speaker 1: letters and they can't give me an answer. All right, guys,
Speaker 1: will be right back after these ads. Al Right, guys,
Speaker 1: we're back with listening to letters. Let me scroll ups
Speaker 1: most important part because she knows you. I don't need
Speaker 1: to say that every every single I feel like you
Speaker 1: know that already, but they do. Let's start with these
Speaker 1: listening letters because you'll know. I know y'all want to
Speaker 1: get to the moment. Is gonna say yes? And I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go first. This is a proposal or something I'm
Speaker 1: in proposing to you about this baby. For a minute,
Speaker 1: does it come with a ring? Like? Does it come
Speaker 1: with a ring in the party. Everything you do comes
Speaker 1: with a ring in the party. You got an upgrade,
Speaker 1: but this you get Like, come on, son, when do
Speaker 1: I get a ring in a party for anything? Do
Speaker 1: I ever get a ring in a party? I can
Speaker 1: throw you a party and I can get your rate too,
Speaker 1: but I don't ever get one. Don't play with me
Speaker 1: what you wanted for sure. I was gonna say something,
Speaker 1: but it's too explicit. It's too explicit, all right. My
Speaker 1: boyfriend I had a pregnancy loss about four months ago.
Speaker 1: Although the pregnancy was unplanned, we went from being scared
Speaker 1: too excited in no time. At twenty weeks, our baby
Speaker 1: girl was diagnosed with a genetic disease that had a
Speaker 1: low life expectancy rate. After the loss, I wanted to
Speaker 1: try again. However, my boyfriend was adamant about not wanting
Speaker 1: kids right now. He's been pressuring me into taking birth control,
Speaker 1: which I don't want it. I don't want to do
Speaker 1: because of how it makes me feel. I've suggested condoms,
Speaker 1: but he doesn't like the idea of that. I just
Speaker 1: found um, I just found out that in four weeks pregnant,
Speaker 1: and he's pissed. He's been trying to talk me out
Speaker 1: of keeping the baby because he feels like we're not ready.
Speaker 1: After experiencing one loss, I'm not prepared to go do another.
Speaker 1: I told him that if he didn't want anything to
Speaker 1: do with the baby, that he could go. I know,
Speaker 1: pushing him away isn't the answer, but he's being insensitive. Wow.
Speaker 1: Every time we start talking about the baby, we fight.
Speaker 1: I'm going to regret termining the pregnancy, but I don't
Speaker 1: want to lose him either. I'm stuck on what to
Speaker 1: do as I don't want to be a single parent
Speaker 1: or lose my boyfriend. Do you guys have any helpful
Speaker 1: advice to me. Um, What I'm wondering is if suffering
Speaker 1: the first lost the first loss, not lost the first loss,
Speaker 1: if he has not quite dealt with that, because there's
Speaker 1: a there's a bit of it. Yeah, there's probably some.
Speaker 1: There's definitely trauma around that, especially the morning period. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a morning period that comes with um loss, and
Speaker 1: especially at twenty weeks and then you know it's a girl,
Speaker 1: and you know what I mean, It brings that much
Speaker 1: more life to UM the idea of having a baby.
Speaker 1: So maybe he hasn't fully um mourned that or dealt
Speaker 1: with that loss and in turn, why now he is scared,
Speaker 1: you know, and that that being scared or that being
Speaker 1: worried or concerned can also manifest itself as anger, and
Speaker 1: it may not necessarily be angry per se um, But
Speaker 1: at the same time, it's about the way it's coming across,
Speaker 1: which I see can make her feel um like she's
Speaker 1: stuck between a rock and a hard place. So that's
Speaker 1: a tough place to be in. But I would probably
Speaker 1: suggest having maybe more conversation about that loss and how
Speaker 1: it made him feel. You know, I don't know if
Speaker 1: that's something that was done yet, but that might help
Speaker 1: him kind of get his feelings out about that so
Speaker 1: that he can then move on to um possibly embracing
Speaker 1: this next little blessing that came along. You know. Well
Speaker 1: what I'm hearing about these two. First of all, they
Speaker 1: sound very young. First thing, she says she had another baby.
Speaker 1: If she had the baby, she lost the baby. They
Speaker 1: were continuing to have sex. He didn't want to have
Speaker 1: another baby, so he asked her to take birth control.
Speaker 1: She said no, but he doesn't want to work condoms,
Speaker 1: which means neither one of them wants to take the
Speaker 1: proper steps to use contraceptive. You know. I do think
Speaker 1: it's kind of selfish for a guy to say, I
Speaker 1: don't want to have a baby, but I'm not going
Speaker 1: to wear a condom, so you have to take birth control.
Speaker 1: It's something that affects your body. I think that that's very,
Speaker 1: very selfish because she's anything like me. I know how
Speaker 1: sensitive affects your body. So I think it was it
Speaker 1: was unfair for him to do that. If you are
Speaker 1: adamant about not having a baby, you should wear a condom,
Speaker 1: you know. But clearly she wasn't taking the birth control,
Speaker 1: and I'm not sure if she told him she was
Speaker 1: and it wasn't taken, and got pregnant again. But now
Speaker 1: they're here, they're pregnant again. She does not want to
Speaker 1: have an abortion, but she does not want to lose him. Um.
Speaker 1: I believe in a woman's right to choose, you know.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm pro life. You know. If it were me,
Speaker 1: you know, and my wife says she wanted to have
Speaker 1: a baby, I'd be like, let's go do it, you
Speaker 1: know I'm saying. But I feel like, as a man,
Speaker 1: I can't tell a woman what to do with her body.
Speaker 1: So she no. I mean, I'm I'm personally myself myself,
Speaker 1: but I'm not going to be pro life for a
Speaker 1: for you, you know what I'm saying. Like for me,
Speaker 1: if you and I were to have a baby, I
Speaker 1: would go with when I have a baby, But if
Speaker 1: we were young kids, I would be with I want
Speaker 1: to have the baby. But I cannot tell a woman
Speaker 1: what to do, So i just want to make it
Speaker 1: clear that I'm not going to go out there and
Speaker 1: be like, you need to have an abortion. But at
Speaker 1: the same time, I'm not gonna you know, I would
Speaker 1: step up to the plate if I absolutely like, that's
Speaker 1: what I would do. Hopefully, this young man, if you
Speaker 1: are responsible enough to lay down with a woman and
Speaker 1: not want to wear a condom because you don't want
Speaker 1: to like the way it feels, step up to the plate.
Speaker 1: But if he's not, it's up to her to decide
Speaker 1: what she wants to do, because she will be the
Speaker 1: one that is forced to live with this decision for
Speaker 1: the rest of her life. So I'm pro choice in
Speaker 1: the fact that I believe that, you know, women have
Speaker 1: the right to choose what to do with their bodies.
Speaker 1: But me, if it if it were me and I
Speaker 1: were him, I'm like, well, we have your pregnant, so
Speaker 1: let's go. And so I think it's important to decipher
Speaker 1: the difference because I wouldn't want to take a woman's
Speaker 1: choice away, but U yeah, he might. And I wonder
Speaker 1: if it's a thing where maybe he's trying to kind
Speaker 1: of call her bluff with it. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't like to try to figure out what he's thinking
Speaker 1: or we don't know, but it's just there's no possibilities.
Speaker 1: But I'm just trying to think, like if he's just like,
Speaker 1: you know, do this or else someone to leave. But
Speaker 1: you say, she does decide that she wants to keep
Speaker 1: this baby and move on, and she runs the risk
Speaker 1: of potentially losing him. Will he kind of come to
Speaker 1: his senses later and say, okay, you know, praying that
Speaker 1: she has a healthy baby, that he's just like, damn,
Speaker 1: I was overreacting or I felt this way because I
Speaker 1: was worried, or you know what I mean. That may
Speaker 1: be a conversation that needs to be had between the
Speaker 1: two of them. I would say for her not to
Speaker 1: make any decisions based around him or how he feels.
Speaker 1: She has to make decisions about what is best for
Speaker 1: her and how she feels, because when you make decisions
Speaker 1: about people who can come and go into your life,
Speaker 1: you never want to make a life decision for someone
Speaker 1: who is temporary. You see what I'm saying. The only
Speaker 1: thing that's definitely permanent here is this child if she's
Speaker 1: able to carry full term. So she needs to make
Speaker 1: a decision for herself based on that. Make getting a
Speaker 1: decision about someone who's a boyfriend who may or may
Speaker 1: not be here. I wouldn't do that. So she needs
Speaker 1: to think about what her morals are, where she feels,
Speaker 1: because she's gonna have to live with this decision for
Speaker 1: the rest of her life and do what's in the
Speaker 1: best interests of herself. Yeah, that's true. The worst the
Speaker 1: last thing you want to do is make that decision
Speaker 1: with someone else in mind, and then Harvard resentment or upset,
Speaker 1: and then now you resent, the baby wants, the baby comes,
Speaker 1: and you're doing all these things because it's like I
Speaker 1: made this choice, but then you try to place blame
Speaker 1: after um. So good luck to you, sis, I hope
Speaker 1: you are able to figure things out and best of
Speaker 1: luck with your pregnancy. So look, I think we only
Speaker 1: got time for one listener letter today because we do
Speaker 1: have a long moment of truth, because I want to
Speaker 1: go through all all of these questions to kind of
Speaker 1: figure out where we are. Okay, Okay, So what I'm
Speaker 1: going to do, Like I said, I believe in a
Speaker 1: woman's right to choose. I'm gonna ask you the questions
Speaker 1: and you can give me your answers, and then we're
Speaker 1: feeling we'll keep score. All right, So, conception, are you
Speaker 1: willing to sacrifice your sex life to have another child?
Speaker 1: Me personally, I know our sex life is going to change. Um, Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm cool with that. I'm cool with that. I did
Speaker 1: it three times before the camera roll. I did it
Speaker 1: three times before because the way to do to set
Speaker 1: up sometimes, y'all. Okay, am I willing to sacrifice if
Speaker 1: if someone is asking me the question, You're asking me
Speaker 1: the question plainly? Okay, Am I willing to sacrifice my
Speaker 1: sex life? Yes? I would be willing to sacrifice my
Speaker 1: sex Okay. So that's one for the good guys. Okay. Pregnancy,
Speaker 1: labor and delivery. How do you weigh the risks when
Speaker 1: when women over thirty five or at a higher risk
Speaker 1: for the following complications? Uh, just gestational diabetes, high blood pressure,
Speaker 1: premature birth, lower birth weight, birth defects including down syndrome, miscarriage,
Speaker 1: still birth. These are things women over thirty five can
Speaker 1: do the lower risks. Maintain the healthy weight, pre native care,
Speaker 1: stay on top of treatment for any pre existing health
Speaker 1: conditions of smoking, drinking, and drug abuse. Avoid harmful chemicals.
Speaker 1: So this is ship people should do anyway. Healthy, stay active.
Speaker 1: So when it comes to pregnancy, labor, and delivery, the
Speaker 1: risk are all on you because you're the carrier. You're
Speaker 1: the vessel of life. So how do you feel about that?
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like I've been trying to maintain
Speaker 1: a healthy lifestyle, um for just because you know, I
Speaker 1: know I have a lot of pre existing conditions in
Speaker 1: my family that historically tend to rears ugly have at
Speaker 1: a certain age in life. So being mindful of that,
Speaker 1: I think in general, I've been trying to make sure
Speaker 1: that I'm conscious about how I eat, how I you know,
Speaker 1: try to work out somewhere consistently. But that's that's love
Speaker 1: to be seen. Don't have any excuses now though we
Speaker 1: have we have equipment here, so um so there are risks,
Speaker 1: but I do have a really great relationship with my
Speaker 1: my midwife and my guy in and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: So is that something that I would be concerned about?
Speaker 1: No one more for the good guys to finished be
Speaker 1: concerned about it. But I also do know that there
Speaker 1: is um you know, things that methods that have to
Speaker 1: be taken, steps that need to be taken. So I
Speaker 1: feel confident with the people who I would have alongside
Speaker 1: me through a process like that. I do feel comfortable. Okay.
Speaker 1: Next question, caring for newborn? Who's gonna lose more sleep?
Speaker 1: We discussed. Am I willing to lose more sleep? Are
Speaker 1: are you willing to lose more sleep? That might be
Speaker 1: a note for me, dog, We're going to figure out
Speaker 1: something else. Figure out something else. Your mother lived here,
Speaker 1: all right? Well, and grandma will come. Did you talk
Speaker 1: to grandma yet? He's trying to move grandma. You know,
Speaker 1: I spoke to Grandma already. That's one more of the guys,
Speaker 1: three zero zero for a baby, Ellis, don't be calling
Speaker 1: my grandmother without me knowing. Okay, caring for four kids?
Speaker 1: Are three boys independent enough to help themselves while caring
Speaker 1: for a newborn? Let's think about our kids, Okay, thinking
Speaker 1: about my boys and how they co exist together. They
Speaker 1: are they are very very self sufficient for them. One
Speaker 1: more for the good guy, the four zero Jackson is
Speaker 1: a grown adult. Kyle was right there. Cats is on
Speaker 1: the border, but Cats body trained. Now he tells me
Speaker 1: exactly what he wants to eat. Address himself too. I
Speaker 1: was surprised the other day no one actually looking good.
Speaker 1: Jackson had to dress himself, and all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: Cats can just dress himself on his own. Look like
Speaker 1: these questions are mask you. I feel like they man,
Speaker 1: I feel like triple came in here. She got introduced
Speaker 1: to the to the baby, the baby room. She posed
Speaker 1: these questions where it's gonna look skewed. But last question,
Speaker 1: what about our relationship? Is our marriage? Can you hear me? Hand?
Speaker 1: Give me hand? Is our marriage able to withstand the
Speaker 1: changes that come with having a new baby in the home.
Speaker 1: I'm being honest, Yes, be honest. That's all I want,
Speaker 1: is honest. When we spoke about where we see our
Speaker 1: next ten years going, right, I did not foresee ten
Speaker 1: years going necessarily with another child. However, based on the
Speaker 1: conversation that we had with the ten years, we did
Speaker 1: say we were going to put each other first, right,
Speaker 1: so me putting you first, you're putting me first, and
Speaker 1: then the children will then be able to reap the benefits,
Speaker 1: the benefits of us putting each other first. If we
Speaker 1: stay true to that, it's possible. Fine, that's one. That's fine.
Speaker 1: Baby is a sweet. Let's let's lead situations. Always one
Speaker 1: for me, even if it's four one, all right, so
Speaker 1: for one. Okay, so it's four one. I know that
Speaker 1: that's still not a yes, I get that right, but
Speaker 1: at least it's not a note, which means we're picking
Speaker 1: up steam. People were not a time because I know
Speaker 1: that you wanted to have a baby at a certain age. Yes,
Speaker 1: that would have wanted to be done by a certain age.
Speaker 1: I thought it was done done. But here's the thing, though,
Speaker 1: you're so fine and everybody still thinks you in your twenties,
Speaker 1: So you good? So right now we win in Alright,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start working on the other projects to make
Speaker 1: that happen. And the thousands of people who no one
Speaker 1: loves us and watch our story. I love y'all, but
Speaker 1: y'all y'all crazy. So here's here's here's the collective moment
Speaker 1: of truth. The collective moment of truth, is if code
Speaker 1: was a little bit younger, she would have been all
Speaker 1: in it, yes and starting a baby. UM. The only
Speaker 1: thing she's truthfully worried about is the bounce back of
Speaker 1: the fatigue and physically where your body is because of
Speaker 1: your age. So it's not about the number of kids.
Speaker 1: It's just a little later. God will provide regardless of
Speaker 1: how many children that we have, so that isn't really
Speaker 1: a conces Not only will God provide, will provide as well.
Speaker 1: Absolutely you will. I don't have any doubts about that.
Speaker 1: But piggybacking off that moment of truth, Ultimately, it's nice
Speaker 1: to make it a collective decision. However, whenever a couple
Speaker 1: is married UM or debating about having a child, I
Speaker 1: think it's nice to guests have the collective conversation. A
Speaker 1: lot of times, Ultimately it is up to the woman
Speaker 1: in many cases because we carry the babies, we carry
Speaker 1: the children. UM. But at the same time, too, I
Speaker 1: feel like with that collective decision, there's not necessarily a
Speaker 1: hard yes or no from either party, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Like I feel like sometimes, um, if a
Speaker 1: man is too outspoken about the way he feels about pregnancy,
Speaker 1: it's taken as insensitive, taking as pressure while you pressure
Speaker 1: on her to have another pressure. We're not allowed to
Speaker 1: pressure you. No, I don't. I don't agree that that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's one. This is one domain where y'all can't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: y'all can. Y'all can pressure us about marriage, but you
Speaker 1: can't pressure You can't pressure you about babies. I think
Speaker 1: this is something very different. No, it is different. It is.
Speaker 1: It is. It is very different. It is, and mainly
Speaker 1: because you go through some physical changes. I don't know
Speaker 1: if people know this, but you you know, you had
Speaker 1: to get emergency surgery and I could have lost you
Speaker 1: after having Jackson. That's why this is so important to
Speaker 1: me to have this discussion, because, um, you had to
Speaker 1: go to surgery. I didn't see you or Jackson for hours.
Speaker 1: Are you were close to having a blood transfusion and
Speaker 1: you almost bled out because your cervix ruptured. Not ruptured, UM,
Speaker 1: was lacerated. Was lacerated, and you were losing a ton
Speaker 1: of blood. So um, it's not it's it's a false
Speaker 1: equivalency to try to make it or even thing. And
Speaker 1: obviously I was joking, but um, I do feel like
Speaker 1: it is a fun conversation to have. But um, I
Speaker 1: do like I love you and I love having kids.
Speaker 1: I want more kids. UM four would be a nice
Speaker 1: square number for me, you know, a nice Screa number
Speaker 1: for me. So we'll pray on it, on it. We'll
Speaker 1: see how it goes. I'm not I'm not. I can't
Speaker 1: say that I'm fully at this point, but we'll see
Speaker 1: how it go. Guys, We'll see how But I do
Speaker 1: be in and out. I spent a lot more time though,
Speaker 1: so check this out. If you'd like to be featured
Speaker 1: as one of our listener letters, email us that dead
Speaker 1: as ind at gmail dot com for sure, and be
Speaker 1: sure to follow us on social media. You can find
Speaker 1: us at dead as the Podcast and you can find
Speaker 1: me on my personal page at cadeene. I am and
Speaker 1: I am devout. And if you're listening on Apple podcasts,
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review, subscribe, and vote baby number four.
Speaker 1: You're going to get an influx of listener letters that
Speaker 1: are going to be like I think y'all should do
Speaker 1: this to get a girl triple. Look out for all
Speaker 1: the recipes because I know people gonna send them in.
Speaker 1: DEVI has to have sex with one foot of the
Speaker 1: other one sock on while you're blinking your eyes a
Speaker 1: thousand times. I'm going to enjoy practicing. Dead Ass is
Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is
Speaker 1: produced by the Norapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on
Speaker 1: social media at dead as the Podcasts and Never miss
Speaker 1: a Thing