WEBVTT - Minnie Driver! 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.120 Can you imagine he loves the hot pocket. You know what, 0:00:03.160 --> 0:00:07.040 the hot pockets are great. They're delicious and probably nutritious. 0:00:07.080 --> 0:00:08.840 You know, I eat them a lot. It's I had 0:00:08.840 --> 0:00:12.039 one this morning, think about that. So he eats. Henry 0:00:12.119 --> 0:00:17.160 traditionally has never been a breakfast person. Everever. I can 0:00:17.239 --> 0:00:19.320 have a hot pocket in the morning, it takes two minutes. 0:00:19.440 --> 0:00:21.040 If I want to make sure your life, you get 0:00:21.079 --> 0:00:23.880 the box. I have to get the milk off balls. Yeah, 0:00:23.880 --> 0:00:26.920 but it's also this is like terrible, like parenting. I guess, 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:29.480 Oh well, let me let me talk about my hot 0:00:29.480 --> 0:00:33.200 pocket addiction. Now, okay, sorry, carry on, carry on. So 0:00:33.440 --> 0:00:36.120 it's two minutes to cook a hot pocket and you 0:00:36.159 --> 0:00:39.519 eat it boom, I'm not hungry anymore. And it's tasty. 0:00:39.800 --> 0:00:42.560 But I also offer to make you like delicious food, 0:00:42.720 --> 0:00:46.400 like I'll make you pasta catch your peppe. I'll make 0:00:46.440 --> 0:00:50.360 that be with some carrot batons and hummus. And you're like, whatever, 0:00:50.560 --> 0:00:52.680 I'm having a hot pocket. Do you want to go 0:00:52.720 --> 0:00:54.160 through all that effort or do you want me to 0:00:54.200 --> 0:00:57.160 put a hot pocket? Sorry, we're off topic. We're off topic, 0:00:57.240 --> 0:01:02.840 and it was so off topic quick I'm compact topic back. Hello, 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:07.600 I'm Mini driver. Welcome to Many Questions Season two. I've 0:01:07.600 --> 0:01:12.160 always loved Prust's questionaire. It was originally a nineteenth century 0:01:12.280 --> 0:01:15.480 parlor game where players would ask each other thirty five 0:01:15.560 --> 0:01:20.000 questions aimed at revealing the other players true nature. It's 0:01:20.040 --> 0:01:23.840 just the scientific method, really. In asking different people the 0:01:23.880 --> 0:01:27.280 same set of questions, you can make observations about which 0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:31.280 truths appeared to me universal. I love this discipline, and 0:01:31.319 --> 0:01:34.160 it made me wonder, what if these questions were just 0:01:34.200 --> 0:01:37.240 the jumping off point, what greater depths would be revealed 0:01:37.319 --> 0:01:41.120 if I ask these questions as conversation starters with thought 0:01:41.200 --> 0:01:45.200 leaders and trailblazers across all these different disciplines. So I 0:01:45.240 --> 0:01:48.320 adapted prus questionnaire and I wrote my own seven questions 0:01:48.440 --> 0:01:51.120 that I personally think a pertinent to a person's story. 0:01:51.480 --> 0:01:54.600 They are when and where were you happiest? What is 0:01:54.600 --> 0:01:58.000 the quality you like least about yourself? What relationship, real 0:01:58.240 --> 0:02:01.840 or fictionalized, defines love for you? What question would you 0:02:01.880 --> 0:02:05.919 most like answered, What person, place, or experience has shaped 0:02:05.960 --> 0:02:08.720 you the most? What would be your last meal? And 0:02:08.760 --> 0:02:11.359 can you tell me something in your life that's grown 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:14.799 out of a personal disaster? And I've gathered a group 0:02:15.000 --> 0:02:19.360 of really remarkable people, ones that I am honored and 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:22.080 humbled to have had the chance to engage with. You 0:02:22.120 --> 0:02:25.320 may not hear their answers to all seven of these questions. 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:28.919 We've whittled it down to which questions felt closest to 0:02:28.960 --> 0:02:33.240 their experience, or the most surprising, or created the most 0:02:33.280 --> 0:02:38.120 fertile ground to connect. Hi, I'm Henry Driver, sitting in 0:02:38.160 --> 0:02:41.160 today for my mom Mini on this special episode of 0:02:41.240 --> 0:02:44.160 Mother's Day. Addition for many questions, my guests day is 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:49.639 perhaps unsurprisingly Mini Driver, Come on, how's it going. Congratulations 0:02:49.639 --> 0:02:52.160 on your new book. Thank you darling, you're in it. 0:02:52.320 --> 0:02:55.040 I'm in it. Wow, that's pretty cool. I'm in a book, 0:02:55.320 --> 0:02:57.959 you're hosting my podcast, and you're in a book and 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:01.440 practically taking over your career mom by me. Actually, I 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:04.720 could use some youthful energy. I think we look close enough. 0:03:04.720 --> 0:03:06.680 We could probably switch out for some movies or something. 0:03:07.120 --> 0:03:09.120 I wonder if anyone would actually notice you almost as 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:11.200 towards me now, Like if if you just rocked up 0:03:11.200 --> 0:03:13.079 on set one day and we're like, I mean, that 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:15.960 would be very cool. I think we sound stilar as well, 0:03:16.040 --> 0:03:18.360 so it would just be a perfect match. Well, I 0:03:18.400 --> 0:03:20.040 like doing my impression of you, but I know you 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:22.120 don't like it when I do it, And I like, 0:03:22.240 --> 0:03:27.240 do you what impression you missizabeth? You do more? I 0:03:27.280 --> 0:03:31.440 love it when you do an English accent. More cherries 0:03:31.480 --> 0:03:38.840 and tomatoes, so darling. Now, no it's not tomatoes. It's tomatoes. Tomatoes, 0:03:39.280 --> 0:03:47.600 a bath with some tomatoes. Look so far. Okay, that's ridiculous. 0:03:47.800 --> 0:03:50.120 I'm really grateful that you're doing this, Downing. It's this 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:53.520 is a Mother's Day edition and you know Mother's Day 0:03:53.640 --> 0:03:57.320 and my book was just published yesterday. Like it's quite auspicious, 0:03:57.640 --> 0:03:59.760 and which is what makes me grateful that you're doing this. 0:04:00.120 --> 0:04:02.760 So thank you, Thank you Mom for having me on 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:07.600 in such a special time. Okay, over to you the questions. 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:13.960 The first question, as you know, is when and where 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:18.800 were you happiest? Right, Well, my happiest moments they are 0:04:18.880 --> 0:04:23.480 always on the beach with everyone, and by that I 0:04:23.480 --> 0:04:29.560 mean our family and friends, and there's surf involved, and 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:32.120 like a long day at the beach and then us 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:35.039 staying and having a barbecue on the beach as you 0:04:35.080 --> 0:04:38.800 know it's dusk, and how Mom would always have her 0:04:38.920 --> 0:04:43.560 cocktail shaker for croyntonics like handy, Yeah, I remember that. 0:04:43.640 --> 0:04:47.080 I remember that. I loved Remember she used to have those, 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:49.479 She had these amazing red framed glasses, and she'd have 0:04:49.520 --> 0:04:51.839 her red lipstick and she'd be in some cool puffer 0:04:51.880 --> 0:04:53.799 jacket because it was England and it would be cold, 0:04:53.880 --> 0:04:55.720 and she'd be sitting in her chair. I think I've 0:04:55.720 --> 0:04:58.480 got so many pictures of her just roaring with laughter 0:04:58.560 --> 0:05:01.680 whilst reading the newspaper, while pouring herself of our Croyntonic 0:05:01.839 --> 0:05:04.640 like in the middle of nowhere in Cornwall. Those were 0:05:04.640 --> 0:05:06.600 good memories. Why do you think it's on the beach? 0:05:06.880 --> 0:05:09.600 She knows. Reading something the other day about how as 0:05:09.640 --> 0:05:13.080 you get older you returned to the memories that you 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:15.880 had as a child. So basically I think before everything, 0:05:16.080 --> 0:05:19.320 you know, sorry for the spoiler alert, but everything gets 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:23.360 messed up as you get life from Come on, this 0:05:23.400 --> 0:05:24.839 is like you know what I mean. It's like I 0:05:24.839 --> 0:05:27.279 read this thing saying that you return to these places, 0:05:27.680 --> 0:05:30.200 you recreate them in your adult life, the places that 0:05:30.240 --> 0:05:31.760 you feel happy. So the places that you were actually 0:05:31.760 --> 0:05:33.839 happy is when you were a child. And like pre 0:05:34.040 --> 0:05:38.400 everything pre my parents, separation, pre everything in our lives, 0:05:38.480 --> 0:05:41.400 me and my sister's life changing. I just remember the beach. 0:05:41.760 --> 0:05:44.800 Only good things happen at the beach, the ice cream van, 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:49.920 learning to swim, full attention from my parents because otherwise, 0:05:49.960 --> 0:05:52.200 you know, you might run off and get lost or drowned, 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:54.760 So they had to pay attention to you. My sister 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:57.800 burying me. You've seen those pictures right of Kate used 0:05:57.839 --> 0:06:00.320 to bury me up to was just my head sharing 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:04.479 and then she would literally leave. It would be in 0:06:04.560 --> 0:06:07.120 a hole, not able to get out. I mean I 0:06:07.120 --> 0:06:09.560 think that also for me, that would be a perfect memory. 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:12.480 I mean, sitting in a nice and closed pit of 0:06:12.560 --> 0:06:18.960 sand by myself, tied coming in. Oh, the thrill, the thrill, Yes, 0:06:19.440 --> 0:06:21.320 you do love it. You did make me do that 0:06:21.400 --> 0:06:23.640 the other day. Yeah, but like that was a joke. 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:26.080 I mean, I don't see the joke with hunty Kate. 0:06:26.440 --> 0:06:28.520 I gave you boobs and a fish tail, I seem 0:06:28.560 --> 0:06:31.240 to remember, which is really infantile on my part, and 0:06:31.240 --> 0:06:34.240 I apologize, but it was funny. Yes, Mom, I now 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:38.400 have that video so blackly, are you aware? I know 0:06:38.600 --> 0:06:40.359 you're supposed to be asking me the questions, but like, 0:06:40.560 --> 0:06:43.039 are you aware of times that you're happy? Like do 0:06:43.120 --> 0:06:45.600 you clock it when you're going, God, this is a 0:06:45.680 --> 0:06:47.960 really good time, Like, do you have an awareness of 0:06:48.000 --> 0:06:50.560 them happening? I think I have a vague awareness. I 0:06:50.600 --> 0:06:53.200 think you don't know it's better until the moments, over 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:54.880 which I think is when the beach is so good, 0:06:54.960 --> 0:06:57.040 because you know, in the moment you're sort of you're 0:06:57.040 --> 0:06:59.560 splashing around. Then you leave and it's sort of like 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:01.599 you look back on that and you're like, wow, that 0:07:01.680 --> 0:07:04.679 was really good, And so I think I don't notice. 0:07:05.000 --> 0:07:07.880 But then what I've left I noticed. That's a really 0:07:07.880 --> 0:07:10.640 good point. In fact, that is so interesting because I 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:13.040 was thinking that right before we did this, I was, 0:07:13.200 --> 0:07:15.080 as you know, I went out for a surf. That 0:07:15.240 --> 0:07:17.560 path from our house to the beach that I've walked 0:07:17.560 --> 0:07:21.120 a thousand thousand times, I still have that feeling when 0:07:21.160 --> 0:07:23.520 I come around the corner and I'm walking down the 0:07:23.560 --> 0:07:26.080 path towards the ocean and the sage. The smell of 0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:29.120 like hot warm sage is blowing, and it's sunny and 0:07:29.160 --> 0:07:31.480 it's beautiful, and I can sort of hear tinkly voices 0:07:31.480 --> 0:07:33.800 from the beach. It's like it triggers all those other 0:07:33.840 --> 0:07:36.040 memories of the beach, like all those other memories of 0:07:36.080 --> 0:07:40.480 happiness are triggered every time I returned to this beach. So, 0:07:40.680 --> 0:07:42.840 but it's almost like it's on a loop in some 0:07:42.960 --> 0:07:45.920 deep place in my heart. And maybe that's it that 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:48.920 we should keep triggering our happy place. We should keep 0:07:48.920 --> 0:07:51.480 finding ways of triggering our happy place, like whatever that 0:07:51.640 --> 0:07:54.240 is in our life, whether it's you know, you know, 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:57.000 on the beach, in the city, wherever it is, we're 0:07:57.040 --> 0:07:58.640 just trying to go back to their and have it 0:07:58.720 --> 0:08:01.880 happened again. Yeah, have a new experience in that place 0:08:01.920 --> 0:08:04.720 that you categorically know is a place that you have 0:08:04.880 --> 0:08:07.000 been happy. I don't know if that always works. I 0:08:07.000 --> 0:08:09.360 think yeah, I think it definitely makes sense. Good. I 0:08:09.440 --> 0:08:18.240 glad I'm not sounding drunk. That's good. What quality do 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:21.760 you like least about yourself? Good? I mean, I know 0:08:21.800 --> 0:08:24.640 that you'll probably have an opinion about this, But the 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:29.440 thing that drives me maddest about myself is so I'm 0:08:29.440 --> 0:08:31.600 explaining this to you even though you watch it happen. 0:08:32.600 --> 0:08:35.760 You know, often when something difficult happens, I don't let 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:39.360 it just be about that difficult thing that's happening. It's 0:08:39.400 --> 0:08:44.079 like that thing becomes a magnetic ball that attracts all 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:47.520 of the other difficult things that are either going on 0:08:47.720 --> 0:08:50.160 currently or have gone on in the past, or might 0:08:50.320 --> 0:08:52.719 happen in the future, and they all attached to this 0:08:52.840 --> 0:08:56.640 magnetic ball that was just one small problem and suddenly 0:08:56.880 --> 0:09:01.880 it's this overwhelming ball of catastrophe and it drives me insane. 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:05.440 And I'm completely aware that I do it, and Addison 0:09:05.520 --> 0:09:08.440 is really good at stopping me. Now I'm going hold on, 0:09:08.520 --> 0:09:11.320 hold on, hold on. This was about the waste disposal 0:09:11.600 --> 0:09:14.200 not working for the sixth day in a row, not 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:18.640 about your current unemployment. I know what you mean. I've 0:09:18.679 --> 0:09:20.880 seen it happen before when I'm sitting you know, you know, 0:09:20.920 --> 0:09:23.080 like some raisin brand in the kitchen, and I think 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:26.600 something minor comes in and it becomes a bigger thing. 0:09:26.640 --> 0:09:28.440 I don't think it's your fault. I think it's just 0:09:28.600 --> 0:09:30.760 sort of a way that your brain is programmed, if 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:32.960 you know what I mean. I don't think it's really changeable, 0:09:33.000 --> 0:09:35.400 but I don't think it's the worst thing. I still 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:37.240 love you. I love it. Do you really think it's 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:41.040 not programable, because like, if you have awareness about something, 0:09:41.160 --> 0:09:43.079 do you not think that awareness is like the first 0:09:43.120 --> 0:09:46.400 step to changing it? Yeah, I mean When I say programmed, 0:09:46.400 --> 0:09:48.240 I don't mean like you can ever change it. I'm 0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:50.680 just saying it's sort of like born into yeah, sort 0:09:50.679 --> 0:09:53.000 of like how you know I used to have blonde hair. 0:09:53.200 --> 0:09:55.920 Now I don't have blond hair. It can change kind of, 0:09:56.280 --> 0:09:58.520 but it takes time. You have to put work into it. 0:09:58.600 --> 0:10:00.480 I didn't put work into my hair it. You know 0:10:00.520 --> 0:10:04.280 what I mean about analogy, But there's a great analogy 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:06.520 that I like that. The thing is I then use 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:08.679 that against myself and it becomes part of my ball 0:10:08.720 --> 0:10:11.000 of catastrophe, going why are you not changing quick enough? 0:10:11.000 --> 0:10:13.000 Why are you aware of this thing? And why on earth? 0:10:13.200 --> 0:10:16.360 You see how distressed you become and how distressing that 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:18.120 is for the people around you, So why do you 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:20.720 keep doing it? I don't quite understand what needs to 0:10:20.760 --> 0:10:23.240 happen in order to evolve. Would I would like to 0:10:23.600 --> 0:10:26.040 have a drink like Alice in Wonderland to speed up 0:10:26.040 --> 0:10:29.760 the evolution of certain aspects of my psyche? I get 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:31.880 what you mean. That's also that's part of being human. 0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:34.160 You know, we have issues that we bring and then 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:36.400 we all deal with issues in different ways. You know, 0:10:36.440 --> 0:10:38.800 you bring other things in some people they'll try to 0:10:38.840 --> 0:10:41.360 ignore it. It's it's always different for people. But I 0:10:41.360 --> 0:10:44.040 think if you're really trying to change it, which I 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:46.080 don't think you need to because I mean, you're perfect 0:10:46.080 --> 0:10:49.760 and every way, oh stop it. I think if you're 0:10:49.760 --> 0:10:51.520 really trying to change it, you know, you have to 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:55.280 really believe that you can, because if you're constantly I 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:57.920 don't know everyone says this, but if you're constantly be 0:10:58.040 --> 0:11:00.400 you know, being angry and you're attaching things and you're 0:11:00.440 --> 0:11:02.480 doing this you don't want. You have to really focus 0:11:02.559 --> 0:11:04.559 on what's happening, and you have to try to move 0:11:04.600 --> 0:11:06.560 away from it. It's true. It's like you come back 0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:08.600 to the present moment and go, all of that other 0:11:08.600 --> 0:11:11.120 stuff isn't happening. It's just this one thing. I know 0:11:11.200 --> 0:11:13.600 that seems incredibly difficult at the time because you know, 0:11:13.679 --> 0:11:18.439 you're thinking, oh no, the pies burning, unemployed, you know, 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:20.920 there's a bunch of stuff happening. I'm not I'm not 0:11:20.960 --> 0:11:23.280 saying that to be bad. That's literally how it goes. 0:11:23.559 --> 0:11:25.920 We both know that is exactly how it goes. The 0:11:26.000 --> 0:11:28.520 apple pie is burned and I can't get a job. 0:11:29.640 --> 0:11:31.360 I don't mean it's what you mean. I'm just repeating 0:11:31.360 --> 0:11:33.920 what you said before. I'm sorry, it's so not mean, 0:11:34.040 --> 0:11:36.839 it's so exactly true. I'm here for it. I think 0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:38.440 you're saying those things. And we really just have to 0:11:38.440 --> 0:11:41.200 do is think, Okay, the apple pies burned, but it's fine, 0:11:41.360 --> 0:11:43.760 we still have some lasagna. You know, I'm going to 0:11:43.880 --> 0:11:45.560 find a job, and you just have to think that 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:47.839 it's not forever, and you can move away from that, 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:49.720 and you can you can get away from that place 0:11:49.720 --> 0:11:52.880 and you can find positives. It's difficult because in the 0:11:52.960 --> 0:11:55.360 moment you feel like you're useless and it's all bad 0:11:55.440 --> 0:11:57.360 and nothing else is going to happen. That's good, But 0:11:57.480 --> 0:11:59.840 over time you have to know that it's all just 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:02.520 it's going to fit together like a little puzzle and 0:12:02.640 --> 0:12:05.640 just become good. Absolutely true, Darling. I think that is 0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:08.680 sage advice. It's really just taking a breath and going 0:12:08.800 --> 0:12:11.439 in this moment, just this thing is happening, and it's 0:12:11.440 --> 0:12:13.320 just like taking a running jump off a cliff. And 0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:15.560 I think we do that as people, or I know 0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:18.520 I do it. And I really hope that this conversation 0:12:18.760 --> 0:12:20.960 is a sea change in the way in which I 0:12:21.080 --> 0:12:23.720 barely up to the more the trickier things in life sometimes, 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:26.880 So you know, thanks for the empathy, babe. Well, I 0:12:26.920 --> 0:12:29.679 think it's probably being your son. We have to be empathetic. 0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:36.880 What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you? Well, 0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:39.760 if you weren't interviewing me, I would say, you like 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:42.319 becoming a mother. And maybe it's pertinent because it's a 0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:44.200 mother's day, but there are really two things that are 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:47.200 two problem. It really did my ideas about love and 0:12:47.200 --> 0:12:50.000 what that was when you were born. It wasn't even 0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:52.839 like it was suddenly like this great aha moment. It 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:56.680 is like this deep inner knowing that it is completely okay, 0:12:56.720 --> 0:13:00.080 that everything you thought before about love was to of 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:03.840 pales in comparison from this actual definition of it. Is 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:09.520 this all encompassing, unconditional feeling of peace and that everything 0:13:09.679 --> 0:13:11.800 is right, and that's the only way that I can 0:13:11.840 --> 0:13:14.640 describe it. And the tangent of that, it's like the 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:17.720 love that I have for Addison, which is that feeling 0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:21.800 of things just being right. And then the other I 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:24.160 guess this is three pronged, not two prongs. You know, 0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:26.800 it's more of a fork. Is with surfing. How I 0:13:26.840 --> 0:13:30.200 feel about surfing and when I'm surfing it dovetails into 0:13:30.400 --> 0:13:32.640 how I felt when you were born and how it 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:35.679 was to fall in love with Addison, which is again 0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:40.760 this feeling of its dynamic. It requires you being completely present. 0:13:40.880 --> 0:13:43.880 There is huge respect in it and strength. You can 0:13:43.880 --> 0:13:46.920 never underestimate it and in a way, if you humble 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:50.400 yourself to it, you will reap the rewards. But it 0:13:50.440 --> 0:13:54.080 requires a lack of ego and insistence on things being 0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:57.560 done your way. There's something about surrender in love, and 0:13:57.640 --> 0:14:00.600 like having a baby is the ultimate surrender, like your body, 0:14:00.760 --> 0:14:03.080 like when you first start having contractions, you know, which 0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:04.840 are the pains that you have to have a baby. 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:07.080 You're just like no, no, no, no, no no no, this 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:08.640 car happen, this car happened. I can't do this. I 0:14:08.640 --> 0:14:11.320 can't do this. You have no choice. You just have 0:14:11.440 --> 0:14:14.440 to keep going and surrender to it in the same 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:18.120 way that I ultimately surrender to Addison's kindness, Like I've 0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:20.960 never really been with someone who kindness was their fundament 0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:26.280 and respect with their fundament. So there's three things for me, You, Eddie, 0:14:26.320 --> 0:14:29.280 and surfing my pyramid of love a triangle. It's as 0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:32.720 strong as she is. That right, yeah, I know, because 0:14:32.720 --> 0:14:38.920 you're in school paying attention to geometricy of course paying attention. Yeah, uh, well, 0:14:38.960 --> 0:14:40.880 back on topic off of school. I think that's a 0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:44.040 really interesting definition of love because I know there's a 0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:46.440 lot of people that say love is just about being 0:14:46.480 --> 0:14:48.920 with people and it's connecting. We're not connecting on a 0:14:48.960 --> 0:14:51.000 deeper level. I think what you're really saying is you're 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:52.760 not just there with them, and you're not being with them. 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:54.520 You're not you know, like helping them with the groceries, 0:14:54.560 --> 0:14:56.800 but you're you're with their personality. You're like, you're really 0:14:56.840 --> 0:14:58.960 there with them instead of you know, just being there 0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:00.920 to cook them food. You're sort of you're there for 0:15:00.920 --> 0:15:02.840 the love and you're there for the surrenders. We're there 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:05.000 for the good times the bad times, not just the 0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:07.120 times where you want to be there. That's so funny 0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:09.640 because what I hear in that is it speaks to 0:15:09.720 --> 0:15:12.040 the duality of being a human being. You have this 0:15:12.160 --> 0:15:15.760 physical experience, which is doing the groceries, taking care of 0:15:15.760 --> 0:15:17.760 the thing, that this that that, all of which are 0:15:17.800 --> 0:15:20.320 expressions of love. Add percent, like when you make me 0:15:20.360 --> 0:15:23.000 breakfast in bed, when you make my coffee and eggs 0:15:23.000 --> 0:15:25.200 and toast, that is an expression of love. And then 0:15:25.200 --> 0:15:28.120 there's the other the spiritual side of being a human being, 0:15:28.160 --> 0:15:32.080 which is slightly more difficult to articulate, but just that 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:36.200 deep feeling of peace and safety with someone like strangely, 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:38.120 that's how I felt like during COVID, when it was 0:15:38.160 --> 0:15:41.400 just you, me and ads together in this really scary time, 0:15:41.520 --> 0:15:44.400 seeing really scary things happen and terrible things happening to 0:15:44.440 --> 0:15:47.000 so many people, but that feeling of us together was 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:50.080 this safe unit. It's funny, isn't it. There's like there's 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:52.520 the human the physical experience, and then there's this like 0:15:52.760 --> 0:15:56.880 more spiritual is the only way etheric experience that maybe 0:15:57.000 --> 0:15:59.720 runs parallel with it? Yea, So it's a two propt one. 0:15:59.800 --> 0:16:02.160 So is it two pronged? I'd say, I'd say the 0:16:02.240 --> 0:16:05.480 third prong it's there. It's just maybe on the other side, 0:16:05.680 --> 0:16:09.160 you know. So it's like stabby instead of pokey. Instead 0:16:09.200 --> 0:16:12.560 of pokey, it's stabby instead of folks. It's a double 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:16.040 sign and two pronged in one pronged fork. My definition 0:16:16.080 --> 0:16:19.880 of love is three pronged. But you're saying, like existential 0:16:20.120 --> 0:16:23.720 love is two pronged, human and spiritual. Yeah. Great, I 0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:26.240 think you should write a book by Wow. The two 0:16:26.280 --> 0:16:29.520 pronged fork of love. Yeah, I'd buy that book. I'd 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:32.200 buy that. I think we should illustrate that cover later, 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:35.360 the two pronged fork of love from up with your 0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:37.880 your whole what you've been saying. Do you think you 0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:40.880 would have like answered this question differently twenty years ago, 0:16:41.040 --> 0:16:43.080 like you know, before you had me, before you've gone 0:16:43.120 --> 0:16:47.240 through other stuff, etcetera. Yes, Christ, Yes, I would have. 0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:49.880 I would have. I would have thought that this idea 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:53.560 of romantic love, this idea of a family unit looking 0:16:53.640 --> 0:16:55.760 the way that I thought it was supposed to, even 0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:57.720 though I don't even come from that, which is, you know, 0:16:57.920 --> 0:17:00.200 two parents who are married who then have children, like 0:17:00.240 --> 0:17:02.640 my parents weren't married, they had kids, they had kids 0:17:02.680 --> 0:17:05.720 with other people. I had you without having a partner 0:17:05.880 --> 0:17:08.680 who was sort of, you know, doing the shared duties 0:17:08.720 --> 0:17:10.439 with Like twenty years ago, I would have said that 0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:14.800 it was some romantic, ridiculous idea that had been pushed 0:17:14.800 --> 0:17:17.960 on me by how I'd processed society, which was looking 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:20.800 around going, oh, if somebody chooses you and marries you, 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:23.600 that means that you are loved, as opposed to being 0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:26.439 in life discovering that love for yourself and seeing what 0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:28.920 kinds of expressions of that love show up. I eat 0:17:29.040 --> 0:17:32.560 a beautiful baby that comes miraculously out of a connection 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:35.800 with a person. You know, there's more magic. Now, that's 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:39.280 really beautiful. How perspectives can change in you know, twenty years. 0:17:39.359 --> 0:17:40.760 Do you ever do that? Do you ever write down 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:43.280 your thoughts now like a time caps you're thinking, Oh, 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:45.120 I'm going to look back and just gonna see. I'm 0:17:45.119 --> 0:17:47.119 going to leave a breadcrumb trail for myself, and then 0:17:47.200 --> 0:17:48.720 I'll come back to this in twenty years and see 0:17:48.720 --> 0:17:50.840 what I think about it. I think I've done that before. 0:17:50.880 --> 0:17:53.880 I think i've first school. Yeah. It sounds a bit schoolly, 0:17:53.960 --> 0:17:56.159 doesn't it. Sorry, I'm sorry. I don't mean to, like, 0:17:56.320 --> 0:17:59.439 you know, down on your cool style, but it does feel. 0:17:59.560 --> 0:18:01.680 It does feel sort of like, you know, write down, 0:18:01.880 --> 0:18:04.919 think about later. But I think your explanation of you know, 0:18:05.000 --> 0:18:07.639 twenty years ago, half love sort of felt somethybe pushed 0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:11.679 instead of something that you felt. That's really beautiful. That feels, 0:18:11.840 --> 0:18:14.959 you know, take a little garden of love sprouting up, 0:18:15.200 --> 0:18:18.640 changing and evolving. Oh you know what, Also, like that 0:18:18.760 --> 0:18:21.560 is actually a really clear indication that evolution is possible. 0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:25.680 In my bumbling old brain. Actually, so maybe going back 0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:28.560 to that question before of like will this stuff I 0:18:28.560 --> 0:18:30.679 don't like about myself? Will that evolved? It's like, well, 0:18:30.800 --> 0:18:34.040 your idea about love evolved, and why can't that happen 0:18:34.080 --> 0:18:37.000 to other things? That's true, So then maybe maybe it'll 0:18:37.000 --> 0:18:38.800 be when I'm e te, I won't have a ball 0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:42.119 of catastrophe too ProMED. Fork has turned into a sport. 0:18:42.440 --> 0:18:44.800 It's turned into a sport. We're going to have light 0:18:44.840 --> 0:18:58.520 a whole tableware philosophy by the end of this what 0:18:58.800 --> 0:19:02.560 person plays or ex Varian's most altered your life? Well, 0:19:02.800 --> 0:19:05.199 you did, really it's you. But like it's going to 0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:07.320 become repetitive if I just keep saying that you. But 0:19:07.400 --> 0:19:09.880 you must know that and people will know that that 0:19:10.000 --> 0:19:12.280 you were the person who changed my whole life. But 0:19:12.320 --> 0:19:14.720 when I was much younger, a person who really did 0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:17.520 have this huge impact was this girl who is one 0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:20.640 of the stories in my book. You're only your book, Mom, 0:19:20.720 --> 0:19:22.240 I'd tell you I have a book coming at out 0:19:22.320 --> 0:19:25.439 right now. It's called Managing Expectations. Well, mom, so in 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:28.160 this book there's a story about how when I left college, 0:19:28.200 --> 0:19:31.000 when I left drama school, you know, absolutely intent on 0:19:31.480 --> 0:19:33.520 becoming an actor. I was the only kid in my 0:19:33.600 --> 0:19:37.240 class to graduate without getting representation, you know, an agent 0:19:37.320 --> 0:19:39.919 or a manager. Nobody was interested. All my friends got them. 0:19:39.960 --> 0:19:42.159 I didn't, and I was absolutely stuck. I had no 0:19:42.200 --> 0:19:44.639 idea what I was supposed to do in my whole life. 0:19:44.760 --> 0:19:47.119 Since I was five or six years old, had just 0:19:47.200 --> 0:19:49.720 been gunning for this notion of becoming an actor. And 0:19:49.760 --> 0:19:51.639 I had also been told that the only way that 0:19:51.680 --> 0:19:53.080 you could get work as an actor is if you 0:19:53.160 --> 0:19:58.520 had representation. So there was nineteen, absolutely stuffed, and Mom 0:19:58.800 --> 0:20:01.800 was so hilarious. You was like, right, well, I supposed 0:20:01.800 --> 0:20:03.439 to better just get a job as a waitress. She 0:20:03.480 --> 0:20:05.720 had no sympathat She was just like, go and find 0:20:05.720 --> 0:20:07.600