Speaker 1: Can you imagine he loves the hot pocket. You know what,
Speaker 1: the hot pockets are great. They're delicious and probably nutritious.
Speaker 1: You know, I eat them a lot. It's I had
Speaker 1: one this morning, think about that. So he eats. Henry
Speaker 1: traditionally has never been a breakfast person. Everever. I can
Speaker 1: have a hot pocket in the morning, it takes two minutes.
Speaker 1: If I want to make sure your life, you get
Speaker 1: the box. I have to get the milk off balls. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's also this is like terrible, like parenting. I guess,
Speaker 1: Oh well, let me let me talk about my hot
Speaker 1: pocket addiction. Now, okay, sorry, carry on, carry on. So
Speaker 1: it's two minutes to cook a hot pocket and you
Speaker 1: eat it boom, I'm not hungry anymore. And it's tasty.
Speaker 1: But I also offer to make you like delicious food,
Speaker 1: like I'll make you pasta catch your peppe. I'll make
Speaker 1: that be with some carrot batons and hummus. And you're like, whatever,
Speaker 1: I'm having a hot pocket. Do you want to go
Speaker 1: through all that effort or do you want me to
Speaker 1: put a hot pocket? Sorry, we're off topic. We're off topic,
Speaker 1: and it was so off topic quick I'm compact topic back. Hello,
Speaker 1: I'm Mini driver. Welcome to Many Questions Season two. I've
Speaker 1: always loved Prust's questionaire. It was originally a nineteenth century
Speaker 1: parlor game where players would ask each other thirty five
Speaker 1: questions aimed at revealing the other players true nature. It's
Speaker 1: just the scientific method, really. In asking different people the
Speaker 1: same set of questions, you can make observations about which
Speaker 1: truths appeared to me universal. I love this discipline, and
Speaker 1: it made me wonder, what if these questions were just
Speaker 1: the jumping off point, what greater depths would be revealed
Speaker 1: if I ask these questions as conversation starters with thought
Speaker 1: leaders and trailblazers across all these different disciplines. So I
Speaker 1: adapted prus questionnaire and I wrote my own seven questions
Speaker 1: that I personally think a pertinent to a person's story.
Speaker 1: They are when and where were you happiest? What is
Speaker 1: the quality you like least about yourself? What relationship, real
Speaker 1: or fictionalized, defines love for you? What question would you
Speaker 1: most like answered, What person, place, or experience has shaped
Speaker 1: you the most? What would be your last meal? And
Speaker 1: can you tell me something in your life that's grown
Speaker 1: out of a personal disaster? And I've gathered a group
Speaker 1: of really remarkable people, ones that I am honored and
Speaker 1: humbled to have had the chance to engage with. You
Speaker 1: may not hear their answers to all seven of these questions.
Speaker 1: We've whittled it down to which questions felt closest to
Speaker 1: their experience, or the most surprising, or created the most
Speaker 1: fertile ground to connect. Hi, I'm Henry Driver, sitting in
Speaker 1: today for my mom Mini on this special episode of
Speaker 1: Mother's Day. Addition for many questions, my guests day is
Speaker 1: perhaps unsurprisingly Mini Driver, Come on, how's it going. Congratulations
Speaker 1: on your new book. Thank you darling, you're in it.
Speaker 1: I'm in it. Wow, that's pretty cool. I'm in a book,
Speaker 1: you're hosting my podcast, and you're in a book and
Speaker 1: practically taking over your career mom by me. Actually, I
Speaker 1: could use some youthful energy. I think we look close enough.
Speaker 1: We could probably switch out for some movies or something.
Speaker 1: I wonder if anyone would actually notice you almost as
Speaker 1: towards me now, Like if if you just rocked up
Speaker 1: on set one day and we're like, I mean, that
Speaker 1: would be very cool. I think we sound stilar as well,
Speaker 1: so it would just be a perfect match. Well, I
Speaker 1: like doing my impression of you, but I know you
Speaker 1: don't like it when I do it, And I like,
Speaker 1: do you what impression you missizabeth? You do more? I
Speaker 1: love it when you do an English accent. More cherries
Speaker 1: and tomatoes, so darling. Now, no it's not tomatoes. It's tomatoes. Tomatoes,
Speaker 1: a bath with some tomatoes. Look so far. Okay, that's ridiculous.
Speaker 1: I'm really grateful that you're doing this, Downing. It's this
Speaker 1: is a Mother's Day edition and you know Mother's Day
Speaker 1: and my book was just published yesterday. Like it's quite auspicious,
Speaker 1: and which is what makes me grateful that you're doing this.
Speaker 1: So thank you, Thank you Mom for having me on
Speaker 1: in such a special time. Okay, over to you the questions.
Speaker 1: The first question, as you know, is when and where
Speaker 1: were you happiest? Right, Well, my happiest moments they are
Speaker 1: always on the beach with everyone, and by that I
Speaker 1: mean our family and friends, and there's surf involved, and
Speaker 1: like a long day at the beach and then us
Speaker 1: staying and having a barbecue on the beach as you
Speaker 1: know it's dusk, and how Mom would always have her
Speaker 1: cocktail shaker for croyntonics like handy, Yeah, I remember that.
Speaker 1: I remember that. I loved Remember she used to have those,
Speaker 1: She had these amazing red framed glasses, and she'd have
Speaker 1: her red lipstick and she'd be in some cool puffer
Speaker 1: jacket because it was England and it would be cold,
Speaker 1: and she'd be sitting in her chair. I think I've
Speaker 1: got so many pictures of her just roaring with laughter
Speaker 1: whilst reading the newspaper, while pouring herself of our Croyntonic
Speaker 1: like in the middle of nowhere in Cornwall. Those were
Speaker 1: good memories. Why do you think it's on the beach?
Speaker 1: She knows. Reading something the other day about how as
Speaker 1: you get older you returned to the memories that you
Speaker 1: had as a child. So basically I think before everything,
Speaker 1: you know, sorry for the spoiler alert, but everything gets
Speaker 1: messed up as you get life from Come on, this
Speaker 1: is like you know what I mean. It's like I
Speaker 1: read this thing saying that you return to these places,
Speaker 1: you recreate them in your adult life, the places that
Speaker 1: you feel happy. So the places that you were actually
Speaker 1: happy is when you were a child. And like pre
Speaker 1: everything pre my parents, separation, pre everything in our lives,
Speaker 1: me and my sister's life changing. I just remember the beach.
Speaker 1: Only good things happen at the beach, the ice cream van,
Speaker 1: learning to swim, full attention from my parents because otherwise,
Speaker 1: you know, you might run off and get lost or drowned,
Speaker 1: So they had to pay attention to you. My sister
Speaker 1: burying me. You've seen those pictures right of Kate used
Speaker 1: to bury me up to was just my head sharing
Speaker 1: and then she would literally leave. It would be in
Speaker 1: a hole, not able to get out. I mean I
Speaker 1: think that also for me, that would be a perfect memory.
Speaker 1: I mean, sitting in a nice and closed pit of
Speaker 1: sand by myself, tied coming in. Oh, the thrill, the thrill, Yes,
Speaker 1: you do love it. You did make me do that
Speaker 1: the other day. Yeah, but like that was a joke.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't see the joke with hunty Kate.
Speaker 1: I gave you boobs and a fish tail, I seem
Speaker 1: to remember, which is really infantile on my part, and
Speaker 1: I apologize, but it was funny. Yes, Mom, I now
Speaker 1: have that video so blackly, are you aware? I know
Speaker 1: you're supposed to be asking me the questions, but like,
Speaker 1: are you aware of times that you're happy? Like do
Speaker 1: you clock it when you're going, God, this is a
Speaker 1: really good time, Like, do you have an awareness of
Speaker 1: them happening? I think I have a vague awareness. I
Speaker 1: think you don't know it's better until the moments, over
Speaker 1: which I think is when the beach is so good,
Speaker 1: because you know, in the moment you're sort of you're
Speaker 1: splashing around. Then you leave and it's sort of like
Speaker 1: you look back on that and you're like, wow, that
Speaker 1: was really good, And so I think I don't notice.
Speaker 1: But then what I've left I noticed. That's a really
Speaker 1: good point. In fact, that is so interesting because I
Speaker 1: was thinking that right before we did this, I was,
Speaker 1: as you know, I went out for a surf. That
Speaker 1: path from our house to the beach that I've walked
Speaker 1: a thousand thousand times, I still have that feeling when
Speaker 1: I come around the corner and I'm walking down the
Speaker 1: path towards the ocean and the sage. The smell of
Speaker 1: like hot warm sage is blowing, and it's sunny and
Speaker 1: it's beautiful, and I can sort of hear tinkly voices
Speaker 1: from the beach. It's like it triggers all those other
Speaker 1: memories of the beach, like all those other memories of
Speaker 1: happiness are triggered every time I returned to this beach. So,
Speaker 1: but it's almost like it's on a loop in some
Speaker 1: deep place in my heart. And maybe that's it that
Speaker 1: we should keep triggering our happy place. We should keep
Speaker 1: finding ways of triggering our happy place, like whatever that
Speaker 1: is in our life, whether it's you know, you know,
Speaker 1: on the beach, in the city, wherever it is, we're
Speaker 1: just trying to go back to their and have it
Speaker 1: happened again. Yeah, have a new experience in that place
Speaker 1: that you categorically know is a place that you have
Speaker 1: been happy. I don't know if that always works. I
Speaker 1: think yeah, I think it definitely makes sense. Good. I
Speaker 1: glad I'm not sounding drunk. That's good. What quality do
Speaker 1: you like least about yourself? Good? I mean, I know
Speaker 1: that you'll probably have an opinion about this, But the
Speaker 1: thing that drives me maddest about myself is so I'm
Speaker 1: explaining this to you even though you watch it happen.
Speaker 1: You know, often when something difficult happens, I don't let
Speaker 1: it just be about that difficult thing that's happening. It's
Speaker 1: like that thing becomes a magnetic ball that attracts all
Speaker 1: of the other difficult things that are either going on
Speaker 1: currently or have gone on in the past, or might
Speaker 1: happen in the future, and they all attached to this
Speaker 1: magnetic ball that was just one small problem and suddenly
Speaker 1: it's this overwhelming ball of catastrophe and it drives me insane.
Speaker 1: And I'm completely aware that I do it, and Addison
Speaker 1: is really good at stopping me. Now I'm going hold on,
Speaker 1: hold on, hold on. This was about the waste disposal
Speaker 1: not working for the sixth day in a row, not
Speaker 1: about your current unemployment. I know what you mean. I've
Speaker 1: seen it happen before when I'm sitting you know, you know,
Speaker 1: like some raisin brand in the kitchen, and I think
Speaker 1: something minor comes in and it becomes a bigger thing.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's your fault. I think it's just
Speaker 1: sort of a way that your brain is programmed, if
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I don't think it's really changeable,
Speaker 1: but I don't think it's the worst thing. I still
Speaker 1: love you. I love it. Do you really think it's
Speaker 1: not programable, because like, if you have awareness about something,
Speaker 1: do you not think that awareness is like the first
Speaker 1: step to changing it? Yeah, I mean When I say programmed,
Speaker 1: I don't mean like you can ever change it. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying it's sort of like born into yeah, sort
Speaker 1: of like how you know I used to have blonde hair.
Speaker 1: Now I don't have blond hair. It can change kind of,
Speaker 1: but it takes time. You have to put work into it.
Speaker 1: I didn't put work into my hair it. You know
Speaker 1: what I mean about analogy, But there's a great analogy
Speaker 1: that I like that. The thing is I then use
Speaker 1: that against myself and it becomes part of my ball
Speaker 1: of catastrophe, going why are you not changing quick enough?
Speaker 1: Why are you aware of this thing? And why on earth?
Speaker 1: You see how distressed you become and how distressing that
Speaker 1: is for the people around you, So why do you
Speaker 1: keep doing it? I don't quite understand what needs to
Speaker 1: happen in order to evolve. Would I would like to
Speaker 1: have a drink like Alice in Wonderland to speed up
Speaker 1: the evolution of certain aspects of my psyche? I get
Speaker 1: what you mean. That's also that's part of being human.
Speaker 1: You know, we have issues that we bring and then
Speaker 1: we all deal with issues in different ways. You know,
Speaker 1: you bring other things in some people they'll try to
Speaker 1: ignore it. It's it's always different for people. But I
Speaker 1: think if you're really trying to change it, which I
Speaker 1: don't think you need to because I mean, you're perfect
Speaker 1: and every way, oh stop it. I think if you're
Speaker 1: really trying to change it, you know, you have to
Speaker 1: really believe that you can, because if you're constantly I
Speaker 1: don't know everyone says this, but if you're constantly be
Speaker 1: you know, being angry and you're attaching things and you're
Speaker 1: doing this you don't want. You have to really focus
Speaker 1: on what's happening, and you have to try to move
Speaker 1: away from it. It's true. It's like you come back
Speaker 1: to the present moment and go, all of that other
Speaker 1: stuff isn't happening. It's just this one thing. I know
Speaker 1: that seems incredibly difficult at the time because you know,
Speaker 1: you're thinking, oh no, the pies burning, unemployed, you know,
Speaker 1: there's a bunch of stuff happening. I'm not I'm not
Speaker 1: saying that to be bad. That's literally how it goes.
Speaker 1: We both know that is exactly how it goes. The
Speaker 1: apple pie is burned and I can't get a job.
Speaker 1: I don't mean it's what you mean. I'm just repeating
Speaker 1: what you said before. I'm sorry, it's so not mean,
Speaker 1: it's so exactly true. I'm here for it. I think
Speaker 1: you're saying those things. And we really just have to
Speaker 1: do is think, Okay, the apple pies burned, but it's fine,
Speaker 1: we still have some lasagna. You know, I'm going to
Speaker 1: find a job, and you just have to think that
Speaker 1: it's not forever, and you can move away from that,
Speaker 1: and you can you can get away from that place
Speaker 1: and you can find positives. It's difficult because in the
Speaker 1: moment you feel like you're useless and it's all bad
Speaker 1: and nothing else is going to happen. That's good, But
Speaker 1: over time you have to know that it's all just
Speaker 1: it's going to fit together like a little puzzle and
Speaker 1: just become good. Absolutely true, Darling. I think that is
Speaker 1: sage advice. It's really just taking a breath and going
Speaker 1: in this moment, just this thing is happening, and it's
Speaker 1: just like taking a running jump off a cliff. And
Speaker 1: I think we do that as people, or I know
Speaker 1: I do it. And I really hope that this conversation
Speaker 1: is a sea change in the way in which I
Speaker 1: barely up to the more the trickier things in life sometimes,
Speaker 1: So you know, thanks for the empathy, babe. Well, I
Speaker 1: think it's probably being your son. We have to be empathetic.
Speaker 1: What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you? Well,
Speaker 1: if you weren't interviewing me, I would say, you like
Speaker 1: becoming a mother. And maybe it's pertinent because it's a
Speaker 1: mother's day, but there are really two things that are
Speaker 1: two problem. It really did my ideas about love and
Speaker 1: what that was when you were born. It wasn't even
Speaker 1: like it was suddenly like this great aha moment. It
Speaker 1: is like this deep inner knowing that it is completely okay,
Speaker 1: that everything you thought before about love was to of
Speaker 1: pales in comparison from this actual definition of it. Is
Speaker 1: this all encompassing, unconditional feeling of peace and that everything
Speaker 1: is right, and that's the only way that I can
Speaker 1: describe it. And the tangent of that, it's like the
Speaker 1: love that I have for Addison, which is that feeling
Speaker 1: of things just being right. And then the other I
Speaker 1: guess this is three pronged, not two prongs. You know,
Speaker 1: it's more of a fork. Is with surfing. How I
Speaker 1: feel about surfing and when I'm surfing it dovetails into
Speaker 1: how I felt when you were born and how it
Speaker 1: was to fall in love with Addison, which is again
Speaker 1: this feeling of its dynamic. It requires you being completely present.
Speaker 1: There is huge respect in it and strength. You can
Speaker 1: never underestimate it and in a way, if you humble
Speaker 1: yourself to it, you will reap the rewards. But it
Speaker 1: requires a lack of ego and insistence on things being
Speaker 1: done your way. There's something about surrender in love, and
Speaker 1: like having a baby is the ultimate surrender, like your body,
Speaker 1: like when you first start having contractions, you know, which
Speaker 1: are the pains that you have to have a baby.
Speaker 1: You're just like no, no, no, no, no no no, this
Speaker 1: car happen, this car happened. I can't do this. I
Speaker 1: can't do this. You have no choice. You just have
Speaker 1: to keep going and surrender to it in the same
Speaker 1: way that I ultimately surrender to Addison's kindness, Like I've
Speaker 1: never really been with someone who kindness was their fundament
Speaker 1: and respect with their fundament. So there's three things for me, You, Eddie,
Speaker 1: and surfing my pyramid of love a triangle. It's as
Speaker 1: strong as she is. That right, yeah, I know, because
Speaker 1: you're in school paying attention to geometricy of course paying attention. Yeah, uh, well,
Speaker 1: back on topic off of school. I think that's a
Speaker 1: really interesting definition of love because I know there's a
Speaker 1: lot of people that say love is just about being
Speaker 1: with people and it's connecting. We're not connecting on a
Speaker 1: deeper level. I think what you're really saying is you're
Speaker 1: not just there with them, and you're not being with them.
Speaker 1: You're not you know, like helping them with the groceries,
Speaker 1: but you're you're with their personality. You're like, you're really
Speaker 1: there with them instead of you know, just being there
Speaker 1: to cook them food. You're sort of you're there for
Speaker 1: the love and you're there for the surrenders. We're there
Speaker 1: for the good times the bad times, not just the
Speaker 1: times where you want to be there. That's so funny
Speaker 1: because what I hear in that is it speaks to
Speaker 1: the duality of being a human being. You have this
Speaker 1: physical experience, which is doing the groceries, taking care of
Speaker 1: the thing, that this that that, all of which are
Speaker 1: expressions of love. Add percent, like when you make me
Speaker 1: breakfast in bed, when you make my coffee and eggs
Speaker 1: and toast, that is an expression of love. And then
Speaker 1: there's the other the spiritual side of being a human being,
Speaker 1: which is slightly more difficult to articulate, but just that
Speaker 1: deep feeling of peace and safety with someone like strangely,
Speaker 1: that's how I felt like during COVID, when it was
Speaker 1: just you, me and ads together in this really scary time,
Speaker 1: seeing really scary things happen and terrible things happening to
Speaker 1: so many people, but that feeling of us together was
Speaker 1: this safe unit. It's funny, isn't it. There's like there's
Speaker 1: the human the physical experience, and then there's this like
Speaker 1: more spiritual is the only way etheric experience that maybe
Speaker 1: runs parallel with it? Yea, So it's a two propt one.
Speaker 1: So is it two pronged? I'd say, I'd say the
Speaker 1: third prong it's there. It's just maybe on the other side,
Speaker 1: you know. So it's like stabby instead of pokey. Instead
Speaker 1: of pokey, it's stabby instead of folks. It's a double
Speaker 1: sign and two pronged in one pronged fork. My definition
Speaker 1: of love is three pronged. But you're saying, like existential
Speaker 1: love is two pronged, human and spiritual. Yeah. Great, I
Speaker 1: think you should write a book by Wow. The two
Speaker 1: pronged fork of love. Yeah, I'd buy that book. I'd
Speaker 1: buy that. I think we should illustrate that cover later,
Speaker 1: the two pronged fork of love from up with your
Speaker 1: your whole what you've been saying. Do you think you
Speaker 1: would have like answered this question differently twenty years ago,
Speaker 1: like you know, before you had me, before you've gone
Speaker 1: through other stuff, etcetera. Yes, Christ, Yes, I would have.
Speaker 1: I would have. I would have thought that this idea
Speaker 1: of romantic love, this idea of a family unit looking
Speaker 1: the way that I thought it was supposed to, even
Speaker 1: though I don't even come from that, which is, you know,
Speaker 1: two parents who are married who then have children, like
Speaker 1: my parents weren't married, they had kids, they had kids
Speaker 1: with other people. I had you without having a partner
Speaker 1: who was sort of, you know, doing the shared duties
Speaker 1: with Like twenty years ago, I would have said that
Speaker 1: it was some romantic, ridiculous idea that had been pushed
Speaker 1: on me by how I'd processed society, which was looking
Speaker 1: around going, oh, if somebody chooses you and marries you,
Speaker 1: that means that you are loved, as opposed to being
Speaker 1: in life discovering that love for yourself and seeing what
Speaker 1: kinds of expressions of that love show up. I eat
Speaker 1: a beautiful baby that comes miraculously out of a connection
Speaker 1: with a person. You know, there's more magic. Now, that's
Speaker 1: really beautiful. How perspectives can change in you know, twenty years.
Speaker 1: Do you ever do that? Do you ever write down
Speaker 1: your thoughts now like a time caps you're thinking, Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm going to look back and just gonna see. I'm
Speaker 1: going to leave a breadcrumb trail for myself, and then
Speaker 1: I'll come back to this in twenty years and see
Speaker 1: what I think about it. I think I've done that before.
Speaker 1: I think i've first school. Yeah. It sounds a bit schoolly,
Speaker 1: doesn't it. Sorry, I'm sorry. I don't mean to, like,
Speaker 1: you know, down on your cool style, but it does feel.
Speaker 1: It does feel sort of like, you know, write down,
Speaker 1: think about later. But I think your explanation of you know,
Speaker 1: twenty years ago, half love sort of felt somethybe pushed
Speaker 1: instead of something that you felt. That's really beautiful. That feels,
Speaker 1: you know, take a little garden of love sprouting up,
Speaker 1: changing and evolving. Oh you know what, Also, like that
Speaker 1: is actually a really clear indication that evolution is possible.
Speaker 1: In my bumbling old brain. Actually, so maybe going back
Speaker 1: to that question before of like will this stuff I
Speaker 1: don't like about myself? Will that evolved? It's like, well,
Speaker 1: your idea about love evolved, and why can't that happen
Speaker 1: to other things? That's true, So then maybe maybe it'll
Speaker 1: be when I'm e te, I won't have a ball
Speaker 1: of catastrophe too ProMED. Fork has turned into a sport.
Speaker 1: It's turned into a sport. We're going to have light
Speaker 1: a whole tableware philosophy by the end of this what
Speaker 1: person plays or ex Varian's most altered your life? Well,
Speaker 1: you did, really it's you. But like it's going to
Speaker 1: become repetitive if I just keep saying that you. But
Speaker 1: you must know that and people will know that that
Speaker 1: you were the person who changed my whole life. But
Speaker 1: when I was much younger, a person who really did
Speaker 1: have this huge impact was this girl who is one
Speaker 1: of the stories in my book. You're only your book, Mom,
Speaker 1: I'd tell you I have a book coming at out
Speaker 1: right now. It's called Managing Expectations. Well, mom, so in
Speaker 1: this book there's a story about how when I left college,
Speaker 1: when I left drama school, you know, absolutely intent on
Speaker 1: becoming an actor. I was the only kid in my
Speaker 1: class to graduate without getting representation, you know, an agent
Speaker 1: or a manager. Nobody was interested. All my friends got them.
Speaker 1: I didn't, and I was absolutely stuck. I had no
Speaker 1: idea what I was supposed to do in my whole life.
Speaker 1: Since I was five or six years old, had just
Speaker 1: been gunning for this notion of becoming an actor. And
Speaker 1: I had also been told that the only way that
Speaker 1: you could get work as an actor is if you
Speaker 1: had representation. So there was nineteen, absolutely stuffed, and Mom
Speaker 1: was so hilarious. You was like, right, well, I supposed
Speaker 1: to better just get a job as a waitress. She
Speaker 1: had no sympathat She was just like, go and find
Speaker 1: a way to pay your rent. We need money now,
Speaker 1: please get on with the look. Yeah, exactly, get on it.
Speaker 1: So I was like okay, and I had to work.
Speaker 1: I didn't have any money, so I was singing in
Speaker 1: jazz clubs. I was like doing whatever I could. I
Speaker 1: hated waitressing, so it's a terrible waiter. Like. I was
Speaker 1: always questioning people's wine choices, you know, Like my dad
Speaker 1: sadly taught me about wine, and I would mutter under
Speaker 1: my breath. God, don't order the peanuts greasy with the beef.
Speaker 1: That is just what I was thinking. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I was really just thinking I could I pictured you sing,
Speaker 1: dude terrible. So I get fired off. And so then
Speaker 1: I just started singing in jazz clubs and dinner jazz
Speaker 1: and no one was listening. And through this summer it
Speaker 1: was this explosion of this music called acid house, and
Speaker 1: I would go to these parties, these raves out in
Speaker 1: the middle of the countryside in like warehouses and barns
Speaker 1: and wherever, and these huge parties and it was amazing,
Speaker 1: and you just dance all night until it got light,
Speaker 1: and then a bit further and then you go home.
Speaker 1: And in that time, because I wasn't really as you know,
Speaker 1: I just I don't drink a lot, and I didn't
Speaker 1: really do all the drugs that the kids were doing
Speaker 1: at that time, so I was pretty sober. And I
Speaker 1: would be driving home and there was this one girl
Speaker 1: who I always seemed to be, you know, I connect
Speaker 1: with her because she was also sober, and we'd have
Speaker 1: these great conversations and that we partied all through the
Speaker 1: summer and had this great time, and she was just
Speaker 1: really cool. But we never really hung out in between.
Speaker 1: We just see each other at these parties, and towards
Speaker 1: the end of the summer, I was just dreading September.
Speaker 1: Reality was bench pressing in the parking lot, waiting for
Speaker 1: August thirty one to switch over to September one, and
Speaker 1: then I was just going to get my ass kicked.
Speaker 1: And we must been driving home early one morning and
Speaker 1: she was like, you know, what do you do And
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, well, you know, I'm supposed to
Speaker 1: be an actress. And she was like, what do you
Speaker 1: mean supposed to be I was like, well, I left school,
Speaker 1: I don't have any work. I'm singing, I'm trying to
Speaker 1: do that. I don't know what I'm doing at it.
Speaker 1: And she was like, I worked for a casting director
Speaker 1: and I was like, do you She was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you should come and meet her. And that was like
Speaker 1: on the Saturday night, Sunday morning, and on the Monday
Speaker 1: I went and met this casting direct who was one
Speaker 1: of the nicest people and one of the biggest casting
Speaker 1: directors in the UK and in the world. And I
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know what she saw in me.
Speaker 1: I had nothing to recommend me except a smart mouth
Speaker 1: and making some jokes, and she called up an agent
Speaker 1: who had seen me in a play at drama school
Speaker 1: and have been like, she's rubbish, and she just convinced
Speaker 1: her to give me a trial, just to give me
Speaker 1: a try, just try me out for a few weeks
Speaker 1: and see if I could do something. That girl that
Speaker 1: I used to go raving with, she really did change
Speaker 1: my life. I feel like I've heard some of it before.
Speaker 1: I think that's really cool. Her life just kind of
Speaker 1: life finds away. It does. Actually for the next question,
Speaker 1: what question would you most like it answered? I know
Speaker 1: this is the difficult one for you. You told me
Speaker 1: it's going to be a bit hard. I literally ran
Speaker 1: into Henry's bedroom like before we were like setting up this,
Speaker 1: and I was like, day, I don't know what to
Speaker 1: say to this question, Like I don't know what like
Speaker 1: I've been asking it, and I asked it because I
Speaker 1: don't really know what should I say, and Henry just
Speaker 1: sat there watching me eat turkey and lettuce, going I
Speaker 1: don't I don't know. I said how long does the
Speaker 1: battery last? Because that would be pretty cool? Or I mean,
Speaker 1: I do want to know. Why does my electric car
Speaker 1: tell me that I have two d and sixty miles
Speaker 1: and then I drive sixteen miles and it says that
Speaker 1: I've used up fifty. It's such a lie like that
Speaker 1: that bugs the crap out of me. But I know
Speaker 1: what this just to do with commerce and like you know,
Speaker 1: metrics and the way stuff looks. The question I would
Speaker 1: most like answered is I want to know how to
Speaker 1: stop this savagery that man shows two people, and I
Speaker 1: say man, because it is always men starting wars and
Speaker 1: creating this profound unrest. I want to know rather than
Speaker 1: like will it ever end? I want to know how
Speaker 1: to stop it, like as a society, like how we
Speaker 1: could globally unite to stop this? That there would be
Speaker 1: like what's the protocol when you start to see the
Speaker 1: troops amassing on a border? What do you do? How
Speaker 1: do we all come together really quickly to stop that
Speaker 1: from happening? I would like to know that. That's definitely
Speaker 1: that's sort of expanding on the end world hunger kind
Speaker 1: of thing. Do you mean, like solving like these huge
Speaker 1: issues that we have as people? Yeah, like these massive issues,
Speaker 1: But I think that's sort of like taking no step
Speaker 1: further with wanting to know how. But I think Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're definitely right. If there's a tier list of questions
Speaker 1: that need to be answered, it's pretty high up there.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like a here question, right. It's the
Speaker 1: same thing about saying that we're human or spiritual, because
Speaker 1: obviously I want to know am I going to see
Speaker 1: Mom again? Am I going to see her again? If
Speaker 1: someone could just tell me that, I wouldn't worry so much.
Speaker 1: I wish I could know that. But that's also the
Speaker 1: sort of spiritual question. Then there are these human questions
Speaker 1: about being here and now, like could we actually affect
Speaker 1: change here if we knew the answer to some of
Speaker 1: these huge questions? Could we make this experience less awful
Speaker 1: for so many people? I think, well, because yeah, you're
Speaker 1: sort of showing the two roads, the sort of question
Speaker 1: for yourself and the question for humanity. Yeah. Like, I'm
Speaker 1: referencing what's happening the Ukraine right now, and it feels
Speaker 1: it's like a dead end because we don't know how
Speaker 1: to or what's going to happen. I mean, I think
Speaker 1: that's one of the issues with one of some of
Speaker 1: the big questions. You ask them and there's no real answer,
Speaker 1: sort of it leads to a dead end. But I
Speaker 1: think exploring that, I think that's really that's important, sort
Speaker 1: of like you know, knowing what life means, knowing how
Speaker 1: to make peace. I think one it means dead end.
Speaker 1: I think that sort of means very important and too
Speaker 1: important to have a short answer. It would take textbooks
Speaker 1: of home textbooks to solve you know, peace, the world hunger,
Speaker 1: because there's just there's so many different sides to it.
Speaker 1: It's it's really difficult to sort of create one single
Speaker 1: piece of perfectness. But let me ask you this, Why
Speaker 1: do you think Addison would say it's because of tribalism.
Speaker 1: But we are human beings before we are our tribes.
Speaker 1: Why as human beings can we not unite around that humanity?
Speaker 1: Why is it always about the tribalism And the kind
Speaker 1: of furthering what Putin is doing is like the furthering
Speaker 1: of Putin's agenda, like he's also a person, Like how
Speaker 1: how does that get? This is so terrible, you poor thing.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry that I'm pushing this only Oh no, no,
Speaker 1: it's completely fine. I thought about this, you know, but
Speaker 1: I wonder why the humanity doesn't come first, Like why
Speaker 1: isn't there some a chip in our brain, a part
Speaker 1: of our brain that kicks in when we start acting
Speaker 1: only in our own self interest. How come there isn't
Speaker 1: this thing that completely reminds us that we are part
Speaker 1: of something so much bigger than where people. We're not
Speaker 1: just a person. I so badly. I don't want to
Speaker 1: say tribalism, but I think since we are descendants of
Speaker 1: the Ape, I feel like Apes, they're very tribalistic. They
Speaker 1: like territory there. I mean, as as much I know
Speaker 1: is of Apes. I think since our brains evolved from them,
Speaker 1: and we've evolved from no wanting to be together with
Speaker 1: our tribe and wanting to keep out the others, I
Speaker 1: think there's just that small bit from being Apes. I
Speaker 1: think that's left in our brain of just that we
Speaker 1: don't want our tribe to be taken away from us.
Speaker 1: But it all leads back to I don't know the word.
Speaker 1: I I'm gonna say apeism because that sounds correct. So
Speaker 1: it all leads back to apeism. The evolution they think.
Speaker 1: They call it the reptilian brain. I'd prefer apism. I
Speaker 1: prefer apism too. I'm going to go to the apism now,
Speaker 1: the monkey brain, the monkey mind. Yeah, the monkey mind.
Speaker 1: If we evolved from you know, like if we evolved
Speaker 1: from something that that didn't really care. If we have
Speaker 1: all from like turtles, I'm going to make some turtle special.
Speaker 1: It's very mad now, but I'm just assuming the turtles
Speaker 1: they don't really care about territory and tribes. If we
Speaker 1: have all from them, we'd have shells, but we'd also
Speaker 1: sort of wouldn't care as much. But Darning, when you
Speaker 1: know what, you being able to see that, and you
Speaker 1: being thirteen, it gives me hope that that question I
Speaker 1: want answered is that it's possible it might get answered,
Speaker 1: and that a global response to territorial terrorism might be
Speaker 1: found with your generation. Yeah, I don't think you need
Speaker 1: to bust my room with your turkey and salad. You
Speaker 1: you had that figured out, thank you, Ding. I just
Speaker 1: needed to talk to you about it, and I figured
Speaker 1: out what my question was. I'm very easy to talk
Speaker 1: to you. I've been told you really are I think
Speaker 1: I told you I made you? Yes, good for you,
Speaker 1: you know, thank you for the reminder. I'm not taking
Speaker 1: credit for you completely. You are you? Are you truly?
Speaker 1: Another book? Idea? You are? Letter? Are you? Exclamation point? Yeah,
Speaker 1: we need like really cool colors are nice like gray
Speaker 1: scale photos. We're looking off in the distance. We have
Speaker 1: this book, by the way, That is what I didn't
Speaker 1: want for my memoir, the whole idea of like a
Speaker 1: black and white, gray scale picture of me sort of
Speaker 1: like you know, hand under your chin, kind of staring
Speaker 1: off out of the ocean. Yeah. I just like just
Speaker 1: like walking off like this, Yeah, just looking like pensive.
Speaker 1: What would be your last meal? Well, it's about that
Speaker 1: it would be with people, So it would be with you,
Speaker 1: adds Auntie, Katie, Percy, Jess, Lily, mom, dad, my stepmother,
Speaker 1: my two brothers and their families, and it would be
Speaker 1: us on a beach, but with it would be catered
Speaker 1: by this restaurant on the Amalfi Coast called La Scola,
Speaker 1: which is the best food I've ever eaten, the most
Speaker 1: transporting food I've ever eaten in my life. And there
Speaker 1: would be a way of making sure everything was like
Speaker 1: hot and the perfect temperature and perfectly sir. But we
Speaker 1: would all be on the beach together. And then at
Speaker 1: the end of eating. I know it sounds nuts, but
Speaker 1: there's this courgette zucchini in American pasta that is unlike
Speaker 1: anything I've ever eaten in my life. And these fresh anchovies,
Speaker 1: which are not like the antivies that you think of
Speaker 1: in a can. They are white. They have just come
Speaker 1: out of the ocean with the warm tomatoes that come
Speaker 1: from the garden in the back of the restaurant. So
Speaker 1: these warm, vine ripened by the sun tomatoes with these
Speaker 1: fresh white anchovies that have been grilled to perfection with
Speaker 1: olive oil and lemon on them, and they're presented on
Speaker 1: a plate in like a star. You lose your mind.
Speaker 1: You lose your mind, which if it's my last meal,
Speaker 1: I don't care about my mind anymore. I just want
Speaker 1: to be eating that food with all of you. And
Speaker 1: then at the end of that right when we've just
Speaker 1: finished everything delicious, I want to hear the tinkling of
Speaker 1: an ice cream van. So I get that feeling that
Speaker 1: you get when you hear the tinkling of the ice
Speaker 1: cream van. Brings you back to your childhood. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: immediately you get that butterflies in your stomach. It still
Speaker 1: happens to me when I hear an ice cream Then
Speaker 1: now and then I want us all to race up
Speaker 1: the beach and go and get a Mr Whippy with
Speaker 1: two flakes in it. Two flakes not through not one
Speaker 1: to to for American listeners. And Mr Whippy is a
Speaker 1: soft serve ice cream that comes out in a coil
Speaker 1: into a cone and a flake. Is this chocolate bar
Speaker 1: that you get in England that's arguably the most delicious
Speaker 1: chocolate bar to me is and that's stuck in the
Speaker 1: top of the ice cream crumbly. It's really nice. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, that is my perfect last mail. It's perfect,
Speaker 1: and then I want to take off into whatever's next,
Speaker 1: like as if I had like power jets in my feet,
Speaker 1: so I would literally just wave goodbye to everybody and
Speaker 1: then just shoot straight out. Oh yeah, fireworks, fireworks with
Speaker 1: your ice cream and like like a really good firework
Speaker 1: display and like really good music and be as I ascended,
Speaker 1: because there would be some kind of ascent in your
Speaker 1: power rocket boots with your two flag not or not
Speaker 1: three Mr Whippy from an ice cream. Then after you've
Speaker 1: eaten this delicious zuki and then there would be a
Speaker 1: giant rainbow over the beach and glitter. That's really great.
Speaker 1: That is it? Men out such a great answer. I
Speaker 1: think incorporating people that you love and stuff that's really interesting.
Speaker 1: And then Auntie Katy would be like, Okay, let's pack
Speaker 1: up the leftovers. Don't waste anything quickly. You need to
Speaker 1: go by waited getting dark? Leave, that's getting dark. If
Speaker 1: the mill has all your friends and family and everyone,
Speaker 1: what would you want to talk about? Love? I just
Speaker 1: love stories. I love when people tell stories. But my
Speaker 1: dad used to tell the best stories. Mom used to
Speaker 1: tell the best stories. I just and I loved hearing
Speaker 1: the same stories. Like Mom and Dad used to tell
Speaker 1: the story, and they would tell it about each other
Speaker 1: when the other one wasn't present, and they tell it
Speaker 1: when they were together. It used to crack me up
Speaker 1: that they both would tell the story, which was when
Speaker 1: mom and dad went to Morocco and they were on
Speaker 1: this amazing, crazy adventure and they were in this place
Speaker 1: and they were serving lamb and my dad goes, the
Speaker 1: lamb was green, and Mom goes, the lamb had a
Speaker 1: green sauce. And my dad would be like, the lamb
Speaker 1: was green because it was bad, and my mom was like,
Speaker 1: the lamb had a green sauce because everyone knows that
Speaker 1: you eat mint sauce with lamb, and that mint is
Speaker 1: very very common in Morocco. So Dad says, I told
Speaker 1: her not to eat it, and Mom's like, he told
Speaker 1: me not to eat it, And I said, you're being ridiculous,
Speaker 1: and Dad said she wouldn't listen. And then Mom eats
Speaker 1: the lamb and obviously nearly dies of food poisoning, and
Speaker 1: my dad manages to be both completely empathetic and take
Speaker 1: care of her whilst also massively doing the I Told
Speaker 1: you so danced as she's throwing up and almost dying
Speaker 1: from food poisoning. So that's what I would like everyone
Speaker 1: to be talking about. It is like telling the funniest
Speaker 1: stories and laughing really hard, just like when we all
Speaker 1: start laughing in Cornwall. That's my favorite thing in your life.
Speaker 1: Can you tell me something that has grown out of
Speaker 1: a personal disaster? Yes, looking back, I know that every
Speaker 1: time I thought the world was ending, when you know,
Speaker 1: a relationship didn't work out, when I was suddenly broke
Speaker 1: and didn't know where the next job was coming from.
Speaker 1: When I look and I see, invariably things grew out
Speaker 1: of all of those things. I have so many disasters
Speaker 1: because I think people do. But invariably every choice that
Speaker 1: you're forced to make when something doesn't work out leads
Speaker 1: you to what your life is and how can you
Speaker 1: not celebrate that. It's a heavy one, but it's true.
Speaker 1: When Mom died, I was like, it is not possible
Speaker 1: to recover from this. So I kept thinking, well, this
Speaker 1: is terrible. Nothing good can grow out of this, and
Speaker 1: it's true, for a long time nothing did. And then
Speaker 1: so strangely, like the little shoots you see on a
Speaker 1: tree that looks dead in winter, you know, the trees
Speaker 1: near our house in London that just looked like there
Speaker 1: is no way they are coming back. And then one
Speaker 1: day in March you see a little, tiny green shoot
Speaker 1: coming out of a branch. And I had that this
Speaker 1: year because I was still feeling so much grief. And
Speaker 1: when I saw that little green shoot on the magnolia trees,
Speaker 1: I felt this thing inside. I felt this recognition that
Speaker 1: it was growing anew. And then it reminded me of Mom,
Speaker 1: because she loved the spring. She died in the spring.
Speaker 1: She loved the spring. She loved the notion of renewal.
Speaker 1: She loved being able to say it is ship right now,
Speaker 1: excuse my French, and it is going to get better.
Speaker 1: She loved that. So there's something in March of this
Speaker 1: year when I saw those shoots growing out of the trees,
Speaker 1: I knew it was going to be okay. And that
Speaker 1: didn't mean that I wasn't going to have days where
Speaker 1: I would miss her so much, but it reminded me
Speaker 1: that it is true at all things evolved, even grief,
Speaker 1: even lost, and sometimes they can evolve in the absence
Speaker 1: of the thing that you think has to happen to
Speaker 1: make you feel better. And in that case, it was
Speaker 1: she has to be alive again in order for me
Speaker 1: to feel better. And the problem, or the thing is
Speaker 1: is that she isn't going to be alive again. And
Speaker 1: she would be the first person to scoff with laughter
Speaker 1: me thinking that could ever happen. But she's definitely what
Speaker 1: gave me the ability to like notice the green shoots
Speaker 1: on the magnolia tree and actually connect that to the
Speaker 1: evolution of grief. But it was a bit heavy, darling,
Speaker 1: sorry about that. No, no, no no, it's fine. I mean
Speaker 1: I lived through it as well. I got the same memories.
Speaker 1: So I think you're wrapping it all around to the
Speaker 1: evolution thing where we all evolve, Like we're just full
Speaker 1: circled right on into the evolution again. It all can
Speaker 1: evolve your dead trees they go sprouts, so that that
Speaker 1: might be the best knowalogy I've ever heard. I mean,
Speaker 1: I mean that's yeah, like you know, the power of evolution, renewal, renewal, renewal, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know of like how things they reap, they recycle,
Speaker 1: they regret, which is again what makes me feel that
Speaker 1: the notion of death being an end seems really improbable,
Speaker 1: given that this whole universe seems to be about the
Speaker 1: continuation and the renewal of energy and that's pretty much
Speaker 1: what we are. It's been a lovely conversation. I'm sad
Speaker 1: that I run out of questions starting when you're properly empathetic,
Speaker 1: hen And like I said, I have great hope for
Speaker 1: the future because because of you. Thank you, Mom. You're welcome,
Speaker 1: my darling. Happy Mother's Day to both of us. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not really a mother, but I think you made
Speaker 1: me a mother, so I suppose I should sort of
Speaker 1: thank you. We're in it together, like fast and furious,
Speaker 1: you know, like that kind of thing. Family. Family. Family.
Speaker 1: That's a perfect way to end this evolution And Vin Diesel,
Speaker 1: You're amazing. Thank you so much. I love you, love you.
Speaker 1: Happy Mother's Day. My mom. Mini has a book out
Speaker 1: right now you should definitely buy. It's called Manergy Expectations,
Speaker 1: and it's kind of a bit more ish. It's stories
Speaker 1: from her life about how life not working out is
Speaker 1: really life working out. You can see her in the
Speaker 1: movies Chevalier and Rosalind later this year, and thank you
Speaker 1: for listening to her podcast. She really loves doing it.
Speaker 1: Many Questions is hosted and written by me Mini Driver,
Speaker 1: Supervising producer Aaron Kaufman, Proda Morgan Levoy, Research Assistant Marissa Brown.
Speaker 1: Original music Sorry Baby by Minni Driver, Additional music by
Speaker 1: Aaron Kaufman. Executive produced by me Mini Driver. Special thanks
Speaker 1: to Jim Nikolay, Will Pearson, Addison No Day, Lisa Castella
Speaker 1: and Nick Oppenheim at w kPr, de La Pescador, Kate
Speaker 1: Driver and Jason Weinberg, and for constantly solicited tech support,
Speaker 1: Henry Driver