WEBVTT - "I WAS SENT INTO THE WOODS" 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.440 Attention, Gek Nation. I am going on tour across the 0:00:03.600 --> 0:00:07.080 US to nine different cities to be a Gecko and 0:00:07.160 --> 0:00:10.400 talk to people just like I do on this podcast, 0:00:10.520 --> 0:00:13.440 except I will be on a stage at a place 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:16.479 doing it live. If you want to come see the 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:20.360 podcast live, tickets are available now for these cities Washington, 0:00:20.440 --> 0:00:30.280 d C. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, New York City, Boston, Massachusetts, Miami, Florida, Chicago, Illinois, Denver, Colorado, Nashville, Tennessee, 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:34.159 and Seattle, Washington. So if you live in any of 0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:36.960 those cities and you want to come catch the podcast live, 0:00:37.159 --> 0:00:40.239 the link to buy tickets will be in the episode description. 0:00:40.800 --> 0:00:42.720 The tickets will sell out fast, so if you want 0:00:42.720 --> 0:00:45.960 to go, you should get them now. Anyway, let's get 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:50.440 into the calls. Hello, Hello, Hey is this Liz. 0:00:50.840 --> 0:00:53.479 It's live liv But yeah, that's up. 0:00:54.400 --> 0:00:55.160 What's going on there? 0:00:56.040 --> 0:00:56.240 Yeah? 0:00:56.280 --> 0:01:02.240 This is this is GHEK g E c K. What's up? 0:01:02.320 --> 0:01:02.560 Gig? 0:01:03.400 --> 0:01:05.440 Thanks for picking up. I appreciate it. 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:09.760 What can I what can I? What can I do 0:01:09.800 --> 0:01:10.559 you for? Liz? 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:20.600 Before I start with my whole story, can I ask 0:01:20.600 --> 0:01:23.480 you a question? It's a good question, I promise it's not. 0:01:23.520 --> 0:01:27.080 How are you sure asked me the question. I'm down 0:01:27.080 --> 0:01:29.800 for questions. 0:01:30.200 --> 0:01:34.880 What has been the most persistent thought on your mind recently? 0:01:36.000 --> 0:01:38.280 The most person some thought on my mind recently has 0:01:38.280 --> 0:01:41.119 been why do I do the things that I do? 0:01:42.720 --> 0:01:46.400 In a universe where I acknowledge that I can theoretically 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:50.520 do an infinite number of things, Why have I chosen 0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:54.960 to do what I am doing currently? I never come 0:01:55.040 --> 0:02:02.240 up with a lasting answer to that question, but it 0:02:02.320 --> 0:02:06.560 is something that I think about very often, which you know, 0:02:06.560 --> 0:02:08.440 and I think about it because the things that I 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:12.400 do are also related to the things that cause me 0:02:12.800 --> 0:02:15.400 happiness as well as the things that cause me unhappiness, 0:02:15.960 --> 0:02:19.480 and so I weigh the happiness they cause against the 0:02:19.560 --> 0:02:23.400 unhappiness they cause, and every day ask myself if it 0:02:23.480 --> 0:02:26.440 is worth it? And every day I have a new answer. 0:02:29.800 --> 0:02:31.400 Are you happy being Gek? 0:02:35.200 --> 0:02:35.399 Yes? 0:02:35.480 --> 0:02:39.440 Some days, you know, some days are more difficult than others. 0:02:39.600 --> 0:02:41.600 Some days I'm very grateful. 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:42.400 You know. 0:02:43.440 --> 0:02:45.680 I'm always asking myself these questions because you know, I 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:47.280 recognize I can. You know, I don't really have to 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:52.200 do anything. You don't really have to do anything, so, 0:02:52.520 --> 0:02:56.080 you know, we choose to do things for reasons that 0:02:56.200 --> 0:02:58.440 I think are important to think about. 0:03:02.280 --> 0:03:03.120 I love that answer. 0:03:03.360 --> 0:03:05.480 Honestly, what's going on with you, Liz. 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:11.720 Tolid I just wanted to tell you about how I 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:18.600 like legally got kidnapped when I was seventeen and shipped 0:03:18.600 --> 0:03:23.000 off to go to this wilderness therapy rehab place for 0:03:23.200 --> 0:03:26.600 ninety days and I'm looking up on the like five 0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:31.239 year anniversary and it's just a trip to think about. 0:03:32.800 --> 0:03:36.160 Is this something that your parents sent you to? Mm 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:42.520 hmm yeah, okay, So let's start with why did they 0:03:42.720 --> 0:03:45.360 send you to this place? What is it that you 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:47.800 were doing that caused them concern? 0:03:51.240 --> 0:03:55.480 I'm honestly a build up of like six is ish 0:03:55.640 --> 0:04:01.720 years of super heavy benzo addiction plus like almost a 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:04.520 year I'd say, like ninety ten months of like heroin 0:04:04.560 --> 0:04:13.160 addiction is what finally, you know, put them whatever my 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:16.200 foot in the door to go to the wilderness. 0:04:16.200 --> 0:04:21.320 Interesting? And was this the first thing that they tried 0:04:21.440 --> 0:04:23.360 or did they try a lot of different things that 0:04:23.839 --> 0:04:24.840 didn't work before this? 0:04:27.800 --> 0:04:30.360 I mean they've tried calling the cops and like getting 0:04:30.400 --> 0:04:32.920 me like put in a drunk take for one night 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:36.960 that didn't really do anything. They try to like cut 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:39.599 me off. I had to live in my car for 0:04:40.000 --> 0:04:45.680 a good period of time. But this was kind of yeah, 0:04:45.720 --> 0:04:48.880 like the most drastic thing that they did. 0:04:49.000 --> 0:04:52.960 I would say, hmm, it's interesting, and I want to 0:04:53.000 --> 0:04:55.800 get into the actual experience, but it's interesting to me 0:04:55.880 --> 0:05:00.799 that they would go from cutting you off and deciding 0:05:00.839 --> 0:05:03.880 not to deal with the problem to Okay, let's give 0:05:03.920 --> 0:05:12.120 this one last shot by organizing a kidnapping to utah, right. 0:05:12.040 --> 0:05:14.200 And not even like one last chance, but like that 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:19.080 shit was expensive, like one Like they went from cutting 0:05:19.080 --> 0:05:22.440 me off completely, Like I was like bumming it for 0:05:22.520 --> 0:05:30.360 a while, like qt Tiketo's type. Every single day it's 0:05:30.360 --> 0:05:34.080 all I tod eat. But yeah, they spent like fifty 0:05:34.240 --> 0:05:40.000 sixty grand on this fucking wilderness kidnapping rehab shit. And 0:05:40.040 --> 0:05:42.120 so I think that I think about that a lot too. 0:05:44.600 --> 0:05:49.680 Okay, so you're having all these issues, your parents try 0:05:49.720 --> 0:05:52.279 these things, they try cutting you off, and then they go, 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:56.160 you know what, let's let's ball out on the kidnapping 0:05:56.960 --> 0:06:00.840 and what was that? What was that? Like? How did 0:06:01.000 --> 0:06:05.400 like when you said you were kidnapped, where where did 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:09.159 they like take you? Like where were you when people 0:06:09.200 --> 0:06:10.760 came to bring you to that place? 0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:16.840 Yeah, it's technically they call it goony, which is just 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:21.840 like another word for kidnapping, honestly. But I was going 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:24.080 out with some of my friends and I didn't know 0:06:24.160 --> 0:06:26.760 that one of them had like already talked to my mom, 0:06:26.760 --> 0:06:29.680 and my mom guilt tripped her and was like, Olivia's 0:06:29.680 --> 0:06:32.359 going to kill herself if she's not, like, you know, 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:36.640 sent to rehab. And so she told my mom where 0:06:36.640 --> 0:06:38.360 we were going. We were just going to get sonic 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:44.320 at this place sitting nearby, and it was like eleven 0:06:44.400 --> 0:06:47.880 thirty twelve, kind of late, and this black as UV 0:06:48.040 --> 0:06:51.000 pulled up and this guy hopped out and physically grabbed 0:06:51.040 --> 0:06:53.240 me and put me in the backseat of the car, 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:56.200 closed the door. There was another guy in the passenger 0:06:56.279 --> 0:06:58.680 seat and the doors were locked. I like instantly try 0:06:58.720 --> 0:07:03.599 to open them, and I drove off and five hours later, 0:07:03.920 --> 0:07:07.720 literally five hours from where I am in Arizona up 0:07:07.760 --> 0:07:12.120 to southern Utah. No, they didn't answer any of my questions. 0:07:12.120 --> 0:07:14.880 They didn't talk at all. And I got there and 0:07:14.880 --> 0:07:17.520 they handed me my phone and my dad called me 0:07:17.560 --> 0:07:20.840 and he was like, yeah, so you either like stay 0:07:20.840 --> 0:07:26.120 out there or I don't know, like that's that's it, 0:07:26.400 --> 0:07:28.120 Like that's the last you'll be hearing from us. So 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:32.520 you either graduate and tough it out, or you like 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:35.000 be homeless and for real cut off your family. 0:07:37.120 --> 0:07:40.800 So is this I mean, well, yeah, when this first happened, 0:07:40.840 --> 0:07:42.840 I mean to not know that this is a thing 0:07:42.920 --> 0:07:45.080 that's being orchestrated by your parents and to just be 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:46.760 throwing in a van, I mean you must have thought, yeah, 0:07:46.800 --> 0:07:50.800 I like legitimately actually kidnapped. Yeah. 0:07:50.840 --> 0:07:53.000 I was like here, like here it goes like it's 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:56.840 actually happening, like sex trafficking whatever, you know, woman's biggest 0:07:56.880 --> 0:08:01.560 fucking fear, right it was. I was like solving. I 0:08:01.600 --> 0:08:06.320 still have like I worked through this PTSD for years 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:08.720 in therapy and still kind of have a little bit 0:08:08.760 --> 0:08:11.600 of like I'm shaking talking about it because it's still 0:08:11.640 --> 0:08:14.520 so like real and okay raw. 0:08:15.280 --> 0:08:19.320 So all right, So you get to the place you're 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:21.680 talking to your dad on the phone. He says you 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:23.760 got to do this or else we're done with you. 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:26.680 What What is your what is your sort of initial 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:31.520 reaction now that you're like, okay, I'm not being you know, kidnapped. 0:08:31.560 --> 0:08:34.320 This is the thing my parents have orchestrated. This is 0:08:34.320 --> 0:08:36.320 a deal they're making. What's going through your head at 0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:40.040 that point, honestly just. 0:08:40.080 --> 0:08:44.120 Like disbelief and more confusion because I'd never heard of 0:08:44.160 --> 0:08:47.080 like wilderness therapy, Like what the fuck is that? You know, 0:08:47.480 --> 0:08:53.559 it's not very popular like where I'm from, And I 0:08:53.600 --> 0:08:56.360 was just more confused, and then I was a little mad, 0:08:56.480 --> 0:08:59.959 and then I was just like defeated, And honestly I 0:09:00.200 --> 0:09:02.760 was I was like shooting up Heroin at the time 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:06.800 regularly and knew I was fucking up and was just 0:09:06.840 --> 0:09:11.559 like in this horrible place. So I kind of finally 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:15.040 was just like, you know, what, fuck it, Like if 0:09:15.040 --> 0:09:16.800 this is how I'm going to get the help I need, Like, 0:09:16.880 --> 0:09:18.800 this is how I'm going to get the help I need. 0:09:19.920 --> 0:09:23.000 Okay. So you there was some resistance at first, but 0:09:23.080 --> 0:09:26.400 eventually you were like, Okay, maybe this is the only way, 0:09:26.480 --> 0:09:28.240 so fuck it, let's just do it. 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:30.320 Exactly. 0:09:30.440 --> 0:09:33.800 Yeah, okay. And you were there for ninety days. 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:37.719 Mm hmmm, yeah, three months. 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:41.120 So give us the rundown of what your life is 0:09:41.280 --> 0:09:43.320 like for these three months. 0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:51.679 Every single day except for the two like layover weekend days, 0:09:52.400 --> 0:09:57.040 is pack up camp, pack up everything we need on 0:09:57.120 --> 0:10:01.040 our backs, and hike like at least eight to you know, 0:10:01.120 --> 0:10:05.520 fifteen miles to our next camp, unpack, you know, make 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:08.840 a fire, set up our little camp, eat, go to bed, 0:10:08.920 --> 0:10:14.120 wake up, pack, hike every single day for ninety days. 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:19.360 It's like their whole motto was, you know, healing and 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:24.760 like getting trauma and like all all the shit out 0:10:24.880 --> 0:10:30.280 through physical exercise and like holistically being in touch with 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:35.600 nature and blah blah blah blah blah. But yeah, that's 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:39.480 all we did. I carried a backpack bigger than me, 0:10:39.640 --> 0:10:43.000 heavier than me on my back all day every day 0:10:43.200 --> 0:10:47.440 and got crazy fucking blisters and had to be put 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:54.439 on like suicide wash multiple times. This was just imagine 0:10:55.840 --> 0:11:02.320 a group of fourteen teenagers being thrown out, no tense 0:11:02.640 --> 0:11:04.760 or anything. All we get is a sleeping bag, and 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:06.520 it's hard that we have to learn how to make 0:11:06.520 --> 0:11:10.559 a shelter with and so like beans and rice. 0:11:11.960 --> 0:11:13.920 So you know, you said you were shooting up heroin 0:11:13.960 --> 0:11:17.600 every day and then you came here and you're doing 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:24.480 like this, Uh, you know, strenuous physical activity. What how 0:11:24.640 --> 0:11:26.959 is your because you know it's it's one thing to 0:11:28.320 --> 0:11:30.719 you know, go from not being I don't know, I 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:32.600 don't know how physically active you were at this time, 0:11:32.640 --> 0:11:35.240 but to go from you know, being put in this 0:11:35.320 --> 0:11:38.680 situation where you're doing all this intensely physical stuff, but 0:11:38.760 --> 0:11:42.319 also to go from there while you're also I assume 0:11:42.400 --> 0:11:46.200 going on withdrawal from Heroin. How does that work? They like, 0:11:47.160 --> 0:11:49.840 you know, I know that some places they like give 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:52.160 you a they like wean you off of it so 0:11:52.160 --> 0:11:55.439 that your body doesn't, like, you know, go absolutely nuts. 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:59.559 Like how how is your body responding to all of this? 0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:02.320 How are they helping you through all of this? 0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:07.800 So for the first like week and a half, we 0:12:08.480 --> 0:12:11.520 didn't hike at all, and all the kids fucking loved 0:12:11.559 --> 0:12:15.680 me because like I was withdrawing so bad that I 0:12:15.720 --> 0:12:20.160 couldn't even move, But they only sent a nurse up 0:12:20.200 --> 0:12:22.439 every once in a while. They didn't give me any 0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:28.040 like medication to help the withdraws except for like ibuprofen 0:12:28.360 --> 0:12:33.599 and a mild like sedative. But it was horrible. I 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:37.560 just have like I feel like my brain kind of 0:12:37.800 --> 0:12:40.760 blocked a lot of it out because it was just 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:45.079 like physically and mentally the hardest thing I've ever done. 0:12:45.559 --> 0:12:48.720 But I have like memories of laying in my sleeping 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:52.320 bag on the dirt, like sweating and like puking in 0:12:52.360 --> 0:12:55.120 the dirt and there just like being on the side 0:12:55.160 --> 0:12:57.000 of my sleeping bag and I can't move, and I'm 0:12:57.040 --> 0:13:01.840 just like rolling around and just baking, like in my 0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:05.360 sleeping bag in the sun withdrawing. Like some one of 0:13:05.360 --> 0:13:08.680 the staff members would come and check my my blood 0:13:08.720 --> 0:13:12.880 pulse or my blood ox and my pulse and everything 0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:16.520 every once in a while. But that was about it. 0:13:16.520 --> 0:13:24.800 It was like it was insane and intense and honestly 0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:25.400 fucked up. 0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:29.160 Now, you said that everybody there in general, you said, 0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:31.920 you said everyone there loved. You said every you said 0:13:31.920 --> 0:13:33.680 all the kids there loved Why did why did all 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:35.640 the kids there well and you? And then and then 0:13:35.720 --> 0:13:39.640 to explain that you said they loved you because you 0:13:39.679 --> 0:13:42.439 were withdrawing a lot? What did you What did you 0:13:42.480 --> 0:13:42.920 mean by that? 0:13:44.600 --> 0:13:48.680 I just meant they didn't have to hike at all. 0:13:49.040 --> 0:13:52.440 They got to like stay in one camp for like 0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:55.080 a week and a half and just chill and like 0:13:55.920 --> 0:13:58.520 they ended up learning how to make hammocks and like 0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:02.600 doing all this ship and so like that's what I meant. 0:14:02.640 --> 0:14:06.720 Sorry if I was confusing, they didn't have to well. 0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:09.480 It kind of it leads me into my next thing 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:12.920 I'm curious about, is what is your relationship, like with 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:19.720 the other kids at the rehab at this time, are 0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:23.640 you forming connections with anybody? What is that like? 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:30.280 While I was still like in active withdrawal, the only 0:14:30.280 --> 0:14:33.720 connections I was forming were with the staff that would 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:37.920 like sit by me basically make sure I didn't die. 0:14:38.480 --> 0:14:42.240 But I was not in any state of mind to 0:14:43.280 --> 0:14:48.040 function like any sort of human and make connections. But 0:14:48.200 --> 0:14:52.000 after like a month of the withdrawal and then the 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:54.960 anger and the sadness and just like being in my 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:57.120 own head, I kind of got in the swing of 0:14:57.160 --> 0:15:01.640 things and made friends that I still you know, FaceTime 0:15:02.800 --> 0:15:04.280 multiple times a month now. 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:07.480 Hmmm, So you made friends that you still keep in 0:15:07.480 --> 0:15:11.600 touch with. Yeah, after going through the first month of 0:15:11.840 --> 0:15:16.200 of just like physically adjusting to the new surroundings. 0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:18.320 Mm hmm. 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:19.600 Yeah. 0:15:19.600 --> 0:15:23.960 Because you're sleeping outside with someone you know, with someone 0:15:24.360 --> 0:15:27.640 twenty four hours, seven days a week for months at 0:15:27.640 --> 0:15:30.760 a time, You're you have to go, like with the 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:32.920 buddy to go on a little walk, to take a shit. 0:15:33.120 --> 0:15:36.880 You know, we're we got pretty close pretty fast. 0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:41.480 And are these other kids are is this is this 0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:43.960 kind of the first time at that point that you 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:49.560 are meeting other people who also have really bad problems 0:15:49.600 --> 0:15:50.200 with drugs. 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:59.280 No, because I have some family members with you know, 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:04.520 inactivity and have passed because of addiction, and some of 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:08.880 my friends and like their older brothers. But this is 0:16:08.920 --> 0:16:12.800 the first time I ever was around anyone that struggled 0:16:13.280 --> 0:16:17.040 in the ways I struggled, but also like kind of 0:16:17.640 --> 0:16:22.000 wanted to not continue this like shitty pattern. 0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:24.440 Yeah, this is the first time you're around other people 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:27.000 who are showing a desire to change. 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:29.840 Mm hmmm. 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:34.280 Does that do out of a positive effect on you? 0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:42.920 Yeah? I think that like the other people that were there, 0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:46.920 the other students with me, did more than like any 0:16:47.200 --> 0:16:51.200 of the therapists or staff members or you know, hiking 0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:53.720 could have done. Just like that community that I built 0:16:54.680 --> 0:16:57.320 was is amazing, super cool. 0:16:57.680 --> 0:17:01.240 So tell me about this. You get there, uh, you know, 0:17:01.400 --> 0:17:04.040 at first, you think you're getting fucking kidnapped. You kind 0:17:04.080 --> 0:17:06.439 of are like, all right, you know, it's either this 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:09.520 or the highway, so let's do it. The first month 0:17:09.880 --> 0:17:14.960 you're withdrawing like crazy, you're in no mind to function properly. 0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:17.720 And then, as you tell me, after a month of 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:24.760 just like powering through the harsh physical realities of your situation, 0:17:25.600 --> 0:17:29.520 you sort of get to a point where you are 0:17:29.560 --> 0:17:33.440 are leaning into it more and you're making these these friends, 0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:36.040 you know, these people that you still talk to. Tell 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:39.920 me about that transition from uh, you know, I can't 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:43.520 do this, I'm throwing up on them everywhere to okay, 0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:46.679 fuck it, let's you know, tie some knots and you know, 0:17:46.800 --> 0:17:49.520 cook fucking mike campfires and shit. 0:17:52.160 --> 0:17:54.320 Yeah. So I think eventually I just got to this 0:17:54.480 --> 0:18:00.080 point of like acceptance, like I'm already out here, I 0:18:02.160 --> 0:18:06.040 might as well learn all these skills and engage in 0:18:06.080 --> 0:18:10.040 these activities so I can sleep comfortably and stay dry 0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:12.399 if it rains, and know how to build a shelter 0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:16.679 and know how to you know, make better food on 0:18:16.760 --> 0:18:19.840 the fire than this just beans and rice every single day. 0:18:20.960 --> 0:18:22.399 I thought I was gonna be out there, might as 0:18:22.440 --> 0:18:25.159 well like make something of my time and not just 0:18:25.640 --> 0:18:29.399 go through the emotions like I think it's sad, Like 0:18:29.480 --> 0:18:32.919 I know some people that just went out the exact same, like, 0:18:33.000 --> 0:18:37.720 went through all of that physical and emotional and financial, 0:18:38.760 --> 0:18:43.440 you know, struggle just to walk out of it the same. 0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:45.639 So I got to that point and I was like, 0:18:45.680 --> 0:18:48.560 you know what, fuck it, I'm gonna have fun out 0:18:48.560 --> 0:18:52.640 here because that's just the type of person I am. 0:18:53.240 --> 0:18:54.000 Enjoy the journey. 0:18:55.440 --> 0:18:59.359 So I like, I really am trying to piece together 0:18:59.440 --> 0:19:04.760 the full story of the character arc that I'm seeing of, 0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:08.840 you know, month one, month two, now in month three, 0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:13.840 as we're sort of nearing the tail end, as you're forming, 0:19:13.920 --> 0:19:16.000 you know, what you say is a community of of 0:19:16.480 --> 0:19:18.320 you know, other people who really want to get better, 0:19:19.400 --> 0:19:22.040 you know, people who you formed an elastic connection with. 0:19:22.680 --> 0:19:27.040 What is going through your mind as you're nearing the program? 0:19:27.320 --> 0:19:30.000 Who are you? What's going on with you physically? What's 0:19:30.800 --> 0:19:31.760 what's the picture there? 0:19:35.800 --> 0:19:40.600 I I feel like I finally came into myself. Like 0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:47.800 month three was live, you know, becoming this person and 0:19:48.600 --> 0:19:52.240 the old Olivia kind of dying off. I had like 0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:55.840 this whole ceremony to like bury my past self and 0:19:56.160 --> 0:20:00.920 to leave everything out there and like genuine me try 0:20:00.960 --> 0:20:06.720 to you know, make something of my life in blah 0:20:06.720 --> 0:20:10.359 blah blah. And so yeah, it's like month three, I 0:20:10.440 --> 0:20:12.359 just I learned that I wanted to be a leader. 0:20:12.440 --> 0:20:16.440 I learned that I wanted to work in the outdoors 0:20:16.440 --> 0:20:21.080 like wilderness, not necessarily rehab, but definitely like touring. 0:20:21.400 --> 0:20:24.119 Something that interesting. 0:20:24.320 --> 0:20:29.200 I learned that I'm a uger, total like fucking dirt bag, 0:20:29.880 --> 0:20:33.439 and before I was I thought I was like a 0:20:33.640 --> 0:20:37.879 city type, suburban girl, but that's not the case. So 0:20:38.119 --> 0:20:39.000 it was cool. 0:20:40.119 --> 0:20:42.760 That's fascinating to me that you were when you were 0:20:42.760 --> 0:20:46.080 thrown into this. It was like, you know, a really 0:20:46.320 --> 0:20:49.800 you know, fucked up, you know, shitty time, and and 0:20:49.880 --> 0:20:51.639 you're being forced to do all this stuff and then 0:20:51.640 --> 0:20:54.600 you come out of it, you know, feeling like it's 0:20:54.680 --> 0:20:56.879 your it's your passion, and it's the environment that you 0:20:56.960 --> 0:20:58.800 really uh identify with. 0:21:01.119 --> 0:21:07.000 And not even identify but like thriving. No, yeah, it's 0:21:07.080 --> 0:21:11.840 super cool. I so parents a lot for like getting 0:21:11.880 --> 0:21:13.640 the balls to send me out there. 0:21:14.600 --> 0:21:17.199 Yeah, that was something. So a really important question I 0:21:17.240 --> 0:21:19.639 have is you know, I mean, you're telling me that 0:21:19.720 --> 0:21:24.440 you know, you're when you described being kidnapped in the van, 0:21:24.720 --> 0:21:26.280 you know, thinking that you were going to get like, 0:21:26.840 --> 0:21:28.840 you know, something horrible is going to happen to you. 0:21:29.160 --> 0:21:31.280 I mean, you're telling me that you have PTSD from that, 0:21:31.280 --> 0:21:33.520 that your voice shakes from that, that it was just 0:21:33.520 --> 0:21:37.399 a really fucked up thing, and yet you you weigh 0:21:37.440 --> 0:21:42.040 that against the fact that by the end of this program, 0:21:42.520 --> 0:21:45.840 you know, I mean undeniably it did a lot for you. 0:21:45.880 --> 0:21:47.600 And as you said, just now that you have your 0:21:47.640 --> 0:21:53.080 parents to thank for it, how do you reconcile those 0:21:53.480 --> 0:21:56.800 two feelings? You know what I'm saying. 0:22:00.119 --> 0:22:00.520 Kind of? 0:22:03.800 --> 0:22:08.640 Are you ultimately thankful to your parents for you know, 0:22:08.760 --> 0:22:11.280 putting you through all that, even though it was really difficult. 0:22:12.280 --> 0:22:12.600 Yeah. 0:22:12.880 --> 0:22:18.280 Yeah, at the end of the day, I'm thankful that 0:22:18.840 --> 0:22:23.240 they spent the money, honestly is what it comes down to. 0:22:24.960 --> 0:22:29.200 But thankful for sure because it made me like find 0:22:30.240 --> 0:22:32.639 you know, what I want to do with my life, 0:22:33.160 --> 0:22:37.160 and I want to start like a whole career in 0:22:37.280 --> 0:22:43.200 wilderness therapy, but maybe try to develop one that doesn't 0:22:43.520 --> 0:22:49.600 consist of the kidnapping and the like just so many 0:22:49.680 --> 0:22:54.600 fucked up things in wilderness therapy, and I just I 0:22:54.640 --> 0:22:58.360 want it to be more inclusive and more safe and 0:22:58.600 --> 0:23:03.680 more available. And without my parents sending me, I wouldn't 0:23:03.720 --> 0:23:08.040 know any of this and I wouldn't have this like passion. 0:23:08.119 --> 0:23:11.360 I started going to community college so I can get 0:23:11.359 --> 0:23:14.360 a master's in psychology, so I can become a wilderness therapist, 0:23:14.359 --> 0:23:17.600 so I can like actually have some credentials to like 0:23:17.680 --> 0:23:24.960 start this nonprofit type wilderness therapy and it's going to 0:23:24.960 --> 0:23:29.480 be more of like a mental health and addiction therapy, just. 0:23:31.000 --> 0:23:31.800 Like addiction. 0:23:32.800 --> 0:23:36.680 So tell me when you get okay you oh no, no, 0:23:36.680 --> 0:23:42.280 it's fine. When you get back from the wilderness retreat 0:23:42.320 --> 0:23:45.840 rehab thing, what happens then? Do you move back in 0:23:46.000 --> 0:23:49.240 with your with your with your mom and how are things? 0:23:49.280 --> 0:23:51.200 How is the relationship when you first get back. 0:23:53.400 --> 0:23:59.240 So one of the requirements for graduation is that everyone 0:23:59.400 --> 0:24:03.680 goes to like a halfway like sober living place before 0:24:03.800 --> 0:24:07.280 they can go back back to their regular environment and 0:24:08.119 --> 0:24:11.520 you know where some triggers or some old friends or 0:24:11.960 --> 0:24:16.439 whoever may be there. They have to because going like 0:24:16.560 --> 0:24:21.359 from living deep in the woods for months at a time, 0:24:21.520 --> 0:24:28.600 like no phone, no showers, like no toilets, it's overwhelming 0:24:28.640 --> 0:24:33.240 and overstimulating. And I couldn't even sleep on a bed 0:24:33.280 --> 0:24:38.159 for the first couple of days. It was scary. So 0:24:38.240 --> 0:24:41.560 they for sure like try to send you, usually out 0:24:41.560 --> 0:24:46.600 of state to like a sober living building halfway house. 0:24:46.720 --> 0:24:48.600 So that's what I did. I went to Salt Lake 0:24:48.680 --> 0:24:54.679 City to a halfway house, and it was super scary 0:24:54.720 --> 0:24:58.960 at first. I felt like a little like beer and headlights, Bambi, 0:24:59.320 --> 0:25:03.879 like car horns, were so loud and there were so 0:25:04.000 --> 0:25:06.760 many people, and I didn't even want to leave this 0:25:06.920 --> 0:25:10.639 like little room that I got in this you know, 0:25:10.720 --> 0:25:14.880 halfway house. But I got my groove and I met 0:25:15.000 --> 0:25:20.160 the love of my life eventually and it all worked out. 0:25:20.240 --> 0:25:21.840 But yeah, you have to go. 0:25:21.840 --> 0:25:23.680 Oh you met, you met, you met a significant other 0:25:23.680 --> 0:25:24.440 in the halfway house. 0:25:26.119 --> 0:25:29.240 No, no, he just lives in Salt Lake City. 0:25:29.000 --> 0:25:32.000 Too, Okay? Are you still with him? 0:25:32.240 --> 0:25:34.080 Yeah? 0:25:35.560 --> 0:25:38.879 So, uh, you know, I well, Olivia, thank you for 0:25:39.320 --> 0:25:44.800 is it live, Lvia, it's live, live, so live. Thank 0:25:44.840 --> 0:25:46.920 you for sharing all this stuff with us. I want 0:25:46.920 --> 0:25:50.520 to get before we go, like a picture of where 0:25:50.560 --> 0:25:54.480