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Speaker 1: Attention, Gek Nation. I am going on tour across the

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Speaker 1: US to nine different cities to be a Gecko and

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Speaker 1: talk to people just like I do on this podcast,

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Speaker 1: except I will be on a stage at a place

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Speaker 1: doing it live. If you want to come see the

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Speaker 1: podcast live, tickets are available now for these cities Washington,

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Speaker 1: d C. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, New York City, Boston, Massachusetts, Miami, Florida, Chicago, Illinois, Denver, Colorado, Nashville, Tennessee,

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Speaker 1: and Seattle, Washington. So if you live in any of

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Speaker 1: those cities and you want to come catch the podcast live,

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Speaker 1: the link to buy tickets will be in the episode description.

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Speaker 1: The tickets will sell out fast, so if you want

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Speaker 1: to go, you should get them now. Anyway, let's get

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Speaker 1: into the calls. Hello, Hello, Hey is this Liz.

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Speaker 2: It's live liv But yeah, that's up.

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Speaker 1: What's going on there?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: This is this is GHEK g E c K. What's up?

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Speaker 3: Gig?

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Speaker 2: Thanks for picking up. I appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: What can I what can I? What can I do

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Speaker 1: you for? Liz?

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Speaker 2: Before I start with my whole story, can I ask

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Speaker 2: you a question? It's a good question, I promise it's not.

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Speaker 1: How are you sure asked me the question. I'm down

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Speaker 1: for questions.

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Speaker 2: What has been the most persistent thought on your mind recently?

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Speaker 1: The most person some thought on my mind recently has

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Speaker 1: been why do I do the things that I do?

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Speaker 1: In a universe where I acknowledge that I can theoretically

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Speaker 1: do an infinite number of things, Why have I chosen

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Speaker 1: to do what I am doing currently? I never come

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Speaker 1: up with a lasting answer to that question, but it

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Speaker 1: is something that I think about very often, which you know,

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Speaker 1: and I think about it because the things that I

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Speaker 1: do are also related to the things that cause me

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Speaker 1: happiness as well as the things that cause me unhappiness,

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Speaker 1: and so I weigh the happiness they cause against the

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Speaker 1: unhappiness they cause, and every day ask myself if it

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Speaker 1: is worth it? And every day I have a new answer.

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Speaker 2: Are you happy being Gek?

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Speaker 4: Yes?

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Speaker 1: Some days, you know, some days are more difficult than others.

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Speaker 1: Some days I'm very grateful.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 1: I'm always asking myself these questions because you know, I

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Speaker 1: recognize I can. You know, I don't really have to

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Speaker 1: do anything. You don't really have to do anything, so,

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Speaker 1: you know, we choose to do things for reasons that

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Speaker 1: I think are important to think about.

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Speaker 2: I love that answer.

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Speaker 1: Honestly, what's going on with you, Liz.

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Speaker 2: Tolid I just wanted to tell you about how I

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Speaker 2: like legally got kidnapped when I was seventeen and shipped

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Speaker 2: off to go to this wilderness therapy rehab place for

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Speaker 2: ninety days and I'm looking up on the like five

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Speaker 2: year anniversary and it's just a trip to think about.

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Speaker 1: Is this something that your parents sent you to? Mm

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Speaker 1: hmm yeah, okay, So let's start with why did they

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Speaker 1: send you to this place? What is it that you

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Speaker 1: were doing that caused them concern?

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Speaker 2: I'm honestly a build up of like six is ish

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Speaker 2: years of super heavy benzo addiction plus like almost a

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Speaker 2: year I'd say, like ninety ten months of like heroin

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Speaker 2: addiction is what finally, you know, put them whatever my

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Speaker 2: foot in the door to go to the wilderness.

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Speaker 1: Interesting? And was this the first thing that they tried

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Speaker 1: or did they try a lot of different things that

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Speaker 1: didn't work before this?

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Speaker 2: I mean they've tried calling the cops and like getting

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Speaker 2: me like put in a drunk take for one night

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Speaker 2: that didn't really do anything. They try to like cut

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Speaker 2: me off. I had to live in my car for

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Speaker 2: a good period of time. But this was kind of yeah,

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Speaker 2: like the most drastic thing that they did.

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Speaker 1: I would say, hmm, it's interesting, and I want to

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Speaker 1: get into the actual experience, but it's interesting to me

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Speaker 1: that they would go from cutting you off and deciding

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Speaker 1: not to deal with the problem to Okay, let's give

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Speaker 1: this one last shot by organizing a kidnapping to utah, right.

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Speaker 2: And not even like one last chance, but like that

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Speaker 2: shit was expensive, like one Like they went from cutting

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Speaker 2: me off completely, Like I was like bumming it for

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Speaker 2: a while, like qt Tiketo's type. Every single day it's

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Speaker 2: all I tod eat. But yeah, they spent like fifty

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Speaker 2: sixty grand on this fucking wilderness kidnapping rehab shit. And

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Speaker 2: so I think that I think about that a lot too.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so you're having all these issues, your parents try

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Speaker 1: these things, they try cutting you off, and then they go,

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Speaker 1: you know what, let's let's ball out on the kidnapping

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Speaker 1: and what was that? What was that? Like? How did

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Speaker 1: like when you said you were kidnapped, where where did

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Speaker 1: they like take you? Like where were you when people

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Speaker 1: came to bring you to that place?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's technically they call it goony, which is just

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Speaker 2: like another word for kidnapping, honestly. But I was going

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Speaker 2: out with some of my friends and I didn't know

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Speaker 2: that one of them had like already talked to my mom,

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Speaker 2: and my mom guilt tripped her and was like, Olivia's

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Speaker 2: going to kill herself if she's not, like, you know,

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Speaker 2: sent to rehab. And so she told my mom where

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Speaker 2: we were going. We were just going to get sonic

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Speaker 2: at this place sitting nearby, and it was like eleven

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Speaker 2: thirty twelve, kind of late, and this black as UV

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Speaker 2: pulled up and this guy hopped out and physically grabbed

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Speaker 2: me and put me in the backseat of the car,

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Speaker 2: closed the door. There was another guy in the passenger

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Speaker 2: seat and the doors were locked. I like instantly try

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Speaker 2: to open them, and I drove off and five hours later,

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Speaker 2: literally five hours from where I am in Arizona up

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Speaker 2: to southern Utah. No, they didn't answer any of my questions.

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Speaker 2: They didn't talk at all. And I got there and

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Speaker 2: they handed me my phone and my dad called me

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Speaker 2: and he was like, yeah, so you either like stay

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Speaker 2: out there or I don't know, like that's that's it,

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Speaker 2: Like that's the last you'll be hearing from us. So

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Speaker 2: you either graduate and tough it out, or you like

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Speaker 2: be homeless and for real cut off your family.

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Speaker 1: So is this I mean, well, yeah, when this first happened,

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Speaker 1: I mean to not know that this is a thing

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Speaker 1: that's being orchestrated by your parents and to just be

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Speaker 1: throwing in a van, I mean you must have thought, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I like legitimately actually kidnapped. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I was like here, like here it goes like it's

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Speaker 2: actually happening, like sex trafficking whatever, you know, woman's biggest

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Speaker 2: fucking fear, right it was. I was like solving. I

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Speaker 2: still have like I worked through this PTSD for years

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Speaker 2: in therapy and still kind of have a little bit

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Speaker 2: of like I'm shaking talking about it because it's still

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Speaker 2: so like real and okay raw.

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Speaker 1: So all right, So you get to the place you're

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Speaker 1: talking to your dad on the phone. He says you

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Speaker 1: got to do this or else we're done with you.

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Speaker 1: What What is your what is your sort of initial

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Speaker 1: reaction now that you're like, okay, I'm not being you know, kidnapped.

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Speaker 1: This is the thing my parents have orchestrated. This is

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Speaker 1: a deal they're making. What's going through your head at

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Speaker 1: that point, honestly just.

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Speaker 2: Like disbelief and more confusion because I'd never heard of

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Speaker 2: like wilderness therapy, Like what the fuck is that? You know,

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Speaker 2: it's not very popular like where I'm from, And I

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Speaker 2: was just more confused, and then I was a little mad,

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Speaker 2: and then I was just like defeated, And honestly I

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Speaker 2: was I was like shooting up Heroin at the time

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Speaker 2: regularly and knew I was fucking up and was just

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Speaker 2: like in this horrible place. So I kind of finally

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Speaker 2: was just like, you know, what, fuck it, Like if

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Speaker 2: this is how I'm going to get the help I need, Like,

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Speaker 2: this is how I'm going to get the help I need.

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Speaker 1: Okay. So you there was some resistance at first, but

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Speaker 1: eventually you were like, Okay, maybe this is the only way,

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Speaker 1: so fuck it, let's just do it.

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Speaker 4: Exactly.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay. And you were there for ninety days.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmmm, yeah, three months.

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Speaker 1: So give us the rundown of what your life is

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Speaker 1: like for these three months.

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Speaker 2: Every single day except for the two like layover weekend days,

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Speaker 2: is pack up camp, pack up everything we need on

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Speaker 2: our backs, and hike like at least eight to you know,

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Speaker 2: fifteen miles to our next camp, unpack, you know, make

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Speaker 2: a fire, set up our little camp, eat, go to bed,

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Speaker 2: wake up, pack, hike every single day for ninety days.

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Speaker 2: It's like their whole motto was, you know, healing and

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Speaker 2: like getting trauma and like all all the shit out

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Speaker 2: through physical exercise and like holistically being in touch with

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Speaker 2: nature and blah blah blah blah blah. But yeah, that's

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Speaker 2: all we did. I carried a backpack bigger than me,

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Speaker 2: heavier than me on my back all day every day

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Speaker 2: and got crazy fucking blisters and had to be put

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Speaker 2: on like suicide wash multiple times. This was just imagine

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Speaker 2: a group of fourteen teenagers being thrown out, no tense

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Speaker 2: or anything. All we get is a sleeping bag, and

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Speaker 2: it's hard that we have to learn how to make

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Speaker 2: a shelter with and so like beans and rice.

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Speaker 1: So you know, you said you were shooting up heroin

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Speaker 1: every day and then you came here and you're doing

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Speaker 1: like this, Uh, you know, strenuous physical activity. What how

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Speaker 1: is your because you know it's it's one thing to

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Speaker 1: you know, go from not being I don't know, I

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Speaker 1: don't know how physically active you were at this time,

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Speaker 1: but to go from you know, being put in this

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Speaker 1: situation where you're doing all this intensely physical stuff, but

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Speaker 1: also to go from there while you're also I assume

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Speaker 1: going on withdrawal from Heroin. How does that work? They like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I know that some places they like give

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Speaker 1: you a they like wean you off of it so

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Speaker 1: that your body doesn't, like, you know, go absolutely nuts.

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Speaker 1: Like how how is your body responding to all of this?

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Speaker 1: How are they helping you through all of this?

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Speaker 2: So for the first like week and a half, we

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Speaker 2: didn't hike at all, and all the kids fucking loved

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Speaker 2: me because like I was withdrawing so bad that I

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Speaker 2: couldn't even move, But they only sent a nurse up

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Speaker 2: every once in a while. They didn't give me any

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Speaker 2: like medication to help the withdraws except for like ibuprofen

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Speaker 2: and a mild like sedative. But it was horrible. I

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Speaker 2: just have like I feel like my brain kind of

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Speaker 2: blocked a lot of it out because it was just

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Speaker 2: like physically and mentally the hardest thing I've ever done.

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Speaker 2: But I have like memories of laying in my sleeping

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Speaker 2: bag on the dirt, like sweating and like puking in

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Speaker 2: the dirt and there just like being on the side

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Speaker 2: of my sleeping bag and I can't move, and I'm

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Speaker 2: just like rolling around and just baking, like in my

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Speaker 2: sleeping bag in the sun withdrawing. Like some one of

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Speaker 2: the staff members would come and check my my blood

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Speaker 2: pulse or my blood ox and my pulse and everything

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Speaker 2: every once in a while. But that was about it.

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Speaker 2: It was like it was insane and intense and honestly

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Speaker 2: fucked up.

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Speaker 1: Now, you said that everybody there in general, you said,

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Speaker 1: you said everyone there loved. You said every you said

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Speaker 1: all the kids there loved Why did why did all

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Speaker 1: the kids there well and you? And then and then

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Speaker 1: to explain that you said they loved you because you

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Speaker 1: were withdrawing a lot? What did you What did you

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Speaker 1: mean by that?

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Speaker 2: I just meant they didn't have to hike at all.

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Speaker 2: They got to like stay in one camp for like

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Speaker 2: a week and a half and just chill and like

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Speaker 2: they ended up learning how to make hammocks and like

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Speaker 2: doing all this ship and so like that's what I meant.

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Speaker 2: Sorry if I was confusing, they didn't have to well.

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Speaker 1: It kind of it leads me into my next thing

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Speaker 1: I'm curious about, is what is your relationship, like with

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Speaker 1: the other kids at the rehab at this time, are

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Speaker 1: you forming connections with anybody? What is that like?

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Speaker 2: While I was still like in active withdrawal, the only

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Speaker 2: connections I was forming were with the staff that would

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Speaker 2: like sit by me basically make sure I didn't die.

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Speaker 2: But I was not in any state of mind to

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Speaker 2: function like any sort of human and make connections. But

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Speaker 2: after like a month of the withdrawal and then the

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Speaker 2: anger and the sadness and just like being in my

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Speaker 2: own head, I kind of got in the swing of

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Speaker 2: things and made friends that I still you know, FaceTime

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Speaker 2: multiple times a month now.

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Speaker 1: Hmmm, So you made friends that you still keep in

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Speaker 1: touch with. Yeah, after going through the first month of

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Speaker 1: of just like physically adjusting to the new surroundings.

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Speaker 5: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Because you're sleeping outside with someone you know, with someone

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Speaker 2: twenty four hours, seven days a week for months at

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Speaker 2: a time, You're you have to go, like with the

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Speaker 2: buddy to go on a little walk, to take a shit.

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Speaker 2: You know, we're we got pretty close pretty fast.

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Speaker 1: And are these other kids are is this is this

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Speaker 1: kind of the first time at that point that you

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Speaker 1: are meeting other people who also have really bad problems

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Speaker 1: with drugs.

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Speaker 2: No, because I have some family members with you know,

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Speaker 2: inactivity and have passed because of addiction, and some of

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Speaker 2: my friends and like their older brothers. But this is

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Speaker 2: the first time I ever was around anyone that struggled

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Speaker 2: in the ways I struggled, but also like kind of

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Speaker 2: wanted to not continue this like shitty pattern.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this is the first time you're around other people

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Speaker 1: who are showing a desire to change.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmmm.

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Speaker 1: Does that do out of a positive effect on you?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? I think that like the other people that were there,

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Speaker 2: the other students with me, did more than like any

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Speaker 2: of the therapists or staff members or you know, hiking

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Speaker 2: could have done. Just like that community that I built

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Speaker 2: was is amazing, super cool.

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Speaker 1: So tell me about this. You get there, uh, you know,

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Speaker 1: at first, you think you're getting fucking kidnapped. You kind

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Speaker 1: of are like, all right, you know, it's either this

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Speaker 1: or the highway, so let's do it. The first month

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Speaker 1: you're withdrawing like crazy, you're in no mind to function properly.

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Speaker 1: And then, as you tell me, after a month of

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Speaker 1: just like powering through the harsh physical realities of your situation,

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Speaker 1: you sort of get to a point where you are

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Speaker 1: are leaning into it more and you're making these these friends,

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Speaker 1: you know, these people that you still talk to. Tell

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Speaker 1: me about that transition from uh, you know, I can't

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Speaker 1: do this, I'm throwing up on them everywhere to okay,

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Speaker 1: fuck it, let's you know, tie some knots and you know,

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Speaker 1: cook fucking mike campfires and shit.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So I think eventually I just got to this

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Speaker 2: point of like acceptance, like I'm already out here, I

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Speaker 2: might as well learn all these skills and engage in

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Speaker 2: these activities so I can sleep comfortably and stay dry

285
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Speaker 2: if it rains, and know how to build a shelter

286
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Speaker 2: and know how to you know, make better food on

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Speaker 2: the fire than this just beans and rice every single day.

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Speaker 2: I thought I was gonna be out there, might as

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Speaker 2: well like make something of my time and not just

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Speaker 2: go through the emotions like I think it's sad, Like

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Speaker 2: I know some people that just went out the exact same, like,

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Speaker 2: went through all of that physical and emotional and financial,

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Speaker 2: you know, struggle just to walk out of it the same.

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Speaker 2: So I got to that point and I was like,

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Speaker 2: you know what, fuck it, I'm gonna have fun out

296
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Speaker 2: here because that's just the type of person I am.

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Speaker 2: Enjoy the journey.

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Speaker 1: So I like, I really am trying to piece together

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Speaker 1: the full story of the character arc that I'm seeing of,

300
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Speaker 1: you know, month one, month two, now in month three,

301
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Speaker 1: as we're sort of nearing the tail end, as you're forming,

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Speaker 1: you know, what you say is a community of of

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Speaker 1: you know, other people who really want to get better,

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Speaker 1: you know, people who you formed an elastic connection with.

305
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Speaker 1: What is going through your mind as you're nearing the program?

306
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Speaker 1: Who are you? What's going on with you physically? What's

307
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Speaker 1: what's the picture there?

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Speaker 2: I I feel like I finally came into myself. Like

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00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:47,800
Speaker 2: month three was live, you know, becoming this person and

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Speaker 2: the old Olivia kind of dying off. I had like

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Speaker 2: this whole ceremony to like bury my past self and

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Speaker 2: to leave everything out there and like genuine me try

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Speaker 2: to you know, make something of my life in blah

314
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Speaker 2: blah blah. And so yeah, it's like month three, I

315
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,359
Speaker 2: just I learned that I wanted to be a leader.

316
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Speaker 2: I learned that I wanted to work in the outdoors

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Speaker 2: like wilderness, not necessarily rehab, but definitely like touring.

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Speaker 1: Something that interesting.

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Speaker 2: I learned that I'm a uger, total like fucking dirt bag,

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Speaker 2: and before I was I thought I was like a

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00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:37,879
Speaker 2: city type, suburban girl, but that's not the case. So

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Speaker 2: it was cool.

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Speaker 1: That's fascinating to me that you were when you were

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Speaker 1: thrown into this. It was like, you know, a really

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Speaker 1: you know, fucked up, you know, shitty time, and and

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Speaker 1: you're being forced to do all this stuff and then

327
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Speaker 1: you come out of it, you know, feeling like it's

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Speaker 1: your it's your passion, and it's the environment that you

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Speaker 1: really uh identify with.

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Speaker 2: And not even identify but like thriving. No, yeah, it's

331
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Speaker 2: super cool. I so parents a lot for like getting

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Speaker 2: the balls to send me out there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that was something. So a really important question I

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Speaker 1: have is you know, I mean, you're telling me that

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Speaker 1: you know, you're when you described being kidnapped in the van,

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Speaker 1: you know, thinking that you were going to get like,

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Speaker 1: you know, something horrible is going to happen to you.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you're telling me that you have PTSD from that,

339
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Speaker 1: that your voice shakes from that, that it was just

340
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:37,399
Speaker 1: a really fucked up thing, and yet you you weigh

341
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Speaker 1: that against the fact that by the end of this program,

342
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Speaker 1: you know, I mean undeniably it did a lot for you.

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Speaker 1: And as you said, just now that you have your

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Speaker 1: parents to thank for it, how do you reconcile those

345
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Speaker 1: two feelings? You know what I'm saying.

346
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Speaker 2: Kind of?

347
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Speaker 1: Are you ultimately thankful to your parents for you know,

348
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Speaker 1: putting you through all that, even though it was really difficult.

349
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Speaker 3: Yeah.

350
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:18,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, at the end of the day, I'm thankful that

351
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 2: they spent the money, honestly is what it comes down to.

352
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Speaker 2: But thankful for sure because it made me like find

353
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Speaker 2: you know, what I want to do with my life,

354
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Speaker 2: and I want to start like a whole career in

355
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Speaker 2: wilderness therapy, but maybe try to develop one that doesn't

356
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:49,600
Speaker 2: consist of the kidnapping and the like just so many

357
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:54,600
Speaker 2: fucked up things in wilderness therapy, and I just I

358
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:58,360
Speaker 2: want it to be more inclusive and more safe and

359
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:03,680
Speaker 2: more available. And without my parents sending me, I wouldn't

360
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:08,040
Speaker 2: know any of this and I wouldn't have this like passion.

361
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Speaker 2: I started going to community college so I can get

362
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Speaker 2: a master's in psychology, so I can become a wilderness therapist,

363
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:17,600
Speaker 2: so I can like actually have some credentials to like

364
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Speaker 2: start this nonprofit type wilderness therapy and it's going to

365
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Speaker 2: be more of like a mental health and addiction therapy, just.

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Speaker 4: Like addiction.

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Speaker 1: So tell me when you get okay you oh no, no,

368
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Speaker 1: it's fine. When you get back from the wilderness retreat

369
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Speaker 1: rehab thing, what happens then? Do you move back in

370
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Speaker 1: with your with your with your mom and how are things?

371
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Speaker 1: How is the relationship when you first get back.

372
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Speaker 2: So one of the requirements for graduation is that everyone

373
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Speaker 2: goes to like a halfway like sober living place before

374
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:07,280
Speaker 2: they can go back back to their regular environment and

375
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 2: you know where some triggers or some old friends or

376
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:16,439
Speaker 2: whoever may be there. They have to because going like

377
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:21,359
Speaker 2: from living deep in the woods for months at a time,

378
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 2: like no phone, no showers, like no toilets, it's overwhelming

379
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:33,240
Speaker 2: and overstimulating. And I couldn't even sleep on a bed

380
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:38,159
Speaker 2: for the first couple of days. It was scary. So

381
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:41,560
Speaker 2: they for sure like try to send you, usually out

382
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Speaker 2: of state to like a sober living building halfway house.

383
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Speaker 2: So that's what I did. I went to Salt Lake

384
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Speaker 2: City to a halfway house, and it was super scary

385
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:58,960
Speaker 2: at first. I felt like a little like beer and headlights, Bambi,

386
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:03,879
Speaker 2: like car horns, were so loud and there were so

387
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,760
Speaker 2: many people, and I didn't even want to leave this

388
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:10,639
Speaker 2: like little room that I got in this you know,

389
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:14,880
Speaker 2: halfway house. But I got my groove and I met

390
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:20,160
Speaker 2: the love of my life eventually and it all worked out.

391
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:21,840
Speaker 2: But yeah, you have to go.

392
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,680
Speaker 1: Oh you met, you met, you met a significant other

393
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:24,440
Speaker 1: in the halfway house.

394
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 2: No, no, he just lives in Salt Lake City.

395
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 1: Too, Okay? Are you still with him?

396
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,080
Speaker 6: Yeah?

397
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Speaker 1: So, uh, you know, I well, Olivia, thank you for

398
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 1: is it live, Lvia, it's live, live, so live. Thank

399
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:46,920
Speaker 1: you for sharing all this stuff with us. I want

400
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 1: to get before we go, like a picture of where

401
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:54,480
Speaker 1: you are, you know, right now. So, so, how long

402
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 1: ago was all this stuff? Five years? You said? Mm hmm, yeah, okay,

403
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:06,200
Speaker 1: seventeen yeah, the end of twenty seventeen. And so are

404
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,120
Speaker 1: you still with the guy that you met in fuck?

405
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:10,439
Speaker 1: I think I already asked you that. So you're with

406
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:12,200
Speaker 1: the guy that you met in Salt Lake City? Are

407
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:15,359
Speaker 1: you guys gonna get married at any point? Are you

408
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 1: thinking about starting a family?

409
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:24,280
Speaker 2: Probably not. We are kind of in like a very open,

410
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 2: non monogamous relationship.

411
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 5: Nice and he lives up in Alaska, right now, he's

412
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:38,719
Speaker 5: doing like tours and weeded guides up in Alaska and

413
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:40,960
Speaker 5: he actually lives with his boyfriend up there.

414
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:44,959
Speaker 2: And I'm in Arizona and I'm living with my girlfriend.

415
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,439
Speaker 2: But we are still like very much together and we

416
00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 2: text almost every day and I hope to marry him

417
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:56,400
Speaker 2: one day. I want to marry him.

418
00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 1: And Uh, what's your relationship like with your parents now?

419
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:06,880
Speaker 2: Pretty good? Yeah, it was a little rough like right

420
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 2: after because I like came out to them and I

421
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,040
Speaker 2: can test a lot because I just wanted to get

422
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,480
Speaker 2: everything out on the table while I was up there,

423
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 2: So it was a little awkward at first for sure.

424
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:27,480
Speaker 2: But yeah, I think that relationship has grown tremendously and

425
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:30,920
Speaker 2: we're pretty close now. We talked and I see them

426
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:31,359
Speaker 2: a lot.

427
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 1: Well, Olivia, fuck I called you a living and live

428
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:40,800
Speaker 1: well live. So you you have a good romantic life,

429
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:42,719
Speaker 1: You have a good relationship with your parents. You have

430
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:48,720
Speaker 1: these dreams of starting this wilderness retreat that is based

431
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,720
Speaker 1: off of, you know, the sort of dos and don'ts

432
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:55,399
Speaker 1: that you learned from your own experience. I'm really happy

433
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 1: to hear that that that things have worked out for

434
00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 1: you like this, and I really appreciate you, you know,

435
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 1: sharing this very very unique and interesting experience. It's it's

436
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:10,639
Speaker 1: it's you know. I know it sounds like it was

437
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 1: a lot, but I am glad to hear that it

438
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 1: ultimately sounds like it changed you for the better, and

439
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 1: that you hope to give that change for the better

440
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 1: to to other people via what you're pursuing Live. Is

441
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,040
Speaker 1: there anything else that you want to say to the

442
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:36,640
Speaker 1: people of the computer about this experience, or about anything

443
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 1: at all, or any sort of you know, aspect of

444
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 1: this that you feel like we didn't cover that you

445
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 1: want to share, or anything at all. The floor, the

446
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:49,680
Speaker 1: floor is yours.

447
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just want to say to all of the

448
00:28:54,960 --> 00:29:00,680
Speaker 2: people listening on the stream, please speak out about your

449
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:05,240
Speaker 2: mental health and ask for help, and do not think

450
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 2: that suicide and drastic measures are the only option, because

451
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:15,480
Speaker 2: they are absolutely not. And yeah, there's the suicide hotline,

452
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:21,560
Speaker 2: there's friends, but just take care of yourself and don't

453
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:25,080
Speaker 2: don't kill yourself. It's illegal, it's not allowed.

454
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:28,920
Speaker 1: Live. Thank you very much for calling, and good luck

455
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:29,760
Speaker 1: to you and have the rest of.

456
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 3: The night.

457
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 5: You too.

458
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:36,160
Speaker 1: By get that was a really interesting story for Live

459
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 1: to share with us. Lots of character development. That's those

460
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 1: are my favorite stories and things on here is when

461
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 1: you start as one thing and then you you know,

462
00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:50,520
Speaker 1: something happens, and by the end of it, you're another thing.

463
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 1: And yeah, I'm glad to hear that live. You know,

464
00:29:56,160 --> 00:30:00,400
Speaker 1: even though she was dealing with some pretty hard hit shit,

465
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 1: it eventually all changed her for the better. And now

466
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 1: she's using her experience to hopefully go and help other people.

467
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 1: And I think that that is neat and you know,

468
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:18,239
Speaker 1: maybe in her wilderness program she will add somemores. I

469
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:23,320
Speaker 1: think that that is a good thing to have. Thank

470
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:24,480
Speaker 1: you again for sharing liv.

471
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:26,280
Speaker 2: Hey.

472
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 1: This is Kyle.

473
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,360
Speaker 7: Hello, Yeah, this is Kyle.

474
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 1: How's gone Kyle?

475
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:36,400
Speaker 6: It's going very good, Kyle.

476
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 1: It says here that you are an aspiring stand up comedian,

477
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 1: but you're wondering if this is something that you should

478
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 1: actually pursue.

479
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:45,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, so.

480
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:48,120
Speaker 2: This is the thing.

481
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 7: I don't have my license, so I haven't had it.

482
00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 6: I'm getting it this year, probably in by the end

483
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 6: of September, and I have not had the chance to

484
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 6: go to a club and do an open mic. And

485
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 6: you I heard you on the stream. He said, you

486
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 6: want to give me a couple of chance to do

487
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 6: some jokes.

488
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 1: Well, I just thought of a few, Okay, Yes I did.

489
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 1: I did say. I did say that there was an

490
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 1: aspiring comedian and the call Q, and that I would

491
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 1: love to hear him give some jokes. So definitely, let's

492
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:17,800
Speaker 1: hear some jokes.

493
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:25,760
Speaker 7: All right. Well, I'm a heavy smoker, but at least

494
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,520
Speaker 7: I'm not blind, because I'd probably light myself on fire.

495
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:33,560
Speaker 8: I wouldn't walked into a stop sign.

496
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 7: I learned that day.

497
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 8: The only thing to get me to stop talking was

498
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:43,640
Speaker 8: a stop sign.

499
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 1: Anything else.

500
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:48,800
Speaker 6: No, those are just off the top of my head.

501
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:51,520
Speaker 7: I mean, I can think of one more if you.

502
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:54,440
Speaker 1: Want me to like you? Like you mean, if you

503
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 1: just thinking of one right now?

504
00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:02,320
Speaker 7: Well, those two I saw as you were like staying

505
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 7: my name?

506
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:07,720
Speaker 1: Okay, and so do you do you feel like if

507
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 1: I okay? Yeah, why don't you try? And why don't

508
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:12,200
Speaker 1: you try and think of one more and then and

509
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:13,800
Speaker 1: then tell it to us?

510
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 4: Uh?

511
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:22,320
Speaker 7: I'm not in due guy myself, But the combination not

512
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 7: complete without Dorito's or cryptocurrency.

513
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,000
Speaker 1: Okay, So let me ask you, Kyle, why do you

514
00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 1: want to become a stand up comedian?

515
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 8: I used to Well, my friends and I especially my.

516
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 7: Friend Dave and shout out to Dave Carlos and Nick. So,

517
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,120
Speaker 7: my my friend Dave and I we used to watch

518
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:48,400
Speaker 7: Joe Rogan a lot, even before he got popular, and

519
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 7: then through all through Joe Rogan, I got introduced to

520
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:56,040
Speaker 7: his bert like Joe Rogan's friends like Burt Kreischer, Theo Vaughn,

521
00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:02,440
Speaker 7: Tom Segera and stuff like that, and they're always saying

522
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 7: how difficult the comedy scene was, but how much it

523
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:10,880
Speaker 7: pays off to be on page. And I've always really

524
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:15,520
Speaker 7: loved the attention. So if I can do it, then

525
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 7: that sounds great. But I also heard that you were

526
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 7: you were trying to do that for six years, and

527
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:24,520
Speaker 7: I was wondering myself, what made you change.

528
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:24,959
Speaker 8: Up the things?

529
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:28,120
Speaker 7: Because, you know, for for a stand up comedian like me,

530
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 7: what would stop me from starting If you've already done

531
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 7: this for six years?

532
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:34,880
Speaker 6: You know what I mean?

533
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 1: Let me you know. Yeah, So I did stand up

534
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:44,320
Speaker 1: comedy from about sixteen to twenty two. I kind of

535
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:47,200
Speaker 1: kind of slowly faded out of doing it and into

536
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 1: doing other things. Can I can I give you some advice?

537
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 1: Of course, you said you like attention. Here's here's here's

538
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 1: what I'll tell you about Open MIC's stand up comedy is,

539
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:08,600
Speaker 1: if you want to go do Open Mike's stand up

540
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 1: comedy and you only do it because you really love

541
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 1: being on stage and telling jokes. If you only do

542
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 1: it because you love being on stage and telling jokes,

543
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:28,400
Speaker 1: even on nights where you don't do well, even on

544
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:32,319
Speaker 1: nights where you bomb horribly, you still love it. If

545
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 1: that is the reason why you're doing it, and that's

546
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:38,880
Speaker 1: the reason why you continue to go, do it is

547
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:44,239
Speaker 1: for absolutely nothing other than you love getting on that

548
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:48,360
Speaker 1: stage and telling those jokes, and not for any reason

549
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:52,879
Speaker 1: of anything that happens surrounding that, you will be significantly

550
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:58,279
Speaker 1: happier than you know anyone who does not operate from

551
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 1: that place, you operate from any other place such as

552
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:07,960
Speaker 1: you know, I really I really want to you know,

553
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 1: be successful. I really want to do this for a living.

554
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:15,520
Speaker 1: You know, if you operate you know every day, every

555
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:19,439
Speaker 1: time you go out from that desire, you will be

556
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:25,399
Speaker 1: very very unhappy. So that's all I will tell you about.

557
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 1: So let me ask you, so, So let me ask

558
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:39,160
Speaker 1: you this. Having said that, would you say that the

559
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:43,680
Speaker 1: reason why you want to do stand up is simply

560
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:51,160
Speaker 1: for the love of being on stage and telling jokes. Absolutely,

561
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:59,640
Speaker 1: then I think you will be more successful than other

562
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:03,240
Speaker 1: people who who do not operate from that place.

563
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:06,960
Speaker 7: And you know what's the thing about it is, especially

564
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:10,520
Speaker 7: like you said too, you don't want to go in there.

565
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,880
Speaker 8: For the money mindset because that pollutes it.

566
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,600
Speaker 7: Man, you just want to be as she like.

567
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 8: I'm sure that this is what you think too, and

568
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:22,319
Speaker 8: everyone who's talented with it, like, even if I think

569
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:25,880
Speaker 8: that this is what they think, I think that if.

570
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:29,799
Speaker 7: You are the kind of god like, this is what

571
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 7: I want to do. I want to do it as

572
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:33,960
Speaker 7: a hobby. I want to go up on stage and

573
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 7: do it like whenever I have the spare time, and

574
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:40,440
Speaker 7: that's it. And if I get successful, that's great. If not,

575
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 7: it's just a hobby, you know what I mean?

576
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:48,080
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, no, no, no, I think I think you'll

577
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:50,759
Speaker 1: be fine then if that's if that's the mindset that

578
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:52,839
Speaker 1: you're going in with. And and by the way, I

579
00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:54,719
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not, I hope. And it's not like

580
00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:57,240
Speaker 1: I'm being a dick or being facetious, because I actually

581
00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:00,040
Speaker 1: mean that. I would tell you that, you know, I

582
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:05,200
Speaker 1: would tell that to anybody, you know, because I think

583
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 1: if you go in with some heavy expectation of results,

584
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:10,839
Speaker 1: you will just be unhappy. But if you go in

585
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:13,560
Speaker 1: because you actually like to do the thing, then you

586
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 1: know it doesn't even matter. You know, how good you

587
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:18,759
Speaker 1: are or anything like that.

588
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,000
Speaker 6: Is there any your stand up comedy out there on

589
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:26,799
Speaker 6: the YouTube?

590
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a fucking video of me. If you want

591
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 1: to go see me do stand up comedy at eighteen

592
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:35,719
Speaker 1: years old, you can find it. I'm not gonna tell

593
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 1: you how, but it's there. It is on the internet.

594
00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:42,719
Speaker 7: Hey listen, Well, I'm going to try to get to

595
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:45,120
Speaker 7: New York and maybe i'll see you there. I don't

596
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,359
Speaker 7: want to hog the stage again, but I do want

597
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 7: to see you as like a guest of the venue.

598
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 7: And on top of that, maybe I'll start a podcast too,

599
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:55,680
Speaker 7: and I'll give you a shout out there if it

600
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:56,560
Speaker 7: ever gets popular.

601
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:01,720
Speaker 1: Kyle, you're exactly the kind of person that this world needs,

602
00:38:01,719 --> 00:38:04,480
Speaker 1: and I appreciate you calling into this podcast.

603
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:08,279
Speaker 7: I appreciate you and your team for taking the call.

604
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:10,560
Speaker 1: My friend, have a good time.

605
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:12,919
Speaker 2: You too.

606
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:18,319
Speaker 4: Bye.

607
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 1: I have so many post call thoughts on Kyle. Yeah,

608
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,759
Speaker 1: I did do stand up comedy for a while, you know,

609
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 1: stand up comedians. Uh, they're they're very big shit talkers,

610
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:39,360
Speaker 1: and it's probably because of some kind of underlying unhappiness.

611
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:45,720
Speaker 1: But I really, I really meant everything that I said

612
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:46,240
Speaker 1: to Kyle.

613
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 7: Uh.

614
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:51,080
Speaker 1: If Kyle is going into this simply because he enjoys

615
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:54,680
Speaker 1: being on stage and telling jokes, even if he's doing

616
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 1: it to zero people at an open mic, Kyle will

617
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:02,600
Speaker 1: probably be happier than a lot of the stand up

618
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:06,680
Speaker 1: comedians out there who are mainly in it chasing some

619
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 1: idea of you know, success or some sort of external outcome.

620
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:14,520
Speaker 1: And I know this because I went into stand up

621
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:20,839
Speaker 1: comedy also pursuing some kind of external outcome, and it's

622
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,200
Speaker 1: you know, it's It's part of the reason why I

623
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:24,919
Speaker 1: think I quit is because I got to a point

624
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:28,840
Speaker 1: where I was like, man, unless if you really just

625
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:34,080
Speaker 1: love being on stage telling jokes, you're not going to

626
00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 1: get anywhere with this. And I didn't feel that way.

627
00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 1: I really didn't like being on stage after a while

628
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:42,480
Speaker 1: because it always made me nervous, and you know, I

629
00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:46,640
Speaker 1: didn't like when it wouldn't go well, so I couldn't

630
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:48,840
Speaker 1: hack it. You have to you have to like be

631
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:51,880
Speaker 1: having a good time even when it's not going well

632
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:55,160
Speaker 1: because you're just you just love fucking doing it so

633
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:58,920
Speaker 1: much in order to get anywhere with it, So, you know,

634
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:08,239
Speaker 1: God bless. I hope he gets farther than I did. Hello, Lyle,

635
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:12,000
Speaker 1: Hi is this Jay?

636
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:13,359
Speaker 2: Yes?

637
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:13,799
Speaker 3: It is?

638
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 1: What's going on? Jay?

639
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:21,719
Speaker 3: I'm driving to see my family this weekend.

640
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:24,760
Speaker 1: Okay, so you're where We're in a car.

641
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 3: We're in a car, Yes, I have my dog with me.

642
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:31,839
Speaker 1: How fast is the car going right now? I want

643
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:32,880
Speaker 1: to really set the scene.

644
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:38,600
Speaker 3: We're at about sixty two miles per hour going down

645
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:42,920
Speaker 3: a long highway back road to Tennessee. Bought the trees.

646
00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:45,879
Speaker 1: I gotta say. Normally, when people are on the car

647
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:48,560
Speaker 1: phones or speakerphones, I can't hear them at all. But

648
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 1: you've got a pretty good car phone.

649
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:54,920
Speaker 3: I actually have I thought a head while I have

650
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:58,720
Speaker 3: my AirPods in and my hair's covering it. So hopefully

651
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:00,000
Speaker 3: no cops can see me.

652
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,320
Speaker 1: This woman. Yeah, I was about to say that sounds

653
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 1: extremely illegal, but anyway, Jay, it says here that actually

654
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 1: know what it's like. Do you want to you tell

655
00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:09,359
Speaker 1: me what's going on?

656
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 3: Oh? Yeah, it's a little bit strange, but I you

657
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 3: know that all the time. So I was doing some

658
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 3: research and apparently this is a thing that other people

659
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:31,919
Speaker 3: have too. But ever since I was younger, uh, I

660
00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:40,800
Speaker 3: have this like infatuation with like when fictional characters, particularly

661
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:45,720
Speaker 3: attractive men or men that I'm attracted to, uh, get

662
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:48,719
Speaker 3: injured like they're fictional characters. Though I don't think it's

663
00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 3: like in real life. It's like in fictional situations in books, movies,

664
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 3: or TV shows. And I don't know how to describe it,

665
00:41:57,160 --> 00:42:01,200
Speaker 3: but I get like this feeling of butterflies light pleasure,

666
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:07,360
Speaker 3: and it's always perfected me. Why it happens. It's confused

667
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:11,080
Speaker 3: me for years, and I have no idea what it means,

668
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:16,879
Speaker 3: uh why it happens? And I wanted, uh an anonymous

669
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:21,720
Speaker 3: opinion from you on what the fuck is happening here?

670
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:25,239
Speaker 1: Okay, So I don't know so so so to sum

671
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:30,920
Speaker 1: it up, when you when attractive male characters in uh

672
00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:38,239
Speaker 1: fictional stories are injured, it brings you pleasure.

673
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:41,080
Speaker 4: Great and it.

674
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:43,560
Speaker 1: Says it says sexually, I don't think. Okay, that was

675
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 1: that was was gonna ask is any of this sexual?

676
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:49,759
Speaker 3: I know, I don't think. So It's just kind of like,

677
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 3: you know, when you feel like really like into something

678
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:57,200
Speaker 3: and like passionate about something kind of like that, like okay,

679
00:42:57,360 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 3: but I also get butterflies in my stomach.

680
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:01,719
Speaker 1: It's okay, but flies in your stomach and it makes

681
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:04,520
Speaker 1: you happy. But it is it is not a sexual thing.

682
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:08,960
Speaker 3: I don't think so. I mean I never had thought

683
00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:10,880
Speaker 3: to do anything sexual when it happens.

684
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:16,600
Speaker 1: No, okay. And it says that there's a name for this.

685
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 1: Is there a name for this? It says, it says

686
00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:22,359
Speaker 1: the name is wump. Is this real?

687
00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:26,160
Speaker 3: Yes? You can actually yeah, you can actually look it up.

688
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:28,360
Speaker 1: I'm what.

689
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:34,160
Speaker 3: Yeah. And there's like playlists on YouTube of like clips

690
00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 3: of people getting hurt.

691
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:45,319
Speaker 1: Okay. Okay is a term which originated in the fan

692
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 1: fiction community to describe a genre of fan fiction in

693
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:55,319
Speaker 1: which a character endures injury, torture, or other forms of

694
00:43:55,400 --> 00:44:02,080
Speaker 1: mental and physical suffering. Yes, yeah, okay, all right, so

695
00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:03,880
Speaker 1: you're into onump. All right, So so wump is not

696
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:07,680
Speaker 1: This is not a this is not enough DSM. This

697
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:09,239
Speaker 1: is just a fan fiction thing.

698
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:10,040
Speaker 3: I don't think.

699
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:10,160
Speaker 2: So.

700
00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:13,560
Speaker 1: Okay. When you said, when you said, there's a word

701
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:16,120
Speaker 1: for it, okay, what is a genre? It's not. You

702
00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 1: don't have it. It's it's just a genre that you're into,

703
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:20,320
Speaker 1: I guess.

704
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:25,440
Speaker 3: So it's something that I enjoy partaking, for listening, watching whatever.

705
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:31,280
Speaker 1: Okay, cool, all right, let's get into it. So, uh,

706
00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:33,440
Speaker 1: have you told anyone else about this?

707
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:39,080
Speaker 3: No? No, it's it's one of my deep dark chains

708
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:40,960
Speaker 3: and I don't ever want to talk about it. I

709
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:44,319
Speaker 3: actually mentioned it was one person, my boyfriend, but I

710
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:47,440
Speaker 3: haven't gone into depth about it because it's I don't know,

711
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:48,520
Speaker 3: it just doesn't make sense.

712
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:51,600
Speaker 1: What is uh, what was the conversation with your boyfriend?

713
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:59,279
Speaker 3: Like? Well, I basically just said what the term was

714
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:02,400
Speaker 3: and didn't go any farther than that. He wasn't like

715
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:06,200
Speaker 3: judgmental or anything that was good. He kind of just

716
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:07,600
Speaker 3: laughed about it and shrugged it off.

717
00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:11,359
Speaker 1: All right, So I have another question. I have another

718
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:15,359
Speaker 1: question for you. I need you to answer this honestly. Yeah, well,

719
00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:16,800
Speaker 1: the answer this will tell me the truth.

720
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 3: I honestly.

721
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:28,440
Speaker 1: In the news with real life people, if like like ye,

722
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:32,080
Speaker 1: has anything like that ever given you a similar pleasure?

723
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:35,520
Speaker 1: Let's say, for example, I don't know who you're into,

724
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 1: but let's say if Chris Evans some video went viral

725
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 1: of him like breaking his arm playing bratt basketball or

726
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:49,799
Speaker 1: some shit. Would that be something you were into interesting?

727
00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:54,960
Speaker 3: Interesting? My immediate answer that comes to my head is no.

728
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:59,120
Speaker 3: But I've never experienced something like that in the news,

729
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:00,879
Speaker 3: so I can't really tell for sure.

730
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:03,840
Speaker 1: Sure, Okay, so you don't know, I said, So the

731
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:07,000
Speaker 1: answer is the answers You've never come across it, so

732
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:07,879
Speaker 1: we don't know.

733
00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:12,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess so, and I don't. I don't know.

734
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:14,680
Speaker 3: If I ever want to come across it, I don't.

735
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:14,959
Speaker 2: I don't.

736
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:22,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so okay, So it's not a sexual thing.

737
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:29,799
Speaker 1: It just gives you butterflies. Okay, So Jay, tell me

738
00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:35,279
Speaker 1: how has this affected you in your actions, if at all,

739
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 1: in your day to day life.

740
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,680
Speaker 3: I wouldn't say it really affects me socially on a

741
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:45,640
Speaker 3: social basis between people, but there have the nice rise

742
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 3: stayed up like hours and hours just watching like videos, okay,

743
00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:55,440
Speaker 3: characters like getting injured and stuff passing out, anything like

744
00:46:55,480 --> 00:47:00,800
Speaker 3: that made me watch a lot of like fucking TV

745
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:03,400
Speaker 3: shows that I'm not even interested in, but just like

746
00:47:03,480 --> 00:47:07,080
Speaker 3: want to see that situation play out on the screen.

747
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:11,960
Speaker 3: I think that's the biggest way it was more intense.

748
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:15,640
Speaker 3: In high school, a couple of years back, but I

749
00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:19,640
Speaker 3: can still feel it sometimes when I'm watching shows nowadays.

750
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:23,719
Speaker 1: Okay, because I I you know, I'm not a real

751
00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 1: therapist at all, but my my working philosophy on things

752
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:35,359
Speaker 1: like this, Uh that is like and I don't, I don't,

753
00:47:35,440 --> 00:47:38,240
Speaker 1: I don't, I don't know. I don't know. But I've

754
00:47:38,239 --> 00:47:41,799
Speaker 1: always kind of felt like, you know, well, okay, well

755
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:47,160
Speaker 1: so I've always feel like thoughts and feelings and obsessions

756
00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:55,239
Speaker 1: are are rather dormant and uh not crazy you know,

757
00:47:55,480 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 1: big problems until they start to have uh you know,

758
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:06,879
Speaker 1: manifests as actual negative things. Uh Like if if if

759
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:11,200
Speaker 1: these obsessions are causing you to like, you know whatever,

760
00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:16,760
Speaker 1: you you don't do your class work because you're watching

761
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:21,040
Speaker 1: fan fiction of Prince Eric breaking his arm or what.

762
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 1: I don't know why I keep focusing on people breaking

763
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 1: their arms, But you know what I'm trying to you

764
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:25,799
Speaker 1: know what I'm trying to say, if it's if it

765
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:31,320
Speaker 1: is negatively interfering in some sort of concrete way other

766
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:35,160
Speaker 1: than you like to watch it, you know, is it

767
00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:38,680
Speaker 1: negatively impacting you? Is it negatively impacting anyone that you

768
00:48:38,719 --> 00:48:42,839
Speaker 1: care about? That's that's the real thing that I'm trying

769
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:47,360
Speaker 1: to think about when we're thinking about is it a problem?

770
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:47,879
Speaker 2: I don't.

771
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:50,439
Speaker 3: I wouldn't say it's a huge problem. No, it's more

772
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:53,680
Speaker 3: of just your thought. I've been wanting to discuss this

773
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:54,880
Speaker 3: with somebody who doesn't know me.

774
00:48:55,840 --> 00:49:00,319
Speaker 1: I would say, Okay, so we've established it's not a problem.

775
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:04,720
Speaker 1: Was just cool, So I mean we could dive deeper. Okay,

776
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:07,920
Speaker 1: so we can dive deeper into why you feel this?

777
00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:13,719
Speaker 3: Maybe perhaps that's kind of what I'm like.

778
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:17,319
Speaker 1: I guess, why do you feel this?

779
00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:30,759
Speaker 3: That's a great, excellent question. The only explanation I've been

780
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:33,879
Speaker 3: able to kind of come up with in my head

781
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:43,719
Speaker 3: is it puts this character who's supposed to be traditionally

782
00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:50,000
Speaker 3: manly and tough and super like stoic into this situation

783
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:55,080
Speaker 3: where they're actually like showing emotion in some way and

784
00:49:55,120 --> 00:49:59,920
Speaker 3: they're vulnerable, I guess, And it creates like a sent

785
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:02,200
Speaker 3: of urgency for the characters around it. So I guess

786
00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:05,360
Speaker 3: I kind of like the dynamic that it creates between

787
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:08,879
Speaker 3: like that character and the other characters, and like how

788
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:13,640
Speaker 3: it changes the story completely, and it also it like

789
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:18,719
Speaker 3: it I think. I don't know, have you ever played

790
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:20,200
Speaker 3: The Last of Us?

791
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:20,879
Speaker 1: I have not.

792
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:23,800
Speaker 2: Damn it.

793
00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:30,839
Speaker 3: Okay, to summarize that, it basically like shows the true

794
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:33,480
Speaker 3: relationship between two people and homemuch they actually care for

795
00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:33,839
Speaker 3: each other.

796
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:39,080
Speaker 1: I guess is okay, So you're describing this less as

797
00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:48,680
Speaker 1: some sort of weird negative obsession over human suffering and

798
00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:57,160
Speaker 1: more so as a narrative device or a character building

799
00:50:57,280 --> 00:50:59,520
Speaker 1: device that you find interesting.

800
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:03,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can look at it that way.

801
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:04,879
Speaker 2: I've never thought of it that way.

802
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:10,560
Speaker 1: Okay, Well interesting. Why do you think that you are

803
00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:16,719
Speaker 1: so uh protective of telling other people about this?

804
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:24,279
Speaker 3: Mainly because it's so difficult to describe. It takes a

805
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 3: lot of words to describe, and I just don't want

806
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:31,279
Speaker 3: to take that effort to do that, Okay in daily conversation,

807
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:34,560
Speaker 3: I guess okay, and I didn't fully understand it. I

808
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:36,960
Speaker 3: guess I go ahead.

809
00:51:38,239 --> 00:51:43,080
Speaker 1: But now you are in the fan fiction community, I.

810
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:47,800
Speaker 3: Assume I used to be no longer anymore.

811
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:49,719
Speaker 1: Okay, So you probably I mean, I you know, I

812
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:53,200
Speaker 1: know you haven't discussed this with uh, you know, you're

813
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:55,640
Speaker 1: a boyfriend, or with any of your friends or anything

814
00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:58,080
Speaker 1: like that. But I assume you've talked about this or

815
00:51:58,200 --> 00:52:01,759
Speaker 1: or you've at least read on forms other people who

816
00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:02,279
Speaker 1: are into this.

817
00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:12,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, to some extent I have, And.

818
00:52:12,160 --> 00:52:19,480
Speaker 1: Have you picked up anything interesting or helpful from that?

819
00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:23,920
Speaker 2: Nothing?

820
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:28,440
Speaker 3: Aside from that, there's other people that experience it. I

821
00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:30,320
Speaker 3: think there was a term that one of them used,

822
00:52:30,440 --> 00:52:33,960
Speaker 3: like the lumper flies or something in terms of like

823
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:39,360
Speaker 3: the butterflies that you get. So it's definitely not just me,

824
00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:43,160
Speaker 3: I guess is the main thing that I learned a

825
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:46,920
Speaker 3: lot of other people experience it, So it can't it

826
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 3: can't just be something that's exclusive to like my upbringing.

827
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:53,800
Speaker 3: It's got to be tied to something like I don't

828
00:52:53,840 --> 00:52:57,160
Speaker 3: know how you're brought up, or like some trigger that

829
00:52:57,200 --> 00:53:02,239
Speaker 3: happened when you were younger, something like that. Because it's,

830
00:53:02,760 --> 00:53:04,560
Speaker 3: like I said, it's not just me, it's it's a

831
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:05,839
Speaker 3: community of people.

832
00:53:06,560 --> 00:53:10,279
Speaker 1: Right right, I learn more about it, Yeah, I feel

833
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:12,360
Speaker 1: like the fact that it's a whole community of people

834
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 1: opens up the various reasons as to why you could

835
00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:22,239
Speaker 1: be you could be attracted to this sort of thing.

836
00:53:22,719 --> 00:53:24,880
Speaker 1: But I mean, lit's say, before we go, Jay, do

837
00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:28,040
Speaker 1: you feel as though talking about it has given you

838
00:53:28,080 --> 00:53:29,719
Speaker 1: any further insight into it?

839
00:53:31,640 --> 00:53:33,880
Speaker 3: I think so. It's definitely made me think of it

840
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:38,759
Speaker 3: in a less shameful way, which is helpful. I think

841
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:42,200
Speaker 3: it kind of changed my perspective. Maybe I shall share

842
00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:45,080
Speaker 3: it with some close friends of mine, talk it through

843
00:53:45,200 --> 00:53:46,520
Speaker 3: them as well.

844
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 1: Listen if it makes you feel any better. The other day,

845
00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:52,640
Speaker 1: after the stream ended, I stayed up until one o'clock

846
00:53:52,640 --> 00:53:55,760
Speaker 1: in the morning watching videos on Reddit of people getting

847
00:53:55,800 --> 00:53:58,759
Speaker 1: hit by cars.

848
00:53:58,960 --> 00:53:59,680
Speaker 2: Interesting.

849
00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:02,239
Speaker 3: What kind of emotions did that bring you?

850
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:07,440
Speaker 1: I I like a car would be like, you know,

851
00:54:07,560 --> 00:54:10,160
Speaker 1: send a person flying and right at the impact, I

852
00:54:10,160 --> 00:54:16,680
Speaker 1: would go that was the emotion. Yeah, I know, it's

853
00:54:16,719 --> 00:54:18,880
Speaker 1: a shock. I couldn't honestly, I don't know if I

854
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 1: could explain it. Yeah, I know, there's definitely a thrill

855
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:26,719
Speaker 1: of it. I was on shout out r slash crazy

856
00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:31,880
Speaker 1: fucking videos. There's some insane it's not cool. I totally

857
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:33,560
Speaker 1: I don't know what the fuck I'm doing on when

858
00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:37,560
Speaker 1: I am watching like don't go, don't go there, don't

859
00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:41,879
Speaker 1: war sufficient warning to people, don't go there. It's fucked

860
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:44,719
Speaker 1: up stuff. But I got sucked into it, just like

861
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:48,120
Speaker 1: a morbid curiosity. There's sort of there's like a Memento

862
00:54:48,120 --> 00:54:51,680
Speaker 1: Maori element to it, where it's like it shows you

863
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:55,439
Speaker 1: the fragility of human life and kind of almost makes

864
00:54:55,480 --> 00:54:58,680
Speaker 1: you have a little bit more respect for your own

865
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:03,799
Speaker 1: uh brutality. But I totally don't go there if you're

866
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:08,279
Speaker 1: not into very fucked up things. Anyway, thank you very

867
00:55:08,360 --> 00:55:08,920
Speaker 1: much for calling you.

868
00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:13,160
Speaker 3: You're welcome. Thanks for talking with me.

869
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:14,479
Speaker 1: Have a good night.

870
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:22,640
Speaker 6: You too, Ullo.

871
00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:28,200
Speaker 1: Hi there, what's going on.

872
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:34,760
Speaker 4: Hither Lyle? I'm doing I'm doing just fine. How about yourself?

873
00:55:35,800 --> 00:55:39,479
Speaker 1: I'm a gecko on the computer and it feels good.

874
00:55:39,520 --> 00:55:42,279
Speaker 1: I was saying at the top of the stream that

875
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:47,320
Speaker 1: it really does. It really does feel nice to get,

876
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:52,040
Speaker 1: you know, get into other people's lives and thoughts and

877
00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:54,799
Speaker 1: ship because it I feel like it lets me take

878
00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:58,760
Speaker 1: a break from my own. So so I'm enjoying doing

879
00:55:58,800 --> 00:55:59,520
Speaker 1: that this evening.

880
00:56:01,760 --> 00:56:02,440
Speaker 4: Absolutely.

881
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:02,800
Speaker 3: Yeah.

882
00:56:02,920 --> 00:56:06,080
Speaker 4: It's almost like you're plugging yourself into the metaverse whenever

883
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:11,120
Speaker 4: you're I guess, experiencing someone else's thoughts and whatever they're sharing,

884
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:12,719
Speaker 4: like reading a book.

885
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:16,360
Speaker 1: Maybe yeah, a little bit, a little bit like like

886
00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:18,920
Speaker 1: plug we're plugging ourselves like metaverse.

887
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:24,040
Speaker 4: Perhaps of a lower resolution, but of the same milk.

888
00:56:24,160 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 1: I would say, perhaps, So, what's going on with you today? Alan?

889
00:56:30,520 --> 00:56:34,960
Speaker 4: So I want to talk about just the coping mechanisms.

890
00:56:36,080 --> 00:56:42,239
Speaker 4: I mentioned to the the color person that I have

891
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:50,239
Speaker 4: an issue with compulsive masturbation, over eating occasionally alcohol, and

892
00:56:50,360 --> 00:56:53,080
Speaker 4: you know that was reading this a tweet that said

893
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:57,440
Speaker 4: that once you kind of master your addiction to food

894
00:56:57,640 --> 00:57:01,480
Speaker 4: and sex, then you know, you become way more productive

895
00:57:01,520 --> 00:57:03,839
Speaker 4: and way happier. And I think that there's some truth

896
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:08,360
Speaker 4: to that, just having lived firsthand, just the effects of

897
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:13,160
Speaker 4: you know, with things like hemorrhoids and you know, having

898
00:57:13,200 --> 00:57:16,920
Speaker 4: a you know, just like a weirdly shaped dick and

899
00:57:16,960 --> 00:57:17,320
Speaker 4: all that.

900
00:57:17,600 --> 00:57:24,240
Speaker 1: But well, Alan, I'm so sorry to say I have

901
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:29,680
Speaker 1: absolutely no experience whatsoever with compulsive masturbation and overeating, So

902
00:57:29,720 --> 00:57:34,200
Speaker 1: you'll have to talk to someone else. No, just kidding, Yeah, No,

903
00:57:34,280 --> 00:57:35,880
Speaker 1: I've been thinking a lot about this ship because I

904
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:41,160
Speaker 1: also compulsively masturbate and overeat, and I've been thinking a

905
00:57:41,200 --> 00:57:45,520
Speaker 1: lot about how my life would be would be better

906
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:50,360
Speaker 1: if I could overcome these vices. So I'm I'm I'm

907
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:53,120
Speaker 1: with you on this. Let's talk about it. How have

908
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:56,440
Speaker 1: you been thinking, Well, who else have you talked to

909
00:57:56,480 --> 00:57:59,920
Speaker 1: about this stuff? Or what else have you researched about this?

910
00:58:00,280 --> 00:58:01,240
Speaker 1: And what have you found?

911
00:58:02,960 --> 00:58:08,320
Speaker 4: Well, you know, being someone that's I grew up with

912
00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:12,920
Speaker 4: the internet. You know, I am familiar with the subreddit

913
00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:16,400
Speaker 4: called no Fat No Fat Ye. I'm sure you're you

914
00:58:16,480 --> 00:58:19,480
Speaker 4: might be familiar with, and you know, given the I

915
00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 4: guess public opinions about it, you know, I've heard both sides,

916
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:27,960
Speaker 4: you know, kind of deriding it, saying that, oh, like

917
00:58:28,040 --> 00:58:30,160
Speaker 4: it's just bullshit, like you think you're going to your

918
00:58:30,200 --> 00:58:31,680
Speaker 4: life is going to get way better if you just

919
00:58:31,720 --> 00:58:35,520
Speaker 4: stop washing corn, which you know, there's some truth to that,

920
00:58:35,560 --> 00:58:38,000
Speaker 4: because like you can't just only stop washing corn to

921
00:58:38,040 --> 00:58:40,200
Speaker 4: expect your life to get better. But you know, I

922
00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:42,960
Speaker 4: think the point of it is to really kind of

923
00:58:43,120 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 4: curb that I guess, like addiction to it, so that

924
00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:50,440
Speaker 4: you have more time to spend on other ship that's

925
00:58:50,480 --> 00:58:55,680
Speaker 4: probably more productive, channeling that energy into something more I

926
00:58:55,760 --> 00:58:58,080
Speaker 4: don't want to say positive or negative, but just maybe

927
00:58:58,160 --> 00:59:02,240
Speaker 4: something that is more productive and has I guess more

928
00:59:02,280 --> 00:59:06,360
Speaker 4: long term, uh, you know, just things that's you know,

929
00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:08,880
Speaker 4: like practicing guitar, you know, like I was actually most

930
00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:13,040
Speaker 4: recently these pasts, I was on a sixteen day streak

931
00:59:13,360 --> 00:59:16,280
Speaker 4: and I wanted to reward myself, and so I broke

932
00:59:16,320 --> 00:59:18,440
Speaker 4: the streak. But during those sixteen days, you know, just

933
00:59:19,480 --> 00:59:24,600
Speaker 4: fecting a guitar and going out bird watching more often,

934
00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:30,840
Speaker 4: just trying to expand my interests and proclivities and manifest

935
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:33,400
Speaker 4: them in real life instead of just imagining it all day.

936
00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:34,920
Speaker 1: Yeah.

937
00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:36,640
Speaker 4: But yeah, yeah.

938
00:59:36,520 --> 00:59:42,480
Speaker 1: I feel like, no, this is totally totally a problem

939
00:59:42,520 --> 00:59:47,480
Speaker 1: that I'm actively trying to solve for myself alongside you.

940
00:59:47,760 --> 00:59:53,480
Speaker 1: Right now. My thought loops about it are like, you know,

941
00:59:53,800 --> 00:59:58,960
Speaker 1: we've all we've all had really active days. I feel like,

942
00:59:59,120 --> 01:00:01,800
Speaker 1: where the I have a day where at the end

943
01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:03,400
Speaker 1: of it, you're like, oh, I forgot to eat today,

944
01:00:03,440 --> 01:00:05,920
Speaker 1: or oh I forgot to jack off today because you

945
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:08,600
Speaker 1: were just doing shit. You just were I don't know,

946
01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:11,440
Speaker 1: you were out, you were working on something, you were

947
01:00:11,440 --> 01:00:16,280
Speaker 1: like lost in some other activity. And I've thought about that,

948
01:00:16,320 --> 01:00:19,959
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I get into this weird conflict about

949
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:23,840
Speaker 1: it because that seems like a great way to overcome

950
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:27,240
Speaker 1: these vices. But on the other hand, it's like, well, fuck,

951
01:00:27,360 --> 01:00:31,360
Speaker 1: is it possible even for life to be so go, go, go,

952
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:34,000
Speaker 1: go go one hundred percent of the time, Like there

953
01:00:34,040 --> 01:00:38,200
Speaker 1: has to be downtime, and in that downtime, how can

954
01:00:38,240 --> 01:00:43,560
Speaker 1: you avoid, you know, jacking off and eating food? Also,

955
01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:47,760
Speaker 1: for me, I find like when I get depressed, you know,

956
01:00:47,880 --> 01:00:51,040
Speaker 1: I mean this is a classic like fucking I don't

957
01:00:51,040 --> 01:00:54,920
Speaker 1: know anything about this shit, but like chemical thing where

958
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:58,280
Speaker 1: like you're feeling depressed and so you use the sugar

959
01:00:58,520 --> 01:01:03,360
Speaker 1: or the fucking coming to to get your brain to

960
01:01:03,520 --> 01:01:07,960
Speaker 1: like fuel something. But when you're out and about, your

961
01:01:07,960 --> 01:01:11,000
Speaker 1: brain is kind of always being stimulated. And I'm so

962
01:01:11,040 --> 01:01:12,920
Speaker 1: talking out of my ass right now. Your brain is

963
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:15,960
Speaker 1: always being stimulated with shit, So you don't need the

964
01:01:16,240 --> 01:01:21,160
Speaker 1: the jacket off or the food. What's worked for you

965
01:01:21,360 --> 01:01:24,440
Speaker 1: so far in the uh, in the in the realm

966
01:01:24,480 --> 01:01:26,640
Speaker 1: of this, because I would personally love.

967
01:01:26,480 --> 01:01:30,400
Speaker 4: To know, you know, it's funny you mentioned that, because

968
01:01:30,720 --> 01:01:33,400
Speaker 4: you know, I think that really is kind of at

969
01:01:33,560 --> 01:01:35,960
Speaker 4: the core of the issue. It's really kind of trying

970
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:39,720
Speaker 4: to recreate a lot of the sort of stimulus that

971
01:01:39,760 --> 01:01:42,560
Speaker 4: you get when you're kind of plugged into life.

972
01:01:42,400 --> 01:01:42,960
Speaker 3: So to speak.

973
01:01:43,040 --> 01:01:45,400
Speaker 4: Right when you have other obligations when you're out and

974
01:01:45,440 --> 01:01:48,640
Speaker 4: about with friends, you know, it's not really socially acceptable

975
01:01:48,680 --> 01:01:51,640
Speaker 4: to just, you know, start rubbing the head of your

976
01:01:51,640 --> 01:01:55,400
Speaker 4: penis when you know, like a check walt walks into

977
01:01:55,440 --> 01:01:57,440
Speaker 4: the room, right, so, you know, all these things to

978
01:01:57,520 --> 01:02:00,880
Speaker 4: play and it's like, how do we create this environment

979
01:02:01,840 --> 01:02:03,760
Speaker 4: just when we're sitting at our desk, right, you know,

980
01:02:03,840 --> 01:02:07,919
Speaker 4: there's no I guess you know, stimulus to there's nothing

981
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:09,760
Speaker 4: really to stop us, right, And so I feel like,

982
01:02:10,640 --> 01:02:14,040
Speaker 4: I don't know for me personally, like it's just having

983
01:02:14,080 --> 01:02:17,480
Speaker 4: to accept a lot of the sort of impulse and

984
01:02:17,680 --> 01:02:20,440
Speaker 4: just like accepting that it's just going to feel shitty

985
01:02:20,960 --> 01:02:22,840
Speaker 4: and like really leaning into it. Like I don't know,

986
01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:25,280
Speaker 4: if you practice like mindfulness, I know it's like kind

987
01:02:25,320 --> 01:02:28,800
Speaker 4: of bullshit, like you know, the wage type shit, but

988
01:02:28,920 --> 01:02:30,840
Speaker 4: you know it's in the cultural that guys then you

989
01:02:30,880 --> 01:02:32,960
Speaker 4: know there's some truth to it. So I'm just kind

990
01:02:32,960 --> 01:02:35,240
Speaker 4: of taking it with a grain of salt that I

991
01:02:35,440 --> 01:02:39,320
Speaker 4: mind that I guess the constant needs to really just

992
01:02:39,480 --> 01:02:44,080
Speaker 4: immerse yourself in a lot of I mean, this is

993
01:02:44,120 --> 01:02:46,600
Speaker 4: the kind of behavior is kind of evident in like

994
01:02:46,720 --> 01:02:49,560
Speaker 4: people that you TikTok and just doom scrolling and shit, right,

995
01:02:49,640 --> 01:02:53,080
Speaker 4: and like I guess eating a lot and just you know,

996
01:02:53,120 --> 01:02:56,480
Speaker 4: being inundated with you know, advertisements blah blah blah blah blah.

997
01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:58,000
Speaker 4: Right whatever, And it's like, well.

998
01:02:57,920 --> 01:03:01,840
Speaker 1: It's interesting you mentioned mindfulness because I was thinking about

999
01:03:01,840 --> 01:03:05,120
Speaker 1: this today because today I was like really meditating on

1000
01:03:05,280 --> 01:03:09,920
Speaker 1: like I'm fucking you know, using the internet, jacket off,

1001
01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:12,880
Speaker 1: eating candy like way too much. And and when you're

1002
01:03:13,120 --> 01:03:15,320
Speaker 1: we just when you're like being conscious about it because

1003
01:03:15,440 --> 01:03:17,200
Speaker 1: because you know, I know, I know the feeling of

1004
01:03:17,880 --> 01:03:24,120
Speaker 1: unconsciously slipping into the vices and shit. And it's difficult

1005
01:03:24,120 --> 01:03:27,040
Speaker 1: because when you're like, when you are being mindful and

1006
01:03:27,040 --> 01:03:30,440
Speaker 1: you are being conscious about it, a little bit of

1007
01:03:30,480 --> 01:03:33,960
Speaker 1: your humanity kicks in and you can kind of control

1008
01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:37,320
Speaker 1: the monkey brain a little bit more to not like,

1009
01:03:37,400 --> 01:03:39,280
Speaker 1: you know, to right when you pick up your phone

1010
01:03:39,280 --> 01:03:41,000
Speaker 1: and just go no, I'm not doing that, or if

1011
01:03:41,040 --> 01:03:42,800
Speaker 1: you're about to pick up a piece of candy, you go, no,

1012
01:03:42,840 --> 01:03:46,560
Speaker 1: I'm not doing that. And the my problem is that

1013
01:03:46,560 --> 01:03:49,960
Speaker 1: that lasts for only a little bit. But I my

1014
01:03:50,120 --> 01:03:54,520
Speaker 1: theory is that it's a muscle, so like your mindfulness

1015
01:03:54,520 --> 01:03:59,840
Speaker 1: ability can kind So if one day you were able

1016
01:03:59,880 --> 01:04:03,760
Speaker 1: to resist your phone or your candy or you're porn

1017
01:04:04,440 --> 01:04:08,320
Speaker 1: for like a little second at least like one of

1018
01:04:08,360 --> 01:04:10,200
Speaker 1: the you know, however many instances a day that you

1019
01:04:10,240 --> 01:04:12,800
Speaker 1: do it, you're able to just be like mindful about it,

1020
01:04:13,440 --> 01:04:15,400
Speaker 1: then maybe the next day you'll have a you know,

1021
01:04:15,480 --> 01:04:18,520
Speaker 1: two instances where you were like, you know, mindful, you

1022
01:04:18,520 --> 01:04:20,120
Speaker 1: know something in the way, or you lift a weight

1023
01:04:20,160 --> 01:04:22,520
Speaker 1: and then eventually you can lift heavier and heavier stuff.

1024
01:04:22,800 --> 01:04:25,640
Speaker 1: I feel like mindfulness works a similar way. The difficult

1025
01:04:25,720 --> 01:04:31,959
Speaker 1: thing is to uh keep going down that path because

1026
01:04:31,960 --> 01:04:34,080
Speaker 1: I've dude, I've had so many times where like I've

1027
01:04:34,080 --> 01:04:36,840
Speaker 1: got you, I've been able to like quit stuff, but

1028
01:04:36,880 --> 01:04:38,920
Speaker 1: then you fall back on the wagon and then you

1029
01:04:39,120 --> 01:04:41,160
Speaker 1: just have fallen on the wagon for a long time.

1030
01:04:41,280 --> 01:04:43,720
Speaker 1: And it's you know, I empathize with the man. It's

1031
01:04:43,720 --> 01:04:46,720
Speaker 1: really hard. I'm struggling with myself whatever, just with everything.

1032
01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:51,240
Speaker 4: I agree with that right, right, And it's like the

1033
01:04:51,440 --> 01:04:56,200
Speaker 4: idea that you know, there's this incremental I guess process

1034
01:04:56,320 --> 01:05:00,720
Speaker 4: with respect to you know, practicing mindfulness right, and I

1035
01:05:00,760 --> 01:05:03,320
Speaker 4: think for many people it can be frustrating to not

1036
01:05:03,440 --> 01:05:07,240
Speaker 4: really reap the benefits right away just because their brains,

1037
01:05:07,680 --> 01:05:10,200
Speaker 4: I guess are kind of not wired to kind of

1038
01:05:10,880 --> 01:05:14,080
Speaker 4: I guess crave that like incremental, like you know, just improvement.

1039
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:17,640
Speaker 4: And I think you know, so, you know, while it

1040
01:05:17,720 --> 01:05:20,480
Speaker 4: is helpful in those moments and like I have you know,

1041
01:05:20,800 --> 01:05:24,000
Speaker 4: seen benefits with it it's just something that I'm personally

1042
01:05:24,400 --> 01:05:27,280
Speaker 4: just trying to have the patience for it, right, and

1043
01:05:27,360 --> 01:05:31,400
Speaker 4: I think it's really hard just given our culture and

1044
01:05:32,040 --> 01:05:34,720
Speaker 4: you know, and something that's kind of helped me personally

1045
01:05:34,880 --> 01:05:39,640
Speaker 4: is like reading a lot of literature on something like

1046
01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:42,080
Speaker 4: no FAP for example. You know, they have you know,

1047
01:05:42,120 --> 01:05:45,560
Speaker 4: a bunch of message boards and you know, support groups

1048
01:05:45,600 --> 01:05:49,200
Speaker 4: and people talking about their own experiences. And I guess

1049
01:05:49,240 --> 01:05:53,200
Speaker 4: like in a weird way, like spending time looking at

1050
01:05:53,240 --> 01:05:56,840
Speaker 4: that kind of informs my out and sort of I

1051
01:05:56,840 --> 01:05:59,640
Speaker 4: guess rational thinking in terms of like it kind of

1052
01:05:59,680 --> 01:06:01,880
Speaker 4: like re whires my brain in a little different way

1053
01:06:01,920 --> 01:06:03,520
Speaker 4: where it's like, oh, if I do watch it, then

1054
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:05,680
Speaker 4: like this shit's gonna happen because I heard about you know,

1055
01:06:05,680 --> 01:06:08,520
Speaker 4: I read about this little anecdote, and I guess like

1056
01:06:08,560 --> 01:06:11,640
Speaker 4: embedding that in your like sort of latent memory kind

1057
01:06:11,640 --> 01:06:13,800
Speaker 4: of is like a way to kind of combat that

1058
01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:16,000
Speaker 4: sort of subconscious like so I'm just gonna do this

1059
01:06:16,040 --> 01:06:19,400
Speaker 4: shit whatever. Instead of being that, it's it's more like,

1060
01:06:19,560 --> 01:06:22,040
Speaker 4: you know, kind of harkening back to the things that

1061
01:06:22,080 --> 01:06:25,600
Speaker 4: you must you read, and I guess clinging onto that.

1062
01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:28,360
Speaker 4: So I guess it's like in a sense like you

1063
01:06:28,440 --> 01:06:30,480
Speaker 4: kind of are what you eat, right, So it's like.

1064
01:06:31,320 --> 01:06:33,680
Speaker 1: Right, I mean, you're hanging out on these message boards

1065
01:06:33,720 --> 01:06:36,080
Speaker 1: and you know, you're the whatever, the amalgam of the

1066
01:06:36,080 --> 01:06:37,800
Speaker 1: five people hang out with the most. So if you're

1067
01:06:37,840 --> 01:06:40,800
Speaker 1: constantly within this community of people who's also trying to

1068
01:06:40,920 --> 01:06:44,320
Speaker 1: kick whatever their advice is, you'll feel a little bit

1069
01:06:44,320 --> 01:06:46,360
Speaker 1: more empowered to do it yourself. I mean, that's how

1070
01:06:46,400 --> 01:06:49,960
Speaker 1: the twelve step programs and everything work. But you know,

1071
01:06:50,320 --> 01:06:53,840
Speaker 1: I right, Alan, it's been it's been great talking through

1072
01:06:53,880 --> 01:06:55,760
Speaker 1: all this stuff with you. Like I said, I'm on

1073
01:06:55,800 --> 01:06:57,800
Speaker 1: my journey. I'm on my own journeys with all these

1074
01:06:57,880 --> 01:07:01,840
Speaker 1: these different vices myself, so it's good to be able

1075
01:07:01,840 --> 01:07:04,800
Speaker 1: to talk through them with you on the air like

1076
01:07:04,840 --> 01:07:07,040
Speaker 1: this is Is there anything that you want to say

1077
01:07:07,080 --> 01:07:08,440
Speaker 1: to the people of the computer before we go?

1078
01:07:11,720 --> 01:07:15,280
Speaker 4: Nope? And yeah, likewise, Lyle, thanks for taking the time

1079
01:07:15,320 --> 01:07:20,120
Speaker 4: to talk about it. It's been great for me and hopefully,

1080
01:07:20,400 --> 01:07:24,200
Speaker 4: you know, we we uh get through it.

1081
01:07:26,040 --> 01:07:28,280
Speaker 1: Hey, I'm praying for both of us.

1082
01:07:28,280 --> 01:07:32,120
Speaker 4: Baby alrighty, thank Lyle.

1083
01:07:32,520 --> 01:07:39,040
Speaker 1: Later on he was a nice guy. I you know,

1084
01:07:39,080 --> 01:07:43,720
Speaker 1: it's it's I guess by the nature of on here

1085
01:07:43,760 --> 01:07:46,760
Speaker 1: and people are calling me to tell me about things I,

1086
01:07:47,080 --> 01:07:50,680
Speaker 1: you know, would would that inherently imply that I have

1087
01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:53,480
Speaker 1: my shit together. I fucking hope it doesn't, because I

1088
01:07:53,520 --> 01:07:57,320
Speaker 1: don't want to give that impression at all. I was

1089
01:07:57,360 --> 01:08:02,400
Speaker 1: on a crazy porn and sugar and the internet binge

1090
01:08:02,440 --> 01:08:05,200
Speaker 1: over the course past forty eight hours. I mean, it's crazy,

1091
01:08:06,480 --> 01:08:10,360
Speaker 1: and I'm on you know, Alan's Alan's Kick too, where

1092
01:08:10,360 --> 01:08:13,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, how do I get fucking unaddicted to you know,

1093
01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:17,800
Speaker 1: sugar and the computer and whatnot. That's some of the

1094
01:08:17,840 --> 01:08:20,160
Speaker 1: reasons I and you know, I was talking about displacement

1095
01:08:20,200 --> 01:08:22,600
Speaker 1: activities and stuff. I love the three hours that I

1096
01:08:22,600 --> 01:08:24,280
Speaker 1: get to come on here and talk to other people

1097
01:08:24,360 --> 01:08:28,439
Speaker 1: about their lives and shit because I'm very focused, very

1098
01:08:28,439 --> 01:08:32,799
Speaker 1: in the moment. And they had this that saying something

1099
01:08:32,840 --> 01:08:38,080
Speaker 1: of idle hands or the Devil's whatever. It's really true

1100
01:08:38,439 --> 01:08:41,600
Speaker 1: because if you don't have anything to do that's stimulating

1101
01:08:41,680 --> 01:08:46,360
Speaker 1: your brain, your brain will just search for the bad

1102
01:08:46,479 --> 01:08:49,519
Speaker 1: shit to stimulate it with, like looking at fucking Twitter

1103
01:08:49,640 --> 01:08:55,840
Speaker 1: or eating McDonald's or whatever it is. So I'm learning

1104
01:08:55,920 --> 01:08:59,360
Speaker 1: that myself, but I again, I'm conflicted about it because

1105
01:09:00,240 --> 01:09:05,960
Speaker 1: I can only be go, go, go, stimulation mode for

1106
01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:10,360
Speaker 1: so long. But maybe that's wrong. Maybe I'm wrong about that,

1107
01:09:10,400 --> 01:09:18,280
Speaker 1: and I should just find more things that are productive

1108
01:09:18,960 --> 01:09:22,439
Speaker 1: to keep my brain in motion so that doesn't fall

1109
01:09:22,479 --> 01:09:26,000
Speaker 1: into traps. I thank you again to Alan for talking

1110
01:09:26,000 --> 01:09:26,640
Speaker 1: through all that with me.

1111
01:09:28,479 --> 01:09:31,280
Speaker 3: Goes on the line, taking your phone calls.

1112
01:09:31,080 --> 01:09:33,920
Speaker 1: Every night, Evercon goes to his eye.

1113
01:09:34,000 --> 01:09:36,280
Speaker 3: You're teaching your cloud in the memory line.

1114
01:09:36,600 --> 01:09:38,760
Speaker 5: That's not really an expert