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Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Hi, everyone,

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Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. It's just me today, just Jenny.

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Speaker 1: That kind of sounds like a sitcom. I'm so happy

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Speaker 1: that you're listening. You know, this whole podcast is about

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Speaker 1: finding that strength within ourselves to truly be able to

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Speaker 1: choose ourselves, to prioritize our well being, to listen to

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Speaker 1: our own needs, not in some crazy, overhyped, unattainable way,

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Speaker 1: but in a deep, personal, sometimes messy, but always meaningful way.

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Speaker 1: At the core of this is something simple but so powerful,

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Speaker 1: the ability to choose yourself. That means tuning into your

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Speaker 1: own needs and building the kind of inner strength that

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Speaker 1: doesn't require valid from an outside source. It's about finding

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Speaker 1: stability within yourself so that no matter what life throws

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Speaker 1: at you, whether it's chaos or change or conflict, you

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Speaker 1: know you have your own back. I do just want

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Speaker 1: to clarify one thing for anyone out there who might

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Speaker 1: be having trouble with choose yourself. The concept when I

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Speaker 1: say I Choose Me, I am not talking about being selfish.

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Speaker 1: It's not about being self absorbed or ignoring other people's needs.

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Speaker 1: That's not the message at all. What I mean is

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Speaker 1: that we really need to fill our own cup first

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Speaker 1: so we have something to offer the people we love.

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Speaker 1: When you are grounded in who you are, when you're

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Speaker 1: taking care of your physical, emotional, mental needs, you can

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Speaker 1: actually show up better for everybody else in your life.

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Speaker 1: That's what I call the beautiful reciprocal loop. Self care

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Speaker 1: isn't separate from caring for others. It fuels it. Today,

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about the power of your voice

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Speaker 1: and what happens when someone tries to take it from you.

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Speaker 1: So let me ask how many of you have ever

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Speaker 1: felt silenced. Maybe you're in a meeting at work. You

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Speaker 1: had an idea, you had something valuable to contribute, a

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Speaker 1: question or wanted to ask, even something just a little question,

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Speaker 1: something you wanted to share, and you stopped yourself. You

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Speaker 1: swallowed it down. You convinced yourself it wasn't important enough,

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Speaker 1: or that maybe it would cause friction among your coworkers,

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Speaker 1: or that someone might think you were being dramatic, too sensitive,

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Speaker 1: too emotional to something. That moment right there, that inner

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Speaker 1: dialogue where you shrink yourself down, where you silence yourself. Basically,

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Speaker 1: that's what I want to dig in today, because I've

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Speaker 1: been there more times than I can count for much

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Speaker 1: of my life, especially growing up in Hollyweird, as I

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Speaker 1: like to call it, and in some of my relationships,

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Speaker 1: there were situations where I felt like my voice wasn't welcome,

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Speaker 1: or wouldn't be heard, or would just make things harder

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Speaker 1: for me. We're often taught that, you know, when we're little,

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Speaker 1: that we have to be polite, we shouldn't interrupt, we

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Speaker 1: should put other people's needs before our own, and these

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Speaker 1: are very, very valuable traits, but they should never come

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Speaker 1: at the cost of your own truth. Over time, what

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Speaker 1: I've learned is that silence in the wrong moment can

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Speaker 1: become its own kind of self betrayal. But there have

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Speaker 1: been times in my work life too that I have

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Speaker 1: felt like I am only supposed to be seen and

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Speaker 1: not heard. And I accepted that reality for a long

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Speaker 1: time when I was young, too afraid to stand up

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Speaker 1: for myself, afraid of being labeled difficult. And now I

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Speaker 1: didn't have the age and wisdom then, so it sort

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Speaker 1: of makes sense. But it absolutely was a choice I

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Speaker 1: made to allow others to silence me, to keep me small,

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Speaker 1: to keep me where they wanted me to be, to

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Speaker 1: remind me of my place in the system, and that

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Speaker 1: spills out of the workplace. Maybe that's happening to you.

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Speaker 1: You can create an internal message of self doubt or worse,

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Speaker 1: the feeling of being unworthy. You can carry that around

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Speaker 1: with you. Then all of a sudden, you're believing it

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Speaker 1: and you are allowing others to guide the narrative for

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Speaker 1: your life. You start walking around almost agreeing with them. Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's talk about relationships, especially romantic ones. By now, we

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Speaker 1: all know or should know, that in a healthy relationship,

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Speaker 1: both people's voices should be equally valued. But sometimes you

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Speaker 1: find yourself in a dynamic where one person consistently tries

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Speaker 1: to control the narrative, where your feelings are dismissed, your

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Speaker 1: concerns are minimized, or you're made to feel like you're

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Speaker 1: too emotional, you're too sensitive for simply expressing what's real

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Speaker 1: for you. And here's where it gets even more challenging

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Speaker 1: and probably resonates with some of you out there too.

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Speaker 1: When that dynamic doesn't just end with that specific relationship.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes even years later, you'll find yourself going back to

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Speaker 1: that feeling of not wanting to voice your opinion, because

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Speaker 1: you remember it's ingrained in you to just not even

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Speaker 1: communicate your needs or wants. You've been conditioned to somehow

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Speaker 1: silence yourself to avoid conflict, or you just get exhausted

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Speaker 1: by the thought of being hammered over the head about

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Speaker 1: someone else's inaccurate story about something having to do with

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Speaker 1: your life. You don't want to upset the apple cart,

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Speaker 1: so to say. And some old relationships will stay with

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Speaker 1: you for some reason or another, and they will continue

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Speaker 1: to try to diminish your perspective, try to control your

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Speaker 1: narrative about your own life. They still try to silence

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Speaker 1: you from the experience you yourself lived through, silence you

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Speaker 1: from your memories. That is frustrating, But after the frustration,

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Speaker 1: maybe that situation will remind you just how important it

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Speaker 1: is to protect your voice, because the truth is, you're

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Speaker 1: a different person than you were when that was happening

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Speaker 1: to you. You have grown, You are autonomous and independent,

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Speaker 1: and you don't need someone telling you how to act

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Speaker 1: or feel or be anymore. No, no, no, no, thank you.

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Speaker 1: Let me tell you this. Choosing to acknowledge and protect

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Speaker 1: your truth in these situations is not selfish. It's about

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Speaker 1: self preservation. This is Gavin Newsom.

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Speaker 2: Being a television showrunner is almost like being a governor.

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Speaker 2: You know, it's the same thing from Gleed and Nip Tuck.

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Speaker 2: The days of civil discourse are over. The thing that

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Speaker 2: I was not prepared for was the Kennedy firestorm, Monsters,

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Speaker 2: the Lyle and Eric Menendez story. And I haven't really

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Speaker 2: spoken about this. One of my good friends who's the

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Speaker 2: star of one of my shows coming up, Kim Kardashian.

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Speaker 2: You may have heard of her.

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Speaker 1: One of the most prolific writers, producers, and directors in

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Speaker 1: Hollywood today.

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Speaker 2: Are monsters made or are they born? This is Ryan Murphy.

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Speaker 2: Hollywood used to be Hollywood. How about the pressure you

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Speaker 2: put on yourself. You're competing against this guy, Ryan Murphy. Well,

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Speaker 2: that's the secret of my career. Do the opposite of

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Speaker 2: what you just did, get another twenty years of this

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Speaker 2: in you. That's interesting.

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Speaker 1: Listen to This is Gavin Newsom on the iHeartRadio app,

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Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. So, how

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Speaker 1: do we find that courage? How do we reclaim our

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Speaker 1: voices and make sure we're not letting others silence us?

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Speaker 1: I've learned a thing or two, and this is where

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Speaker 1: the concept of I choose me really starts to kick

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Speaker 1: into gear. Here are some of the ways I've changed

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Speaker 1: this dynamic in my life. Let's start with internal validation. Okay,

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Speaker 1: internal validation always comes first. So basically, before you express

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Speaker 1: your truth to anyone else, affirm it to yourself. Tell

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Speaker 1: yourself what I feel is real, what I experienced matters.

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Speaker 1: I do not need permission to acknowledge my own truth.

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Speaker 1: That is the core of confidence. It starts from there,

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Speaker 1: from the inside out. Second, okay, recognize the patterns. If

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Speaker 1: someone in your life is constantly invalidating you, if they

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Speaker 1: interrupt you, dismiss you, or dominate every conversation only talking

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Speaker 1: about themselves or their experience, take note of that awareness

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Speaker 1: is your power. When you recognize a behavior pattern, you're

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Speaker 1: less likely to take it personally and more likely to

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Speaker 1: respond with intention or potentially choose to not be with

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Speaker 1: them anymore. How about that third thing? Always good to

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Speaker 1: use eye statements. This sounds simple, but it's so effective.

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Speaker 1: So express your thoughts with I feel or I need

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Speaker 1: instead of saying you're doing this or you make me feel.

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Speaker 1: That shifts the focus back to your perspective. Your lived reality,

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Speaker 1: and it helps keep the conversation grounded, and sometimes it

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Speaker 1: can help with the other person's defensive reactions. Instead of

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Speaker 1: saying you're controlling the narrative, maybe say I feel disregarded

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Speaker 1: when my experience is contradicted or dismissed. It's calm, it's clear,

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Speaker 1: and it's powerful. Fourth thing, boundaries are your best friend.

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Speaker 1: Boundaries don't make you colder, mean they make you clear.

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Speaker 1: They are how you protect your peace. Here's a good

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Speaker 1: way to set a boundary. When someone is not hearing you.

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Speaker 1: You can say something like, hmm, I respect that you

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Speaker 1: see things differently, but I'm no longer interested in conversations

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Speaker 1: where my experience is invalidated. That's not confrontational. That's self

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Speaker 1: respect in action. Fifth thing, don't isolate. Talk to your people,

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Speaker 1: whether it's your best friend, your therapist, or someone you trust,

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Speaker 1: get the support you need. When you've spent a long

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Speaker 1: time being silenced, Just hearing someone else say yes, that

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Speaker 1: makes sense or you're not crazy is healing. It reminds

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Speaker 1: you that your voice has value and that you're not alone.

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Speaker 1: Sixth and final thing, know when to take responsibility and apologize.

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Speaker 1: Something I've always said is stop pointing the finger and

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Speaker 1: start pulling the thumb. Sometimes we mess up, sometimes we

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Speaker 1: say the wrong thing, or we hurt someone unintentionally. Taking

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Speaker 1: responsibility and offering a sincere apology is not about taking

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Speaker 1: all the blame or dismissing your worth. It's about choosing

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Speaker 1: your own wellbeing enough to say, I see where I

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Speaker 1: caused harm. A real apology sounds like I'm sorry, I

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Speaker 1: hurt you, I understand how my actions impacted you, and

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Speaker 1: I take full responsibility. I wanted to do better moving forward.

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Speaker 1: That kind of ownership frees you from shame, it frees

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Speaker 1: you from the weight of avoidance, and it lets others

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Speaker 1: know that you're open to learning too. Oh and one

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Speaker 1: more thing, never forget the ripple effect. When you speak up,

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Speaker 1: when you protect your truth, when you stop minimizing your

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Speaker 1: voice to keep the peace, you give others permission to

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Speaker 1: do the same. You break cycles, You change the narrative,

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Speaker 1: not just for yourself, but for your kids, your partner,

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Speaker 1: your friends, your future. Your courage becomes a mirror, your

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Speaker 1: authenticity somehow becomes a torch. And here's the thing I

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Speaker 1: want you to remember most You don't owe anyone silence.

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Speaker 1: You are not too much. You are not too emotional,

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Speaker 1: you are not too dramatic. You are enough. You are

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Speaker 1: worthy of being heard. If you're navigating a situation like

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Speaker 1: this right now, I want you to know I see you,

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Speaker 1: I get it. I know how disorienting it can feel,

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Speaker 1: but also how empowering it is when you finally reclaim

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Speaker 1: your voice. The more you practice speaking your truth, the

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Speaker 1: easier it becomes. The more you listen to your instincts,

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Speaker 1: the louder they get, and the more you protect your peace,

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Speaker 1: the more grounded and joyful your life becomes. I hope

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Speaker 1: this encourages you to let that beautiful, unique voice of

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Speaker 1: yours shine. Until next time, take care of yourselves and

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Speaker 1: remember to always always choose you