00:00:08 Speaker 1: Well, I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear. But you're a guess to my home. You gotta come to be empty. And I said, no, guest, your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how did you dare to surbey me? 00:00:48 Speaker 2: Welcome to? I said, no gifts. I'm Bridger Wineker. You're whoever you are. You're doing your thing. I hope you're having a nice day. I feel like this episode should be dedicated to someone. Let's dedicate this episode to anyone named anyone named Christopher. This episode goes out to you. If your name is Christopher, I'm talking mostly to you, And if your name isn't Christopher, I'm also talking to you, but largely to the Christophers of the world. Go out and enjoyed this podcast, and enjoyed this one in particular because we have someone on this podcast this episode. Her name isn't Christopher. Her name is Arden Marine, and I'm so honestly just thrilled to have her. We're sitting here on the zoom Arden and welcome to. I said, no gifts. 00:01:38 Speaker 3: Thank you so much. I'm so glad that I'm here. On Christopher Thursday, I was hoping it was. I didn't want to put in a request. I didn't want to look high maintenance, but it is. Hello, Christopher, I'm so glad you were born. Hello be sweet Chris Christy's or Christophe Christy Christo Crystal grew christ. 00:02:04 Speaker 2: I knew, I know Christopher. His parents called him critter, which I don't know that that's I don't know. I agree that where did you grow up? Where did you grow up? In Utah? 00:02:14 Speaker 3: Great? I love it. I feel like a right we could get a nice TOF. 00:02:22 Speaker 2: Grace. 00:02:24 Speaker 3: He actually had it legally said that there could be no more to he was the last. He is until he passes. He could be the only remain last remaining first born. 00:02:33 Speaker 2: To If you tried to name your child tofer tof for Grace's lawyers will destroy your baby. 00:02:42 Speaker 3: Where is Topah Grace? He was and I And by the way, I'm not saying that like I'm nailing it. So this guy is probably much richer than I'm hiding from the black hole son in a garage right now. So I'm saying this is not me going well. But I remember he was very cute, and there was and then there was that movie that was actually really fun. Was tof for Grace in the movie that had like that house party? Was there like a house party situation. It wasn't a great movie. But I love any I love anything that takes place all in one night, like das give me exactly, give me an all night one night, after Hours American Graffiti. I mean, I feel like even No. Sixteen Candles was longer than that. But I like one big party blowout like this is the I mean, even what was the one with Jonah Hill that he oh. 00:03:33 Speaker 2: Wait, superbad, superbad, superbad? And wait was Jonah Hill also in the movie Where was the End of the World and it was a party at night? 00:03:41 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, it was all one. Give me one. I love everything that takes place in one and like things go awry, people trying to get to the party. Some people are at the party, like that's to me inter Chef's Chef's kiss of a Chef's Kiss of a just a fantasy fund. 00:03:57 Speaker 2: The mystery and the magic of After eleven, I clock, let's see what's happening at two four? 00:04:03 Speaker 1: Are you? 00:04:03 Speaker 3: Are you a night owl? 00:04:05 Speaker 2: I'm not. I used to be, and more recently I've made this drastic shift where I'm going to bed at like eleven o'clock and waking up at six thirty sometimes six am. I don't know what's happened to my body. 00:04:16 Speaker 3: I want to ask you a question because as a natural night hour, right, what has happened to you? Is my dream? Because I feel that I would. Do you feel more optimistic? Do you feel list anxious? And you don't you feel like? What happened to my nighttime hours? Where did my where'd the fund me go? 00:04:33 Speaker 1: Yeah? 00:04:33 Speaker 2: Where did the time where I got to just listen to music and play video games or fool around go that? 00:04:39 Speaker 1: Now? 00:04:39 Speaker 2: Well? I mean now, I mean I do have early morning reading hours, but I guess I've just become a total square. I think that feels adult. 00:04:46 Speaker 3: It's adult. It feels very adult. Yeah, because the nighttime hours, there is something about like the witchy hour when everybody else is asleep, right, and it's like the fun of like puddling around. I don't care what stresses you had in a day. Once in a while, the boogeyman comes, but we're talking on a night when the Boogeyman hasn't come, where you're just exactly playing records, like just do it like sometimes I would play dress up, just try an every outfit of my cluse, you know, why wouldn't I? You know, maybe I'll go maybe I will go watch part of a night time all night party movie, like there's something about that piddly paddley. Maybe I'll make a craft and give up on it and I'll wake up to it like a table of glitter. Just but like it's nothing. It's nothing. It's more nonsense. There's nonsense. 00:05:30 Speaker 2: There's no pressure there, there's no pressure. I mean, it's truly a blank canvas that otherwise you'd be dreaming. So why not you bring the dream into your reality? 00:05:39 Speaker 3: What was your When did this time? When did it shift for you? 00:05:43 Speaker 2: I mean the I mean, the only thing I'm going to say is that it kind of lines up when I first began in earnest exercising in my life. So in the last year and a half. 00:05:55 Speaker 3: It's I think morning time, morning exercise. 00:05:59 Speaker 2: I actually can't exercise in the morning. I get so nauseous. So it would be like late afternoon, early evening I would exercise, and then you'd be I'd be exhausted, I you know, some bland food because I would be still kind I mean, exercise in general makes me nauseous. 00:06:16 Speaker 3: Yeah, I've thrown up from exercise the first time I started. I remember when I first the first pilot I booked, I booked, you know, I was like the silly lady, you know, but I still was like, I'm going to get in shape. And I hired a trainer who was very nice, but was the wrong. It was just like it was as if I was training to go to some like bodybuilding competition. It was just so not I was just trying to like just do a couple of setups. And I remember the first time I worked out with him, I ran and threw up, and then he made me keep working out, and oh yeah, it was not the right. I didn't pick right and didn't list. 00:06:51 Speaker 2: Vomiting is the end of the workout regards right. 00:06:54 Speaker 3: Doesn't I give you a free pass If you made it out and you want you won. 00:07:00 Speaker 2: Your body has has done everything it possibly can. 00:07:04 Speaker 3: Your body's like, what is happening now. 00:07:06 Speaker 2: This trader doing to you? 00:07:07 Speaker 3: I feel like he was. I feel that he was making me lift weights in a way that was much more. He was really at higher hopes for my weightlifting career than I certainly I mean truly, I had really never done any exercise, so it was zero to a hundred, and it was way too heavy. I'm not a large gall It's just I just kind of wanted to like get slightly. I don't know it was. I just thought I'm gonna be on TV. I should try I don't know, like and then I quickly it didn't last very long with him. 00:07:40 Speaker 2: This sounds a little bit like when I first I mean, I was going to a small gym and silver Leg, which is from a husband and wife duo. They're wonderful, Dirk and Chanel, but they you have a half an hour and they just absolutely torture you and then you leave. And almost every time I'm dry heaving, just the absolutely go and sit on the curb and dry heave and then pull myself together and drive home. 00:08:05 Speaker 3: I feel like I'm going to say the wrong thing because I'm not a medical professional, nor am I actually that interesting. Like I'm kind of freaked out even by medical programs, so I'm not even that well. But isn't there some kind of like acid that's like lactic as or something when your muscles are secreting something? 00:08:21 Speaker 2: Oh no, you're not. 00:08:22 Speaker 3: I think there's some like when you're getting a lot of like muscular bird and not yet something that I don't know is. 00:08:30 Speaker 2: Just releasing acid into itself or something. 00:08:33 Speaker 3: I don't know, your body's releasing something. And I know I remember like there were be so I started doing like group polat. I was like, okay, I'll do an exercise where I can lie down, you know, so, but I didn't want to pay for plati is like because it's too expensive. But then they started having these classes you could go for like you know, fifteen or twenty bucks and use the group thing, and so guys would come to it, and when they would get to the legs, women, I guess have stronger legs. And when we would do the legs, some of the the new guys would run and throw up, and they you would always say, there's something that their body is releasing. Oh no, yeah, which is moment and fear and like this is unnatural. 00:09:11 Speaker 2: Well, well, it's comforting to know that other people are feeling that my brothers. 00:09:15 Speaker 3: Are of exercising too. I say, I have a question, so are you still exercising or and that's why you still have this body clock. 00:09:24 Speaker 2: I am still exercising at home great, so, you know, like all of us are, but you know, it's it's not nearly as intense. And I also have phone the whole time, right, and I'm not paying any money and have no one to be responsible to, So you know, yes, a little bit of the agony goes away on some level, but you know I'm doing what I can do. 00:09:45 Speaker 3: Yeah, sure, I'm I mean, that's that's the thing I fell in twenty twenty. It's like a fine line between letting myself off the hook. But also but I also know there's the practical side of me that's like if I really throw in the towel, it takes me too long to climb out of the hole. Like I can't let it go so far that I can't quickly get it back together, you know what I mean. So I'm just trying to maintain, which is why I'm wearing jeans today. I wear jeans once a week to make sure I can still zip them. 00:10:18 Speaker 2: Congress congratulations. Wow is great. 00:10:22 Speaker 3: Yeah, I wear jeans. I put them on once a week because I realized I wasn't like I just I didn't want to have like whenever they let us out in twenty twenty, one whenever the cattle gates get opened up and they're like, have that at World. I didn't want to like stumble out of my mole hole and be like, wait, you know, I just wanted my nails to be messed up, in my hair to not be great, but like I wanted to at least be able to kind of fit in my pants. 00:10:47 Speaker 2: So that's what to I mean, start twenty twenty one with having to buy a whole new wardrobe, no, all of it. I mean that could just level you financially. 00:10:55 Speaker 3: Oh truly. I mean, let's be real. We all were like, this is my zoom shirt, like three outfits it goes basically zoom shirt, and this is my good zoom shit. 00:11:04 Speaker 2: It's a great shirt. It's kind of a what do we call this a sailor stripe. 00:11:08 Speaker 3: It's like a fun sailor stripe, like a square neck. It's sort of like a French Girls sailor stripe. 00:11:13 Speaker 2: Yeah, you could easily transition to gondola or yes, I can. 00:11:18 Speaker 3: Have a job in a gondola. So this, yes, I've got this is my like, this is my like black tie zoom shirt. Then I have my B tier casual shirt. It's like my Zoom Taxedo. Then I have sort of my like casual Zoom and I will wear this about fifteen times before I dry clean it. It gets about fifteen. 00:11:43 Speaker 2: I think fifteen is fine. I mean, especially in our current in what are you doing in it? You're nothing. 00:11:50 Speaker 3: I'm just paddling to my bedroom and then I and then I go right to like ooh, like the most undateable like at home sweatpants and pajama sets, like just like just like saw really plush socks. 00:12:06 Speaker 2: It's you know, it's. 00:12:08 Speaker 3: I love a plush sock, and so it's you know, we really don't need. If I did have to buy a new wardrobe, it would really be three tops. That's all I would need. 00:12:17 Speaker 2: But this looks like, you know, I'm this top I'm going to guess is an eighty two hundred dollars top. 00:12:23 Speaker 3: This was I think a sixty dollars top. Okay, I'm getting better at this, Thank you so much. This is from and other stories. I think this was like fifty nine bucks. 00:12:32 Speaker 2: Okay, fifty nine bucks okay, yeah, out of my range. I'm very cheap with shirts, but I'm I guess it like I could win a prices Rite with this, Well. 00:12:39 Speaker 3: It's like a sweater. So if it had been a T shirt, I would not have spent six to fifty nine bucks. But the fact that it's kind of like a cotton sweater and it was like in the sweater department. If this had been on the shirt rack, I wouldn't have bought a sixty dollars shirt, but I would buy a sixty dollars sweater, right I bought. 00:12:56 Speaker 2: I bought a nice sweater for the first time a couple of years ago. I bought it at like a you know, exchange store or whatever. 00:13:05 Speaker 3: Yeah, like Crossroads or cross Roads right right right, or like Buffalo Exchange. 00:13:09 Speaker 2: Yes, I bought it. It looked wonderful that I had, you know, like the sitcom shrink of it happened or ended up being basically a baby's shirt, but then learned you can stretch them back out. How well, don't ask me now, but in my panic, I googled it and there's like you got to essentially get it wet and warm and you can stretch it back out. Okay. 00:13:31 Speaker 3: So that's why I will say if there's something I love and I'm also cheap, and I get cheap clothes, but I've learned, if I love it, I dry clean it, even if if I'm spending even more than I spent on the actual item of clothing, because I have found I will shrink everything or like, well this be so if I really if it's something like this that I was, like, this is my Zoom shirt. I have one stand up dress. It's from Forever twenty one. I think I spent fifteen dollars on it. That's what I wear, what I do stand up, and I have spent so hundreds of dollars dry cleaning this dress. But it's like I've learned like that, like you don't need a ton of stuff, but like to treat it right. The ones that are your favorite. If it's just if it's gonna if it has a possibility of shrinking and you love it dry. 00:14:20 Speaker 2: Cleaning, well, I don't know if this is your you know, as a smaller person, you might be able to relate to this on some level. Most of my clothing items, I'm happy for them to shrink up a bit in the wash. Like jeans, I'm like, let's you know, because the moment after I've worn them, they're too big for me. Again, yes, yes, but you know with the sweater this sort of thing, you've got to be a little bit more careful. But I am happy to throw everything else in hot water. Oh yes, shrink it. 00:14:45 Speaker 1: Up for me. 00:14:45 Speaker 2: Let's go back on my tiny body and fitting. 00:14:48 Speaker 3: And my proportions are. I'm a small gal with the torso. I'm a five foot four person with the torso of a seven foot eight man. 00:14:56 Speaker 2: Them or so is six feet long. 00:14:58 Speaker 3: My torso is six feet long. I'm bill like a corky dog. I'm all corky. So if I could just boil the legs of my my end seam, oh sure, it's a tough, tough en seam. It's so that's like it's trying to like dry, like dry and shrink the prop like just the legs. If I could just shrink the legs. 00:15:20 Speaker 2: Now you're saying you told me you're a garage, but what I'm looking into right now is one of is easily the most pleasant looking garage I've ever seen. The wallpaper looks like as elephants or something wrong. 00:15:32 Speaker 3: Oh my god, can I tell you how happy this makes me? So Bridger, I love design, and I'm also I love a makeover, just in the same way. That I play dress up in the wee hours. I love a glow up. This was a disgusting garage. I could probably find a photo and put it in our chat. This was a disgusting garage. And I so that's actually fabric. So this is a polster. What underneath is soundproofing. And I put fabric over it so it looks. But if you, I don't want to mess up our recording. But let's say, wait, looks. 00:16:13 Speaker 2: It's just incredible. Wait look oh that looks so soft and bouncing. She's fishing on the wall and it's like crossing in yes. 00:16:21 Speaker 3: And then I painted the floor white, just like the cement. I just painted the cement white. And I painted the ceiling. That's all from Ikia. Like I just made it. I made it a magical like my room, my office. It's like my podcast studio slash office. And like I put French doors in it. And it didn't cost much, you know, like you know it really this was I can park my car on the street and. 00:16:48 Speaker 2: Uh, of course this beautiful dancing room. Essentially, yeah, I've got a bounce out. Yeah, where do you find the strength? I just can't do it. 00:16:59 Speaker 3: I love it. I love it. I you know, for me, I think when I've always liked to make things, and so when when you know, I'm thankful that I've been able to make a career like I loved performing, I loved writing, I loved you know, making people laugh, and so being able to do that for a career being an actor and comedian whatever like I So then I'm like, well, then what's my hobby? Like that used to be my hobby. So then so I like design and making things, and and I like it on like a budget, like it doesn't I like sort of the puzzle. I would love to go on like uh, some kind of a design show where they're like, here's a challenge, you get thirty bucks, you get this white you know, here's the white cube. Here's thirty dollars in a glue gun. I like the challenge of the constraints of you know, this fabric was super cheap. It was like really expensive fabric, Like it was really bougie fabric that I found on like a it is John Ropeeshaw, but there was like a discount. It was like leftover, you know, so and everything else is ikia. 00:18:08 Speaker 2: Why can't my hobby be improving my life. I just pro and it's exhausting. I mean, I feel like it's going to break me. You're like picking anything. 00:18:20 Speaker 3: I will if it makes you feel better. The actual process of making it look like this almost killed me, just so you know, the actual process it was overwhelming. The amount of decisions was overwhelming. And that's why even the amount of even if you are doing it on the cheap, even if you are doing like I did a lot of World Market with the coupons, I did Wayfair, I did Overstock, I Target, like it all adds up. So you're like, you know, it's a lot of it's just like overwhelming, and you're like, am I ever going to have money? Like, you know, it's just frightening. But I just felt like, to me, you know, if you have to paint the wall a color, you may as well just you're probably gonna do it once, so you may as well like really think it out and come up with a plan in advance, and you may as well make it kind of magic. 00:19:15 Speaker 2: See I'm just deeply indecisive. And then like in my new place, they are like two shelves in the kitchen that are entirely just for display something that I never expected to have to think about. Yea, what do you put on a what does someone put on a shelf that isn't garbage? 00:19:32 Speaker 3: Okay? Are they open floating shelves? 00:19:35 Speaker 2: Yes? 00:19:36 Speaker 3: Okay, here's what you do. You go to like CB two or even IKEA. You get simple. I'll send you know what, I'll send you some links. 00:19:45 Speaker 2: I'll send you I have to talk about this off of the podcast. 00:19:48 Speaker 3: I'll send you some pictures and if you actually like so, my house was actually featured in the La Times last week. They did a full one. We photographed it in January. So I designed in con This is my first house. It's just a little any house. It's like an I designed and contracted the whole thing. And yeah and so, but I'll but so, I'll send you I'll tell you what. I'll just send you a picture of what I did with mine. And it's very like. You can literally go to like World Market, join their program they do like. 00:20:18 Speaker 2: Off a lot and market podcast. 00:20:21 Speaker 3: This is the World Market Market. 00:20:23 Speaker 2: Guys. 00:20:23 Speaker 3: I'm not sponsored by that, but they actually like Yeah, they sell the same stuff a lot like anthropology cells, but it's a lot cheap. 00:20:30 Speaker 2: You know what occurred to me recently is uh. I think Peer one walked so the World Market could run. Yes, it's you know pier one. 00:20:39 Speaker 3: Back in the day, they had some good vases. They had like they yes, that's exactly. They were like, here's some potpourri, here's some dried flowers, here's some outdoor mets. We're tired, we're going to give up. 00:20:53 Speaker 2: We're going to go fully out of business. 00:20:55 Speaker 3: We're going to go out of business. And World Market is like, do you want to be kind of earthy and like looks like you've traveled the world but not leaving Sano. 00:21:06 Speaker 2: They also buy my cocoa at World Market. Again, I want to be very clear to listeners, this is not a paid promotion for World Market. 00:21:12 Speaker 3: No, no, it was truly let me bee roll with you until I bought my first house and my it was the budget was tight, and I was like, all right, like I need some like I never really did. I've never thought I would spend as much time in World Market as I did. But hey, you can get snacks, you can get and they joined the program. I mean truly I would get like I would wait, I would get forty percent off, but like they throw throw pillows and like candies from Germany and Japanese teas, and you can get a couch and an umbrella like and it's not and it's not that expensive, and it's all pretty cool. 00:21:56 Speaker 2: You've got to don't talk to me about throw pillows. I don't even know what to do in that situation. The whole I've got a couch that I just is going to kill me. 00:22:04 Speaker 3: I went to I was also overwhelmed. And I went to World Market and I just stood there on one of their big weird dated and I just there was so many to pick from, and I just built the visual. I watched what other people were doing, and I kind of built the pile there and I just brought it home. But there's so much cheaper than somebody else. And they look kind of like a bougie silver like roots. 00:22:27 Speaker 2: I mean, if they fall apart, who cares? 00:22:30 Speaker 3: It cares? Who cares? They're like nineteen dollars, Who cares? 00:22:34 Speaker 2: I'd like in two years when they fallen apart, you're probably gonna want a different type of pillow. Anyway, can be a different person. You're going to literally be a coaching. 00:22:42 Speaker 3: You're going to be You're going to be a pilot by that. 00:22:45 Speaker 2: Right, Arden, I mean, speaking of your house. I mean, this is something I didn't I wasn't planning to talk about on the podcast. It wasn't something I didn't even want to get into. But I feel like you brought up the house and we might as well just let's talk about it. So a few weeks ago, we you know, we decided you were going to be on this show, and you and I had some email exchanges and you kind of casually dropped the idea of me coming by your house, and you said, maybe come to my driveway. Yeah, there's going to be something there for you. And I thought, okay, I've never actually met Arden, I've never been to her house. 00:23:32 Speaker 3: What you don't know what good or a bad thing was waiting. You didn't know what it could have been anything. 00:23:36 Speaker 2: I mean, all I knew at the time was you were going to come on my podcast called I said, no. 00:23:41 Speaker 3: Gifts, no, I know, and I wanted to be respectful of. 00:23:44 Speaker 2: That, right, And so I, you know, I put on my mask, I came over to your house, which is so charming, by the way, from the exterior, very nice, just green, gardeny, wonderful little space. I have my sunglasses my mask on suddenly as a stranger, just kind of uh, trespassing on your property, wandering around your driveway. Who knows what your neighbor's are thinking. I don't know what to expect. And then I stumble upon two truly beautifully wrapped boxes. 00:24:19 Speaker 3: I'm so sorry, I know, you said to me. Yeah, I know, I know. I should have listened. 00:24:25 Speaker 2: I know. 00:24:26 Speaker 3: I wish Shia lah Boof had just been waiting for you in art project. I wish that it was like that you came and I'd gotten Shi lah Boof and it was just waiting behind a desk in my driveway, just you know, with a mask and a speedo and that's it, and like just to chat, just to do like that. I wish that. I know I tried to get Shia, but I didn't know him, and right, and I felt like if I'd gotten Shia, I wouldn't have technically been a gift. It would have just been like an experience, you know, like which is also again which is a great gift. But you couldn't accuse me of disrespecting your your. 00:25:00 Speaker 2: Ask and so right, and also both we both have Shia in our lives, and I don't know that anyone wants that. 00:25:06 Speaker 3: I mean, it would be it would be too much. And so I know that you said no gifts. I'm really sorry. I just felt I just I saw these things and I just I felt that I just wanted to give you a little something. 00:25:20 Speaker 2: Okay, appreciate, I appreciate, Yeah, gesture. Sure. On the other hand, Field deeply disrespected. 00:25:27 Speaker 3: That's I'm really sorry. I'm so sorry. 00:25:30 Speaker 2: I mean, we're now in this spot where I mean, do you want me to open them now? Yes? 00:25:35 Speaker 3: I mean do you mind? I mean, if you want to take them back, you can look. 00:25:39 Speaker 2: I mean, I feel like my back is now just against the wall. There's probably footage of me going in your driveway. Who knows what you'll do with that. 00:25:46 Speaker 3: Oh, I've been watching that. That footage has been on loop for weeks weeks. Okay, Well, I mean that's my new that's my new acting reel. 00:25:56 Speaker 2: I think that this is the most beautifully wrapped podcast so far. So let's just give God thank you a blue and purple gift. 00:26:06 Speaker 3: Okay, So the blue gift is the purple gift is really the more of the gift gift. But the blue gift is something that's meaningful to me that, but it will feel I didn't want you to think that. I thought I knew that it wasn't enough of a gift. Okay, So so the blue gift is more like I wanted to share something with you, but I didn't expect to get credit for even though I'm not supposed to give you a gift. So you could start with the blue and then end with the finale. 00:26:33 Speaker 2: Okay, let's start with the blue. Let me get it here. 00:26:36 Speaker 3: Great, you know I'm with the purple. 00:26:38 Speaker 2: Okay, this is a beautiful blue box. It's I mean, the complimentary orange stickers on. It is a little bit of everything. 00:26:46 Speaker 3: It's like an eye hoop color palette. 00:26:48 Speaker 2: Yeah, it kind of does. It's a tasteful eye hoop. 00:26:51 Speaker 3: It's a tasteful eye hop or. Back in the day of Howard Johnson's. 00:26:54 Speaker 2: Oh I never got to go to a Howard Johnson. 00:26:57 Speaker 3: You know, they had very wonderful, terrible spaghetti for kids called Mister Twist, and it wasn't very good, but it was so good. I just, you know, twist mister Twist, and it was like because you would twist up the spaghetti, you know. 00:27:13 Speaker 2: But mister Twist Okay, I'm opening this. I'm I mean, you know, the gift wrapping on this podcast really ran runs the gamut, and sometimes it's essentially not wrapped. So my arms are not that strong. 00:27:28 Speaker 3: Wait, but now you this goes with your This goes with your last eighteen months of like, we're also giving the gift of a workout you've been in training. This is it. This is to for Grace and Shilah Boo. We're going to come out. This is going to Nationals right now. This is it. 00:27:44 Speaker 2: Okay, we're opening it up. 00:27:46 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, okay. 00:27:48 Speaker 2: If I ripped the box, rip. 00:27:50 Speaker 3: It, honey, you better rip it. Let me mad if you don't. 00:27:54 Speaker 2: This is absurd, the beauty of this. Okay, there's a card. She opened the card first in the card. Okay, let's open this up. 00:28:04 Speaker 3: It actually might be thoughtful. I'm not. I can't remember. 00:28:07 Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's me. That's me. 00:28:11 Speaker 3: That's me. 00:28:12 Speaker 1: This is me. 00:28:13 Speaker 2: I mean, well, we'll post the picture to Instagram. 00:28:16 Speaker 3: I look like Barb from Stranger Things. That was my audition headshot for the original Barb from Stranger Things. 00:28:21 Speaker 2: This is a phenomenal photo. When was this sakon. 00:28:26 Speaker 3: Sixth grade isn't she a looker? I think I was twelve of her. 00:28:32 Speaker 2: Oh my god, think thank you. 00:28:34 Speaker 3: That's that's who you're talking. So I'm a natural gin. I'm a natural gin. 00:28:38 Speaker 1: Really. 00:28:38 Speaker 2: Oh yes, collar, the braces, I'm in the hot package, the pop collar. 00:28:44 Speaker 3: She knows she looks good. 00:28:46 Speaker 2: She knows. 00:28:47 Speaker 3: I love the confidence of she's got a pop collar. She's got a terrible haircut, she knows she nailed THEYD thing. 00:28:56 Speaker 2: Like sixth grade. You looks older than you do. Now you know what's mom? 00:29:02 Speaker 3: I will accept My mom is so mad at you in that card right now, that's me. I will accept that compliment. 00:29:09 Speaker 2: This is dear Bridger. I know you said no gifts, but I hope, I hope these goodies make all of your hopes and dreams come true. I'm including an advance copy, oh fantastic of my upcoming memoir, Little Miscontent, And this is something we need to circle back to because I have some questions. Please I think of it. I think it's a fun read with a lot of heart, perfect for the dumpster fire that is twenty twenty. Can't wait to do the pod. So now here we are on the podcast. Oh and your parents are on them. Do you have your own personal cards? What's the deal? 00:29:40 Speaker 3: I made cards for the launch of my book. 00:29:44 Speaker 2: This is incredible. I can't wait to share this photo on the Instagram because people need to see. I mean, I'm showing you. I don't know why. I'm sure. 00:29:51 Speaker 3: I am never tired of like that photo. It's so funny when people because sometimes when I do my podcast live when sometimes when people are like, no, no, it was an ugly duckling, and then you see them and they were fucking stunning. 00:30:07 Speaker 2: And we were like, okay, yeah. 00:30:08 Speaker 3: But I love when we posted the photo and people are like, holy hell, whoa Like you were not exaggerated like it was. It was you know, I was not the coolest kid in school. 00:30:24 Speaker 2: I mean kind of at this point, I'm going to say you you kind of do look cool there. I mean in the period it was fun. 00:30:31 Speaker 3: I look, it was fun, but I mean I wasn't like my milkshake, wasn't bringing all the boys to the yard? 00:30:38 Speaker 2: How was that? Right now, I've dropped something on the floor, so I'm ducking out a frame here. Oh it's just a oh okay, perfect, It's it's for the book. It's a little for the book. 00:30:48 Speaker 3: She's been busy making little all sorts of little you know what, when you're launching a book in a global pandemic, as I always dreamed that I would. 00:30:55 Speaker 2: Be, it's kind of the ideal environment to promote anything. 00:30:59 Speaker 3: Oh, everybody, just it's just really all dreams of a book tour. I always hoped it would be in my garage with a black hole sun. You know, you just make the best of it. So what did I do. I went to the internet and I was like, I'm gonna make some fun little goodies to send to people so they will not be able to like at least the packaging will be fun. Maybe we'll make them want to read it. Oh, keep checking out. There's more. 00:31:22 Speaker 2: Let's I hear like rattling rattle before I open this. Yeah, I mean this is the sound effect of I mean, as far as this podcast goes, the most sound you're gonna get. Yes, yes, there we got wrapping paper. Okay, Oh my gosh, Harden this is this is a phenomenal. I mean, I'm getting a little miss Compton uh tote bag, which is fantastic. 00:31:46 Speaker 3: And I went for the bougie high end canvas. I didn't go for this shitty cotton garbage. That's a that's like a book bag. 00:31:53 Speaker 2: Yes, I could simply put your book, which is right here into Yes, Yes, this is phenomenal. I can't wait to Well, we have things to talk about with specifically a little Compton's Wikipedia page, but we'll circle back because I love that. I think you have some competition. Let's just I can't wait. 00:32:11 Speaker 3: I'm ready for that. I recreated, I recreated the photo. 00:32:16 Speaker 2: Is this a puzzle? It's a puzzle you've gotten so, I mean, this is phenomenal. 00:32:22 Speaker 3: Thank you so much. I recreated my sixth grade photo. I had braces made. What is that I got? I found a prosthetics person that could they they taken a mold of your mouth and they I had braces made and they're like a retainer. I had upper and lower braces made. I wanted that photo to be the first of all. I wanted the sixth grade photo to be my book cover, but they wouldn't let me. And then I wanted the recreation because they wanted me on it. So then I wanted but I didn't want to be pretty lady with like a champagne glass like I fucked them. I didn't want. They always like they put you in like a sexy dress, like I didn't. I'm not the lady. I didn't want to be like in a cute dress like. So then I wanted the recreation of the six grade photo to be the cover and. 00:33:12 Speaker 2: Foss out and is this your cat or is this a prop cat? 00:33:15 Speaker 3: Or that's my cat? Mittens like her thumbs. 00:33:18 Speaker 2: Oh is she what is that called polydactyl polydactyl that's right, polydactyl cats. I've never seen one in in the wild before. I would love to see shaken out. 00:33:28 Speaker 3: Oh you love it. It doesn't disappoint that because she can literally like open doors and drawers and things like she uses it like a she like, yeah, she's smart. 00:33:37 Speaker 2: And like grab you by the throat and she. 00:33:40 Speaker 3: Was like, you give me I told you to give me them greenies. Yeah exactly, Yeah for sure, for sure. 00:33:47 Speaker 2: Did you seek out a polydectyl cat or did you come into your life? 00:33:51 Speaker 3: I did not seek out a polydexyl cat. She came into my life and she has not disappointed. But I will say from now on, if I get any other cats, I would for sure got another one. 00:34:01 Speaker 2: I mean, I don't want to criticize you Arden. Uh, you know, the name Mittens for a cat is wonderful, but I feel like with a polydactyl cat, that cat should be named Gloves. 00:34:10 Speaker 3: Oh. 00:34:11 Speaker 2: I just feel like, yeah, you know, you Scott, this thing has fingers. 00:34:15 Speaker 3: You're absolutely right, you know, I she came with the name. 00:34:19 Speaker 2: Oh, okay, I could. 00:34:20 Speaker 3: Have switched it. I mean, it's a cat, so I'm sure she could have rolled with Gloves. She probably you know, she's kind of a bruiser, so that it's it's I could probably switch it. 00:34:32 Speaker 2: It's worth considering. I mean I will nickname maybe from Uncle Bridger's. 00:34:39 Speaker 3: Oh Uncle Bridger. Well, I'm excited for the gift. 00:34:44 Speaker 2: Gift, Okay, I mean should we let's talk about the little the little content Wikipedia page for a moment, because I did look into this before you came on, and I, you know, my standard forty to sixty seconds of research, and I was looking up a little Compton because I'm just very curious. It's in Rhode Island. It's a very small town right there in the title, of course, But then you get on the Wikipedia page and this is never I've never. 00:35:07 Speaker 3: Been on the Wikipedia page. So this is fascinating here. 00:35:11 Speaker 2: I mean, there's a chance you have and you're just lying because somebody has. This is the most editorialized intro to a town. Let me just read a few lines from this Wikipedia I've never been on it. 00:35:21 Speaker 3: I can't wait. 00:35:22 Speaker 2: Okay, So you know, you get your standard little Compton as a coastal town in Newport County, Road island, blah blah blah blah. Then you get to the next paragraph, and the first line of this paragraph is the town clings to the past, just as it clings to the coast. And then you know, just kind of beautiful descriptions of the town. And then you get to the final line of the intro to this Wikipedia page. And let's keep in mind Wikipedia is an encyclopedia. It is not a novel. It says sleepy, sunlit summer days, bringing antique vehicle collectors out onto the roadways as if time stands. Who is working on the Little Compton wick. 00:36:04 Speaker 3: I have to tell you what. Here's what's crazy, and this is what. So last year I brought to Little Compton. I brought Brian Sofie, Lauren Lopkiz, and Debbie Ryan so like well, you took them there they came. We all we rented in Airbnb and we all went to a little compton and my and my castle and and they were all like they all loved it. But it real, and I try to capture in the book is like it really does. You feel like a time traveler. 00:36:35 Speaker 2: Like looks wonderful. 00:36:36 Speaker 3: It really is. And like there's like a little coffee shop that's in like a barn and an apple orchard and like that's the coffee shop. 00:36:45 Speaker 2: You know, what a charming place. 00:36:47 Speaker 3: And it was founded in the sixteen hundreds. I mean, there's no stoplights, there's a town there. Oh there's for sure, witches have been killed there. There's no four way intersections because that's where they could put in colonial times, like pre pre America, that you could only put a bar or serve alcohol at a four way intersection, so that all of the intersections. So it's like but I remember Brian. Brian had like a Wham shirt with him, like a George Michael Wham and he was like he was like, oh can I not wear this? I was like, you don't get it, Like nobody will care, like nobody will eeve in. It's really live and let live, like it's just this. It's just this other worldly place that I happened to fly into. And it really when I got out in the world, when I would tell, like if I did monologues at ask at a UCB or whatever, people are like, wait, what what is this town? And so there's a lot of that. 00:37:45 Speaker 2: In this It's difficult to get to. 00:37:47 Speaker 1: It is. 00:37:48 Speaker 3: It's very difficult to get to. I mean you have to go out of your way to get there. So you basically would fly to you use a time machine, you click your elders time and you say apple pie to get there. From La you fly direct to Logan in Boston, or you could fly to Providence and then from Logan it's like an hour and a half drive. It's the it's basically like the end of the earth. It's a peninsula. It's the last it's like the last stop on the train and get less and less steal service. Three thousand people during the winter, six thousand in the summer. 00:38:24 Speaker 2: Oh wow. They die and they die and they die or eat each other. 00:38:29 Speaker 3: They eat each other and then they revive. They go to their sarcophagus for nine months and then we give them a potion and we wake them up in the apple orchard. 00:38:39 Speaker 2: Yes, the number of undead is just exponentially growing in little Compton, you know. 00:38:44 Speaker 3: What, And everybody's cool with it. And that's that's just the gym. 00:38:48 Speaker 2: As long as there's a coffee shop in an apple barn, it's that. 00:38:53 Speaker 1: Is. 00:38:53 Speaker 3: It's like, there's like a little barn in an apple orchard, and that's the coffee shop. But it's like it's like the size of my little here, Like that's this tiny barn. 00:39:02 Speaker 2: You gotta go. 00:39:03 Speaker 3: It's so great, it's so funny. 00:39:06 Speaker 2: Wait, what's It's just a funny, strange place. 00:39:09 Speaker 3: It's a strange place. Like so when I was growing up, allegedly, allegedly we had no we had no police station. Allegedly the chief of police could not read at the time. And again, you know small towns. I don't know if it, but people kept voting back into office because there was no crime. Nobody locks her doors. And then while like it turned out to be the site of the third largest drug bust in the history of the United States. 00:39:34 Speaker 2: What people were it was. 00:39:37 Speaker 3: Hash was getting rolled. It was like coming in at night on the fishing boats, like off the coast and like rolled up into rugs that because nobody was like, because there was no crime, who would you know, And then the town the police got a percentage of the street value of the drugs. I mean it was they got like, you know, million into millions and millions and millions of dollars that they had to just use on the police force. So then they got like night vision goggles, and they got like an indoor firing range, and they got some of the stuff that was seized from like the drug like so they got like the yacht that the you know, the yacht. There was like t top firebird cars that got made into cop cars. I mean, it was just crazy. It's so fun. It's just that shit. 00:40:27 Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like they really swung from like wonderful Colonial Williamsburg to like escape from New York all of a sudden where the police are militarized and just have night vision. What's happening RoboCop? 00:40:40 Speaker 3: No, it does like RoboCop, but then it's like, you know, and then there was this lady that would hang out at the general store who had no teeth and and smoke a corn cob pipe and she couldn't drive, and so she would have like teenage boys deliver groceries to her and she would show up nude and answer the door. 00:40:55 Speaker 2: You know, there was like this was a land of wonders. 00:40:57 Speaker 3: It was just a land of wonders and they're all And my parents married on a dare. They met in Manhattan and they married on a dare. And when they had kids, they moved to this town and too little Compton, and so it was just talk about sort of this unusual upbringing work both the actual house was a little bit like wacky. And then I was in this town, but I was raised by people from Manhattan. So even though I went to like the local public schools like that, I was aware that there was a world out there, but I lived here. 00:41:32 Speaker 2: I need to circle back to your parents marrying on a dare? Who dare your parents? 00:41:36 Speaker 3: What? 00:41:37 Speaker 2: I need you to break that down. 00:41:39 Speaker 3: Okay, So my parents, Janet and Willie Marine, they met they worked in New York and they were coworkers and my dad was sort of the fun bad boy and my mom was sort of like the innocent like cutie pie. You know, I don't know who like Kate Hudson or a doors Day. I don't know, like who's today's version of that I don't know. 00:41:59 Speaker 2: I'm not going to try to guess, because I am very bad at that. 00:42:03 Speaker 3: I'm too the picture of your average little cutie pie Arta marine, like an art and marine type. So they so everybody got two weeks vacation, and they were all out like cocktailing on New Year's and so they were like trying to figure out how to like screw over the man. And they were like, oh my god, what if one of us got married. And then so my dad dared my mom. They'd never been on a date, and there was like in a group of people, it was like, get it, you and me, we're gonna get married. We're gonna take that extra We're gonna have four weeks vacation. We're gonna get the extra two weeks. I'll pay for us to go down to South America. We'll go on like a four week honeymoon. We'll have a blast, we'll come back and we'll get it in ault. So she they they decided, she agreed. They just looked for a bible to swear on. They couldn't find a bible. They found a cookbook. So they swore on this cookbook and the next day she thought about it. She had. She she called him up the next day and called his bluff and was like, I'll do it, but I don't want to get it annulled. And then she had a date that night that she went on and like totally made out with that guy because in her brain it was like the last guy she might make out with. And then that guy called later on to ask, like for another date, and her roommate was like, oh, she's engaged, and the guy was pissed. 00:43:26 Speaker 2: But wow, that's incredible. 00:43:29 Speaker 3: Yeah, and then they my grandparents never knew. I didn't not till I was like fourteen, you know, and they met him as her fiance. Shey had a proper wedding, like six weeks later. She borrowed her best friend's dress named Arden that's who I was named after her beautiful. They went to South America for a month and then they just stayed married. 00:43:47 Speaker 2: They got in the drug trade and started sewing hat. 00:43:49 Speaker 3: And then they and then they got They did really well for a little while and then it all got shut down. 00:43:56 Speaker 2: Wait, but they are still married. 00:43:58 Speaker 3: They were my father passed away. Oh okay, I'm sorry, but but they they've married for fifty years. 00:44:03 Speaker 2: I mean It's amazing, what a beautiful story. 00:44:05 Speaker 3: It's so crazy, it's so you know it. They were an odd pair, but they like they kind of you know, when it's your parents, You're like, that's just a couple. That's what a couple looks like. So it definitely I always wondered, like, how did that happen? But you know, you just accept it that that's that's normal, that's your. 00:44:28 Speaker 2: Kind of work. Yeah, maybe more people should get married on a dare worse things? 00:44:34 Speaker 3: I love your name. By the way, I've never met a Bridger. Yeah that is that a shortened or is that the proper name. 00:44:40 Speaker 2: It's the name. I'm named after a mountain man named Jim Bridger, who was I guess you know, the fact that I haven't really looked into this that much says a lot about me. But from what I know is I think he was like the first white person to discover the Great Salt Lake. I see, I see, the first European. He was a mountain man. Okay, okay, I'm from some like my parents name. They liked the name Bridger, and so here we are. 00:45:07 Speaker 3: Your name is Your name feels like a character in like an Edward Gorey book or some magical storytale. Like like it feels regal, it feels elegant. It feels like you would have like a mustache and like a raccoon coat, and. 00:45:24 Speaker 2: Like there all the things I want. Yes, Like I. 00:45:27 Speaker 3: Feel like like and that you'd be like a robber baron, like just rich, rich rich, you know, and like just raised by eighteen nannies. And then one day he found love. He found love, like under the stairwell. There was like, you know, a person living under this and they found like just it's such a great character name. 00:45:46 Speaker 2: Well, I appreciate that, you know, it has its pros and cons, but I do enjoy my name interesting, you know, the difficulties of the which you probably run into well as well with an unconventional name. Wait is your name? Is your last name Welsh? What's Swedish? Its Swedish? Oh, Swedish. Anytime a name has just a lot of letters that don't quite make sense to me, I think, oh, this is Welsh, you. 00:46:10 Speaker 3: Know what it could easily that's the right lane of the highway. I feel like there's some well, you know, my brother and I our full names are both mouthfuls, and it's. 00:46:18 Speaker 2: Like, what's your auther's name? 00:46:20 Speaker 3: His name is Alaric, but his full name is Folka Eleric Wilhelm Marine the third. 00:46:26 Speaker 2: Wow, that's incredible. 00:46:27 Speaker 3: Yeah, And he's like Alaric was like a Visigoth. They're just like all drunk Vikings. It's house fancier that it is. It's all just like drunk Viking. It's so and then it goes back to like this sixteen hundreds town. Like I had my friend read the book who grew up in a much different kind of a household, Like her dad is from Iran, she grew up up near Sacramento. She's reading this and she's me and my brother and she's like, this is like another fucking planet man, like you and your brother like whoa Like this is just like and like she just could not she loved it, but she's like, this world is a different plan act. 00:47:07 Speaker 2: It truly is. I mean I grew up like outside of Salt Lake City, which was like small town. I mean, you know, their fields and this sort of thing. But what you're describing to me is a whole other universe. I can't wait to learn more about Little Compton. 00:47:20 Speaker 3: I would like to say one more thing when I tour doing stand up when it's normal times. Salt Lake City, best looking crowds in America, interesting, most beautiful. 00:47:31 Speaker 2: Okay, I mean I'm gonna I'm gonna just say one thing. Bless Utah. Bless a lot of the good things happening there, a lot of the bad things I'm not in support of. But every time I get to the airport, and I will say, I know a lot of good looking people in Utah, but every time I go to the Salt Lake Airport, I see a let's just say it, a lot of ugly men. Oh okay, I feel like, oh yeah, that's get a decent haircut, or put on a shirt that fits or take off I mean Cargo Short city, Yes, Cargo Short. 00:48:05 Speaker 3: A lot of car I'm not saying styled right, Okay, I'm not saying that they've been styled right. But the Jane Pool, I'm like the women. The women, I'm like, wow, this is a They're very attractive and they I was nervous that I would be to solcy or you know, sassy and ready to go. Super great crowds, very fun like I have. I've done a few shows in Utah and always had a good time. 00:48:35 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I think that bands have the similar experience. I think people in Utah are craving entertainment to end. Yes, you know something that feels a little different from the norm. So yes, and you seem I mean this is a compliment you could very well mold into. You could be a queen of Mormons. 00:48:56 Speaker 3: Did you grow up Mormon? 00:48:57 Speaker 2: Mormon? 00:48:57 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean that's a journey. 00:49:00 Speaker 2: It's a real journey, whole journey. 00:49:02 Speaker 3: Do you still talk to your family? 00:49:03 Speaker 2: I do. I uh, you know, it's a I grew up Mormon and my you know, I'm a homosexual. I'm a gay man, which I came out much later in life. But it's a whole It affects you in a big way. I didn't come out until I was thirty because but I hadn't been involved with the Mormon Church for a decade before I came out. But it just weighs heavily on you, of course. But I'm sorry. Yeah, my family is wonderful and they were wonderful when I came out, very supportive. 00:49:34 Speaker 3: You know, there's just you must have been terrified to come out. I mean be. 00:49:37 Speaker 2: Horrified, absolutely horrified. I was ready to never speak I mean for them to never speak to me again, because that does happen a lot in Mormon families. And fortunately my parents are wonderful, but it is it's a weird. 00:49:49 Speaker 1: Uh. 00:49:50 Speaker 2: It's just an interesting thing to go back there and be out and to still have a lot of wonderful Mormon people in my life. But I obviously fully disagree with the way the Mormon Church treats gay people and queer people. Yeah, and it's word that I even feel odd saying that because it's an absolute titan of a church. It's like I should be able to say whatever I want. I spent thirty years in my life closeted because of this thing. 00:50:21 Speaker 3: Right right, No, I mean, you know, it's an interesting look. I'll tell you. Writing the book and like talking there, my mom was wonderful and my dad was tricky and I and there is something I think when you grow up with some like whatever household you fly into, whatever hand you're delt, you're sort of are brought up to sort of toe the line of whatever, and it's natural to want to fit in with your homestead, Like it's natural to want to have your nest where is your home, like where it feels like it's home on earth. It's natural to not want to like rock the boat so that you might get shunned. 00:51:09 Speaker 2: You will always want to have that thing to return, just the possibility or that it's comforting to have that. 00:51:15 Speaker 3: And I and you know, it was an interesting thing like working, you know, one of the I think is a very funny. The book is a funny, funny read. But it was also you know, I feel like in twenty twenty and that people appreciate, you know, like that not everything is always like perfect for everybody, and like how do you sort of show a little bit of the man behind the curtain, just so I think to me, I always relate, like I appreciate when somebody shows a little bit of like this was good, this was fun, These were the good things, but like there was some complicated stuff too. Oh yeah, And then you're like, oh I could and you're like oh, then, you know, you want people to feel like they're not alone if they have some things or maybe not perfect, do you know, like and that you can be okay even if it wasn't even if you know somebody told you that what you're doing is wrong or who you are, like that you can still know your truth and go do your thing and be a happy adult, even if it's not necessarily with what you were told. 00:52:19 Speaker 2: No, that's I mean, essentially, my entire goal in life is you know, when you're told your entire childhood that if you leave this thing or if you come out of the closet or whatever, your life will be destroyed. And yeah, my whole goal is just to prove that wrong, to prove to other people, who, other men, women, whoever within these things that are being told that it's going to fall apart, that it's going to be fine. Yeah you can. You can do whatever you want. You can have a full, wonderful life and be a human being. Go for it. 00:52:50 Speaker 3: It's an interesting thing too, you know. You know I didn't, I didn't grow up Mormon, but. 00:52:56 Speaker 2: Like, were you religious at all? 00:52:58 Speaker 3: No? My family my dad was an atheist and my mom was sort of but it was sort of like that New England waspy thing of it. You just sort of don't talk about things you know and like, and so it's an interesting and that you kind of have to like go along to get along a little bit, and that that, you know, I feel like there's just so much in my life learning, oh, like the beauty of getting older and like getting out of the house and not being a kid. It's like you can start to see what is your cup of tea and what isn't your cup of tea, and see what makes your tail wag and go, like even just questioning, like oh, maybe just taking a second and going maybe that doesn't work for me, or maybe I don't know. Maybe it's okay if I say the truth. I don't know. 00:53:48 Speaker 2: Maybe it's okay if I feel okay in my own life. I feel like I have this other gift to so sorry. 00:53:56 Speaker 3: I gave you two gifts. I know you said no gifts, and I wrapped up too. 00:54:00 Speaker 1: Gif. 00:54:00 Speaker 2: I'm gonna I'm gonna open it. 00:54:02 Speaker 3: Yeah, this is the party gift. 00:54:04 Speaker 2: This is also beautiful. It's purple and orange and yes, I am just going to rip right into it here. 00:54:11 Speaker 3: I love a party, I love a birthday. I love a gift. I'm a festive gal. Oh, I will celebrate you if you let me. Is I ordered this for you. I ordered this for you. 00:54:23 Speaker 2: My boyfriend is going to be absolutely thrilled. I am thrilled. This is the Golden Girls version of clue. Yes, this, I had no idea that they even made this. Look at the look at what. 00:54:35 Speaker 3: The pieces are, and you're trying to solve, like who ate the last piece of cheesecake? 00:54:39 Speaker 2: Oh, so the Golden Girls do not murder each other? 00:54:42 Speaker 3: I don't know. I couldn't because I wanted to dig in, but but it was sealed. But if you look on the back, it has so they have like handbags. It's like the Lnai you got, like, like. 00:54:52 Speaker 2: What are they? 00:54:52 Speaker 3: What are they? 00:54:53 Speaker 2: What are the games? So Rattan chair, which you know I've been I've been looking for a Rattan coffee table. Rat Ratan, ratan. I've been looking for a Ratan coffee table. If anyone can give me a hint on how. 00:55:06 Speaker 3: To do that, you have, I got some tips. 00:55:08 Speaker 2: I can of whip cream, great, a feathered slipper, Sophia's purse, of course, lipstick, and did I already say bathrobe? No, you've got six suspects. You've got the gals, You've got your four Golden girls, but you also get Stan and Miles. I mean gender diversity there the two Golden guys. Wow, And so you know, I'm hoping it looks like it is a you know, like who ate the cheesecake? This sort of thing. But maybe there's also murder. 00:55:38 Speaker 3: I hope there's a murder. 00:55:39 Speaker 2: I really murdered Blanche yourself. 00:55:42 Speaker 3: I hope, I hope there's a murder. I would love that there'd be a murder. I mean, I have to tell you, I was. I really thought hard. I was like, what am I going to get Bridger? Like I need to. I know he said no gifts, but I feel like, look, times are tough right now, and I feel like he needs a party. Like you, it may not be your best year ever, but you don't need to make it your worst, so you may as well buckle down and go all right, there's a freaking pandemic. There's black hole sun. But at least I have Golden Girl's clue. 00:56:12 Speaker 2: Oh, this is fantastic. This is a year. I was texting with a friend earlier who he had just eaten some eaten in his car, and he said it felt like a personal low, and I said, this is a year for personal lows. Oh, as many personal lows as you possibly can get. 00:56:25 Speaker 3: Oh, lower the bar, honey, lower the bar. I mean, if you are if you wash your hair once every ten days. Chef's kiss. Like, if you make your bed once in a while, you're doing great. Just lower the. 00:56:42 Speaker 2: Bar, you steal a piece of cheesecake. Corse. 00:56:45 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, I have twenty twenty. Hello Bottom, Like that's what I say, Hello Bottom. 00:56:51 Speaker 2: Are you a big Golden Girls fan? 00:56:54 Speaker 3: You know I am. I'm not a huge fan, but when it's on, I'll watch one and I'm oh, and it's so funny. 00:57:01 Speaker 2: Oh, it's holds up. I mean, I've never been like a super fan, but I've always enjoyed it, and it holds up so well. I mean its usually don't know it. 00:57:10 Speaker 3: I you know, I've always enjoyed what I've seen. But I am a big board game fan, and I know the archetypes of the four characters right right, So you know I would be very excited to play that game. 00:57:25 Speaker 2: Yes, this is phenomenal. And it has a beautifully painted image of the four Golden Girls. Who knows who painted this, but I mean the entire package is stunning. It has like the green leaf wallpaper, I mean the whole thing. It has a piece of cheese scape. 00:57:41 Speaker 3: It was really you know, it's so rare that you feel that you've thought of the right gift, and I felt so excited when I thought, I was like, what am I gonna do? What am I going to get? What am I going to get? And then then I thought, I know, I know exactly what I'm going to get. I know I knew. And then after I ordered it, I saw something else. I was like, ooh, I kind of wish I had that. But I found on Etsy they make rings of friendship rings of each of the four ladies. 00:58:07 Speaker 2: Oh you're kidding paper so. 00:58:08 Speaker 3: Like, but I'd already ordered the other one, and I was like, oh, would you rather? And then I thought, no, he'd probably rather have the game. 00:58:13 Speaker 2: I like a piece of jewelry, you know, you know, like is it. 00:58:20 Speaker 3: Then you have to wear like a Blanche ring? 00:58:21 Speaker 1: You know? 00:58:24 Speaker 2: Suddenly but maybe then I find out that I'm a huge jewelry person and just get addicted to rains. 00:58:28 Speaker 3: You can look like a magician who's a huge Golden Girls friend, and there's tons of like a I don't know why, like you would need to take it magic. 00:58:37 Speaker 2: Oh, my boyfriend truly is a Golden Girls super fan, and not in the like you know, there's the way of like that feels sort of trendy or whatever, but there was someone who's definitely dedicated to the Golden Girls. This is going to be thriller. 00:58:52 Speaker 3: I mean, look, Clue is fun anyway, so like and then when you throw the fun of I don't know what, like, I don't know what they're setting up for me as the actual mission, I'm not like the fun of a new mission of Clue. 00:59:05 Speaker 2: Terrific, phenomenal. 00:59:07 Speaker 3: I'm so glad. I'm so glad that I guess correctly. 00:59:09 Speaker 2: Do you watch any old reruns of anything that you like in particular? Oh that's so. 00:59:14 Speaker 3: Interesting old reruns. Oh gosh, oh my god, I love No. I would have to be something that's not just like on I would have to like hunt it down, like, but I love I never ever said to watch an eastbounding down I will say, but I will say once in a while, like if I'm touring or whatever, like if I turn on a friends in the hotel room is always funny to me. Seinfeld is generally always funny to me. Yes, always want what do you like to watch it as a rerun? 00:59:54 Speaker 2: I'll tell you what. I didn't watch it when it was on the air, But news radio kills me. Phil Hartman. 01:00:00 Speaker 3: He's so good. 01:00:02 Speaker 2: He was so good, truly the funniest. 01:00:04 Speaker 3: He was good. I haven't seen that in a long time. 01:00:06 Speaker 2: It holds up, Oh, it holds up so well. I mean Andy Dick all things aside is very funny. The man's a. 01:00:12 Speaker 3: Mediac, he's a maniac. But when he burst onto the scene, he really was something like he's something special. He's funny. 01:00:21 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean the last I actually saw him in person in La a couple of years ago in a Hamburger restaurant with what appeared to be some sort of teen or early twenties intern and they were strategizing a social media strategy or something, and it felt unhinged. 01:00:37 Speaker 3: My I remember performing a Mad TV group show and somehow he ended up in the audience and I felt something slimy and slippery going too my hand. 01:00:49 Speaker 2: You never want to feel something slimy and slippery around Andy Dick. 01:00:53 Speaker 3: No, And I looked down and he put like a piece of like like a drumstick from Popeye's Chicken. He'd slithered into my hand. It was the shape and the texture of just something you didn't want to feel slithering into your hand from behind. I felt like my hand was behind me. I didn't know Andy Dick was there. I felt this thing slithering in and it was like a drumstick of like Kentucky Fried Chicken. 01:01:16 Speaker 2: Oh surprise Chicken. Yeah, nobody else. 01:01:21 Speaker 3: That fell unhinged and on brand. 01:01:23 Speaker 2: It was both. 01:01:24 Speaker 3: It was both tight and loose at the same time. 01:01:27 Speaker 2: You can count on a Andy. I feel like it's time to move on to a game. 01:01:31 Speaker 3: I love a game. 01:01:32 Speaker 2: Do you want to play. There's a game called Gift Master, or a game called Gift or a Curse. 01:01:37 Speaker 3: Oh, gift or a curse? 01:01:38 Speaker 2: Please right, give me a number between one and ten nine. All right, I have to calculate really quickly. You can promote something, recommend something, do whatever you want for the next minute or so. I'll be right back. 01:01:49 Speaker 3: Okay, you guys, listen. I'm not trying to be a total hooker. But I wrote a whole book, and it's really hard to write a book. And if you order it now, I've got a special gift for you. One of the things that I give to Bridger the tote if you order. I partnered with Premier Collectibles, So if you order the book, not only do you get for the price of the book, you get a signed copy and that nice canvas tote bag that you could actually use as like a book bag, a little Miss Compton, little Miss Little Compton tote bag. If you go to Arden Marine looks like myronbook dot com. That's ardenmyronbook dot com. Or you are invited to our book release party slash variety show that is going to be Saturday, September twenty six at five pm at Dynasty Typewriter and any doesn't matter what times on you're in because it's going to be online. It's going to be me and Lauren lop Gez, she plays Missy and the Wrong Missy, and then we're doing like some readings and stuff like that that it's going to be a full show. We've got Rob Benedict from Supernatural. He's going to come on and tell a story. He's going to do a Katie Perry cover. We've got Brian Sophie from the podcast Throwing Shade and My Brother, plus surprise guests. And if you order through Dynasty Typewriter it's five dollars. You can either watch live and chat with us online or the link will be up for the entire week on YouTube. Is Dynasty typewriter dot com. Saturday, September twenty sixth, the book release party Variety Show, five Pacific. 01:03:24 Speaker 2: Wonderful, wonderful use of the promotion. You're just laser focused and you were able to get all that information just in time. 01:03:30 Speaker 3: Thank you. 01:03:31 Speaker 2: This is what's going to happen. Gift to a curse. I'm going to name three things great and each one you're going to tell me if it's a gift or a curse and why, and there are correct answers, so you could fall on your face in a huge way. I love it and be shamed, so just love it. I love this all right. This first one is actually a suggestion from a listener named Josh. Josh is asking gift or a curse? Yeah, scented trash bags curse. It is a curse. They are disgusting. 01:04:01 Speaker 3: You buy them because you think, oh my trash smells bad. I've bought these. I have bought these fabreeze bags, I've bought the like fresh downy whatever. And because because I like, you know, I've stayed in many in Airbnb for long periods of time, and I'm like, I want to be a good, you know, a good I want to get nice recommendations. They smell so gnarly. Curse. 01:04:28 Speaker 2: I mean, what are even talking about? Why are we even still making these things with absolute curse. Anytime we're trying to disguise a bad smell, it does not work. It just multiplies the bad smell because now the bad smell smells like a rotting body. 01:04:45 Speaker 3: It's only a rotting body, and like your Grandma's like poperri, it's not. It's a really heavy sort of floral, but like streakly is not. 01:04:55 Speaker 2: We're adding a sweetness to garbage. 01:04:57 Speaker 3: It's a sweet garbage. We don't need that. 01:05:00 Speaker 2: Give me a nice plastic smell, yes, just a bad chemical. I don't need any scent associated with garbage. 01:05:09 Speaker 3: Okay, no, no, by yeah. 01:05:12 Speaker 2: Absolutely nailed that one. So let's move on to number two, which is gift or a curse. Silk plants. 01:05:21 Speaker 3: Ooh, my first thought was curse, but I'm going to say, a well done silk plant in the pandemic. A well done silk plant, I think can cheer you up in a pandemic. I think it'll you know, you will look at it and think a little acute in a zoom background. I think when times are normal and you can if you live somewhere where you live near a deli and you can or go to Trader Joe's and spend not a ton of money, like six dollars get yourself a nice bouquet. I think that. So I'm going to say, pandemic gift regular time. 01:05:57 Speaker 2: Curse, Arden, I need a car to answer from you here. 01:06:01 Speaker 3: I mean, I'm not I'm not a silk plant. 01:06:03 Speaker 2: Gal. 01:06:06 Speaker 3: My gut says, My gut says, curse. 01:06:09 Speaker 2: You're doing an incredible job here, they absolutely. I mean the curse for me with a silk plant is the temptation, because you know, I do kill a lot of plants. Yeah, and so there's always this. You'll see them at a store and of course it looks fine in the store because it's in the store. So there's the temptation to bring it home. But you know, you're never going to be satisfied. It's always going to be this nagging feeling that you almost have the real thing. Yeah, but you've just got and I've never I don't know that I've ever actually seen one that I was impressed by. There's the technology we need to. 01:06:43 Speaker 3: Those behind me are fake and they were from like a photo shoot from my friend. Okay, and I'm aware that they're like, I know they're fake, right. 01:06:53 Speaker 2: And don't you feel a little empty? 01:06:55 Speaker 3: I feel a little I feel a little cheap, looking like when you look at that, do you think Arden likes yourself and have flowers or do you think Arden has fakes? All that ikea bookshelf. 01:07:05 Speaker 2: From where I'm sitting on Zoom, it looks like you have a beautiful thing. So you get to live with that empty lie your life. 01:07:11 Speaker 3: I've said, that's what I'm saying. For a pandemic. They're good for zoom, but you don't want too many. You got to pick one. 01:07:17 Speaker 2: Yeah. The moment you start getting more than one, people know immediately this is there's no way she's keeping these things alone. 01:07:22 Speaker 3: Yeah, and every time, always a pink roses. Okay, Okay, okay, Queen of England. 01:07:29 Speaker 2: Wow, okay, two out of two. You've got. 01:07:32 Speaker 3: You know, that was hard because I almost said gift, because I started with gift, but I ended with I know because I know that it's a curse. Obviously. 01:07:40 Speaker 2: Yeah, you've got to just go with the But of course we're learning here that you're you're okay with being dishonest with yourself. 01:07:47 Speaker 3: Oh I've been lying myself for years. I've been lying myself for years. 01:07:52 Speaker 2: Let's get onto this final one. Gift your curse. Fried eggs on hamburgers. 01:07:57 Speaker 3: Oh, gift. I've never had one, but the thought of it made my tail wagon. I thought, give me that. Now it's gonna be hard on the arteries. You don't want to do it every day, but like fucket bucket, why not? 01:08:12 Speaker 2: Yes, gift Arden, I'm so sorry that you did so well on number one, number two both you nailed it. A Frida egg on a hamburger. I know where you're coming from, and you've never had one, and I think this is where your ignorance comes from. It's an absolute curse. 01:08:26 Speaker 3: It gross. 01:08:29 Speaker 2: If the actual thing, if the dream could be lived of the egg on the hamburger, yes it would be delicious, but it is an absolute mess. This is a product where you will have egg running all over your hands. 01:08:44 Speaker 3: I pictured on tight fry. I didn't picture a loose it's egg. 01:08:47 Speaker 2: You're never getting a tight fry. That's the product. 01:08:50 Speaker 3: Okay. I thought it was like overwell. In my mind, I thought it was just like a nice fried overwell. Oh, I don't want to run the egg on my I've disgusted. 01:08:59 Speaker 2: Well, un fortunately, I have yet to find one where I get where my hands are clean while I'm eating the ham. 01:09:05 Speaker 3: But but I enjoy like a bebim bop egg on top of the bebim bop and. 01:09:09 Speaker 2: It's going because you got a fork or you have chopsticks. 01:09:11 Speaker 3: You're absolutely right. I God, I'm so glad I can't here run. I learned my life and no, I know no, I know that if I go, I will never order that. 01:09:19 Speaker 2: If you ran a diner, you know what you need to be doing, and. 01:09:22 Speaker 3: I need to work. I need to run a diner Bridger. 01:09:26 Speaker 2: But I guess the general curse is the I mean, yes you do. The curse is that we have this possibility, yet it's, as far as I know, unattainable. I can't believe a decent egg on a hamburger. 01:09:37 Speaker 3: I can't believe I got so close to being your golden guest. 01:09:40 Speaker 2: I know three for three you would have won one hundred thousand dollars. 01:09:43 Speaker 3: I needed that so badly. Who's going to pay for all these IKEA share? 01:09:46 Speaker 2: You're going to be selling your house. 01:09:48 Speaker 3: I've got to sell my house. Somebody, just buy my book because I need I need that. I spent all this time because when I was one of these fucking toads and these puzzles. 01:09:56 Speaker 2: Come on, lost one hundred grand. 01:09:58 Speaker 3: I just lost one hundred grand. I need it. Just men moo me, ven moo me. I'll send her a Venmo. 01:10:04 Speaker 2: Request, a request to America. 01:10:08 Speaker 3: I used to send Debbie Ryan, who was the star of Insatiable. I used to send her for fun Venmo requests for seventeen thousand dollars. 01:10:19 Speaker 2: There's always that small hope that the person will go for it or. 01:10:22 Speaker 3: Will accidentally, like hit the wrong button. I would send her and then and then there was so I sent her one. It made me left so hard. I sent her this Venmo request and then she ignored it. And then I made our co star text her and be like, why won't you give artists? Think I'm not giving me seventeen thousand dollars. 01:10:42 Speaker 2: Yeah, you feel bad that she didn't do Actually she. 01:10:45 Speaker 3: Really should have. I think she wrote the ForWord for my book because she felt bad that she didn't venoize. 01:10:50 Speaker 2: That's probably worth at least ten at. 01:10:52 Speaker 3: Lasia worth ten thousand dollars for sure. 01:10:55 Speaker 2: Sure. I think at some point Elon Musk's Venmo information was out, and I do think I did request money from him. Elon, if you're listening, Grimes, if you're listening, yes, one of you, reach out to me and request name again, baby Baby, reach out to me Venmo, me the money. The family won't miss it. 01:11:18 Speaker 3: They're not going to miss it. They're not They're not even gonna. 01:11:21 Speaker 2: Of course not. I mean for I love that they're together. 01:11:24 Speaker 3: That's such a wild card. 01:11:25 Speaker 2: Like Rhymes has lost a lot of my respect. Rhymes. I love your music. I love you, but it's this guy got to go. 01:11:33 Speaker 3: This guy he's he's Yeah, he's a journey. 01:11:36 Speaker 2: He is a journey. 01:11:38 Speaker 3: He is a journey. 01:11:39 Speaker 2: We're moving to the final thing. Our listeners need help Arden. This is called I said no questions. People are writing into I said no gifts at gmail dot com. They're asking for help giving gifts in their lives. So let me read this to you real quick. I love this Bridger and wonderful mystery guests, and Arden is a wonderful mystery guess. I'm looking for an idea for an anniversary gift for my wife. We're sticking to traditional anniversary gifts, which means this year's is fruit or flowers, which is the fourth anniversary. They want to do something out of the box, so it could be flower or fruit adjacent. I don't want to buy an edible arrangement. 01:12:17 Speaker 3: That's what I was gonna say. You do not do the edible arrangement right. 01:12:21 Speaker 2: Oh, and she enjoys watching old episodes of The Simpsons over researching everything home projects and makeup and skincare. What do you recommend that's from Jesse and sh oh Okay. 01:12:31 Speaker 3: I would go the makeup and skincare route. I would look up. I would go for like flowers and fruits, some beautiful There's a company named Sugar that makes really lovely lotions and bubble bass. It smells really good. There's just smell. There's nothing in this store that There's nothing they make that smells bad. 01:12:54 Speaker 2: If I have something that's fruit or flower, yay. 01:12:56 Speaker 3: I feel like they have like passion flower and like mingo things and lemon. I like their lemon lotion. But like maybe a nice big beautiful gift basket like of sort of like a spa package thing like motions and bubble bass and things like that, and then you could get her like a you know, it can't go wrong with like peonies or yeah, like a nice pretty flower, and then like a silk. It's not silk, but I do like And then I mean, I don't know where they live, Chicago. Oh, I was going, so then it's colder there. I was going to say, you could like plant like a fruit tree or something. But I like the idea of like a nice spa day. Look at look up fresh. They make nice fruity things. Get like you get like a whole basket. 01:13:46 Speaker 2: I mean I was going, I mean the edible arrangement, I totally understand. But if she likes the Simpsons, I'm now picturing you know, you get a melon, you get a stack of blueberries, or making a Marge Simpson sculpture. 01:13:57 Speaker 3: Yes, I love that when mister Burns made only of dates. 01:14:02 Speaker 2: Right, and then it kind of gets to just rotten your kitchen, and yeah, there's the regret, there's the maybe this is the end of the marriage. But it's worth considering. 01:14:14 Speaker 3: It's worth considering. It's work for a gift, it's worth the end of the marriage for sure. Don't be selfish. 01:14:20 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean the next question is weirdly and I didn't plan this. This is from Sarah in Memphis. She's asking for a fourth anniversary as well fruit and flowers and the husband likes. She says he's a typical straight man. He wears a suit to work every day, owns a lot of tools, and drinks bourbon on the rocks. Everyone's having a fourth anniversary. I don't understand what fruit. 01:14:44 Speaker 3: And flowers do they make like a fruit infused tequila? Like is there something that going like you go to like the Lost like the one that the that Clooneyes tequila? Do they make some like citrus and fuse to tequila like a boot like a cool whiskey infused with like a bourbon infused with. 01:15:05 Speaker 2: Something that could be something or you just get the tequila and you buy him a margarita maker or something. 01:15:11 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's fun. 01:15:13 Speaker 2: And the fruit that would be required because let. 01:15:15 Speaker 3: Me tell you what this dude is going to be like fruit and flowers, Like he doesn't care, you. 01:15:20 Speaker 2: Know, he does not care at all. 01:15:23 Speaker 3: He's really not going to be like you said, fruit and flowers is my fruit flowers? So like I this is not a guy that's been like waiting his whole life to get his fruit and flowers gift. 01:15:33 Speaker 2: So I think anyone is I'm understanding that this is even a thing. 01:15:37 Speaker 3: So I'm shocked. I'm also learning that this is a thing. And I can't believe four years in you're already at fruit and flowers, Like. 01:15:45 Speaker 2: That's right, that's really I feel like we're just giving up. I mean that should be like a thirty eighth anniversary. Yeah, here's an apple or. 01:15:56 Speaker 3: Apple, here's a little banana, like yeah, I think I think flowers feels it feels like you have a mortgage, you know what I mean. It feels like all we know you spend your money. It's like the ruby anniversary, the gold, the leather, like, okay, now we know you probably have a kid. You might be underwater in your mortgage. 01:16:13 Speaker 2: Here's an apple, right, four years in and you're giving me like a peach. I'm I'm exiting the picture I want to do with that. 01:16:21 Speaker 3: I would never give you a peach on our fourth anniversary. 01:16:23 Speaker 2: Your next I love a peach, but I love. 01:16:27 Speaker 3: A stone fruit. 01:16:28 Speaker 2: I love a stone. I love the stone so small for a stone fruit. We expand that so we can have a wonderful stone fruit all year long. 01:16:35 Speaker 3: I know, I feel like it's starting to close. I feel like now peaches are starting to leave. It's starting to only be nectarines and soon bye by stone fruit. 01:16:43 Speaker 2: By the time you realize that, Hello, honey CRUs, Honey Crisp. I never had a honey crisp. People wrote about them, but I don't. I don't believe the hype is. 01:16:52 Speaker 3: They're as good as they say. They are sour and sweet. They are the perfect apple. They're crisp. If you go to teos, the size of a basketball, they wait is a little too early. Go on like three weeks, going like three weeks and go get yourself on Honey christal Man, you like the honey Christmas A bite? 01:17:14 Speaker 2: Okaye? 01:17:16 Speaker 3: Like for me, No, I don't want I don't want a fuji. I don't want to. 01:17:21 Speaker 2: Gala ordering on another type of fruit. At that point, you're. 01:17:25 Speaker 3: Gonna like a honey Chris. You're gonna like it. You're gonna be mad at yourself. You're gonna be like, this goes against the rules I made for myself. I now like a red apple. 01:17:35 Speaker 2: I'm ready to expand my horizons in the briar. 01:17:38 Speaker 3: I feel so happy for you. 01:17:40 Speaker 2: Well. I feel happy for these two people that we've helped in an enormous way. 01:17:44 Speaker 3: And all the Christophers and all the Christmas. 01:17:46 Speaker 2: So the Christophers out there, we're talking to you, and I hope you've enjoyed yourself here as much as I have with Arden, because I've had a wonderful time. Just it's been a delight. 01:17:57 Speaker 3: I feel better than I have felt in thirteen years. 01:18:03 Speaker 2: Everyone, this is the end of I said No Gifts. And as you know, when the podcast ends, you move on with your life. You do your next thing. So I hope that you, Christopher and anyone not named Christopher goes out and has a lovely day because I really love you and Arden loves you. I take care, Bye bye. I said No Gifts isn't exactly right production. It's engineered by Earth Angel Stephen Ray Morris. The theme song is by Miracle Worker Amy Mann. You can follow the show on Instagram and Twitter at I Said No Gifts and if you have a question or need help getting a gift for someone in your life, email me at I Said No Gifts at gmail dot com. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you found me and why not leave a review while you're at it? 01:18:51 Speaker 1: Hell, did you hear fun a man? Myself perfectly clear? You're I guess to my home. You gotta come to me empty, And I said, no, guest, your own presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to s beve me