Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, can you hear me?
Speaker 2: Sir?
Speaker 3: Yes, sir? What is your name?
Speaker 1: My name is a sicklist sicklists?
Speaker 3: What kind of name is that? Is that Greek something?
Speaker 1: No, no, dude, it's it's a fucking name that my
Speaker 1: girl gave me because my real name is I mean,
Speaker 1: kind of put it together, I guess, you know, but yeah,
Speaker 1: it's my real name is Nicholas, but sounds kind of cool.
Speaker 3: Well, well, I sick. I'm gonna forget that. I'm just gonna, uh,
Speaker 3: can I call you Nick?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Here's the here's the thing in like, in my like
Speaker 3: I to me, ideally this podcast would be completely anonymous,
Speaker 3: and it pretty much is like if like, if it
Speaker 3: were up to me. You know, there's this podcast that's
Speaker 3: called Beautiful Stories from Anonymous People that this comedian Chris
Speaker 3: Gethard does, and you know, I mean I listened to
Speaker 3: that when I was in high school, and is you know,
Speaker 3: it is definitely an inspiration for this thing, and uh,
Speaker 3: for him, it is I don't think he even does names.
Speaker 3: And I want to do it like that because I
Speaker 3: forget everyone's name anyway, and ideally and ideally this should
Speaker 3: just be anonymous. So part of me is like I
Speaker 3: should just start instead of asking everyone what their name is,
Speaker 3: I should just give them a name. But then if
Speaker 3: I need to put like in conversation, I let Sometimes
Speaker 3: I like to address people by their names, and it's
Speaker 3: a pot you can't really do that if you're talking
Speaker 3: to an anonymous person, you could say you could you
Speaker 3: could be like like on Reddit when they're like, so,
Speaker 3: ann In, what do you tell me more? You know,
Speaker 3: I think that's weird. That's like lait speak or whatever.
Speaker 3: But I'm just gonna call you Nick is basically what
Speaker 3: I'm trying to say.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's fine. You could call me like like.
Speaker 3: No, I don't want to do that at all. I
Speaker 3: really really don't want to call you that. What were
Speaker 3: you going to say?
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, Nick's fine, dude, that's totally cool. I'm down
Speaker 1: for that ship. Nick is a good name. But I
Speaker 1: called you. Did you read my text or no? Oh?
Speaker 1: So basically, I guess it's not like I guess it's
Speaker 1: basically I guess it gives like awareness to like like
Speaker 1: something that's going on in my company, and it's like
Speaker 1: kind of nationwide, like in the US. So I live
Speaker 1: in I live in a certain state where it's like
Speaker 1: hot as fuck, but it's it's kind of like deadly
Speaker 1: doing my job. And we work outside and so let
Speaker 1: me let me just start over. I work at a UPS.
Speaker 1: I'm a driver, right, and it's a lot of physical
Speaker 1: fucking work. The ship sucks, it's pretty horrible, but it's
Speaker 1: a good pay. A little bit ago, back in last August,
Speaker 1: we were planning to go on strike for for like
Speaker 1: a new contract. So every like three to four years,
Speaker 1: you had a contract with our union, Teamsters union. Basically,
Speaker 1: if we don't come to like a contract negotiations as UPS,
Speaker 1: there's we go on shrike. So one of the big
Speaker 1: caveats for last strike was we get air conditionings in
Speaker 1: a truck. And I don't know if you noticed, but
Speaker 1: whenever you get your package deliver or you see a
Speaker 1: UPS driver, there's no air conditioning in that bitch.
Speaker 3: Like, okay, So I never knew that. I never knew
Speaker 3: there was no air conditioning, But like, there's no correct
Speaker 3: if I'm wrong. There's no like fucking doors at the
Speaker 3: UPS truck either, right, So it's all it's open, how
Speaker 3: I guess. First of all, I didn't know that there
Speaker 3: was air conditioning that I didn't know that there wasn't
Speaker 3: air conditioning. But I guess if there were air conditioning,
Speaker 3: wouldn't it like I don't know how anything fucking works,
Speaker 3: but wouldn't the air conditioning like blow out from the
Speaker 3: open door?
Speaker 1: Right right? No, you're right. So actually they're sliding doors
Speaker 1: on the left and right, so you could close the
Speaker 1: doors and open them. But the reason why we always
Speaker 1: had the doors open because there is no air conditioning.
Speaker 1: That is like the air blowing through our trucks, that's
Speaker 1: our air condition.
Speaker 3: Oh so there is Okay, so there are doors, but
Speaker 3: you guys use them because as hot as fuck?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Absolutely, what do you guys do? Do you guys use
Speaker 3: those doors in the winter? I guess I can. I don't,
Speaker 3: I don't, I never. I don't know if I remember
Speaker 3: seeing a UPS truck in the winter. I don't know why.
Speaker 1: No, Yeah, yes, sir, we sorry, I call you start.
Speaker 1: It's just manners and stuff like that, So I apologize.
Speaker 3: I don't have to apologize for that.
Speaker 1: Go ahead, Yeah, I'm sorry. I also drink like a
Speaker 1: CBD like THAC like cycle frog right now, and that's
Speaker 1: just fucking starting to kick right now. So I'm trying
Speaker 1: to anyway, I'm sorry your question was again.
Speaker 3: You know what I I don't even remember. Go ahead,
Speaker 3: go ahead, though I feel like I didn't let you
Speaker 3: finish the whole.
Speaker 1: Oh but no, there is first sliding doors for the
Speaker 1: winter time and everything like that, and that's what we
Speaker 1: used to keep us f freezing our asses off. We
Speaker 1: do have good fucking eaters, I'll tell you that. But
Speaker 1: eventually everything breaks in the truck and it's it just
Speaker 1: goes down from here, dude. So yeah, it's just it's
Speaker 1: not good. But anyway, so basically we're fighting for air
Speaker 1: conditions in a truck. And then UPS kind of put
Speaker 1: like our pay salary on blast and letting ever know,
Speaker 1: letting like the public know how much money we make,
Speaker 1: and it's we do not make that much money. We
Speaker 1: make good money, but we don't make that fucking much
Speaker 1: money as they say we do. And they were kind of,
Speaker 1: I guess, use the public against us because we had
Speaker 1: everyone riding us for riding our back for the content
Speaker 1: negotiations because again, like you didn't know. I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: everyone that's stream or chat doesn't know that Ups, we
Speaker 1: don't have air conditions in a truck anyway, Basically, what
Speaker 1: I'm trying to say is, so that happened, right, and
Speaker 1: so this previous years before that, we've had drivers like
Speaker 1: literally passed out and died like from heat dishaustion, heat stroke,
Speaker 1: and it never makes the news or anything like that.
Speaker 1: And it's actually pretty fucking sad. Recently a few months ago, actually,
Speaker 1: I've been trying to call you a lot about this
Speaker 1: when it was more frequent, but I mean, I know
Speaker 1: you got a lot of people on that bitch calling in,
Speaker 1: but yeah, recent people have died, you know, in our state,
Speaker 1: and it's been pretty shitty, and honestly, like UPS hasn't
Speaker 1: really done anything about it either. They haven't put it
Speaker 1: hasn't been made the news. There's like a small like
Speaker 1: Facebook group maybe about the guy that passed away in
Speaker 1: his funeral date, and I don't know, it's been really shitty.
Speaker 1: So I guess I'm just really calling to, like, I guess,
Speaker 1: spread awareness that, like, hey, you know, UPS, drivers still
Speaker 1: haven't gotten that fucking AC and honestly, I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's just like really fucking sad. What's going on right now?
Speaker 1: What's I guess with our people?
Speaker 3: And I guess this sounds like something that like John
Speaker 3: Oliver would cover.
Speaker 1: Oh, I can't get in contact with John Oliver. I guess.
Speaker 3: You'll you'll, yeah, you'll, you'll, you'll take me as a consolation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you're your net stuff gig. But yeah, dude,
Speaker 1: that the shit that's going on right now.
Speaker 3: So so they Okay, when you said they tried to
Speaker 3: use their pay I gets you because I remember hearing
Speaker 3: something about like people were going on about like ups
Speaker 3: drivers were making a lot of money. Is that is
Speaker 3: that true? It is that like a thing that they
Speaker 3: tried to do to make you, like get people to
Speaker 3: support you less.
Speaker 1: I mean, like so, I mean there's like a at
Speaker 1: a top rate and if you're getting like forty plus
Speaker 1: hours working over time, and then it because our benefits
Speaker 1: are free, like we don't have to pay dental, eye care,
Speaker 1: you know, medical. Sorry, that's my cat right there. She
Speaker 1: wants to say hello. But I mean, if you calculate everything,
Speaker 1: how much money we say from that? I mean penically, yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess.
Speaker 3: But like, by the way, hold on, I just want you.
Speaker 3: I just put you in something. I can tell that
Speaker 3: you're being coy about this, and uh, just so you know,
Speaker 3: there's no number that you could that you could say
Speaker 3: where where I would be like, you know what, you
Speaker 3: make a lot of money, you actually deserve to pass
Speaker 3: out and die. Yeah, you know, so you don't have
Speaker 3: to be coy about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I appreciate that. Thanks for letting me know. Yeah, sorry,
Speaker 1: because we always like anytime anyone talks about like friends
Speaker 1: of ups stuff, like they go to the news, there's
Speaker 1: retaliation and god forbid, there's retaliation. I'm pretty sure that
Speaker 1: of my supervisors, any of my bosses here the ship.
Speaker 3: Or retaliation against uh who like me, Like.
Speaker 1: Hey, you spread this information to the public. YadA, YadA, YadA.
Speaker 1: You know, it's like, well what if what information?
Speaker 3: What what misinformation are you being accused of spreading to
Speaker 3: the public?
Speaker 1: Oh, just like people are dying. Like they're gonna say like, oh,
Speaker 1: no one dies. It's like no, there's plenty of people
Speaker 1: that die. There's like several several drivers that die yearly
Speaker 1: on this shit. I don't know, I'm just being like paranoid,
Speaker 1: I guess, but I mean, I mean it's fine.
Speaker 3: Did you guys get the air conditioning?
Speaker 1: No, no, we still haven't gotten the air conditioning. That's
Speaker 1: what it is. If we had that air conditioning. That
Speaker 1: guy that passed away recently, like and along several other people,
Speaker 1: maybe that should wouldn't have happened, you know, they don't.
Speaker 1: They say they're gonna provide ice machines for us. We
Speaker 1: haven't gotten ice machines. We haven't gone coolers, we haven't
Speaker 1: gotten the air conditioning, we haven't got like, you know,
Speaker 1: events throughout the truck. You know, because like it's one
Speaker 1: hundred and five and it's like one hundred and twenty
Speaker 1: back in the truck. Dude, it's fucking brutal. Dude, it's
Speaker 1: fucking is fucking brutal work. And it's especially during COVID. Dude,
Speaker 1: we were like humping out a two hundred, two hundred
Speaker 1: and fifty stops easily, and then there's been several days
Speaker 1: that did three hundred stops and I don't know, we
Speaker 1: didn't really do anything. Our union can really do anything
Speaker 1: about that. Like demand it's more money because we're supposed
Speaker 1: to get hazard pay. But rumor of several rumors have
Speaker 1: gone around saying that like ups pocketed that fucking hazard
Speaker 1: pay from us.
Speaker 3: What what? What? What? What was the circumstance that you
Speaker 3: guys were getting hazard pay under.
Speaker 1: Because we're working as like essential workers during COVID like
Speaker 1: in twenty twelve, right, ye.
Speaker 3: Yeah, sure, sure, sure, Okay, So you guys were supposed to,
Speaker 3: like the government mandated, did you got like hazard.
Speaker 1: Pay right basically yes, yes, sir, And then.
Speaker 3: And the UPS was like, oh, we're gonna take that money.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean we didn't see a diamond d or
Speaker 1: like hey when we supposed to get hazard pay. And
Speaker 1: then everyone was in the dark about that shit until
Speaker 1: like twenty twenty two were we all found it and
Speaker 1: we're pissed. We were fucking furious. And then when a
Speaker 1: strike started coming getting to talk in twenty twenty three,
Speaker 1: that's when we're that's when we're all going to like
Speaker 1: strike and like you know, not going to work and like,
Speaker 1: you know, put her put our cricket signs up basically
Speaker 1: to good.
Speaker 3: Do you do you think UPS will come back and
Speaker 3: be like, okay, it's a no one on the air conditioning,
Speaker 3: but we're going to give every UPS driver one glass
Speaker 3: of lemonade.
Speaker 1: Honestly, they probably want to give us that. They'll tell
Speaker 1: us to fucking suck it up.
Speaker 3: So uh how well, so, uh are you like there's
Speaker 3: a union.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, we're unionized company, probably one of the last
Speaker 1: ones besides like nationwide, I guess, especially in tech.
Speaker 3: Do the wait do the other guys have like, uh,
Speaker 3: like the ups guys, do they go over the FedEx?
Speaker 3: Like are you ever like at a bar and you're
Speaker 3: talking to a FedEx guy and You're like, do you
Speaker 3: guys have air conditioning? Do you guys have any of
Speaker 3: the ship or is it just like the like up
Speaker 3: usps and FedEx and all those other guys. Do they
Speaker 3: have air conditioning or is well we're having you know.
Speaker 1: Well, Amazon drivers, they have their conditioning for sure, but
Speaker 1: I mean the Feedest people, it's kind of like the
Speaker 1: same thing. If they do have air conditioning the ship broke,
Speaker 1: they're like management is going to probably keep it broken,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And then like the post office,
Speaker 1: they have like those little vans that they drive in
Speaker 1: for the post office workers. And I've been told by
Speaker 1: a few of them because I'm work cool with them
Speaker 1: too as well, sort of that's naturally not really some
Speaker 1: of them are cool. Some of them are rolled dickheads
Speaker 1: on the post office people, but they have told me
Speaker 1: their air conditioning.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, hold out way what's the can can you
Speaker 3: keep me in on a little bit of the UPS
Speaker 3: versus post Yeah, the UPS versus postal workers beef. I wouldn't.
Speaker 3: I would think that you guys had some solidarity. But
Speaker 3: what's there they like chat? Are they like chads or
Speaker 3: something like? Are they margined?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: No, no, no no no. If anything, we're the fucking chads
Speaker 1: and they're like the bitches.
Speaker 3: I guess well, by the way everyone everyone thinks that,
Speaker 3: you know, they're the chads and the other people are
Speaker 3: the pitches.
Speaker 1: But go ahead, Well, so they have a weak union,
Speaker 1: They don't get paid as much as we do. They
Speaker 1: are government workers, which is like really fucking good. We
Speaker 1: have to in contract with UPS, have to give them
Speaker 1: work like we had to give him, like work like
Speaker 1: smaller packages like let's say, like a small Sephora bots
Speaker 1: or something, or like a like a t move bots
Speaker 1: and shit like that. We have to give it to them.
Speaker 1: Under contrast, so they actually have work. So if anything,
Speaker 1: we're giving them work to do.
Speaker 3: Basically, have you just like met a bunch of have
Speaker 3: you just like met a bunch of UPS people that
Speaker 3: are like just I mean a UPS, Like, have you
Speaker 3: just met a bunch of postal worker people who are
Speaker 3: just like fix personality.
Speaker 1: Wise, Yeah, dude, there wasn't. Some guy he was like, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, you're just supposed to go over there and
Speaker 1: out of here. I'm like, well, fucking you do it, dude,
Speaker 1: I ain't doing that ship. Yeah, and he's like, broll
Speaker 1: you know, fuck you. And I was like, oh, go,
Speaker 1: fucking I don't give a ship, dude. I mean, you'll
Speaker 1: get your go, get your manager. We'll talk. And he's like, hey,
Speaker 1: he's kind of a dick. I'm like, yeah, I know,
Speaker 1: you get your man, get your fucking employee under wraps man.
Speaker 1: But most of them are pretty cool. But that one guy. Oh,
Speaker 1: I fucking hated that guy. I forgot his name. He
Speaker 1: was like a little dough boy that was really rude
Speaker 1: and mean, you know what I mean. So, I mean
Speaker 1: he was ashole to me.
Speaker 3: I like that. You know, during the pandemic, all these
Speaker 3: like advertisements would play and it was it was there's
Speaker 3: a strong sentiment of like, our nation's postal workers are,
Speaker 3: you know, the backbone of society, and you're just like
Speaker 3: that guy's they're a bunch of fucking doe boys.
Speaker 1: Fuck out of here. Nah, bro, it was UPS like
Speaker 1: fucking and and Amazon. I don't know, dude, but here's.
Speaker 3: What you have to use you to. Here's what you
Speaker 3: have to understand is I don't like I like, like
Speaker 3: us fat people who are ordering things on the internet
Speaker 3: and not leaving our house and using all your guys's services.
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't. I think the layman probably doesn't
Speaker 3: think that much about the difference between all of these entities.
Speaker 3: It's just like, we order a thing, a truck comes by,
Speaker 3: driven by some person, and they give us our thing.
Speaker 3: I don't think. I think the average person probably isn't
Speaker 3: thinking too much about like UPS versus USPS versus FedEx
Speaker 3: or whatever. They're just like, I want my stuff and
Speaker 3: it's cool that someone delivers it. I guess.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: That might not be true, that might not be true.
Speaker 3: Maybe I'm projecting.
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, it looks cool in the truck.
Speaker 1: I've known several dudes that said, bro, man like the
Speaker 1: fucking uniform does have to job meet with chicks. I'm like,
Speaker 1: what do you mean, like all brock out the ship's number.
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, I never had that.
Speaker 3: Wait, wait, which what who did he work for?
Speaker 1: You know all ups drivers. I said, oh yeah, bro,
Speaker 1: this chick on route, Bro, you flirt with me. I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh really, like wait.
Speaker 3: Wait man, that's so that's fucking that's so awesome that
Speaker 3: you can get on rayah by being uh a postal worker.
Speaker 3: That's the coolest thing I've ever heard. That's incredible.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I've heard several stories of dudes and shapes on
Speaker 1: route and ship like that, and it's just like a
Speaker 1: whole damn oh my god. Yeah bro, I'm like, get
Speaker 1: the fuck out of here. I'm like, yeah, bro, anyway, yeah, well, well.
Speaker 3: A few things. I mean, it's it's a classic uh well,
Speaker 3: I mean not that porn in any way, shape or
Speaker 3: form mirrors real life, but it's a classic. It's a
Speaker 3: classic fucking porn thing.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: Oh I gotta I don't even want to say it.
Speaker 3: But yeah. But but also, like here's the thing, here's
Speaker 3: the as I think I do. I have to assume
Speaker 3: there's something there's something like uh like I think it
Speaker 3: just in general, you know, uh, women are attracted just competence,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, And there's something competent about
Speaker 3: being a postal worker. I got, I got like, there's
Speaker 3: something competent seeming ish, I guess about a guy in uniform,
Speaker 3: like it makes.
Speaker 1: Sense right now? And then I mean I have thought
Speaker 1: to some it's about that, and are like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: we love him in a uniform. I'm like, oh wow,
Speaker 1: that's crazy. Also too, we bring joy to people like
Speaker 1: who isn't happy to see the UPS guy? You know,
Speaker 1: like you bought a new fucking you know, blow up
Speaker 1: doll and then like, oh shit, this guy has my package.
Speaker 1: Thank you. You know see what I'm saying, like it
Speaker 1: brings a lot of good joy to everybody else.
Speaker 3: Well, I'll say this, UPS, probably people are more happy
Speaker 3: to see you than the postal service, because, uh, mail
Speaker 3: can mean several bad things. It can mean bills, it
Speaker 3: can mean jury duty, it can mean scathing letters from
Speaker 3: a nemesis. But a package is usually always an exciting thing.
Speaker 1: Right, No, absolutely, I know you're right about that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean someone could I could get like a like
Speaker 1: a child support letter, say hey you need pay more
Speaker 1: child support through the mail? Yeah, I know what you mean.
Speaker 3: You are you? Do you have a do you have
Speaker 3: a bastard child?
Speaker 1: I have a child, yes, indeed, yeah, we all do
Speaker 1: at GPS, all every guy there is mostly on child support. Dune.
Speaker 3: Yeah, are you what do you have a relationship with them?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Of course, yeah, I put my stuff on child support.
Speaker 1: Fuck yeah, dude. Oh yeah that's good.
Speaker 3: That's good.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well, how old is he?
Speaker 1: She's seven?
Speaker 3: She's seven? Does she think what you do is cool?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 1: I have driven by the house a few times and like,
Speaker 1: you know, showed her inside, and she's thinking, oh, it's
Speaker 1: pretty cool. And then she goes back and watching TV
Speaker 1: and or chilling you out.
Speaker 3: But she gohead, go ahead.
Speaker 1: She has seen me say hey, dad, I saw you
Speaker 1: in the truck. I'm like where She was like all
Speaker 1: right there at the stoplight, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: my goodness, you said have said hello to me. I
Speaker 1: would have loved to see you. You know. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was waving at you and screaming at you, but you
Speaker 1: didn't hear me. I was like, oh, ship, that's like
Speaker 1: an asshole.
Speaker 3: That's cute. Now, Okay, so she yeah, so she she
Speaker 3: thinks your job is cool as much as I guess
Speaker 3: a seven year old can comprehend and think something is cool.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: That's nice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I mean there has been some There has
Speaker 1: been a few kids that are like want me like
Speaker 1: to they do a little trucker thing, Like, first of all,
Speaker 1: I can't do that. I only do do a honk.
Speaker 1: And you know, a kids like it. They'll always get
Speaker 1: weighed by people and stuff, you know, like older people,
Speaker 1: I mean families and stuff like that. You know, it's
Speaker 1: it's a cool gig. I do like it. It's just
Speaker 1: hot as fuck, that's it. I mean.
Speaker 3: So I guess, uh, what do you believe that you'll
Speaker 3: eventually get your your.
Speaker 1: Your air condition Yeah, so we did it. So yeah,
Speaker 1: originally we did agree last August, like a day or
Speaker 1: two before we were supposed to go on strike, that
Speaker 1: we would get the air conditionings. But the shitty thing is,
Speaker 1: and that's why I think our union is like a
Speaker 1: little week right now, because they gave them up to
Speaker 1: like four years or until the next contract to like
Speaker 1: come up with like you know, retrograde fit trucks with
Speaker 1: air conditionings basically, and we haven't gotten one single fucking
Speaker 1: truck with air conditioning. So I don't know. If they don't,
Speaker 1: then you just keep grieving about it, I guess, and
Speaker 1: bitch about it, and you know, bringing up in the
Speaker 1: next like contra negotiations and that one's gonna take a
Speaker 1: lot of news too, because it's like, oh, ups hasn't
Speaker 1: given any wonder. They haven't held up their end of
Speaker 1: the bargain, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 3: What's the deal with your your kid's mom? Are you star?
Speaker 3: Are you cool with her?
Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah, I mean sort of. I mean we're cool,
Speaker 1: but we don't like talk or anything like that. We
Speaker 1: only talk whenever it's likely it's our our daughters like hey,
Speaker 1: you know, like okay, you know called, did y'all want
Speaker 1: to meet up here today? And stuff like that, or
Speaker 1: do y'all want to go your line?
Speaker 3: Right? Relationship, there's not you're not fighting, you're not there's
Speaker 3: no custody bat all.
Speaker 1: No, it's a little rough. I mean I'm also having
Speaker 1: like I mean, we're That's like another thing I probably
Speaker 1: want to talk to you about. It was just like
Speaker 1: about like my daughter and stuff like that. She's not
Speaker 1: having she's not having like the best time around me.
Speaker 1: And she was saying like, hey, dude, like I don't
Speaker 1: feel that comfortable around you. And as my seven year
Speaker 1: old daughter, I was like, oh, what is everything all right? Said? Yeah?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 3: Yeah, your daughter, your seven year old daughter said I
Speaker 3: don't feel comfortable around you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's I don't want to beat my dad anymore.
Speaker 1: And she's like that. I was like, wait, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and so I'm just trying to figure out if I
Speaker 1: don't know at school or teaching her about boundaries and
Speaker 1: shit like that and all these extra things. Mean, boundaries
Speaker 1: are cool. I get that for kids, But like, you know,
Speaker 1: she's telling me, I don't really want to hang out
Speaker 1: with you. I don't really want to talk to you.
Speaker 1: And I was like, damn, bro.
Speaker 3: Like that's that's weird. Damn. Why why do you think
Speaker 3: she's saying that I would be mortified?
Speaker 1: I have no idea. I mean, I think because she's
Speaker 1: kind of confused about the whole situation because being that
Speaker 1: the co parent never were ever together, and she had
Speaker 1: kind of kept me away from my kid. Actually that
Speaker 1: kind of she like blocked my number and I had
Speaker 1: to play like telephone through her parents and stuff like that.
Speaker 3: Oh, there was there was like a like a whole
Speaker 3: ass like there was like a custody battle kind of thing.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I suit her, yeah, and then I put
Speaker 1: my challenge support Yeah absolutely.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, but now but now you and you
Speaker 3: and her are like cordial.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean she's asking for more money and everything
Speaker 1: like that because we got to raise And I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: I mean like it's not really like because she was
Speaker 1: like yeah, you know, she'd have a choice and yeah
Speaker 1: yah yeaha. I'm like, oh yeah, so it's like a
Speaker 1: whole thing right now. It's kind of annoying, and I'm
Speaker 1: trying to see if I'm making the right decisions or not.
Speaker 1: That's it really, you know, I'm just taking care of
Speaker 1: my kid basically. I mean yeah, I mean she's she's
Speaker 1: a good kid. I paid my child's sport and I
Speaker 1: try to taught to her. I want to go to
Speaker 1: her school event she doesn't want me to go, and
Speaker 1: I'm like all right, then, well I just called in.
Speaker 3: For why does why doesn't she want you to go?
Speaker 1: I already asked a few people about this, and then
Speaker 1: people say, oh, you think the mom's saying she didn't
Speaker 1: Like I don't think that's her character though. I don't
Speaker 1: believe that, Like I could be just like stupid as
Speaker 1: hell and try to think the best of people, but
Speaker 1: I don't see that from her. She's always been like, hey,
Speaker 1: if you're going to say by to your dad and
Speaker 1: you say goodbye. You can't just hang up, you know,
Speaker 1: and like, hey, your dad's talking to you, you know,
Speaker 1: like you asked you a question, you know, or you know,
Speaker 1: stuff like that. So I don't think. I think my
Speaker 1: daughter just really just going through some shit. I don't know.
Speaker 1: She said she feels very anxious about like a lot
Speaker 1: of stuff, and she's she's saying, are you even my dad?
Speaker 1: And like are you even my mom? You know, she's
Speaker 1: kind of like trying to like she's not really understanding everything,
Speaker 1: and I don't know, it's just like a whole thing.
Speaker 1: I guess. I don't fucking know. It's rough.
Speaker 3: So like you think it's like it's so people you're
Speaker 3: like friends have been like like, oh, maybe the mom
Speaker 3: is like putting ideas in her head, but you're like, no,
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't think that's that's of her character.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's her. Yeah. I mean I think
Speaker 1: she understands, like, hey, Lucy needs a father. I'm glad
Speaker 1: you came back. I wish it was sooner. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: eat a dick. But I mean, I mean, like I
Speaker 1: had to do what I had to do and stuff
Speaker 1: like that. You know, I had to get to this
Speaker 1: ups position i'm at. It took a while, and that's
Speaker 1: why I'm there. Just that's the only reason why I'm there,
Speaker 1: you know, because it made good money. I'm able to
Speaker 1: put myself on child supports or my daughter, you know,
Speaker 1: live a decent life, because's life suspensive. And yeah. So,
Speaker 1: but what I'm trying to say is I don't think.
Speaker 1: I don't think that. I don't think she's telling her,
Speaker 1: you know, like, hey, you know, like you know, you're
Speaker 1: dad doesn't love he's not really your dad, he doesn't
Speaker 1: respect you. No, she's saying, hey, if you push your
Speaker 1: boundaries and you know, listen to her, like, this is
Speaker 1: what she's gonna remember. Nick. I just know that she's
Speaker 1: what she's gonna remember, and she's gonna remember, Oh, my
Speaker 1: dad doesn't give a fuck about me or has to
Speaker 1: hear what I have to say, you know, And yeah,
Speaker 1: I starts crying and everything like that. At least his
Speaker 1: daughter wants to say a low to me.
Speaker 3: But yeah, second, you have a second daughter.
Speaker 1: Oh it's my cat and that's my daughter.
Speaker 3: That's why I thought I thought you were talking about
Speaker 3: a dog or some shit. So I will I man. Well,
Speaker 3: I'm sorry to hear that. Man, it sounds like, uh,
Speaker 3: that sounds very difficult, but I get I would I
Speaker 3: would think that, Like if I would think that, like
Speaker 3: if at complete bare minimum you are like present in
Speaker 3: your child's life and you support them financially, uh, and
Speaker 3: you go try to be invested in their well being
Speaker 3: and in what they are doing in their life, like
Speaker 3: you know, just like being a fucking regular ass dad.
Speaker 3: I would I would think that, you know, they would
Speaker 3: they would not grow up to resent you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she I mean like I I tell my girlfriend
Speaker 1: like or I tell them like I guess my other
Speaker 1: friends like give me rechars, like, well, you're putting your
Speaker 1: best be forward. Do you want to be there? Right
Speaker 1: I'm like yeah, I'm showing up. And then she just
Speaker 1: doesn't want to hang out as I'll come out of
Speaker 1: her room and you know, hang out with me because
Speaker 1: right now I have visitations. I've been doing the visitations.
Speaker 1: So because my daughter didn't know who I was until
Speaker 1: she was like three. Wow, So I wanted to Yeah,
Speaker 1: I wanted Yeah, I wanted to like gain it like
Speaker 1: a organic relationship with her, not for not like hey,
Speaker 1: I'm this stranger is taking you away. I was trying
Speaker 1: to build an organic relationship with her, and it took
Speaker 1: a while. It took a long It took like two
Speaker 1: years to where it to really get good, you know,
Speaker 1: like every week you know, every weekend, you know, just
Speaker 1: constantly just going over there, visiting her, play with her,
Speaker 1: going get on her level. And then right now I
Speaker 1: was planning to, like, you know, you know, try to
Speaker 1: take her for the weekend officially, just me and her
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. But this shit kind of sparked
Speaker 1: up a few months ago and it's kind of put
Speaker 1: a damper on my plans. And my lawyer's like, that's bullshit, bro,
Speaker 1: you need eline need to fucking just get the standard. Bro.
Speaker 1: You're paying all this fucking money, you know, you might
Speaker 1: as well. It's it's her mom putting things in her heads.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, but I don't I know her. I
Speaker 1: don't I know her not enough to like not be
Speaker 1: a piece of shit mom, you know, because like her
Speaker 1: dad didn't have a father and stuff like that, and
Speaker 1: so she knows how important is to have a dad
Speaker 1: and everything like that. Basically that's what it is.
Speaker 3: So I will watch them, can I Well, by the way,
Speaker 3: you can you know you don't have to talk about anything,
Speaker 3: you know I talk about, But like, you, why did
Speaker 3: you only see her when she was three?
Speaker 1: Because my co parent she like kept me away from
Speaker 1: my daughter, like she blocked my number. I would try
Speaker 1: to go over and see her and it's like, hey,
Speaker 1: we're not there, and I will say, you know, fucking
Speaker 1: enough enough, I'm gonna be president my daughter's life. And
Speaker 1: that's why I suit her. And I mean the only
Speaker 1: time I was able to see her, it was like
Speaker 1: I couldn't talk to my co parent who had to
Speaker 1: I had to contact her dad and then we would
Speaker 1: have to talk, you know, back and forth, like hey,
Speaker 1: you know, does this day work? Yeah, We'll be here
Speaker 1: and I'll be there for like an hour or and
Speaker 1: they're like all right, well, well you know, better get going.
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, all right, cool, and then
Speaker 1: I got really tired of it. I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what, fuck this. I'm gonna be a part of
Speaker 1: my daughter's life. If I got to pay the money,
Speaker 1: because I had to pay like like eleven hundred dollars
Speaker 1: a month like for child support, and I'm like, fuck it,
Speaker 1: if I got to pay the money, I'll pay the
Speaker 1: fucking money, and you know, and now my daughter knows
Speaker 1: who I am, but now she doesn't want any part
Speaker 1: of me, and sometimes I.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you're.
Speaker 2: So.
Speaker 3: So why why was your uh your ex keeping your
Speaker 3: daughter away from you for like for three years, like
Speaker 3: making making this difficult?
Speaker 1: I mean back in, I mean we were both young.
Speaker 1: We planned this child out. Was really stupid of us,
Speaker 1: and I cheated and I didn't. I know now I'm
Speaker 1: probably made it. I mean, it's not the most biggest
Speaker 1: mistake in my life, but it caused the riff where
Speaker 1: we're definitely not together and we're never gonna get back together,
Speaker 1: but we have a child together. And so she felt like,
Speaker 1: you know, I didn't like because I was still like
Speaker 1: very young. I didn't have like the ups money like
Speaker 1: I do now, so I couldn't provide a lot of
Speaker 1: things for her. And then she resented me for that,
Speaker 1: resented me because like she felt like I left her.
Speaker 1: I was like, I got kicked out of my parents' place.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm living on my brother's couch right now.
Speaker 1: I have fucking nothing. I mean, my car's about the breakdown.
Speaker 1: I'm give me some time. And she just wasn't satisfied
Speaker 1: with that and just had a whole lot of resentment
Speaker 1: towards me. And then we try to do therapy. Therapist said, hey, bro,
Speaker 1: like she's a little too much and y'all are just
Speaker 1: arguing back and forth. I just can't work with y'all.
Speaker 1: And but basically, long story short, she kept me away
Speaker 1: from my daughter, and you know, I mean that's just
Speaker 1: she just had that resentment towards me from what I know,
Speaker 1: and she thinks she thought I wasn't like a good person.
Speaker 1: Back then, I'm like, I want to do my best, dude.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'll trying to navigate my life and make
Speaker 1: sure I made enough money to keep myself aflow first
Speaker 1: before I could help out somebody else. Then when I started,
Speaker 1: I made full time, I started making a lot of money,
Speaker 1: and then I was like, cool, I can make this happen.
Speaker 1: It was very consistent work, very consistent, and then I
Speaker 1: pulled the trigger to go sue her and then get
Speaker 1: my daughter or just to have her in my life,
Speaker 1: you know, put myself on child support. And it was
Speaker 1: like a six seven months like grueling process legally, and
Speaker 1: it was fucking horrible and probably one of the worst
Speaker 1: times of my life. And but but here I am now,
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, I don't know if to answer
Speaker 1: your question, I guess about why my baby mama was
Speaker 1: like so press on that keeping me around. You know,
Speaker 1: I just think she was.
Speaker 3: I'm sure, I mean, well, fuck, I don't know. It
Speaker 3: sounds to me like, uh, yeah, I guess if you
Speaker 3: I guess if you hadn't seen her, uh since until
Speaker 3: she was three, I can I don't know. I'm no
Speaker 3: fucking I don't know. I don't understand. I don't know.
Speaker 3: I'm no family psychologist or whatever. But I guess I
Speaker 3: can understand why she would be uh apprehensive. And yeah,
Speaker 3: the way you phrased it where you were like, I
Speaker 3: want to build a natural relationship, not just like take
Speaker 3: her and be like, you know, hey, I'm this new guy. Uh,
Speaker 3: because that's probably a crazy difficult integration to make after
Speaker 3: three years. But but I mean still I think, I mean,
Speaker 3: seven is seven. It's like nothing that's so young, you know.
Speaker 3: Another you know, you got eleven years until uh college already,
Speaker 3: yeah you got you got it sounds as though there
Speaker 3: was still time to invest yourself deeply in uh in
Speaker 3: this this this this kid's life to the degree that
Speaker 3: I want to to the to the to the to
Speaker 3: the level that you want to and we're previously unable
Speaker 3: to do. So, you know, hope, hope, hopefully you get
Speaker 3: that in your air conditioning.
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, no, no, yeah, you stupid. I'm over here
Speaker 1: in my fucking feelings. You bring up air conditioning. Ship. No,
Speaker 1: I appreciate that, man, I mean yeah, I mean that's
Speaker 1: where I'm at right now. I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I have a meetium with my lawyer on Tuesday, and.
Speaker 3: You wait, wait, you're still you're still you're still fighting
Speaker 3: with this person. I thought everything was.
Speaker 1: Like because like it's like because our our our temporary
Speaker 1: order is coming up and we had to finalize something
Speaker 1: or the case gets thrown out, and basically all my
Speaker 1: hard work has been for nothing.
Speaker 3: So I don't, sorry, I don't, I don't understand. What's
Speaker 3: the what do you mean the case? What's the case.
Speaker 1: It's like it's a temporary order we had, like my
Speaker 1: daughter and the child support stuff. You know, it's basically
Speaker 1: it was a temporary order that we didn't finalize because
Speaker 1: everything was going pretty good until this year. And yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, I yeah, the plan was, you know, like
Speaker 1: to keep the temporary order as long as possible so
Speaker 1: we don't have to go through lawyers because fucking lawyers
Speaker 1: are expensive. Maybe we can wear something out, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. It just hasn't been going that way.
Speaker 3: And it's kind of I mean, you guys, are you
Speaker 3: guys not cordial enough that you that you just can't
Speaker 3: work out some kind of schedule independently.
Speaker 1: Well right now not. I can't have her by myself
Speaker 1: before she starts panicking in when in her mom and
Speaker 1: sh like that. It just freaking the fuck out, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Does that make sense? Yeah? I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't want to put her through that. I've seen
Speaker 1: her cry before and get like stressed out and like anxious,
Speaker 1: and it breaks my heart to see that ship. So
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I know, I.
Speaker 3: Get I get I get you, and I you know,
Speaker 3: I respect that. I respect that you're like, uh, from
Speaker 3: my perspective at least you know, you know, the past. Notwithstanding,
Speaker 3: I'm just I'm like, you know, I think I'll say
Speaker 3: I appreciate it. It seems as though you're making decisions
Speaker 3: that are like best for the kid and not just
Speaker 3: like some ego of like, no, you are mine and
Speaker 3: you must spend this time with me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you know I respect that. I mean like,
Speaker 1: I mean that. I think that's I don't. I hate
Speaker 1: going over there. I hate, you know, just like I
Speaker 1: want to just have her at my place and ship
Speaker 1: like that. But whatever she's comfortable with. And I feel
Speaker 1: like I do low key feel like I'm failing my
Speaker 1: child if I don't take her though, And I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm like a gets like a bitch if I don't,
Speaker 1: you know, like retaliate or fight back on this, you know.
Speaker 1: But I think I don't know if I'm making the
Speaker 1: right decision. Basically, I don't know. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't I'm not looking at chat. I don't know with
Speaker 1: chat saying or anything like that. If you could give
Speaker 1: me some advice from chat, I appreciate it. Major's professor,
Speaker 1: you want it.
Speaker 3: Here's I'll tell you one thing, what you're going through
Speaker 3: is very difficult, uh, you know, with with custody of
Speaker 3: a child, and you know how to be in your
Speaker 3: child's life.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 3: And I definitely would not seek advice about it from
Speaker 3: a Twitch chat. That's probably the last place I would
Speaker 3: go for advice on your issue. I would talk to
Speaker 3: a therapist or a psychologist or a child person or
Speaker 3: a lie and I I will do you a service
Speaker 3: by not taking questions from the twitch chat on this
Speaker 3: difficult issue that you're going through.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I have I have a therapist. Yeah, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean mostly just to talk about the UPS shit.
Speaker 1: But I'm like, god, man, this motherfucker got me my feelings, man,
Speaker 1: God damn all right, cool, I'll talk fuck it.
Speaker 3: Well, uh well, listen, man, thanks for thanks for talk
Speaker 3: talking to us about ups. Thanks for sharing all this stuff.
Speaker 3: I don't know. Sometimes sometimes people because there's always gonna
Speaker 3: be there's always gonna be like some fucking dude in
Speaker 3: the YouTube comments who writes an essay. I read all
Speaker 3: the YouTube comments, by the way, it like, it makes me.
Speaker 3: It makes me happy when like there's people in the
Speaker 3: YouTube comments that are like, hey, man, dealt with the
Speaker 3: same thing blah blah blah blah blah. So they'll probably
Speaker 3: be some dude like that, and they'll also be someone
Speaker 3: who's mad at you and someone who I like whatever,
Speaker 3: you know, I don't know, I fucking don't know, but yeah, dude,
Speaker 3: thanks for thanks for sharing. Good luck on good luck
Speaker 3: on your on on all of your issues air conditioning
Speaker 3: and otherwise. There anything else you want to say to
Speaker 3: the people of the computer before we go.
Speaker 1: Fuck, I mean thank you. Not everyone is be kind
Speaker 1: to yourself, but be kind to others, I guess. And yeah,
Speaker 1: I hope everyone has to get rust of your day. Thanks, uh,
Speaker 1: thanks gag for a I'm a big fan. I appreciate
Speaker 1: you found on TikTok. You're the shit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have a good night, thanks man, good luck Bay. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's tough. That's really really tough. I wish I wish
Speaker 3: I got how old that guy was, because I couldn't.
Speaker 3: He was probably he sounds like he was maybe I
Speaker 3: don't know. Sometimes people call him with like deep voices
Speaker 3: and they're, you know, nineteen or whatever. But he sounded
Speaker 3: like he was, uh maybe like at most thirty four.
Speaker 3: His kid was seven, so but I'm twenty six. He
Speaker 3: probably had that. I'm going to assume he had that
Speaker 3: kid when he was younger than me. And that's tough.
Speaker 3: That's a hard thing. Kids, This is it's a hard thing.
Speaker 3: I think I want I want to have kids one day,
Speaker 3: but I don't want to do it anytime remotely soon.
Speaker 3: I think probably not for another like ten or twelve years,
Speaker 3: because I don't want to. I don't want to have
Speaker 3: a kid and let in unless if I'm like a
Speaker 3: hundred I think back, like back in in previous generations
Speaker 3: up until like kind of recently, I think people just
Speaker 3: pop them out like it was just it was just
Speaker 3: what you did, right, And I think maybe in this
Speaker 3: generation people are being a little bit more like, hey,
Speaker 3: you know what, let me like make sure that I'm
Speaker 3: in a position to properly do this. Think about, like,
Speaker 3: am I with the right person to do this with?
Speaker 3: Am I do I have my finances in order to
Speaker 3: do this? And you know, I'm still eating Reesei's pieces
Speaker 3: for dinner, So I don't think I can take care
Speaker 3: of a child uh anytime? So am I saying that
Speaker 3: it's going to take me to twelve years to become
Speaker 3: the kind of person that doesn't eat recent pieces for dinner?
Speaker 3: I hope not. But it gives me a lot of
Speaker 3: comfort to have that much runway. I think that color's
Speaker 3: name was I think I gave him the name Nick.
Speaker 3: Thank you for calling Nick?
Speaker 1: Hi?
Speaker 3: Hi, what is your name?
Speaker 2: I'm Tizzy?
Speaker 3: Tizzy Tizzy uh with T I Z z Y. Yes, Well,
Speaker 3: what the hell is going on? Tizzy? How can I
Speaker 3: get you what you want to talk about?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's a good question. Yeah, I was thinking
Speaker 2: about coming to see you in Pittsburgh, but I don't
Speaker 2: know if you still have tickets left or do I
Speaker 2: have a friend's kind of see you in Philly? Is
Speaker 2: really excited?
Speaker 3: Oh cool? Oh yeah, no I did. I did my
Speaker 3: Philly show U this week. Yeah, I'm playing at the
Speaker 3: Bottle Rocket, which I've heard is in Pittsburgh. I'm playing
Speaker 3: at this with a Bottle Rocket Social club. I've heard
Speaker 3: it's a cool venue. I'm very excited for that. So yeah,
Speaker 3: I help you come, but you know you can also
Speaker 3: you can also you can. You know there's a lot
Speaker 3: to do in Pittsburgh, so I wouldn't be surprised if
Speaker 3: you had other places and not really, So what's going on?
Speaker 1: Man?
Speaker 3: Would you want to talk about?
Speaker 2: I was what's the longest you've ever slept? Because yesterday
Speaker 2: I went to sleep at like twelve thirty am and
Speaker 2: I woke up at seven pm and I had a
Speaker 2: lot to do yesterday, and I kind of woke up
Speaker 2: and I looked at outside him I saw it was evening,
Speaker 2: and I said, you know there, yeah, I think I
Speaker 2: have I burned today, like there's nothing for me to do.
Speaker 2: I had.
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, I've done that. I've burned multiple days in
Speaker 3: a row sleeping, I saw. But but usually when I'm
Speaker 3: doing that, it's because I maybe had a few days
Speaker 3: in a row where I was staying up too late
Speaker 3: or something like that, or maybe I just like, well,
Speaker 3: like when I get really, really fucking depressed, all I
Speaker 3: want to do is sleep because it's sleep is cool.
Speaker 3: It's like dying without all the commitments. Okay, so I
Speaker 3: definitely I like doing that. Well are you did you
Speaker 3: just what do you do? You think there's a reason
Speaker 3: why you've been sleeping so much?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have also been staying up pretty late, you know, smoking,
Speaker 2: not smoking, but like getting high. And you know, I'm
Speaker 2: I'm really depressed as well, so that definitely plays into it.
Speaker 2: Like I wake up a lot of times and I
Speaker 2: just lay in bed for an hour two hours?
Speaker 3: What do you just real quick, what do you mean
Speaker 3: by your smoke? You're not smoking, but you're getting high.
Speaker 2: Not you know, vaping edibles.
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, how how old are you? If I may ask?
Speaker 3: I'm curious three. Okay, and so you're are you sleeping
Speaker 3: because you're by the way, I'm not I'm about to
Speaker 3: play armchair therapist, which I guess is my thing, but
Speaker 3: I'm just want to I just want to clarify that
Speaker 3: I'm not a real therapist because I'm about to go
Speaker 3: I'm about to go very therapist mode on this phone call.
Speaker 2: Yeah right, no, I yeah, I know why you Oh sorry,
Speaker 2: go ahead.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah.
Speaker 2: I listened to your podcast like probably every day. Like
Speaker 2: I think I'm I'm on the premium thing because I
Speaker 2: used to listen to you a lot, and like the
Speaker 2: ads started getting annoying some like, you know, I'll pay
Speaker 2: the whatever.
Speaker 3: Thanks, thanks for throwing a little thanks for throwing a
Speaker 3: little ad for for therapy Gecko premium uh in this call.
Speaker 3: But anyway, so why are you why? Like you are
Speaker 3: are you sleeping so much? Because you're depressed?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's definitely has to do with it. I like,
Speaker 2: I'm on some medication, but it's uh, I don't know
Speaker 2: if it's working. I've been on it for like six months,
Speaker 2: and I think I'm gonna like ask my psych to
Speaker 2: cycle me or something like that put me on something
Speaker 2: new because it's just like every day it just feels
Speaker 2: like I have to do something distract myself, like play
Speaker 2: lots of video games or like you know, get high
Speaker 2: or drink or something, or like play games on my phone,
Speaker 2: watch YouTube like I used to. I used to have
Speaker 2: a really bad I mean I still technically I have
Speaker 2: a porn addiction, which you seem to get a lot
Speaker 2: of cold about on this show.
Speaker 3: Bro, do you want to hear Do you actually want
Speaker 3: to hear something completely insane?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 3: This, dude, I'll just tell you this. This morning I
Speaker 3: went on chat GPT and I was like, I think
Speaker 3: I don't I'm trying to pull it up. But this
Speaker 3: morning I went on chat GBT and I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm trying to quit weed, alcohol, sugar, and porn, but
Speaker 3: I use them to to get over anxiety and depression.
Speaker 3: How do I do that? So I I literally literally
Speaker 3: asked chat GBT how I personally could do that this morning?
Speaker 3: So I'm I'm I'm right, I'm right there with your brother.
Speaker 3: I've been thinking about this a lot because I've been
Speaker 3: like actually fairly depressed and miserable in my personal life.
Speaker 3: I might not seem like it in this very moment
Speaker 3: because because and this actually ties into what I my thing,
Speaker 3: I might not seem like it in this very moment
Speaker 3: because I am in the flow state of doing something
Speaker 3: that is actively taking my attention away from those things
Speaker 3: and read rectally get into something productive, which is talking
Speaker 3: to you and having making this podcast. And so I'm
Speaker 3: just I'm at a point for me where I'm like, uh, Okay,
Speaker 3: how do I fill my life with as much in
Speaker 3: the moment productive flow state things as humanly possible so
Speaker 3: that I'm not fucking destroying myself? And it's actually kind
Speaker 3: of a you know, it's a question I'm in the
Speaker 3: middle of answering on a macro level, but that kind
Speaker 3: of feels like it's the answer, right, is like, well,
Speaker 3: I'm doing all these negative behaviors because I get fucking
Speaker 3: anxious and depressed, and uh, it's like, well, how do
Speaker 3: I put myself in situations where I'm not feeling those
Speaker 3: things as much? I don't have the perfect answers to
Speaker 3: those questions, but those are the questions, you know.
Speaker 2: I think that might be a little like unrealistic. I think, like,
Speaker 2: you know, people talk about the flow state a lot
Speaker 2: these days, but I don't think your life can just
Speaker 2: be moving between states of flow all the time, Like
Speaker 2: there's gonna be you know, you're gonna be pooping at
Speaker 2: some point, you know, Like, yeah, I have a lot
Speaker 2: of dark thoughts when I'm pooping or like I'm in
Speaker 2: the shower and it's like that's not a flow state,
Speaker 2: and like or like I'm doing laundry or something like
Speaker 2: there's I feel like most of my life is not
Speaker 2: doing anything productive or or something meaningful, and I feel
Speaker 2: like I have to not want to kill myself during
Speaker 2: those times as well. Yeah, so I think it has
Speaker 2: to be more than just distracting myself, even if it's
Speaker 2: a in a meaningful way.
Speaker 3: Yes, I agree with you, Okay, not to keep talking
Speaker 3: about myself, but I'm gonna do it for a second.
Speaker 3: Like these like like I'm on tour right now, I'm
Speaker 3: doing these shows. And when I'm like on stage, you're
Speaker 3: doing the shows or touring or in an airplane or
Speaker 3: do like doing all this stuff. You know, I definitely
Speaker 3: like get depressed a little bit while I'm doing this stuff.
Speaker 3: But I have noticed I'm on a flow state. I
Speaker 3: am distracted. I'm doing something and I'm like, oh, this
Speaker 3: is great, but I'm also like, well, fuck, I can't
Speaker 3: literally be doing this one hundred percent of the time.
Speaker 3: As you've said, Yes, it's true, you can't just jump
Speaker 3: from flow state thing to flow state thing to flow
Speaker 3: state thing. Eventually you have to do laundry. Eventually, you
Speaker 3: have to be alone. Eventually, you have to do you
Speaker 3: have to live kind of boring life. Can't be this amazing, beautiful, exciting, active,
Speaker 3: productive thing one hundred percent of the time. You can.
Speaker 3: I think you can kind of get to a point
Speaker 3: where it's like that I don't even I don't want
Speaker 3: to say most of the time, but where you know,
Speaker 3: there's there's where those things are or I'll say this,
Speaker 3: you can get to a point where those things and
Speaker 3: those feelings are present in your life. But yes, it's true,
Speaker 3: you have to figure out how to not want to
Speaker 3: kill yourself while you're just sitting in a room doing nothing.
Speaker 3: So I agree with you on that. I don't have
Speaker 3: any I don't have strategies on not accomplishing that because
Speaker 3: I'm trying to figure it out myself. But I agree
Speaker 3: with you. I mean, what what works for you?
Speaker 2: You know it's something worth I definitely i'd write a
Speaker 2: book about it or something, but sure, Yeah, I'm in
Speaker 2: like a twelve step program for my addiction that's been helping.
Speaker 2: They talk about your higher power turning to them for
Speaker 2: guidance and stuff like that. I was never like religious
Speaker 2: growing up, so it's kind of difficult for me to
Speaker 2: do that, but I find it is like kind of helpful,
Speaker 2: you know, like talking to God asking God for help.
Speaker 2: I don't really understand what that is for me completely
Speaker 2: because I'm pretty new at this, and so that that
Speaker 2: that's an approach I've been trying. I've been trying. Also,
Speaker 2: there's this YouTuber named Sissyphis fifty five. I don't know
Speaker 2: if you've ever seen in the videos, but he he
Speaker 2: does like the stick Man videos.
Speaker 3: Okay, I think I've heard of this guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, so he Oh, that's actually not the guy's thinking,
Speaker 2: you know, casually explained. So that's the guy who does like,
Speaker 2: you know, how to tell if a girl likes you
Speaker 2: and stuff.
Speaker 3: Yeah, sure, I know what that is.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So he has an alternate channel called Jamie's Channel,
Speaker 2: and he uploaded this video about self realization and he
Speaker 2: talks about how like the idea, we have an idea
Speaker 2: of ourselves and so like I have an idea who
Speaker 2: Lyle the gecko is, and it's just like a bundle
Speaker 2: of symbols that I have, Like he's green and he
Speaker 2: talked to people on the phone. Yes, So I imagine
Speaker 2: that when other people I talk to talk to me,
Speaker 2: they have an image of me as well. So apparently
Speaker 2: most people confuse that image with who they really are,
Speaker 2: and that is the cause of most suffering in life,
Speaker 2: because like if someone insults you, for example, that's not
Speaker 2: really an attack on you, Like nothing about your experience
Speaker 2: has changed, but your belief about yourself has changed. And
Speaker 2: he says that you were able to completely disidentify with
Speaker 2: this illusion that you will stop suffering. It's really it's
Speaker 2: a really cool video essay. But I guess I'm like
Speaker 2: trying to I think about that all the time, and
Speaker 2: I'm trying to do it and incorporate it or achieve
Speaker 2: whatever realization he's talking about.
Speaker 3: But it seems like impossible to shake almost you what
Speaker 3: is this image that you're trying to shake? This is
Speaker 3: the image that you think other people have of you.
Speaker 2: It's not just like the image that I think other
Speaker 2: people have of me. It's like the image that I
Speaker 2: used to understand my own experience. Like like the example
Speaker 2: he used in the video is like a TV if
Speaker 2: it was to show it's like, okay, what am I like?
Speaker 2: It keeps showing images on the screen of what it's
Speaker 2: what it is, and shows like a picture of itself
Speaker 2: maybe and that's pretty like a pretty good depiction of
Speaker 2: what it is. But it's not it right because the
Speaker 2: TV is the screen. It can't actually display what it
Speaker 2: is on there. So it's like the image is whatever
Speaker 2: you think you are, but you literally can't think about
Speaker 2: yourself because you are yourself. So yeah, I guess the
Speaker 2: image is like anything that any ideas you have about yourself,
Speaker 2: like I am smart, I am a son or whatever, like, no,
Speaker 2: that's not you. That's just a symbol of you that
Speaker 2: you've identified with.
Speaker 3: Interesting, m I mean just this just thinking about the
Speaker 3: I guess there. I do believe that like there we
Speaker 3: form fucking like like we form narratives and stories about
Speaker 3: our self and about the universe that we believe are
Speaker 3: like reality, whereas like reality is this fucking amorphous, undefined
Speaker 3: thing that kind of lives in every single person's perception maybe, uh,
Speaker 3: And so in that way, it can kind of be
Speaker 3: whatever you want maybe, but if you, if you, if
Speaker 3: the stories you have about yourself and the narratives you
Speaker 3: have about yourself that you fucking suck, then you just
Speaker 3: canna make life bad. So yeah, I kind of agree.
Speaker 3: Get I get what you mean. I give what you mean?
Speaker 2: What do you can?
Speaker 3: I say?
Speaker 1: What do you do?
Speaker 3: It's like, what's your what's your what's your life?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 3: Like, do you go to school, do you work?
Speaker 2: You talk to me? I'm a grad. I'm a grad student.
Speaker 2: I'm studying mechanical engineering. Okay, so I guess I talk
Speaker 2: to people. It's difficult, like because I'm living I grew
Speaker 2: up in New Jersey, Like all my friends and family
Speaker 2: and stuff are there, and I'm out here doing my masters,
Speaker 2: so I don't really have a good sport structure out here.
Speaker 2: So it's there are some days I go without like
Speaker 2: talking to anyone, which is pretty bad. I'm trying to
Speaker 2: change that, but it's what do you What do you
Speaker 2: do to try to change that? You know? I go
Speaker 2: to these twelve step meetings. I try to call people up.
Speaker 2: I try to hang out with people and message them
Speaker 2: and stuff to see if we can do something. But
Speaker 2: it's it's tough. I'm like kind of uh, really anxious
Speaker 2: about connecting with people. I guess.
Speaker 3: I mean I like the tall step stuff as a
Speaker 3: as a way of community. You said you listened to
Speaker 3: every episode of the podcast, right, yeah, yeah, did you
Speaker 3: listen to the one that I put out today?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 3: What did you hear the pinball Lady?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I like the Pinball Lady. I think I've
Speaker 3: been thinking. I had that conversation yesterday, but I've been
Speaker 3: thinking about the pinball Lady. I liked her a lot
Speaker 3: because she just fucking went for it, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean. And I understand. I understand that, like, uh,
Speaker 3: for some some people are just wired differently to have
Speaker 3: more social anxiety, whether it's because of I don't know
Speaker 3: who their parents were, or experiences they had, or the
Speaker 3: brain chemistry whatever. I understand. I get that. I I
Speaker 3: you know, I empathize with that. But I I don't know.
Speaker 3: I thought. I think about the pinball Lady because she
Speaker 3: just fucking went for it. She was just like, I
Speaker 3: want to make friends, I want to have a community,
Speaker 3: I want to be around other people. Let me start
Speaker 3: throwing pinball tournaments.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: She came up with a creative solution to her people problem.
Speaker 3: I was inspired by that on like a personal level.
Speaker 3: So I don't know. I don't know if if something
Speaker 3: like that. I'm not literally saying start a pinball tournament,
Speaker 3: but you go, what I mean, I don't know if
Speaker 3: something like that appeals to you, especially as a grad student.
Speaker 3: I mean, you're on a college campus. You're around a lot.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you're literally like but I don't
Speaker 3: know if you live on campus or whatever. But you know,
Speaker 3: if you're on a college campus, you're around a lot
Speaker 3: of people. The opportunities for you to socialize exist. And again,
Speaker 3: I don't know how you're wired or what makes you
Speaker 3: feel whatever.
Speaker 2: But.
Speaker 3: You just I just think it's likely for you to
Speaker 3: be happier if you're around more people. I mean, you
Speaker 3: just said yourself that you'll have many times where you're
Speaker 3: not around anyone. And that's just a recipe for for fucking.
Speaker 3: That's a recipe for porn. That's a strong recipe for
Speaker 3: sitting around all day, jacking off, getting high, drinking and
Speaker 3: eating candy. That's a that's really I have a one
Speaker 3: of my friends said to me that he loves going
Speaker 3: outside because he can't jack off. It's just it's one
Speaker 3: of the reasons. It's like an it's like accountability. It's well, yeah,
Speaker 3: I mean, ye, sure you can, but you're not. That's
Speaker 3: not gonna be it's against social contract. He's held accountable
Speaker 3: by social contract to not jack off. So he goes
Speaker 3: outside and or he and he goes in public and
Speaker 3: it's great. That's one of the great things about being
Speaker 3: in public is that you can't be a fucking crazy
Speaker 3: person that holds you accountable to that. So that's I
Speaker 3: guess that's my that's my that's that's my spiel. That's
Speaker 3: my spiel.
Speaker 2: Gotta go ahead, Yeah, this is this seems to like
Speaker 2: come up on your podcast a lot, you know, the
Speaker 2: adult film stuff. I think you had kazum Me on.
Speaker 2: You had a lot of girls seem to call in
Speaker 2: and ask about having an only fans, like starting an
Speaker 2: only fans for some reason, And yeah, it makes me
Speaker 2: think a lot. I thought, like I studied like some
Speaker 2: to like a feminist class and undergrad and like read
Speaker 2: about it sometimes and they're like talk about how it's
Speaker 2: coercive like the industry and stuff, and I think it's like,
Speaker 2: I'm not. I know, you don't give advice per se
Speaker 2: and but it's like, dude, girls are like, should I
Speaker 2: start an only fans? You're like, well, if you want to,
Speaker 2: But it's like, what what does it mean to want
Speaker 2: and do that? Like, especially if they're much younger, I
Speaker 2: feel like they don't know what they're getting into a
Speaker 2: lot of the times, because it's something very difficult to
Speaker 2: get out of, right if you go to go apply
Speaker 2: for a job or something that comes up, like maybe
Speaker 2: that's going to be something you're pigeon doled into the
Speaker 2: right for the rest of your life, and it seems
Speaker 2: like a little exploitative and stuff like that. I think
Speaker 2: about that a lot.
Speaker 3: Well, Well, the reason I say if you want to
Speaker 3: is because it's like it's I mean, that's what I is.
Speaker 3: If you want to, you know, I don't know. I
Speaker 3: don't like this is a pure matter of personal philosophy,
Speaker 3: Like I don't like porn and sex and like all
Speaker 3: these things, Like I don't. I think people are very
Speaker 3: very precious about it, and I think people have a
Speaker 3: lot of opinions about it. I personally, lie do not.
Speaker 3: I understand that society has a lot of like personal
Speaker 3: like moral whatever about like porn and sex, and it's
Speaker 3: taboo and whatever. Maybe it's just because I personally don't
Speaker 3: that I'm not as keyed into what society's views are
Speaker 3: of it. But I also I don't think that I
Speaker 3: don't know, I'm not a big fan of bending to
Speaker 3: society's judgments and wills, and so that's why I'm like, So,
Speaker 3: that's why I'm like, look, dude, you're you're an independent
Speaker 3: human being who can make who you know, like like that,
Speaker 3: like the girl on the Yeah, sure you're talking about
Speaker 3: that girl on the podcast. I think I even said
Speaker 3: the story. It's not like she thought about it and
Speaker 3: decided she trying to do it. Yeah, So what does
Speaker 3: it mean to want to do something? I don't know.
Speaker 3: That's that's too, that's too, I don't That's an interesting
Speaker 3: question that we could probably spend the next six hours
Speaker 3: talking about. But what's your name again, Sir Tizzy? Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: well Tizzy, it was good to talk to you. I
Speaker 3: hope that you.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I wasn't trying to tell you like you
Speaker 2: should have said that.
Speaker 3: No, I don't think. I don't. I don't. I don't
Speaker 3: think you were trying to do anything. Okay, Yeah, so no,
Speaker 3: I thought you were trying to talk to a gecko
Speaker 3: on the phone about stuff, which is what we successfully
Speaker 3: did do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's you know, that's the thing I think the
Speaker 2: lesson that I've learned the most reviews. You never judge anyone,
Speaker 2: it seems like when you talk to them, and something
Speaker 2: I've been trying to do in my life.
Speaker 3: But well, yeah, I think, I mean, I try to.
Speaker 3: I guess I do it sometimes, but only to be funny.
Speaker 2: I like that guy I kept driving his car down
Speaker 2: the mountain at night.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, oh well yeah, well that that was fucking stupid.
Speaker 3: I don't know. Well anyway, well listen, well, thanks thanks
Speaker 3: for listening to the show.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 3: I have a lot of these same problems, so I'm
Speaker 3: gonna also try to work on them and not I'm
Speaker 3: gonna also figure out how to how to you know,
Speaker 3: not do things that are you know, self destructive and uh,
Speaker 3: you know, maybe one day you and I will meet
Speaker 3: at the gates of Saint Peter and God will let
Speaker 3: us in and at that point we can just jack
Speaker 3: off as much as we want because we're dead. Yeah,
Speaker 3: is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 3: people of the computer before we go.
Speaker 2: Buy government buy us savings bonds.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, by Tizzy.
Speaker 2: No thanks.
Speaker 3: Let's see, should should you buy us savings bonds? I
Speaker 3: guess I don't know where to buy them or like
Speaker 3: how they were. I don't know how bonds were. I
Speaker 3: get how like stock like the SP five hundred works, whatever,
Speaker 3: I don't get how bonds work. That's it. That's my
Speaker 3: post call thought.
Speaker 1: Never Can goes on the line taking your phone calls
Speaker 1: every night. Never be Can goes to on his Ee,
Speaker 1: you're just
Speaker 3: Teaching you about in the mid of your life, but
Speaker 3: he's not really an expert.