WEBVTT - Amara Hall 0:00:09.320 --> 0:00:16.239 Carola. She's a queen of talking. He was son. She's 0:00:16.280 --> 0:00:20.119 only yes, actually got the snoop on on the on side. 0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:29.680 No one can do within clid my Carala Carolina, no 0:00:29.800 --> 0:00:36.680 one can do win quiet Caroline Carola. Hey, y'all, welcome 0:00:36.720 --> 0:00:39.800 to Hyper Caroline Hobby. I am your host, Caroline Hobby. 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:42.479 I know music, I know people, and I know the 0:00:42.640 --> 0:00:45.400 questions do you want to ask? So let's get hyper 0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:49.440 heads up. These are adults having adult conversations, so there 0:00:49.479 --> 0:00:54.160 could be adult content. You guys, I am pumped, beyond 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:57.520 pumped for this episode. It is my girl, Amara Hall. 0:00:57.960 --> 0:01:04.039 This woman is one of the most enlightened, wise, thoughtful, spiritual, 0:01:04.360 --> 0:01:09.720 yet cool and badass edgy. She absolutely is in touch 0:01:09.800 --> 0:01:11.680 with her soul, her calling, her spirit, all of that, 0:01:11.760 --> 0:01:15.200 and she's also just the most enjoyable, incredible person to 0:01:15.240 --> 0:01:18.040 be around. Has so much wisdom. She's a spoken word artist. 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:21.040 She actually is making her debut with Me at My 0:01:21.840 --> 0:01:25.160 I'm having a podcast launch party on May seventeenth, So 0:01:25.520 --> 0:01:28.000 the week after this episode airs, Amara is going to 0:01:28.080 --> 0:01:32.160 be doing a spoken word concert at Aurora downtown Nashville. 0:01:32.200 --> 0:01:33.920 So if you guys are in Nashville, make sure you 0:01:34.040 --> 0:01:36.560 come because she's going to be gracing us with her 0:01:36.600 --> 0:01:39.520 talent and she is just the bomb dot com. I'm 0:01:39.560 --> 0:01:41.040 so excited for you guys to hear what she has 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:46.000 to say. So here is a Mara Hall. I'm here 0:01:46.240 --> 0:01:49.560 with the incredible Amara Hall. Thank you for having me. 0:01:49.840 --> 0:01:54.920 Otherwise known as a mix between my Angelou Oprah and 0:01:55.000 --> 0:01:57.000 then a lot of other women in your life. But 0:01:57.200 --> 0:01:59.760 you like go side by side. That's a lot. First, 0:02:01.400 --> 0:02:06.280 I know you have, but I literally, ever since I've 0:02:06.320 --> 0:02:10.960 known you, you have wisdom, like wisdom, like soul wisdom. 0:02:11.000 --> 0:02:12.519 I don't know where it comes from. It's from like 0:02:12.760 --> 0:02:16.840 lifetimes passed down to you or something totally totally. I 0:02:16.919 --> 0:02:21.119 actually feel that way a lot, and I think it's 0:02:21.400 --> 0:02:23.880 just from the women I've met in my life. Man, 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:29.120 They've just they've been incredibly strong, they've been incredibly driven, 0:02:29.800 --> 0:02:33.240 they've been you know, they've done a lot of things 0:02:33.560 --> 0:02:36.240 on their own. They've been mothers and fathers at times, 0:02:36.320 --> 0:02:40.760 and they've you know, traveled from across the world to 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:47.600 raise babies and um, yeah, they've been awesome. Tell me 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:51.919 about the women in your life. Tell me about your upbringing. Well, 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:57.160 West Baltimore born and raised don't want to playground. Um, 0:02:57.360 --> 0:03:01.240 I did enjoy the playground, but I was born. Oh 0:03:01.320 --> 0:03:02.919 my gosh, I love the monkey bars. I was a 0:03:03.000 --> 0:03:07.000 kickballer once the guys figured out that, like, if they 0:03:07.080 --> 0:03:09.560 had me on their team, we'd probably win because you 0:03:09.639 --> 0:03:11.480 had to pick girls. But then they were like the 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:15.880 girls that you didn't really want on your team anyway. Um. 0:03:17.520 --> 0:03:21.280 I grew up in West Baltimore. Um, I mean, I 0:03:21.360 --> 0:03:25.360 guess I had a pretty normal childhood mom dad. Um 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:29.320 had a mommy and a daddy. Not to say there's 0:03:29.320 --> 0:03:32.480 anything wrong with having two mommies or two daddies. Um, 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:37.440 and yeah, I don't know. I I'm trying to think, 0:03:37.560 --> 0:03:41.360 like what to even say about my childhood. Tell me 0:03:41.400 --> 0:03:43.600 about your mom and your grandmother, because I know they 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:49.000 profoundly impacted you. So Norma Jean, who's my mother? She 0:03:50.440 --> 0:03:53.600 there's whimpering throughout this interview. It's maybe the dog she 0:03:53.840 --> 0:03:56.600 has back Arthur Ridday. She's got Boo Boo's got some 0:03:56.680 --> 0:04:00.160 issues right now, and we're just but you know what, 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:03.320 We're gonna just let her s out. She needs to say, yeah, exactly, 0:04:03.880 --> 0:04:05.920 she needs to speak up. If you hear a little cry, 0:04:06.320 --> 0:04:09.040 no one's dying. She's actually just she just doesn't know 0:04:09.080 --> 0:04:10.680 what's going on. She's on a lot of payments because 0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:14.920 her poor back has major arthritis. I know. Sorry, baby, Okay, 0:04:15.040 --> 0:04:19.599 we love you about Norma. So Norma Jean. Uh, let's 0:04:19.640 --> 0:04:24.240 see we So my parents split up. I was in 0:04:24.400 --> 0:04:27.599 eighth grade and we were moving into a new house. 0:04:28.800 --> 0:04:32.200 So is my mother, my brother, my sister, and myself. 0:04:32.640 --> 0:04:35.240 Did you know your parents were having troubles or was 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:37.800 it like kind of dropped on you? It was I 0:04:37.880 --> 0:04:41.080 didn't really know. I mean, I guess there's always that 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:43.200 sense of you know, you have a sense like, oh, 0:04:43.279 --> 0:04:45.280 my parents are fighting and this doesn't feel good. But 0:04:45.440 --> 0:04:50.840 I didn't know, Oh my gosh, they're divorcing and we're 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:53.120 going to move. Is that pretty heavy? When that happened, 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:56.440 it was heavy, But I've always been I'm the middle child, 0:04:56.640 --> 0:04:59.280 so I'm the peacemaker and I'm the you know, make 0:04:59.360 --> 0:05:03.960 everybody off and lighten the mood and let's think about 0:05:03.960 --> 0:05:07.240 what's going right, not about what's going wrong, um in 0:05:07.360 --> 0:05:11.560 my family. So I feel like I this happened, and 0:05:11.680 --> 0:05:14.880 I was upset and I was distraught, and I was 0:05:15.000 --> 0:05:19.200 also I just decided, you know what, you gotta keep 0:05:19.279 --> 0:05:22.160 things moving. So we in eighth grade and have that 0:05:22.279 --> 0:05:25.440 wisdom is kind of it's kind of crazy, like who think, 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:34.960 um me, yeah, I it's it's interesting talking about it 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:38.640 because when it's happening, you're not really you know, that's 0:05:38.760 --> 0:05:42.040 that's just kind of how I operate. So I didn't 0:05:42.080 --> 0:05:45.880 think it was strange. Um, And then you know, four 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:48.200 years later when you're dealing with it, when you're eighteen, 0:05:48.320 --> 0:05:51.640 you're like, oh my gosh, why do I have this 0:05:52.279 --> 0:05:55.760 weird perspective of guys? And why do I just want 0:05:55.880 --> 0:05:58.440 people to love me? You know, when you're like trying 0:05:58.480 --> 0:06:00.560 to figure out where all these emotions are coming from 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:06.040 that you've stuffed, they always come out. So I was 0:06:06.080 --> 0:06:09.599 a stuffer, but I understood that I've got a stuff 0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:13.000 it right now because I have this incredible opportunity ahead 0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:15.960 of me. I was going into this awesome private school, 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:18.200 um that I didn't want to go to because I 0:06:18.200 --> 0:06:19.840 didn't want to wear a uniform because I was a 0:06:19.880 --> 0:06:24.000 public school girl, and public school girls don't really mess 0:06:24.120 --> 0:06:26.760 with private school girls. Not to say there's anything wrong 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:29.800 with that, because I became one. So I I go 0:06:29.920 --> 0:06:33.600 to this school, I get this scholarship to play basketball. Um, 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:37.680 and or I'm sorry it was a leadership scholarship, but 0:06:37.839 --> 0:06:41.200 it was a scholarship to play basketball. And I just 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:47.800 dove in, you know, I just I used every opportunity 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:51.839 I had to not think about what wasn't going wrong, 0:06:52.400 --> 0:06:56.720 you know. At home, it was just like, okay, you've 0:06:56.760 --> 0:07:00.200 got a choice here. You can sit here in the 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:02.680 mess and just talk about the mess. Because you know, 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:05.840 my mother was very vocal. She was very you know, 0:07:06.279 --> 0:07:08.600 vocal about what was happening to her and how she felt. 0:07:09.360 --> 0:07:13.040 It was totally and that's my dad. And so it's like, well, jeez, 0:07:13.440 --> 0:07:15.840 you know, I didn't know all this was going on, 0:07:16.080 --> 0:07:22.880 but um it totally like my mother is this picture 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:28.840 of of grace and of mercy, like her story is. 0:07:28.960 --> 0:07:33.480 So it's so wonderful to know my mother from eighth 0:07:33.520 --> 0:07:35.640 grade to now, you know what I mean. And you 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:39.600 I've seen her evolved too, and you come into this 0:07:39.840 --> 0:07:44.200 place where, oh my gosh, Norma Jean was Norma Jean 0:07:44.920 --> 0:07:48.280 before she had me, you know, and before she met 0:07:48.360 --> 0:07:52.800 my father William, you know. And so just to think 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:56.320 about her doing the best she can with what the 0:07:56.440 --> 0:08:00.040 knowledge she had, says what did she say do the 0:08:00.120 --> 0:08:01.680 best you can and tell you know better until you 0:08:01.760 --> 0:08:03.920 know better, and when you know better, do better and 0:08:04.440 --> 0:08:11.480 yeah yeah family, Yeah, wow, okay, cool. So you're always 0:08:11.560 --> 0:08:14.880 making these I mean, I love it. I love my Angelo. 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:18.400 I definitely don't put myself on the same echelon, but 0:08:18.800 --> 0:08:21.720 I love you. You don't yet because you don't see 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:26.160 what I see yet. But I feel so blessed to 0:08:26.280 --> 0:08:30.000 have known you before you become this thing that everyone's 0:08:30.080 --> 0:08:33.360 going to know because you're so rare. There's something about 0:08:33.440 --> 0:08:37.760 you that is so rare and so divinely inspired. Thanks 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:41.120 girl that I know, as long as you keep taking 0:08:41.360 --> 0:08:45.800 the steps that you have been, your life will impact 0:08:45.920 --> 0:08:48.480 in such a big way exactly how it's supposed to 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:51.719 thank you, And I would be shocked if it was 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:53.719 was not on the same level with Oprah and my 0:08:53.840 --> 0:08:56.959 Angela and Alicia Keys. I received that. I just like 0:08:57.120 --> 0:08:59.760 to say, I received that. I'm reading this book right 0:08:59.800 --> 0:09:01.920 now and it's talking about, like, you know how when 0:09:02.000 --> 0:09:06.000 people it's talking about letting go of self deprecating humor 0:09:06.679 --> 0:09:10.319 and when people give you compliments, say thank you. You know, 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:15.400 I feel like we have a lot of trouble accepting compliments, 0:09:16.520 --> 0:09:22.079 So thank you. Thanks back to Normine. Okay, so right, 0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:25.319 what I'm in high school, Norman Jean is totally like 0:09:25.760 --> 0:09:29.520 rocking my world. Not to mention Eugenia, who's my grandmother? 0:09:29.679 --> 0:09:34.280 Who she you know, third parent? Picking me up from school, 0:09:34.360 --> 0:09:37.160 taking me to this practice, taking me to that practice. Um, 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:42.280 Grandma's house was like after school camp for me and 0:09:42.400 --> 0:09:44.920 my cousins and my brother and my sister. She um 0:09:45.520 --> 0:09:47.400 picked all of us up and we would go to 0:09:47.480 --> 0:09:50.480 our house and when our parents were done with school, 0:09:50.520 --> 0:09:52.439 they pick us, I mean done with work, they'd pick 0:09:52.559 --> 0:09:56.040 us up. And it was the best because you walk 0:09:56.080 --> 0:09:58.840 into grandma's house and it's like, Okay, you're either going 0:09:58.880 --> 0:10:01.719 to watch the Sound of Music, which was like the 0:10:01.840 --> 0:10:05.959 only VHS she had, or you know, we're gonna like 0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:10.719 play cards, or like we were just always doing stuff together. Um. 0:10:11.480 --> 0:10:14.120 And so I feel like they just both instilled this 0:10:15.800 --> 0:10:19.040 this need for community, you know, this need to like 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:22.240 be there for my brothers and sisters. Um, I'm just 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:24.760 gonna say brothers and sisters instead of cousins. But I mean, 0:10:24.920 --> 0:10:27.959 like all of us were just this big group of 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:32.160 close knit people, and especially when I got into high school, 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:33.679 I started to realize that there are a lot of 0:10:33.720 --> 0:10:38.120 families that don't like their family. Yeah, that was like 0:10:38.480 --> 0:10:40.679 so feign to me. I was like, wait, what, I 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:43.920 don't want to hang out with them? Yeah? Right, And 0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:46.040 like I can understand that with your parents because we 0:10:46.120 --> 0:10:48.080 all go through that. I went through that not wanting 0:10:48.080 --> 0:10:50.480 to hang out with my mom, And now right now 0:10:50.559 --> 0:10:54.280 I'm like wishing for the day when we live in 0:10:54.360 --> 0:10:56.480 the same city again and I can just like go 0:10:56.760 --> 0:11:01.800 and curl up. And you know, hey, mom, going on, Um, 0:11:02.520 --> 0:11:05.280 what do you think the biggest pieces of wisdom that 0:11:05.400 --> 0:11:08.079 your mom and your grandmother in particular instilled in you, Like, 0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:11.560 because you have so much confidence and you're so wise. 0:11:13.280 --> 0:11:18.280 My mother was a praying mother period end of story. 0:11:18.559 --> 0:11:22.000 And my father it's a praying father. Every night before 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:27.000 I went to bed, I heard you are the head 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:29.920 and not the tail. You are above only and not beneath. 0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:32.360 You are the daughter of a king. I heard that 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:35.880 every single night before I went to sleep. And I 0:11:36.000 --> 0:11:38.040 had a mother who I knew was praying for me. 0:11:38.760 --> 0:11:41.240 Every morning I'd wake up and she'd be praying over 0:11:41.360 --> 0:11:45.840 me before she yeah, I know, seriously, before she went 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:51.199 to work, prayer to check the church box. Check like 0:11:52.800 --> 0:11:56.160 like even now, I'll wake up if I'm at home 0:11:56.240 --> 0:11:59.800 for Christmas. When i wake up before my mom goes 0:12:00.000 --> 0:12:03.240 out to do whatever, She's got her hand like on 0:12:03.400 --> 0:12:05.000 my foot at the end of the bed and it's 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:08.480 like praying over me and then she goes and yeah, 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:16.000 so yeah, but that's just it instilled a real faith 0:12:16.080 --> 0:12:20.920 in you. Yeah, yeah, like definitely a faith in yourself, 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:26.320 you know, and knowing that you have a light inside 0:12:26.400 --> 0:12:31.600 of you that cannot be distinguished based on I'm sorry, 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:35.839 cannot be extinguished what's that word put out? Thank you 0:12:37.400 --> 0:12:41.760 by circumstances and you knew that it cannot it doesn't matter. Yeah, 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:44.880 you knew you were divinely made from a young age, 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:47.480 and you had this connection to your own faith from 0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:50.720 a young age, absolutely, and you believed it and walked it. Yeah. 0:12:52.360 --> 0:12:55.319 Most people don't have that strong connection. I feel like 0:12:56.320 --> 0:13:00.240 a lot don't. Yeah. I mean, and I'm still I'm still, 0:13:00.520 --> 0:13:03.160 you know, trying and trying to figure out what that is, 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:07.480 and you know all of it. I think it's a 0:13:08.880 --> 0:13:13.240 it's a day by day decision. And I was very, 0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:18.480 very blessed just to have parents that understood that you 0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:23.560 speak truth over your children, You speak what you want 0:13:23.640 --> 0:13:26.360 for them, you can actually speak over their lives. And 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:30.240 I grew up watching that. And then my grandmother, I'll 0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:34.240 never forget it. It was her eighty five birthday because 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:38.839 we threw a surprise party and you know, all the 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:42.320 kids we did this like little We did a little 0:13:42.320 --> 0:13:44.120 skit because that's what we did, and we just i 0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:47.599 mean growing up, it was like our parents must be 0:13:47.720 --> 0:13:49.839 so sick of us. We just put on plays, we 0:13:49.920 --> 0:13:53.880 put on shows, we put on variety, comedy hours, whatever. 0:13:55.080 --> 0:13:57.679 And we had just finished with Grandma and she was, 0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:00.960 you know, we were like speech, speech, speech, and she goes, 0:14:02.640 --> 0:14:06.120 a life lived for others is the only life worth living. 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:14.640 And you all are a testament to that. And I mean, oh, never, ever, ever, ever, 0:14:15.040 --> 0:14:18.040 ever forget that, especially in such a selfish world that 0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:20.240 we live in. I mean, I feel like, especially our culture, 0:14:20.360 --> 0:14:24.880 you know, it's very self driven to have influences who 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:29.240 are saying live for others and who you respect preaching 0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:35.680 that like that is something that's very good advice. And woe. 0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:39.480 So when did you discover your gift of words? Because 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:43.600 to me, you are the only person I've ever met 0:14:43.640 --> 0:14:46.760 who does spoken word and it flows out of you 0:14:47.400 --> 0:14:50.280 like just a river running. And you've been doing it 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:55.040 since high school. You're in competition, like you and I 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:58.080 want you to read some of it here. But where 0:14:58.360 --> 0:15:01.680 when did you start realizing you had this gift? And 0:15:01.840 --> 0:15:04.000 when did you start taking the leap of faith to 0:15:04.080 --> 0:15:13.640 pursue it? I recall a day. Um. Okay, So I 0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:17.960 grew up always having a very musical side of the family, 0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:23.320 which my father's side. His baby sister is a jazz singer, 0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:28.800 phenomenal aunt Julie. What's up girl? Um? And then her 0:15:29.000 --> 0:15:33.880 husband was had a studio in his basement and I'm 0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:35.800 gonna call him de Low. That's what we call him 0:15:35.840 --> 0:15:40.320 on the streets. Uncle Rob and uh. Uncle Rob was 0:15:40.440 --> 0:15:45.120 really the first person to allow me to sit in 0:15:45.240 --> 0:15:50.880 this safe place with him and create no judgment zone. Um. 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:53.880 You know I always had this, you know, I always 0:15:53.960 --> 0:15:55.880 had this thing where I you know, I was that kid. 0:15:55.960 --> 0:15:58.680 I love beating on the desks. I loved, you know, 0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:01.960 dropping a beat. I loved trying to understand, like I 0:16:02.160 --> 0:16:05.920 love the music that moved me really moved me, you know, 0:16:06.080 --> 0:16:08.160 and I love listening to it over and over again. 0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:11.800 And I love you know, breaking songs down and understand, 0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:15.000 you know, like understanding where this person was at when 0:16:15.040 --> 0:16:17.680 they love reading liner notes, you know, I love knowing 0:16:17.720 --> 0:16:19.760 who the musicians were that played on it. I want 0:16:19.800 --> 0:16:22.640 to know. Yeah, I wanted to know it all. And 0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:27.200 I was sitting with Uncle Rob one day and he 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:31.520 had you know, at this point he um, you know, 0:16:31.640 --> 0:16:34.560 he had my my cousin Natalie and my cousin Nicole, 0:16:35.280 --> 0:16:39.720 who let's see, Natalie's ten years younger than me. So, um, 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:42.760 I can tell you it was two thousand seven, two 0:16:42.800 --> 0:16:48.800 thousand eight when I really started writing things for my 0:16:48.920 --> 0:16:54.400 future self to be encouraged. He does that. Yeah, I 0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:57.600 kind of do that stuff now, but I'm thirty four basically, 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:02.400 you know. Yeah, school, I was, well, let's see two 0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:04.359 thousand and eight, this would have been post college. So 0:17:05.040 --> 0:17:07.720 I mean i've been I've been writing at this time, okay, 0:17:07.760 --> 0:17:11.320 And you said, so I was in competitions in college. 0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:16.280 So that's when I started writing things and then started 0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:19.560 being okay with like, Okay, what is this spoken word 0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:23.720 kind of thing. It's very rhythmic, it's very um, It's 0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:26.280 got a lot of attitude, a lot of swag. There's 0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:30.560 there there's freedom in these words and how you say 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:36.840 them can can just dispel all the doubts and any 0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:41.960 stresses you're carrying. You know, it can just poof be gone. Um, 0:17:42.280 --> 0:17:48.040 discover spoken on I you know a friend, Yeah, really 0:17:48.280 --> 0:17:51.560 really scary. Is the hardest thing I think you could do. 0:17:52.160 --> 0:17:54.760 I think a friend of mine just just asked if 0:17:54.840 --> 0:17:58.840 I if I'd be interested, and I was happened to 0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:01.840 be in a season of yeah. I'm not always in 0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:03.520 a season of yes, but I happened to be in 0:18:03.560 --> 0:18:08.000 a season of yeah. Okay, yeah, let's try it. Um. 0:18:08.520 --> 0:18:12.200 I've been writing previously before this, Um, I'd always been writing. 0:18:12.200 --> 0:18:14.200 I've always kept a journal. Oh my gosh, I have 0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:18.600 so many journals. It's readick. Um yeah, I just have 0:18:18.760 --> 0:18:23.680 journals and journals full of just words. Just sometimes it's 0:18:23.720 --> 0:18:27.200 a you're writing a feeling. Sometimes it's you know, a 0:18:27.320 --> 0:18:32.879 letter to yourself. Sometimes it's Um. I feel like my 0:18:33.000 --> 0:18:37.440 most inspired things have been a stream of what I 0:18:37.480 --> 0:18:44.520 call a stream of consciousness. And I feel like to 0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:48.639 try to put into words this feeling. Yeah, the moment 0:18:48.840 --> 0:18:52.520 though that I knew I had something special, I was 0:18:52.840 --> 0:18:56.800 Uncle Rob was in the studio and he was um 0:18:58.359 --> 0:19:03.159 hm gosh, I'm trying to think if I can remember 0:19:03.240 --> 0:19:06.520 that exact verse. He was, him and I were collaborating 0:19:06.520 --> 0:19:09.320 on an idea we had called see the Light, and 0:19:09.440 --> 0:19:12.720 so he's in there finishing it up, and I had 0:19:12.800 --> 0:19:19.399 stepped out of the studio and I just started writing. 0:19:19.520 --> 0:19:22.399 Had no idea, you know what I was writing. But 0:19:22.640 --> 0:19:26.399 this is something that I come back to regardless of 0:19:27.160 --> 0:19:29.680 where I am in my life, regardless of if I'm happy, 0:19:31.000 --> 0:19:34.479 regardless of if things are going right, things are going wrong. Um, 0:19:34.720 --> 0:19:37.560 I just I always come back to this, and I 0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:40.840 wrote it in two thousand and eight, and um, that's 0:19:40.880 --> 0:19:44.159 how I'm gonna I'm probably gonna open every show I 0:19:44.240 --> 0:19:54.960 ever do. And yeah, okay, totally kidding. Um, Honestly, I 0:19:55.080 --> 0:19:57.800 never really felt like I was worth it until he 0:19:57.880 --> 0:19:59.760 back in loud and told me I had a purpose 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:02.920 my past, giving me doubt as lies creep to the surface, 0:20:03.000 --> 0:20:06.320 feeling so weighed down, can't show my face in churches. 0:20:06.440 --> 0:20:09.560 You're worthless, That's all I hear, becoming my deepest fear. 0:20:09.640 --> 0:20:12.760 So I'm hurting, starting to believe that no one really cares. 0:20:12.840 --> 0:20:16.600 But my question is, Lord, are you really there? I'll 0:20:16.640 --> 0:20:22.400 ask once more, Lord, universe source energy. Are you really there? 0:20:22.840 --> 0:20:24.880 Because if you are, can you reach out and meet 0:20:24.920 --> 0:20:27.480 me where I am here? I stand stripped, bruised, and 0:20:27.560 --> 0:20:31.120 my hope diminished. I'm hardheaded, still doing it my way, 0:20:31.720 --> 0:20:34.280 living and sending given into temptation because it's easier than 0:20:34.359 --> 0:20:37.080 repent and becoming cool and complacent, got the enemy grinning, 0:20:37.840 --> 0:20:40.040 rather keep fake and be averaged than asked for a 0:20:40.080 --> 0:20:43.240 new beginning than I heard him say, get your mind right, child. 0:20:43.280 --> 0:20:45.240 You were made in my image, and I've been anxiously 0:20:45.320 --> 0:20:49.360 awaiting to show you You've been forgiven. You've been forgiven, 0:20:50.359 --> 0:20:52.960 you know, all the bullshit, all the bullshit we carry, 0:20:53.520 --> 0:20:58.160 You've been forgiven. You know. Just leads me to another question, 0:20:58.280 --> 0:21:01.880 like so eloquently put it, you have known your faith 0:21:02.000 --> 0:21:03.840 for so long, and you have been in touch with 0:21:03.880 --> 0:21:07.040 it for so long, But it is so easy to 0:21:07.240 --> 0:21:12.160 want to go down the wrong roads or whatever. How 0:21:12.400 --> 0:21:17.800 have you navigated that coming? Have you ever gotten lost 0:21:17.840 --> 0:21:24.720 on the wrong path all the time? Check? How do you? 0:21:26.400 --> 0:21:29.680 How do you navigate those situations? Because you always come back? 0:21:31.400 --> 0:21:33.080 And I'm not like it's anything terrible, but you know 0:21:33.200 --> 0:21:39.440 we all have we get lost. Absolutely agree. I I 0:21:39.600 --> 0:21:45.119 was reading something tremendous that inspired me. Excuse me, and 0:21:45.160 --> 0:21:47.520 I wish I could remember the author right now, but um, 0:21:48.600 --> 0:21:52.960 it's a we are just living from moment to moment 0:21:54.160 --> 0:21:57.600 of belief. We are just living like you can only 0:21:57.720 --> 0:22:03.960 have enough faith for moment to moment, you know, like 0:22:04.200 --> 0:22:07.520 that that's all you can't have. You don't have enough 0:22:07.600 --> 0:22:09.880 faith for tomorrow and the next day and the next 0:22:09.960 --> 0:22:11.800 day because you have no idea what that day brings. 0:22:11.840 --> 0:22:14.160 You can only have We can only have faith from 0:22:14.280 --> 0:22:17.240 this moment to the next moment, So we have to 0:22:17.320 --> 0:22:21.240 live in the moment that yes, absolutely absolutely, I feel like, 0:22:22.240 --> 0:22:28.000 oh my gosh, yeah, it's excruciating. Well, I'm trying a 0:22:28.080 --> 0:22:31.200 new one right now called meditation, which I told you 0:22:31.440 --> 0:22:35.359 about before we got on them is I and that 0:22:35.640 --> 0:22:39.480 pretty much for me right now goes with three minutes 0:22:39.560 --> 0:22:47.760 of Okay, just check your breathing. Just relax. I wonder 0:22:47.800 --> 0:22:50.480 if I put the clothes from the washing machine into 0:22:50.480 --> 0:22:54.120 the dry or not. Shut up. Just relax. I wish 0:22:54.160 --> 0:22:57.360 diesel would stop scratching. It's a really distratched Just relax. 0:22:57.920 --> 0:23:00.240 Oh my gosh, I need to get stamps. You know. 0:23:00.359 --> 0:23:02.720 It's like all the just like laundry. List of things 0:23:02.920 --> 0:23:05.399 goes in your mind crucial at that time, but it 0:23:05.440 --> 0:23:08.440 doesn't matter at all, but really at all. It's so 0:23:09.160 --> 0:23:11.480 you know, I feel like I do a variety of things. 0:23:11.600 --> 0:23:17.239 I meditate, I pray. My my biggest one though, um, 0:23:19.480 --> 0:23:23.640 it's just being around people who lift me up. That's 0:23:23.640 --> 0:23:27.000 the biggest thing that I know I can do for myself. 0:23:27.040 --> 0:23:29.840 I told you the other day I was I was 0:23:29.920 --> 0:23:31.840 having one of those days. I had a day. I 0:23:31.960 --> 0:23:35.520 woke up and I swear from the moment I opened 0:23:35.600 --> 0:23:41.280 my eyes, somehow I had already been decided this day is. 0:23:41.640 --> 0:23:43.440 You know, it's just not going to be a good day. 0:23:44.080 --> 0:23:46.280 You know, you wake up and you're just like, yep, 0:23:47.080 --> 0:23:50.560 let's just redo, you know, let's just let's start this 0:23:50.680 --> 0:23:54.000 one over. And I thought I need to be with 0:23:54.119 --> 0:23:57.720 some pure sunshine. And I texted Caroline and I was like, 0:23:58.920 --> 0:24:02.840 what are you doing? Can I join you? What is happening? 0:24:02.920 --> 0:24:05.520 I just need to be around someone I know that 0:24:05.680 --> 0:24:09.600 we'll speak truth over my life, you know, And so 0:24:10.000 --> 0:24:11.600 you're the one I go to and I need that 0:24:11.760 --> 0:24:15.520 well right back at you. So glad we can both 0:24:15.760 --> 0:24:19.120 you know, be that for each other. But that's man, 0:24:19.240 --> 0:24:23.680 that is my main thing because those days that you 0:24:23.760 --> 0:24:25.840 know and we have them, and it's good to be alone. 0:24:25.880 --> 0:24:28.119 I'm not saying that sometimes you don't need to be alone, 0:24:28.160 --> 0:24:30.119 because you do. Sometimes you need to be in your 0:24:30.160 --> 0:24:37.200 thoughts spiraling. Absolutely absolutely put yourself around around someone else 0:24:37.480 --> 0:24:43.960 who's you know, whose energy you can absorb and just 0:24:44.800 --> 0:24:50.920 breathe with. You know, And um, I read things you 0:24:51.000 --> 0:24:54.760 know reading right now, I'm reading this book that's awesome. 0:24:54.840 --> 0:24:57.639 It's called You Are a Badass, and it's specifically about 0:24:58.400 --> 0:25:02.360 stopping doubt, just nipping it in the butt because it's 0:25:02.440 --> 0:25:05.040 kind of scary. You recently took a very large leap 0:25:05.080 --> 0:25:11.760 of faith and yes, some people would say you'd be crazy. 0:25:13.080 --> 0:25:17.840 You're away from a great paying jaw. Yes, to literally 0:25:18.080 --> 0:25:22.160 pursue your artistry full for us. I want to talk 0:25:22.200 --> 0:25:25.800 about that. That to me, when you walk in faith 0:25:25.960 --> 0:25:30.600 that's strongly, that is like you're you're showing up for God. 0:25:30.640 --> 0:25:32.800 You're saying, Okay, God, you put this calling on my heart. 0:25:32.880 --> 0:25:36.640 I feel it and now I'm going to dive into 0:25:36.720 --> 0:25:39.240 the abyss and just go for it. And that is 0:25:39.400 --> 0:25:43.119 like the most terrifying thing ever because you don't know 0:25:43.280 --> 0:25:46.480 what in the freaking world is going to happen, and 0:25:46.560 --> 0:25:49.000 you're trusting, then you always go to the worst thing 0:25:49.040 --> 0:25:52.720 you like. Mm hmm, no, Anklena, work ain't gonna happen. 0:25:52.800 --> 0:25:56.520 I'm a blow up, you know. Somehow something just astronomically 0:25:57.160 --> 0:25:59.480 wrong is going to happen, right, and you feel like 0:25:59.520 --> 0:26:01.960