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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John the og Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast host. Oh yeah, and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up. But before that, we get a teeny two

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Speaker 1: minute break from the sponsors that keep the show propped

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Speaker 1: up like a little house.

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Speaker 2: Oh you, My sister made my wedding about her separation

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Speaker 2: and it ruined the day.

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Speaker 1: Yep, that would ruin it for me too.

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Speaker 2: Sister has a photography business, and she's a talented photographer

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Speaker 2: with a decent portfolio.

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Speaker 1: So I asked her if she would do our wedding photos.

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Speaker 2: I told her I understood if she just wanted to

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Speaker 2: enjoy the wedding, but that would be really meaningful to

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Speaker 2: me for her to do it. She goes right into

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Speaker 2: talking about the price with me, which threw me for

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Speaker 2: a bit of a loop, but I wasn't about to

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Speaker 2: ask her to do it for free.

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Speaker 1: Good. I understand that she has a business.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Sea Websters and if

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Speaker 2: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 2: r slash Okay, Storytime separate it. So, just prior to

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Speaker 2: my asking her, she had gifted her services to a

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Speaker 2: couple that she was friends with, but told me that

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Speaker 2: she was going to charge me for the photos. Kind

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Speaker 2: of hurt, but I'd already asked and she was going

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Speaker 2: to give me a great deal. I told her that

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Speaker 2: since money was tied at the time, that I wouldn't.

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Speaker 1: Be able to pay her right away.

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Speaker 2: But we agreed on a date in the future and

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Speaker 2: it was settled. Everything was cool, and we didn't really

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Speaker 2: discuss it again until shortly before the big day, and

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Speaker 2: that was just a nail down timing. She was excited,

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Speaker 2: so was I. The day of my wedding comes around

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Speaker 2: and she's nowhere to be found. We're calling and texting

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Speaker 2: her to no answer, but she finally shows up about

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Speaker 2: an hour late. No apology or explanation offered. Irritating, but

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Speaker 2: this is a happy day, so whatever, I moved past it.

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Speaker 2: I asked her what the plan is, how do we

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Speaker 2: go about this?

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Speaker 1: Et cetera.

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Speaker 2: She asks me for a shot list, something I've never

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Speaker 2: heard of and she's never mentioned prior to that moment,

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Speaker 2: and she then proceeds to berate me for not having

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Speaker 2: provided it to her, puffing and puffing and essentially having

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Speaker 2: a fit over my lack of preparedness. I tried to

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Speaker 2: move past it and just come up with the order

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Speaker 2: of the photos on the fly. Mom here, Dad, there, so,

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Speaker 2: so and so grouped for this shot and that one,

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Speaker 2: et cetera. We got through it with some great family

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Speaker 2: shots that I ended up being really happy with.

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Speaker 1: So no big deal. We get through all the family.

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Speaker 2: Photos photos throughout our unexpectedly short ceremony. I'll come back

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Speaker 2: to this and some nice ones of my new wife

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Speaker 2: and I shortly after the ceremony. It's nice and I'm

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Speaker 2: having the time of my life. Then my sister tells

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Speaker 2: me that she needs to leave right before the reception.

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Speaker 2: She and a friend had plans to camp nearby that day.

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Speaker 2: We were up in the Pacific Northwest Mountains in the

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Speaker 2: middle of the summer, so there were lots of nice

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Speaker 2: places to do this nearby, and she needed to go

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Speaker 2: meet them. I was pretty upset about that for a

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Speaker 2: number of reasons. One, she's my only older sister and

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Speaker 2: I wanted her to be there. Two, there will now

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Speaker 2: be no photos of the reception or anything after the ceremony.

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Speaker 2: Three she made plans to go camping on the same

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Speaker 2: day as my wedding.

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Speaker 1: She can't cancel that. What the eff.

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Speaker 2: Anyways, she takes a plate of food and rushes off

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Speaker 2: leaving her husband and the rest of us at the wedding.

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Speaker 1: Some context on this.

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Speaker 2: Just prior to the wedding, she and her husband have

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Speaker 2: been having some issue and I was close with him too,

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Speaker 2: so I was talking to them both a lot about

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Speaker 2: what they could do to work it out. But despite everything,

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Speaker 2: she tells me two days before my wedding that she's

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Speaker 2: going to ask for a divorce.

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Speaker 1: WHOA.

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Speaker 2: I asked her to play nice and not make a

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Speaker 2: thing of it at my wedding, which she's not really

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Speaker 2: having open ears too, saying that she's not going to

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Speaker 2: talk to him at the wedding, but that she won't

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Speaker 2: make a scene, as if that's going to be comfortable

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Speaker 2: for me or anyone else. I beg her to please

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Speaker 2: just be normal and not drag their issues into the

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Speaker 2: day that's supposed to be about my wife and I.

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Speaker 2: She basically shrugs it off. The day before the wedding,

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Speaker 2: she unexpectedly served him the divorce papers as if it

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Speaker 2: couldn't wait a few days or weeks. Crazy selfish, But

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Speaker 2: I can't do anything about it. It's their life, So

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Speaker 2: this drama is definitely clouding the happy day for me

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Speaker 2: and my immediate family. It's a major bummer because of

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Speaker 2: their sudden split, she decided, without telling him and for

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Speaker 2: reasons that will become clean year later, that they are

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Speaker 2: not coming to the wedding together. I'm not sure why

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Speaker 2: that would have mattered, since they both had vehicles, but

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Speaker 2: he was very late and blamed it on.

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Speaker 1: This sudden change of plans.

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Speaker 2: This is important because he had a role to play

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Speaker 2: in the ceremony itself. He's a fantastic singer and musician,

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Speaker 2: and I had asked him to perform a song as

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Speaker 2: a part of the ceremony. He and I went over

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Speaker 2: the arrangement together. It was all planned out, timed out

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Speaker 2: and everything. I could have done it myself, but I

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Speaker 2: just knew he could do it better and I wanted

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Speaker 2: to include him, so I didn't prepare to do it.

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Speaker 2: I left it up to him. When the time for

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Speaker 2: the ceremony came, he was still nowhere to be found,

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Speaker 2: couldn't be reached, and my sister wasn't saying anything about

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Speaker 2: where he might be. So we ended up making the

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Speaker 2: very very last minute decision to scrap that part of

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Speaker 2: the ceremony, which took all sorts of stressful restructuring. He

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Speaker 2: showed up in the middle of the ceremony and I

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Speaker 2: didn't even notice him come in. Later, he basically said

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Speaker 2: that because my sister left without him, he couldn't make

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Speaker 2: it on time.

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Speaker 1: She has his own car, and it was pretty clear

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Speaker 1: to me that.

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Speaker 2: He pulled all of that as a stunt to make

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Speaker 2: her feel guilty. He screwed a part of the ceremony

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Speaker 2: that was really important to me to make her feel bad.

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Speaker 2: He didn't even apologize for being late, he just blamed

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Speaker 2: it on her.

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Speaker 1: Oh good stuff.

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Speaker 2: Moving on, So the ceremony is over and we're onto

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Speaker 2: the reception. My sister has left, her husband is still there.

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Speaker 2: They've both put a damper on things in general, and

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Speaker 2: that sucked. But it gets worse. A few weeks after

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Speaker 2: the wedding. My wife is anxiously asking me when we

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Speaker 2: can see the photos. She's excited, so am I. So

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Speaker 2: I reach out to my sister to ask her if

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Speaker 2: we can see a few. She links me to her

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Speaker 2: business Facebook page, where she's already posted them with watermarks,

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Speaker 2: without mentioning to us all that they were available or

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Speaker 2: asking if we were okay with her sharing them. Frustrating,

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Speaker 2: but again, we're just happy to see them and happy

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Speaker 2: to be newly married. So we kind of brush it off.

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Speaker 2: As few more weeks go by, and the photos keep

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Speaker 2: popping up here and there on various social media platforms

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Speaker 2: and pages for her personal and professional profiles, We're getting

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Speaker 2: annoyed and anxious, so I ask her again.

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Speaker 1: She tells me that unless I.

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Speaker 2: Pay her by the end of that week, she's not

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Speaker 2: going to share them with us. Keep in mind that

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Speaker 2: we had agreed upon a specific date to pay, which

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Speaker 2: was still in the distant future. I'm like, what the

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Speaker 2: f But she says that she has a business to run,

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Speaker 2: and if I'm not going to pay her by the

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Speaker 2: end of the week, she'll just delete them and forget

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Speaker 2: that she ever took them. Her actual word.

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Speaker 3: That's so unprofessional.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, that Oh my god. And this is your sister.

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Speaker 3: This is your sister. This is one of the most

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Speaker 3: important days in her life. You guys have clearly chatted

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Speaker 3: about the contract, agreed upon a date that she needs

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Speaker 3: to pay by, right to be like, yeah, I'm just

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Speaker 3: gonna delete them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true.

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Speaker 2: It's like, well, like they I wonder if they do

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Speaker 2: have like some sort of written contract about it.

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Speaker 1: It's like you definitely should.

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Speaker 3: Always get stuff in writing and with your friends and

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Speaker 3: families and family.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, these are the only photos of my wedding, the

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Speaker 2: only ones. Not only does she half butt them by

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Speaker 2: showing up late and unprepared, but she also left early

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Speaker 2: and missed the entire reception. And now she's holding them

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Speaker 2: over my head for money, and now she's straight up

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Speaker 2: shaking me down for them.

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Speaker 1: I was in total disbelief.

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Speaker 2: She goes on to talk about how it was a

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Speaker 2: business expense for her to come and take them, and

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Speaker 2: it's wrong for me to expect artists to work for free,

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Speaker 2: a business expense.

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Speaker 1: To come to her brother's wedding. I'm not in ahole here.

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Speaker 2: I understand I shouldn't ask for things for free, but

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Speaker 2: if it was the other way around, I would have

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Speaker 2: done it for her without even a question of money.

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Speaker 3: I'm all about paying people for their services, but if

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Speaker 3: it were a family member, I think I would just

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Speaker 3: be willing to do it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, right for this one wedding day. Right, Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: would go very very big exception.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, like again, op baby was like expecting that

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Speaker 2: at first, but then when it clearly wasn't going that way,

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Speaker 2: they were like Oh yeah, I'm not gonna I'll pay

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Speaker 2: you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Like, so it's not like that was the expectation.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, when she got married a few years prior, I

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Speaker 2: called in a favor to hook her up with a

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Speaker 2: DJ in a sound system for free. I provided a

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Speaker 2: bunch of the food and beverage for her reception out

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Speaker 2: of my and I recruited my band mates to help

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Speaker 2: with some of the setup, followed by all of the cleanup.

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Speaker 2: That's another story, but I busted my butt at her

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Speaker 2: wedding and was just happy to have the opportunity to

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Speaker 2: contribute to her day. Anyways, She's telling me that she's

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Speaker 2: going to permanently destroy irreplaceable and priceless photos of my

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Speaker 2: wife and I on our wedding day and if I

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Speaker 2: don't pay her right away. I was furious, but borrowed

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Speaker 2: the money for my dad to pay her, got the

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Speaker 2: photos and cut off contact.

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Speaker 1: That was three years ago.

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Speaker 2: She is still going around to folks I know, old bandmates,

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Speaker 2: friends and acquaintances and telling that story from her perspective

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Speaker 2: about how I try to cheat her.

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Speaker 1: To get free wedding photos.

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Speaker 2: Something even more ridiculous about the photos. It was only

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Speaker 2: for three hundred dollars. At the time, that was hard

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Speaker 2: for me to come up with out of nowhere. But

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Speaker 2: when I think about it, now, that's a pitton to

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Speaker 2: throw away a relationship with your brother. I know this

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Speaker 2: is insanely long, but remember the friend that she was

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Speaker 2: camping with that she needed to rush off and meet

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Speaker 2: the plans that were more important than her brother's wedding. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that was her boss that she had been a bank

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Speaker 2: for three months.

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Speaker 1: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

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Speaker 3: She left a wedding for a for an egg plant

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Speaker 3: of payment.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, literally, she did it. She did.

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Speaker 3: Dude, It is insane.

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Speaker 1: Your brother's wedding.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't even think I care that it's her boss. No,

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Speaker 3: I mean that's kind of that's kind of tough to navigate.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, is that illegal.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure in some situations it's definitely her boss.

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Speaker 1: It's not illegal, but it definitely I mean it's frown

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Speaker 1: it's frowned. Well, it depends on I mean depends on

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Speaker 1: the company. But you get fired, yeah.

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Speaker 3: You know, yeah, yeah, I'm like, good for you, vanesse

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Speaker 3: Sis sure, sure, maybe like wait today, like oh wait

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Speaker 3: a fair though, wait true fair, Sorry I forgot that

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Speaker 3: she was married.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, no, she was married divorced the day before this.

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Speaker 1: I forgot that it had been already doing this for

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Speaker 1: three months. That's messed up. So I mean, if you

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Speaker 1: were single, I mean, sure, no, messed up.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, But the biggest thing is that she left

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Speaker 3: the wedding period, left the she.

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Speaker 1: Cheated on our partner. But yeah, exactly, that's where I dropped.

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Speaker 2: The reason she was late in the first place was

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Speaker 2: because she had taken the time to go drop him

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Speaker 2: and their camping gear off before she came up to

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Speaker 2: the wedding.

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Speaker 1: But there is a little bit more to this story.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I just on her eye bags, that's all. That's

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Speaker 2: all we've got thoughts on. Yeah, no, there's a little

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Speaker 2: bit more to the story. But before we get to that,

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Speaker 2: like that's crazy. I really want to know if there's

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Speaker 2: other things that she's done over the years, because this

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Speaker 2: does not feel like it can just pop out out

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Speaker 2: of nowhere of her being so disrespectful, like.

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Speaker 3: This sounds like she might be the middle child, you

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Speaker 3: get it. No, I don't know, man, I think gosh,

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Speaker 3: people are just very self centered, yeah, very self centered,

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Speaker 3: and she put herself first that day that now you

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Speaker 3: have me talking like that.

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Speaker 1: Right, It's easy. It's easy. And I wonder, like I

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Speaker 1: wonder what the real.

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Speaker 2: Reason is for the divorce, Like I mean, it's very obviously, like,

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Speaker 2: you know, the husband could have found out about the affair.

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Speaker 1: That could be one thing.

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Speaker 2: But like I wonder if there are other problems and

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Speaker 2: vis mag stonyd two.

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Speaker 1: Dollars peeps out, peeps out in this camping area.

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Speaker 2: Uh yeah, But I wonder like if something happened or

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Speaker 2: like the marriage has just been like so stressful and

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Speaker 2: hectic for so long, she's just like spiraling down this

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Speaker 2: you know, mental break pill and it's just all blowing

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Speaker 2: up right now. This really does feel like a lot

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Speaker 2: but a lot of kind of manic stuff that's going on, truly.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So maybe there is something happening deeper.

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Speaker 1: There's a little bit more to the story. Let's get

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Speaker 1: on into it.

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Speaker 2: Found that out later from my teenage sister, who was

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Speaker 2: the only one who knew my older sister was cheating

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Speaker 2: and had to carry that lie around for months to

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Speaker 2: that poor girl. My sister ended up marrying that guy

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Speaker 2: last year and I wasn't invited. But there is a

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Speaker 2: little bit of an edit. There's something extra worth noting here.

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Speaker 2: My sister and I have an estranged father who treated

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Speaker 2: me and my mother badly and who I didn't want

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Speaker 2: to have any information about me or how my life

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Speaker 2: is going down. I had asked her to keep the

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Speaker 2: photos out of public social media to.

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Speaker 1: Keep him from knowing.

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Speaker 2: So the sharing them with the world before my wife

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Speaker 2: and I was a total slap in the face that

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Speaker 2: in that regard. WHOA, that is a big notees.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, my sister refused to comfort our grieving mother.

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Speaker 1: It made me angry, but she's just a poor lady.

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Speaker 1: Help her. He twenty six female and my sister twenty

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Speaker 1: eight female, have never seen eyed eye and I get it.

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Speaker 1: We're both adults and have our own lives, but we're

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Speaker 1: both single and childless, so we have flexibility in our

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Speaker 1: day day. By the way, this comes from personal Window

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Speaker 1: five seven to eight. And if you want to spent

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Speaker 1: your own stories, go to the yr slash Okay, story

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Speaker 1: time severed it. So let me give some background knowledge

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Speaker 1: and history between us. My sister, let's call her Sandra,

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Speaker 1: has always been moody and a waking up on the

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Speaker 1: wrong side of the bed person since we were six

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Speaker 1: or seven. You'd never know when she'll be in a

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Speaker 1: bad mood. She could be a sunshine, bubbly person in

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Speaker 1: the morning and then aggressive next. I can't give specifics

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Speaker 1: on us clashing without being obvious in case the rest

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Speaker 1: of my family sees this post. But when we were teenagers,

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Speaker 1: I would ask if she wanted something from the kitchen

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Speaker 1: or if she needed more water, But then she would

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Speaker 1: tell me here being annoying, leave me alone, or that

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Speaker 1: was stupid for you to ask, which I'm like the

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Speaker 1: f I'm just being courteous, But I'll be danged if

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Speaker 1: I don't ask her either. If I don't ask Skirl,

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Speaker 1: she'll say it would have been nice to ask, or

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Speaker 1: what if I wanted something? Worst part is that she'll

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Speaker 1: hold a grudge, and the next time I ask her

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Speaker 1: to fill up my cup, she'll say, like, who the

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Speaker 1: f remembers stuff like that. Also, my whole life, it's

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Speaker 1: had to be Sandra's way or no way. When it

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Speaker 1: came to back to school shopping, I would tell my

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Speaker 1: parents ahead of time that I needed a pair of

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Speaker 1: jeans and shoes, but then all of a sudden, on Payday,

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Speaker 1: Sandra would also need jeans and shoes. Then my parents

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Speaker 1: would take me aside and ask can you wait until

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Speaker 1: next payday? Just to avoid Sandra throwing a tantrum if

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Speaker 1: she didn't get her wish first. Then the guilt trip

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Speaker 1: starts with things that aren't relevant. But O, P gotta

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Speaker 1: have video game. Last month, it was a reward for

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Speaker 1: getting straight a's but op, he got a ride in

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Speaker 1: the front seat. On the way to the mall. We

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Speaker 1: rotated and took turns, so she was getting front on

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Speaker 1: the way back. Why does a pet to take the car?

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Speaker 1: My friends want to go bowling and I said I

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Speaker 1: would drive. I asked a week ago to borrow the

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Speaker 1: car because I was going to the library for an

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Speaker 1: act study a group. Okay, why are the it's so

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Speaker 1: afraid to say no? No, yeah, no, just no because

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Speaker 1: because we said so. Pull apparentism and just say because

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Speaker 1: I said so. Because I said so, you can do that,

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Speaker 1: you're allowed.

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Speaker 4: It makes no sense at all. Are you scared to

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Speaker 4: make this child upset because you're going to throw a tantrum?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Literally, we can't say, we can't say no to

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Speaker 1: They're like, oh my god.

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Speaker 2: The only thing we can do to get her to

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Speaker 2: shut the f up is to just give it everything.

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Speaker 1: Literally we're going to do because we're going to give

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Speaker 1: up on parenting her. Yeah, she's weirdly obsessed with money

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Speaker 1: being spent on the two of us two. When we

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Speaker 1: went clothes shopping, I would get two three items of

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Speaker 1: clothes because I really wanted some new steinkers, while Sandra

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Speaker 1: would get a pile of clothes. Monetarily, it would be

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Speaker 1: like seventy five dollars me to her two hundred. But

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Speaker 1: if I got new shoes, she'd start whining and say,

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Speaker 1: why does that pee get new shoes and I don't, which,

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Speaker 1: of course she also got shoes also, now that I'm

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Speaker 1: thinking about it, in school, I always had to get

358
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Speaker 1: a's no exceptions. Was she was praised for bees and seats.

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Speaker 1: I also remember saving my allowance money twenty dollars every

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Speaker 1: two weeks for gas money, where my sister would always

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Speaker 1: ask for money whenever she needed it. Now the issue

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00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:17,440
Speaker 1: is our parents, that's obvious, decided keeping her mood up

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Speaker 1: and happy was the priority because we didn't want to

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Speaker 1: deal with the backlash she said, which brings us to

365
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:27,640
Speaker 1: today and now they're in their mid twenties. Guys, this

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Speaker 1: seems like she should have grown out of.

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Speaker 2: It, because that stuff did seem like like it was teenager,

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Speaker 2: So yeah at that point, but still like the first

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Speaker 2: thing would be kind of like a haha, funny teenager

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Speaker 2: like just that one, yeah, but with everything else that exhausting.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I am actually seeing this happen in real time

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Speaker 4: life with someone back home. Really, it's just crazy to

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Speaker 4: see how out of hand their sibling has gotten because

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Speaker 4: their parents have just given them anything they want.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you're spoiling your kids. It doesn't do them any service, honestly.

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Speaker 1: Oh big thing was that my parents would always tell

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Speaker 1: me to walk away when having a stupid sister argument

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Speaker 1: with Sandra. Me only me had to walk away, and

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Speaker 1: then when I did walk away, Sandra would follow me

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Speaker 1: all the way to my room and either walk into

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Speaker 1: my room and wouldn't leave, or would continue to yell

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Speaker 1: at me outside of my door, and my parents would

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Speaker 1: just let it happen and wouldn't tell her to go

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Speaker 1: to her room or punt her out of my room.

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Speaker 1: At twenty eight years old, she's still the same. I'll

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Speaker 1: be danged asking her if she wants to get lunch

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00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,680
Speaker 1: and instead of just saying urry, I already have plans

388
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Speaker 1: or just a no thanks. Sandra will say no, I

389
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,520
Speaker 1: already have lunch, plants. Quit asking me. You're being annoying

390
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,560
Speaker 1: like I asked you one time the squirrel is aggressive.

391
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Speaker 1: Or I'll call her on the way to our parents'

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Speaker 1: house in asking if she wants a soda or tea

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Speaker 1: where one she usually rejects my calls to keep talking

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Speaker 1: to her best friend. Or two she'll answer and say

395
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Speaker 1: that's it. She's also always been a angry person and

396
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:06,119
Speaker 1: has just done nothing to take accountability for her angry self,

397
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,680
Speaker 1: Like how am I supposed to know if you're hungry

398
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:12,760
Speaker 1: and if you've eaten something recently? Today was just something else.

399
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:16,359
Speaker 1: Our mother told us that her cousin passed away. I

400
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,280
Speaker 1: didn't immediately get to our mom until a couple hours later,

401
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:23,320
Speaker 1: but I texted her right away, I'm sorry for your loss.

402
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,840
Speaker 1: Please remember to drink water and get some rest. Sandra

403
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:33,400
Speaker 1: didn't say anything. Shocker. When I realized which cousin passed away,

404
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,000
Speaker 1: I went to my mom's house because no one should

405
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Speaker 1: grieve alone. I was updating the family while sitting with

406
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Speaker 1: my mom, and then my mom finally punted me out

407
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:45,560
Speaker 1: to take her medicine and fall asleep. I decided to

408
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Speaker 1: call my sister on the way home. She didn't answer

409
00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:52,119
Speaker 1: the first time, figured she was doing something. Whatever, she

410
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:55,520
Speaker 1: calls back, and this is how the combo goes. What that?

411
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Speaker 3: Oh?

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00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,479
Speaker 1: Uh, well, Mom's going through it and tomorrow taking her

413
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,200
Speaker 1: to her siss degree. Oh is that all? This could

414
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,359
Speaker 1: have been a home conversation. You're stopping me from getting

415
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:08,480
Speaker 1: dinner right now, Opie? Oh really, well, Mom was asking

416
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,200
Speaker 1: about you, and I said you were busy Right now

417
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,800
Speaker 1: I realized not inside, I probably should have just hung

418
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:15,760
Speaker 1: up when she mentioned dinner and dealt with her being

419
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:18,280
Speaker 1: mad because I hung up? Can you give Mom a

420
00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:22,040
Speaker 1: call or text later? Are you suggesting to Are you

421
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:26,240
Speaker 1: suggesting to me or telling me? Opie? I mean Mom

422
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,080
Speaker 1: was asking about you, so I think she would like

423
00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:31,359
Speaker 1: the support from both of her daughters. So that's not

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Speaker 1: my problem. I don't have the mental or physical capability

425
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,359
Speaker 1: to deal with a crying mom right now. I asked

426
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Speaker 1: my sister why she's so angry and aggressive in this conversation.

427
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,280
Speaker 1: If you're in a bad mood or trying to get food,

428
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,639
Speaker 1: why'd you call me back? I told her this is

429
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,359
Speaker 1: the reason why I say you're bad at communicating because

430
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:54,040
Speaker 1: you can just say now's a bad time, or I'll

431
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,720
Speaker 1: talk to you with the ause, just something, instead of

432
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:58,440
Speaker 1: it's going to be in a home conversation, and you're

433
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:02,320
Speaker 1: wasting my time being single and childless. I don't understand

434
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:07,080
Speaker 1: the wasting her time thing, because it's always her time. Anyways.

435
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,879
Speaker 1: I made the mistake of taking out my anger on

436
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,560
Speaker 1: my dad when I got home, I said, what is

437
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,520
Speaker 1: wrong with your other daughter? Why is she such a

438
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:20,119
Speaker 1: crappy person? We literally grew up in the same household

439
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:23,240
Speaker 1: with the same parents. Why can't she contact her mom

440
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,879
Speaker 1: who is grieving right now? I also said she has

441
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:29,080
Speaker 1: a horrible personality. My friends know how horrible she is

442
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:32,159
Speaker 1: based on her actions alone. What I really wanted to

443
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:37,080
Speaker 1: say and scream at my parents is because they enabled

444
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:40,439
Speaker 1: her mean personality and braddy behavior, She's stuck like this.

445
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,000
Speaker 1: A twenty eight year old who cares more about seeing

446
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,640
Speaker 1: friends every weekend than seeing her family once a year.

447
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:49,200
Speaker 1: We live in about eight different states in total, then

448
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,840
Speaker 1: complains about why she wasn't invited to a family event.

449
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,960
Speaker 1: We did. You were in the group chat, which she

450
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:59,000
Speaker 1: has muted and never engaged in the family plans I'm

451
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:01,280
Speaker 1: seeing a therapist to wear on accepting who she is

452
00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,120
Speaker 1: and to not try to push my morals and expectations

453
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:07,280
Speaker 1: onto her. But these were the expectations and morals we

454
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:11,800
Speaker 1: were raised on, and I'm constantly blame for her bad mood.

455
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,280
Speaker 1: I see where I'm wrong in this, But like, come on,

456
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,119
Speaker 1: I don't even think she's I don't think it's a

457
00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:18,359
Speaker 1: bad mood. I think at a certain point that's just

458
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 1: that's just who you are.

459
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:23,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, it's like, Okay, well, if you're saying that

460
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:28,919
Speaker 2: you just get angry, We've got three meals a day, dude,

461
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:29,480
Speaker 2: that's a.

462
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:32,879
Speaker 1: Lot of time that you gotta be waiting for that meal.

463
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:35,399
Speaker 2: Okay, So I mean I get it you might not

464
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:39,200
Speaker 2: always be like hungry in between the meals, but three

465
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,480
Speaker 2: times a day to just be hungry, that's not the

466
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:42,200
Speaker 2: food's fault.

467
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:44,920
Speaker 1: Too many, that's too many. And if this has been

468
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:48,000
Speaker 1: going on since you were six years old, Yeah, that's

469
00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:51,240
Speaker 1: just you girl, That's just that's just your personality.

470
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:53,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, got a little bit left of the story, but

471
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:55,679
Speaker 2: you any final those Yeah, I just think that's so frustrating.

472
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:58,880
Speaker 2: I mean, like it sucks too that it's just them too.

473
00:21:58,880 --> 00:21:59,720
Speaker 1: They don't have any other.

474
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:05,320
Speaker 2: Simbling, so it's not like you know, they they can

475
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,320
Speaker 2: have like the other siblings that aren't the favorite to

476
00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:09,639
Speaker 2: be like, ah, this is my favorite sibling, because like,

477
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,920
Speaker 2: I feel like that would help too.

478
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,640
Speaker 1: But it's literally just like Ope against the whole fam.

479
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:18,359
Speaker 1: Ope against the world man. Yeah. And her sister's bad mood. Yeah,

480
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:22,520
Speaker 1: literally ten year bad mood. Oh no, even longer, twenty

481
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:26,480
Speaker 1: year bad mood. Dude, that's crazy. He's gotta gotta highlights

482
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:27,160
Speaker 1: out of her hair.

483
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,200
Speaker 2: I'm thinking, like I was thinking, uh, Ope against the World,

484
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,440
Speaker 2: and then I'm thinking, this girl is like the seven Evilexes,

485
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 2: but all in one. And I know that wasn't one

486
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,679
Speaker 2: of the seven Evilexes, but still it was just a

487
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 2: great from that movie.

488
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,720
Speaker 1: I don't need advice on out of handle, Sandra. You're

489
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,040
Speaker 1: danged if you do, and you're danged if you don't.

490
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 1: I guess I'm wondering if there are others dealing with

491
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:53,159
Speaker 1: people like this in their life, some agreement that morally

492
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:56,199
Speaker 1: that normal thing to do is to reach out with grievances,

493
00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,000
Speaker 1: some empathy of having a craphead sister, if someone had

494
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 1: enabling parents like mine, did you ever have that hard

495
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:06,560
Speaker 1: conversation with your parents that your sibling is a crappy

496
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:09,480
Speaker 1: human because they let her get away with everything? Or

497
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,879
Speaker 1: simply was there any harm in calling my sister to

498
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:16,120
Speaker 1: update her despite texting updates to the family beforehand. Am

499
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 1: I overreacting to her not calling her mother? I really

500
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,439
Speaker 1: can't make her do anything. Maybe some advice on how

501
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:25,960
Speaker 1: to accept her behavior and personality? Seriously? Am I overreacting?

502
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:30,440
Speaker 1: And there is an edit. My sister and I never

503
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 1: met our mother's cousin. We just know they were very

504
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:36,520
Speaker 1: close like sisters. My mother's cousin passing did not have

505
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,639
Speaker 1: an emotional effect on us. I just feel for my

506
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,840
Speaker 1: mom and want to support her because grief is very

507
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,320
Speaker 1: hard and you're a nice person. Yeah, you want me

508
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,439
Speaker 1: there to your mother. Hey, it's sam og host. We're

509
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:49,080
Speaker 1: gonnet back to these delectable stories. But here's three minutes

510
00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:51,040
Speaker 1: of ads from our sponsors to help support the show.

511
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:56,520
Speaker 2: My sister wants to adopt my baby, not without my permission.

512
00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,719
Speaker 1: I twenty two mail. I've been pestered by my parents

513
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 1: and so at thirty seven female for the past four

514
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:06,040
Speaker 1: days now. My ex twenty two female had a baby.

515
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 1: About a week ago, she kept telling me that she

516
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:12,080
Speaker 1: wanted this baby, despite knowing I would only financially provide.

517
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:15,119
Speaker 1: We discussed termination and adoption. I didn't force her to

518
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 1: either option. Now that the baby is here and in

519
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 1: the NICKU, my ex is nowhere to be found. What

520
00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:23,040
Speaker 1: do you mean she's nowhere? She had the baby as

521
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 1: she booked it. She's in the hospital gown like with

522
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 1: this yet I gotta ignored all my calls and texts.

523
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:33,400
Speaker 1: Nothing has been posted on her socials. Her parents can't

524
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 1: even get in touch. One of the nurses handed me

525
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,680
Speaker 1: the car seat from my ex's car. By the way,

526
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 1: this comes from Time Dragonfly eighty one seventy nine, and

527
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

528
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:45,679
Speaker 1: the r slash. Okay, Storytime suppered it. So my sister

529
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,359
Speaker 1: says she's willing to step up and adopt this baby.

530
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,600
Speaker 1: I'm not comfortable with that because her husband, forty seven male,

531
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 1: reeps me out. I don't have good feelings about him.

532
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,159
Speaker 1: So I found a nice couple who wants to adopt

533
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,360
Speaker 1: this baby. They have been visiting us at the NICU,

534
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 1: getting to know oh me and spend time with the baby.

535
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 1: I like this couple. My family doesn't since they want

536
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 1: a close adoption bless the couple is two women and

537
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:12,000
Speaker 1: my parents are ignorant yoicks. The adoption will go through

538
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 1: in a couple of weeks in case my ex shows up.

539
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 1: For now, they could be the legal guardian until everything

540
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,879
Speaker 1: legal gets settled. Also, I took a paternity test and

541
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 1: am the biological father. Am I the a hole for

542
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,800
Speaker 1: not allowing my family to adopt this baby? And there

543
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:28,720
Speaker 1: is an edit and an update? But what do you think?

544
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:31,159
Speaker 2: I don't know because I can't understand, Like if I

545
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:34,440
Speaker 2: was the sister and my husband wasn't creepy, yeah, and

546
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:37,119
Speaker 2: everything was perfectly fine, and my husband, you know, I

547
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,480
Speaker 2: would kind of want the baby, Like I would be

548
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:42,840
Speaker 2: annoyed that they were just going with the stranger and

549
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:44,280
Speaker 2: it's like, well, hey, I've.

550
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 1: Been trying to have a baby. Can I have it?

551
00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 3: You know?

552
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:48,280
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

553
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:48,560
Speaker 4: Yeah?

554
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 1: So on that hand, yes, yeah, but also I completely like, ope,

555
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 1: you're not the a hole for wanting that. This is

556
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,480
Speaker 1: your baby, right, this is your baby. And at the

557
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,280
Speaker 1: end of the day, yeah, you get to decide as

558
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 1: the parent what is best for your child, right, And

559
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,399
Speaker 1: if you think that what is best. Your child is

560
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,119
Speaker 1: not going with your sister and her creepy husband. Yeah

561
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,320
Speaker 1: that's what's best. Yeah, exactly, But there isn't edit. I

562
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:13,200
Speaker 1: brought up some of the questions some of you had

563
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:16,080
Speaker 1: with the hospital liaison. I wasn't informed that my ex

564
00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 1: had asked about safe haven laws. I believe they were

565
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 1: giving her or me a grace period to keep biological

566
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:25,480
Speaker 1: parents with the biological child. The couple was found with

567
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,080
Speaker 1: the help of hospital staff. They were looking to adopt

568
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:31,200
Speaker 1: another newborn, but that fell through. I was very vocal

569
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:33,280
Speaker 1: with anyone who would listen that I was not going

570
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,399
Speaker 1: to be a good dad and I needed help with

571
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:37,880
Speaker 1: options that I have. I mean, good on you would

572
00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:40,560
Speaker 1: be at least you're self aware. Well, but he's twenty two,

573
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,640
Speaker 1: oh so valid to be like ah as a baby,

574
00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:47,879
Speaker 1: like I'm sold to do, I wouldn't know what to

575
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:50,080
Speaker 1: do with a baby at twenty two. I wouldn't know either.

576
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,120
Speaker 1: I wouldn't know what to do with the baby right now.

577
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 4: I think i'd know what to do with the baby

578
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:54,600
Speaker 4: right now.

579
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,200
Speaker 1: Riley, we're getting you a baby. Let's go.

580
00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:01,119
Speaker 4: I've always wanted one. It's just off the streets, Okay, cool,

581
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,760
Speaker 4: get ready sweet. There's a lot of babies that always

582
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 4: go across like the shirt I live on. They're just

583
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:08,719
Speaker 4: always being walked and stuff. We can just take one

584
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 4: of those.

585
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:11,919
Speaker 1: Yep, that's your baby now. I'm just kidding.

586
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:15,359
Speaker 4: If a baby shut up for my doorstep crying, I

587
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 4: will take it in and taking sure good care of

588
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 4: it as I can.

589
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:23,919
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and would just leave. That's what it sounds like.

590
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:28,800
Speaker 1: That's yep, yep, that's what we're doing. I'm an MPC,

591
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:32,160
Speaker 1: so what not the a hole? They have no sway here.

592
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 1: It's your baby and the mother isn't present. You're the

593
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,719
Speaker 1: de facto guardian. I hope the adoption goes through and

594
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,480
Speaker 1: the baby has a good life, loved by their parents,

595
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 1: and it's safe. I'm worried that your ex is dealing

596
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 1: with postpartum depression or worse. She probably needs help wherever

597
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 1: she is. Oh, he says, the postpartum depression is worrying me.

598
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:51,879
Speaker 1: I still care about my ex. I also want this

599
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,400
Speaker 1: adoption to go through. Thank you for helping me feel

600
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 1: better about the nonsense my family is putting me through.

601
00:27:57,280 --> 00:27:59,320
Speaker 1: Erwin Flynn says having a baby in the NIKU is

602
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 1: extreme traumatic too, and I'm assuming since the baby is

603
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:04,960
Speaker 1: in there, she had a traumatic berth on top of that.

604
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:07,120
Speaker 1: I'm glad that you care about your ex and worry

605
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 1: about her. Hopefully she will get the help and care

606
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,400
Speaker 1: she needs. But make sure you take care of yourself too.

607
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 1: All this must be hard on you as well. The

608
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 1: hospital should have resources, don't be afraid to utilize them.

609
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 1: Don't listen to your family, and always listen to your gut.

610
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,840
Speaker 1: Hugs from a nick you mom. And there is an update, folks,

611
00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:30,200
Speaker 1: let's get into it. The police have found my missing X. Wow. Good,

612
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 1: that's good. She was checked out by medical I introduced

613
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:35,320
Speaker 1: her to the couple that want to adopt the newborn,

614
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 1: and my ex agrees that they would be the perfect parents. Aw.

615
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 1: I love this. The newborn will be going home with

616
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 1: the couple after being cleared to leave. The couple is

617
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 1: also going to pick the name. The adoption process is

618
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:48,760
Speaker 1: going to take a while. For now, they will have

619
00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 1: temporary guardianship over the newborn, and we've already started the process.

620
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:54,840
Speaker 1: My ex and I got plenty of photos with the

621
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 1: newborn and some with the couple. I'm still no contact

622
00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 1: with my parents and told my sister, how I really

623
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:04,280
Speaker 1: feel about her husband she refuses to talk to me.

624
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 1: I actually was gonna say that that was gonna be

625
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:11,479
Speaker 1: my advice of like tell her why yeah, yeah, because

626
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:14,360
Speaker 1: you're gonna have a bad relationship with her kind of regardless,

627
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:17,320
Speaker 1: because she's still gonna take offense to you not giving

628
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 1: her the baby, right, But I think giving her the

629
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 1: real reason is nicer, even if she might be offended. Yeah,

630
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 1: I really want to know, like how oh she took that.

631
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 1: I'm working on repairing my relationship with my ex because

632
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:33,280
Speaker 1: I still love her. I'm also working on repairing my

633
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 1: relationship with her parents. She told me that it's okay

634
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:38,600
Speaker 1: to share the reason she took off. My ex says,

635
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 1: I called you when I started having bad contractions, but

636
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,600
Speaker 1: you never answered. I took that as you fully committing

637
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:46,959
Speaker 1: to not being around for this baby, and I got scared.

638
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 1: Nobody was there. You weren't there for me. I would

639
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,640
Speaker 1: have been there had I answered that phone call. I

640
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 1: didn't answer because I was at work and I didn't

641
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:57,120
Speaker 1: know that she was going to give birth early. I

642
00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:01,440
Speaker 1: feel terrible for putting her through that, Like, should you know?

643
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 1: Should be parent? Realize that you should probably be taking

644
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:08,040
Speaker 1: any phone calls that's coming in early. Yeah, he's twenty two. Yeah,

645
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 1: doesn't know. Yeah, he's twenty two year old boy.

646
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:14,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I mean if the baby was in nick

647
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:17,680
Speaker 2: you then it's like really earlier, yeah, pretty early. So

648
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 2: he probably didn't even think like that would be an

649
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:21,360
Speaker 2: option right now.

650
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:24,880
Speaker 1: So makes sense. Probably advice for anyone who's pregnant. Yeah,

651
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:27,520
Speaker 1: new parents take all calls. Good to keep in mind.

652
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 1: But also you know, maybe send text out and it's like, hey,

653
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 1: am I work, Hey baby edits you know what, I'm

654
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:36,000
Speaker 1: going to be the a hole here and let my

655
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 1: ex handle the situation. Now that she's back. Obviously her

656
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 1: choice is better. Since she's the mother, she could decide

657
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 1: to continue with the guardianship process for later adoption or

658
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 1: to raise that baby with my financial support. Only. I'm

659
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 1: wiping my hands about this situation and walking out, going

660
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:53,800
Speaker 1: to focus on myself. Good luck to her. Do you

661
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 1: any final thoughts, Well.

662
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:57,920
Speaker 2: It seems like things that turn it up really figuring

663
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 2: things out. You know, we'll deal with the sister to

664
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:04,120
Speaker 2: really but yeah, yeah that makes sense. I mean, if

665
00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:08,640
Speaker 2: the mother of the child is scared and so young,

666
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 2: like that makes sense. That makes sense that she's scared

667
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 2: and doesn't really know what to do. So glad she's back.

668
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:17,120
Speaker 2: I'm glad she is happy with that family as well.

669
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 1: And the baby will be okay Bybey will be okay. Yeah,

670
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:24,000
Speaker 1: I mean, regardless of whether or not you know, mom

671
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:26,600
Speaker 1: decides to take baby, or you got two moms decide

672
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:29,320
Speaker 1: to take baby. I think baby's good to be okay exactly,

673
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 1: but there's a little bit left. Comments California Jade, please

674
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 1: start getting therapy, individual therapy and then couples. You both

675
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:39,320
Speaker 1: would benefit so much from learning how to communicate with

676
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:42,000
Speaker 1: each other. I know pregnancy hormones can really mess with

677
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:44,320
Speaker 1: one's mind. I really wish all the best for both

678
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,440
Speaker 1: of you. Oh P says therapy is a great idea.

679
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,280
Speaker 1: I'll talk to my AX about it. I know she

680
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:51,400
Speaker 1: would benefit from seeing a professional after that kind of trauma.

681
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 1: I need someone from this stressful event. Professor X says

682
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,840
Speaker 1: both of you require therapy, not just her. Oh P says,

683
00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:00,240
Speaker 1: I'm seeing what my insurance can cover. I know, oh

684
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,720
Speaker 1: I need to see a professional. When hate admitting this,

685
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 1: I started crying in my car in the hospital parking lot.

686
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:08,400
Speaker 1: I really don't know why. I was crying. I was

687
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 1: having an OK day considering everything going on around me.

688
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 1: La grand Blue says, please, could you confirm if I

689
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:16,240
Speaker 1: got this right? In your last post, you said your

690
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 1: ex or your still girlfriend wanted to keep the baby,

691
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 1: even knowing you were not interested in raising it. You

692
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 1: said you would merely fulfill financial obligations. Then she has

693
00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 1: contractions and calls you, but once you don't answer, she

694
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:30,400
Speaker 1: takes it as a confirmation you don't want to be

695
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,640
Speaker 1: physically involved for the birth and raising. That shatters her mentally.

696
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 1: She has some sort of breakdown and she disappears the

697
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 1: same day she gives birth. Must have been devastating both

698
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 1: physically and emotionally, and is now found the same day

699
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,080
Speaker 1: police finds her. You present her with the couple that

700
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:46,520
Speaker 1: wants to adopt the baby, and you now want to

701
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 1: prepare the relationship with her. What I'm worried about is

702
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,720
Speaker 1: that she is consenting to this adoption in an environment

703
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 1: of pressure and in a very short time frame. I

704
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:57,440
Speaker 1: have no idea how this legally works, and if she's

705
00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:59,520
Speaker 1: allowed to change her mind at all before the official

706
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:03,600
Speaker 1: adoption takes place. She is They already said that also.

707
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:05,600
Speaker 1: I feel that you want the adoption to take place

708
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 1: much more than your ex taking the baby and you

709
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 1: being financially responsible even without being involved in its upbringing.

710
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 1: You're also telling her now that you want to have

711
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 1: a relationship again. If I interpreted this correctly, almost as

712
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:19,400
Speaker 1: if it would be a reward for her behaving consenting

713
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:22,440
Speaker 1: to the adoption, Please do correct me if I am wrong.

714
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:24,960
Speaker 1: I wish to be wrong. I'm concerned for the baby's mom.

715
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 1: That's all that feels not correct. I mean, so okay,

716
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 1: First of all, OHP was pretty involved up until he

717
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:35,880
Speaker 1: missed one call and then she runs off. It doesn't

718
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:39,080
Speaker 1: seem like he was going to break up with her

719
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:43,360
Speaker 1: prior to that happening, unless I'm mistaken, could be I

720
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 1: think they were already were they already broken up? He

721
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:47,480
Speaker 1: kept referring her to the as the X, like the

722
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:50,680
Speaker 1: whole story. Okay, okay, also well okay. Then on the

723
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,040
Speaker 1: opposite it didn't sound like he was like, I'm getting

724
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 1: back together with her. It just said I want to.

725
00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 1: I want to repair things because I just had a

726
00:33:57,840 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 1: kid with this person. So it doesn't seem like they're

727
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 1: nest necessarily getting back together. Yeah, that makes sense in

728
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:03,400
Speaker 1: a normal breakup.

729
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:06,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, with no baby involved, you would usually just break

730
00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:09,200
Speaker 2: eyes and you don't need to, like, you know, go

731
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 2: to counseling for that.

732
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 1: But in this situation, you definitely don't want to be like, Hey,

733
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 1: I just had our baby and put him up for

734
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:19,040
Speaker 1: an option. I'm gonna dip. I hope you like buy.

735
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:21,480
Speaker 1: If it was just whoever wants to take it, I'm

736
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 1: out of here. I don't want to pay for this baby.

737
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,279
Speaker 1: Right then, he would give it to his sister, right,

738
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:27,759
Speaker 1: Opie says, I was not the one who broke things off.

739
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:30,080
Speaker 1: My ex ended our relationship when I told her I

740
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 1: would only financially be supporting the baby. I would still

741
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:35,400
Speaker 1: have been in a relationship with her. My girlfriend was

742
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:39,000
Speaker 1: found yesterday. Today, she met with a couple at her request,

743
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 1: not mine. After seeing them hold the baby, she admitted

744
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 1: to me that the couple had a deep emotional bond

745
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:47,359
Speaker 1: to that baby, more than she felt when she felt

746
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 1: the baby. I would never force her to give up

747
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:51,799
Speaker 1: her baby. This baby isn't meant to be ours, though

748
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 1: we both understand that we're too young and not in

749
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:58,560
Speaker 1: a good financial position. My ex is still earning a degree,

750
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,319
Speaker 1: I'm still working my way to make this baby is

751
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:03,919
Speaker 1: meant for that couple who can offer so much more.

752
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:07,000
Speaker 1: Babies need more than just love. Regardless of what people say.

753
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:09,759
Speaker 1: I would never force her into her relationship with me

754
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 1: for any reason, especially not as an award. Max knows

755
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:16,040
Speaker 1: this about me. We've been together as a couple since

756
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,240
Speaker 1: eighth grade. It's okay you're concerned for her. I'm grateful

757
00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 1: for that. Kindly, Mango says, So you thought there was

758
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,239
Speaker 1: some scenario where you continue the relationship with the mom

759
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:26,200
Speaker 1: of your child but also not be in the child's

760
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 1: life except financially. How the heck could that have worked?

761
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:32,360
Speaker 1: Fleet and Flotilla says, I think he gave options because

762
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:35,120
Speaker 1: he mentioned they discussed adoption and pregnancy termination in his

763
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 1: last post, and that she chose to keep the baby

764
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:40,239
Speaker 1: and end the relationship, but then freaked out when the

765
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:42,879
Speaker 1: reality of the choice settled. In WOP, he says. For one,

766
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:45,280
Speaker 1: we don't live together. She still lives with her parents

767
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:47,680
Speaker 1: since she goes to college. I live alone. My apartment

768
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 1: is too small to support two people. I would, like

769
00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:53,359
Speaker 1: any other guy in a relationship with a single mom.

770
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:57,400
Speaker 2: My mother won't let me alter by engagement ring keyword

771
00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:05,320
Speaker 2: your engagement ring. This isn't technically mind. I'm twenty four female.

772
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:07,919
Speaker 2: My cousin, twenty five female at the time, passed away

773
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,080
Speaker 2: five years ago and we were incredibly close.

774
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,239
Speaker 1: She left me her engagement ring in her.

775
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,640
Speaker 2: Will, and as I was moving so often, I didn't

776
00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:16,759
Speaker 2: want to risk losing it, so I entrusted it with

777
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 2: my father, who put it in a bank safe.

778
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:19,279
Speaker 1: By the way, this.

779
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 2: Comes from pirate name two two three, and if you

780
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

781
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:25,959
Speaker 2: slashercase storytime separate it. So I always saw I would

782
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:28,440
Speaker 2: use this engagement ring as my own, which my parents

783
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:31,239
Speaker 2: were very happy with, but the thought made me uneasy.

784
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 2: It wasn't my ring. My partner and I have been

785
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:36,480
Speaker 2: talking marriage a lot recently, and he admitted that, despite

786
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:40,000
Speaker 2: my mother's fifty female persistence, he wanted to pick out

787
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:42,279
Speaker 2: his own ring. Knowing this, I didn't want the ring

788
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:44,840
Speaker 2: sat in a bank safe for years, so I decided

789
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 2: that with my cousin's fiances blessing, I would have it

790
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 2: made into an eternity ring. I thought it would be

791
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:51,640
Speaker 2: a nice way to wear it without.

792
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:52,719
Speaker 1: Looking like an engagement ring.

793
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:55,279
Speaker 2: I told my mother and she lost her mind, saying

794
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:57,040
Speaker 2: that she often goes to the bank to see it

795
00:36:57,120 --> 00:37:00,000
Speaker 2: and that she's in pieces afterwards, to which I repla

796
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,600
Speaker 2: that it was probably better I took it back and

797
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:05,480
Speaker 2: that I would lose it. But she never had any

798
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:07,919
Speaker 2: problem with me having it as an engagement ring, which

799
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,280
Speaker 2: it would have to be amended for me anyway, because

800
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:12,839
Speaker 2: she had tiny fingers. After a lot of arguing back

801
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 2: and forth, she said that she wanted to do something

802
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 2: together as a family with it when I was thirty.

803
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 2: I said, why not this year for my twenty fifth,

804
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:21,640
Speaker 2: and she said no. She put her foot down and

805
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:24,040
Speaker 2: said if I take the ring back and alter it now,

806
00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 2: she wants nothing to do with me. I'm so torn.

807
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:29,640
Speaker 2: If my mom liked jewelry at all, i'd get one

808
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,000
Speaker 2: of the stones made into a pendant or something, because

809
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:34,279
Speaker 2: she is clearly attached to this ring. But she won't

810
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:36,319
Speaker 2: even wear her own wedding ring. She hates the feel

811
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 2: of it on her skin. But I don't want to

812
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:40,240
Speaker 2: wait another five years of it just sitting in the bank,

813
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 2: costing money for it to be there, when I could

814
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:44,799
Speaker 2: be wearing it as a reminder of her.

815
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 1: This is in no way, and I want a new ring,

816
00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 1: La la la.

817
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:50,799
Speaker 2: I've wanted to do something with it for a long time,

818
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:52,880
Speaker 2: and i would have hung it on a necklace, but

819
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:55,239
Speaker 2: I'm very rough and I couldn't risk it snapping. Now

820
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:58,399
Speaker 2: the engagement idea is definitely off the table. I would

821
00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:00,759
Speaker 2: like to do something with it. Any suggestion on how

822
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,960
Speaker 2: to calm this situation down? There are some comments, but

823
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:05,400
Speaker 2: what are your comments?

824
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 1: Sophia? Like you should just not take the ring. There

825
00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:09,800
Speaker 1: was a sentence there that confused me because it sounded

826
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:13,080
Speaker 1: like she would be upset if you either didn't take

827
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:15,479
Speaker 1: the ring or altered it. Yeah, And I'm not sure

828
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 1: if that's the case, then I guess it's like kind

829
00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:22,000
Speaker 1: of lose lose, but right, I do think in the

830
00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:25,480
Speaker 1: long run it'll be better for your mom if you

831
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 1: just don't take it, because she's clearly emotionally attached to it.

832
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 1: So if anything happens in that ring, she's gonna.

833
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 2: Be like, ah, right, because it really does suck, because yeah,

834
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:38,680
Speaker 2: she's clearly emotionally attached and way more than OP is. Yeah,

835
00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:42,520
Speaker 2: so it's like it's hard that the mom wants the

836
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:45,359
Speaker 2: ring to be like I don't know, remember it or like.

837
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:47,439
Speaker 1: Used for I guess like day to day.

838
00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:50,760
Speaker 2: But yeah, used for like a purpose, like to honor

839
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 2: the cousin, but she wants it to be honored from

840
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:55,839
Speaker 2: another person honoring it.

841
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well it's like you couldn't have it.

842
00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:01,080
Speaker 2: It's like, well, yeah, you can't really make someone do that,

843
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:01,879
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.

844
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:02,880
Speaker 1: But there are some comments.

845
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:04,920
Speaker 2: Comming number one says, Honestly, I don't think this is

846
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:05,759
Speaker 2: about the ring at all.

847
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:06,840
Speaker 1: Based on what you've.

848
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:08,839
Speaker 2: Said, it sounds like the real issue here is your

849
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:11,320
Speaker 2: mother and the way she's still dealing with your cousins passing.

850
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:13,240
Speaker 1: It's easy to say that.

851
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:15,560
Speaker 2: That ring could be your engagement ring until it came

852
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:18,319
Speaker 2: right down to it. I suspect she'd balk then. But

853
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:20,680
Speaker 2: even if not seeing that ring on your finger would

854
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 2: represent your cousin to her someone, it seems she misses

855
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:26,400
Speaker 2: very much. Comment number two says that ring is your

856
00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:28,600
Speaker 2: property and in no time did you give up possession

857
00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:28,839
Speaker 2: of it.

858
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,839
Speaker 1: Your cousin left it to you, not your mother or father.

859
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:33,479
Speaker 1: That's a good point. That is a good point.

860
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:35,359
Speaker 2: While it is nice that you want to respect your

861
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:38,480
Speaker 2: mother's feelings on the matter, you have no obligation to personally.

862
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:40,960
Speaker 2: I would call her bluff. Remember, she is the one

863
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 2: ending the relationship, not you. If you still try and

864
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:45,840
Speaker 2: have a loving relationship, and she says no, that is

865
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:48,680
Speaker 2: on her. Also, if your mother is still reacting that

866
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:51,320
Speaker 2: strongly after five years, I think she needs some therapy

867
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 2: that is not healthy for her. Opie says, thank you

868
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:55,719
Speaker 2: for this. I sometimes still struggle with the idea that

869
00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:58,279
Speaker 2: it is mine. That's definitely the reason I didn't want

870
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:00,560
Speaker 2: it as my engagement ring. I did say to her

871
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:02,799
Speaker 2: that I offered her a compromise and that I was

872
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:04,520
Speaker 2: grateful she and my father kept it safe.

873
00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:06,400
Speaker 1: But I suppose I'll just have to call her bluff.

874
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:09,400
Speaker 1: As you said, there is an update. Yeah, it's literally

875
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 1: her ring. And the fiance didn't say, yeah, you know

876
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:15,279
Speaker 1: you got to go ahead. Yeah, yeah, I guess it's

877
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:17,520
Speaker 1: just like it would probably be easier if you didn't

878
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:20,359
Speaker 1: take the ring in terms of like mom getting upset

879
00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 1: and everything, but it is yours. Yeah, and do you

880
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:24,319
Speaker 1: have a right to it, right?

881
00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:26,759
Speaker 2: And that is a good point that the commentary made,

882
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:29,839
Speaker 2: that like this is just her not really letting go,

883
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:31,799
Speaker 2: And yeah, that makes a lot of sense. If someone

884
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 2: passes and then you just have this one physical object,

885
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:39,800
Speaker 2: like non inimate object that is like representing that person,

886
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:41,880
Speaker 2: and you're holding on to that. It's like you're not

887
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:45,319
Speaker 2: really letting go. Yeah, you know, you're still it's like

888
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 2: denial of it. Absolutely, we do have an update.

889
00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:52,800
Speaker 1: So I have a massive positive update. I won't bother

890
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:55,160
Speaker 1: going back and editing the original post because it seems

891
00:40:55,239 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 1: unnecessary now.

892
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 2: One thing that became very apparent to me as I

893
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:00,839
Speaker 2: was replying to people was that I had missed out

894
00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:03,880
Speaker 2: a very important part of the story that I hadn't realized,

895
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:05,839
Speaker 2: and I immediately understood why my.

896
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:07,320
Speaker 1: Mother was so upset.

897
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:10,480
Speaker 2: Oh okay, when our family fell out after the funeral,

898
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,479
Speaker 2: my cousin was cremated and her ashes were scattered without

899
00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:16,239
Speaker 2: us there, we didn't know where it is she has

900
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:18,399
Speaker 2: been scattered, and I think my mother has always felt

901
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:19,560
Speaker 2: like she had no place.

902
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 1: To go when she wanted to grieve.

903
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:22,399
Speaker 2: She is very much the kind of person who, if

904
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 2: my cousin had a grave, would go and see her regularly.

905
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,759
Speaker 1: I mean clearly she goes into the ring. Yeah, Lily,

906
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:28,560
Speaker 1: she told us that.

907
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 2: I think eventually going to visit the ring and the

908
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:33,200
Speaker 2: bank became like her going to visit the grave. Which

909
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:35,000
Speaker 2: is why she was so upset at the idea of

910
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:36,359
Speaker 2: it being taken away from her.

911
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:37,879
Speaker 1: Totally understandable now.

912
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 2: After our argument, I decided to let the dust settle

913
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:41,880
Speaker 2: for the day, and the next morning she sent me

914
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:44,560
Speaker 2: a long message explaining that it was entirely my decision

915
00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:47,960
Speaker 2: and she thinks it would be about time something positive came.

916
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:49,920
Speaker 1: From the ring instead of it being hidden away. I

917
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:54,399
Speaker 1: realized her, saying this was a huge deal. Great, that's

918
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 1: proudly Ah.

919
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:59,560
Speaker 2: The ring is basically it looks like an eternity ring

920
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:02,680
Speaker 2: away with stones all around the band, but with one

921
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:04,840
Speaker 2: big stone in the center, as you would expect on

922
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,960
Speaker 2: an engagement ring. I propose the idea that, seeing as

923
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:10,920
Speaker 2: I would be taking the middlestone out anyway, I have

924
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 2: the middlestone made into a ring for her, so we

925
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:14,279
Speaker 2: both have a part of her.

926
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:19,680
Speaker 1: Oh that's really sweet, and she was so happy, she cried. Oh.

927
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:21,759
Speaker 2: I don't think this was ever about me amending the

928
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:23,480
Speaker 2: ring or wanting to do something special with it.

929
00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:25,719
Speaker 1: When I was thirty, she just didn't want to lose

930
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 1: her grave side. So to speak. My mother and I

931
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:28,960
Speaker 1: are very different.

932
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 2: I will avoid anything that will intentionally upset me, and

933
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 2: my grief comes out as and when it hits me.

934
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:36,960
Speaker 2: My mother kind of sets time aside to grief, so

935
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,440
Speaker 2: she'll go through my cousin's photos or see the ring

936
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:42,120
Speaker 2: and let it out. Then, both perfectly normal ways of grieving.

937
00:42:42,239 --> 00:42:44,400
Speaker 2: I need to make it abundantly clear that my cousin

938
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:46,560
Speaker 2: was like a daughter to my mother. Her own mother

939
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:49,120
Speaker 2: wasn't very hands on, and my parents loved her and

940
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:51,760
Speaker 2: took her on holidays with us. She spent every summer

941
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 2: with us. I often say to people I lost my

942
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:56,040
Speaker 2: cousin and they look at me like, so.

943
00:42:56,520 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 1: What, Sorry, who's sing? So I'm sorry. If I said

944
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:03,160
Speaker 1: that I lost my cousin and people went I'd be like, ah,

945
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:06,720
Speaker 1: excuse me, yeah what. I'm very close to my cousins.

946
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:08,120
Speaker 1: That's crazy, that's insane.

947
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:10,880
Speaker 2: Wow, I'm not even like that close, but I would

948
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:12,520
Speaker 2: still what, that's crazy.

949
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:12,840
Speaker 1: Crazy.

950
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,720
Speaker 2: They say that because they rarely see their answer cousins,

951
00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 2: but we were a very close knit family. I don't

952
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:21,600
Speaker 2: think it's strange that my mother is still grieves after

953
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:24,359
Speaker 2: five years, even if she's the aunt. However, I do

954
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:26,880
Speaker 2: believe that she would benefit from counseling. If not to

955
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,840
Speaker 2: deal with my cousin's passing, but the probability of my own.

956
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:32,919
Speaker 2: I went to an excellent woman center when I lived

957
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:35,799
Speaker 2: my mother's hometown. That is a weekly session. You can

958
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:38,520
Speaker 2: do one on one or group sessions, and I've suggested

959
00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:40,319
Speaker 2: to my mother that we both go to one on

960
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:40,880
Speaker 2: one together.

961
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:43,319
Speaker 1: I think the idea of her going alone is too

962
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:46,120
Speaker 1: much for her. There's a little bit more to this story.

963
00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:49,560
Speaker 1: But this sounds like a lovely It's lovely. I was

964
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:52,360
Speaker 1: totally wrong. The answer was to do what you wanted,

965
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:56,960
Speaker 1: and your father came around, right, my bad compromise. Yeah,

966
00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:58,640
Speaker 1: that's a really good idea to have a ring of

967
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:02,160
Speaker 1: her too, because she clearly wants, clearly want you know,

968
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:04,719
Speaker 1: she has an attachment to this ring, wants connection to

969
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:07,640
Speaker 1: her niece exactly, and she gets that. And that's lovely

970
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:10,919
Speaker 1: and surely Sunschet says, very sweet. But mom still needs

971
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:12,919
Speaker 1: therapy to deal with her grief, which it does seem

972
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:15,560
Speaker 1: like she's going to. Yeah, which is good, or like

973
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:18,879
Speaker 1: some counseling in general. Yeah, that's good. There's a little

974
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:19,800
Speaker 1: bit more to the story.

975
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 2: Also, I know there were a few people who implied

976
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:23,839
Speaker 2: that I didn't even want the ring if it had

977
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 2: been in a safe for five years, or don't care

978
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:27,920
Speaker 2: that much if I want to take it apart, And

979
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:30,480
Speaker 2: it basically comes down to I thought I would be

980
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:32,360
Speaker 2: using it as an engagement ring, so I left it

981
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 2: in my parents' care while I moved.

982
00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 1: Houses and I traveled for fear of losing it.

983
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 2: I love everything the ring symbolizes in the fact that

984
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 2: it was given to me, but seeing the ring as

985
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 2: it is on my own finger would just remind me

986
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:46,839
Speaker 2: of the fact that it's not on her finger, And

987
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:49,319
Speaker 2: as I said earlier, I'm not want to intentionally make

988
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:51,880
Speaker 2: myself upset. This way, my mother has a part of

989
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:53,880
Speaker 2: her which she can go to when she feels she

990
00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:56,200
Speaker 2: needs to grieve, and I can carry around a part

991
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:58,160
Speaker 2: of her with me, which is what I feel i'd

992
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:01,080
Speaker 2: been missing. I did it pret obviously wear a necklace

993
00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:02,960
Speaker 2: that she used to own which set her name on it,

994
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:04,759
Speaker 2: but a lot of people thought that she was my

995
00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 2: Sapphic partner, and explaining it every time made me cry haha,

996
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:11,359
Speaker 2: so that didn't last long. I'm also going to talk

997
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:14,080
Speaker 2: to my mom about perhaps planting a rosebush in our

998
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:16,920
Speaker 2: local park that would be dedicated to my cousin. You

999
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:18,680
Speaker 2: could do that in the UK if you pay a

1000
00:45:18,719 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 2: fee so that she has somewhere better to go at

1001
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:21,720
Speaker 2: bank vault.

1002
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:25,279
Speaker 1: That's so lovely, great, holy, and that makes sense.

1003
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:27,680
Speaker 2: I mean, like it's nice to have like a piece

1004
00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:29,600
Speaker 2: of jewelry or something like that that like reminds you

1005
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:32,840
Speaker 2: of loved one that you lost, But having an engagement

1006
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:34,720
Speaker 2: ring that you like have to wear all the time

1007
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:36,240
Speaker 2: would probably be hard.

1008
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:39,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, being like this is like a physical representation of

1009
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 1: the loss of my cousin.

1010
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:40,680
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1011
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 1: Also it's supposed to represent you know, this new marriage

1012
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:47,920
Speaker 1: and stuff, so it's that kind of like dual meaning.

1013
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:50,120
Speaker 1: That's tough. Yeah, Hey, it's Jean here.

1014
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:51,839
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick

1015
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:53,719
Speaker 2: three minute break with Aswermar sponsors.

1016
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:57,400
Speaker 1: My husband is having a crisis and his family is

1017
00:45:57,400 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 1: blaming me for it. Oh man. And this comes directly

1018
00:46:02,040 --> 00:46:04,840
Speaker 1: from the Okay storytime supreated it and also trigger warning

1019
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:08,160
Speaker 1: for substances and mentions of a. I thirty five non

1020
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:11,360
Speaker 1: binary have been friends with Carara thirty two female since

1021
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:13,920
Speaker 1: we met on a trip in twenty seventeen. CARAA and

1022
00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:16,800
Speaker 1: her partner Erin thirty four male, have been living together

1023
00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:19,640
Speaker 1: for seven years and married a month or so shy

1024
00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:22,560
Speaker 1: of one year, mainly because Aaron and Aaron's family would

1025
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:25,400
Speaker 1: prefer if kids were born in wedlock. Kara didn't have

1026
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:28,560
Speaker 1: super strong feelings against a wedding, but was willing to

1027
00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:30,680
Speaker 1: do it if it was important to Aaron, and she

1028
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:33,080
Speaker 1: badly wants a kid. By the way, this comes from

1029
00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:35,240
Speaker 1: flying Socks and if you want to smit your own stories,

1030
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 1: go to the r slash Okay storytime. Supred it. So

1031
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,759
Speaker 1: I attended the wedding. It was a phenomenal wedding and

1032
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:44,280
Speaker 1: literally my fave of all weddings. I have attended Han's

1033
00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:47,720
Speaker 1: down despite my role essentially being half to pitbull block

1034
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:51,320
Speaker 1: and door manage both mother in laws if necessary, which

1035
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:55,640
Speaker 1: fortunately it wasn't necessary because they both behave for once.

1036
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:58,839
Speaker 1: They're both quite image conscious and can at times put

1037
00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 1: on their best face for cod Aaron and Kara also

1038
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 1: rent their house from Aaron's family. I've also become friends

1039
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,840
Speaker 1: with Aaron, who is a fantastic guy. What is not

1040
00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:11,800
Speaker 1: so fantastic is Aaron's family. Aaron has a heavy drinker

1041
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:16,560
Speaker 1: mom with a bad victim complex in and out of rehab,

1042
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:20,200
Speaker 1: so frequently. Some rehabs now refuse her and his father

1043
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:23,400
Speaker 1: passed when he was young preteen, and wow, was an

1044
00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:26,520
Speaker 1: option to refuse someone that's trying to go to rehab. Yeah, well,

1045
00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:29,200
Speaker 1: it's like if you're like constantly leaving or not like

1046
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:31,640
Speaker 1: listening to the rules and taking it seriously. He's also

1047
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:34,040
Speaker 1: I think a certain point prioritize the other people there

1048
00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:35,960
Speaker 1: and if they're right, you know, making trouble for the

1049
00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:38,960
Speaker 1: other people. While Aaron has several older siblings, most of

1050
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:41,799
Speaker 1: them have their own families with multiple children, and none

1051
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:43,799
Speaker 1: of the other siblings live as close to his mother

1052
00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:48,839
Speaker 1: as Aaron does. Aaron's mother frequently takes advantage of his kindness,

1053
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:52,440
Speaker 1: making demands to drive her places, pick her up from places,

1054
00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:55,839
Speaker 1: or bring her things, especially when she falls off the boozewagon.

1055
00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:59,040
Speaker 1: Aaron's mother has a useless boyfriend who lives at her

1056
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 1: house and assists in falling off the wagon. Aaron's mom

1057
00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:05,600
Speaker 1: has wandered off and needed to be retrieved from ditches

1058
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:10,040
Speaker 1: and hospitals and police stations on multiple occasions. Nobody you

1059
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:14,640
Speaker 1: have has ever stuck, and nothing is this woman's fault. Ever, Also,

1060
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 1: no one confronts her on the fact that she's a

1061
00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 1: terrible and emotionally and verbally harmful person due to her

1062
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:23,880
Speaker 1: turning on the waterworks and pulling that I have been deceased,

1063
00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:27,360
Speaker 1: poor me Carr, and I'm an addict. It's a disease.

1064
00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:30,359
Speaker 1: Kara has pleaded with Aaron and his siblings to have

1065
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:34,400
Speaker 1: the mother's license suspended or her car taken away or

1066
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 1: the mother put under some kind of restrictive order because

1067
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:39,759
Speaker 1: they live in a rural area and said mother continues

1068
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 1: to drive under the influence. How does she still have

1069
00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:44,920
Speaker 1: her license? How does she still have her license? But

1070
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:48,040
Speaker 1: this would require more cooperation from the elder siblings, and

1071
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:51,440
Speaker 1: they just rather exploit Aaron's time and energy to manage

1072
00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:54,200
Speaker 1: the problem. Aaron's other siblings often ask for his help,

1073
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:57,520
Speaker 1: including getting Kara to watch their children, asking Aaron to

1074
00:48:57,560 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 1: do favors for them, and making Aaron manage. Aaron mom

1075
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:02,920
Speaker 1: for them all and want him to visit them, but

1076
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:06,520
Speaker 1: act cold towards Kara, don't visit Kara and Aaron's home

1077
00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:09,640
Speaker 1: and even speak in another language when Car is around.

1078
00:49:09,719 --> 00:49:12,879
Speaker 1: On purpose. Car has been taking language classes to better

1079
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:15,680
Speaker 1: learn her husband's other language and set her vows in it,

1080
00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:18,439
Speaker 1: but is influent yet, and the family knows this, as

1081
00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:21,600
Speaker 1: they congratulated her pronunciation of her vows at the wedding.

1082
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:24,320
Speaker 1: They don't speak to her directly in person at family

1083
00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:26,680
Speaker 1: gatherings or on the phone. They don't visit her, and

1084
00:49:26,719 --> 00:49:30,680
Speaker 1: they use Erin as a proxy to transfer information, despite

1085
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 1: her having lived with Aarin for seven years and all

1086
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:36,759
Speaker 1: of them having attended her wedding. Erin also works in

1087
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:39,120
Speaker 1: retail at a store run by a family member let's

1088
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 1: call him Bobby. And at this workplace, Aarin frequently is

1089
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:45,680
Speaker 1: encouraged to work multiple weeks up to a month without

1090
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:48,879
Speaker 1: a day off. Whoa yikes. He has not taken much

1091
00:49:48,920 --> 00:49:51,560
Speaker 1: of his accumulated leave and has not been given a

1092
00:49:51,640 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 1: raise in years. Bobby makes Erin ultimately responsible for basically

1093
00:49:55,680 --> 00:49:59,040
Speaker 1: everything about the store, while he hasn't raised Erin's pay

1094
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:04,200
Speaker 1: possibly ever, definitely in years. Is Aaron asking though, that's

1095
00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:07,160
Speaker 1: my question, Bobby should be. But also you do have

1096
00:50:07,200 --> 00:50:11,120
Speaker 1: to sometimes addicate for your own Yeah, you know, raise, Yeah,

1097
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:11,799
Speaker 1: you definitely do.

1098
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:12,239
Speaker 3: So.

1099
00:50:12,800 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 1: People either forget or go on or don't want to

1100
00:50:15,040 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 1: give you money if you don't ask. Yeah, Bobby does

1101
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:20,040
Speaker 1: give Aarin an allowance of groceries that he must take

1102
00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:23,000
Speaker 1: from the shop, which is closer to convenience store than

1103
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:26,520
Speaker 1: proper grocery quite frankly, which does offset their bills somewhat,

1104
00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:28,879
Speaker 1: though not enough in my opinion. Now, Aaron has been

1105
00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:32,000
Speaker 1: feeling depressed for several months and a couple weeks after

1106
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:35,160
Speaker 1: getting some low dose antidepressants from his doctor at a

1107
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:39,200
Speaker 1: mental health episode that necessitated a twenty four hour hospital

1108
00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:43,920
Speaker 1: emergency room visit stuck in triage, plus more extreme meds therapy,

1109
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:46,640
Speaker 1: and a mandatory two weeks to a month off work

1110
00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:50,319
Speaker 1: and at home on bedrest. Aaron recently four months ago

1111
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:53,279
Speaker 1: quit using Devil's Lettuce to focus on improving his health

1112
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:55,879
Speaker 1: with Klara, as this is a goal they have as

1113
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:58,080
Speaker 1: a couple. While he had been a chronic user the

1114
00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:01,520
Speaker 1: last several years, largely due to Kara's influence, he has

1115
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:04,359
Speaker 1: tapered off his usage quite a bit, though still used

1116
00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:06,399
Speaker 1: in order to go to sleep, and before he quit

1117
00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:09,040
Speaker 1: was down to about a third or less of his

1118
00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:12,640
Speaker 1: previous usage, nearly all at night right before sleep. Aaron

1119
00:51:12,719 --> 00:51:16,000
Speaker 1: does not use any other substances. While he occasionally dabbled

1120
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:18,680
Speaker 1: while at a musical festival or two in previous years,

1121
00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:21,480
Speaker 1: He's not partaken in anything more than Devil's lettuce in

1122
00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:24,560
Speaker 1: a year, and prior to that his use was extremely

1123
00:51:24,680 --> 00:51:27,720
Speaker 1: rare as it made Kara uncomfortable. All that to say,

1124
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 1: Aarin unfortunately did not see an effective doctor as the

1125
00:51:31,239 --> 00:51:33,479
Speaker 1: doctor he saw is of the mind that Aaron's mental

1126
00:51:33,480 --> 00:51:36,399
Speaker 1: health episode, which included a psychotic break of not knowing

1127
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:39,640
Speaker 1: where he was and losing time along with other symptoms,

1128
00:51:39,880 --> 00:51:44,040
Speaker 1: was solely due to Devil's let us withdrawal or substances,

1129
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:47,640
Speaker 1: and didn't put much weight on Kara's raise concerns regarding

1130
00:51:47,719 --> 00:51:51,040
Speaker 1: stress at Aaron's workplace. Plus they just got a new puppy,

1131
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:53,000
Speaker 1: Plus she wanted Aaron to make a greater effort towards

1132
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:55,520
Speaker 1: getting healthier so she could be healthy for a pregnancy,

1133
00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:58,520
Speaker 1: plus his mother, plus his unsupportive family, in addition to

1134
00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:02,919
Speaker 1: Aaron's recent bad sleep habit and stated depression. Terrible doctor, Yeah,

1135
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:05,239
Speaker 1: terrible doctor. You know, look into it. You just went, Oh,

1136
00:52:05,239 --> 00:52:08,520
Speaker 1: it's probably the couldn't be anything else. Yeah, what I'm

1137
00:52:08,560 --> 00:52:12,840
Speaker 1: sorry he didn't know where he was? Yeah, what huh?

1138
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:14,480
Speaker 2: I mean? Is that? Or maybe I haven't been to

1139
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:16,560
Speaker 2: the doctor in a while, but I feel like they

1140
00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:19,360
Speaker 2: would ask about that stuff right like they should.

1141
00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:21,480
Speaker 1: They should. A lot of times doctors look for the

1142
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:24,680
Speaker 1: easy solutions. Well, got five minutes to talk to everyone? Yeah, dude,

1143
00:52:25,080 --> 00:52:27,080
Speaker 1: I recently went into the doctor and they literally gave

1144
00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:29,000
Speaker 1: me like five minutes And I was like, do I

1145
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:30,560
Speaker 1: do any stretches? And they're like, you're fine.

1146
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:34,600
Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, that's crazy, thanks, and which was

1147
00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:35,040
Speaker 2: not true.

1148
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:37,080
Speaker 1: I was supposed to be doing stretches. They just didn't

1149
00:52:37,080 --> 00:52:40,000
Speaker 1: get me any gosh, but my peachy did. The other problem,

1150
00:52:40,040 --> 00:52:43,280
Speaker 1: aside from the unhealthful doctor, is that Aaron is literally

1151
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:45,440
Speaker 1: too nice of a person. He is kind of the

1152
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:49,719
Speaker 1: glue in his family and while everyone relies on him.

1153
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:52,799
Speaker 1: When he was in the emergency room, literally none of

1154
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:55,440
Speaker 1: his family or any one of his friends showed up

1155
00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:58,000
Speaker 1: to help. His family called his phone, but he was

1156
00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:00,239
Speaker 1: having the episode that sent him to the hospital, so

1157
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:03,040
Speaker 1: Caara was answering the phone, and even after she explained

1158
00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:06,360
Speaker 1: the situation, and these people have both their cell numbers,

1159
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:09,799
Speaker 1: they continued to call his phone instead of hers. Why

1160
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 1: are you guys dumb? She just told you that he

1161
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:14,000
Speaker 1: can't pick up his phone. Why are you calling his phone?

1162
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:17,799
Speaker 1: They continue this behavior after he himself told them to

1163
00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:21,400
Speaker 1: just call Kara instead. When Kara called Aaron's brother to

1164
00:53:21,440 --> 00:53:23,399
Speaker 1: sit at the hospital for a couple hours and keep

1165
00:53:23,480 --> 00:53:26,200
Speaker 1: Aaron oriented and calm so she could go home and

1166
00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:29,000
Speaker 1: let the dog out, he did not come, nor could

1167
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:31,719
Speaker 1: he go let the dog out. Cara's friends ended up

1168
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:34,600
Speaker 1: doing that. Note Caara had no friends in this area

1169
00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:37,440
Speaker 1: before she moved in with Aaron seven years ago, and

1170
00:53:37,560 --> 00:53:40,319
Speaker 1: really only made friends within the past year, while Aaron

1171
00:53:40,400 --> 00:53:43,160
Speaker 1: knows essentially everyone in town at some level, having been

1172
00:53:43,239 --> 00:53:46,359
Speaker 1: raised in the house practically down the street from his own,

1173
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:51,360
Speaker 1: which his mother currently occupies with previously mentioned pos boyfriend.

1174
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:55,040
Speaker 1: When Caara went to Aaron's work to report he needed

1175
00:53:55,120 --> 00:53:58,280
Speaker 1: mandatory time off work, Bobby essentially told her that Aaron

1176
00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:01,719
Speaker 1: was probably hiding actual substance is somewhere in lying to

1177
00:54:01,760 --> 00:54:04,200
Speaker 1: her about not taking any She and I and the

1178
00:54:04,239 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 1: tests are. The hospital ruled this out as negative, aside

1179
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:09,840
Speaker 1: from one weird false positive that turned out to be

1180
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 1: caused by an interaction between the antidepressants and some OTC

1181
00:54:13,280 --> 00:54:16,279
Speaker 1: medication he took for sleep and pain relief, and when

1182
00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:19,400
Speaker 1: she insisted that Aaron was actually ill from stress, and

1183
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:22,120
Speaker 1: work and needed rest in time off. Bobby indicated that

1184
00:54:22,160 --> 00:54:25,080
Speaker 1: Aaron should and would be sent on a grippy sock vacation.

1185
00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 1: I don't think he gets to say if that happens,

1186
00:54:27,840 --> 00:54:30,239
Speaker 1: that's his boss. I don't think he gets to say

1187
00:54:30,239 --> 00:54:33,359
Speaker 1: that happens. Oh No, I feel like you guys need

1188
00:54:33,360 --> 00:54:36,240
Speaker 1: to move Honestly, I feel like you need to move away,

1189
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:39,280
Speaker 1: cut off your family from all these people. Move away,

1190
00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:42,959
Speaker 1: get a new job, get it new home, get aarin

1191
00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:46,640
Speaker 1: away from this boss. He needed a grippy sock vacation

1192
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:50,640
Speaker 1: because Clara said, hey, he needs some time off.

1193
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:53,560
Speaker 2: Incredibly frustrating because he needs the time off because he's

1194
00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:56,480
Speaker 2: so stressed out from work and is having these problems.

1195
00:54:56,719 --> 00:54:58,600
Speaker 1: I mean, like they you know, there might be anything.

1196
00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:01,640
Speaker 2: The boss just like, oh look, if you are having

1197
00:55:01,719 --> 00:55:03,839
Speaker 2: a hard time of work, maybe you like are like,

1198
00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:07,000
Speaker 2: maybe you really need to go to the event to hospital.

1199
00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:10,200
Speaker 1: My goodness, suck, dude, that really sucks. Then he had

1200
00:55:10,239 --> 00:55:13,000
Speaker 1: the audacity to ask when Aaron would be back at work,

1201
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:16,719
Speaker 1: while never asking once how he was and insisting he

1202
00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:20,160
Speaker 1: knew better than Aaron's doctor, which maybe that doctor isn't smart,

1203
00:55:20,200 --> 00:55:22,600
Speaker 1: and tried to tell Kara what he thought Aaron should

1204
00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:25,640
Speaker 1: be doing for his health instead of the mandated beds,

1205
00:55:25,719 --> 00:55:29,280
Speaker 1: time off and therapy, Things like just getting out of bed,

1206
00:55:29,719 --> 00:55:32,600
Speaker 1: getting back to routine, taking walks in the sun, just

1207
00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:35,160
Speaker 1: go exercise. Have you tried being happy?

1208
00:55:35,560 --> 00:55:38,600
Speaker 2: You tried just like yeah, choosing to be happy, smiling

1209
00:55:38,640 --> 00:55:39,240
Speaker 2: once in a while.

1210
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:41,919
Speaker 1: Have you tried just appreciating every day as they come.

1211
00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:44,680
Speaker 1: I really wonder what job this is?

1212
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:44,960
Speaker 2: Like?

1213
00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:47,360
Speaker 1: What do they do for work? Have no idea Aaron

1214
00:55:47,520 --> 00:55:51,200
Speaker 1: had not been sleeping properly for more than four uninterrupted

1215
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:53,799
Speaker 1: hours at once in several weeks at the least, if

1216
00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:57,279
Speaker 1: not a month, the man needed sleep. When released from emergency,

1217
00:55:57,400 --> 00:56:00,520
Speaker 1: Aaron promptly slept for about three full days and nights,

1218
00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:03,200
Speaker 1: aside from using the bathroom, drinking water and a few

1219
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:06,480
Speaker 1: bites of food and his meds. Through his recovery. Thus far,

1220
00:56:06,680 --> 00:56:08,840
Speaker 1: Bobby has wanted to know when he's back to work.

1221
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:12,600
Speaker 1: Aaron's siblings haven't helped and have barely shown up and

1222
00:56:12,680 --> 00:56:16,280
Speaker 1: often been more unhelpful than helpful when they have. Aside

1223
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:18,840
Speaker 1: from one sister, she is nice, but she's the lone exception.

1224
00:56:19,080 --> 00:56:20,960
Speaker 1: While Kara's friends have been the ones to take their

1225
00:56:20,960 --> 00:56:24,000
Speaker 1: puppy out while there were an emergency and doctor appointments

1226
00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:27,480
Speaker 1: and Carr's work that has been understanding of their situation. Regardless,

1227
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:31,440
Speaker 1: Cara is having difficulty making Aaron fully realize how emotionally

1228
00:56:31,480 --> 00:56:34,080
Speaker 1: bad for him this situation is and getting him to

1229
00:56:34,120 --> 00:56:37,319
Speaker 1: set appropriate boundaries with family and work. Kara wants them

1230
00:56:37,320 --> 00:56:39,440
Speaker 1: to move, not out of the country or even that

1231
00:56:39,520 --> 00:56:42,200
Speaker 1: far like a couple hours drive, just so they aren't

1232
00:56:42,239 --> 00:56:45,279
Speaker 1: physically so close to Erin's mother. Anne wants Aaron to

1233
00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:47,920
Speaker 1: get a job that isn't working under family. She's getting

1234
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:50,920
Speaker 1: desperate trying to show Aarin the ugly truth of his family,

1235
00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:53,279
Speaker 1: But even after this episode has showed many of their

1236
00:56:53,280 --> 00:56:56,719
Speaker 1: true colors, she still finds them pushing back in conversations

1237
00:56:56,719 --> 00:57:00,200
Speaker 1: they have, making excuses or allowances for their behavior. You're

1238
00:57:00,800 --> 00:57:03,560
Speaker 1: or agreeing with her, but seemingly unsure how to do

1239
00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:06,520
Speaker 1: any of what. She's asking, why I atta, why I

1240
00:57:06,560 --> 00:57:07,960
Speaker 1: aughta Ain't that right?

1241
00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:10,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so frustrating because it is something that you

1242
00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:12,120
Speaker 2: have to learn. Like I feel like I was in

1243
00:57:12,239 --> 00:57:13,640
Speaker 2: a spot at one point where I was like, no,

1244
00:57:13,719 --> 00:57:16,240
Speaker 2: I'm fine, I just am locking in. I'm good, But

1245
00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:20,200
Speaker 2: then it's like, Okay, your body can't, like you can't.

1246
00:57:19,920 --> 00:57:22,000
Speaker 1: Put up with all of the like emotional stress.

1247
00:57:22,080 --> 00:57:24,360
Speaker 2: You need breaks and like time to rest, even if

1248
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:26,680
Speaker 2: you're not like physically doing a lot of work, Like

1249
00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:29,400
Speaker 2: even if you're just like mentally locked in into a

1250
00:57:29,440 --> 00:57:32,080
Speaker 2: stressful job, like you need a break from that. Yeah,

1251
00:57:32,120 --> 00:57:34,560
Speaker 2: it sucks that, Like these people are how old and

1252
00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:38,800
Speaker 2: they haven't learned that you need breaks. Yeah, it's a

1253
00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:42,600
Speaker 2: terrible boss. I mean, like that's a legal thing. Actually,

1254
00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:44,040
Speaker 2: it's just a legal thing.

1255
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:46,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, And we can go from a that standpoint of

1256
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:48,520
Speaker 1: saying like, yeah, you actually leelal need this break and

1257
00:57:48,600 --> 00:57:51,120
Speaker 1: a raise, right, pull that card. But there's a little

1258
00:57:51,120 --> 00:57:54,520
Speaker 1: bit left. Kara is lonely, tired of being excluded and

1259
00:57:54,680 --> 00:57:57,960
Speaker 1: tired of watching Aaron be exploited. She absolutely doesn't want

1260
00:57:58,000 --> 00:58:00,560
Speaker 1: to leave him, and quite honestly, apart from this specific

1261
00:58:00,680 --> 00:58:03,000
Speaker 1: lack of boundaries, he is a heart of gold and

1262
00:58:03,120 --> 00:58:06,400
Speaker 1: is the most caring, kind hearted, funny guy you could

1263
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:08,760
Speaker 1: ever hope for your friend to marry. But quite frankly,

1264
00:58:08,800 --> 00:58:12,160
Speaker 1: Aerin has literally always lived there and never traveled internationally

1265
00:58:12,240 --> 00:58:14,640
Speaker 1: before he and Kara got together. So we think part

1266
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:17,160
Speaker 1: of the problem is just being too geographically close to

1267
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:19,360
Speaker 1: these people. Now, I've gone on my own mental health

1268
00:58:19,440 --> 00:58:23,080
Speaker 1: journey and been stable in therapy and crisis free myself

1269
00:58:23,120 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 1: for three years now, so I've been trying to help

1270
00:58:25,160 --> 00:58:27,240
Speaker 1: my friend. But Kara and Aaron live in a bit

1271
00:58:27,280 --> 00:58:30,400
Speaker 1: of an echo chamber and very far away from me,

1272
00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:32,760
Speaker 1: and most of the feedback erin is getting is pushing

1273
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:35,760
Speaker 1: him to downplay his mental health as per the backwardish

1274
00:58:35,800 --> 00:58:38,600
Speaker 1: attitude of their particular area of the country and the

1275
00:58:38,640 --> 00:58:41,760
Speaker 1: attitude of his particular family. Can anyone who's experienced a

1276
00:58:41,800 --> 00:58:45,040
Speaker 1: similar situation give some tips or advice on how to

1277
00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:48,360
Speaker 1: deal with setting boundaries with and or while exiting a

1278
00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:52,120
Speaker 1: similar toxic family situation. Kara and I will be all ears,

1279
00:58:52,240 --> 00:58:53,880
Speaker 1: but that is the end of that story.