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Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, it's Sophia. Welcome to work in progress.

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Speaker 2: Welcome back to work in progress with our favorite girly,

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Speaker 2: Sarah Shahi. I cannot wait to pick her brain, specifically

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Speaker 2: about her new book, Life Is lifey Okay, So we

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Speaker 2: talked about it a little bit in our first part,

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Speaker 2: But Life is lifey is. It's just a delicious book

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Speaker 2: and it's funny and it's empowering and it's raw and

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Speaker 2: like there's moments that make you blush a little bit,

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Speaker 2: and there's so much I want to talk about, but

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Speaker 2: a few chapters I want to really dig into.

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Speaker 1: And we talked about this earlier. You know, the notion

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Speaker 1: that you.

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Speaker 2: Talk about encourage, about how we will choose familiar hell

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Speaker 2: over unfamiliar heaven.

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Speaker 1: You know this.

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Speaker 2: Requirement for practice, not just to take a risk or

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Speaker 2: get a divorce, but.

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Speaker 1: To actually start to.

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Speaker 2: Make decisions about, as you say, doing the shit that

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Speaker 2: feels daunting and uncomfortable. Can you talk a little bit

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Speaker 2: about realizing that courage is a practice, not a place

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Speaker 2: you arrive at.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, for me, the way I was able to do

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Speaker 3: it because I am a people pleaser, right, or I

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Speaker 3: should say I'm a recovering people pleaser. I would turn

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Speaker 3: myself into a pretzel. And I think a lot of

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Speaker 3: women do this in order to be able to say

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Speaker 3: yes to everybody, except allowing myself to do what I

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Speaker 3: needed to do or wanted to do. And the way

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Speaker 3: I was able to practice courage is, first of all,

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Speaker 3: I saw this fantastic quote. I'm not sure who said it,

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Speaker 3: but it will speak up even if your voice shakes.

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Speaker 3: So that allowed me to again carry my fear with me.

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Speaker 3: I don't have to feel brave as I'm saying this.

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Speaker 3: I can feel really scared as I'm saying this too,

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Speaker 3: and that's okay. But just started speaking up in little moments,

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Speaker 3: even if it was something small like hey, can you

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Speaker 3: watch the kids? I really want to take a dance class,

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Speaker 3: or can you know is it okay if we raincheck this,

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Speaker 3: Like I really do want to see you, but I'm

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Speaker 3: really tired tonight, and I just I feel like I've

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Speaker 3: got to prioritize my rest. I'm so sorry, you know,

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Speaker 3: Like I even I was even over apologizing at first,

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Speaker 3: because it was how I felt the most comfortable being

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Speaker 3: able to say no to somebody and over explaining that

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Speaker 3: it's not a rejection on them, but I just had to.

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Speaker 4: Put myself first. So it was very scary.

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Speaker 3: But I just started using my voice in situations that

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Speaker 3: I normally wouldn't or like I remember this one time,

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Speaker 3: you know, like a target. I was at Target and

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Speaker 3: if people would cut in front of me in line.

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Speaker 4: Normally I'd be.

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Speaker 3: Like okay, and I wouldn't say anything, but I started

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Speaker 3: saying something time that it happened. I would be not that,

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Speaker 3: you know, people cut and target in front of me

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Speaker 3: all the time. Make it sounds like it's like a

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Speaker 3: daily thing, but like like I would just be like, hey,

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Speaker 3: I'm so sorry, like you know, I was here first,

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Speaker 3: you know, and and or I would be like I'm

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Speaker 3: sorry was I here?

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Speaker 4: Or were you here for? Like you know.

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Speaker 3: It was just like how do I use my voice?

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Speaker 3: How do I get this across in a way that

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Speaker 3: feels comfortable for me to do? And now I'm a

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Speaker 3: little bit better at it, so I don't need to

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Speaker 3: apologize so much as I'm saying it. But it was

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Speaker 3: just those little daily things that I started doing that

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Speaker 3: helped build up to the bigger things.

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Speaker 1: I love that.

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Speaker 2: So do you now have a practice or a way

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Speaker 2: that you like to psych yourself up before you take

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Speaker 2: a leap. Is there is there kind of a formula

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Speaker 2: to it or is it really situationally dependent?

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Speaker 4: It is situationally dependent.

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Speaker 3: And I think the way what I have recently learned

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Speaker 3: in this space of a year of knowing myself again

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Speaker 3: is when I come from a place of grace.

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Speaker 4: So when I come from a place of grace and

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Speaker 4: the highest form of.

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Speaker 3: Love, because I believe there's only two frequencies, two real frequencies.

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Speaker 4: You can either you can.

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Speaker 3: Break everything down to either love or fear. Any any emotion,

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Speaker 3: you can break it down the other love or fear.

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Speaker 3: And when I come from a place that is purely altruistic,

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Speaker 3: where I'm like, I need to whether it's end something

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Speaker 3: end a situation and a relationship with it, either a

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Speaker 3: working relationship or a romantic relationship. And I'm coming from

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Speaker 3: the highest place of love and the highest place of grace.

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Speaker 3: You know, that's when for me, the situation doesn't feel

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Speaker 3: doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It still hurts, but it

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Speaker 3: becomes more. This is a.

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Speaker 4: It takes the emotion out.

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Speaker 3: Of it, It lessens the fear factor and turns it

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Speaker 3: into more of like almost like a matter of fact

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Speaker 3: situation that this is not serving either of us anymore.

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Speaker 3: We're trying to fit, you know, like a square in

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Speaker 3: a circle. We both just gotta it's gonna suck, it's

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Speaker 3: gonna hurt, it's gonna whatever.

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Speaker 4: But this is what needs to happen.

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Speaker 3: And when I when I remember my own grace or

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Speaker 3: you know again, coming from that highest, most purest place

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Speaker 3: of love, love.

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Speaker 4: Can destroy and it can build. Yeah, love can do both.

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Speaker 4: That's when I'm able to be the most effective in

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Speaker 4: using my voice.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean you talk about in failure and fucking up.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, when referencing a very personal situation to

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Speaker 2: make one of these points, you say, yeah, own your shit,

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Speaker 2: learn from it, and keep moving.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yes, And that that.

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Speaker 2: Struck me really intensely because again, yeah, one of the

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Speaker 2: things I'm working on is not feeling ashamed by other

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Speaker 2: people's judgment, you know, of failure or my relationships. It's like,

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Speaker 2: why do I care what a stranger thinks about my

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Speaker 2: personal life?

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Speaker 1: Like, but it's hard.

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Speaker 2: Not to and I'm I don't know, I'm really curious

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Speaker 2: about that because you seem so solid. You're like I

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Speaker 2: had this and then I didn't. I was in this

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Speaker 2: relationship and then I wasn't. Now I'm learning this, I'm

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Speaker 2: grateful and I'm like, damn girl, Like, where do we get.

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Speaker 1: The confidence cocktail?

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Speaker 4: Like, yeah, is.

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Speaker 1: That also a practice?

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Speaker 3: Well, it's it's it's from a lifetime Sophia of doing

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Speaker 3: things I swore I would never do, you know what

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Speaker 3: I mean, And it's from me learning. It's from me

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Speaker 3: learning through my own situations.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 3: That's why I'm so upfront about my failures failures in

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Speaker 3: the book is because the amount of times I swore

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Speaker 3: up and down that I passed judgment on somebody because

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Speaker 3: they did something and I swore I would never do it,

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Speaker 3: only to find myself doing the exact same thing later

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Speaker 3: on in.

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Speaker 4: Life and another situation.

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Speaker 3: It has taught me that you don't have the right

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Speaker 3: to judge somebody.

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Speaker 4: Else like you.

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Speaker 3: You know, our mistakes or our learning lessons are tailor

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Speaker 3: made for us. And because I do choose to live

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Speaker 3: from a very spiritual place, I know that we only

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Speaker 3: attract situations to us that inspire our highest growth. So

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Speaker 3: your your lessons, your challenges, they are tailor made for

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Speaker 3: you and for you to pass judgment on somebody else's

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Speaker 3: learning lessons or barometer of their challenges. It's like judging

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Speaker 3: a cloud for being too fluffy, Like it doesn't make sense.

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Speaker 3: Like everybody, everybody's rock bottom looks different. Everybody has to

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Speaker 3: hit their rock bottom at a time that is meant

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Speaker 3: for them, that can inspire the most growth for them.

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Speaker 3: So and at the end of the day, it's like

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Speaker 3: we're all here just to walk each other home, Like

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Speaker 3: all of us are.

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Speaker 4: We're all human beings sharing this.

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Speaker 3: We're all souls that I believe we've all made this

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Speaker 3: agreement to come down to Earth School.

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Speaker 4: We're all going to learn, we're all gonna like you know,

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Speaker 4: and we're all going to help each other through it.

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Speaker 3: We're not going to have it figured out right, but

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Speaker 3: it's our It's sort of like this unspoken agreement that

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Speaker 3: we've made with one another before coming down that like

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Speaker 3: I'm going to attract your highest growth. I'm going to

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Speaker 3: present you with a partner who cheats a lot. I'm

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Speaker 3: going to present you with somebody who abandons you so

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Speaker 3: you can get strong. And so I just live from

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Speaker 3: this place of like everything happens for a reason. Whether

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Speaker 3: it's good or bad, it doesn't matter because it all

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Speaker 3: inspires my highest growth. The people that serve as those

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Speaker 3: haters that are passing judgment. It's like, you know, especially

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Speaker 3: when I first had my divorce, it was, I mean,

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Speaker 3: the oh my god, I had to turn all I

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Speaker 3: had to get off Instagram, turn off comments. I know

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Speaker 3: you've probably been in this similar position. And then I'm like,

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Speaker 3: but now when things come in, I just don't care anymore.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 3: There's also that great Doctor SEUs quote, which is those

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Speaker 3: who matter don't mind.

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Speaker 4: Those who mind don't matter matter.

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Speaker 1: Yea, And now a word from our sponsors who make

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Speaker 1: this show possible. It rings me.

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Speaker 2: Think of what you wrote about in value, because you

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Speaker 2: say when you show people you're worth, you'll.

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Speaker 3: Also find out very quickly, very quickly, who agrees with you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 3: If you don't, if you do not believe in yourself

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Speaker 3: and you do not know you're awesome, how can you

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Speaker 3: expect other people to? You know, if you don't think

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Speaker 3: you're worthy of a partner who loves you unconditionally, If

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Speaker 3: you don't think you are worthy of a partner who

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Speaker 3: can accept your dark and your light, you know, then

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Speaker 3: you will constantly attract people who don't until you start

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Speaker 3: seeing yourself for that, and then you will attract some

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Speaker 3: who measures that so and and and it's and and

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Speaker 3: again that goes back to courage. Like you know Maya Angelou,

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Speaker 3: who's a woman that I have spent countless hours studying

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Speaker 3: and she's probably one of my greatest mentors and heroes

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Speaker 3: in life. You know, she talks about courage as being

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Speaker 3: of the seven virtues. Courage is the most important virtue

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Speaker 3: because without courage, you wouldn't have the guts to practice

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Speaker 3: anything consistently.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmmm mm hmm.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I I think it's it sounds so obvious.

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Speaker 1: And then again, going back to that earlier point, You're

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Speaker 1: not going to learn something till you learn it. It's

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Speaker 1: got to get in.

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Speaker 2: Your body knowing you deserve courage, knowing you're worth it,

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Speaker 2: knowing that you're not a failure when you're actually evolving

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Speaker 2: out of something.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and and and all that that's right, And

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Speaker 3: all of that comes from sitting with the discomfort.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you have to sit with you or discomfort.

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Speaker 3: You can't you know, you can't wish it away, you know.

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Speaker 3: And at the end of the day, So emotions, the

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Speaker 3: word emotion breaks down to energy in motion.

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Speaker 4: That's what emotion means.

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Speaker 3: They're just emotions like joy, grief, anger, fear, love. They're

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Speaker 3: just emotions, and they are only as heavy as we.

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Speaker 4: Make it to be.

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Speaker 3: So a situation is only as big or small as

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Speaker 3: the weight we assign to it. So if we can

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Speaker 3: take away to look at our pain and be like, Okay,

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Speaker 3: this sucks right now, but at the end of the day,

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Speaker 3: it's not that big of a deal because I'm just

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Speaker 3: sad over X, Y and Z. I'm still breathing, like

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Speaker 3: I'm still here life.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 3: I still have my friends, i still have a roof

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Speaker 3: over my head, i still have all these other things.

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Speaker 3: But I'm really sad right now, and I'm just going

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Speaker 3: to sit with it, and I'm going to allow myself

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Speaker 3: to be sad, and I'm going to allow myself to cry,

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Speaker 3: you know, I'm going to allow for things to feel

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Speaker 3: crunchy on the inside, because that's evolvement, that's growth. M

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Speaker 3: I read this quote on Instagram recently, which is like,

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Speaker 3: pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And the more.

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Speaker 3: I feel like we are we allow ourselves to sit

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Speaker 3: with our pain, to dissept decipher it, to decode it,

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Speaker 3: to you know, dissect it to see what it's trying

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Speaker 3: to tell us.

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Speaker 4: It's like that's that's where the light enters. M.

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Speaker 1: It's beautiful.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean everybody needs to read the book, like

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Speaker 2: you from your stories and all the best quotes you

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Speaker 2: put together for us at the top of chapters. It's like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it really, it's so special to read something I'll speak

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Speaker 2: to my experience. I won't speak for the whole audience,

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Speaker 2: but yeah, to read something that reminds me of the

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Speaker 2: things I already knew were true.

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Speaker 3: Yes, and sometimes that's all we need, you know. It's

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Speaker 3: like I say this too, it's like a miracle. Like

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Speaker 3: we we have the ability. We experience miracles daily daily.

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Speaker 3: There are miracles happening in front of us. It's a

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Speaker 3: matter of whether or not we're tuned to it.

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Speaker 4: And a miracle is just a shift in perspective. That's

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Speaker 4: all it is. That's all it is.

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Speaker 3: And this book really is yeah, like it was like

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Speaker 3: you know, and also, we live in an age where

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Speaker 3: I feel like, because of social media and the algorithms,

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Speaker 3: we are so used to Netflix telling us what to.

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Speaker 4: Watch, Amazon telling us what couch to buy next, the

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Speaker 4: apps tell us who to talk to.

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Speaker 3: We swipe and like in heart like things, we've lost

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Speaker 3: the ability to really get quiet and check in with ourselves.

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Speaker 4: And I'm somebody again through my experiences.

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Speaker 3: It's like I can ask nine hundred people what the

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Speaker 3: right thing for me is, but I wasn't able to

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Speaker 3: act on it and really learn what the right thing

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Speaker 3: was and.

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Speaker 4: T shut out the noise.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and you have.

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Speaker 3: And that's what this book is designed to do. It's

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Speaker 3: designed to help you, Like I'm not here to tell

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Speaker 3: the reader what to do, because I feel like advice

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Speaker 3: is not prescriptive. It's not a one size fits all

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Speaker 3: type model. What could work for you may not work

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Speaker 3: for me, right, So it's it's it's designed to help

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Speaker 3: you shut out the noise and to reconnect with like

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Speaker 3: the wisest person in the room, which I feel is

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Speaker 3: in here.

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Speaker 2: Well, life is lifey, the hes navigating life's messy middle friends.

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Speaker 2: It's out now, clearly you know you need to read it.

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Speaker 2: And if you have been living under a rock, ketch

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Speaker 2: up on Paradise because two starts February twenty third on Hulu.

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Speaker 2: I am waiting with bated breath. I love this show

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Speaker 2: so much.

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Speaker 3: The second season is a roller coaster. Like if you

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Speaker 3: love the first season, blew your mind, Oh my god.

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Speaker 3: The second sason even I was reading the scripts and

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Speaker 3: I was like, what what, Like, how did you guys

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Speaker 3: come up with this?

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Speaker 1: It's so good, it's in very probable, it's incredible.

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Speaker 4: You thank doing so much.

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Speaker 2: Such a great job. Okay, everything feels like it's really

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Speaker 2: in flow.

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Speaker 1: So when you look out at what's next, what feels

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Speaker 1: like you're work in progress.

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Speaker 3: My work in progress is I mean you just hit

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Speaker 3: the nail on the head, which is to continue being

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Speaker 3: in flow, you know, to just be present, to not

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Speaker 3: try to future plan like and my favorite thing to

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Speaker 3: say is I don't know, Like I don't know what

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Speaker 3: I want next. I don't know what tomorrow is going

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Speaker 3: to bring. I don't know who I'm going to date.

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Speaker 3: I don't know what job I'm going to have. But

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Speaker 3: for the first time in my life, I am comfortable

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Speaker 3: in that mystery. I if anything, I feel safe in

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Speaker 3: that mystery. Now I feel like I'm being held by mystery.

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Speaker 3: And I've never had that outlook before. So the mystery

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Speaker 3: was always a very anxious, anxiety ridden place for me

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Speaker 3: in the past, But now it's just moment to moment,

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Speaker 3: just to stay and flow.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, wherever it takes me, that's where I go.

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Speaker 1: I love that. That's beautiful. Thank you for coming and

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Speaker 1: hanging today out