Speaker 1: Welcome to Decisions Decisions. I don't think you should say
Speaker 1: decision decisions. It sounded like you was talking to did
Speaker 1: Carson you definitely say to welcome, Welcome to the new podcast.
Speaker 2: Oh wait, you want to say together Decisions Decisions.
Speaker 3: Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Decisions Decisions.
Speaker 1: Oh I'm your girl, madyb I'm your girl Weezy.
Speaker 2: And if you don't already know yet, we have a
Speaker 2: course that is available when you pre order this book
Speaker 2: with No Holds Barred. I just got done sitting down
Speaker 2: with Maria Matchmaker area, who's our guests today for the course,
Speaker 2: And it's definitely going to be different. It was all
Speaker 2: about like green flags, red flags. And it was so
Speaker 2: interesting to me because we've heard about you for a
Speaker 2: long time. I know you record here matchmaking dating coach.
Speaker 2: We've had so many recently, and I was like, is
Speaker 2: this going to be the same, And I realized now.
Speaker 3: Well, I honestly, with the matchmakers or dating coaches whatever
Speaker 3: they call themselves, everyone has different. Like, let's be very clear,
Speaker 3: we had one that focused on high network women wanting
Speaker 3: to find love and get married. Then we had a
Speaker 3: black gay male telling black women how to date, he's great,
Speaker 3: he could be great to everyone. I love that we
Speaker 3: all have different opinions. I have my thoughts on him.
Speaker 3: So when knowing that you were coming on here, I'm
Speaker 3: really excited and not expecting the same conversation at all.
Speaker 3: I'm really excited to how you feel like someone could
Speaker 3: be successful in dating.
Speaker 2: Well, honestly, I don't know if we've had a match
Speaker 2: maker right, So my conversation I was, what I was
Speaker 2: trying to say was we've had dating coaches. When speaking
Speaker 2: to you, you gave great dating advice, But it seems like
Speaker 2: if I'm a listener of the show, I may be
Speaker 2: hearing the same thing. But matchmaking is truly different because
Speaker 2: you've got to air people.
Speaker 1: Are you like millionaire matchmaker? I'm a fourth generation match maker?
Speaker 1: What is fourth generation match My grandmother, her mother, her
Speaker 1: grandmother were matchmaker. No way, bo Baby, But I'm not.
Speaker 1: It's so different your company a GOFE, Like, what do
Speaker 1: you do so at a GOPI match we set people
Speaker 1: up for a living, We set up first and second dates,
Speaker 1: we coordinate them for our clients. Yeah, and but it's
Speaker 1: very different, Like I say, Nepo, Baby and Jess because
Speaker 1: what my grandmother did setting up people in a war
Speaker 1: torn country in Greece, uh and getting paid in goats.
Speaker 1: The matchmaking in the history of it and Greece came up. Yeah, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: it's it's interesting because I was actually at an event
Speaker 1: yesterday with a bunch of Greek people and they don't
Speaker 1: give ash for that. I'm a fourth generation matchmaker. They're
Speaker 1: like a few are so am I because match making
Speaker 1: was rampant, like you know, Americans love the matchmaking lore
Speaker 1: of like generational, but like Greek people are like, okay,
Speaker 1: we there's a matchmaker in every county or every village.
Speaker 1: And then it stopped in nineteen eighty why what Yeah,
Speaker 1: why because Cosmo came to Shore. So Cosmopolitan the magazine,
Speaker 1: This is my theory. I was like, this is grea god. Wait,
Speaker 1: so the magazine came to Short So you know, Greece
Speaker 1: went through a dictatorship in the sixties and seventies and
Speaker 1: women had to be conservative, they had to wear certain things.
Speaker 1: There was curfews, right, and then we got democracy back
Speaker 1: nineteen seventy four, and then you know a lot of
Speaker 1: reforms started happening. And Cosmo comes to Shore in nineteen
Speaker 1: seventy eight. And what happens in that period is that
Speaker 1: people are now reading from British and American writers how
Speaker 1: a woman can be empowered, how she can ask for sex,
Speaker 1: how she can date, and suddenly all of this new
Speaker 1: vocabulary that didn't exist before was in the lexicon. So
Speaker 1: then fast forward to nineteen eighty one. This this the
Speaker 1: one of the parties is running on women's reform, getting
Speaker 1: rid of dowries, making sure that women and men are
Speaker 1: paid equal, making sure women have full access to contraceptives.
Speaker 1: So women and men immediately get full rights in nineteen
Speaker 1: eighty one. And also women stop changing their names because
Speaker 1: of this reform. So in which oh you know they
Speaker 1: did it? Give arranged marriage? Is that why matchmaking? No,
Speaker 1: it's just match meeking went away from the matchmaker in
Speaker 1: your village and your community, or your parental match meeking.
Speaker 1: Like my in laws met in the seventies, so they
Speaker 1: had parental match meeking at work, whereas my parents met
Speaker 1: in the eighties, and that's a love marriage. And what
Speaker 1: gave way was that match meeking done by like my
Speaker 1: grandmother was handed off to the meddling best friend. So
Speaker 1: it's still to this day when in Greece. When people date,
Speaker 1: they date like my parents dated, which is let's say
Speaker 1: you and I were dating. Let's say you're the woman,
Speaker 1: I'm the man. You're a woman. But let's say you're
Speaker 1: the woman, I'm the man, and we're dating. When we
Speaker 1: have a party at our house or it's your birthday,
Speaker 1: we're going out, You're gonna invite all your girlfriends. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna invite all my guy friends and they have to approve. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: they're just they're just we're all just co ed mingling.
Speaker 1: And essentially you would none tell your friend like, oh
Speaker 1: I like this person or I like this person. That's
Speaker 1: what happens in the city. Bring an ex, yeah, friend
Speaker 1: of a friend. But no, but they're actually friends, right,
Speaker 1: It's just your friends are pairing up with each other.
Speaker 1: And because because of how we get married there, we
Speaker 1: have this concept of kubaria where the priest does not
Speaker 1: put the you know, it's not your official witness. You
Speaker 1: have an official witness who's part of your family. So
Speaker 1: hear me out for a second. We have this, We
Speaker 1: have this concept of kuba. Whoever introduces you, I just
Speaker 1: want to say, this bitch took my whole outline. I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I'm teasing you. You know, we can dig
Speaker 2: into the history of stuff. Now this was in the Yeah.
Speaker 1: So kubaria is essentially if you, if you introduce me
Speaker 1: to my spouse, then you would be my official witness
Speaker 1: at the wedding. And because you introduced us, you'd be
Speaker 1: putting the rings on our fingers, not my husband. To me,
Speaker 1: you are putting the rings on my fingers. You are
Speaker 1: the accountability partner person from the church. Not like that,
Speaker 1: does it right? Oh wait, I would put the ring
Speaker 1: on your finger, not even my partner. Yeah, oh wow,
Speaker 1: right if you you and oh girl fall out. Well,
Speaker 1: so the church, our culture believes so because you're you're
Speaker 1: my kubata for life, right, So that that means that
Speaker 1: Think about now, if it's in the church, it's anointed
Speaker 1: by oil. Oil is thicker than blood. You are my
Speaker 1: chosen family. This is why Greek weddings are huge, because
Speaker 1: when someone invites me, they got to invite my cubata,
Speaker 1: by my other kubata whoever is you know, who are
Speaker 1: my kubadi? Who are this is my chosen failing that
Speaker 1: has such a higher influence than your biological family. H wow,
Speaker 1: like you're you would be a higher ranking than my
Speaker 1: own sister. It's like a god mom out of baptism,
Speaker 1: Like this is a religious thing. This is a kid
Speaker 1: that's again and now a new kubato so again anointed
Speaker 1: by oil. That is my Like this is the Greek culture,
Speaker 1: this is Greek religious. It's not religious. To write it
Speaker 1: into religious this is why it's like cut it out already. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: So question for you. I was digging on your website
Speaker 1: and I was like apply. Yeah, now one would think
Speaker 1: you got to get on the dollars for this job.
Speaker 1: Like why wouldn't you a client? Why do people have
Speaker 1: to apply for matchmaking service? And like what's the criteria?
Speaker 1: What your first match has to be with your matchmaker? Okay,
Speaker 1: like a therapist possibly, although I can't do things that
Speaker 1: therapists can do, just like they can't do certain things
Speaker 1: that I can't do. Right, therapists can't necessarily tell you,
Speaker 1: you know, break up with them. They have to get
Speaker 1: you to figure out your triggers and acknowledge the emotion
Speaker 1: that you're feeling. Whereas I can be a little no
Speaker 1: nonsense and be like just break up with them. But
Speaker 1: with that said, when someone applies, we have to interview them.
Speaker 1: We have to figure out do we have matches for you.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be unethical and take someone on
Speaker 1: that I have no one for, or if I don't
Speaker 1: have the emotional bandwidth to deal with their personality for
Speaker 1: the next six months. It's really personal.
Speaker 3: Are what are three personality traits that would keep you
Speaker 3: from bringing someone on as a client.
Speaker 1: Narcissism Okay, that has its own but even though you
Speaker 1: find that.
Speaker 2: Women have it too, because I think it's a bulge
Speaker 2: of buzzword, Like, are you really seeing it more with
Speaker 2: mem or is it pretty equal?
Speaker 1: I see it more with men. Also, if like another
Speaker 1: reason why wouldn't we wouldn't take someone on is like
Speaker 1: they really lack the self awareness of what they can
Speaker 1: attract or we think that they're going to be on
Speaker 1: Let's stop there, hold on, kenvinth Samuels.
Speaker 2: They lack the self awareness on what they can attract. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I would like to read this review I told you about,
Speaker 2: so I really want to dig into this because this
Speaker 2: was a review.
Speaker 1: From from Google Reviews. Somebody reviewed my car, somebody who
Speaker 1: did not hire me.
Speaker 2: I mentioned this to Maria before she walked in because
Speaker 2: I didn't want to seem like I was coming to you.
Speaker 2: But this was a very interesting review to me by
Speaker 2: Sierra Kahan. I was a follower of Maria the CEO,
Speaker 2: a fan of her content until she responded to a
Speaker 2: question from a follower and the question was why men
Speaker 2: in general have certain traits in dating. She answered the
Speaker 2: question simply by saying, when men are privileged. That question
Speaker 2: had nothing to do with race. It was offensive to
Speaker 2: me being someone who is white, and as a white partner,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't want to sign up some dating advice from
Speaker 2: Maria after seeing that post.
Speaker 1: The first thing I actually thought about was not race.
Speaker 1: When she said privilege in the message, I thought, oh
Speaker 1: a guy with money. Well, the first thing I'm thinking
Speaker 1: is as a white ass woman, the word triggers you
Speaker 1: because of how we associate white privilege. R No, there's
Speaker 1: a lot of I'm Greek, but I say I identify
Speaker 1: as freaking Italian. We say are spicy, sure, but like
Speaker 1: this is why we need like the in schools because
Speaker 1: you know, this is exactly what that conversation is. But
Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about what she's commenting
Speaker 1: on the post was someone was asking me why do
Speaker 1: so many men online say they like to they've quit
Speaker 1: their jobs to go hiking across every national park, or
Speaker 1: like they like to go bungee like you know, they're
Speaker 1: doing like risky adventure as like a flex And I said,
Speaker 1: you only see these kinds of activities from predominantly white
Speaker 1: men because they have they don't they are trying to
Speaker 1: use you know, they haven't. They have so much white
Speaker 1: privilege that they have not had access to suffering, so
Speaker 1: they want to do it's like burning man, let's go before. Yeah, now,
Speaker 1: in terms of what you can attract.
Speaker 2: Yeah, how does someone know that they're a six or
Speaker 2: a seven? And how do you then cope with someone
Speaker 2: on what they can't attract? How do you basically tell
Speaker 2: someone you're not.
Speaker 3: That that's what you need to lower your safe it's
Speaker 3: not even ugly, but more just like for your powerage,
Speaker 3: like like well before you can't I mean, but like
Speaker 3: I think that again, the way I mentioned this white
Speaker 3: woman leaving the comic clearly was triggered by the word privilege.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of people triggered by the word mediocre
Speaker 3: or average or well and so, and unfortunately there's a
Speaker 3: false sense of inflation sometimes to the ego of who
Speaker 3: someone is and realistically who they can get, but.
Speaker 1: Also the realisticness of like who I have access to,
Speaker 1: Like I have a client right now, be with a billionaire, okay,
Speaker 1: And he'll say like, oh, I want to date the
Speaker 1: cover model that was on Vogue this week. Okay, I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: how how do I get access to that person? Like
Speaker 1: that person as like a huh, Like I see what
Speaker 1: you mean, Like, well, no, just access to getting like
Speaker 1: communicating with her. Yeah, yeah, And I know it's my
Speaker 1: job to do that, and I'll find every way to
Speaker 1: do that, the literal job to just get who they want. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: but it is my job just to leave no stone unturned. Okay,
Speaker 1: but I'll ask more questions like well, what do you
Speaker 1: like about her? Yeah, like what exactly do you It
Speaker 1: can't just be attraction, Like there's other elements to long
Speaker 1: term compatibility, so you know, tell me more. You just
Speaker 1: find her attractive. You want me to discover if she's
Speaker 1: a fit for you based on your lifestyle and your
Speaker 1: communication and like patterns and all that stuff. So you know,
Speaker 1: we have peakyer clients. It's okay too, And I use
Speaker 1: I don't use that term loosely. Okay, you know it's
Speaker 1: okay to have standards, but your standards are picky if
Speaker 1: you don't put yourself in opportunities to find the people
Speaker 1: that you're looking for. Explain more. Like. I will hear
Speaker 1: from women who say, for instance, I want to meet
Speaker 1: a Jewish man who is six feet tall and makes
Speaker 1: this amount of money. And then it's like, okay, but
Speaker 1: where do you live. Oh, I live in Oklahoma. Well
Speaker 1: you're in the wrong state.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let me ask you this. When it comes to
Speaker 2: self awareness on which you can attract. Would you a
Speaker 2: date a client that, let's just say, would only date
Speaker 2: one religion or race? We all the time, so you
Speaker 2: don't mind if someone's like, only want to lat to
Speaker 2: you know, guy, I only want this like because we
Speaker 2: hear sometimes that that blocks us from love or.
Speaker 1: I will try. It's way less now. So when I
Speaker 1: started my business sixteen years ago, people were very like
Speaker 1: race specific and religion specific. I will tell you that
Speaker 1: the last three years, that's not really common anymore. Really,
Speaker 1: so I think that's why liberal people but to me,
Speaker 1: not race.
Speaker 3: But as a matchmaker, then you would you find it
Speaker 3: to be possible to find a match between two people
Speaker 3: that do have religious different religious beliefs and backgrounds.
Speaker 1: It depends on your participation of that faith, okay, right,
Speaker 1: So when we ask you how about faith, we actually
Speaker 1: have two separate questions. The first question is worded what faith,
Speaker 1: if any, were you raised in? Okay, Christian? Right? And
Speaker 1: then the next question is how important is that to you?
Speaker 1: Not at all? And that is one of the options.
Speaker 1: Another one is like it's just cultural, like they celebrate Christmas,
Speaker 1: or it's I'm very serious, I'm serious, right. So I
Speaker 1: having those two questions that allows us for to have
Speaker 1: a conversation about religion. We talk about religion every single day.
Speaker 1: We meet about forty people a week talking about religion,
Speaker 1: because that is you know, I'm not just setting you
Speaker 1: up on dates. I'm trying to set you up with
Speaker 1: potentially the first future parent of your kid. And people
Speaker 1: will break up over religious future with that child, like
Speaker 1: how they plan to raise it. So I will ask, like,
Speaker 1: I want to give you an example really quick. I
Speaker 1: had a client who he was Muslim, and he said
Speaker 1: he was open at dating women that were not Muslim,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, Okay, that's cool. Yep, plenty of women
Speaker 1: want to day Muslim men. That's great, tell me why
Speaker 1: you broke up. Well, let me tell you about tell
Speaker 1: me why you broke up with your last girlfriend. And
Speaker 1: she's like, well she was Mormon, and I'm like okay,
Speaker 1: and she goes and she didn't want to convert. Oh well,
Speaker 1: now so you can be no, no, no, So I said,
Speaker 1: if you're going to hire me, you're only meeting Muslim women.
Speaker 1: I'm not in the business of trying to get people
Speaker 1: to convert religion.
Speaker 2: Now here's where I've got a question. Every week we
Speaker 2: do a reactionary on decisions Decisions. Without playing this video,
Speaker 2: we can briefly chat a little bit about two celebrities,
Speaker 2: Alexis Sky and Britney Renner, who changed We are guessing
Speaker 2: Britney Renner changed her religion for a man, whereas Alexis
Speaker 2: Guy mentioned that she did. Now, as far as changing religion,
Speaker 2: a lot of people say you shouldn't change yourself for somebody. However,
Speaker 2: if you just asked Mandy how important is it to you,
Speaker 2: and she said not at all. If you found a
Speaker 2: match for Mandy knowing that she doesn't really care, but someone.
Speaker 1: Else, really, she's not a match for him. She's not
Speaker 1: a match for him.
Speaker 2: Even if this person would be willing to convert, do
Speaker 2: you think that it would be okay if someone's open
Speaker 2: to whatever. Do you not want to find people that
Speaker 2: are doing that? We're just seeing it very often. My
Speaker 2: mom also converted to be with my father to Mary.
Speaker 1: That's great. So that's old in times, right, Yeah, but
Speaker 1: a lot of people convert. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I have a friend recently converted to being a Muslim
Speaker 3: because she was dating a guy who was Muslim and
Speaker 3: they ended up having a child together.
Speaker 1: The longer together.
Speaker 3: But I've literally been in witness of my friends who
Speaker 3: have converted, And to me, if religion is not something
Speaker 3: seeped into your family, your current lifestyle, I think converting
Speaker 3: becomes fairly simple in terms of religion being a way
Speaker 3: of life.
Speaker 1: Maybe now I.
Speaker 3: Have to add different practices into my life, but when
Speaker 3: you're not as spiritually grounded into whatever your religion was,
Speaker 3: I find it to be very simple. And mostly because
Speaker 3: of historical ways women to convert for a man, that's
Speaker 3: that's common, not only throughout history, but especially if a
Speaker 3: woman is not so rooted in her own religious beliefs,
Speaker 3: converting actually doesn't seem to be very difficult.
Speaker 2: It finally has an example of a man converting. Actually
Speaker 2: it's the only one. As someone who's Greek Orthodox, I've
Speaker 2: mostly seen only men convert. Really, Yeah, that's really popular.
Speaker 2: They want the Greek anyway.
Speaker 1: So no, it's a whole thing. But I just want
Speaker 1: to kind of finish the point that you were just making, Mandy,
Speaker 1: which is that I do ask everyone who signs up
Speaker 1: what religions are you open to dating? So that gentleman
Speaker 1: that I just talked about, you know, I did set
Speaker 1: him up with a lot of women that were not Muslim,
Speaker 1: but every single woman that I set him up with,
Speaker 1: she was open at dating a Muslim man. And then
Speaker 1: when I asked her, would you open up that's in
Speaker 1: the conversation. Would you be open a converting converting? Absolutely?
Speaker 1: So I think he met like four women that were
Speaker 1: not Muslim right now who were open to it. Did
Speaker 1: you end up matching him with someone yet? Yeah? But
Speaker 1: they broke up, so I got to back to the
Speaker 1: drawing board with him. Interesting, how long were they dating?
Speaker 1: I think like six months? Okay, long time.
Speaker 2: Now let's go from a lot of sex, So I
Speaker 2: want to know does sex come up We've been talking
Speaker 2: about on this podcast for years. Sexual compatibility. Is that
Speaker 2: a little too deep for a matchmaker to be discussing?
Speaker 2: Do clients bring it.
Speaker 1: Up with you? I've had potential clients bring up sex
Speaker 1: like kinks.
Speaker 3: I was going to say, do you have and do
Speaker 3: you specify like a BDSM greater chart or things like
Speaker 3: even going on dating apps and I was on field field.
Speaker 3: I know for me, I would not be interested in
Speaker 3: a dom a dom sub. All of these kind of
Speaker 3: conversations only come up with people who are comfortable talking
Speaker 3: about sex. So if they're hiring a matchmaker, sex could
Speaker 3: be top on their list. It could be number five.
Speaker 3: But there are dynamics and sex that could make people incompatible.
Speaker 1: But like, what are them even sexual conversation? Oh? Not
Speaker 1: on dates? Not on not Like I don't want you
Speaker 1: talking about sex on dates at all? But do you
Speaker 1: know I will? I always ask is there something I
Speaker 1: have not asked you that you think I should know? What?
Speaker 1: Do you care when you do that? You well, they're
Speaker 1: in trauma. But there I don't hear that much because
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, I'm just trying to
Speaker 1: facilitate a first and second date with matches because we
Speaker 1: coordinate your first and second date with a person, right,
Speaker 1: because I know only do I want you to go
Speaker 1: on a date. I want to cultivate that and get
Speaker 1: you on a second date. I don't want you waiting
Speaker 1: two weeks and we losing that momentum. When do you
Speaker 1: leave them to after the second date?
Speaker 3: After the so you you match them, they go to
Speaker 3: the first date, they're like, I'm interested. You set up
Speaker 3: the second date, and then you let them go until
Speaker 3: they come back and say it didn't work.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how much do you say? Sometimes I don't. They
Speaker 1: never come back, And then I'll read the New York
Speaker 1: Times spouse sections and it's like they met through a
Speaker 1: friend and I'm like, say my name, wait, it happened
Speaker 1: nine times. Now shut up.
Speaker 2: You feel like people do that because they're slightly ashamed
Speaker 2: of coming to you.
Speaker 1: They used to be not anymore now it's everything has
Speaker 1: shifted the last two years. So now people are like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm using matchmaker Maria, and I'm like, oh, like it's
Speaker 1: so different, Like I think people have now suffered enough
Speaker 1: dating fatigue online where it's like a flex to hire
Speaker 1: a matchmaker. Yo, Can I ask you?
Speaker 3: Can I ask you about like you said, in the
Speaker 3: last two year, there's been a different response to matchmaking. However,
Speaker 3: there was like a viral TikTok recently where a woman
Speaker 3: seemed really shamed in the comments for spending ten thousand
Speaker 3: dollars on a matchmaker.
Speaker 1: I saw that for your guy, the guy that can
Speaker 1: he's not ours.
Speaker 3: I'm kidding what I mean, like and used her. Yeah,
Speaker 3: she used him.
Speaker 1: She didn't use a matchmaker. She's a date dating dating coach.
Speaker 3: But even though I know friends and a lot of
Speaker 3: our listeners if they're own dating apps, the dating apps
Speaker 3: now have found ways to monetize, like you can't see
Speaker 3: certain likes or send messages without upping the tier. No
Speaker 3: one judges someone paying twenty dollars a month for a
Speaker 3: dating app.
Speaker 1: But this girl seemed to be really You understand the
Speaker 1: judgment because I don't. When I was reading it, I
Speaker 1: was following it with my sister, who happens to also
Speaker 1: be one of my matchmakers on my team, so she's
Speaker 1: also a fourth generation. Were very different, though, but she
Speaker 1: and I were. We went through all those comments because
Speaker 1: we're trying to understand, like, where is this outreaching, where
Speaker 1: it's coming from? This I'm not aware. It's coming from
Speaker 1: the fact that ten thousand dollars is a lot to some,
Speaker 1: okay and not to her. We are not having any
Speaker 1: discussion about the twenty dollars two hundred and forty a year.
Speaker 1: But did you want to dating? It was all coming
Speaker 1: from a certain group of people.
Speaker 2: No, I one percent think this is the value that
Speaker 2: people placed on it, two hundred and forty dollars a year.
Speaker 2: I was one hundred percent percent spending twenty bucks on
Speaker 2: Hinge not even knowing it. So that's two forty a year.
Speaker 2: Maybe I spent ten bucks on Riya. I may have
Speaker 2: been spending somewhere upwards of five hundred dolls a year
Speaker 2: in subscriptions for dating, not because I'm desperate, just because I'm.
Speaker 1: Like, I want to see tall, I want to see black.
Speaker 1: That was my thing.
Speaker 2: I will so if we don't have ten thousand dollars
Speaker 2: to spend. It's much like when someone tells you they
Speaker 2: bought an expensive fair shoes, Well, are they rich or
Speaker 2: do they not have so?
Speaker 1: To your ability partner, to your point, though there is
Speaker 1: a socioeconomic I think yes, relation to it.
Speaker 3: That did seem to be where we saw the outrage
Speaker 3: from yes, was because it went viral even on on
Speaker 3: black Twitter, on spear on all of the things. So yes,
Speaker 3: probably a socioeconomic sense to what we they's point is
Speaker 3: in your point is in terms of the people that
Speaker 3: seemed outrage. But also I would say within our culture,
Speaker 3: within our history, if we go back even to and
Speaker 3: I don't want to take it all the way back
Speaker 3: to slavery, or even when we think of like where
Speaker 3: our ancestors come from, there's not any history of people
Speaker 3: paying for for matchmaking or relationships or things like that.
Speaker 3: It's just not we either meet someone within like the
Speaker 3: reach of our of our family or that's it.
Speaker 1: I would say.
Speaker 3: More so, white people are wealthy people within their history,
Speaker 3: they went and bought who they wanted to marry into
Speaker 3: the family. We don't have that within our culture.
Speaker 1: We don't let me let me. I want to. I
Speaker 1: want to talk about what you're saying, cause I think's
Speaker 1: actually really important. Okay, the Black community, and that's a
Speaker 1: subculture in itself, right, Yes, the Indian American community, the
Speaker 1: Greek American community, in American community, Taiwanese American community, Like
Speaker 1: look at these subcultures, what these subcultures have in common
Speaker 1: is that they have their own little chamber of commerce events,
Speaker 1: they have their own parties. They have like, you know,
Speaker 1: one group as a Kinsinara, the other one has Paska.
Speaker 1: These are all really social events where you might not
Speaker 1: need to hire a matchmaker or a dating coach. You
Speaker 1: already are meeting a lot of people. It's funny what
Speaker 1: you're talking about. I've experienced from the Greek side. So
Speaker 1: when people look at me, they're like, oh, you must
Speaker 1: have basically Greek clients. I only get like two or
Speaker 1: three Greek clients a year. Greek people are hypersocial, and
Speaker 1: they go, why would I ever hire a matchmaker? Why
Speaker 1: would I ever hire a dating coach? And that's a
Speaker 1: fair assessment when you come from a social subculture. Our
Speaker 1: culture is social, right.
Speaker 2: Honestly, I actually think the reason that Animar is important
Speaker 2: for the girls that go out all the time. All
Speaker 2: of the advice he was giving seemed like people that
Speaker 2: were unsuccessful and unsuccessful with dating. They were going on
Speaker 2: dates and not getting to the finish line or getting
Speaker 2: stuck in the situationships That felt like what his and
Speaker 2: feels like what his content is tailored to in my opinion,
Speaker 2: and I think hiring a coach to get the best
Speaker 2: out of dates is good to.
Speaker 1: People hire our company as a coach. But the dating, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was everything right, we have the agapi intensive.
Speaker 2: Before we get to your tears really quick, you mentioned
Speaker 2: your sister. Yeah, matchmakers, what's the criteria and do they
Speaker 2: need to be married before we get there?
Speaker 1: The wait wait, okay, good question. I know before we
Speaker 1: get there.
Speaker 3: Only because I really liked where we were going with
Speaker 3: the what we didn't speak solely to Then you brought
Speaker 3: up Greek and then so why do you think then
Speaker 3: when you saw the comment you saw us in the comments?
Speaker 3: I do want to put a boat tie on maybe
Speaker 3: why we because this is our audience.
Speaker 1: Because it's all why our audiences Like that's I saw
Speaker 1: myself in the outrage in the sense that like I
Speaker 1: have gotten this outrage from the Greek community. I have
Speaker 1: had people from churches call my church and be like,
Speaker 1: how dare she charge something that she should be giving
Speaker 1: away for free? And I think what the conversation needs
Speaker 1: to shift on is and when people hire me as
Speaker 1: a coach is always what all I can do is
Speaker 1: hold your feet to the fire. What Annwar did and
Speaker 1: what I do is we make you accountable to the decision.
Speaker 1: I just had a woman tell me that, you know,
Speaker 1: she's about to get engaged and the guy that she met,
Speaker 1: she met him a week after a situationship had ended,
Speaker 1: and she said, if I had not hired you and
Speaker 1: you didn't teach me you know why it didn't work
Speaker 1: with the last guy, I would have mourned that relationship
Speaker 1: for three to six months, like I did every other
Speaker 1: situationship in my life. And frankly, I'm thirty five. I
Speaker 1: don't have time to be mourning that long. But because
Speaker 1: you gave me these tools in this vocabulary and how
Speaker 1: to work through why it didn't work, I was able
Speaker 1: to mourn it in a week and then put myself
Speaker 1: out there and then find my fiance. And I think
Speaker 1: that's what an war is doing. And I think it
Speaker 1: like it's okay that some people are outrage because you know,
Speaker 1: people get outraged over everything. Right. I could put down
Speaker 1: that I like pancakes on threads, and then someone's like
Speaker 1: you don't like waffles. Ye're like okay all the time, right,
Speaker 1: And I've gotten that outrage that that woman has gotten
Speaker 1: from the person that's providing the service. I didn't force
Speaker 1: anyone to sign me a check right people's and that's okay.
Speaker 1: Like I can only work with the people that pay
Speaker 1: me period, and that's that's okay. You know everything else
Speaker 1: the opinions don't matter. Now should I answer her question? H okay?
Speaker 1: So now how to become a matchmaker? There is an
Speaker 1: extremely low barrier to entry in my industry and what
Speaker 1: that does and what I'm constantly telling because I mentor
Speaker 1: a lot of I was really loud. I mentor a
Speaker 1: lot of matchmakers and for the last sixteen years is
Speaker 1: I have learned that ninety nine percent of matchmakers that
Speaker 1: launch will usually shut down within eighteen months. And that
Speaker 1: is because it is very hard to service someone. It's
Speaker 1: very easy to take someone's money, it's very hard to
Speaker 1: service You're dealing with someone's most vulnerable state. You're dealing
Speaker 1: with their personal life and how they show up on dates,
Speaker 1: and if you don't have the methodology to recruit the
Speaker 1: right matches for that person, it's going to be very
Speaker 1: hard to service them and complete that contract. You get
Speaker 1: burnt out, the emotional bandwidth might not be there, so.
Speaker 2: The people have to have like semi of a rolodex.
Speaker 2: Then to work with you, Like, hey, I'm a matchmaker
Speaker 2: as well, Maria, I have this log of guys.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah, if you have, if you have
Speaker 1: a methodology of like trying to recruit certain people into
Speaker 1: your database, like we have an extensive database of like
Speaker 1: thirty thousand people that are inbounds, that's another thing. So
Speaker 1: what's that mean? So there's in business, there's inbound marketing
Speaker 1: and outbound marketing. So outbound marketing as a matchmaker would
Speaker 1: be for me if I were on the subway, I
Speaker 1: see someone cute and I'm like, here's my card. You know,
Speaker 1: I have a match for you. Wait, by the way,
Speaker 1: I've never fucking done that.
Speaker 3: Okay, if you look at for good look at people,
Speaker 3: I ain't gonna hold you.
Speaker 1: Uh, shut up.
Speaker 3: To the sex club owners and things that I know,
Speaker 3: like the people that.
Speaker 1: I know shout out to Dakota Johnson who did it
Speaker 1: in the trailer for the material.
Speaker 3: They will literally see good looking people and be like, hey,
Speaker 3: we have a party that we throw would love for
Speaker 3: you to come.
Speaker 1: And just because they want to curate the room. I know,
Speaker 1: like even when we had street promoters, that was the
Speaker 1: way in which they got the pretty girls into the clubs.
Speaker 3: On South Beach or any city through throughout America. That
Speaker 3: is the way they got im.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've seen you because looking pay and so
Speaker 1: that was but you don't do that. But no, we
Speaker 1: do not do that. That's actually the principle of my
Speaker 1: own company. Not or no, no outbound marketing, because that's listen,
Speaker 1: what happens is when that person comes in from outbound
Speaker 1: I had, they don't know who I am. They don't
Speaker 1: believe in the magic of mashpeaking. They think they're just
Speaker 1: scratching my back. And I'm like, I don't need you
Speaker 1: to just scratch my back. I've got plenty of matches, right.
Speaker 1: I might meet someone at an event. I was an
Speaker 1: event last night. I met a woman and she's like,
Speaker 1: I want to join your dad base And I'm like, good,
Speaker 1: because I think I might have a match for you.
Speaker 1: Like I let it be their idea. So what the
Speaker 1: inbound is is I try to create content. I have
Speaker 1: a podcast, I have a book coming out. I want
Speaker 1: people to believe in me and my team, and then
Speaker 1: on their own go to the website a gopymatch dot com.
Speaker 1: You join the database. It's free for women to join
Speaker 1: the database men because I only take male clients. I
Speaker 1: have a partner or an affiliate partner who only takes
Speaker 1: female clients. Okay, So if a woman joins our database
Speaker 1: and says, okay, Marie, I want to hire a matchmaker,
Speaker 1: will be like, let's have a conversation so I can
Speaker 1: steer you to the right matchmaker because I need to
Speaker 1: match you with the matchmaker. But we only take men,
Speaker 1: So for me, I don't wait wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
Speaker 1: It's fine. You only take men. What does that mean?
Speaker 1: Because I'm thinking you service men and women. Know I
Speaker 1: a service woman, only mainly for coaching because that has
Speaker 1: a higher success rate. For me, you only match men,
Speaker 1: so let me tell you. But it's cross matching. So
Speaker 1: I will never set up a woman with a man
Speaker 1: that she's not enthusiastic to me. Okay, don't. I don't
Speaker 1: believe in throwing spaghetti on the wall to see if
Speaker 1: it sticks. I want, first of all, I need a
Speaker 1: woman to have a great dating experience through us, because
Speaker 1: on the weekends, all women come together and they talk
Speaker 1: about the two d's they do dating and dieting and
Speaker 1: shuts up. Don't be in there. I do it I'm
Speaker 1: in the girl wouldn't be talking about died because oz epic. Now, okay,
Speaker 1: talk about the other two days. So two d talking
Speaker 1: about dating and deck. Okay. So when they talk about dating,
Speaker 1: if they had a good date, they're going to tell
Speaker 1: their friends, and those friends join a database if they
Speaker 1: don't have a good date. Let me tell you. There
Speaker 1: have been times where my clients are on I'm like,
Speaker 1: why did you say that on the date? How did
Speaker 1: you do that? I'm sending like her the woman or
Speaker 1: mes scarf like please be I'm like, I just want
Speaker 1: to make sure she's like. I want to make sure
Speaker 1: women feel safe. I want to tell you the why
Speaker 1: I typically only take mail men for matchmaking. I love
Speaker 1: spending my whole day talking to women, Okay. I'm a
Speaker 1: girls girl to my core. Okay, And as a result,
Speaker 1: if I have male clients, you know, then I get
Speaker 1: to spend my whole week and the rest of my
Speaker 1: team gets to spend their whole week talking to women
Speaker 1: all day. Is exactly if I had female clients, you
Speaker 1: would have to talk to men. I don't like most men.
Speaker 1: I get it. It must be easier to match men
Speaker 1: if you don't like most men. Why you don't do
Speaker 1: lesbians We used to do. We used to have the
Speaker 1: biggest LGBTQ match meeking service, the Coffee Match used to
Speaker 1: own Mixology. We sold it to we have We are
Speaker 1: now partners with the biggest gay match meeking service and
Speaker 1: the biggest lesbian match meeking service. So we send them
Speaker 1: the leads because I think you know.
Speaker 2: So when somebody comes to you and you're like, I
Speaker 2: don't know if you like fuzzy, what.
Speaker 1: Do you do with the bisexuals? We asked them, you
Speaker 1: have to for match making. You kind of have to
Speaker 1: pick a lane. You could do both, you could do both,
Speaker 1: but I have to take you to the right matchmaker.
Speaker 1: Because I've taken by clients, I've taken gay clients. What's
Speaker 1: interesting is to go back. I want to circle back
Speaker 1: now to that social club right when we had gay
Speaker 1: men clients that is a really social subgroup. They okay,
Speaker 1: So the only gay clients that we would track were
Speaker 1: people who worked usually in energy or they couldn't you know,
Speaker 1: they traveled to countries where they could get killed. They
Speaker 1: under the cover, under the phone. Oh no, So like
Speaker 1: they would hire us because they want a date, but
Speaker 1: they can't be out, they can't go out right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a lot funny to talk about, like things
Speaker 2: with people that are working with wealthy clients.
Speaker 1: My life being climents with the bus dude within a month.
Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever had a success rate that high.
Speaker 1: It was great, But then the thing is like I
Speaker 1: don't have enough I have. You know, a lot of
Speaker 1: match speakers in the last eight years have started to
Speaker 1: pick a lane because of emotional bandwidth. So what happened
Speaker 1: was when we decided in twenty seventeen, okay, let's just
Speaker 1: take straight men as clients. Then we were able to
Speaker 1: just look for straight women before we had at that
Speaker 1: time LGBTQ straight men straight women, and it was like
Speaker 1: too many plates spinning and you're you have to change,
Speaker 1: you have to code switch. Yeah, you know, like when
Speaker 1: you're talking, for instance, to a gay man and he's
Speaker 1: over fifty, you might have to talk about the trauma
Speaker 1: of losing their friends during the AIDS epidemic, right, and
Speaker 1: you know, like or like are you on? Prep are
Speaker 1: you a top? Are you you have? All these other words?
Speaker 1: And then in the closet for so long, right, the
Speaker 1: thing is coming up, and then like a minute later,
Speaker 1: you have another meeting with a straight woman who's thirty eight,
Speaker 1: desperate to have kids and wants to only date in
Speaker 1: her religion, and he has to be a he's not
Speaker 1: really ready to be a father. Yeah, And it's like
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, and at some point, because I've
Speaker 1: been in business since like two thousand and eight, two
Speaker 1: thousand and nine, at some point, like I had just
Speaker 1: had a kid in twenty seventeen, and I was like,
Speaker 1: something has to give. I can't. I can't take this
Speaker 1: home with me. I get that. So you were in
Speaker 1: business before you're married. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I want to talk about this because it's very interesting
Speaker 2: to me that dating coaches are trusted when married. And
Speaker 2: this is why I was bringing it up because I
Speaker 2: kind of agree even if marriage wasn't the goal, because
Speaker 2: you're like, oh, you made it through this thing. It's
Speaker 2: almost like I never completed college. Okay for me at
Speaker 2: this point, I don't need a college degree for the
Speaker 2: things I would like to do. However, it's a great
Speaker 2: seal and stamp of approval for someone that wanted to
Speaker 2: hire me because they're like, oh, wow, you did this thing,
Speaker 2: you made this huge accomplishment. It is a very big
Speaker 2: accomplishment to complete college. I feel the same way about
Speaker 2: marriage and dating and met a lot of matchmakers and
Speaker 2: poor marriages though, And I really am curious, what is
Speaker 2: it about when you started that people trusted.
Speaker 1: Did anyone never say, well, you're not? It's funny? Where
Speaker 1: the fuck is your match? So that's actually not the
Speaker 1: question I had. I started my business when I was
Speaker 1: twenty three. I was a baby. I'm very tall, so
Speaker 1: I've got tall girl privilege. So people always thought I
Speaker 1: was older because I wouldn't take no dat in advice
Speaker 1: from a twenty three year old? No are you kidding?
Speaker 1: Did you have twenty three year old? So what I
Speaker 1: would tell people is I was thirty, so I was
Speaker 1: already lying about my Age' funny because when I turned thirty,
Speaker 1: I was just like, who cares, I've been thirty for
Speaker 1: seven years And if anyone ever asked, I met my
Speaker 1: husband at twenty, like we started dating when I was
Speaker 1: twenty eight. But for five years I was a single matchmaker.
Speaker 1: But I was always There was never a period where
Speaker 1: I was like single for a really long time. I've
Speaker 1: always been like monogamous relationships or like there were two
Speaker 1: instances of six month situationships with two men, which but
Speaker 1: what was interesting was I would tell people when they
Speaker 1: would ask, which was rare. I would say, I'm dating,
Speaker 1: like I am thirty years old and I'm dating, and
Speaker 1: that was enough. People weren't asking for more. What they
Speaker 1: cared more about. When you're about to spend that money,
Speaker 1: you don't really care about your matchmaker's relationship status. You
Speaker 1: care more about their recruitment methodology, like how are you
Speaker 1: this personality going to attract the woman that I'm looking for? So, like,
Speaker 1: for instance, before I said, you know, your first match
Speaker 1: has to be with the matchmaker. So there will be
Speaker 1: men who might come to me or even women who
Speaker 1: might come to me and say I want to hire you,
Speaker 1: and they might do Burning Man. Right, I'm not their matchmaker.
Speaker 1: There is a match maker, but wow does that niche?
Speaker 1: I do not attract a lot of women into my
Speaker 1: database that are would be into that sort of lifestyle.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not talking about the hardcore, not the
Speaker 1: one time, not the guy that took the helicopter. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm talking about I've had a lot most of my
Speaker 1: clients I've done Burning Man. So don't don't misunderstand what
Speaker 1: I'm saying here, like the burners, like a little bit
Speaker 1: more on the hippie side, super creatives like, I'm not
Speaker 1: their matchmaker. My clients tend to be working in risk
Speaker 1: management black Rock Goldman, like I am dealing with What
Speaker 1: about creating years, there's another I think there's other matchmakers
Speaker 1: that work better with creators. Same same with non monogamy,
Speaker 1: there's another matchmaker for that.
Speaker 2: So with professionals, that's interesting, Like creatives and professionals.
Speaker 1: I want to know what you think. I attracted a
Speaker 1: lot of creatives in my database.
Speaker 2: Do you not think because I really like that combo.
Speaker 2: I used to date a man that worked for JP,
Speaker 2: very high up.
Speaker 1: That would have been a good match with you too.
Speaker 1: That would have been a great match between you two.
Speaker 1: Well we dated three years to read the book. You're
Speaker 1: the line piece of shit, but we match right like
Speaker 1: we were attracted to each other.
Speaker 2: And I wonder date the creative, But then why are
Speaker 2: creatives getting a different.
Speaker 1: So I just want to say that it's not that
Speaker 1: you're creative, it's that you're entrepreneurial. And I think that
Speaker 1: entrepreneurs to make really poor matches with other entrepreneurs because
Speaker 1: you have a baby. This is your baby, Your podcast
Speaker 1: is your baby, your studio is a baby. That's your baby.
Speaker 1: And if you're an entrepreneur, your baby takes precedence over
Speaker 1: this baby. So if you're and I'm I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: I don't know who what your partners do. So I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to offend you or give you a midlife crisis.
Speaker 1: I'm not the same investors.
Speaker 2: I'm not with entrepreneurship real estate investment in a way.
Speaker 2: But I was wondering recently, is my relationship working so
Speaker 2: well because of the flexibility with time and the schedules
Speaker 2: this man I dated someone with a nine to five
Speaker 2: even though great money. Now I have health insurance jump
Speaker 2: all over the world with me because his money's made
Speaker 2: on his phone, through his tenants whatever. Like, maybe this
Speaker 2: is really a better fit, and maybe I should have
Speaker 2: been looking for people that didn't have such a demanding schedule,
Speaker 2: because I do.
Speaker 1: I can't answer that question because I haven't temperamentally typed
Speaker 1: you yet. I don't. I would have to like be
Speaker 1: in the mode to like personality type you. I have
Speaker 1: a feeling you're an explorer, though just based on the
Speaker 1: little that I know you. The fact that you just
Speaker 1: told me you didn't finish college. And I write about
Speaker 1: this in my book, it's in chapter two. But you
Speaker 1: seem to me like an explorer, and that means that
Speaker 1: your match is also someone who's an explorer who jumps
Speaker 1: with you. You seem like a builder, which is fun.
Speaker 1: If you are, that's a person who believes in like
Speaker 1: you can still be someone who likes to have fun.
Speaker 1: My sister's a builder. But like you like a certain
Speaker 1: order of things, you like a certain process of things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you like it when there's like a hierarchy or some
Speaker 1: sort of precedent and tradition to go on. I have
Speaker 1: a feeling, and I only just met you today, but
Speaker 1: I have a feeling that I bet you to fight
Speaker 1: and knock heads on on let me no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you on what. Welcome to the party. Hold on, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: hold on. You can still be friends building confriends of explorers.
Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong. I can tell you what you
Speaker 1: fight on because if I am correct, if you are
Speaker 1: an explorer and you're telling about who you're dating, that
Speaker 1: totally makes sense that you would both be like this.
Speaker 1: I have only spoken to Mandy for literally thirty seconds
Speaker 1: before we started recording, and I was like, okay, literally
Speaker 1: seems like a builder, So like, watch your words, talk
Speaker 1: in precedence, don't don't surprise her, Like this is what
Speaker 1: I do, right, I have to read personalities for a living.
Speaker 1: So the kind of fights that a builder explore friendship
Speaker 1: or relationship would have is you have a certain order
Speaker 1: of how you like to do things, and she's constantly
Speaker 1: wiping the lines away of that. Let's be free. You
Speaker 1: are cotantly thinking from your gut, whereas you exactly you
Speaker 1: excel in freedom. You have a lot more vitality. You
Speaker 1: were always going to seem younger than Mandy because of
Speaker 1: that vitality. You are more traditional and I'm not saying sexually,
Speaker 1: you're attesting freedom to care for each child like she
Speaker 1: is Queen Elizabeth Ion and you are Princess Diana. Okay, Like,
Speaker 1: do you understand what the difference is here? No? No, no,
Speaker 1: I definitely appreciate what you're saying because I had no
Speaker 1: And this is not a bad even my sis. There's
Speaker 1: a builder.
Speaker 3: So I even hearing what is making sense for her
Speaker 3: and her partner, Like.
Speaker 1: That's not gonna makes sense for you to build her.
Speaker 3: I just dated someone who was retired, and as soon
Speaker 3: as life picked back up for me, him doing nothing
Speaker 3: and being mad that I was busy was like, oh,
Speaker 3: get out of.
Speaker 1: Retire but doing nothing else different than no, the freedom.
Speaker 1: I didn't need someone your match is a guy. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: Well I have someone who's really busy right now.
Speaker 3: He's an actor. But like, I'm so happy he's about
Speaker 3: to be on set like all summer. So I'm like, oh, nigga,
Speaker 3: I'm busy.
Speaker 1: You busy. This is great.
Speaker 3: Like I don't like, I didn't want my partner to
Speaker 3: be able to just be everywhere with me all the time,
Speaker 3: because that's not what I want in partnership.
Speaker 1: And I remember, it's so crazy.
Speaker 3: Because me and my ex actually got into an argument
Speaker 3: because in me waiting for the world to open up.
Speaker 3: At the time, I was looking to invest in an
Speaker 3: eighteen wheeler truck. My best friend ended up doing it,
Speaker 3: and immediately I went to telling him, great, you could
Speaker 3: be the driver.
Speaker 1: And I immediately went to try to hire him to
Speaker 1: get him a job.
Speaker 3: And when I ended up opening my studio Instaid and
Speaker 3: didn't go that route, we ended up having an argument
Speaker 3: because he was like, I feel like you just want
Speaker 3: me to work for you or do this, and I
Speaker 3: was like, hey, I want you to do something. You
Speaker 3: being retired wasn't fulfilling for me to be with someone
Speaker 3: who could just do and be there whenever I needed.
Speaker 3: And I thought I wanted that at one point, because
Speaker 3: I did want someone there when I said be there.
Speaker 1: But then it did start to be like, I don't.
Speaker 2: Know if the I didn't want to Any types necessarily
Speaker 2: match goals though, because I could be the photos from
Speaker 2: a builder. Being rich in life to me is time
Speaker 2: like this is explore speak. I want money and my
Speaker 2: mother fucking time. I hustle hard as fuck. I'm telling
Speaker 2: you I also probably.
Speaker 1: Gets your second out road types too. I think you're
Speaker 1: a builder director, and I think you're an exploring negotiator,
Speaker 1: which is like wild, because that is what is keeping
Speaker 1: your This is what's keeping your friendship, is your director
Speaker 1: and your negotiator, or is what's keeping you guys glued together?
Speaker 1: And that's a good thing. And I think I think
Speaker 1: you know. Look, the point of personality typing is not like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you're not a match. It's about you can If you're
Speaker 1: a builder, you can date an explorer. But you have
Speaker 1: to set that expectation early on. Communicate constantly. Here is
Speaker 1: what makes me feel less anxious, especially what makes me
Speaker 1: feel confused? Yes, and I think I think that's it's
Speaker 1: so so much of what makes a relationship a poor
Speaker 1: relationship is because we are not communicating enough what we
Speaker 1: expect from other people. But also being self aware of
Speaker 1: this expectation is like, also what are we may not know?
Speaker 1: So Mandy's a builder. There's four types. So this is
Speaker 1: actually from a past mentor of mine, doctor Helen Fisher.
Speaker 1: Unfortunately she passed away about six months ago for reading
Speaker 1: my book, damn it, but I talk about her in
Speaker 1: chapter two. She came up with the Helen Fisher inventory system,
Speaker 1: which it resembles a lot of what my grandmother's personality
Speaker 1: typing system was. She used the Greek gods, right, Zeus, Artemis,
Speaker 1: Athena era and what an aphrodite And so there's four types.
Speaker 1: There's a director, she's aphrodite era. You are the queen
Speaker 1: your era, you are the queen.
Speaker 3: Of the guy era, death queen era.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So so what that means is like there's four
Speaker 1: types and there's director, negotiator, builder, and explorer. So this
Speaker 1: is all from hellficial inventory negotiator, builder, explorer. So we
Speaker 1: learned explorer builder, right, and she's just a director and
Speaker 1: a director someone. So only twelve percent of women are directors.
Speaker 1: I actually am one of that percentage, which can be
Speaker 1: a really hard life because you you know, directors tend
Speaker 1: to be quite analytical. They tend to think very quickly,
Speaker 1: but not because they're coming from their gut like explorers.
Speaker 1: It's more because they think of their brain and constant
Speaker 1: contingency plan. If this happens, then I would do this,
Speaker 1: and if this happens, then I would do this. A
Speaker 1: lot of director women, as I'm telling you, at something,
Speaker 1: a lot of women are directors, might have like a
Speaker 1: to do list, like even in their shower, like a
Speaker 1: waterproof to do list, or they'll be constantly like telling
Speaker 1: Siri like remind me to do this, remind me of this.
Speaker 1: Oh that's just hey. And then you have, of course
Speaker 1: the director men, the masters of their own universe. A
Speaker 1: lot of them, not all of them, but a lot
Speaker 1: of them can be narcissists because think about what makes
Speaker 1: director woman and a man different. As director women, we
Speaker 1: were socialized as young kids, here's your baby, doll care
Speaker 1: for something, or here's your kitchen set take for something.
Speaker 1: So then you have someone like Hillary Clinton running for
Speaker 1: president and they're calling her a policy wonk, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: she's a director. Of course she's gonna have solutions. But
Speaker 1: you also have Donald Trump, who's also a director. And
Speaker 1: what does he say, I have the solution for this,
Speaker 1: only I can fix this. And so these are he's.
Speaker 3: Literally showing us that, oh, y'all are so scared you're
Speaker 3: gonna lose it. I'm gonna save it for you and extend.
Speaker 3: He uses the language it's being said, yep. Now negotiators.
Speaker 3: My husband's a negotiator and director negotiators tends to be
Speaker 3: really good matches because directors think in haste. They're just
Speaker 3: trying to make everything quick and I want to execute it.
Speaker 3: And negotiators, oh Jesus, they are so charismatic. They're a
Speaker 3: little spineless from the personal because they like to say
Speaker 3: yes to everyone. But there's someone's getting the no.
Speaker 1: Right. I think that's me too, well. I said before,
Speaker 1: you're an explorer, I could tell so what I'm saying here,
Speaker 1: I don't want to do Sometimes and you put an
Speaker 1: elder sister energy in there and you're screwed. Now. What
Speaker 1: happens is with negotiators. Bill Clinton is a negotiator. What
Speaker 1: happens with negotiators is that you have this sort of
Speaker 1: place where they like to they love to take every variable,
Speaker 1: and then as a result, they're kind of slowing down
Speaker 1: the execution of things. I remember with my husband when
Speaker 1: I was asking him to plan a trip because I'm
Speaker 1: always the planner, and I had to come to terms like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna be the planner because then I'll always
Speaker 1: be happy. He was taking every single variable into consideration,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, can you just execute? Just book it.
Speaker 1: You're like, what are you waiting ten days for? You
Speaker 1: know what hotel we're going to say at, you know
Speaker 1: what transportation we're going to take. But he's like, well, okay,
Speaker 1: but let's do this and let's do this. Stop select now.
Speaker 2: In terms of all of these different types, you and
Speaker 2: the late Helen Fisher when you're pairing people before she
Speaker 2: even created this, did you see yourself kind of doing
Speaker 2: it based on these types? Because I feel like we
Speaker 2: hear versions of this, Oh your type A, or you're
Speaker 2: this or you're this type of person?
Speaker 1: Right, has this method helped you air people. I yes,
Speaker 1: So first of all, a lot of online dating sites
Speaker 1: structures are based on this, on Helen Fisher's modeling. She's
Speaker 1: a major culture anthropologist. A lot of match groups algorithm
Speaker 1: depends on her findings, and it's very similar to my
Speaker 1: grandmother's findings, right, Like if someone was a Poseidon that's
Speaker 1: her type, or an aphrodite, which are explorer types. She's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I gotta find Poseidon's aphrodite because they need to be
Speaker 1: entrepreneurial and explore and be vitality and be creative. There
Speaker 1: like they this person, this village is not going to
Speaker 1: hold them in. So what's interesting though, is because there's
Speaker 1: also the human element, right, So it doesn't matter if
Speaker 1: Helen Fisher came up with all this like really brilliant
Speaker 1: way of being able to type people into four things.
Speaker 1: By the way, right because Meyers Briggs has sixteen personality types,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to remember all of them. It's too much.
Speaker 1: It is too much, right too. I Mean people struggle
Speaker 1: knowing all the horoscopes, so, like you know, so when
Speaker 1: it's four, it makes a lot more cleaner for you
Speaker 1: to like figure out quickly how to adjust your behavior
Speaker 1: to optimize the experience. So when that came out, it
Speaker 1: was very interesting for me as a matchmaker to be like,
Speaker 1: because this came out before I became a matchmaker, it
Speaker 1: was interesting for me to experience that and see it
Speaker 1: in my world and understand, like who I'm dating, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I can also communicate Look with my personality type.
Speaker 1: For instance, I'm a director woman. I think I can
Speaker 1: do it all. I don't need anyone. But I had
Speaker 1: to teach myself that when I go on dates, I
Speaker 1: got to put the dick away because a lot of
Speaker 1: director women we have a people like we come all
Speaker 1: come at all right, And I would bring a bracelet
Speaker 1: with a class because I want, like, you know, the
Speaker 1: thing about men is they have fragile egos and then
Speaker 1: fall out that kind of the one. But like I,
Speaker 1: it would be I would tell if I liked a
Speaker 1: guy on the first date. I would because I want
Speaker 1: to show that I still need a man. I would say, hey,
Speaker 1: can you can you help me with this? Like I'm
Speaker 1: trying to show that I can also be vulnerable. Let's
Speaker 1: dig this, it's still stop.
Speaker 2: We have a chapter in a book that Mandy writes
Speaker 2: about why do you need me to need you.
Speaker 1: It's such a good.
Speaker 2: Chapter because it really shows how much men pull or
Speaker 2: want to be wanted from women now today's era of feminism,
Speaker 2: I agree, sometimes I could feel like an insecurity. However,
Speaker 2: my mom's seventy four years old. Last night we go
Speaker 2: to a friend's birthday party. She's coming down with my
Speaker 2: friend's mother. They're both in the seventies, cute little old ladies.
Speaker 2: My man's getting the car. I'm like, we'll walk with you.
Speaker 2: He's like, I just told you, I'm bringing the car
Speaker 2: to the front, wait with your mom. And my mom
Speaker 2: looked at me and she was stop trying to let
Speaker 2: him not do things for you.
Speaker 1: Why do you do this? He's your man, he wants
Speaker 1: to do this for you.
Speaker 2: And she starts screaming at me in this lobby about
Speaker 2: how I'm not letting him, you know, be eating.
Speaker 1: Where are we fucking up as independent? I meant today,
Speaker 1: I don't think we're fucking up as an independent women.
Speaker 1: You can be an independent woman, but you also have Look,
Speaker 1: I know that most women can do it all. I'm
Speaker 1: aware of that, right, and that's okay, But also men
Speaker 1: have this need to like just want to feel needed
Speaker 1: and then then they will worship you. They believe that,
Speaker 1: especially the kind of guys who know they're going out
Speaker 1: with an independent woman and they're not trying to cage her.
Speaker 1: We gotta there's there's a distinction between these two kinds
Speaker 1: of men. But there are men who are like, that's
Speaker 1: what they want, that's what they're attracted to. But then
Speaker 1: now they need a sign like but you still need
Speaker 1: me right, And it's small things like I used to
Speaker 1: call it broken shower theory, so like, essentially I used
Speaker 1: to tell women. I still tell women like, if you
Speaker 1: really like a guy and you're really independent, you want
Speaker 1: to show him on your third or fourth date, literally
Speaker 1: take down your shower thing and be like, hey, my
Speaker 1: shower fell. It's a two person job. Can you come
Speaker 1: up for a second so we can fix it, and
Speaker 1: then we'll go on our date. Like, you know, break something,
Speaker 1: make them fix it. It's like these stupid things, but
Speaker 1: it actually makes a huge difference. So funny I did
Speaker 1: that a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 3: My partner came to Atlanta and I have like a
Speaker 3: lock system on my door and it was dying and
Speaker 3: I was literally hoping it did not die before he
Speaker 3: came because as soon as he walked in, I said, babe,
Speaker 3: I talked to my landlord and the batteries need changed
Speaker 3: on the lock, and I remember I made sure I
Speaker 3: had the little The landlord said, oh, you need a
Speaker 3: screwdriver to change the things, and I remember I was like, babe,
Speaker 3: I don't know how to do it. I said, can you,
Speaker 3: I literally, can you please change this for me? And
Speaker 3: I remember going upstairs and coming down and I was like,
Speaker 3: did you change it? He's like, babe, it was so quick.
Speaker 3: I did it already, and I was like.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: I said, I was waiting just for you to do
Speaker 3: it because I was like, I didn't know what to do.
Speaker 1: It's technology. I couldn't and I had to use a screwdriver.
Speaker 1: I hate tools. And I literally like my best friend
Speaker 1: was there and it was just like I have how
Speaker 1: he felt like, yeah, I have lived in We bought
Speaker 1: a house last year. We've been living in my house
Speaker 1: for a year. In our house. Excuse me, we've been
Speaker 1: living in our house on director my house thirteen years too. Kids,
Speaker 1: my fucking house. You know, I don't know how to
Speaker 1: use the temperature control and I'm not trying to learn it,
Speaker 1: and that's how that's a George job.
Speaker 3: However, Kyle Richards on Housewives is currently going through a
Speaker 3: separation with Maricio. She didn't even know how to use
Speaker 3: the remote control for the television to use.
Speaker 2: That is so fun I saw him at some restaurant
Speaker 2: in La Me and my mom was like, he he.
Speaker 1: Worth a hundred million dollars literally. Watching watching her go
Speaker 1: through this separation and share with like the audience that
Speaker 1: she doesn't know how to do the basics in the house,
Speaker 1: I thought was funny. I refuse. I've learned over the
Speaker 1: years that like, oh, this is a George thing. I'm
Speaker 1: Maria doesn't need to learn this too, and and and
Speaker 1: it's interesting. What's funny is also is I had to
Speaker 1: teach some of his my children's teachers. Like there's this
Speaker 1: one teacher who would constantly email me about my kids homework,
Speaker 1: like my kids go to Greek school, like every week.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I'm not my husband's secretary. Oh
Speaker 1: you can add him to the emails too, And then
Speaker 1: I said that to the other moms too, and then
Speaker 1: they all demanded it as well. So now this teacher
Speaker 1: she emails both parents, I'm not my husband's secretary. If
Speaker 1: the school has something to say to me, they could
Speaker 1: say to my husband too, because he needs to be involved.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to give him the update each week.
Speaker 1: Oh you know, today's some spirit week at school. He
Speaker 1: can figure that out when he reads his email. But
Speaker 1: that's where it starts, like you communicating your expectations of
Speaker 1: how someone shows up in a relationship. It's also environmental,
Speaker 1: like you have to get your environment to also treat
Speaker 1: you equally.
Speaker 2: Sorry, we like lela okay before we get out, because
Speaker 2: you gave us a history.
Speaker 1: I'm on your website and I don't know, it's been fun.
Speaker 2: I really like dating antidotes, I like books, I like
Speaker 2: I like numerical things. I like watching clips. I feel
Speaker 2: like I could be old and married and still enjoy
Speaker 2: this because trends. So you have all of these lists
Speaker 2: of the things that you offer. Matchmaking is number one.
Speaker 2: Number two is a GOFE lead?
Speaker 1: Is it? Do you pronounce it a GOFE? Yeah? Bespoke
Speaker 1: matching service for clients with refined tastes? Is this just rich?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: What does this mean? When you're saying refined taste? What
Speaker 1: are you really saying? Don't order your chicken heart. Do
Speaker 1: you want the marketing answer as a business owner or no,
Speaker 1: don't order your sake well because you have been somewhere,
Speaker 1: because there's a different route for both, right okay, So
Speaker 1: on the look, there are some clients who they will
Speaker 1: seek out that sort of language in order to like,
Speaker 1: I don't think you understand what I want. So I
Speaker 1: want this language, and I actually have to emulate my
Speaker 1: competitors to be like for refined taste. But chances are
Speaker 1: you're probably getting the same service. I just said something
Speaker 1: like that on one of these podcasts.
Speaker 3: I was like, I don't want a man who's sushi
Speaker 3: level palette is in Tempura or CALIFORNI year roll. I
Speaker 3: don't want them to order their sake a certain way.
Speaker 3: I want them to be excited about certain cultural things
Speaker 3: and to go out like the way that we get.
Speaker 1: There are some clients that need a lot of extra
Speaker 1: handholding because they want the extra handholding, right Okay. They
Speaker 1: are the kind of clients who they have a private
Speaker 1: chef at home, they have a manager in their house.
Speaker 1: And there are the kind of clients who are going
Speaker 1: to be a gopy eleak because they're going to take
Speaker 1: up more of our time riches what they got. But
Speaker 1: just like billionaire No, I mean, are they just got
Speaker 1: homes everywhere? Like tales about yachts that they don't know
Speaker 1: where they are? Jesus, what now when the clients? So
Speaker 1: that client would be a gopy eleak because a kind
Speaker 1: of woman that that person can go out with, she
Speaker 1: has to be flexible with his schedule. Yep. Like you know,
Speaker 1: think about Lauren Sanchez, Jeff Bezos's fiance. Like I've had
Speaker 1: a few of Jeff Bezos's friends as clients, and you know,
Speaker 1: I'll give credit where it's due. Jeff Bezos is dating
Speaker 1: someone who's age appropriate.
Speaker 2: Oh I say this all the time. I love seeing
Speaker 2: an older woman next time. I don't even know what
Speaker 2: feelers she put in. It is nice to see she
Speaker 2: bless blessed that That to me is a great example
Speaker 2: of like, all right, you divorced your wife, this whole
Speaker 2: thing happened.
Speaker 1: We didn't get to see you run around with some kid.
Speaker 1: Not that he's not a piece of shit, but that's
Speaker 1: while we're not talking about him. We're talking about But.
Speaker 3: What you said as well is where in the beginning
Speaker 3: of this podcast, I I talked about dealing with athletes
Speaker 3: and thought that that would be literally what I ended
Speaker 3: up dating as soon as my focus became on my
Speaker 3: career and making money and excel in my own life.
Speaker 3: That is the last type of man that I could
Speaker 3: date because they expect you, when they want to see you,
Speaker 3: for you to drop everything and go.
Speaker 1: And that's why my billionaire clients are like, and I'm
Speaker 1: not and I want to do you no longer.
Speaker 2: And they can do that for the elite, like do
Speaker 2: they have to be of a certain status like I
Speaker 2: mean status.
Speaker 1: Or we would regardless no matter which page they use
Speaker 1: to sign up, we still have to have a conversation
Speaker 1: with them, and then we will price it accordingly. So
Speaker 1: most of our services start at thirty thousand, and so
Speaker 1: I'll go up, you got a book for the year
Speaker 1: just to get you to two dates? Okay for six
Speaker 1: months and usually it's a minimum of six introductions in
Speaker 1: six months. Most of our clients will get in between
Speaker 1: ten and fifteen matches. But a lot of our clients,
Speaker 1: especially the regular clients, which I know you might be
Speaker 1: thinking thirty thousand is not regular, but you'd be surprised
Speaker 1: how people are willing to save.
Speaker 2: Do they also cover the fees of Like, let's just
Speaker 2: say you have a great match in New York, you've
Speaker 2: got a rich kind in Dubai.
Speaker 1: I can't set up people in Dubai against the law.
Speaker 1: Ye yeah, well but but you know, but I know
Speaker 1: you're in London. They will fly out or they'll fly
Speaker 1: the woman they have to stay at a different hotel.
Speaker 1: But we are coordinating it. So we're just sending the invoice.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, right, and you can't have sex, like we
Speaker 1: have very clear. Well, they're a different I'm not a man.
Speaker 1: If they're going to watch this and be like yeah.
Speaker 2: Seriously, like if they do have sex, I'm sure this
Speaker 2: mistake has happened.
Speaker 1: I don't want to know. Yeah, you don't want to
Speaker 1: be involved. I don't think it's ever happened in sixteen years.
Speaker 1: I don't think somebody's maybe, but I don't let me
Speaker 1: let me believe. For legal reasons, it's never happened. That
Speaker 1: they are just waiting. But serious question though, being that
Speaker 1: this is all free for all women are free by
Speaker 1: the way, that's legal reasons.
Speaker 2: We know you're not hiring processes. No, I'm talking about
Speaker 2: my job would be much so much easier.
Speaker 1: What if it's just they vibe that hard. I think
Speaker 1: when they know that after this date there's a feedback
Speaker 1: form or a text our phone call from me, Like
Speaker 1: they all know, they all know the process. So even
Speaker 1: if you're free, you still have to meet with me
Speaker 1: or my team and then we talk about like we
Speaker 1: don't even have to talk about sex. We're like, after
Speaker 1: your date, you're gonna get a feedback form from us.
Speaker 1: We're going to connect. If it goes well, we will
Speaker 1: help set up the second date. Like we're good here.
Speaker 1: And then by the way, we're corning the dates so
Speaker 1: we're not sending them to some sex dungeon. We're sending
Speaker 1: them for tap as in the West Villa Brook and
Speaker 1: book now to mess how they got over there. You'll
Speaker 1: know this is good. You know it's interesting though, because
Speaker 1: we also like I've learned a lot, Like you know,
Speaker 1: the other things that come with the service is like
Speaker 1: we give you a photoshoo, but we also have a
Speaker 1: person who audits your house, audits your wardrobe. Always. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you're a client of mine, you're getting an audit
Speaker 1: of your home, audit of your wardrobe, and a photo shoot.
Speaker 1: And I've given makeovers to men all the time. And
Speaker 1: it's interesting when Nicholas, who he does the house stuff,
Speaker 1: like he's like, oh, this person he needs this or
Speaker 1: this person you know, like you you can learn a
Speaker 1: lot about someone when you visit their home. This is
Speaker 1: so interesting because but look, I just want to say
Speaker 1: one last week, the people that tend to hire us
Speaker 1: tend to be guys who are making two hundred or
Speaker 1: five hundred thousand dollars a year. That's like eighty percent
Speaker 1: of my clients are in that range, and they're all
Speaker 1: just overworked. They don't have time to swipe. They've experienced
Speaker 1: a dating fatigue, and they're like, just you do it.
Speaker 1: I'll go on the dates. And the thing is the
Speaker 1: best part about those kinds of clients at eighty percent,
Speaker 1: where they're like you do it, I trust you. Those
Speaker 1: are the guys we get into relationships within two three
Speaker 1: four months. So, like, I had a client hire us
Speaker 1: exactly two weeks ago, and today he emailed us to
Speaker 1: say pause the contract because there's a freeze in the contract,
Speaker 1: you know, I want to see what happens with this
Speaker 1: first match. And I'm like, oh, that's so healthy. Because
Speaker 1: I've had clients where I set them up with like
Speaker 1: the best match on the first try, and they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: what else you got? And I'm like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: this is it. So you got to give them ugly first.
Speaker 1: Some clients you have to learn to like not give
Speaker 1: them the best match first.
Speaker 2: Well, speaking of the best, I'm sure you give the
Speaker 2: best advice in this book. It comes out this week.
Speaker 2: We're like really happy to have you on to celebrate this.
Speaker 2: Ask a Matchmaker no nonsense guide to finding love, y'all.
Speaker 1: You can only buy it up. You bought no old barn.
Speaker 2: Now that's true, but this is really cool and honestly,
Speaker 2: just supporting your pod. I would love for people to
Speaker 2: get a dose of what they're going to hear every week.
Speaker 2: What's your podcast? Where can they find you?
Speaker 1: My podcast is also called Aska Matchmaker, and that's where
Speaker 1: people can call in and ask questions dating questions. I've
Speaker 1: heard everything. I've answered over eight thousand dating questions on
Speaker 1: the pod. But also like online and I have you know,
Speaker 1: a different co host each month, and it gets fun
Speaker 1: because you get different personalities. The co host is also
Speaker 1: telling you about their dating history.
Speaker 2: Now, if you guys want the actual dating advice, what
Speaker 2: we dig into for our course for that we're giving
Speaker 2: away for free with the pre order. Maria does give
Speaker 2: specific dating advice. It is a crash course, but it
Speaker 2: was really helpful, and even I was sitting there reacting
Speaker 2: a lot.
Speaker 1: I don't because she read me, uh, just like am
Speaker 1: I love bombing? And I'm like, yeah, Now.
Speaker 2: She was basically saying somebody that's like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: we should do this. Sext month is a love bomber. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you had to talk in the present Explorer. We all
Speaker 2: go check us out on patreon dot com, backslash Horrible
Speaker 2: Decisions if you mix miss all the sex talk since
Speaker 2: Maria won't let us have it.
Speaker 1: Or a lawyer, and go to an HV tour dot
Speaker 1: com to go and see us on tour.
Speaker 3: Thank you, guys for tuning in to another episode of
Speaker 3: Decisions Decisions