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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sandy and Samantha and welcome to staff.

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Speaker 1: I never told you a Protection by Heart radio, and

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Speaker 1: today it is time for another happy hour. As always

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Speaker 1: with these uh, if you choose a drink, do so

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Speaker 1: or responsibly do whatever you're doing responsibly.

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Speaker 2: There you go.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what are you sipping on, Samantha?

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Speaker 3: So, uh, since I'm not really doing many of the

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Speaker 3: episodes we're recording today, it's all pretty much for a

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Speaker 3: new like I'm doing today, so I'm gonna be drinking.

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Speaker 3: I made myself a somach, which is mike chew, which

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Speaker 3: is Korean for beer, and soju, which is a Korean

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Speaker 3: liquor mixed together, and so yeah, I got my Korean

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Speaker 3: beer with soju called somach.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I love it. I love it. I have a

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Speaker 1: Gin and tonic. I was going to make something fancier

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Speaker 1: because actually, as this comes out, it is my birthday.

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Speaker 1: It's not so but I'm just really hot. It's really

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Speaker 1: hot in Atlanta right now, but in my closet that

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Speaker 1: I record from is like an inferno.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we're definitely getting all of these heat index warnings

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Speaker 3: about how high the heat is. I spoke tos Soon

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Speaker 3: when I was like, yeah, it's not that bad right now,

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Speaker 3: and then August him.

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Speaker 2: For some time that was later in the seasons.

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Speaker 3: Defically, the hotter seasons pretty much begin like in April

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Speaker 3: and then never stop until about the end of mid October.

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Speaker 3: But this year decided to start it up in like

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Speaker 3: July because June and May were pretty mild.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and I was feeling embarrassed. I know you

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Speaker 1: don't care, Samantha, but I wear like the same shirt

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Speaker 1: all the time because I sweat when I even here.

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Speaker 1: I get so hot and I don't want to do

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Speaker 1: laundry just because I run out of shirts because I've

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Speaker 1: come in here to record. So for the last same

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Speaker 1: shirt for two weeks, I fell my sweatshirt.

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Speaker 3: We don't see much because of the way the videos positioned,

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Speaker 3: so I don't notice, although I do know that this

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Speaker 3: is not the stuff Mom never told you.

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Speaker 2: T shirt which you've been wearing for like a month.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I have, And I felt like I had to

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Speaker 1: branch out because, like I said, I don't I'm not

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Speaker 1: worried about it with you because I've never for that

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Speaker 1: close and I don't t about it. But other like

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Speaker 1: meetings and stuff have happened where I realize I've been

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Speaker 1: wearing that shirt.

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Speaker 2: They don't notice either.

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Speaker 1: Okay, well I did switch it up, but yes, yes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I went with the genanic because of the heat.

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Speaker 1: But okay, this episode's gonna be interesting. It's not. I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't call it an unhappy hour, but kind of is.

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Speaker 1: It's more of a gin wine, more.

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Speaker 3: Of your gin wine.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, wine, I know, I know it is so hot.

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Speaker 2: It's white's cool.

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Speaker 1: I don't have any white one. Okay, never mind, And

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Speaker 1: I'm saving my champagne for my birthday because okay, so

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Speaker 1: I would say it was more. It's more in that realm.

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Speaker 1: But we are going to talk about low self esteem, uh,

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Speaker 1: body image issues, I guess, uh yeah, happy Birthday's me.

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Speaker 1: I was going to do a whole episode about Luke

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Speaker 1: Skywalker and all of my stuff I didn't get to

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Speaker 1: talk about last year in the Luke Skywalker episode, but

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Speaker 1: I thought this was more important. So that can hold.

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Speaker 1: I'll do that later.

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Speaker 3: I'll give you my happy hour, so you can do

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Speaker 3: that if you want.

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Speaker 1: Samantha does this all the time listeners, where she's like,

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Speaker 1: if you want.

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Speaker 3: To take this, I will let you like the amount

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Speaker 3: of subjects that you want to do, and then I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: go for it. I haven't thought of mine yet, so

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Speaker 3: have at it.

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Speaker 1: I will do it because I wrote that out. It's

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Speaker 1: been there for a year since last year.

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Speaker 3: I mean, my happy hour comes out on the day

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Speaker 3: that Dragon Con happened, so it would be appropriate. I

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Speaker 3: have been thinking about what my happy hour would be,

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Speaker 3: whether or not we were to start back up with

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Speaker 3: A Sex and the City.

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Speaker 2: At season three, but that might be too much. We're

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Speaker 2: gonna have I have to get a guest for that one. Actually,

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Speaker 2: we do have a guest for the first episode.

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Speaker 1: I think we do have.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we do.

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Speaker 1: I forgot, Yes, Yes we do. Yes, someone from the

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Speaker 1: team I don't know. Okay, well, see, but I had

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Speaker 1: to talk about this because something happened to me recently

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Speaker 1: that was like the most It's not it wasn't a

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Speaker 1: dramedy moment, but it was like a dark sitcom moment,

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Speaker 1: or like some kind of introspective sitcom moment, you know.

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Speaker 1: So I had a good friend of mine come over.

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Speaker 1: And also, if any of the friends in question or listening,

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Speaker 1: you are like so such good friends and I'm very

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Speaker 1: sorry and I'm very happy that you're my friends. So

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Speaker 1: I had a friend come over last Friday, and I

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Speaker 1: was exhausted because I think as we've been like running

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Speaker 1: to get this book out and all this other stuff,

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Speaker 1: and I've just been so tired, and I've had like

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Speaker 1: a lot of little things come up, but they all

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Speaker 1: were building up, and I was just really exhausted, and

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Speaker 1: that eventually translated into me kind of doing a wine

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Speaker 1: with her. I was like complaining about I am so tired.

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Speaker 1: I'm just so tired. I don't want to do anything.

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Speaker 1: And I was talking about like I'm not even sure

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Speaker 1: what I like anymore because I have I'm such a

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Speaker 1: people pleaser that it's almost like I removed the people

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Speaker 1: from the equation because I'm too afraid of pleasing them.

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Speaker 1: And because of that, like I don't know what I've

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Speaker 1: been doing for other people and what I'm doing for me,

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Speaker 1: and so I'm just like if people invite me to

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Speaker 1: things which they know I like, I'm always like, well

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Speaker 1: did I actually like that or was I just doing that?

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Speaker 1: And where's that performance of it all? Which you heard

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Speaker 1: me talk about when we did our therapy, when we

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Speaker 1: had those episodes about our therapy, where yeah, I just

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Speaker 1: was like and she seems. She seemed really surprised, and

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Speaker 1: I was saying, this is why I love living alone.

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Speaker 1: It is because I'm so I can't I'm always worried

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Speaker 1: about other people and making them mad, and like having

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Speaker 1: to make myself really small, and I don't like being

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Speaker 1: seen by other people. Like when I was trying to

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Speaker 1: buy in at like rent an apartment, I remember this

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Speaker 1: woman who was showing me around. I said, I just

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Speaker 1: want a place I can use a blender, and she

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Speaker 1: was like, I can't use a blender and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to bother anybody. They might hear it.

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Speaker 1: And she looked at me, like use that blender. And

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Speaker 1: she my friend was like great and listening to me,

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Speaker 1: but I could tell like something was sort of off

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Speaker 1: about the thing. And I was supposed to go the

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Speaker 1: next day to karaoke and she was like. I was saying, like,

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Speaker 1: I'm so tired. I just don't want to go. And

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Speaker 1: it's like everyone thinks that I love that, and I'm

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Speaker 1: not sure if I even love that, but it's what

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Speaker 1: I used to do for my birthday. And she was like,

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Speaker 1: just go, you'll have a good time. I know you're tired,

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Speaker 1: but just go go to find out it was a

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Speaker 1: surprise party for you. Oops. I felt horrible. I felt

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Speaker 1: so bad because she texted me the next day and

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Speaker 1: was like, how are you feeling about tonight? And I said,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm still tired, but I'm gonna go and

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Speaker 1: it's gonna be fun. And she was like, I'm sorry

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Speaker 1: that I wropped you into this thing you didn't really want. God,

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Speaker 1: I feel awful about this. So I showed up. I

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Speaker 1: showed up a little late because I took a laft

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Speaker 1: since I don't drive anywhere. When the lip driver missed

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Speaker 1: the turn and they texted me like where are you?

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Speaker 1: And I showed up and it was the sweetest thing. Listeners,

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Speaker 1: they're such good friends. Like they they had they had

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Speaker 1: it stocked with all my favorite drinks. They had two

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Speaker 1: pies because they don't all like pie better than cake,

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Speaker 1: and they were my favorite flavors. Like they just they

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Speaker 1: went all in. It was such a nice thing. And

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Speaker 1: then I felt terrible and I had to think about it,

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Speaker 1: like because it was such a it was strange. After

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Speaker 1: it was over, I just went home and I cried

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Speaker 1: and I cried and cried.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, and I was like, why is this.

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Speaker 1: It was like the sweetest thing. And I think that

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Speaker 1: was the point I was actually trying to make with

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Speaker 1: my friend though, is that I started to resent my

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Speaker 1: birthday because it felt like I had to do this

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Speaker 1: whole thing. I had to like plan it all and

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Speaker 1: get all the food and get all the drinks and

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Speaker 1: make like I would make all the the cake and everything,

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Speaker 1: and it just became like not about me, which really

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Speaker 1: feels very selfish, but like it became more like everyone

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Speaker 1: would ask me every year, like when is your birthday?

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Speaker 1: And it felt like they were more like when can

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Speaker 1: we do karaoke? Yeah? Yeah, So I think I just

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Speaker 1: started to resent it. But this was so nice, Like

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Speaker 1: they planned the whole thing. They got the room that,

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Speaker 1: they got, the food, they got the drinks, they did

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Speaker 1: the whole thing. And I think not that I would

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Speaker 1: expect everybody somebody to do that for me every year,

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Speaker 1: but it was so damn nice. Like I can't stress

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Speaker 1: how nice it was. And you've done something like that

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Speaker 1: for me too, where you just plan the whole thing.

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Speaker 1: We played the last of those two, I was like

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Speaker 1: sobbing and living my best life because that game is sad,

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Speaker 1: not because anything Smith did.

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Speaker 2: Just kidding.

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Speaker 1: I did not have to know. First of all, I

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Speaker 1: am so lucky to have friends like you and and them.

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Speaker 1: And I think the reason I cried was both because

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Speaker 1: I felt like a douchebag or a poor friend who

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Speaker 1: was like she might not even come. But it was

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Speaker 1: framed in a way where it was like someone else's party.

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Speaker 1: I just want to be clear.

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Speaker 3: They were trying to surprise you by saying, hey, we're

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Speaker 3: doing an event.

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Speaker 2: Then yes, can you help?

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Speaker 1: Yes? And then I just felt like the whole time

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I'm such a jerk.

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Speaker 1: But I also think, like that's just how low my

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Speaker 1: self esteem. It's like when people do nice things for me,

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Speaker 1: I just oo they hurts. I'm like, oh no, I

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Speaker 1: don't deserve this, why are you doing this? Oh my god?

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Speaker 1: But for other people, I'm like, help, I have no

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Speaker 1: desire to do any of this, but I must do

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Speaker 1: it or else we won't be friends. And I have

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Speaker 1: been like I have had a struggle with depression late

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Speaker 1: that I've been like I haven't really tired, and I've

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Speaker 1: been sad. I'm just sad. And I think part of

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Speaker 1: it though, and I hate to say it, but I

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Speaker 1: think it's because I gained so much weight, so I

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Speaker 1: don't like being seen, I don't like being out and

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Speaker 1: and so it's sort of like, if I can get

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Speaker 1: out of this, I'd rather get out of it because

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Speaker 1: I don't have any clothes that fit or like, I

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Speaker 1: just feel uncomfortable. But that's a real terrible reason to

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Speaker 1: not go have a fun time with your friends when

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Speaker 1: they're doing on a nice party with all your favorite things.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, my favorite songs they put on, Like

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Speaker 1: but it was so sweet, like they just knew me.

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Speaker 1: And I hate that it made me feel so like

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Speaker 1: bad because it was like such a wonderful thing, but

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Speaker 1: it did, Like I just I feel like I've had

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Speaker 1: a really big breakthrough from that one because damn, that

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Speaker 1: was like really sweet. But two, like I feel like

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Speaker 1: during the pandemic I've had I've had the breakthrough of

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Speaker 1: how bad of a people pleaser I am. But I

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Speaker 1: haven't I haven't breached the like, well how do I

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Speaker 1: not do that? Like I have a figured that out.

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Speaker 1: So I'm just removing myself from the equation. It's almost

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Speaker 1: like a protective thing that I'm just like, I know

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Speaker 1: if I go and somebody ask me to do this

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Speaker 1: or I'll just get caught up in it. And so

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Speaker 1: this was a really I really need to work on

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Speaker 1: that because it was really fun and it was really nice,

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Speaker 1: and I I have missed it and I hate that

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Speaker 1: I almost didn't go to my own surprise party.

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Speaker 2: That would have been bad.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, Oh my god. But it's still though,

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Speaker 1: is like I don't I don't know for sure. I

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Speaker 1: do love karaoke, and I do love I'm just having

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to really sit with this and think,

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Speaker 1: like I'm having to redefine a lot of things that

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Speaker 1: maybe I did love always but they got swept up

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Speaker 1: in the people pleasing. That makes sense.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think a lot of this too, is like

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Speaker 3: your interest could have changed in general, so what you

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Speaker 3: liked five years ago could be completely different from what

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Speaker 3: you like today. Yeah, So that's that's a part of

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Speaker 3: the conversation. Again, our bandwidth has kind of been stretched

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Speaker 3: so far that it's about to snap. So trying to

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Speaker 3: keep our sanity is also a big part of like

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Speaker 3: saying no or not being able to do things because

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Speaker 3: I missed. I missed the birthday party. I feel bad

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Speaker 3: because I got the invite. I was like, okay, they

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Speaker 3: ended up being a lot of things, and I have

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Speaker 3: become one of those people where like if I have

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Speaker 3: too many things where it's on the list of things

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Speaker 3: to do and I've got other things planned, yeah, I'm

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Speaker 3: not going to say yes to that. And I love karaoke,

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Speaker 3: and I was like, yeah, let's do it. And then

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Speaker 3: I was like, no, I don't have the overall strength

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Speaker 3: to go out. I'm like, yeah, y'all enjoy it, have fun.

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Speaker 3: But of course I've never been offul. I was saying, no,

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Speaker 3: that's not been a problem for me. I'll just be like, eh, sorry,

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Speaker 3: this is kind of a lot easier since after the

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Speaker 3: pandemic for me.

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Speaker 2: But like I enjoy karaoke.

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Speaker 3: I missed going karaoke during the pandemic and I finally

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Speaker 3: got to go a while ago, and I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: this is nice. But again still like yeah, I'm good.

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Speaker 3: Though I'm good for a little while, everything changes and

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Speaker 3: when it comes to interest, but also knowing when we

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Speaker 3: can and can't do it, and and honestly, you being

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Speaker 3: able to say no is a part of something that

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Speaker 3: you haven't been able to do until recently anyway, So

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Speaker 3: even though you might be saying that, like, oh, self

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Speaker 3: esteem and I can't get this people pleasing. You got

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Speaker 3: one giant step in being able to say nah or

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Speaker 3: even changing, being able to change your mind. You've been

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Speaker 3: able to do.

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Speaker 2: That too, and that's really great. Yeah, that's a huge step.

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Speaker 3: That's a huge step because most people who are caught

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Speaker 3: up in that cycle can't say no and they will

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Speaker 3: sacrifice everything. You were doing that, and then as of recently,

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Speaker 3: you haven't been doing it much, which is fantastic.

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Speaker 1: I feel, yeah, I agree, but I guess that's like,

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Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying with the step. I've taken this

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Speaker 1: step and now I need to continue it because I

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Speaker 1: do want to go out, and I just I feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm so I'm still not I'm just saying no

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Speaker 1: all the time instead of saying yes sometime.

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Speaker 2: Oh, say to me, that's not a problem.

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Speaker 1: But I just get it, and I just like I

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Speaker 1: feel bad too, because honestly, I'm sure my friend, ih god,

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Speaker 1: I hope. So if again, if any of you are listening,

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Speaker 1: I am so I love you also much. I'm so sorry,

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Speaker 1: but like I'm having this conversation with her the night

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Speaker 1: before this is supposed to happen, and I'm like trying

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Speaker 1: to finally set up my boundaries. I can only imagine

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Speaker 1: what's in her head where she's like I don't want

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Speaker 1: to push her attack. So you know they were coming

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Speaker 1: in like most of them don't don't live in Atlanta,

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Speaker 1: like long Way. I don't know. I just I feel

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Speaker 1: it was I'm so glad I went. It was a

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Speaker 1: very sweet thing. I think that also going back to

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Speaker 1: the low self esteem. A lot of times when something

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Speaker 1: is about me, like a party is about me, then

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Speaker 1: I feel like an open wound. I feel like everybody's

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Speaker 1: like seen something or like a I've tricked everybody somehow

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Speaker 1: or so I gotta work on that. I'm gonna work

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Speaker 1: on that too. But also the power of in wine,

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Speaker 1: because it was a really good like I really do

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Speaker 1: think I'm gonna I needed that, and I think I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna I feel like it sounds so I'll like cursing myself,

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Speaker 1: but I think I'm gonna Chaine a bit more. I

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Speaker 1: think that was a good push. The same thing was

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Speaker 1: like a good I had that conversation and then I

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Speaker 1: got to see that and so it felt like a

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Speaker 1: like the next like it was a step that I

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Speaker 1: good but also just a good friend is a damn

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Speaker 1: good friend and you cannot replace this. So thank you,

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Speaker 1: thank you. If any of you are listening, uh, I'm

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Speaker 1: sorry if I stressed you out, but yes, you really

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Speaker 1: made my birthday every year you all do, so thank you,

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Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. Cheers, cheers listeners. If you would

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Speaker 1: like to write in about this, you can contact us

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Speaker 1: in many ways. You can email that Stefani your mom

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Speaker 1: Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You can find us on Twitter,

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Speaker 1: Mom Stuff podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok at stuff

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Speaker 1: one never told you. We also have a tea public store.

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Speaker 1: And yes we do have a book that's coming out

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Speaker 1: or is out too now but later I don't know,

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Speaker 1: but you can get it at stuff. You should read

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Speaker 1: books dot com. Thanks is always to your super producer Christina,

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Speaker 1: our executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey. Thank you

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Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening. Steffan never told you

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Speaker 1: the production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from my Heart Radio,

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