Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello here, I am
Speaker 1: welcome to the show. It's the nick Glazer Podcast. It's
Speaker 1: Monday when we're recording this. I think you're hearing it
Speaker 1: on a Tuesday. Um. But lots to talk about. UM.
Speaker 1: First up, let's just bring him in off the top. UM.
Speaker 1: He was my co host from another show host. UM.
Speaker 1: It was like many years ago, five years ago, twenty sixteen, yeah,
Speaker 1: um pre Trump. Uh he oh my god, that's when
Speaker 1: we had a podcast. It was a different world. It's
Speaker 1: like the new pre nine eleven. Um. He is the
Speaker 1: author and creator of Apple rankings dot com, which is
Speaker 1: a hilarious site where you can read about apples. He's
Speaker 1: also a hilarious stand up comedian. He hasn't been a
Speaker 1: writer on UM show, a show like Adam Ruins Everything.
Speaker 1: What other shows have you done? Is there? Am I
Speaker 1: getting all your credits? Right? Yeah? If this is your
Speaker 1: own Comedy Central UM animated series, what was that called you?
Speaker 1: Oh there's a show on Netflix called Adventure Beast. Uh. Yes, Oh,
Speaker 1: there is a Common Central snapchat show called George Washington DTF.
Speaker 1: But we don't have to go through all my credits.
Speaker 1: I mean you could see my credits at all. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, well that's it just gives you a little
Speaker 1: bit of um, notoriety. Not that my fans care. They
Speaker 1: just like they just care that you, well they do care,
Speaker 1: but they they care that you're just my friend and
Speaker 1: you're funny, I think. Um, and that's the truth for
Speaker 1: you're funny, nice and my friend. And uh, yeah, we've
Speaker 1: been friends for a while. I met him. What didn't
Speaker 1: we meet two thousand Oh, my god, a long time ago,
Speaker 1: earlier earlier, I think two thousand and nine or two
Speaker 1: thousand and ten, because we met in Indiana. I know
Speaker 1: you met at the first club I ever headlined. You
Speaker 1: made the first poster for the first show I ever
Speaker 1: headlined at the Comedy Attic in Bloomington, Indiana. Um, but
Speaker 1: he was a comic on the scene then and uh,
Speaker 1: and he's my friend now, and he's here with us.
Speaker 1: His name is Brian Frangie. Yes, hello, hello, hello, And
Speaker 1: here Noah is here. We got started off today when
Speaker 1: we all got on the thing and I asked Brian
Speaker 1: how what he was doing, and he was like me,
Speaker 1: I'm good, I go I'm good. It was just like
Speaker 1: a very like you thought about it, and then you said,
Speaker 1: I said, okay, good and you go. I try to
Speaker 1: answer that sincerely. UM, And that's what I like about you.
Speaker 1: You have like a shimmer of autism. Right we all agree,
Speaker 1: not all agree, but me and all the all of you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if I could go to a doctor, I'm sure they
Speaker 1: could diagnose me with something. But like I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, I could. I feel like everybody could get
Speaker 1: diagnosed with something, but I don't exactly. Yeah, we could.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not autistic. No, No, you're not. I'm sorry
Speaker 1: to say that. I mean I think I have a
Speaker 1: shimmer of it too, But I like that you have
Speaker 1: what'd you say on you right out of the gates,
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm just like, there's well because he's he's
Speaker 1: very he has a lot of theories. He has. UM,
Speaker 1: he's just an interesting person. He's a quirky person, and
Speaker 1: I think sometimes quirky people you can maybe leap to
Speaker 1: a thing. I don't know what is. There's there's a
Speaker 1: neurodivergence there. I give it to myself too, I am
Speaker 1: I'm I'm complimenting myself because I see a lot of
Speaker 1: my the same things I like about the same things
Speaker 1: I feel sometimes weird about being too honest or being
Speaker 1: like too like I know exactly what I want and
Speaker 1: the way I see things. Um, I see in Brian
Speaker 1: and like just being and not being able to lie
Speaker 1: about how are you or not like not being able
Speaker 1: to lie? Of course you can, um, Brian's great at reading,
Speaker 1: reading social cues. He's not like, not that that there's
Speaker 1: anything wrong if you can. But yeah, you're just a
Speaker 1: You're a quirky person. You're a quirky guy, right, wouldn't
Speaker 1: you say so? I would say so. You know, speaking
Speaker 1: of quirks, you have an addiable quality that I want
Speaker 1: to point out that's in the same vein. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: want to hear an admirable quality. Yeah, by saying you
Speaker 1: to shimmer of autism, I want to say that was
Speaker 1: me saying you you don't I don't. I guess we
Speaker 1: haven't hung out enough that I'm obsessed with people with
Speaker 1: autism and I want to have it. And so that
Speaker 1: was me being nice. But it seemed like I was
Speaker 1: like bullying you right out of the gate. Okay, what
Speaker 1: does my admirable quality tell me? Now? I want? I
Speaker 1: took it as a compliment Honestly, I like the idea
Speaker 1: of being focused on things and you know interesting, but
Speaker 1: your annual quality is when when you learn about a thing,
Speaker 1: a new thing, especially especially if it's a niche thing,
Speaker 1: you are you have the ability to dive into every
Speaker 1: single thing that's been written on that and read everything
Speaker 1: about it within the next day. Yes, do you have
Speaker 1: that too? I have a feeling you might have that too. Well,
Speaker 1: that's kind of how I feel about apples. Because I
Speaker 1: can rank apples, I'll go into it. It's pretty crazy
Speaker 1: to go in on the spectrum. I forgot he has
Speaker 1: an Apple blog, give an Apple ranking website where I
Speaker 1: give every apple a score out of a hundred based
Speaker 1: on ten nine ten point rubric. And you know, that's
Speaker 1: just a little bit of like focus that needs to
Speaker 1: be a lot of yes do you isn't? Are you
Speaker 1: remembering anything that I got really into and learned about overnight?
Speaker 1: That like is the basis for this is? Does anything
Speaker 1: come to mind? Oh? Well, I mean there's tons of things, Um, definitely, Uh,
Speaker 1: personality disorders, yeah, which I just casually. You know, I
Speaker 1: don't read everything. I read a third of things. As
Speaker 1: my fans know, I read like a third of books,
Speaker 1: and then I go, okay, I get it, like yeah,
Speaker 1: us times, I dive right in. Oh yeah, I'll wake
Speaker 1: up and there will be three hundred and seventy four
Speaker 1: texts from Nikki because she's been up since four in
Speaker 1: the morning reading about sociopathy and she's taken a quiz
Speaker 1: and sends like thirty seven screenshots of her results of
Speaker 1: the quiz. Yes, and then she knows everything aboutth I
Speaker 1: mean that that's there's something wrong with me. Do you
Speaker 1: know what I'm into right now? That I read everything
Speaker 1: about yesterday? I think we can probably guess pizza. Yeah, Succession,
Speaker 1: I Nicholas, something Nicholas brought. I mean I read everything
Speaker 1: about succession that I could find Yesterday. I googled succession
Speaker 1: HBO that I went to news results boom, went down
Speaker 1: the list, read every you know think piece that I
Speaker 1: you know that caught my eye that I thought maybe
Speaker 1: there's something the new info to be gleaned from this.
Speaker 1: So I just true A lot that shows is about
Speaker 1: the Murdoch family. But yes, yes, I mean it doesn't
Speaker 1: completely line up perfectly, but they do have I believe,
Speaker 1: two sons and a daughter, and there's estrangement. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm guessing Brian, you love Succession as well. I just
Speaker 1: by knowing who you are. Well, I've only watched the
Speaker 1: first couple episodes so far. I'm late to the game.
Speaker 1: I'm late. You're just like me, then, dude, I was.
Speaker 1: I only watched three episodes for so many years, and
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, it's like I can't like
Speaker 1: I got into it, but I didn't let yourself get
Speaker 1: into it. Man, I just finished. I went through three seasons,
Speaker 1: which was twenty nine episodes an hour and five minutes each.
Speaker 1: Let's take off up five minutes because at the end
Speaker 1: they do like you know, they talk about the episode
Speaker 1: or whatever, and there's credits. So twenty nine hours of
Speaker 1: my life. That's a day and some change. I realized
Speaker 1: it contributed to my lack of sleep last week. It
Speaker 1: it's rare that I want to watch something oversleep. I mean,
Speaker 1: I would say it almost never happens. I really do
Speaker 1: value sleep when I'm tired. I liked to sleep, but
Speaker 1: Succession was more entertaining than my dreams last week and
Speaker 1: I finished it. I'm a little disappointed. Can I just
Speaker 1: say that everyone that's seen three seasons there was something
Speaker 1: that happened in season three because I remember it distinctly
Speaker 1: when I was just a person that did not watch it,
Speaker 1: remembered a moment no. I remember in twenty twenty one,
Speaker 1: there was a moment when everyone was watching it where
Speaker 1: everyone lost their mind and was like last night succession.
Speaker 1: I don't remember if it was the season valley, I
Speaker 1: don't remember if it was episodes. I don't remember what
Speaker 1: episode was, but there was a cultural moment where everyone
Speaker 1: who was watching it lost their mind, and I remember
Speaker 1: being jealous. It was like, um, the Red wedding episode
Speaker 1: of Game of Thrones. It was like these these seminal
Speaker 1: moments on TV shows where everyone collectively that is watching
Speaker 1: it was like, that's the greatest thing, and they all
Speaker 1: collectively share this feeling of awe and shock. You know,
Speaker 1: those are usually listed the other way around. But I
Speaker 1: changed it up on shock and and it didn't happen.
Speaker 1: I don't know where it was. I don't know what
Speaker 1: people were freaking out about. I let me just say
Speaker 1: the season three finale didn't catch the big twist. I
Speaker 1: so I watched it yesterday at UM I was flying
Speaker 1: back from Buffalo. I can't believe it was yesterday. It
Speaker 1: feels like so long ago. But I didn't sleep on
Speaker 1: Saturday night we just shown Buffalo, did not I was
Speaker 1: stayed up all night. I wasn't watching Succession. I was
Speaker 1: just like, couldn't sleep because I had to get up
Speaker 1: at three thirty. And then the time change, and it
Speaker 1: went from one o'clock to two o'clock so fast, almost instantly.
Speaker 1: Some would say and then and then so it was
Speaker 1: like eleven o'clock and then it was two o'clock, and
Speaker 1: I was like, what the fuck just happened? And then
Speaker 1: I had to go to the airport at four and
Speaker 1: then get on my flight at five, like it was.
Speaker 1: It was crazy. And then I didn't sleep, but I
Speaker 1: watched Succession like bleary eyed in the Admiral's Club in Charlotte.
Speaker 1: And I did not catch the twist until I read
Speaker 1: a bunch of New Yorker pieces about the twist, and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, and then I had to go
Speaker 1: back and see because so many things happen in Succession
Speaker 1: where it's like someone will witness something and there's no dialogue,
Speaker 1: so if you don't see that person see the thing,
Speaker 1: I mean, this happens in a lot of shows. I
Speaker 1: had to like watch it, you know, not just like
Speaker 1: listen with my eyemask on and just let it talk
Speaker 1: me to sleep, like a mom telling me a story. Um.
Speaker 1: So I'm just a little disappointed though, that the twist
Speaker 1: was not as crazy as everyone seemed to be losing
Speaker 1: their minds about in twenty twenty one. I'm it's fine.
Speaker 1: It was great. It was not like lose your mind moment, Brian,
Speaker 1: what do you like these moments? Yeah, there's no shock there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm awe. And then I went to a yawn. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh that great. Um, but the show is fantastic.
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed and I've read every single thing that I
Speaker 1: can get my hands on. If if you Bestie know
Speaker 1: any article that isn't the New Yorker one with Jesse
Speaker 1: the creator, or with the Kendall one that's very famous,
Speaker 1: or the New GQ one about Kendall, I've read those.
Speaker 1: But if you know any others from back in the day,
Speaker 1: any interviews, I would love you if you send them
Speaker 1: to me, because I am just like wanting to sop
Speaker 1: up everything I can about this show because I don't
Speaker 1: understand knowing so much about something that you could write
Speaker 1: a show like this. I'm so jealous. I'm jealous that, like,
Speaker 1: if I wanted to write a show about corporate like behemoths,
Speaker 1: I would not know anything about money, about like IPOs
Speaker 1: about like and Chris I my boyfriend whenever I lament
Speaker 1: about like because every time we watch a show, I
Speaker 1: just go, how could I ever write something like this?
Speaker 1: I don't know anything about like even Last of Us.
Speaker 1: I go, if the end of the world happened, how
Speaker 1: do they figure out like Fedra like these like what
Speaker 1: Fedra is? How they come up with that name? And
Speaker 1: then the fireflies and like, and He's like, it's a
Speaker 1: creative thing. And also, you like hire people who are
Speaker 1: experts about this stuff, So like, say you wanted to
Speaker 1: like write about the army, you would hire someone who
Speaker 1: knows a lot about the army and say I want
Speaker 1: this thing to happen, and then they would fill it in.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, like you get a task rabbit
Speaker 1: to do certain things. But I do think there are
Speaker 1: some writers who know everything and that just no stuff.
Speaker 1: Brian thoughts, I think that the show is is not
Speaker 1: real and the stuff that they're showing is not necessarily
Speaker 1: how it actually is. And then that defines what we
Speaker 1: all think it actually is, and it seems so accurate
Speaker 1: that we now think that that's the way it is.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's not like that, but I think, like,
Speaker 1: you know, if the end of the world happened, we
Speaker 1: have many different apocalypse shows and they all they have
Speaker 1: all different takes on what the army would do in
Speaker 1: that situation, and it's like that all of them consults
Speaker 1: a military expert and come up what they're going to
Speaker 1: have a barbed wire fence. You know, they all didn't
Speaker 1: do that. And how do you feel about Last of Us?
Speaker 1: Brian will write me like I'll post on my Instagram
Speaker 1: stories and think like the Last of Us. Brian wrote
Speaker 1: to me once he was like Last of Us is
Speaker 1: the new Game of Thrones. And I was so happy
Speaker 1: to hear that because Brian used to come over to
Speaker 1: my This is so weird, you guys, not so weird.
Speaker 1: But Brian and my boyfriend Chris are friends. They met
Speaker 1: through me, but and Brian worked on my show Not Safe.
Speaker 1: He was we did the podcast together, but he was
Speaker 1: also the worked in my digital department and he killed it.
Speaker 1: But he um. They would watch Game of Thrones when
Speaker 1: Game of Thrones was on. I guess this was like
Speaker 1: the penultimate season, right this season five at least season
Speaker 1: and I think, okay, good seasons. I mean seasons once
Speaker 1: we three were good, seasons, seasons five, Season five was good.
Speaker 1: Should I go through all the seasons? I mean was
Speaker 1: it seven seasons total? Oh? I don't know anymore? Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: all I know is the last season sucked and you
Speaker 1: guys were all upset. But the seasons that we watched,
Speaker 1: that you guys watched together. Brian would come over, so
Speaker 1: would Tim, Chris's brother. They would. The ritual was they
Speaker 1: watched the episode from the week before. During that episode
Speaker 1: from the week that they had already seen, they could talk.
Speaker 1: They could they could discuss what was going to happen
Speaker 1: in the next one. They could talk about fan theories,
Speaker 1: comment on anything they want. That was an interactive moment.
Speaker 1: Then the Game of Thrones would start and there it
Speaker 1: would need to be dead, silence and respect, like in
Speaker 1: a fucking funeral. Throughout the entire new episode, there was
Speaker 1: no chiming in. I'm a very active watcher, so I
Speaker 1: could not watch any of this because, first of all,
Speaker 1: it was too violent. There's too many like and I
Speaker 1: just didn't catch onto it. So I would go in
Speaker 1: my room and sleep during this time. But they would
Speaker 1: have these and then I would come out the very
Speaker 1: end when I would like feel it wrapping up, and
Speaker 1: there would be this like they would still not talk.
Speaker 1: They would not talk for like five minutes after the
Speaker 1: credits would end. They would just all be like in
Speaker 1: stunned silence processing what they just watched, whether it was
Speaker 1: good or bad, and then they would have a discussion
Speaker 1: after that. It was like this weird It was this ritual.
Speaker 1: I respected it, but um, what is it about? And
Speaker 1: so I it was really happy because I felt left
Speaker 1: left out of that. I felt happy that you have
Speaker 1: now deemed I even told Chris. I was like Brian says,
Speaker 1: Last of Us is a new Game of Thrones. I
Speaker 1: was so happy to like be in on this thing
Speaker 1: that was so sacred before. Um do you do you
Speaker 1: have the same ritual for Last of Us? Not yet,
Speaker 1: but I do want to commit on the Game of
Speaker 1: Thrones experience. Uh. There. There was also part of the
Speaker 1: ritual was I would get a complete Allenny and Larry's
Speaker 1: complete cookie, which is a protein cookie, a vegan cookie, yes,
Speaker 1: a vegan cookie. And I would nibble on it throughout
Speaker 1: the Yeah, you would. Oh. It made me so mad
Speaker 1: because I was into those two at the time and
Speaker 1: I would finish mine so fast, and you were I
Speaker 1: can't stand as a nibbler too, and I just watched.
Speaker 1: I can't stand it because I can't nibble, and so
Speaker 1: I watch you and I just go, how does someone
Speaker 1: take a bite of something, a tiny bite, and then
Speaker 1: put it back down and then chew it and then
Speaker 1: maybe have a conversation in between the next bite, or
Speaker 1: like maybe take a phone call. I get into it
Speaker 1: uber with a Starbucks. I sort of got every single time,
Speaker 1: because I'll sometimes have my Uber stop at a Starbucks
Speaker 1: before we head to the airport. They always put down
Speaker 1: they They're like, oh, please, please, please, and they like
Speaker 1: put down the rest and that I have a cup holder,
Speaker 1: and I go, I'm not setting this down. There's no
Speaker 1: point in which I'm going to set this who sets
Speaker 1: of delicious beverage. I'm gonna chug this extra hot ventique
Speaker 1: thing within two and a half minutes. It's gonna be done,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna be sucking out the phone and using
Speaker 1: my finger to like scrape it. Um. So you would
Speaker 1: nibble on your little cookie because you have um, I
Speaker 1: don't set it down. I don't set it down. I
Speaker 1: keep it up there and I just keep new nibbles. Yeah,
Speaker 1: guinea pig, Huh do you nibble through the cookie or
Speaker 1: do you have like a ritual? Do you eat around
Speaker 1: like in circles? Are you kidding me? Brian is not
Speaker 1: doing anything willy nilly. There is a rintual being on it.
Speaker 1: There's a plan in place, and in general, I would
Speaker 1: nibble a circumference first, rotate it again like a dial. Well,
Speaker 1: because the outer the outer edges are generally easier to nibble,
Speaker 1: and as you get deeper into the cookie, they become
Speaker 1: dense and you have to And that's the better part,
Speaker 1: Like you're saving the epicenter for for the end, like
Speaker 1: the best. Yes. Oh but first I forgot this is
Speaker 1: really going to bed. I forgot to mention that. I
Speaker 1: first I opened the package and then I smell it
Speaker 1: for like ten minutes. No, no, about Well, okay, so
Speaker 1: what you have to understand is I would the cookie.
Speaker 1: I would know how much we had left in the episode,
Speaker 1: depending on how much cookie I had left what I
Speaker 1: will never look at my watch and I will do
Speaker 1: the things. I won't pretend to press pause so I
Speaker 1: can see the little line come up on the bottom
Speaker 1: of the screen, because it takes you out of the experience. Oh,
Speaker 1: I do that all the time. I like to move
Speaker 1: my cursor, or I like I pause, I pause. It
Speaker 1: shows all the time to be like, what do we
Speaker 1: got left? Why isn't there an easy way to look on?
Speaker 1: And by the way, just sidebar and maybe do you
Speaker 1: have this thing too? Do you watch a lot of YouTube?
Speaker 1: Who doesn't? Okay? Why is YouTube so hard to fast
Speaker 1: forward and rewind? What the fuck is the toggle? I
Speaker 1: don't know what it is. I've never given myself opportunity
Speaker 1: because anytime I want to even try to figure it out,
Speaker 1: I know that it's going to skip to the next video.
Speaker 1: What is the toggle? Does anyone know? It's all capitalism,
Speaker 1: It's all based on ads. You're right. They don't want
Speaker 1: you to be able to fast forward fifteen seconds or
Speaker 1: behind fifteen seconds like my porn I love to go.
Speaker 1: I don't know what you mean when you say what
Speaker 1: is the toggle? No for for fast forwarding and rewinding
Speaker 1: YouTube videos? If you want to go ten seconds ahead,
Speaker 1: how do you do that without putting a finger on
Speaker 1: the cursor at the bottom and tracing it and then
Speaker 1: getting it wrong. There's on the screen. You can tap
Speaker 1: on the right side of the screen and it goes
Speaker 1: forward ten seconds the screen on the screen itself. Oh
Speaker 1: there's so, there's no little marker, it's just the screen.
Speaker 1: Hold on, Gonna try it out. Kelly Clarkson covers ninety
Speaker 1: pump smash Smashing Pumpkins. Brian, thank you. Okay, go back, Okay,
Speaker 1: wait we answered that. That just worked for me. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for that. Oh my mind. The same
Speaker 1: way when you taught me the cursor, or someone taught
Speaker 1: me just moving the cursor on the iPhone. You just
Speaker 1: hold it down and then you can move it all
Speaker 1: over the place when you're texting. Yeah, people don't know that.
Speaker 1: If you're in the middle of a text paragraph and
Speaker 1: you you have a misspelling or there's a period that
Speaker 1: wasn't supposed to be there, you need to put quotes
Speaker 1: or something instead of like just tapping it and trying
Speaker 1: to get the cursor exactly where you want it too
Speaker 1: in the text, You can hold down your finger and
Speaker 1: the cursor will go there, and then you just keep
Speaker 1: keep holding it and then move the cursor around on
Speaker 1: the screen and you can move it wherever you want
Speaker 1: it to and that Oh, there's a new one in town.
Speaker 1: You guys updated my iPhone. When you send an email,
Speaker 1: this is crazy. You send an email, draft it, and
Speaker 1: then you go to the little button that would be
Speaker 1: to send it, like the blue arrow. Hold that and
Speaker 1: then it will give you the option to send tomorrow
Speaker 1: at whatever time, and then you can send it in
Speaker 1: the AMA tonight when you're in the middle of the
Speaker 1: night and you want to send someone a bunch of
Speaker 1: pages about sociopathy, do you go This is gonna look
Speaker 1: quick chaotic, coming at four am. I would like to
Speaker 1: send this at nine thirty am. And that's why you
Speaker 1: can do it. Isn't that cool? So that's the new one. OK.
Speaker 1: We have to go to bramail or macmail macmail. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm not using macmail. Who is us? Like on your phone?
Speaker 1: Do you always use Gmail or do you use like
Speaker 1: this little guy? I'm talking macmail. Sorry, I don't know
Speaker 1: who uses Gmail. No, I mean I use Gmail through
Speaker 1: my macmail, but I don't on my home computer use
Speaker 1: the mail. Don't know why don't? Yeah? I never know
Speaker 1: how to set that one up. It's always jumping up
Speaker 1: and down. It's always like come on, you know, like
Speaker 1: on on your notifications, and I'm like, get at it here.
Speaker 1: It's making weird noises, it's chiming during zoom meetings. I
Speaker 1: don't want it. I'll go to the web browser. I'll
Speaker 1: type in Gmail dot come. I don't want you jumping around.
Speaker 1: I don't want final draft to stop jumping around and
Speaker 1: reminding me that I have a script that I will
Speaker 1: never start. Just down there. Okay, we're gonna go to
Speaker 1: break and we'll come back with more Brian Franjie. We'll
Speaker 1: get well, we'll pick him back up where we started,
Speaker 1: where he's sniffing his cookie and then um and tracing
Speaker 1: where he is in the Game of Thrones episode right
Speaker 1: after this. Okay, we're back. Um, so you're you're in
Speaker 1: your cookie. It's helping you trace the time. Any other
Speaker 1: things that would happen during this Game of Thrones ritual
Speaker 1: that I've missed out on. Well, it was very it
Speaker 1: was very nice of you because it was your house
Speaker 1: and we'd watch the show and then you would give
Speaker 1: us our fifteen minute grace period where we could sit
Speaker 1: there in silence, and absorb what just occurred, and you
Speaker 1: would then you would come out and you would start saying,
Speaker 1: you would start making fun of us and also trying
Speaker 1: to understand what happened, why do we feel this way,
Speaker 1: and appreciating the show itself. Yes, thank you, Brian, thank you.
Speaker 1: I don't mock something. If someone loves something, it's not
Speaker 1: just me just mocking it. And yesterday I was with
Speaker 1: my assistant Jen and my hair and makeup stylist slash
Speaker 1: friend Robin, and we were in Miami for this event
Speaker 1: and they got on about F one and Chris loves
Speaker 1: F one and Robin loves F one and Jen loves
Speaker 1: IF one and I said something about F one. They go,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I love it. I go why, And
Speaker 1: they got very at first. They were defensive. They were like, um,
Speaker 1: because it's the best. And I'm like, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not asking why, like, oh why sometimes I do that.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. I'm sometimes I'm very judgmental. I
Speaker 1: want I go get me to like it. Please explain
Speaker 1: to me why I don't have this chip in my
Speaker 1: brain that enjoys cars go fast round round room, room
Speaker 1: might flip over and like spill into the audience and
Speaker 1: kill people. I realized my biggest hesitation with any auto
Speaker 1: racing is the chance that I'm going to be injured
Speaker 1: during it, that I'm going to be in a car
Speaker 1: accident that I'm not in, you know, like that a
Speaker 1: car accident's going to come into me. And they told
Speaker 1: me that it rarely happens. It happened like one time
Speaker 1: in like nineteen sixty something with like there's a huge
Speaker 1: f one, you know, but they're often you know, just
Speaker 1: going like through like Monaco and there are hundreds of
Speaker 1: people with babies, and I'm like, how is this car
Speaker 1: not one time just like the guy gets a text
Speaker 1: message and just carens into the crowd. There's the same
Speaker 1: reason I don't like air shows. So yeah, I would
Speaker 1: come out and try to understand what is it about
Speaker 1: Game of Thrones. It's it's so cute to me. When
Speaker 1: my boyfriend, especially is like I get kind of you know,
Speaker 1: I get horny when he's into like like when he
Speaker 1: gets like reared up about like you know, sexual things,
Speaker 1: like when he I see him get like turned on
Speaker 1: by something I'm like very interested in, like oh do
Speaker 1: you love that? Or when I found out as a kid,
Speaker 1: he like played with legos. I was like, what that
Speaker 1: was your thing? Like that's so cute? Like I love
Speaker 1: learning what he loves. And so that's why sometimes I
Speaker 1: get I think hurt where I'm like, Chris, why don't
Speaker 1: you care why I like Taylor Swift? Like there's never
Speaker 1: been a question, and my family doesn't either. My family
Speaker 1: is just like, go, aren't you interested? Why I'm obsessed
Speaker 1: with Taylor Swift? Like no one's ever asked me why
Speaker 1: why does this mean so much to you? And it's
Speaker 1: because that is how I show my love is like
Speaker 1: or how I feel connected to someone is figuring out
Speaker 1: how why do they care about this so much? So
Speaker 1: I still I get it. I get it with Game
Speaker 1: of Thrones. I mean you're you're definitely not alone, but um,
Speaker 1: I still don't. It's like football for me. I don't
Speaker 1: understand how you guys keep it all, how you memorize
Speaker 1: all of the shit, and how it's all sticks in
Speaker 1: your head and how you the characters don't because I've
Speaker 1: watched a couple episodes and it's in one ear, in
Speaker 1: out the other. I don't or in one eye and
Speaker 1: out the other. Um out my asshole because I just
Speaker 1: don't I can't retain it. Um, So yeah, that was that.
Speaker 1: That was always fun though, because I could could just
Speaker 1: go and get my seven pm nap and I'd come
Speaker 1: out with like indentations in my face from my sleep
Speaker 1: mask and just be like, hey guys and like get
Speaker 1: pick up my dog and kind of like let it out,
Speaker 1: and then you guys would all just be in stunned silence. Um,
Speaker 1: Chris would be like weeping sometimes I'm like, he's never
Speaker 1: cried with me, Okay, Like it would just be It's
Speaker 1: it was so cute that you guys all cared about
Speaker 1: something so much. What would they tell you when you
Speaker 1: would walk up and be like, why are you guys
Speaker 1: into this? What was their answer? Oh? Would it would
Speaker 1: be longer than I'd want it to be? What is it? Brian?
Speaker 1: Like what can you try to answer that for me?
Speaker 1: And then like what is it? Because I'm guessing that
Speaker 1: you really haven't found a replacement for it since no,
Speaker 1: when I say last of Us at the next Game
Speaker 1: of Thrones, I really mean that it is um appointment
Speaker 1: television that people that the a lot of people seem
Speaker 1: to be watching at the same time. It's nice that
Speaker 1: something doesn't just dumped on you. Nice. It's nice that,
Speaker 1: um it's from Taylor sled Nice. Um, it's nice when
Speaker 1: something isn't just dumped on you and you just binge
Speaker 1: all the episodes. Um, I like this doling out. You know.
Speaker 1: The doling out does not work with Love is Blind. Netflix,
Speaker 1: Listen up. I don't care about these characters enough for
Speaker 1: you to take a little hiatus. I'm not coming back.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna. Yeah, you can't. You can't dole them out
Speaker 1: like it's a HBO critically acclaimed uh dramatization. Serious, you can't.
Speaker 1: It's nice that you tried. You don't. It's not gonna
Speaker 1: be destination TV. We want to watch it in one
Speaker 1: binge when we're going through a depressive state of our
Speaker 1: lives and we want to watch other people's um going
Speaker 1: through something as well, Like we're not doing well when
Speaker 1: we watch these shows. If you want us consistent viewership,
Speaker 1: you gotta it can't be. It can't be Love is Blind.
Speaker 1: So I agree. I look forward to every Sunday with
Speaker 1: Last of Us. It's a ritual. It feels like, you know,
Speaker 1: back to the way it was interesting enough, you know,
Speaker 1: Chris Rock having that live special and having that be
Speaker 1: that did well for Netflix. You know, people tuning in
Speaker 1: live we're back where we're back at live TV. We
Speaker 1: came back full circle again. It literally we're all watching
Speaker 1: the fucking moon landing. Um. Yeah, any other things to
Speaker 1: say about Game of Thrones? About Game of Thrones, Well
Speaker 1: I didn't. You didn't answer my question, um because I
Speaker 1: interrupted you about why why it matters so much? Why
Speaker 1: does it matter? Well? I think you just get really
Speaker 1: invested in the characters and the world. And even though
Speaker 1: it was like horrible, I think a little bit of
Speaker 1: part of me wants to be in the medieval times,
Speaker 1: and I kind of wonder, like, what would I be
Speaker 1: too Christmas time post a Puck, I will be dead. Chris.
Speaker 1: I remember watching Last of Us and it's almost like
Speaker 1: when Elane and remember on Seinfeld, when Elane doesn't believe
Speaker 1: in God or heaven and Hell and Putty, her boyfriend
Speaker 1: does and she goes, yeah, you think I'm going to Hell,
Speaker 1: which I am not because it doesn't exist, but you
Speaker 1: think I'm going to Hell. And he's like, it's gonna
Speaker 1: be rough, and she's like, but David, Hell with the
Speaker 1: devil and the heat my God, the heat, and he's
Speaker 1: like gonna be rough. Like that's how I feel when
Speaker 1: Chris like loves Most Apocalypse said, I'm like, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be raped constantly. I'm not gonna have the running water,
Speaker 1: Like I know, you get to like go battle fucking zombies,
Speaker 1: but it's gonna be rough for me, like we consider
Speaker 1: me and not that like his wish is gonna come true.
Speaker 1: But I get mad that people want to live in
Speaker 1: those We're so lucky we're not living medieval times. Aren't
Speaker 1: you so happy? God? Yes, I'd have to be like
Speaker 1: scrubbing all those mushrooms off the wall. That's all I'd
Speaker 1: be doing is cleaning the fucking mushrooms. Oh, I don't
Speaker 1: think about that at all. I'm like, oh, thank God,
Speaker 1: a excuse not to clean. Everything is dirty finally, I
Speaker 1: mean it is gross. There's no like kimp to check
Speaker 1: into and like be like there's a sheet on last
Speaker 1: of us. They're all on a dirty mattress on the floor.
Speaker 1: I know he had that wound and she kept covering
Speaker 1: his shirt back up. I'm like, you're reinfecting the wound
Speaker 1: with his dirty shirt. Stop just leave it open to
Speaker 1: the air. Sounded you make when she injected him with
Speaker 1: I said, Chris, this is the grossest thing I've seen
Speaker 1: on the in my entire life. Was her putting a
Speaker 1: needle into a wound. I can't even think. I can't
Speaker 1: think of maybe in that movie. Uh remember the movie.
Speaker 1: There's like a pie movie. I think it's called Pie
Speaker 1: and there's like a needle in an eye or something
Speaker 1: weird happens with oh Pan's Labyrinth. There's some I thing
Speaker 1: in that. I this is worse than that. Um so
Speaker 1: the characters, all that stuff. Okay, I want to set
Speaker 1: you up, Brian. You came in. You said you had
Speaker 1: a story that you want to tell. Yeah, this weekend
Speaker 1: I had an ordeal. Oh please yeah, bring us through it,
Speaker 1: hold us, hold our hands through your ordeal. Yeah. So,
Speaker 1: um this was I had a very stressful weekend because
Speaker 1: there's my neighbor is Um, I guess he's like a farmer.
Speaker 1: He's he's not my neighbor city. Yes, oh no, no, yes,
Speaker 1: I live in Culver City. I don't want to Los Angeles. Everyone. Yes,
Speaker 1: my neighbor is a is a farmer. He has a
Speaker 1: lot of land and he's farms and I my window
Speaker 1: looks out into his into his yard, and I see
Speaker 1: him farming, and he's a nice man, but to protect
Speaker 1: his crops, he puts out traps, and that last of us. Yes,
Speaker 1: and frequently he traps animals like squirrels, possum, things like that,
Speaker 1: and um, sometimes he leaves them in that trap for
Speaker 1: a long time. Like you're allowed to trap animals, but
Speaker 1: you can't just leave them in there. Yeah, And I've
Speaker 1: called and so I've been watching this guy's yard for years,
Speaker 1: and like I've called animal control on him, probably like
Speaker 1: three or four times over the last three years, because
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, there's a squirrel in there, there's a
Speaker 1: possum in there. There's something in there, and it's not
Speaker 1: if they're not letting it out. It's been in there
Speaker 1: for a long time. And then god damn it, the local,
Speaker 1: the local animal control person would go down there and
Speaker 1: they would give him a warning and they would release
Speaker 1: the animal and they would say, you really can't leave
Speaker 1: it in there for that long. And so he's been
Speaker 1: spoken too. So on Friday of this weekend, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: expecting to have a nice, pleasant weekend, and I look
Speaker 1: out the window and I see in his backyard there
Speaker 1: is a possum trapped in his cage and it's raining,
Speaker 1: and this possum has probably been in there since the
Speaker 1: night because it's a nocturnal creature. And I'm like, I
Speaker 1: can't believe this possum in there, but I'm gonna keep
Speaker 1: an eye on it, because, like you know, if it's
Speaker 1: in there for too long, this guy needs to let
Speaker 1: it out. Of course it's going to be in there
Speaker 1: too long. He never lets them out, So okay, yes,
Speaker 1: so I all day I'm watching this postum this cage,
Speaker 1: and it's just so excruciating to watch this possum and
Speaker 1: be like, what is this. He's like, maybe I can
Speaker 1: get out now, maybe I can get anything. You can
Speaker 1: never It's just like, no, you'll never get out, Like
Speaker 1: that's the that's my problem. People are like sometimes people
Speaker 1: don't understand why I care more about animals than human
Speaker 1: rights issues. It's because humans can understand their circumstance. Humans
Speaker 1: can go I'm starving right now. I mean, not chill.
Speaker 1: Children is a different thing, but even children can kind
Speaker 1: of grasp and conceptualize what is happening. We're in war
Speaker 1: right now, it's raining. I'm scared. I'm lonely animals are
Speaker 1: just fucking terrified and have no there's no there's no
Speaker 1: accepting their fate. There's no, it's just that is That
Speaker 1: is the part that breaks my heart, is that confusion
Speaker 1: that keeping trying to get out that um. Every animal
Speaker 1: that everyone eats at feels yes, and so I I
Speaker 1: you have to give a grace period because it's like
Speaker 1: you're allowed to trap the animal, and then you can,
Speaker 1: after like a few hours, you can take takeet to
Speaker 1: the woods, away from your crops. I go to sleep.
Speaker 1: I wake up the next morning and I look out
Speaker 1: my window and the possum is still there. So that
Speaker 1: means it's been in there for over twenty four hours.
Speaker 1: My god. At this point, I send an email to
Speaker 1: the animal control the local animal control guy. I have
Speaker 1: an email thread with him. We correspond and I called
Speaker 1: him and nobody answered, and I'm like, okay, well, no
Speaker 1: one's answering. And then at a certain point, after more
Speaker 1: and more hours pass, it's raining, and worst of all,
Speaker 1: I have to say, if I was listening to this podcast,
Speaker 1: I would stop listening right now because I can't take
Speaker 1: the story. I will stay on because I'm the host,
Speaker 1: but I am so uncomfortable with an animal's struggle. If
Speaker 1: this were not my podcast, I would just go I'm
Speaker 1: assuming this story ends. Well, I'm not listening, so will
Speaker 1: you get right now? I need to know this is okay.
Speaker 1: I can't handle this. Okay, just keep going. I'm just
Speaker 1: saying I'm very high to get it. The people there,
Speaker 1: there's people walking around in the backyard. They see this postum.
Speaker 1: I know that they see it. This guy, this fucking farmer,
Speaker 1: okay him so much so I call the police, the
Speaker 1: local police, not nine one one. I call the police station,
Speaker 1: and I say, hey, there's a person with the possum.
Speaker 1: It's howling in the backyard. Can can someone just go
Speaker 1: over there and tell them to release it? Because I
Speaker 1: don't want to go over there because I don't want
Speaker 1: this guy to know that I'm a snitch. I don't
Speaker 1: want I want to keep looking out of my window.
Speaker 1: I don't want anyone to know that I'm some guy,
Speaker 1: you know, peeking through the blinds. So, and I also
Speaker 1: don't want him to retaliate if he finds out it's me.
Speaker 1: He can set traps. He's a shifty he's gonna trap you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the police don't know a circumstances, though I won't feel
Speaker 1: as bad. Brian is just gonna be like, oh, just
Speaker 1: like can't eat his cookies. Okay. The police tell me
Speaker 1: that the animal the local animal control officer is no
Speaker 1: longer a position in the city, so there isn't one.
Speaker 1: They said, you can't. You have to contact La County.
Speaker 1: So I so I call the county and the county
Speaker 1: tells me. The county tells me, we can't go out.
Speaker 1: This is not something that we would go out to see.
Speaker 1: This is not something we would do. We need the
Speaker 1: police to tell us to go there. So I have
Speaker 1: to I call the police again and I say, can
Speaker 1: you tell the animal control can go out there? You're
Speaker 1: like dealing with siblings, Like fine, you go tell mom. Yes.
Speaker 1: So finally they go out there and they knock on
Speaker 1: the person's door and they say did you call animal Control?
Speaker 1: And they say, no, we did not, and then they leave.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, I'm I'm waiting like a two hours.
Speaker 1: I'm still watching this possum and uh, it's been in
Speaker 1: there for over two days at this point, and so
Speaker 1: I call back Animal Control and I say what happened?
Speaker 1: And they say they told us what they didn't call.
Speaker 1: It's like, no, you don't understand I'm snitching. You need
Speaker 1: to come to me and I'll show it to you
Speaker 1: in the backyard. It's not them. They're not gonna they're
Speaker 1: not gonna tell you we're torturing animals back here. So right,
Speaker 1: They're like, well, you have to get the police to
Speaker 1: call us and tell us to come back. So I
Speaker 1: call the police again. I called the pants again, and
Speaker 1: uh they say, okay, we'll tell them animal Animal Controls
Speaker 1: is on its way, they say, And then, um, and
Speaker 1: you are not getting anything done this day? No, I'm
Speaker 1: just I just feel I wanted to make pancakes and
Speaker 1: the whole day I don't want to make headcakes. I
Speaker 1: don't want to make pancakes when the police show up,
Speaker 1: that'll be horrible. I'll be in the middle of a
Speaker 1: pancake and it'll get burned. Edge. Is Alie your fiance
Speaker 1: here also, like with you monitoring staking it out or
Speaker 1: she kind of just like Brian's doing a thing. She's
Speaker 1: not here this weekend. I'm all a load, Okay, what
Speaker 1: is the load? Looking at this thing? And I just
Speaker 1: want to make pancakes so I would feel better. And
Speaker 1: then and then uh uh, my neighbor, who is an
Speaker 1: eighty eight year old woman who I have a very
Speaker 1: good relationship with another neighbor, a downstairs neighbor. Yes, um,
Speaker 1: she doesn't fuck around and she loves animals. And I say,
Speaker 1: I say, you know that our neighbors are gonna possum
Speaker 1: and blah blah blah, and she says, well, I'll go
Speaker 1: over there and i'll talk to him. I have a
Speaker 1: pre existing relationship with him. I was like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: it's like, but you gotta wait till he's outside and
Speaker 1: then I'll go over there and I'll talk to him.
Speaker 1: So I post up at my window. As soon as
Speaker 1: that man comes outside to check his recycling, I text
Speaker 1: my neighbor, my neighbors. I say he's out, and then
Speaker 1: my neighbor says, okay, and then she goes out there.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, excuse me, my upstairs neighbor says, and I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: don't understand. No one understands the game. Okay, Yes, my
Speaker 1: upstairs neighbor says that he sees a possum and you're
Speaker 1: and it's cruel. And then at the exact same moment,
Speaker 1: Animal Control shows up, Yes, and and uh, the man.
Speaker 1: But but unfortunately the man has now been tipped off.
Speaker 1: Animal Control shows up and I'm watching this out in
Speaker 1: my window. I watched the guy look at your window. No,
Speaker 1: he goes into his backyard. He knows animal control is here,
Speaker 1: he knows that we know about the possum. He goes
Speaker 1: into the backyard, he lifts up the cage and he
Speaker 1: hides it in his ship. Yeah. You have to get involved.
Speaker 1: You have to get involved. You have to say that
Speaker 1: I just saw him hide it. Come on, Brian. So
Speaker 1: the neighbor comes up and tells me that animal control
Speaker 1: is here. I go out and talk to Animal Control
Speaker 1: and they say, so, what's going on. I said that
Speaker 1: possums back there. And at this point, the possum is
Speaker 1: not moving. I'm assuming it's been in there for two
Speaker 1: and a half days, no water, no food, in the rain.
Speaker 1: And the person, the animal control person, is like, well, Uh,
Speaker 1: this guy's saying that the pot that he released the
Speaker 1: possum in the mountains uh this morning. And I was
Speaker 1: like no, I just saw him, and I'm like I
Speaker 1: just psalm. In fact, I filmed him pick up the
Speaker 1: cage and put it in the shed. I show Animal
Speaker 1: control my phone video of him putting the cage in
Speaker 1: the shed. Yes, and animal control. Animal control is like,
Speaker 1: we have video evidence that the possum is still back
Speaker 1: there and you just put it in the shed. And
Speaker 1: he's like uh, And he's like, if the possum is dead,
Speaker 1: you might be criminally charged for animals. Yeah, you better
Speaker 1: hope the possum is life. Just give me the possum,
Speaker 1: Give me the possum and let me take it from you.
Speaker 1: I'll just release it. He should be charged anyway. The
Speaker 1: possum has been is near death, torture, tortured. He's allowed
Speaker 1: to trap the animal, but he can't keep it in
Speaker 1: there until it starves to death and dies. Right, But
Speaker 1: what if it's about to die? You know, Like isn't
Speaker 1: that a crime? Like why is there not? Like if
Speaker 1: you hit someone with your card, don't kill them, you
Speaker 1: still get in trouble. Okay, go on. So the guy's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I now that there's video evidence, I'm going to go
Speaker 1: and get the possum. He takes the cage out, he
Speaker 1: brings it and I and I say it should I
Speaker 1: stay here because I don't want to have a confrontation
Speaker 1: with the neighbor, but I do want to see what
Speaker 1: the possums situation is. He puts the cage down, The
Speaker 1: possum is not moving. The animal control person takes out
Speaker 1: another cage, pokes at the possum and it wakes up. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then he's like, what the fuck is going on?
Speaker 1: The possum is okay. The animal control person takes the possum,
Speaker 1: puts it in her cage. He says, I'm going to
Speaker 1: release it in the mountains, and then she puts it
Speaker 1: in her truck. And my neighbor scowls at me. And
Speaker 1: but he doesn't get in trouble either, which is fine.
Speaker 1: I don't want him to get in trouble and then
Speaker 1: have a vendetta. Yes, the possum is okay. The possum
Speaker 1: gets driven to the motherfucker. The farmer is not isn't arrested,
Speaker 1: and I get to eat my pancakes, and I feel
Speaker 1: good that I save the possum. But I also am
Speaker 1: am in fear. Yeah, i'd be in fear too. I mean,
Speaker 1: now he knows it's gonna be, You're gonna be man,
Speaker 1: because every time you leave your house, do you have
Speaker 1: a chance of like seeing him like, where is his car? Like,
Speaker 1: is there a place to run into him? I guess
Speaker 1: just to get the mail or take out the recycling.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to time it now. Oh, I see
Speaker 1: him all the time and uh yeah, and then I
Speaker 1: try to smile at him and he never smiles back.
Speaker 1: But now, guy's a lunatic. I think a serial killer.
Speaker 1: He really does. He sounds like the one the guy
Speaker 1: that you're like, well, I did notice, Like the news
Speaker 1: team comes and goes, did you would you ever think
Speaker 1: he would have all these bodies in his basement? You'll go, well,
Speaker 1: there's a there's a possum situation. Um, yeah, you're this
Speaker 1: is This is so often the case, you know, where
Speaker 1: you are witnessing a person abuse animals or people or
Speaker 1: their kids, and you don't want to say anything because
Speaker 1: you know you're dealing with a psycho and so you
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of you for saying something though, and
Speaker 1: like calling the right people and getting it done. I
Speaker 1: don't know what I would have done in that circumstance.
Speaker 1: I would have probably moved out because I'm like, I
Speaker 1: can't watch this possum die. But I'm too scared of
Speaker 1: this man um it's what is this thing that we
Speaker 1: all have? Is it like a trauma us? It's like, Nikki,
Speaker 1: you reposted that great tweet the other day, somebody wrote
Speaker 1: something like that thing when men get angry with you
Speaker 1: when you simply told them what happened. Like you, you
Speaker 1: explained to a man something that he did and then
Speaker 1: he gets mad at you for extplain it. It's like
Speaker 1: you're now Brian in fear because you just called out
Speaker 1: something totally inappropriate and you're in fear. Why this guy
Speaker 1: should be in fear, But it's like you're scared. He's
Speaker 1: the one that fucked up. I say, live your life
Speaker 1: happily and fucking peacock your chest out because you did
Speaker 1: the right thing. You're the good guy. He's the asshole
Speaker 1: that's torturing animals, and you've got your eye on him,
Speaker 1: and don't let him scare you. Don't let him terrorize you,
Speaker 1: because you'll fucking call the cops again. I feel that
Speaker 1: way all the time. It's such an if I people.
Speaker 1: There was an instance of it, even with mad in
Speaker 1: the confrontation with the guy and wherever Charleston in the lobby,
Speaker 1: I instantly felt because when he got mad at us.
Speaker 1: I felt he's right, we're wrong, We're in trouble. I
Speaker 1: need to just like give up, like I can't take
Speaker 1: anyone being mad at me, or if I break a rule,
Speaker 1: even if a rule is dumb, like I have, I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: I was talking about it to someone yesterday or I
Speaker 1: was scared of like we had pot on us or something,
Speaker 1: and I was like scared of someone smelling it and like, no,
Speaker 1: and I know the pot laws like most places, it's
Speaker 1: it's legal or whatever. But there was a part of
Speaker 1: me that was like scared about someone being arrested. And
Speaker 1: they were like, why are who cares? It's like, and
Speaker 1: I go, well, it's stinky and it's annoying, so you
Speaker 1: should like we should take it over here. And they're like,
Speaker 1: but it doesn't matter, and I go, well, I'm scared
Speaker 1: it is illegal and I will get arrested. And I
Speaker 1: if I get arrested, there's no me going like, but
Speaker 1: I didn't mean, it's just put my hands, me on
Speaker 1: my back, acquiesced like I would never I've and this
Speaker 1: is maybe a white person thing, like I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't think I could ever be charged with a crime.
Speaker 1: And I'd go but I didn't, I would just fucking
Speaker 1: take it. I've never whenever I've gotten yelled at about
Speaker 1: your you guys are too loud in this restaurant, or like,
Speaker 1: not that that's ever happened. But I'm trying to give
Speaker 1: examples where you're like, well this is okay that we're
Speaker 1: doing this, or like, um, you can't take this chair,
Speaker 1: this chair blogs over here, even though no one's new
Speaker 1: using that chair. I just go, oh, I'm so sorry,
Speaker 1: take back the chair. There's no I will never finagle anything.
Speaker 1: I will never get a good deal on something. I
Speaker 1: will never go like, but I think you said that
Speaker 1: I could get that. I will just always give you
Speaker 1: all the money that you want. I don't want to
Speaker 1: ever try to scam the system ever, when a company
Speaker 1: wrongs you in some way. Yes, well this is another
Speaker 1: example I was talking about. Um uh, you know someone
Speaker 1: was saying, oh when I was talking about living in
Speaker 1: Saint Louis, and I go, you know, it's nice because studios,
Speaker 1: if they want me on their shows, they just fly
Speaker 1: me out and put me up and then if they
Speaker 1: own of the money, I'll do it myself and they
Speaker 1: go they always have the money. I go, I understand
Speaker 1: that Warner Brothers has the money, has millions of dollars
Speaker 1: that they would not even know about if it went missing,
Speaker 1: and they'd find another way to make it. But what
Speaker 1: I'm saying is there's someone, there's a human being that
Speaker 1: is managing the money that was allocated for their travel expenses,
Speaker 1: for their talent, and there's a human being that's gonna
Speaker 1: catch shit from another human being. Because I am asking
Speaker 1: for an additional night at this hotel, so I know
Speaker 1: it's not about the company. It's about a human being
Speaker 1: who is in charge of that money, this arbitrary amount
Speaker 1: of money, and that's who I'm trying to not get
Speaker 1: in trouble or protect, Like I under fuck Apple, fuck
Speaker 1: Whole Foods, fuck Amazon. But there are people that are
Speaker 1: catching the brunt of these expenses. Or you stealing from
Speaker 1: a CVS the manager of that store, Yes, yes, steal
Speaker 1: from CV. Like I got so mad at my friend
Speaker 1: Taylor because she shoplifts all the time. She's like, it's
Speaker 1: the man, steal from the fucking man. Target doesn't care whatever,
Speaker 1: and it's like no, but that manager of that target
Speaker 1: has a family and has like he's gonna catch because
Speaker 1: there's too much theft going on in his place. It's
Speaker 1: not about the corporation. I wish we could just steal
Speaker 1: straight from the Amazon headquarters, but there is no Amazon headquarters.
Speaker 1: It's all in the cloud. I just was in Mexico
Speaker 1: on vacation and we were out at brunch and they
Speaker 1: had a huge bachelorette party, and between when we ordered
Speaker 1: and when we got our lunch, it was an hour
Speaker 1: and ten minutes or something, and at the forty five minutes,
Speaker 1: I would have died in that time. I left because
Speaker 1: I had to go do your podcast. So I was like,
Speaker 1: I gotta go. You guys have fun at lunch. And
Speaker 1: I left my party there and I told the waiter,
Speaker 1: can you just cancel my tacos? I have to go
Speaker 1: run to work. And his face just fell, and you know,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh sorry. And then a few days later,
Speaker 1: my dad and I were talking and he was like,
Speaker 1: do you know that here in Mexico the waiters are
Speaker 1: charged anytime somebody cancels or no order or something. And
Speaker 1: I was like what. And I made a point to
Speaker 1: get the money to that waiter because I did not.
Speaker 1: I was like, I do not want that guy to
Speaker 1: have to pay for my lunch that I can't slay
Speaker 1: that be I don't know. Um. I Also, I was
Speaker 1: at dinner last week with some Australians and there was
Speaker 1: a question about whether there was butter in one of
Speaker 1: the dishes because I'm vegan and I ordered this asparagus
Speaker 1: but it tasted really buttery. It tasted too good, you know,
Speaker 1: And I was like, I think there's butter in this,
Speaker 1: and the bus boy and I go, we gotta find
Speaker 1: our waiter to ask because I had specifically asked him.
Speaker 1: The bus boy came over and my friend becks. The
Speaker 1: Australian was like, do you know if there's butter in this?
Speaker 1: Or if the and I go, he doesn't fucking like
Speaker 1: I go. We all were like, no, no, no, don't
Speaker 1: ask the bus boy like there And I guess in
Speaker 1: Australia bus boys are there's no bus boys. Everyone is
Speaker 1: just working in the same system. In America, bus boys
Speaker 1: generally don't know what's going on with your orders. They're
Speaker 1: refilling waters, they're busting the table, they're bringing out plates,
Speaker 1: but they're not they don't know the ingredients of the salad.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm saying? So there's I guess
Speaker 1: there's different chef's meal. Would you say they haven't like
Speaker 1: sampled the family meal. I mean there may be like
Speaker 1: taking bits of food off plates that they bust because
Speaker 1: I used to do that when I would bus tables.
Speaker 1: But I have awkward interactions with bus boys all the
Speaker 1: time because I don't realize that they're the bus boy.
Speaker 1: I think they're the waiter. And then I go, um,
Speaker 1: oh can I order? Oh wait, you're the bus boy?
Speaker 1: Oh is the waiter? Can I talk to you? No?
Speaker 1: Neverbody English, I have no offense. And they're just kind
Speaker 1: of looking at you blankly and you go, um, you know, well,
Speaker 1: I'll just wait, and it's just yeah, it's awkward, but
Speaker 1: that is that's interesting good to know. In Mexico, if
Speaker 1: you cancel your order, it's they're eating the cost and
Speaker 1: maybe they're eating your order. Who knows. I'm in a
Speaker 1: Miami right now. Um. I couldn't sleep last night. I
Speaker 1: didn't get to bed till six am. I don't know
Speaker 1: what is wrong with me. I am I need to
Speaker 1: start telling my sleep because it's just not there's not
Speaker 1: enough and I don't know what. I had caffeine yesterday,
Speaker 1: I think that was the thing, but I needed caffeine.
Speaker 1: This is the paradox of caffeine. You need it because
Speaker 1: you're tired to go to the event they have to
Speaker 1: be on for, and then you drink a little too much.
Speaker 1: And then the second you get are done with the
Speaker 1: event and it's time to go sleep, sleep, you cannot.
Speaker 1: And so I gotta not do caffeine anymore. I'm going
Speaker 1: to Um, I haven't. I usually don't do it. I
Speaker 1: get Decaflottes every day, but I had some yesterday because
Speaker 1: I went to the Oscar party here in Miami, the
Speaker 1: Vanity Fair Oscar party. Wouldn't haven't been invited the Vanity
Speaker 1: Fair Oscar party in LA but Miami I was. It
Speaker 1: was hosted by Zeoman, which is like a injectable thing
Speaker 1: that I did a sponsorship for. And um yeah, went
Speaker 1: to this like hoaity twity event, got full hair and makeup,
Speaker 1: and flew here after Buffalo my friend Robin and Jenner
Speaker 1: here we went out afterwards, um the Oscars. I could
Speaker 1: barely listen because we were at this party and it
Speaker 1: would play and everyone's talking. I think Kimmel killed it.
Speaker 1: Kimmel is just so good, you know, and we've seen
Speaker 1: him get good. I remember watching him on The Man Show.
Speaker 1: He used to host Wind Benstein's Money Like he went
Speaker 1: from being this like affable, chummy guy. He was always good.
Speaker 1: But he's just so, you know, the best kind of performers.
Speaker 1: They just make you feel like you're in good hands.
Speaker 1: You're not nervous for them. It's the They're a Greyhound
Speaker 1: bus driver that you know has gotten a lot of sleep.
Speaker 1: He's been doing this forever. You don't worry. Like whenever
Speaker 1: I got on a bus, I'm always worried. That's overnight.
Speaker 1: I worry about the bus driver falling asleep. I can't
Speaker 1: I can't sleep because I'm worried, and I have to
Speaker 1: look at him like Brian watching the Possum. I'm like
Speaker 1: constantly checking in, like is his head nodding off. I
Speaker 1: have no comfort in a bus situation. Ever, when I
Speaker 1: went on the Bert Chrysher tour, I had panic and
Speaker 1: I had my assistant call Bert's assistance to ask about
Speaker 1: the bus driver situation. How many hours if they were
Speaker 1: like you know, unionize, like if they're rules about how
Speaker 1: many hours they can ride, because I know they'll push it.
Speaker 1: They'll take a couple of five hour energies, smoke some
Speaker 1: meth get through the night. I wanted like to make
Speaker 1: sure I know what they do out there. And truck
Speaker 1: drivers it's very dangerous, Like it's a dangerous job and
Speaker 1: they got at they that is something that you would
Speaker 1: deep dive into the light of truck drivers. Well, I
Speaker 1: can't deep dive too much because I will never sleep
Speaker 1: again because they're all on no sleep and I just
Speaker 1: worry about their mental health less than them falling asleep
Speaker 1: on the road. I'm just like every time I saw
Speaker 1: a truck driver, then I will have a bleeding heart
Speaker 1: of like you're not getting enough sleep, which is me
Speaker 1: just like really obviously projecting constantly all over everyone. But
Speaker 1: um so Kimmel though, Like I always talk about this
Speaker 1: when people are like you're such a good comedian or
Speaker 1: like what's the secret, It's like getting on stage enough
Speaker 1: so that you being funny is one part. Is a
Speaker 1: huge part of it, no questions asked, Like writing jokes,
Speaker 1: and that comes with time, but that can also come
Speaker 1: with writers. That can also come with people helping you,
Speaker 1: like you know, like like we were talking about, I go,
Speaker 1: how does this world exist? How does he know about
Speaker 1: tank engines? And Chris. It's like he just the writer,
Speaker 1: calls up people that know about tank engines and then
Speaker 1: he gets information and I'm like, okay, so comedians can
Speaker 1: use writers. But that confidence that you have on stage
Speaker 1: that you are the bus driver that isn't going to
Speaker 1: fall asleep, Like Kimmel walks out and you go, he's
Speaker 1: got this. Someone could run up on stage. Shit could
Speaker 1: happen this, a light could fall down, you know, Lady
Speaker 1: Gaga could start like having a seizure and Kimmel is
Speaker 1: going to handle it. You know what I'm saying, Like
Speaker 1: we're safe, and not all hosts can do that. I mean,
Speaker 1: I I don't think I have that kind of calm.
Speaker 1: And that's what I always try to do at the
Speaker 1: beginning of my shows is like try to make everyone
Speaker 1: feel like we're in good hands, because generally with stand
Speaker 1: up comedy, you everyone in the crowd is thinking I
Speaker 1: could never do that. Not everyone, but I would say
Speaker 1: the dates of the have my mega fans who are like,
Speaker 1: we know what she's capable of, and we love comedy
Speaker 1: and we come to comedy shows all the time. We
Speaker 1: know how this works. And then there's their date they
Speaker 1: brought that doesn't go to comedy shows and their date,
Speaker 1: whether it's a guy or girl, is thinking, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I could never do that. That would be so scary.
Speaker 1: I'd be so nervous. And then they project that onto you,
Speaker 1: and you need to instantly give them like the feeling
Speaker 1: you're okay, everything's fine, we all. That's why in America
Speaker 1: it's so fucking crazy that shows start with an MC
Speaker 1: who is the least experienced on the show. That's why
Speaker 1: I introduced my own shows like from the backstage, because
Speaker 1: I'm like, I want a voice of like calm and
Speaker 1: not that on you. You're a consummate professional, You're never
Speaker 1: you're You're someone who makes everyone feel relaxed, even more
Speaker 1: so than me. Sometimes I watch you on stage and
Speaker 1: I'm like, damn, the way she handled that last week
Speaker 1: she handled a heck. This past weekend, she handled a Hecklert.
Speaker 1: It was so funny and so good and so present.
Speaker 1: But um, yeah, Kim Will just makes you feel that way.
Speaker 1: And his I just want to when we come back
Speaker 1: from break, I want to go over a couple of
Speaker 1: the jokes that I really enjoyed from his monologue, and um,
Speaker 1: maybe talk about some Oscar moments. Brian, I'm guessing you
Speaker 1: watched it. Did I did not? You did not? Okay,
Speaker 1: on your watch, I did. I'm a single belief. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: Well we'll talk about what we get back. We'll talk
Speaker 1: about what we did it watch when we get back.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the show, guys. I'm on tour, not
Speaker 1: this next weekend. I have one weekend off, but not
Speaker 1: really because I'm going to DC to watch Chris's Adam
Speaker 1: Sandler Mark Twain Prize thing this weekend. That'll be fun.
Speaker 1: So I'm off. But am I really off? Full there
Speaker 1: and makeup travel. I sort of got every weekend that
Speaker 1: I'm off, there's something else going on. Even though I
Speaker 1: want to do this and I'm not having to be on,
Speaker 1: it's like you can't. You can't get any time off.
Speaker 1: But it's gonna be awesome. Please watch the Mark Twain
Speaker 1: Prize when that airs on CNN. I don't know exactly
Speaker 1: when it's at the end of the month, but um
Speaker 1: I'm coming to the Pacific Northwest next next week, the
Speaker 1: twenty fourth and twenty fifth, Friday and Saturday. I'll be
Speaker 1: in Spokane, Washington with on your Marina and m Eugene
Speaker 1: Organ on Saturday, So come out to those shows if
Speaker 1: you want. We had a great time with Bessie's this
Speaker 1: past weekend in Rochester, Buffalo and itic Um, so that
Speaker 1: would be so fun. The Oscars. I loved Kimmel's joke
Speaker 1: about um ozempicum. He's like, I can't help but look
Speaker 1: around the room and think ozempic might work for me.
Speaker 1: I just loved that. Is one of my favorite joke
Speaker 1: deliveries of just you read it, you know exactly how
Speaker 1: to deliver it. It made me want to host the
Speaker 1: Oscars so bad his jokes because they were just you
Speaker 1: don't have to do a singing dance billy crystal thing.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I want to host an event like this
Speaker 1: and just have like scathing jokes that just kind of
Speaker 1: tow the line. He said something about um, Tom Cruise
Speaker 1: looking hot, and he was like, l ron, hubba hubba,
Speaker 1: Like he said something he made a little dig about
Speaker 1: scientific No, no, of course not, because Tom Cruise can't
Speaker 1: go anywhere where scientology might be mocked. I mean that
Speaker 1: is essentially why I think he wasn't there, even though
Speaker 1: Maverick was, you know, um nominated. And then of course
Speaker 1: he talked about the Will Smith thing. He made a
Speaker 1: joke about, um, there's so many Irish people. His first
Speaker 1: dig at it was there's so many Irish people dominated
Speaker 1: that like this is the year where there's going to
Speaker 1: be a brawl on stage, Like it's gonna get really
Speaker 1: something about that, and then he made another comment about
Speaker 1: you know if you, oh, he goes, guys, this year,
Speaker 1: there is a there's a plan in place if anyone
Speaker 1: assaults anyone else, just do exactly what you did last year. Nothing,
Speaker 1: do nothing. And then oh no, he goes. If no,
Speaker 1: he goes, if anyone comes up here and assaults anyone,
Speaker 1: we will immediately give you a Best Actor win and
Speaker 1: let you do a nineteen minute long speech. And he's like,
Speaker 1: just do nothing. He goes, No, even don't even try
Speaker 1: it this week or this year. And then he just
Speaker 1: listed all the people that will like fight for him,
Speaker 1: like that are there. He's like, I have Spider Man here,
Speaker 1: and they zoom in on Andrew Garfield and he's like,
Speaker 1: I got you know, and he's going through all of them.
Speaker 1: It was fun, it was it was a nice acknowledgement
Speaker 1: and there was I think a couple of other digs
Speaker 1: throughout the show. He said this, Oh, you know, last
Speaker 1: year the slap happened during the documentary film uh announcement,
Speaker 1: and so this year he was like, and not to
Speaker 1: announce you know the best documentary. Um, this was the
Speaker 1: time where we had some issue last year. Let's hope
Speaker 1: this time it goes off without a hitch or without hitch,
Speaker 1: which was played hitch. I thought that was a good line.
Speaker 1: So a lot of fun jokes last night. I didn't
Speaker 1: really see the speeches. I guess Jamie Lee Curtis won. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was there any moments on you
Speaker 1: you watched it, did you did you care about anything?
Speaker 1: I like really tuned in at like eight oh seven
Speaker 1: or something. I was a little late, and I just immediately, well,
Speaker 1: I'm I love the Oscars. I've always loved him. I'm
Speaker 1: like Chris and Brian watching Game of Thrones. It has
Speaker 1: to be quiet, like knowing a reference and you don't
Speaker 1: go to oscar parties. No, I I loved it. I
Speaker 1: just watched it alone for like an hour, and then
Speaker 1: Matt came down with a big bowl of popcorn and
Speaker 1: reluctantly watched it with me. But yeah, I wept when
Speaker 1: um kay who que or whatever one best, supporting for
Speaker 1: everything everywhere, all at once. He was like, this is great.
Speaker 1: He was so excited. He was just like talking about
Speaker 1: being from an immigrant family and how he's like, I'm
Speaker 1: living the American dream. Plus I had watched a clip
Speaker 1: of his that was viral where he was like, I
Speaker 1: could not get medical insurance two years ago because it
Speaker 1: was a pandemic, couldn't get anywhere. And now it's like
Speaker 1: he got nominated for an Oscar and then one he
Speaker 1: was just so grateful, sorry for joy, and it was
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be cynical. That's this isn't the American dream.
Speaker 1: This is not possible. There's not any Most people from
Speaker 1: immigrant families that come to the US or you know,
Speaker 1: will never have this opportunity. It's one one in a billion,
Speaker 1: almost like it's it's probably one in five hundred million
Speaker 1: at least to even get a chance to ever be
Speaker 1: in a movie and get this level success. He won
Speaker 1: a lottery. This isn't. This is not a dream that
Speaker 1: America offers anyone. It is. It maybe used to be,
Speaker 1: it's not any more. It's but America loves this presentation
Speaker 1: of like you can come here and this can be
Speaker 1: your life. It's not gonna be. We're probably going to
Speaker 1: offer a better life than wherever you came from. There's
Speaker 1: no denying that in a lot of cases. But I
Speaker 1: don't like this thing of like that this could happen
Speaker 1: to anyone else like like that, And I don't like
Speaker 1: and I don't like people to claim that they worked
Speaker 1: hard for something. I don't like it anymore because I
Speaker 1: don't claim I work hard for things. Yes I do,
Speaker 1: but I got lucky because I was born with a
Speaker 1: brain that worked hard. Everything is luck. None of this
Speaker 1: really matters. I you know, I'm cynical about these shows.
Speaker 1: When I went to the critics Choice, I was like
Speaker 1: had a existential crisis of like, everyone in this room
Speaker 1: is playing dress up. This is embarrassing. Everyone in here
Speaker 1: thinks they did something special when they were just probably
Speaker 1: either born with parents that were rich and supportive or
Speaker 1: mine too, My parents were financially supportive of me, Like,
Speaker 1: and they were born with a talent, Like we should
Speaker 1: just celebrate, like you were lucky enough to be born
Speaker 1: with this talent. We can do that, but don't act
Speaker 1: like anyone's man made or self made. I just don't
Speaker 1: buy it. And I don't buy people that America lucky
Speaker 1: people like I don't. I think this is really suits
Speaker 1: the narrative we would like to say for the immigrant
Speaker 1: experience of like you can make it, No you can't, No,
Speaker 1: you can't. Odds are you're not. Definitely think that's true.
Speaker 1: That's definitely true of casting. Like if if you think
Speaker 1: that you got cast in a role because you were
Speaker 1: the best one, you're wrong. It's there was forty people
Speaker 1: who were the best one, and out of those forty
Speaker 1: one of them was randomly selected, essentially based on some
Speaker 1: weird thing that a casting director had. It. Oh, I
Speaker 1: saw they had they drank an orange juice. Yes, how
Speaker 1: do you do you always hear the stories of how
Speaker 1: people are casting. It's like I had seen him in
Speaker 1: this production of this one show, like it's or you know,
Speaker 1: you're right, Like I saw the way he drank. He
Speaker 1: brought in an orange juice into the audition, and I
Speaker 1: like the way he didn't cap his orange juice, and
Speaker 1: it really spoke to the character. And it's just like
Speaker 1: that was just a random fucking thing that happened. Or
Speaker 1: she gave a blowjob, or she gave the sorry, she
Speaker 1: gave the idea that she might blow you someday. Do
Speaker 1: you know any actresses you know about because they fucked someone? Really?
Speaker 1: And I'm not talking about like old timing. You know
Speaker 1: most of your favorite actresses have done sexual favors for
Speaker 1: the stuff, and maybe not most. I would say way
Speaker 1: more than you think your favorite actresses to the four
Speaker 1: people here, I'm not kidding. I do you think I
Speaker 1: know that I've gotten roles because or opportunities because men
Speaker 1: have wanted to fuck me. I know it. I haven't
Speaker 1: fucked them. That's not me being like I'm better than that.
Speaker 1: If I was a different person, I would have fucked them.
Speaker 1: I don't blame you for fucking someone for a role.
Speaker 1: If you think that you're talented enough and the only
Speaker 1: way you're gonna get at it is to fuck someone
Speaker 1: and you don't care about sucking them, is not going
Speaker 1: to really like affect your bottom line as a human being.
Speaker 1: Do it? I don't care it. You know. I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to be um controversial here or accusatory or I'm
Speaker 1: just saying it like it is, Like the reason people
Speaker 1: get things is not because they're talented most of the time,
Speaker 1: and the reason they're talented is not because they worked
Speaker 1: harder or because they're better than you. It's just they
Speaker 1: were born with this talent. And I think the Oscars,
Speaker 1: just like I think the Olympics, is cool because it
Speaker 1: is a meritocracy, you know, like you're the you. There's
Speaker 1: no nepotism in athletics. There might be a little bit,
Speaker 1: like you might get your son into the right kind
Speaker 1: of camps that make him train better and then but
Speaker 1: you gotta be fucking good. You gotta run fast, you
Speaker 1: gotta be a good player, you gotta have a good arm.
Speaker 1: Do you agree? Am I wrong? Well, it's no, you're
Speaker 1: not wrong. It's just that there are certain countries that
Speaker 1: are able to have the facilities and the and the
Speaker 1: money and the exposable income disposal income to put people.
Speaker 1: That's why America America isn't the most athletic nation in
Speaker 1: the world. It's not like we genetically have all the
Speaker 1: athletes and that's why we win all the medals. It's
Speaker 1: because we have so much income. Yeah, we just take
Speaker 1: someone when they're three years old and we put them
Speaker 1: in a pool and we make them swim, and we
Speaker 1: pay for everything they could ever want. There's a book
Speaker 1: you gotta read Nikki the talent code. I know the
Speaker 1: talent code. You got me the talent code, and that
Speaker 1: is what everything I mean that took me from that
Speaker 1: got me into like there's no free will. Everyonce is
Speaker 1: Beyonce because of first of all, she has an inborn talent.
Speaker 1: She was born with like the right kind of structure
Speaker 1: in her head to produce that sound, the right vocal chords,
Speaker 1: everything is working. So she was born with it. It
Speaker 1: wasn't something she invented or she created. And then she
Speaker 1: trained from the day she was probably singing and training
Speaker 1: since she was two. And I'm not joking, and she
Speaker 1: went to there's a lot of talent that comes out
Speaker 1: of exactly where she went to went to go train.
Speaker 1: She's the best out of all of that. But she
Speaker 1: she didn't come out of nowhere. I didn't come out
Speaker 1: of nowhere. People think like, you're so good, and I
Speaker 1: go because I've been doing it for twenty some odd years.
Speaker 1: I'm coming up on the twentieth anniversary. I think of
Speaker 1: doing stand up March twelfth, what's the date right now? Oh? Yesterday?
Speaker 1: Weary that it was marched like twelfth or three? It
Speaker 1: may it might have been March thirteenth, So this might
Speaker 1: be it, but um, it was the first time I
Speaker 1: went on stage and then I took a break. But
Speaker 1: I mean, like that's why I'm good, it's not and
Speaker 1: because yes, I'll say it's because I'm quick, and like
Speaker 1: my brain is. I'm smarter than a lot of people.
Speaker 1: There's no doubt about that I have. I'm smart. I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm there are money people that are smarter than me.
Speaker 1: But I didn't make my smartness. You didn't make your
Speaker 1: legs that made you a fast runner. You have those,
Speaker 1: you can train properly. We all think we're in control
Speaker 1: of it. But the talent code is fascinating because that
Speaker 1: is what got me on the controversial take of anyone
Speaker 1: could be a comedian if they want to be. Anyone
Speaker 1: could be anything they want to be. It's just about
Speaker 1: how many hours you devote to it and how young
Speaker 1: you intercept them. That's why China's good at gymnastics. They steal,
Speaker 1: They robbed girls of their childhood, much like we do.
Speaker 1: I mean, I remember when Kursten got really good at gymnastics.
Speaker 1: We were like doing gymnastics at the same time. She
Speaker 1: was always better than me. More inclined, just has the
Speaker 1: body for it, born with it, not taking anything from her,
Speaker 1: but she is. And she started going up the levels
Speaker 1: and then suddenly when she was like at competitive level,
Speaker 1: bye bye Kirstin. No more hang out because you have
Speaker 1: to go to the gym for four hours after school
Speaker 1: every single day. And it was like and she got
Speaker 1: Thankfully she got out of it before high school really
Speaker 1: kicked into gear because she would have had no experience
Speaker 1: except to that one, which isn't not an experience. You
Speaker 1: have friends there and you have the social life there
Speaker 1: that becomes something, but it wouldn't have it. It's a
Speaker 1: huge sacrifice that these people make. It's so so rare
Speaker 1: that you know, you see videos sometimes of like an
Speaker 1: autistic girl just like going up to a piano and
Speaker 1: just playing a Bach concerto and she's blind and her
Speaker 1: head is spinning around and she just like ever practice it.
Speaker 1: She heard it one time. That is something we don't
Speaker 1: understand yet. But that is also something that she couldn't control. Like, no, one,
Speaker 1: don't stop giving people credit for being talented. We can
Speaker 1: give them credit for being lucky. And that's but I
Speaker 1: remember dat Fan who won last Comic Standing the first
Speaker 1: season he came. He shouldn't have won. He had literally
Speaker 1: ten minutes of comedy at tops. He won the first
Speaker 1: season he came to KU to perform. I would just
Speaker 1: start a comedy like a year before I went to
Speaker 1: go see him. I'm front row. I'm so excited. He's
Speaker 1: not good, he's mediocre whatever. Most of his show was
Speaker 1: like a real We watched of him on the show,
Speaker 1: and then he did a Q and A. I mean,
Speaker 1: these are all tricks I know to fill time. Now,
Speaker 1: you like start with a video, you do your act,
Speaker 1: then you end with a Q and A. You did
Speaker 1: a Q and A. I raised my hand and I go,
Speaker 1: how does it feel to be like so lucky to
Speaker 1: have won that show? Because he was against like Rich
Speaker 1: Voss and like Todd Glass, Ralphie May, Like there were
Speaker 1: people in place I forget exactly the makeup of he
Speaker 1: shouldn't have won. Just like when I was on Last
Speaker 1: Time Standing, I was lucky. I was at five minutes
Speaker 1: of comedy. So many people were better than me. And
Speaker 1: I said that, and I will never forget. I go,
Speaker 1: how lucky are you to have you? How do you
Speaker 1: feel so grateful? And that you like I said something
Speaker 1: about luck and he goes luck had nothing to do
Speaker 1: with it, and I was just like, he got so mad,
Speaker 1: and it's like, dude, everything is luck. I mean more
Speaker 1: so than I even knew at the time. But certainly
Speaker 1: for him to win that show, it was just luck
Speaker 1: that he was in the right place at the right time.
Speaker 1: But people hate that because they want final thought. People
Speaker 1: hate to have luck as the thing because it's not
Speaker 1: in your control and everyone wants control and to be
Speaker 1: able to go No, I earned that. I did that
Speaker 1: because I'm smart, And it's like, well, you got lucky
Speaker 1: that you were born with parents by parents who were
Speaker 1: smart and they gave you some of their genetic smartness.
Speaker 1: It's not you're just lucky. But then at the same time,
Speaker 1: I've noticed people who, you know, I'm something. When I
Speaker 1: started getting things in my career, people always used to go,
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're getting this. You deserve it, you
Speaker 1: work hard. And it really bothered me because people were
Speaker 1: excusing my talent as she just got that because she
Speaker 1: worked hard, Like she's not born with it, she's not
Speaker 1: a natural, she just got it because she worked hard.
Speaker 1: And then there are people who don't work hard, who
Speaker 1: are just naturals who hate when people go you're a
Speaker 1: natural and they go no, because I got this because
Speaker 1: I worked hard. So no matter what you get credit for,
Speaker 1: I realize you want the other one. It's always greener
Speaker 1: on the other side of the I can't control it street,
Speaker 1: which because we're always looking for something that like, no,
Speaker 1: I did this, Brian thoughts. Yeah, it's like being a
Speaker 1: musician or a comedian or an athlete. It's like, if
Speaker 1: you're an athlete, you want to do comedy. If you're
Speaker 1: a musician, you want to be an athlete, and if
Speaker 1: you're a comedian, you want to be Did I say
Speaker 1: that already what I said? Yeah? Yeah, No, it's true
Speaker 1: everyone wants to be But do you believe Do you
Speaker 1: believe in free will? Are you on the no free
Speaker 1: will train yet? Um? I believe that the universe is
Speaker 1: random chaos and this is a charade that is leading
Speaker 1: towards nothing. But I also think that we do have
Speaker 1: some we have some agency over what occurs, and I
Speaker 1: really do think that the decisions you make today will
Speaker 1: affect what happens three five years from now. Yeah, butterfly
Speaker 1: effect like yes, yeah, little things, yeah, totally, Like like
Speaker 1: I went out of my way to release that possum,
Speaker 1: and maybe on a couple of weeks, I'll read a
Speaker 1: story in the news that says like local possum eats baby,
Speaker 1: and I'll feel terrible about it. That's just what starving.
Speaker 1: We don't against natural instincts in the mountain. Yes, we
Speaker 1: just don't know what effects we're going to have, and
Speaker 1: that's where the luck comes. It's like hopefully the because
Speaker 1: you don't know. It's like gambling. It's like, oh, I
Speaker 1: think Anthony Davis is going to get forty points today.
Speaker 1: It's like it might feel like that's the right decision
Speaker 1: when you place the bet, but then he gets ten
Speaker 1: points and you lose two thousand dollars. Then you're like
Speaker 1: psychic thing of people going like I just had a feeling.
Speaker 1: I just everyone loves to say that of like I
Speaker 1: just knew, Like when we were playing that psychic game
Speaker 1: on the girls Trip, Anya, Yeah, it just like made
Speaker 1: it irritated me so much how everyone didn't see the
Speaker 1: mind games that were being played. Like we all wrote down,
Speaker 1: so Brian, we got together on this Girl's Trip, we
Speaker 1: all wrote down like a word on a piece of
Speaker 1: paper and then we crump like whatever word, just like
Speaker 1: we just like the first word that comes to your mind,
Speaker 1: whatever pops in your head, which I think is an
Speaker 1: example of no free will because you don't control what
Speaker 1: thought pops up. It just does. And it was a
Speaker 1: perfect example of that. So you write down, write down
Speaker 1: all these words, we crumble them up, We put him
Speaker 1: too a thing. And then we each have a question
Speaker 1: in our lives, and we asked the question aloud, like
Speaker 1: what should I do about this my future? It could
Speaker 1: be as you know, vague as that. And then you
Speaker 1: open the thing and it would say volcano and we
Speaker 1: would go, that means that you are spewing creativity soon
Speaker 1: and that it was like tarot card reading. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: just project what you want onto it, which is fun
Speaker 1: and it's a good way to interpret life. But I don't,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know that there's really um although
Speaker 1: I will say that the you know, we talk about
Speaker 1: the astrological sign thing on here in like astrology a
Speaker 1: lot and how I think it's probably bullshit, but you know,
Speaker 1: who cares. It's fine if it's not harming anyone. It's
Speaker 1: not like religion. It doesn't seem to be like organizing
Speaker 1: people to hate other people, even though it kind of
Speaker 1: is when people are like any scorpios, I'm not working
Speaker 1: with you, a gay j Loo fired. Yeah, but we
Speaker 1: did a thing where you know all that on Instagram,
Speaker 1: there's all those like, um, they'll have like different slides
Speaker 1: for your sign, and it's like it's a meme, and
Speaker 1: it's like this is a scorpio meme and this is
Speaker 1: areas meme. So we blindly took all of them and
Speaker 1: took off the sign and then we sent them on
Speaker 1: my girls chat and I said, everyone, read through all
Speaker 1: of these and see which one suits you the most,
Speaker 1: which one describes you the most, and then see what
Speaker 1: sign it is. And instead of just finding your sign
Speaker 1: and going, oh no, that's so me, because that's the
Speaker 1: cognitive fucking tricks that are mine plays to give us
Speaker 1: what we want. And I will say that most of
Speaker 1: us picked our own sign and that was wild. Isn't
Speaker 1: that crazy? So there's and you know, I leave open
Speaker 1: as much as I think I know the laws of
Speaker 1: the universe and I know everything and I'm a misnow
Speaker 1: at all. I will say that the one show that
Speaker 1: got me to question afterlife is the show After Death
Speaker 1: or something. It's a Tyler Henry's show The Little Psychic
Speaker 1: Kid who scribbles on a piece of paper and talks
Speaker 1: to people who are dead, And I wrote on his
Speaker 1: instagrams because it was a year since the anniver story
Speaker 1: of his show debuting on Netflix, and I wrote a comment.
Speaker 1: I was like, is this like so lame? But I
Speaker 1: was like, this show changed everything for me. I look
Speaker 1: at death. I now look at death differently. And I
Speaker 1: meant it like that show changed that little experiment we
Speaker 1: did in the girls chat with the astrology. I go, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm open to it. I might embrace this. And then
Speaker 1: Tyler Henry show, I think there might be ghosts. I
Speaker 1: think there might be an afterlife. I'm not like I'm
Speaker 1: I'm open to it. And it's interesting how those how
Speaker 1: you can even be open to that stuff from a Netflix.
Speaker 1: I hope there's ghosts. I hope that there's something. I mean,
Speaker 1: the biggest fear that I have is that there's nothing.
Speaker 1: And that's probably the case. And um, yeah, that's why ghosts.
Speaker 1: Ghost shows are like full of hope. That's like, oh
Speaker 1: that tortured ghosts is something. It's I'm not not gonna
Speaker 1: be nothing. But do you ever think about the thing
Speaker 1: of like you just go back to the way was
Speaker 1: before you were born. Does that bring you comfort? You've
Speaker 1: heard that obviously, right, Yeah, it makes me no comfort.
Speaker 1: It makes me want to scream and jump out a window.
Speaker 1: But that's probably the case. Yeah, I'm gonna be frozen
Speaker 1: in a tube until they can fix that fix aging,
Speaker 1: and they're gonna defrost me, and they're gonna be like
Speaker 1: they're they're getting. Yeah, I need to be Yes wants
Speaker 1: to be decapitated and it's frozen head and then they'll
Speaker 1: clone all the stuff in his head and he can
Speaker 1: come back. Why why would you want to be back
Speaker 1: as an eighty one year old man? Um? Well, maybe
Speaker 1: he's enjoying life as an eighty one year old man
Speaker 1: and he's like this is and he can't go back
Speaker 1: to his thirty one year old self. So he's just
Speaker 1: gotta take what he can get. But I do it.
Speaker 1: Maybe you can. Maybe you can put your brain and
Speaker 1: your memories into a robobody and you can walk around
Speaker 1: and you can jump eight feet high. That's true. Don't
Speaker 1: want to come back to whatever world we're living in.
Speaker 1: When they have that technology, it's gonna be so it's
Speaker 1: so advanced. I'm not gonna know the new apps. There's
Speaker 1: gonna some new app that every all the kids are on,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna feel so out of it. I'm terrified
Speaker 1: of aging, not because of the looks, but because I'm
Speaker 1: so scared of being stupid with technology. And right now
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm starting to get a little stupid. Like
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know how to make a real
Speaker 1: I don't know how to like do faded. I don't
Speaker 1: know how to do that thing where you like talk
Speaker 1: behind an image or in front of an image and
Speaker 1: you're like, see what she's wearing here, Like, I don't
Speaker 1: know how to do that yet I know I can figure.
Speaker 1: I just figured out how to fast forward YouTube. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm getting there. But um tap tips. Let's talk
Speaker 1: about you never worry about and oh sorry, you don't
Speaker 1: have to worry about any of that. By the way,
Speaker 1: you don't have to worry about learning anything because in
Speaker 1: the next five to ten years, all you have to
Speaker 1: do is ask the AI to do it for you.
Speaker 1: You don't have to learn any of this shit. Really, hey,
Speaker 1: I will do it for you. You'll just you'll just type.
Speaker 1: Can you please make a reel for me where my
Speaker 1: head is in front of a blah blah blah and
Speaker 1: the AI will do it for you. You don't have
Speaker 1: to no coding anymore. It's crazy. This is relaxed. That's
Speaker 1: makes me feel both better and more awful. So I
Speaker 1: don't know, Let's get in a listen more tomorrow on
Speaker 1: the podcast I'm so good You're gonna be around that.
Speaker 1: You were so fun today, Brian Frazie, thank you for
Speaker 1: being here again. Spokane, Washington, Eugene, Oregon, twenty fourth and
Speaker 1: twenty fifth coming up in two weeks. Come to those
Speaker 1: shows on your Marina. Thank you for being here at Noah.
Speaker 1: I love you so much, don'tyka and just ask the
Speaker 1: chat GGP to do it? Is that the name? Yeah? Yeah, sweet,
Speaker 1: I gotta right