WEBVTT - “DOES LIFE GET EASIER?” 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:01.520 All from Ruby. 0:00:01.960 --> 0:00:06.120 Hello? Hello, what is your name? 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:08.559 My name is Ruby? 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:10.959 What's up? Ruby? 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:12.879 What's up? 0:00:14.840 --> 0:00:17.200 How can I get you today? What's what's happening? 0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:26.200 Shoot? I don't know. Life is crazy? Life. 0:00:27.720 --> 0:00:30.240 Yeah, I do say that a lot. I do say 0:00:30.240 --> 0:00:32.640 that a lot, and I fucking mean it with my 0:00:32.960 --> 0:00:34.440 entire body every time. 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:38.320 That I say it, I feel it with my entire No, 0:00:38.440 --> 0:00:45.960 that sounds weird. Hmmm. Yeah, life is crazy. Have you 0:00:46.000 --> 0:00:49.159 seen Do you have any texts, previous texts? 0:00:50.360 --> 0:00:53.560 Do I have any previous texts from the past. 0:00:54.760 --> 0:00:56.560 Yeah, I've tried to call him before. 0:00:58.160 --> 0:01:04.960 Oh okay, well, uh no, no worry about it. Okay, 0:01:05.000 --> 0:01:06.840 all right, do you have a thing you want to 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:09.920 talk about? 0:01:10.120 --> 0:01:14.840 I mean, shoot, not particularly. Life is just crazy. The 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:17.840 last last couple of years been crazy. 0:01:18.640 --> 0:01:19.480 How old are you reby? 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:21.240 I am nineteen? 0:01:22.959 --> 0:01:26.360 Okay, Uh why have the last few years been crazy? 0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:35.560 Well? Hm hmm. So I grew up Mormon, whole family 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:42.199 left Mormonism. That was pretty crazy. I had to go 0:01:42.400 --> 0:01:50.520 through like treatment for like crazy uh eating disorder stuff. 0:01:50.760 --> 0:01:56.240 That was pretty crazy. Anyway, it's just lots of crazy, 0:01:56.360 --> 0:01:59.840 lots of change, and it's been like it's like the 0:02:00.000 --> 0:02:04.040 most persistent thought has been like this is just sucks, 0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:07.320 but like i'd write like it's weird. It's like I know, 0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:12.959 it's like I know, uh, yes, there is the gecko guy. 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:18.840 My brother's in the room. Yeah, I don't know. It's 0:02:19.240 --> 0:02:21.320 life is hard, and it's like I'm glad it happened, 0:02:21.320 --> 0:02:25.240 but you know it's hard. 0:02:26.680 --> 0:02:28.000 H Do you think it'll get any easier? 0:02:29.919 --> 0:02:32.200 Yeah, that's so yeah, that's kind of what I want 0:02:32.240 --> 0:02:35.600 to talk about. It's like that's what everybody says, but 0:02:35.680 --> 0:02:36.760 it's just it's like weird. 0:02:37.560 --> 0:02:39.200 It's it's like and. 0:02:39.280 --> 0:02:43.079 Then I okay, that's the thought. I'm finding the words. 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:49.160 I'm like, what's the word. Oh, it's just like yeah, 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:54.400 it's like I'm only nineteen yet, like everything feels so shit, 0:02:54.800 --> 0:02:55.519 you know what I mean. 0:02:57.560 --> 0:03:01.440 Yeah, that's an interesting question. Will it get easier? That's 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:06.600 an interesting question. I don't like when people say it'll 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:09.840 get easier, as if that's like fucking I hate when 0:03:09.840 --> 0:03:13.240 people say that because it's like that's not it's not guaranteed, 0:03:13.960 --> 0:03:17.440 you know. It's like I don't like, uh, like, I mean, 0:03:17.480 --> 0:03:20.120 I think you should. I I'm sure I've done this 0:03:20.160 --> 0:03:22.720 a billion times in my life, so whatever, but I'm like, 0:03:22.760 --> 0:03:27.160 you should probably not try not to promise things that 0:03:27.440 --> 0:03:30.720 are not you can't fulfill, and so like it will 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:34.639 get easier just feels to me like like an empty promise, 0:03:35.000 --> 0:03:39.200 you know what I mean. Not, by the way, not 0:03:39.200 --> 0:03:43.440 not to say that the alternative, not to say that 0:03:44.120 --> 0:03:47.360 everything will always will get worse. That's also that's equally 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:51.480 as much of a platitude. The truth is that you 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:55.000 kind of have no fucking idea, but you can. I 0:03:55.000 --> 0:04:01.560 get you can do certain things with your life agency 0:04:01.720 --> 0:04:08.040 two give yourself a better shot that things will get easier. 0:04:08.360 --> 0:04:11.200 Life can take your agency and shove it up your 0:04:11.200 --> 0:04:14.480 ass too, But that's kind of your it's kind of 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:18.520 your only option. I suppose what would what would things 0:04:18.560 --> 0:04:19.760 look like if they got easier? 0:04:23.200 --> 0:04:25.880 I don't know. I think it's just like more routine. 0:04:26.320 --> 0:04:29.240 I think that's I'm like formulating the words better now. 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:33.800 It's like life is just so like crazy, and it's 0:04:33.880 --> 0:04:37.239 like I'm sure I can do things to make it easier, 0:04:37.240 --> 0:04:41.080 but so hard to like find the motivation, you know 0:04:41.120 --> 0:04:43.520 what I mean, what. 0:04:43.839 --> 0:04:45.560 Do you attempt to get motivated to do? 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:49.239 Just like, I don't know, I feel like nothing about 0:04:49.279 --> 0:04:54.240 my life lately is like like there's no routine like whatsoever. 0:04:54.320 --> 0:04:56.400 I feel like, so it's hard to like. 0:04:58.080 --> 0:04:59.800 You in college or you in college? Do you have 0:04:59.839 --> 0:05:00.839 a job or something. 0:05:01.680 --> 0:05:05.040 I'm yeah, I'm in community college. I'm in my last 0:05:05.040 --> 0:05:11.560 semester actually, which is exciting. I'm also working, but it's 0:05:11.600 --> 0:05:15.800 like I am like two classes and they're all on 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:19.240 different days at different times. And then my job is 0:05:19.279 --> 0:05:22.120 like it's very isolated, and the hours like all over 0:05:22.160 --> 0:05:25.599 the place. Yeah, so it's yeah, I don't. 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:27.000 Know what's what's the job. 0:05:28.880 --> 0:05:33.200 I'm a behavioral technician, So I work with adults with 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:37.000 Down syndrome right now and like with like their treatment 0:05:37.080 --> 0:05:42.120 plans and getting them socialized and like emotional regulation and 0:05:42.160 --> 0:05:42.600 all that. 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:44.840 Why is that isolating? 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:49.040 Well, So, I mean I work one on one with 0:05:49.360 --> 0:05:52.960 just one client right now, and so I'm like and 0:05:53.000 --> 0:05:56.560 it's a really fulfilling job, and I feel like really 0:05:56.600 --> 0:06:00.760 close to my client obviously, like within a prof sense. 0:06:02.480 --> 0:06:06.280 But it's just like I'm with a twenty four year 0:06:06.320 --> 0:06:10.400 old and he has like he's very low functioning. There's 0:06:10.440 --> 0:06:13.120 like different levels, you know, high school. 0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:13.920 I don't understand. 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:18.520 I understand, Yeah, and he just had like really bad regression, 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:21.159 and I like, I'm just with like this dude all day. 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:22.440 I don't get you. 0:06:22.560 --> 0:06:24.600 I get you, I get because it just you're one 0:06:24.640 --> 0:06:27.800 on one. It's like you're wait, so you're a tell 0:06:27.839 --> 0:06:28.919 me the job title again. 0:06:29.800 --> 0:06:35.480 I'm a behavioral technician okay, slash like personal assistance. Why 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:38.080 I work going on along with this guy and like 0:06:38.160 --> 0:06:40.880 his family basically for a treatment. 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:43.440 So it's just you and this guy, Like I assume, 0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:45.680 like is there not do you have like a boss. 0:06:45.400 --> 0:06:49.640 Who is also yeah, like so I work with his family. 0:06:49.760 --> 0:06:52.440 I am like assigned by like an agency, but his 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:58.760 family is like like my boss basically his mom. Okay, 0:06:58.800 --> 0:07:00.960 all right, so you're okay you like, I don't have 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:02.680 coworkers or anything. 0:07:03.360 --> 0:07:08.000 You provide living care to this guy? Yeah yeah, okay, 0:07:08.080 --> 0:07:10.120 yes that makes sense. No, I can definitely see how 0:07:10.200 --> 0:07:13.080 how that could be, how that could be kind of 0:07:13.120 --> 0:07:20.560 isolating for sure. Yeah, but that does sound rewarding how 0:07:20.640 --> 0:07:22.200 I feel? Go ahead? Sorry? 0:07:22.840 --> 0:07:23.840 Sorry, no, you go ahead. 0:07:24.640 --> 0:07:26.600 Oh it's just gonna say I'm still thinking about whether 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:28.000 or not life gets easier. 0:07:29.160 --> 0:07:37.520 Oh yeah, yeah, I was well it's sorry, go ahead. 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:41.320 Oh I was gonna say, like it's interesting because it's like, 0:07:42.560 --> 0:07:45.520 I mean, I don't think that saying is very like 0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:47.840 like life gets easier like you were saying, it's like, well, 0:07:47.880 --> 0:07:50.680 that's not a good thing to like like bank on 0:07:51.920 --> 0:07:54.200 because it's like it's been interesting just to see like 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:56.560 where me and my family have been at, like seeing 0:07:56.760 --> 0:07:59.960 like them whole change. It's like leaving a freaking cold 0:08:00.080 --> 0:08:03.040 and stuff too. It's like in their like seeing the 0:08:03.080 --> 0:08:05.360 stuff they're going through. It's kind of like, no, it 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:11.320 doesn't get easier, but but it's like been really good 0:08:11.400 --> 0:08:12.280 at the same time. 0:08:13.080 --> 0:08:15.040 It's just yeah, like. 0:08:14.480 --> 0:08:20.320 Like so when you when you are observing the lives 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:23.160 of like I guess your parents, and I guess of 0:08:23.280 --> 0:08:26.400 like other people you know who are later in their 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:29.800 life journeys, have you observed it getting easier. 0:08:32.960 --> 0:08:38.320 Like like yes and no, I feel like I feel 0:08:38.320 --> 0:08:43.000 like it's like it's a harder but more rewarding, like 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:49.040 path I guess kind of like yeah, I don't know. 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:51.720 I just I feel like I do feel like lives 0:08:51.760 --> 0:08:54.920 become a lot more like I don't know what we're 0:08:55.040 --> 0:08:59.760 like colorful, I guess since like leaving and just also 0:08:59.840 --> 0:09:02.560 just going through a lot of other stuff like I 0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:04.840 don't know, I see things a lot differently, or like 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:10.640 I know different people now, like my parents. The changes 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:15.559 with my parents are so funny, Like they're different now 0:09:15.559 --> 0:09:19.720 in our relationships different and it's awesome. And but like 0:09:19.760 --> 0:09:21.880 we're at the same time, like we're all just like 0:09:22.000 --> 0:09:25.480 really depressed, which is really funny. Well it's not funny, 0:09:25.520 --> 0:09:29.760 but it's like, you know, it's just an interesting dichotomy. 0:09:29.800 --> 0:09:34.920 I guess, do you know anyone else who left Mormonism 0:09:35.760 --> 0:09:37.480 that's like one of your friends. 0:09:39.080 --> 0:09:43.080 No, all my like good friends didn't really grow up 0:09:43.120 --> 0:09:45.280 in it, but I can talk to them. I guess. 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:48.480 It's funny because like I live in like a smaller 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:51.400 town too, and so I like and I grew up 0:09:51.400 --> 0:09:54.080 with a lot of other kids, like in the congregation, 0:09:54.960 --> 0:09:59.720 so I know a lot of them. And yeah, it's 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:02.160 that's it's been weird too, Like a lot of people 0:10:02.200 --> 0:10:05.360 I've grown up with, I like see them like treat 0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:07.760 me and my family differently now that we've left, and 0:10:07.800 --> 0:10:12.239 it's like, oh, oh, that was a superficial relationship. 0:10:12.280 --> 0:10:12.760 I guess. 0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:15.160 I don't know, it's just that kind of stuck. But 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:19.160 it's also like whatever, I guess. 0:10:19.720 --> 0:10:22.400 I guess life gets a little easier in the sense 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:25.480 that I feel like as you get older, you uh, 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:30.240 you know. Yeah, I mentioned that you have like a 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:32.599 little bit of agency to determine if your life is 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:35.120 gonna get easier, like, you know, a little bit whatever 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:37.959 you got, uh, And I think you get I think 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:39.720 as you get older, you get a little bit more 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:42.880 of that agency. You you think, it's like a bell curve. 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:44.560 You get a little bit more of that agency. And 0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:47.880 then once you turn uh, and then one, and then 0:10:47.920 --> 0:10:50.040 once you get all your body starts to break down 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:54.120 forever until you die. And then then it just starts 0:10:54.120 --> 0:10:58.559 to go. Your agency sits away, as your as your 0:10:58.559 --> 0:11:05.280 ankles starts to decay, and you and then but then 0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:08.000 you know what, I'll say this, I do believe that 0:11:08.040 --> 0:11:12.320 life gets easier in the sense that eventually, yes, you die, 0:11:12.800 --> 0:11:15.880 and that's the easiest thing ever. I had a debate. No, 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:17.679 I had a debate with someone. I had a debate 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:19.560 with This is fucked up. I shouldn't say any of this, 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:21.400 but I had a debate with someone. I might have 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:25.280 talked about this on the podcast already, but I told 0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:27.440 somebody that I thought it would be easier to be 0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:31.800 dead than being alive. And he then he strongly disagreed 0:11:31.840 --> 0:11:34.480 with me because he said, because he said that it's 0:11:34.520 --> 0:11:39.240 not he said that it isn't uh comparable, They're not 0:11:39.640 --> 0:11:42.600 like being a lot. Being dead is not easy in 0:11:42.640 --> 0:11:45.800 her heart, it's not even anything. So to say it's 0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:50.239 easy it's false because something that's not not even existing 0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:53.960 can't be easier hard. It can't be anything it's not existing. 0:11:54.080 --> 0:11:57.640 But I did I don't it's a fair argument that 0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:00.000 he made, But I don't know if I agree with it. 0:12:00.760 --> 0:12:07.160 But I mean, like, yeah, I don't know, but well, 0:12:07.400 --> 0:12:07.760 I don't know. 0:12:08.400 --> 0:12:11.319 I'm glad we could. I'm glad we could reach that conclusion. 0:12:11.360 --> 0:12:15.760 It gets interesting, it gets more interesting, it gets more interesting. 0:12:15.920 --> 0:12:18.079 Actually, I disagree with that too. I don't think that's inherent. 0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:21.840 I don't think that's uh, it can, I'll say, I'll 0:12:21.880 --> 0:12:25.520 say it absolutely. I believe with one hundred percent certainty 0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:27.800 that it can get more interesting. I don't believe with 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:31.640 one hundred percent certainty that it does automatically. But I 0:12:32.200 --> 0:12:33.240 agree with you that it can. 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:40.600 Yes, that's fair. Yeah, semi semi adult stage of life 0:12:40.679 --> 0:12:41.319 is interesting. 0:12:42.080 --> 0:12:45.160 I guess how do you, uh, how do you feel 0:12:45.200 --> 0:12:46.359 about this conversation? 0:12:47.679 --> 0:12:51.160 It's okay. I was kind of surprised that I'm here, 0:12:51.400 --> 0:12:53.319 but so my bad. 0:12:54.960 --> 0:12:56.480 Don't you have nothing to apologize for? 0:12:57.200 --> 0:13:01.000 Okay, well cool, thank you sir, of course. 0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:02.240 Is is there anything else you want to say to 0:13:02.280 --> 0:13:03.640 the people of the computer before we go? 0:13:06.800 --> 0:13:06.839 No? 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:10.800 Well, what did you use? Hold on? Don't tell me 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:13.000 I want to hold on. Don't say a fucking word 0:13:13.040 --> 0:13:21.520 hold on. Uh No, I'm sorry. I don't remember your name? 0:13:21.520 --> 0:13:22.720 What was it? Oh Man? 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:23.400 Ruby? 0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:24.560 Ruby? 0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:25.160 Uh? 0:13:25.240 --> 0:13:27.400 Thank you for calling Ruby, Thank you? 0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:28.560 Thank you. 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:36.160 Yeah, I don't I don't remember any anyone's name. What 0:13:36.320 --> 0:13:37.760 does life get easier? 0:13:39.520 --> 0:13:40.199 Uh? 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:44.839 I I don't know. I've been thinking about that. I've 0:13:44.880 --> 0:13:48.160 been thinking about whether or not life gets easier for 0:13:48.200 --> 0:13:53.319 some people it does? Uh, I don't know. I very 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:59.680 much have been wondering with myself if life if the 0:13:59.760 --> 0:14:04.840 idea that at some point in the future, I have 0:14:04.920 --> 0:14:09.200 a strong like, Okay, I have a very strong belief 0:14:10.000 --> 0:14:14.400 that at some point in the future my life will 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:17.280 get easier. I'm strong on a personal level. I believe 0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:19.440 that my life will get easier in the future. And 0:14:19.440 --> 0:14:23.600 I've kind of compiled a little handful of external reasons 0:14:24.080 --> 0:14:27.600 as to why I believe that is the case. And 0:14:27.680 --> 0:14:30.320 I've taken these external reasons and I've examined them, and 0:14:30.320 --> 0:14:33.280 I'll go, because of these things, at a certain point 0:14:33.280 --> 0:14:38.840 in the future, my life will get easier. And a 0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:41.520 strong part of me believes that. But then I have 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:45.240 a little voice in the back of my head that's 0:14:45.280 --> 0:14:50.200 telling me, do you remember a few years ago when 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:53.560 you had a different list of external reasons why your 0:14:53.600 --> 0:14:56.680 life was going to get easier and those appeared and 0:14:56.720 --> 0:15:00.880 your life didn't actually get easier, And you know, maybe 0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:03.720 your life getting easier is a thing that takes place 0:15:03.760 --> 0:15:05.400 in your own brain. And I go, shut up, that's 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:08.560 not true this time. And I believe this with vocal miction. 0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:10.960 And this is not a little I'm not saying this 0:15:11.040 --> 0:15:13.480 as like some kind of let wise lesson or whatever. 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:16.280 I still believe. I have a fifty percent of my 0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:20.480 body that believes when I achieve these external circumstances, my 0:15:20.560 --> 0:15:23.800 life will get better and easier. And then a little 0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:26.080 voice goes but do you remember when you said that 0:15:27.240 --> 0:15:32.200 two years ago? And I think that little voice they 0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:35.960 might he might he might have a point, but he 0:15:36.040 --> 0:15:40.200 might also be full of shit. I didn't know. Hello, Hello, 0:15:41.480 --> 0:15:42.160 what's going on? 0:15:43.520 --> 0:15:46.480 Hi, I'm at work right now. 0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:51.640 Actually, what is your name, Hayley? What do you What 0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:53.080 is your work, Hayley? What do you do? 0:15:54.880 --> 0:15:58.880 I work for a cleaning company that does commercial cleaning 0:15:59.200 --> 0:16:01.400 for I don't know if you've heard. 0:16:01.320 --> 0:16:08.800 Of Colar toilets, Coaler toilets. No, I've Normally, when I'm 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:11.560 sitting on a toilet, I'm looking in the opposite direction 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:13.200 that has the toilet's name on it. 0:16:14.720 --> 0:16:17.080 Yeah, no, that's that's pretty fair. But I mean I guess, 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:18.960 like you know, when you put the lid up, it's 0:16:19.000 --> 0:16:22.680 a little label like right right behind the lid right. 0:16:23.640 --> 0:16:26.680 Actually, I guess, Well, damn, I just accidentally revealed this. 0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:29.520 But I do I sit down when I pee almost, 0:16:30.000 --> 0:16:34.680 not like when it in any time I'm using a 0:16:34.760 --> 0:16:38.080 public restroom, I'll do a stand and be Actually that's 0:16:38.120 --> 0:16:40.760 not always true. Here's the problem is when I pee, 0:16:41.360 --> 0:16:45.960 the pee usually gets everywhere. And uh so, when I like, 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:48.000 like almost every time, when I go to use a 0:16:48.040 --> 0:16:53.160 fucking urinal and I pee, when I when I you know, 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:55.800 put put it put it back in my underwear, underwear, 0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:59.160 it gets like soggy because all the p didn't come out. Oh, 0:16:59.200 --> 0:17:03.720 my God, so like, so that's why I sit down 0:17:03.760 --> 0:17:05.560 when I pee, because I just kind of know for 0:17:05.640 --> 0:17:09.080 a fact, you know, I can wipe afterwards with the 0:17:09.119 --> 0:17:12.000 piece of the piece of toilet paper and no, no, 0:17:12.080 --> 0:17:12.400 that's fair. 0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:14.480 Actually, I have an ex boyfriend that used to sit 0:17:14.520 --> 0:17:18.119 down all the time, and I actually respect that it 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:19.439 leaves less of a mess. You know. 0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:23.879 Cool, I'm fine, all right, you know what, Uh, thank you, Hailey. 0:17:23.960 --> 0:17:28.040 I appreciate you giving us uh sit down peers the 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:31.080 respect that we deserve because I think for a long 0:17:31.160 --> 0:17:34.920 time it was seen as uh immasculine, but I think 0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:38.919 it's I've as I've explained to you, it's quite masculine 0:17:39.040 --> 0:17:42.120 and strategic as well. It's like I'm like a war 0:17:42.280 --> 0:17:45.400 general coming up with a plan of some kind. 0:17:45.480 --> 0:17:48.800 Oh yeah, sure, you're thinking about the janitors without even 0:17:48.800 --> 0:17:50.080 thinking about the janitors, you know. 0:17:51.080 --> 0:17:52.600 No, I'm not thinking about the janitors at all. I'm thinking 0:17:52.640 --> 0:17:53.280 about my sagga. 0:17:53.760 --> 0:17:57.159 I know you're I'm saying you're considering them without considering them, 0:17:57.200 --> 0:17:58.520 but yeah, no. 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:04.000 It's a purely sell fishing. You're trying. You're trying to 0:18:04.040 --> 0:18:06.400 make it like I know, but you're trying. You're trying 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:08.399 to make it seem like I sit down when I 0:18:08.520 --> 0:18:10.719 pee for the greater good and I'm not excitted. 0:18:10.880 --> 0:18:12.800 No, but you could twist it that way if you want. 0:18:13.760 --> 0:18:15.440 You could, and you know what, I will. I think 0:18:15.560 --> 0:18:18.960 I am. I sit down when ipee because I am 0:18:19.119 --> 0:18:21.120 very considerate of the bathroom workers. 0:18:21.240 --> 0:18:23.479 Yes, there you go, there you go. 0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:26.280 Uh what is it you wanted to talk about today? 0:18:26.280 --> 0:18:27.560 Because I assume it was not this? 0:18:28.920 --> 0:18:31.399 Oh yeah, I sent you like a billion texts like 0:18:31.440 --> 0:18:36.720 a like a weirdo. But I guess, like I don't know. 0:18:36.760 --> 0:18:38.880 I could talk about my work. I could talk about 0:18:38.920 --> 0:18:40.640 I just got my first apartment. 0:18:40.560 --> 0:18:45.119 That was really cool, very nice. Well, okay, of all 0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:48.480 the things, of all the things, what's the one that 0:18:48.520 --> 0:18:50.240 you would like to talk about and we can talk 0:18:50.240 --> 0:18:50.600 about that? 0:18:53.400 --> 0:18:59.840 Okay. I guess I was kind of thinking about uh 0:19:00.760 --> 0:19:08.240 oh shit, I'm like thinking now, I don't know. So yeah, 0:19:08.480 --> 0:19:10.280 like the thing that you said about life getting easier, 0:19:10.280 --> 0:19:14.800 I guess because I was I was listening while I 0:19:14.840 --> 0:19:20.320 was like working taking out garbage and stuff. But you know, 0:19:20.400 --> 0:19:22.160 I think it's kind of like give or take right, 0:19:22.640 --> 0:19:24.320 like it's never going to be just like oh, I 0:19:24.440 --> 0:19:27.879 like it is easier now, Like it just kind of 0:19:27.960 --> 0:19:31.080 eas easier sometimes and it's not other times. Like I 0:19:31.119 --> 0:19:34.400 don't know why. Same thing with like the happiness thing 0:19:34.400 --> 0:19:36.960 you talk about. It's like, I don't know why it's 0:19:36.960 --> 0:19:38.919 such a goal for so many people. I get it, 0:19:39.240 --> 0:19:41.840 but it's also like a feeling that just kind of passes, 0:19:42.480 --> 0:19:44.919 just like any other feeling, and it's I don't know. 0:19:47.119 --> 0:19:49.439 Let's give some context, because I don't know where in 0:19:49.480 --> 0:19:54.800 the podcast I'll put this from in. Okay, so I 0:19:54.840 --> 0:19:57.159 guess what the fuck was I going to say? I 0:19:57.160 --> 0:20:02.920 guess I guess uh ah, fuck, I'm tripped up now. 0:20:03.520 --> 0:20:09.399 Uh well, what give me a specific thought? 0:20:09.680 --> 0:20:13.639 Okay, Like I had to grow up really really fast 0:20:13.640 --> 0:20:16.800 here not that long ago, because I got my first apartment, 0:20:17.440 --> 0:20:19.320 and you know, I had all my family to help 0:20:19.320 --> 0:20:21.400 me and stuff, but I don't drive. I moved out 0:20:21.440 --> 0:20:24.720 of the city that I live in, you know, like 0:20:24.760 --> 0:20:26.480 I had to rent a shampoo today, I had to 0:20:26.480 --> 0:20:28.359 get up early and then I had to go to work, 0:20:28.400 --> 0:20:31.040 and like I've keys in my house and like like 0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:33.879 things like that does make life feel a lot easier, 0:20:33.960 --> 0:20:35.320 kind of like you were saying earlier, like it makes 0:20:35.359 --> 0:20:37.720 it feel easier it doesn't always mean it's better, but 0:20:37.840 --> 0:20:40.560 it might make it like like it's taken off a 0:20:40.640 --> 0:20:42.919 lot on my shoulders. Like I used to live with 0:20:42.960 --> 0:20:46.199 my mom and she has you know, like dogs, and 0:20:46.240 --> 0:20:49.000 I have a six year old little brother and you know, 0:20:49.160 --> 0:20:52.359 sharing space with people is like do. 0:20:53.920 --> 0:20:55.919 You believe that your life has gotten Why do you 0:20:55.920 --> 0:20:58.360 think your life has gotten easier? Do you think that 0:20:58.800 --> 0:21:00.520 it and why do you think your life is un easier? 0:21:00.520 --> 0:21:02.879 And do you think it's because of some intentional action 0:21:03.560 --> 0:21:05.560 that you took to make it east? 0:21:05.640 --> 0:21:08.360 Yeah, I think I think it's a lot of like 0:21:08.359 --> 0:21:12.159 like literally just doing it, and like, I know it 0:21:12.240 --> 0:21:15.360 sounds so stupid because I've been stuck before where I'm 0:21:15.400 --> 0:21:17.919 like I can't, I can't do it. I just can't. 0:21:18.000 --> 0:21:20.959 And like, ultimately, at the end of the day, it 0:21:21.040 --> 0:21:23.600 is kind of an excuse in my opinion, Like there 0:21:23.600 --> 0:21:25.199 are some things that you can't get around or are 0:21:25.240 --> 0:21:28.000 hard to get around. But if you want to do it, 0:21:28.080 --> 0:21:29.879 do it. And if you want to fix it, fix it. 0:21:31.800 --> 0:21:33.280 If you want to do it, do it. If you 0:21:33.320 --> 0:21:35.119 want to fix it, fix it. I agree with that. 0:21:35.920 --> 0:21:38.320 I agree with that. I think you're given some agency 0:21:38.359 --> 0:21:43.399 in life to fix your problems, you know, And like 0:21:43.440 --> 0:21:44.000 I said, though. 0:21:43.840 --> 0:21:48.480 It's different for everyone, like there are like that's the 0:21:48.520 --> 0:21:49.840 thing is, it's different for everybody. 0:21:49.840 --> 0:21:51.879 That's why I don't like saying that. I don't like 0:21:52.560 --> 0:21:54.760 saying that you're giving some agency problems because some because 0:21:54.800 --> 0:21:59.080 a lot of times you're not. But yeah, a lot 0:21:59.080 --> 0:22:00.680 of times you're not. But like if if we're just playing, 0:22:00.960 --> 0:22:02.720 if we're like if we're going to make it like 0:22:02.760 --> 0:22:07.359 a math problem, if we're going to just calculate our odds, right, Like, 0:22:07.560 --> 0:22:10.800 if you believe that you can fix your problems, your 0:22:10.880 --> 0:22:13.280 odds of doing it are better than if you believe 0:22:13.280 --> 0:22:17.000 that you can't, regardless of whatever your external circumstances are. 0:22:18.800 --> 0:22:21.680 So that's true, but the odds are never going to 0:22:21.680 --> 0:22:24.239 be one hundred percent unless it's uh. 0:22:24.640 --> 0:22:27.879 But like I think unless you have like ten if 0:22:27.920 --> 0:22:30.960 you have ten millions, yeah, I think we all have 0:22:31.040 --> 0:22:32.840 to kind of make peace with that on a level 0:22:32.920 --> 0:22:37.000 at some point. Like there's this for example, at my work, okay, right, 0:22:37.040 --> 0:22:40.040 because it's Cohler Company. So like the owner of the company, 0:22:40.040 --> 0:22:42.359 I clean his office and everything. He's like a billionaire, 0:22:42.840 --> 0:22:46.760 and his receptionist just bitches at our company all the 0:22:46.800 --> 0:22:49.919 time for these little tiny things like spot glasses on 0:22:50.040 --> 0:22:53.160 the water glasses and like there was one fingerprint here, 0:22:53.200 --> 0:22:55.080