1 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:04,480 Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, it's Thursday. Hi Chelsea, It's Thursday and I'm 2 00:00:04,519 --> 00:00:05,519 Speaker 1: in Los Angeles. 3 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:06,840 Speaker 2: I'm so happy to have you here. 4 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:08,800 Speaker 3: Finally. I know Doug. 5 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:11,360 Speaker 1: Has a mountain man here too. Now. I told Felix, 6 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:12,840 Speaker 1: I was like, listen, you have to take into the 7 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,360 Speaker 1: mountains every morning. So he picks him lap and he 8 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:18,480 Speaker 1: takes him to Los Montaigne's. But it's so sad the dirt. 9 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:20,919 Speaker 1: Like he sends me videos of Doug and it's just dirt, 10 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:24,479 Speaker 1: white ray dirt. He went from Whistler where it's verdant 11 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 1: and green and beautiful. 12 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 3: Snowy and yeah, well it wasn't snowy. 13 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:31,760 Speaker 1: Somewhere, but like you know, lakes and now there's pictures. 14 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:33,199 Speaker 1: He sends me a video yesterday. I'm like, is that 15 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,919 Speaker 1: a coyote? He's like, I'm like, is Doug. What does 16 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:37,920 Speaker 1: Doug do when he see nothing? 17 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 3: That thing? He looks at him. 18 00:00:39,479 --> 00:00:44,120 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god. So yeah, I'm like he's 19 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:45,640 Speaker 1: living a different lifestyle for sure. 20 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:48,120 Speaker 4: You know what, there are new smells here. He's you know, 21 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 4: having some variety to Yeah, love variety. 22 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:52,520 Speaker 1: I mean, I guess we do love variety. I added 23 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,360 Speaker 1: a new show to my West Hampton show. The first 24 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:56,760 Speaker 1: one sold out, so I added a show August twenty first. 25 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 1: Now and twenty second, I will be in West Hampton performing, 26 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,920 Speaker 1: and then I'm doing the I'm headlining the Rochester Fringe 27 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:07,720 Speaker 1: Festival that's in September, and I am doing Napa Valley 28 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:10,520 Speaker 1: and that's on October third. I'm doing Napa Valley some 29 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,280 Speaker 1: big winery, so that's going to be beautiful. 30 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 5: Yes, And of course we had so much fun at 31 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:14,320 Speaker 5: your Vegas show. 32 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:17,479 Speaker 1: Vega, we gambled everyone. 33 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:17,919 Speaker 3: We didn't. 34 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,240 Speaker 1: You didn't win in the minute, but you won when 35 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:21,200 Speaker 1: you went to the slots. 36 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:21,440 Speaker 3: Yeah. 37 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:22,920 Speaker 4: I went to the slots and I like put in 38 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:24,560 Speaker 4: a twenty dollars bill and I won one hundred and 39 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 4: fifteen dollars. 40 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:27,400 Speaker 1: I can see you winning at the slots, cap. 41 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,480 Speaker 5: Yeah, I love a penny slot, like lady. 42 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:30,160 Speaker 3: Yeah. 43 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:32,160 Speaker 1: I would never waste my time at the slots because 44 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,480 Speaker 1: that's just like I need more banks. But this weekend 45 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:36,560 Speaker 1: I started betting bigger. I started betting like four or 46 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:38,200 Speaker 1: five hundred dollars around yeah. 47 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,280 Speaker 3: And it worked right hand. 48 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,400 Speaker 1: And when it was working, so I left with three 49 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:42,720 Speaker 1: hundred dollars more than I started. 50 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,039 Speaker 5: I mean, you were brave betting, you were like thrown up. 51 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, but I also supplied again. I supplied everybody with 52 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:49,680 Speaker 1: their gambling money and they all lost. 53 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,680 Speaker 3: Well no, not everybody lost. No. 54 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,080 Speaker 1: I mean the bottom line is I never see that 55 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: money again. But if I walk away with it, it's 56 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,480 Speaker 1: like I've given away money and I'm walking away with 57 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:00,480 Speaker 1: more than I started within. 58 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:00,920 Speaker 3: That's a win. 59 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,080 Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a win for everybody. Everyone's happy. 60 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:05,280 Speaker 4: And then also like people are gambling because there's just 61 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 4: like you. 62 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 1: Know, there's a fun energy around gambling. 63 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:09,160 Speaker 5: Yeah. 64 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a really good time. It's really good. 65 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,240 Speaker 1: I go to the same table every time after the show. 66 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 1: Doug was there. Doug was gambling because he's my meg king. 67 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:18,840 Speaker 1: Well he's your lucky charm, he's my king. Yeah, No, 68 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,480 Speaker 1: I win without him. He is definitely not my lucky charm. 69 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,160 Speaker 1: He's definitely not. I'm staying with my friend Cat right now. Yeah, 70 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:27,239 Speaker 1: and she has a little o balloompa dog. Yeah. I 71 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 1: don't know what kind it is, but it's a small 72 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:33,079 Speaker 1: one is something like not fluffy short hair. 73 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 3: Okay, I don't know what that type is, but. 74 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:38,480 Speaker 1: It's not it's not of interest to me, but Doug. 75 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 1: It's so funny when they play because Doug is obviously 76 00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 1: like fourteen times the size of her, and he goes 77 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 1: to pick her up like with his teeth. Oh no, 78 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:48,520 Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, that isn't a chew toy. No, like, 79 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:50,400 Speaker 1: and he goes and gets it, like puts his mouth 80 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:53,320 Speaker 1: around her, and I'm like no, no, and then he 81 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:54,919 Speaker 1: looks at us like, oh, I'm sorry. Am I not 82 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:56,400 Speaker 1: supposed to pick her up like this? It's like, no, 83 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:57,359 Speaker 1: you're not her mother. 84 00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:58,359 Speaker 3: That's not a toy. 85 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:01,240 Speaker 1: And yeah, I know, so poor little Luna, she's a 86 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:02,040 Speaker 1: little Luna bear. 87 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:02,520 Speaker 3: Yeah. 88 00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:04,799 Speaker 1: She's like, I'm like, he's rough stuff. 89 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:06,880 Speaker 3: Thank god. He's not a rapist though. 90 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:06,960 Speaker 6: You know. 91 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:08,160 Speaker 5: I mean, yeah, not a humper. 92 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:09,720 Speaker 3: We don't want to try to hump. 93 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,040 Speaker 1: His friend Sally in Canada. But that was you know that, 94 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:15,000 Speaker 1: that was okay because she's a friend of mine and 95 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,880 Speaker 1: that dog is big and could defend herself. Yeah, you 96 00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:20,400 Speaker 1: know what I mean. And she was like, fuck you, Doug. 97 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,440 Speaker 5: But he's like fix and everything, right, He just no, 98 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:24,680 Speaker 5: I have. 99 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:25,800 Speaker 3: A dog that's not fixed. 100 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,639 Speaker 1: I mean, come on, hello, that's just one more thing 101 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 1: I can't. 102 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,200 Speaker 3: Afford to deal with. Right, they just do it. Sometimes. 103 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:32,800 Speaker 3: My friend Kat and. 104 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:34,640 Speaker 1: I, Well, Cat's a good cook, so she's been cooking 105 00:03:34,639 --> 00:03:36,600 Speaker 1: for me because my house, of course is still. 106 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:39,120 Speaker 2: Not No, of course not, of course, I house is. 107 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:43,080 Speaker 1: Still not ready. Can you fucking believe it? I scheduled 108 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:46,400 Speaker 1: my entire European tour and my entire European travels to 109 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:50,640 Speaker 1: come home to a house home, and it's still not ready. Oh, 110 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,960 Speaker 1: speaking of which, ICE, we have a lot of groups 111 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,960 Speaker 1: to donate to that I am that I aggregated, so 112 00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:59,920 Speaker 1: let's add those, like different organizations you can donate to 113 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,280 Speaker 1: for families being affected by ICE. You could donate to 114 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:06,000 Speaker 1: attorneys that are defending these people, or you can donate 115 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,160 Speaker 1: to organizations that are helping feed them and are helping 116 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:12,880 Speaker 1: them legal fees, legal fees, and also to help them 117 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,240 Speaker 1: financially while they're unable to go to work because they're 118 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,159 Speaker 1: being stopped every single fucking day so that they don't 119 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,480 Speaker 1: get separated from their families. So it's a good place. 120 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,000 Speaker 1: There's like five or six donation spots that I found 121 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 1: out that are really good to donate to. 122 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:25,080 Speaker 3: So let's do that. 123 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:28,920 Speaker 4: Okay, If you want to donate to families who are 124 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:32,360 Speaker 4: affected by ice and immigration issues. Here are a few 125 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:34,800 Speaker 4: places that you can donate. So one place you can 126 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:38,280 Speaker 4: support is the Immigrant Defender's Law Center and we'll put 127 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:41,240 Speaker 4: a link in the bio. They're a next generation social 128 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 4: justice law firm that defends immigrant communities against injustices. Jail 129 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:49,320 Speaker 4: Support LA. It's a grassroots collective dedicated to supporting anti 130 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:52,720 Speaker 4: repression work in Los Angeles and they provide bill money 131 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:53,800 Speaker 4: for protesters in downtown. 132 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,799 Speaker 2: La Unjon del. 133 00:04:55,640 --> 00:05:00,080 Speaker 4: Barrio is an organization that defends Mexican and Latin American community. 134 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 4: They have been organizing a lot of protests and teach 135 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,640 Speaker 4: people how to do patrols in the event of a raid. 136 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:09,320 Speaker 4: CHARLA is the Coalition for Human Immigration Rights and empowers 137 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 4: immigrants to push policies that promote freedom of movement, full 138 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:17,520 Speaker 4: human rights, vigorous civic action, and strengthens democracy. When Vesino 139 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:21,839 Speaker 4: is an in person responder training being held on July 140 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,760 Speaker 4: twenty fifth, and it's in Moore Park, California, So if 141 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,680 Speaker 4: you want to attend that, we'll put a link in 142 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:30,440 Speaker 4: the bio. Eight PHO five UNDOCU fund provides funds and 143 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:34,560 Speaker 4: support for immigrants Mixed Techo supports organizes and empowers the 144 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:39,080 Speaker 4: indigenous migrant communities in California's Central Coast, and these raids, 145 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:43,120 Speaker 4: illegal and immigration raids continue to happen. So any support 146 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,839 Speaker 4: that you guys can provide will be put to good use. 147 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 1: Okay, great, and we have a great guest today, an 148 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:51,200 Speaker 1: old friend of mine who is in a new show. 149 00:05:51,279 --> 00:05:54,000 Speaker 1: And the new show is called Hunting Wives on Netflix. 150 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,520 Speaker 1: It's not to be confused with hunting husbands or hunting 151 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,720 Speaker 1: four husbands. It's hunting wives and figure that one out. 152 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:05,480 Speaker 1: Please welcome Malin Ackerman. Hi, honey, Hi, how you doing. 153 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 1: I was just talking about my bunyan surgery. I'm getting 154 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,719 Speaker 1: at July fifth, so much fun, so I know, I 155 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:11,240 Speaker 1: can't wait. 156 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:12,040 Speaker 3: I'm excited. 157 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,800 Speaker 1: I'm actually excited. I'm excited for you a month off 158 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 1: and just lying around my house, you know what I mean. 159 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:18,880 Speaker 3: Unfortunately, it won't even be a month like you'll be 160 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,440 Speaker 3: up and if you want till, you can be up. 161 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:21,599 Speaker 3: But otherwise, just milk it. 162 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:23,400 Speaker 7: I milked it for as long as I could, even 163 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:24,920 Speaker 7: though I could walk after a week. 164 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,360 Speaker 3: And you could walk? Wow? 165 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,960 Speaker 1: Did you do physical therapy after? 166 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:28,799 Speaker 2: Yeah? 167 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:31,640 Speaker 3: I did. I did with a with a trainer. And 168 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 3: a pee, you know what a physical therapist a pt. 169 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,840 Speaker 3: But I was in a boot. Obviously I wasn't walking 170 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:39,279 Speaker 3: without a boot. Not you're in a boot for a while. 171 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 3: But I think we went to Vegas two weeks after 172 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 3: my surgery because we'd already booked it, and I just 173 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,039 Speaker 3: got one of those one of those little roly things 174 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:47,560 Speaker 3: where you put your knee on it, and you like, 175 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 3: oh my god, what Vegas was intended for? 176 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,880 Speaker 1: That in Disney World and when people roll around in 177 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 1: Disney World, Yeah, all you're missing is a drumstick, like 178 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,760 Speaker 1: one of those giant turkey drumsticks. Okay, mallin. First of all, 179 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,320 Speaker 1: when did I see you last? I saw you at 180 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,839 Speaker 1: Guy's house, probably. 181 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,440 Speaker 3: Right Guy's house. Yeah, it was probably three am in 182 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:07,800 Speaker 3: the morning, dancing on the glasser. Yeah, he felt great. 183 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 1: I think I was looking for my purse for about 184 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:10,960 Speaker 1: four hours at that party. 185 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:11,800 Speaker 3: Did you ever find it? 186 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:12,920 Speaker 1: I did? 187 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:13,840 Speaker 3: It was amazing. 188 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,880 Speaker 1: It's the story of my life. Some strange person just 189 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,200 Speaker 1: came up to me, someone how I had never met. 190 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,440 Speaker 1: Because I was going around the party asking people, I'm like, 191 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,200 Speaker 1: do you have my assistants info? Because I might need 192 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:26,840 Speaker 1: to get my driver and I'm alone, Like I came 193 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,640 Speaker 1: with a bunch of people, but everybody had left and 194 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,440 Speaker 1: I was still there. And then someone just walked right 195 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,400 Speaker 1: up to me like some sort of heavenly angel instead 196 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 1: have you been looking for your purse? And I was like, 197 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,480 Speaker 1: oh my god, who are you? 198 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:39,760 Speaker 3: And do you know who that person is? You have 199 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,800 Speaker 3: know I that it was just a lovely human being 200 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,680 Speaker 3: that's Anaean in the world. 201 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:44,120 Speaker 7: We like that. 202 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:46,600 Speaker 3: It was a fun party. 203 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 1: It was It's always fun, right, although last year was 204 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,000 Speaker 1: a little bit too my hectic, and I remember talking 205 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,400 Speaker 1: to guy. I'm like, don't let anybody into that party, 206 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 1: like I'm not. 207 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 3: It gets nuts, but you kind of get lost, like 208 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 3: you get your little pockets of like I'm always on 209 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,400 Speaker 3: the dance so I love to dance. So my husband 210 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 3: and I are the same, and so we're always on 211 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,000 Speaker 3: the dance flore until our feet can't take it anymore, 212 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:06,600 Speaker 3: and you feel like you find your little pockast and 213 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:07,920 Speaker 3: all of a sudden you turn around. You're like, oh, 214 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 3: I'm doing the shuffle with Miles Teller and then you 215 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 3: turn around and and there's Chelsea falling over the table 216 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,280 Speaker 3: and having the flast. 217 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:15,960 Speaker 7: Exactly. 218 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:18,560 Speaker 1: That's exactly the kind of impression I want to leave 219 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:21,680 Speaker 1: people with. I remember the last time we were hanging out, 220 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 1: this was many, many years ago. You had just had 221 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:27,080 Speaker 1: your kid. That's how long ago we've spent. It's since 222 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,080 Speaker 1: we spent tive years ago. Yeah, so you were I 223 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 1: think I think you got divorced soon after that, and 224 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,199 Speaker 1: then you met your husband. 225 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:38,120 Speaker 3: Soon after that. My like the real life one. The 226 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,840 Speaker 3: first one was like a trial run. And then number 227 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 3: two I met him when my son was three, and 228 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:46,079 Speaker 3: so he's been in our life since then, which is awesome. 229 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 3: Nine years crazy. 230 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,280 Speaker 1: I think that's crazy that you have a baby with 231 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:53,920 Speaker 1: someone and then you've become a unexpectedly become a single mother. 232 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,920 Speaker 3: That was a little bit of a surprise. You know, 233 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,800 Speaker 3: life is you can never plan it, as we all know. 234 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,640 Speaker 3: I'll try to do it, but it just it was 235 00:09:02,679 --> 00:09:05,520 Speaker 3: one of those things. And we're good now, like he's 236 00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:08,199 Speaker 3: in our life and it's and we're friends and all that, 237 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:11,440 Speaker 3: but it was just when you have kids, you just 238 00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:14,719 Speaker 3: never know what that's going to be like, what it's 239 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 3: going to feel like. I know that so many people 240 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:19,640 Speaker 3: have so many different reactions. Some people are like in 241 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:21,960 Speaker 3: the movies where like everything's grand and beautiful, but for 242 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:25,800 Speaker 3: the most part, it's fucking shocking. And you go through 243 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:30,160 Speaker 3: a real emotional rollercoaster bringing a human being home and 244 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,920 Speaker 3: you have to take care of it. So I think 245 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,400 Speaker 3: for both of us it was just we We just 246 00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:38,839 Speaker 3: didn't prepare properly, and I think it really affected our relationship. 247 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 3: But who does prepare properly? 248 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:42,760 Speaker 1: Like, I mean, it's not like so many people are 249 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:46,120 Speaker 1: taking parenting classes before they have a baby, you know, 250 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,560 Speaker 1: I know, And nine months is not enough time to 251 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:50,360 Speaker 1: prepare for that kind of invasion. 252 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,440 Speaker 3: No, And I wasn't even we weren't even preparing. I mean, 253 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:56,000 Speaker 3: I was just living life the way it normally was. 254 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:59,560 Speaker 3: And then a baby was born. Oh my god, geez, 255 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,000 Speaker 3: this is I got to keep this thing alive and 256 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:04,720 Speaker 3: try to keep my relationship sexy. I don't know how 257 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:06,920 Speaker 3: do you do that. I haven't no idea, I haven't. 258 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:10,520 Speaker 3: I failed at it. But number two is a good 259 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,120 Speaker 3: is good. And we decided not to have another kid 260 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,800 Speaker 3: together because I was like, you know, let's just keep 261 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:18,360 Speaker 3: it sexy, and we've got a kid already and like, 262 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:21,040 Speaker 3: let's have fun. And when he gets old, he's twelve. 263 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:22,480 Speaker 3: Now you know, a few more years and he's out 264 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:24,680 Speaker 3: of the house and we're going to travel the world 265 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:28,040 Speaker 3: and we're still going to keep it sexy. So I know, 266 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:30,280 Speaker 3: you know a little something about that. Because you decided 267 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:33,240 Speaker 3: not to have children, you just kept spontaneous, spontaneity part 268 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:34,880 Speaker 3: of your life, which is so much fun and I 269 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:36,840 Speaker 3: miss it, do you. 270 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,680 Speaker 1: Your sister introduced you to your husband, right, Yeah, she 271 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:40,680 Speaker 1: did good memory. 272 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:44,760 Speaker 3: She is now married to the guy who she's married 273 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:47,839 Speaker 3: to your husband too. She's yeah, we live a polygamous life. 274 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:52,040 Speaker 3: It's very cool, you know, a little sestuous. But her 275 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,320 Speaker 3: husband is also a brit and so my husband and 276 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 3: her husband were at drama school together, so he would 277 00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:59,800 Speaker 3: come out for like pilot season why when there was 278 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,480 Speaker 3: isolot season when that existed, And so I met him 279 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:04,720 Speaker 3: a couple of times, and then we ended up sitting 280 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,320 Speaker 3: at Hamburger Mary's beside each other for a dry queen 281 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 3: bingo night, and that's where we fell in love, as 282 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,960 Speaker 3: you do, because we sat beside each other and I 283 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,439 Speaker 3: just realized at that time, like I'd met him a 284 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,439 Speaker 3: few times, but I was finally ready, I guess, and 285 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,640 Speaker 3: he was just so you know that British charm and wit, 286 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,360 Speaker 3: and he was funny and kind of cute, and so, 287 00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:23,920 Speaker 3: I mean, I still didn't think we were going to 288 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,760 Speaker 3: get married. I just thought we'd have a fun little 289 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,600 Speaker 3: affair because he's seven years younger than me. Oh oh, 290 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:31,439 Speaker 3: I love that. Yeah, it's great. And the nice thing 291 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,760 Speaker 3: about younger men is that they adore you. He's like, wow, 292 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 3: you're my woman, and it feels you feel like a 293 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,840 Speaker 3: woman around a younger man. I love it. I'm enjoying 294 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:40,520 Speaker 3: this experience. 295 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, I could see that I've ever dated for somebody 296 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,200 Speaker 1: that was so much younger than me, more than like 297 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,319 Speaker 1: a year or so. So I don't know, but I'm 298 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:49,719 Speaker 1: assuming I'm going to get around to it because I'm 299 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:51,640 Speaker 1: not getting any younger. Like I'm sure I'm going to 300 00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:52,160 Speaker 1: start dating. 301 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,720 Speaker 3: I'll introduce you to a few young boys. 302 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:56,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I'd like a little couple of flings, 303 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,840 Speaker 1: especially with you know, the energy, sexual energy that younger men. 304 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,839 Speaker 1: I'm more interested in math than having to deal with 305 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,360 Speaker 1: you know, men my own age and their own issues. 306 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:09,520 Speaker 1: Not not naming any names you dm me when I 307 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 1: was in Sweden or you were texting me or some 308 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,199 Speaker 1: one of those things, because that's where you're you're from. 309 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,880 Speaker 1: You're from Sweden, I am, but I originally I was 310 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:20,400 Speaker 1: reading your bio and you also have permanent residency status 311 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,080 Speaker 1: in Canada, So. 312 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,120 Speaker 3: I did that one. I had to give up when 313 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,559 Speaker 3: I moved out here. I had a permanent because I 314 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,840 Speaker 3: was there for twenty two years. And when we first 315 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,600 Speaker 3: moved to Canada, Sweden wouldn't allow dual citizenship. And then 316 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 3: when it was finally time for me to move America 317 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,440 Speaker 3: to America, then I could get dual citizenship. But I 318 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:37,840 Speaker 3: was going to America. So it's like, you know what, 319 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,600 Speaker 3: I don't need a Canadian passport. I've got my Swedish passport. 320 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,559 Speaker 3: Now I wish I had would have done it, But. 321 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 1: Because I was about to ask you, I'm like, wait, 322 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:45,640 Speaker 1: I have a house in Canada and I don't have 323 00:12:45,679 --> 00:12:48,840 Speaker 1: permanent residence. Yeah I do in Whistler. I go. I 324 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,959 Speaker 1: love your first ice ski in the wintertime, and I 325 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:55,120 Speaker 1: love I love Canadians. You know, they're so civilized, Yeah, 326 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:59,199 Speaker 1: so nice, so normal. It's a nice contrast to what 327 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 1: we deal with it. But a little bit yeah, yeah, 328 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,120 Speaker 1: I was curious about learning. I mean, every all my 329 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:08,200 Speaker 1: conversations lately are basically about how to naturalize another place. 330 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:11,760 Speaker 1: How are you going to get to become a permanent 331 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,760 Speaker 1: resident of another place? Back to Sweden. I have like 332 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:18,000 Speaker 1: a few Swedish people in my life. And when I 333 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,559 Speaker 1: was in Stockholm for my most recent I just came 334 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,120 Speaker 1: from Europe. I was on this European tour. It looked amazing, 335 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,480 Speaker 1: Thank you, It was amazing, and Stockholm was such a highlight. 336 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:30,040 Speaker 1: It was so gorgeous out. We walked probably like fifteen 337 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,720 Speaker 1: thousand steps that day. We walked and walked and walked 338 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,320 Speaker 1: and walked, and it was like one of the first 339 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,439 Speaker 1: days of you know what felt like summer. You know, 340 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,880 Speaker 1: it was in May, but it felt like the first 341 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,280 Speaker 1: and the whole place was pumping. And this was like 342 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:44,680 Speaker 1: how it was when we kept like hopping through Europe. 343 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:46,839 Speaker 1: We'd land and like the sun would be out and 344 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:49,679 Speaker 1: we'd be in Copenhagen or Amsterdam or but Stockholm was 345 00:13:49,679 --> 00:13:52,320 Speaker 1: such a highlight. And I have a really good girlfriend 346 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:55,480 Speaker 1: who lives in Whistler who is Swedish. And then I 347 00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:57,480 Speaker 1: have another friend that I spent like my twenties with 348 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,360 Speaker 1: that was Swedish. And I have to say, Swedish women 349 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:05,840 Speaker 1: are so much fucking fun. And I feel like Swedish 350 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,840 Speaker 1: culture tell me if this is true, Like women don't 351 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:13,439 Speaker 1: care about marriage in the same way that American women 352 00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:14,480 Speaker 1: care about marriage. 353 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,120 Speaker 3: No, not at all. The whole thing of Like, I 354 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,240 Speaker 3: don't know, there's that really weird thing where it's like 355 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,960 Speaker 3: you have to spend half your yearly salary for the rank, 356 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,440 Speaker 3: Like there's all these rules around things. Swedish women are 357 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 3: kind of like take it early. I think it's like 358 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 3: the Viking mentality we grew up on versus you know. 359 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,440 Speaker 3: I guess America was built on, you know, religion, and 360 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,560 Speaker 3: so it's a very separate It feels very logical in Sweden. 361 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:39,120 Speaker 3: And I also feel like the women there, for whatever reason, 362 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 3: I don't know why or the history of it, but 363 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 3: the women in Sweden are the aggressors and they're very independent. 364 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:48,600 Speaker 3: It feels very like it always feels like women have 365 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,600 Speaker 3: always been an equal over there, and so you just 366 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:54,200 Speaker 3: feel empowered, which is really interesting. And I don't know 367 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:57,520 Speaker 3: the reason why, but I do feel like women are 368 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:01,240 Speaker 3: just strong and takeway they want kind of thing, and 369 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,720 Speaker 3: I love that about it, you know, and men tend 370 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:05,440 Speaker 3: to follow suit and stand in line. 371 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, I wonder if it does have something to do 372 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,080 Speaker 1: with the Vikings. I'm gonna have to read a book 373 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:10,400 Speaker 1: about that. 374 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:12,800 Speaker 3: I know, go to I should know my own culture 375 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:14,320 Speaker 3: really and I wonder if. 376 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,080 Speaker 1: It's all scale, like if it's all that area in 377 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:20,160 Speaker 1: Scandinavian cultures too, where women, I mean obviously they're like 378 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:23,040 Speaker 1: government wise and happy wise, like everybody seems a lot 379 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,960 Speaker 1: happier in that part of the world, Scandinavia in general. 380 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,680 Speaker 3: And when also when you get like a year mattornity 381 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:32,120 Speaker 3: leave six months paternity like everything is it works like 382 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:36,320 Speaker 3: everything You pay really high taxes in Stockholm, but they 383 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 3: go towards the things that you want them to go towards, 384 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:41,760 Speaker 3: Like you can go to university for free in Sweden 385 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 3: and get a really brilliant education, you know, and that's 386 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,480 Speaker 3: where our tax money goes to, which I would love 387 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:50,280 Speaker 3: to see here, you know. Having a kid here, I'm like, wow, 388 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 3: it's expensive because he can't go to all the public schools. 389 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:55,360 Speaker 3: We were lucky to put him in a charter school 390 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,160 Speaker 3: for the first few years of his life, but now 391 00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,680 Speaker 3: we just switched him over and we're like, wow, it's crazy. 392 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,240 Speaker 1: It's crazy that we have to pay for kindergarten. Well, 393 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 1: I don't have to for anything, but it's crazy that 394 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,880 Speaker 1: parents have to pay for fucking kindergarten. I mean, I 395 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:11,040 Speaker 1: live in a city that is absolutely ridiculous. Watching that 396 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:15,000 Speaker 1: back race and watching people apply to kindergartens and preschools 397 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,160 Speaker 1: is like, Honestly, when I. 398 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:20,160 Speaker 3: Was pregnant, I had a friend of mine, a friend 399 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,720 Speaker 3: of mine's mother, who was like, okay, listen, we need 400 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:24,640 Speaker 3: a meeting. And I was like okay, and she comes 401 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,600 Speaker 3: over to my place and she goes, listen, you got 402 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,960 Speaker 3: to start looking into preschools. You got to start putting yourself. 403 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 3: I'm like, my kid isn't even born. 404 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:30,880 Speaker 7: What do you mean. 405 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,720 Speaker 3: She's like, oh, it's impossible. I'm gonna introduce you to 406 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,880 Speaker 3: a woman who's gonna get you in. And I was like, okay. 407 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,640 Speaker 3: I was really freaked out. I didn't know what the 408 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,360 Speaker 3: fuck was going on. So this woman comes over and 409 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 3: she's like, Okay, I know everybody at every school. I'll 410 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:43,640 Speaker 3: help you fill out all the forums. I'll help you. 411 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:45,280 Speaker 3: I was like, I feel like I could fill out 412 00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:48,680 Speaker 3: a form myself. And she goes and it'll cost seven 413 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:52,560 Speaker 3: thousand dollars. I just went I'm good. He'll go to 414 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:55,320 Speaker 3: whatever preschool he goes to and it'll be fine. He'll 415 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,240 Speaker 3: learn how to count to three and it'll be great. 416 00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 3: But it was just there's this whole gamut here where 417 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,600 Speaker 3: people scare you into thinking like if they don't get 418 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,840 Speaker 3: into the right preschool, then you know they're just never 419 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:08,119 Speaker 3: going to make it in life, which is nuts. It 420 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,359 Speaker 3: really is coming from Canada where you're just like, you 421 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:11,840 Speaker 3: just go to the schools that you go to. 422 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,359 Speaker 1: You know, by the way, Canadian colleges are seven thousand 423 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,400 Speaker 1: dollars for a whole entire year. So you could either 424 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,720 Speaker 1: get a coach to get you into kindergarten in America, 425 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:22,720 Speaker 1: or you could go to college for seven thousand dollars 426 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 1: a year. Your dealer's choice. 427 00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:26,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, dealer's choice. What are you going to choose? 428 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:29,119 Speaker 1: I'm into that new Prime Minister of Canada though, Mark Carney. 429 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,400 Speaker 1: I like his attitude all lost. 430 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:31,280 Speaker 3: Yeah me too. 431 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:33,800 Speaker 1: Speaking of taking what you want, Okay, let's talk about 432 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:37,960 Speaker 1: Hunting Wives, because first of all, you are really getting 433 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 1: after it in the show. 434 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:40,119 Speaker 3: Did you get to see it? 435 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,840 Speaker 1: I saw three episodes. Yes, I watched it while I 436 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:46,359 Speaker 1: was getting my roots done yesterday. Back I saw you 437 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:49,920 Speaker 1: in full action, having lots of action with a variety 438 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:53,720 Speaker 1: of different people, and yeah, I was like, wow, look 439 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:54,240 Speaker 1: at you go. 440 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,720 Speaker 3: Margot Banks, who is the character that I play as 441 00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:02,520 Speaker 3: you saw, is probably one of the favorite characters that 442 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,520 Speaker 3: I've ever played. Talk about like living in her own 443 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,639 Speaker 3: power right, just like taking whatever she wants. She is 444 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:13,800 Speaker 3: master manipulator. She is Lady Macbeth behind the scenes, just 445 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:18,119 Speaker 3: with her puppeteering. Super fun to play, you know. All 446 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:20,920 Speaker 3: the cast was It's one of those dream scenarios where 447 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,000 Speaker 3: everything kind of fell in place. I mean at first 448 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:26,639 Speaker 3: when I read the script, I then gave it to 449 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,240 Speaker 3: my husband and I was like, am I this person? 450 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:30,040 Speaker 3: Can I do this? 451 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:30,320 Speaker 6: Like? 452 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,240 Speaker 3: Should I do this? Is this crazy? It is nuts? 453 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:34,960 Speaker 3: And he read it and he went, oh my god, 454 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,800 Speaker 3: are you kidding me this? You have to do this. 455 00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:41,760 Speaker 3: It's literally his fantasy is this whole show? But yeah, 456 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:45,680 Speaker 3: she is. She is something to be reckoned with. But 457 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,600 Speaker 3: the beauty of it, because you only set three episodes, 458 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,359 Speaker 3: it gets there's so many twists and turns that are 459 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,720 Speaker 3: coming your way. By the end, you can't even believe 460 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:55,080 Speaker 3: where it's taken you. And that's what the fun part is. 461 00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:55,800 Speaker 3: About it is that. 462 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, you can see that there's a lot happening, and yeah, 463 00:18:58,119 --> 00:19:01,080 Speaker 1: that's a lot that's going to happen. Oh, this is exciting. 464 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,480 Speaker 2: This is AWESO coming out. 465 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,239 Speaker 3: All eight episodes get dropped all at the same time 466 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:08,720 Speaker 3: on July twenty first, So you know, okay, corn and 467 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,600 Speaker 3: sit for eight hours straight and watch this crazy show. 468 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:12,680 Speaker 7: Yeah. 469 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,440 Speaker 1: So it's basically let's give a synopsis of the show. 470 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,880 Speaker 1: It's basically this. Brittany's snow is also in the show, 471 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,200 Speaker 1: and she basically moves I think from the East coast 472 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:21,959 Speaker 1: to East Texas. 473 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:24,480 Speaker 3: Is that right? That's right, small little made uptown in 474 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 3: East Texas where Margo Banks and her husband Jed Banks 475 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,159 Speaker 3: are basically like the queen Bee and the soon to 476 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:31,920 Speaker 3: be governor of this little town. 477 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,400 Speaker 1: Who's played by Dermot mulrooney. 478 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:38,000 Speaker 3: That's right, dream vote he's Oh my god, he's such 479 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:41,040 Speaker 3: a nice suff here into chemistry together. I love that man. 480 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, he's a great guy. And it's such a great 481 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,080 Speaker 1: role for you. I like, I love seeing you in 482 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,919 Speaker 1: a lead role and being this kind of master puppettier. 483 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,560 Speaker 1: Like I love watching that and I love seeing you 484 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:55,159 Speaker 1: shine in that way. So congratulations, thank you. 485 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:57,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so much fun. It really is, like if 486 00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,119 Speaker 3: you like Big Little Eyes and Yellowstone, it's like they 487 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,040 Speaker 3: have a baby and this is it, you know, So 488 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:06,399 Speaker 3: it's it's salacious and fun and sexy and wild. Do 489 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,840 Speaker 3: you get how do you deal with having sex scenes 490 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:09,640 Speaker 3: with different people? 491 00:20:10,119 --> 00:20:11,240 Speaker 1: Is that an issue? 492 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:11,359 Speaker 3: Like? 493 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:12,760 Speaker 1: What do you do to prepare for those? 494 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:15,840 Speaker 3: Well, the thing is is that, you know, we have 495 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:20,400 Speaker 3: intimacy coordinators nowadays, which is a saving grace. I love 496 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,720 Speaker 3: it so much because you have this person who comes 497 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:25,800 Speaker 3: to you know, if it's me and Brittany having a 498 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,359 Speaker 3: scene together, she'll talk to us separately and say, all right, 499 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:29,760 Speaker 3: what are you guys comfortable with? What do you want 500 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:30,920 Speaker 3: to show? What do you not want to show? 501 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:31,000 Speaker 7: What? 502 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,199 Speaker 3: Like? What are we doing here? And then we come 503 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:36,680 Speaker 3: in together and do rehearsals just like stunt choreography. She 504 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,399 Speaker 3: actually used to our intimacy coordinator used to be a 505 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,800 Speaker 3: stunt choreographer, which is awesome and she was the best. 506 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,239 Speaker 3: And so it's like doing choreography. You get it all 507 00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:47,360 Speaker 3: settled and then you show your director and they sign 508 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,160 Speaker 3: off on it. So when you go to set that day, 509 00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,679 Speaker 3: you know exactly what you're doing. There are no surprises, 510 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:54,920 Speaker 3: nobody's doing anything different. We both feel comfortable with what 511 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:56,920 Speaker 3: we're doing. And I want to say comfortable. It's still 512 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,280 Speaker 3: not like whoo, this is going to be great. It's 513 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:03,760 Speaker 3: still weird. You know, you're still there with the crew 514 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:07,879 Speaker 3: and cameras. It's never what it looks like on screen. 515 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:12,040 Speaker 3: Is it's never as intimate as we make it look. 516 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:17,359 Speaker 3: But it's very respectful and it's very well organized and 517 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:18,840 Speaker 3: directed and taken care of. 518 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:19,879 Speaker 7: So you know. 519 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,720 Speaker 1: I once did a movie like I don't remember what 520 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,639 Speaker 1: it was even called, and I had to kiss this 521 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:27,399 Speaker 1: guy and I was like, I can't. I cann't kiss him. 522 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,399 Speaker 1: I was like, I can't kiss this person. And the 523 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:31,600 Speaker 1: director's like, you just have to kiss him on the lips, 524 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,000 Speaker 1: like it can be short, like it just has to 525 00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:35,280 Speaker 1: look like you're about like you're about to start making out. 526 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:36,880 Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't, I can't do it, like I'm 527 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,879 Speaker 1: not attracted to him. He's like, I know, but this 528 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,120 Speaker 1: is not real life. You're acting, and I'm like, which 529 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,160 Speaker 1: is why I'm not an actress. I'm like, I can't 530 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,280 Speaker 1: make out with a man. And the whole time I 531 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:50,720 Speaker 1: just wanted him to be yelling cut before he yelled 532 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,160 Speaker 1: it like the whole time, I was like black. Yeah, 533 00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:56,920 Speaker 1: I had such a childish reaction to being to be 534 00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:00,280 Speaker 1: having to act in like a romantic setting where where 535 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,320 Speaker 1: it wasn't really attracted him. So do you ever have 536 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,840 Speaker 1: those types of feelings where you're like, I want this 537 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:07,520 Speaker 1: to be over. 538 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,840 Speaker 3: I think I've suppressed it so far down it's been 539 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,720 Speaker 3: so long, doing it for so long that you just 540 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,879 Speaker 3: pull up your bootstraps and go. But no, you know, 541 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,239 Speaker 3: I gotta be honest, there hasn't been I haven't I've 542 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:22,680 Speaker 3: I had one once, I gotta say. And this was 543 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:24,640 Speaker 3: in the very beginning of my career, before I even 544 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,119 Speaker 3: came out to Hollywood, and I had to do a 545 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,000 Speaker 3: like a kiss with it guy. It was nothing like 546 00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,800 Speaker 3: it wasn't even a makeout thing, but he there was. 547 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,560 Speaker 3: He was one of those like off camera just wasn't 548 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,680 Speaker 3: a nice guy, like wasn't a great guy. So I 549 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,520 Speaker 3: just didn't like him very much. And not only that, 550 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,520 Speaker 3: but he decided to eat sidziki, which has tons of 551 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,520 Speaker 3: garlic in it, right at lunch, right before our scene. 552 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,240 Speaker 3: So not only did I not like him, he smelt 553 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,159 Speaker 3: like garlic and I had to kiss him and I 554 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,320 Speaker 3: was like, oh, everything about it. And that was very 555 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:55,239 Speaker 3: early on in my career, so I didn't know how 556 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,200 Speaker 3: to handle it. But yes, that was one moment where 557 00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 3: I was like, no, please, just cold cut. But otherwise 558 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:05,399 Speaker 3: it's it's I've had a beautiful experience and most of 559 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,879 Speaker 3: the people that I've worked with, I've just really enjoyed, 560 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:11,320 Speaker 3: and it's been you kind of when you're in that character. 561 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:15,080 Speaker 3: You go into it and you feel like that character, 562 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,480 Speaker 3: and of course once they call cut, you feel silly 563 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:20,280 Speaker 3: and awkward and're like, hey, how's your wife? Everything good 564 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,800 Speaker 3: at home? Great? It is a very strange thing. And 565 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,560 Speaker 3: if you're not in the acting world and you don't 566 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,960 Speaker 3: do it, I can understand people on the outside going wow, 567 00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:29,960 Speaker 3: how do you do that? But I guess you get 568 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:32,080 Speaker 3: used to it. I guess you do it in character. 569 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,840 Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I guess right, you would do it in character. 570 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:36,920 Speaker 1: But do you feel a sense of like you must 571 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,119 Speaker 1: feel a sense of responsibility to make the other actor, 572 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,040 Speaker 1: whether it's a woman or a man or anything in between, 573 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:45,320 Speaker 1: do you feel responsible for making the other person feel comfortable? 574 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,200 Speaker 3: And I think both both parties, and that's been in 575 00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:52,399 Speaker 3: my experience ninety nine percent of the time is that 576 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 3: both parties, myself and the other party are just super 577 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,479 Speaker 3: respectful and considerate. And you know, as soon as they 578 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,440 Speaker 3: call cut it like hey, are you okay? Are you good? 579 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,760 Speaker 3: You know, I have some scenes with George Ferrier in 580 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:07,080 Speaker 3: this in this show, and he plays a nineteen year 581 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,920 Speaker 3: old boy, but he's in his early twenties and we 582 00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:13,480 Speaker 3: have a relationship that's of a sexual nature. And of 583 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,600 Speaker 3: course everything was treated just as it would with the 584 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:18,359 Speaker 3: intimacy Cordy. It was beautiful, it was lovely, respectful. But 585 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,359 Speaker 3: after every shot, I would be like I felt like 586 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:23,399 Speaker 3: a mother. Tim was like, are you okay, yourn you 587 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,119 Speaker 3: need some water? Do you need some Like can I 588 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:26,879 Speaker 3: get you anything? 589 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:27,440 Speaker 1: I'm sorry? 590 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,200 Speaker 3: Or are you welcome? I don't know what to say 591 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:33,200 Speaker 3: right now, but it was just really to say that, 592 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:37,680 Speaker 3: like it's just been a lovely experience, and yes, you 593 00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:40,960 Speaker 3: I think everyone is super considerate in those situations. 594 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,440 Speaker 1: There's a great shot of you pulling up on a 595 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:47,560 Speaker 1: jet ski. First of all, your wardrobe is awesome because everybody, yeah, 596 00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,320 Speaker 1: I mean I get to comment on women's bodies, but 597 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,480 Speaker 1: your body's just ridiculous, and your legs go off for 598 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:53,359 Speaker 1: miles and miles and miles, and you should always just 599 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:55,280 Speaker 1: be in a bathing suit because you should be showing 600 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:57,880 Speaker 1: that body off. Fine, she pulls up on a jet 601 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,440 Speaker 1: ski on this beach to pick up Brittany, and it's 602 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,840 Speaker 1: so funny because it's just like, you know, you're on 603 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:08,000 Speaker 1: the hut. Basically, it's like a Baywatch moment. Yeah, totally, 604 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:12,399 Speaker 1: it's totally like a Baywatch moment. But yeah, I just 605 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:16,080 Speaker 1: like seeing you kind of command a show. It's very 606 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:16,960 Speaker 1: nice to see that. 607 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 3: I'm definitely enjoying it, and I have to say, you know, 608 00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:24,120 Speaker 3: you've earned that. Thank you. I feel like I've earned 609 00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:27,240 Speaker 3: it too. But I also feel like this character, I 610 00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:32,080 Speaker 3: love sitting in the power of what it is sometimes 611 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 3: to be female and what it is to use that 612 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:37,080 Speaker 3: and weld that power. Not that I would ever use 613 00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:39,160 Speaker 3: it the way she does, but it's fun to play 614 00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:42,200 Speaker 3: that because you go, women really have this power, not 615 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,960 Speaker 3: that it should be used in this way, but wow, 616 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,440 Speaker 3: is it ever fun to exercise that in a role 617 00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:50,800 Speaker 3: And it is really just juicy And it was I 618 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,240 Speaker 3: felt the same about my role in Billions, where she 619 00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:57,280 Speaker 3: was just this powerful character. And I love women in 620 00:25:57,359 --> 00:25:59,560 Speaker 3: power like that, whether they're using it for good or bad. 621 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:01,280 Speaker 3: It's just fun to play. 622 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:05,399 Speaker 1: It's also fun to examine that because men men can 623 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,920 Speaker 1: be so powerful with almost no power, you know, like 624 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,040 Speaker 1: they don't really have any real power necessarily, and they 625 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,359 Speaker 1: present as they do just because of the nature of 626 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,000 Speaker 1: society and you know, the way things have shaken out 627 00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 1: thus far. But women really are the powerful ones, Like, 628 00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:23,600 Speaker 1: we have so much inside of us. So whenever there 629 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:27,359 Speaker 1: are people that call into the podcast, which you'll experience shortly, like, 630 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,560 Speaker 1: there's so many women who are unaware of the power 631 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:30,680 Speaker 1: that lies within them. 632 00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:33,720 Speaker 3: And totally it's our job as. 633 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:37,240 Speaker 1: Women who are more mature and have the wisdom and 634 00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:40,680 Speaker 1: experience to know that it's so important to inject women 635 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:44,960 Speaker 1: with that vibe, you know, to make sure everyone knows 636 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:48,520 Speaker 1: how powerful you are. Like I was with this I 637 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,159 Speaker 1: was with this young couple of yesterday doing something and 638 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:54,800 Speaker 1: we were filming something and they were just so traditional, right, 639 00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:57,919 Speaker 1: and they were like talking about getting married and they 640 00:26:57,960 --> 00:26:59,880 Speaker 1: were I was in their apartment in New York City 641 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,600 Speaker 1: and they were so young, and they were both adorable 642 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,920 Speaker 1: and sweet and kind of innocent, but they weren't even 643 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:09,960 Speaker 1: thirty and she's just I just could tell, like, oh, this. 644 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:11,880 Speaker 3: Girl really wants to marry this guy. 645 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:13,560 Speaker 1: And he wants to marry and they think this is 646 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,560 Speaker 1: it and you know it probably or may will be, 647 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:21,399 Speaker 1: who knows. But also why why is it necessary to 648 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:24,680 Speaker 1: you know? Especially I mean, you know that because you've 649 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:28,240 Speaker 1: been through, you know, a first marriage. But I want 650 00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:31,080 Speaker 1: women to know, like life just keeps getting better and 651 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:34,919 Speaker 1: better as you get older, and the more wisdom we acquire, 652 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:39,080 Speaker 1: the sexier life becomes, and the more like possibilities, and like, 653 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:42,360 Speaker 1: don't limit your possibilities for the world. 654 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:44,760 Speaker 3: A hundred and that you know, Chelsea, that's why I 655 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:46,800 Speaker 3: love you so much. And what you put out there 656 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,879 Speaker 3: in the world in your comedy and your voice, you 657 00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:54,720 Speaker 3: just it shows women that you can. You can be vocal, 658 00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,040 Speaker 3: and you can be out there, and you can be confident, 659 00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,000 Speaker 3: and you can do whatever the fuck you want, like 660 00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:01,760 Speaker 3: skiing and and be key because we can. But I 661 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,480 Speaker 3: just think that it is so important for women to 662 00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:08,720 Speaker 3: understand that our voices can and should be heard. And 663 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:11,000 Speaker 3: it's okay, not every I had to go through a 664 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,280 Speaker 3: lot of work of I was, I still am. It's 665 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:17,399 Speaker 3: still in me a people pleaser, but I realized that 666 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:20,680 Speaker 3: people pleasing is actually just a way to control other people. 667 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,040 Speaker 3: So it's not a really nice thing. It's just I 668 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:26,120 Speaker 3: need to control their emotions so that they don't make 669 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:28,520 Speaker 3: me feel a certain way. So instead I had to 670 00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:30,480 Speaker 3: start learning how to say no and standing up for 671 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:32,640 Speaker 3: myself and being okay with the fact that some people 672 00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:35,320 Speaker 3: might think that I'm a bitch, or some people might 673 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:38,320 Speaker 3: think that whatever they want to think, but I have 674 00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:41,120 Speaker 3: to align myself with what's true to me and how 675 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:43,400 Speaker 3: I feel. And the same goes with relationships. Like when 676 00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,560 Speaker 3: I met my husband, I was like, I'm not a 677 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:47,720 Speaker 3: finished product yet. You know, I just went through divorce, 678 00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:49,600 Speaker 3: I just had a kid, Like, I don't really know 679 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:51,520 Speaker 3: who I am right now. So who you're getting right 680 00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:53,000 Speaker 3: now is not who I'm going to be in ten 681 00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:55,160 Speaker 3: years from now. So if you want to enter into 682 00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:58,720 Speaker 3: this as a relationship, cool. It may or may not work, 683 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:00,960 Speaker 3: but we can give it our best shot, and that's 684 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,920 Speaker 3: fun and that's great. Now he happens to be the 685 00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:07,520 Speaker 3: best partner ever, which I didn't expect. I really thought 686 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:08,760 Speaker 3: he was just going to be a little romp in 687 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:10,560 Speaker 3: the sack and then he's going back to England. But 688 00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:13,520 Speaker 3: it didn't turn out that way. He stayed. But I 689 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,240 Speaker 3: think it's really important and it's really hard, and it's 690 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:17,880 Speaker 3: a really long journey. And I feel like I'm only 691 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:20,280 Speaker 3: stepping into myself in my forties, you know, and who 692 00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:24,760 Speaker 3: I want to be and understanding myself and being confident 693 00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:28,720 Speaker 3: enough to take those steps to living more authentically to 694 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:31,080 Speaker 3: who I am, and whoever doesn't want to be part 695 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:32,840 Speaker 3: of that just isn't going to be in my life. 696 00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:36,239 Speaker 1: And that's okay, right, And that the stage of your 697 00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:38,400 Speaker 1: life that you're in when you meet somebody is not 698 00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:41,080 Speaker 1: a fixed state, Like you're not going to be that 699 00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,920 Speaker 1: way forever. None of us are. We'll always evolving or devolving. 700 00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:47,400 Speaker 1: Or sometimes you go through a rough patch and you 701 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:49,960 Speaker 1: know you're not at your best, and that could happen 702 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:51,800 Speaker 1: at any time in your life. Even when you feel 703 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,240 Speaker 1: like you've gotten all figured out, then something can like 704 00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:56,520 Speaker 1: you know, kind of throw you and you're like, oh shit, 705 00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:59,040 Speaker 1: this isn't me operating on my A plus plus self. 706 00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:02,200 Speaker 1: But that's okay, Like to give yourself the grace that, Okay, 707 00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:03,880 Speaker 1: this is a rough patch, I'm going to get through it. 708 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:05,960 Speaker 1: Because I've gotten through everything else that has come my 709 00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:08,920 Speaker 1: way in my life and this is just another something 710 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:12,040 Speaker 1: I didn't expect. As you said when we started talking today, 711 00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:14,840 Speaker 1: that you can't really plan, you know, your life. So 712 00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,760 Speaker 1: when I see these young people planning their futures and 713 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,080 Speaker 1: I've got to marry this by this age and i 714 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,080 Speaker 1: want to have this many kids by this age, I'm like, 715 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:24,680 Speaker 1: oh God, throw that all out the window. You can 716 00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:27,400 Speaker 1: have your kids, and you can have your husband, but 717 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:30,240 Speaker 1: like it doesn't have to be at like these little 718 00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:33,680 Speaker 1: tent poles, like in order an arrangement, And I. 719 00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:36,520 Speaker 3: Feel like that sets you up for a disappointment instead 720 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,320 Speaker 3: of just going, let's see what happens. 721 00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:40,480 Speaker 1: Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back 722 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:41,800 Speaker 1: with Malin Ackerman. 723 00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:49,800 Speaker 3: And we're back with Mallin. What's your husband's name, Jack, 724 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:54,440 Speaker 3: Jack Darley? Oh yeah, I love British guys, you know. Yeah, 725 00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:57,160 Speaker 3: Well we'll find you a young one, you know, I know, yes, 726 00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:58,840 Speaker 3: next up, put the word out. 727 00:30:58,960 --> 00:30:59,440 Speaker 7: I like that. 728 00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,480 Speaker 1: That's usually where I have most of my hookups, is London. 729 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:05,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, because they're super fun and like just a blast, 730 00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:06,120 Speaker 3: you know. 731 00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:07,000 Speaker 1: Yeah. 732 00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:09,240 Speaker 3: I'll ask my husband if he has any good, real 733 00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:10,400 Speaker 3: good ones that are single. 734 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:13,840 Speaker 1: Okay, please do, please do, Catherine, What do we have 735 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:14,800 Speaker 1: in store for us? 736 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:19,000 Speaker 4: Well, we can start with an easy one, so Jessica says, 737 00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:22,280 Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea. I'm a twin sister, and my mom and 738 00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,840 Speaker 4: aunt are also twins. My mom is one of nine and. 739 00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:25,880 Speaker 2: Has six sisters. 740 00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:28,960 Speaker 4: All that to say, sisterhood is a huge value I 741 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:30,720 Speaker 4: hold and has always been a major part of my 742 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:33,120 Speaker 4: life due to work, which is a good thing and 743 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,640 Speaker 4: an opportunity I'm related for. I'm going to be moving 744 00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:37,760 Speaker 4: to the West Coast from the East Coast, and my 745 00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:40,880 Speaker 4: big question is about my twin sister. She's had some 746 00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:43,880 Speaker 4: recent challenges in her life, and I'm so worried about 747 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:47,760 Speaker 4: quote abandoning her or feeling like I'm moving on without 748 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:50,760 Speaker 4: her across the country. She's also a badass and is 749 00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:53,920 Speaker 4: in no way in trouble like where she's reliant on me. However, 750 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:55,160 Speaker 4: emotionally and with her. 751 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,200 Speaker 2: Self confidence, she's in a rut right now. 752 00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:59,640 Speaker 4: I'm wondering if you have any tips and tricks on 753 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:01,520 Speaker 4: how you keep in touch with your sisters that are 754 00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:04,040 Speaker 4: in different time zones than you, and also how to 755 00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,400 Speaker 4: help them grow and navigate the challenges they might be 756 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:09,840 Speaker 4: facing while you aren't there physically. Finally, one last question 757 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,040 Speaker 4: is whether you prioritize certain events to be there in 758 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:15,280 Speaker 4: person with them versus those are okay with not being 759 00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:20,120 Speaker 4: physically there. For kind regards to Jess, well, how many 760 00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:20,800 Speaker 4: sisters do you have? 761 00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:24,120 Speaker 3: Balin, I have two half sisters and one half brother, 762 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:26,560 Speaker 3: so and they're all over the place. I mean, we 763 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:28,840 Speaker 3: grew up in different countries. They grew up in Sweden, 764 00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:31,000 Speaker 3: My brother and I grew up in Canada, and I 765 00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:33,920 Speaker 3: moved out here when I was twenty two, so I've 766 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:38,680 Speaker 3: only experienced long distance relationships with my siblings. And if anything, 767 00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:42,000 Speaker 3: I think you cherish your time together even more when 768 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,400 Speaker 3: you do see each other. And I think with all 769 00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:46,800 Speaker 3: the technology that we have nowadays, I mean, all of 770 00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:50,720 Speaker 3: my besties are somewhere in Costa Rica, some are in Canada, 771 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,800 Speaker 3: some are in Sweden. We keep in touch all the time, 772 00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:56,280 Speaker 3: and when you get together it's like no time is past. 773 00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:58,800 Speaker 3: I think the people that you're closest to you work 774 00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:01,440 Speaker 3: it out. It works it self out. And yes, I 775 00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:04,560 Speaker 3: think you should go and be there for milestones and 776 00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:07,440 Speaker 3: big events and whatnot. And you know, make time for that. 777 00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:10,080 Speaker 3: But it sounds like this woman is saying, you know, 778 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,120 Speaker 3: her sister's a badass and she's going to figure it out. 779 00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:14,760 Speaker 3: You can be there from a distance time zone totally. 780 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:16,800 Speaker 3: It's just three hours difference. It's not that bad. 781 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,800 Speaker 1: I don't feel like any sort of distance is prohibitive 782 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,800 Speaker 1: to maintaining a relationship with somebody that you care about deeply, 783 00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:26,719 Speaker 1: especially your sisters. There's texting, there's face time, there's zooms. 784 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:29,600 Speaker 1: You can like schedule calls. You can text and say 785 00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:31,400 Speaker 1: want to hop on the phone, you can FaceTime, you 786 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,120 Speaker 1: can do all those totally, and just make sure that 787 00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:37,680 Speaker 1: your presence is known and available, that you're making yourself available. 788 00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:40,120 Speaker 1: I think that's the most important thing for any relationship 789 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,400 Speaker 1: that you care about, is that you're you know when 790 00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:45,440 Speaker 1: when you hear from your sister, that you're your responsive, 791 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:47,880 Speaker 1: that you get back to her in a nice fashion. 792 00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:50,560 Speaker 1: Not like I hate when this doesn't happen to me 793 00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:53,320 Speaker 1: and my sisters or siblings, but like, you know, if 794 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:56,040 Speaker 1: someone texts you, you should text them back that day. 795 00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:58,360 Speaker 1: I'm really good on text. I'm less good on email, 796 00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:00,600 Speaker 1: you know, like I'm text is more immediate to me, 797 00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:02,280 Speaker 1: But there are some people who don't text back for 798 00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:03,920 Speaker 1: fucking four or five days, and I'm like, what what 799 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:04,800 Speaker 1: kind of app do you? 800 00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:05,000 Speaker 6: Like? 801 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:07,360 Speaker 1: How does that show up on your phone? But I think, 802 00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:09,640 Speaker 1: especially if you're worried about somebody, you just make sure 803 00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:13,680 Speaker 1: that your presence is understood for for the other person, 804 00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,480 Speaker 1: and make sure that you're checking in, going you know, hey, 805 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:19,279 Speaker 1: what's up, and asking questions that lead somewhere rather than 806 00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:21,160 Speaker 1: going how are you? How's it going? 807 00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:23,719 Speaker 3: Yeah? What it like more specific like what did you 808 00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:24,240 Speaker 3: do today? 809 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:26,680 Speaker 1: Who were you? You know, did you have a good weekend? 810 00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:27,919 Speaker 1: Would did you do anything fun? 811 00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:28,040 Speaker 6: Like? 812 00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:30,840 Speaker 1: I don't know. Just like try to engage in a 813 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:33,080 Speaker 1: way that requires a response, so you can kind of 814 00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:36,960 Speaker 1: measure how your sister is doing rather than just checking 815 00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:39,080 Speaker 1: in in a kind of banal way. 816 00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:42,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, open ended questions that let her kind of 817 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,280 Speaker 3: figure it out on her own, but you're there holding 818 00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,600 Speaker 3: the space. I think is really important. Yeah. 819 00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:49,920 Speaker 4: Something that's helpful for me too is like having a 820 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:53,600 Speaker 4: regular call. So it's like my mom every Friday, we 821 00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:55,839 Speaker 4: know what time we're talking, and like sometimes it has 822 00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:57,480 Speaker 4: to move by a day or we skip a week 823 00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:58,719 Speaker 4: or whatever, but having that. 824 00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:01,400 Speaker 2: Time on the calend just so we know, like it. 825 00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:03,319 Speaker 2: It makes it a lot more regular than. 826 00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:04,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good idea. 827 00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:06,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it really depends on your personality type, 828 00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:08,600 Speaker 1: Like I would never stick to something like that, but 829 00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:12,120 Speaker 1: I think that's if you're if you are organized in 830 00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:13,759 Speaker 1: your sisters organize, then that's great. 831 00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:16,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's nice to have something to look forward to 832 00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:18,640 Speaker 3: as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. 833 00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:21,319 Speaker 1: Especially you can also put it on you like I'm 834 00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:23,360 Speaker 1: moving away, I'm going to miss you, you know, like, 835 00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,200 Speaker 1: don't make it about checking in on her. You make 836 00:35:25,239 --> 00:35:27,919 Speaker 1: it presented as like I hate being this far away 837 00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,000 Speaker 1: from you, or I need to make sure we have 838 00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:31,280 Speaker 1: a check in for my sanity. 839 00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:33,359 Speaker 3: Yeah. And I don't know if you guys ever did 840 00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:36,399 Speaker 3: this during COVID, but like you do the zooms where 841 00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:39,279 Speaker 3: you like happy hour zooms and you bring grab your 842 00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,120 Speaker 3: cocktail and you sit and have happy hour together. You 843 00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:42,600 Speaker 3: can do that from before. You can do so many 844 00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:43,880 Speaker 3: things with technology nowadays. 845 00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:45,840 Speaker 1: Those are the only kind of zooms I had, Even 846 00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:48,040 Speaker 1: if the other people on the zooms weren't having happy hour, 847 00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:49,800 Speaker 1: even if it was a work call, I was drinking. 848 00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:53,080 Speaker 1: Was like okay, yeah, I'm like everyone's whoom, and that 849 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:54,960 Speaker 1: means everyone needs to start drinking. 850 00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:56,759 Speaker 7: Well. 851 00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:58,720 Speaker 2: Our next question comes from Lucy. 852 00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:03,560 Speaker 4: She says, Dear Chelsea, I've recently become close friends with someone, 853 00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:06,960 Speaker 4: and while our friendship sparked quickly, I'm now questioning if 854 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,520 Speaker 4: we're truly compatible or if I'm just being a hater. 855 00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:15,600 Speaker 4: She's fiery, outspoken, and unapologetically flashy, think bold, designer fits 856 00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,960 Speaker 4: and luxury everything. I, on the other hand, lean more 857 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,040 Speaker 4: toward quiet, luxury and a calmer energy. We share a 858 00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:25,200 Speaker 4: meaningful bond. We both grew up in fairly turbulent homes 859 00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:26,960 Speaker 4: and we've both worked hard to break out of that, 860 00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:28,960 Speaker 4: so there's a sisterhood there. 861 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:31,680 Speaker 2: But sometimes I find her behavior grating. 862 00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:35,080 Speaker 4: There's a subtle superiority vibe that creeps in, and it 863 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:38,160 Speaker 4: stirs something competitive in me that I don't love. I 864 00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:41,480 Speaker 4: pride myself on being grounded and accepting, but this dynamic 865 00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:44,040 Speaker 4: has me questioning whether I'm being too judgmental or if 866 00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:47,440 Speaker 4: deep down we're just not besty material long term. So 867 00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:50,040 Speaker 4: my question is, how do you tell the difference between 868 00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:53,440 Speaker 4: being incompatible and being insecure? Is it okay to love 869 00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:56,680 Speaker 4: someone but not like all of them? Respectfully, Lucy. 870 00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:00,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean this is a hard lesson to 871 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:03,560 Speaker 1: learn for me, I know, because I want everyone to 872 00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:05,560 Speaker 1: be like one hundred percent of the things I like. 873 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:08,879 Speaker 1: I don't like the negatives, But that doesn't happen in life. 874 00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:11,360 Speaker 1: Like everyone's gonna have the thing that greats. You're on 875 00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:13,600 Speaker 1: your nerves when you spend too much time with somebody 876 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:16,320 Speaker 1: or enough time with somebody, and you don't have to 877 00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:20,960 Speaker 1: like diagnose the relationship to best the best friend that 878 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:23,520 Speaker 1: you'll ever have in your life, Like a friendship is 879 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,600 Speaker 1: give and take the fact that she's so much different 880 00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:29,160 Speaker 1: than you is a good thing, Like that's exciting, Like 881 00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:32,720 Speaker 1: that's a good way for you to be less narrow minded. 882 00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:35,120 Speaker 1: You know, if we just become friends with people who 883 00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:38,440 Speaker 1: are like us, then we're not really learning that much 884 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:42,279 Speaker 1: and we're not we're actually being very judgmental. So I 885 00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,680 Speaker 1: think it's always a good exercise to be friends with 886 00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:46,959 Speaker 1: people that kind of take you out of your comfort zone. 887 00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:49,400 Speaker 1: And then when you are feeling judgmental, something I do 888 00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:50,960 Speaker 1: is like, why do I feel judgmental? 889 00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:51,359 Speaker 3: Right now? 890 00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:53,719 Speaker 1: What is it about this behavior that is making me 891 00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:56,440 Speaker 1: act like this? Because I don't want to be judgmental. 892 00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:58,759 Speaker 1: I want to be open minded, you know, or if 893 00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:02,160 Speaker 1: somebody's grating on my nerves, that's usually something about yourself 894 00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:05,160 Speaker 1: rather than something about the other person, because you shouldn't 895 00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:08,440 Speaker 1: somebody shouldn't annoy you that much that you're friends with, 896 00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:10,520 Speaker 1: Like you don't need to spend that much time with 897 00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:13,160 Speaker 1: them if they're kind of annoying that does that add 898 00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:14,880 Speaker 1: up to you totally? 899 00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:15,520 Speaker 3: Totally? 900 00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:19,239 Speaker 7: I yeah, I think it's it's definitely this difficulty right 901 00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:24,680 Speaker 7: of like, it's a harsh world. Being human, it's very difficult. 902 00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:28,080 Speaker 7: So I'm I'm super receptive and open to the fact 903 00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:30,879 Speaker 7: that we have so many different ways of going through 904 00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:35,640 Speaker 7: life and it's such a layered experience. Yeah, it's obviously insecurity. 905 00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:41,280 Speaker 7: Is there a little incompatibility in the sense of maybe 906 00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:44,800 Speaker 7: we don't need to be super close? Is this a 907 00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:48,400 Speaker 7: loose acquaintance? Do you have these people in your life? 908 00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:51,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, I think so. 909 00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:54,080 Speaker 3: Absolutely. I think, you know, I read a book that 910 00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:58,200 Speaker 3: John Cleese and his therapist wrote. I studying psychology in school. 911 00:38:58,239 --> 00:38:59,759 Speaker 3: I thought that was gonna be my path and I 912 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,360 Speaker 3: remember it so vividly because what I loved about it 913 00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:07,839 Speaker 3: was in relationships any relationship, romantic or friendship. You get 914 00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:10,680 Speaker 3: attracted to people that have these you know, you have 915 00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:13,319 Speaker 3: these sliding doors that are you know, the mosquito net 916 00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:17,400 Speaker 3: doors right and behind those doors are things about yourself 917 00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:21,320 Speaker 3: that you haven't shared or that are maybe subconscious or 918 00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:23,400 Speaker 3: like the DNA and the fiber of who you are, 919 00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:25,360 Speaker 3: and the other person has the same thing. And you 920 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:27,960 Speaker 3: get attracted to somebody because of the things that are 921 00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:30,640 Speaker 3: behind those doors, and then when they start to come out, 922 00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:34,279 Speaker 3: it's because you're meant to share those things and learn 923 00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:37,120 Speaker 3: from them and grow from them. And growth can be uncomfortable. 924 00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:39,960 Speaker 3: So this can might be one of those situations where 925 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:43,920 Speaker 3: there's stuff that's getting stirred up from behind those doors 926 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:46,800 Speaker 3: for you and it's uncomfortable. But maybe you've met this 927 00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:48,839 Speaker 3: person's that you have to face those things and look 928 00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,080 Speaker 3: at them. And like Chelsea said, like why am I 929 00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:53,879 Speaker 3: feeling this way? And what about vocalizing it and saying hey, 930 00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:56,160 Speaker 3: you know sometimes when you do this it makes me 931 00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:57,920 Speaker 3: feel like this is the onus is on me right 932 00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:00,480 Speaker 3: now and I'm just trying to figure myself out. Yeah, 933 00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:01,880 Speaker 3: but I just wanted to let you know, maybe we 934 00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:04,600 Speaker 3: could have a conversation about it. Maybe I don't know, 935 00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:07,759 Speaker 3: you know, what's in it for you to lose? Really, 936 00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:10,680 Speaker 3: I did that with my husband when I first met him, 937 00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:13,239 Speaker 3: and I was like, this is how I'm feeling. These 938 00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:15,040 Speaker 3: are the things that I'm afraid of, and these I'm 939 00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:16,600 Speaker 3: going to tell you a few things. And if you 940 00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:19,399 Speaker 3: leave and walk away because you think that's terrible, then 941 00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:21,200 Speaker 3: leave and walk away. And I guess I'm going to 942 00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:22,840 Speaker 3: have to take that. But I need to be honest 943 00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:26,040 Speaker 3: now and start speaking from an honest place. So if 944 00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:28,520 Speaker 3: you're feeling uncomfortable in situations or she does something that 945 00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:32,640 Speaker 3: feels weird, address it in a diplomatic, beautiful way that 946 00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:33,640 Speaker 3: opens a conversation. 947 00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:36,360 Speaker 1: Maybe what's an example of something that she does that 948 00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:38,600 Speaker 1: gives you kind of like cringe feelings? 949 00:40:39,239 --> 00:40:42,280 Speaker 7: Uh yeah, yeah, I was thinking about this. There's definitely 950 00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:46,360 Speaker 7: this this social media element to it, all right. Because 951 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:50,160 Speaker 7: it was just a physical experience of us hanging out, 952 00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:53,920 Speaker 7: it's more subdued. But on social media, I think I 953 00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:59,200 Speaker 7: just have like this status signaling fatigue. And you know, 954 00:40:59,280 --> 00:41:02,000 Speaker 7: in this day and of influencers, of course, it's usually 955 00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:04,839 Speaker 7: more like indirect and they're trying to it's a little 956 00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:08,680 Speaker 7: more modest, humble, you know whatever, And so I kind 957 00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:11,400 Speaker 7: of am like, okay, go you for my friend because 958 00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:13,680 Speaker 7: she's a little more just like direct, like this is 959 00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:16,800 Speaker 7: how it is. I'm excited about. This also rubs me 960 00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:20,399 Speaker 7: the wrong way, but I think it's a general fatigue though. 961 00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:25,640 Speaker 7: But I will give one example. So they recently got 962 00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:30,520 Speaker 7: a little a little boat, and in the post, she's 963 00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:36,960 Speaker 7: steering the boat with big old ring left. Uh but 964 00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:39,800 Speaker 7: I know, I know she's right handed. You know, I'm like, 965 00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:43,960 Speaker 7: are you steering that boat with your left hand? Right right? 966 00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:47,359 Speaker 7: You know, just silly little things like that where it's 967 00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:50,480 Speaker 7: it's not as so it's a massive deal. It just 968 00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:52,480 Speaker 7: puts me off a little bit. 969 00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:56,319 Speaker 1: I think that's a fair thing to say, Yeah, don't 970 00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:58,360 Speaker 1: you ball in, and like, yeah, I think that is 971 00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:02,280 Speaker 1: because that is kind of not true. Is she's presenting 972 00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:05,399 Speaker 1: something that's you know, and it's very showy. And while 973 00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:07,719 Speaker 1: you can accept that as a part of her personality 974 00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:10,080 Speaker 1: that she's showy, like you have to understand that's who 975 00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,719 Speaker 1: she is, but there is something about like presenting something 976 00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:15,800 Speaker 1: that's not true. But I mean I wouldn't pick that 977 00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:19,360 Speaker 1: example because it can be that's pretty like granular. You 978 00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:22,000 Speaker 1: can say to someone it makes me uncomfortable how showy 979 00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,080 Speaker 1: you can be. You can say that, go that's me, 980 00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:27,840 Speaker 1: that's me personally. I don't want to prohibit your behavior, 981 00:42:28,040 --> 00:42:29,880 Speaker 1: but it just doesn't make me feel It makes me 982 00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:31,960 Speaker 1: feel weird, like it's hard for me to watch a 983 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:35,239 Speaker 1: little bit like that. That can come up organically at 984 00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:38,560 Speaker 1: some point. But you also don't have to label exactly 985 00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:41,239 Speaker 1: what type of friend this person is to you, Like 986 00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:43,640 Speaker 1: when you said like, is this a loose associate or 987 00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:46,239 Speaker 1: is this my best friend? You are like kind of 988 00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:49,480 Speaker 1: declaring what something is while it's happening, and then you're 989 00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,439 Speaker 1: like missing the whole moment anyway, And I've been there. 990 00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:55,560 Speaker 1: I understand what that is. You're like, oh, how much 991 00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:58,040 Speaker 1: of this person can I take? And that's up for 992 00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:01,080 Speaker 1: you to decide, But you and also have more fun 993 00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:03,239 Speaker 1: within the moment and be like, oh my god, this 994 00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:05,479 Speaker 1: is fun to hang out with a person. I would 995 00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:07,959 Speaker 1: never act like this. I have a lot of friends 996 00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,520 Speaker 1: that that I'm like, oh my god, I would never 997 00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:13,160 Speaker 1: act like that, and I half of my friends think 998 00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:16,120 Speaker 1: that about me. So I think that that's like a 999 00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:19,000 Speaker 1: good reminder, you know what I mean, Because I'm sure 1000 00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:22,120 Speaker 1: there's things that you do that probably maybe rub her 1001 00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:24,759 Speaker 1: the wrong way, or and she's able to look beyond them, 1002 00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:26,560 Speaker 1: or maybe there isn't anything that you do that rubs 1003 00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:28,719 Speaker 1: her the wrong way. But like I would just pick 1004 00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:31,640 Speaker 1: and choose your moments. And also it's an interesting experiment 1005 00:43:31,719 --> 00:43:35,080 Speaker 1: to find out when you get annoyed with someone and 1006 00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:38,080 Speaker 1: when somebody starts to grate on your nerves. It's very 1007 00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:43,400 Speaker 1: it's like a nice introspective opportunity to find out what 1008 00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:46,080 Speaker 1: it is that is bothering you about that person? What 1009 00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:49,919 Speaker 1: why does this bother me? Like what's underneath that? Yeah? 1010 00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:52,680 Speaker 7: No, And I appreciate that so much. I I guess 1011 00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:55,719 Speaker 7: that is like ultimately what I'm trying to articulate. I 1012 00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:59,719 Speaker 7: feel like I'm fairly accepting. But this has thrown a 1013 00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:02,719 Speaker 7: space in the works a little bit. But you're You're 1014 00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:05,000 Speaker 7: totally right. And I think as we get older, too, 1015 00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:07,920 Speaker 7: like I'm getting to a phase of life where it's 1016 00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:10,840 Speaker 7: harder to make friends. It's a little more difficult. 1017 00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:13,839 Speaker 1: Have you thought about taking up hunting? Mollin can coach 1018 00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:17,200 Speaker 1: you on how to hunt on her new show Hunting Wife. 1019 00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:20,920 Speaker 3: I can hunt fake wild boar if you want, we 1020 00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:24,480 Speaker 3: can go hunting together, you know, with blanks. It's going 1021 00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:25,840 Speaker 3: to be super fun. But I do make a me 1022 00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:29,680 Speaker 3: and Mark arita, so you know, okay, I do think 1023 00:44:29,719 --> 00:44:32,160 Speaker 3: you go and enjoy the flash and the luxury, dip 1024 00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:34,319 Speaker 3: in and dip out as much as you want then 1025 00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:36,439 Speaker 3: and that's it, and then you'll see you over time 1026 00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:38,560 Speaker 3: if you need to shave the fat and you're like, no, 1027 00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:41,360 Speaker 3: not a good friend. Maybe a great friend, but very different, 1028 00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:42,560 Speaker 3: and just limit the time. 1029 00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:46,440 Speaker 2: Get very acquainted with that mute button on Instagram. 1030 00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:48,239 Speaker 4: Like there are people I love in real life and 1031 00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:50,680 Speaker 4: I cannot tolerate their social media presence. 1032 00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:52,399 Speaker 2: And that's okay, it's a different thing. 1033 00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:55,080 Speaker 1: But it's also like, if someone is also filming the 1034 00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:57,560 Speaker 1: whole time you're with them, you have every right to go, 1035 00:44:57,880 --> 00:45:00,040 Speaker 1: can you please? Like cool it? Like, let's not but 1036 00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:01,960 Speaker 1: we're not, you know, I'm here to spend time with you. 1037 00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:06,440 Speaker 1: Like that's totally justifiable. I don't if somebody's constantly filming 1038 00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:08,759 Speaker 1: you or you know, wanting to film themselves that then 1039 00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:10,600 Speaker 1: they're not being present at all. So that that is 1040 00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:13,440 Speaker 1: something you can say, and that's not being judgy, that's 1041 00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:15,759 Speaker 1: being wanting real time, Plus, you don't know how many 1042 00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:17,880 Speaker 1: people you're going to meet through this woman. She sounds 1043 00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:20,480 Speaker 1: like very social and she'll probably introduce you to a 1044 00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:22,759 Speaker 1: lot more people who probably feel the same way about 1045 00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:23,279 Speaker 1: her that you do. 1046 00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:25,799 Speaker 3: So then you have people. 1047 00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:28,040 Speaker 1: Then you can really start talking about her with some 1048 00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:30,920 Speaker 1: other friends. So you have got to look forward to 1049 00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:36,800 Speaker 1: so many bonuses. Yeah, it sounds like fun, Lucy, just 1050 00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:38,840 Speaker 1: don't put so much pressure on it, Like it's not 1051 00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:41,839 Speaker 1: a romantic relationship, and we shouldn't be putting so much 1052 00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:45,240 Speaker 1: pressure on our relationships. Tess, have fun and clock yourself 1053 00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:46,320 Speaker 1: when you're being judgmental. 1054 00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:48,640 Speaker 3: Take it in. I appreciate that. 1055 00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:53,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, thanks Lucy, thank you, take your look. 1056 00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:53,920 Speaker 1: Bye. 1057 00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:55,319 Speaker 3: Well. 1058 00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,480 Speaker 2: Our next question comes from stu Uh. 1059 00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:03,200 Speaker 4: He's thirty two and says Dear Chelsea, straight white male 1060 00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:06,960 Speaker 4: father and lover of the podcast, writing in, obviously. 1061 00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:09,960 Speaker 1: Dright man is listening to this podcast. We should get 1062 00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:12,400 Speaker 1: a support group for straight men who listened to this podcast, 1063 00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:14,800 Speaker 1: because there's I've only got to be like less than ten. 1064 00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:16,880 Speaker 3: Right, a celebration for this. 1065 00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:19,880 Speaker 1: Love it. 1066 00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:23,080 Speaker 4: So, he says, I've been meaning to reach out for 1067 00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:25,840 Speaker 4: a while now, and I'm glad I finally am my partner. 1068 00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:28,520 Speaker 2: Hannah was featured in one of your episodes about a 1069 00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:28,960 Speaker 2: year ago. 1070 00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:32,120 Speaker 4: Everything is amazing between us, and she's not the subject 1071 00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:34,920 Speaker 4: of my plea for advice. I have an almost five 1072 00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:36,920 Speaker 4: year old son with my ex, who I dated on 1073 00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:39,120 Speaker 4: and off for about seven years prior to meeting my 1074 00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:39,800 Speaker 4: current partner. 1075 00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:42,000 Speaker 2: I left for good about three years ago. 1076 00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:45,520 Speaker 4: It was a tumultuous relationship between us from the beginning, 1077 00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:48,000 Speaker 4: and with the help of my friends, I was finally 1078 00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:51,200 Speaker 4: able to break the cycle. I had four separate apartments 1079 00:46:51,280 --> 00:46:54,000 Speaker 4: during our various breaks and broke all of the leases 1080 00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:56,000 Speaker 4: to move back in with her, each time into a. 1081 00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:57,080 Speaker 2: House that I built for her. 1082 00:46:57,719 --> 00:47:00,239 Speaker 4: Regardless, things are better than ever at the moment moment, 1083 00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:02,320 Speaker 4: but she still needs to be in my life. With 1084 00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:06,560 Speaker 4: lawyers and multiple mediations, we were able to come to 1085 00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:10,520 Speaker 4: a somewhat copasthetic parenting agreement. However, the reality is anything 1086 00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:13,760 Speaker 4: but pleasant. My dilemma is basically, how do I shift 1087 00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:16,440 Speaker 4: my perspective for the next eighteen years to probably the 1088 00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:18,360 Speaker 4: rest of my life of having to deal with this 1089 00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:21,080 Speaker 4: person who's caused me so much trauma and deep, deep pain. 1090 00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:23,800 Speaker 4: How do I co parent with someone who's unable to 1091 00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:28,440 Speaker 4: communicate rationally, a person who exhibits all the classic narcissistic qualities, 1092 00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:31,720 Speaker 4: we can barely communicate. So the court suggested a parenting 1093 00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:33,080 Speaker 4: app and that's what we rely on. 1094 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:33,560 Speaker 2: Currently. 1095 00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:37,120 Speaker 4: Being face to face is extremely challenging, as she consistently 1096 00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:40,640 Speaker 4: initiates volatle arguments in front of our young son, regardless 1097 00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:42,480 Speaker 4: of what I say or do. I feel that I'm 1098 00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:44,239 Speaker 4: doing the work on myself to be able to move 1099 00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:46,320 Speaker 4: past this and create a future of my dreams with 1100 00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:49,000 Speaker 4: my current partner. But what happens when you're bound to 1101 00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:50,920 Speaker 4: a person like this for the rest of your life? 1102 00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:51,880 Speaker 2: In a nutshell? 1103 00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:54,360 Speaker 4: How do I stay sane and create healthy boundaries for 1104 00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:57,520 Speaker 4: myself for the foreseeable future and beyond in a seemingly 1105 00:47:57,560 --> 00:47:58,640 Speaker 4: impossible situation? 1106 00:47:59,080 --> 00:47:59,360 Speaker 3: Best? 1107 00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:04,680 Speaker 1: Stu Hi, Stu Hi, Hi, This is our special guest, 1108 00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:06,080 Speaker 1: Malin Ackerman. Hi. 1109 00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:07,879 Speaker 3: How you doing good? 1110 00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:08,480 Speaker 6: Nice to meet you. 1111 00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:15,040 Speaker 3: Nice to meet you too. You have some co parenting experience, Yeah, 1112 00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:17,840 Speaker 3: My husband and I we were together eleven years. We 1113 00:48:18,040 --> 00:48:21,719 Speaker 3: separated when my son was four months old and only 1114 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:23,719 Speaker 3: spoke through lauryas it was a similar kind of thing. 1115 00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:28,080 Speaker 3: I understand narcissistic people more than anyone you would know, 1116 00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:32,360 Speaker 3: but it's definitely they are. A narcissist is impossible to 1117 00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:35,160 Speaker 3: negotiate with. It's like negotiating with a terrorist. So there's 1118 00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:39,080 Speaker 3: you're just never going to just don't ever hope that 1119 00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:41,840 Speaker 3: this person is going to come around to anything. But 1120 00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:44,400 Speaker 3: you can absolutely shape your own life the way you 1121 00:48:44,520 --> 00:48:46,480 Speaker 3: want to. It sounds like you're already on the path 1122 00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:49,160 Speaker 3: for that, where you're taking really good care of yourself 1123 00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:51,000 Speaker 3: and you're doing your own self work and you've got 1124 00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:53,360 Speaker 3: a supportive partner. It sounds like you, guys, can be 1125 00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:56,000 Speaker 3: a loving home for your son. There's going to be 1126 00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:58,520 Speaker 3: bumps in the road, and you're never going to be 1127 00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,120 Speaker 3: able to protect your son from the world or life, 1128 00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:03,640 Speaker 3: or her or whatever she wants to be saying or doing. 1129 00:49:03,719 --> 00:49:05,560 Speaker 3: But as he grows up, my son is now twelve 1130 00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:08,680 Speaker 3: years old, the questions start to come and they see things. 1131 00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:11,080 Speaker 3: They're very smart and they're very bright, and they take 1132 00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:16,960 Speaker 3: things in and they understand what's happening. But unfortunately, I 1133 00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:19,000 Speaker 3: wish I knew about this parenting app where you could 1134 00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:21,160 Speaker 3: just go on an app and decide everything. That sounds amazing. 1135 00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:23,960 Speaker 3: I think stick to that and have as little amount 1136 00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:26,960 Speaker 3: of contact with her as possible, and just do the 1137 00:49:27,080 --> 00:49:29,399 Speaker 3: kind of drop off and hand off of your son 1138 00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:32,480 Speaker 3: and just be there for him, really and for your partner. 1139 00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:34,560 Speaker 3: Just take care of yourselves. But there's not much you 1140 00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:37,640 Speaker 3: can do when you're dealing with a narcissist. And maybe 1141 00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:41,359 Speaker 3: over time it'll start to dissipate, the anger might start 1142 00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:45,320 Speaker 3: to dissipate, and the you know, ferocity. But it sounds 1143 00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:47,560 Speaker 3: like you're on the right path at least. I don't know, Chelsea, 1144 00:49:47,640 --> 00:49:48,520 Speaker 3: what do you have to say. 1145 00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:51,960 Speaker 1: I have some experience with this too, surprisingly, dealing with 1146 00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:54,080 Speaker 1: someone who behaves in that way, who creates tons of 1147 00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:57,200 Speaker 1: chaos and then takes absolutely no accountability for it, and 1148 00:49:57,320 --> 00:50:00,719 Speaker 1: they have children and you know, in my life, and 1149 00:50:01,480 --> 00:50:04,799 Speaker 1: so I totally understand what you're saying. And I think 1150 00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:09,400 Speaker 1: what I would say is there's so much dignity in 1151 00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:13,919 Speaker 1: not getting down with that behavior, Like, there's so much 1152 00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:17,840 Speaker 1: dignity in remaining separate and never bad mouthing that person 1153 00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:21,319 Speaker 1: and never not to your child anyway. Obviously, you can 1154 00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:23,080 Speaker 1: go off on her all you want to your friends 1155 00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:26,800 Speaker 1: and family, and you need to, you know, but the 1156 00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:28,960 Speaker 1: app is amazing. I didn't know there was something like that, 1157 00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:32,240 Speaker 1: But I think there's so much dignity in not getting 1158 00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:34,600 Speaker 1: into the muck of it and mired in it with 1159 00:50:34,840 --> 00:50:39,000 Speaker 1: your child that once you have like a few years, 1160 00:50:39,040 --> 00:50:41,279 Speaker 1: and I'm not saying that you have, but I think 1161 00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:44,560 Speaker 1: that in it of itself is an honorable thing and 1162 00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:48,920 Speaker 1: an honorable way to react with somebody who's unstable and 1163 00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:54,160 Speaker 1: narcissistic and creates chaos wherever they go. And it's kind 1164 00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:57,200 Speaker 1: of like you're setting an example for your kid to 1165 00:50:57,320 --> 00:50:59,759 Speaker 1: see what the calm is and where the storm is 1166 00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:03,600 Speaker 1: right And so if you're always reliable and you're always 1167 00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:07,399 Speaker 1: dependable and you're always calm, because a storm can't fight 1168 00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:10,480 Speaker 1: by itself, it just fizzles out. So as long as 1169 00:51:10,520 --> 00:51:14,600 Speaker 1: you're keep the engagement to the bear bear bear bear minimum, 1170 00:51:15,120 --> 00:51:17,719 Speaker 1: she's gonna find somebody else to argue and fight with, 1171 00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:20,839 Speaker 1: and you know, hopefully that will occupy her time as 1172 00:51:20,880 --> 00:51:23,600 Speaker 1: soon as she like loses the energy that she gets 1173 00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:26,080 Speaker 1: from you. And I'm sure you've already done most of this, 1174 00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:30,680 Speaker 1: but I would say, like just continuing through it in 1175 00:51:30,760 --> 00:51:35,840 Speaker 1: a dignified way and holding your son's mental health in 1176 00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:38,960 Speaker 1: such a high place like that's more important than anything 1177 00:51:39,239 --> 00:51:42,800 Speaker 1: is to know and exemplify the kind of behavior that 1178 00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:46,360 Speaker 1: you want him to attach to rather than to that behavior, 1179 00:51:46,680 --> 00:51:49,160 Speaker 1: you know, so that there's a contrast and he can see, oh, 1180 00:51:49,239 --> 00:51:52,200 Speaker 1: this person's stable, this person's reliable, this person does what 1181 00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:55,080 Speaker 1: they say, this person is dependable, and then there's this. 1182 00:51:55,719 --> 00:51:59,359 Speaker 1: So he's going to figure it out because everyone does. 1183 00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:02,120 Speaker 1: But it's definitely not your job to paint the picture 1184 00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:04,640 Speaker 1: for him. It's your job to just show him what 1185 00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:06,000 Speaker 1: the opposite of that looks like. 1186 00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:08,480 Speaker 6: Yeah, and that's kind of the only thing that's kept 1187 00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:10,960 Speaker 6: me sane in this whole thing, honestly, is just anchoring 1188 00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:14,479 Speaker 6: down and really doing that myself. I thought she would 1189 00:52:14,560 --> 00:52:16,880 Speaker 6: change when I started dating her, and clearly, you know, 1190 00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:19,160 Speaker 6: that was my bad, and I've learned to not and 1191 00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:21,360 Speaker 6: I don't see it happening in the time of the future. 1192 00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:23,879 Speaker 6: But one of the main kind of issues that we're 1193 00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:26,440 Speaker 6: having at the moment is that obviously he's in a 1194 00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:29,520 Speaker 6: lot of school in summer camps now and everything, and 1195 00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:32,520 Speaker 6: she's kind of been bad mouthing me to all the 1196 00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:35,960 Speaker 6: other parents and the teachers and more or less putting 1197 00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:39,000 Speaker 6: everything on me, which I you know, if she wants 1198 00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:41,719 Speaker 6: to do that, Go ahead, have fun. It's clear when 1199 00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:43,799 Speaker 6: you meet me in person that that is not who 1200 00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:46,759 Speaker 6: I am. But I just you know, it paints a 1201 00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:48,280 Speaker 6: bad creature of me, and people look at me differently 1202 00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:50,719 Speaker 6: when I come to pick up my son, and you know, 1203 00:52:50,760 --> 00:52:53,880 Speaker 6: they treat me differently, And how should I deal with that? 1204 00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:55,279 Speaker 6: Because that is not fun? 1205 00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:58,600 Speaker 3: But that's on them. I mean, that's crazy to me 1206 00:52:58,719 --> 00:53:01,720 Speaker 3: that people but will just take one side of the story, 1207 00:53:02,040 --> 00:53:03,799 Speaker 3: you know what I mean? I feel like that, then 1208 00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:06,319 Speaker 3: who are these people? Do really care what they think? 1209 00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:09,200 Speaker 3: Do you really care? That's a great point, like there 1210 00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:10,840 Speaker 3: are two sides to every story, and if they're not 1211 00:53:10,880 --> 00:53:13,759 Speaker 3: willing to hear both sides, then begone with them. You 1212 00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:14,839 Speaker 3: don't need them yet. 1213 00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:17,040 Speaker 1: But also I would argue they don't even need to 1214 00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:20,040 Speaker 1: hear your side because there's one person's tinting tales and 1215 00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:22,600 Speaker 1: then there's you that's acting normal and going to pick 1216 00:53:22,680 --> 00:53:25,719 Speaker 1: up your son and being polite and pleasant and engaging 1217 00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,800 Speaker 1: to whomever you can. You don't have to go and 1218 00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:30,000 Speaker 1: convince them that you're the good guy. They're going to 1219 00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:33,040 Speaker 1: figure it out too. Everybody, the person I'm talking about, 1220 00:53:33,239 --> 00:53:37,279 Speaker 1: everybody knows that this person's off their rocker. Everybody knows. 1221 00:53:37,760 --> 00:53:41,040 Speaker 1: I didn't have to tell anybody. Most people figured it 1222 00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:43,919 Speaker 1: out on their own. So that's another song and dance 1223 00:53:43,960 --> 00:53:46,000 Speaker 1: that you can just eliminate, Like you don't have to 1224 00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:48,279 Speaker 1: participate in that. All you have to do is be 1225 00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:50,520 Speaker 1: a great dad to your kid. It doesn't matter what 1226 00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:52,560 Speaker 1: these people think of you in the moment. They're all 1227 00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:54,920 Speaker 1: going to figure the same shit out too. And for 1228 00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:57,000 Speaker 1: the other people that want to glom onto the drama 1229 00:53:57,080 --> 00:53:59,760 Speaker 1: of the story, there are people that create drama wherever 1230 00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:02,839 Speaker 1: they go, and people get tired of it. People don't 1231 00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:05,239 Speaker 1: want to be involved in other people's drama endlessly. It 1232 00:54:05,320 --> 00:54:07,840 Speaker 1: sounds fun in the beginning sometimes, but it doesn't go 1233 00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:09,960 Speaker 1: on like that. So I would say it's the same 1234 00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,279 Speaker 1: advice I would give you with regard to dealing with 1235 00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:15,719 Speaker 1: her directly, and like, just act in a dignified way, 1236 00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:18,400 Speaker 1: like you are dignified, you're doing the right thing, and 1237 00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:21,520 Speaker 1: just be consistent about all of your behavior. And then 1238 00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:24,160 Speaker 1: then it's just the writings on the wall. It's just 1239 00:54:24,239 --> 00:54:27,320 Speaker 1: obvious to everybody, and it doesn't necessarily happen when you 1240 00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:29,760 Speaker 1: want to. I know you want to, like defend yourself, 1241 00:54:29,880 --> 00:54:31,560 Speaker 1: but don't. There's nothing to defend. 1242 00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:34,279 Speaker 6: It has to crash and burn. In my opinion, that's 1243 00:54:34,280 --> 00:54:37,479 Speaker 6: the only inevidible outcome is that eventually it's just gonna 1244 00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:39,560 Speaker 6: She's gonna do this until you're the many friends left 1245 00:54:39,719 --> 00:54:41,200 Speaker 6: or people obviously see. 1246 00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:43,320 Speaker 1: It, Toluly, She'll go through a million friends, that's what 1247 00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:45,040 Speaker 1: she'll do. She'll go through a million people. 1248 00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:49,000 Speaker 3: Narcissists burn their bridges wherever they go, and it just happens. 1249 00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:51,640 Speaker 3: And if you're like Chelsea, saying's best advice just be 1250 00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:54,839 Speaker 3: consistent and be dignified and people will see it over time. 1251 00:54:55,800 --> 00:54:56,040 Speaker 3: That's it. 1252 00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:58,399 Speaker 1: Yeah, And there's no needs and reason to bad mouth 1253 00:54:58,440 --> 00:55:00,520 Speaker 1: her to anybody, even if you become friends with any 1254 00:55:00,520 --> 00:55:02,920 Speaker 1: of those parents, like all you have to you just 1255 00:55:03,040 --> 00:55:04,440 Speaker 1: have to give the look like I don't want to 1256 00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:07,480 Speaker 1: go there. I'm not interested in participating in that kind 1257 00:55:07,480 --> 00:55:09,759 Speaker 1: of conversation, you know what I mean, be above it 1258 00:55:10,120 --> 00:55:12,960 Speaker 1: because that is respectable behavior. And when people see that, 1259 00:55:13,120 --> 00:55:15,160 Speaker 1: they're like, oh, okay, there's the normal one. 1260 00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:17,640 Speaker 6: Yeah, and it sets us more a part too exact 1261 00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:18,360 Speaker 6: exactly what you so. 1262 00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:20,920 Speaker 1: Yeah. So it's kind of like taking that attitude with 1263 00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:23,760 Speaker 1: you in every for the big stuff and the small stuff. 1264 00:55:23,840 --> 00:55:26,040 Speaker 1: You know, you just have to have that attitude. And 1265 00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:27,920 Speaker 1: like it's like every morning you have to meditate for 1266 00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:30,640 Speaker 1: twenty minutes, like I will not react to her today, 1267 00:55:30,719 --> 00:55:33,320 Speaker 1: I will not get involved in this drama today and 1268 00:55:33,880 --> 00:55:35,720 Speaker 1: do that, and before you know it, then that becomes 1269 00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:38,319 Speaker 1: your your your second skin. And I mean, you sound 1270 00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:40,759 Speaker 1: like you have your shit together anyway, and you've done 1271 00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:44,280 Speaker 1: the hardest stuff is behind you. But I can understand 1272 00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:47,040 Speaker 1: how challenging it would be to think of leading this life. 1273 00:55:47,080 --> 00:55:49,360 Speaker 1: I mean, she's gonna start terrorizing another man at some 1274 00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:50,759 Speaker 1: point anyway, So. 1275 00:55:51,320 --> 00:55:52,879 Speaker 6: You know, I've been through a few, so let's hope 1276 00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:53,360 Speaker 6: one sticks. 1277 00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:57,520 Speaker 1: See, Yeah, you go, but thanks for calling in. And 1278 00:55:57,560 --> 00:55:59,640 Speaker 1: we're so excited to have a straight male caller. I 1279 00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:05,640 Speaker 1: can't tell you. It'll happen more for sure up here. Okay, 1280 00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:07,560 Speaker 1: we'll take care, Jerius. 1281 00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:11,120 Speaker 3: Thank you so much. Bye bye bye. That was sweet. 1282 00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:14,799 Speaker 1: I know there's so many See there are such good 1283 00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:16,840 Speaker 1: guys out there, and that's sweet. Yeah, And you know 1284 00:56:17,200 --> 00:56:19,640 Speaker 1: those people like that though, that are so crazy. You know, 1285 00:56:19,719 --> 00:56:21,920 Speaker 1: you talk about narcissis and then everything comes up on 1286 00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:24,080 Speaker 1: your phone and it's like a narcissist will do this. 1287 00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:27,719 Speaker 1: A narcissist will do this a narcissist. And somebody said 1288 00:56:27,760 --> 00:56:30,000 Speaker 1: to me, I was with this guy I dated. I 1289 00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:32,399 Speaker 1: was in Barcelona and when I did this European tour, 1290 00:56:32,440 --> 00:56:34,000 Speaker 1: and he was we were talking about narcissist and we 1291 00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:36,279 Speaker 1: went to dinner before and he's an old ex and 1292 00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:38,840 Speaker 1: he was like, I'm reading this. I was working with 1293 00:56:38,880 --> 00:56:41,600 Speaker 1: a psycholiatrist and he has this philosophy that you know, 1294 00:56:41,680 --> 00:56:44,520 Speaker 1: every child is a narcissist. Every child is a narcissist 1295 00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:46,400 Speaker 1: because they have to learn how to get attention, and 1296 00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:48,480 Speaker 1: they have to smile, and they have to be funny, 1297 00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:50,720 Speaker 1: or they have to create drama. They have to get attention. 1298 00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:53,840 Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't think that's the right depiction. 1299 00:56:54,040 --> 00:56:56,120 Speaker 1: And I go, not every child is a narciss He goes, no, 1300 00:56:56,160 --> 00:56:58,359 Speaker 1: every person is a narcissist. And I was like, that's 1301 00:56:58,400 --> 00:57:01,319 Speaker 1: not true either. That's just simply not true. And he's like, well, 1302 00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:03,160 Speaker 1: you're a narcissist. And I said, I don't have a 1303 00:57:03,239 --> 00:57:05,879 Speaker 1: problem with you calling me a narcissist because I don't 1304 00:57:05,880 --> 00:57:08,440 Speaker 1: struggle with that identity, Like I'm not worried about me 1305 00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:10,239 Speaker 1: being a narcissist, So you can call me that, and 1306 00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:13,120 Speaker 1: if you think that that's okay. My opinion of me 1307 00:57:13,239 --> 00:57:17,040 Speaker 1: is more important than anyone else's anyway. But like a narcissist, 1308 00:57:17,800 --> 00:57:21,520 Speaker 1: if you call a narcissist a narcissist, they will argue 1309 00:57:21,680 --> 00:57:25,960 Speaker 1: with you about it until the fucking sun goes down, 1310 00:57:26,080 --> 00:57:27,760 Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And they and and they 1311 00:57:27,880 --> 00:57:30,680 Speaker 1: get they get mired in details that have nothing to 1312 00:57:30,840 --> 00:57:34,680 Speaker 1: do with the actual basis of the argument or the conversation. 1313 00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:37,280 Speaker 1: They will talk about the color of the sky and 1314 00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:40,240 Speaker 1: disagree with this, and then we'll focus on this, like 1315 00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:43,160 Speaker 1: a Narcissists are so toxic to be around, and they 1316 00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:48,360 Speaker 1: exhaust everyone around them and they will never say they're 1317 00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:50,480 Speaker 1: sorry about any of their behavior. 1318 00:57:50,840 --> 00:57:53,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, ever, absolutely, they'll justify it till the cows come home. 1319 00:57:54,240 --> 00:57:56,800 Speaker 3: It's incredible and it's sad, I'm telling you. It's like 1320 00:57:56,920 --> 00:57:59,760 Speaker 3: it's like talking to it's like trying to negotiate with terrorists, 1321 00:57:59,880 --> 00:58:01,720 Speaker 3: like it's we're never going to win this fight, so. 1322 00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:05,280 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, And the and the only piece that 1323 00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:08,360 Speaker 1: you get is when you stop communicating with that person. 1324 00:58:08,680 --> 00:58:11,280 Speaker 4: Yeah, well, stop trying to change them, and like stop 1325 00:58:11,320 --> 00:58:13,720 Speaker 4: trying to have those fights. When you start picking no battles, 1326 00:58:13,880 --> 00:58:15,160 Speaker 4: it's like, oh okay. 1327 00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:16,040 Speaker 2: It's like such a relief. 1328 00:58:16,400 --> 00:58:16,640 Speaker 7: Yeah. 1329 00:58:16,720 --> 00:58:18,880 Speaker 1: Then they have to go elsewhere for their drama and 1330 00:58:19,440 --> 00:58:22,040 Speaker 1: you can they can't find it there, So like it's 1331 00:58:22,320 --> 00:58:24,760 Speaker 1: it's just always better. And and you know, obviously, when 1332 00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:26,439 Speaker 1: you share a child with somebody, it's not that easy 1333 00:58:26,520 --> 00:58:28,800 Speaker 1: to just walk away from somebody and not communicate with them. 1334 00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:31,280 Speaker 1: But this parenting app sounds fucking awesome. I'd like to 1335 00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:33,480 Speaker 1: have an app good, Yeah, to handle a lot of 1336 00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:34,400 Speaker 1: my relationships. 1337 00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:40,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, me too, it would be great. Okay, Well, we'll 1338 00:58:40,440 --> 00:58:41,800 Speaker 3: be right back with Malon Akerman. 1339 00:58:45,880 --> 00:58:48,240 Speaker 1: How we're back to wrap things up with Malon Ackerman 1340 00:58:48,320 --> 00:58:50,360 Speaker 1: where Okay, we're very excited her show to be used 1341 00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:51,320 Speaker 1: on July twenty first. 1342 00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:53,480 Speaker 3: Is that the date July twenty first on Netflix? 1343 00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:55,880 Speaker 1: Yes, it on Netflix. It's called So this is even 1344 00:58:55,880 --> 00:58:58,360 Speaker 1: a better outcome than you've started with. I think ending 1345 00:58:58,440 --> 00:58:59,560 Speaker 1: up on Netflix. 1346 00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:02,360 Speaker 3: Is I think so? Yeah. I mean I think a 1347 00:59:02,440 --> 00:59:05,320 Speaker 3: lot more people have Netflix, and so it's kind of 1348 00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:08,840 Speaker 3: the og of all the streamers. So it's great. I'm 1349 00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:11,320 Speaker 3: very excited. I'm very excited for the world to see 1350 00:59:11,360 --> 00:59:14,360 Speaker 3: this show. I'm also nervous, and you know, there's lots 1351 00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:16,800 Speaker 3: of feelings around it, but ultimately, I just think that 1352 00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:19,600 Speaker 3: it's a really fun show. I think people are gonna 1353 00:59:19,600 --> 00:59:21,360 Speaker 3: love it. I think it's going to be a big hit. 1354 00:59:21,520 --> 00:59:24,880 Speaker 3: Oh thanks, I hope so so yes, it's called Hunting Wives. 1355 00:59:24,920 --> 00:59:26,880 Speaker 3: Everybody premieres July twenty first on Netflix. 1356 00:59:27,240 --> 00:59:29,440 Speaker 1: Thank you, Mallin. I hope I see you soon. I'm 1357 00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:31,640 Speaker 1: going to tell you when I'm in La this summer. 1358 00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:31,960 Speaker 3: Are you? 1359 00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:33,240 Speaker 1: Are you based in La? 1360 00:59:33,360 --> 00:59:35,960 Speaker 3: Now? I'm based in La, but of course I'm we're 1361 00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:37,600 Speaker 3: going way with summer. But we go to Europe for 1362 00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:40,000 Speaker 3: the summer. We go to Sweden and England and visit 1363 00:59:40,080 --> 00:59:41,800 Speaker 3: family and stuff like that, so we'll be gone for 1364 00:59:41,880 --> 00:59:43,000 Speaker 3: a bit of it. All right. 1365 00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:44,880 Speaker 1: Well, we'll figure out a time to hook up at 1366 00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:45,320 Speaker 1: some point. 1367 00:59:45,600 --> 00:59:48,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, that would be awesome. It's so nice to chat 1368 00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:48,760 Speaker 3: with you. 1369 00:59:49,080 --> 00:59:50,160 Speaker 1: Congrats on everything. 1370 00:59:50,640 --> 00:59:53,439 Speaker 3: Thanks any thank you? All right, nice talking to you both. 1371 00:59:54,640 --> 00:59:57,760 Speaker 1: Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates 1372 00:59:57,840 --> 01:00:03,320 Speaker 1: for this year. Summertime time is coming and I will 1373 01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:07,600 Speaker 1: be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on 1374 01:00:07,840 --> 01:00:12,720 Speaker 1: August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth. November 1375 01:00:12,840 --> 01:00:16,200 Speaker 1: one and November twenty ninth, I will be in Las 1376 01:00:16,320 --> 01:00:20,080 Speaker 1: Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea. 1377 01:00:20,360 --> 01:00:23,080 Speaker 1: It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay, 1378 01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:24,040 Speaker 1: thank you. 1379 01:00:25,040 --> 01:00:26,240 Speaker 2: Do you want advice from Chelsea? 1380 01:00:26,560 --> 01:00:30,000 Speaker 4: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find 1381 01:00:30,080 --> 01:00:33,200 Speaker 4: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching 1382 01:00:33,320 --> 01:00:34,439 Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea pod. 1383 01:00:35,040 --> 01:00:36,360 Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea is edited and 1384 01:00:36,560 --> 01:00:40,600 Speaker 4: Engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be 1385 01:00:40,680 --> 01:00:42,960 Speaker 4: sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com