WEBVTT - Swiping Right with Chelsea Handler 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:05.399 Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast. 0:00:07.280 --> 0:00:10.800 I'm sorry, I'm like, I'm normally not a late person. 0:00:11.000 --> 0:00:15.040 I'll just start like it gives me anxiety. And Katherine 0:00:15.080 --> 0:00:16.639 and are very much the same where it's like I 0:00:16.680 --> 0:00:20.600 have to be at least five minutes early to something, 0:00:21.120 --> 0:00:23.599 but lately I've been so late getting on these and 0:00:23.600 --> 0:00:26.320 I feel terrible because you know what my problem is is, 0:00:26.480 --> 0:00:28.479 I'm I'm doing too much all in the day that 0:00:28.520 --> 0:00:32.880 I don't have the kids. You're trying to Yeah, you 0:00:32.880 --> 0:00:34.680 don't have the kids, your pack every second of the day. 0:00:34.680 --> 0:00:38.320 I take advantage of your lack of responsibility. But I 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:41.080 have so much responsibility. But like, so what do you 0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:44.840 what do you fill your days with? Oh? My god, therapy, lash, appointment. 0:00:45.080 --> 0:00:47.320 I have to work out, I have an audition I 0:00:47.320 --> 0:00:49.600 have to do today. I've got a meeting. Catherine and 0:00:49.640 --> 0:00:53.120 I have a meeting. Um, I answer my email. I 0:00:53.159 --> 0:00:55.360 haven't answered any of my emails because I've been running 0:00:55.360 --> 0:00:58.320 around town doing therapy and this and like and so 0:00:59.720 --> 0:01:02.400 I'm like, I feel like burnt out now now and 0:01:02.400 --> 0:01:05.920 now it's like, okay, now I want to say breath. 0:01:06.000 --> 0:01:08.200 And then there's idiots on the road, I'm like, no, 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:12.119 I start to get a little road rage. So you're 0:01:12.160 --> 0:01:14.160 not one of those people it is late for things, 0:01:14.200 --> 0:01:15.880 because I know, like this woman when I work with 0:01:15.920 --> 0:01:18.399 on the morning show is always late, and she claims 0:01:18.920 --> 0:01:22.640 it is not just being irresponsible, it's actually a characteristic 0:01:22.680 --> 0:01:26.080 some people have that they don't understand time the way 0:01:26.080 --> 0:01:29.679 other people understand time that I don't. That makes no 0:01:29.760 --> 0:01:31.920 sense to me. I don't I agree with you, but 0:01:32.000 --> 0:01:35.440 she claims this, and so I'm wondering if that's if 0:01:35.480 --> 0:01:37.319 there is because we don't we all have these people 0:01:37.319 --> 0:01:39.760 in our lives. They're always late for stuff. Is it 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:43.360 a trait or is it just blowing stuff off? See? 0:01:43.400 --> 0:01:46.319 I find it very disrespectful personally, Like I feel like 0:01:46.360 --> 0:01:49.600 I just disrespected y'all's time with me being late a 0:01:49.640 --> 0:01:51.919 few of the times. And it really bothers me because 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:54.680 I I think that's a good trait to to be 0:01:54.880 --> 0:01:57.880 respectful of people's time. So I'm someone's late, it's like, hey, 0:01:58.480 --> 0:02:01.920 this is my time that you're not wasting. Oh yeah, 0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:05.080 drives me crazy, right yeah. And I don't think I 0:02:05.080 --> 0:02:07.440 could be with someone that's a late person, like it 0:02:07.440 --> 0:02:11.640 would drive me crazy. I'd get really frustrated. Uh, it 0:02:11.720 --> 0:02:17.520 does take some adjustments. But people, some people think that, 0:02:17.720 --> 0:02:20.480 oh I need to be there at noon, it's a 0:02:20.560 --> 0:02:23.400 ten minute drive. I need to leave at eleven fifty. 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:25.280 And it just doesn't work that way. There are too 0:02:25.280 --> 0:02:27.200 many other factors in it. And you're only at the door, 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:29.080 and oh, I should go to the bathroom quick. I'll 0:02:29.120 --> 0:02:30.880 let me grab a mask, or where are my sunglasses? 0:02:30.880 --> 0:02:35.080 And suddenly you're late. Probably wasn't enough time anyway, people, 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:36.880 we are late. That was not enough time. It takes 0:02:36.880 --> 0:02:39.880 you thirty minutes, not ten minutes. It drives me crazy. 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:42.120 I want to get back on this topic. But we 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:44.480 have a really special guest in the waiting room. Her 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:46.720 name is Her name is Chelsea Handler. I don't know 0:02:46.720 --> 0:02:48.080 if any of you guys know her or not, but 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:50.760 we're gonna take a break and then we're going to 0:02:50.840 --> 0:03:07.280 get her on. Hi. Hi, how are you fixing your hair? 0:03:07.639 --> 0:03:13.960 You're so beautiful? Stunning girls are beautiful. How are you, Chelsea? 0:03:15.160 --> 0:03:17.760 I'm good, I'm good. My voice is a little lot raspy. 0:03:17.840 --> 0:03:19.600 I had a show this weekend and I lost it. 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:21.280 So that's a great way to kick off my tool. 0:03:21.960 --> 0:03:25.600 Not being able to talk. We um. So I had 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:28.239 the privilege of being on your show. Was it five 0:03:28.320 --> 0:03:32.120 years ago? Yeah? I think so. Do you know, I 0:03:32.200 --> 0:03:34.720 just have to give a little little t on do 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:38.000 you remember what happened? So okay, So I'm obviously so 0:03:38.040 --> 0:03:39.760 excited I was. I mean, you know, I'm a huge 0:03:39.760 --> 0:03:41.960 fan of yours, and so I get asked to, you know, 0:03:42.040 --> 0:03:43.960 come on your show. And this was at the time 0:03:44.000 --> 0:03:46.360 when no one knew that my It was when no 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:48.720 one knew that Max and I were separated and he 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:51.040 was in rehab, and so you know, I'm trying to 0:03:51.080 --> 0:03:52.720 like come on your show and like, you know, be 0:03:52.800 --> 0:03:56.160 positive and you know, not like because I'm dying inside 0:03:56.240 --> 0:03:59.280 right Like I'm I'm like literally want to cry and 0:03:59.320 --> 0:04:02.720 then all remember and like my like you are like 0:04:02.800 --> 0:04:06.520 a piece of my like divorce. Because the second I 0:04:06.560 --> 0:04:10.200 get off stage from my public says pulls me into 0:04:10.200 --> 0:04:13.000 the you know, the Chelsea Handler dressing room and she's like, 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:15.760 we need to talk. Do you remember the conversation. We 0:04:15.800 --> 0:04:20.280 actually knew before you went out there. We just so 0:04:20.360 --> 0:04:24.480 you didn't ruin. We already started dealing with it. It's fine, 0:04:24.960 --> 0:04:27.240 but yeah, well you want to want what was the 0:04:27.279 --> 0:04:29.160 conversation again because I like tried to block it out 0:04:29.160 --> 0:04:31.200 of my right. I think it basically was when he 0:04:32.320 --> 0:04:35.480 the story came out, yeah, that my husband was a 0:04:35.560 --> 0:04:38.039 sex addict. So it was like that was breaking in 0:04:38.080 --> 0:04:39.640 the chelse. I was like, you know, like I just 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:41.599 feel very bonded to you, even though you have no 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:45.360 idea the story. But well I do now, my god, Yeah, 0:04:45.440 --> 0:04:48.080 we are bonded. I'm glad that I can facilitate a 0:04:48.120 --> 0:04:52.520 breakup though part of one part of the memory of 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:57.360 a breakup, right, I mean, breakups are so hard. They're 0:04:57.440 --> 0:04:59.920 so hard, but they're so good, you know what I 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:02.719 You mean, like breaking up when it has to happen, 0:05:02.880 --> 0:05:06.360 it is so hard. But I always I remember reading 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:09.320 somewhere Gosh which book was it, where it was like, 0:05:09.640 --> 0:05:11.760 you know, any time you're in a state like that, 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:14.720 when you feel like your heart is breaking, and instead 0:05:14.760 --> 0:05:17.840 of that despair that we all feel all the time, 0:05:17.880 --> 0:05:20.039 to welcome the pain, you know what I mean, Like 0:05:20.080 --> 0:05:22.560 I remember reading welcome the pain. Welcome This is an 0:05:22.560 --> 0:05:25.640 opportunity for growth, an opportunity for growth, And it's easy 0:05:25.720 --> 0:05:28.240 to say, but it's harder to apply it to your life. 0:05:28.480 --> 0:05:31.840 But when you are able to take a painful situation 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:35.200 and be like, there's a huge lesson here. This is okay. 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:37.400 I'm okay with the pain, I'm okay with the discomfort. 0:05:37.400 --> 0:05:39.760 The sooner you absorb it, the sooner it passes through, 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:43.000 you know, is a good way for for people to 0:05:43.040 --> 0:05:45.719 think about it, I think because that helped me a lot. No, 0:05:45.880 --> 0:05:49.960 that's that's a really good advice, I think where it 0:05:50.040 --> 0:05:52.960 was so last night I got a d M from 0:05:52.960 --> 0:05:55.159 someone and was like, hey, not to trigger you, but 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:56.760 and I'm like, oh, here we go. Why why am 0:05:56.760 --> 0:05:59.320 I going to continue to read this? But they sent 0:05:59.360 --> 0:06:02.359 me photo of my ex husband with a new girl, 0:06:03.000 --> 0:06:05.359 and it was the first time that I have seen 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:08.840 him with someone else. And like that's weird too, you know, 0:06:08.880 --> 0:06:11.560 like to see like your person that you were you 0:06:11.600 --> 0:06:13.280 thought you were going to spend the rest of your 0:06:13.320 --> 0:06:17.919 life with now canoodling with like this cheek checka chica whatever. 0:06:18.000 --> 0:06:23.440 And I'm like, it's like remembering that, like that person 0:06:23.560 --> 0:06:25.560 wasn't good for you. But then it's that this is 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:29.479 all good. It's so it's so hard to even like, um, 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:31.600 you know, um, how do I say that? Like it's 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:34.159 it's hard to even tell yourself that too, because in 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:36.680 the moment, you're like, why wasn't I enough? You know, 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:40.000 how do how do you deal with that? Well? Again, 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:42.320 it's just like you know, it's it's it's again. It's 0:06:42.360 --> 0:06:45.360 like welcoming the discomfort of where you're, where you are 0:06:45.480 --> 0:06:48.080 at in that moment because like everything, just like the 0:06:48.160 --> 0:06:51.480 highs don't stay high forever, the lows don't stay forever. 0:06:51.640 --> 0:06:55.240 Everything is temporary. Nothing is permanent at all. And that's, 0:06:55.360 --> 0:06:57.680 you know what we've learned, even more so in the 0:06:57.760 --> 0:07:00.359 last year and a half, going on five years of 0:07:00.400 --> 0:07:04.400 this of this pandemic, and what feels like five years, 0:07:04.440 --> 0:07:06.400 you know, it's like enough already with this, Okay, we're 0:07:06.400 --> 0:07:09.680 all in touch with Jesus now or whomever your Jesus is, like, 0:07:09.800 --> 0:07:13.320 let's wrap it up, um. But I think I think 0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:15.800 for any situation, it's really important. We talked about this 0:07:15.840 --> 0:07:18.400 on my podcast a lot. Dear Chelsea, is like, you 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:21.760 just have to be okay with the uncomfortable. You have 0:07:21.840 --> 0:07:24.400 to be okay with the devastation. You have to you 0:07:24.440 --> 0:07:27.600 have to learn to accept it because anytime you resist anything, 0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:30.880 it persists. Right if you say no and you're or 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:32.480 you're like I don't want to move with that, or 0:07:33.280 --> 0:07:35.320 I don't want to change, or I don't like change, 0:07:35.360 --> 0:07:39.800 Like you're just perpetuating the friction and the sufferating, the suffering, 0:07:39.960 --> 0:07:43.200 sufferating and making of a new word. That's what's just 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:46.920 what one days are four girls, um you and so 0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:50.040 not resisting it and accepting it even when it's not 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:54.600 news you like, helps you get through it quicker. It's 0:07:54.640 --> 0:07:57.600 when you deflect and you drink or you smoke, or 0:07:57.640 --> 0:08:01.480 you distract yourself that you're putting off the inevitable, which 0:08:01.560 --> 0:08:03.920 is kind of which is pain, and pain is part 0:08:03.920 --> 0:08:06.840 of the process of living, you know. Unfortunately it's just 0:08:06.880 --> 0:08:09.840 a matter what your responses to the pain. Are you 0:08:09.880 --> 0:08:12.640 sure you're not a therapist? I mean, like I am. 0:08:12.680 --> 0:08:15.800 I think I'm a medical practitioner. I've prescribed medication all 0:08:15.800 --> 0:08:19.560 the time to my friends cannabis. I mean, my podcast 0:08:19.600 --> 0:08:21.960 is like a self help podcast, which I did as 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:24.600 a joke but it turned it's too It's like very serious. 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:27.360 People call in with real well, I mean, you're you're 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:29.480 you're you know what you're saying is I'm like, yes, 0:08:29.560 --> 0:08:32.000 Like that's that's exactly what people need to hear. So 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:34.480 obviously like you've you've done your work, and I love 0:08:34.480 --> 0:08:36.400 that you talk about therapy too, because I'm a big 0:08:36.440 --> 0:08:39.480 therapy advocate. We have therapists that come on here, and um, 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:41.400 I think therapy has been one of the best places 0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:43.760 that I've learned so much about me and who I 0:08:43.840 --> 0:08:45.640 want to continue to be and things that I have 0:08:45.720 --> 0:08:48.360 to change and grow and so I just you know, 0:08:48.480 --> 0:08:50.520 I've I've I've always looked up to you, but also 0:08:50.640 --> 0:08:53.320 how vocal you've been about therapy has been really cool 0:08:53.360 --> 0:08:55.800 too to see. Oh well, thank you very much. I 0:08:55.800 --> 0:08:58.080 always just like to share my story. So whatever I'm 0:08:58.080 --> 0:08:59.880 doing at the time, if it's one night stands and 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:02.960 to talk about that, because you know, drinking and party, 0:09:03.040 --> 0:09:04.840 it's going to be that. And when I went to therapy, 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:07.280 I just thought, oh wow, you know, I've made a 0:09:07.320 --> 0:09:11.200 career out of oversharing. This is actually something that's valuable 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:14.400 to share and with people because how many people can 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:16.800 really afford to sit down with a therapist like I did, 0:09:16.920 --> 0:09:19.520 you know, to two times a week for a year 0:09:19.600 --> 0:09:21.760 and really get to the bottom of what you're where 0:09:21.800 --> 0:09:24.320 your anger is coming from, where your impulsivity or your 0:09:24.360 --> 0:09:27.760 impatience or whatever your issues are so I mean, I 0:09:28.120 --> 0:09:32.760 it was a great transaction, right, paying someone to tell 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:35.800 you why you're a bitch or why you're you know, 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:39.280 where you're coming up short in life is a great transaction. 0:09:39.360 --> 0:09:41.800 And I wasn't taking it lightly because I looked at 0:09:41.800 --> 0:09:43.600 it as like a project. I was like, Okay, let 0:09:43.600 --> 0:09:45.200 me get my head sorted out. That will probably take 0:09:45.200 --> 0:09:47.160 a year. I'll take you know, I'll take a year 0:09:47.200 --> 0:09:49.080 off of work and do that, which is a luxury 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:52.119 and a privilege. So when I got all that information, 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:56.720 I just thought, how many other people and women feel 0:09:56.760 --> 0:09:59.000 like I do? You know, how many are going through 0:09:59.040 --> 0:10:01.520 something similar? And you know when I wrote I wrote 0:10:01.520 --> 0:10:03.600 my book, I did my last special based on that 0:10:03.640 --> 0:10:06.520 book for HBO Max called Evolution, And it's all just 0:10:06.600 --> 0:10:09.600 tied into that kind of like, yeah, I went through this, 0:10:09.920 --> 0:10:11.720 and you know, and I came out the other side. 0:10:11.760 --> 0:10:14.480 So it's really it's it's and I take it. I 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:16.880 took it so seriously, like you know, I was taking 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:19.120 notes in therapy. I was like, okay, wait, wait, wait, okay, 0:10:19.160 --> 0:10:22.800 this makes sense, this makes sense. And so it uh 0:10:23.160 --> 0:10:28.120 has helped me a lot become a much softer, gentler bitch. 0:10:29.720 --> 0:10:33.280 I mean, and I love that. Is there anything that 0:10:33.320 --> 0:10:36.800 you still feel like because I feel I know that, well, 0:10:36.960 --> 0:10:38.680 we always evolve and there's so many things that we 0:10:38.720 --> 0:10:41.000 have to continue to grow and change, not change, but 0:10:41.120 --> 0:10:43.880 continue to grow. Is there a place where you feel stuck, 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:45.719 because sometimes when I go into therapy, there's this one 0:10:45.760 --> 0:10:48.920 issue where I just feel stuck. I feel I felt 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:50.880 stuck there for the last thirty years of my life. 0:10:51.960 --> 0:10:56.640 Um stuck. No, I mean, it's always for me. My 0:10:56.760 --> 0:10:59.360 exercise is always about reacting, right, Like, I don't want 0:10:59.360 --> 0:11:01.200 to be react if I don't want to fire off 0:11:01.240 --> 0:11:03.000 an email where I'm pressing down on my phone like 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:05.160 a lunatic that you see walking through the airport, you know, 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:08.640 somebody's like, like, I don't want to ever be reactive 0:11:08.640 --> 0:11:11.560 in that way because that was my signature dish without 0:11:11.559 --> 0:11:14.320 thinking things through. You know, people would say, oh, you 0:11:14.360 --> 0:11:16.520 can write the email, but don't send it. It's like, 0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:18.960 what I'm not doing that. This email is already out. 0:11:19.080 --> 0:11:22.320 I already replied, and but when you do do that, 0:11:22.360 --> 0:11:24.720 you realize you don't need to send that email cares 0:11:24.880 --> 0:11:27.880 you know, It's just about for me, it's about changing 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:31.599 my reaction to things. And saying I'm sorry when I 0:11:31.640 --> 0:11:33.960 don't necessarily feel like I did anything wrong. But I 0:11:34.040 --> 0:11:35.920 know to be a bigger person now, and it's not 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:38.679 about right or wrong. It's just about compassion and understanding. 0:11:38.720 --> 0:11:41.199 Some people are going through a more difficult time than 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:43.920 you are, and sometimes it's the opposite, and you want 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:46.880 that compassion to be held for you. But with with 0:11:46.920 --> 0:11:50.360 what you're saying about being stuck, I think you only 0:11:50.400 --> 0:11:52.439 get stuck when you have the same reactions to things 0:11:52.480 --> 0:11:57.440 that you did before. Yeah, is it a hard balance 0:11:57.480 --> 0:12:01.720 for you because as a you know, comedians like you you, Um, 0:12:01.760 --> 0:12:03.760 it's like you're you're wanting to be funny or not 0:12:03.840 --> 0:12:05.640 wanting to be funny. You are funny, You're just you're 0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:08.240 just naturally funny. But where it's like you have to 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:12.080 there's like two sides of you and it becomes like 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:14.880 maybe not confusing, but I don't know the right word 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:16.880 to say it is, but um, like a challenge to 0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:19.440 be to be like, oh, oh sorry, I was just 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:21.560 trying to be funny or that came off wrong, or 0:12:21.679 --> 0:12:24.240 do you feel like you have to apologize for for 0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:27.679 acting you were saying something? Well, I mean I think 0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:29.679 you kind of marry like you you you have your 0:12:29.720 --> 0:12:33.240 personality right, and then you get the tools to understand 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:36.360 how your personality affects certain people, right, and so you 0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:38.720 basically want to marry those two things. So in the beginning, 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:40.800 when I went to therapy, it was all about not 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:44.359 over talking, not over inserting myself, not being so aggressive, 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:47.120 not being in your face. So I overcorrected, and I 0:12:47.240 --> 0:12:49.240 go to dinner parties and I was basically mute. Like 0:12:49.240 --> 0:12:50.800 I would just sit there and be like, don't talk, 0:12:50.880 --> 0:12:52.319 don't talk. You don't have to be the life of 0:12:52.360 --> 0:12:54.600 the party. You don't have to be the center of attention. 0:12:54.880 --> 0:12:57.400 And then eventually people are like, Okay, this isn't fun either, 0:12:57.600 --> 0:13:00.440 like what's your plan and are you gonna have? You 0:13:00.520 --> 0:13:02.720 kind of have to take all the tools you you know, 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:05.360 you learn in therapy and then applied them to your 0:13:05.360 --> 0:13:08.080 old personality so that you have this new and improved 0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:10.520 personality and you don't lose your edge. I mean I 0:13:10.559 --> 0:13:12.679 still have my edge, of course, but it's it's a 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:14.920 nicer way to go through life without having to be 0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:18.000 like did I say something to offend somebody or you know, 0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:20.080 I mean listen, To be quite honest, I wasn't thinking 0:13:20.080 --> 0:13:22.679 that much about how much how offensive I have been 0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:24.800 in the past, so it's nice to think about it 0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:29.200 now when I'm not as offensive, right, No, that's get 0:13:29.240 --> 0:13:31.720 that for sure. I can't. I sometimes have that issue 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:35.160 where I'm I'm so um sarcastic that I am like, 0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:39.200 oh crap, I shouldn't have said that, or I don't know, yeah, sorry, 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:41.959 it's okay, it's fine. Best friend so she's like, yeah, 0:13:42.040 --> 0:13:43.959 you have been kind of chy, but I don't mean 0:13:44.000 --> 0:13:45.720 to be like I think I'm like trying to be funny. 0:13:45.760 --> 0:13:48.640 And then I'm like, oh, just like yeah, um, you know. 0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:52.520 My therapist at the other day she goes she basically 0:13:52.520 --> 0:13:55.200 said like, I'm not your pastor I'm not your you know. 0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:58.080 You're like God, She's like, I need you to usually 0:13:58.120 --> 0:13:59.800 you have to confide in your friends with some of 0:13:59.800 --> 0:14:01.920 that that you're telling me, because if not, you're going 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:04.320 to continue to repeat the patterns. And she's like, because 0:14:04.400 --> 0:14:06.640 I I don't see you every single day, I don't 0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:09.079 know what you're doing. I don't see I just see you, 0:14:09.080 --> 0:14:10.960 you know, once a week or every other week. So 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:13.880 it's like, if you can't acknowledge some of the things 0:14:13.880 --> 0:14:15.880 that like you're either doing wrong or that you want 0:14:15.920 --> 0:14:18.640 to share, like you're not gonna grow because your friends 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:20.800 can't hold you accountable. I thought that was like pretty 0:14:20.840 --> 0:14:25.360 interesting thought too. Yeah. Yeah, I mean you're basically moderating 0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:30.760 your behavior, right, or modulating moderating You're you're basically mitigating 0:14:30.760 --> 0:14:35.200 the damage. Right. You're thinking about how how to be 0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:38.880 how to hold yourself accountable, right, because you don't want 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:41.280 to be relying on this therapist to hold you accountable 0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:43.600 or your friends. You want to be accountable like now, 0:14:43.720 --> 0:14:46.000 I know sometimes I'm like, oh, I want to like 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:49.400 things cly out of my mouth a lot, And now 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:52.800 I'm like, don't say that, Like it's not necessary. It 0:14:52.880 --> 0:14:55.080 might be funny, but it's not necessary. You don't need 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:57.960 to prove that, like, you know, in this moment. And 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:01.480 that's been a really great, like kind of direction for 0:15:01.520 --> 0:15:04.000 me because I just it's nice to be able to 0:15:04.160 --> 0:15:06.160 edit yourself and to be like, you don't you don't 0:15:06.160 --> 0:15:09.160 have to be make yourself be funny in this moment. 0:15:09.240 --> 0:15:11.680 I don't have anything to prove, you know. It's always 0:15:11.920 --> 0:15:14.000 kind of ego driven when we do that, and once 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:16.080 you can identify, oh, this is me acting in my 0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:19.320 ego instead of acting in compassion love, blah blah blah. 0:15:19.560 --> 0:15:21.040 Then you're like, Okay, I don't want to do that 0:15:21.080 --> 0:15:22.920 all the time, you know. And when I'm on stage, 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:25.120 I go off because that's what people want, and I 0:15:25.200 --> 0:15:27.360 have a lot to say, and that's a good place 0:15:27.440 --> 0:15:30.360 for it, you know, ranting and raving about the state 0:15:30.360 --> 0:15:32.080 of the world or the state of men and why 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:35.080 they can't understand what they did was wrong for the 0:15:35.160 --> 0:15:38.200 last you know, well since the beginning of time. Um 0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:41.400 and uh, you know you can that's a that's a 0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:46.800 great um medium for that. But you know, in real life, yeah, 0:15:46.880 --> 0:15:49.080 it's always about breaking patterns. And you know what the 0:15:49.080 --> 0:15:53.320 great news is, it takes so little time to rehabituate yourself. 0:15:53.360 --> 0:15:56.160 Like it's so it takes like three or four days 0:15:56.160 --> 0:15:58.640 of doing something every day before it becomes something you 0:15:58.680 --> 0:16:01.920 want to do. And so that's what's the good news is, 0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:05.720 like everyone is possible, has the possibility to change. I 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:08.040 know I did, and if I did, I mean I'm 0:16:08.040 --> 0:16:11.800 a hardhead and I have very strong opinions. And you know, 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:14.520 all of my friends and all of my family have 0:16:14.680 --> 0:16:16.840 seen the change in me. You know, I went on vacation. 0:16:16.920 --> 0:16:18.960 This is a great example. I went on vacation with 0:16:19.000 --> 0:16:21.480 my family like two summers ago in COVID. The first 0:16:21.560 --> 0:16:25.440 COVID summer, we went to Martha's Vineyard because everyone had 0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:27.880 been locked in their houses for like the last six 0:16:27.920 --> 0:16:29.840 to eight months. I was like, let's go to Martha's 0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:32.520 unior for two weeks instead of one. And that was 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:35.080 a mistake. My family on vacation for two weeks with 0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:37.240 my eight nieces and nephews. I wanted to blow my 0:16:37.240 --> 0:16:38.720 brains out by the end of the week. You know, 0:16:39.120 --> 0:16:41.320 I've been working very hard in my life to remain 0:16:41.400 --> 0:16:44.080 childless and alone for a very specific reason. So I 0:16:44.080 --> 0:16:46.920 don't know what I was thinking, but it was it was. 0:16:47.160 --> 0:16:49.800 It wasn't good. So I left that vacation and I 0:16:49.840 --> 0:16:51.280 was like, you know what, I've had it like if 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:55.000 these And I wrote this email to everyone, to all 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:57.080 the kids, to all my brothers and sisters, and I 0:16:57.120 --> 0:16:59.920 was like, here are the rules moving forward. This vacation 0:17:00.120 --> 0:17:04.960 is not required or you know, you know, um a given. 0:17:05.000 --> 0:17:07.080 It's a choice I make every year, and it's an 0:17:07.080 --> 0:17:10.440 expensive one. So I need to make sure that everyone 0:17:10.520 --> 0:17:13.200 says please thank you. We look people in the eye. 0:17:13.320 --> 0:17:15.440 If there's somebody working at our house, you don't walk 0:17:15.480 --> 0:17:18.359 past them without saying anything. Blah blah blah. All these 0:17:18.400 --> 0:17:21.080 just like basic remedial reminders of how to be a 0:17:21.200 --> 0:17:24.520 human being. But but the first draft of that letter 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:31.920 was like yeah, you know, you like don't and then 0:17:32.080 --> 0:17:34.160 you know, and then it went to like it went 0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:36.800 through three four drafts, and then it finally was like, 0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:43.160 dear family, like I love I named every one of them, 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:45.960 and like, you cannot, I love you. It would be impossible. 0:17:46.080 --> 0:17:50.080 But moving forward, we have to we have to, uh, 0:17:50.359 --> 0:17:52.560 you know, behave a little bit better and a little 0:17:52.600 --> 0:17:54.840 bit more gracious. And I went through, you know, a 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:58.000 list of things, but just just from therapy like that 0:17:58.080 --> 0:18:00.160 letter would have been, and it was received so all. 0:18:00.240 --> 0:18:02.080 By the time I sent the real thing, my whole 0:18:02.119 --> 0:18:05.119 family was like, oh my god, we're so sorry. You know, 0:18:05.200 --> 0:18:06.760 we won't we don't ever want you to feel that 0:18:06.800 --> 0:18:10.200 way after a vacation and and blah blah blah. So 0:18:10.440 --> 0:18:12.840 that was a perfect example of me being able to 0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:15.280 kind of edit myself, you know, and say it with 0:18:15.359 --> 0:18:18.000 love instead of saying with anger. And how good does 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:19.880 that feel? Too? Because like I I know that I've 0:18:20.200 --> 0:18:22.760 I'm doing. I'm really trying hard to make sure that 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:24.879 I do things differently this go around with you know, 0:18:24.960 --> 0:18:27.240 just everything in my life, and it's been nice to 0:18:27.359 --> 0:18:31.080 I even I'd called Catherine um uh the other day 0:18:31.080 --> 0:18:33.359 and I was like, I just did something right for 0:18:33.400 --> 0:18:35.040 the first time that I've never done before, and I 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:37.120 just had to share it because I'm actually proud of myself, 0:18:37.119 --> 0:18:39.440 like how I handled the situation that I normally would 0:18:39.520 --> 0:18:42.760 not have handled like that in the past. Having said that, though, 0:18:43.200 --> 0:18:45.520 I do feel now because that was a while ago, 0:18:45.600 --> 0:18:47.840 I do feel like now I'm in a place where 0:18:48.440 --> 0:18:50.439 I kind of want to get back out there and 0:18:50.560 --> 0:18:54.800 date slowly. So what is your best advice to getting 0:18:54.840 --> 0:18:59.680 back out there and dating in the world slowly? I mean, 0:18:59.720 --> 0:19:01.800 I don't know if I should be giving anybody dating advice. 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:04.399 I mean, my track record isn't that great. But like 0:19:05.040 --> 0:19:07.760 you're happy though, that's the thing, right, Well, I'm happy 0:19:07.800 --> 0:19:09.879 because yes I am, I am happy, but I have 0:19:09.960 --> 0:19:12.680 a happy disposition and I don't have the other thing, 0:19:12.800 --> 0:19:15.080 like I wake up and I'm pretty like rare and 0:19:15.119 --> 0:19:18.720 to go, um, then that's also part of your personality. 0:19:18.720 --> 0:19:20.280 And you know what I learned on One thing that 0:19:20.320 --> 0:19:23.120 I learned in therapy was like, hey, you you're born 0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:25.199