Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm like, I'm normally not a late person.
Speaker 1: I'll just start like it gives me anxiety. And Katherine
Speaker 1: and are very much the same where it's like I
Speaker 1: have to be at least five minutes early to something,
Speaker 1: but lately I've been so late getting on these and
Speaker 1: I feel terrible because you know what my problem is is,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm doing too much all in the day that
Speaker 1: I don't have the kids. You're trying to Yeah, you
Speaker 1: don't have the kids, your pack every second of the day.
Speaker 1: I take advantage of your lack of responsibility. But I
Speaker 1: have so much responsibility. But like, so what do you
Speaker 1: what do you fill your days with? Oh? My god, therapy, lash, appointment.
Speaker 1: I have to work out, I have an audition I
Speaker 1: have to do today. I've got a meeting. Catherine and
Speaker 1: I have a meeting. Um, I answer my email. I
Speaker 1: haven't answered any of my emails because I've been running
Speaker 1: around town doing therapy and this and like and so
Speaker 1: I'm like, I feel like burnt out now now and
Speaker 1: now it's like, okay, now I want to say breath.
Speaker 1: And then there's idiots on the road, I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: I start to get a little road rage. So you're
Speaker 1: not one of those people it is late for things,
Speaker 1: because I know, like this woman when I work with
Speaker 1: on the morning show is always late, and she claims
Speaker 1: it is not just being irresponsible, it's actually a characteristic
Speaker 1: some people have that they don't understand time the way
Speaker 1: other people understand time that I don't. That makes no
Speaker 1: sense to me. I don't I agree with you, but
Speaker 1: she claims this, and so I'm wondering if that's if
Speaker 1: there is because we don't we all have these people
Speaker 1: in our lives. They're always late for stuff. Is it
Speaker 1: a trait or is it just blowing stuff off? See?
Speaker 1: I find it very disrespectful personally, Like I feel like
Speaker 1: I just disrespected y'all's time with me being late a
Speaker 1: few of the times. And it really bothers me because
Speaker 1: I I think that's a good trait to to be
Speaker 1: respectful of people's time. So I'm someone's late, it's like, hey,
Speaker 1: this is my time that you're not wasting. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: drives me crazy, right yeah. And I don't think I
Speaker 1: could be with someone that's a late person, like it
Speaker 1: would drive me crazy. I'd get really frustrated. Uh, it
Speaker 1: does take some adjustments. But people, some people think that,
Speaker 1: oh I need to be there at noon, it's a
Speaker 1: ten minute drive. I need to leave at eleven fifty.
Speaker 1: And it just doesn't work that way. There are too
Speaker 1: many other factors in it. And you're only at the door,
Speaker 1: and oh, I should go to the bathroom quick. I'll
Speaker 1: let me grab a mask, or where are my sunglasses?
Speaker 1: And suddenly you're late. Probably wasn't enough time anyway, people,
Speaker 1: we are late. That was not enough time. It takes
Speaker 1: you thirty minutes, not ten minutes. It drives me crazy.
Speaker 1: I want to get back on this topic. But we
Speaker 1: have a really special guest in the waiting room. Her
Speaker 1: name is Her name is Chelsea Handler. I don't know
Speaker 1: if any of you guys know her or not, but
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a break and then we're going to
Speaker 1: get her on. Hi. Hi, how are you fixing your hair?
Speaker 1: You're so beautiful? Stunning girls are beautiful. How are you, Chelsea?
Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm good. My voice is a little lot raspy.
Speaker 1: I had a show this weekend and I lost it.
Speaker 1: So that's a great way to kick off my tool.
Speaker 1: Not being able to talk. We um. So I had
Speaker 1: the privilege of being on your show. Was it five
Speaker 1: years ago? Yeah? I think so. Do you know, I
Speaker 1: just have to give a little little t on do
Speaker 1: you remember what happened? So okay, So I'm obviously so
Speaker 1: excited I was. I mean, you know, I'm a huge
Speaker 1: fan of yours, and so I get asked to, you know,
Speaker 1: come on your show. And this was at the time
Speaker 1: when no one knew that my It was when no
Speaker 1: one knew that Max and I were separated and he
Speaker 1: was in rehab, and so you know, I'm trying to
Speaker 1: like come on your show and like, you know, be
Speaker 1: positive and you know, not like because I'm dying inside
Speaker 1: right Like I'm I'm like literally want to cry and
Speaker 1: then all remember and like my like you are like
Speaker 1: a piece of my like divorce. Because the second I
Speaker 1: get off stage from my public says pulls me into
Speaker 1: the you know, the Chelsea Handler dressing room and she's like,
Speaker 1: we need to talk. Do you remember the conversation. We
Speaker 1: actually knew before you went out there. We just so
Speaker 1: you didn't ruin. We already started dealing with it. It's fine,
Speaker 1: but yeah, well you want to want what was the
Speaker 1: conversation again because I like tried to block it out
Speaker 1: of my right. I think it basically was when he
Speaker 1: the story came out, yeah, that my husband was a
Speaker 1: sex addict. So it was like that was breaking in
Speaker 1: the chelse. I was like, you know, like I just
Speaker 1: feel very bonded to you, even though you have no
Speaker 1: idea the story. But well I do now, my god, Yeah,
Speaker 1: we are bonded. I'm glad that I can facilitate a
Speaker 1: breakup though part of one part of the memory of
Speaker 1: a breakup, right, I mean, breakups are so hard. They're
Speaker 1: so hard, but they're so good, you know what I
Speaker 1: You mean, like breaking up when it has to happen,
Speaker 1: it is so hard. But I always I remember reading
Speaker 1: somewhere Gosh which book was it, where it was like,
Speaker 1: you know, any time you're in a state like that,
Speaker 1: when you feel like your heart is breaking, and instead
Speaker 1: of that despair that we all feel all the time,
Speaker 1: to welcome the pain, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: I remember reading welcome the pain. Welcome This is an
Speaker 1: opportunity for growth, an opportunity for growth, And it's easy
Speaker 1: to say, but it's harder to apply it to your life.
Speaker 1: But when you are able to take a painful situation
Speaker 1: and be like, there's a huge lesson here. This is okay.
Speaker 1: I'm okay with the pain, I'm okay with the discomfort.
Speaker 1: The sooner you absorb it, the sooner it passes through,
Speaker 1: you know, is a good way for for people to
Speaker 1: think about it, I think because that helped me a lot. No,
Speaker 1: that's that's a really good advice, I think where it
Speaker 1: was so last night I got a d M from
Speaker 1: someone and was like, hey, not to trigger you, but
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, here we go. Why why am
Speaker 1: I going to continue to read this? But they sent
Speaker 1: me photo of my ex husband with a new girl,
Speaker 1: and it was the first time that I have seen
Speaker 1: him with someone else. And like that's weird too, you know,
Speaker 1: like to see like your person that you were you
Speaker 1: thought you were going to spend the rest of your
Speaker 1: life with now canoodling with like this cheek checka chica whatever.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, it's like remembering that, like that person
Speaker 1: wasn't good for you. But then it's that this is
Speaker 1: all good. It's so it's so hard to even like, um,
Speaker 1: you know, um, how do I say that? Like it's
Speaker 1: it's hard to even tell yourself that too, because in
Speaker 1: the moment, you're like, why wasn't I enough? You know,
Speaker 1: how do how do you deal with that? Well? Again,
Speaker 1: it's just like you know, it's it's it's again. It's
Speaker 1: like welcoming the discomfort of where you're, where you are
Speaker 1: at in that moment because like everything, just like the
Speaker 1: highs don't stay high forever, the lows don't stay forever.
Speaker 1: Everything is temporary. Nothing is permanent at all. And that's,
Speaker 1: you know what we've learned, even more so in the
Speaker 1: last year and a half, going on five years of
Speaker 1: this of this pandemic, and what feels like five years,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like enough already with this, Okay, we're
Speaker 1: all in touch with Jesus now or whomever your Jesus is, like,
Speaker 1: let's wrap it up, um. But I think I think
Speaker 1: for any situation, it's really important. We talked about this
Speaker 1: on my podcast a lot. Dear Chelsea, is like, you
Speaker 1: just have to be okay with the uncomfortable. You have
Speaker 1: to be okay with the devastation. You have to you
Speaker 1: have to learn to accept it because anytime you resist anything,
Speaker 1: it persists. Right if you say no and you're or
Speaker 1: you're like I don't want to move with that, or
Speaker 1: I don't want to change, or I don't like change,
Speaker 1: Like you're just perpetuating the friction and the sufferating, the suffering,
Speaker 1: sufferating and making of a new word. That's what's just
Speaker 1: what one days are four girls, um you and so
Speaker 1: not resisting it and accepting it even when it's not
Speaker 1: news you like, helps you get through it quicker. It's
Speaker 1: when you deflect and you drink or you smoke, or
Speaker 1: you distract yourself that you're putting off the inevitable, which
Speaker 1: is kind of which is pain, and pain is part
Speaker 1: of the process of living, you know. Unfortunately it's just
Speaker 1: a matter what your responses to the pain. Are you
Speaker 1: sure you're not a therapist? I mean, like I am.
Speaker 1: I think I'm a medical practitioner. I've prescribed medication all
Speaker 1: the time to my friends cannabis. I mean, my podcast
Speaker 1: is like a self help podcast, which I did as
Speaker 1: a joke but it turned it's too It's like very serious.
Speaker 1: People call in with real well, I mean, you're you're
Speaker 1: you're you know what you're saying is I'm like, yes,
Speaker 1: Like that's that's exactly what people need to hear. So
Speaker 1: obviously like you've you've done your work, and I love
Speaker 1: that you talk about therapy too, because I'm a big
Speaker 1: therapy advocate. We have therapists that come on here, and um,
Speaker 1: I think therapy has been one of the best places
Speaker 1: that I've learned so much about me and who I
Speaker 1: want to continue to be and things that I have
Speaker 1: to change and grow and so I just you know,
Speaker 1: I've I've I've always looked up to you, but also
Speaker 1: how vocal you've been about therapy has been really cool
Speaker 1: too to see. Oh well, thank you very much. I
Speaker 1: always just like to share my story. So whatever I'm
Speaker 1: doing at the time, if it's one night stands and
Speaker 1: to talk about that, because you know, drinking and party,
Speaker 1: it's going to be that. And when I went to therapy,
Speaker 1: I just thought, oh wow, you know, I've made a
Speaker 1: career out of oversharing. This is actually something that's valuable
Speaker 1: to share and with people because how many people can
Speaker 1: really afford to sit down with a therapist like I did,
Speaker 1: you know, to two times a week for a year
Speaker 1: and really get to the bottom of what you're where
Speaker 1: your anger is coming from, where your impulsivity or your
Speaker 1: impatience or whatever your issues are so I mean, I
Speaker 1: it was a great transaction, right, paying someone to tell
Speaker 1: you why you're a bitch or why you're you know,
Speaker 1: where you're coming up short in life is a great transaction.
Speaker 1: And I wasn't taking it lightly because I looked at
Speaker 1: it as like a project. I was like, Okay, let
Speaker 1: me get my head sorted out. That will probably take
Speaker 1: a year. I'll take you know, I'll take a year
Speaker 1: off of work and do that, which is a luxury
Speaker 1: and a privilege. So when I got all that information,
Speaker 1: I just thought, how many other people and women feel
Speaker 1: like I do? You know, how many are going through
Speaker 1: something similar? And you know when I wrote I wrote
Speaker 1: my book, I did my last special based on that
Speaker 1: book for HBO Max called Evolution, And it's all just
Speaker 1: tied into that kind of like, yeah, I went through this,
Speaker 1: and you know, and I came out the other side.
Speaker 1: So it's really it's it's and I take it. I
Speaker 1: took it so seriously, like you know, I was taking
Speaker 1: notes in therapy. I was like, okay, wait, wait, wait, okay,
Speaker 1: this makes sense, this makes sense. And so it uh
Speaker 1: has helped me a lot become a much softer, gentler bitch.
Speaker 1: I mean, and I love that. Is there anything that
Speaker 1: you still feel like because I feel I know that, well,
Speaker 1: we always evolve and there's so many things that we
Speaker 1: have to continue to grow and change, not change, but
Speaker 1: continue to grow. Is there a place where you feel stuck,
Speaker 1: because sometimes when I go into therapy, there's this one
Speaker 1: issue where I just feel stuck. I feel I felt
Speaker 1: stuck there for the last thirty years of my life.
Speaker 1: Um stuck. No, I mean, it's always for me. My
Speaker 1: exercise is always about reacting, right, Like, I don't want
Speaker 1: to be react if I don't want to fire off
Speaker 1: an email where I'm pressing down on my phone like
Speaker 1: a lunatic that you see walking through the airport, you know,
Speaker 1: somebody's like, like, I don't want to ever be reactive
Speaker 1: in that way because that was my signature dish without
Speaker 1: thinking things through. You know, people would say, oh, you
Speaker 1: can write the email, but don't send it. It's like,
Speaker 1: what I'm not doing that. This email is already out.
Speaker 1: I already replied, and but when you do do that,
Speaker 1: you realize you don't need to send that email cares
Speaker 1: you know, It's just about for me, it's about changing
Speaker 1: my reaction to things. And saying I'm sorry when I
Speaker 1: don't necessarily feel like I did anything wrong. But I
Speaker 1: know to be a bigger person now, and it's not
Speaker 1: about right or wrong. It's just about compassion and understanding.
Speaker 1: Some people are going through a more difficult time than
Speaker 1: you are, and sometimes it's the opposite, and you want
Speaker 1: that compassion to be held for you. But with with
Speaker 1: what you're saying about being stuck, I think you only
Speaker 1: get stuck when you have the same reactions to things
Speaker 1: that you did before. Yeah, is it a hard balance
Speaker 1: for you because as a you know, comedians like you you, Um,
Speaker 1: it's like you're you're wanting to be funny or not
Speaker 1: wanting to be funny. You are funny, You're just you're
Speaker 1: just naturally funny. But where it's like you have to
Speaker 1: there's like two sides of you and it becomes like
Speaker 1: maybe not confusing, but I don't know the right word
Speaker 1: to say it is, but um, like a challenge to
Speaker 1: be to be like, oh, oh sorry, I was just
Speaker 1: trying to be funny or that came off wrong, or
Speaker 1: do you feel like you have to apologize for for
Speaker 1: acting you were saying something? Well, I mean I think
Speaker 1: you kind of marry like you you you have your
Speaker 1: personality right, and then you get the tools to understand
Speaker 1: how your personality affects certain people, right, and so you
Speaker 1: basically want to marry those two things. So in the beginning,
Speaker 1: when I went to therapy, it was all about not
Speaker 1: over talking, not over inserting myself, not being so aggressive,
Speaker 1: not being in your face. So I overcorrected, and I
Speaker 1: go to dinner parties and I was basically mute. Like
Speaker 1: I would just sit there and be like, don't talk,
Speaker 1: don't talk. You don't have to be the life of
Speaker 1: the party. You don't have to be the center of attention.
Speaker 1: And then eventually people are like, Okay, this isn't fun either,
Speaker 1: like what's your plan and are you gonna have? You
Speaker 1: kind of have to take all the tools you you know,
Speaker 1: you learn in therapy and then applied them to your
Speaker 1: old personality so that you have this new and improved
Speaker 1: personality and you don't lose your edge. I mean I
Speaker 1: still have my edge, of course, but it's it's a
Speaker 1: nicer way to go through life without having to be
Speaker 1: like did I say something to offend somebody or you know,
Speaker 1: I mean listen, To be quite honest, I wasn't thinking
Speaker 1: that much about how much how offensive I have been
Speaker 1: in the past, so it's nice to think about it
Speaker 1: now when I'm not as offensive, right, No, that's get
Speaker 1: that for sure. I can't. I sometimes have that issue
Speaker 1: where I'm I'm so um sarcastic that I am like,
Speaker 1: oh crap, I shouldn't have said that, or I don't know, yeah, sorry,
Speaker 1: it's okay, it's fine. Best friend so she's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you have been kind of chy, but I don't mean
Speaker 1: to be like I think I'm like trying to be funny.
Speaker 1: And then I'm like, oh, just like yeah, um, you know.
Speaker 1: My therapist at the other day she goes she basically
Speaker 1: said like, I'm not your pastor I'm not your you know.
Speaker 1: You're like God, She's like, I need you to usually
Speaker 1: you have to confide in your friends with some of
Speaker 1: that that you're telling me, because if not, you're going
Speaker 1: to continue to repeat the patterns. And she's like, because
Speaker 1: I I don't see you every single day, I don't
Speaker 1: know what you're doing. I don't see I just see you,
Speaker 1: you know, once a week or every other week. So
Speaker 1: it's like, if you can't acknowledge some of the things
Speaker 1: that like you're either doing wrong or that you want
Speaker 1: to share, like you're not gonna grow because your friends
Speaker 1: can't hold you accountable. I thought that was like pretty
Speaker 1: interesting thought too. Yeah. Yeah, I mean you're basically moderating
Speaker 1: your behavior, right, or modulating moderating You're you're basically mitigating
Speaker 1: the damage. Right. You're thinking about how how to be
Speaker 1: how to hold yourself accountable, right, because you don't want
Speaker 1: to be relying on this therapist to hold you accountable
Speaker 1: or your friends. You want to be accountable like now,
Speaker 1: I know sometimes I'm like, oh, I want to like
Speaker 1: things cly out of my mouth a lot, And now
Speaker 1: I'm like, don't say that, Like it's not necessary. It
Speaker 1: might be funny, but it's not necessary. You don't need
Speaker 1: to prove that, like, you know, in this moment. And
Speaker 1: that's been a really great, like kind of direction for
Speaker 1: me because I just it's nice to be able to
Speaker 1: edit yourself and to be like, you don't you don't
Speaker 1: have to be make yourself be funny in this moment.
Speaker 1: I don't have anything to prove, you know. It's always
Speaker 1: kind of ego driven when we do that, and once
Speaker 1: you can identify, oh, this is me acting in my
Speaker 1: ego instead of acting in compassion love, blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: Then you're like, Okay, I don't want to do that
Speaker 1: all the time, you know. And when I'm on stage,
Speaker 1: I go off because that's what people want, and I
Speaker 1: have a lot to say, and that's a good place
Speaker 1: for it, you know, ranting and raving about the state
Speaker 1: of the world or the state of men and why
Speaker 1: they can't understand what they did was wrong for the
Speaker 1: last you know, well since the beginning of time. Um
Speaker 1: and uh, you know you can that's a that's a
Speaker 1: great um medium for that. But you know, in real life, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's always about breaking patterns. And you know what the
Speaker 1: great news is, it takes so little time to rehabituate yourself.
Speaker 1: Like it's so it takes like three or four days
Speaker 1: of doing something every day before it becomes something you
Speaker 1: want to do. And so that's what's the good news is,
Speaker 1: like everyone is possible, has the possibility to change. I
Speaker 1: know I did, and if I did, I mean I'm
Speaker 1: a hardhead and I have very strong opinions. And you know,
Speaker 1: all of my friends and all of my family have
Speaker 1: seen the change in me. You know, I went on vacation.
Speaker 1: This is a great example. I went on vacation with
Speaker 1: my family like two summers ago in COVID. The first
Speaker 1: COVID summer, we went to Martha's Vineyard because everyone had
Speaker 1: been locked in their houses for like the last six
Speaker 1: to eight months. I was like, let's go to Martha's
Speaker 1: unior for two weeks instead of one. And that was
Speaker 1: a mistake. My family on vacation for two weeks with
Speaker 1: my eight nieces and nephews. I wanted to blow my
Speaker 1: brains out by the end of the week. You know,
Speaker 1: I've been working very hard in my life to remain
Speaker 1: childless and alone for a very specific reason. So I
Speaker 1: don't know what I was thinking, but it was it was.
Speaker 1: It wasn't good. So I left that vacation and I
Speaker 1: was like, you know what, I've had it like if
Speaker 1: these And I wrote this email to everyone, to all
Speaker 1: the kids, to all my brothers and sisters, and I
Speaker 1: was like, here are the rules moving forward. This vacation
Speaker 1: is not required or you know, you know, um a given.
Speaker 1: It's a choice I make every year, and it's an
Speaker 1: expensive one. So I need to make sure that everyone
Speaker 1: says please thank you. We look people in the eye.
Speaker 1: If there's somebody working at our house, you don't walk
Speaker 1: past them without saying anything. Blah blah blah. All these
Speaker 1: just like basic remedial reminders of how to be a
Speaker 1: human being. But but the first draft of that letter
Speaker 1: was like yeah, you know, you like don't and then
Speaker 1: you know, and then it went to like it went
Speaker 1: through three four drafts, and then it finally was like,
Speaker 1: dear family, like I love I named every one of them,
Speaker 1: and like, you cannot, I love you. It would be impossible.
Speaker 1: But moving forward, we have to we have to, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, behave a little bit better and a little
Speaker 1: bit more gracious. And I went through, you know, a
Speaker 1: list of things, but just just from therapy like that
Speaker 1: letter would have been, and it was received so all.
Speaker 1: By the time I sent the real thing, my whole
Speaker 1: family was like, oh my god, we're so sorry. You know,
Speaker 1: we won't we don't ever want you to feel that
Speaker 1: way after a vacation and and blah blah blah. So
Speaker 1: that was a perfect example of me being able to
Speaker 1: kind of edit myself, you know, and say it with
Speaker 1: love instead of saying with anger. And how good does
Speaker 1: that feel? Too? Because like I I know that I've
Speaker 1: I'm doing. I'm really trying hard to make sure that
Speaker 1: I do things differently this go around with you know,
Speaker 1: just everything in my life, and it's been nice to
Speaker 1: I even I'd called Catherine um uh the other day
Speaker 1: and I was like, I just did something right for
Speaker 1: the first time that I've never done before, and I
Speaker 1: just had to share it because I'm actually proud of myself,
Speaker 1: like how I handled the situation that I normally would
Speaker 1: not have handled like that in the past. Having said that, though,
Speaker 1: I do feel now because that was a while ago,
Speaker 1: I do feel like now I'm in a place where
Speaker 1: I kind of want to get back out there and
Speaker 1: date slowly. So what is your best advice to getting
Speaker 1: back out there and dating in the world slowly? I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I should be giving anybody dating advice.
Speaker 1: I mean, my track record isn't that great. But like
Speaker 1: you're happy though, that's the thing, right, Well, I'm happy
Speaker 1: because yes I am, I am happy, but I have
Speaker 1: a happy disposition and I don't have the other thing,
Speaker 1: like I wake up and I'm pretty like rare and
Speaker 1: to go, um, then that's also part of your personality.
Speaker 1: And you know what I learned on One thing that
Speaker 1: I learned in therapy was like, hey, you you're born
Speaker 1: with a personality. There's nothing you can do about that,
Speaker 1: so you need to lean into it and embrace it,
Speaker 1: right the best parts of it. You're not going to
Speaker 1: change your personality. I still have the same thoughts I
Speaker 1: used to have. I just don't act on them and
Speaker 1: I don't respond to them, you know, I'm just like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm not necessary that kind of thing. So so it's
Speaker 1: always about I think, embracing all of the great things
Speaker 1: that you have and highlighting those, you know, Instead of
Speaker 1: embracing all the qualities you have, you could just kind
Speaker 1: of look at yourself and you know what works for
Speaker 1: you and what brings people in and what spreads kind
Speaker 1: of like joy and sunshine, and operate with you know,
Speaker 1: with that more in your front feet then in your
Speaker 1: back feet. I just wish I was more like E though,
Speaker 1: because you say, you know, I mean, I'm obviously I
Speaker 1: love my children. I would never take that back. But
Speaker 1: when you say that, you've you know, you've your whole
Speaker 1: thing was like, you want to be childless and alone,
Speaker 1: but do you really, at the end of the day
Speaker 1: want to be alone? Are you trying to find that
Speaker 1: person to be with you? Yes, I would be with someone,
Speaker 1: but you know there and I am with someone right now,
Speaker 1: and there is like yeah, but they have to be
Speaker 1: in addition, they cannot subtract, you know, there can be
Speaker 1: no subtraction. You cannot be a distraction in a negative way,
Speaker 1: because I've been in those relationships to where you know,
Speaker 1: everything is about them and everything is about your relationship
Speaker 1: and you're so obsessed and you're so that's great and all,
Speaker 1: but not when it has like a kind of a
Speaker 1: negative when there's not trust or there's not respect, all
Speaker 1: of those things. And so now I'm with someone, yeah,
Speaker 1: and I and I'm you know, it's new, but it's
Speaker 1: a much. I mean, I'm so different that it's like
Speaker 1: I'm in control of the situation instead of the situation
Speaker 1: being in control of me. How do I how do
Speaker 1: you do that? Because that's what I need, because that's
Speaker 1: where I'm like, it's now I feel like I'm in this,
Speaker 1: you know that not I don't want to play games.
Speaker 1: I don't want to. I don't know how to. I
Speaker 1: just don't know how to do it. I don't know
Speaker 1: how to date. I mean, it was married for seven years.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't remember, and I don't want to
Speaker 1: be the twenty year old dater that I was, Like
Speaker 1: that was right, but I mean, I don't know, are
Speaker 1: you opposed to I mean, who would how would you date?
Speaker 1: Would you go on like Riya or would you have
Speaker 1: friends set you up? Like what would be your first inclination?
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm I'm open to I'm open to all things.
Speaker 1: All my friends are married. And you know, you're not
Speaker 1: the first person who's been single and doesn't remember how
Speaker 1: to date. Like this is everyone's story, right, So you
Speaker 1: all you have to do is just start the action
Speaker 1: of doing it, Like it's one step, one little baby
Speaker 1: step takes you to the water. You know, you just
Speaker 1: have to make the move to do it, Like go on, Ryan,
Speaker 1: I go on a date, even if it's just for practice,
Speaker 1: like practice dating so that you get better at it,
Speaker 1: and then it becomes not a big deal and it's
Speaker 1: not like this mountain of like, oh my god, I
Speaker 1: don't know, I've never been on a date before. It's
Speaker 1: not that serious. It's just dating, you know, and when
Speaker 1: you fall in love, yeah that can be serious, but
Speaker 1: that's also you know, you just again. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: like my view about cannabis, like I'm in control. Cannabis
Speaker 1: isn't in control of me. I'm in control of cannabis.
Speaker 1: Although I do have a good story. Yesterday my friend
Speaker 1: was over and went into my refrigerator to take some
Speaker 1: lemonade and uh, and she came out and she was
Speaker 1: like that lemonade is so delicious, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't have lemonade in my house. And it was
Speaker 1: cannabis lemonade. And she drank half the bottle and and
Speaker 1: she had taken a suit offen because she had allergies.
Speaker 1: And so then we went to lunch and she just
Speaker 1: literally was her tears were streaming down her face, and
Speaker 1: I was like, what is wrong with you? I what
Speaker 1: I forgot about the cannabis, of course, And first of all,
Speaker 1: no one should go on my refrigerator and think that
Speaker 1: they're going to find something that's not spiked that's on her.
Speaker 1: We went to lunch and she's just she's like, I
Speaker 1: don't know, the suit of fed is acting so weird.
Speaker 1: I don't She's like, I'm getting so loopy. And then
Speaker 1: I saw her grab a French fry from the basket
Speaker 1: of fries. When was a whole plate of French fries
Speaker 1: on her plate, Like her plate was filled with them.
Speaker 1: And I was like, wait a second, I know that
Speaker 1: you were high. Wait how do I get more food
Speaker 1: that's already in my mouth? How do I get more
Speaker 1: of it? Um? Yeah, So she had a rough day
Speaker 1: yesterday and I was very happy to be her support system. Um,
Speaker 1: that's just a little side story. I love that, you know.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's what I need to do. I need to
Speaker 1: start smoking weed to just chill the Yeah, you need
Speaker 1: to chill out a little bit. You need to get
Speaker 1: some or take some microjose And you don't have to
Speaker 1: get we doesn't have to make you blottoed like that.
Speaker 1: You can just take like a blueberry that's five milligrams
Speaker 1: or two and a half milligram mint. You know they
Speaker 1: have those mints. What are they called? Um? How about
Speaker 1: this the next the next time that um I come,
Speaker 1: because we we went and saw you and zany As.
Speaker 1: Was it last year? Yeah? I think it was. It
Speaker 1: was after it was after COVID or no, wasn't before
Speaker 1: after COVID was before? Okay? Yeah, we me and my
Speaker 1: girls we went to to go see you and um,
Speaker 1: it was an amazing show. But next time you come
Speaker 1: back to anis or wherever tea back, um, I will
Speaker 1: I will hit you up and be like, okay, like
Speaker 1: you have to be the first person to like help
Speaker 1: me with that. That's trying, not that I do. I'll
Speaker 1: take care of you. I'm very good like that. I'm
Speaker 1: good with people in there and and first time cannabis users. Okay, great,
Speaker 1: because I'm gonna be like, am I gonna because I'm
Speaker 1: such a I'm not a control freak. Maybe I am.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I just don't like to be
Speaker 1: out of control. So right right, that's called a control freak. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's fine, fabulous. Okay, So you are on tour right now?
Speaker 1: Are you an horny? That's my tour name, vaccinated and
Speaker 1: horny stop? But I love it. Are you freaked out
Speaker 1: at all about going back out because I know some
Speaker 1: people are canceling shows and stuff, which, yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: vaccinations are required at my shows, so you know that's
Speaker 1: basically the deal. And they're all with Live Nation, well
Speaker 1: not all of them, but you know Live Nation and
Speaker 1: made it a requirement for any ticket holders to be vaccinated.
Speaker 1: So no, I'm gonna go forward with a tour. Like said,
Speaker 1: I feel really strongly that this is just such an
Speaker 1: important time to be showing up for people and giving
Speaker 1: them something to laugh about. And I know it is
Speaker 1: a scary time with COVID, so I'm we're just taking
Speaker 1: it one day at a time and if things get
Speaker 1: really really bad, I mean, luckily, my audience is mostly vaccinated,
Speaker 1: you know. I most of the people coming to see
Speaker 1: me are are doing that. So but we will definitely,
Speaker 1: you know, take it day by day. But it's just fun.
Speaker 1: I opened the stand up Barbara Bull this weekend for
Speaker 1: the first time in two years. It was their first show.
Speaker 1: It was so beautiful. They had this big blue moon
Speaker 1: you know, out and then when the sun went down,
Speaker 1: it's this huge amphitheater. It was just the vibes were
Speaker 1: just so good that I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I just cannot wait, you know, to do this, and
Speaker 1: I'm going to like, I'm going all over Ohio, Florida.
Speaker 1: We'll see, Yeah, they're gonna love you in Florida. I
Speaker 1: know you have to find your little liberal pockets and
Speaker 1: progressive pockets, but I think like anything goes that's what's
Speaker 1: so great about I feel like being a comedian and
Speaker 1: I don't know, because I'm not funny at all, but
Speaker 1: like when it comes to like you guys can say
Speaker 1: what every like, you don't have to be politically correct.
Speaker 1: Like That's why I think it's fun to go to
Speaker 1: those shows too, because it's just it's so nice to
Speaker 1: laugh and then even around things that you can just
Speaker 1: say whatever you want, like how freeing is that? Well,
Speaker 1: you can't say whatever you want because you know you
Speaker 1: can't do that anymore. And I like those parameters. You know,
Speaker 1: we're not making fun of people anymore just for the
Speaker 1: sake of a cheap joke. You're it's forcing comedians to
Speaker 1: be a little bit more clever and a little bit
Speaker 1: sharper about their material. And I welcome that challenge, like
Speaker 1: I always want to be challenged. First of all, I'm
Speaker 1: a complete hot mess, chaotic, So if you have give
Speaker 1: me boundaries, that's great because then I can go into
Speaker 1: that little plate then and just blow it up, you know.
Speaker 1: So I like, I like any sort of like um,
Speaker 1: like um, how how would I say it? Like you know,
Speaker 1: when in school, like when you when they give you
Speaker 1: like okay, these are the rules, It's like okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 1: If I have the rules within the rules, anything goes.
Speaker 1: So that's kind of how I operate at my at
Speaker 1: my best, probably I need a little bit of like, um,
Speaker 1: you know, responsibility enforced upon me. And then where can
Speaker 1: people get the tickets at? Actually you can get him
Speaker 1: at Chelsea Handler dot com. You can get him at
Speaker 1: live nation dot com. Yeah, and then your podcast, which is, um,
Speaker 1: like what can people expecting to listen to your podcasts
Speaker 1: and therapy sessions? Like you said what, well, basically yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just basically like what you and I just talked about,
Speaker 1: people call in for well, I it was an advice
Speaker 1: podcast because I just love Dear Abbey when I was
Speaker 1: growing up and reading that, and I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what, they wanted me to do a podcast, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I just have to think of the
Speaker 1: right thing. And then I thought, you know, I'm like
Speaker 1: that in life. I'm always the advice giver or like
Speaker 1: the crisis manager. I I thrive in a crisis. I'm
Speaker 1: able to go in and like, you know, handle it
Speaker 1: and help my friends stand up and be a little
Speaker 1: bit braver and a little bit stronger. So we've had
Speaker 1: some really meaningful calls or callers call in. One guy
Speaker 1: called in he was getting high way too much and
Speaker 1: felt like he he had lost his tolerance. And I
Speaker 1: was like, why don't you take thirty days off and
Speaker 1: I'll do it with you, And we both had like
Speaker 1: a thirty day cleanse of like no pot smoking. And
Speaker 1: at the end of the thirty days he called back
Speaker 1: in and he had come out to his family as
Speaker 1: trans I mean clearly he was just smoking pot to
Speaker 1: just you know, not feel not feel, not feel. He
Speaker 1: had come up to his family, he came up to
Speaker 1: his friends. I mean, his whole life transformed in thirty days.
Speaker 1: And it was like wow, I mean, so those things,
Speaker 1: you know, when people kind of come back and check
Speaker 1: in with us and let us know like the progress
Speaker 1: they've made or if they've acted on the advice we've given.
Speaker 1: And but it's all basically about self esteem, and you know,
Speaker 1: comparing yourself to others. You know, everyone gets lost in
Speaker 1: this game that we're all in where you look around
Speaker 1: and you think you're not good enough or pretty enough,
Speaker 1: or smart enough, for funny enough, because somebody else is
Speaker 1: doing something a little bit better or different than you are,
Speaker 1: and you know that's that's ego too. We all have
Speaker 1: to just like that's not healthy, you know. I don't
Speaker 1: want to sit and scroll down TikTok or Instagram for
Speaker 1: an hour a day. I don't want to be like that.
Speaker 1: I want to be present. I want to be Chelsea
Speaker 1: Handler right now, right, I just all, I just I've
Speaker 1: appreciate everything you've said, and um, I I love you
Speaker 1: and I want everyone not to go out intee your
Speaker 1: show and I'll obviously promote all of it at the
Speaker 1: end too, but just thank you for coming on and
Speaker 1: sharing your wisdom and your weed and everything else. So anytime, anytime.
Speaker 1: You're so sweet, And if you know anyone, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm just hook a girl up. Okay, and you're in Nashville.
Speaker 1: Is that where you are? Yeah, but I'm willing to travel. Okay,
Speaker 1: there are some hotties in Nashville, so you shouldn't have
Speaker 1: to travel too far. I'll put the word out with
Speaker 1: my feelers. Okay. Thanks Chelsee, you're the best dating dating
Speaker 1: girl ever. Um, You're the best. Thank you so much, Chelseie,
Speaker 1: Thank you. Girls. Have a great day. Girl By she's
Speaker 1: so funny, you know, it was the funniest is like
Speaker 1: one of the things is the emails. I that is
Speaker 1: so me. That is like me to a t because
Speaker 1: you have family. But it's like I feel like I
Speaker 1: have slight like a little better in the emails where
Speaker 1: I don't because my thing is and I think you
Speaker 1: can definitely attest to this, but I'm like, that's absolutely
Speaker 1: not happening. And then I'm like, and then I'll send
Speaker 1: another one, and then another one and then another one
Speaker 1: and then so it's like five emails. It's like, why
Speaker 1: can't I just take a second collect my thoughts and
Speaker 1: then put it all on one email. It starts with
Speaker 1: I do that too sometimes, but it starts with absolutely not.
Speaker 1: It ends with I'll do it right now. Just wait?
Speaker 1: Do you literally just waked? Because Katherine's always like I
Speaker 1: need you to redo. I'm like and then it's like
Speaker 1: and now I'm just yeah, that is true, I am
Speaker 1: doing that. And then you're great, I'm proud of you. Thanks,
Speaker 1: But I'm trying so something. This is gonna be so stupid,
Speaker 1: not stupid, but um, I was in church yesterday and
Speaker 1: I really wanted to stay because they were doing did
Speaker 1: you go No? They were doing um this and this
Speaker 1: is this, this is like such a squirrel moment and
Speaker 1: I apologize and I don't know, maybe maybe someone needs
Speaker 1: to hear it. I'm not really sure the Lord of speaking,
Speaker 1: so I'm here for it. No, but um so I
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think getting back into the because
Speaker 1: here's the deal and Mark, you'll love this because this
Speaker 1: is and we'll not juicy. But like, I think I'm
Speaker 1: at the place now where I'm actually ready to put
Speaker 1: my feet back out there. And it's not because I
Speaker 1: saw a picture of Mike moving on. It's not because
Speaker 1: of this. It's like I just I know that I
Speaker 1: still have a lot of work to do, but I
Speaker 1: also am like I'm I'm I'm I'm open to it,
Speaker 1: knowing I still have a lot of healing to do,
Speaker 1: but I'm open to dating and like finding out who
Speaker 1: my person is and who like and not like knowing
Speaker 1: that I don't have to be with someone. Um that
Speaker 1: I'm okay alone, Like I've gotten to that place, like
Speaker 1: I am okay alone, but that yeah, like I we
Speaker 1: all know, I like companionship and I'd love to find
Speaker 1: someone that can I can have companionship with, but they
Speaker 1: I need them to check all the boxes at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, like there's I'm not going to
Speaker 1: continue on something, which is you know what, I just
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do that. Okay, I get you said.
Speaker 1: They have to add they have to be added value
Speaker 1: to your life, right and if not, like, there's no
Speaker 1: point in me keeping someone around if I don't feel
Speaker 1: like they're going to be the end alb all, because
Speaker 1: then I'm just it's it's just not fair to them.
Speaker 1: It's not fair to my healing process. It's not And
Speaker 1: then that's just repeating a pattern that I would have
Speaker 1: done in the past. What's the time frame? Where are
Speaker 1: we right now? How long has it been that you've
Speaker 1: been on your own, um, like a month or so?
Speaker 1: Like I mean like since Mike, yeah, oh since April
Speaker 1: so um April made so four months? Are you signing
Speaker 1: off on this being ready to find someone? I'm not
Speaker 1: saying like and I think seriously like I wanted to
Speaker 1: late slowly, I wanted to date, but she's not. She's
Speaker 1: never been a great data. That's what I'm saying. Like,
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm gonna go I Well, here's the thing too,
Speaker 1: when are we going with this? We started with church,
Speaker 1: never get to church. I'm just saying like I I'm
Speaker 1: not going to just continue to hang with someone if
Speaker 1: not like again, like I'm okay to like snip things
Speaker 1: off like I have, Like if I don't see it going,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to write back or I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: I'm just it's I don't have time. I've got kids,
Speaker 1: Like I'm more worried about the other way. I'm more
Speaker 1: worried about you all of a sudden, being head over
Speaker 1: heels's the greatest. I can't do that, which I guess
Speaker 1: I have done that in the past. Yes before, Yes,
Speaker 1: my marriage before, Yes, I have done that. Why I've
Speaker 1: been very clear about that. But now it's like I've
Speaker 1: got kids, I've got responsibilities, and I need to be
Speaker 1: careful with that. And also someone said this to me.
Speaker 1: They're like, you need to stop putting yourself on trial,
Speaker 1: like they need to be on trial. Yeah that's good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I thought that was like so interesting because I
Speaker 1: was telling her about a situation or somebody or whatever,
Speaker 1: and she was just like, you are the prize, Like
Speaker 1: you have to stop putting this person like you need
Speaker 1: to opening yourself on trial, like you need to look
Speaker 1: at what did you do wrong? What like what I
Speaker 1: did wrong? Like am I good enough? Am I pretty enough?
Speaker 1: Am I successful enough? Like it's like, you know, no, no,
Speaker 1: are they going to fit into her life? Are they
Speaker 1: good enough for you? Like? And I've never looked at
Speaker 1: it that way, and it kind of and and so
Speaker 1: that leads into them. My church thing was because I
Speaker 1: just started to feel, you know, especially seeing the stuff
Speaker 1: with it's not easy to see the acts with somebody
Speaker 1: or whatever, and so I started to be like, man,
Speaker 1: like I'm not pretty enough or I'm not good enough again,
Speaker 1: and so um, I went into church and I'm so
Speaker 1: glad that I went, but it was, um, they did
Speaker 1: do this thing at the very end of like for
Speaker 1: the first time. They're like, we don't usually do this,
Speaker 1: but like if if you can stay, um, it'd be
Speaker 1: really nice. Um, We're gonna pray and God's gonna say
Speaker 1: something to you, whatever you need to hear. And I
Speaker 1: was like, I really want to sit here and listen
Speaker 1: to this, but I can't because I gotta bring the
Speaker 1: kids back home. So I'm like, so he's like, if
Speaker 1: you have to get up and leave, get up and leave.
Speaker 1: And like every part of me like wanted to stay
Speaker 1: because I'm like what is my message? God? Like what
Speaker 1: are you trying to tell me right now? Like what,
Speaker 1: like what what is it? And because I'm just like
Speaker 1: wanting that, like that answer or like what he's like
Speaker 1: wanting for me. So then I was just like I
Speaker 1: can't do it. And then I think I didn't even
Speaker 1: want to hear it. So then I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I gotta get the kids because we went to the
Speaker 1: later service that day. So then I come out with
Speaker 1: the kids and this random girl just stops me and
Speaker 1: she's like I just have to tell you that you
Speaker 1: are so beautiful and that you are just so worthy
Speaker 1: of love, and I was just like I literally started bawling.
Speaker 1: I was like how did this? I was like holy wow.
Speaker 1: It was like the coolest like experience ever. Like I
Speaker 1: just like started like she's probably like what why is
Speaker 1: she going? But I was just like it's what I
Speaker 1: needed to hear. And then I walked away from and
Speaker 1: being like, you know what I am like and I
Speaker 1: don't need to like saddle, I don't need to like
Speaker 1: I'm good either way. And I think that was kind
Speaker 1: of like my turning point where I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: like you know, I am like someone will be lucky
Speaker 1: one day to be with me a man. I think
Speaker 1: we can all agree on that, for sure, I know,
Speaker 1: but I'm still like I have little asters like and
Speaker 1: I say that, and I'm like, well, you know, but
Speaker 1: maybe like I know, and then I let it, like
Speaker 1: the voices creep in again. Stop there. But this woman
Speaker 1: is a fan. She's a fan of your work or what.
Speaker 1: How does she know you? She doesn't. She just saw
Speaker 1: me walking out with the kids and she was in
Speaker 1: one of those um like one of the helper ladies
Speaker 1: or whatever, and then she just randomly stopped me and
Speaker 1: said that I've never seen her before. I don't like,
Speaker 1: I just know that she she had like a little
Speaker 1: tag on, but like she didn't need to stop me.
Speaker 1: I think God knew you needed to hear, but you
Speaker 1: weren't going to stay And that's something he put her message. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but anyways, I thought I wanted to share that. So
Speaker 1: that's cool. Listen to listen to the messages that people
Speaker 1: send you because it might be a higher power message.
Speaker 1: Did you want to get back to the habitually late
Speaker 1: topic that we were talking about earlier. I actually would
Speaker 1: love to because I I honestly that would be a
Speaker 1: deal breaker for me. I couldn't be with someone that
Speaker 1: would would be always late because I could see me
Speaker 1: just like fighting with the person that would drive me crazy.
Speaker 1: Like that's going to be one of the boxes. If
Speaker 1: you can't do it, I'm on checking the box. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm here for that one. To these people, I think
Speaker 1: you're stretching. I think that there can be very good
Speaker 1: if a guy checks every other box, but he runs
Speaker 1: a little bit late. I think like five minutes or
Speaker 1: like an hour. There's a big difference. I would say
Speaker 1: five to ten minutes regularly. And it's for that same
Speaker 1: reason he starts probably getting out of the house. Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh. She gets halfway there and he realized I
Speaker 1: had trouble getting out of the house for like serious,
Speaker 1: I didn't. I'm sorry, but like what, well, that's a
Speaker 1: very good point, patience. Meanwhile, you've gotten all the kids
Speaker 1: stuff situated, and you're like, yeah, you probably kicked out
Speaker 1: his clothes, right, like no reason, I don't know, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's a respect thing. So and I apologize
Speaker 1: for being disrespectful this morning and rushing, but I have
Speaker 1: overbooked myself on this day. We were we were always
Speaker 1: thrilled to get you whenever we can get you. And
Speaker 1: it wasn't a terrible thing. And also it's not like
Speaker 1: we're sitting in a studio waiting for you. We're houses anyway,
Speaker 1: so it's no big deal. I mean, but still I
Speaker 1: don't like it. It's an anxiety and I'm like kind
Speaker 1: of like, how kind of feels okay? Fine? But it's okay.
Speaker 1: It's better than the old days when we heard their
Speaker 1: running a leg and we're like, oh, they're fighting me
Speaker 1: a tough one today, poor mom. Those were brutal and
Speaker 1: for everybody involved. God, I'm so much happier, and so
Speaker 1: just keep any emails. We do have one actually, yes,
Speaker 1: is from Oakley, which by the way is a fantastic
Speaker 1: because it could be a girl or a guy. I
Speaker 1: don't think i've ever heard that name before anyway, great name,
Speaker 1: Oakley says. My husband and I were going through a
Speaker 1: rough patch for about a year. We went on a
Speaker 1: friend trip with about eight of us to Florida, and
Speaker 1: when we got back, I found out he had kissed
Speaker 1: my very good also married friend, a drunken kiss that
Speaker 1: they both snapped out of, and we're like, this cannot happen.
Speaker 1: Given the loveless state we were in, I chose to
Speaker 1: forgive him because my friend was also at the lowest
Speaker 1: of the lows in her marriage, suffering from almost the
Speaker 1: same thing. About a week after I found out, working
Speaker 1: through issues, arguing, anger, etcetera, my husband invited that friend
Speaker 1: to a bar to t talk about everything and basically
Speaker 1: vent to her that he's losing his marriage and what
Speaker 1: should he do. They talked and my friend ended up
Speaker 1: telling me that the next thing she told me that
Speaker 1: she kissed him again as they were leaving the bar.
Speaker 1: This was early June and I'm still working through everything
Speaker 1: with my husband and my friend. Do you have any
Speaker 1: advice on this? I feel, Oh, there's so many boundaries broken,
Speaker 1: like there's no reason. Well, okay, the first part is
Speaker 1: just wrong, but the second part again going to a
Speaker 1: bar afterwards, Like there's that so many boundaries broken, Like
Speaker 1: there's no reason that they needed to go back to
Speaker 1: a bar to have a conversation. You are inviting trouble,
Speaker 1: You were inviting something bad to happen, and that's so
Speaker 1: disrespectful on both of their sides. I would be pissed
Speaker 1: at my friend. I'd have a hard time being friends
Speaker 1: with her because I like, no, I I there's no way,
Speaker 1: there's no way I couldn't do it. No, No, she's
Speaker 1: not your friend, right, I mean, how is that a friend?
Speaker 1: You wouldn't I mean, not one of my friends would
Speaker 1: do that, not one, No, never, that's never. Okay, let's
Speaker 1: start with the drunken kiss. Now. I feel like, Okay,
Speaker 1: they were in a really bad place. The other couple
Speaker 1: is in a really bad place. I also wonder how much,
Speaker 1: because I am a non drinker, I wonder how much
Speaker 1: infidelity is preceded by alcohol consumption, because I think it's
Speaker 1: a pretty darn high percentage of my husband was stunkelds
Speaker 1: over and all of them. Okay, well that's that's and
Speaker 1: that's you. But like some people say to me, I
Speaker 1: would never did a guy who's a non drinker. And
Speaker 1: I feel like I have to stand up for the
Speaker 1: non drinkers because I am one, and I always say, like,
Speaker 1: you never have to worry about him getting drunk and
Speaker 1: doing something stupid like this husband did. But I agree
Speaker 1: that going back to the bar with her as you're
Speaker 1: still healing from the first betrayal, I think that was
Speaker 1: a major misstep. And that was a sober decision. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's making the decision to go to the bar alone.
Speaker 1: Bad bad, bad, bad bad bad. And also, at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, a guy is going to cheat.
Speaker 1: And this is what I've learned. Whether they are drunk,
Speaker 1: whether they are or stone colds over, they will cheat regardless.
Speaker 1: So I mean they will, like, if they're going to cheat,
Speaker 1: it's going to be it doesn't matter how much they've
Speaker 1: had to drink. I think that's the biggest excuse. And
Speaker 1: just like you know have saying well, I've got an addiction,
Speaker 1: like no, like that. At the end of the day,
Speaker 1: it is a choice. You are making a choice to
Speaker 1: do something that is inappropriate and wrong. And also they
Speaker 1: make a choice to they make the choice far before
Speaker 1: they actually do it. I feel like so much cheating
Speaker 1: has to be set up, and him going to that
Speaker 1: bar was making the decision to cheat. Like, I think
Speaker 1: that was absolutely his making the decision that this that
Speaker 1: who knows, maybe okay, so again, I don't know, Maybe
Speaker 1: that's everything. It's inviting a woman back to your hotel room.
Speaker 1: Oh it just happened, going to the hotel bar with
Speaker 1: somebody on a business trip. Oh it just happened, doesn't
Speaker 1: just happen. It is set up in advance, yea. And
Speaker 1: those are boundaries you do not go back to their
Speaker 1: like no, like I'm sorry. It's like there's no reason
Speaker 1: that should have happened. And I could never be friends
Speaker 1: with that friend again. She chose to go to the bar.
Speaker 1: I think I can't get about that, like like no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no, and she kissed her like no, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: like no, And I would not trust that he wouldn't
Speaker 1: do that again with somebody else. So and I was
Speaker 1: telling a friend this too, and this is like probably
Speaker 1: bad advice because as someone always asked, like do you
Speaker 1: believe in the good fight? And you know obviously the book,
Speaker 1: I'm like, of course I do what I wrote, yes,
Speaker 1: having said that, when someone has that trade, that's a
Speaker 1: very hard thing to gain any trust back whatsoever, or
Speaker 1: to always wonder and then if if they for them
Speaker 1: to do it again, because if they can do that,
Speaker 1: like it's in their nature to do that again, right,
Speaker 1: kind of like the ones a cheater always a cheater thing.
Speaker 1: And now I will say, you know, I'm like defending
Speaker 1: myself in the past, but like you know, I think
Speaker 1: again I do think people can change? Having said that,
Speaker 1: when you were in a marriage and a committed marriage,
Speaker 1: and that is the choice that you're making, Clearly something's up,
Speaker 1: and I just think it will happen again. So you
Speaker 1: have to ask yourself, do I want to be here
Speaker 1: in five years because I always think back, I'm like, man,
Speaker 1: I should have left my ex a long time ago.
Speaker 1: Having said that, you know, we have you know now,
Speaker 1: a second beautiful child. But so it's like, yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: give it, give it a try, but just know in
Speaker 1: five ten years, this most likely could happen again. And
Speaker 1: then you're gonna ask yourself, Damn, I wish I just
Speaker 1: wasted ten years in my life. So the friendship should
Speaker 1: be over right, right. Neither of you should have any
Speaker 1: more contact with this friend. In my opinion, he should
Speaker 1: not text her, talk to her, look at her, nothing
Speaker 1: like that's only going to be a trigger for her.
Speaker 1: How could they even possibly, you know, reconcile if they're
Speaker 1: together all the times, right, right, And so two separate things.
Speaker 1: That's the one. And then with the husband, if you
Speaker 1: want to try to work it out for whatever reason,
Speaker 1: time spends already, the kids, whatever it is, work it out.
Speaker 1: But jann is warning you you're gonna have these feelings
Speaker 1: again in the future. And I will let me asktrict
Speaker 1: what I what I just said. I do believe people
Speaker 1: can change. I do believe people can make mistakes. That person, though,
Speaker 1: has to show up like they're King Superman and and
Speaker 1: you know, so does the other person to like try
Speaker 1: to trust. But you watch, you sit back, and you watch.
Speaker 1: If their patterns are not changing their behaviors or not changing,
Speaker 1: run for the freaking hills. I do know a few
Speaker 1: people that have been able to change. You know, their
Speaker 1: marriages from infidelity, and you know that that man or
Speaker 1: that woman was committed to changing and doing the work.
Speaker 1: But very few get that opportunity. And now I'm now
Speaker 1: I see that. But again, if if if I would
Speaker 1: have sat back and watched, I would have seen repeated patterns.
Speaker 1: And it's like, those are your signs to leave that.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry's are nothing without actions. It's all I have
Speaker 1: to say about that. I'm sorry. I'm really passionate. No,
Speaker 1: I'm so happy to hear these things. It's true. I'm
Speaker 1: fired up. Okay, I have nothing else to say. I
Speaker 1: see the signs leeve just saying okay, Catherine, Okay, sorry,
Speaker 1: I can just let it go. Bye bye,