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Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm like, I'm normally not a late person.

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Speaker 1: I'll just start like it gives me anxiety. And Katherine

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Speaker 1: and are very much the same where it's like I

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Speaker 1: have to be at least five minutes early to something,

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Speaker 1: but lately I've been so late getting on these and

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Speaker 1: I feel terrible because you know what my problem is is,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm doing too much all in the day that

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Speaker 1: I don't have the kids. You're trying to Yeah, you

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Speaker 1: don't have the kids, your pack every second of the day.

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Speaker 1: I take advantage of your lack of responsibility. But I

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Speaker 1: have so much responsibility. But like, so what do you

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Speaker 1: what do you fill your days with? Oh? My god, therapy, lash, appointment.

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Speaker 1: I have to work out, I have an audition I

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Speaker 1: have to do today. I've got a meeting. Catherine and

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Speaker 1: I have a meeting. Um, I answer my email. I

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Speaker 1: haven't answered any of my emails because I've been running

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Speaker 1: around town doing therapy and this and like and so

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I feel like burnt out now now and

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Speaker 1: now it's like, okay, now I want to say breath.

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Speaker 1: And then there's idiots on the road, I'm like, no,

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Speaker 1: I start to get a little road rage. So you're

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Speaker 1: not one of those people it is late for things,

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Speaker 1: because I know, like this woman when I work with

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Speaker 1: on the morning show is always late, and she claims

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Speaker 1: it is not just being irresponsible, it's actually a characteristic

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Speaker 1: some people have that they don't understand time the way

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Speaker 1: other people understand time that I don't. That makes no

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Speaker 1: sense to me. I don't I agree with you, but

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Speaker 1: she claims this, and so I'm wondering if that's if

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Speaker 1: there is because we don't we all have these people

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Speaker 1: in our lives. They're always late for stuff. Is it

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Speaker 1: a trait or is it just blowing stuff off? See?

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Speaker 1: I find it very disrespectful personally, Like I feel like

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Speaker 1: I just disrespected y'all's time with me being late a

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Speaker 1: few of the times. And it really bothers me because

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Speaker 1: I I think that's a good trait to to be

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Speaker 1: respectful of people's time. So I'm someone's late, it's like, hey,

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Speaker 1: this is my time that you're not wasting. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: drives me crazy, right yeah. And I don't think I

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Speaker 1: could be with someone that's a late person, like it

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Speaker 1: would drive me crazy. I'd get really frustrated. Uh, it

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Speaker 1: does take some adjustments. But people, some people think that,

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Speaker 1: oh I need to be there at noon, it's a

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Speaker 1: ten minute drive. I need to leave at eleven fifty.

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Speaker 1: And it just doesn't work that way. There are too

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Speaker 1: many other factors in it. And you're only at the door,

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Speaker 1: and oh, I should go to the bathroom quick. I'll

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Speaker 1: let me grab a mask, or where are my sunglasses?

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Speaker 1: And suddenly you're late. Probably wasn't enough time anyway, people,

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Speaker 1: we are late. That was not enough time. It takes

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Speaker 1: you thirty minutes, not ten minutes. It drives me crazy.

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Speaker 1: I want to get back on this topic. But we

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Speaker 1: have a really special guest in the waiting room. Her

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Speaker 1: name is Her name is Chelsea Handler. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if any of you guys know her or not, but

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Speaker 1: we're gonna take a break and then we're going to

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Speaker 1: get her on. Hi. Hi, how are you fixing your hair?

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Speaker 1: You're so beautiful? Stunning girls are beautiful. How are you, Chelsea?

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Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm good. My voice is a little lot raspy.

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Speaker 1: I had a show this weekend and I lost it.

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Speaker 1: So that's a great way to kick off my tool.

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Speaker 1: Not being able to talk. We um. So I had

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Speaker 1: the privilege of being on your show. Was it five

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Speaker 1: years ago? Yeah? I think so. Do you know, I

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Speaker 1: just have to give a little little t on do

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Speaker 1: you remember what happened? So okay, So I'm obviously so

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Speaker 1: excited I was. I mean, you know, I'm a huge

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Speaker 1: fan of yours, and so I get asked to, you know,

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Speaker 1: come on your show. And this was at the time

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Speaker 1: when no one knew that my It was when no

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Speaker 1: one knew that Max and I were separated and he

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Speaker 1: was in rehab, and so you know, I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: like come on your show and like, you know, be

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Speaker 1: positive and you know, not like because I'm dying inside

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Speaker 1: right Like I'm I'm like literally want to cry and

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Speaker 1: then all remember and like my like you are like

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Speaker 1: a piece of my like divorce. Because the second I

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Speaker 1: get off stage from my public says pulls me into

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Speaker 1: the you know, the Chelsea Handler dressing room and she's like,

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Speaker 1: we need to talk. Do you remember the conversation. We

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Speaker 1: actually knew before you went out there. We just so

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Speaker 1: you didn't ruin. We already started dealing with it. It's fine,

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Speaker 1: but yeah, well you want to want what was the

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Speaker 1: conversation again because I like tried to block it out

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Speaker 1: of my right. I think it basically was when he

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Speaker 1: the story came out, yeah, that my husband was a

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Speaker 1: sex addict. So it was like that was breaking in

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Speaker 1: the chelse. I was like, you know, like I just

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Speaker 1: feel very bonded to you, even though you have no

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Speaker 1: idea the story. But well I do now, my god, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we are bonded. I'm glad that I can facilitate a

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Speaker 1: breakup though part of one part of the memory of

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Speaker 1: a breakup, right, I mean, breakups are so hard. They're

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Speaker 1: so hard, but they're so good, you know what I

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Speaker 1: You mean, like breaking up when it has to happen,

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Speaker 1: it is so hard. But I always I remember reading

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Speaker 1: somewhere Gosh which book was it, where it was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, any time you're in a state like that,

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Speaker 1: when you feel like your heart is breaking, and instead

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Speaker 1: of that despair that we all feel all the time,

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Speaker 1: to welcome the pain, you know what I mean, Like

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Speaker 1: I remember reading welcome the pain. Welcome This is an

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Speaker 1: opportunity for growth, an opportunity for growth, And it's easy

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Speaker 1: to say, but it's harder to apply it to your life.

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Speaker 1: But when you are able to take a painful situation

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Speaker 1: and be like, there's a huge lesson here. This is okay.

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Speaker 1: I'm okay with the pain, I'm okay with the discomfort.

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Speaker 1: The sooner you absorb it, the sooner it passes through,

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Speaker 1: you know, is a good way for for people to

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Speaker 1: think about it, I think because that helped me a lot. No,

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Speaker 1: that's that's a really good advice, I think where it

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Speaker 1: was so last night I got a d M from

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Speaker 1: someone and was like, hey, not to trigger you, but

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, here we go. Why why am

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Speaker 1: I going to continue to read this? But they sent

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Speaker 1: me photo of my ex husband with a new girl,

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Speaker 1: and it was the first time that I have seen

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Speaker 1: him with someone else. And like that's weird too, you know,

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Speaker 1: like to see like your person that you were you

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Speaker 1: thought you were going to spend the rest of your

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Speaker 1: life with now canoodling with like this cheek checka chica whatever.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, it's like remembering that, like that person

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Speaker 1: wasn't good for you. But then it's that this is

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Speaker 1: all good. It's so it's so hard to even like, um,

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Speaker 1: you know, um, how do I say that? Like it's

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Speaker 1: it's hard to even tell yourself that too, because in

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Speaker 1: the moment, you're like, why wasn't I enough? You know,

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Speaker 1: how do how do you deal with that? Well? Again,

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Speaker 1: it's just like you know, it's it's it's again. It's

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Speaker 1: like welcoming the discomfort of where you're, where you are

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Speaker 1: at in that moment because like everything, just like the

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Speaker 1: highs don't stay high forever, the lows don't stay forever.

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Speaker 1: Everything is temporary. Nothing is permanent at all. And that's,

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Speaker 1: you know what we've learned, even more so in the

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Speaker 1: last year and a half, going on five years of

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Speaker 1: this of this pandemic, and what feels like five years,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's like enough already with this, Okay, we're

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Speaker 1: all in touch with Jesus now or whomever your Jesus is, like,

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Speaker 1: let's wrap it up, um. But I think I think

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Speaker 1: for any situation, it's really important. We talked about this

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Speaker 1: on my podcast a lot. Dear Chelsea, is like, you

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Speaker 1: just have to be okay with the uncomfortable. You have

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Speaker 1: to be okay with the devastation. You have to you

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Speaker 1: have to learn to accept it because anytime you resist anything,

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Speaker 1: it persists. Right if you say no and you're or

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Speaker 1: you're like I don't want to move with that, or

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Speaker 1: I don't want to change, or I don't like change,

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Speaker 1: Like you're just perpetuating the friction and the sufferating, the suffering,

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Speaker 1: sufferating and making of a new word. That's what's just

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Speaker 1: what one days are four girls, um you and so

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Speaker 1: not resisting it and accepting it even when it's not

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Speaker 1: news you like, helps you get through it quicker. It's

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Speaker 1: when you deflect and you drink or you smoke, or

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Speaker 1: you distract yourself that you're putting off the inevitable, which

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Speaker 1: is kind of which is pain, and pain is part

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Speaker 1: of the process of living, you know. Unfortunately it's just

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Speaker 1: a matter what your responses to the pain. Are you

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Speaker 1: sure you're not a therapist? I mean, like I am.

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Speaker 1: I think I'm a medical practitioner. I've prescribed medication all

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Speaker 1: the time to my friends cannabis. I mean, my podcast

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Speaker 1: is like a self help podcast, which I did as

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Speaker 1: a joke but it turned it's too It's like very serious.

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Speaker 1: People call in with real well, I mean, you're you're

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Speaker 1: you're you know what you're saying is I'm like, yes,

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Speaker 1: Like that's that's exactly what people need to hear. So

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Speaker 1: obviously like you've you've done your work, and I love

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Speaker 1: that you talk about therapy too, because I'm a big

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Speaker 1: therapy advocate. We have therapists that come on here, and um,

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Speaker 1: I think therapy has been one of the best places

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Speaker 1: that I've learned so much about me and who I

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Speaker 1: want to continue to be and things that I have

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Speaker 1: to change and grow and so I just you know,

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Speaker 1: I've I've I've always looked up to you, but also

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Speaker 1: how vocal you've been about therapy has been really cool

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Speaker 1: too to see. Oh well, thank you very much. I

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Speaker 1: always just like to share my story. So whatever I'm

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Speaker 1: doing at the time, if it's one night stands and

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Speaker 1: to talk about that, because you know, drinking and party,

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Speaker 1: it's going to be that. And when I went to therapy,

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Speaker 1: I just thought, oh wow, you know, I've made a

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Speaker 1: career out of oversharing. This is actually something that's valuable

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Speaker 1: to share and with people because how many people can

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Speaker 1: really afford to sit down with a therapist like I did,

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Speaker 1: you know, to two times a week for a year

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Speaker 1: and really get to the bottom of what you're where

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Speaker 1: your anger is coming from, where your impulsivity or your

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Speaker 1: impatience or whatever your issues are so I mean, I

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Speaker 1: it was a great transaction, right, paying someone to tell

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Speaker 1: you why you're a bitch or why you're you know,

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Speaker 1: where you're coming up short in life is a great transaction.

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Speaker 1: And I wasn't taking it lightly because I looked at

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Speaker 1: it as like a project. I was like, Okay, let

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Speaker 1: me get my head sorted out. That will probably take

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Speaker 1: a year. I'll take you know, I'll take a year

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Speaker 1: off of work and do that, which is a luxury

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Speaker 1: and a privilege. So when I got all that information,

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Speaker 1: I just thought, how many other people and women feel

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Speaker 1: like I do? You know, how many are going through

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Speaker 1: something similar? And you know when I wrote I wrote

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Speaker 1: my book, I did my last special based on that

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Speaker 1: book for HBO Max called Evolution, And it's all just

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Speaker 1: tied into that kind of like, yeah, I went through this,

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Speaker 1: and you know, and I came out the other side.

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Speaker 1: So it's really it's it's and I take it. I

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Speaker 1: took it so seriously, like you know, I was taking

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Speaker 1: notes in therapy. I was like, okay, wait, wait, wait, okay,

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Speaker 1: this makes sense, this makes sense. And so it uh

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Speaker 1: has helped me a lot become a much softer, gentler bitch.

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Speaker 1: I mean, and I love that. Is there anything that

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Speaker 1: you still feel like because I feel I know that, well,

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Speaker 1: we always evolve and there's so many things that we

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Speaker 1: have to continue to grow and change, not change, but

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Speaker 1: continue to grow. Is there a place where you feel stuck,

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Speaker 1: because sometimes when I go into therapy, there's this one

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Speaker 1: issue where I just feel stuck. I feel I felt

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Speaker 1: stuck there for the last thirty years of my life.

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Speaker 1: Um stuck. No, I mean, it's always for me. My

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Speaker 1: exercise is always about reacting, right, Like, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to be react if I don't want to fire off

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Speaker 1: an email where I'm pressing down on my phone like

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Speaker 1: a lunatic that you see walking through the airport, you know,

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Speaker 1: somebody's like, like, I don't want to ever be reactive

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Speaker 1: in that way because that was my signature dish without

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Speaker 1: thinking things through. You know, people would say, oh, you

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Speaker 1: can write the email, but don't send it. It's like,

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Speaker 1: what I'm not doing that. This email is already out.

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Speaker 1: I already replied, and but when you do do that,

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Speaker 1: you realize you don't need to send that email cares

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Speaker 1: you know, It's just about for me, it's about changing

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Speaker 1: my reaction to things. And saying I'm sorry when I

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Speaker 1: don't necessarily feel like I did anything wrong. But I

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Speaker 1: know to be a bigger person now, and it's not

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Speaker 1: about right or wrong. It's just about compassion and understanding.

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Speaker 1: Some people are going through a more difficult time than

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Speaker 1: you are, and sometimes it's the opposite, and you want

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Speaker 1: that compassion to be held for you. But with with

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Speaker 1: what you're saying about being stuck, I think you only

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Speaker 1: get stuck when you have the same reactions to things

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Speaker 1: that you did before. Yeah, is it a hard balance

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Speaker 1: for you because as a you know, comedians like you you, Um,

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Speaker 1: it's like you're you're wanting to be funny or not

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Speaker 1: wanting to be funny. You are funny, You're just you're

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Speaker 1: just naturally funny. But where it's like you have to

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Speaker 1: there's like two sides of you and it becomes like

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Speaker 1: maybe not confusing, but I don't know the right word

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Speaker 1: to say it is, but um, like a challenge to

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Speaker 1: be to be like, oh, oh sorry, I was just

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Speaker 1: trying to be funny or that came off wrong, or

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Speaker 1: do you feel like you have to apologize for for

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Speaker 1: acting you were saying something? Well, I mean I think

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Speaker 1: you kind of marry like you you you have your

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Speaker 1: personality right, and then you get the tools to understand

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Speaker 1: how your personality affects certain people, right, and so you

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Speaker 1: basically want to marry those two things. So in the beginning,

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Speaker 1: when I went to therapy, it was all about not

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Speaker 1: over talking, not over inserting myself, not being so aggressive,

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Speaker 1: not being in your face. So I overcorrected, and I

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Speaker 1: go to dinner parties and I was basically mute. Like

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Speaker 1: I would just sit there and be like, don't talk,

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Speaker 1: don't talk. You don't have to be the life of

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Speaker 1: the party. You don't have to be the center of attention.

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Speaker 1: And then eventually people are like, Okay, this isn't fun either,

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Speaker 1: like what's your plan and are you gonna have? You

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Speaker 1: kind of have to take all the tools you you know,

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Speaker 1: you learn in therapy and then applied them to your

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Speaker 1: old personality so that you have this new and improved

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Speaker 1: personality and you don't lose your edge. I mean I

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Speaker 1: still have my edge, of course, but it's it's a

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Speaker 1: nicer way to go through life without having to be

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Speaker 1: like did I say something to offend somebody or you know,

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Speaker 1: I mean listen, To be quite honest, I wasn't thinking

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Speaker 1: that much about how much how offensive I have been

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Speaker 1: in the past, so it's nice to think about it

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Speaker 1: now when I'm not as offensive, right, No, that's get

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Speaker 1: that for sure. I can't. I sometimes have that issue

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Speaker 1: where I'm I'm so um sarcastic that I am like,

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Speaker 1: oh crap, I shouldn't have said that, or I don't know, yeah, sorry,

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Speaker 1: it's okay, it's fine. Best friend so she's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you have been kind of chy, but I don't mean

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Speaker 1: to be like I think I'm like trying to be funny.

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Speaker 1: And then I'm like, oh, just like yeah, um, you know.

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Speaker 1: My therapist at the other day she goes she basically

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Speaker 1: said like, I'm not your pastor I'm not your you know.

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Speaker 1: You're like God, She's like, I need you to usually

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Speaker 1: you have to confide in your friends with some of

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Speaker 1: that that you're telling me, because if not, you're going

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Speaker 1: to continue to repeat the patterns. And she's like, because

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Speaker 1: I I don't see you every single day, I don't

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Speaker 1: know what you're doing. I don't see I just see you,

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Speaker 1: you know, once a week or every other week. So

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Speaker 1: it's like, if you can't acknowledge some of the things

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Speaker 1: that like you're either doing wrong or that you want

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Speaker 1: to share, like you're not gonna grow because your friends

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Speaker 1: can't hold you accountable. I thought that was like pretty

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Speaker 1: interesting thought too. Yeah. Yeah, I mean you're basically moderating

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Speaker 1: your behavior, right, or modulating moderating You're you're basically mitigating

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Speaker 1: the damage. Right. You're thinking about how how to be

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Speaker 1: how to hold yourself accountable, right, because you don't want

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Speaker 1: to be relying on this therapist to hold you accountable

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Speaker 1: or your friends. You want to be accountable like now,

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Speaker 1: I know sometimes I'm like, oh, I want to like

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Speaker 1: things cly out of my mouth a lot, And now

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Speaker 1: I'm like, don't say that, Like it's not necessary. It

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Speaker 1: might be funny, but it's not necessary. You don't need

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Speaker 1: to prove that, like, you know, in this moment. And

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Speaker 1: that's been a really great, like kind of direction for

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Speaker 1: me because I just it's nice to be able to

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Speaker 1: edit yourself and to be like, you don't you don't

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Speaker 1: have to be make yourself be funny in this moment.

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Speaker 1: I don't have anything to prove, you know. It's always

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Speaker 1: kind of ego driven when we do that, and once

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Speaker 1: you can identify, oh, this is me acting in my

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Speaker 1: ego instead of acting in compassion love, blah blah blah.

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Speaker 1: Then you're like, Okay, I don't want to do that

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Speaker 1: all the time, you know. And when I'm on stage,

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Speaker 1: I go off because that's what people want, and I

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Speaker 1: have a lot to say, and that's a good place

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Speaker 1: for it, you know, ranting and raving about the state

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Speaker 1: of the world or the state of men and why

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Speaker 1: they can't understand what they did was wrong for the

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Speaker 1: last you know, well since the beginning of time. Um

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Speaker 1: and uh, you know you can that's a that's a

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Speaker 1: great um medium for that. But you know, in real life, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's always about breaking patterns. And you know what the

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Speaker 1: great news is, it takes so little time to rehabituate yourself.

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Speaker 1: Like it's so it takes like three or four days

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Speaker 1: of doing something every day before it becomes something you

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Speaker 1: want to do. And so that's what's the good news is,

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Speaker 1: like everyone is possible, has the possibility to change. I

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Speaker 1: know I did, and if I did, I mean I'm

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Speaker 1: a hardhead and I have very strong opinions. And you know,

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Speaker 1: all of my friends and all of my family have

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Speaker 1: seen the change in me. You know, I went on vacation.

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Speaker 1: This is a great example. I went on vacation with

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Speaker 1: my family like two summers ago in COVID. The first

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Speaker 1: COVID summer, we went to Martha's Vineyard because everyone had

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Speaker 1: been locked in their houses for like the last six

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Speaker 1: to eight months. I was like, let's go to Martha's

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Speaker 1: unior for two weeks instead of one. And that was

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Speaker 1: a mistake. My family on vacation for two weeks with

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Speaker 1: my eight nieces and nephews. I wanted to blow my

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Speaker 1: brains out by the end of the week. You know,

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Speaker 1: I've been working very hard in my life to remain

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Speaker 1: childless and alone for a very specific reason. So I

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Speaker 1: don't know what I was thinking, but it was it was.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't good. So I left that vacation and I

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Speaker 1: was like, you know what, I've had it like if

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Speaker 1: these And I wrote this email to everyone, to all

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Speaker 1: the kids, to all my brothers and sisters, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, here are the rules moving forward. This vacation

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Speaker 1: is not required or you know, you know, um a given.

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Speaker 1: It's a choice I make every year, and it's an

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Speaker 1: expensive one. So I need to make sure that everyone

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Speaker 1: says please thank you. We look people in the eye.

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Speaker 1: If there's somebody working at our house, you don't walk

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Speaker 1: past them without saying anything. Blah blah blah. All these

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Speaker 1: just like basic remedial reminders of how to be a

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Speaker 1: human being. But but the first draft of that letter

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Speaker 1: was like yeah, you know, you like don't and then

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Speaker 1: you know, and then it went to like it went

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Speaker 1: through three four drafts, and then it finally was like,

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Speaker 1: dear family, like I love I named every one of them,

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Speaker 1: and like, you cannot, I love you. It would be impossible.

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Speaker 1: But moving forward, we have to we have to, uh,

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Speaker 1: you know, behave a little bit better and a little

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Speaker 1: bit more gracious. And I went through, you know, a

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Speaker 1: list of things, but just just from therapy like that

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Speaker 1: letter would have been, and it was received so all.

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Speaker 1: By the time I sent the real thing, my whole

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Speaker 1: family was like, oh my god, we're so sorry. You know,

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Speaker 1: we won't we don't ever want you to feel that

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Speaker 1: way after a vacation and and blah blah blah. So

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Speaker 1: that was a perfect example of me being able to

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Speaker 1: kind of edit myself, you know, and say it with

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Speaker 1: love instead of saying with anger. And how good does

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Speaker 1: that feel? Too? Because like I I know that I've

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Speaker 1: I'm doing. I'm really trying hard to make sure that

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Speaker 1: I do things differently this go around with you know,

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Speaker 1: just everything in my life, and it's been nice to

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Speaker 1: I even I'd called Catherine um uh the other day

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Speaker 1: and I was like, I just did something right for

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Speaker 1: the first time that I've never done before, and I

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Speaker 1: just had to share it because I'm actually proud of myself,

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Speaker 1: like how I handled the situation that I normally would

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Speaker 1: not have handled like that in the past. Having said that, though,

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Speaker 1: I do feel now because that was a while ago,

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Speaker 1: I do feel like now I'm in a place where

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Speaker 1: I kind of want to get back out there and

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Speaker 1: date slowly. So what is your best advice to getting

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Speaker 1: back out there and dating in the world slowly? I mean,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I should be giving anybody dating advice.

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Speaker 1: I mean, my track record isn't that great. But like

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Speaker 1: you're happy though, that's the thing, right, Well, I'm happy

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Speaker 1: because yes I am, I am happy, but I have

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Speaker 1: a happy disposition and I don't have the other thing,

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Speaker 1: like I wake up and I'm pretty like rare and

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Speaker 1: to go, um, then that's also part of your personality.

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Speaker 1: And you know what I learned on One thing that

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Speaker 1: I learned in therapy was like, hey, you you're born

401
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Speaker 1: with a personality. There's nothing you can do about that,

402
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,479
Speaker 1: so you need to lean into it and embrace it,

403
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Speaker 1: right the best parts of it. You're not going to

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Speaker 1: change your personality. I still have the same thoughts I

405
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Speaker 1: used to have. I just don't act on them and

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Speaker 1: I don't respond to them, you know, I'm just like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm not necessary that kind of thing. So so it's

408
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Speaker 1: always about I think, embracing all of the great things

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Speaker 1: that you have and highlighting those, you know, Instead of

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Speaker 1: embracing all the qualities you have, you could just kind

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Speaker 1: of look at yourself and you know what works for

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Speaker 1: you and what brings people in and what spreads kind

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Speaker 1: of like joy and sunshine, and operate with you know,

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Speaker 1: with that more in your front feet then in your

415
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Speaker 1: back feet. I just wish I was more like E though,

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Speaker 1: because you say, you know, I mean, I'm obviously I

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Speaker 1: love my children. I would never take that back. But

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Speaker 1: when you say that, you've you know, you've your whole

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Speaker 1: thing was like, you want to be childless and alone,

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Speaker 1: but do you really, at the end of the day

421
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Speaker 1: want to be alone? Are you trying to find that

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Speaker 1: person to be with you? Yes, I would be with someone,

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Speaker 1: but you know there and I am with someone right now,

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Speaker 1: and there is like yeah, but they have to be

425
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,840
Speaker 1: in addition, they cannot subtract, you know, there can be

426
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,880
Speaker 1: no subtraction. You cannot be a distraction in a negative way,

427
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,840
Speaker 1: because I've been in those relationships to where you know,

428
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,840
Speaker 1: everything is about them and everything is about your relationship

429
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,400
Speaker 1: and you're so obsessed and you're so that's great and all,

430
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:39,879
Speaker 1: but not when it has like a kind of a

431
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:43,440
Speaker 1: negative when there's not trust or there's not respect, all

432
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:46,399
Speaker 1: of those things. And so now I'm with someone, yeah,

433
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,600
Speaker 1: and I and I'm you know, it's new, but it's

434
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:53,199
Speaker 1: a much. I mean, I'm so different that it's like

435
00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:55,880
Speaker 1: I'm in control of the situation instead of the situation

436
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,919
Speaker 1: being in control of me. How do I how do

437
00:20:57,960 --> 00:20:59,800
Speaker 1: you do that? Because that's what I need, because that's

438
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,520
Speaker 1: where I'm like, it's now I feel like I'm in this,

439
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:05,000
Speaker 1: you know that not I don't want to play games.

440
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,040
Speaker 1: I don't want to. I don't know how to. I

441
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 1: just don't know how to do it. I don't know

442
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,800
Speaker 1: how to date. I mean, it was married for seven years.

443
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:11,080
Speaker 1: You know, I don't remember, and I don't want to

444
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:13,000
Speaker 1: be the twenty year old dater that I was, Like

445
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,320
Speaker 1: that was right, but I mean, I don't know, are

446
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,440
Speaker 1: you opposed to I mean, who would how would you date?

447
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,439
Speaker 1: Would you go on like Riya or would you have

448
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:22,440
Speaker 1: friends set you up? Like what would be your first inclination?

449
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:26,680
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm I'm open to I'm open to all things.

450
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:31,399
Speaker 1: All my friends are married. And you know, you're not

451
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,919
Speaker 1: the first person who's been single and doesn't remember how

452
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 1: to date. Like this is everyone's story, right, So you

453
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,479
Speaker 1: all you have to do is just start the action

454
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:41,359
Speaker 1: of doing it, Like it's one step, one little baby

455
00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:43,199
Speaker 1: step takes you to the water. You know, you just

456
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 1: have to make the move to do it, Like go on, Ryan,

457
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,200
Speaker 1: I go on a date, even if it's just for practice,

458
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,240
Speaker 1: like practice dating so that you get better at it,

459
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,160
Speaker 1: and then it becomes not a big deal and it's

460
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,040
Speaker 1: not like this mountain of like, oh my god, I

461
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 1: don't know, I've never been on a date before. It's

462
00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:00,320
Speaker 1: not that serious. It's just dating, you know, and when

463
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:02,520
Speaker 1: you fall in love, yeah that can be serious, but

464
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,760
Speaker 1: that's also you know, you just again. I mean, it's

465
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,920
Speaker 1: like my view about cannabis, like I'm in control. Cannabis

466
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,960
Speaker 1: isn't in control of me. I'm in control of cannabis.

467
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,200
Speaker 1: Although I do have a good story. Yesterday my friend

468
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 1: was over and went into my refrigerator to take some

469
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:21,000
Speaker 1: lemonade and uh, and she came out and she was

470
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,879
Speaker 1: like that lemonade is so delicious, and I was like,

471
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 1: I don't have lemonade in my house. And it was

472
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:30,719
Speaker 1: cannabis lemonade. And she drank half the bottle and and

473
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,120
Speaker 1: she had taken a suit offen because she had allergies.

474
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,320
Speaker 1: And so then we went to lunch and she just

475
00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:38,280
Speaker 1: literally was her tears were streaming down her face, and

476
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:40,240
Speaker 1: I was like, what is wrong with you? I what

477
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,679
Speaker 1: I forgot about the cannabis, of course, And first of all,

478
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:44,280
Speaker 1: no one should go on my refrigerator and think that

479
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 1: they're going to find something that's not spiked that's on her.

480
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:50,760
Speaker 1: We went to lunch and she's just she's like, I

481
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,240
Speaker 1: don't know, the suit of fed is acting so weird.

482
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,400
Speaker 1: I don't She's like, I'm getting so loopy. And then

483
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,280
Speaker 1: I saw her grab a French fry from the basket

484
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,399
Speaker 1: of fries. When was a whole plate of French fries

485
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,640
Speaker 1: on her plate, Like her plate was filled with them.

486
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,479
Speaker 1: And I was like, wait a second, I know that

487
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 1: you were high. Wait how do I get more food

488
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,000
Speaker 1: that's already in my mouth? How do I get more

489
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,760
Speaker 1: of it? Um? Yeah, So she had a rough day

490
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,400
Speaker 1: yesterday and I was very happy to be her support system. Um,

491
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,879
Speaker 1: that's just a little side story. I love that, you know.

492
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 1: Maybe that's what I need to do. I need to

493
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,560
Speaker 1: start smoking weed to just chill the Yeah, you need

494
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,080
Speaker 1: to chill out a little bit. You need to get

495
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:30,280
Speaker 1: some or take some microjose And you don't have to

496
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,080
Speaker 1: get we doesn't have to make you blottoed like that.

497
00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:35,920
Speaker 1: You can just take like a blueberry that's five milligrams

498
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaker 1: or two and a half milligram mint. You know they

499
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,800
Speaker 1: have those mints. What are they called? Um? How about

500
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,119
Speaker 1: this the next the next time that um I come,

501
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:45,840
Speaker 1: because we we went and saw you and zany As.

502
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:47,679
Speaker 1: Was it last year? Yeah? I think it was. It

503
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:50,679
Speaker 1: was after it was after COVID or no, wasn't before

504
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 1: after COVID was before? Okay? Yeah, we me and my

505
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 1: girls we went to to go see you and um,

506
00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 1: it was an amazing show. But next time you come

507
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:03,200
Speaker 1: back to anis or wherever tea back, um, I will

508
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,560
Speaker 1: I will hit you up and be like, okay, like

509
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:07,920
Speaker 1: you have to be the first person to like help

510
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:13,800
Speaker 1: me with that. That's trying, not that I do. I'll

511
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 1: take care of you. I'm very good like that. I'm

512
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 1: good with people in there and and first time cannabis users. Okay, great,

513
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,399
Speaker 1: because I'm gonna be like, am I gonna because I'm

514
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 1: such a I'm not a control freak. Maybe I am.

515
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I just don't like to be

516
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:29,640
Speaker 1: out of control. So right right, that's called a control freak. Yeah,

517
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 1: it's fine, fabulous. Okay, So you are on tour right now?

518
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 1: Are you an horny? That's my tour name, vaccinated and

519
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:40,400
Speaker 1: horny stop? But I love it. Are you freaked out

520
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,199
Speaker 1: at all about going back out because I know some

521
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 1: people are canceling shows and stuff, which, yeah, I mean

522
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:48,840
Speaker 1: vaccinations are required at my shows, so you know that's

523
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:53,280
Speaker 1: basically the deal. And they're all with Live Nation, well

524
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:55,080
Speaker 1: not all of them, but you know Live Nation and

525
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,840
Speaker 1: made it a requirement for any ticket holders to be vaccinated.

526
00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:00,200
Speaker 1: So no, I'm gonna go forward with a tour. Like said,

527
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,159
Speaker 1: I feel really strongly that this is just such an

528
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:05,200
Speaker 1: important time to be showing up for people and giving

529
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:06,840
Speaker 1: them something to laugh about. And I know it is

530
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,960
Speaker 1: a scary time with COVID, so I'm we're just taking

531
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,680
Speaker 1: it one day at a time and if things get

532
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:14,719
Speaker 1: really really bad, I mean, luckily, my audience is mostly vaccinated,

533
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,400
Speaker 1: you know. I most of the people coming to see

534
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 1: me are are doing that. So but we will definitely,

535
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 1: you know, take it day by day. But it's just fun.

536
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 1: I opened the stand up Barbara Bull this weekend for

537
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,640
Speaker 1: the first time in two years. It was their first show.

538
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 1: It was so beautiful. They had this big blue moon

539
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:32,480
Speaker 1: you know, out and then when the sun went down,

540
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 1: it's this huge amphitheater. It was just the vibes were

541
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 1: just so good that I was like, oh my god,

542
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,199
Speaker 1: I just cannot wait, you know, to do this, and

543
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,920
Speaker 1: I'm going to like, I'm going all over Ohio, Florida.

544
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:50,679
Speaker 1: We'll see, Yeah, they're gonna love you in Florida. I

545
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:52,919
Speaker 1: know you have to find your little liberal pockets and

546
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,320
Speaker 1: progressive pockets, but I think like anything goes that's what's

547
00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:57,920
Speaker 1: so great about I feel like being a comedian and

548
00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 1: I don't know, because I'm not funny at all, but

549
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:01,360
Speaker 1: like when it comes to like you guys can say

550
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,439
Speaker 1: what every like, you don't have to be politically correct.

551
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 1: Like That's why I think it's fun to go to

552
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,639
Speaker 1: those shows too, because it's just it's so nice to

553
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 1: laugh and then even around things that you can just

554
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:13,400
Speaker 1: say whatever you want, like how freeing is that? Well,

555
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 1: you can't say whatever you want because you know you

556
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:19,439
Speaker 1: can't do that anymore. And I like those parameters. You know,

557
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 1: we're not making fun of people anymore just for the

558
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:24,440
Speaker 1: sake of a cheap joke. You're it's forcing comedians to

559
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 1: be a little bit more clever and a little bit

560
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 1: sharper about their material. And I welcome that challenge, like

561
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 1: I always want to be challenged. First of all, I'm

562
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:35,080
Speaker 1: a complete hot mess, chaotic, So if you have give

563
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,400
Speaker 1: me boundaries, that's great because then I can go into

564
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,440
Speaker 1: that little plate then and just blow it up, you know.

565
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,879
Speaker 1: So I like, I like any sort of like um,

566
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,439
Speaker 1: like um, how how would I say it? Like you know,

567
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 1: when in school, like when you when they give you

568
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,399
Speaker 1: like okay, these are the rules, It's like okay, okay, okay.

569
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:54,479
Speaker 1: If I have the rules within the rules, anything goes.

570
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:57,400
Speaker 1: So that's kind of how I operate at my at

571
00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 1: my best, probably I need a little bit of like, um,

572
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:05,239
Speaker 1: you know, responsibility enforced upon me. And then where can

573
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,679
Speaker 1: people get the tickets at? Actually you can get him

574
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,359
Speaker 1: at Chelsea Handler dot com. You can get him at

575
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 1: live nation dot com. Yeah, and then your podcast, which is, um,

576
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:17,040
Speaker 1: like what can people expecting to listen to your podcasts

577
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:19,880
Speaker 1: and therapy sessions? Like you said what, well, basically yeah,

578
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 1: it's just basically like what you and I just talked about,

579
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,639
Speaker 1: people call in for well, I it was an advice

580
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 1: podcast because I just love Dear Abbey when I was

581
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:29,040
Speaker 1: growing up and reading that, and I was like, you

582
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 1: know what, they wanted me to do a podcast, and

583
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:32,199
Speaker 1: I was like, I just have to think of the

584
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,280
Speaker 1: right thing. And then I thought, you know, I'm like

585
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 1: that in life. I'm always the advice giver or like

586
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 1: the crisis manager. I I thrive in a crisis. I'm

587
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,200
Speaker 1: able to go in and like, you know, handle it

588
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:45,400
Speaker 1: and help my friends stand up and be a little

589
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:48,240
Speaker 1: bit braver and a little bit stronger. So we've had

590
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:52,080
Speaker 1: some really meaningful calls or callers call in. One guy

591
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:54,639
Speaker 1: called in he was getting high way too much and

592
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:56,879
Speaker 1: felt like he he had lost his tolerance. And I

593
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 1: was like, why don't you take thirty days off and

594
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: I'll do it with you, And we both had like

595
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:03,439
Speaker 1: a thirty day cleanse of like no pot smoking. And

596
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:05,160
Speaker 1: at the end of the thirty days he called back

597
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 1: in and he had come out to his family as

598
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:09,920
Speaker 1: trans I mean clearly he was just smoking pot to

599
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 1: just you know, not feel not feel, not feel. He

600
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,439
Speaker 1: had come up to his family, he came up to

601
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:17,840
Speaker 1: his friends. I mean, his whole life transformed in thirty days.

602
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:21,240
Speaker 1: And it was like wow, I mean, so those things,

603
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 1: you know, when people kind of come back and check

604
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:25,640
Speaker 1: in with us and let us know like the progress

605
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,000
Speaker 1: they've made or if they've acted on the advice we've given.

606
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:32,000
Speaker 1: And but it's all basically about self esteem, and you know,

607
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:35,119
Speaker 1: comparing yourself to others. You know, everyone gets lost in

608
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,439
Speaker 1: this game that we're all in where you look around

609
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:39,160
Speaker 1: and you think you're not good enough or pretty enough,

610
00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 1: or smart enough, for funny enough, because somebody else is

611
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 1: doing something a little bit better or different than you are,

612
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:47,440
Speaker 1: and you know that's that's ego too. We all have

613
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 1: to just like that's not healthy, you know. I don't

614
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 1: want to sit and scroll down TikTok or Instagram for

615
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:54,479
Speaker 1: an hour a day. I don't want to be like that.

616
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 1: I want to be present. I want to be Chelsea

617
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 1: Handler right now, right, I just all, I just I've

618
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 1: appreciate everything you've said, and um, I I love you

619
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 1: and I want everyone not to go out intee your

620
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 1: show and I'll obviously promote all of it at the

621
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 1: end too, but just thank you for coming on and

622
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 1: sharing your wisdom and your weed and everything else. So anytime, anytime.

623
00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:17,160
Speaker 1: You're so sweet, And if you know anyone, you know,

624
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 1: I'm just hook a girl up. Okay, and you're in Nashville.

625
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:24,880
Speaker 1: Is that where you are? Yeah, but I'm willing to travel. Okay,

626
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 1: there are some hotties in Nashville, so you shouldn't have

627
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:30,480
Speaker 1: to travel too far. I'll put the word out with

628
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 1: my feelers. Okay. Thanks Chelsee, you're the best dating dating

629
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 1: girl ever. Um, You're the best. Thank you so much, Chelseie,

630
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:53,440
Speaker 1: Thank you. Girls. Have a great day. Girl By she's

631
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:55,560
Speaker 1: so funny, you know, it was the funniest is like

632
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:57,960
Speaker 1: one of the things is the emails. I that is

633
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:03,880
Speaker 1: so me. That is like me to a t because

634
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 1: you have family. But it's like I feel like I

635
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 1: have slight like a little better in the emails where

636
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,280
Speaker 1: I don't because my thing is and I think you

637
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:16,400
Speaker 1: can definitely attest to this, but I'm like, that's absolutely

638
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 1: not happening. And then I'm like, and then I'll send

639
00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:19,720
Speaker 1: another one, and then another one and then another one

640
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:21,800
Speaker 1: and then so it's like five emails. It's like, why

641
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 1: can't I just take a second collect my thoughts and

642
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 1: then put it all on one email. It starts with

643
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:29,440
Speaker 1: I do that too sometimes, but it starts with absolutely not.

644
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 1: It ends with I'll do it right now. Just wait?

645
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:38,200
Speaker 1: Do you literally just waked? Because Katherine's always like I

646
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:40,680
Speaker 1: need you to redo. I'm like and then it's like

647
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 1: and now I'm just yeah, that is true, I am

648
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 1: doing that. And then you're great, I'm proud of you. Thanks,

649
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 1: But I'm trying so something. This is gonna be so stupid,

650
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 1: not stupid, but um, I was in church yesterday and

651
00:30:57,320 --> 00:30:59,720
Speaker 1: I really wanted to stay because they were doing did

652
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:05,959
Speaker 1: you go No? They were doing um this and this

653
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:07,760
Speaker 1: is this, this is like such a squirrel moment and

654
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 1: I apologize and I don't know, maybe maybe someone needs

655
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,479
Speaker 1: to hear it. I'm not really sure the Lord of speaking,

656
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 1: so I'm here for it. No, but um so I

657
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,160
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think getting back into the because

658
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:22,800
Speaker 1: here's the deal and Mark, you'll love this because this

659
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,600
Speaker 1: is and we'll not juicy. But like, I think I'm

660
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:29,400
Speaker 1: at the place now where I'm actually ready to put

661
00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:31,080
Speaker 1: my feet back out there. And it's not because I

662
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 1: saw a picture of Mike moving on. It's not because

663
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 1: of this. It's like I just I know that I

664
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 1: still have a lot of work to do, but I

665
00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 1: also am like I'm I'm I'm I'm open to it,

666
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:41,440
Speaker 1: knowing I still have a lot of healing to do,

667
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 1: but I'm open to dating and like finding out who

668
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 1: my person is and who like and not like knowing

669
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 1: that I don't have to be with someone. Um that

670
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 1: I'm okay alone, Like I've gotten to that place, like

671
00:31:56,400 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 1: I am okay alone, but that yeah, like I we

672
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 1: all know, I like companionship and I'd love to find

673
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 1: someone that can I can have companionship with, but they

674
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 1: I need them to check all the boxes at the

675
00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:11,040
Speaker 1: end of the day, like there's I'm not going to

676
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:14,600
Speaker 1: continue on something, which is you know what, I just

677
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:16,920
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do that. Okay, I get you said.

678
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:18,600
Speaker 1: They have to add they have to be added value

679
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:21,000
Speaker 1: to your life, right and if not, like, there's no

680
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 1: point in me keeping someone around if I don't feel

681
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:27,000
Speaker 1: like they're going to be the end alb all, because

682
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,880
Speaker 1: then I'm just it's it's just not fair to them.

683
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:31,760
Speaker 1: It's not fair to my healing process. It's not And

684
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:33,440
Speaker 1: then that's just repeating a pattern that I would have

685
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 1: done in the past. What's the time frame? Where are

686
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 1: we right now? How long has it been that you've

687
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 1: been on your own, um, like a month or so?

688
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 1: Like I mean like since Mike, yeah, oh since April

689
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:52,120
Speaker 1: so um April made so four months? Are you signing

690
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 1: off on this being ready to find someone? I'm not

691
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:59,160
Speaker 1: saying like and I think seriously like I wanted to

692
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 1: late slowly, I wanted to date, but she's not. She's

693
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 1: never been a great data. That's what I'm saying. Like,

694
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm gonna go I Well, here's the thing too,

695
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:14,480
Speaker 1: when are we going with this? We started with church,

696
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 1: never get to church. I'm just saying like I I'm

697
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 1: not going to just continue to hang with someone if

698
00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 1: not like again, like I'm okay to like snip things

699
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,600
Speaker 1: off like I have, Like if I don't see it going,

700
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 1: I'm not going to write back or I'm not gonna

701
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:29,200
Speaker 1: I'm just it's I don't have time. I've got kids,

702
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:32,239
Speaker 1: Like I'm more worried about the other way. I'm more

703
00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:34,680
Speaker 1: worried about you all of a sudden, being head over

704
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 1: heels's the greatest. I can't do that, which I guess

705
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 1: I have done that in the past. Yes before, Yes,

706
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 1: my marriage before, Yes, I have done that. Why I've

707
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 1: been very clear about that. But now it's like I've

708
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:53,240
Speaker 1: got kids, I've got responsibilities, and I need to be

709
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:55,880
Speaker 1: careful with that. And also someone said this to me.

710
00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:59,120
Speaker 1: They're like, you need to stop putting yourself on trial,

711
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 1: like they need to be on trial. Yeah that's good. Yeah,

712
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:08,239
Speaker 1: And I thought that was like so interesting because I

713
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 1: was telling her about a situation or somebody or whatever,

714
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 1: and she was just like, you are the prize, Like

715
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 1: you have to stop putting this person like you need

716
00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 1: to opening yourself on trial, like you need to look

717
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:21,880
Speaker 1: at what did you do wrong? What like what I

718
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:25,000
Speaker 1: did wrong? Like am I good enough? Am I pretty enough?

719
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,719
Speaker 1: Am I successful enough? Like it's like, you know, no, no,

720
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 1: are they going to fit into her life? Are they

721
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,359
Speaker 1: good enough for you? Like? And I've never looked at

722
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 1: it that way, and it kind of and and so

723
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:39,319
Speaker 1: that leads into them. My church thing was because I

724
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:44,400
Speaker 1: just started to feel, you know, especially seeing the stuff

725
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:48,240
Speaker 1: with it's not easy to see the acts with somebody

726
00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 1: or whatever, and so I started to be like, man,

727
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:53,400
Speaker 1: like I'm not pretty enough or I'm not good enough again,

728
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:58,600
Speaker 1: and so um, I went into church and I'm so

729
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:00,799
Speaker 1: glad that I went, but it was, um, they did

730
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:04,400
Speaker 1: do this thing at the very end of like for

731
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 1: the first time. They're like, we don't usually do this,

732
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:08,719
Speaker 1: but like if if you can stay, um, it'd be

733
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:11,799
Speaker 1: really nice. Um, We're gonna pray and God's gonna say

734
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:14,840
Speaker 1: something to you, whatever you need to hear. And I

735
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 1: was like, I really want to sit here and listen

736
00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:17,880
Speaker 1: to this, but I can't because I gotta bring the

737
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:20,359
Speaker 1: kids back home. So I'm like, so he's like, if

738
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:21,879
Speaker 1: you have to get up and leave, get up and leave.

739
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 1: And like every part of me like wanted to stay

740
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:25,440
Speaker 1: because I'm like what is my message? God? Like what

741
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:27,000
Speaker 1: are you trying to tell me right now? Like what,

742
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 1: like what what is it? And because I'm just like

743
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:33,920
Speaker 1: wanting that, like that answer or like what he's like

744
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:35,880
Speaker 1: wanting for me. So then I was just like I

745
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 1: can't do it. And then I think I didn't even

746
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 1: want to hear it. So then I was like, okay,

747
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,279
Speaker 1: I gotta get the kids because we went to the

748
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 1: later service that day. So then I come out with

749
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:47,160
Speaker 1: the kids and this random girl just stops me and

750
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:49,480
Speaker 1: she's like I just have to tell you that you

751
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 1: are so beautiful and that you are just so worthy

752
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 1: of love, and I was just like I literally started bawling.

753
00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:59,880
Speaker 1: I was like how did this? I was like holy wow.

754
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 1: It was like the coolest like experience ever. Like I

755
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 1: just like started like she's probably like what why is

756
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,160
Speaker 1: she going? But I was just like it's what I

757
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,759
Speaker 1: needed to hear. And then I walked away from and

758
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 1: being like, you know what I am like and I

759
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:15,600
Speaker 1: don't need to like saddle, I don't need to like

760
00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:17,719
Speaker 1: I'm good either way. And I think that was kind

761
00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:19,440
Speaker 1: of like my turning point where I was like, okay,

762
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:23,280
Speaker 1: like you know, I am like someone will be lucky

763
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:26,719
Speaker 1: one day to be with me a man. I think

764
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:28,719
Speaker 1: we can all agree on that, for sure, I know,

765
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 1: but I'm still like I have little asters like and

766
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:32,040
Speaker 1: I say that, and I'm like, well, you know, but

767
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:33,440
Speaker 1: maybe like I know, and then I let it, like

768
00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 1: the voices creep in again. Stop there. But this woman

769
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 1: is a fan. She's a fan of your work or what.

770
00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:41,680
Speaker 1: How does she know you? She doesn't. She just saw

771
00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:43,480
Speaker 1: me walking out with the kids and she was in

772
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:46,120
Speaker 1: one of those um like one of the helper ladies

773
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 1: or whatever, and then she just randomly stopped me and

774
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:51,239
Speaker 1: said that I've never seen her before. I don't like,

775
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 1: I just know that she she had like a little

776
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:54,279
Speaker 1: tag on, but like she didn't need to stop me.

777
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:57,440
Speaker 1: I think God knew you needed to hear, but you

778
00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:04,200
Speaker 1: weren't going to stay And that's something he put her message. Yeah,

779
00:37:04,239 --> 00:37:05,880
Speaker 1: but anyways, I thought I wanted to share that. So

780
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:08,959
Speaker 1: that's cool. Listen to listen to the messages that people

781
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:12,680
Speaker 1: send you because it might be a higher power message.

782
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 1: Did you want to get back to the habitually late

783
00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:19,880
Speaker 1: topic that we were talking about earlier. I actually would

784
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:24,920
Speaker 1: love to because I I honestly that would be a

785
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 1: deal breaker for me. I couldn't be with someone that

786
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:28,719
Speaker 1: would would be always late because I could see me

787
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:31,000
Speaker 1: just like fighting with the person that would drive me crazy.

788
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,320
Speaker 1: Like that's going to be one of the boxes. If

789
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:35,840
Speaker 1: you can't do it, I'm on checking the box. Yeah,

790
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:40,839
Speaker 1: I'm here for that one. To these people, I think

791
00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:43,040
Speaker 1: you're stretching. I think that there can be very good

792
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:45,000
Speaker 1: if a guy checks every other box, but he runs

793
00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:47,440
Speaker 1: a little bit late. I think like five minutes or

794
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 1: like an hour. There's a big difference. I would say

795
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:54,879
Speaker 1: five to ten minutes regularly. And it's for that same

796
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:56,719
Speaker 1: reason he starts probably getting out of the house. Oh

797
00:37:56,719 --> 00:37:59,000
Speaker 1: my gosh. She gets halfway there and he realized I

798
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:02,040
Speaker 1: had trouble getting out of the house for like serious,

799
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 1: I didn't. I'm sorry, but like what, well, that's a

800
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:13,200
Speaker 1: very good point, patience. Meanwhile, you've gotten all the kids

801
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:16,080
Speaker 1: stuff situated, and you're like, yeah, you probably kicked out

802
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 1: his clothes, right, like no reason, I don't know, but yeah,

803
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:26,480
Speaker 1: I think it's a respect thing. So and I apologize

804
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 1: for being disrespectful this morning and rushing, but I have

805
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 1: overbooked myself on this day. We were we were always

806
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:35,400
Speaker 1: thrilled to get you whenever we can get you. And

807
00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 1: it wasn't a terrible thing. And also it's not like

808
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:39,560
Speaker 1: we're sitting in a studio waiting for you. We're houses anyway,

809
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 1: so it's no big deal. I mean, but still I

810
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:43,960
Speaker 1: don't like it. It's an anxiety and I'm like kind

811
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:49,680
Speaker 1: of like, how kind of feels okay? Fine? But it's okay.

812
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 1: It's better than the old days when we heard their

813
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 1: running a leg and we're like, oh, they're fighting me

814
00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:02,320
Speaker 1: a tough one today, poor mom. Those were brutal and

815
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:08,120
Speaker 1: for everybody involved. God, I'm so much happier, and so

816
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:14,520
Speaker 1: just keep any emails. We do have one actually, yes,

817
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:17,640
Speaker 1: is from Oakley, which by the way is a fantastic

818
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:20,320
Speaker 1: because it could be a girl or a guy. I

819
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:26,359
Speaker 1: don't think i've ever heard that name before anyway, great name,

820
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 1: Oakley says. My husband and I were going through a

821
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:31,880
Speaker 1: rough patch for about a year. We went on a

822
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 1: friend trip with about eight of us to Florida, and

823
00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:36,400
Speaker 1: when we got back, I found out he had kissed

824
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:40,480
Speaker 1: my very good also married friend, a drunken kiss that

825
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 1: they both snapped out of, and we're like, this cannot happen.

826
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:46,160
Speaker 1: Given the loveless state we were in, I chose to

827
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:48,560
Speaker 1: forgive him because my friend was also at the lowest

828
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 1: of the lows in her marriage, suffering from almost the

829
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:54,280
Speaker 1: same thing. About a week after I found out, working

830
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:58,720
Speaker 1: through issues, arguing, anger, etcetera, my husband invited that friend

831
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,520
Speaker 1: to a bar to t talk about everything and basically

832
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:03,640
Speaker 1: vent to her that he's losing his marriage and what

833
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,840
Speaker 1: should he do. They talked and my friend ended up

834
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:09,600
Speaker 1: telling me that the next thing she told me that

835
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:12,160
Speaker 1: she kissed him again as they were leaving the bar.

836
00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:16,000
Speaker 1: This was early June and I'm still working through everything

837
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,200
Speaker 1: with my husband and my friend. Do you have any

838
00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:26,120
Speaker 1: advice on this? I feel, Oh, there's so many boundaries broken,

839
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:29,799
Speaker 1: like there's no reason. Well, okay, the first part is

840
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:31,920
Speaker 1: just wrong, but the second part again going to a

841
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:34,880
Speaker 1: bar afterwards, Like there's that so many boundaries broken, Like

842
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:37,440
Speaker 1: there's no reason that they needed to go back to

843
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:40,480
Speaker 1: a bar to have a conversation. You are inviting trouble,

844
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:44,560
Speaker 1: You were inviting something bad to happen, and that's so

845
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 1: disrespectful on both of their sides. I would be pissed

846
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:51,640
Speaker 1: at my friend. I'd have a hard time being friends

847
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,640
Speaker 1: with her because I like, no, I I there's no way,

848
00:40:55,239 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 1: there's no way I couldn't do it. No, No, she's

849
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:02,240
Speaker 1: not your friend, right, I mean, how is that a friend?

850
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 1: You wouldn't I mean, not one of my friends would

851
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:10,239
Speaker 1: do that, not one, No, never, that's never. Okay, let's

852
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:14,200
Speaker 1: start with the drunken kiss. Now. I feel like, Okay,

853
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:16,399
Speaker 1: they were in a really bad place. The other couple

854
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 1: is in a really bad place. I also wonder how much,

855
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 1: because I am a non drinker, I wonder how much

856
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:26,600
Speaker 1: infidelity is preceded by alcohol consumption, because I think it's

857
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:29,320
Speaker 1: a pretty darn high percentage of my husband was stunkelds

858
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 1: over and all of them. Okay, well that's that's and

859
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 1: that's you. But like some people say to me, I

860
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:37,400
Speaker 1: would never did a guy who's a non drinker. And

861
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 1: I feel like I have to stand up for the

862
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:40,440
Speaker 1: non drinkers because I am one, and I always say, like,

863
00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:42,600
Speaker 1: you never have to worry about him getting drunk and

864
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 1: doing something stupid like this husband did. But I agree

865
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:49,160
Speaker 1: that going back to the bar with her as you're

866
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:52,239
Speaker 1: still healing from the first betrayal, I think that was

867
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:56,120
Speaker 1: a major misstep. And that was a sober decision. Yeah,

868
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:58,280
Speaker 1: that's making the decision to go to the bar alone.

869
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:01,320
Speaker 1: Bad bad, bad, bad bad bad. And also, at the

870
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:03,080
Speaker 1: end of the day, a guy is going to cheat.

871
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:05,400
Speaker 1: And this is what I've learned. Whether they are drunk,

872
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:10,480
Speaker 1: whether they are or stone colds over, they will cheat regardless.

873
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 1: So I mean they will, like, if they're going to cheat,

874
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:15,879
Speaker 1: it's going to be it doesn't matter how much they've

875
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 1: had to drink. I think that's the biggest excuse. And

876
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:20,920
Speaker 1: just like you know have saying well, I've got an addiction,

877
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:22,960
Speaker 1: like no, like that. At the end of the day,

878
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 1: it is a choice. You are making a choice to

879
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 1: do something that is inappropriate and wrong. And also they

880
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 1: make a choice to they make the choice far before

881
00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:34,720
Speaker 1: they actually do it. I feel like so much cheating

882
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:38,239
Speaker 1: has to be set up, and him going to that

883
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 1: bar was making the decision to cheat. Like, I think

884
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:43,400
Speaker 1: that was absolutely his making the decision that this that

885
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:45,800
Speaker 1: who knows, maybe okay, so again, I don't know, Maybe

886
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:49,560
Speaker 1: that's everything. It's inviting a woman back to your hotel room.

887
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,080
Speaker 1: Oh it just happened, going to the hotel bar with

888
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,280
Speaker 1: somebody on a business trip. Oh it just happened, doesn't

889
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:57,000
Speaker 1: just happen. It is set up in advance, yea. And

890
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 1: those are boundaries you do not go back to their

891
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:01,959
Speaker 1: like no, like I'm sorry. It's like there's no reason

892
00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:04,239
Speaker 1: that should have happened. And I could never be friends

893
00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:06,879
Speaker 1: with that friend again. She chose to go to the bar.

894
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:11,879
Speaker 1: I think I can't get about that, like like no, no, no, no,

895
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:14,040
Speaker 1: no no, and she kissed her like no, I'm sorry,

896
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:17,080
Speaker 1: like no, And I would not trust that he wouldn't

897
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:19,880
Speaker 1: do that again with somebody else. So and I was

898
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:21,760
Speaker 1: telling a friend this too, and this is like probably

899
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:23,800
Speaker 1: bad advice because as someone always asked, like do you

900
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 1: believe in the good fight? And you know obviously the book,

901
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:28,240
Speaker 1: I'm like, of course I do what I wrote, yes,

902
00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:32,640
Speaker 1: having said that, when someone has that trade, that's a

903
00:43:32,719 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 1: very hard thing to gain any trust back whatsoever, or

904
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 1: to always wonder and then if if they for them

905
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:42,960
Speaker 1: to do it again, because if they can do that,

906
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:45,279
Speaker 1: like it's in their nature to do that again, right,

907
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 1: kind of like the ones a cheater always a cheater thing.

908
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:51,720
Speaker 1: And now I will say, you know, I'm like defending

909
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:53,839
Speaker 1: myself in the past, but like you know, I think

910
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 1: again I do think people can change? Having said that,

911
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:59,800
Speaker 1: when you were in a marriage and a committed marriage,

912
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:03,239
Speaker 1: and that is the choice that you're making, Clearly something's up,

913
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:06,279
Speaker 1: and I just think it will happen again. So you

914
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 1: have to ask yourself, do I want to be here

915
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:10,799
Speaker 1: in five years because I always think back, I'm like, man,

916
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:13,200
Speaker 1: I should have left my ex a long time ago.

917
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:17,080
Speaker 1: Having said that, you know, we have you know now,

918
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:20,600
Speaker 1: a second beautiful child. But so it's like, yeah, sure,

919
00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:22,799
Speaker 1: give it, give it a try, but just know in

920
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:25,840
Speaker 1: five ten years, this most likely could happen again. And

921
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:27,960
Speaker 1: then you're gonna ask yourself, Damn, I wish I just

922
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:31,919
Speaker 1: wasted ten years in my life. So the friendship should

923
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 1: be over right, right. Neither of you should have any

924
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:39,560
Speaker 1: more contact with this friend. In my opinion, he should

925
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:41,760
Speaker 1: not text her, talk to her, look at her, nothing

926
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:43,239
Speaker 1: like that's only going to be a trigger for her.

927
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:47,040
Speaker 1: How could they even possibly, you know, reconcile if they're

928
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:50,239
Speaker 1: together all the times, right, right, And so two separate things.

929
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 1: That's the one. And then with the husband, if you

930
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 1: want to try to work it out for whatever reason,

931
00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:58,399
Speaker 1: time spends already, the kids, whatever it is, work it out.

932
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:00,840
Speaker 1: But jann is warning you you're gonna have these feelings

933
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:03,480
Speaker 1: again in the future. And I will let me asktrict

934
00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:05,800
Speaker 1: what I what I just said. I do believe people

935
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,960
Speaker 1: can change. I do believe people can make mistakes. That person, though,

936
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:12,680
Speaker 1: has to show up like they're King Superman and and

937
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:14,719
Speaker 1: you know, so does the other person to like try

938
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:17,760
Speaker 1: to trust. But you watch, you sit back, and you watch.

939
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:20,320
Speaker 1: If their patterns are not changing their behaviors or not changing,

940
00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:23,719
Speaker 1: run for the freaking hills. I do know a few

941
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:26,319
Speaker 1: people that have been able to change. You know, their

942
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:29,000
Speaker 1: marriages from infidelity, and you know that that man or

943
00:45:29,040 --> 00:45:31,360
Speaker 1: that woman was committed to changing and doing the work.

944
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 1: But very few get that opportunity. And now I'm now

945
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:40,319
Speaker 1: I see that. But again, if if if I would

946
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:42,840
Speaker 1: have sat back and watched, I would have seen repeated patterns.

947
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:44,960
Speaker 1: And it's like, those are your signs to leave that.

948
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:50,440
Speaker 1: I'm sorry's are nothing without actions. It's all I have

949
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:54,040
Speaker 1: to say about that. I'm sorry. I'm really passionate. No,

950
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:59,080
Speaker 1: I'm so happy to hear these things. It's true. I'm

951
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:04,400
Speaker 1: fired up. Okay, I have nothing else to say. I

952
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:09,120
Speaker 1: see the signs leeve just saying okay, Catherine, Okay, sorry,

953
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:12,640
Speaker 1: I can just let it go. Bye bye,