WEBVTT - Growth, Grace & Starting Again.

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<v Speaker 1>Calling all my Sweetish to the forefront.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm your host, Chris Rhne Hazel, and this is the

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<v Speaker 2>Keep It Positive Sweetish Show. Welcome to Keep It Positive, sweetye,

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<v Speaker 2>the place where we he'll grow and learn together through

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<v Speaker 2>honest conversations. I am so excited because today we are

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<v Speaker 2>kicking off season twelve, and this season we are centering

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<v Speaker 2>everything around one word purpose, not just finding it, but

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<v Speaker 2>trusting it. And I couldn't think of a better person

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<v Speaker 2>to help us start that conversation.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm so glad to be sitting with Karrie Hilson.

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<v Speaker 2>Today's guest is a Grammy nominated singer, songwriter, actress, and

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<v Speaker 2>creative whose artistry has left an undeniable mark on music.

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<v Speaker 1>From unforgettable hits.

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<v Speaker 2>Like and Knock You Down, Pretty Girl Rock and turning

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<v Speaker 2>me on to writing songs for some of the biggest

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<v Speaker 2>artists in the industry, She's built a career defined by talent, versatility,

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<v Speaker 2>and authenticity, and now she's ushering in a new era

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<v Speaker 2>with We Need to Talk, her first studio album in

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<v Speaker 2>fifteen years. Released in three distinct chapters, the project invites

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<v Speaker 2>listeners to conversations about healing, purpose and reclaiming your voice

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<v Speaker 2>on your own terms. Sweet please give a very warm

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<v Speaker 2>welcome to the one and only Carrie Hilson.

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<v Speaker 1>Carrie, thank you so much for stopping by. Thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>We've been trying to get you over here for so long.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like we've changed day like five times.

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<v Speaker 2>That's how you know it's gonna be good. Yes, it's

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<v Speaker 2>gonna be really, really good. I'm so excited. I met

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<v Speaker 2>you a few years ago. We were doing a series

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<v Speaker 2>at BMW had called on Court exactly, and immediately we

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<v Speaker 2>hit it off. It was an instant connection, and I

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<v Speaker 2>just loved your story, hearing about who you are and

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<v Speaker 2>like how you got to where you were as a

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<v Speaker 2>really cool event that we did. And I haven't really

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<v Speaker 2>gotten to see you much because Instagram keeps you in

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<v Speaker 2>touchee time, right, So I'm so happy to have you here.

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<v Speaker 1>You have new music out, which we're gonna talk about.

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<v Speaker 2>But before we get into that, I want to play

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<v Speaker 2>a little game just to break the ice. Okay, So

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<v Speaker 2>your new album is called We Need to Talk. So

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<v Speaker 2>we're gonna play a game called leave a Voicemail. Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm gonna give you little scenarios or people to

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<v Speaker 2>leave a voicemail too, and you're just gonna the first

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<v Speaker 2>thing that comes to mind.

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<v Speaker 1>Leave a quick voicemail. Okay, ready, all right, all right.

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<v Speaker 1>Voicemail number one your younger self. Ooh. First voicemail is

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<v Speaker 1>to little Carrie. Leave her a message.

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<v Speaker 3>Hey, Carrie, is gonna be a beautiful and wild ride.

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<v Speaker 3>But you are gonna follow that dream you have.

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<v Speaker 1>And you're gonna be so proud of yourself. Just hang

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<v Speaker 1>in there. I love that. Voicemail number two.

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<v Speaker 2>Leave a voicemail for the version of yourself that made

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<v Speaker 2>the decision to step away from music.

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<v Speaker 1>In real time or hindsight. Hindsight.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, Carrie, I'm really proud of you for fighting for

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<v Speaker 3>what you need to do. Follow your heart, be authentic

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<v Speaker 3>to your needs. No one will understand, absolutely no one.

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<v Speaker 3>You're gonna lose some people that work with you. You're

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<v Speaker 3>gonna lose some fans. You're gonna lose people. No one's

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<v Speaker 3>gonna understand. Everyone's gonna question you, but only you know.

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<v Speaker 3>So do what it is you need to do. I'll

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<v Speaker 3>see you on the other side of this.

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<v Speaker 1>So good, so good. Voicemail the number three, This is

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<v Speaker 1>the last one.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, leave a voicemail for your fans who waited all

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<v Speaker 2>these years for new music.

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<v Speaker 3>A Carrie Crew, thank you for sticking it out, thank

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<v Speaker 3>you for caring. Thank you for encouraging me along the way.

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<v Speaker 3>You were my light in many times of darkness and doubt,

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<v Speaker 3>and I thank you for that. I thank you for

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<v Speaker 3>defending me. I thank you for every comment, every request,

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<v Speaker 3>every post, every ticket you've bought, every every like you've tapped.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't take your granted, your support for granted. It

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<v Speaker 3>means the world to me, and you are a big

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<v Speaker 3>motivator for me. So thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>I can. I cannot say that enough. Thank you, Thank you,

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you, Carry crew. That is beautiful. I love that, Carrie.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you so good. Thank you for playing along with me. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh, we're gonna start off with some

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<v Speaker 1>potential tears.

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<v Speaker 2>Here we go that second one kind Yeah, yeah, that

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<v Speaker 2>was good.

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<v Speaker 1>I love it.

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<v Speaker 2>So let's get into it. We need to talk with

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<v Speaker 2>me something. When I'm in a relationship and I hear

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<v Speaker 2>those two words it don't matter a friendship, relationship, whatever it.

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<v Speaker 1>Is, I was like, oh, gosh, got to brace yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>We need to talk about.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what.

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<v Speaker 3>I've only ever been the person to say it really

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<v Speaker 3>never been with a man. It's like we need to talk. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>it's never happened, So I don't know what being the

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<v Speaker 3>receiver of it is.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I do not know. That is so funny.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so when you came, when you landed on that

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<v Speaker 2>as your title, I want to actually, who was the

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<v Speaker 2>conversation originally for. Was it for yourself, was it for

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<v Speaker 2>your listeners or was it for the industry.

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<v Speaker 3>It was all all of your buff and I'm adding

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<v Speaker 3>another one.

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<v Speaker 1>It was for the person.

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<v Speaker 3>I was dating.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow. Yeah, yeah, the album.

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<v Speaker 3>Is about that person, but I used that well, it

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<v Speaker 3>was about multiple things about that person. It was about

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<v Speaker 3>my own journey of love, drama, redemption. It's kind of

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<v Speaker 3>like a double entendre of a story.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you take us on a ride, Yes, yes, yes, so.

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<v Speaker 3>It's it's it was just I said it in the

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<v Speaker 3>phone call on the album, which those calls are real.

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<v Speaker 3>It's one phone call actually, yeah, but it's real, and

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<v Speaker 3>I say it on the phone call, and that's what

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<v Speaker 3>sparked the title. And then I was just like, oh, actually,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm talking to my fans for the first time in

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<v Speaker 3>a long time, talking to myself, like I'm literally by

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<v Speaker 3>the time you get to the third section, you hear

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<v Speaker 3>me having this like moment of realization while on that call,

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<v Speaker 3>and I'm talking basically like just redeeming myself.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, affirming yourself. You know that was real mm hm.

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<v Speaker 1>So yeah, it's to everybody. I love it.

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<v Speaker 2>So when did you know this is time you said

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<v Speaker 2>it's a bad relationship originally you were talking to that person.

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<v Speaker 2>When did you know it was time to make a

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<v Speaker 2>new album and that this was the topic that you

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<v Speaker 2>wanted to touch on.

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<v Speaker 3>I've been knowing it was time to make an album

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<v Speaker 3>for some time now.

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<v Speaker 1>It was so.

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<v Speaker 3>Overdue, Like I didn't intend for the break to be

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<v Speaker 3>that long, but I did have some business to handle.

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<v Speaker 3>Freedom was like a big thing this time around, like freedom,

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<v Speaker 3>creative control.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not the young girl I used to be when.

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<v Speaker 3>I entered this industry, right, Yeah, So I wanted to

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<v Speaker 3>control my own voice. I wanted to present myself to

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<v Speaker 3>the world the way that I knew that.

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<v Speaker 1>In a way that I.

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<v Speaker 3>Could stand by finally, in a way that represents me wholly, fully, authentically,

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<v Speaker 3>and in a way that I could finally feel one

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<v Speaker 3>hundred percent proud of who I'm showing to the world

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<v Speaker 3>and not in.

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<v Speaker 1>A fake way, right, yeah, and not in.

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<v Speaker 3>A forced way, not in a you know, no other

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<v Speaker 3>cooks in the kitchen, right.

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<v Speaker 1>I felt like I deserved that.

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<v Speaker 3>So that's what kind of made it a long process, except.

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<v Speaker 1>It was like fifteen years.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, wow, take us through that journey, because I remember

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<v Speaker 2>when you hit the scene you hit, you had the

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<v Speaker 2>heavy hitters on your songs that every song was popping charted,

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<v Speaker 2>you were killing it. What made you take a step

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<v Speaker 2>back and say, hey, this is I need to sit down,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, because this is like.

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<v Speaker 1>You were on a roll. Yeah, yeah, and we were

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<v Speaker 1>loving it. So when I think ten years, I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>I need the music and I'm grateful. A lot of

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<v Speaker 1>people did feel that way because it still goes You're

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<v Speaker 1>so still placed today.

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<v Speaker 3>It does like you, Yeah, I get the reports and

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<v Speaker 3>I'm like, yeah, the whole while I was away, I

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<v Speaker 3>would like see the reports and I'm like, really, it's really.

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<v Speaker 1>Cool because that's not a guarantee. It's not that is

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<v Speaker 1>not a guarantee.

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<v Speaker 3>So just you know, that would put like an extra

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<v Speaker 3>battery in my back. But the reason for the break

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<v Speaker 3>was both professional and personal. I was leaving an eleven

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<v Speaker 3>year relationship, and that was really difficult, and it was

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<v Speaker 3>at the height of everything.

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<v Speaker 1>It was literally pretty good.

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<v Speaker 3>Rock was like could not it was like could not

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<v Speaker 3>have been higher right that, And professionally I just kind

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<v Speaker 3>of felt like, Okay, I just gotta sit down, I

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<v Speaker 3>gotta take a step back. I was kind of not

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<v Speaker 3>myself I was I say on the album, I was

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<v Speaker 3>looking in the mirror and not seeing me anymore.

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<v Speaker 1>That's we've been there. That's literally what it was like.

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<v Speaker 3>I just didn't recognize myself and I needed to take

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<v Speaker 3>a break. And I knew it was ballsy. I knew

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<v Speaker 3>it was risky, yes, very very risky. Yeah, but I

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<v Speaker 3>also felt that there was no there was not going

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<v Speaker 3>to be a way around it. I was just going

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<v Speaker 3>to keep going on a downward trajectory. I could have

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<v Speaker 3>turned to drugs, I could have gone, you know, life

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<v Speaker 3>could have gone so many directions had I not at

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<v Speaker 3>the time.

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<v Speaker 2>So to have the wherewithal and know like I need

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<v Speaker 2>to take a step back. Because you're young, you're hitting.

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<v Speaker 2>You got to say you gotta strike while the irons

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<v Speaker 2>ht you were striking, you know, so to be able

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<v Speaker 2>to say no, I need to take a moment because

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<v Speaker 2>it could have let down, especially at a young age.

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<v Speaker 1>You're so impressionable.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, I know, you had been in the industry for

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<v Speaker 2>a while writing and it had been your own group,

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<v Speaker 2>and had you had I guess you still had experience,

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<v Speaker 2>so you weren't new to it even though we were.

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<v Speaker 3>You were new to knowing me exactly. And so that's

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<v Speaker 3>what people don't understand. I think about the break is

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<v Speaker 3>that I was in the industry since I was fourteen

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<v Speaker 3>years old. So when I took that break at what

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<v Speaker 3>twenty eight years old, yeah, I was already in the

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<v Speaker 3>game for almost fifteen years NonStop, you know, through college,

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<v Speaker 3>through high school through like literally not My first deal

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<v Speaker 3>happened on my senior trip at seventeen years old.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow, So you know, And I was in that group.

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<v Speaker 3>From fourteen to eighteen and then we did another g

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<v Speaker 3>you know, and throughout school. So I didn't really have

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<v Speaker 3>in a sense, I didn't really have the teenhood, the childhood. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>my life was early on dedicated to music and then writing.

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<v Speaker 3>And then then I came out and it's like, okay, yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>I know, I'm only a couple of years in and

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<v Speaker 3>no one's understanding, but I dedicated so much of my

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<v Speaker 3>life that I knew that if I don't do this now,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm on a path to destruction.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that's real. What did you learn

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<v Speaker 1>about yourself during that time?

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<v Speaker 2>Because I feel like since you missed those teams, those

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<v Speaker 2>are formative years. Yeah, you know, so taking that time off,

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<v Speaker 2>what did you learn about yourself?

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<v Speaker 3>Then?

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<v Speaker 1>So much?

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<v Speaker 3>I learned who I am as a sister. Yeah, I

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<v Speaker 3>lost a lot of time with my family. I was

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<v Speaker 3>dedicating so much of my time, you know, I was

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<v Speaker 3>missing a lot of things, trips and graduations and birthdays

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<v Speaker 3>and all the important things death funerals I missed, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>it was things going on. So I learned who I

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<v Speaker 3>am as a sibling, as a daughter, as a human.

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<v Speaker 3>I learned who I am as a young lady. I

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<v Speaker 3>guess at the time, you know, I had to learn

0:11:58.559 --> 0:12:01.320
<v Speaker 3>like what I want in relationship, what I don't want

0:12:01.320 --> 0:12:04.480
<v Speaker 3>in relationship, Like I had to experience those for sure.

0:12:04.920 --> 0:12:09.240
<v Speaker 3>I haven't had that many relationships in my life so still,

0:12:09.400 --> 0:12:13.920
<v Speaker 3>but definitely then, yeah, yeah, it was just I learned

0:12:13.920 --> 0:12:16.280
<v Speaker 3>a lot. I learned that I'm I guess, more spiritual

0:12:16.320 --> 0:12:24.000
<v Speaker 3>than religious, you know, so much. So much it was.

0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:24.640
<v Speaker 1>It was a.

0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:28.640
<v Speaker 3>Period truly of exploration for sure. Yeah, Yeah, I went

0:12:28.720 --> 0:12:29.320
<v Speaker 3>deep inside.

0:12:29.720 --> 0:12:30.280
<v Speaker 1>That's good.

0:12:30.640 --> 0:12:32.840
<v Speaker 2>That's good, and sometimes you need I feel like sometimes

0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:34.960
<v Speaker 2>it's important to do that, take those steps back to

0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:38.520
<v Speaker 2>really like explore who you are, find out what you like.

0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:40.679
<v Speaker 2>Once you don't like going back, then what are some

0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:43.160
<v Speaker 2>of your non negotiables that maybe carry in would have

0:12:43.720 --> 0:12:44.440
<v Speaker 2>like dealt with.

0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:48.720
<v Speaker 3>But now you're like, no, a lot, actually, okay, so

0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:54.840
<v Speaker 3>there in relationship you mean, yeah, in relationship, I think

0:12:55.800 --> 0:12:59.280
<v Speaker 3>there was a period of time. Have you ever, I'm

0:12:59.280 --> 0:13:05.160
<v Speaker 3>sure as a woman, you've encountered some disloyalties cheating. I

0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:08.680
<v Speaker 3>just will lump it into disloyalties for the sake of

0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:14.040
<v Speaker 3>this conversation at this point. But I think if you

0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:17.320
<v Speaker 3>talk to older women and women who have been married

0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:20.560
<v Speaker 3>for a long time, grandparents and things like that, like

0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:21.480
<v Speaker 3>they'll tell.

0:13:21.280 --> 0:13:23.680
<v Speaker 1>You all men do that.

0:13:24.760 --> 0:13:26.800
<v Speaker 3>You just got to learn to turn a blind eye,

0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:28.080
<v Speaker 3>keep the peace.

0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:32.360
<v Speaker 1>Yes, and so.

0:13:33.760 --> 0:13:37.480
<v Speaker 3>Right, I hear the choir over there is but so

0:13:37.800 --> 0:13:41.839
<v Speaker 3>so when you first encounter that, that that's kind of the.

0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:44.560
<v Speaker 1>Feedback you're getting from women that you're consulting or with.

0:13:46.120 --> 0:13:52.960
<v Speaker 3>And I tried like that was literally like me, just like,

0:13:53.080 --> 0:13:56.320
<v Speaker 3>oh my god, Okay, well but it doesn't it doesn't

0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:57.000
<v Speaker 3>feel good at all.

0:13:57.080 --> 0:13:59.600
<v Speaker 1>It's betrayal. It's like, you know, let's call it what

0:13:59.640 --> 0:14:01.120
<v Speaker 1>it is. Yes, it's betrayal.

0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:03.520
<v Speaker 3>Like, but so, how am I supposed to forgive that?

0:14:03.559 --> 0:14:05.000
<v Speaker 3>How am I supposed to turn a blind die? How

0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:07.400
<v Speaker 3>am I supposed to be peaceful and quiet?

0:14:09.280 --> 0:14:12.400
<v Speaker 1>So I just learned. Yeah, I'm not a right or die.

0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:17.360
<v Speaker 3>I'm not that if that's what that means, right. I

0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:19.040
<v Speaker 3>feel like I am in a lot of other ways,

0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:22.000
<v Speaker 3>but that's one I just refuse.

0:14:22.280 --> 0:14:25.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I refuse. You know, we live and we learned,

0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:26.840
<v Speaker 1>and definitely I tried it.

0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:31.680
<v Speaker 2>Yes, really I think we've I have been told the

0:14:31.680 --> 0:14:35.880
<v Speaker 2>same thing. I've been told that when you got to

0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:37.840
<v Speaker 2>pick your battles, yeah, so to speak, you know, and

0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:41.920
<v Speaker 2>pick your poison, and like, are you getting eighty percent

0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:45.400
<v Speaker 2>of what you want out of this? And that's just

0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:49.000
<v Speaker 2>one thing that I can't stomach. I'm like, I tried it,

0:14:49.400 --> 0:14:50.560
<v Speaker 2>you know.

0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:52.840
<v Speaker 3>I know, And you know, I think if I were

0:14:52.880 --> 0:14:56.880
<v Speaker 3>the type of woman that maybe needed financial provision, Yes,

0:14:57.520 --> 0:15:00.680
<v Speaker 3>if you were providing that and I was in of that,

0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:08.560
<v Speaker 3>maybe I could then kind of I guess take that easier, yeah,

0:15:10.080 --> 0:15:13.280
<v Speaker 3>because I can understand that from that perspective, Like our

0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:16.560
<v Speaker 3>grandparents and our great grandparents, they were being taken care of,

0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:18.880
<v Speaker 3>so like what could they say. They couldn't get a

0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:22.320
<v Speaker 3>house alone on a house, They couldn't like drive for

0:15:22.440 --> 0:15:24.760
<v Speaker 3>a time, they couldn't vote like they some of them

0:15:24.760 --> 0:15:25.760
<v Speaker 3>couldn't work.

0:15:27.120 --> 0:15:28.000
<v Speaker 1>So well.

0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:30.400
<v Speaker 3>I guess that depends on where you are and what region,

0:15:31.080 --> 0:15:34.240
<v Speaker 3>region and age era we're talking about. Yeah, like we

0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:36.560
<v Speaker 3>were in we as women were in need of men

0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:39.600
<v Speaker 3>for a very long time, and I think that has

0:15:39.680 --> 0:15:42.320
<v Speaker 3>some trickle effect into the advice we're getting from the

0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:46.040
<v Speaker 3>elder still, but now we don't need financial provision and

0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:49.200
<v Speaker 3>we literally we just need you to be good.

0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:52.880
<v Speaker 2>We need you to be good as a public figure

0:15:53.040 --> 0:15:55.840
<v Speaker 2>and a woman who's been successful basically all your life.

0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:58.880
<v Speaker 2>Has it been hard like finding because I know I'm

0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:01.960
<v Speaker 2>new to this part of my life as far as

0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:04.800
<v Speaker 2>like being in the public eye and the complications when

0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:07.400
<v Speaker 2>it comes to dating, has that been something that's always

0:16:07.480 --> 0:16:09.440
<v Speaker 2>been a struggle for you, being like, because you've always

0:16:09.640 --> 0:16:13.040
<v Speaker 2>had it together financially when we speak of like not

0:16:13.720 --> 0:16:14.040
<v Speaker 2>for that.

0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:19.320
<v Speaker 3>I don't know, like sometimes I feel like it's what

0:16:19.520 --> 0:16:22.920
<v Speaker 3>attracts a man to me initially initially right, but then

0:16:22.960 --> 0:16:26.040
<v Speaker 3>it becomes something that is the blessing turns into a

0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:29.880
<v Speaker 3>curse at some point. I'm still trying to understand that because.

0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:31.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, well, I thought you. You know what I mean,

0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:31.920
<v Speaker 1>I thought you.

0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:33.400
<v Speaker 3>But yeah, I got to be busy. Yeah I'm not

0:16:33.440 --> 0:16:35.640
<v Speaker 3>going to be here, and no I'm not cooking tonight,

0:16:35.760 --> 0:16:37.960
<v Speaker 3>like I got to pack for my flight, you know,

0:16:38.760 --> 0:16:41.560
<v Speaker 3>So I guess. And I am a really giving I

0:16:41.600 --> 0:16:44.520
<v Speaker 3>am a homemaking type of woman, like I am cooking

0:16:44.520 --> 0:16:48.160
<v Speaker 3>a lot, I am cleaning, I am you know, or

0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:50.880
<v Speaker 3>you know, decorating and arranging the home and doing all

0:16:50.920 --> 0:16:52.520
<v Speaker 3>the things serving right.

0:16:52.560 --> 0:16:56.840
<v Speaker 1>I love that. Yeah, but and I don't really know.

0:16:57.680 --> 0:16:59.800
<v Speaker 3>What I think I've run into kind of is a

0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:04.600
<v Speaker 3>of inadequacy for men that may not be above where

0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:07.800
<v Speaker 3>I am. I think that's when it became the curse

0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:11.280
<v Speaker 3>for those guys that kind of weren't where they wanted

0:17:11.320 --> 0:17:12.760
<v Speaker 3>to be in their walk or.

0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:15.760
<v Speaker 1>Finances or career.

0:17:17.680 --> 0:17:23.920
<v Speaker 3>And so I think that's when I've encountered the kind

0:17:23.920 --> 0:17:27.040
<v Speaker 3>of the turmoil of a man. You know, you can

0:17:27.119 --> 0:17:36.480
<v Speaker 3>kind of see and hear that's spilling into our conversations. Yeah,

0:17:36.680 --> 0:17:39.720
<v Speaker 3>so I think it's good, but it's also like it

0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:41.199
<v Speaker 3>feels like a curse at times.

0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:42.160
<v Speaker 1>It does.

0:17:42.600 --> 0:17:45.639
<v Speaker 3>Have you found the No, what I do is like

0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:51.040
<v Speaker 3>I pretend I ain't got I pretend this is what

0:17:51.080 --> 0:17:55.399
<v Speaker 3>I'm doing, like I'm not. I just act broke. I

0:17:55.640 --> 0:18:00.840
<v Speaker 3>just I'm like I play damsel. You know, I can't

0:18:00.840 --> 0:18:02.919
<v Speaker 3>go as far. I think they love a damsel, but

0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:04.600
<v Speaker 3>I can't go as far as to ask a man

0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:08.320
<v Speaker 3>for money. Right, I just ain't got it in me.

0:18:08.359 --> 0:18:13.160
<v Speaker 3>I've never been you know, but anything, I just act

0:18:13.240 --> 0:18:15.400
<v Speaker 3>like I ain't got it. I just that's all I got.

0:18:15.440 --> 0:18:17.600
<v Speaker 3>I'm not buying, like if I'm starting to date someone,

0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:20.000
<v Speaker 3>I'm not going out and buying my dream car, you

0:18:20.040 --> 0:18:20.520
<v Speaker 3>know what I mean.

0:18:20.680 --> 0:18:21.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm not.

0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:26.639
<v Speaker 3>I might hold off on moving homes, like upgrading my light. Like, no,

0:18:26.960 --> 0:18:29.600
<v Speaker 3>I want to let him feel like he can do

0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:30.280
<v Speaker 3>that for me.

0:18:30.560 --> 0:18:31.159
<v Speaker 1>So I try to.

0:18:31.240 --> 0:18:35.359
<v Speaker 3>I do kind of minimize who I am, what I own,

0:18:35.480 --> 0:18:37.439
<v Speaker 3>what I have. You know, I don't tell them about

0:18:37.440 --> 0:18:41.200
<v Speaker 3>certain things. That's all I got so far. That's that's

0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:43.000
<v Speaker 3>all I got, is like, let me just try that.

0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:46.040
<v Speaker 2>It's so funny, you said, because when I'm moving into

0:18:46.080 --> 0:18:49.000
<v Speaker 2>the house I'm in now, A friend of mine's mother

0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:50.800
<v Speaker 2>was like, are you really going to like move into

0:18:50.840 --> 0:18:52.640
<v Speaker 2>that big house? You're never going to find a man

0:18:53.480 --> 0:18:55.480
<v Speaker 2>literally is what you want? And I was like, well,

0:18:56.280 --> 0:18:58.879
<v Speaker 2>I'm this age and like, I'm not waiting on somebody

0:18:58.880 --> 0:18:59.600
<v Speaker 2>with that person.

0:18:59.640 --> 0:19:02.480
<v Speaker 1>Never. Yeah, I'm gonna get the house, I'm gonna get the.

0:19:02.800 --> 0:19:06.119
<v Speaker 3>Enjoy my life. I'm supposed to just like not enjoy

0:19:06.200 --> 0:19:06.840
<v Speaker 3>my life.

0:19:07.640 --> 0:19:09.200
<v Speaker 1>But she might be ono something here.

0:19:09.480 --> 0:19:12.159
<v Speaker 3>I mean, you got to act like you're struggling to

0:19:12.160 --> 0:19:13.199
<v Speaker 3>pay the bills or something.

0:19:15.720 --> 0:19:18.680
<v Speaker 1>It's got to be something to trying to figure this out.

0:19:19.400 --> 0:19:21.800
<v Speaker 1>For sure. That is hilarious.

0:19:22.320 --> 0:19:25.280
<v Speaker 2>So you went through that, you go through everything to

0:19:26.359 --> 0:19:28.200
<v Speaker 2>come up with this album. It's like now it's time.

0:19:28.200 --> 0:19:30.440
<v Speaker 2>You knew it was time, and you wrote it. We

0:19:30.480 --> 0:19:32.760
<v Speaker 2>talked about you writing it in three stages. It's three

0:19:32.800 --> 0:19:34.920
<v Speaker 2>parts and you got to add another a fourth part

0:19:34.960 --> 0:19:37.679
<v Speaker 2>to it. I wanted to know how did you come.

0:19:37.600 --> 0:19:37.919
<v Speaker 1>Up with that?

0:19:38.000 --> 0:19:40.520
<v Speaker 2>What was the whole process to getting to where we

0:19:40.520 --> 0:19:42.200
<v Speaker 2>are now because we're bringing it back to present time.

0:19:42.280 --> 0:19:44.400
<v Speaker 2>I just wanted to know how you got through that

0:19:44.520 --> 0:19:46.360
<v Speaker 2>hiatus and how we got.

0:19:46.200 --> 0:19:51.359
<v Speaker 3>Here Okay, Well that phone call really informed how the

0:19:51.440 --> 0:19:52.760
<v Speaker 3>album was broken down.

0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:55.639
<v Speaker 2>This is the one where you were saying, she showed

0:19:55.640 --> 0:19:56.680
<v Speaker 2>me the pictures and.

0:19:57.000 --> 0:20:04.480
<v Speaker 3>Yes, yes, so yeah, yeah yeah. Love Drama Redemption was

0:20:04.480 --> 0:20:07.400
<v Speaker 3>literally kind of the way that relationship went the way

0:20:07.440 --> 0:20:11.040
<v Speaker 3>my career went, So breaking it down kind of made

0:20:11.040 --> 0:20:14.560
<v Speaker 3>all the sense in the world. There were like literal

0:20:15.080 --> 0:20:19.080
<v Speaker 3>turning points in the phone call the same way they

0:20:19.119 --> 0:20:21.320
<v Speaker 3>were turning points in my career. So I just yeah,

0:20:22.200 --> 0:20:24.680
<v Speaker 3>that was easy to determine.

0:20:24.359 --> 0:20:27.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah for sure. Yeah.

0:20:27.440 --> 0:20:29.800
<v Speaker 3>And then how we what was the second part you said.

0:20:29.560 --> 0:20:30.280
<v Speaker 1>How we got here?

0:20:30.560 --> 0:20:32.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, like we gave you gave us the backstory of

0:20:33.000 --> 0:20:34.680
<v Speaker 2>like what happened during that fifteen years.

0:20:34.720 --> 0:20:36.400
<v Speaker 1>I wanted to bring it back to present.

0:20:36.119 --> 0:20:38.280
<v Speaker 2>Day, like how did you even like decide to do

0:20:38.359 --> 0:20:40.320
<v Speaker 2>a three part Oh yeah, I wanted to kind of

0:20:40.320 --> 0:20:41.119
<v Speaker 2>get the back story.

0:20:41.200 --> 0:20:44.920
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. So, being gone so long, you know that your fans.

0:20:44.600 --> 0:20:47.240
<v Speaker 1>Are waiting for you got to give them something. You

0:20:47.240 --> 0:20:50.639
<v Speaker 1>gotta give them something, not just seven songs. Yeah, and

0:20:50.760 --> 0:20:52.520
<v Speaker 1>exactly that. It was exactly that.

0:20:52.640 --> 0:20:54.960
<v Speaker 3>I was like, I actually had more like twenty six

0:20:55.040 --> 0:20:56.479
<v Speaker 3>at one point.

0:20:56.760 --> 0:20:59.600
<v Speaker 1>Chris Brown album. Yeah, It's about to be that. It

0:20:59.600 --> 0:21:03.080
<v Speaker 1>was about less and before we broke it up, it was.

0:21:05.119 --> 0:21:09.840
<v Speaker 2>Songs I can imagine, specially the European game already know, yeah, records, Yeah,

0:21:09.840 --> 0:21:10.359
<v Speaker 2>and there are.

0:21:10.240 --> 0:21:12.840
<v Speaker 3>More that weren't gonna make this one but are already

0:21:12.840 --> 0:21:15.359
<v Speaker 3>prepared for the next couple projects.

0:21:15.720 --> 0:21:16.360
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, I just.

0:21:16.320 --> 0:21:21.320
<v Speaker 3>Knew I wanted to give them enough. Obviously I care

0:21:21.320 --> 0:21:24.600
<v Speaker 3>about quality, but I also knew that I owed them quantity.

0:21:24.920 --> 0:21:26.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so I was like, well.

0:21:25.960 --> 0:21:28.920
<v Speaker 3>Let's do this, but the attention spans are very different.

0:21:29.160 --> 0:21:32.160
<v Speaker 3>Let's break it up definitely, because the album already had

0:21:32.200 --> 0:21:35.159
<v Speaker 3>its scenes, you know. But it was like, let's just

0:21:35.200 --> 0:21:38.960
<v Speaker 3>release this and let them digest the first part, digest,

0:21:39.000 --> 0:21:40.520
<v Speaker 3>second part, digest, third part.

0:21:40.560 --> 0:21:41.160
<v Speaker 1>It doesn't matter.

0:21:41.160 --> 0:21:43.480
<v Speaker 3>They're lopsided, like the first one is the longest, the

0:21:43.480 --> 0:21:44.880
<v Speaker 3>second one is the next one, you know, the third

0:21:44.880 --> 0:21:49.080
<v Speaker 3>one kind of short. Yeah, but that didn't matter as

0:21:49.160 --> 0:21:53.480
<v Speaker 3>much as making sure that you know, people were able

0:21:53.560 --> 0:21:56.919
<v Speaker 3>to take this journey and not because I know with

0:21:57.000 --> 0:21:58.200
<v Speaker 3>longer albums sometimes I.

0:21:58.160 --> 0:21:59.120
<v Speaker 1>Never get all the way through.

0:21:59.320 --> 0:22:02.920
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, Like sometimes I'm intending to and something happens or

0:22:02.920 --> 0:22:05.280
<v Speaker 3>a phone call or whatever, and I never finished listening

0:22:05.280 --> 0:22:06.119
<v Speaker 3>to that.

0:22:06.520 --> 0:22:08.360
<v Speaker 1>So I understand that, and it could be a great

0:22:08.400 --> 0:22:10.840
<v Speaker 1>body of work. You just don't make it through. Finish

0:22:10.920 --> 0:22:14.560
<v Speaker 1>that album right two years ago. Right, that's me with books.

0:22:14.560 --> 0:22:18.680
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes I'd be like same, Yeah, I gotta go back,

0:22:18.800 --> 0:22:19.359
<v Speaker 2>I gotta get back.

0:22:21.600 --> 0:22:22.400
<v Speaker 1>I love that.

0:22:22.960 --> 0:22:25.320
<v Speaker 2>I wanted to ask you, you're back on the road

0:22:25.359 --> 0:22:30.640
<v Speaker 2>now performing you were as successful last year, yes, And

0:22:30.760 --> 0:22:32.040
<v Speaker 2>you just said you had a show.

0:22:32.560 --> 0:22:33.520
<v Speaker 1>What do you love more?

0:22:33.560 --> 0:22:36.240
<v Speaker 2>Because you're a writer, you're a singer, but you're also

0:22:36.240 --> 0:22:39.000
<v Speaker 2>a performer. You like the stage or the studio better.

0:22:39.440 --> 0:22:42.200
<v Speaker 3>I used to not answer this question. Really, I used

0:22:42.200 --> 0:22:44.439
<v Speaker 3>to not answer it because I felt like I was

0:22:44.520 --> 0:22:47.639
<v Speaker 3>betraying like people that buy tickets or fans or whatever

0:22:47.800 --> 0:22:50.960
<v Speaker 3>by saying my but I'm and also I may not

0:22:51.040 --> 0:22:54.719
<v Speaker 3>have realized the full truth. Yeah, now I know I

0:22:54.840 --> 0:22:59.960
<v Speaker 3>prefer creating the music than recreating the music on stage. Really, Yeah,

0:23:00.520 --> 0:23:03.480
<v Speaker 3>I finally came to that resolve, like in the past

0:23:03.480 --> 0:23:07.320
<v Speaker 3>couple of years, Like, actually, I do have an an

0:23:07.359 --> 0:23:08.040
<v Speaker 3>honest answer.

0:23:08.240 --> 0:23:08.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:23:08.560 --> 0:23:10.600
<v Speaker 3>I used to say, I can't choose. You know, I

0:23:10.640 --> 0:23:13.040
<v Speaker 3>like them both, and I do like things about performing. Also,

0:23:15.280 --> 0:23:24.000
<v Speaker 3>but it's it's curveball city, it's sleep deprivation, it's performing

0:23:24.040 --> 0:23:26.119
<v Speaker 3>at your worst often, you know.

0:23:26.400 --> 0:23:28.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, people don't think about that. Yeah, like, it's a

0:23:28.600 --> 0:23:29.560
<v Speaker 1>lot of factors.

0:23:29.400 --> 0:23:31.520
<v Speaker 2>It's what has been like the hardest, like day that

0:23:31.600 --> 0:23:34.440
<v Speaker 2>you had to suck it up and get on stage.

0:23:34.240 --> 0:23:34.800
<v Speaker 1>All the time.

0:23:35.560 --> 0:23:37.960
<v Speaker 3>I mean, it's I can't even point one out to you.

0:23:38.080 --> 0:23:41.440
<v Speaker 3>It happens a lot of the time. You know, we're

0:23:41.520 --> 0:23:45.000
<v Speaker 3>not always usually we're not at our best. And then two,

0:23:45.000 --> 0:23:49.160
<v Speaker 3>there's other factors going on. It's a whole technical thing

0:23:49.560 --> 0:23:51.800
<v Speaker 3>so that you can give your best show. There's so

0:23:52.000 --> 0:23:56.720
<v Speaker 3>many components to putting on a live show. Your monitors,

0:23:56.720 --> 0:24:01.760
<v Speaker 3>you're in ears, the paddles for the receivers, for your

0:24:01.840 --> 0:24:04.600
<v Speaker 3>pack and you know what I mean. Then then your

0:24:04.600 --> 0:24:05.920
<v Speaker 3>wardrobe didn't stay in your pack.

0:24:05.960 --> 0:24:06.760
<v Speaker 1>Oh ship, I can't.

0:24:07.160 --> 0:24:07.920
<v Speaker 3>I can't even.

0:24:08.160 --> 0:24:09.480
<v Speaker 1>Find the buttons.

0:24:10.320 --> 0:24:12.520
<v Speaker 3>I can't find the volume. I can't reach there because

0:24:12.520 --> 0:24:14.280
<v Speaker 3>my outfit. I got it on my bra and my

0:24:14.400 --> 0:24:17.239
<v Speaker 3>arm is barely Yeah, but I can't hear. And then

0:24:17.280 --> 0:24:19.359
<v Speaker 3>when I go to front of stage, in front of house,

0:24:20.200 --> 0:24:22.520
<v Speaker 3>it's feeding back into my mic and it's making everything

0:24:22.680 --> 0:24:23.240
<v Speaker 3>phase out.

0:24:23.320 --> 0:24:24.840
<v Speaker 1>Like static.

0:24:25.480 --> 0:24:28.439
<v Speaker 3>The other day, I had static the whole time on stage.

0:24:28.480 --> 0:24:30.119
<v Speaker 3>My pack was giving my ears. So I had to

0:24:30.200 --> 0:24:32.520
<v Speaker 3>kind of loosen this one I eventually had to come

0:24:32.560 --> 0:24:34.960
<v Speaker 3>all the way out of that one to try to hear, but.

0:24:34.920 --> 0:24:35.800
<v Speaker 1>There's still static.

0:24:35.960 --> 0:24:39.160
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so I was like feeding off of the stage monitors,

0:24:39.160 --> 0:24:41.440
<v Speaker 3>which are also too loud. So now I'm getting feedback

0:24:41.440 --> 0:24:44.320
<v Speaker 3>in the mic. Like it's just so many things that

0:24:44.400 --> 0:24:47.760
<v Speaker 3>can affect you know, and you're all amped before you go.

0:24:48.600 --> 0:24:52.560
<v Speaker 3>You get on stage and you're like, it's like like

0:24:52.800 --> 0:24:54.840
<v Speaker 3>your mood, it's like, oh my god, I want to fight.

0:24:54.680 --> 0:25:00.600
<v Speaker 1>Somebody to fight take it out of this stage.

0:25:00.760 --> 0:25:03.520
<v Speaker 3>Okay, now you're doing the dancing, it's all extra hard

0:25:03.520 --> 0:25:04.320
<v Speaker 3>because you're pissed.

0:25:07.119 --> 0:25:10.720
<v Speaker 2>That was hilarious, but it's so true. I had a

0:25:10.840 --> 0:25:14.080
<v Speaker 2>moment when I was first starting the podcast. I was

0:25:14.119 --> 0:25:16.920
<v Speaker 2>in a relationship and I was going through a breakup

0:25:17.080 --> 0:25:20.919
<v Speaker 2>and I was crying in my closet before our guests

0:25:20.920 --> 0:25:25.399
<v Speaker 2>had come. It was Eva Marcel, and I just remember

0:25:25.520 --> 0:25:27.080
<v Speaker 2>like as soon as I got off the phone, I

0:25:27.160 --> 0:25:29.840
<v Speaker 2>started crying, and then I was like, you gotta suck

0:25:29.880 --> 0:25:31.440
<v Speaker 2>it up, girl, you got an.

0:25:31.280 --> 0:25:31.840
<v Speaker 1>Interview to do.

0:25:32.400 --> 0:25:34.320
<v Speaker 2>And then I ended up breaking down in the interview

0:25:34.359 --> 0:25:35.920
<v Speaker 2>because it was just like one of those moments that

0:25:35.960 --> 0:25:39.159
<v Speaker 2>we were having. Yeah, and that was a moment for

0:25:39.240 --> 0:25:42.879
<v Speaker 2>me where I wasn't in a great space, but I

0:25:42.920 --> 0:25:44.200
<v Speaker 2>had to get on camera be like.

0:25:44.160 --> 0:25:46.600
<v Speaker 1>All right, welcome to keep a visit, sweetie.

0:25:47.320 --> 0:25:50.560
<v Speaker 2>And I was not feeling positive or sweet okay, you know.

0:25:51.240 --> 0:25:54.800
<v Speaker 2>And I think a lot of times as women are

0:25:55.080 --> 0:25:57.439
<v Speaker 2>people like who look up to us don't see that,

0:25:57.560 --> 0:26:00.320
<v Speaker 2>especially as people performers, and people have to it on,

0:26:00.960 --> 0:26:03.439
<v Speaker 2>you know, at certain times. So I totally get it,

0:26:03.480 --> 0:26:04.680
<v Speaker 2>and hats off to you.

0:26:05.480 --> 0:26:08.320
<v Speaker 3>Thank you still doing it, you know, to do this,

0:26:08.520 --> 0:26:12.239
<v Speaker 3>like anybody that does any level of entertainment understands what

0:26:12.280 --> 0:26:15.680
<v Speaker 3>it takes behind the scenes and understands that stuff could

0:26:15.720 --> 0:26:17.840
<v Speaker 3>just not be right, Stuff would not be good in

0:26:18.840 --> 0:26:24.400
<v Speaker 3>your heart, your head, and you literally have to compartmentalize,

0:26:24.400 --> 0:26:28.760
<v Speaker 3>like defragmented. Yeah, and like put the thirty percent you

0:26:28.800 --> 0:26:31.239
<v Speaker 3>have into that day, right, you know, or the one

0:26:31.320 --> 0:26:34.040
<v Speaker 3>hundred percent of the thirty percent capacity you.

0:26:34.000 --> 0:26:36.359
<v Speaker 1>Have that right exactly. Yeah.

0:26:36.400 --> 0:26:38.560
<v Speaker 3>But I remember I remember having I was on a

0:26:38.600 --> 0:26:43.040
<v Speaker 3>European tour and I was crying on stage while going

0:26:43.040 --> 0:26:44.080
<v Speaker 3>through that eleven year break.

0:26:44.320 --> 0:26:45.439
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I was.

0:26:45.640 --> 0:26:48.280
<v Speaker 3>I had never found myself crying during I was crying

0:26:48.359 --> 0:26:53.680
<v Speaker 3>during the song Hustler on my first person think, So yeah,

0:26:54.040 --> 0:26:56.160
<v Speaker 3>and I was crying during that song every without fail,

0:26:56.240 --> 0:27:01.240
<v Speaker 3>every night, oh like oh, crowd in Germany, crowd in Austria, Sweden,

0:27:01.320 --> 0:27:05.199
<v Speaker 3>cried in Norway like literally the whole way through, right,

0:27:06.720 --> 0:27:09.320
<v Speaker 3>And it was that that particular song every a certain

0:27:09.359 --> 0:27:12.800
<v Speaker 3>point in that song each time, like after one time

0:27:12.960 --> 0:27:14.160
<v Speaker 3>my sound guy was even crying.

0:27:14.200 --> 0:27:16.520
<v Speaker 1>It's like you choke me up every night.

0:27:17.280 --> 0:27:20.720
<v Speaker 3>Gosh yeah, but yeah, I mean this is real and

0:27:20.760 --> 0:27:24.120
<v Speaker 3>this is expression. And then we learn like it's good

0:27:24.160 --> 0:27:27.520
<v Speaker 3>to do it because we're like when we're able to,

0:27:27.880 --> 0:27:29.000
<v Speaker 3>we don't let them see it.

0:27:29.119 --> 0:27:29.280
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:27:29.359 --> 0:27:31.480
<v Speaker 3>It's not that they can't see it, right, they don't.

0:27:32.359 --> 0:27:34.240
<v Speaker 3>It's not only that they can't or don't. It's that

0:27:34.320 --> 0:27:37.400
<v Speaker 3>we wall up when we are most vulnerable. We kind

0:27:37.440 --> 0:27:40.200
<v Speaker 3>of mask for sure, you know, and it's part of it.

0:27:40.480 --> 0:27:43.720
<v Speaker 3>But also I think when we are able to express

0:27:44.560 --> 0:27:46.000
<v Speaker 3>authentically like I'm.

0:27:45.760 --> 0:27:50.520
<v Speaker 1>Not I'm not okay today, it shows you humanity and

0:27:50.600 --> 0:27:52.000
<v Speaker 1>people I think gravitate.

0:27:52.040 --> 0:27:53.680
<v Speaker 3>I think that's why people love you so much, because

0:27:53.720 --> 0:27:57.639
<v Speaker 3>you are so like grounded and real, you know, like

0:27:57.720 --> 0:28:01.960
<v Speaker 3>we don't ever feel like crystals, like not a performative type.

0:28:02.160 --> 0:28:03.080
<v Speaker 1>Right, No, you're.

0:28:03.040 --> 0:28:08.440
<v Speaker 3>Entertaining still, but it's not rooted there, right, rooted and grounded.

0:28:08.000 --> 0:28:12.800
<v Speaker 2>And yeah, yeah, because I've learned. I learned very fast,

0:28:12.960 --> 0:28:16.000
<v Speaker 2>like entering this space the only thing that you can

0:28:16.040 --> 0:28:19.960
<v Speaker 2>truly succeed that as being you. Eventually it's gonna fall off.

0:28:19.960 --> 0:28:22.680
<v Speaker 2>Whatever you're faking to be, it's gonna fall off.

0:28:22.680 --> 0:28:24.560
<v Speaker 1>And that's who you really are.

0:28:24.600 --> 0:28:26.080
<v Speaker 2>And they could be the good or bad, you know,

0:28:26.680 --> 0:28:28.960
<v Speaker 2>so hoping that the real you is something like, no.

0:28:29.040 --> 0:28:30.720
<v Speaker 1>We actually love this. Why were you trying to be

0:28:30.800 --> 0:28:34.360
<v Speaker 1>something else anyway? Or girl, pick pick the mask back

0:28:34.400 --> 0:28:35.560
<v Speaker 1>up because right.

0:28:36.240 --> 0:28:38.040
<v Speaker 3>People don't even get a chance to put the mask

0:28:38.120 --> 0:28:43.680
<v Speaker 3>back on right when you're pretending, like we see it

0:28:43.720 --> 0:28:46.240
<v Speaker 3>every day we do cancel culture and like you make

0:28:46.360 --> 0:28:49.480
<v Speaker 3>one wrong move, one wrong sentence, it.

0:28:49.440 --> 0:28:51.240
<v Speaker 1>Could be over for you. No, for sure.

0:28:51.560 --> 0:28:54.040
<v Speaker 3>So it is scary. I understand why people feel like

0:28:54.680 --> 0:28:57.240
<v Speaker 3>I was there, you know. I mean, yeah, we come

0:28:57.280 --> 0:29:01.520
<v Speaker 3>in feeling like, okay, there is I think a subconscious

0:29:01.680 --> 0:29:05.160
<v Speaker 3>fear that I'm not enough, that who I am and

0:29:05.280 --> 0:29:10.239
<v Speaker 3>as I am may not be acceptable because we are

0:29:10.280 --> 0:29:16.360
<v Speaker 3>trying to please masses, you know, And that's people that

0:29:16.400 --> 0:29:18.840
<v Speaker 3>are handling your career make you painfully aware that you

0:29:18.920 --> 0:29:21.520
<v Speaker 3>have to be well liked. Yes, you know, and people

0:29:21.600 --> 0:29:23.120
<v Speaker 3>want to like your music, they want to come to

0:29:23.160 --> 0:29:24.719
<v Speaker 3>your show, they want to see an interview, you know,

0:29:25.240 --> 0:29:28.880
<v Speaker 3>so you're like, okay, oh god, so let me turn

0:29:29.000 --> 0:29:33.520
<v Speaker 3>my dial of me down to like two. You know,

0:29:33.600 --> 0:29:37.120
<v Speaker 3>I want to up here authentic, but I also am

0:29:37.120 --> 0:29:43.640
<v Speaker 3>feeling like super vulnerable and yeah performing At what point

0:29:43.640 --> 0:29:45.560
<v Speaker 3>of your career did you feel like, I know, in

0:29:45.560 --> 0:29:48.720
<v Speaker 3>the music industry they try to create the artists that

0:29:48.760 --> 0:29:50.120
<v Speaker 3>they want to see or that they feel is going

0:29:50.200 --> 0:29:51.480
<v Speaker 3>to pop for this moment in time.

0:29:52.000 --> 0:29:53.840
<v Speaker 2>At what point of your career did you feel like, well,

0:29:54.160 --> 0:29:56.440
<v Speaker 2>I don't. I'm not feeling like Carrie right now.

0:29:58.000 --> 0:30:01.720
<v Speaker 3>Early on, so they were initially they're were some songs

0:30:01.920 --> 0:30:07.280
<v Speaker 3>that I felt like, I, I don't think this represents

0:30:07.600 --> 0:30:11.880
<v Speaker 3>where I was wanting to go with this album. Yeah,

0:30:12.120 --> 0:30:14.720
<v Speaker 3>and I definitely don't think A. I don't think it

0:30:14.760 --> 0:30:16.480
<v Speaker 3>should make the album and B I don't think it

0:30:16.480 --> 0:30:17.200
<v Speaker 3>should be a single.

0:30:17.520 --> 0:30:17.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:30:17.960 --> 0:30:19.560
<v Speaker 3>So now I got to shoot a video for this

0:30:19.640 --> 0:30:22.480
<v Speaker 3>song I don't even like and I don't think represents

0:30:22.520 --> 0:30:26.160
<v Speaker 3>me well and never, I don't like the lyrics. I

0:30:26.160 --> 0:30:28.720
<v Speaker 3>don't this is does not represent who I am. Like,

0:30:28.760 --> 0:30:31.640
<v Speaker 3>there's so many there's quite a few examples of that

0:30:31.680 --> 0:30:33.360
<v Speaker 3>in my in my particular career.

0:30:33.520 --> 0:30:35.920
<v Speaker 1>What so I'm curious enough. Oh gosh, there's a few.

0:30:36.320 --> 0:30:36.920
<v Speaker 1>There's a few.

0:30:37.880 --> 0:30:40.640
<v Speaker 3>Energy would be one of them. I think Breaking Point

0:30:40.640 --> 0:30:45.560
<v Speaker 3>would be another. One would turn the favor let's see

0:30:46.520 --> 0:30:48.960
<v Speaker 3>change Me hated it, really hated it.

0:30:49.000 --> 0:30:52.400
<v Speaker 1>You probably even know it. It's with akon. Yeah, I love

0:30:52.480 --> 0:30:53.480
<v Speaker 1>that song, you do not?

0:30:54.400 --> 0:30:54.960
<v Speaker 2>I did?

0:30:55.240 --> 0:31:01.840
<v Speaker 1>Well, you don't I did? I love that song? Hated it?

0:31:02.120 --> 0:31:05.320
<v Speaker 3>I mean, and I didn't hate Energy or Breaking Point.

0:31:05.320 --> 0:31:07.080
<v Speaker 3>I didn't hate them, but I felt like they weren't.

0:31:07.240 --> 0:31:10.240
<v Speaker 3>They were both first on my album first. Energy was

0:31:10.240 --> 0:31:12.760
<v Speaker 3>first on my first album. Breaking Point was first single

0:31:12.760 --> 0:31:15.200
<v Speaker 3>of my second album. Yeah this is ass backwards.

0:31:15.200 --> 0:31:18.480
<v Speaker 1>We have way better because you knew what you had.

0:31:18.600 --> 0:31:20.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, I knew I had to knocked you down.

0:31:20.680 --> 0:31:22.960
<v Speaker 3>I knew I had freaking a rock on No boys

0:31:22.960 --> 0:31:25.400
<v Speaker 3>allowed like this. It was like, come on, y'all, man,

0:31:25.560 --> 0:31:26.760
<v Speaker 3>this is ridiculous.

0:31:26.960 --> 0:31:28.320
<v Speaker 1>And did you feel like you had a voice in

0:31:28.320 --> 0:31:30.000
<v Speaker 1>that moment? Not as much?

0:31:30.560 --> 0:31:33.040
<v Speaker 3>You know, not as much. And then of course the

0:31:33.080 --> 0:31:35.200
<v Speaker 3>way you love me and the turn of me on

0:31:35.320 --> 0:31:39.560
<v Speaker 3>remix that was pointless. It was you know, so I

0:31:40.280 --> 0:31:44.480
<v Speaker 3>feel like I wore jackets that didn't fit me. Many

0:31:44.520 --> 0:31:47.160
<v Speaker 3>times in my career. I felt like that a lot,

0:31:47.240 --> 0:31:50.000
<v Speaker 3>And it wasn't until me taking a break that I

0:31:50.080 --> 0:31:54.200
<v Speaker 3>felt strong enough to even reveal that, yeah, I'm just

0:31:54.240 --> 0:31:57.719
<v Speaker 3>now talking about that really in the song space. But

0:31:58.760 --> 0:32:05.240
<v Speaker 3>I did not feel strong enough to say I haven't

0:32:05.240 --> 0:32:11.120
<v Speaker 3>been showing you guys me yeah, until I started doing

0:32:11.160 --> 0:32:16.840
<v Speaker 3>interviews from the valley. And that's when I felt strong

0:32:16.920 --> 0:32:22.040
<v Speaker 3>enough and self assured enough, self aware. I didn't have

0:32:22.120 --> 0:32:24.840
<v Speaker 3>the handlers in my picture anymore.

0:32:25.480 --> 0:32:28.000
<v Speaker 1>So this is the freedom you're talking about.

0:32:28.040 --> 0:32:31.880
<v Speaker 3>Felt free, felt free enough to be authentic again. And

0:32:31.920 --> 0:32:33.959
<v Speaker 3>then it was like an uphill battle because people are like, well,

0:32:33.960 --> 0:32:35.560
<v Speaker 3>that ain't what you said five years ago, you know

0:32:35.600 --> 0:32:35.960
<v Speaker 3>what I mean.

0:32:36.880 --> 0:32:38.280
<v Speaker 1>People don't let you live things down.

0:32:38.400 --> 0:32:41.160
<v Speaker 3>They don't, so you don't always get the opportunity to

0:32:41.320 --> 0:32:44.360
<v Speaker 3>grow and to show people like to keep I just,

0:32:44.520 --> 0:32:46.800
<v Speaker 3>I just I felt like, if you can go with

0:32:46.840 --> 0:32:49.880
<v Speaker 3>me through this vision, because I had a literal vision

0:32:49.920 --> 0:32:50.200
<v Speaker 3>of this.

0:32:51.200 --> 0:32:55.000
<v Speaker 1>I was walking in this vision.

0:32:55.360 --> 0:32:56.800
<v Speaker 3>I won't I won't say where I was walking to,

0:32:57.040 --> 0:32:58.040
<v Speaker 3>that's beside the point.

0:32:58.160 --> 0:32:59.480
<v Speaker 1>But I was literally walking.

0:33:01.160 --> 0:33:04.080
<v Speaker 3>You know that period between sleep and wake, Yes, when

0:33:04.120 --> 0:33:05.880
<v Speaker 3>you have you literally see things?

0:33:06.040 --> 0:33:07.800
<v Speaker 1>Why do And.

0:33:09.280 --> 0:33:12.360
<v Speaker 3>I was like pulling off garments of clothes.

0:33:12.640 --> 0:33:13.880
<v Speaker 1>I was like dropping.

0:33:13.920 --> 0:33:15.800
<v Speaker 3>I had things in my hands and I was just dropping.

0:33:15.800 --> 0:33:18.280
<v Speaker 3>And I kept walking and I things would appear in

0:33:18.280 --> 0:33:19.960
<v Speaker 3>my hands and I was just like, okay, gotta put

0:33:20.000 --> 0:33:22.360
<v Speaker 3>that down, Okay, And I would take off another layer

0:33:22.400 --> 0:33:24.800
<v Speaker 3>of clothing, Like I had all these layers of clothes

0:33:25.400 --> 0:33:28.680
<v Speaker 3>and like hat and things in my hands that would

0:33:28.720 --> 0:33:31.520
<v Speaker 3>just appear, and I just was like walking down a.

0:33:33.040 --> 0:33:35.800
<v Speaker 1>Road and just shedding.

0:33:36.360 --> 0:33:39.960
<v Speaker 3>And I had that vision about I think it was

0:33:40.000 --> 0:33:46.680
<v Speaker 3>like twenty twenty one maybe, and I was like, Oh,

0:33:46.680 --> 0:33:47.720
<v Speaker 3>that's what I've been doing.

0:33:48.080 --> 0:33:48.600
<v Speaker 1>It struck me.

0:33:48.640 --> 0:33:51.680
<v Speaker 3>I woke up in tears and I didn't understand why

0:33:51.800 --> 0:33:54.760
<v Speaker 3>until I reflected on that vision, and I just was like, Oh,

0:33:54.800 --> 0:33:57.160
<v Speaker 3>that's what I've been doing, shedding, That's.

0:33:56.960 --> 0:33:57.560
<v Speaker 1>What i've been doing.

0:33:57.560 --> 0:33:58.880
<v Speaker 3>And all these things that I didn't know that I

0:33:58.920 --> 0:34:01.000
<v Speaker 3>was carrying, they would just pure in my hand and

0:34:01.040 --> 0:34:03.400
<v Speaker 3>I'd be like, don't want that, don't want that, don't

0:34:03.400 --> 0:34:05.920
<v Speaker 3>need this, don't know, don't even know why I'm dropping

0:34:05.960 --> 0:34:08.960
<v Speaker 3>it or why it's there or what it is. But

0:34:09.320 --> 0:34:12.600
<v Speaker 3>some was given to me. Some was like imposed upon me.

0:34:13.440 --> 0:34:17.920
<v Speaker 3>Some things were perceptions that I inherited from people, chatter,

0:34:18.520 --> 0:34:22.280
<v Speaker 3>comments and posts and all the things.

0:34:22.360 --> 0:34:22.600
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:34:22.920 --> 0:34:26.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, social media was kind of just taking off as

0:34:26.040 --> 0:34:31.280
<v Speaker 2>your career was exploding because you were out of this world.

0:34:31.400 --> 0:34:34.040
<v Speaker 2>But I remember like Twitter, just Facebook was around, but

0:34:34.080 --> 0:34:36.680
<v Speaker 2>like Twitter was coming around at that time, so people

0:34:36.680 --> 0:34:39.040
<v Speaker 2>were That's when people we started tweeting our thoughts.

0:34:39.160 --> 0:34:40.560
<v Speaker 3>Yes, yes, we.

0:34:40.480 --> 0:34:44.120
<v Speaker 2>Hadn't in opinions, right, I remember that, So I can

0:34:44.200 --> 0:34:47.719
<v Speaker 2>imagine for you to be at the front end of that.

0:34:48.200 --> 0:34:49.719
<v Speaker 2>I know it was like for me. We were just

0:34:49.760 --> 0:34:52.240
<v Speaker 2>me and O Shauna were just talking about She's.

0:34:52.080 --> 0:34:54.600
<v Speaker 1>Like, how do you like get through like what people

0:34:54.640 --> 0:34:57.800
<v Speaker 1>say online sometimes and like it doesn't hurt your feelings?

0:34:57.800 --> 0:35:01.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, absolutely, you know, there's still times where I

0:35:01.520 --> 0:35:03.640
<v Speaker 2>may see something, but I'm able to like brush it

0:35:03.680 --> 0:35:04.920
<v Speaker 2>off faster than I used to be.

0:35:05.000 --> 0:35:06.080
<v Speaker 1>I was sitting it and.

0:35:06.000 --> 0:35:07.840
<v Speaker 2>I was like, but you don't they don't know me,

0:35:07.880 --> 0:35:10.360
<v Speaker 2>and I feel like I need to respond. So I

0:35:10.360 --> 0:35:13.480
<v Speaker 2>can imagine what that was like for you. Yeah, then

0:35:14.040 --> 0:35:16.279
<v Speaker 2>really like trying to navigate this new career and then

0:35:16.800 --> 0:35:19.160
<v Speaker 2>being at the pinnacle of people speaking their mind.

0:35:19.960 --> 0:35:23.000
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and I was last for some reason. I was

0:35:23.040 --> 0:35:26.040
<v Speaker 3>at a in an interview with Andree Martinez, who was like,

0:35:26.080 --> 0:35:26.800
<v Speaker 3>you need a Twitter.

0:35:27.680 --> 0:35:30.600
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I didn't really know what it was.

0:35:30.760 --> 0:35:33.279
<v Speaker 3>But I wasn't really a social media person like that

0:35:33.320 --> 0:35:35.319
<v Speaker 3>because there was my Space and there was I never

0:35:35.400 --> 0:35:38.000
<v Speaker 3>I still haven't ever been on Facebook. I have a page.

0:35:38.200 --> 0:35:40.200
<v Speaker 1>Wow, you can continue to follow that.

0:35:42.160 --> 0:35:45.960
<v Speaker 3>But I did MySpace and I was into it, you know,

0:35:46.760 --> 0:35:48.480
<v Speaker 3>to a degree, but I was like, oh, there's more

0:35:48.560 --> 0:35:51.600
<v Speaker 3>things to do now. Yeah, Oh gosh, I'm trying to write.

0:35:51.640 --> 0:35:54.000
<v Speaker 3>I'm in this session right now. I got to, you know,

0:35:54.080 --> 0:35:56.759
<v Speaker 3>so I kind of became anti in like a year

0:35:56.880 --> 0:35:57.440
<v Speaker 3>or two into it.

0:35:57.520 --> 0:35:59.560
<v Speaker 1>She's like, you still don't have a Twitter page? And

0:35:59.560 --> 0:36:02.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, no, God, And I was late to the

0:36:02.080 --> 0:36:06.879
<v Speaker 1>party on all those Yes, same all of it. We're

0:36:06.920 --> 0:36:10.000
<v Speaker 1>not followers. It takes a while.

0:36:10.280 --> 0:36:12.680
<v Speaker 3>Yes, I'm like, oh, you got to force me to

0:36:12.680 --> 0:36:15.520
<v Speaker 3>twist my arm. And that's exactly how it happened. And

0:36:15.560 --> 0:36:17.959
<v Speaker 3>had she not said it on air, I never I probably.

0:36:18.840 --> 0:36:19.680
<v Speaker 1>Even I wouldn't have done it.

0:36:19.719 --> 0:36:21.759
<v Speaker 3>Yet eventually I would have had to give in because

0:36:21.760 --> 0:36:23.760
<v Speaker 3>it became such a huge part of promotion.

0:36:24.000 --> 0:36:25.520
<v Speaker 1>It has, but.

0:36:25.560 --> 0:36:28.920
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it was such a double edged sword because you're right.

0:36:29.000 --> 0:36:34.359
<v Speaker 3>The opinions they do, they can and they do, and

0:36:34.440 --> 0:36:38.600
<v Speaker 3>you just get easier the more I guess self aware and.

0:36:40.000 --> 0:36:42.160
<v Speaker 1>The more love you have for yourself.

0:36:42.200 --> 0:36:46.160
<v Speaker 3>I think that, Yeah, you're like, oh, that's not rooted

0:36:46.160 --> 0:36:49.360
<v Speaker 3>in fact exactly literally how you're perceiving me, and you

0:36:49.440 --> 0:36:52.440
<v Speaker 3>might feel bad. I feel empathy for people that still perceive.

0:36:52.239 --> 0:36:55.319
<v Speaker 1>Me, and it is now exactly that you see me

0:36:55.360 --> 0:36:55.920
<v Speaker 1>that way.

0:36:56.600 --> 0:37:03.840
<v Speaker 2>Poor girl, you know you're suffering. I'm not right, you

0:37:03.880 --> 0:37:06.600
<v Speaker 2>know that's real. Yeah, And I love that we've It

0:37:06.640 --> 0:37:08.680
<v Speaker 2>comes with the self awareness. For me, it was therapy.

0:37:08.800 --> 0:37:12.040
<v Speaker 2>It was learning who I am and understanding who I

0:37:12.080 --> 0:37:14.440
<v Speaker 2>am in this industry, you know, and what my purpose

0:37:14.560 --> 0:37:14.879
<v Speaker 2>is here?

0:37:15.120 --> 0:37:18.120
<v Speaker 3>Yes, yes, And by let me clear this up, by suffering,

0:37:18.160 --> 0:37:21.120
<v Speaker 3>I didn't mean you're suffering in life. I bet your

0:37:21.200 --> 0:37:25.640
<v Speaker 3>opinion of me is causing you to suffer a perception

0:37:26.200 --> 0:37:29.000
<v Speaker 3>of me, and you're suffering with that. But I don't

0:37:29.040 --> 0:37:32.000
<v Speaker 3>suffer with that because I know the I know the

0:37:32.040 --> 0:37:35.919
<v Speaker 3>truth of the whole picture. Yeah, I don't want people

0:37:35.960 --> 0:37:38.239
<v Speaker 3>to think that I'm like calling anyone lowly or at

0:37:38.280 --> 0:37:40.279
<v Speaker 3>first I believe that I'm superior to anyone, because I

0:37:40.320 --> 0:37:41.120
<v Speaker 3>really don't play that game.

0:37:41.239 --> 0:37:43.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, no, saying really, Yeah, you know, and I didn't.

0:37:44.000 --> 0:37:44.920
<v Speaker 2>I didn't even take it that way.

0:37:45.000 --> 0:37:48.359
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I thought about someone might take that the wrong way.

0:37:49.400 --> 0:37:52.800
<v Speaker 3>That is true too, Yeah, that is true too. People

0:37:52.800 --> 0:37:56.680
<v Speaker 3>are suffering, and they are sometimes just mean hearted. Sometimes

0:37:56.680 --> 0:37:59.399
<v Speaker 3>they don't believe what they perceive of you. They don't

0:37:59.440 --> 0:38:02.120
<v Speaker 3>believe it, but they want to They want to attack you.

0:38:02.440 --> 0:38:04.160
<v Speaker 3>They want to make you feel.

0:38:04.120 --> 0:38:07.920
<v Speaker 1>The pain they're feeling. Yeah, that is so true. That

0:38:08.040 --> 0:38:08.680
<v Speaker 1>is so true.

0:38:08.760 --> 0:38:10.400
<v Speaker 2>I want to ask you, is there a version of

0:38:10.480 --> 0:38:13.799
<v Speaker 2>Carrie Hilton that is sitting here today that simply would

0:38:13.880 --> 0:38:17.640
<v Speaker 2>not exist if you had not stepped away?

0:38:17.719 --> 0:38:20.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, the whole version what I'm looking at you like, Yeah,

0:38:21.000 --> 0:38:24.640
<v Speaker 1>the whole thing. Yeah. I don't know where i'd be.

0:38:24.680 --> 0:38:29.000
<v Speaker 3>I just I just I'm so grateful that I was

0:38:29.080 --> 0:38:32.000
<v Speaker 3>so ballsy to do what I needed to do. I

0:38:32.040 --> 0:38:38.640
<v Speaker 3>can't I cannot imagine where I be had I pushed

0:38:40.680 --> 0:38:43.400
<v Speaker 3>through to the degree that it would have taken me

0:38:43.480 --> 0:38:46.040
<v Speaker 3>to push through. I think it would I literally would

0:38:46.040 --> 0:38:50.840
<v Speaker 3>have been a train wreck that everyone would have watched.

0:38:50.960 --> 0:38:54.319
<v Speaker 3>You know, even more than people think my life went

0:38:54.440 --> 0:38:57.080
<v Speaker 3>in that direction, people think that I know the truth.

0:38:58.080 --> 0:38:59.920
<v Speaker 3>I call it the valley because in some ways it was,

0:39:00.719 --> 0:39:01.960
<v Speaker 3>but it wasn't the valley the.

0:39:01.880 --> 0:39:03.520
<v Speaker 1>Whole time, right exactly.

0:39:03.560 --> 0:39:07.319
<v Speaker 3>But when you're not relevant, people think that you are there.

0:39:07.360 --> 0:39:10.600
<v Speaker 3>And I'm like, actually, I am the most beautiful version

0:39:11.200 --> 0:39:14.960
<v Speaker 3>of myself now then I was when you guys thought.

0:39:14.719 --> 0:39:17.400
<v Speaker 1>That I was on the top. So wow.

0:39:18.000 --> 0:39:20.880
<v Speaker 2>I just had a mayor Kisha Lan's bottom zone recently

0:39:21.000 --> 0:39:24.520
<v Speaker 2>and she said, powerful women, what was it?

0:39:25.239 --> 0:39:25.600
<v Speaker 4>Strong?

0:39:25.640 --> 0:39:30.279
<v Speaker 2>Powerful women? No, strong women pushed through. Powerful women know

0:39:30.320 --> 0:39:35.080
<v Speaker 2>when to stop. Yes, yes, And that was so profound

0:39:35.440 --> 0:39:37.280
<v Speaker 2>And what she just said reminded.

0:39:36.880 --> 0:39:40.440
<v Speaker 1>Me of that that's there's so much power in the stock.

0:39:41.120 --> 0:39:43.600
<v Speaker 3>Yes, yeah, and you don't you won't do it if

0:39:43.600 --> 0:39:47.919
<v Speaker 3>you don't empower yourself ever, do or be or give

0:39:47.960 --> 0:39:53.759
<v Speaker 3>yourself what you truly need if you don't feel powerful enough, you.

0:39:53.719 --> 0:39:56.040
<v Speaker 1>Know, because I was like, I don't know where my

0:39:56.040 --> 0:39:57.440
<v Speaker 1>money's gonna come from. I don't know.

0:39:57.520 --> 0:39:59.200
<v Speaker 3>I mean, thank God for royalty.

0:39:59.120 --> 0:40:03.640
<v Speaker 1>Thank God for you know. Yeah, but like and you

0:40:03.640 --> 0:40:05.439
<v Speaker 1>were okay with that? Was during that time?

0:40:05.520 --> 0:40:08.560
<v Speaker 2>Was there ever a moment of do I need Maybe

0:40:08.600 --> 0:40:12.000
<v Speaker 2>I should get back to it, because you know, you're

0:40:12.080 --> 0:40:14.120
<v Speaker 2>used to a certain lifestyle. You used to say money

0:40:14.120 --> 0:40:17.200
<v Speaker 2>coming in, show money, all this, and then you're like

0:40:17.239 --> 0:40:20.440
<v Speaker 2>taking this pause. Was there a moment where you were like, Okay,

0:40:20.480 --> 0:40:21.879
<v Speaker 2>maybe I need to rethink this.

0:40:22.160 --> 0:40:26.320
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, I'm being honest. I was like I would

0:40:26.320 --> 0:40:27.839
<v Speaker 3>have to call my manager, like, hey, let's go.

0:40:27.880 --> 0:40:30.520
<v Speaker 1>We call it shaking the trees. Go shake some trees.

0:40:30.880 --> 0:40:32.600
<v Speaker 3>Getting a little funny out here. You know, there were

0:40:32.640 --> 0:40:33.600
<v Speaker 3>moments where.

0:40:33.640 --> 0:40:35.600
<v Speaker 1>I was just but.

0:40:37.080 --> 0:40:40.759
<v Speaker 3>I never felt like I was changing my lifestyle, like

0:40:40.800 --> 0:40:44.680
<v Speaker 3>I never. I'm responsible enough to have never reached that

0:40:44.760 --> 0:40:48.120
<v Speaker 3>kind of bridge or fork in the road. And you know,

0:40:48.520 --> 0:40:53.160
<v Speaker 3>I'm pretty frugal, I'm economical. I'm not like you know,

0:40:53.200 --> 0:40:55.520
<v Speaker 3>I'm not a shopper like you don't even never. Ain't

0:40:55.520 --> 0:40:57.759
<v Speaker 3>nobody ever seen me in the stores in Atlanta, you

0:40:57.840 --> 0:40:59.680
<v Speaker 3>know what I mean. I'm never, I'm hardly ever there.

0:41:00.120 --> 0:41:03.799
<v Speaker 3>She knows I might do it Christmas time, might do

0:41:03.840 --> 0:41:07.319
<v Speaker 3>it Christmas time. Yeah, but that's gonna be for one day,

0:41:07.400 --> 0:41:10.040
<v Speaker 3>like for one item, Like okay, I really can't order

0:41:10.040 --> 0:41:13.480
<v Speaker 3>the whatever. Yeah, but like I'm not frivolous, I'm not.

0:41:13.560 --> 0:41:17.960
<v Speaker 3>I live within my means at all times. So I didn't,

0:41:18.239 --> 0:41:21.040
<v Speaker 3>thank God, like I didn't ever feel like I had

0:41:21.040 --> 0:41:24.520
<v Speaker 3>to do things to like try to prove to myself

0:41:24.600 --> 0:41:27.520
<v Speaker 3>or prove to others that I still have like I

0:41:27.560 --> 0:41:28.680
<v Speaker 3>in my circle ain't like that.

0:41:28.960 --> 0:41:32.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah, people that are watching me understand who I am. Yes,

0:41:32.320 --> 0:41:35.759
<v Speaker 1>so yeah, I think I've been.

0:41:36.160 --> 0:41:37.840
<v Speaker 3>But there have been times where I'm looking at the

0:41:37.880 --> 0:41:41.680
<v Speaker 3>records and you know, just overlooking, just like i'd like to.

0:41:41.760 --> 0:41:44.400
<v Speaker 3>I like more numbers in that. I like more numbers

0:41:44.440 --> 0:41:45.399
<v Speaker 3>in my account.

0:41:45.080 --> 0:41:48.719
<v Speaker 2>Than that, you know, yeah whatever, Yeah, yeah, I love that.

0:41:48.840 --> 0:41:54.040
<v Speaker 2>But you the right time, the timing you now you're backing.

0:41:54.320 --> 0:41:57.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I love that. Now were you still like writing

0:41:57.400 --> 0:42:00.239
<v Speaker 1>during that time for other people or not? Really? You

0:42:00.280 --> 0:42:02.200
<v Speaker 1>just kind of left music alone all together.

0:42:02.560 --> 0:42:03.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:42:03.640 --> 0:42:06.319
<v Speaker 3>There was a period of that fifteen years where I

0:42:06.400 --> 0:42:09.279
<v Speaker 3>just didn't even want to hear music. I didn't even

0:42:09.560 --> 0:42:11.600
<v Speaker 3>literally my life was silent for years.

0:42:13.640 --> 0:42:15.000
<v Speaker 1>And I know a lot of singers. Even when you

0:42:15.000 --> 0:42:15.960
<v Speaker 1>sat down, you were humming.

0:42:16.719 --> 0:42:20.760
<v Speaker 2>Like so, I can't imagine your world without music, not even.

0:42:20.600 --> 0:42:27.960
<v Speaker 3>Humming, not singing in the shower, no music in the car. No. Literally,

0:42:28.080 --> 0:42:30.080
<v Speaker 3>the only music I would hear was the music on

0:42:30.120 --> 0:42:34.319
<v Speaker 3>the plane on Delta, you know before you take off

0:42:34.360 --> 0:42:37.359
<v Speaker 3>me that it would be music in a grocery store

0:42:37.480 --> 0:42:40.560
<v Speaker 3>or wherever, whatever, wherever I happened to be an elevator

0:42:40.640 --> 0:42:42.280
<v Speaker 3>or something like hotel.

0:42:43.160 --> 0:42:45.200
<v Speaker 1>I literally radial.

0:42:45.360 --> 0:42:48.560
<v Speaker 3>I was not aware of who was out, who was

0:42:48.600 --> 0:42:52.520
<v Speaker 3>doing what, what songs were charting. I still don't look

0:42:52.520 --> 0:42:57.319
<v Speaker 3>at the charts. But I just was completely I fell

0:42:57.400 --> 0:42:59.719
<v Speaker 3>out of love. I felt like music betrayed me. And

0:43:00.600 --> 0:43:04.239
<v Speaker 3>in a sense, you know, so yeah, I.

0:43:04.280 --> 0:43:08.080
<v Speaker 1>Just couldn't What built the trust back? You felt betrayed?

0:43:08.120 --> 0:43:10.120
<v Speaker 2>What what built that trust back for you to make

0:43:10.160 --> 0:43:10.640
<v Speaker 2>your return?

0:43:14.040 --> 0:43:20.600
<v Speaker 3>That's a really that's a good question. I think just time,

0:43:21.400 --> 0:43:28.520
<v Speaker 3>I guess, just time and getting out of that depression,

0:43:29.040 --> 0:43:31.480
<v Speaker 3>Like seeing the world the way that I was seeing

0:43:31.480 --> 0:43:35.960
<v Speaker 3>it during the dark phase played a big part in

0:43:36.640 --> 0:43:40.120
<v Speaker 3>how I viewed everything, how I viewed music, how you know,

0:43:40.640 --> 0:43:42.279
<v Speaker 3>like it was kind of it was like when I

0:43:42.320 --> 0:43:44.839
<v Speaker 3>listened to music, my heart would break. It was like

0:43:44.880 --> 0:43:47.240
<v Speaker 3>looking at a picture of a loved one that you lost.

0:43:48.680 --> 0:43:49.359
<v Speaker 3>It was like that.

0:43:49.560 --> 0:43:51.359
<v Speaker 1>It was like looking at a picture my mother died.

0:43:51.480 --> 0:43:53.480
<v Speaker 3>My mother did not die. Let me knock on woods.

0:43:54.239 --> 0:43:55.759
<v Speaker 1>You don't want that. My dad did die. But it

0:43:55.800 --> 0:43:57.200
<v Speaker 1>was like you went through a friend.

0:43:58.040 --> 0:44:01.440
<v Speaker 3>It's like a fresh wound that you are like that's

0:44:01.480 --> 0:44:04.400
<v Speaker 3>what listening to music was for me, even though I

0:44:04.440 --> 0:44:09.080
<v Speaker 3>decided to step away just as fate would have it,

0:44:09.160 --> 0:44:14.640
<v Speaker 3>Like I just I didn't expect for it to not

0:44:16.560 --> 0:44:20.280
<v Speaker 3>be a lego thing that I could like put back together.

0:44:20.360 --> 0:44:22.880
<v Speaker 3>I didn't expect that it would implode the way that

0:44:22.960 --> 0:44:25.320
<v Speaker 3>it is, that I would lose major players, that I

0:44:25.320 --> 0:44:34.759
<v Speaker 3>would lose my situation, my record deal that now that

0:44:34.920 --> 0:44:38.799
<v Speaker 3>turned out best case scenario for me, thank god, But

0:44:39.080 --> 0:44:42.200
<v Speaker 3>like to lose people that I felt like believed in me,

0:44:43.320 --> 0:44:46.479
<v Speaker 3>you know, so for me, all because I'm doing something,

0:44:46.520 --> 0:44:48.000
<v Speaker 3>I'm just taking a break. I didn't say I was

0:44:48.000 --> 0:44:49.759
<v Speaker 3>gone forever. I just was taking a break and now

0:44:49.840 --> 0:44:52.520
<v Speaker 3>you want to But it wasn't all about that. There

0:44:52.600 --> 0:44:57.120
<v Speaker 3>was other things that I should not reveal here today,

0:44:57.239 --> 0:45:02.719
<v Speaker 3>but you know a lot went into that. But yeah,

0:45:02.840 --> 0:45:05.239
<v Speaker 3>I just I felt in a sense, I felt like

0:45:05.239 --> 0:45:10.879
<v Speaker 3>my dream betrayed me in a sense. So I think

0:45:10.920 --> 0:45:16.280
<v Speaker 3>you just have to sometimes change your outlook and then

0:45:19.000 --> 0:45:24.640
<v Speaker 3>like things become more comfortable things, you process things better

0:45:24.680 --> 0:45:25.400
<v Speaker 3>when you're well.

0:45:26.160 --> 0:45:30.160
<v Speaker 2>Yes, yes, speaking of depression and being well, did you

0:45:30.360 --> 0:45:30.960
<v Speaker 2>do therapy?

0:45:31.080 --> 0:45:33.440
<v Speaker 1>What was your process to really work through that?

0:45:33.800 --> 0:45:35.799
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it was a lot it was therapy, it was

0:45:35.840 --> 0:45:40.719
<v Speaker 3>spiritual retreats, it was journaling, it was taking why I

0:45:40.920 --> 0:45:48.200
<v Speaker 3>discovered taking walks and I discovered meditation. I only said yes,

0:45:48.600 --> 0:45:50.799
<v Speaker 3>I called it my se la or my eat pray

0:45:50.880 --> 0:45:54.240
<v Speaker 3>love face nice because I would literally crystal. I would

0:45:54.360 --> 0:45:57.640
<v Speaker 3>only take shows in the countries that I wanted to

0:45:57.680 --> 0:46:00.520
<v Speaker 3>go to. MM It's like, oh yeah Thailand, sure, Oh

0:46:00.560 --> 0:46:04.399
<v Speaker 3>I've never seen China, let's do China. Wow, Morocco, Yeah,

0:46:04.480 --> 0:46:04.799
<v Speaker 3>let's go.

0:46:04.960 --> 0:46:09.880
<v Speaker 1>Let's you know all the countries I went to in Africa,

0:46:10.000 --> 0:46:10.920
<v Speaker 1>most happened.

0:46:12.520 --> 0:46:15.160
<v Speaker 3>That's not true, but a lot happened. We continued to

0:46:15.200 --> 0:46:17.640
<v Speaker 3>go to Africa, like I went a lot while I

0:46:17.719 --> 0:46:20.640
<v Speaker 3>was out, but yeah, anyway, Yeah, I only went to

0:46:20.640 --> 0:46:22.840
<v Speaker 3>places like, yes, I want to see Kenya, Yes, I

0:46:22.880 --> 0:46:25.359
<v Speaker 3>want to do so far there. Yep, you know there

0:46:25.440 --> 0:46:29.360
<v Speaker 3>was so you know, so all of that, Like I

0:46:29.400 --> 0:46:32.400
<v Speaker 3>can't really attribute it to one thing because my healing

0:46:32.560 --> 0:46:35.520
<v Speaker 3>was so fast. And mushrooms, which I talked about on

0:46:36.560 --> 0:46:38.120
<v Speaker 3>another show, Angie Martina's show.

0:46:38.840 --> 0:46:41.160
<v Speaker 1>I think I remember seeing a clipp of it. Yeah.

0:46:41.200 --> 0:46:46.280
<v Speaker 3>I discovered macro and micro docing and that was really

0:46:46.520 --> 0:46:50.359
<v Speaker 3>good for me. And I had some destructive things too,

0:46:50.480 --> 0:46:52.959
<v Speaker 3>like during COVID when I did lose my dad. Yeah,

0:46:54.040 --> 0:46:59.840
<v Speaker 3>I picked up drinking and was just doing some destructive

0:46:59.880 --> 0:47:04.840
<v Speaker 3>thing in that phase and partying a lot. Well that

0:47:04.960 --> 0:47:08.080
<v Speaker 3>was before that. That was maybe around twenty sixteen. I

0:47:08.120 --> 0:47:09.320
<v Speaker 3>was partying a lot.

0:47:09.840 --> 0:47:11.880
<v Speaker 1>I remember I was partying two and I remember seeing you.

0:47:12.040 --> 0:47:19.120
<v Speaker 2>Okay, me too, girl, Okay, dress out next week.

0:47:25.760 --> 0:47:28.520
<v Speaker 1>Yes, I remember, yes, I remember that. Yes.

0:47:28.600 --> 0:47:30.960
<v Speaker 2>And then I remember you posting your dad was like

0:47:30.960 --> 0:47:34.480
<v Speaker 2>your twin, Like, I just remember you posting something about him.

0:47:34.480 --> 0:47:37.560
<v Speaker 1>I was like, gods, they have the same face. But

0:47:37.640 --> 0:47:41.880
<v Speaker 1>I remember feeling the heartbreak even through your posts about him. Yeah.

0:47:42.160 --> 0:47:42.760
<v Speaker 1>And then we're.

0:47:42.600 --> 0:47:45.279
<v Speaker 2>Already going through so much with COVID, and then on

0:47:45.320 --> 0:47:46.840
<v Speaker 2>top of that, we're.

0:47:46.640 --> 0:47:50.520
<v Speaker 1>And all the things. Yeah, what a time. Man. I

0:47:50.600 --> 0:47:56.239
<v Speaker 1>drank COVID away. I ate it away, poor dry. I

0:47:56.280 --> 0:47:59.000
<v Speaker 1>was like, oh, I think this is alcoholism. Let me back,

0:47:59.600 --> 0:48:00.640
<v Speaker 1>this is alcoholism.

0:48:00.840 --> 0:48:05.680
<v Speaker 3>Gained all that weight, like e things, Yeah, things I

0:48:05.680 --> 0:48:07.200
<v Speaker 3>hadn't eaten since.

0:48:06.960 --> 0:48:09.760
<v Speaker 1>I was a kid. Like, you are not hungry.

0:48:09.800 --> 0:48:11.080
<v Speaker 3>It's five o'clock in the morning.

0:48:11.280 --> 0:48:15.880
<v Speaker 1>I am Why am I cooking? Right? Cooking with Chris

0:48:15.960 --> 0:48:18.120
<v Speaker 1>was in full effect. I was types of.

0:48:18.160 --> 0:48:21.680
<v Speaker 2>Recipes in sweatpants, and then I had to get dressed.

0:48:21.719 --> 0:48:25.120
<v Speaker 1>I said, none of none of it, nothing is any

0:48:25.640 --> 0:48:28.759
<v Speaker 1>Oh girl, a mess. I picked up my legging, my

0:48:28.840 --> 0:48:30.760
<v Speaker 1>love for legging. Yeah in COVID.

0:48:31.520 --> 0:48:33.720
<v Speaker 3>Now I just can't stop.

0:48:32.800 --> 0:48:35.800
<v Speaker 1>Ye right, I want nothing that's too tight. Yeah, I

0:48:35.840 --> 0:48:39.480
<v Speaker 1>can't stand it. Now we are the same. Oh my gosh, yeah,

0:48:39.520 --> 0:48:40.319
<v Speaker 1>I can't do it.

0:48:40.600 --> 0:48:43.719
<v Speaker 2>Let's say, but I love Carrie, how you have come

0:48:43.760 --> 0:48:44.760
<v Speaker 2>out on the other side.

0:48:45.160 --> 0:48:47.880
<v Speaker 1>When I see you, when you walked in just glowing.

0:48:48.520 --> 0:48:52.880
<v Speaker 2>I loved it because people they they see the absence,

0:48:52.920 --> 0:48:57.279
<v Speaker 2>but they don't see what the refining that happened in

0:48:57.360 --> 0:48:59.920
<v Speaker 2>the absence. I see it, you know, And I'm just

0:49:00.080 --> 0:49:02.040
<v Speaker 2>I want to say, I'm proud of you. I'm glad

0:49:02.080 --> 0:49:03.800
<v Speaker 2>that you are backhunting because we were waiting.

0:49:04.040 --> 0:49:06.440
<v Speaker 1>We were waiting. True story.

0:49:06.560 --> 0:49:10.799
<v Speaker 2>I moved to Atlanta in two thousand and nine and

0:49:11.000 --> 0:49:13.400
<v Speaker 2>I have cut my hair short and I had like

0:49:13.440 --> 0:49:15.320
<v Speaker 2>the blonde piece and they were.

0:49:15.200 --> 0:49:17.360
<v Speaker 1>Like, oh, she's trying to be like Carrie. You was

0:49:17.440 --> 0:49:18.520
<v Speaker 1>my inspiration girl.

0:49:18.760 --> 0:49:23.520
<v Speaker 4>Okay, yes, I loved, loved and loved you, but I

0:49:23.600 --> 0:49:27.319
<v Speaker 4>was a huge fan of yours and just to be

0:49:27.360 --> 0:49:29.200
<v Speaker 4>able to share space with you and sit down with

0:49:29.280 --> 0:49:30.800
<v Speaker 4>you and hear more about your story.

0:49:31.160 --> 0:49:35.160
<v Speaker 2>Yes, finally, I'm so grateful and I would love to

0:49:35.160 --> 0:49:39.360
<v Speaker 2>know our Our theme for this season is purpose, and

0:49:39.400 --> 0:49:43.600
<v Speaker 2>I want to know, after your fifteen year hiatus, what

0:49:43.800 --> 0:49:45.680
<v Speaker 2>is Carrie Hilson's purpose now?

0:49:46.880 --> 0:49:49.680
<v Speaker 3>I think my purpose now is what it always was.

0:49:51.480 --> 0:49:54.759
<v Speaker 3>But we derail ourselves at times, or we you know,

0:49:55.080 --> 0:49:57.560
<v Speaker 3>or life, you know, circumstances, whatever. But I think my

0:49:57.600 --> 0:50:01.040
<v Speaker 3>purpose is what it always has been, and that's to express.

0:50:02.600 --> 0:50:05.920
<v Speaker 3>I think it's as simple as that express, be authentic.

0:50:11.239 --> 0:50:14.160
<v Speaker 3>My purpose is to show people, I guess what's possible,

0:50:16.680 --> 0:50:23.440
<v Speaker 3>and I feel a sense of responsibility to young women

0:50:23.920 --> 0:50:30.360
<v Speaker 3>to be respectable, to dress a certain way, and to

0:50:30.400 --> 0:50:34.200
<v Speaker 3>show them that there's not just one way of doing things.

0:50:34.640 --> 0:50:34.840
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:50:35.239 --> 0:50:39.120
<v Speaker 3>I love it to be eloquent and to be just

0:50:39.200 --> 0:50:42.560
<v Speaker 3>authentic and be good, just to be good, be great,

0:50:42.680 --> 0:50:46.479
<v Speaker 3>be good, be at peace. Like I feel a sense

0:50:46.520 --> 0:50:51.920
<v Speaker 3>of purpose when I'm like just being my best. Yeah, yeah,

0:50:52.040 --> 0:50:54.160
<v Speaker 3>I love that. So we have part for it coming

0:50:54.200 --> 0:50:54.720
<v Speaker 3>out soon?

0:50:55.400 --> 0:50:57.600
<v Speaker 1>How long do you have to No, there's no part

0:50:57.680 --> 0:51:01.960
<v Speaker 1>for them. Oh you're just gonna just warm me sick? No, No,

0:51:02.400 --> 0:51:02.839
<v Speaker 1>what you mean?

0:51:03.000 --> 0:51:05.880
<v Speaker 3>Everything is released, Everything is going to be released for

0:51:06.080 --> 0:51:09.320
<v Speaker 3>this project.

0:51:08.000 --> 0:51:10.680
<v Speaker 2>Down Okay, okay, is there anything else that we can

0:51:10.680 --> 0:51:13.080
<v Speaker 2>support because you're also an actor, do you have anything

0:51:13.080 --> 0:51:13.719
<v Speaker 2>else going on?

0:51:13.800 --> 0:51:16.320
<v Speaker 1>I haven't been doing that really, you know, I've been promoting.

0:51:16.320 --> 0:51:19.680
<v Speaker 1>I've been on the road. I do. I'm not opposed to.

0:51:21.920 --> 0:51:21.960
<v Speaker 4>It.

0:51:22.120 --> 0:51:22.319
<v Speaker 1>Fun.

0:51:22.520 --> 0:51:23.000
<v Speaker 3>Thank you.

0:51:23.280 --> 0:51:24.480
<v Speaker 1>Likewise, thank you.

0:51:25.160 --> 0:51:31.919
<v Speaker 3>I yeah, for some reason in the past year or two,

0:51:31.960 --> 0:51:33.320
<v Speaker 3>there haven't been a lot of projects.

0:51:33.320 --> 0:51:34.759
<v Speaker 1>I haven't been part of a lot. I just had

0:51:34.800 --> 0:51:38.279
<v Speaker 1>this conversation that many projects happening. It's not. I just

0:51:38.400 --> 0:51:42.400
<v Speaker 1>was like, we're with the auditions. Yeah, have a once literally

0:51:42.400 --> 0:51:49.080
<v Speaker 1>just audition at all this year. Yeah. But yeah, I

0:51:49.120 --> 0:51:50.919
<v Speaker 1>mean I look forward to it. I enjoy it.

0:51:50.920 --> 0:51:51.359
<v Speaker 3>It's fun.

0:51:51.400 --> 0:51:51.880
<v Speaker 1>It's fun.

0:51:51.920 --> 0:51:54.440
<v Speaker 3>I like being a student. Yes, that's what acting is

0:51:54.480 --> 0:51:57.440
<v Speaker 3>for me. It's like, okay, for sure, I have my bearing.

0:51:57.480 --> 0:52:00.520
<v Speaker 3>I'm very sure of myself and my decision making and music.

0:52:00.760 --> 0:52:00.960
<v Speaker 1>Right.

0:52:01.440 --> 0:52:04.480
<v Speaker 3>I love being an arenas where I'm a student. Yes,

0:52:04.520 --> 0:52:07.040
<v Speaker 3>that is what acting is for me. I love it

0:52:07.080 --> 0:52:07.640
<v Speaker 3>for that reason.

0:52:07.680 --> 0:52:10.120
<v Speaker 2>Well, we look forward to what is to come, and

0:52:10.320 --> 0:52:12.040
<v Speaker 2>however we can support you, we will.

0:52:12.280 --> 0:52:16.360
<v Speaker 1>Thank you have a fan in the sweeties. We love you. Yes,

0:52:16.400 --> 0:52:18.719
<v Speaker 1>thank you so much. Carrie, thank you for having me.

0:52:18.800 --> 0:52:26.520
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely yes, Carrie, thank you so much for spending time

0:52:26.560 --> 0:52:30.319
<v Speaker 2>with us. This conversation was truly special and sweeties, if

0:52:30.360 --> 0:52:33.400
<v Speaker 2>you enjoy today's episode and make sure you like, subscribe

0:52:33.440 --> 0:52:35.879
<v Speaker 2>and share with someone that you love, because you never

0:52:35.960 --> 0:52:39.040
<v Speaker 2>know who might need this conversation. And before you go,

0:52:39.160 --> 0:52:41.600
<v Speaker 2>I am so excited to welcome you all to the

0:52:41.640 --> 0:52:45.080
<v Speaker 2>Sweet Social Club. If you've been rocking with us and

0:52:45.160 --> 0:52:47.760
<v Speaker 2>you want to be even more connected with the kids family,

0:52:47.880 --> 0:52:48.879
<v Speaker 2>this is for you.

0:52:49.480 --> 0:52:49.840
<v Speaker 1>Members.

0:52:49.880 --> 0:52:53.920
<v Speaker 2>You get access to exclusive events, special experiences, merch drops,

0:52:53.960 --> 0:52:57.240
<v Speaker 2>and so much more. Click the link in my bio

0:52:57.360 --> 0:53:01.160
<v Speaker 2>to join. We cannot wait to welcome you until next time.

0:53:01.520 --> 0:53:04.680
<v Speaker 2>And in between time, keep deposit, Sweetie. I love you guys,