Speaker 1: Calling all my Sweetish to the forefront.
Speaker 2: I'm your host, Chris Rhne Hazel, and this is the
Speaker 2: Keep It Positive Sweetish Show. Welcome to Keep It Positive, sweetye,
Speaker 2: the place where we he'll grow and learn together through
Speaker 2: honest conversations. I am so excited because today we are
Speaker 2: kicking off season twelve, and this season we are centering
Speaker 2: everything around one word purpose, not just finding it, but
Speaker 2: trusting it. And I couldn't think of a better person
Speaker 2: to help us start that conversation.
Speaker 1: And I'm so glad to be sitting with Karrie Hilson.
Speaker 2: Today's guest is a Grammy nominated singer, songwriter, actress, and
Speaker 2: creative whose artistry has left an undeniable mark on music.
Speaker 1: From unforgettable hits.
Speaker 2: Like and Knock You Down, Pretty Girl Rock and turning
Speaker 2: me on to writing songs for some of the biggest
Speaker 2: artists in the industry, She's built a career defined by talent, versatility,
Speaker 2: and authenticity, and now she's ushering in a new era
Speaker 2: with We Need to Talk, her first studio album in
Speaker 2: fifteen years. Released in three distinct chapters, the project invites
Speaker 2: listeners to conversations about healing, purpose and reclaiming your voice
Speaker 2: on your own terms. Sweet please give a very warm
Speaker 2: welcome to the one and only Carrie Hilson.
Speaker 1: Carrie, thank you so much for stopping by. Thank you.
Speaker 1: We've been trying to get you over here for so long.
Speaker 1: I feel like we've changed day like five times.
Speaker 2: That's how you know it's gonna be good. Yes, it's
Speaker 2: gonna be really, really good. I'm so excited. I met
Speaker 2: you a few years ago. We were doing a series
Speaker 2: at BMW had called on Court exactly, and immediately we
Speaker 2: hit it off. It was an instant connection, and I
Speaker 2: just loved your story, hearing about who you are and
Speaker 2: like how you got to where you were as a
Speaker 2: really cool event that we did. And I haven't really
Speaker 2: gotten to see you much because Instagram keeps you in
Speaker 2: touchee time, right, So I'm so happy to have you here.
Speaker 1: You have new music out, which we're gonna talk about.
Speaker 2: But before we get into that, I want to play
Speaker 2: a little game just to break the ice. Okay, So
Speaker 2: your new album is called We Need to Talk. So
Speaker 2: we're gonna play a game called leave a Voicemail. Yes,
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna give you little scenarios or people to
Speaker 2: leave a voicemail too, and you're just gonna the first
Speaker 2: thing that comes to mind.
Speaker 1: Leave a quick voicemail. Okay, ready, all right, all right.
Speaker 1: Voicemail number one your younger self. Ooh. First voicemail is
Speaker 1: to little Carrie. Leave her a message.
Speaker 3: Hey, Carrie, is gonna be a beautiful and wild ride.
Speaker 3: But you are gonna follow that dream you have.
Speaker 1: And you're gonna be so proud of yourself. Just hang
Speaker 1: in there. I love that. Voicemail number two.
Speaker 2: Leave a voicemail for the version of yourself that made
Speaker 2: the decision to step away from music.
Speaker 1: In real time or hindsight. Hindsight.
Speaker 3: Okay, Carrie, I'm really proud of you for fighting for
Speaker 3: what you need to do. Follow your heart, be authentic
Speaker 3: to your needs. No one will understand, absolutely no one.
Speaker 3: You're gonna lose some people that work with you. You're
Speaker 3: gonna lose some fans. You're gonna lose people. No one's
Speaker 3: gonna understand. Everyone's gonna question you, but only you know.
Speaker 3: So do what it is you need to do. I'll
Speaker 3: see you on the other side of this.
Speaker 1: So good, so good. Voicemail the number three, This is
Speaker 1: the last one.
Speaker 2: Okay, leave a voicemail for your fans who waited all
Speaker 2: these years for new music.
Speaker 3: A Carrie Crew, thank you for sticking it out, thank
Speaker 3: you for caring. Thank you for encouraging me along the way.
Speaker 3: You were my light in many times of darkness and doubt,
Speaker 3: and I thank you for that. I thank you for
Speaker 3: defending me. I thank you for every comment, every request,
Speaker 3: every post, every ticket you've bought, every every like you've tapped.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 3: I don't take your granted, your support for granted. It
Speaker 3: means the world to me, and you are a big
Speaker 3: motivator for me. So thank you.
Speaker 1: I can. I cannot say that enough. Thank you, Thank you,
Speaker 1: Thank you, Carry crew. That is beautiful. I love that, Carrie.
Speaker 1: Thank you so good. Thank you for playing along with me. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, we're gonna start off with some
Speaker 1: potential tears.
Speaker 2: Here we go that second one kind Yeah, yeah, that
Speaker 2: was good.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 2: So let's get into it. We need to talk with
Speaker 2: me something. When I'm in a relationship and I hear
Speaker 2: those two words it don't matter a friendship, relationship, whatever it.
Speaker 1: Is, I was like, oh, gosh, got to brace yourself.
Speaker 1: We need to talk about.
Speaker 2: You know what.
Speaker 3: I've only ever been the person to say it really
Speaker 3: never been with a man. It's like we need to talk. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's never happened, So I don't know what being the
Speaker 3: receiver of it is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do not know. That is so funny.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so when you came, when you landed on that
Speaker 2: as your title, I want to actually, who was the
Speaker 2: conversation originally for. Was it for yourself, was it for
Speaker 2: your listeners or was it for the industry.
Speaker 3: It was all all of your buff and I'm adding
Speaker 3: another one.
Speaker 1: It was for the person.
Speaker 3: I was dating.
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, yeah, the album.
Speaker 3: Is about that person, but I used that well, it
Speaker 3: was about multiple things about that person. It was about
Speaker 3: my own journey of love, drama, redemption. It's kind of
Speaker 3: like a double entendre of a story.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you take us on a ride, Yes, yes, yes, so.
Speaker 3: It's it's it was just I said it in the
Speaker 3: phone call on the album, which those calls are real.
Speaker 3: It's one phone call actually, yeah, but it's real, and
Speaker 3: I say it on the phone call, and that's what
Speaker 3: sparked the title. And then I was just like, oh, actually,
Speaker 3: I'm talking to my fans for the first time in
Speaker 3: a long time, talking to myself, like I'm literally by
Speaker 3: the time you get to the third section, you hear
Speaker 3: me having this like moment of realization while on that call,
Speaker 3: and I'm talking basically like just redeeming myself.
Speaker 1: You know, affirming yourself. You know that was real mm hm.
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's to everybody. I love it.
Speaker 2: So when did you know this is time you said
Speaker 2: it's a bad relationship originally you were talking to that person.
Speaker 2: When did you know it was time to make a
Speaker 2: new album and that this was the topic that you
Speaker 2: wanted to touch on.
Speaker 3: I've been knowing it was time to make an album
Speaker 3: for some time now.
Speaker 1: It was so.
Speaker 3: Overdue, Like I didn't intend for the break to be
Speaker 3: that long, but I did have some business to handle.
Speaker 3: Freedom was like a big thing this time around, like freedom,
Speaker 3: creative control.
Speaker 1: I'm not the young girl I used to be when.
Speaker 3: I entered this industry, right, Yeah, So I wanted to
Speaker 3: control my own voice. I wanted to present myself to
Speaker 3: the world the way that I knew that.
Speaker 1: In a way that I.
Speaker 3: Could stand by finally, in a way that represents me wholly, fully, authentically,
Speaker 3: and in a way that I could finally feel one
Speaker 3: hundred percent proud of who I'm showing to the world
Speaker 3: and not in.
Speaker 1: A fake way, right, yeah, and not in.
Speaker 3: A forced way, not in a you know, no other
Speaker 3: cooks in the kitchen, right.
Speaker 1: I felt like I deserved that.
Speaker 3: So that's what kind of made it a long process, except.
Speaker 1: It was like fifteen years.
Speaker 2: Yes, wow, take us through that journey, because I remember
Speaker 2: when you hit the scene you hit, you had the
Speaker 2: heavy hitters on your songs that every song was popping charted,
Speaker 2: you were killing it. What made you take a step
Speaker 2: back and say, hey, this is I need to sit down,
Speaker 2: you know, because this is like.
Speaker 1: You were on a roll. Yeah, yeah, and we were
Speaker 1: loving it. So when I think ten years, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I need the music and I'm grateful. A lot of
Speaker 1: people did feel that way because it still goes You're
Speaker 1: so still placed today.
Speaker 3: It does like you, Yeah, I get the reports and
Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, the whole while I was away, I
Speaker 3: would like see the reports and I'm like, really, it's really.
Speaker 1: Cool because that's not a guarantee. It's not that is
Speaker 1: not a guarantee.
Speaker 3: So just you know, that would put like an extra
Speaker 3: battery in my back. But the reason for the break
Speaker 3: was both professional and personal. I was leaving an eleven
Speaker 3: year relationship, and that was really difficult, and it was
Speaker 3: at the height of everything.
Speaker 1: It was literally pretty good.
Speaker 3: Rock was like could not it was like could not
Speaker 3: have been higher right that, And professionally I just kind
Speaker 3: of felt like, Okay, I just gotta sit down, I
Speaker 3: gotta take a step back. I was kind of not
Speaker 3: myself I was I say on the album, I was
Speaker 3: looking in the mirror and not seeing me anymore.
Speaker 1: That's we've been there. That's literally what it was like.
Speaker 3: I just didn't recognize myself and I needed to take
Speaker 3: a break. And I knew it was ballsy. I knew
Speaker 3: it was risky, yes, very very risky. Yeah, but I
Speaker 3: also felt that there was no there was not going
Speaker 3: to be a way around it. I was just going
Speaker 3: to keep going on a downward trajectory. I could have
Speaker 3: turned to drugs, I could have gone, you know, life
Speaker 3: could have gone so many directions had I not at
Speaker 3: the time.
Speaker 2: So to have the wherewithal and know like I need
Speaker 2: to take a step back. Because you're young, you're hitting.
Speaker 2: You got to say you gotta strike while the irons
Speaker 2: ht you were striking, you know, so to be able
Speaker 2: to say no, I need to take a moment because
Speaker 2: it could have let down, especially at a young age.
Speaker 1: You're so impressionable.
Speaker 2: Yes, I know, you had been in the industry for
Speaker 2: a while writing and it had been your own group,
Speaker 2: and had you had I guess you still had experience,
Speaker 2: so you weren't new to it even though we were.
Speaker 3: You were new to knowing me exactly. And so that's
Speaker 3: what people don't understand. I think about the break is
Speaker 3: that I was in the industry since I was fourteen
Speaker 3: years old. So when I took that break at what
Speaker 3: twenty eight years old, yeah, I was already in the
Speaker 3: game for almost fifteen years NonStop, you know, through college,
Speaker 3: through high school through like literally not My first deal
Speaker 3: happened on my senior trip at seventeen years old.
Speaker 1: Wow, So you know, And I was in that group.
Speaker 3: From fourteen to eighteen and then we did another g
Speaker 3: you know, and throughout school. So I didn't really have
Speaker 3: in a sense, I didn't really have the teenhood, the childhood. Yeah,
Speaker 3: my life was early on dedicated to music and then writing.
Speaker 3: And then then I came out and it's like, okay, yeah,
Speaker 3: I know, I'm only a couple of years in and
Speaker 3: no one's understanding, but I dedicated so much of my
Speaker 3: life that I knew that if I don't do this now,
Speaker 3: I'm on a path to destruction.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that's real. What did you learn
Speaker 1: about yourself during that time?
Speaker 2: Because I feel like since you missed those teams, those
Speaker 2: are formative years. Yeah, you know, so taking that time off,
Speaker 2: what did you learn about yourself?
Speaker 3: Then?
Speaker 1: So much?
Speaker 3: I learned who I am as a sister. Yeah, I
Speaker 3: lost a lot of time with my family. I was
Speaker 3: dedicating so much of my time, you know, I was
Speaker 3: missing a lot of things, trips and graduations and birthdays
Speaker 3: and all the important things death funerals I missed, you know,
Speaker 3: it was things going on. So I learned who I
Speaker 3: am as a sibling, as a daughter, as a human.
Speaker 3: I learned who I am as a young lady. I
Speaker 3: guess at the time, you know, I had to learn
Speaker 3: like what I want in relationship, what I don't want
Speaker 3: in relationship, Like I had to experience those for sure.
Speaker 3: I haven't had that many relationships in my life so still,
Speaker 3: but definitely then, yeah, yeah, it was just I learned
Speaker 3: a lot. I learned that I'm I guess, more spiritual
Speaker 3: than religious, you know, so much. So much it was.
Speaker 1: It was a.
Speaker 3: Period truly of exploration for sure. Yeah, Yeah, I went
Speaker 3: deep inside.
Speaker 1: That's good.
Speaker 2: That's good, and sometimes you need I feel like sometimes
Speaker 2: it's important to do that, take those steps back to
Speaker 2: really like explore who you are, find out what you like.
Speaker 2: Once you don't like going back, then what are some
Speaker 2: of your non negotiables that maybe carry in would have
Speaker 2: like dealt with.
Speaker 3: But now you're like, no, a lot, actually, okay, so
Speaker 3: there in relationship you mean, yeah, in relationship, I think
Speaker 3: there was a period of time. Have you ever, I'm
Speaker 3: sure as a woman, you've encountered some disloyalties cheating. I
Speaker 3: just will lump it into disloyalties for the sake of
Speaker 3: this conversation at this point. But I think if you
Speaker 3: talk to older women and women who have been married
Speaker 3: for a long time, grandparents and things like that, like
Speaker 3: they'll tell.
Speaker 1: You all men do that.
Speaker 3: You just got to learn to turn a blind eye,
Speaker 3: keep the peace.
Speaker 1: Yes, and so.
Speaker 3: Right, I hear the choir over there is but so
Speaker 3: so when you first encounter that, that that's kind of the.
Speaker 1: Feedback you're getting from women that you're consulting or with.
Speaker 3: And I tried like that was literally like me, just like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, Okay, well but it doesn't it doesn't
Speaker 3: feel good at all.
Speaker 1: It's betrayal. It's like, you know, let's call it what
Speaker 1: it is. Yes, it's betrayal.
Speaker 3: Like, but so, how am I supposed to forgive that?
Speaker 3: How am I supposed to turn a blind die? How
Speaker 3: am I supposed to be peaceful and quiet?
Speaker 1: So I just learned. Yeah, I'm not a right or die.
Speaker 3: I'm not that if that's what that means, right. I
Speaker 3: feel like I am in a lot of other ways,
Speaker 3: but that's one I just refuse.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I refuse. You know, we live and we learned,
Speaker 1: and definitely I tried it.
Speaker 2: Yes, really I think we've I have been told the
Speaker 2: same thing. I've been told that when you got to
Speaker 2: pick your battles, yeah, so to speak, you know, and
Speaker 2: pick your poison, and like, are you getting eighty percent
Speaker 2: of what you want out of this? And that's just
Speaker 2: one thing that I can't stomach. I'm like, I tried it,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 3: I know, And you know, I think if I were
Speaker 3: the type of woman that maybe needed financial provision, Yes,
Speaker 3: if you were providing that and I was in of that,
Speaker 3: maybe I could then kind of I guess take that easier, yeah,
Speaker 3: because I can understand that from that perspective, Like our
Speaker 3: grandparents and our great grandparents, they were being taken care of,
Speaker 3: so like what could they say. They couldn't get a
Speaker 3: house alone on a house, They couldn't like drive for
Speaker 3: a time, they couldn't vote like they some of them
Speaker 3: couldn't work.
Speaker 1: So well.
Speaker 3: I guess that depends on where you are and what region,
Speaker 3: region and age era we're talking about. Yeah, like we
Speaker 3: were in we as women were in need of men
Speaker 3: for a very long time, and I think that has
Speaker 3: some trickle effect into the advice we're getting from the
Speaker 3: elder still, but now we don't need financial provision and
Speaker 3: we literally we just need you to be good.
Speaker 2: We need you to be good as a public figure
Speaker 2: and a woman who's been successful basically all your life.
Speaker 2: Has it been hard like finding because I know I'm
Speaker 2: new to this part of my life as far as
Speaker 2: like being in the public eye and the complications when
Speaker 2: it comes to dating, has that been something that's always
Speaker 2: been a struggle for you, being like, because you've always
Speaker 2: had it together financially when we speak of like not
Speaker 2: for that.
Speaker 3: I don't know, like sometimes I feel like it's what
Speaker 3: attracts a man to me initially initially right, but then
Speaker 3: it becomes something that is the blessing turns into a
Speaker 3: curse at some point. I'm still trying to understand that because.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I thought you. You know what I mean,
Speaker 1: I thought you.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I got to be busy. Yeah I'm not
Speaker 3: going to be here, and no I'm not cooking tonight,
Speaker 3: like I got to pack for my flight, you know,
Speaker 3: So I guess. And I am a really giving I
Speaker 3: am a homemaking type of woman, like I am cooking
Speaker 3: a lot, I am cleaning, I am you know, or
Speaker 3: you know, decorating and arranging the home and doing all
Speaker 3: the things serving right.
Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, but and I don't really know.
Speaker 3: What I think I've run into kind of is a
Speaker 3: of inadequacy for men that may not be above where
Speaker 3: I am. I think that's when it became the curse
Speaker 3: for those guys that kind of weren't where they wanted
Speaker 3: to be in their walk or.
Speaker 1: Finances or career.
Speaker 3: And so I think that's when I've encountered the kind
Speaker 3: of the turmoil of a man. You know, you can
Speaker 3: kind of see and hear that's spilling into our conversations. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so I think it's good, but it's also like it
Speaker 3: feels like a curse at times.
Speaker 1: It does.
Speaker 3: Have you found the No, what I do is like
Speaker 3: I pretend I ain't got I pretend this is what
Speaker 3: I'm doing, like I'm not. I just act broke. I
Speaker 3: just I'm like I play damsel. You know, I can't
Speaker 3: go as far. I think they love a damsel, but
Speaker 3: I can't go as far as to ask a man
Speaker 3: for money. Right, I just ain't got it in me.
Speaker 3: I've never been you know, but anything, I just act
Speaker 3: like I ain't got it. I just that's all I got.
Speaker 3: I'm not buying, like if I'm starting to date someone,
Speaker 3: I'm not going out and buying my dream car, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I'm not.
Speaker 3: I might hold off on moving homes, like upgrading my light. Like, no,
Speaker 3: I want to let him feel like he can do
Speaker 3: that for me.
Speaker 1: So I try to.
Speaker 3: I do kind of minimize who I am, what I own,
Speaker 3: what I have. You know, I don't tell them about
Speaker 3: certain things. That's all I got so far. That's that's
Speaker 3: all I got, is like, let me just try that.
Speaker 2: It's so funny, you said, because when I'm moving into
Speaker 2: the house I'm in now, A friend of mine's mother
Speaker 2: was like, are you really going to like move into
Speaker 2: that big house? You're never going to find a man
Speaker 2: literally is what you want? And I was like, well,
Speaker 2: I'm this age and like, I'm not waiting on somebody
Speaker 2: with that person.
Speaker 1: Never. Yeah, I'm gonna get the house, I'm gonna get the.
Speaker 3: Enjoy my life. I'm supposed to just like not enjoy
Speaker 3: my life.
Speaker 1: But she might be ono something here.
Speaker 3: I mean, you got to act like you're struggling to
Speaker 3: pay the bills or something.
Speaker 1: It's got to be something to trying to figure this out.
Speaker 1: For sure. That is hilarious.
Speaker 2: So you went through that, you go through everything to
Speaker 2: come up with this album. It's like now it's time.
Speaker 2: You knew it was time, and you wrote it. We
Speaker 2: talked about you writing it in three stages. It's three
Speaker 2: parts and you got to add another a fourth part
Speaker 2: to it. I wanted to know how did you come.
Speaker 1: Up with that?
Speaker 2: What was the whole process to getting to where we
Speaker 2: are now because we're bringing it back to present time.
Speaker 2: I just wanted to know how you got through that
Speaker 2: hiatus and how we got.
Speaker 3: Here Okay, Well that phone call really informed how the
Speaker 3: album was broken down.
Speaker 2: This is the one where you were saying, she showed
Speaker 2: me the pictures and.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, so yeah, yeah yeah. Love Drama Redemption was
Speaker 3: literally kind of the way that relationship went the way
Speaker 3: my career went, So breaking it down kind of made
Speaker 3: all the sense in the world. There were like literal
Speaker 3: turning points in the phone call the same way they
Speaker 3: were turning points in my career. So I just yeah,
Speaker 3: that was easy to determine.
Speaker 1: Yeah for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then how we what was the second part you said.
Speaker 1: How we got here?
Speaker 2: Yeah, like we gave you gave us the backstory of
Speaker 2: like what happened during that fifteen years.
Speaker 1: I wanted to bring it back to present.
Speaker 2: Day, like how did you even like decide to do
Speaker 2: a three part Oh yeah, I wanted to kind of
Speaker 2: get the back story.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So, being gone so long, you know that your fans.
Speaker 1: Are waiting for you got to give them something. You
Speaker 1: gotta give them something, not just seven songs. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: exactly that. It was exactly that.
Speaker 3: I was like, I actually had more like twenty six
Speaker 3: at one point.
Speaker 1: Chris Brown album. Yeah, It's about to be that. It
Speaker 1: was about less and before we broke it up, it was.
Speaker 2: Songs I can imagine, specially the European game already know, yeah, records, Yeah,
Speaker 2: and there are.
Speaker 3: More that weren't gonna make this one but are already
Speaker 3: prepared for the next couple projects.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I just.
Speaker 3: Knew I wanted to give them enough. Obviously I care
Speaker 3: about quality, but I also knew that I owed them quantity.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I was like, well.
Speaker 3: Let's do this, but the attention spans are very different.
Speaker 3: Let's break it up definitely, because the album already had
Speaker 3: its scenes, you know. But it was like, let's just
Speaker 3: release this and let them digest the first part, digest,
Speaker 3: second part, digest, third part.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter.
Speaker 3: They're lopsided, like the first one is the longest, the
Speaker 3: second one is the next one, you know, the third
Speaker 3: one kind of short. Yeah, but that didn't matter as
Speaker 3: much as making sure that you know, people were able
Speaker 3: to take this journey and not because I know with
Speaker 3: longer albums sometimes I.
Speaker 1: Never get all the way through.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like sometimes I'm intending to and something happens or
Speaker 3: a phone call or whatever, and I never finished listening
Speaker 3: to that.
Speaker 1: So I understand that, and it could be a great
Speaker 1: body of work. You just don't make it through. Finish
Speaker 1: that album right two years ago. Right, that's me with books.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I'd be like same, Yeah, I gotta go back,
Speaker 2: I gotta get back.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: I wanted to ask you, you're back on the road
Speaker 2: now performing you were as successful last year, yes, And
Speaker 2: you just said you had a show.
Speaker 1: What do you love more?
Speaker 2: Because you're a writer, you're a singer, but you're also
Speaker 2: a performer. You like the stage or the studio better.
Speaker 3: I used to not answer this question. Really, I used
Speaker 3: to not answer it because I felt like I was
Speaker 3: betraying like people that buy tickets or fans or whatever
Speaker 3: by saying my but I'm and also I may not
Speaker 3: have realized the full truth. Yeah, now I know I
Speaker 3: prefer creating the music than recreating the music on stage. Really, Yeah,
Speaker 3: I finally came to that resolve, like in the past
Speaker 3: couple of years, Like, actually, I do have an an
Speaker 3: honest answer.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I used to say, I can't choose. You know, I
Speaker 3: like them both, and I do like things about performing. Also,
Speaker 3: but it's it's curveball city, it's sleep deprivation, it's performing
Speaker 3: at your worst often, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, people don't think about that. Yeah, like, it's a
Speaker 1: lot of factors.
Speaker 2: It's what has been like the hardest, like day that
Speaker 2: you had to suck it up and get on stage.
Speaker 1: All the time.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's I can't even point one out to you.
Speaker 3: It happens a lot of the time. You know, we're
Speaker 3: not always usually we're not at our best. And then two,
Speaker 3: there's other factors going on. It's a whole technical thing
Speaker 3: so that you can give your best show. There's so
Speaker 3: many components to putting on a live show. Your monitors,
Speaker 3: you're in ears, the paddles for the receivers, for your
Speaker 3: pack and you know what I mean. Then then your
Speaker 3: wardrobe didn't stay in your pack.
Speaker 1: Oh ship, I can't.
Speaker 3: I can't even.
Speaker 1: Find the buttons.
Speaker 3: I can't find the volume. I can't reach there because
Speaker 3: my outfit. I got it on my bra and my
Speaker 3: arm is barely Yeah, but I can't hear. And then
Speaker 3: when I go to front of stage, in front of house,
Speaker 3: it's feeding back into my mic and it's making everything
Speaker 3: phase out.
Speaker 1: Like static.
Speaker 3: The other day, I had static the whole time on stage.
Speaker 3: My pack was giving my ears. So I had to
Speaker 3: kind of loosen this one I eventually had to come
Speaker 3: all the way out of that one to try to hear, but.
Speaker 1: There's still static.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I was like feeding off of the stage monitors,
Speaker 3: which are also too loud. So now I'm getting feedback
Speaker 3: in the mic. Like it's just so many things that
Speaker 3: can affect you know, and you're all amped before you go.
Speaker 3: You get on stage and you're like, it's like like
Speaker 3: your mood, it's like, oh my god, I want to fight.
Speaker 1: Somebody to fight take it out of this stage.
Speaker 3: Okay, now you're doing the dancing, it's all extra hard
Speaker 3: because you're pissed.
Speaker 2: That was hilarious, but it's so true. I had a
Speaker 2: moment when I was first starting the podcast. I was
Speaker 2: in a relationship and I was going through a breakup
Speaker 2: and I was crying in my closet before our guests
Speaker 2: had come. It was Eva Marcel, and I just remember
Speaker 2: like as soon as I got off the phone, I
Speaker 2: started crying, and then I was like, you gotta suck
Speaker 2: it up, girl, you got an.
Speaker 1: Interview to do.
Speaker 2: And then I ended up breaking down in the interview
Speaker 2: because it was just like one of those moments that
Speaker 2: we were having. Yeah, and that was a moment for
Speaker 2: me where I wasn't in a great space, but I
Speaker 2: had to get on camera be like.
Speaker 1: All right, welcome to keep a visit, sweetie.
Speaker 2: And I was not feeling positive or sweet okay, you know.
Speaker 2: And I think a lot of times as women are
Speaker 2: people like who look up to us don't see that,
Speaker 2: especially as people performers, and people have to it on,
Speaker 2: you know, at certain times. So I totally get it,
Speaker 2: and hats off to you.
Speaker 3: Thank you still doing it, you know, to do this,
Speaker 3: like anybody that does any level of entertainment understands what
Speaker 3: it takes behind the scenes and understands that stuff could
Speaker 3: just not be right, Stuff would not be good in
Speaker 3: your heart, your head, and you literally have to compartmentalize,
Speaker 3: like defragmented. Yeah, and like put the thirty percent you
Speaker 3: have into that day, right, you know, or the one
Speaker 3: hundred percent of the thirty percent capacity you.
Speaker 1: Have that right exactly. Yeah.
Speaker 3: But I remember I remember having I was on a
Speaker 3: European tour and I was crying on stage while going
Speaker 3: through that eleven year break.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was.
Speaker 3: I had never found myself crying during I was crying
Speaker 3: during the song Hustler on my first person think, So yeah,
Speaker 3: and I was crying during that song every without fail,
Speaker 3: every night, oh like oh, crowd in Germany, crowd in Austria, Sweden,
Speaker 3: cried in Norway like literally the whole way through, right,
Speaker 3: And it was that that particular song every a certain
Speaker 3: point in that song each time, like after one time
Speaker 3: my sound guy was even crying.
Speaker 1: It's like you choke me up every night.
Speaker 3: Gosh yeah, but yeah, I mean this is real and
Speaker 3: this is expression. And then we learn like it's good
Speaker 3: to do it because we're like when we're able to,
Speaker 3: we don't let them see it.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: It's not that they can't see it, right, they don't.
Speaker 3: It's not only that they can't or don't. It's that
Speaker 3: we wall up when we are most vulnerable. We kind
Speaker 3: of mask for sure, you know, and it's part of it.
Speaker 3: But also I think when we are able to express
Speaker 3: authentically like I'm.
Speaker 1: Not I'm not okay today, it shows you humanity and
Speaker 1: people I think gravitate.
Speaker 3: I think that's why people love you so much, because
Speaker 3: you are so like grounded and real, you know, like
Speaker 3: we don't ever feel like crystals, like not a performative type.
Speaker 1: Right, No, you're.
Speaker 3: Entertaining still, but it's not rooted there, right, rooted and grounded.
Speaker 2: And yeah, yeah, because I've learned. I learned very fast,
Speaker 2: like entering this space the only thing that you can
Speaker 2: truly succeed that as being you. Eventually it's gonna fall off.
Speaker 2: Whatever you're faking to be, it's gonna fall off.
Speaker 1: And that's who you really are.
Speaker 2: And they could be the good or bad, you know,
Speaker 2: so hoping that the real you is something like, no.
Speaker 1: We actually love this. Why were you trying to be
Speaker 1: something else anyway? Or girl, pick pick the mask back
Speaker 1: up because right.
Speaker 3: People don't even get a chance to put the mask
Speaker 3: back on right when you're pretending, like we see it
Speaker 3: every day we do cancel culture and like you make
Speaker 3: one wrong move, one wrong sentence, it.
Speaker 1: Could be over for you. No, for sure.
Speaker 3: So it is scary. I understand why people feel like
Speaker 3: I was there, you know. I mean, yeah, we come
Speaker 3: in feeling like, okay, there is I think a subconscious
Speaker 3: fear that I'm not enough, that who I am and
Speaker 3: as I am may not be acceptable because we are
Speaker 3: trying to please masses, you know, And that's people that
Speaker 3: are handling your career make you painfully aware that you
Speaker 3: have to be well liked. Yes, you know, and people
Speaker 3: want to like your music, they want to come to
Speaker 3: your show, they want to see an interview, you know,
Speaker 3: so you're like, okay, oh god, so let me turn
Speaker 3: my dial of me down to like two. You know,
Speaker 3: I want to up here authentic, but I also am
Speaker 3: feeling like super vulnerable and yeah performing At what point
Speaker 3: of your career did you feel like, I know, in
Speaker 3: the music industry they try to create the artists that
Speaker 3: they want to see or that they feel is going
Speaker 3: to pop for this moment in time.
Speaker 2: At what point of your career did you feel like, well,
Speaker 2: I don't. I'm not feeling like Carrie right now.
Speaker 3: Early on, so they were initially they're were some songs
Speaker 3: that I felt like, I, I don't think this represents
Speaker 3: where I was wanting to go with this album. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and I definitely don't think A. I don't think it
Speaker 3: should make the album and B I don't think it
Speaker 3: should be a single.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So now I got to shoot a video for this
Speaker 3: song I don't even like and I don't think represents
Speaker 3: me well and never, I don't like the lyrics. I
Speaker 3: don't this is does not represent who I am. Like,
Speaker 3: there's so many there's quite a few examples of that
Speaker 3: in my in my particular career.
Speaker 1: What so I'm curious enough. Oh gosh, there's a few.
Speaker 1: There's a few.
Speaker 3: Energy would be one of them. I think Breaking Point
Speaker 3: would be another. One would turn the favor let's see
Speaker 3: change Me hated it, really hated it.
Speaker 1: You probably even know it. It's with akon. Yeah, I love
Speaker 1: that song, you do not?
Speaker 2: I did?
Speaker 1: Well, you don't I did? I love that song? Hated it?
Speaker 3: I mean, and I didn't hate Energy or Breaking Point.
Speaker 3: I didn't hate them, but I felt like they weren't.
Speaker 3: They were both first on my album first. Energy was
Speaker 3: first on my first album. Breaking Point was first single
Speaker 3: of my second album. Yeah this is ass backwards.
Speaker 1: We have way better because you knew what you had.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I knew I had to knocked you down.
Speaker 3: I knew I had freaking a rock on No boys
Speaker 3: allowed like this. It was like, come on, y'all, man,
Speaker 3: this is ridiculous.
Speaker 1: And did you feel like you had a voice in
Speaker 1: that moment? Not as much?
Speaker 3: You know, not as much. And then of course the
Speaker 3: way you love me and the turn of me on
Speaker 3: remix that was pointless. It was you know, so I
Speaker 3: feel like I wore jackets that didn't fit me. Many
Speaker 3: times in my career. I felt like that a lot,
Speaker 3: And it wasn't until me taking a break that I
Speaker 3: felt strong enough to even reveal that, yeah, I'm just
Speaker 3: now talking about that really in the song space. But
Speaker 3: I did not feel strong enough to say I haven't
Speaker 3: been showing you guys me yeah, until I started doing
Speaker 3: interviews from the valley. And that's when I felt strong
Speaker 3: enough and self assured enough, self aware. I didn't have
Speaker 3: the handlers in my picture anymore.
Speaker 1: So this is the freedom you're talking about.
Speaker 3: Felt free, felt free enough to be authentic again. And
Speaker 3: then it was like an uphill battle because people are like, well,
Speaker 3: that ain't what you said five years ago, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean.
Speaker 1: People don't let you live things down.
Speaker 3: They don't, so you don't always get the opportunity to
Speaker 3: grow and to show people like to keep I just,
Speaker 3: I just I felt like, if you can go with
Speaker 3: me through this vision, because I had a literal vision
Speaker 3: of this.
Speaker 1: I was walking in this vision.
Speaker 3: I won't I won't say where I was walking to,
Speaker 3: that's beside the point.
Speaker 1: But I was literally walking.
Speaker 3: You know that period between sleep and wake, Yes, when
Speaker 3: you have you literally see things?
Speaker 1: Why do And.
Speaker 3: I was like pulling off garments of clothes.
Speaker 1: I was like dropping.
Speaker 3: I had things in my hands and I was just dropping.
Speaker 3: And I kept walking and I things would appear in
Speaker 3: my hands and I was just like, okay, gotta put
Speaker 3: that down, Okay, And I would take off another layer
Speaker 3: of clothing, Like I had all these layers of clothes
Speaker 3: and like hat and things in my hands that would
Speaker 3: just appear, and I just was like walking down a.
Speaker 1: Road and just shedding.
Speaker 3: And I had that vision about I think it was
Speaker 3: like twenty twenty one maybe, and I was like, Oh,
Speaker 3: that's what I've been doing.
Speaker 1: It struck me.
Speaker 3: I woke up in tears and I didn't understand why
Speaker 3: until I reflected on that vision, and I just was like, Oh,
Speaker 3: that's what I've been doing, shedding, That's.
Speaker 1: What i've been doing.
Speaker 3: And all these things that I didn't know that I
Speaker 3: was carrying, they would just pure in my hand and
Speaker 3: I'd be like, don't want that, don't want that, don't
Speaker 3: need this, don't know, don't even know why I'm dropping
Speaker 3: it or why it's there or what it is. But
Speaker 3: some was given to me. Some was like imposed upon me.
Speaker 3: Some things were perceptions that I inherited from people, chatter,
Speaker 3: comments and posts and all the things.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, social media was kind of just taking off as
Speaker 2: your career was exploding because you were out of this world.
Speaker 2: But I remember like Twitter, just Facebook was around, but
Speaker 2: like Twitter was coming around at that time, so people
Speaker 2: were That's when people we started tweeting our thoughts.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, we.
Speaker 2: Hadn't in opinions, right, I remember that, So I can
Speaker 2: imagine for you to be at the front end of that.
Speaker 2: I know it was like for me. We were just
Speaker 2: me and O Shauna were just talking about She's.
Speaker 1: Like, how do you like get through like what people
Speaker 1: say online sometimes and like it doesn't hurt your feelings?
Speaker 2: I'm like, absolutely, you know, there's still times where I
Speaker 2: may see something, but I'm able to like brush it
Speaker 2: off faster than I used to be.
Speaker 1: I was sitting it and.
Speaker 2: I was like, but you don't they don't know me,
Speaker 2: and I feel like I need to respond. So I
Speaker 2: can imagine what that was like for you. Yeah, then
Speaker 2: really like trying to navigate this new career and then
Speaker 2: being at the pinnacle of people speaking their mind.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I was last for some reason. I was
Speaker 3: at a in an interview with Andree Martinez, who was like,
Speaker 3: you need a Twitter.
Speaker 1: I was like, I didn't really know what it was.
Speaker 3: But I wasn't really a social media person like that
Speaker 3: because there was my Space and there was I never
Speaker 3: I still haven't ever been on Facebook. I have a page.
Speaker 1: Wow, you can continue to follow that.
Speaker 3: But I did MySpace and I was into it, you know,
Speaker 3: to a degree, but I was like, oh, there's more
Speaker 3: things to do now. Yeah, Oh gosh, I'm trying to write.
Speaker 3: I'm in this session right now. I got to, you know,
Speaker 3: so I kind of became anti in like a year
Speaker 3: or two into it.
Speaker 1: She's like, you still don't have a Twitter page? And
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, God, And I was late to the
Speaker 1: party on all those Yes, same all of it. We're
Speaker 1: not followers. It takes a while.
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm like, oh, you got to force me to
Speaker 3: twist my arm. And that's exactly how it happened. And
Speaker 3: had she not said it on air, I never I probably.
Speaker 1: Even I wouldn't have done it.
Speaker 3: Yet eventually I would have had to give in because
Speaker 3: it became such a huge part of promotion.
Speaker 1: It has, but.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was such a double edged sword because you're right.
Speaker 3: The opinions they do, they can and they do, and
Speaker 3: you just get easier the more I guess self aware and.
Speaker 1: The more love you have for yourself.
Speaker 3: I think that, Yeah, you're like, oh, that's not rooted
Speaker 3: in fact exactly literally how you're perceiving me, and you
Speaker 3: might feel bad. I feel empathy for people that still perceive.
Speaker 1: Me, and it is now exactly that you see me
Speaker 1: that way.
Speaker 2: Poor girl, you know you're suffering. I'm not right, you
Speaker 2: know that's real. Yeah, And I love that we've It
Speaker 2: comes with the self awareness. For me, it was therapy.
Speaker 2: It was learning who I am and understanding who I
Speaker 2: am in this industry, you know, and what my purpose
Speaker 2: is here?
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, And by let me clear this up, by suffering,
Speaker 3: I didn't mean you're suffering in life. I bet your
Speaker 3: opinion of me is causing you to suffer a perception
Speaker 3: of me, and you're suffering with that. But I don't
Speaker 3: suffer with that because I know the I know the
Speaker 3: truth of the whole picture. Yeah, I don't want people
Speaker 3: to think that I'm like calling anyone lowly or at
Speaker 3: first I believe that I'm superior to anyone, because I
Speaker 3: really don't play that game.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, saying really, Yeah, you know, and I didn't.
Speaker 2: I didn't even take it that way.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I thought about someone might take that the wrong way.
Speaker 3: That is true too, Yeah, that is true too. People
Speaker 3: are suffering, and they are sometimes just mean hearted. Sometimes
Speaker 3: they don't believe what they perceive of you. They don't
Speaker 3: believe it, but they want to They want to attack you.
Speaker 3: They want to make you feel.
Speaker 1: The pain they're feeling. Yeah, that is so true. That
Speaker 1: is so true.
Speaker 2: I want to ask you, is there a version of
Speaker 2: Carrie Hilton that is sitting here today that simply would
Speaker 2: not exist if you had not stepped away?
Speaker 1: Yeah, the whole version what I'm looking at you like, Yeah,
Speaker 1: the whole thing. Yeah. I don't know where i'd be.
Speaker 3: I just I just I'm so grateful that I was
Speaker 3: so ballsy to do what I needed to do. I
Speaker 3: can't I cannot imagine where I be had I pushed
Speaker 3: through to the degree that it would have taken me
Speaker 3: to push through. I think it would I literally would
Speaker 3: have been a train wreck that everyone would have watched.
Speaker 3: You know, even more than people think my life went
Speaker 3: in that direction, people think that I know the truth.
Speaker 3: I call it the valley because in some ways it was,
Speaker 3: but it wasn't the valley the.
Speaker 1: Whole time, right exactly.
Speaker 3: But when you're not relevant, people think that you are there.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, actually, I am the most beautiful version
Speaker 3: of myself now then I was when you guys thought.
Speaker 1: That I was on the top. So wow.
Speaker 2: I just had a mayor Kisha Lan's bottom zone recently
Speaker 2: and she said, powerful women, what was it?
Speaker 4: Strong?
Speaker 2: Powerful women? No, strong women pushed through. Powerful women know
Speaker 2: when to stop. Yes, yes, And that was so profound
Speaker 2: And what she just said reminded.
Speaker 1: Me of that that's there's so much power in the stock.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, and you don't you won't do it if
Speaker 3: you don't empower yourself ever, do or be or give
Speaker 3: yourself what you truly need if you don't feel powerful enough, you.
Speaker 1: Know, because I was like, I don't know where my
Speaker 1: money's gonna come from. I don't know.
Speaker 3: I mean, thank God for royalty.
Speaker 1: Thank God for you know. Yeah, but like and you
Speaker 1: were okay with that? Was during that time?
Speaker 2: Was there ever a moment of do I need Maybe
Speaker 2: I should get back to it, because you know, you're
Speaker 2: used to a certain lifestyle. You used to say money
Speaker 2: coming in, show money, all this, and then you're like
Speaker 2: taking this pause. Was there a moment where you were like, Okay,
Speaker 2: maybe I need to rethink this.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm being honest. I was like I would
Speaker 3: have to call my manager, like, hey, let's go.
Speaker 1: We call it shaking the trees. Go shake some trees.
Speaker 3: Getting a little funny out here. You know, there were
Speaker 3: moments where.
Speaker 1: I was just but.
Speaker 3: I never felt like I was changing my lifestyle, like
Speaker 3: I never. I'm responsible enough to have never reached that
Speaker 3: kind of bridge or fork in the road. And you know,
Speaker 3: I'm pretty frugal, I'm economical. I'm not like you know,
Speaker 3: I'm not a shopper like you don't even never. Ain't
Speaker 3: nobody ever seen me in the stores in Atlanta, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean. I'm never, I'm hardly ever there.
Speaker 3: She knows I might do it Christmas time, might do
Speaker 3: it Christmas time. Yeah, but that's gonna be for one day,
Speaker 3: like for one item, Like okay, I really can't order
Speaker 3: the whatever. Yeah, but like I'm not frivolous, I'm not.
Speaker 3: I live within my means at all times. So I didn't,
Speaker 3: thank God, like I didn't ever feel like I had
Speaker 3: to do things to like try to prove to myself
Speaker 3: or prove to others that I still have like I
Speaker 3: in my circle ain't like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, people that are watching me understand who I am. Yes,
Speaker 1: so yeah, I think I've been.
Speaker 3: But there have been times where I'm looking at the
Speaker 3: records and you know, just overlooking, just like i'd like to.
Speaker 3: I like more numbers in that. I like more numbers
Speaker 3: in my account.
Speaker 2: Than that, you know, yeah whatever, Yeah, yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2: But you the right time, the timing you now you're backing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. Now were you still like writing
Speaker 1: during that time for other people or not? Really? You
Speaker 1: just kind of left music alone all together.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: There was a period of that fifteen years where I
Speaker 3: just didn't even want to hear music. I didn't even
Speaker 3: literally my life was silent for years.
Speaker 1: And I know a lot of singers. Even when you
Speaker 1: sat down, you were humming.
Speaker 2: Like so, I can't imagine your world without music, not even.
Speaker 3: Humming, not singing in the shower, no music in the car. No. Literally,
Speaker 3: the only music I would hear was the music on
Speaker 3: the plane on Delta, you know before you take off
Speaker 3: me that it would be music in a grocery store
Speaker 3: or wherever, whatever, wherever I happened to be an elevator
Speaker 3: or something like hotel.
Speaker 1: I literally radial.
Speaker 3: I was not aware of who was out, who was
Speaker 3: doing what, what songs were charting. I still don't look
Speaker 3: at the charts. But I just was completely I fell
Speaker 3: out of love. I felt like music betrayed me. And
Speaker 3: in a sense, you know, so yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Just couldn't What built the trust back? You felt betrayed?
Speaker 2: What what built that trust back for you to make
Speaker 2: your return?
Speaker 3: That's a really that's a good question. I think just time,
Speaker 3: I guess, just time and getting out of that depression,
Speaker 3: Like seeing the world the way that I was seeing
Speaker 3: it during the dark phase played a big part in
Speaker 3: how I viewed everything, how I viewed music, how you know,
Speaker 3: like it was kind of it was like when I
Speaker 3: listened to music, my heart would break. It was like
Speaker 3: looking at a picture of a loved one that you lost.
Speaker 3: It was like that.
Speaker 1: It was like looking at a picture my mother died.
Speaker 3: My mother did not die. Let me knock on woods.
Speaker 1: You don't want that. My dad did die. But it
Speaker 1: was like you went through a friend.
Speaker 3: It's like a fresh wound that you are like that's
Speaker 3: what listening to music was for me, even though I
Speaker 3: decided to step away just as fate would have it,
Speaker 3: Like I just I didn't expect for it to not
Speaker 3: be a lego thing that I could like put back together.
Speaker 3: I didn't expect that it would implode the way that
Speaker 3: it is, that I would lose major players, that I
Speaker 3: would lose my situation, my record deal that now that
Speaker 3: turned out best case scenario for me, thank god, But
Speaker 3: like to lose people that I felt like believed in me,
Speaker 3: you know, so for me, all because I'm doing something,
Speaker 3: I'm just taking a break. I didn't say I was
Speaker 3: gone forever. I just was taking a break and now
Speaker 3: you want to But it wasn't all about that. There
Speaker 3: was other things that I should not reveal here today,
Speaker 3: but you know a lot went into that. But yeah,
Speaker 3: I just I felt in a sense, I felt like
Speaker 3: my dream betrayed me in a sense. So I think
Speaker 3: you just have to sometimes change your outlook and then
Speaker 3: like things become more comfortable things, you process things better
Speaker 3: when you're well.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, speaking of depression and being well, did you
Speaker 2: do therapy?
Speaker 1: What was your process to really work through that?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was a lot it was therapy, it was
Speaker 3: spiritual retreats, it was journaling, it was taking why I
Speaker 3: discovered taking walks and I discovered meditation. I only said yes,
Speaker 3: I called it my se la or my eat pray
Speaker 3: love face nice because I would literally crystal. I would
Speaker 3: only take shows in the countries that I wanted to
Speaker 3: go to. MM It's like, oh yeah Thailand, sure, Oh
Speaker 3: I've never seen China, let's do China. Wow, Morocco, Yeah,
Speaker 3: let's go.
Speaker 1: Let's you know all the countries I went to in Africa,
Speaker 1: most happened.
Speaker 3: That's not true, but a lot happened. We continued to
Speaker 3: go to Africa, like I went a lot while I
Speaker 3: was out, but yeah, anyway, Yeah, I only went to
Speaker 3: places like, yes, I want to see Kenya, Yes, I
Speaker 3: want to do so far there. Yep, you know there
Speaker 3: was so you know, so all of that, Like I
Speaker 3: can't really attribute it to one thing because my healing
Speaker 3: was so fast. And mushrooms, which I talked about on
Speaker 3: another show, Angie Martina's show.
Speaker 1: I think I remember seeing a clipp of it. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I discovered macro and micro docing and that was really
Speaker 3: good for me. And I had some destructive things too,
Speaker 3: like during COVID when I did lose my dad. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I picked up drinking and was just doing some destructive
Speaker 3: thing in that phase and partying a lot. Well that
Speaker 3: was before that. That was maybe around twenty sixteen. I
Speaker 3: was partying a lot.
Speaker 1: I remember I was partying two and I remember seeing you.
Speaker 2: Okay, me too, girl, Okay, dress out next week.
Speaker 1: Yes, I remember, yes, I remember that. Yes.
Speaker 2: And then I remember you posting your dad was like
Speaker 2: your twin, Like, I just remember you posting something about him.
Speaker 1: I was like, gods, they have the same face. But
Speaker 1: I remember feeling the heartbreak even through your posts about him. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then we're.
Speaker 2: Already going through so much with COVID, and then on
Speaker 2: top of that, we're.
Speaker 1: And all the things. Yeah, what a time. Man. I
Speaker 1: drank COVID away. I ate it away, poor dry. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I think this is alcoholism. Let me back,
Speaker 1: this is alcoholism.
Speaker 3: Gained all that weight, like e things, Yeah, things I
Speaker 3: hadn't eaten since.
Speaker 1: I was a kid. Like, you are not hungry.
Speaker 3: It's five o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 1: I am Why am I cooking? Right? Cooking with Chris
Speaker 1: was in full effect. I was types of.
Speaker 2: Recipes in sweatpants, and then I had to get dressed.
Speaker 1: I said, none of none of it, nothing is any
Speaker 1: Oh girl, a mess. I picked up my legging, my
Speaker 1: love for legging. Yeah in COVID.
Speaker 3: Now I just can't stop.
Speaker 1: Ye right, I want nothing that's too tight. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: can't stand it. Now we are the same. Oh my gosh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I can't do it.
Speaker 2: Let's say, but I love Carrie, how you have come
Speaker 2: out on the other side.
Speaker 1: When I see you, when you walked in just glowing.
Speaker 2: I loved it because people they they see the absence,
Speaker 2: but they don't see what the refining that happened in
Speaker 2: the absence. I see it, you know, And I'm just
Speaker 2: I want to say, I'm proud of you. I'm glad
Speaker 2: that you are backhunting because we were waiting.
Speaker 1: We were waiting. True story.
Speaker 2: I moved to Atlanta in two thousand and nine and
Speaker 2: I have cut my hair short and I had like
Speaker 2: the blonde piece and they were.
Speaker 1: Like, oh, she's trying to be like Carrie. You was
Speaker 1: my inspiration girl.
Speaker 4: Okay, yes, I loved, loved and loved you, but I
Speaker 4: was a huge fan of yours and just to be
Speaker 4: able to share space with you and sit down with
Speaker 4: you and hear more about your story.
Speaker 2: Yes, finally, I'm so grateful and I would love to
Speaker 2: know our Our theme for this season is purpose, and
Speaker 2: I want to know, after your fifteen year hiatus, what
Speaker 2: is Carrie Hilson's purpose now?
Speaker 3: I think my purpose now is what it always was.
Speaker 3: But we derail ourselves at times, or we you know,
Speaker 3: or life, you know, circumstances, whatever. But I think my
Speaker 3: purpose is what it always has been, and that's to express.
Speaker 3: I think it's as simple as that express, be authentic.
Speaker 3: My purpose is to show people, I guess what's possible,
Speaker 3: and I feel a sense of responsibility to young women
Speaker 3: to be respectable, to dress a certain way, and to
Speaker 3: show them that there's not just one way of doing things.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: I love it to be eloquent and to be just
Speaker 3: authentic and be good, just to be good, be great,
Speaker 3: be good, be at peace. Like I feel a sense
Speaker 3: of purpose when I'm like just being my best. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: I love that. So we have part for it coming
Speaker 3: out soon?
Speaker 1: How long do you have to No, there's no part
Speaker 1: for them. Oh you're just gonna just warm me sick? No, No,
Speaker 1: what you mean?
Speaker 3: Everything is released, Everything is going to be released for
Speaker 3: this project.
Speaker 2: Down Okay, okay, is there anything else that we can
Speaker 2: support because you're also an actor, do you have anything
Speaker 2: else going on?
Speaker 1: I haven't been doing that really, you know, I've been promoting.
Speaker 1: I've been on the road. I do. I'm not opposed to.
Speaker 4: It.
Speaker 1: Fun.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Likewise, thank you.
Speaker 3: I yeah, for some reason in the past year or two,
Speaker 3: there haven't been a lot of projects.
Speaker 1: I haven't been part of a lot. I just had
Speaker 1: this conversation that many projects happening. It's not. I just
Speaker 1: was like, we're with the auditions. Yeah, have a once literally
Speaker 1: just audition at all this year. Yeah. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I look forward to it. I enjoy it.
Speaker 3: It's fun.
Speaker 1: It's fun.
Speaker 3: I like being a student. Yes, that's what acting is
Speaker 3: for me. It's like, okay, for sure, I have my bearing.
Speaker 3: I'm very sure of myself and my decision making and music.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: I love being an arenas where I'm a student. Yes,
Speaker 3: that is what acting is for me. I love it
Speaker 3: for that reason.
Speaker 2: Well, we look forward to what is to come, and
Speaker 2: however we can support you, we will.
Speaker 1: Thank you have a fan in the sweeties. We love you. Yes,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Carrie, thank you for having me.
Speaker 2: Absolutely yes, Carrie, thank you so much for spending time
Speaker 2: with us. This conversation was truly special and sweeties, if
Speaker 2: you enjoy today's episode and make sure you like, subscribe
Speaker 2: and share with someone that you love, because you never
Speaker 2: know who might need this conversation. And before you go,
Speaker 2: I am so excited to welcome you all to the
Speaker 2: Sweet Social Club. If you've been rocking with us and
Speaker 2: you want to be even more connected with the kids family,
Speaker 2: this is for you.
Speaker 1: Members.
Speaker 2: You get access to exclusive events, special experiences, merch drops,
Speaker 2: and so much more. Click the link in my bio
Speaker 2: to join. We cannot wait to welcome you until next time.
Speaker 2: And in between time, keep deposit, Sweetie. I love you guys,