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Speaker 1: Calling all my Sweetish to the forefront.

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Speaker 2: I'm your host, Chris Rhne Hazel, and this is the

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Speaker 2: Keep It Positive Sweetish Show. Welcome to Keep It Positive, sweetye,

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Speaker 2: the place where we he'll grow and learn together through

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Speaker 2: honest conversations. I am so excited because today we are

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Speaker 2: kicking off season twelve, and this season we are centering

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Speaker 2: everything around one word purpose, not just finding it, but

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Speaker 2: trusting it. And I couldn't think of a better person

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Speaker 2: to help us start that conversation.

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Speaker 1: And I'm so glad to be sitting with Karrie Hilson.

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Speaker 2: Today's guest is a Grammy nominated singer, songwriter, actress, and

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Speaker 2: creative whose artistry has left an undeniable mark on music.

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Speaker 1: From unforgettable hits.

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Speaker 2: Like and Knock You Down, Pretty Girl Rock and turning

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Speaker 2: me on to writing songs for some of the biggest

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Speaker 2: artists in the industry, She's built a career defined by talent, versatility,

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Speaker 2: and authenticity, and now she's ushering in a new era

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Speaker 2: with We Need to Talk, her first studio album in

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Speaker 2: fifteen years. Released in three distinct chapters, the project invites

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Speaker 2: listeners to conversations about healing, purpose and reclaiming your voice

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Speaker 2: on your own terms. Sweet please give a very warm

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Speaker 2: welcome to the one and only Carrie Hilson.

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Speaker 1: Carrie, thank you so much for stopping by. Thank you.

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Speaker 1: We've been trying to get you over here for so long.

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Speaker 1: I feel like we've changed day like five times.

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Speaker 2: That's how you know it's gonna be good. Yes, it's

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Speaker 2: gonna be really, really good. I'm so excited. I met

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Speaker 2: you a few years ago. We were doing a series

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Speaker 2: at BMW had called on Court exactly, and immediately we

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Speaker 2: hit it off. It was an instant connection, and I

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Speaker 2: just loved your story, hearing about who you are and

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Speaker 2: like how you got to where you were as a

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Speaker 2: really cool event that we did. And I haven't really

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Speaker 2: gotten to see you much because Instagram keeps you in

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Speaker 2: touchee time, right, So I'm so happy to have you here.

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Speaker 1: You have new music out, which we're gonna talk about.

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Speaker 2: But before we get into that, I want to play

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Speaker 2: a little game just to break the ice. Okay, So

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Speaker 2: your new album is called We Need to Talk. So

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Speaker 2: we're gonna play a game called leave a Voicemail. Yes,

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Speaker 2: So I'm gonna give you little scenarios or people to

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Speaker 2: leave a voicemail too, and you're just gonna the first

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Speaker 2: thing that comes to mind.

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Speaker 1: Leave a quick voicemail. Okay, ready, all right, all right.

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Speaker 1: Voicemail number one your younger self. Ooh. First voicemail is

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Speaker 1: to little Carrie. Leave her a message.

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Speaker 3: Hey, Carrie, is gonna be a beautiful and wild ride.

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Speaker 3: But you are gonna follow that dream you have.

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Speaker 1: And you're gonna be so proud of yourself. Just hang

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Speaker 1: in there. I love that. Voicemail number two.

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Speaker 2: Leave a voicemail for the version of yourself that made

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Speaker 2: the decision to step away from music.

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Speaker 1: In real time or hindsight. Hindsight.

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Speaker 3: Okay, Carrie, I'm really proud of you for fighting for

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Speaker 3: what you need to do. Follow your heart, be authentic

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Speaker 3: to your needs. No one will understand, absolutely no one.

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Speaker 3: You're gonna lose some people that work with you. You're

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Speaker 3: gonna lose some fans. You're gonna lose people. No one's

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Speaker 3: gonna understand. Everyone's gonna question you, but only you know.

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Speaker 3: So do what it is you need to do. I'll

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Speaker 3: see you on the other side of this.

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Speaker 1: So good, so good. Voicemail the number three, This is

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Speaker 1: the last one.

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Speaker 2: Okay, leave a voicemail for your fans who waited all

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Speaker 2: these years for new music.

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Speaker 3: A Carrie Crew, thank you for sticking it out, thank

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Speaker 3: you for caring. Thank you for encouraging me along the way.

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Speaker 3: You were my light in many times of darkness and doubt,

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Speaker 3: and I thank you for that. I thank you for

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Speaker 3: defending me. I thank you for every comment, every request,

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Speaker 3: every post, every ticket you've bought, every every like you've tapped.

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Speaker 1: Thank you.

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Speaker 3: I don't take your granted, your support for granted. It

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Speaker 3: means the world to me, and you are a big

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Speaker 3: motivator for me. So thank you.

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Speaker 1: I can. I cannot say that enough. Thank you, Thank you,

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Carry crew. That is beautiful. I love that, Carrie.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so good. Thank you for playing along with me. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, we're gonna start off with some

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Speaker 1: potential tears.

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Speaker 2: Here we go that second one kind Yeah, yeah, that

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Speaker 2: was good.

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Speaker 1: I love it.

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Speaker 2: So let's get into it. We need to talk with

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Speaker 2: me something. When I'm in a relationship and I hear

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Speaker 2: those two words it don't matter a friendship, relationship, whatever it.

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Speaker 1: Is, I was like, oh, gosh, got to brace yourself.

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Speaker 1: We need to talk about.

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Speaker 2: You know what.

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Speaker 3: I've only ever been the person to say it really

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Speaker 3: never been with a man. It's like we need to talk. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's never happened, So I don't know what being the

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Speaker 3: receiver of it is.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I do not know. That is so funny.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so when you came, when you landed on that

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Speaker 2: as your title, I want to actually, who was the

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Speaker 2: conversation originally for. Was it for yourself, was it for

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Speaker 2: your listeners or was it for the industry.

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Speaker 3: It was all all of your buff and I'm adding

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Speaker 3: another one.

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Speaker 1: It was for the person.

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Speaker 3: I was dating.

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Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, yeah, the album.

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Speaker 3: Is about that person, but I used that well, it

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Speaker 3: was about multiple things about that person. It was about

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Speaker 3: my own journey of love, drama, redemption. It's kind of

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Speaker 3: like a double entendre of a story.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you take us on a ride, Yes, yes, yes, so.

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Speaker 3: It's it's it was just I said it in the

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Speaker 3: phone call on the album, which those calls are real.

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Speaker 3: It's one phone call actually, yeah, but it's real, and

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Speaker 3: I say it on the phone call, and that's what

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Speaker 3: sparked the title. And then I was just like, oh, actually,

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Speaker 3: I'm talking to my fans for the first time in

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Speaker 3: a long time, talking to myself, like I'm literally by

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Speaker 3: the time you get to the third section, you hear

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Speaker 3: me having this like moment of realization while on that call,

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Speaker 3: and I'm talking basically like just redeeming myself.

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Speaker 1: You know, affirming yourself. You know that was real mm hm.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, it's to everybody. I love it.

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Speaker 2: So when did you know this is time you said

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Speaker 2: it's a bad relationship originally you were talking to that person.

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Speaker 2: When did you know it was time to make a

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Speaker 2: new album and that this was the topic that you

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Speaker 2: wanted to touch on.

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Speaker 3: I've been knowing it was time to make an album

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Speaker 3: for some time now.

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Speaker 1: It was so.

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Speaker 3: Overdue, Like I didn't intend for the break to be

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Speaker 3: that long, but I did have some business to handle.

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Speaker 3: Freedom was like a big thing this time around, like freedom,

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Speaker 3: creative control.

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Speaker 1: I'm not the young girl I used to be when.

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Speaker 3: I entered this industry, right, Yeah, So I wanted to

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Speaker 3: control my own voice. I wanted to present myself to

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Speaker 3: the world the way that I knew that.

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Speaker 1: In a way that I.

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Speaker 3: Could stand by finally, in a way that represents me wholly, fully, authentically,

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Speaker 3: and in a way that I could finally feel one

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Speaker 3: hundred percent proud of who I'm showing to the world

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Speaker 3: and not in.

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Speaker 1: A fake way, right, yeah, and not in.

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Speaker 3: A forced way, not in a you know, no other

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Speaker 3: cooks in the kitchen, right.

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Speaker 1: I felt like I deserved that.

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Speaker 3: So that's what kind of made it a long process, except.

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Speaker 1: It was like fifteen years.

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Speaker 2: Yes, wow, take us through that journey, because I remember

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Speaker 2: when you hit the scene you hit, you had the

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Speaker 2: heavy hitters on your songs that every song was popping charted,

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Speaker 2: you were killing it. What made you take a step

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Speaker 2: back and say, hey, this is I need to sit down,

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Speaker 2: you know, because this is like.

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Speaker 1: You were on a roll. Yeah, yeah, and we were

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Speaker 1: loving it. So when I think ten years, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I need the music and I'm grateful. A lot of

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Speaker 1: people did feel that way because it still goes You're

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Speaker 1: so still placed today.

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Speaker 3: It does like you, Yeah, I get the reports and

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Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, the whole while I was away, I

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Speaker 3: would like see the reports and I'm like, really, it's really.

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Speaker 1: Cool because that's not a guarantee. It's not that is

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Speaker 1: not a guarantee.

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Speaker 3: So just you know, that would put like an extra

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Speaker 3: battery in my back. But the reason for the break

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Speaker 3: was both professional and personal. I was leaving an eleven

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Speaker 3: year relationship, and that was really difficult, and it was

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Speaker 3: at the height of everything.

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Speaker 1: It was literally pretty good.

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Speaker 3: Rock was like could not it was like could not

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Speaker 3: have been higher right that, And professionally I just kind

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Speaker 3: of felt like, Okay, I just gotta sit down, I

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Speaker 3: gotta take a step back. I was kind of not

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Speaker 3: myself I was I say on the album, I was

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Speaker 3: looking in the mirror and not seeing me anymore.

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Speaker 1: That's we've been there. That's literally what it was like.

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Speaker 3: I just didn't recognize myself and I needed to take

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Speaker 3: a break. And I knew it was ballsy. I knew

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Speaker 3: it was risky, yes, very very risky. Yeah, but I

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Speaker 3: also felt that there was no there was not going

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Speaker 3: to be a way around it. I was just going

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Speaker 3: to keep going on a downward trajectory. I could have

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Speaker 3: turned to drugs, I could have gone, you know, life

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Speaker 3: could have gone so many directions had I not at

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Speaker 3: the time.

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Speaker 2: So to have the wherewithal and know like I need

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Speaker 2: to take a step back. Because you're young, you're hitting.

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Speaker 2: You got to say you gotta strike while the irons

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Speaker 2: ht you were striking, you know, so to be able

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Speaker 2: to say no, I need to take a moment because

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Speaker 2: it could have let down, especially at a young age.

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Speaker 1: You're so impressionable.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I know, you had been in the industry for

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Speaker 2: a while writing and it had been your own group,

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Speaker 2: and had you had I guess you still had experience,

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Speaker 2: so you weren't new to it even though we were.

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Speaker 3: You were new to knowing me exactly. And so that's

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Speaker 3: what people don't understand. I think about the break is

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Speaker 3: that I was in the industry since I was fourteen

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Speaker 3: years old. So when I took that break at what

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Speaker 3: twenty eight years old, yeah, I was already in the

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Speaker 3: game for almost fifteen years NonStop, you know, through college,

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Speaker 3: through high school through like literally not My first deal

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Speaker 3: happened on my senior trip at seventeen years old.

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Speaker 1: Wow, So you know, And I was in that group.

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Speaker 3: From fourteen to eighteen and then we did another g

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Speaker 3: you know, and throughout school. So I didn't really have

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Speaker 3: in a sense, I didn't really have the teenhood, the childhood. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: my life was early on dedicated to music and then writing.

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Speaker 3: And then then I came out and it's like, okay, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I know, I'm only a couple of years in and

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Speaker 3: no one's understanding, but I dedicated so much of my

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Speaker 3: life that I knew that if I don't do this now,

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Speaker 3: I'm on a path to destruction.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that's real. What did you learn

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Speaker 1: about yourself during that time?

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Speaker 2: Because I feel like since you missed those teams, those

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Speaker 2: are formative years. Yeah, you know, so taking that time off,

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Speaker 2: what did you learn about yourself?

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Speaker 3: Then?

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Speaker 1: So much?

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Speaker 3: I learned who I am as a sister. Yeah, I

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Speaker 3: lost a lot of time with my family. I was

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Speaker 3: dedicating so much of my time, you know, I was

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Speaker 3: missing a lot of things, trips and graduations and birthdays

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Speaker 3: and all the important things death funerals I missed, you know,

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Speaker 3: it was things going on. So I learned who I

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Speaker 3: am as a sibling, as a daughter, as a human.

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Speaker 3: I learned who I am as a young lady. I

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Speaker 3: guess at the time, you know, I had to learn

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Speaker 3: like what I want in relationship, what I don't want

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Speaker 3: in relationship, Like I had to experience those for sure.

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Speaker 3: I haven't had that many relationships in my life so still,

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Speaker 3: but definitely then, yeah, yeah, it was just I learned

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Speaker 3: a lot. I learned that I'm I guess, more spiritual

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Speaker 3: than religious, you know, so much. So much it was.

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Speaker 1: It was a.

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Speaker 3: Period truly of exploration for sure. Yeah, Yeah, I went

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Speaker 3: deep inside.

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Speaker 1: That's good.

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Speaker 2: That's good, and sometimes you need I feel like sometimes

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Speaker 2: it's important to do that, take those steps back to

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Speaker 2: really like explore who you are, find out what you like.

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Speaker 2: Once you don't like going back, then what are some

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Speaker 2: of your non negotiables that maybe carry in would have

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Speaker 2: like dealt with.

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Speaker 3: But now you're like, no, a lot, actually, okay, so

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Speaker 3: there in relationship you mean, yeah, in relationship, I think

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Speaker 3: there was a period of time. Have you ever, I'm

250
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Speaker 3: sure as a woman, you've encountered some disloyalties cheating. I

251
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Speaker 3: just will lump it into disloyalties for the sake of

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Speaker 3: this conversation at this point. But I think if you

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Speaker 3: talk to older women and women who have been married

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Speaker 3: for a long time, grandparents and things like that, like

255
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Speaker 3: they'll tell.

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Speaker 1: You all men do that.

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Speaker 3: You just got to learn to turn a blind eye,

258
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Speaker 3: keep the peace.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and so.

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Speaker 3: Right, I hear the choir over there is but so

261
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Speaker 3: so when you first encounter that, that that's kind of the.

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Speaker 1: Feedback you're getting from women that you're consulting or with.

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Speaker 3: And I tried like that was literally like me, just like,

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Speaker 3: oh my god, Okay, well but it doesn't it doesn't

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Speaker 3: feel good at all.

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Speaker 1: It's betrayal. It's like, you know, let's call it what

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Speaker 1: it is. Yes, it's betrayal.

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Speaker 3: Like, but so, how am I supposed to forgive that?

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Speaker 3: How am I supposed to turn a blind die? How

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Speaker 3: am I supposed to be peaceful and quiet?

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Speaker 1: So I just learned. Yeah, I'm not a right or die.

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Speaker 3: I'm not that if that's what that means, right. I

273
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Speaker 3: feel like I am in a lot of other ways,

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Speaker 3: but that's one I just refuse.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I refuse. You know, we live and we learned,

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Speaker 1: and definitely I tried it.

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Speaker 2: Yes, really I think we've I have been told the

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Speaker 2: same thing. I've been told that when you got to

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Speaker 2: pick your battles, yeah, so to speak, you know, and

280
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Speaker 2: pick your poison, and like, are you getting eighty percent

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Speaker 2: of what you want out of this? And that's just

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Speaker 2: one thing that I can't stomach. I'm like, I tried it,

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Speaker 2: you know.

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Speaker 3: I know, And you know, I think if I were

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Speaker 3: the type of woman that maybe needed financial provision, Yes,

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Speaker 3: if you were providing that and I was in of that,

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Speaker 3: maybe I could then kind of I guess take that easier, yeah,

288
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Speaker 3: because I can understand that from that perspective, Like our

289
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:16,560
Speaker 3: grandparents and our great grandparents, they were being taken care of,

290
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Speaker 3: so like what could they say. They couldn't get a

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Speaker 3: house alone on a house, They couldn't like drive for

292
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Speaker 3: a time, they couldn't vote like they some of them

293
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Speaker 3: couldn't work.

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Speaker 1: So well.

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Speaker 3: I guess that depends on where you are and what region,

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Speaker 3: region and age era we're talking about. Yeah, like we

297
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Speaker 3: were in we as women were in need of men

298
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Speaker 3: for a very long time, and I think that has

299
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Speaker 3: some trickle effect into the advice we're getting from the

300
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Speaker 3: elder still, but now we don't need financial provision and

301
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Speaker 3: we literally we just need you to be good.

302
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Speaker 2: We need you to be good as a public figure

303
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Speaker 2: and a woman who's been successful basically all your life.

304
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Speaker 2: Has it been hard like finding because I know I'm

305
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Speaker 2: new to this part of my life as far as

306
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,800
Speaker 2: like being in the public eye and the complications when

307
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:07,400
Speaker 2: it comes to dating, has that been something that's always

308
00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:09,440
Speaker 2: been a struggle for you, being like, because you've always

309
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:13,040
Speaker 2: had it together financially when we speak of like not

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Speaker 2: for that.

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Speaker 3: I don't know, like sometimes I feel like it's what

312
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,920
Speaker 3: attracts a man to me initially initially right, but then

313
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Speaker 3: it becomes something that is the blessing turns into a

314
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Speaker 3: curse at some point. I'm still trying to understand that because.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I thought you. You know what I mean,

316
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Speaker 1: I thought you.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, I got to be busy. Yeah I'm not

318
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Speaker 3: going to be here, and no I'm not cooking tonight,

319
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Speaker 3: like I got to pack for my flight, you know,

320
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Speaker 3: So I guess. And I am a really giving I

321
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,520
Speaker 3: am a homemaking type of woman, like I am cooking

322
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Speaker 3: a lot, I am cleaning, I am you know, or

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Speaker 3: you know, decorating and arranging the home and doing all

324
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Speaker 3: the things serving right.

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Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, but and I don't really know.

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Speaker 3: What I think I've run into kind of is a

327
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Speaker 3: of inadequacy for men that may not be above where

328
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Speaker 3: I am. I think that's when it became the curse

329
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Speaker 3: for those guys that kind of weren't where they wanted

330
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Speaker 3: to be in their walk or.

331
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Speaker 1: Finances or career.

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Speaker 3: And so I think that's when I've encountered the kind

333
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:27,040
Speaker 3: of the turmoil of a man. You know, you can

334
00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:36,480
Speaker 3: kind of see and hear that's spilling into our conversations. Yeah,

335
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,720
Speaker 3: so I think it's good, but it's also like it

336
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:41,199
Speaker 3: feels like a curse at times.

337
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:42,160
Speaker 1: It does.

338
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Speaker 3: Have you found the No, what I do is like

339
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:51,040
Speaker 3: I pretend I ain't got I pretend this is what

340
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:55,399
Speaker 3: I'm doing, like I'm not. I just act broke. I

341
00:17:55,640 --> 00:18:00,840
Speaker 3: just I'm like I play damsel. You know, I can't

342
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,919
Speaker 3: go as far. I think they love a damsel, but

343
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,600
Speaker 3: I can't go as far as to ask a man

344
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:08,320
Speaker 3: for money. Right, I just ain't got it in me.

345
00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:13,160
Speaker 3: I've never been you know, but anything, I just act

346
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,400
Speaker 3: like I ain't got it. I just that's all I got.

347
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:17,600
Speaker 3: I'm not buying, like if I'm starting to date someone,

348
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,000
Speaker 3: I'm not going out and buying my dream car, you

349
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:20,520
Speaker 3: know what I mean.

350
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Speaker 1: I'm not.

351
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:26,639
Speaker 3: I might hold off on moving homes, like upgrading my light. Like, no,

352
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,600
Speaker 3: I want to let him feel like he can do

353
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:30,280
Speaker 3: that for me.

354
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:31,159
Speaker 1: So I try to.

355
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:35,359
Speaker 3: I do kind of minimize who I am, what I own,

356
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,439
Speaker 3: what I have. You know, I don't tell them about

357
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:41,200
Speaker 3: certain things. That's all I got so far. That's that's

358
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,000
Speaker 3: all I got, is like, let me just try that.

359
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:46,040
Speaker 2: It's so funny, you said, because when I'm moving into

360
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:49,000
Speaker 2: the house I'm in now, A friend of mine's mother

361
00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:50,800
Speaker 2: was like, are you really going to like move into

362
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:52,640
Speaker 2: that big house? You're never going to find a man

363
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,480
Speaker 2: literally is what you want? And I was like, well,

364
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,879
Speaker 2: I'm this age and like, I'm not waiting on somebody

365
00:18:58,880 --> 00:18:59,600
Speaker 2: with that person.

366
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,480
Speaker 1: Never. Yeah, I'm gonna get the house, I'm gonna get the.

367
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:06,119
Speaker 3: Enjoy my life. I'm supposed to just like not enjoy

368
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:06,840
Speaker 3: my life.

369
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,200
Speaker 1: But she might be ono something here.

370
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,159
Speaker 3: I mean, you got to act like you're struggling to

371
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:13,199
Speaker 3: pay the bills or something.

372
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,680
Speaker 1: It's got to be something to trying to figure this out.

373
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,800
Speaker 1: For sure. That is hilarious.

374
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:25,280
Speaker 2: So you went through that, you go through everything to

375
00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:28,200
Speaker 2: come up with this album. It's like now it's time.

376
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,440
Speaker 2: You knew it was time, and you wrote it. We

377
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,760
Speaker 2: talked about you writing it in three stages. It's three

378
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:34,920
Speaker 2: parts and you got to add another a fourth part

379
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,679
Speaker 2: to it. I wanted to know how did you come.

380
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:37,919
Speaker 1: Up with that?

381
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,520
Speaker 2: What was the whole process to getting to where we

382
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,200
Speaker 2: are now because we're bringing it back to present time.

383
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,400
Speaker 2: I just wanted to know how you got through that

384
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,360
Speaker 2: hiatus and how we got.

385
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:51,359
Speaker 3: Here Okay, Well that phone call really informed how the

386
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,760
Speaker 3: album was broken down.

387
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,639
Speaker 2: This is the one where you were saying, she showed

388
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:56,680
Speaker 2: me the pictures and.

389
00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:04,480
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, so yeah, yeah yeah. Love Drama Redemption was

390
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:07,400
Speaker 3: literally kind of the way that relationship went the way

391
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:11,040
Speaker 3: my career went, So breaking it down kind of made

392
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:14,560
Speaker 3: all the sense in the world. There were like literal

393
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:19,080
Speaker 3: turning points in the phone call the same way they

394
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:21,320
Speaker 3: were turning points in my career. So I just yeah,

395
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,680
Speaker 3: that was easy to determine.

396
00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:27,360
Speaker 1: Yeah for sure. Yeah.

397
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:29,800
Speaker 3: And then how we what was the second part you said.

398
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:30,280
Speaker 1: How we got here?

399
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, like we gave you gave us the backstory of

400
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,680
Speaker 2: like what happened during that fifteen years.

401
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,400
Speaker 1: I wanted to bring it back to present.

402
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 2: Day, like how did you even like decide to do

403
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:40,320
Speaker 2: a three part Oh yeah, I wanted to kind of

404
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:41,119
Speaker 2: get the back story.

405
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:44,920
Speaker 3: Yeah. So, being gone so long, you know that your fans.

406
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,240
Speaker 1: Are waiting for you got to give them something. You

407
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,639
Speaker 1: gotta give them something, not just seven songs. Yeah, and

408
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,520
Speaker 1: exactly that. It was exactly that.

409
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,960
Speaker 3: I was like, I actually had more like twenty six

410
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:56,479
Speaker 3: at one point.

411
00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:59,600
Speaker 1: Chris Brown album. Yeah, It's about to be that. It

412
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:03,080
Speaker 1: was about less and before we broke it up, it was.

413
00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:09,840
Speaker 2: Songs I can imagine, specially the European game already know, yeah, records, Yeah,

414
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:10,359
Speaker 2: and there are.

415
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:12,840
Speaker 3: More that weren't gonna make this one but are already

416
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:15,359
Speaker 3: prepared for the next couple projects.

417
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:16,360
Speaker 1: But yeah, I just.

418
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:21,320
Speaker 3: Knew I wanted to give them enough. Obviously I care

419
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:24,600
Speaker 3: about quality, but I also knew that I owed them quantity.

420
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I was like, well.

421
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,920
Speaker 3: Let's do this, but the attention spans are very different.

422
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:32,160
Speaker 3: Let's break it up definitely, because the album already had

423
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:35,159
Speaker 3: its scenes, you know. But it was like, let's just

424
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:38,960
Speaker 3: release this and let them digest the first part, digest,

425
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 3: second part, digest, third part.

426
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:41,160
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter.

427
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,480
Speaker 3: They're lopsided, like the first one is the longest, the

428
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:44,880
Speaker 3: second one is the next one, you know, the third

429
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:49,080
Speaker 3: one kind of short. Yeah, but that didn't matter as

430
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:53,480
Speaker 3: much as making sure that you know, people were able

431
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,919
Speaker 3: to take this journey and not because I know with

432
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:58,200
Speaker 3: longer albums sometimes I.

433
00:21:58,160 --> 00:21:59,120
Speaker 1: Never get all the way through.

434
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:02,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like sometimes I'm intending to and something happens or

435
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,280
Speaker 3: a phone call or whatever, and I never finished listening

436
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:06,119
Speaker 3: to that.

437
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,360
Speaker 1: So I understand that, and it could be a great

438
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,840
Speaker 1: body of work. You just don't make it through. Finish

439
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 1: that album right two years ago. Right, that's me with books.

440
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,680
Speaker 2: Sometimes I'd be like same, Yeah, I gotta go back,

441
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:19,359
Speaker 2: I gotta get back.

442
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:22,400
Speaker 1: I love that.

443
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,320
Speaker 2: I wanted to ask you, you're back on the road

444
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:30,640
Speaker 2: now performing you were as successful last year, yes, And

445
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:32,040
Speaker 2: you just said you had a show.

446
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 1: What do you love more?

447
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 2: Because you're a writer, you're a singer, but you're also

448
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,000
Speaker 2: a performer. You like the stage or the studio better.

449
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,200
Speaker 3: I used to not answer this question. Really, I used

450
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,439
Speaker 3: to not answer it because I felt like I was

451
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,639
Speaker 3: betraying like people that buy tickets or fans or whatever

452
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,960
Speaker 3: by saying my but I'm and also I may not

453
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,719
Speaker 3: have realized the full truth. Yeah, now I know I

454
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:59,960
Speaker 3: prefer creating the music than recreating the music on stage. Really, Yeah,

455
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,480
Speaker 3: I finally came to that resolve, like in the past

456
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:07,320
Speaker 3: couple of years, Like, actually, I do have an an

457
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:08,040
Speaker 3: honest answer.

458
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:08,480
Speaker 1: Yeah.

459
00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:10,600
Speaker 3: I used to say, I can't choose. You know, I

460
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,040
Speaker 3: like them both, and I do like things about performing. Also,

461
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 3: but it's it's curveball city, it's sleep deprivation, it's performing

462
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:26,119
Speaker 3: at your worst often, you know.

463
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, people don't think about that. Yeah, like, it's a

464
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:29,560
Speaker 1: lot of factors.

465
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:31,520
Speaker 2: It's what has been like the hardest, like day that

466
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,440
Speaker 2: you had to suck it up and get on stage.

467
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:34,800
Speaker 1: All the time.

468
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:37,960
Speaker 3: I mean, it's I can't even point one out to you.

469
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:41,440
Speaker 3: It happens a lot of the time. You know, we're

470
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 3: not always usually we're not at our best. And then two,

471
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:49,160
Speaker 3: there's other factors going on. It's a whole technical thing

472
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,800
Speaker 3: so that you can give your best show. There's so

473
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:56,720
Speaker 3: many components to putting on a live show. Your monitors,

474
00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 3: you're in ears, the paddles for the receivers, for your

475
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,600
Speaker 3: pack and you know what I mean. Then then your

476
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:05,920
Speaker 3: wardrobe didn't stay in your pack.

477
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:06,760
Speaker 1: Oh ship, I can't.

478
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:07,920
Speaker 3: I can't even.

479
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 1: Find the buttons.

480
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 3: I can't find the volume. I can't reach there because

481
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,280
Speaker 3: my outfit. I got it on my bra and my

482
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,239
Speaker 3: arm is barely Yeah, but I can't hear. And then

483
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,359
Speaker 3: when I go to front of stage, in front of house,

484
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,520
Speaker 3: it's feeding back into my mic and it's making everything

485
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:23,240
Speaker 3: phase out.

486
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 1: Like static.

487
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,439
Speaker 3: The other day, I had static the whole time on stage.

488
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:30,119
Speaker 3: My pack was giving my ears. So I had to

489
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 3: kind of loosen this one I eventually had to come

490
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,960
Speaker 3: all the way out of that one to try to hear, but.

491
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 1: There's still static.

492
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:39,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I was like feeding off of the stage monitors,

493
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,440
Speaker 3: which are also too loud. So now I'm getting feedback

494
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:44,320
Speaker 3: in the mic. Like it's just so many things that

495
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 3: can affect you know, and you're all amped before you go.

496
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:52,560
Speaker 3: You get on stage and you're like, it's like like

497
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:54,840
Speaker 3: your mood, it's like, oh my god, I want to fight.

498
00:24:54,680 --> 00:25:00,600
Speaker 1: Somebody to fight take it out of this stage.

499
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 3: Okay, now you're doing the dancing, it's all extra hard

500
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 3: because you're pissed.

501
00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:10,720
Speaker 2: That was hilarious, but it's so true. I had a

502
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 2: moment when I was first starting the podcast. I was

503
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,920
Speaker 2: in a relationship and I was going through a breakup

504
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:20,919
Speaker 2: and I was crying in my closet before our guests

505
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:25,399
Speaker 2: had come. It was Eva Marcel, and I just remember

506
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 2: like as soon as I got off the phone, I

507
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 2: started crying, and then I was like, you gotta suck

508
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:31,440
Speaker 2: it up, girl, you got an.

509
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 1: Interview to do.

510
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 2: And then I ended up breaking down in the interview

511
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:35,920
Speaker 2: because it was just like one of those moments that

512
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:39,159
Speaker 2: we were having. Yeah, and that was a moment for

513
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:42,879
Speaker 2: me where I wasn't in a great space, but I

514
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 2: had to get on camera be like.

515
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,600
Speaker 1: All right, welcome to keep a visit, sweetie.

516
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 2: And I was not feeling positive or sweet okay, you know.

517
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 2: And I think a lot of times as women are

518
00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:57,439
Speaker 2: people like who look up to us don't see that,

519
00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 2: especially as people performers, and people have to it on,

520
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,439
Speaker 2: you know, at certain times. So I totally get it,

521
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:04,680
Speaker 2: and hats off to you.

522
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 3: Thank you still doing it, you know, to do this,

523
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:12,239
Speaker 3: like anybody that does any level of entertainment understands what

524
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:15,680
Speaker 3: it takes behind the scenes and understands that stuff could

525
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 3: just not be right, Stuff would not be good in

526
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:24,400
Speaker 3: your heart, your head, and you literally have to compartmentalize,

527
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 3: like defragmented. Yeah, and like put the thirty percent you

528
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,239
Speaker 3: have into that day, right, you know, or the one

529
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 3: hundred percent of the thirty percent capacity you.

530
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,359
Speaker 1: Have that right exactly. Yeah.

531
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 3: But I remember I remember having I was on a

532
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 3: European tour and I was crying on stage while going

533
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 3: through that eleven year break.

534
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:45,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was.

535
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,280
Speaker 3: I had never found myself crying during I was crying

536
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:53,680
Speaker 3: during the song Hustler on my first person think, So yeah,

537
00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:56,160
Speaker 3: and I was crying during that song every without fail,

538
00:26:56,240 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 3: every night, oh like oh, crowd in Germany, crowd in Austria, Sweden,

539
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:05,199
Speaker 3: cried in Norway like literally the whole way through, right,

540
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 3: And it was that that particular song every a certain

541
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:12,800
Speaker 3: point in that song each time, like after one time

542
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:14,160
Speaker 3: my sound guy was even crying.

543
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: It's like you choke me up every night.

544
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:20,720
Speaker 3: Gosh yeah, but yeah, I mean this is real and

545
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:24,120
Speaker 3: this is expression. And then we learn like it's good

546
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 3: to do it because we're like when we're able to,

547
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 3: we don't let them see it.

548
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 1: You know.

549
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 3: It's not that they can't see it, right, they don't.

550
00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:34,240
Speaker 3: It's not only that they can't or don't. It's that

551
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:37,400
Speaker 3: we wall up when we are most vulnerable. We kind

552
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:40,200
Speaker 3: of mask for sure, you know, and it's part of it.

553
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:43,720
Speaker 3: But also I think when we are able to express

554
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 3: authentically like I'm.

555
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 1: Not I'm not okay today, it shows you humanity and

556
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 1: people I think gravitate.

557
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:53,680
Speaker 3: I think that's why people love you so much, because

558
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:57,639
Speaker 3: you are so like grounded and real, you know, like

559
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:01,960
Speaker 3: we don't ever feel like crystals, like not a performative type.

560
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 1: Right, No, you're.

561
00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:08,440
Speaker 3: Entertaining still, but it's not rooted there, right, rooted and grounded.

562
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 2: And yeah, yeah, because I've learned. I learned very fast,

563
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:16,000
Speaker 2: like entering this space the only thing that you can

564
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:19,960
Speaker 2: truly succeed that as being you. Eventually it's gonna fall off.

565
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,680
Speaker 2: Whatever you're faking to be, it's gonna fall off.

566
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 1: And that's who you really are.

567
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:26,080
Speaker 2: And they could be the good or bad, you know,

568
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 2: so hoping that the real you is something like, no.

569
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 1: We actually love this. Why were you trying to be

570
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:34,360
Speaker 1: something else anyway? Or girl, pick pick the mask back

571
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 1: up because right.

572
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 3: People don't even get a chance to put the mask

573
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:43,680
Speaker 3: back on right when you're pretending, like we see it

574
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 3: every day we do cancel culture and like you make

575
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:49,480
Speaker 3: one wrong move, one wrong sentence, it.

576
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,240
Speaker 1: Could be over for you. No, for sure.

577
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:54,040
Speaker 3: So it is scary. I understand why people feel like

578
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:57,240
Speaker 3: I was there, you know. I mean, yeah, we come

579
00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:01,520
Speaker 3: in feeling like, okay, there is I think a subconscious

580
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:05,160
Speaker 3: fear that I'm not enough, that who I am and

581
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:10,239
Speaker 3: as I am may not be acceptable because we are

582
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:16,360
Speaker 3: trying to please masses, you know, And that's people that

583
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 3: are handling your career make you painfully aware that you

584
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:21,520
Speaker 3: have to be well liked. Yes, you know, and people

585
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 3: want to like your music, they want to come to

586
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:24,719
Speaker 3: your show, they want to see an interview, you know,

587
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 3: so you're like, okay, oh god, so let me turn

588
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 3: my dial of me down to like two. You know,

589
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 3: I want to up here authentic, but I also am

590
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 3: feeling like super vulnerable and yeah performing At what point

591
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,560
Speaker 3: of your career did you feel like, I know, in

592
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:48,720
Speaker 3: the music industry they try to create the artists that

593
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 3: they want to see or that they feel is going

594
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:51,480
Speaker 3: to pop for this moment in time.

595
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 2: At what point of your career did you feel like, well,

596
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 2: I don't. I'm not feeling like Carrie right now.

597
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:01,720
Speaker 3: Early on, so they were initially they're were some songs

598
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 3: that I felt like, I, I don't think this represents

599
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 3: where I was wanting to go with this album. Yeah,

600
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:14,720
Speaker 3: and I definitely don't think A. I don't think it

601
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 3: should make the album and B I don't think it

602
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 3: should be a single.

603
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 1: Yeah.

604
00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 3: So now I got to shoot a video for this

605
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 3: song I don't even like and I don't think represents

606
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 3: me well and never, I don't like the lyrics. I

607
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:28,720
Speaker 3: don't this is does not represent who I am. Like,

608
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:31,640
Speaker 3: there's so many there's quite a few examples of that

609
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:33,360
Speaker 3: in my in my particular career.

610
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 1: What so I'm curious enough. Oh gosh, there's a few.

611
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 1: There's a few.

612
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:40,640
Speaker 3: Energy would be one of them. I think Breaking Point

613
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 3: would be another. One would turn the favor let's see

614
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:48,960
Speaker 3: change Me hated it, really hated it.

615
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 1: You probably even know it. It's with akon. Yeah, I love

616
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:53,480
Speaker 1: that song, you do not?

617
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:54,960
Speaker 2: I did?

618
00:30:55,240 --> 00:31:01,840
Speaker 1: Well, you don't I did? I love that song? Hated it?

619
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 3: I mean, and I didn't hate Energy or Breaking Point.

620
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:07,080
Speaker 3: I didn't hate them, but I felt like they weren't.

621
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:10,240
Speaker 3: They were both first on my album first. Energy was

622
00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:12,760
Speaker 3: first on my first album. Breaking Point was first single

623
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 3: of my second album. Yeah this is ass backwards.

624
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:18,480
Speaker 1: We have way better because you knew what you had.

625
00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:20,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I knew I had to knocked you down.

626
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:22,960
Speaker 3: I knew I had freaking a rock on No boys

627
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,400
Speaker 3: allowed like this. It was like, come on, y'all, man,

628
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 3: this is ridiculous.

629
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 1: And did you feel like you had a voice in

630
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 1: that moment? Not as much?

631
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:33,040
Speaker 3: You know, not as much. And then of course the

632
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:35,200
Speaker 3: way you love me and the turn of me on

633
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 3: remix that was pointless. It was you know, so I

634
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:44,480
Speaker 3: feel like I wore jackets that didn't fit me. Many

635
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 3: times in my career. I felt like that a lot,

636
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:50,000
Speaker 3: And it wasn't until me taking a break that I

637
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 3: felt strong enough to even reveal that, yeah, I'm just

638
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:57,719
Speaker 3: now talking about that really in the song space. But

639
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:05,240
Speaker 3: I did not feel strong enough to say I haven't

640
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:11,120
Speaker 3: been showing you guys me yeah, until I started doing

641
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:16,840
Speaker 3: interviews from the valley. And that's when I felt strong

642
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 3: enough and self assured enough, self aware. I didn't have

643
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 3: the handlers in my picture anymore.

644
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:28,000
Speaker 1: So this is the freedom you're talking about.

645
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 3: Felt free, felt free enough to be authentic again. And

646
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:33,959
Speaker 3: then it was like an uphill battle because people are like, well,

647
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 3: that ain't what you said five years ago, you know

648
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:35,960
Speaker 3: what I mean.

649
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 1: People don't let you live things down.

650
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 3: They don't, so you don't always get the opportunity to

651
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:44,360
Speaker 3: grow and to show people like to keep I just,

652
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:46,800
Speaker 3: I just I felt like, if you can go with

653
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:49,880
Speaker 3: me through this vision, because I had a literal vision

654
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 3: of this.

655
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 1: I was walking in this vision.

656
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 3: I won't I won't say where I was walking to,

657
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 3: that's beside the point.

658
00:32:58,160 --> 00:32:59,480
Speaker 1: But I was literally walking.

659
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 3: You know that period between sleep and wake, Yes, when

660
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 3: you have you literally see things?

661
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:07,800
Speaker 1: Why do And.

662
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 3: I was like pulling off garments of clothes.

663
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:13,880
Speaker 1: I was like dropping.

664
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 3: I had things in my hands and I was just dropping.

665
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 3: And I kept walking and I things would appear in

666
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:19,960
Speaker 3: my hands and I was just like, okay, gotta put

667
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 3: that down, Okay, And I would take off another layer

668
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:24,800
Speaker 3: of clothing, Like I had all these layers of clothes

669
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:28,680
Speaker 3: and like hat and things in my hands that would

670
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:31,520
Speaker 3: just appear, and I just was like walking down a.

671
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,800
Speaker 1: Road and just shedding.

672
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:39,960
Speaker 3: And I had that vision about I think it was

673
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:46,680
Speaker 3: like twenty twenty one maybe, and I was like, Oh,

674
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 3: that's what I've been doing.

675
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:48,600
Speaker 1: It struck me.

676
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 3: I woke up in tears and I didn't understand why

677
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 3: until I reflected on that vision, and I just was like, Oh,

678
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,160
Speaker 3: that's what I've been doing, shedding, That's.

679
00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 1: What i've been doing.

680
00:33:57,560 --> 00:33:58,880
Speaker 3: And all these things that I didn't know that I

681
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 3: was carrying, they would just pure in my hand and

682
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:03,400
Speaker 3: I'd be like, don't want that, don't want that, don't

683
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 3: need this, don't know, don't even know why I'm dropping

684
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 3: it or why it's there or what it is. But

685
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:12,600
Speaker 3: some was given to me. Some was like imposed upon me.

686
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:17,920
Speaker 3: Some things were perceptions that I inherited from people, chatter,

687
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:22,280
Speaker 3: comments and posts and all the things.

688
00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:22,600
Speaker 1: You know.

689
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, social media was kind of just taking off as

690
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:31,280
Speaker 2: your career was exploding because you were out of this world.

691
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 2: But I remember like Twitter, just Facebook was around, but

692
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 2: like Twitter was coming around at that time, so people

693
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 2: were That's when people we started tweeting our thoughts.

694
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, we.

695
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 2: Hadn't in opinions, right, I remember that, So I can

696
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 2: imagine for you to be at the front end of that.

697
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:49,719
Speaker 2: I know it was like for me. We were just

698
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:52,240
Speaker 2: me and O Shauna were just talking about She's.

699
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:54,600
Speaker 1: Like, how do you like get through like what people

700
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:57,800
Speaker 1: say online sometimes and like it doesn't hurt your feelings?

701
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 2: I'm like, absolutely, you know, there's still times where I

702
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 2: may see something, but I'm able to like brush it

703
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:04,920
Speaker 2: off faster than I used to be.

704
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 1: I was sitting it and.

705
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:07,840
Speaker 2: I was like, but you don't they don't know me,

706
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,360
Speaker 2: and I feel like I need to respond. So I

707
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:13,480
Speaker 2: can imagine what that was like for you. Yeah, then

708
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:16,279
Speaker 2: really like trying to navigate this new career and then

709
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:19,160
Speaker 2: being at the pinnacle of people speaking their mind.

710
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I was last for some reason. I was

711
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:26,040
Speaker 3: at a in an interview with Andree Martinez, who was like,

712
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:26,800
Speaker 3: you need a Twitter.

713
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 1: I was like, I didn't really know what it was.

714
00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:33,279
Speaker 3: But I wasn't really a social media person like that

715
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:35,319
Speaker 3: because there was my Space and there was I never

716
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:38,000
Speaker 3: I still haven't ever been on Facebook. I have a page.

717
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:40,200
Speaker 1: Wow, you can continue to follow that.

718
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:45,960
Speaker 3: But I did MySpace and I was into it, you know,

719
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:48,480
Speaker 3: to a degree, but I was like, oh, there's more

720
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:51,600
Speaker 3: things to do now. Yeah, Oh gosh, I'm trying to write.

721
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:54,000
Speaker 3: I'm in this session right now. I got to, you know,

722
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,759
Speaker 3: so I kind of became anti in like a year

723
00:35:56,880 --> 00:35:57,440
Speaker 3: or two into it.

724
00:35:57,520 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 1: She's like, you still don't have a Twitter page? And

725
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:02,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, God, And I was late to the

726
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:06,879
Speaker 1: party on all those Yes, same all of it. We're

727
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:10,000
Speaker 1: not followers. It takes a while.

728
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,680
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm like, oh, you got to force me to

729
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 3: twist my arm. And that's exactly how it happened. And

730
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:17,959
Speaker 3: had she not said it on air, I never I probably.

731
00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:19,680
Speaker 1: Even I wouldn't have done it.

732
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:21,759
Speaker 3: Yet eventually I would have had to give in because

733
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:23,760
Speaker 3: it became such a huge part of promotion.

734
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,520
Speaker 1: It has, but.

735
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:28,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was such a double edged sword because you're right.

736
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:34,359
Speaker 3: The opinions they do, they can and they do, and

737
00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:38,600
Speaker 3: you just get easier the more I guess self aware and.

738
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:42,160
Speaker 1: The more love you have for yourself.

739
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:46,160
Speaker 3: I think that, Yeah, you're like, oh, that's not rooted

740
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:49,360
Speaker 3: in fact exactly literally how you're perceiving me, and you

741
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:52,440
Speaker 3: might feel bad. I feel empathy for people that still perceive.

742
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:55,319
Speaker 1: Me, and it is now exactly that you see me

743
00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:55,920
Speaker 1: that way.

744
00:36:56,600 --> 00:37:03,840
Speaker 2: Poor girl, you know you're suffering. I'm not right, you

745
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 2: know that's real. Yeah, And I love that we've It

746
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 2: comes with the self awareness. For me, it was therapy.

747
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:12,040
Speaker 2: It was learning who I am and understanding who I

748
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,440
Speaker 2: am in this industry, you know, and what my purpose

749
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:14,879
Speaker 2: is here?

750
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:18,120
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, And by let me clear this up, by suffering,

751
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 3: I didn't mean you're suffering in life. I bet your

752
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:25,640
Speaker 3: opinion of me is causing you to suffer a perception

753
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 3: of me, and you're suffering with that. But I don't

754
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:32,000
Speaker 3: suffer with that because I know the I know the

755
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:35,919
Speaker 3: truth of the whole picture. Yeah, I don't want people

756
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:38,239
Speaker 3: to think that I'm like calling anyone lowly or at

757
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,279
Speaker 3: first I believe that I'm superior to anyone, because I

758
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 3: really don't play that game.

759
00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:43,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, saying really, Yeah, you know, and I didn't.

760
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:44,920
Speaker 2: I didn't even take it that way.

761
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:48,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, I thought about someone might take that the wrong way.

762
00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:52,800
Speaker 3: That is true too, Yeah, that is true too. People

763
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:56,680
Speaker 3: are suffering, and they are sometimes just mean hearted. Sometimes

764
00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:59,399
Speaker 3: they don't believe what they perceive of you. They don't

765
00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:02,120
Speaker 3: believe it, but they want to They want to attack you.

766
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 3: They want to make you feel.

767
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:07,920
Speaker 1: The pain they're feeling. Yeah, that is so true. That

768
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 1: is so true.

769
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:10,400
Speaker 2: I want to ask you, is there a version of

770
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:13,799
Speaker 2: Carrie Hilton that is sitting here today that simply would

771
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:17,640
Speaker 2: not exist if you had not stepped away?

772
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:20,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, the whole version what I'm looking at you like, Yeah,

773
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:24,640
Speaker 1: the whole thing. Yeah. I don't know where i'd be.

774
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:29,000
Speaker 3: I just I just I'm so grateful that I was

775
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 3: so ballsy to do what I needed to do. I

776
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:38,640
Speaker 3: can't I cannot imagine where I be had I pushed

777
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:43,400
Speaker 3: through to the degree that it would have taken me

778
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 3: to push through. I think it would I literally would

779
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:50,840
Speaker 3: have been a train wreck that everyone would have watched.

780
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:54,319
Speaker 3: You know, even more than people think my life went

781
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:57,080
Speaker 3: in that direction, people think that I know the truth.

782
00:38:58,080 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 3: I call it the valley because in some ways it was,

783
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:01,960
Speaker 3: but it wasn't the valley the.

784
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:03,520
Speaker 1: Whole time, right exactly.

785
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:07,319
Speaker 3: But when you're not relevant, people think that you are there.

786
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 3: And I'm like, actually, I am the most beautiful version

787
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:14,960
Speaker 3: of myself now then I was when you guys thought.

788
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:17,400
Speaker 1: That I was on the top. So wow.

789
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,880
Speaker 2: I just had a mayor Kisha Lan's bottom zone recently

790
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:24,520
Speaker 2: and she said, powerful women, what was it?

791
00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:25,600
Speaker 4: Strong?

792
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:30,279
Speaker 2: Powerful women? No, strong women pushed through. Powerful women know

793
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:35,080
Speaker 2: when to stop. Yes, yes, And that was so profound

794
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:37,280
Speaker 2: And what she just said reminded.

795
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:40,440
Speaker 1: Me of that that's there's so much power in the stock.

796
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, and you don't you won't do it if

797
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:47,919
Speaker 3: you don't empower yourself ever, do or be or give

798
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 3: yourself what you truly need if you don't feel powerful enough, you.

799
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:56,040
Speaker 1: Know, because I was like, I don't know where my

800
00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 1: money's gonna come from. I don't know.

801
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:59,200
Speaker 3: I mean, thank God for royalty.

802
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:03,640
Speaker 1: Thank God for you know. Yeah, but like and you

803
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:05,439
Speaker 1: were okay with that? Was during that time?

804
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 2: Was there ever a moment of do I need Maybe

805
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:12,000
Speaker 2: I should get back to it, because you know, you're

806
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 2: used to a certain lifestyle. You used to say money

807
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:17,200
Speaker 2: coming in, show money, all this, and then you're like

808
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 2: taking this pause. Was there a moment where you were like, Okay,

809
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:21,879
Speaker 2: maybe I need to rethink this.

810
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:26,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm being honest. I was like I would

811
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:27,839
Speaker 3: have to call my manager, like, hey, let's go.

812
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 1: We call it shaking the trees. Go shake some trees.

813
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 3: Getting a little funny out here. You know, there were

814
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 3: moments where.

815
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 1: I was just but.

816
00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:40,759
Speaker 3: I never felt like I was changing my lifestyle, like

817
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:44,680
Speaker 3: I never. I'm responsible enough to have never reached that

818
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:48,120
Speaker 3: kind of bridge or fork in the road. And you know,

819
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:53,160
Speaker 3: I'm pretty frugal, I'm economical. I'm not like you know,

820
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 3: I'm not a shopper like you don't even never. Ain't

821
00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:57,759
Speaker 3: nobody ever seen me in the stores in Atlanta, you

822
00:40:57,840 --> 00:40:59,680
Speaker 3: know what I mean. I'm never, I'm hardly ever there.

823
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:03,799
Speaker 3: She knows I might do it Christmas time, might do

824
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:07,319
Speaker 3: it Christmas time. Yeah, but that's gonna be for one day,

825
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:10,040
Speaker 3: like for one item, Like okay, I really can't order

826
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:13,480
Speaker 3: the whatever. Yeah, but like I'm not frivolous, I'm not.

827
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:17,960
Speaker 3: I live within my means at all times. So I didn't,

828
00:41:18,239 --> 00:41:21,040
Speaker 3: thank God, like I didn't ever feel like I had

829
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:24,520
Speaker 3: to do things to like try to prove to myself

830
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:27,520
Speaker 3: or prove to others that I still have like I

831
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:28,680
Speaker 3: in my circle ain't like that.

832
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, people that are watching me understand who I am. Yes,

833
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:35,759
Speaker 1: so yeah, I think I've been.

834
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:37,840
Speaker 3: But there have been times where I'm looking at the

835
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 3: records and you know, just overlooking, just like i'd like to.

836
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:44,400
Speaker 3: I like more numbers in that. I like more numbers

837
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:45,399
Speaker 3: in my account.

838
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:48,719
Speaker 2: Than that, you know, yeah whatever, Yeah, yeah, I love that.

839
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 2: But you the right time, the timing you now you're backing.

840
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:57,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. Now were you still like writing

841
00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 1: during that time for other people or not? Really? You

842
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,200
Speaker 1: just kind of left music alone all together.

843
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:03,080
Speaker 2: Yeah.

844
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:06,319
Speaker 3: There was a period of that fifteen years where I

845
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 3: just didn't even want to hear music. I didn't even

846
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:11,600
Speaker 3: literally my life was silent for years.

847
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:15,000
Speaker 1: And I know a lot of singers. Even when you

848
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:15,960
Speaker 1: sat down, you were humming.

849
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:20,760
Speaker 2: Like so, I can't imagine your world without music, not even.

850
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 3: Humming, not singing in the shower, no music in the car. No. Literally,

851
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:30,080
Speaker 3: the only music I would hear was the music on

852
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:34,319
Speaker 3: the plane on Delta, you know before you take off

853
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:37,359
Speaker 3: me that it would be music in a grocery store

854
00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:40,560
Speaker 3: or wherever, whatever, wherever I happened to be an elevator

855
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:42,280
Speaker 3: or something like hotel.

856
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 1: I literally radial.

857
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 3: I was not aware of who was out, who was

858
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 3: doing what, what songs were charting. I still don't look

859
00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:57,319
Speaker 3: at the charts. But I just was completely I fell

860
00:42:57,400 --> 00:42:59,719
Speaker 3: out of love. I felt like music betrayed me. And

861
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:04,239
Speaker 3: in a sense, you know, so yeah, I.

862
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:08,080
Speaker 1: Just couldn't What built the trust back? You felt betrayed?

863
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:10,120
Speaker 2: What what built that trust back for you to make

864
00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:10,640
Speaker 2: your return?

865
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 3: That's a really that's a good question. I think just time,

866
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 3: I guess, just time and getting out of that depression,

867
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:31,480
Speaker 3: Like seeing the world the way that I was seeing

868
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:35,960
Speaker 3: it during the dark phase played a big part in

869
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 3: how I viewed everything, how I viewed music, how you know,

870
00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:42,279
Speaker 3: like it was kind of it was like when I

871
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:44,839
Speaker 3: listened to music, my heart would break. It was like

872
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:47,240
Speaker 3: looking at a picture of a loved one that you lost.

873
00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:49,359
Speaker 3: It was like that.

874
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:51,359
Speaker 1: It was like looking at a picture my mother died.

875
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:53,480
Speaker 3: My mother did not die. Let me knock on woods.

876
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:55,759
Speaker 1: You don't want that. My dad did die. But it

877
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 1: was like you went through a friend.

878
00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:01,440
Speaker 3: It's like a fresh wound that you are like that's

879
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:04,400
Speaker 3: what listening to music was for me, even though I

880
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:09,080
Speaker 3: decided to step away just as fate would have it,

881
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 3: Like I just I didn't expect for it to not

882
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:20,280
Speaker 3: be a lego thing that I could like put back together.

883
00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:22,880
Speaker 3: I didn't expect that it would implode the way that

884
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:25,320
Speaker 3: it is, that I would lose major players, that I

885
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:34,759
Speaker 3: would lose my situation, my record deal that now that

886
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:38,799
Speaker 3: turned out best case scenario for me, thank god, But

887
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 3: like to lose people that I felt like believed in me,

888
00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:46,479
Speaker 3: you know, so for me, all because I'm doing something,

889
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 3: I'm just taking a break. I didn't say I was

890
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:49,759
Speaker 3: gone forever. I just was taking a break and now

891
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 3: you want to But it wasn't all about that. There

892
00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 3: was other things that I should not reveal here today,

893
00:44:57,239 --> 00:45:02,719
Speaker 3: but you know a lot went into that. But yeah,

894
00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:05,239
Speaker 3: I just I felt in a sense, I felt like

895
00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:10,879
Speaker 3: my dream betrayed me in a sense. So I think

896
00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:16,280
Speaker 3: you just have to sometimes change your outlook and then

897
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:24,640
Speaker 3: like things become more comfortable things, you process things better

898
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:25,400
Speaker 3: when you're well.

899
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:30,160
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, speaking of depression and being well, did you

900
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:30,960
Speaker 2: do therapy?

901
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:33,440
Speaker 1: What was your process to really work through that?

902
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:35,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was a lot it was therapy, it was

903
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:40,719
Speaker 3: spiritual retreats, it was journaling, it was taking why I

904
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:48,200
Speaker 3: discovered taking walks and I discovered meditation. I only said yes,

905
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:50,799
Speaker 3: I called it my se la or my eat pray

906
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:54,240
Speaker 3: love face nice because I would literally crystal. I would

907
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:57,640
Speaker 3: only take shows in the countries that I wanted to

908
00:45:57,680 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 3: go to. MM It's like, oh yeah Thailand, sure, Oh

909
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:04,399
Speaker 3: I've never seen China, let's do China. Wow, Morocco, Yeah,

910
00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:04,799
Speaker 3: let's go.

911
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:09,880
Speaker 1: Let's you know all the countries I went to in Africa,

912
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:10,920
Speaker 1: most happened.

913
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 3: That's not true, but a lot happened. We continued to

914
00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 3: go to Africa, like I went a lot while I

915
00:46:17,719 --> 00:46:20,640
Speaker 3: was out, but yeah, anyway, Yeah, I only went to

916
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:22,840
Speaker 3: places like, yes, I want to see Kenya, Yes, I

917
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:25,359
Speaker 3: want to do so far there. Yep, you know there

918
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:29,360
Speaker 3: was so you know, so all of that, Like I

919
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:32,400
Speaker 3: can't really attribute it to one thing because my healing

920
00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:35,520
Speaker 3: was so fast. And mushrooms, which I talked about on

921
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:38,120
Speaker 3: another show, Angie Martina's show.

922
00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 1: I think I remember seeing a clipp of it. Yeah.

923
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:46,280
Speaker 3: I discovered macro and micro docing and that was really

924
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:50,359
Speaker 3: good for me. And I had some destructive things too,

925
00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:52,959
Speaker 3: like during COVID when I did lose my dad. Yeah,

926
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:59,840
Speaker 3: I picked up drinking and was just doing some destructive

927
00:46:59,880 --> 00:47:04,840
Speaker 3: thing in that phase and partying a lot. Well that

928
00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:08,080
Speaker 3: was before that. That was maybe around twenty sixteen. I

929
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:09,320
Speaker 3: was partying a lot.

930
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:11,880
Speaker 1: I remember I was partying two and I remember seeing you.

931
00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:19,120
Speaker 2: Okay, me too, girl, Okay, dress out next week.

932
00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:28,520
Speaker 1: Yes, I remember, yes, I remember that. Yes.

933
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:30,960
Speaker 2: And then I remember you posting your dad was like

934
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:34,480
Speaker 2: your twin, Like, I just remember you posting something about him.

935
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 1: I was like, gods, they have the same face. But

936
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:41,880
Speaker 1: I remember feeling the heartbreak even through your posts about him. Yeah.

937
00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:42,760
Speaker 1: And then we're.

938
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:45,279
Speaker 2: Already going through so much with COVID, and then on

939
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:46,840
Speaker 2: top of that, we're.

940
00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 1: And all the things. Yeah, what a time. Man. I

941
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:56,239
Speaker 1: drank COVID away. I ate it away, poor dry. I

942
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:59,000
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I think this is alcoholism. Let me back,

943
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:00,640
Speaker 1: this is alcoholism.

944
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:05,680
Speaker 3: Gained all that weight, like e things, Yeah, things I

945
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:07,200
Speaker 3: hadn't eaten since.

946
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:09,760
Speaker 1: I was a kid. Like, you are not hungry.

947
00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:11,080
Speaker 3: It's five o'clock in the morning.

948
00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:15,880
Speaker 1: I am Why am I cooking? Right? Cooking with Chris

949
00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 1: was in full effect. I was types of.

950
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 2: Recipes in sweatpants, and then I had to get dressed.

951
00:48:21,719 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 1: I said, none of none of it, nothing is any

952
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:28,759
Speaker 1: Oh girl, a mess. I picked up my legging, my

953
00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:30,760
Speaker 1: love for legging. Yeah in COVID.

954
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:33,720
Speaker 3: Now I just can't stop.

955
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:35,800
Speaker 1: Ye right, I want nothing that's too tight. Yeah, I

956
00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:39,480
Speaker 1: can't stand it. Now we are the same. Oh my gosh, yeah,

957
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:40,319
Speaker 1: I can't do it.

958
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:43,719
Speaker 2: Let's say, but I love Carrie, how you have come

959
00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:44,760
Speaker 2: out on the other side.

960
00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 1: When I see you, when you walked in just glowing.

961
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:52,880
Speaker 2: I loved it because people they they see the absence,

962
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:57,279
Speaker 2: but they don't see what the refining that happened in

963
00:48:57,360 --> 00:48:59,920
Speaker 2: the absence. I see it, you know, And I'm just

964
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:02,040
Speaker 2: I want to say, I'm proud of you. I'm glad

965
00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:03,800
Speaker 2: that you are backhunting because we were waiting.

966
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:06,440
Speaker 1: We were waiting. True story.

967
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:10,799
Speaker 2: I moved to Atlanta in two thousand and nine and

968
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:13,400
Speaker 2: I have cut my hair short and I had like

969
00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:15,320
Speaker 2: the blonde piece and they were.

970
00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:17,360
Speaker 1: Like, oh, she's trying to be like Carrie. You was

971
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:18,520
Speaker 1: my inspiration girl.

972
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 4: Okay, yes, I loved, loved and loved you, but I

973
00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:27,319
Speaker 4: was a huge fan of yours and just to be

974
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 4: able to share space with you and sit down with

975
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:30,800
Speaker 4: you and hear more about your story.

976
00:49:31,160 --> 00:49:35,160
Speaker 2: Yes, finally, I'm so grateful and I would love to

977
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:39,360
Speaker 2: know our Our theme for this season is purpose, and

978
00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:43,600
Speaker 2: I want to know, after your fifteen year hiatus, what

979
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:45,680
Speaker 2: is Carrie Hilson's purpose now?

980
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:49,680
Speaker 3: I think my purpose now is what it always was.

981
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:54,759
Speaker 3: But we derail ourselves at times, or we you know,

982
00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:57,560
Speaker 3: or life, you know, circumstances, whatever. But I think my

983
00:49:57,600 --> 00:50:01,040
Speaker 3: purpose is what it always has been, and that's to express.

984
00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:05,920
Speaker 3: I think it's as simple as that express, be authentic.

985
00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:14,160
Speaker 3: My purpose is to show people, I guess what's possible,

986
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:23,440
Speaker 3: and I feel a sense of responsibility to young women

987
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:30,360
Speaker 3: to be respectable, to dress a certain way, and to

988
00:50:30,400 --> 00:50:34,200
Speaker 3: show them that there's not just one way of doing things.

989
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:34,840
Speaker 1: You know.

990
00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:39,120
Speaker 3: I love it to be eloquent and to be just

991
00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:42,560
Speaker 3: authentic and be good, just to be good, be great,

992
00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:46,479
Speaker 3: be good, be at peace. Like I feel a sense

993
00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:51,920
Speaker 3: of purpose when I'm like just being my best. Yeah, yeah,

994
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:54,160
Speaker 3: I love that. So we have part for it coming

995
00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:54,720
Speaker 3: out soon?

996
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:57,600
Speaker 1: How long do you have to No, there's no part

997
00:50:57,680 --> 00:51:01,960
Speaker 1: for them. Oh you're just gonna just warm me sick? No, No,

998
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:02,839
Speaker 1: what you mean?

999
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:05,880
Speaker 3: Everything is released, Everything is going to be released for

1000
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:09,320
Speaker 3: this project.

1001
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:10,680
Speaker 2: Down Okay, okay, is there anything else that we can

1002
00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:13,080
Speaker 2: support because you're also an actor, do you have anything

1003
00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:13,719
Speaker 2: else going on?

1004
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:16,320
Speaker 1: I haven't been doing that really, you know, I've been promoting.

1005
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:19,680
Speaker 1: I've been on the road. I do. I'm not opposed to.

1006
00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:21,960
Speaker 4: It.

1007
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:22,319
Speaker 1: Fun.

1008
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:23,000
Speaker 3: Thank you.

1009
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:24,480
Speaker 1: Likewise, thank you.

1010
00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:31,919
Speaker 3: I yeah, for some reason in the past year or two,

1011
00:51:31,960 --> 00:51:33,320
Speaker 3: there haven't been a lot of projects.

1012
00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:34,759
Speaker 1: I haven't been part of a lot. I just had

1013
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:38,279
Speaker 1: this conversation that many projects happening. It's not. I just

1014
00:51:38,400 --> 00:51:42,400
Speaker 1: was like, we're with the auditions. Yeah, have a once literally

1015
00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:49,080
Speaker 1: just audition at all this year. Yeah. But yeah, I

1016
00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:50,919
Speaker 1: mean I look forward to it. I enjoy it.

1017
00:51:50,920 --> 00:51:51,359
Speaker 3: It's fun.

1018
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:51,880
Speaker 1: It's fun.

1019
00:51:51,920 --> 00:51:54,440
Speaker 3: I like being a student. Yes, that's what acting is

1020
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:57,440
Speaker 3: for me. It's like, okay, for sure, I have my bearing.

1021
00:51:57,480 --> 00:52:00,520
Speaker 3: I'm very sure of myself and my decision making and music.

1022
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:00,960
Speaker 1: Right.

1023
00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:04,480
Speaker 3: I love being an arenas where I'm a student. Yes,

1024
00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:07,040
Speaker 3: that is what acting is for me. I love it

1025
00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:07,640
Speaker 3: for that reason.

1026
00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:10,120
Speaker 2: Well, we look forward to what is to come, and

1027
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:12,040
Speaker 2: however we can support you, we will.

1028
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:16,360
Speaker 1: Thank you have a fan in the sweeties. We love you. Yes,

1029
00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:18,719
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Carrie, thank you for having me.

1030
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 2: Absolutely yes, Carrie, thank you so much for spending time

1031
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:30,319
Speaker 2: with us. This conversation was truly special and sweeties, if

1032
00:52:30,360 --> 00:52:33,400
Speaker 2: you enjoy today's episode and make sure you like, subscribe

1033
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:35,879
Speaker 2: and share with someone that you love, because you never

1034
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 2: know who might need this conversation. And before you go,

1035
00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:41,600
Speaker 2: I am so excited to welcome you all to the

1036
00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:45,080
Speaker 2: Sweet Social Club. If you've been rocking with us and

1037
00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:47,760
Speaker 2: you want to be even more connected with the kids family,

1038
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:48,879
Speaker 2: this is for you.

1039
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:49,840
Speaker 1: Members.

1040
00:52:49,880 --> 00:52:53,920
Speaker 2: You get access to exclusive events, special experiences, merch drops,

1041
00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:57,240
Speaker 2: and so much more. Click the link in my bio

1042
00:52:57,360 --> 00:53:01,160
Speaker 2: to join. We cannot wait to welcome you until next time.

1043
00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:04,680
Speaker 2: And in between time, keep deposit, Sweetie. I love you guys,