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Speaker 1: Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.

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Speaker 2: All right, so we are picking up where we left off,

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Speaker 2: and let's just dive back into the conversation. Guys, what

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Speaker 2: do you think we still hear Ellen? We're good, Okay,

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Speaker 2: let's do it. Thoughts on your kids calling Alan dad.

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Speaker 3: I get it. Made the lorde I get it.

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Speaker 1: That's a tough one. Yeah, They've never, you know, called

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Speaker 1: Alan dad at my house. I'm not like, I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to sit here and tell them you can't call

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Speaker 1: him what you want to.

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Speaker 2: Call him, which we also had a conversation about that too,

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Speaker 2: all three of us remember when we had a conversation

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Speaker 2: last year when I was pregnant with Rouman and you're like,

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Speaker 2: he can't like, we can't say what they can and

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Speaker 2: can't do. If they want to call him the Easter Bunny,

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Speaker 2: they can call him Easter Bunny. They can call him

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Speaker 2: whatever he wants. I'm not going to say you have

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Speaker 2: to call him down.

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Speaker 1: No, yeah, I and you don't. No one has to

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Speaker 1: do any kind of correcting. But that's what that's that

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Speaker 1: one stinks the most. If if I were to hear it,

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Speaker 1: or you know, if the kids tell me like, oh,

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Speaker 1: Mom told us to call him dad, Like that would

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Speaker 1: send me.

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Speaker 4: It wouldn't happen because I wouldn't. I wouldn't allow youth

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Speaker 4: to see the kids in a.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think the only thing is with with now Roman,

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Speaker 2: it's more like I still say Alan ninety percent of

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Speaker 2: the time, but sometimes be like, go give us to Dad,

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Speaker 2: you know, because it's like Roman, and like it becomes

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Speaker 2: like a no in that.

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Speaker 1: And and that I'm cool with and I'm able to

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Speaker 1: separate myself to a degree. But yeah, that's just the

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Speaker 1: hardest thing. Again, it's just like missing moments with the kids.

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Speaker 1: It is what it is. The territory the kids are.

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Speaker 4: The kids are in age where regardless of and to

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Speaker 4: be to be honest, I don't I don't. I don't

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Speaker 4: think they'll call me dad, and that's fine. But I

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Speaker 4: think they're at an age Mike, where I'll always they're

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Speaker 4: very clear on who their dad is and who their

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Speaker 4: stepdad is. Right, there's no I don't think there's anything

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Speaker 4: like that's that's the situation. And I think it's not

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Speaker 4: like it's not like I've been with the kids since

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Speaker 4: they've been one years old, six months old, where it

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Speaker 4: would be any different. So sure, sometimes it might slip

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Speaker 4: out of their mouth differently than what it should. I

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Speaker 4: don't think I don't think they'll either be a habit.

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Speaker 4: I don't think they'll ever constantly call me dad. I

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Speaker 4: think I think they're an age where it's this is

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Speaker 4: all kind of happened when they're in age where they're

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Speaker 4: old enough.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, at this point if yeah, they kind of call

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Speaker 1: you what they call you, mm hmm. But I you know, Allen,

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Speaker 1: Allen where it's like a father or dad is you know,

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Speaker 1: someone who provides, protects, takes care of a child, right,

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Speaker 1: whether biological or not. So you know you're still worthy

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Speaker 1: of the title obviously. But yeah, the kids.

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Speaker 2: Now, I mean, does Mike dislike you bringing up that

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Speaker 2: you pay him child support?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, of course. And that's that's a hot button for us.

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Speaker 1: And we know that. M h you hate it. I

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Speaker 1: hate it, do you.

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Speaker 3: That's it's such a low something.

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Speaker 1: I love you.

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Speaker 3: So for the podcast.

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Speaker 1: Save it for the podcast. Yes, And that's and that's

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Speaker 1: the thing.

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Speaker 2: This is, this is the only thing we really truly

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Speaker 2: fight about.

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Speaker 1: Yes, it really is. This is the kind of really true,

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Speaker 1: last remaining resentment and Janna hasn't made up that I

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Speaker 1: enjoy receiving that, especially with kind of money being a

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Speaker 1: thing in our marriage and our history and all this

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Speaker 1: kind of stuff. You always kind of brought that up.

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Speaker 1: The last thing I want is for you to think

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Speaker 1: that I need I want that from you. And so

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Speaker 1: finding my way post of wars, of finding my career,

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Speaker 1: finding the thing where I can provide and do all

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Speaker 1: of that stuff has taken some time. And starting my

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Speaker 1: own business with what I do now, which I've talked about,

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Speaker 1: is taking some time, and it's a battle because I

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Speaker 1: reinvest uf that I make back into my business in

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Speaker 1: order to make more and build and build and build.

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Speaker 1: But the ceiling is so high with what I do

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Speaker 1: that it's going to get to the point. Trust me,

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Speaker 1: I told you, it's like I have my goal at

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Speaker 1: by a certain time that like I'm just going to

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Speaker 1: show up and have a paper from my lawyer signing

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Speaker 1: over like, hey, this is not your obligation, legal obligation anymore.

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Speaker 1: Like that'll be the most freeing moment for me, like

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Speaker 1: ever in the history of Mike and Jana because of

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Speaker 1: our history and so no part of me enjoys it.

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Speaker 3: At all.

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Speaker 1: I hate it.

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Speaker 2: Why do you hate it?

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Speaker 1: Because it's because now I know like how much weight

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Speaker 1: you have with it, like how it affects you, and

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Speaker 1: that you hold it again me and it creates this

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Speaker 1: narrative of the that just isn't accurate in my mind.

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Speaker 1: And it's just a loss from anything conflicting between us

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Speaker 1: that still lingers from our past. And so it's I

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Speaker 1: want to be able to relinquish both of us, all

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Speaker 1: of us Alan you, just the whole situation just from that.

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Speaker 4: You both have a few ways that you justify it,

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Speaker 4: and it will always cause some sort of conflict always

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Speaker 4: because finance is one of the biggest things, is finances.

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Speaker 4: One pays, one receives. The lulways be resentment and conflict though,

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Speaker 4: it's just how you manage it with each other.

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Speaker 2: And I don't want that there anymore.

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Speaker 1: I don't either.

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Speaker 2: I understand the court of law. It's just really that

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Speaker 2: is It's just really hard for me, it really, And

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Speaker 2: that's where it's like what I was talking about in

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Speaker 2: therapy a couple of weeks ago, because I'm like, I

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Speaker 2: don't want to hold onto this resentment and anger, but

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Speaker 2: it still sits in me. I know it does, and

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Speaker 2: it's and then it affects us, and I don't want

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Speaker 2: it to affect us. And then I have this like

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Speaker 2: pipe dream. I'm like, well, how do I believe that

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Speaker 2: he says in this many years or whatever like that

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Speaker 2: it'll actually happen and then there will there always be

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Speaker 2: this that thing, And I'm like, I don't want there to.

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Speaker 2: I just I'm like, I want to be like free

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Speaker 2: from it all.

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Speaker 1: Again, I do too, And that's what the narrative you've

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Speaker 1: made up. It's like when it comes in, I'm just

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Speaker 1: like a yeah, Like I.

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Speaker 2: Just don't know who would ever say no to free money, essentially.

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Speaker 1: Me because of our past, because of just everything, because

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Speaker 1: I know that's the last lingering thing between us and

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Speaker 1: my own pride and ego is destroyed the fact that

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Speaker 1: I am in a position where I need to take

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Speaker 1: it to be completely vulnerable. It is what it is.

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Speaker 2: That sucks, Which is another reason why we have you

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Speaker 2: on the show, because I am all about go Mike

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Speaker 2: Cousin in the world of healthcare, because.

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Speaker 4: What a segue. Only your bollos wants to know if

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Speaker 4: you go only funds.

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Speaker 2: No, But I'm honestly maybe to pay for child support

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Speaker 2: I'm going to have to sell my feet to only

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Speaker 2: fans to pay for child support. There's the headline.

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Speaker 1: You gotta do.

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Speaker 2: But so shout out about the healthcare because we want

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Speaker 2: you to be successful. I am rooting for you, not

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Speaker 2: only to be fair in the world of Listen, I

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Speaker 2: didn't need to have you come on the show. No

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Speaker 2: you didn't, and I'm not getting, you know, cutbacks from this.

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Speaker 2: I really want you to succeed so that you feel

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Speaker 2: comfortable in a place where you Again, legally you don't

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Speaker 2: have to ever end that, but at least you know

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Speaker 2: I can try to help support so you don't feel

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Speaker 2: tied down and bogged down by finances and get a

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Speaker 2: good client list together. So how can you help people?

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Speaker 2: Where can they find you? Tell us what this election

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Speaker 2: means too? Now with healthcare, which I think I know

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Speaker 2: nothing about, I don't know, is the Obamacare still around

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Speaker 2: like I don't. I'm still on my SAG insurance.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, No, the election did affect it good or

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Speaker 1: bad to a degree. I mean, it was happening regardless,

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Speaker 1: but it definitely affected it from a negative sense in

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Speaker 1: terms of the government offered plans. Because in twenty twenty one,

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Speaker 1: during COVID. The government passed the American Rescue Act. It

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Speaker 1: was basically COVID nineteen stimulus package where they had like

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Speaker 1: one point nine trillion dollars or something set aside for

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Speaker 1: subsidies for people to afford healthcare because you know, obviously

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Speaker 1: people weren't working as much, a lot more unemployed, small

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Speaker 1: businesses were going down, so it's a way to help

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Speaker 1: subsidize all those costs. Well, that's ending now end of

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty four, so subsidies that people were getting from

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Speaker 1: the government on those plans are dropping significantly. Or maybe

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Speaker 1: they were getting thousands of dollars off now they're getting

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Speaker 1: tens of dollars or maybe like one hundred dollars. So basically,

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Speaker 1: just you know, people that are whether it's an employer plan,

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Speaker 1: whether you work for yourself, whether you know, whatever it

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Speaker 1: is that you do. I'm able to kind of help

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Speaker 1: navigate all of that and be strategic for people and

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Speaker 1: find the best option that fits like their health needs,

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Speaker 1: their budget needs, what they need for their family, for themselves,

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Speaker 1: for their business, whatever it is. I'm an advisor, it's

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Speaker 1: what I do. I can It's a foreign language to

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Speaker 1: a lot of people with healthcare in this country. I

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Speaker 1: am a translator. And that's like I talked about last year.

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Speaker 1: Why I enjoy what I do is because I'm an

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Speaker 1: asset to people with something that they don't understand. So

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Speaker 1: whether it's a DM email, best way is probably just

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Speaker 1: my Instagram and message me there and then we can

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Speaker 1: kind of take off from communicating there and we'll get

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Speaker 1: on the phone and talk about things and figure out

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Speaker 1: what's going on.

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Speaker 2: And your Instagram is.

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Speaker 1: Am underscore costing.

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Speaker 2: I am underscore cousin.

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Speaker 1: I believe that's it.

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Speaker 2: We have to get you signed up, babe, yes on ours.

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Speaker 2: Healthcare is stressful. I'm dealing with a I thought my

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Speaker 2: mri for my back was covered and now it's like

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Speaker 2: not being covered, but yet it said it was. And

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Speaker 2: so it's like it's an mrizer not expensive.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, over five thousand dollars easily.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the back one was just like the lumber and

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Speaker 2: back it's it was two grand. But still I'm like, lord, like,

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Speaker 2: this is insane, and now they're at So it's just

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Speaker 2: it's and I don't know who to call, so and.

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Speaker 1: That's where and that's where too, people don't know who

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Speaker 1: to call. They call the one hundred number on the

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Speaker 1: back of the car. Anytime I help somebody, I tell

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Speaker 1: them I come with the plan. And so if you

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Speaker 1: do have a question, a claim to make, anything like that,

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Speaker 1: you don't have to call that number and talk to

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Speaker 1: ten different people who don't want to do their jobs.

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Speaker 1: You call me directly and I help you navigate that

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Speaker 1: or just take care of it for you. So it's

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Speaker 1: a lot of customer service on my end, but it

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Speaker 1: helps people a lot.

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Speaker 3: Can you get your truck wrapped? And home? Mate ho, big.

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Speaker 1: Mate coll, big golf, big Mike.

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Speaker 2: Translia Okay, I do want to ask a quick question

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Speaker 2: before we go into co parenting. What, Mike, what is

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Speaker 2: different about this relationship that excites you for the future,

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Speaker 2: Not a relationship, your new relationship, Oh mind.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, 'all's relationship. Well, let's talk about.

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Speaker 2: It, about your new relationship that excites you. And then

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Speaker 2: what is the biggest thing that you are taking from

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Speaker 2: our past to do differently this go around?

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Speaker 1: Good question. What excites me is that I've been friends

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Speaker 1: with this person for I met her a month after

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Speaker 1: we separated platonically, naturally, and she lived out of town

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Speaker 1: and we were just long story short, we just became friends,

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Speaker 1: and so what excites me is having such a foundation

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Speaker 1: with somebody where it's like she never once like judged

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Speaker 1: me when everything was very public and you know, things

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Speaker 1: were as bad as they were and all of that

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Speaker 1: kind of stuff. She was just my friend the whole time.

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Speaker 1: And so having someone who is had love for me

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Speaker 1: through all of that, through just an you know, unfiltered

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Speaker 1: lens is just something that.

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Speaker 2: Is not lost on you.

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Speaker 1: No, it's not lost on me at all. And then

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Speaker 1: what was the second part of that.

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Speaker 2: What is the biggest thing that you are taking from

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Speaker 2: our relationship to do differently in this one?

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Speaker 1: Everything? I mean when I you know, when I look

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Speaker 1: back at our relationship, I think, at least for me,

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Speaker 1: a part of why we're able to be such good

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Speaker 1: friends now is I feel like those were two different people.

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Speaker 1: At least for me that was. It feels like a

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Speaker 1: completely different person than I am now compared to back then,

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Speaker 1: just through you know, my own journey and stuff the

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Speaker 1: last several years. So I mean, not just being comical

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Speaker 1: like everything, just the amount of respect that her and

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Speaker 1: I have for one another and just the open transparency

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Speaker 1: with anything and everything is just a lot different obviously.

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Speaker 2: Yeah that's good. Yeah, yeah, no, it's I mean, listen,

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Speaker 2: it's someone had DM me earlier about how how do

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Speaker 2: you get past your ex moving on with someone else,

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Speaker 2: and because they might be getting you know, the different

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Speaker 2: or change version or and you know, there's things that

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Speaker 2: you'll have said where I'm like, oh, that's nice. Would

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Speaker 2: have been nice if you did in our relationship, you know.

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Speaker 2: And but I think it's one of those things where,

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Speaker 2: like to your point, it was, you have to be

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Speaker 2: able to separate. People change, people evolve, And you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm for the sake of everybody, like I hope and

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Speaker 2: you know I have, I have hope, and I have

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Speaker 2: I I pray that like that you for the kids

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Speaker 2: and for everybody's happiness that you know, you knew everything

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Speaker 2: that happened and went on and how much damage it

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Speaker 2: caused and not only to the surrounding people but to yourself.

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Speaker 2: And so you know, I think it's a I think

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Speaker 2: what I'm I think, what I'm trying to say is

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Speaker 2: I just I I think people can be different in

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Speaker 2: different relationships.

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Speaker 3: So you know, I think people are definitely different people

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Speaker 3: in general.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So I think like for people that are and

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Speaker 2: it's not that they're getting the better version or this,

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Speaker 2: they're just getting a different version. And that's what it's like.

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Speaker 2: And that's okay.

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Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, I think you and Alan are a

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Speaker 1: testament to that. I think my my sister and my

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Speaker 1: brother in law are testaments to that where it's like

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Speaker 1: my brother in law, I'm obsessed with my brother in

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Speaker 1: law because he's the perfect person for my sister, right,

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Speaker 1: And I think just from what I see in y'all's dynamic,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, Alan's the perfect kind of person for you.

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Speaker 1: You like, you'll stand there, be stoic, what you spin

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Speaker 1: your top a little bit, You'll throw some logic and

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Speaker 1: rationality your way, and then you come to your conclusion.

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Speaker 3: Most of the.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I'm the coparenting questions.

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Speaker 3: Did you disagree with that?

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Speaker 2: Which piece? Well, maybe I think it's like the translator. No,

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Speaker 2: I mean, I think there's a piece of that. But

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Speaker 2: there's also where I feel like we can talk about

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Speaker 2: like this morning, where it's you or yesterday the mood

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Speaker 2: where I kind of let you have your mood.

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Speaker 3: You want to talk about it, small thing, Let's talk

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Speaker 3: about it, small thing.

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Speaker 1: Let's talk about this morning.

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Speaker 3: It's just sent me to win another pool on Onstagram.

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Speaker 1: Babe, I'm here for the tea.

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Speaker 4: Maybe it's a different discussion, different day, same discussion, differently.

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Speaker 2: But it's more just we both let each other kind

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Speaker 2: of spin the top and then you come back and

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Speaker 2: you brought sweet flowers last night and been like all right,

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, or you know, we just were. We we

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Speaker 2: get each other moods and spins.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, where it's like.

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Speaker 2: I know that his uh, your depression is not in

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Speaker 2: the moment about me depression. We need get sad and

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Speaker 2: you need twixes co parenting. Why from Hannah, was it

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Speaker 2: ever awkward at first when all three of you would

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Speaker 2: hang out together? No, no, Mike, be honest, how did

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Speaker 2: you truly feel when you found out Jana was having

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Speaker 2: a baby with someone else? Dun, dun, dun.

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Speaker 1: I was excited.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you're really good with Roman.

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Speaker 1: Well here's here's what's funny about with Roman. And I

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Speaker 1: tell people this because I mean Jane obviously you know

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Speaker 1: me and I love kids. I love babies, and like,

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Speaker 1: if Roman was any anyone else's baby, I like picked

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Speaker 1: the baby up, I'll played the baby. But because of

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Speaker 1: like boundaries in respect, I put myself in Allen's shoes.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, how would I feel if the

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Speaker 1: ex husband is like being overly friendly with like my kid?

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Speaker 1: And so I tell people, I'm like, you don't when

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Speaker 1: I see Roman, I just kind of pat them on

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Speaker 1: the show, IM like, hey baby, like I treat adult.

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Speaker 1: I just kind of poke them. I'm like, what's that,

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Speaker 1: big man? Were good? All right?

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Speaker 3: Cool?

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Speaker 1: See you later. You know it's so because I don't

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Speaker 1: want to overstep in any kind of way. But no,

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Speaker 1: I was excited. I mean I called it, called you out,

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Speaker 1: Yes you did when you're pregnant.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, will you decide together when they can have

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Speaker 2: a phone, the kids?

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Speaker 1: I sure, hope.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, I am never Oh, I'm very against phones. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: playing with phones, having them?

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I don't want her on social media.

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Speaker 4: No.

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Speaker 3: I think there's a discussion and safety.

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Speaker 2: With that as well, though, think Nick Witard does is

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Speaker 2: aniquid one.

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Speaker 4: The safety having a little normal phone that just texts,

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Speaker 4: messages and calls in case of an emergency, right right, Yeah, for.

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Speaker 2: Sure when they're going yes, but in social media, well

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Speaker 2: I don't when When when will we let her have

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Speaker 2: a phone? Freshman year? No social media?

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Speaker 1: No hold out as long as we can and too,

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Speaker 1: until it becomes kind of to Allen's point where maybe

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Speaker 1: she's doing the sport or whatever, where she's doing more

355
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Speaker 1: traveling and doing more things with just a team, or

356
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Speaker 1: you know, we're kind of sharing responsibilities with other parents

357
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Speaker 1: of taking them places or whatever. Then it's like, Okay,

358
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Speaker 1: when they're not with us every second and purely dependent

359
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:48,120
Speaker 1: on us and more independent in that kind of way

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Speaker 1: where we can't dictate and control every single place they

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Speaker 1: go and what they do, then okay, it's like you said,

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Speaker 1: somewhere to be able to check in with them and

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Speaker 1: communicate with them if we need to.

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Speaker 2: Will you ever want fifty to fifty Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, that's tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: Well, chat, how did you remain a good co parent

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Speaker 2: while working through hurt from X I'm struggling. First of all,

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry you're struggling. It is no easy feet You.

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Speaker 1: Can kind of plug in, at least for me what

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Speaker 1: I said earlier about thinking of the basics the elementary

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Speaker 1: for the status of the kids of just healthy, taken

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Speaker 1: care of their safe as long as you know that

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Speaker 1: they're still physically safe with the other parent. Okay, you

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Speaker 1: can't control anything else.

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Speaker 2: I also think too, and this goes back to you

376
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Speaker 2: know what you're saying, and then earlier where it's it'd

377
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Speaker 2: be really easy to all hate our exes yea, and

378
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Speaker 2: to have it be a just just I'm like, be like,

379
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Speaker 2: I don't want I don't want to carry that like

380
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Speaker 2: I don't That's why that's why the money piece is

381
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:12,960
Speaker 2: so because I'm like, I don't want to care. I

382
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:14,360
Speaker 2: don't want carry any hate. I don't want to carry

383
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 2: any resentment. I don't want to carry any any stuff.

384
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:18,920
Speaker 2: I just want like everyone to be happy, everyone to

385
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,280
Speaker 2: get along, because it's good for the kids, because I

386
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,359
Speaker 2: didn't have that with my parents, and I want everyone

387
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 2: to get along and be in places and like I

388
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 2: would love to have had my parents in the same

389
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:31,640
Speaker 2: room and celebrate things together and not being pulled. That's

390
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:33,119
Speaker 2: why I hated Christmas as a kid. That's why I

391
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:36,560
Speaker 2: don't like traveling for Christmas. Is because I hated Christmas

392
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 2: as a kid, And which is why I didn't want

393
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Speaker 2: to get divorced for the longest time. And you knew that,

394
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:41,879
Speaker 2: but it was because I'm like, I don't want my

395
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,760
Speaker 2: kids to have separate holidays because as a child, the

396
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:49,320
Speaker 2: anxiety of not pleasing the seven different sides of my

397
00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,160
Speaker 2: family are going to this person's house and then going

398
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,359
Speaker 2: here and then going there. I just hated every moment

399
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:57,399
Speaker 2: of that, which is why, you know, you might be

400
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,359
Speaker 2: able to understand too, Alan, why I'm like, can we

401
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:04,120
Speaker 2: all come together? Because it's my childhood trauma, I guess

402
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,399
Speaker 2: comes in to play for that where it's like I

403
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:08,719
Speaker 2: just want everybody to get along.

404
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 1: I'm glad you said something about that because I actually

405
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,959
Speaker 1: had a question around that, like, being from a divorced family,

406
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:21,399
Speaker 1: what have you been the most conscious of over the

407
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 1: last couple of years. I kind of as we've navigated

408
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 1: all of.

409
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:29,679
Speaker 2: This, one is again just you know, I didn't have

410
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:31,960
Speaker 2: to invite you to the birthday parties. We could have

411
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:35,359
Speaker 2: had separate birthday parties. You know, I really didn't like.

412
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:36,959
Speaker 2: If you want a birthday party, you can throw it

413
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,200
Speaker 2: on your day. I like, And there's a lot of

414
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:43,119
Speaker 2: people that don't do that. Yeah, for sure, But again

415
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:46,000
Speaker 2: I like for the fact of how I felt as

416
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 2: a kid not having my parents together. It didn't feel good,

417
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,919
Speaker 2: and so I like it for the kids that they

418
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 2: can see us good together. I also though it was

419
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:05,160
Speaker 2: hard in the beginning, Uh, not speaking through the kids. Yeah,

420
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:08,120
Speaker 2: I don't want them to hate you. It's hard because

421
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 2: a piece of me did. And like that's frustrating when

422
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,160
Speaker 2: they're like, oh, Dad's the best, and I'm like, yead,

423
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:20,199
Speaker 2: he's the best, He's awesome, you know, but so but

424
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 2: I've seen the negatives of parents talking through their kids

425
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 2: and then how it affects their relationship.

426
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,920
Speaker 1: Did either one of you ever think, like Alan being divorced,

427
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,600
Speaker 1: you being just a couple of years older, and Jana

428
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:39,719
Speaker 1: like ever like, did you ever think you weren't going

429
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:43,080
Speaker 1: to find somebody right where You're just like kind of

430
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 1: started thinking, you know what, maybe this is just my

431
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:51,159
Speaker 1: life and I'm a single divorced parent and you know,

432
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 1: you got Troy and it is what it is and

433
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 1: you're going to live your life. Or Jana, for you

434
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 1: it's like, hey, you know what, maybe I'll just date

435
00:25:57,359 --> 00:25:59,760
Speaker 1: every now and then and I got the kids. Did

436
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:01,760
Speaker 1: any part of you just kind of think maybe I'm

437
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 1: just not going to find somebody.

438
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 2: I you know, I mean, I'm a lover. I love

439
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 2: to love. I always knew I was going to find

440
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:09,720
Speaker 2: love again, like my person. I didn't think i'd have

441
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 2: another kid, oh for sure.

442
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:15,080
Speaker 3: So yeah, I think my man says the same as yours.

443
00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 3: I knew.

444
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:21,280
Speaker 4: I knew I would find it because I was open

445
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:24,399
Speaker 4: to it and it's something that I wanted, and the

446
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,480
Speaker 4: part of me Kana knew I would have another kid,

447
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 4: so that the only difference between yours nice. I knew

448
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 4: I would find the right person mm hmm, and I

449
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,639
Speaker 4: keen of knew when that happened that I would we

450
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 4: in the cement and so I defy that relationship with

451
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 4: the baby.

452
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,440
Speaker 1: I'll be honest. There's until like recent.

453
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:54,560
Speaker 2: I love you're so You're so European. Sometimes they're accently

454
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 2: love it.

455
00:26:56,200 --> 00:27:00,879
Speaker 1: Until things changed recently, I thought for a while because

456
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 1: I hadn't gone on a date in like over a year,

457
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:09,679
Speaker 1: and I thought for a little bit there, I was like,

458
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:13,520
Speaker 1: you know what, I got two great kids, healthy, happy,

459
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,040
Speaker 1: all that stuff. I'm focused on my career, I'm focused

460
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 1: on the kids. Maybe I will just be single. And

461
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:26,080
Speaker 1: as bad as it sounds and kind of made me

462
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 1: feel at times, I feel like I'm almost like the

463
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:35,480
Speaker 1: the bonus parent of third parent to like you guys,

464
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 1: it's like, hey, maybe this is my life. Maybe it's

465
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:42,679
Speaker 1: just me being available to be flexible no matter what,

466
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 1: like for the kids. And like I was okay with

467
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:54,920
Speaker 1: that oddly too for a while, But I was thinking

468
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:56,480
Speaker 1: of that recently. I was like, I wonder if you know,

469
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 1: you guys, have ever had ever got to the point

470
00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:00,440
Speaker 1: where you just kind of felt that that maybe that's

471
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:03,640
Speaker 1: just a difference in me. It's just like there's part

472
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:04,439
Speaker 1: of me that was content.

473
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,680
Speaker 4: Do you think that is a I meet You don't

474
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 4: need to ask us, but do you think that is

475
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:13,399
Speaker 4: a there's a piece of that as a self worth piece.

476
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:17,800
Speaker 1: For sure.

477
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 3: Yeah.

478
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're limiting your aspirations and things based on how

479
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,160
Speaker 4: you're thinking, know, how you're feeling about yourself at that

480
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:27,160
Speaker 4: particular thing.

481
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:34,320
Speaker 1: No, that definitely was a part of it where you know,

482
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 1: I didn't have been fortunate for a majority of my

483
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 1: life to be comfortable financially, whether it's through my own

484
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 1: career and then through you know, having the support of

485
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,680
Speaker 1: Jana or the then things that we did together, and

486
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:51,840
Speaker 1: so then to come out of that and just being

487
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 1: a different position, a position than what I'm used to,

488
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 1: there's still that part of you that like, even though

489
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:03,160
Speaker 1: I know the financial doesn't matter, well, when you're used

490
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 1: to having something you don't have anymore, and part of

491
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 1: it becomes your identity, sure self worth goes down. And

492
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:16,320
Speaker 1: so which is again why like my person now? Like

493
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 1: damn you can like me for me? What the what?

494
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 2: In a way that's an intimacy that you probably haven't experienced.

495
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 2: That where the struggle of intimacy?

496
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:31,880
Speaker 1: Oh for sure, Like this is the most intimate yeah

497
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:36,959
Speaker 1: connection like ever And a lot of that has to

498
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 1: do with like my own personal circumstances of questioning my

499
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:45,960
Speaker 1: own self worth and kind of where I'm at compared

500
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: to where I want to be, where I'm going to be,

501
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:56,200
Speaker 1: and where I'm used to being because the thought of

502
00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:02,920
Speaker 1: dating actively dating over the last ten months, it's like

503
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 1: I haven't got time for that. Like any money I'm

504
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:08,320
Speaker 1: making is back into my business or into the kids

505
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 1: and just living.

506
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh, get on a love boot. So you healing.

507
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 2: Rapid fire? What rules do you have for Alan as

508
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 2: the bonus parent? Is he allowed to discipline the kids?

509
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 1: Yeah? I mean I actually have a like a six

510
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:30,480
Speaker 1: minute long video on my phone that I want to

511
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:33,200
Speaker 1: cut up and post of the kids. Before I was

512
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,840
Speaker 1: going to do one of my like insurance videos. They

513
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 1: just started kind of riffing off of each other, and

514
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 1: Jolie was over here snitching on Jase, talking about like

515
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 1: Ja's like, you know, getting physical and like hitting Alan

516
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 1: or this that or the other, and and I'm like, what,

517
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 1: you don't hit Alan? And Jolie was like, you know,

518
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 1: she said, She's like, well, Alan said, he's like if

519
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 1: you don't stop, on to smack your arse. And I

520
00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 1: was like, good, he should and so and we both

521
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 1: there's numerous times.

522
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:08,680
Speaker 3: Because they do not, and that's exactly how I say, yeah.

523
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 1: But in meanwhile, I'm like, yeah, he should. And I've

524
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:18,880
Speaker 1: had numerous conversations with them. I was like, Alan is

525
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 1: just like mommy and daddy. I was like, I don't

526
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,200
Speaker 1: ever want to hear you guys mouth off to Alan

527
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 1: talk back to Alan. I was like, he's the same

528
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 1: as us. You listen to him the same as us.

529
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 1: There's no difference. So we've had those conversations numerous times.

530
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 1: And it's because now that the dynamic is what it

531
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 1: is that I trust and respect Alan's judgment. And Alan's

532
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 1: a dad, Like it's not like you're coming into this,

533
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:44,240
Speaker 1: you've never had kids.

534
00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:48,200
Speaker 2: Before, right, Yeah, I mean it's also where we're at

535
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 2: now too. At the beginning you obviously didn't. But now

536
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,640
Speaker 2: that we're married, and there's times when I'm like, I

537
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:57,680
Speaker 2: cannot be because the time shared difference too with the kids.

538
00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 2: I don't want to be the only person being like guys, stop,

539
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 2: come on and like Jase eat that stop too much catching,

540
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:06,480
Speaker 2: you know, And so he's I feel like you're stepping

541
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:08,560
Speaker 2: in more with that, and I appreciate it because it

542
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:11,400
Speaker 2: is is. I don't want to be the freaking bad

543
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 2: person all the time.

544
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 1: That's going to be tough to navigate for you.

545
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 3: There isn't.

546
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 4: It isn't because I think I've got a real self

547
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 4: good self awareness around went to step in and went

548
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 4: to just okay, yeah, this is a lot of the

549
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:32,960
Speaker 4: time the two of them can figure it out themselves

550
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:35,880
Speaker 4: because they have to experience that and figure it out

551
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,520
Speaker 4: with each other because they'll always be a power.

552
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:41,360
Speaker 3: Struggle between the two of them. So it's when to

553
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:43,479
Speaker 3: actually step in. And when I know that you're tired

554
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:46,200
Speaker 3: or maybe you've tried a couple of times.

555
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 2: Then yeah, I usually just stop and that's when you

556
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 2: go in.

557
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:50,800
Speaker 4: So maybe then I step in at that point. But

558
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 4: I'd never be overpowering or overbearing with them. I think

559
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:58,120
Speaker 4: it always comes back to the you're reasonable, respectful person,

560
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 4: then you'll treat other one in the family.

561
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,080
Speaker 2: So let's end on this. What do you think is

562
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:05,480
Speaker 2: most important when it comes to having a healthy co

563
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 2: parenting relationship. I would say letting the past be the

564
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 2: past and putting the kids to the forefront as best

565
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 2: as you can because it is a daily effort.

566
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 3: So fully illness.

567
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean all the above, just I know it's

568
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 1: easier so than done, but it's all about the kids,

569
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:34,920
Speaker 1: and that's what you know. It's validating when like, if

570
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:36,840
Speaker 1: you know Jane and I when we post a story

571
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:38,760
Speaker 1: and we're in it or whatever, it's like the amount

572
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,480
Speaker 1: of comments or messages I know that I'll get let

573
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 1: on a jam. I'm sure you get it tenfold. But

574
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:47,200
Speaker 1: it's like people just are happy to see the level

575
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,120
Speaker 1: of co parenting that all three of us are able

576
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:50,880
Speaker 1: to do, and the amount of people have been like

577
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:53,240
Speaker 1: I hope mine gets to that point someday is like

578
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, damn.

579
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 2: So that's and that's where I'm always like, why do

580
00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:58,760
Speaker 2: you like do that? And why I like to do this?

581
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:02,520
Speaker 2: Is because we of all people have had a really

582
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:05,960
Speaker 2: hard past, but we're able to be on the other

583
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:09,000
Speaker 2: side of it, still going through things, but that can

584
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 2: still be civil and kind to each other and have

585
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:15,239
Speaker 2: respect and have some sort of an actual friendship too

586
00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:18,040
Speaker 2: in there with it all. So I think there's hope

587
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:20,319
Speaker 2: for people in this situation. Don't give up on that.

588
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:24,319
Speaker 2: And I would just say, yeah, try as best as

589
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 2: you can to keep the past in the past and

590
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:33,200
Speaker 2: to start the new relationship. Alan, I appreciate you coming on.

591
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 2: I know that's an answer, yeah, but I appreciate you

592
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:39,360
Speaker 2: coming on because it's you are a part of this

593
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 2: when this is we're all in this together, and so

594
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:45,400
Speaker 2: it takes it takes all of us to make this

595
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:47,560
Speaker 2: work too. That's the thing. It's going to take your

596
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 2: person coming in because if she throws a wrench and

597
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:52,799
Speaker 2: she's not also, then it's like then it becomes rent.

598
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 2: Everyone needs to have respect and good communication and be

599
00:34:57,080 --> 00:35:00,719
Speaker 2: kind and want at the at the end of the

600
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 2: day right to all get along for the kid's sake.

601
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 3: And I think very are lucky.

602
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 1: We are.

603
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:09,279
Speaker 3: You hear a lot about stories.

604
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:11,520
Speaker 2: About I don't want to be angry. I really like

605
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 2: that's the thing too. It's like sometimes when I hear

606
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:17,000
Speaker 2: people in their co parenting fighting and it's I'm like, oh, like,

607
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:20,239
Speaker 2: I don't like who who wants to hold that and

608
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 2: have that like this?

609
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:21,879
Speaker 1: Just I don't.

610
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 2: I don't want to.

611
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:24,759
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't want to. You're exhausting enough. We

612
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,799
Speaker 1: don't need to be exhausted by each other.

613
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:30,360
Speaker 2: So should we go to Florida, Miami or which beach

614
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:31,359
Speaker 2: location for.

615
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:32,840
Speaker 3: The Yeah, I'm busy.

616
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:35,280
Speaker 1: Family vacation?

617
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:38,920
Speaker 2: Where should we go next year? We just have to

618
00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:40,319
Speaker 2: do one. I'm not saying it has to be an

619
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:42,839
Speaker 2: annual thing. I would like to see if Pam will

620
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:45,799
Speaker 2: let us come, you know, I look, you know, drop

621
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 2: in on your family vacation one one year.

622
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:51,560
Speaker 1: You know, my parents would love that, but again.

623
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 2: I think it's fun for them to have their own

624
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,440
Speaker 2: things too. Okay, anyways, this was super fun and we'll

625
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:58,320
Speaker 2: see you get next year. Mike, all right, okay, everyone

626
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:02,879
Speaker 2: go vote for Mike and for Mike. Yeah, for for

627
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,360
Speaker 2: life insurance, life insurance, health.

628
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 5: Insurance, vote for Mike. D M me, it's fine, d

629
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:16,520
Speaker 5: m M. Vote for Mike and a flag and it

630
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 5: all helps. Everyone supports the dam and

631
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:22,719
Speaker 1: Producing, everybody, helping everybody, Okay, all right, I guess