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Speaker 1: Scotty right. Ooh, I'm ready to.

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Speaker 2: Laugh and love and love.

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Speaker 1: What I like about this is it's an update. Oh good,

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Speaker 1: it's an update to a story we've done before. Here

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Speaker 1: we go. I'm ready. Bishop who left church for satanic

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Speaker 1: erotica writer now works collecting pig semen.

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Speaker 2: It's a natural progression in life.

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Speaker 3: Uh well, let's get into some big semen on this

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Speaker 3: brand new bananas.

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Speaker 4: Do world understand?

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Speaker 5: Would you mytilion pieces?

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Speaker 6: Would you welcome?

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Speaker 3: Welcome to the silliest little podcast ever. It was I'm

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Speaker 3: a writer. My name is Scottylandis. I'm banana Boy number two.

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Speaker 1: I'm Kurk Brown Oler actively refusing the title of banana

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Speaker 1: Boy number one.

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Speaker 2: That's fun. We're gonna get one eventually.

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Speaker 1: Never. We are here in Brooklyn, New York, at.

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Speaker 3: The Bellhouse, beg you give it up. You can take photos.

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Speaker 2: We won't. We don't.

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Speaker 3: We don't heck know and what's the reverse of heckle?

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Speaker 3: You're a stand up. We won't point you out and

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Speaker 3: say you suck. Yeah, yeah, yes, that.

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Speaker 1: Called except for that guy fuck you.

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Speaker 2: Well, no, he's I gotcha.

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Speaker 3: You can film it, but don't film too much of

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Speaker 3: it and get drunk all night.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna drunk all night and it'll be really fun.

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Speaker 2: We will, guys.

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Speaker 1: This is so anyway we've been talking about it before.

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Speaker 1: We we'll be talking about how exciting it is to

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Speaker 1: be in Brooklyn. It is the moment I got out

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Speaker 1: of it Terminal. I have not told you this yet.

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Speaker 1: I was. It was the moment I stepped foot in Brooklyn. Oh.

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Speaker 1: I started walking across the street and then a gentleman

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Speaker 1: pointed at me never good, like, like, is that you?

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Speaker 1: And I was and I just was like it's me

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Speaker 1: and I like I just waved and then continue walking

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Speaker 1: and it was like five six seven eight is that

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Speaker 1: Tim Shaw? And it is a person who I knew

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Speaker 1: very well really this year.

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Speaker 7: I just walked around. I was just like, all right, pal,

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Speaker 7: not good. And then I turned around to be like Tim.

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Speaker 1: And he was already like across Atlantic Avenue and there's

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Speaker 1: no way we're gonna And I was like, well, all right,

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Speaker 1: I don't know Tim, are you here? Well, I guess

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Speaker 1: he's not such a good friend.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he's not a good friend at all. I love

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Speaker 3: the Atlantic Terminal. I love the Target there. I once

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Speaker 3: asked an employee of Target that was standing by a

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Speaker 3: pile of stuff on the floor with empty shelves. Something

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Speaker 3: was and they threw what they were holding onto the

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Speaker 3: pile and we're like, yeah, I don't know, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh, good store, this is business forever

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Speaker 3: still in bizz great shop.

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Speaker 1: That was like where we were dry. We drove in

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Speaker 1: between Indianapolis and Fort Wayne and we stopped at that

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Speaker 1: cracker beautiful. Oh you ever been to Indiana in November?

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Speaker 3: Oh God, Oh, don't go if you're having any dark thoughts.

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Speaker 1: Oh, it's a beautiful time when they harvest all the

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Speaker 1: country's sadness.

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Speaker 4: Oh yes.

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Speaker 1: And we stopped at Cracker Bell and every person there

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Speaker 1: was in a suit, true, which was like something's happening.

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Speaker 3: This was a Saturday. This wasn't a post church. A

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Speaker 3: cracker bar Saturday. Everybody in a city?

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Speaker 4: What group?

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Speaker 2: Oh, gas city, gas.

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Speaker 1: City, Indiana. Only the best for the banana, a gas station,

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Speaker 1: the cracker barrel. And then a place called Panes Ship

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Speaker 1: looks pretty good.

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Speaker 2: We didn't pretty good. We got out of there.

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Speaker 4: We got real out of there.

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Speaker 1: I found a little motorized fish that I knew my

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Speaker 1: daughter wanted, and I was like Oh, but I need

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Speaker 1: to buy two because I have another child named Gus,

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Speaker 1: and he will lose. Yes. Fuck, he loves the toilet.

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Speaker 1: He loves the toilet, and he does love the toilet.

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Speaker 1: His big thing is to jump into the toilet and

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Speaker 1: punch the water.

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Speaker 2: And so, just like his dad.

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Speaker 1: And so we keep all the doors closed and the

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Speaker 1: toilet seats down. But every once in a while you

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Speaker 1: just hear no a and then he opens up the

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Speaker 1: toilet and jumps in. But then the toilet seat comes

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Speaker 1: down on his back.

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Speaker 2: And you just come.

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Speaker 1: Around the tor to the corner and his legs.

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Speaker 7: Are up in the air, toilet seat on his back,

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Speaker 7: just punching the water.

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Speaker 3: Normal, we would all live longer. You'll live longer if

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Speaker 3: you do that. And do that tonight, go home. Don't

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Speaker 3: tell your roommates. Everybody in New York as a roommate

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Speaker 3: punched the toilet.

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Speaker 1: And so we asked a woman who worked there, who

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Speaker 1: was maybe twelve.

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Speaker 3: Uh. Yeah, everybody in Indiana is eighteen or younger, like

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Speaker 3: every lyft driver, every barista, every everywhere we went, everybody

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Speaker 3: taking money. We went to the Botanical Museum, regarded everybody is.

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Speaker 1: That's how we roll. We go to the Botanical Conservatory.

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Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, we had a drink first, but then we

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Speaker 2: went in.

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Speaker 3: And everybody is under the age of eighteen, because I

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Speaker 3: think they look around and go, we gotta get out

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Speaker 3: of here.

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Speaker 2: The second weekend, so.

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Speaker 1: We were there and I asked the woman. I was like,

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Speaker 1: do you have maybe another one of these in the

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Speaker 1: back because there's only one display? And she goes, I'm

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Speaker 1: not sure, yeah, And then I was like me neither.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, I wish one of us was

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Speaker 1: in a position to find out. Do you want me

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Speaker 1: to check? And I would be like, oh man, it

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Speaker 1: would be a maze. You work here.

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Speaker 2: You have one star on your apron. That's not a null?

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Speaker 8: All right?

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Speaker 1: Are you ready for this story? So yeah, give it

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Speaker 1: to me again. I forgot the head here. It is

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Speaker 1: bishop who left church for satanic erotica. Writer now works

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Speaker 1: collecting big semen. It is a story that keeps on giving.

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Speaker 1: Everybody's hiring these days. There aren't enough employees, you guys know.

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Speaker 1: This was sent in by Jerry Melgoza. Thank you Jerry

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Speaker 1: and Jerry.

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Speaker 2: Am love that Jerry.

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Speaker 1: This was printed in I'm gonna say it's called and

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Speaker 1: it's not printed unless I print it.

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Speaker 2: They don't print anymore.

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Speaker 1: This is honestly on Friendly Atheist.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I wake up, I make ness cafe. I'm reading

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Speaker 3: Friendly Atheist until two pm. Then I take a nap

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Speaker 3: and I finished reading.

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Speaker 9: This.

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Speaker 1: Guy knows them all, so he does and I but

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Speaker 1: I did check. This is a legit story. It's on

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Speaker 1: other places as well. So this was by HEMI meta

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Speaker 1: he met have I heard it's you were a little

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Speaker 1: early person. But but we appreciate it. I love that enthusiasm.

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Speaker 1: That would be me.

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Speaker 2: That would be me. Okay, yeah, Kirk does get excited.

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Speaker 1: Back in August, Bishop Exavier novelle Gomm made global headlines

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Speaker 1: global headlines after announcing his resignation from the Catholic Church.

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Speaker 1: That itself wasn't a huge shocker, though was newsworthy given

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Speaker 1: that he had once been the youngest bishop in Spain

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Speaker 1: at the age of forty one. The reason this was

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Speaker 1: headline worthy was because he stepped down after falling in

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Speaker 1: love with Sylvia, a divorced woman who wrote erotic fiction

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Speaker 1: with a satanic twist.

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Speaker 3: That's pretty cool, honestly good. Yeah, she's cool, she's cool.

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Speaker 3: He's kind of nerds, but I mean opposite. It's a

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Speaker 3: track show.

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Speaker 1: So this guy fell in love then pursued that relationship

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Speaker 1: instead of obeying his priestly vow of celibacy. Good for him. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: actually he's cool again. Yeah this is remember God is

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Speaker 1: friendly atheist. Good for him, Good for him. The satanic

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Speaker 1: erotica was irrelevant, but a detail that just meant everything

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Speaker 1: so much better. Now there's another wrinkle in this story

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Speaker 1: that will make your jaw drop another few inches if

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Speaker 1: you're a shark.

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Speaker 3: Pretty according he's a good writer. That is pretty good.

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Speaker 3: Really not really, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I mean, like, if my draw was like this, and

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Speaker 1: I'd be like, I bet you could do that, I

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Speaker 1: could then drop a few inches. But if I was

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Speaker 1: already like I'm going maybe a half inch more. According

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Speaker 1: to Spanish media, Novella has already found a new career path.

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Speaker 1: He's working for a pig seaman company that produces it

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Speaker 1: distributes only the highest quality pig wind Novelle's job question

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Speaker 1: mark quote masturbating the pigs.

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Speaker 2: Yep, guys, it's a job.

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Speaker 1: Maria, Maria, how was to I believe a Jewish song?

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, and he.

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Speaker 5: Will raise you up on eagles wings? Bare you on

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Speaker 5: the breath of dawn, Make you too, shine like the sun,

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Speaker 5: and hold you in a palm of his hand.

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Speaker 3: We really did go to Catholic school. If you have kids,

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Speaker 3: put him in Catholic school. Maybe they get a podcast,

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Speaker 3: Maybe they sell out ten thousand cedars all the time.

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Speaker 2: That's crazy. Off pigs.

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Speaker 1: He churns off pigs. Animal rights issues aside. I've never

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Speaker 1: been so delighted to see the words priests and masturbation

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Speaker 1: in the same story. These things usually end much much worse.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I bet they do.

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Speaker 1: That is the best in the bitch. It's not great, okay.

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Speaker 1: As I said before, though, Novella isn't the hero you

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Speaker 1: want him to be. For years, in his previous vocation,

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Speaker 1: he conducted exorcisms and promoted gay conversion torture. Oh good,

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Speaker 1: fuck ba. Handling pig seemen then, is a major step

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Speaker 1: up for him. Yeah, that's true. That's well written. It's

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Speaker 1: real written. I like it. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Uh. An old girlfriend of mine's dad tried to become

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Speaker 3: a pastor years and years and years ago, and he

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Speaker 3: said that he went into a house where all the

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Speaker 3: other pastors and training were and they were all having.

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Speaker 2: Sex with each other.

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Speaker 1: What really yeah.

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Speaker 3: Also, Kurt and I don't discuss stories before the show ever, right,

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Speaker 3: I didn't know you were doing that, so yes, but

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Speaker 3: that's the first thing that came to my mind.

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Speaker 2: And he was like, yeah, I just wanted a calling.

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Speaker 3: It's kind of like your that you you just wanted

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Speaker 3: to be the only person talking in a room of people.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I wanted to be a priest for very long.

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Speaker 1: I was obviously raised Catholic. That's why I know that song.

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Speaker 1: It'd be weird if I hear that song. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, I really wanted to be a priest until

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Speaker 1: I was like twelve, and then I realized, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I just want to be the only person talking in

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Speaker 1: a room.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Success stand up comedy, but yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Her dad wanted to be a pastor. He just wanted

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Speaker 3: he felt a calling, and then they put him in

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Speaker 3: a house. This sort of sequestered him to learn about God,

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Speaker 3: and then you would just hear them all, you know,

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Speaker 3: bumping uglies all night long.

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Speaker 2: And he got out of there, so good for him.

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Speaker 1: There we go. Do you know what this reminds me

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Speaker 1: of is so quitting a job. Quitting a job can

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Speaker 1: be terrifying. I think, yes, I worked for two years

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Speaker 1: at a TV production was right when I moved to

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Speaker 1: New York City. I got a job faked my way

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Speaker 1: as I've always gotten all my job yes, including stand

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Speaker 1: up comedy, into a job at a TV production company.

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Speaker 1: Way cool. And they made commercials, yes, And I was

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Speaker 1: the office manager. Made twenty four thousand dollars a year.

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Speaker 3: Pretty good, pretty good when you're twenty two, pretty good

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Speaker 3: bad And after Texas that's like eleven grand, it's like

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Speaker 3: a half.

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Speaker 1: It's like a ninety seven Miata.

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Speaker 3: In the driveway with four roommates.

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Speaker 1: And uh. And I was kind of getting like I

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Speaker 1: had an icky feeling about TV in general at the time.

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Speaker 2: I did.

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Speaker 1: And I went and saw Fight Club and I hated

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Speaker 1: Fight Club, Yeah to a depth in my soul, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so much. And I at the time I considered myself

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Speaker 1: a little bit of a punk rocker, if you will.

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Speaker 2: Obviously look at this guy.

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Speaker 1: And I saw a fight Club and I was like,

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Speaker 1: they are confusing Revolution for.

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Speaker 10: My cheese mo no, no, oh, sir no. And I

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Speaker 10: was like, who made this movie? I hate this movie?

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Speaker 1: And uh? And it was David Fincher, best director of

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Speaker 1: his era. Yeah, and uh, and so I went home

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Speaker 1: and I looked him up on my dial up clamshell uh,

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Speaker 1: and I saw that he had mainly done commercials before that,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, this is what this is the

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Speaker 1: road commercials lead you to. Jesus, Kurt, Jesus. It's not

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Speaker 1: that bad of a movie. I've never seen it since

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Speaker 1: I saw it in the theater, I probably would love

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Speaker 1: it now. I'd probably be like, yeah, of course, that's

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Speaker 1: a pretty good. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I mean, he wouldn't paint the walls with it. It's

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Speaker 3: pretty good. Brad Pitt very attractive in that movie.

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Speaker 1: The very next the very next day, went in quit

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Speaker 1: my job because I was like, I cannot be part

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Speaker 1: of the same industry.

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Speaker 3: Oh, Kurt, No, that made fight clear God, I need.

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Speaker 4: To dedicate my life to teaching.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, good good.

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Speaker 1: And there was a family, it was a mom and

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Speaker 1: pop production company. They were like so hurt. They're like,

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Speaker 1: why are you quitting? And I couldn't tell them because

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Speaker 1: of Fight Club. Yeah. So I just like said, like,

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Speaker 1: I have to teach. I'm so sorry, I must leave now.

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Speaker 1: I have to teach. And so then the next day

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Speaker 1: I went down to like get registered with the Board

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Speaker 1: of Education in New York. This is a substitute teacher.

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Speaker 3: I wanted to make less money.

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Speaker 1: Because at the time, you could be a substitute. You

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Speaker 1: can get like hired as a substitute teacher, and they

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Speaker 1: immediately would slot you in because they needed teachers. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I went through the whole thing. They're like, this

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Speaker 1: looks great. Your resume looks great. We can totally place you.

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Speaker 1: We just need to do a background check on you.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, great, how long is that taken.

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Speaker 1: They're like, it's about six months. And I was just like,

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Speaker 1: job yesterday, and they're like, well, we'll be in touch

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Speaker 1: in six months. This was in nineteen ninety eight, of course,

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Speaker 1: and so it took very long time to run fingerprints apparently,

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Speaker 1: and yes, and so then I was like, I can't

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Speaker 1: not work for six months. So I needed to find

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Speaker 1: a way to make money. And I got an email

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Speaker 1: that day, okay, offering me to be a monkey for

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Speaker 1: a production.

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Speaker 3: Like you had to pretend to be a monkey an

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Speaker 3: actor actor.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, in addition to pretending to be a monkey, they

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Speaker 1: would give me a monkey suit.

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Speaker 3: Well that's right, that's a good start, honor. So you're

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Speaker 3: halfway there after that.

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Speaker 1: And it was for like something some production company that

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Speaker 1: like put reels online. That was what it did. And

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Speaker 1: that's a boy. And so I go in and they

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Speaker 1: literally it's a professional like puppet maker. He scans my face,

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Speaker 1: this is nineteen ninety, nineteen nine and nine, scans my face,

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Speaker 1: then makes a thermal plaster mold of my face. This

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Speaker 1: monkey can only be worn by me. Now, oh cool? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And then I put it on for the first time

300
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Speaker 1: and I realized that it has a bright blue dick.

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Speaker 2: Okay, we're not that kind of podcast.

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00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:12,240
Speaker 1: Okay, that can be pulled out to like eighteen inches long.

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Speaker 3: That's a lot of blue. That's a lot of that's

304
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,200
Speaker 3: a lot of blue. That's a lot of blue. Yes,

305
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:21,720
Speaker 3: that's a lot of blue.

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Speaker 1: And the whole thing was that this production company they're

307
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Speaker 1: like mascot. Was this actually real monkey that has a

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Speaker 1: blue dick in red bright red ball? What? Yes, it's real.

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Speaker 1: Does anybody know that monkey? Wait? Somebody said yeah, someone

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00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:38,240
Speaker 1: said yes, yeah, a monkey person. Yeah, you know, wait

311
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:41,520
Speaker 1: what company is this? It was they put reels online

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Speaker 1: for like directors before that existed, Do you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean? Those like quick time files that you have

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Speaker 1: to wait eight hours and then you can watch thirty

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Speaker 1: seconds and you're like, well, I'm going to hire that

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Speaker 1: person based on that thirty second where's.

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Speaker 2: Your red Nards video? You have to have red Nards,

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Speaker 2: They're number one.

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Speaker 1: And so his plan for marketing for this new company

320
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:02,800
Speaker 1: was a startup, was that I would He bought me

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Speaker 1: a ticket to this producer's gala at the Met. It

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Speaker 1: was a seventh in nineteen ninety nine. It was a

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Speaker 1: seven hundred dollars ticket. I was living in an apartment

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Speaker 1: that costs five hundred dollars a month. Yes, he rented

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00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:19,880
Speaker 1: me a tuxedo. He put the monkey costume in a suitcase,

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Speaker 1: and then I was supposed to walk into the Met

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Speaker 1: in a in a in a tux then get dressed

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Speaker 1: as a monkey and then run around and like assault people.

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Speaker 2: It was a different time pre internet.

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Speaker 1: This pre internet and then it's post internet. And then

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Speaker 1: a photographer, a photographer would take our picture and then

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Speaker 1: give you a business card saying you can see your

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Speaker 1: photo with the monkey at this website.

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Speaker 2: You wouldn't and that and that website was their website.

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Speaker 1: So that was their whole plan. Okay, good plan, this

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Speaker 1: is going somewhere. Don't worry no, I love this story.

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Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? So I get to the Met.

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Speaker 1: I have a suitcase for a gala at the Met.

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Speaker 1: Hold on it, how old are you? Twenty three? Twenty three?

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Speaker 1: Oh boy? Yeah. I get there and they're like you

341
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:05,800
Speaker 1: can't come in with the suitcase, and I'm like, of

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00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,679
Speaker 1: course I can't. Makes total sense. The guy who was

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00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,960
Speaker 1: like company was he was like I can't believe this. Yeah,

344
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,160
Speaker 1: And I was like, well this you didn't think this Yeah,

345
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:17,040
Speaker 1: bad plan from the job. Not smart. And he's like, okay,

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00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:19,040
Speaker 1: so you so you hang out, we'll go to the

347
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:20,960
Speaker 1: after party. You'll dress up as the monkey at the

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00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,359
Speaker 1: after party. And I was like okay. And so then

349
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Speaker 1: I walk into this party. I've never been to the

350
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Speaker 1: fucking Met, never been.

351
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Speaker 2: Nobody has its.

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Speaker 3: Rianna, that's it.

353
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Speaker 1: And this is not the Met gala, but it is

354
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Speaker 1: a gala at the Met just f yi, I need Yeah, yeah,

355
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,560
Speaker 1: not all gala's at the Metal of the Met gala,

356
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Speaker 1: you know, all right.

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Speaker 3: I think Lil nas X would look pretty cool in

358
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,680
Speaker 3: that suit. I think he could pull it off.

359
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,440
Speaker 1: And so I go in and it's open bar and

360
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,960
Speaker 1: everything is free. They're sushi for just to know, free sushi.

361
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:04,479
Speaker 1: So I walked around for eight pm to midnight, eating

362
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:10,840
Speaker 1: sushi and drinking for the whole time. That's pretty looking

363
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:15,199
Speaker 1: at art. Just fucking wasted. Yeah, this guy comes up

364
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,840
Speaker 1: to me. He's like, we're going to the after party

365
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,800
Speaker 1: and I was like, I thought you were joking about that.

366
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,600
Speaker 1: Not a good plan. We go to the after party

367
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,920
Speaker 1: at midnight. It's empty. It's one of those big box

368
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:30,280
Speaker 1: clubs on like forty first Street does and so then

369
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:32,080
Speaker 1: nobody's there. He's like, you gotta wait, and I was like,

370
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:33,879
Speaker 1: no problem. He's like, it's open bar though, and I

371
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:40,600
Speaker 1: was like, sushi. You know, I'm drinking forties of mickeys

372
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,480
Speaker 1: at this point, like the fact that like it's just

373
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Speaker 1: open bar, I'm going crazy. And then at two am

374
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:49,359
Speaker 1: it starts filling up. He's like it's go time, and

375
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:55,919
Speaker 1: I was just like, go into the bathroom, get completely

376
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,320
Speaker 1: nude to change into the monkey outfit.

377
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:08,680
Speaker 3: Necessary likes me. I've seen him naked three times. Once

378
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,560
Speaker 3: at Auto Shrunken Head. If anybody's been here a long time,

379
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:16,160
Speaker 3: Kurt goes hey, Scottie's playing the bay Watch pinball machine

380
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,080
Speaker 3: and he goes hey, Scotty and he looks down. His

381
00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:20,040
Speaker 3: hands are on the buttons for the flippers, and his

382
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,920
Speaker 3: testicles are just on the bay Watch pinball and shit,

383
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:24,680
Speaker 3: third time.

384
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,000
Speaker 4: I'm not proud of it.

385
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:32,760
Speaker 1: I mean it's a younger time. Yeah, and so nice.

386
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,200
Speaker 1: I get in the monkey cop fit, I run around.

387
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:39,200
Speaker 1: I'm just drunk and like people are psyched. Of course

388
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,800
Speaker 1: they are. That desk dick can come out, so they're

389
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:45,879
Speaker 1: like pulling the dick out and dancing around it. Yeah,

390
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,240
Speaker 1: and I'm dancing. They're taking the photos, they do whatever.

391
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,840
Speaker 1: Two to four, I dance with people on the dance florest.

392
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:51,720
Speaker 2: It's fine.

393
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:54,440
Speaker 1: I get out crazy, I put my I put my

394
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,960
Speaker 1: This is the craziest nig. I can't believe it all happening.

395
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,760
Speaker 1: One night. Yeah, I put my tucks back on. I

396
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:03,440
Speaker 1: start walking to the to the subway. I'm in a tucks.

397
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:05,080
Speaker 1: The guy paid me two hundred dollars for the night.

398
00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:06,840
Speaker 1: I have more money than I had in my pocket

399
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 1: a long time. Yeah, that's yeah, I got two hundred

400
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,159
Speaker 1: dollars in cash in my pocket. I'm in the tucks

401
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:15,400
Speaker 1: walking and uh. And this was recently when ju after

402
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:18,960
Speaker 1: Juliani had like shut down prostitution in Times Square, and

403
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:22,840
Speaker 1: so a Lexus pulls up next to me and the

404
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:26,400
Speaker 1: window rolls down and a woman is at the driver's

405
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:32,679
Speaker 1: seat and it's allowed in New York City, and she

406
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,879
Speaker 1: just goes, hey, you want to go somewhere? And I

407
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:42,520
Speaker 1: was like, I need to go to Brooklyn. And she's like, no,

408
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,359
Speaker 1: do you want to go somewhere? And she lifts her

409
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,399
Speaker 1: leg up and she has no pants on. She just

410
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:50,359
Speaker 1: has like a belt that has little metal medallions that

411
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:53,399
Speaker 1: was like covering her cross and like shows that she

412
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,199
Speaker 1: has no pants on. She's like, no, you want to

413
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 1: go somewhere. And I was like, I do want to

414
00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:03,359
Speaker 1: go to Brooklyn. And I was like, will you drive

415
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:04,440
Speaker 1: me to Brooklyn?

416
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:04,960
Speaker 2: How much?

417
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,879
Speaker 1: Because I do not want to get on the A

418
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,639
Speaker 1: train right now then transfer to the F I'm not

419
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:13,800
Speaker 1: going to go until seven in the morning fourth And

420
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:19,080
Speaker 1: she was like no. It just drove away, and I

421
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:21,800
Speaker 1: was like great, not great.

422
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 2: Well a happy ending.

423
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,560
Speaker 3: Also, by the way, can anybody the bar grab us

424
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:29,199
Speaker 3: at Tito's and soda it back?

425
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 2: So anybody we keep going. Mccurt and I were really

426
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:33,240
Speaker 2: early friends.

427
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:36,159
Speaker 3: We lived in the same neighborhood, Windsor Terrorists and Kurt

428
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,760
Speaker 3: lived on tenth Yeah.

429
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,120
Speaker 1: Oh oh no, I lived on Sherman Street from tenth

430
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:42,080
Speaker 1: and eleventh. Yeah.

431
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:43,760
Speaker 2: So we found out. We were like, I was really

432
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:44,760
Speaker 2: trying to impress Kurt.

433
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 1: I wanted him to think I was a funny guy.

434
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 1: And then one day he's like, I'm home.

435
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:48,000
Speaker 2: What are you doing.

436
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:49,719
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm home, and I had been. I had

437
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 3: thrown a party and somebody had left a six pack

438
00:22:52,280 --> 00:23:03,000
Speaker 3: of Orthodox Kosher beer. Kosher beer, Oh so good. Ooh,

439
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,840
Speaker 3: hebrew beer, Hebrew, Hebrew, Hebrew.

440
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 2: So I wasn't gonna drink it alone.

441
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,760
Speaker 3: So at eleven or twelve in the morning, I walk

442
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,399
Speaker 3: over to Kurt Stoop and we're sitting there and Kurt

443
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:19,679
Speaker 3: sometimes doesn't hear quite that well uh uh, and so

444
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:21,240
Speaker 3: we're just I'm just like, let me just talk to

445
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 3: this guy. We'll drink this really shitty beer together on

446
00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:24,840
Speaker 3: the stupid will come best friends if this is how

447
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,359
Speaker 3: it works. And I'm sitting there and I was talking

448
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:29,440
Speaker 3: about something that fell apart, or I'd lost a job

449
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 3: or whatever. I was like, and I'm bummed. I said, well,

450
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:36,840
Speaker 3: I'm bummed, Kurt, because you have drugs. I go, no,

451
00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,879
Speaker 3: I'm bummed. He goes oh, and just opens another beer.

452
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 3: I'm like, wait a second, I'm not gonna know this

453
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:47,200
Speaker 3: guy for very long. Drugs again, I was a bad

454
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 3: person back then. Wild Card you want one?

455
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,760
Speaker 1: What? Yeah, give me?

456
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:53,440
Speaker 2: Give me one?

457
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:54,920
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? Do I want one?

458
00:23:55,119 --> 00:24:02,359
Speaker 3: We love doing the podcast for Charlie. I'm sorry to

459
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,400
Speaker 3: make somebody do a chore, but we're just far away

460
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:05,880
Speaker 3: from the bar.

461
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 2: Speaking of.

462
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 1: Charlie, when he dies on the stage, it's so sad.

463
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:22,159
Speaker 3: If you have Amazon Prime for great shirt, thank you.

464
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 11: What is your Carolyn?

465
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:29,200
Speaker 4: Ladies and gentlemen, these are.

466
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:33,720
Speaker 1: Class Carolyn Rocks. We love Carol Nancy.

467
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 3: Amazon Prime one hundred and forty dollars. You can have

468
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 3: your own Charlie from us. There you go, U booze

469
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:41,400
Speaker 3: in space?

470
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:42,959
Speaker 1: Booz in space?

471
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:46,400
Speaker 3: How the universe is absolutely drowning in the hard stuff.

472
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 2: There's alcohol and space, h'all.

473
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:52,760
Speaker 3: That's why the billionaires are going, yeah right, they're nerds.

474
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 3: All the billionaires are like one smearing off ice in

475
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:58,840
Speaker 3: and they're like, yeah, puke on themselves. This was sent

476
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:00,520
Speaker 3: to by so many of ban animals. The first I

477
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,160
Speaker 3: saw was established goods.

478
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 2: You're not here, are you?

479
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:03,840
Speaker 1: Established?

480
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:08,439
Speaker 3: Somebody lies who's established goods. There a lot of people.

481
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 3: He's at home, like, damn it, he's in gas city

482
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:17,879
Speaker 3: being like, come on, ten thousand light years away from Earth.

483
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 3: All right, we're not going.

484
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:22,360
Speaker 2: I didn't I.

485
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:23,199
Speaker 1: Never not make it.

486
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, there is a massive cloud of alcohol. It's space

487
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,359
Speaker 3: booz is real. Well, this was in Mental Flaws written

488
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:32,240
Speaker 3: by nobody. Oh excuse me, written by Lucas Riley.

489
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:32,639
Speaker 1: Who's the.

490
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,439
Speaker 2: Lucas Riley is a good name. Lucas Riley probably is

491
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 2: the best in.

492
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 3: The This oh, space booze discovered near the constellation Aquila.

493
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:43,439
Speaker 2: I'm looking at it every night.

494
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:46,440
Speaker 1: You kidding me? The first thing I do right when

495
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 1: the sun sets, I go, let's go see Aquila first.

496
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:53,160
Speaker 3: This cloud of alcohol is one thousand times larger than

497
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,399
Speaker 3: the diameter of our solar self.

498
00:25:55,800 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 1: What wait where they say alcohol? There's a cloud of ethanol?

499
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,680
Speaker 1: Like what do they mean? Is it vodka? Is it titos?

500
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:10,120
Speaker 2: Wouldn't you drink space booze?

501
00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:10,400
Speaker 1: Like that?

502
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 4: Are you kidding me?

503
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 1: This is from ten thousand miles away, ten thousand light

504
00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:20,840
Speaker 1: years away? Yeah, this is from what ten thousand? That's

505
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:24,920
Speaker 1: what before? That's prehistory, right, I don't know anybody, no time.

506
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,600
Speaker 3: Here's a stat This is why Lucas Riley, who I

507
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 3: almost forgot, is the best in the beeswax. Because the

508
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 3: cloud is one thousand times larger than the diameter of

509
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:42,040
Speaker 3: our solar system. It contains enough ethyl alcohol to fill

510
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:50,640
Speaker 3: four hundred trillion trillion pints of beer. So Lucas goes

511
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 3: further to say down that much alcohol every person on Earth.

512
00:26:55,880 --> 00:27:00,960
Speaker 3: So the ten thousand of us here, every person on

513
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:04,639
Speaker 3: Earth would have to drink three hundred thousand pints a

514
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 3: day for one billion years. It sounds like a reason

515
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:16,880
Speaker 3: to move the earth shits nobody. Just if you went

516
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:21,280
Speaker 3: outside and just vodka was constantly pouring from the sky.

517
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:26,080
Speaker 3: Oh sadly for this interstillar pup crawl. The cloud is

518
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,359
Speaker 3: forty eight quid drillion miles away.

519
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:33,120
Speaker 2: There comes a point. We're pro science on the podcast.

520
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:36,200
Speaker 3: We have lots of stem we love science, We love science,

521
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,479
Speaker 3: but it comes a point where you go, shut the

522
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:43,679
Speaker 3: fuck up. Forty eight quid drillion miles away. It's so

523
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:48,240
Speaker 3: far it doesn't make any sense. People don't even understand

524
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 3: what a billion is. I don't understand what a quid

525
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:53,879
Speaker 3: drillion is. Yes, I know that's just the thing you exaggerate.

526
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,200
Speaker 3: You're like, oh my god, I could eat a quit

527
00:27:55,280 --> 00:28:03,919
Speaker 3: drillion taste tots, right, taser tots. Why aren't they whip tonight?

528
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:09,919
Speaker 1: That makes more tots. I got drunk early. Whoopsie.

529
00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 3: It's gonna be fun signing posters later. I'm gonna be

530
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:16,720
Speaker 3: like Linda Lisa, You're my favorite. Uh.

531
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 2: Most of it is undrinkable, can you believe it?

532
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:20,399
Speaker 1: Bye bye bye?

533
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,720
Speaker 2: So here, I'm just gonna cut to the chase because

534
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 2: this is the best deet.

535
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 1: Okay.

536
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,600
Speaker 2: Now, if you are wondering.

537
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:33,679
Speaker 3: What these space spirits might taste and smell like, Sagittarius

538
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 3: B two has the answer.

539
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:36,840
Speaker 1: That's a constellation. Okay, great.

540
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 3: The cloud contains ethyl formatee and esther that helps give

541
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:47,360
Speaker 3: raspberries their taste and smells like rum. What it seems

542
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 3: then the center of our galaxy may taste and smell

543
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:51,920
Speaker 3: like raspberry flavored rum.

544
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 1: We gotta go.

545
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 3: I see you two over there are those on my

546
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 3: backs to so much. I'm gonna look over a lot.

547
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 3: What are your names left?

548
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,000
Speaker 2: Do I have to do that? I have to do

549
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 2: that with YouTube.

550
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:11,720
Speaker 3: JP great name Shelley, Shana JP and Shana all right,

551
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:12,400
Speaker 3: what are you two?

552
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 2: We're dedicating it to you too, dark corners.

553
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 3: So sorry. I hope you're having fun. You're wonderful people.

554
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:21,480
Speaker 2: Claudia and and Gil, Claudia and Gil.

555
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 1: There we go.

556
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 3: So yeah, if we can get to the center of

557
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 3: the universe, we can have raspberry rum for all.

558
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 2: Is that crazy?

559
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:31,840
Speaker 1: But it's got to be frozen, right, it's not. It's

560
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:34,680
Speaker 1: not liquid. No, it's liquid. What it's liquid?

561
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:36,240
Speaker 4: Don't believe it because of.

562
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 1: Its own heat? Well, it's a gas. It's a gas.

563
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I once got I once got Kristin

564
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 1: Shawl a gift for Christmas, which was a alcohol vape. Yes,

565
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:49,240
Speaker 1: have you remember that? Yes?

566
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 2: I remember that so well. Yeah, she didn't know what

567
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 2: to do.

568
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:56,959
Speaker 1: So you would pour alcohol into this like sphere like

569
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 1: you pour vodkin to the sphere, and you had little

570
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:03,040
Speaker 1: straw and then you would light a candle underneath of it.

571
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 1: I don't think it worked. And then no, you would

572
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:10,000
Speaker 1: just inhale the air that came off of I think

573
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:12,960
Speaker 1: you're just boiling liquor and inhaling its steam.

574
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:18,760
Speaker 3: Sounds so much better than drinking delicious cotails.

575
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:23,960
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so yes.

576
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 2: I do.

577
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,960
Speaker 3: Are you can meet Saint Patrick's Day twenty eighteen, who

578
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:36,280
Speaker 3: remembers it before the Great Quarantine. I was working at

579
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 3: a friend's house. We were in Los Angeles. He's his

580
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 3: then fiance and her best friend were like, we're gonna

581
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 3: go post up at a bar. We said, great, we're

582
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 3: gonna meet you after we're done writing. We go at

583
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 3: five pm. We go to Birds Okay.

584
00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 2: You know, not the best bar.

585
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:53,720
Speaker 3: Also not Irish. Also what were we doing there? So

586
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 3: we're drinking car bops. So we're drinking whiskey. We're getting annihilated.

587
00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 3: It's fun. The sun goes down. We go to the

588
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,600
Speaker 3: bar next door. Yeah, we go upstairs the loft. I

589
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 3: think it's called Franklin code. None of this matters for

590
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 3: somebody here.

591
00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 1: I just like details. I'm so sorry.

592
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 3: So we go upstairs a loft and it's like a

593
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:11,479
Speaker 3: really cool, nice group of people, and I'm very drunk,

594
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 3: and I start talking to this woman who had just

595
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 3: gotten dumped and she was like in a bad place

596
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:18,760
Speaker 3: like that day or the day before, and she was

597
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:19,320
Speaker 3: really lost.

598
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 2: I think he was a DJ, which is you know.

599
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:24,600
Speaker 1: Those burn the most.

600
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 3: Oh, when DJ Mustard drops you.

601
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 1: You can't enjoy. There is someone named is DJ Mustard

602
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 1: bit real. Oh the world is a beautiful and absurd place.

603
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:44,640
Speaker 3: So so, you know, we're all drinking, we're socializing. It

604
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 3: was that kind of drunk where we're just saying hate everybody,

605
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:49,120
Speaker 3: and I'm talking this nice young woman and she's like upset,

606
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 3: and I'm walking her through it. I'm like, listen, nobody's

607
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 3: gonna break up with you if they don't really like you,

608
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:55,360
Speaker 3: and the best thing you can do is move on

609
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,160
Speaker 3: like Fleta's social media, move on.

610
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:58,840
Speaker 1: Get out of here. And she she's affected.

611
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,239
Speaker 3: She's very much like thank you for this, like I

612
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:02,840
Speaker 3: was giving her full attention.

613
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:04,800
Speaker 2: And it gets to the point in that.

614
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,120
Speaker 3: Conversation we're having those sort of like hard hearts with

615
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:10,040
Speaker 3: strangers where she's like thanks Scotti and she like touches

616
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 3: my arm and I'm like, okay, so now we're friends.

617
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:13,640
Speaker 3: And she's like, so, anyways, what have you been up to?

618
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:14,959
Speaker 3: And I was like, well, I just got back from

619
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:16,840
Speaker 3: Las Vegas. She's like, what are you doing there? I

620
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 3: was like, I was doing fraser Ween too. So I've

621
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 3: talked about this on the podcast before. Anybody who doesn't

622
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 3: know about fraser Ween. I created a holiday called Fraser Ween.

623
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 3: I created Amory Heart and flew LeBorg, you know very well.

624
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 3: And basically it can't be on There's three rules. It

625
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:36,640
Speaker 3: can't be on Halloween. Somebody has to dress like Fraser

626
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 3: from the show Fraser, but multiple people can, and then

627
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:44,360
Speaker 3: every other person there has to dress like some part

628
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 3: or essence of Fraser. So we've had toss salads, we've

629
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:51,320
Speaker 3: had the dog, we've had the grandfather. Memory was the

630
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:55,960
Speaker 3: recliner that the Grandfather's John said. So I say to

631
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,000
Speaker 3: this nice young woman who we just had this really

632
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:00,760
Speaker 3: beautiful conversation with, I just got done Fraser Ween.

633
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:02,760
Speaker 1: She goes, what's that? I go, I was Fraser.

634
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:06,160
Speaker 3: We went to Vegas, we partied, saw Kenny Loggins, we

635
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 3: got drunk all night, went to Benny Hannah. Then we

636
00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:11,040
Speaker 3: went to the Stratosphere because it's kind of like the

637
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:14,280
Speaker 3: Space Needle in Seattle, and we got drunk. It's a

638
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 3: bar crawl. It's a Fraser themed barkrawl. Yeah, and she

639
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 3: her face is so she's like, what the fuck are

640
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:22,240
Speaker 3: you talking about?

641
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 4: Wait?

642
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:25,560
Speaker 1: After you just like helped her.

643
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:26,320
Speaker 4: Through this whole thing.

644
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, Because then she walks away kind of pissed off

645
00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:33,960
Speaker 3: and upset, and Adam and Chloe, who I went with drinking,

646
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:36,640
Speaker 3: show up and they go, what was that? And they go,

647
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 3: I just told her about Fraser Ween. They go, that's

648
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:50,200
Speaker 3: Greer Grammar. That's that's Kelsey Grammer's daughter. So after giving

649
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 3: gram relationship advice, I was like, remember all that sensitive

650
00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 3: shit I said. Here, let me guess go fuck you.

651
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 3: I pretend to be a drunk man with my friends.

652
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 3: I swear to God. I go, who's Career Grammar. That's

653
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:10,840
Speaker 3: Kelsey Grammer's daughter. And I go, I am so sorry.

654
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:14,280
Speaker 3: And she's just like like scowling at me in the corner. Oh,

655
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,719
Speaker 3: she's glaring at me like a woman in Brooklyn on

656
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 3: Fifth Avenue.

657
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,080
Speaker 2: It was crazy. Is that insane?

658
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:22,320
Speaker 1: It's so insane. I love it so much.

659
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,080
Speaker 3: Felt so bad. I've seen her twice since we're cool.

660
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:26,640
Speaker 3: But I was like, I didn't know who you were.

661
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:28,040
Speaker 3: I didn't know. I'm so sorry.

662
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 1: I just have interests. I have interests that nobody else has.

663
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:31,759
Speaker 2: Apparently.

664
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 3: Let me tell you about the mister Belvidere bonata. We're

665
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:41,319
Speaker 3: not doing that one. What's a bonus swing? It's fine,

666
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:41,880
Speaker 3: we won't do it.

667
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 2: We won't do it.

668
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:45,040
Speaker 1: You told me about this. Everybody know that there's a

669
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,640
Speaker 1: thing called the Mister Belvidere because mister Belvidere sat on

670
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 1: his testicles during a table reading the day of the

671
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:51,399
Speaker 1: show for a week.

672
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:56,920
Speaker 3: In television, there's terms in television on your own set,

673
00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:58,600
Speaker 3: and one of them is called a belvidere, which is

674
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:00,720
Speaker 3: when a table where he gets pushed as the actor

675
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:03,440
Speaker 3: that played Lynn Belvidere on the show that most of

676
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:07,319
Speaker 3: you were not alive for. When he came to a

677
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:10,000
Speaker 3: table read, he sat so hard he sat on his

678
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 3: own nuts and then could not do the table Cancel

679
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:16,640
Speaker 3: the table reading. Sorry, just work it into your own

680
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:18,879
Speaker 3: Belvidere in your own, your own way.

681
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:20,439
Speaker 1: You're going to tease us to a break.

682
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:23,759
Speaker 3: We should tease into a break here, everybody, thank you

683
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:29,239
Speaker 3: for coming out to Banana. You're doing great so far.

684
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:32,560
Speaker 3: Hit the bar, we don't mind, shoot picks, we don't mind.

685
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:36,840
Speaker 1: Here it is Brazilian cow set for slaughter, escapes to

686
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:42,360
Speaker 1: water park, rides the slide adopted by owner WHOA.

687
00:35:44,560 --> 00:36:33,200
Speaker 3: We'll be right back with a little more.

688
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:11,800
Speaker 4: Guys.

689
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:19,440
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Bananas, Brooklyn.

690
00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming out. It's so wonderful.

691
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:21,960
Speaker 2: To be here.

692
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:23,799
Speaker 3: Two quick shout outs if you don't mind, Okay, quick

693
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 3: shout out, back shout outs. Charlie and Mike are not here.

694
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:29,839
Speaker 3: Charlie and Mike had tickets. Charlie is a woman. They

695
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:33,279
Speaker 3: had tickets so show in Indianapolis. They couldn't become come

696
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 3: because their friends dog Frank, ran away. They spent the

697
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,360
Speaker 3: entire night looking for I think they found Frank. Frances

698
00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 3: So and I think it was Mike's birthday. Happy birthday, Mike.

699
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 3: I know everybody here is like, who's Mike. We don't care.

700
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:48,360
Speaker 3: We like dogs. Frank the dog will be found and

701
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:49,480
Speaker 3: we'll be back to the White Rabbit.

702
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 1: We had a wonderful time, and this is honestly, this

703
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:55,200
Speaker 1: has just been so fun to be back in Brooklyn

704
00:36:55,680 --> 00:37:00,279
Speaker 1: with all of you. It's a perfect night.

705
00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:08,640
Speaker 3: I see a lot of familiar faces. Finally, Megan told

706
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:11,279
Speaker 3: us that Christian Philly is here as part of his birthday.

707
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 3: Is Chris, are you here from Philly? Happy birthday, Chris?

708
00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 3: Do you remember the birthday song? I can I can

709
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:29,040
Speaker 3: help you. Boys, Happy birthday, Happy birthday you, Happy birthday.

710
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:30,480
Speaker 2: I want a clap.

711
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:38,280
Speaker 3: Banana boys, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday.

712
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 1: Oh damn day.

713
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:46,400
Speaker 3: Okay, great, we're gonna get better. The clap in the

714
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:51,200
Speaker 3: middle is gonna really you know, hush it up. I

715
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 3: want to do longest banana. Oh yeah, it's the longest banana.

716
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:57,239
Speaker 3: Who came from the farthest away? Who thinks that they

717
00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:00,479
Speaker 3: came to tonight show from further than anybody else here?

718
00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:01,319
Speaker 1: Where? Where are you from?

719
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:02,799
Speaker 4: Dan?

720
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:04,520
Speaker 2: Wait?

721
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:10,720
Speaker 1: Did you come here for the show? Okay? I see hands?

722
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 1: Who came here for the show? What you got in

723
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:16,240
Speaker 1: the back? Philly you? Philly?

724
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 2: You two?

725
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:23,880
Speaker 1: Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. I was in the Old Country where Boston?

726
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 1: Is Boston further than Bethlehem? Yeah, Boston's farther Albany, Boston,

727
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:33,000
Speaker 1: I think beats Albany.

728
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:36,520
Speaker 2: Right, who we got? Albany is further than Boston.

729
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:39,279
Speaker 1: This woman is a cartographer.

730
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:43,319
Speaker 2: She knows we'll get you, don't I see you?

731
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:45,720
Speaker 1: I'm trusting the cartographer.

732
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 3: Sue me, Sue me, make a map, young lady, way

733
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:54,759
Speaker 3: from North Carolina for the show to us?

734
00:38:55,040 --> 00:39:04,360
Speaker 2: Whoa Ukraine? But for the show Ukraine?

735
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:04,880
Speaker 1: I can't.

736
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:05,920
Speaker 4: I can't believe it.

737
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:09,280
Speaker 1: I can't believe it. I look at where people listen

738
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:12,239
Speaker 1: to the show. No one in Ukraine listens.

739
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:12,479
Speaker 2: To this show.

740
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,440
Speaker 3: We have yet to have anybody from the Ukraine be like,

741
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:16,359
Speaker 3: we listened to your show.

742
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:18,520
Speaker 2: We've had Saudi Arabia call the banana phone.

743
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:21,359
Speaker 3: He goes, holy shit, you're the most famous man I've

744
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 3: ever talked to.

745
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:23,720
Speaker 1: I go, well, what do you want to talk about?

746
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:24,520
Speaker 1: Hung up?

747
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 3: Just wanted to hear me go banana phone. Okay, So

748
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 3: North Carolina is the North Carolina. Anybody else can beat

749
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:40,840
Speaker 3: North Carolina Los Angeles for the show. No, because we

750
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:43,239
Speaker 3: had a show in Los Angeles. If you flew here

751
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,840
Speaker 3: for this, it's a bad show. Okay, we appreciate you

752
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 3: being here.

753
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:48,239
Speaker 1: Love you. You're wonderful.

754
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 3: We never shit on anybody. You kidding make We can't

755
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 3: even see your family. We can see your white collar

756
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:57,640
Speaker 3: and so I know you're good people. Oh we love

757
00:39:57,760 --> 00:39:58,440
Speaker 3: Edmund Hawkins and.

758
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:00,400
Speaker 1: Edmund.

759
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:04,319
Speaker 3: No, yeah, that's an Edmund respect. Anybody else feats North

760
00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:10,320
Speaker 3: Carolina going once back back, young lady, young sir. Sweden

761
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:13,399
Speaker 3: is pretty good. It is, but for the show see

762
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:14,040
Speaker 3: you in the back.

763
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:14,640
Speaker 2: Hand up.

764
00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:17,399
Speaker 1: If you came to Sweet from Sweden for the show,

765
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:18,759
Speaker 1: you can have everything.

766
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:21,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can host the show and you can put

767
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:25,960
Speaker 3: it with the woman from the Ukraine too. I see

768
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 3: a young human in the back who we got Sweden too.

769
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:36,160
Speaker 3: When did you get here a week ago? Week ago?

770
00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:38,279
Speaker 3: I think North Carolina went. I think south to.

771
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:49,279
Speaker 11: North Carolina, North Carolina. Come on up here. This is

772
00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:49,760
Speaker 11: a book.

773
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 1: It's Mary Roach's book Fuzz signed by Mary Roach birthday

774
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:05,160
Speaker 1: Chris two. All right, Scott, are you ready for Oh wait,

775
00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 1: that's what we have to do.

776
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:08,080
Speaker 4: We have a share.

777
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:15,080
Speaker 3: We have a guest and she's wonderful and that's the

778
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:19,680
Speaker 3: highest sign of honor if you are a ban animal's guests.

779
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:23,919
Speaker 1: Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we're very excited to bring out

780
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:28,560
Speaker 1: a very funny comedian courage. Right now, ladies and gentlemen,

781
00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 1: Hannah pilkis.

782
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:34,400
Speaker 2: Very god.

783
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:41,360
Speaker 1: How are you nice to meet you? Welcome, Hannah Flew.

784
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:44,799
Speaker 4: I just met you.

785
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:46,319
Speaker 1: I know Hannah, so I hug her.

786
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:46,960
Speaker 2: Kirk doesn't.

787
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:50,120
Speaker 1: So they shake hands. Yeah, I shake hands first meeting,

788
00:41:50,239 --> 00:41:53,640
Speaker 1: I hug second meeting. They we're not creeves and I.

789
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:54,319
Speaker 4: Like that about you.

790
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:55,520
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Hannah.

791
00:41:55,719 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 4: Nice to meet you. All right now we can hug.

792
00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:02,160
Speaker 3: Okay, Oh and Hannah, would you like a beverage? Would

793
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:05,400
Speaker 3: you like an alcohol garbage? What would you like? I

794
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 3: don't know, Vodza, tequila, sotah, I'll do Voda vod sad

795
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:16,400
Speaker 3: Please if anybody thank you look at this.

796
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:18,880
Speaker 9: I thought you were just gonna ask someone from the audience.

797
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 1: It happens a lot, and sometimes happens. Sometimes happens in Indianapolis.

798
00:42:23,239 --> 00:42:26,040
Speaker 1: Not good. You just flewent, You just flew in. You

799
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:27,320
Speaker 1: just got here from the airport.

800
00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:29,839
Speaker 4: Right, just got her beautiful new work.

801
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:33,279
Speaker 3: Oh gorgeous as tim gorgeous.

802
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:34,440
Speaker 4: Give it up for new work.

803
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 9: Yeah, city that never once took a nap.

804
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:45,720
Speaker 4: That's the actual logo. Too busy.

805
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:49,440
Speaker 1: Actually it's better than Trenton's logo, which is what Trenton

806
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:57,000
Speaker 1: makes the world takes. Yeah, all right, happy to have

807
00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:58,799
Speaker 1: you here. Thank you so much for coming down the show.

808
00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:00,480
Speaker 1: So we're gonna tell you some so as we're gonna

809
00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 1: talk about them. How about that? I love it cool?

810
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 1: Are you ready for this one? Here we go again,

811
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 1: just to remind you what it is. Let me turn

812
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:12,240
Speaker 1: that flashing light off. Brazilian cow set for slaughter escapes

813
00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:16,040
Speaker 1: to water park ride slide gets adopted by owner.

814
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:20,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, how all earth?

815
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:24,080
Speaker 1: Here is this? This was sent in by Emily k

816
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:31,240
Speaker 1: underscore X. She's here, right, Emily, where are you? Honestly,

817
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:33,200
Speaker 1: if you're born between eighty five and ninety five, your

818
00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:34,080
Speaker 1: names are you here?

819
00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:34,359
Speaker 9: Here?

820
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:34,760
Speaker 1: Emily?

821
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:37,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, every woman's name is now. They would really be

822
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 3: yelling if they were.

823
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:39,560
Speaker 2: Okay, thank you.

824
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:42,279
Speaker 1: And this was in the New York Post. We don't

825
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:43,439
Speaker 1: love taking from the New York Post.

826
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:47,640
Speaker 3: Surprisingly, right, they publish a lot of stories we cover.

827
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:50,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, is that surprising?

828
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:53,480
Speaker 1: I always am like, please, Daily News please also have

829
00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:55,400
Speaker 1: covered it. Please also nope, all right, I'm doing it.

830
00:43:55,680 --> 00:44:00,280
Speaker 12: But this is on page one about they get to.

831
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 4: This is by Paula frolic SHEWI.

832
00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:09,239
Speaker 2: Oh no, go louder, let go. It's so stupid. One

833
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:09,840
Speaker 2: two three.

834
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 1: I like that you asked for a second because I

835
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 1: was like that.

836
00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:15,960
Speaker 4: First one was loud already.

837
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:20,520
Speaker 1: All right, I know my people. Everybody loves a water slide,

838
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:25,040
Speaker 1: even Brazilian cow. True.

839
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:27,600
Speaker 2: Not true, all right, oh true?

840
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:29,239
Speaker 1: Not everybody loves the water slide, all.

841
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:31,479
Speaker 2: Right, paul I, yeah, relax, paul.

842
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:35,359
Speaker 1: In a dramatic and bizarre run for freedom, a cow

843
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:38,200
Speaker 1: pegged for slaughter escaped from a cattle ranch five hundred

844
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:41,480
Speaker 1: miles west of Rio de Janeiro this week and bolted

845
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 1: to an adjacent water park. Okay, once there, the cow

846
00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:47,200
Speaker 1: climbed the stairs.

847
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:47,920
Speaker 2: Unbelievable.

848
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 1: Oh that's the part you're wowed by. Not escaping slaughter.

849
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,839
Speaker 7: No, he was in prison. He's out of prison now.

850
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:01,280
Speaker 7: He just walked up to the bear. He has opposable thumbs.

851
00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 7: Climb the ladder.

852
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:04,960
Speaker 2: Absolutely, he climbed this.

853
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:07,840
Speaker 1: It's the stairs. Unfortunately, have a water slide and slowly

854
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:09,080
Speaker 1: slid down into the pool.

855
00:45:09,239 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 2: I mean, that's so funny. I would die.

856
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:13,240
Speaker 1: I want to show you this photo of him looking.

857
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:15,279
Speaker 1: I don't know why they have so many shots of it,

858
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:16,600
Speaker 1: but do you see.

859
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:17,240
Speaker 4: The cow's face?

860
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:23,080
Speaker 3: I can't see the cow face?

861
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:23,880
Speaker 1: Is this big?

862
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:26,400
Speaker 4: He's beautiful?

863
00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:26,799
Speaker 1: Wow?

864
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:28,919
Speaker 2: How did he know? Reincarnation? Right?

865
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:33,839
Speaker 1: Surprisingly, the slide reincarnation, which only is supposed to hold

866
00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:36,280
Speaker 1: four hundred and fifty pounds, held firm under the bovine

867
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:41,600
Speaker 1: seven hundred pound frame. The cow earned a lifelong repeeve

868
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:49,080
Speaker 1: reprieve the old repeat taster Tots. That's his taster Tots.

869
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:52,680
Speaker 1: The owner, according to iHeartRadio, said the animal will become

870
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:54,080
Speaker 1: the family pet.

871
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 3: Hell.

872
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:59,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, story over. Oh wait, its name is now toe

873
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 1: book to toe toboga, which means slide and Portuguese.

874
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:12,400
Speaker 2: There it is, Oh, very nice, that's lovely.

875
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:16,719
Speaker 3: It's people had a horrible water park experience in your life,

876
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:18,800
Speaker 3: or a experience.

877
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:21,919
Speaker 1: Sunburned you couldn't move the next day.

878
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:27,720
Speaker 9: I had a vaguely reminiscent of class action park moment.

879
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:30,520
Speaker 1: Yes, that's what I was.

880
00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:32,040
Speaker 4: Going to talk about it up for the park that

881
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:32,840
Speaker 4: killed people.

882
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:34,839
Speaker 2: Are you from there?

883
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 4: I'm from I'm from New York and Philly?

884
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:38,560
Speaker 1: Oh cool?

885
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, yes, everybody's gonna move to Philly.

886
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:47,799
Speaker 1: Man, we all know this, and up it really is.

887
00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:49,319
Speaker 4: It is cool as hell.

888
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:50,799
Speaker 1: Nobody's talking about.

889
00:46:51,280 --> 00:46:54,200
Speaker 4: One person, but that person, thank you. Uh No.

890
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:57,640
Speaker 9: I went to a six Flags near like Trenton, and

891
00:46:58,360 --> 00:47:01,480
Speaker 9: I was one thirteen years old and I was living.

892
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:02,839
Speaker 4: I was with my.

893
00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:06,360
Speaker 9: Boyfriend at the time, and then we got off the

894
00:47:07,120 --> 00:47:08,880
Speaker 9: water slide and I don't know, I think I was

895
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:10,760
Speaker 9: so excited that he was with me, and I didn't

896
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:12,239
Speaker 9: realize my whole badge was out.

897
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:16,840
Speaker 3: Wow, cut to the chase before how long the bottoms

898
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:18,360
Speaker 3: had been taken from me?

899
00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:21,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, the secret's over minutes before.

900
00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:23,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's okay, And.

901
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:26,080
Speaker 9: I went to hug him and he realized that my

902
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:29,680
Speaker 9: so I went to press my sort of loose open

903
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:34,040
Speaker 9: vagina and he's thirteen to thirteen early.

904
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's hard. He's like water slides.

905
00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:40,200
Speaker 4: Water slides are a bit we wow.

906
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 9: Yeah, and he's he's a he's a Basha man of

907
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:49,480
Speaker 9: s cuckle. He's like whoa wo oh yeah wow, Yeah.

908
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:54,840
Speaker 2: That's pretty good. Showing the whole park is a pretty

909
00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:55,680
Speaker 2: good thing to do.

910
00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:59,840
Speaker 4: Did you call it a snooter? I was. I used to.

911
00:47:59,880 --> 00:48:02,200
Speaker 1: I used to have a joke about calling it a snooter.

912
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:05,279
Speaker 1: Thank you you did. Yes, I used to have a

913
00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:06,960
Speaker 1: joke about calling it a snooter. And then this was

914
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:09,719
Speaker 1: many many years ago. Oh boy, many years ago. This

915
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:13,319
Speaker 1: is when I go down. Uh, And I had a

916
00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:15,319
Speaker 1: joke about it, and I only told it a couple

917
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:17,960
Speaker 1: of times on stage. Yes, and I think it was

918
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:23,040
Speaker 1: like snuffle up because his vagina, that's what. And a

919
00:48:23,239 --> 00:48:25,160
Speaker 1: very different a very different time.

920
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:29,000
Speaker 3: Two years before, didn't Eugene Merman say something like just

921
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:29,759
Speaker 3: do stand up?

922
00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 8: Yes?

923
00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:32,200
Speaker 1: So he literally said after like I had been doing

924
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:34,520
Speaker 1: stand up for like years. He saw me perform and

925
00:48:34,520 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 1: he went, this is the first time I've seen you

926
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:38,720
Speaker 1: performed that. I understood what you were saying.

927
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:43,319
Speaker 3: You always like your peers feedback. You want to know,

928
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:44,600
Speaker 3: you want to know.

929
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:49,239
Speaker 1: And so and I met a woman and we happen

930
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 1: to go back to her home. Sounds good, and things

931
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:59,400
Speaker 1: happened inblical sense. We read the Bible and biblical during

932
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:04,239
Speaker 1: Bible studies as they call it. Uh. She looked at me,

933
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:08,239
Speaker 1: she looked me in the eye, and she, using my

934
00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:16,200
Speaker 1: first name, said Kurt, fuck my snooter. Thinking it would

935
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 1: be funny, thinking it'd be hot. No, thinking it would

936
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:24,440
Speaker 1: be funny. She thought it would be funny, and instead

937
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:30,640
Speaker 1: my penis disappeared into dust. Yeah, and then we were

938
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:34,080
Speaker 1: just rubbing sand together at that point. Good night.

939
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:40,600
Speaker 9: But you both achieved. It was transcendent. It was like, hello, over,

940
00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:47,960
Speaker 9: I gotta go. It's a right now, get me out

941
00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:50,720
Speaker 9: of here. Wow, that's not good.

942
00:49:52,120 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 3: I probably Okay, this is a friend's story, but I'm

943
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:57,120
Speaker 3: gonna tell it, and then Chelsea will talk about or

944
00:49:57,920 --> 00:49:59,680
Speaker 3: my friend was on like an early date. They went,

945
00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:02,839
Speaker 3: they voted a river, they went tubing. Tubing's fun as hell.

946
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 3: I wish there was more of it. It is so

947
00:50:04,719 --> 00:50:06,920
Speaker 3: funny to get drunk with your friends. And put down

948
00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:08,560
Speaker 3: a river. And she was with a guy that she

949
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 3: hadn't been with, a new boyfriend, and she really had

950
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:14,839
Speaker 3: to go to the bathroom and she was like, hey,

951
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go pee in the woods and he's like okay.

952
00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:20,760
Speaker 3: She's like, keep going, keep going. Oh no, He's like okay.

953
00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:23,879
Speaker 3: And then so she didn't have to pee. She took

954
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:29,640
Speaker 3: a sit down as they say in pre k, and.

955
00:50:28,719 --> 00:50:31,120
Speaker 1: Then she likes dunkle yes, yes.

956
00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:34,480
Speaker 3: And so then she pushes out into the river and

957
00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:37,960
Speaker 3: she sees what her deposit as they say at the bank,

958
00:50:38,239 --> 00:50:41,719
Speaker 3: and it's ahead of her and uh.

959
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:44,040
Speaker 1: Oh, she she did an aqueduct.

960
00:50:44,239 --> 00:50:46,440
Speaker 2: She took an aquaduct. Okay, I had to do it.

961
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:47,920
Speaker 4: I don't like this for her.

962
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:50,840
Speaker 3: And so then she looks up at the group of

963
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:53,400
Speaker 3: people that are going down and there it's her boyfriend

964
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:57,120
Speaker 3: standing at the turn, and about ten feet in front

965
00:50:57,120 --> 00:51:00,440
Speaker 3: of her is uh, you know, yesterday's dinner.

966
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:05,040
Speaker 9: And uh it's like obviously like like farting in front

967
00:51:05,080 --> 00:51:09,240
Speaker 9: of your boyfriend, horrifying a full shit floating past.

968
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:12,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, and so it's getting there first and sell like,

969
00:51:12,239 --> 00:51:14,880
Speaker 3: what are you gonna do? You can only tube so fast?

970
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:22,240
Speaker 3: Holy smoke, so he saw it. She's now marrying another guy.

971
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:27,160
Speaker 3: Sounds about right, but you know, it happens. These things happen.

972
00:51:28,160 --> 00:51:29,640
Speaker 4: You gotta go when you gotta go.

973
00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:34,240
Speaker 1: Absolutely, it's not her fault. She was feeling it.

974
00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:36,719
Speaker 4: It's not like masturbating. You're not like I can't wait

975
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:37,239
Speaker 4: to shit.

976
00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:40,960
Speaker 2: I'm not going in the woods to ring the doorbell.

977
00:51:41,160 --> 00:51:42,440
Speaker 2: I got nature's calling.

978
00:51:43,360 --> 00:51:46,000
Speaker 1: Uh, Scotty, you told a story on a minisode many

979
00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:48,920
Speaker 1: a year or two ago, and it's still I think

980
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:52,640
Speaker 1: about it every single time anyone says tubing and would

981
00:51:52,680 --> 00:51:55,520
Speaker 1: you just please just tell the highlights of the story

982
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:58,680
Speaker 1: of the guy who was on acid and then saw manatee.

983
00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:04,600
Speaker 2: It's our best one. It's our best so okay.

984
00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:07,840
Speaker 3: So, and also we've switched our minnesotes to confessions.

985
00:52:07,880 --> 00:52:09,000
Speaker 1: Oh shit, we forgot confessions.

986
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:10,720
Speaker 2: Oh my god, we forgot for confession.

987
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:13,319
Speaker 3: A Lisa are wonderful in turn, can you bring the

988
00:52:13,320 --> 00:52:17,600
Speaker 3: confessions back to us. We're gonna do some bananas confessions too,

989
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:19,920
Speaker 3: because we had switched because we had so many good

990
00:52:19,960 --> 00:52:22,359
Speaker 3: stories right out of the gate that they we haven't

991
00:52:22,360 --> 00:52:26,560
Speaker 3: been able to beat them, including a guy goes tubing okay,

992
00:52:26,719 --> 00:52:30,240
Speaker 3: and it's no, no, this was this was submitted.

993
00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:30,520
Speaker 2: This was.

994
00:52:32,239 --> 00:52:36,359
Speaker 3: So this guy for anybody to yes, the guy on acid, So.

995
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 1: It's up. That was funny.

996
00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:42,520
Speaker 2: If only we had more fuzz to give.

997
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:45,160
Speaker 4: I wish I could banana.

998
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 2: So we got a story, and so we used to.

999
00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:48,400
Speaker 3: Do miniesotes where people would write in and send us

1000
00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:50,840
Speaker 3: the craziest things that happened to him. This gentleman goes tubing.

1001
00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:52,759
Speaker 3: He takes acid for the first time. He takes way

1002
00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:53,200
Speaker 3: too much.

1003
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:57,319
Speaker 1: As he's tubing for six hours, he's having an amazing time.

1004
00:52:57,360 --> 00:53:02,840
Speaker 1: First he sees a manatee. Wow on out wow tube

1005
00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:03,920
Speaker 1: with your friends.

1006
00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:05,240
Speaker 4: What do you want to do first?

1007
00:53:05,360 --> 00:53:10,680
Speaker 1: Impulse hug, hug it, hug it, hug a sea cow.

1008
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:17,879
Speaker 3: Hell, Yeah, you're hugging yourself on your own deathbed, saying

1009
00:53:17,920 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 3: it's been worth it. I love you, You're beautiful. He

1010
00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:22,959
Speaker 3: swims over to it, he hugs it. It's been dead

1011
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:27,640
Speaker 3: and rotten. He hugs right through it. No on acid,

1012
00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:32,680
Speaker 3: he hugs through a dead manity and then with shell

1013
00:53:32,840 --> 00:53:34,880
Speaker 3: shocked for like twelve more hours.

1014
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:41,279
Speaker 1: There's no there's no breathing exercises that could bring you

1015
00:53:41,320 --> 00:53:45,000
Speaker 1: back from that acid ascid. No, it doesn't matter. If

1016
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:46,879
Speaker 1: the drugs end you're you're done.

1017
00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:51,520
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, pretty pretty bad.

1018
00:53:51,640 --> 00:53:56,560
Speaker 4: When I was seventeen, I took yeah. Okay, don't get

1019
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:58,240
Speaker 4: so excited about the age part.

1020
00:53:59,280 --> 00:53:59,520
Speaker 1: True.

1021
00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 2: I'm not even gonna joke about it. She's right, Hannah

1022
00:54:03,280 --> 00:54:03,680
Speaker 2: is right.

1023
00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:09,919
Speaker 9: When I was seventeen too young, that's right, that's right,

1024
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:15,160
Speaker 9: twenty five, when I was twenty five, seventeen to y'all,

1025
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:18,319
Speaker 9: don't let this guy hear that part.

1026
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:20,720
Speaker 4: I took acid. Don't tell my mom.

1027
00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:24,600
Speaker 1: All right, she's gonna hear this. She Listens's mom here,

1028
00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:30,640
Speaker 1: imagine that checks out. I've never met her, and it

1029
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:32,160
Speaker 1: was all your mom's face.

1030
00:54:34,280 --> 00:54:37,279
Speaker 9: And I took acid, and for the entire night I

1031
00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:40,160
Speaker 9: walked with an imaginary cane because I thought I had

1032
00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:40,960
Speaker 9: a leg injury.

1033
00:54:41,160 --> 00:54:41,920
Speaker 2: You can help me.

1034
00:54:42,719 --> 00:54:44,320
Speaker 1: You were like, something's wrong?

1035
00:54:44,920 --> 00:54:49,279
Speaker 12: So what you were like this like I'll show you, ok.

1036
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:53,000
Speaker 2: Just we like a reenactment. Wait for me.

1037
00:54:55,160 --> 00:54:56,680
Speaker 1: Wow, it was a high.

1038
00:54:57,920 --> 00:54:59,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was more of a staff.

1039
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:04,960
Speaker 3: The first time I got dust when I was eleven

1040
00:55:05,040 --> 00:55:07,960
Speaker 3: years old. When I was eleven years old, I well,

1041
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:10,000
Speaker 3: you know what, I got dusted on acid when I

1042
00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:10,600
Speaker 3: was eleven.

1043
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:15,880
Speaker 2: My mom just flipped her cast for all when she

1044
00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:16,279
Speaker 2: hears this.

1045
00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:19,160
Speaker 3: So I was at a friend's house and these older

1046
00:55:19,200 --> 00:55:22,759
Speaker 3: guys were like, give us some frescas, and you know,

1047
00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:24,320
Speaker 3: pretty cool.

1048
00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:30,919
Speaker 8: The fresco when you're eleven. Come on, that's like going

1049
00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 8: to the Indy five hundred, five hundred times. And so

1050
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:40,799
Speaker 8: they were like hey. And then tools first album came out.

1051
00:55:40,960 --> 00:55:43,120
Speaker 8: Remember Told was a pretty good band.

1052
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:46,440
Speaker 3: So the big hit single is Sober And so all

1053
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:49,600
Speaker 3: these sixteen seventeen eighteen year olds are shooting pool in

1054
00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:52,440
Speaker 3: my friend's basement and we are eleven.

1055
00:55:52,560 --> 00:55:54,040
Speaker 1: He was thirteen. I was eleven.

1056
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:56,359
Speaker 3: He was thirteen, and so we're shooting pool and they're

1057
00:55:56,360 --> 00:55:58,680
Speaker 3: all staring at us, and they're like smiling and laughing,

1058
00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:00,279
Speaker 3: and I'm like, what's up. And they were like, we

1059
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:03,040
Speaker 3: dosed you and we said with what they said acid.

1060
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:06,920
Speaker 3: And I was eleven. I was in seventh or eighth grade.

1061
00:56:06,960 --> 00:56:09,120
Speaker 3: It was somewhere between seventh and eighth grade. I guess,

1062
00:56:09,239 --> 00:56:11,320
Speaker 3: oh my god, and I didn't know what it meant.

1063
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:14,560
Speaker 3: I thought it was acid, like meaning like I was

1064
00:56:14,600 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 3: going to burn from the inside out and have nothing

1065
00:56:18,520 --> 00:56:23,000
Speaker 3: left between my mouth noodle and my butt noodle. And

1066
00:56:23,360 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 3: so I didn't understand, And I wait, I was I

1067
00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:28,360
Speaker 3: was short. I didn't grow till tenth grade, so I

1068
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:30,280
Speaker 3: was like five to four, and I had just taken

1069
00:56:30,280 --> 00:56:32,799
Speaker 3: a dose of acid in a fresca, and I'm trying

1070
00:56:32,800 --> 00:56:34,080
Speaker 3: to be cool around the older kids.

1071
00:56:34,120 --> 00:56:35,040
Speaker 2: Cornball was there.

1072
00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:38,080
Speaker 1: You guys know all those guys Cornball a man?

1073
00:56:38,840 --> 00:56:39,479
Speaker 4: Is that a man?

1074
00:56:40,239 --> 00:56:42,440
Speaker 1: Yes? Well?

1075
00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:47,360
Speaker 3: Yes, And so we start shooting pool to be cool.

1076
00:56:47,480 --> 00:56:50,120
Speaker 3: You know, eleven years old, shooting pool and tool is

1077
00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:52,120
Speaker 3: playing at full volume in the speakers.

1078
00:56:52,320 --> 00:56:56,520
Speaker 9: Sounds like a shell Silverstein ride. It was cool to

1079
00:56:56,560 --> 00:56:59,919
Speaker 9: be cool. And then one of the guys is sure,

1080
00:57:00,320 --> 00:57:02,560
Speaker 9: oh no, he wasn't sureless. He was wearing a lacrosse jersey,

1081
00:57:02,560 --> 00:57:04,880
Speaker 9: which is like a tank top. He goes, Scotty, you

1082
00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:07,160
Speaker 9: seeing anything, And I go, what do you mean? And

1083
00:57:07,200 --> 00:57:09,240
Speaker 9: I look in the corner and there's these giant hornets

1084
00:57:09,280 --> 00:57:11,040
Speaker 9: just crawling out of the corner.

1085
00:57:10,719 --> 00:57:11,080
Speaker 2: Of the thing.

1086
00:57:11,320 --> 00:57:14,000
Speaker 3: I go, I'm seeing giant bees. I'm seeing giant bees.

1087
00:57:14,040 --> 00:57:16,800
Speaker 3: And they're laughing so hard they think this is the

1088
00:57:16,840 --> 00:57:17,520
Speaker 3: funniest thing ever.

1089
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:18,960
Speaker 4: I want to kill these people.

1090
00:57:19,040 --> 00:57:25,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, well two of them are dead, so they took

1091
00:57:25,520 --> 00:57:29,560
Speaker 3: care of themselves. Survivor, Yeah, take care of them nature.

1092
00:57:29,640 --> 00:57:32,400
Speaker 3: What you live long enough comes back around.

1093
00:57:32,080 --> 00:57:35,480
Speaker 1: Weirdly, one of them died by being attacked by giant bees. Yes,

1094
00:57:36,440 --> 00:57:37,480
Speaker 1: strange enough.

1095
00:57:38,040 --> 00:57:42,280
Speaker 3: And so my friend was thirteen and very nervous also,

1096
00:57:42,400 --> 00:57:45,120
Speaker 3: and so we crawl under the pool table and then

1097
00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:49,160
Speaker 3: the sound of billiard balls hitting was like anvils smashing

1098
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:52,120
Speaker 3: into each other. Oh, and we start crying because we're

1099
00:57:52,200 --> 00:57:57,600
Speaker 3: little kids, and they're laughing and tools screaming, and so

1100
00:57:58,320 --> 00:57:59,480
Speaker 3: Kyle goes.

1101
00:57:59,360 --> 00:58:00,360
Speaker 1: Let's go in the woods.

1102
00:58:00,400 --> 00:58:02,760
Speaker 2: We lived, Thank god.

1103
00:58:02,960 --> 00:58:04,760
Speaker 1: We walked in the wave car.

1104
00:58:05,280 --> 00:58:07,320
Speaker 9: I want to go back in time and say, don't

1105
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:08,200
Speaker 9: go to the woods.

1106
00:58:09,240 --> 00:58:13,360
Speaker 3: We went to the woods and we were holding hands,

1107
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:15,600
Speaker 3: my then best friend and I and we stayed in

1108
00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:18,240
Speaker 3: the woods for six hours while my parents were at work.

1109
00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:20,640
Speaker 3: And then when we came back, they'd started a fire,

1110
00:58:20,680 --> 00:58:21,440
Speaker 3: a bonfire.

1111
00:58:21,520 --> 00:58:22,240
Speaker 2: I'm from Maryland.

1112
00:58:22,440 --> 00:58:23,960
Speaker 3: I know, I'm making this sound like I'm from a

1113
00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:31,360
Speaker 3: remote island, the Rings Island, And so they were like,

1114
00:58:31,440 --> 00:58:33,560
Speaker 3: where you guys been, And we wanted to be like

1115
00:58:33,640 --> 00:58:36,720
Speaker 3: scared for six hours, but we were like whatever.

1116
00:58:36,800 --> 00:58:38,800
Speaker 2: Basically, it's fine, salamanders.

1117
00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:42,840
Speaker 3: And so we come back to this bonfire and this

1118
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:45,840
Speaker 3: older lunarick named Pat who is like truly grown man

1119
00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:48,880
Speaker 3: I've talked about earlier. On the pod dumps gasoline on

1120
00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:51,680
Speaker 3: it that goes up in the air and it burned

1121
00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:52,840
Speaker 3: off my eyelashes.

1122
00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:55,720
Speaker 2: So I'm sitting there trying to be cool. The trip

1123
00:58:55,800 --> 00:58:56,880
Speaker 2: is now ending.

1124
00:58:57,080 --> 00:59:01,400
Speaker 3: I am five foot four seventy eight pounds, and I'm

1125
00:59:01,440 --> 00:59:03,880
Speaker 3: blinking and I just see things in my eyes and

1126
00:59:03,920 --> 00:59:08,920
Speaker 3: I go like this, and my eyebrows are just gray dosh. Oh,

1127
00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:14,240
Speaker 3: so I'm pretty unflappable as an adult. Hearing Snooter would

1128
00:59:14,280 --> 00:59:21,320
Speaker 3: have been fine for me. Well happending is I made it?

1129
00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:23,000
Speaker 3: I'm fine?

1130
00:59:23,320 --> 00:59:27,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah.

1131
00:59:27,240 --> 00:59:29,280
Speaker 3: And now when I'm sleeping in my tesla, I don't

1132
00:59:29,320 --> 00:59:29,800
Speaker 3: have a tesla.

1133
00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:32,720
Speaker 2: I'm just kidding, and Tool comes on. I go in

1134
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:36,320
Speaker 2: a pan. But they did. They dust an eleven and

1135
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:37,200
Speaker 2: a thirteen year old.

1136
00:59:37,520 --> 00:59:40,920
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I can't believe I've never learned that

1137
00:59:41,040 --> 00:59:43,560
Speaker 1: about you. I love it that you decided to pull

1138
00:59:43,600 --> 00:59:43,880
Speaker 1: it out.

1139
00:59:43,880 --> 00:59:44,280
Speaker 4: It a lot.

1140
00:59:45,040 --> 00:59:48,720
Speaker 3: It's beautiful. I know it was forced up, it just

1141
00:59:48,800 --> 00:59:49,200
Speaker 3: comes out.

1142
00:59:49,360 --> 00:59:51,960
Speaker 2: Was it because of Snooter? It was because of Snooter.

1143
00:59:53,360 --> 00:59:56,840
Speaker 1: It was because of the imagery of aid Trip, Acid

1144
00:59:56,920 --> 00:59:58,640
Speaker 1: Trip and hugging the man Tea.

1145
00:59:58,680 --> 01:00:00,280
Speaker 2: But I was like a kid. They did to me

1146
01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:03,360
Speaker 2: three other times. That's fine. I'm an artist.

1147
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:06,440
Speaker 1: All right, Should we do? Should we do a confessions

1148
01:00:06,640 --> 01:00:07,680
Speaker 1: Lisa's confession?

1149
01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:08,080
Speaker 6: Lisa?

1150
01:00:08,120 --> 01:00:10,440
Speaker 2: Do you have the confession Confessions box?

1151
01:00:11,080 --> 01:00:17,840
Speaker 4: Lisa? There we go, ladies and gentlemen.

1152
01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:20,440
Speaker 1: Lisa helps us out with the podcast.

1153
01:00:20,520 --> 01:00:22,960
Speaker 4: She's wonderful. Give it around a part.

1154
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:28,960
Speaker 2: She is so wonderful. She's a great human being.

1155
01:00:29,400 --> 01:00:33,000
Speaker 3: She's a fulls We talked backstage. She's she's a full

1156
01:00:33,120 --> 01:00:36,520
Speaker 3: human and also our intern. So never forget it.

1157
01:00:37,240 --> 01:00:37,640
Speaker 1: Hell ya.

1158
01:00:38,120 --> 01:00:42,400
Speaker 3: So we these are your confessions. They're anonymous, these are real.

1159
01:00:44,960 --> 01:00:51,320
Speaker 3: All right, Here we go. Okay, I genuinely loved to scissor.

1160
01:00:51,480 --> 01:00:55,360
Speaker 3: I don't know if that's a sin, but you are absolved.

1161
01:00:55,360 --> 01:00:59,320
Speaker 3: Oh my god, you're absolved. This one is good. Here

1162
01:00:59,320 --> 01:01:02,640
Speaker 3: we go one time out of spite to them. I

1163
01:01:02,720 --> 01:01:10,919
Speaker 3: shit in my cat's litter box. At the end, they

1164
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:22,520
Speaker 3: know what they did. They're girls. Oh this is a

1165
01:01:22,560 --> 01:01:24,400
Speaker 3: New York one. You want to hear in New York one, curtibe.

1166
01:01:24,640 --> 01:01:26,920
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1167
01:01:27,040 --> 01:01:31,919
Speaker 3: I make faces at babies on the subway, terrifying face.

1168
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:38,280
Speaker 3: Oh then I leave the car when they cry or

1169
01:01:38,360 --> 01:01:41,760
Speaker 3: if they laugh, say hell Satan to the parent when

1170
01:01:41,800 --> 01:01:45,800
Speaker 3: I walk away, you are absolved.

1171
01:01:45,840 --> 01:01:48,880
Speaker 2: You are forgiven. You are absolved, and you are forgiven.

1172
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:53,960
Speaker 1: When I was in eighth grade, my older brother walked

1173
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:59,640
Speaker 1: in on me masturbating with our dad's electric toothbrush. I

1174
01:01:59,680 --> 01:02:04,959
Speaker 1: put the toothbrush back and we never spoke of it.

1175
01:02:04,840 --> 01:02:06,840
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter. It's fine, that's fine.

1176
01:02:07,440 --> 01:02:09,480
Speaker 4: I have so many questions about this one.

1177
01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:10,440
Speaker 2: It Hannah.

1178
01:02:10,480 --> 01:02:11,320
Speaker 4: In high school.

1179
01:02:11,480 --> 01:02:16,400
Speaker 9: I regularly use my stepfather's favorite drinking cup to ice

1180
01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:20,160
Speaker 9: my penis before sex so I could try and last longer.

1181
01:02:20,280 --> 01:02:24,760
Speaker 4: What that's terrifying? Why is your dick so cold? What's

1182
01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:26,520
Speaker 4: a favorite drinking cup?

1183
01:02:27,440 --> 01:02:31,320
Speaker 9: My favorite drinking Don't you dare touch that cup?

1184
01:02:31,480 --> 01:02:32,960
Speaker 4: It's the one I drink from.

1185
01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:42,120
Speaker 1: That's right. We love the confessions. The confessions are better

1186
01:02:42,160 --> 01:02:44,280
Speaker 1: than the story. This one is really folded up like

1187
01:02:44,560 --> 01:02:45,480
Speaker 1: they were ashamed.

1188
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:49,800
Speaker 4: Yeah wait, did you guys write They wrote.

1189
01:02:49,520 --> 01:02:51,560
Speaker 2: These these in the front they're here?

1190
01:02:51,920 --> 01:02:53,800
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1191
01:02:53,840 --> 01:02:54,360
Speaker 6: Wow.

1192
01:02:54,440 --> 01:02:55,760
Speaker 4: The plot thickens.

1193
01:02:58,840 --> 01:02:59,600
Speaker 1: Keep digging.

1194
01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:02,080
Speaker 4: I gonna keep thinking her.

1195
01:03:02,120 --> 01:03:04,080
Speaker 3: Were you gonna read? When you said something and then

1196
01:03:04,080 --> 01:03:07,040
Speaker 3: you stopped? I'm so sorry. I don't know what this is,

1197
01:03:07,080 --> 01:03:11,840
Speaker 3: but you guys can help me. I'm grossed out by collar. Oh,

1198
01:03:12,680 --> 01:03:16,520
Speaker 3: I do know what this is. I'm gonna read what

1199
01:03:16,560 --> 01:03:20,800
Speaker 3: I thought this sid I'm grossed out by collar boners.

1200
01:03:21,360 --> 01:03:24,040
Speaker 3: What it really said is I'm grossed up by collar bones,

1201
01:03:24,200 --> 01:03:25,800
Speaker 3: especially when they're too skinny.

1202
01:03:25,880 --> 01:03:27,640
Speaker 1: That's fine, that's fine.

1203
01:03:27,720 --> 01:03:32,720
Speaker 2: You're grossed out by everyone's neck. Yeah, that's fine. You're fine,

1204
01:03:33,880 --> 01:03:34,880
Speaker 2: not a problem.

1205
01:03:35,680 --> 01:03:37,280
Speaker 1: Up to the age of fifteen, I thought the word

1206
01:03:37,280 --> 01:03:39,560
Speaker 1: prude meant tired, and I would use it as his excuse,

1207
01:03:39,640 --> 01:03:41,080
Speaker 1: like I don't want to go to your birthday. I'm

1208
01:03:41,080 --> 01:03:42,720
Speaker 1: feeling prude.

1209
01:03:43,680 --> 01:03:45,280
Speaker 2: That is so funny.

1210
01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:50,120
Speaker 3: Our good friend, our good friend, Andrea Rosen Kurdi b

1211
01:03:50,240 --> 01:03:51,360
Speaker 3: you remember Andrew Rosen.

1212
01:03:51,520 --> 01:03:55,480
Speaker 1: Yeah. Her mother didn't know what kinky meant.

1213
01:03:55,800 --> 01:03:56,520
Speaker 2: And they went on it.

1214
01:03:56,600 --> 01:03:58,120
Speaker 3: They went to the Belize, I think, and they were

1215
01:03:58,120 --> 01:04:01,000
Speaker 3: going all these jungle tours and stuff. Her mom, whenever

1216
01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:03,200
Speaker 3: she would think things were interesting, would be they would

1217
01:04:03,200 --> 01:04:05,960
Speaker 3: be like, hey, look at that iguana over there. She's like, like,

1218
01:04:05,960 --> 01:04:11,040
Speaker 3: one is so kinky. And they would be like, hey, guys,

1219
01:04:11,080 --> 01:04:12,439
Speaker 3: tonight we're gonna do spicy food.

1220
01:04:12,520 --> 01:04:15,840
Speaker 2: She's like, spicy foods so kinky. And she was like, Mom,

1221
01:04:15,960 --> 01:04:18,000
Speaker 2: what do you think we're talking about?

1222
01:04:19,480 --> 01:04:24,600
Speaker 1: Laurence Lauren's mom, who's so adorable, graduates. She she used

1223
01:04:24,640 --> 01:04:26,920
Speaker 1: to win growing up, Lauren, she would always call them

1224
01:04:26,960 --> 01:04:30,400
Speaker 1: Horsey duvers as a joke. She would be like, here's

1225
01:04:30,400 --> 01:04:33,840
Speaker 1: Horsey douvers instead of Ordervs, and I'm all cute, Yeah,

1226
01:04:33,880 --> 01:04:37,840
Speaker 1: I mean that's cute. And so then went to college,

1227
01:04:38,160 --> 01:04:40,640
Speaker 1: and she went to college in New York, and she transferred.

1228
01:04:40,680 --> 01:04:42,800
Speaker 1: She went to college in North Carolina. Then she transferred

1229
01:04:42,800 --> 01:04:44,800
Speaker 1: to college in New York. Man, it was like that

1230
01:04:45,200 --> 01:04:48,400
Speaker 1: first night she went out with her friends and and

1231
01:04:48,440 --> 01:04:50,520
Speaker 1: everyone's like, we'll get some more nerves. And she's like,

1232
01:04:51,080 --> 01:04:51,479
Speaker 1: you mean.

1233
01:04:51,440 --> 01:04:55,280
Speaker 4: Horsey douvers, like in an earnest way.

1234
01:04:55,400 --> 01:04:58,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah yeah, And they're like, no, it's called orders.

1235
01:04:58,040 --> 01:04:59,920
Speaker 1: And then she called her mom like crying, like.

1236
01:05:00,120 --> 01:05:05,440
Speaker 7: You don't, bitch, it was Horsey dubers.

1237
01:05:08,640 --> 01:05:14,320
Speaker 1: Wow, tattoo Okay, okay, oh okay, no, go ahead.

1238
01:05:14,040 --> 01:05:17,080
Speaker 9: Okay, god, all mine are about fucking all right, good,

1239
01:05:18,160 --> 01:05:21,880
Speaker 9: we're gonna lean in and where everybody does it. The

1240
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:24,960
Speaker 9: number of people I have fucked in my office surprises me.

1241
01:05:26,880 --> 01:05:29,000
Speaker 4: But this part's that, this part's the teeth.

1242
01:05:29,240 --> 01:05:29,640
Speaker 1: Okay.

1243
01:05:29,720 --> 01:05:32,720
Speaker 4: They all think it's my first and only time.

1244
01:05:32,840 --> 01:05:38,960
Speaker 9: Oh shit, good click for you fucking gullible coworkers.

1245
01:05:38,400 --> 01:05:41,880
Speaker 3: That are like, oh yeah, virgins insane?

1246
01:05:42,280 --> 01:05:43,000
Speaker 2: That hot?

1247
01:05:43,440 --> 01:05:45,560
Speaker 3: The way I eat half a bagel and then the

1248
01:05:45,600 --> 01:05:47,440
Speaker 3: other half twenty minutes later.

1249
01:05:47,280 --> 01:05:50,360
Speaker 1: Is so sex? All right, you got a good one,

1250
01:05:50,440 --> 01:05:51,600
Speaker 1: or so I did? Beat up?

1251
01:05:51,960 --> 01:05:52,360
Speaker 4: Here we go.

1252
01:05:52,800 --> 01:05:55,160
Speaker 1: I blow dry my pubes and my asshole like a

1253
01:05:55,160 --> 01:05:56,680
Speaker 1: clean dry undercarriage.

1254
01:05:56,840 --> 01:06:01,160
Speaker 3: Yeah good, Europe's all it is?

1255
01:06:03,320 --> 01:06:06,600
Speaker 1: Thank you animal God.

1256
01:06:07,240 --> 01:06:09,360
Speaker 3: Should we do one more for the road, Kurtie by

1257
01:06:09,600 --> 01:06:10,560
Speaker 3: one more for the road?

1258
01:06:10,680 --> 01:06:12,760
Speaker 2: Last story, last story?

1259
01:06:12,920 --> 01:06:17,560
Speaker 4: This is strong? Do you guys have one?

1260
01:06:17,760 --> 01:06:18,680
Speaker 2: What we're gonna do it?

1261
01:06:18,680 --> 01:06:20,240
Speaker 4: Story story?

1262
01:06:23,520 --> 01:06:25,280
Speaker 3: Thank you guys, And we're gonna do that for here

1263
01:06:25,320 --> 01:06:27,840
Speaker 3: on now. So send them into the podcast, don't. I mean,

1264
01:06:27,840 --> 01:06:31,360
Speaker 3: we're gonna see your own d ms, but we won't

1265
01:06:31,360 --> 01:06:32,960
Speaker 3: say your name, So say anything crazy.

1266
01:06:32,960 --> 01:06:34,439
Speaker 2: But if you killed anybody, we're calling the cops.

1267
01:06:34,440 --> 01:06:35,760
Speaker 1: So there it is there, guys.

1268
01:06:35,880 --> 01:06:37,560
Speaker 2: If you sold anybody, you're going to jail.

1269
01:06:38,160 --> 01:06:39,000
Speaker 1: Okay.

1270
01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:41,640
Speaker 3: Cheese notes sent this in cheese notes of Centalana and

1271
01:06:41,760 --> 01:06:43,320
Speaker 3: thank you cheese, Thank you, cheese note.

1272
01:06:43,360 --> 01:06:43,840
Speaker 1: Cheese notes.

1273
01:06:43,840 --> 01:06:44,360
Speaker 2: You're here right?

1274
01:06:45,600 --> 01:06:45,960
Speaker 1: Really?

1275
01:06:46,600 --> 01:06:48,640
Speaker 4: So is the thing that everyone just claims owners?

1276
01:06:49,960 --> 01:06:50,400
Speaker 1: How it is?

1277
01:06:51,120 --> 01:06:52,480
Speaker 2: We got him? Got him?

1278
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:59,880
Speaker 3: Kurt, Yeah, this is on your favorite website, Hambleton Today

1279
01:07:00,040 --> 01:07:02,440
Speaker 3: dot co dot ka you kidding me?

1280
01:07:03,200 --> 01:07:06,960
Speaker 1: I haven't I oh Apple Watch And the only thing

1281
01:07:07,040 --> 01:07:12,280
Speaker 1: on it is Hampleton to Today dot com. I don't

1282
01:07:12,320 --> 01:07:15,280
Speaker 1: even have the time. It's just the updated headlines from

1283
01:07:15,280 --> 01:07:18,400
Speaker 1: Hampleton te Today dotdreams.

1284
01:07:17,640 --> 01:07:20,800
Speaker 2: Them to his wife and his children and his little dog, Zelda.

1285
01:07:21,160 --> 01:07:25,120
Speaker 3: Hampleton dot today, dot co dot uk written dot.

1286
01:07:24,920 --> 01:07:28,240
Speaker 4: Co dot uk don't you love.

1287
01:07:28,080 --> 01:07:34,240
Speaker 1: You live in America? Sometimes it's just dot com. It's

1288
01:07:34,280 --> 01:07:37,360
Speaker 1: not dot co dot au, it's not dot co dot uk.

1289
01:07:38,560 --> 01:07:39,800
Speaker 1: We created it.

1290
01:07:43,160 --> 01:07:46,160
Speaker 7: We probably stole it from them.

1291
01:07:46,360 --> 01:07:47,600
Speaker 2: They're a little smarter.

1292
01:07:47,800 --> 01:07:50,800
Speaker 3: Written by Kevin Donald, who is quite and lastly and finally,

1293
01:07:50,880 --> 01:07:51,800
Speaker 3: the very best of the.

1294
01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:55,360
Speaker 2: It's so good, it's so fun.

1295
01:07:55,440 --> 01:07:56,280
Speaker 1: This is what they say.

1296
01:07:56,400 --> 01:07:59,240
Speaker 2: This is what they say. This is what we say.

1297
01:07:59,360 --> 01:08:01,920
Speaker 3: Also, we did how many twenty apps before somebody was like,

1298
01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:05,520
Speaker 3: do you know the It was what best in the business.

1299
01:08:05,520 --> 01:08:09,400
Speaker 2: Everybody thought we knew. Everybody like all oh everybody.

1300
01:08:09,400 --> 01:08:11,800
Speaker 3: All the comedians are like, these guys are really well read,

1301
01:08:12,680 --> 01:08:13,720
Speaker 3: and that's what I thought.

1302
01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:15,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, we have no idea who anybody is.

1303
01:08:15,680 --> 01:08:20,080
Speaker 3: I've been duped k thorpe Jensen follows me on Twitter.

1304
01:08:20,200 --> 01:08:22,960
Speaker 2: We love a K. Thorpe Jensen. You're here to make

1305
01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:25,840
Speaker 2: Ca thorp Are you you might be?

1306
01:08:26,160 --> 01:08:30,720
Speaker 1: Are you really like you could be a kill somebody.

1307
01:08:30,840 --> 01:08:33,639
Speaker 4: He may not be here, but somebody's ship in their

1308
01:08:33,720 --> 01:08:35,320
Speaker 4: cats litter bodies.

1309
01:08:37,000 --> 01:08:37,679
Speaker 1: Show them.

1310
01:08:38,200 --> 01:08:41,240
Speaker 3: He's looking at You's beautiful?

1311
01:08:41,320 --> 01:08:41,519
Speaker 11: Yes?

1312
01:08:43,439 --> 01:08:44,880
Speaker 1: Oh what were you doing in La?

1313
01:08:45,040 --> 01:08:45,519
Speaker 2: Was it fun?

1314
01:08:46,120 --> 01:08:46,519
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1315
01:08:46,800 --> 01:08:51,920
Speaker 2: Okay audish acting acting? Kay, you're into it?

1316
01:08:54,320 --> 01:08:54,519
Speaker 1: Cool?

1317
01:08:54,600 --> 01:08:55,880
Speaker 2: I was. We're so glad to have you on the

1318
01:08:56,120 --> 01:08:56,360
Speaker 2: I'm so.

1319
01:08:56,439 --> 01:08:59,839
Speaker 1: Happy to be here and pilkiss ladies and gentleman.

1320
01:09:01,240 --> 01:09:01,880
Speaker 2: She rocks.

1321
01:09:04,439 --> 01:09:07,400
Speaker 3: By the way, we don't know TikTok. Everybody keeps saying

1322
01:09:07,400 --> 01:09:10,160
Speaker 3: we should join TikTok and we're like, we are way too.

1323
01:09:10,640 --> 01:09:14,080
Speaker 4: Oh no, you guys should be on TikTok Okay, I

1324
01:09:14,280 --> 01:09:17,679
Speaker 4: like this anything. They should be on TikTok, saying whale.

1325
01:09:20,240 --> 01:09:23,479
Speaker 2: It's like half of media over here.

1326
01:09:24,920 --> 01:09:25,400
Speaker 1: That fast.

1327
01:09:26,520 --> 01:09:28,799
Speaker 4: You could just put up like old clips on TikTok.

1328
01:09:28,880 --> 01:09:29,840
Speaker 2: But it's good for you you.

1329
01:09:30,120 --> 01:09:31,880
Speaker 4: I don't know. I think it's fine. I think it's

1330
01:09:31,960 --> 01:09:33,760
Speaker 4: like an extended waste of time.

1331
01:09:33,720 --> 01:09:35,880
Speaker 1: But yes, what isn't these days?

1332
01:09:37,120 --> 01:09:39,680
Speaker 2: Okay? Kevin Donald's the best in the business. This is for.

1333
01:09:40,880 --> 01:09:44,120
Speaker 3: Hambleton today dot co dot uk. Never forget to get

1334
01:09:44,160 --> 01:09:44,800
Speaker 3: a tattooed.

1335
01:09:45,600 --> 01:09:48,560
Speaker 1: The only thing I read is it Hampleton.

1336
01:09:49,320 --> 01:09:52,080
Speaker 2: It's hamble with a beat. I know it, I know it.

1337
01:09:52,160 --> 01:09:52,960
Speaker 1: I'm just asking.

1338
01:09:54,960 --> 01:09:59,559
Speaker 2: I want to hear it again. Stop nagging, my nag.

1339
01:10:00,280 --> 01:10:03,040
Speaker 2: What woman.

1340
01:10:05,360 --> 01:10:09,200
Speaker 3: Gets restraining order after feeding neighbors sad horse?

1341
01:10:11,960 --> 01:10:15,720
Speaker 1: This you have to verify if it's sad in order

1342
01:10:15,800 --> 01:10:18,240
Speaker 1: to be in a headline. And here better than.

1343
01:10:20,240 --> 01:10:25,400
Speaker 3: That is a sad ass horse. A court has imposed

1344
01:10:28,439 --> 01:10:35,520
Speaker 3: a restraining order to protect a retired racehorse from unwanted

1345
01:10:35,560 --> 01:10:38,080
Speaker 3: attentions of a grandmother whoa.

1346
01:10:41,400 --> 01:10:44,200
Speaker 2: My job to stop feeding him carrots.

1347
01:10:45,520 --> 01:10:52,200
Speaker 1: I'm removing my Timbletontown dot com widget. Dare us do this?

1348
01:10:53,040 --> 01:11:00,360
Speaker 3: What? In a ruling rarely if ever, pass by a

1349
01:11:00,400 --> 01:11:05,160
Speaker 3: British court, the horse was afforded legal protection from overfeeding

1350
01:11:05,280 --> 01:11:09,920
Speaker 3: after prosecutors made the application to the Magistrate's office on

1351
01:11:10,040 --> 01:11:15,840
Speaker 3: its behalf. Margaret Porter sixty seven, Pretty young grandma, pretty

1352
01:11:15,840 --> 01:11:16,360
Speaker 3: young grandma.

1353
01:11:16,439 --> 01:11:20,280
Speaker 2: Cool grandma, Yeah, cool grandma. It takes a dark twist.

1354
01:11:20,640 --> 01:11:23,320
Speaker 4: Um, this could be my viarit and it were like

1355
01:11:23,520 --> 01:11:24,880
Speaker 4: soteen Grandma.

1356
01:11:25,560 --> 01:11:29,280
Speaker 2: Thought Nelson the chestnut gelding was quote sad looking.

1357
01:11:30,520 --> 01:11:32,360
Speaker 1: Nelson the chestnut gelding.

1358
01:11:33,439 --> 01:11:38,600
Speaker 3: Sometimes we project our feelings onto animals pixaral eyes on.

1359
01:11:38,800 --> 01:11:43,360
Speaker 3: It came to the view that the underfed horse, so

1360
01:11:43,560 --> 01:11:47,760
Speaker 3: she began giving a carrots despite being explicitly asked not

1361
01:11:48,000 --> 01:11:51,120
Speaker 3: to buy its owner Susan Cook fifty.

1362
01:11:51,640 --> 01:11:54,600
Speaker 2: Why are we naming them their ages? Don't know.

1363
01:11:56,400 --> 01:11:58,080
Speaker 4: It might come into play later.

1364
01:11:58,280 --> 01:12:04,080
Speaker 3: Sixty seven versus fifty same age, Elorn, Rachel, Michelle, Amanda,

1365
01:12:04,360 --> 01:12:04,960
Speaker 3: same name?

1366
01:12:05,760 --> 01:12:07,320
Speaker 1: Uh what begins?

1367
01:12:07,360 --> 01:12:07,400
Speaker 3: So?

1368
01:12:07,439 --> 01:12:10,960
Speaker 1: Why are they given ages? Everybody in Timbledown knows each other.

1369
01:12:12,160 --> 01:12:14,080
Speaker 1: Every tim Down eight large.

1370
01:12:14,000 --> 01:12:16,360
Speaker 2: No, no, no, it's Hampleton today. Dot co do.

1371
01:12:18,320 --> 01:12:18,360
Speaker 3: So.

1372
01:12:18,560 --> 01:12:20,920
Speaker 2: Margaret Porter sixty seven thought he was sad looking.

1373
01:12:21,000 --> 01:12:24,000
Speaker 3: So what began as a laudable effort for Nelson's interest

1374
01:12:24,160 --> 01:12:27,479
Speaker 3: quickly became a campaign of harassment against miss Cook.

1375
01:12:27,560 --> 01:12:29,799
Speaker 1: Miss Cook owns the horse. She's like, get the fuck out.

1376
01:12:29,640 --> 01:12:30,040
Speaker 2: Of my yard.

1377
01:12:30,680 --> 01:12:33,839
Speaker 3: She saw the police called three times in the artist PCA,

1378
01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:38,240
Speaker 3: which is like the ASPCA called once. Miss Porter told

1379
01:12:38,280 --> 01:12:40,839
Speaker 3: the court she first became involved after passing.

1380
01:12:41,000 --> 01:12:42,960
Speaker 2: This is when it gets weird. I know a lot

1381
01:12:43,080 --> 01:12:50,360
Speaker 2: of your murderinos. There's some clues here she passed him.

1382
01:12:50,680 --> 01:12:54,040
Speaker 3: She passed this horse, Nelson in the field, six or

1383
01:12:54,120 --> 01:13:00,600
Speaker 3: seven times in one day. Seems a bit much for

1384
01:13:00,760 --> 01:13:04,839
Speaker 3: passing a horse. Seems like twice would be a lot. Honestly,

1385
01:13:05,720 --> 01:13:07,800
Speaker 3: I don't think I passed any horse.

1386
01:13:07,840 --> 01:13:08,040
Speaker 8: I know.

1387
01:13:08,200 --> 01:13:09,040
Speaker 4: I was gonna say.

1388
01:13:09,120 --> 01:13:11,280
Speaker 3: I think if you had a horse on a lead

1389
01:13:11,400 --> 01:13:14,000
Speaker 3: walking around you, it would be four or five times.

1390
01:13:16,200 --> 01:13:18,439
Speaker 3: I saw him standing outside of the stables and thought

1391
01:13:18,479 --> 01:13:21,040
Speaker 3: he looked quite set, said Nelson, So I decided to

1392
01:13:21,040 --> 01:13:22,960
Speaker 3: give him a few carrots at the fence. It never

1393
01:13:23,040 --> 01:13:25,639
Speaker 3: occurred to me that any belles would be bothered by this. Also,

1394
01:13:25,960 --> 01:13:30,080
Speaker 3: that's fun feeding a horse carrots, very fun. I'm over here,

1395
01:13:30,320 --> 01:13:30,880
Speaker 3: I'm laughing.

1396
01:13:31,040 --> 01:13:34,720
Speaker 1: I don't know if someone if someone kept feeding my dog, yes,

1397
01:13:35,040 --> 01:13:36,840
Speaker 1: I'd be like, good the fuck out of here.

1398
01:13:36,840 --> 01:13:37,320
Speaker 2: Here we go.

1399
01:13:38,040 --> 01:13:41,000
Speaker 1: This is really my dog is shitting weird. I don't

1400
01:13:41,040 --> 01:13:44,559
Speaker 1: know what you're feeding him. Oh boy, yeah, you tee

1401
01:13:44,720 --> 01:13:49,400
Speaker 1: it up well. So oh no, I didn't want to know.

1402
01:13:49,520 --> 01:13:51,920
Speaker 1: He doesn't die. No horses die, No horses die. We'll

1403
01:13:51,960 --> 01:13:55,920
Speaker 1: never do a story to Brooklyn, USA. I didn't want

1404
01:13:55,960 --> 01:13:56,519
Speaker 1: him starving death.

1405
01:13:56,560 --> 01:14:00,599
Speaker 3: Miss Porter continued feeding Nelson, which came to miss notice

1406
01:14:00,640 --> 01:14:03,559
Speaker 3: when she realized there were dozens of carrot tops lying

1407
01:14:03,760 --> 01:14:05,320
Speaker 3: in her field.

1408
01:14:05,800 --> 01:14:12,600
Speaker 1: Now, imagine dozens of carrot tops, the Comedia, the Vegas performer.

1409
01:14:12,800 --> 01:14:20,200
Speaker 1: They're lifting cars, better show, they're benching thousands of pounds together.

1410
01:14:20,560 --> 01:14:21,599
Speaker 4: He's so strong.

1411
01:14:21,920 --> 01:14:24,679
Speaker 1: Dozens, three dozen carrot tops.

1412
01:14:25,360 --> 01:14:29,679
Speaker 3: Everybody has a prop case and there's just so many

1413
01:14:29,920 --> 01:14:30,880
Speaker 3: pro they're doing.

1414
01:14:31,000 --> 01:14:33,280
Speaker 1: There's one carrot top who's doing a show for six

1415
01:14:33,400 --> 01:14:34,519
Speaker 1: other carrot tops.

1416
01:14:35,240 --> 01:14:36,800
Speaker 2: Imagine that for a moment.

1417
01:14:37,000 --> 01:14:40,320
Speaker 4: Honestly, carrot tops should have a Marvel franchise. Yeah, you're right,

1418
01:14:40,439 --> 01:14:42,839
Speaker 4: he's a big, strong guy. This should be the MCU.

1419
01:14:43,000 --> 01:14:43,439
Speaker 1: He should.

1420
01:14:43,520 --> 01:14:46,639
Speaker 3: They're like a prop dork. He's like, I'm here, prop man,

1421
01:14:47,120 --> 01:14:48,120
Speaker 3: wires rain.

1422
01:14:48,800 --> 01:14:50,720
Speaker 2: You're like, you get the raid thing. We get it.

1423
01:14:50,880 --> 01:14:54,479
Speaker 3: Okay, So she picked up a Oh so Miss Cook

1424
01:14:54,520 --> 01:14:56,960
Speaker 3: picked up a bucket of these carrot tops.

1425
01:14:57,520 --> 01:15:00,519
Speaker 1: And she said, there's a fall back horse.

1426
01:15:01,000 --> 01:15:04,120
Speaker 3: George's Manames Porter took no notice and continued to sneak

1427
01:15:04,200 --> 01:15:07,840
Speaker 3: carrots to Nelson, who willfully trotted over.

1428
01:15:07,760 --> 01:15:09,360
Speaker 2: To I mean, of course the horse trotted over to

1429
01:15:09,439 --> 01:15:09,760
Speaker 2: the fat.

1430
01:15:09,880 --> 01:15:12,320
Speaker 3: I mean, this is ninety percent of what horses do

1431
01:15:12,680 --> 01:15:16,759
Speaker 3: a care. Missus Cook told the court on February thirteenth

1432
01:15:16,840 --> 01:15:19,000
Speaker 3: this year. I was going to my horse when I

1433
01:15:19,080 --> 01:15:21,600
Speaker 3: saw miss Porter's car parked up the street. She was

1434
01:15:21,720 --> 01:15:24,840
Speaker 3: throwing food into the field until the court horse came over.

1435
01:15:25,040 --> 01:15:26,400
Speaker 1: This is getting sideways.

1436
01:15:27,600 --> 01:15:28,880
Speaker 4: Can I ask one quick thing?

1437
01:15:30,080 --> 01:15:30,320
Speaker 1: Thank you?

1438
01:15:30,600 --> 01:15:31,880
Speaker 4: It's completely I'm like, how are you?

1439
01:15:32,080 --> 01:15:34,559
Speaker 2: No, I'm happy?

1440
01:15:35,880 --> 01:15:36,240
Speaker 1: I want it?

1441
01:15:36,960 --> 01:15:37,559
Speaker 4: Can carrot?

1442
01:15:37,720 --> 01:15:37,880
Speaker 1: Can?

1443
01:15:38,080 --> 01:15:41,599
Speaker 4: Can horses only have carrots? Because is that fun for them?

1444
01:15:41,960 --> 01:15:44,519
Speaker 3: I think they can? But I think they eat grass

1445
01:15:44,640 --> 01:15:48,280
Speaker 3: and can they have like a like a a grilled cheese.

1446
01:15:48,360 --> 01:15:50,760
Speaker 3: What's the number one horse food? Number one horse food?

1447
01:15:51,000 --> 01:15:51,439
Speaker 2: Apple?

1448
01:15:53,680 --> 01:15:55,679
Speaker 1: Right? It's hey, the answer to he your straw?

1449
01:15:55,840 --> 01:15:59,360
Speaker 4: Right, So horses are like notoriously fit as fuck?

1450
01:15:59,560 --> 01:16:02,320
Speaker 1: Because you know what's funny. I just realized when you

1451
01:16:02,400 --> 01:16:04,080
Speaker 1: asked that to a crowd. It's like a fun thing.

1452
01:16:04,160 --> 01:16:06,240
Speaker 1: But if I just screamed at one person, what's a

1453
01:16:06,320 --> 01:16:09,600
Speaker 1: horse's favorite food? It's so aggressive.

1454
01:16:11,400 --> 01:16:15,160
Speaker 3: It's a way to end a fight, really, any fight,

1455
01:16:15,400 --> 01:16:19,400
Speaker 3: any argument, your a relationship, and your partner's not here,

1456
01:16:19,520 --> 01:16:22,200
Speaker 3: and they go where were you? Just point at them,

1457
01:16:25,120 --> 01:16:29,880
Speaker 3: take off all of your clothes, sleep face down in

1458
01:16:29,960 --> 01:16:30,679
Speaker 3: the living room.

1459
01:16:31,320 --> 01:16:34,000
Speaker 4: Thank you. I just had to get some clarity continue.

1460
01:16:33,600 --> 01:16:34,160
Speaker 2: You're right.

1461
01:16:34,600 --> 01:16:37,120
Speaker 3: Uh so, miss Cook says, I opened the car door

1462
01:16:37,280 --> 01:16:40,599
Speaker 3: window and said, why are you feeding my horse? Reasonable question? Yeah,

1463
01:16:41,080 --> 01:16:42,920
Speaker 3: do you realize what you're doing? You could poison my

1464
01:16:42,960 --> 01:16:45,040
Speaker 3: horse or give it collic and make it ill. This

1465
01:16:45,320 --> 01:16:47,960
Speaker 3: is a real concern, way a lot. This story keeps

1466
01:16:48,000 --> 01:16:49,519
Speaker 3: getting better as it goes. By the way, we got

1467
01:16:49,600 --> 01:16:53,799
Speaker 3: two big details coming down the pipeline. I'm ready, she replied,

1468
01:16:54,120 --> 01:16:56,920
Speaker 3: meaning miss Porter, you can ring the police. I'm not

1469
01:16:57,080 --> 01:17:00,960
Speaker 3: bothered at all. Wow.

1470
01:17:01,080 --> 01:17:03,799
Speaker 2: E's that's how timble Down rolled.

1471
01:17:04,080 --> 01:17:07,559
Speaker 4: Yes, we love the confidence there.

1472
01:17:07,960 --> 01:17:11,240
Speaker 3: Lucas Riley what was his real name, Kevin Donald? Got

1473
01:17:11,280 --> 01:17:16,120
Speaker 3: the name strong still best in the biz. So, to

1474
01:17:16,320 --> 01:17:18,920
Speaker 3: her horror, miss Cook, the owner of the horse, an

1475
01:17:19,120 --> 01:17:22,040
Speaker 3: RSPCA inspector called her house and told her they were

1476
01:17:22,120 --> 01:17:25,280
Speaker 3: carrying out a welfare check on her horse. This is

1477
01:17:25,320 --> 01:17:28,280
Speaker 3: getting crazy, So Nelson gets a welfare check. The inspector

1478
01:17:28,479 --> 01:17:31,600
Speaker 3: quickly realized with an s that not only was he

1479
01:17:31,760 --> 01:17:35,320
Speaker 3: being well looked after, he was in peak condition. He

1480
01:17:35,439 --> 01:17:39,160
Speaker 3: had competed three times as a professional race horse.

1481
01:17:39,439 --> 01:17:42,000
Speaker 2: Can you imagine the glitz, the glamour.

1482
01:17:44,280 --> 01:17:46,080
Speaker 1: The amphetamines that he was given.

1483
01:17:46,240 --> 01:17:47,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, the steroids.

1484
01:17:49,160 --> 01:17:53,320
Speaker 1: Threat is like if you hurt yourself, bam bam. So

1485
01:17:53,479 --> 01:17:55,280
Speaker 1: I'm sold. Do you guys not know about that.

1486
01:17:59,240 --> 01:17:59,599
Speaker 2: Anyway?

1487
01:17:59,680 --> 01:17:59,920
Speaker 3: Sorry?

1488
01:18:00,280 --> 01:18:03,200
Speaker 2: So the horse is in wonderful shape and being very

1489
01:18:03,400 --> 01:18:08,880
Speaker 2: taken care of. That's what the RSPC prior to carrots.

1490
01:18:08,960 --> 01:18:11,639
Speaker 3: No carrots were coming in. But basically this horse is healthy.

1491
01:18:11,800 --> 01:18:14,800
Speaker 3: Miss Porter is just projecting on with this poor horse.

1492
01:18:14,920 --> 01:18:15,320
Speaker 2: Nelson.

1493
01:18:16,040 --> 01:18:19,599
Speaker 3: After the hearing, so uh, they arrest her. They arrest

1494
01:18:19,640 --> 01:18:20,120
Speaker 3: Miss Porter.

1495
01:18:22,840 --> 01:18:26,080
Speaker 2: They arrest the carrot lady cat La across.

1496
01:18:25,880 --> 01:18:27,479
Speaker 3: The street, neighbor by the way. So it's gonna be

1497
01:18:27,520 --> 01:18:31,920
Speaker 3: good forever. Oh smugs, good fences, good neighbors.

1498
01:18:32,240 --> 01:18:32,840
Speaker 1: Miss uh.

1499
01:18:34,720 --> 01:18:37,360
Speaker 3: Miss Porter leaves the hearing where she got to arrest

1500
01:18:37,439 --> 01:18:39,759
Speaker 3: and says, it all seems so ridiculous to be taken

1501
01:18:39,800 --> 01:18:41,280
Speaker 3: into court for giving a horse.

1502
01:18:41,080 --> 01:18:43,120
Speaker 2: A few carrots. Also, it's so many carrots.

1503
01:18:43,200 --> 01:18:46,280
Speaker 4: It's like, yeah, it's hundred.

1504
01:18:46,360 --> 01:18:46,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, that thing.

1505
01:18:47,000 --> 01:18:49,439
Speaker 3: It's like I barely had anything to drink, and it's

1506
01:18:49,560 --> 01:18:51,040
Speaker 3: like you're just soaked and out.

1507
01:18:51,120 --> 01:18:52,320
Speaker 4: You're going, you pissed yourself.

1508
01:18:52,439 --> 01:18:56,320
Speaker 2: You're pissing yourself while you're arguing. But at least, guy,

1509
01:18:56,880 --> 01:18:58,720
Speaker 2: at least I got to have my saying court. And

1510
01:18:58,800 --> 01:19:00,439
Speaker 2: they ultimately didn't send me to jail.

1511
01:19:00,439 --> 01:19:02,800
Speaker 3: Miss Cook said, I'm very glad the court passed an

1512
01:19:02,920 --> 01:19:05,240
Speaker 3: order to keep her away from Nelson. So here's when

1513
01:19:05,280 --> 01:19:10,559
Speaker 3: it gets interesting, folks. So he's a Thoroughbred horses, very well,

1514
01:19:10,720 --> 01:19:13,640
Speaker 3: well looked after. He's exercise and my son and I

1515
01:19:13,760 --> 01:19:16,080
Speaker 3: love him very much as Miss Cook. A year's gone

1516
01:19:16,120 --> 01:19:18,920
Speaker 3: by and she's not feeding him anymore. But in his

1517
01:19:19,120 --> 01:19:24,920
Speaker 3: racing days, Nelson was named You're doing well. That was

1518
01:19:24,960 --> 01:19:25,639
Speaker 3: the horse's name.

1519
01:19:25,680 --> 01:19:26,439
Speaker 1: You're doing well.

1520
01:19:27,280 --> 01:19:29,280
Speaker 4: But that's mean to name a horse that.

1521
01:19:29,680 --> 01:19:35,280
Speaker 3: Yes, especially thank you because he ran three races and

1522
01:19:35,360 --> 01:19:37,040
Speaker 3: got last place in the first time.

1523
01:19:39,280 --> 01:19:39,880
Speaker 2: You're doing well.

1524
01:19:39,920 --> 01:19:44,680
Speaker 3: Coming out that he's not doing well, trainer agreed he

1525
01:19:44,880 --> 01:19:46,599
Speaker 3: was not doing well and put him out to pasture.

1526
01:19:46,640 --> 01:19:49,240
Speaker 3: He got snapped up by Miss Cook. So this is

1527
01:19:49,400 --> 01:19:52,840
Speaker 3: not the first time Miss Porter has been arrested. Oh

1528
01:19:55,080 --> 01:19:59,840
Speaker 3: oh yeah, in March two thousand and five, heard of it.

1529
01:20:00,120 --> 01:20:03,720
Speaker 3: Mm hmm, yeah, that date checks out.

1530
01:20:04,160 --> 01:20:04,320
Speaker 9: Huh.

1531
01:20:04,479 --> 01:20:06,479
Speaker 2: I remember I was do you.

1532
01:20:10,200 --> 01:20:14,200
Speaker 3: March two thousand and five North Hallerton Magistrates her Miss

1533
01:20:14,360 --> 01:20:18,680
Speaker 3: Porter had lost her temper at her strange brother William.

1534
01:20:20,680 --> 01:20:23,439
Speaker 1: When he wouldn't eat the carrots she was feeding him.

1535
01:20:27,200 --> 01:20:28,400
Speaker 1: Somehow dumber Kurt.

1536
01:20:29,920 --> 01:20:32,560
Speaker 3: When he laughed at her while driving past her in

1537
01:20:32,680 --> 01:20:39,960
Speaker 3: his range rover, she flung three sticks of rhubarb from

1538
01:20:40,000 --> 01:20:41,120
Speaker 3: her cottage window.

1539
01:20:41,680 --> 01:20:42,439
Speaker 1: She just has.

1540
01:20:42,439 --> 01:20:44,560
Speaker 4: Rhubarb, but they're ready to flee.

1541
01:20:44,720 --> 01:20:46,320
Speaker 1: Apparently, miss Porter does.

1542
01:20:47,040 --> 01:20:50,040
Speaker 4: Who knew they were sticks of rhubarb?

1543
01:20:51,000 --> 01:20:52,360
Speaker 1: Never seen one in my life?

1544
01:20:52,400 --> 01:20:53,479
Speaker 4: What is a rubarb?

1545
01:20:53,880 --> 01:20:57,680
Speaker 1: I don't know. Looks like a reddish greenish like celery, right,

1546
01:20:58,040 --> 01:21:00,240
Speaker 1: and you can break it off from the bottom. You

1547
01:21:00,400 --> 01:21:05,080
Speaker 1: guys are agreeing, like your life depends on it is like, yes,

1548
01:21:05,240 --> 01:21:06,000
Speaker 1: that's rootbarb.

1549
01:21:06,600 --> 01:21:09,160
Speaker 4: You know rubarb too? Did you throw it?

1550
01:21:10,520 --> 01:21:12,320
Speaker 2: It's like can you believe they put a whole foods

1551
01:21:12,320 --> 01:21:12,879
Speaker 2: in guanas?

1552
01:21:12,920 --> 01:21:17,240
Speaker 3: It's like, yes, we wanted room twenty four hours a

1553
01:21:17,400 --> 01:21:25,240
Speaker 3: day and gus soda. She lost her temper at her

1554
01:21:25,400 --> 01:21:30,120
Speaker 3: a strange brother William, when he rolled down his window

1555
01:21:30,200 --> 01:21:33,439
Speaker 3: and laughed at her driving past and his rain drove.

1556
01:21:34,320 --> 01:21:37,360
Speaker 3: She flung three sticks of rubar from her cottage window,

1557
01:21:37,720 --> 01:21:40,800
Speaker 3: hitting him in the right eye and bruising then.

1558
01:21:42,520 --> 01:21:45,000
Speaker 9: I also think it's important to point out that they

1559
01:21:45,160 --> 01:21:48,320
Speaker 9: had to both be interviewed and say, yeah, we're a stranger.

1560
01:21:48,040 --> 01:21:49,719
Speaker 2: Yeah we know. I hate her guns.

1561
01:21:50,520 --> 01:21:56,400
Speaker 1: I think Timbletown doesn't really fact check UKs not fact

1562
01:21:56,479 --> 01:21:58,640
Speaker 1: check it out. There also the fact that that's an

1563
01:21:58,680 --> 01:22:02,679
Speaker 1: amazing arm he was driving by. Have you ever tried

1564
01:22:02,720 --> 01:22:06,720
Speaker 1: to throw a stick of celery? Yeah, picture that she

1565
01:22:06,880 --> 01:22:10,000
Speaker 1: got it in the car, that hit him hard enough

1566
01:22:10,080 --> 01:22:10,920
Speaker 1: to bruise him.

1567
01:22:12,040 --> 01:22:14,160
Speaker 4: Ask you, have you ever tried to throw a stick

1568
01:22:14,200 --> 01:22:14,679
Speaker 4: of celery?

1569
01:22:14,840 --> 01:22:18,000
Speaker 1: You come by the Bekuey at four pm tomorrow. You

1570
01:22:18,200 --> 01:22:24,360
Speaker 1: find out. You find out, Hannah, You'll learn.

1571
01:22:24,479 --> 01:22:25,080
Speaker 4: He'll be there.

1572
01:22:25,280 --> 01:22:28,960
Speaker 2: You'll learn, You'll learn, You'll learn.

1573
01:22:29,880 --> 01:22:33,400
Speaker 3: She was convicted of assaulting her brother with three sticks

1574
01:22:33,400 --> 01:22:33,920
Speaker 3: of ruebar.

1575
01:22:35,240 --> 01:22:39,519
Speaker 2: That does check out. Makes Thanksgiving in England a little weird.

1576
01:22:41,200 --> 01:22:44,000
Speaker 1: The court ordered it do forty hours. That was good.

1577
01:22:44,080 --> 01:22:46,360
Speaker 2: That was good. It took all of us a little while.

1578
01:22:47,200 --> 01:22:48,120
Speaker 2: That was very good.

1579
01:22:48,200 --> 01:22:49,519
Speaker 1: He's a writer, he's a writer.

1580
01:22:51,760 --> 01:22:54,280
Speaker 3: She got a So this is for feeding Nelson the

1581
01:22:54,360 --> 01:22:57,200
Speaker 3: horse who you're doing well, the loser ass horse? Uh?

1582
01:22:57,560 --> 01:23:01,679
Speaker 3: Super healthy, okay, super healthy, very healthy. She got forty

1583
01:23:01,680 --> 01:23:05,160
Speaker 3: hours of community service and she's part from entering the property.

1584
01:23:05,720 --> 01:23:09,679
Speaker 3: She can't Uh, she can't go on to miss Cook's property.

1585
01:23:09,800 --> 01:23:12,200
Speaker 3: She can't interact with the horse, and she can't talk

1586
01:23:12,280 --> 01:23:12,920
Speaker 3: to Miss Cook.

1587
01:23:13,200 --> 01:23:14,400
Speaker 4: And she's across the street.

1588
01:23:14,560 --> 01:23:16,920
Speaker 2: They lived directly across the tree from the car.

1589
01:23:19,160 --> 01:23:21,280
Speaker 1: Oh, I love that story so much.

1590
01:23:22,040 --> 01:23:24,720
Speaker 3: Shit, who's got a bad neighbor? Anybody's neighbors suck, but

1591
01:23:26,760 --> 01:23:29,400
Speaker 3: it happens. People are crazy as shit. It's insane. The

1592
01:23:29,479 --> 01:23:30,759
Speaker 3: Internet just ruined everything.

1593
01:23:31,160 --> 01:23:36,000
Speaker 4: Oh hell yeah, my neighbor I have, I have asthma,

1594
01:23:36,400 --> 01:23:37,519
Speaker 4: the humble brag.

1595
01:23:38,400 --> 01:23:40,680
Speaker 1: Give her a booster, give her a poster right now.

1596
01:23:40,920 --> 01:23:45,280
Speaker 4: And both neighbors on either side of me smoke cigarettes.

1597
01:23:45,360 --> 01:23:50,479
Speaker 9: That sucks, yeah, and so inside that's a special kind

1598
01:23:50,479 --> 01:23:53,880
Speaker 9: of and I was like Casino Royale all the time.

1599
01:23:55,320 --> 01:23:57,920
Speaker 4: And so I decided to knock on their doors and

1600
01:23:58,040 --> 01:23:59,800
Speaker 4: let them know that it was bothering me.

1601
01:24:00,000 --> 01:24:00,920
Speaker 2: You're a nice young woman.

1602
01:24:01,400 --> 01:24:03,880
Speaker 9: So and because I'm really assertive, I was like, hey,

1603
01:24:04,160 --> 01:24:08,880
Speaker 9: I'm so sorry. I'm a fucking idiot. If you if

1604
01:24:08,920 --> 01:24:11,120
Speaker 9: you wouldn't mind, I'm not smoking cigarette.

1605
01:24:11,160 --> 01:24:11,920
Speaker 4: That would be awesome.

1606
01:24:12,080 --> 01:24:14,360
Speaker 9: And then one person was like yeah, sure, and then

1607
01:24:14,439 --> 01:24:17,720
Speaker 9: another person said yes, but then confronted my fiance and

1608
01:24:17,880 --> 01:24:18,839
Speaker 9: was like, we're gonna.

1609
01:24:18,640 --> 01:24:19,880
Speaker 1: Have beef, and.

1610
01:24:21,439 --> 01:24:23,519
Speaker 4: Fiance was like, no, we're not gonna have beef.

1611
01:24:23,600 --> 01:24:25,760
Speaker 9: My fiance just says Asthma and so if you could

1612
01:24:25,800 --> 01:24:28,920
Speaker 9: not smoke in the apartment, and so he goes, well,

1613
01:24:30,000 --> 01:24:33,800
Speaker 9: I smoke in the apartment, but my fiance has asthma too.

1614
01:24:34,360 --> 01:24:35,479
Speaker 4: But I opened the window.

1615
01:24:35,800 --> 01:24:37,759
Speaker 2: Oh what a gentle person.

1616
01:24:39,080 --> 01:24:40,640
Speaker 4: That's a bad relationship.

1617
01:24:40,960 --> 01:24:42,800
Speaker 2: This is not gonna end well at all.

1618
01:24:43,200 --> 01:24:45,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, but so far, no smoke.

1619
01:24:46,439 --> 01:24:46,679
Speaker 1: Good.

1620
01:24:47,040 --> 01:24:50,600
Speaker 2: You're gonna let you gotta say something. I'll do a

1621
01:24:50,680 --> 01:24:52,400
Speaker 2: quick do a quick park slope story.

1622
01:24:52,400 --> 01:24:54,320
Speaker 1: How about that great? And then we'll wrap it up.

1623
01:24:56,120 --> 01:25:02,360
Speaker 2: Oh, it's fine. So I used to work at two

1624
01:25:02,400 --> 01:25:03,799
Speaker 2: Boots on seventh and second.

1625
01:25:05,320 --> 01:25:06,960
Speaker 3: I know there's a sound fifth now, but it was

1626
01:25:07,000 --> 01:25:09,080
Speaker 3: the restaurant one for anybody was in this neighborhood for

1627
01:25:09,080 --> 01:25:09,479
Speaker 3: a long time.

1628
01:25:09,600 --> 01:25:12,000
Speaker 2: Was there for nineteen years. It was wonderful. Indian Piper

1629
01:25:12,040 --> 01:25:12,320
Speaker 2: owned it.

1630
01:25:12,600 --> 01:25:14,160
Speaker 3: It was the place where if you had kids, they

1631
01:25:14,160 --> 01:25:16,000
Speaker 3: would givehim pizza dough and they would play with pizza

1632
01:25:16,040 --> 01:25:16,599
Speaker 3: do in the window.

1633
01:25:16,600 --> 01:25:18,679
Speaker 1: It was a beautiful poem that would be amazing.

1634
01:25:18,800 --> 01:25:19,680
Speaker 2: It was incredible.

1635
01:25:19,800 --> 01:25:22,320
Speaker 1: And the guy that made pizza was named Pooci. His

1636
01:25:22,400 --> 01:25:23,280
Speaker 1: nickname was Pooci.

1637
01:25:23,600 --> 01:25:25,479
Speaker 4: Sounds like a private partner.

1638
01:25:25,720 --> 01:25:31,360
Speaker 2: He was like yeah, hung hung, like Nelson the race horse.

1639
01:25:32,479 --> 01:25:34,120
Speaker 1: Now, Puchi was the best way people walk in, I

1640
01:25:34,120 --> 01:25:36,360
Speaker 1: would like, I would like one Poochy pizza pie please,

1641
01:25:37,240 --> 01:25:38,559
Speaker 1: And he was he was.

1642
01:25:38,600 --> 01:25:40,280
Speaker 3: Not a tall man, so it's like he would be

1643
01:25:40,320 --> 01:25:41,880
Speaker 3: down here doing this and it was wonderful and he

1644
01:25:41,960 --> 01:25:44,000
Speaker 3: was the greatest and every delivery. So if anybody ever

1645
01:25:44,080 --> 01:25:46,479
Speaker 3: got two Boots delivered from there, Poocha would make like

1646
01:25:46,520 --> 01:25:48,600
Speaker 3: two hundred to three hundred pizzas a night. That's a

1647
01:25:48,760 --> 01:25:52,759
Speaker 3: crazy number. I love Pooci. So I was a waiter,

1648
01:25:52,880 --> 01:25:53,559
Speaker 3: but I was also.

1649
01:25:53,400 --> 01:25:54,080
Speaker 2: A food runner.

1650
01:25:54,120 --> 01:25:56,839
Speaker 3: And usually the food runners for anybody in the service industry,

1651
01:25:56,880 --> 01:25:58,439
Speaker 3: which in New York, I'm sure it's a lot of

1652
01:25:58,520 --> 01:26:01,439
Speaker 3: y'all food runners usually that are pretty good waiters because

1653
01:26:01,479 --> 01:26:02,840
Speaker 3: you have to expectite, you have to look at all

1654
01:26:02,840 --> 01:26:04,280
Speaker 3: the tickets and you have to be like, holy shit,

1655
01:26:04,320 --> 01:26:06,280
Speaker 3: I got to get these four plates outs. So I

1656
01:26:06,560 --> 01:26:08,479
Speaker 3: ended up being a good server and a good food

1657
01:26:08,520 --> 01:26:11,200
Speaker 3: runner in two years at two Boots. It was my

1658
01:26:11,360 --> 01:26:13,519
Speaker 3: last job before I got my first TV running job.

1659
01:26:14,120 --> 01:26:19,439
Speaker 3: I made Pooci laugh two times. Nice man just hated

1660
01:26:19,479 --> 01:26:19,840
Speaker 3: my guts.

1661
01:26:20,040 --> 01:26:22,840
Speaker 4: Yeah sounds like it, No, he did. He was a

1662
01:26:22,920 --> 01:26:23,280
Speaker 4: nice guy.

1663
01:26:23,479 --> 01:26:27,080
Speaker 3: So the first time is not that funny. But I'll

1664
01:26:27,120 --> 01:26:29,000
Speaker 3: just tell you because we need context in this world.

1665
01:26:29,040 --> 01:26:31,000
Speaker 3: So we had live music all the time, usually jazz

1666
01:26:31,040 --> 01:26:33,439
Speaker 3: bands or blues bands. And one night they were singing

1667
01:26:33,520 --> 01:26:36,640
Speaker 3: Sweet Caroline, which is the new national anthem because the

1668
01:26:36,680 --> 01:26:40,599
Speaker 3: world is hell and we're dying, and so some band

1669
01:26:40,680 --> 01:26:43,120
Speaker 3: is singing Sweet Carol, and as I'm coming back to

1670
01:26:43,200 --> 01:26:47,839
Speaker 3: get food, I just sang nice fugine and he laughed.

1671
01:26:50,520 --> 01:26:54,519
Speaker 3: He laughed as if I reached into his body, grabbed

1672
01:26:54,600 --> 01:26:59,840
Speaker 3: his spine and was like, gotcha, motherfucker, like tears, like

1673
01:27:00,240 --> 01:27:02,639
Speaker 3: she's on the floor, saus on the window.

1674
01:27:05,680 --> 01:27:10,280
Speaker 2: I felt pretty good. That's year one, seven months go by.

1675
01:27:10,360 --> 01:27:13,080
Speaker 1: It also doesn't it doesn't match the syllables, like you

1676
01:27:13,200 --> 01:27:15,439
Speaker 1: really had to like go into it. I had like

1677
01:27:15,600 --> 01:27:16,519
Speaker 1: draw one out.

1678
01:27:17,600 --> 01:27:21,120
Speaker 3: It was the lowest point in my life, and Pooci

1679
01:27:21,240 --> 01:27:24,080
Speaker 3: made me feel like the number one guy on the planet.

1680
01:27:24,920 --> 01:27:27,240
Speaker 3: So like seven eight months go by, I'm running food

1681
01:27:27,680 --> 01:27:29,519
Speaker 3: and there was a bust woman named Laura.

1682
01:27:29,640 --> 01:27:31,400
Speaker 1: She's a very nice woman and she like she had

1683
01:27:31,400 --> 01:27:35,200
Speaker 1: a little crush and oh yeah, it was huge brag.

1684
01:27:35,360 --> 01:27:36,479
Speaker 1: She liked the sweaty guy that.

1685
01:27:36,560 --> 01:27:39,960
Speaker 2: Was slinging pizzas. And he goes, what is she like you?

1686
01:27:40,080 --> 01:27:43,280
Speaker 1: What does she like you? I don't know, Pooch. She goes,

1687
01:27:43,280 --> 01:27:43,840
Speaker 1: why do you like you?

1688
01:27:44,080 --> 01:27:44,720
Speaker 2: I go, I don't know.

1689
01:27:44,920 --> 01:27:46,720
Speaker 12: She's like, he says, do you have a big dick?

1690
01:27:48,120 --> 01:27:51,439
Speaker 12: And I go, Poochie cuts to the chain. Yeah, Poochie

1691
01:27:51,479 --> 01:27:55,040
Speaker 12: always no time I go. It's like a baby carrot.

1692
01:27:57,240 --> 01:28:05,559
Speaker 12: He laughed in a way toddlers laugh on the floor,

1693
01:28:06,760 --> 01:28:12,439
Speaker 12: like like literally scream crying, laughing. For the next four

1694
01:28:12,520 --> 01:28:13,759
Speaker 12: months before I got my first.

1695
01:28:13,600 --> 01:28:15,840
Speaker 2: TV job, He's like, hello, BabyCare red.

1696
01:28:18,320 --> 01:28:21,040
Speaker 3: So I get a TV job, and then three years

1697
01:28:21,120 --> 01:28:22,920
Speaker 3: goes by, and I moved to Los Angeles. We all

1698
01:28:22,960 --> 01:28:27,320
Speaker 3: moved to LA and Mexico is playing USA and Soccer

1699
01:28:27,880 --> 01:28:30,880
Speaker 3: World Cup qualifying and the phone it's a six four six?

1700
01:28:30,960 --> 01:28:31,920
Speaker 2: What is what is New York?

1701
01:28:33,120 --> 01:28:33,680
Speaker 4: Two and two?

1702
01:28:33,880 --> 01:28:34,400
Speaker 2: Two and two?

1703
01:28:34,560 --> 01:28:36,200
Speaker 3: I get a New York number and I answer everything

1704
01:28:36,240 --> 01:28:37,240
Speaker 3: because I'm a psychopath.

1705
01:28:37,280 --> 01:28:39,360
Speaker 2: I had the banana phone. You guys know this, and

1706
01:28:39,479 --> 01:28:39,920
Speaker 2: I go Hello.

1707
01:28:39,960 --> 01:28:44,639
Speaker 1: I goes, hello, baby cares Wow.

1708
01:28:45,640 --> 01:28:47,840
Speaker 3: We bet twenty bucks and they won, so I had

1709
01:28:47,880 --> 01:28:49,240
Speaker 3: to send Pooci twenty bucks.

1710
01:28:49,360 --> 01:28:49,559
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1711
01:28:49,640 --> 01:28:51,080
Speaker 2: To this day, if you ever call me a baby

1712
01:28:51,120 --> 01:28:52,120
Speaker 2: carrot on the street.

1713
01:28:51,880 --> 01:28:57,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, I love you. Oh, ladies, have a baby car.

1714
01:28:59,040 --> 01:28:59,519
Speaker 2: Head up.

1715
01:28:59,640 --> 01:29:03,800
Speaker 1: He pocus that has been bananas.

1716
01:29:06,479 --> 01:29:10,360
Speaker 3: Let's get him to yelp there, yeah, yeah, alright, ready

1717
01:29:10,520 --> 01:29:12,960
Speaker 3: on three two on this yell bananas like it's gonna

1718
01:29:13,000 --> 01:29:16,240
Speaker 3: end the episode. Prove Brooklyn's the best. Ready, Curdie B

1719
01:29:17,000 --> 01:29:23,920
Speaker 3: three two? What crazy good?

1720
01:29:24,640 --> 01:29:25,599
Speaker 4: You're not guys.

1721
01:29:30,240 --> 01:29:32,880
Speaker 2: This has been an exactly right production.

1722
01:29:32,720 --> 01:29:36,200
Speaker 1: Produced and engineered by Katie Levine, theme music by Kahan,

1723
01:29:36,439 --> 01:29:38,759
Speaker 1: and all of our artwork is done by Travis Millard.

1724
01:29:39,000 --> 01:29:41,679
Speaker 3: You can follow us on Instagram at the Bananas Podcast,

1725
01:29:41,760 --> 01:29:43,880
Speaker 3: where we post stories every day and things that we

1726
01:29:43,960 --> 01:29:45,360
Speaker 3: don't cover on the podcast.

1727
01:29:45,800 --> 01:29:49,000
Speaker 1: Listen, subscribe, and please leave us a review on Apple podcast,

1728
01:29:49,080 --> 01:29:50,959
Speaker 1: Stitcher or wherever you get your podcast.

1729
01:29:51,320 --> 01:29:54,360
Speaker 3: And if you're interested in advertising on Bananas, please email

1730
01:29:54,479 --> 01:29:57,360
Speaker 3: us at the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com. That's

1731
01:29:57,520 --> 01:29:59,920
Speaker 3: the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot co.

1732
01:30:00,040 --> 01:30:10,519
Speaker 1: Prop the Ragertal Traveling put theirs and he put the