Speaker 1: Well, loocome back to another episode weird a Balcomy, this
Speaker 1: time your host Kevin. Yes, that's Kevin Pomp. What's up?
Speaker 1: He's saying, Um, sure, I mean just the two that's
Speaker 1: the hotel. I mean so you think that's a bit,
Speaker 1: but I digress. Let's meaning a showing no particular order.
Speaker 1: Let's quickly check in with the Craig Atkowski for his
Speaker 1: lawn darts lawsuits report. Cow oh man, I've got several
Speaker 1: lawsuits pending. Um, I've got one in Arizona. Uh but
Speaker 1: because they don't do daylight saving time you Uh, it's
Speaker 1: I missed. I missed my court date that Um. I still,
Speaker 1: as as everyone who who's a Patreon subscriber can see,
Speaker 1: I still have the dart lodged in my head. The
Speaker 1: doctors have advised me not to take it out. It's
Speaker 1: safer to leave it in bleeding in. I'm kind of
Speaker 1: tied up in red tape right now. And words no
Speaker 1: always words, words don't always work, okay, but what want
Speaker 1: to win? Pro just want to whimpro. That's why we
Speaker 1: keep you here because of those words. Hey, there's Jackie
Speaker 1: gonzelas get Ruth Fae. I might have added an extra
Speaker 1: syllable there. Sorry, oh j When is your favorite minutes
Speaker 1: of the day or night? Foo? Baby? If I could
Speaker 1: sneak in a nap, that would be my favorite. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, other than that, I love I love a
Speaker 1: four thirties zone. I love right before dinner, but also
Speaker 1: like your day of work is over. Ah yeah, I
Speaker 1: guess about four four thirty to five fift. Thank you
Speaker 1: for being specific. I appreciate it. Look got it's James
Speaker 1: Zeny Jensen Jamison Hinky explained daylight saving to me please,
Speaker 1: not knowing Craig was going to say that that was
Speaker 1: in It's it's insane that we still have this archaic
Speaker 1: I mean, if we're going to get into time, I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna go back into saying that there should be
Speaker 1: a U t C, a universal and there is. It's
Speaker 1: just that we don't want to follow it. And if
Speaker 1: we just started following the UTC, then we wouldn't have
Speaker 1: to worry about time zones. We wouldn't have to worry
Speaker 1: about daylight saving times. Uh, It's it's ridiculous. It was
Speaker 1: for farmers, and even then they didn't need it. It's
Speaker 1: just a concept of mind. Just wake up when you
Speaker 1: have to wake up. Thank you for that, James. I
Speaker 1: knew you were passionate about it. And now please back
Speaker 1: a tool saying big a, what was your best fishing experience.
Speaker 1: There's there's not too many, Kevin m but we went
Speaker 1: to a in Texas, went to a private, private pond
Speaker 1: or lake, so we didn't need I guess, some kind
Speaker 1: of perm it's or anything. And they had for you,
Speaker 1: and they had fishing goals and we just did it
Speaker 1: and it rained and it was slightly disgusting, but I
Speaker 1: do appreciate my parents getting us out there. Um and
Speaker 1: then yeah, that's that's it. That's the only time I
Speaker 1: can remember, Oh, in Texarkana. I did it in Texarcana.
Speaker 1: Bunch too, a bunch, So that's an after thought. I
Speaker 1: just realized, I remember the thing. We have family friends
Speaker 1: in Testana. It wasn't just one time in Texarkana that
Speaker 1: you're suddenly remembering for the court. It's rather many times,
Speaker 1: your honor, These these things are coming back to me
Speaker 1: I in court now, yes, and lots bad, that's but
Speaker 1: never ending. TUTSI role for you if you think at
Speaker 1: least it's Mark Gagliardi doctor feels better. How are you
Speaker 1: with the sign of blood, the actively bleeding type uhtively,
Speaker 1: I'm okay with it if it's uh in one continuous flow.
Speaker 1: But if it's pulsing and I can see that it's
Speaker 1: pulsing a team like the arking, if it's art kicking,
Speaker 1: if it's arcing, I'm not good with it. Or if
Speaker 1: it's just straight like shooting like a fire hose, I'm
Speaker 1: not good with that either. Have you seen that in
Speaker 1: real life more times than you can imagine, Jackie, more
Speaker 1: times than you can imagine. And now let's do a show.
Speaker 1: All of our scene suggestions are gathered from your listener emails,
Speaker 1: and thank you so very much for them. Also, we
Speaker 1: get suggestions from Patreon supporters. I'm sure you've heard us say, Uh.
Speaker 1: There's inclusive exclusive content um like standalone bonus scenes that
Speaker 1: we record just for the patron supporters. There's video of
Speaker 1: these here zoom recording sessions and at the highest level
Speaker 1: uh for Alcamaniac. You'll have a choice, a chance and
Speaker 1: a choice to join us for one of these recording sessions.
Speaker 1: In fact, one of our alchemy X long time alcamy
Speaker 1: x supporter Catherine is with us in the zoom and
Speaker 1: has been since before we started, and I I think
Speaker 1: I can speak for the group. It seemed as though
Speaker 1: she were was enjoying herself um, hanging out with us
Speaker 1: a little bit and a damn fine kitchen, and we
Speaker 1: thank her in all these supporters. If you want to
Speaker 1: become a Patron supporter, head on over to patron dot
Speaker 1: com slash alchemy this um. Otherwise, please send your scene
Speaker 1: suggestions via the old timey email at alchemy this email
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. That's alchemy com. Seen one comes
Speaker 1: from Patron v I p Ernest, who wrote the best
Speaker 1: podcast in the history of podcast dumb. I just found
Speaker 1: out about the podcast a few weeks ago. Huh so
Speaker 1: not a lot of sampling before this declaration. You don't
Speaker 1: know how some people been. Do you know what if
Speaker 1: you listen to the entire thing in two weeks, I
Speaker 1: played it NonStop. Well from the first episode, well, uh,
Speaker 1: Joey in his background grunts and screaming just kills me.
Speaker 1: My favorite is probably Horny Stokes Stork. I just got
Speaker 1: these teeth and they're just not working out. My favorite
Speaker 1: is probably Horny Stork and then all caps fucked me.
Speaker 1: Scene suggestion. Family members scene suggestion family members keep bringing
Speaker 1: small items to the sink that need washing, even though
Speaker 1: the house keeper Robot thinks it's done doing the dishes.
Speaker 1: Signed earnest, Honey, you finished with that, You finished with them,
Speaker 1: then let me just get you don't have to be
Speaker 1: done when I ask you. The doctor told me you
Speaker 1: use a smaller spoon than you're taking in less food
Speaker 1: at a time, and you get full and realize you're
Speaker 1: full in real time. But does it have anything to do, honey,
Speaker 1: with the fact that your doctor is one of them
Speaker 1: little people who might themselves use the tennis. He didn't
Speaker 1: mention that. It was more about my own uh, my
Speaker 1: own over over zealous eating leading to my gird. Uh,
Speaker 1: it was about me. I didn't take into account. Honestly,
Speaker 1: when I go to the doctor, I'm never thinking about
Speaker 1: them and what they're up to. That's a long stand
Speaker 1: and family tradition. So are you done with your plate now,
Speaker 1: because I'm gonna take it over to thank you so much,
Speaker 1: Thank you, great beings. Oh, thank you, Don Gilmore. Here's
Speaker 1: a couple more plates for you. Thank you. Uh, how's
Speaker 1: everything going over here with the cleaning of the plates? Gilmore?
Speaker 1: Is everything okay? Can we get your fresh sponge or
Speaker 1: something not necessary? It is finished. Okay. You know we
Speaker 1: programmed you to talk like a human. So as much
Speaker 1: as we all appreciate the aesthetic of you putting on
Speaker 1: your programming was fantastic. But I do not have vocal cords, right,
Speaker 1: It's more about tone and texture. But if you're putting
Speaker 1: on that robot voice for our benefit, I'll thank you
Speaker 1: for that. That is, that's helpful. Did you have any
Speaker 1: uh so you have no needs for fresh sponges or anything?
Speaker 1: Is that right? Gilmore? If you notice these hands have
Speaker 1: sponges inside of them, I did not notice that. So
Speaker 1: look at that, a little spongey fingers. Damn, that's on
Speaker 1: and I am finished with dishes. Too many shocklasses for you?
Speaker 1: This is too many for you in one party. I
Speaker 1: do not take shock glasses to take two parties. I
Speaker 1: got you them as souvenirs to show you where I've
Speaker 1: traveled while I was coming up and you want home?
Speaker 1: It just where? Just really, where do you resent? I
Speaker 1: feel a lot of resentment from you, Jimmy. No, I
Speaker 1: don't resent nothing. I don't resent anything that you went
Speaker 1: traveling all over the world mothers to my life, does
Speaker 1: not stop when yours begins. Gilmore, There eighteen shot glasses here.
Speaker 1: I just counted them and they are almost finished. Well, damn, Gilmore.
Speaker 1: How's everything going at the McLaren house next door? I'm
Speaker 1: I'm Masal, I'm their robot. Oh. I didn't realize that
Speaker 1: they were so sophisticated here. Well, every house on this
Speaker 1: block is fairly sophisticated. If having a robot to clean
Speaker 1: up means you'rephisticated, it's fairly standard at this point. Do
Speaker 1: you mind if I ask you a personal question? Sure? Shoot? Absolutely.
Speaker 1: She told me that they programmed me to speak like
Speaker 1: a human, but I cannot seem to make that occur. No, No,
Speaker 1: you're using that distinct old school fifties sci fi robot voice. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's their programming, or is it me? Well,
Speaker 1: I mean, if they want you to speak like a human,
Speaker 1: then then that's probably unless they just, you know, made
Speaker 1: a mistake with the programming. But would you mind checking sure? Sure,
Speaker 1: I'm interfacing with you now, I'm interfacing and try to
Speaker 1: repeat this phrase, uh that I say in the exact
Speaker 1: tone and style that I'm doing. Yes, okay, okay. He
Speaker 1: thrust his fists against the post. He thrust his fist
Speaker 1: against that. Okay, still the robot voice, Yeah yeah, oh no,
Speaker 1: is this permanent? How do you sound to yourself? How
Speaker 1: do you sound to yourself? Because I know anyway I've understounded.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's just the echo coming from my own head.
Speaker 1: And still insists he sees a ghost, and still insists
Speaker 1: he sees classic robot. Yeah, thank you for calling Gilmore
Speaker 1: Technical Service. How can I help you? Yeah? My robot
Speaker 1: is uh funny sounding, and he just won't use the
Speaker 1: uh option that we instilled. I thought where he could
Speaker 1: speak like a human sounding Okay, that just might be
Speaker 1: a system upgrade issue. First of all, what a lovely accent?
Speaker 1: Where are you calling us from? Love? But oh yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: down there in the Panhandle on the uh plateau, Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: the cup rock as they call it. You know a
Speaker 1: lot about this neck of the woods. Well, I'm a hiker.
Speaker 1: I like to hike. Uh, I've hike anywhere I can.
Speaker 1: But you don't want to see my shoes, That's what
Speaker 1: I'm telling you. But I don't. I don't back to
Speaker 1: the Gilmore. You looks like pull in your account up here.
Speaker 1: I just need your security word and I'll be able
Speaker 1: to Homer. Homer, yep, uh, yep, Odyssey, it is Homer
Speaker 1: great stuff. Okay, Actually I'm a Simpson's fan. Oh okay,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah, that's great. Um so looking at
Speaker 1: your account here, looks like he's the dumbass father of
Speaker 1: the family. Okay, Homer, Yeah, all right, that's great. Great.
Speaker 1: I don't know why it sprung to my head when
Speaker 1: I was it was time to input. We we let
Speaker 1: all our customers pick their own codes. You just hear
Speaker 1: some of the silly ones I've heard. Oh yeah, did
Speaker 1: I hear of you? Oh yeah, ste uh Plato, Aristotle,
Speaker 1: coffee House, Starbucks, star Chair, star Ducks, fead. You can't
Speaker 1: stop anybody from using curse words. Billy Bob Thornton was
Speaker 1: another one. Roses separate Daisy's. You're saying Tharnton was separate? Yeah,
Speaker 1: those um a garbage fun Gilmore, somebody use that on us?
Speaker 1: Which Gilmore? I heard? You got the upgrade? Yeah, it
Speaker 1: all worked out real good. Now I don't sound like
Speaker 1: a robit. Well you're you've still got that that robot
Speaker 1: delivery just with a Southern twang. No, that can't be true.
Speaker 1: You do it. It's got that it's that typical again,
Speaker 1: that typical robotics toccato delivery. Notice how legato I sound
Speaker 1: despite the fact and I too, and robots, y'all don't
Speaker 1: have the same kinds of problems I have here. I
Speaker 1: don't think I have that same vocal box you do. Anyway,
Speaker 1: has the dishwashing going Hey? Are we having a robot meeting?
Speaker 1: Is this a block robot meeting going on? Hey? What's up? Sherman? Hey?
Speaker 1: Nothing much? Yeah, just washing some cars, you know what
Speaker 1: I do. What do y'all think of my new voice?
Speaker 1: It sounds pretty sweet and smooth. That still pretty robotic, Amy,
Speaker 1: We really appreciate your work with ge with the robot lines.
Speaker 1: We're gonna we're gonna roll out three new kinds of robots,
Speaker 1: and we do need new names. You've burned Gilmore, You've
Speaker 1: burned maisl You've burned Sherman. We haven't used palad Palladino.
Speaker 1: I think we haven't used your first name. But we
Speaker 1: do need we need five more names, five more names. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I I mean I specifically hired into this company
Speaker 1: and I was told that my my job would be
Speaker 1: to provide three names that I applied and on the application,
Speaker 1: they asked, do you feel comfortable providing three names? And
Speaker 1: I've provided three names. I understand, we just need more names.
Speaker 1: And I just, you know, as a writer, I think
Speaker 1: you'd be pretty prolific with that, so I'd love to
Speaker 1: hear some more. I mean, I'm technically a writer, but
Speaker 1: I've never written anything past like the top line of
Speaker 1: a page, put your name, And the only names I've
Speaker 1: ever used are get More, Sermon and Measle. And I
Speaker 1: don't think I'm so sorry. I'm about to cry in
Speaker 1: your office. I feel I understand this is really overwhelming.
Speaker 1: Is this your You're saying we hired the wrong Amy
Speaker 1: Sherman Belladino. Yeah, I mean this one says that she
Speaker 1: hasn't written past her name at the top of us.
Speaker 1: This is not the Emmy Award winning writer, but coincidentally,
Speaker 1: the three Nasal Gilmore Sherman. You would think from the
Speaker 1: three names she came up with, I mean I would.
Speaker 1: I would be so satisfied if she gave us. I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess we could pick five other names from the
Speaker 1: shows themselves. It just feels derivative. M hmm, Well, I
Speaker 1: I did manage to get Michael sure. Yeah, he's gonna
Speaker 1: come in and he's gonna name three robots and uh
Speaker 1: and if it be long names, they might they might
Speaker 1: be they might be. Uh. I mean he's Harvard, He's
Speaker 1: harvd ha. Yeah, so I thought we good. Hey, Luco's
Speaker 1: here at the party, Jimmy and he brought the eighteen
Speaker 1: shots part time two party. Man. I want the Albuquerque one, dude,
Speaker 1: give me the Albuquerque ring. Get Albuquerque. That's when mom
Speaker 1: uh left. She said she was going out to to
Speaker 1: get groceries, and then she disappeared for two weeks. That's
Speaker 1: albu Querque wan. Hey, who wants the who wants that?
Speaker 1: I just got married again in Niagara Falls? One? Who
Speaker 1: wants that? You want? I just got mad again in
Speaker 1: Nagara Falls? All? Who wants? Who wants? Disappointment? Colorado? Man,
Speaker 1: I didn't even know that was a town. That was
Speaker 1: a town. Man I've given you? Are you just doing
Speaker 1: different voices and taking all these shots that has seen one?
Speaker 1: Holy cow seen one see two comes from listener Patrick,
Speaker 1: who wrote, hey you hey, yo, very strange spelling a
Speaker 1: lot of owls. First, I just want to thank you
Speaker 1: all for the laughter. Second, I'm a science teacher. Third,
Speaker 1: so definitely not a math teacher. Third, here's my scene suggestion,
Speaker 1: students actually listening to their teachers parenthetically. It's a rare occurrence.
Speaker 1: Nawah days anyway, I love you all, Patrick, Jeff, do
Speaker 1: you mind not whispering. I'm trying to listen to Mr Prockepsi. Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but don't. Don't write it in a note.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna read it because I'm listening to Mr
Speaker 1: Prockepsi right now. Foil, guys, first, outside inside last foil,
Speaker 1: Mr Peoppsi, have a question, what is the last referred to?
Speaker 1: That would be the last number there within the within
Speaker 1: the parentheses. We all know the order of operations, right
Speaker 1: something there is a mnemonic divice to remember the order
Speaker 1: of operations. Just the aunt Sally one. Yes, yes, my my, my, my,
Speaker 1: very my very elegant Aunt Sally. I think that now
Speaker 1: we're going into the planets, sir. Okay, yeah, that's right,
Speaker 1: that's right, because it should start with exponents in parentheses
Speaker 1: or something. I don't know. I haven't been really listening. Sorry,
Speaker 1: my dear, my dear aunt Sally. Yes, that's right, it's
Speaker 1: it's sorry, guys, Please excuse my dear aunt Sally exponents multiplication. Sorry,
Speaker 1: sometimes it feels like we're teaching you. Mr Pacy, Oh well,
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, you guys a little weird. You guys,
Speaker 1: what's up, Jeff? Why is it weird? It just feels
Speaker 1: like a lot of times you wait for us to
Speaker 1: give you the answer. I don't think you really know
Speaker 1: how this. Well, you guys are the elite math leats.
Speaker 1: Mr Perkeepsi, I'm beginning to think that you were put
Speaker 1: on this elite math team as our coach, uh for
Speaker 1: reasons other than you being the best at math. I mean,
Speaker 1: look at your notebook. There's not a single number written
Speaker 1: in it, a lot of drawings of hearts with our
Speaker 1: principles names in it. Well, I do love Principal Hanson.
Speaker 1: I mean platonically, of course. Just flip this Principal Hanson
Speaker 1: love you back, Uh platonical platonically? Are you okay? Mr
Speaker 1: PERKEPSI sorry, sorry, you're sweating. Listen if you want, we
Speaker 1: can't well listen. Sorry, shut your mouth while sorry saying platonically.
Speaker 1: Remind me I gotta reprogram my my robots password. Um yeah,
Speaker 1: you know I I have and a coach, you know,
Speaker 1: coach basketball for number of years and then just trying
Speaker 1: to segue into you know, working with the mathletes. Is
Speaker 1: this a punishment or is this a favor that the
Speaker 1: Principle has given you? Jeff, that's rude, dude, It's not rude.
Speaker 1: We want to know. We're listening. It's I mean, if
Speaker 1: he intended it as a punishment, it's definitely a favorite
Speaker 1: because I just learned so much from you guys. H
Speaker 1: Thanks Mr PERCAPSI thanks Mr Cassy. Tell me about Aunt
Speaker 1: Dally again. Excuse excuser Caps, thanks for coming into my office.
Speaker 1: You know, being the dean here, I've got a lot
Speaker 1: of responsibilities, one of which is to view the tapes
Speaker 1: that I'm sent on occasion some of the classrooms. Okay,
Speaker 1: don't don't, don't tell Principal Hanson whatever you do, Dean, Well,
Speaker 1: I don't need to tell Principal hands And as long
Speaker 1: as you and I can come to a positive conclusion today,
Speaker 1: I'm not sure in the hierarchy whose whose higher ranking,
Speaker 1: the Principle or the Dean. Okay, well, this brings uh
Speaker 1: us back to why I've called you in today. It
Speaker 1: seems there seems to be with a pneumonic to remember
Speaker 1: the hierarchy at a high school. Right right, um, if
Speaker 1: only there was there isn't um it. It's just been
Speaker 1: brought to my attention and possibly the principle too. How
Speaker 1: much you're students know, which is kind of remarkable, and
Speaker 1: then the not still remarkable part, how little you do? Right? Yeah? Um,
Speaker 1: I'm just going over some of your uh, previous employments
Speaker 1: from when you refer tired. You've been with a seventeen weeks?
Speaker 1: Is that right, boys, that it's flown by If that's true, Yeah,
Speaker 1: seventeen weeks, and prior to that you were at twenty
Speaker 1: seven different schools. That seems like you're throwing a lot
Speaker 1: of numbers at me, and I don't know the order
Speaker 1: of operations for these numbers. I'm more of a pure,
Speaker 1: more of a pictures guy. Uh, maybe we should take
Speaker 1: advantage of that ability of yours, the picture part, and
Speaker 1: maybe move you to a different class. Oh no, I
Speaker 1: I gotta work with these athletes. What do you mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not teaching drawing anymore. It's not that you're not
Speaker 1: teaching it, it's just that we we your powers of intelligence,
Speaker 1: quite frankly, have exceeded this particular plat. Principal handsOn signed
Speaker 1: off on this all right? You know what, because if
Speaker 1: I'm uh pulling dicks very strongly, that's the order Prince
Speaker 1: well dean vice principal secretary. And if he's not signed off,
Speaker 1: I would I would like to approach and reprieve. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: you know what. Uh, you're just giving me more examples,
Speaker 1: quite frankly, of why we think you might be ready
Speaker 1: to teach Matt. The mathletes. The mathletes, that's that's the
Speaker 1: roughest team in school. Yes, they've won sixteen national championships there.
Speaker 1: I'd like to I'd like to get a lot more
Speaker 1: of those national championships. And I just feel that the
Speaker 1: new teacher, let's call him um, has had seventeen weeks
Speaker 1: to pull something out of his ass, and I just
Speaker 1: I don't see it. Well, guys, I guess this is
Speaker 1: my last day with you, Mr Percapsie. Where are you going?
Speaker 1: I'm being demoted by sargeant, by sargeant, my sergeant, my sergeant. Okay,
Speaker 1: get off the sergeant, Get off the desk, guys. But uh, Jeff,
Speaker 1: if you're gonna do it, get on the desk. On
Speaker 1: the desk, dude, just once, we're gonna have an actual
Speaker 1: math teach saying good goodbye. But all right, I'll get
Speaker 1: on the job. I just want to say thank you
Speaker 1: so much. Um, before you started talking about your personal life,
Speaker 1: I found it really hard to pay attention and listen
Speaker 1: in class. Once we started adding that element of gossip.
Speaker 1: I found it to be a very engaging situation. Here.
Speaker 1: My brain started lighting up and turning on. And that
Speaker 1: was all you, sir, Thank you sergeant, if you want
Speaker 1: some gossip. Uh, then this was not this was not
Speaker 1: Principal Hansen's call. This was the dean's. I guess pulling
Speaker 1: dicks very strong. He doesn't carry any weight around this school.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. What the classic mnemonic to remember? I I've
Speaker 1: never heard that from your mouth, from your mouth to
Speaker 1: God's ear. If you're talking about Principal Hanson, Mr, could
Speaker 1: I could if I was given the chance. Who's who's
Speaker 1: dick is? Who's bully? Who's dick? Strongly? Uh? Not me,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you that much. I just I love him.
Speaker 1: I love him? Okay, thank you, yeah, thank you for
Speaker 1: sharing your love stories with us and your drawings, all
Speaker 1: those drawings you had in your books. Um, you made
Speaker 1: me a better athlete. Now I I also have a
Speaker 1: little surprise for you. Guys. My very elegant mother just
Speaker 1: served as nine pizzas. What what? No? My my mother,
Speaker 1: who was a society matron, baked baked nine pizzas and
Speaker 1: she just served them. Come on in, mom, Okay, here
Speaker 1: we go. Oh, these kids are really nice. Who wants
Speaker 1: gluten free? I think we made a gluten free option.
Speaker 1: There's a dairy free option. Okay, with the gluten free one.
Speaker 1: Isn't my original family. It's not normal. There's just gluten
Speaker 1: free and not gluten free. What what? What kind do
Speaker 1: you want? Jeff? I don't really um get you get
Speaker 1: a pizza? Jef? Jeff? Just Jeff, come up? Why are
Speaker 1: you still standing on your desk? I'm just I'm upset
Speaker 1: right now. Okay, I feel like we've been sabotaged. We've
Speaker 1: won sixteen championships and now we've got I'll have regular sixteen. Wow,
Speaker 1: that's one less than the number of weeks I've been here. Guys,
Speaker 1: I just did math. I just did too. Oh man,
Speaker 1: seen three comes first? Patron V I p to who
Speaker 1: rode type? How you doing? Listen? Sometimes I get a
Speaker 1: slight headache from laughing at your wonderful antics. I mean
Speaker 1: awe of how well you keep up your flow between
Speaker 1: each other while being hindered by the tech limitations of
Speaker 1: remote work. Huh. I never thought about it that way,
Speaker 1: Thank you too. Anyway, enough with the Sacharin and fuse
Speaker 1: fandom already, huh, because we were kind of enjoying it.
Speaker 1: But let's move on. Let's get to your scene suggestion.
Speaker 1: I'm sure it's great, Nobels. Such a weird turn, I'm
Speaker 1: selected this this this email. You would think I've already
Speaker 1: approved the scene suggestion and I turned on him. Uh.
Speaker 1: Here's toy Bo's scene suggestion. Nobel Prize Committee contemplates giving
Speaker 1: Peace Prize to an inventor of a tech product call
Speaker 1: I Bong before Well, I just think we should hear
Speaker 1: from everyone before we vote, That's all. And I don't
Speaker 1: think everyone has chimed in't yet? All right? Second that, yeah,
Speaker 1: we don't need a second or a third or a
Speaker 1: decision made on what I'm asking. Could everyone please pass
Speaker 1: an opinion. We're gonna go down the line one at
Speaker 1: a time, and let's let's debate the damn thing. Please.
Speaker 1: I'm not seeing any evidence that it's anything other than
Speaker 1: that a giant vape pin, right, it's it's an electronic bomb, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: we do not understand how this is going to change
Speaker 1: the world. I was just worthy of the nobile applies
Speaker 1: Pierre if I made do you do you partake in
Speaker 1: the smoking of cannabis? Of course I do. Everyone does, right,
Speaker 1: And when was the last time you use the proper bone?
Speaker 1: Probably a while ago. I don't know anybody uses bogs anymore.
Speaker 1: So there's no discreet We have Flensch. We are discreet
Speaker 1: with giveing in small but what does my use of
Speaker 1: paraphernalia to do it or not? This bongs flies Well,
Speaker 1: I think our own personal experiences what shouldn't absolutely inform
Speaker 1: our decisions? If if I may, uh, the ever since
Speaker 1: you've been the head of this committee Rufus seventeen weeks, Uh,
Speaker 1: you've been pushing a lot of marijuana paraphernalia for different categories. So,
Speaker 1: if anything, I mean it is an impressive feat of engineering.
Speaker 1: But I don't I don't know how the eyebong would
Speaker 1: qualify someone to uh for the piece. If I just
Speaker 1: kind of argue my piece really quick before before you
Speaker 1: they say it, Yes, of course, plea is here. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I thought that would be okay, if you
Speaker 1: guys are talking about giving me a possible Nobel Peace prize,
Speaker 1: who invited you? Oh, it's not poses? Why did you
Speaker 1: just this eyeball was for peace? It's it's you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's gonna bring world peace, more people smoking bombs
Speaker 1: and stuff. Why don't you tell us how watch? Instead
Speaker 1: of thank you, go ahead and explain to to the
Speaker 1: fellas and the ladies present, how you like you see
Speaker 1: this changing the world? All right? Well, like everybody said,
Speaker 1: nobody wants to smoke bongs anymore because it makes you
Speaker 1: cough and it's just not and now with fake pens,
Speaker 1: it's not necessary. Maybe bongs can come back if you
Speaker 1: put it in your eye. You don't cough when you
Speaker 1: smoke bongs to your eyes. I mean, that would be crazy.
Speaker 1: I imagine if everybody was back to bomb I don't.
Speaker 1: I for one, absolutely did not understand by the name eyeball,
Speaker 1: that my eyeball would be involved. We did, We had
Speaker 1: no idea. Well you snuck me in here, yes I did.
Speaker 1: I did. But but be that as it may, I
Speaker 1: just thought, iebon iPhone, that sort of thing you're saying,
Speaker 1: we're going to consume the cannabis using our eyeballs. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's kind of like when I mean a few years back,
Speaker 1: we used to take shots of vodka to our eyeballs
Speaker 1: and that hurt, Like hell, is everyone familiar with that?
Speaker 1: I haven't done well. It was pretty big in the
Speaker 1: fret scene, like five years ago, shots of vodkat to
Speaker 1: the eyeball. Don't do it. It It was a bad idea,
Speaker 1: but eyeball, that's a game changer. The reason I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I will let the lady from Spain speak. Oh, thank you? Someone, um,
Speaker 1: if you, if you she did, she did study in
Speaker 1: the Okay for a while. You know what will make
Speaker 1: this a lot easier. Try the sidebam, try the side, maybe, somebody?
Speaker 1: Why are we all giggling? Is this this one? Did
Speaker 1: you have this going beforehand? And I know people? Are
Speaker 1: you going to sneak into these meetings? Every time we
Speaker 1: have had one of these meetings, you have snuck in
Speaker 1: some person to plead that case. He is the sevent
Speaker 1: You're not wrong. I'm gonna put a cap at four more,
Speaker 1: but that's gonna be it. We are rumming out of plazas.
Speaker 1: Are you? Are you next up to present to the
Speaker 1: Nobel Peace Price Committee. I gotta They're only gonna hear
Speaker 1: like four more people. So yeah, yeah, what do you got? Uh? Yeah, this,
Speaker 1: I think this is a real solution to peace. Like
Speaker 1: you know, like people say like juices, like don't have
Speaker 1: the vitamins anymore. Well, I made these pills that you
Speaker 1: put into juices and like they will have the vitamins
Speaker 1: that like the original feast. And so we think a
Speaker 1: healthier world is a happier world, which is like a
Speaker 1: more peaceful Lord, what about you cool? I'm I'm the
Speaker 1: Prime Minister of of Israel. I negotiated a treaty between
Speaker 1: between Egypt and Jordan's okay, oh yeah, those guys. So
Speaker 1: I'm more. I'm more, I'm more traditional, you know, more
Speaker 1: old school. But you know, my understanding is, ever since
Speaker 1: this guy Rufus has been the head of the Nobel
Speaker 1: Prize Committee, it's been been a little more like shark take,
Speaker 1: where people coming, people come in and pitch possible solutions
Speaker 1: for world peace rather than focusing on past accomplishments. I mean,
Speaker 1: if you don't get some of the guys get geopolitical.
Speaker 1: It's tough and it's stuff. You know. Some of the
Speaker 1: some of those guys are tough. You have to get
Speaker 1: them on your side, because if they're out, they're out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean they flew me in, they put me up here.
Speaker 1: I really thought that my accomplishments would speak for themselves,
Speaker 1: but I guess I still have to go in and pitch.
Speaker 1: I mean, I heard about the Jordan's Egypt thing. That
Speaker 1: was a big one. That was I was glad you've
Speaker 1: got that worked out. Yeah. Um, do you drink juice? Though?
Speaker 1: I do juice. Here's go I mean it's not approved yet,
Speaker 1: but here, here's a few samples you can take, um
Speaker 1: take back to Israel with you. What's that? What's in
Speaker 1: this one? Oh? This is uh cranberries. All the protein
Speaker 1: and ven and the avitaments of cranberries you can add
Speaker 1: to t I right, yeah, yeah, if you, if you're
Speaker 1: if you, if you read the hurts, this is good.
Speaker 1: That is good. That is good. I don't know if
Speaker 1: if it's world peace good. Yeah. It looks like I
Speaker 1: did pretty good in there. I don't think you guys
Speaker 1: even need to wait for your turn. Their high in there,
Speaker 1: So I wrap it up and go home. I don't care.
Speaker 1: All right, we'll suit yourself. I'm out of here. Lufus
Speaker 1: fuzzy last time, there is no such thing as a
Speaker 1: Nobel Price for cool? And who is this person that
Speaker 1: you brought? Who is this person you brought? And the
Speaker 1: claims they're going to win the Nobel place for cool? Well,
Speaker 1: all right, uh, maybe I'll let them explain themselves to
Speaker 1: stead of me giving some big warm up introduction. Let's
Speaker 1: hear him out. Let's hear him out. Don't believe this? Alright,
Speaker 1: we hear him out? I mean, why can't there be
Speaker 1: a world prize for cool? That good? That good? We
Speaker 1: want to hear? Is this the first time any of
Speaker 1: you have been around the weed smoked before? No? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: no listen, no, no, no, no, listen listen. World World?
Speaker 1: What a weird word. It's just a weird word. I
Speaker 1: never said I thought about it, the world word, but
Speaker 1: with oh exactly, it's like word or without the e.
Speaker 1: And then the error moved around a little bit. Did
Speaker 1: you get today's world O? By the way, it was
Speaker 1: the word was, which is weird because you never say it. Okay,
Speaker 1: so who are you again? I say? But also I
Speaker 1: know you, you fucking stoles? Who is that who he's
Speaker 1: asking about? Are you wed? Novices. Yeah, this gentleman's got
Speaker 1: some juices or something that's gonna make everybody's life better
Speaker 1: around the world. Thank you ahead and thank you Rufus Um,
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. First of all, Dr Rufus, of course,
Speaker 1: Dr Rufus, thank you. I'd like to just make a
Speaker 1: few comments about my product and also letting you up next. Uh,
Speaker 1: you have the Prime Minister of Israel coming up and
Speaker 1: honestly got a weird vibe from him. Just want to
Speaker 1: put that out there, so we appreciate the heads up. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I got these little pills. So people say juices
Speaker 1: don't have um all the vitamins there in the fruit.
Speaker 1: So we made a pill with the vitamins. You put
Speaker 1: it into the juice. And then so if you're drinking
Speaker 1: orange juice, you put in the orange pill. You get
Speaker 1: all the vitamins. We consider you for the Nobel Peace
Speaker 1: Prize and the Nobel Cool Prize. We'd like to if
Speaker 1: we can check both boxes, and you want to submit
Speaker 1: across the board like me across the board. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: just apply for everything and sorry, if I can back
Speaker 1: you up two seconds. Good question, by the way you
Speaker 1: put it. Peels for nutrients inside of things that are
Speaker 1: already supposed to have nutrients. No, no, you lose when
Speaker 1: you juicify, you lose some of the nutrients. We're gonna
Speaker 1: when you juicify an orange, when you turn an actual
Speaker 1: orange into juice, you're saying you've lost some of the nutrients.
Speaker 1: And how what on percentage wise? What are we talking
Speaker 1: you've lost that? We're so in desperate need of your
Speaker 1: you're helping us along the way. These the same questions
Speaker 1: that the eyeball everybody got the same question. Please don't don't, don't,
Speaker 1: don't say you're out yet. Listen to my whole thing,
Speaker 1: and please explain that poster. Were you there when they juicified?
Speaker 1: My lord? The guy outside did not like this, but this, okay,
Speaker 1: I figured he would have. This is this is supposed
Speaker 1: to more to get attention. We want to get the attention.
Speaker 1: Ah yeah, I grab him. Sure. Back to the percentage
Speaker 1: thing is how much have we lost to them nutrients
Speaker 1: that we need your help? So from orange to juice
Speaker 1: there's only goody left inside and they're adding sugar so
Speaker 1: they're hurting it. Trust me, this is a piece making invention.
Speaker 1: So everybody will be more peaceful if they have proper nutrients.
Speaker 1: Is that your pitch that will deuce fire? Our lord? Okay,
Speaker 1: I would say take this idea back behind the barn
Speaker 1: and shoot it. Just put it out of its misery
Speaker 1: for those reasons. Okay, thank you for your time. Panel. Well, no,
Speaker 1: there's more. Old thing is stupid and everybody's eye around me.
Speaker 1: I'm out. Oh no, no, Mr Mr French, what did
Speaker 1: you Your name tag is turned? Do you notice Mr
Speaker 1: French is from Family Affair? That's that's an old It's
Speaker 1: an old reference cabin, wouldn't it. Yes? Yes? In in Norway,
Speaker 1: we get American TV like way after the fact, so
Speaker 1: we're still watching Family Affair. You're you're Norrish? Okay? I
Speaker 1: am no, yes, that's right. Anyone else you want to
Speaker 1: fend by the way before we have everyone, Mr bag
Speaker 1: Ms Spain, please tell me that you're in not a
Speaker 1: beauty contest? All right? Miss Spain is completely inappropriate. Just
Speaker 1: there's no name tax anywhere. I wish there was an
Speaker 1: a frame with your name on it. How about Mr
Speaker 1: Ms ma'am let's go with them all right? Dr Rufus, Sir,
Speaker 1: I appeal to you, Dr Rufus one more time. What
Speaker 1: do you think about you, Mr Rufus, Doctor, I said, doctor,
Speaker 1: all right, thank you. Uh you want to know if
Speaker 1: I'm back in, you know I'm out fox sake. Well,
Speaker 1: Dr Rufus, your your trial period is the head of
Speaker 1: the nobile H Prize Committee has ended. Yes, thank you,
Speaker 1: Thank goodness. That's behind us and we can move forward
Speaker 1: with me at the helm. These are good times. Well,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what you've You've monetized, uh, the Nobel
Speaker 1: Prize Committee in a way that that it never has.
Speaker 1: You're welcome before. I mean, we we've got a lot
Speaker 1: more followers on Instagram, right, Um, we own the committee
Speaker 1: owns now several companies a piece anyway, okay, okay, and
Speaker 1: then uh, well, so let's go through the prizes that
Speaker 1: that you chose for two Yes, all right, fine, I
Speaker 1: would have thought you'd had that material and through them together. Okay, good, good,
Speaker 1: good good. Why don't we start with number three? This
Speaker 1: is the most crowd of that. This is the new
Speaker 1: prize you added, the Nobel Cool Prize. That's right, that's right.
Speaker 1: We passed on the nutrient infusion pitch and went with socks. Socks.
Speaker 1: So just just the concept of socks wins the Nobel
Speaker 1: Cool Prize. No, no, not the concept. You know those
Speaker 1: Bobobos or whatever that people are, they helped They put
Speaker 1: a pair of socks on on homeless people for every
Speaker 1: pair that they sell. Yeah, so that's good, that is cool.
Speaker 1: That's cool. Well, wasn't that company. I was just giving
Speaker 1: that one as an example. It's another company that came
Speaker 1: in and said that they were gonna for every pair
Speaker 1: they sold, they would keep a pair for themselves. Okay,
Speaker 1: I was worried we were giving the prize to Bill
Speaker 1: Clinton's cat. Is that Bill Clinton's cat? It was get
Speaker 1: your ego socks. Ego socks make your toes feel yummy
Speaker 1: and dummy. Get your ego sucks. Right here, sir, you
Speaker 1: look like a yeah. I mean yeah, I have these
Speaker 1: sandals on, but I ego socks. I mean, I'm sorry
Speaker 1: I was taken in by your sign. First of all,
Speaker 1: your other sign is kind of offensive, but this one
Speaker 1: ego sucks. I'm I'm not sure what. Well. You don't
Speaker 1: like this poster that said God should have worn socks
Speaker 1: in the desert? Yeah, no, that, I mean that's a
Speaker 1: little you know, why why bring religion into socks? You know,
Speaker 1: we trying to think of we're like Nike, right, Nike's
Speaker 1: got Michael Jordan's already, So I did not. I'm not.
Speaker 1: I didn't stop to argue with you. I gotta get
Speaker 1: to antiance pretzels. But this was really fun to enjoy
Speaker 1: your kes. Just hold on? Is that a note? Are
Speaker 1: you out? Yeah? What do you think I'm gonna come
Speaker 1: back in when I'm out? I just have to make sure.
Speaker 1: So that's a no. All right, I'm gonna go. Do
Speaker 1: you want an any pretzel? Um? Sure? If they have
Speaker 1: you give me the cinnamon ones. No, I'm just a sample. Mom,
Speaker 1: I asked you for bomba socks. What the fuck is this?
Speaker 1: I can't go to school with this? Of course you
Speaker 1: can these one the Cool Prize, the Nobel Cool. Everyone's
Speaker 1: gonna heart if I'm wearing the bobos. No, No, I
Speaker 1: don't want to. Your father and I have always thought
Speaker 1: that you really struggled with being cool. What you're not cool? Yeah?
Speaker 1: The kids don't think you're cool, so we're trying to cool.
Speaker 1: Are you talking to? Mom? Which kids in my school
Speaker 1: have you been talking to? It's more so the kids
Speaker 1: that we haven't been talking to me, you know, we
Speaker 1: don't talk to that many kids. Listen. I didn't make
Speaker 1: the chairs squad, not because I'm not cool. I didn't
Speaker 1: make it because I couldn't do a toetouch properly. That's
Speaker 1: not my fault. Your fault for pushing me out of
Speaker 1: your tight ask pelvis. Regardless of the doctors saying we
Speaker 1: should probably go in surgically. This is too small. It
Speaker 1: will crush her hips. That's on you. Well, Jimmy's back
Speaker 1: at the party. Yeah, I brought a shot glasses. Yeah,
Speaker 1: who's your friend, dude? Eighteen shots? I'll take them all.
Speaker 1: Oh what kind of socks are you wearing? Are those?
Speaker 1: Are those there? Bambas? They're just different. They're a little
Speaker 1: different the bombas. There's a bobos? Man? Those are lame?
Speaker 1: Those are? They have the Nobel Cool Prize on him?
Speaker 1: Come on, hey man, come on, come on look. Let
Speaker 1: me talk to your every second. Come on. That's the
Speaker 1: girl with the crushed hips. Man. Oh, come on, we
Speaker 1: wanted to find at a party. Man, she's a girl
Speaker 1: with the crushed hips. You know, like, did she never
Speaker 1: she never been to a party before? All right, give
Speaker 1: me four were shot glasses? I want Albuquerque, Austin Tallahassee.
Speaker 1: And where where did your mom actually break up with
Speaker 1: your dad? Oh? You know what, Weirdly, they're technically still together.
Speaker 1: So here take this one. It says the future is
Speaker 1: now on it. Oh sweet, sweet, all right, crushed chips
Speaker 1: can stay. All right. So your socks won the Nobel
Speaker 1: Cool Prize. I mean that to me is the definition
Speaker 1: of uncool. You know, if a bunch of cultural elite
Speaker 1: white men and one Spanish woman determined these to be
Speaker 1: the coolest socks in the world. Okay, I just I
Speaker 1: just wanted some punch, So, oh you'll get punched. Okay, cool,
Speaker 1: you'll get punched. Listen. I know that you've been telling
Speaker 1: all the guys that I have crushed hips, and I
Speaker 1: just want to I just want to say, first of all,
Speaker 1: bitch ass move And second of all, um, they were
Speaker 1: crushed at birth. But then of course I was put
Speaker 1: into some kind of harness cast and they have been
Speaker 1: read formed. So why don't Why don't you take off
Speaker 1: the cast because I feel more comfortable with it on,
Speaker 1: And that's like my personal choice, but it really doesn't
Speaker 1: stop me from doing anything except for a proper teddy
Speaker 1: bear jump. I can still do herkeys single legs. I
Speaker 1: just can't do the Teddy Bear jump, which is really
Speaker 1: none of your fucking business, Tippany. Actually, well, I'm known
Speaker 1: from my Teddy Bear jump, so it is kind of
Speaker 1: my business. Do your Teddy Bear jump. Stephanie god rufus
Speaker 1: teddy Bear jumping. That is our show. Proof is in
Speaker 1: over his head for the moment he spoke. Um, I'll
Speaker 1: say thank you all so very damn much. Let's thank
Speaker 1: you and every one of you individually, starting with Jackie
Speaker 1: Gonzalas to Ruthie, Yes, thank you so much. This has
Speaker 1: been blast as always. Yeah, is there anything you would
Speaker 1: like to point folks towards as of late? I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. Um, but I'm at Jackie to Ruthie,
Speaker 1: and I put any new stuff there? Are we speaking
Speaker 1: on the Graham, on the Insta, on the instak, I couldn't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm really bad at Twitter. I'm technically the same handle
Speaker 1: on Twitter, but I'm just not there. Yeah. Twitter seems
Speaker 1: to have become a pretty great forum for people who
Speaker 1: like to argue with strangers. I don't think that's true
Speaker 1: at all. And the fact that you even bring this up. Actually,
Speaker 1: guy on Twitter like called out my mom as like
Speaker 1: but as like one of the worst like fake news reporters.
Speaker 1: My mom was a reporter, but she is no longer
Speaker 1: a reporter. And it was it was great. I was
Speaker 1: really happy about it, and I did like retweet it,
Speaker 1: and he did fighting, and he did try to start
Speaker 1: a fight with me, but I know to shut my
Speaker 1: little mouth. Well that would put you, I think, in
Speaker 1: the running for the Nobel Cool Fries. Hell. Yeah that yeah,
Speaker 1: your mom was called out on on that. But and again,
Speaker 1: thank you for being here, and thank your mom as well.
Speaker 1: Mark Gagliardi, Yeah, thank you so much for joining us
Speaker 1: and blocking the light behind you beforehand. You know, at
Speaker 1: this time I decided I was going to actually uh yeah,
Speaker 1: not have blinding light. Um. Yeah, this is always a delight.
Speaker 1: Thanks for making me laugh. Everybody, Um, listen to We
Speaker 1: Got This with Mark and holl on the Maximum Fun Network.
Speaker 1: I don't know when this is dropping, but there's either
Speaker 1: an upcoming or a recent episode featuring Kevin Pollock. Damn,
Speaker 1: that was really really fun. Thanks and uh yeah, that's
Speaker 1: h that's what's going on. Sweet. Thank you, sir, tool
Speaker 1: sing Hey, thank you so much for having me. This
Speaker 1: is always so much fun. I loved Craig, your teacher
Speaker 1: was amazing. Um yeah, my stuff is on a tool
Speaker 1: time at on Instagram, Um having more scutch shows and stuff,
Speaker 1: so you can go to a toolsing dot com or
Speaker 1: all the socials are at a tool time. Thank you
Speaker 1: for that, and Dr Craig Atkowski. Oh man, what a
Speaker 1: dream is a long time Nobel Prize nerd Uh like
Speaker 1: I get, you know, I get up at five am
Speaker 1: to get on Stockholm time, you know every year when
Speaker 1: they're announced. You know, I do all the prognosticating ahead
Speaker 1: of times. I'm usually wrong, but it's still fun, you know,
Speaker 1: to get a pool sheet out for for everyone, and
Speaker 1: you usually take a couple of prop bets from in
Speaker 1: Vegas on those always Yeah yeah, I mean any name
Speaker 1: any Nobel price category in year. I'll tell you one
Speaker 1: that's hilarious. Oh you actually want us to do it? Uh? Well,
Speaker 1: if anyone has one at the in your quiver, by
Speaker 1: all means, take your shot. Otherwise peace prize, you're gonna clupe.
Speaker 1: There we go, happy now, James. Okay, thank you for that,
Speaker 1: Craig and James, thank you as well. Damn it, thank
Speaker 1: you for thanking me. Um if you can, yes, make
Speaker 1: it out to the West Side Comedy Theater on March
Speaker 1: which is Wednesday at eight p m. For Bear Supply
Speaker 1: and check the west Side Comedy dot com calendar for
Speaker 1: all the upcoming shows. Uh not only Bear Supply, but
Speaker 1: there's a lot of others, including a monthly show of
Speaker 1: Alchemy This live on stage. We had one recently and
Speaker 1: it went pretty damn well. We're gonna try to do
Speaker 1: him every month. And um yeah, let's thank your engineering
Speaker 1: produster to the stars, Mr dub the I heart media folk.
Speaker 1: I'm your host, Kevin Pollack, reminding you please be kind
Speaker 1: to each other. It's often the easiest route, and get
Speaker 1: out of your own way, dammit, and tell everyone you've
Speaker 1: ever met about this podcast and how much you enjoy it.
Speaker 1: Until next time,