Speaker 1: Hi, everybody, It's me Chelsea and Catherine. Hello. Hi, how
Speaker 1: are you Catherine? Oh, I'm good. I actually got a
Speaker 1: little chance to rest and relax over the weekend, which
Speaker 1: was really nice, and watch some shows and hung out
Speaker 1: with my husband and it was really lovely. I have
Speaker 1: been watching yellow Stone because my girlfriend Wendy Grillo is
Speaker 1: in it, and everyone in Whistler watches the show yellow Stone.
Speaker 1: So I am on season two or three, and I
Speaker 1: think there's four very very soap operatic. A lot of
Speaker 1: soap opera stuff is happening on that show, and I'm
Speaker 1: down with it. Awesome. I know, I've been thinking about
Speaker 1: watching it. My parents really like it, but like my
Speaker 1: dad's really into Western stuff anyway. I mean I like
Speaker 1: Western stuff too, but everyone is talking about it. I'm
Speaker 1: not as into Western stuff like my friends here was like,
Speaker 1: I just love the landscape. I'm like, really, it just
Speaker 1: seems like so fucking boring living on a ranch and
Speaker 1: just drinking. I mean, i'd the drinking part, obviously, I
Speaker 1: could down with. But the cattle and then the horse
Speaker 1: breaking horses, I'm just like, oh, but speaking of breaking horses,
Speaker 1: Joe isn't possibly bringing Burton Bernice back for ten days
Speaker 1: sabbatical up here and Whistler because last year I had
Speaker 1: them the whole season and they were not down with it.
Speaker 1: They did not like being stuck in like a house
Speaker 1: without access to the outdoors. They're used to their luxurious,
Speaker 1: leisurely lifestyle in Los Angeles, and so we're thinking about
Speaker 1: bringing them up for like ten days just so I
Speaker 1: could see them and maybe give them a second shot
Speaker 1: at SNOW. I feel like with Joe's co parenting, I
Speaker 1: could really hit it out of the park because he's
Speaker 1: been really helpful, like with the laundry, with the cleaning.
Speaker 1: I don't know what I did last year, but he's
Speaker 1: and if I had to take the dogs for a walk,
Speaker 1: he would definitely be really helpful in that department. Two,
Speaker 1: So I just feel like I'm a two I'm I'm
Speaker 1: a member of a two person team now instead of
Speaker 1: a one person team. Isn't that lovely? And Bird has
Speaker 1: already started calling him dad. Let's say you guys aren't married,
Speaker 1: but like he's your house spouse. He's like the guy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and he's much better at things like domestic stuff than
Speaker 1: I am. So it really works. Although I did make
Speaker 1: him I make him scrambled eggs a lot in the morning,
Speaker 1: and that's the one thing I can hit out of
Speaker 1: the park. But every time I make them, he's like,
Speaker 1: I can't believe it. You can do something, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: stop it. You know I can make a scrambled eggs. Well,
Speaker 1: hold on a second, what are you looking for, honey? Oh,
Speaker 1: you don't have it. I'd like to go on the
Speaker 1: record and say that Joe is the only person that
Speaker 1: would look for his passport twenty minutes before he's leaving
Speaker 1: for something. If I was leaving, I would have my
Speaker 1: passport the night before. Well, somebody would have it. Let's
Speaker 1: be honest. I wouldn't find it. But I mean, he
Speaker 1: is unbelievable. He probably doesn't even know he's going to
Speaker 1: the airport in twenty minutes. Do you know you're going
Speaker 1: to the airport, honey? And where are you going when
Speaker 1: you get to the airport? Sorry? Uh? Yeah. I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm definitely more powerful as part of a cup. Well,
Speaker 1: then I am by myself in the parenting department, the
Speaker 1: domesticity and parenting department. That's great, and it'll be just
Speaker 1: nice to have the dogs there and Chelsea, I actually
Speaker 1: have an update. A few weeks ago, we had an
Speaker 1: email from someone who's child had kissed their friend without
Speaker 1: consent and it created a huge rift between her and
Speaker 1: her best friend, the mom and her best friend, and
Speaker 1: between the children as well. But a dad wrote in
Speaker 1: who has had similar experience, and he says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 1: I just listened to your episode where you gave advice
Speaker 1: to the mom with the son who is sexually inappropriate
Speaker 1: with one of his friends. As a parent with a
Speaker 1: child with behavioral issues, there is help out there. The
Speaker 1: mom should find a therapist that specializes in family therapy
Speaker 1: and problem sexual behavior. Even though the young boy has
Speaker 1: committed the offense, her whole family is affected and needs
Speaker 1: help not only working on the specifics of consent, but
Speaker 1: also with helping to set boundaries and finding what the
Speaker 1: underlying issues are that led to this situation. We used
Speaker 1: some great workbooks specifically geared toward children. A quick Google
Speaker 1: or Amazon search on consent for kids shows quite a
Speaker 1: few resources. I would suggest the therapist has some go
Speaker 1: to tools as well. Additionally, many therapists also use something
Speaker 1: called restorative justice, which could include writing an apology letter
Speaker 1: to the victim. This may help the mom with mending
Speaker 1: her relationship with her friend if she shares and includes
Speaker 1: her in the plan and the outcome of therapy. Lastly,
Speaker 1: the mom may be concerned about what this means for
Speaker 1: her son as he develops into a teen and adult.
Speaker 1: There was a study done in by the Association for
Speaker 1: the Treatment of Sexual Abusers that found that adolescents who
Speaker 1: offended once and found treatment were highly unlikely to repeat
Speaker 1: their offense. It's just so important for her to get
Speaker 1: professional help for her son and her family so this
Speaker 1: doesn't become a repeat behavior. Hope this is helpful. Don.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, well that's good to know. That's a good resource.
Speaker 1: Thank you Don for writing in. Thanks, yeah, thanks for
Speaker 1: paying attention. I would never want to be I mean,
Speaker 1: that must be so hard to be a mother that
Speaker 1: has to deal with that, and when it's your own
Speaker 1: child doing that, you know, and I'm sure you just
Speaker 1: feel from Don that he felt that isolating situation when
Speaker 1: he went through it and wanted to reach out. So
Speaker 1: I just wanted to share that with everybody. Oh, well,
Speaker 1: thank you for sharing. Should we introduce our guest for today.
Speaker 1: So our guest today is another stand up comedian. You
Speaker 1: may know her from her Netflix special which is called
Speaker 1: quarter Life Crisis. Her name is Taylor Tomlinson. She has
Speaker 1: an Instagram series called New Couple Gets Quarantined with her
Speaker 1: boyfriend Sam Burel, and she also has a podcast called
Speaker 1: Sad in the City and a new Netflix special that
Speaker 1: is coming out soon. So please welcome Taylor Tomlinson. Hi, Taylor, Hello,
Speaker 1: it's nice to finally meet you. Nice to meet you.
Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. I know, I can't believe
Speaker 1: we've never met. We have met so briefly when I
Speaker 1: was much younger that you would not remember for any reason.
Speaker 1: As my boy friend Joe Koy likes to remind me,
Speaker 1: I don't have a memory past six weeks or six months,
Speaker 1: depending on the topic and the person, so I wouldn't
Speaker 1: remember anyway. But it's nice to see you. I know you,
Speaker 1: and I loved your special, quarter Life Crisis on Netflix.
Speaker 1: I loved that special, and I've been loving your series
Speaker 1: with your boyfriend Sam. More real about am I saying
Speaker 1: that right? Moral? Real morals. I'm just gonna call him
Speaker 1: Sam Morals. Samurel. Yeah, which is called New Couple Gets Quarantined.
Speaker 1: So you were in a new relationship. I know during quarantine,
Speaker 1: which has now gone on for I don't know, almost
Speaker 1: two years. Yeah, that was a little web series we
Speaker 1: did during lockdown. That kept us busy during those first
Speaker 1: few months of terror for sure, because we're both workaholics,
Speaker 1: so we couldn't just stop and go, oh, look a break. Right. Well,
Speaker 1: that's probably what a lot of couples should have done,
Speaker 1: is just started recording themselves, right, so that there was
Speaker 1: an eyewitness account to everyone's behavior. I think it's a
Speaker 1: really solid idea. Uh, it is, it really is. Uh
Speaker 1: And I mean we did a podcast too during that time.
Speaker 1: I saw you had rosebud Baker on and she and
Speaker 1: her husband Annie Haynes started one and they're still doing it,
Speaker 1: and I was like, man, we craped out as soon
Speaker 1: as the world opened back up again. We were like,
Speaker 1: that was just a coping mechanism for us. They've really
Speaker 1: they've really built something blasting. Yeah, they've really sunk it
Speaker 1: into it because also I think her husband just got COVID, right,
Speaker 1: and so she had to quarantine with him again. Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: So they're just they just keep quarantining and quarantined in
Speaker 1: with every new variant they have another they have another
Speaker 1: ten days together. Yeah, we we have not gotten COVID
Speaker 1: that we know of. I guess, did you get COVID?
Speaker 1: I have not gotten COVID yet. Isn't that crazy? Are
Speaker 1: you surprised? We're like, we don't know how we haven't
Speaker 1: gotten it at this point. Normally I would consider myself
Speaker 1: to be some sort of super spreader. So I am
Speaker 1: very surprised by the fact that I haven't caught it
Speaker 1: or given it to several people, because, especially in the beginning,
Speaker 1: and now I've lost interest in even trying to protect myself,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like, I just want to
Speaker 1: get it and get it over with so that I
Speaker 1: have some higher level of immunity. But I got I'm
Speaker 1: in Whistler, Canada right now. And I got here and
Speaker 1: my girlfriend was just recuperating from COVID and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm coming over. I don't care. She's like,
Speaker 1: she goes, I might still be infectious. And I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I have a test hit we'll we'll test you and
Speaker 1: we get over there on Joe test already looks at me, goes, Chelsea,
Speaker 1: She's positive. You're like, I know, like my face, I know.
Speaker 1: We're like, who cares and we're in her garage. I'm
Speaker 1: like on triple backs. I've got my booster. I'm like, whatever,
Speaker 1: let's just get it already. And we're in her garage
Speaker 1: and so we're all, you know, she's wearing a mask,
Speaker 1: We're standing like far apart, the doors open. It was
Speaker 1: so stupid. And then finally I was like, it's cold,
Speaker 1: you know, because it's snowy and everything, and she put
Speaker 1: on a space heater and then she shut the garage
Speaker 1: door and shows like, hey, this is getting a little
Speaker 1: bit much like now, we're just trying to It's just
Speaker 1: like a culture swab of us trying to get sick.
Speaker 1: But we still didn't get it. So I don't know
Speaker 1: if there's blood types that are not getting it, like
Speaker 1: I think, you know, oh blood type doesn't isn't as susceptible. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what they said. I think that's the only thing
Speaker 1: that I've been like, is that a thing, because I
Speaker 1: think I'm oh, yeah, I think most people are. Oh
Speaker 1: so that doesn't really add up either, But who fucking cares.
Speaker 1: I normally I consider myself to be some sort of
Speaker 1: medical doctor, so I should have more information on these things.
Speaker 1: But I've my passion for COVID has lapsed. I don't
Speaker 1: I don't have the same passion for it as I
Speaker 1: used to. Yeah, I don't feel like actual doctors go
Speaker 1: around going I'm a medical doctor. Yeah, they don't have
Speaker 1: to introduce themselves the way that I do to get
Speaker 1: people to take me seriously in the medical field. So
Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about Well, let's talk
Speaker 1: first about your stand up experience coming up. Because you're
Speaker 1: from l A, right, I'm from California. Yeah, yeah, not
Speaker 1: l A proper, but I'm from California where I grew
Speaker 1: up up by like Sacramento until I was like ten,
Speaker 1: and then I was in river Side County from the
Speaker 1: time I was like ten till college. If you know
Speaker 1: where Temecula is, unfortunately I do. I've performed there in Temecula,
Speaker 1: I believe. Yes, of course, all casinos all the time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they've got a big they've got a big, beautiful theater there.
Speaker 1: You've performed there too, I'm sure, right, not the theater.
Speaker 1: I have not performed in the theater. I think I
Speaker 1: did the club there, which I don't even know if
Speaker 1: that's still open. I mean, I will never perform in
Speaker 1: Temecula if I can help it. There are a lot
Speaker 1: of places where I've performed once and said I'll never
Speaker 1: perform there again, and then found myself there, either this
Speaker 1: last year or the year before going Wait, I thought
Speaker 1: I crossed this off the fucking list, you know, And
Speaker 1: then you get there and you're like, you feel you
Speaker 1: like because the audiences are so appreciative. When people come
Speaker 1: through the kind of like less inviting cities, the audiences
Speaker 1: are awesome. So you leave there with the feeling of like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to show up for these people, like yeah,
Speaker 1: and then a month goes by and you're like, really,
Speaker 1: can't go back there, right right? But to Mecula is
Speaker 1: so funny because it's an hour drive from San Diego
Speaker 1: and it's like two hours from l A. And I'm
Speaker 1: kind of like, guys, drive to a cooler place, just exactly, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: just go, you know, It's it's not that far. But
Speaker 1: I think Temecula is like it's like a great place
Speaker 1: to have a family, I guess. But if you're like twenties,
Speaker 1: I'm like, what are you doing here? Guys? Right, So
Speaker 1: you came from a really like conservative background, is that
Speaker 1: how you grew up religious. Yeah, I grew up super religious,
Speaker 1: very Christian. Oh so how did that? How did that
Speaker 1: all work out for you? As you came into your
Speaker 1: own and your stand up career, when did you kind of, um, well, no,
Speaker 1: you tell me. Did you break ties with religion? Absolutely? Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's it's weird because the way I started doing stand
Speaker 1: up is I started when I was a junior in
Speaker 1: high school, and I actually started by taking a class
Speaker 1: from like a Christian church comic, and so I was
Speaker 1: like performing in churches before I could perform in clubs
Speaker 1: because I wasn't eighteen yet. And then even once I
Speaker 1: started performing in clubs, I did last comic standing and
Speaker 1: they kind of like painted me as like a church
Speaker 1: comic because it was a new thing they could do.
Speaker 1: And so then I was doing churches a little bit
Speaker 1: longer up until I was probably two is when I
Speaker 1: did like the last couple and the last church gig
Speaker 1: I had was like opening for some huge church comedian
Speaker 1: and they fired me for a tweet, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm never doing this again. Like I don't care what
Speaker 1: the offer is. I don't care what the money is,
Speaker 1: because there's a lot of money in church comedy and
Speaker 1: I was like, I can't. I can't pretend to be
Speaker 1: this person because church comedy they want you to be
Speaker 1: a Christian, like they want you to be that thing
Speaker 1: all the time. There's no like, here's my church set
Speaker 1: and here's my club set, like you gotta be that always,
Speaker 1: and I just wasn't. I just didn't think I was
Speaker 1: a Christian. And I was dealing with how I grew
Speaker 1: up and and my relationship with my parents and whatnot.
Speaker 1: So that was kind of the moment I think I
Speaker 1: cut ties with all of it at once. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: would think performing a comedy and a church is very limiting. Yes,
Speaker 1: you can't do that joke about how your dad didn't
Speaker 1: want to fuck you, right exactly. That was not super
Speaker 1: church friendly. And that's why I left. I wanted to
Speaker 1: talk about my dad not wanting to suck me, and
Speaker 1: they just weren't cool about it. And I said, this
Speaker 1: is the last straw for me. Well, yeah, exactly. I
Speaker 1: mean you're not the only one. I mean, that's where
Speaker 1: I think that's where all comedians start. Somebody in the
Speaker 1: family wanted to fuck you and we weren't down with it,
Speaker 1: and that's where our humor comes from. So what's your
Speaker 1: relationship now, like with your parents because they're still religious, right,
Speaker 1: there's still religious. I my mom died when I was
Speaker 1: a kid, and my dad and my step mom. I
Speaker 1: don't speak to them anymore, but they're still very religious. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're still very religious. And do not speak to them
Speaker 1: because of this, because of your career and because of
Speaker 1: you leaving the church. No, that's a that's definitely an
Speaker 1: aspect of it. I mean, you know, it's it's hard
Speaker 1: to to go into because you know, you never want
Speaker 1: to like put people on blast in your life no
Speaker 1: matter what they've done, because they're not in this world
Speaker 1: and they're not in this public space and they're not
Speaker 1: public figures like we are. But yeah, there were there
Speaker 1: are things beyond that that were issues that I was
Speaker 1: finally like, oh I have to cut ties with this person.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it all comes from a place of like,
Speaker 1: this is a person who grew up with religion is
Speaker 1: sort of a slave to that belief system in a
Speaker 1: way that is not healthy. I think a lot of people,
Speaker 1: a lot of people in my family are religious and
Speaker 1: are like incredible, loving, forgiving, amazing people who use religion
Speaker 1: in a way that is beautiful and they they love
Speaker 1: other people in the way that I think Christianity at
Speaker 1: its best is meant to encourage. But then there are
Speaker 1: other people who don't use religion in that way, and
Speaker 1: they use it to intimidate and scare people and quite frankly,
Speaker 1: abuse people. So I would never want it to sound
Speaker 1: like I'm painting with this broad brush about anybody who
Speaker 1: is religious, because I know it. It is such a
Speaker 1: lifeline for so many people and and something that makes
Speaker 1: a lot of people better human beings. But that was
Speaker 1: not the case with my specific parental situation. Understood understood well,
Speaker 1: it's both moved to cut ties with any family members.
Speaker 1: It's not an easy thing to do. And we discuss
Speaker 1: it on this show all the time because people are
Speaker 1: always calling in like and I'm always like, yeah, fuck
Speaker 1: your family. You know, they don't deserve you. I mean,
Speaker 1: and that's coming for somebody who has really close ties
Speaker 1: with my whole family. I've never been in a situation
Speaker 1: where my family judged me in that way. You know,
Speaker 1: I would have been out the door a long time
Speaker 1: ago had that been the case. So I think it is.
Speaker 1: It's it's got to be a painful thing, and it's
Speaker 1: got to be. It's a strong decision, so I respect it.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about your because when I came up as
Speaker 1: a female, this is the question that I always got asked,
Speaker 1: which was so annoying at the time, but upon reflection,
Speaker 1: and now that I'm older, I'm in my forties, I
Speaker 1: get it. Because people would always ask me how difficult
Speaker 1: it was to be a woman, you know, in a
Speaker 1: male dominated field, which is basically every field, and I
Speaker 1: always just thought, I didn't see it that way, you know,
Speaker 1: I thought as an advantage, it was sparser for women,
Speaker 1: so it was easier to stand out, especially if you
Speaker 1: were cute, and if you were out you know, outspoken,
Speaker 1: and you were allowed and you kind of had all
Speaker 1: of that going for you. It was easy to get
Speaker 1: recognized and it was easy to get noticed. And I
Speaker 1: always I didn't have any regard for what the male
Speaker 1: comics were doing, or what they thought of me, or
Speaker 1: any of that, you know, And I I did feel
Speaker 1: that there was a lot more competition or kind of
Speaker 1: doors shut from other women rather than from the men,
Speaker 1: you know, women in powerful positions, women in booking positions
Speaker 1: or an executive positions. So I'm curious to know since
Speaker 1: you're a lot younger than me. What your experience was
Speaker 1: like coming up after you left doing church comedy. How
Speaker 1: did you see it? It's interesting because I feel the
Speaker 1: same way you do. I felt like being a female
Speaker 1: was something that helped you stand out. I was also
Speaker 1: clean for like the first five years or something, so
Speaker 1: that helped me stand out as well. I want to
Speaker 1: say Amy Schumer said this. I might be misquoting her,
Speaker 1: but somebody said this where somebody asked is it harder
Speaker 1: to be a female comic? And she was like, it's
Speaker 1: just harder to be female, Like, it's it's not that
Speaker 1: it's hard to be a female comedian, it's just harder
Speaker 1: to be a female. And I think the hardest parts
Speaker 1: about being a female comedian just came from like being
Speaker 1: on the road and it being unsafe, Like having people
Speaker 1: try to like break into your hotel rooms because they
Speaker 1: see that you're twenty one and you're in this hotel
Speaker 1: that's like in the middle of nowhere and you checked
Speaker 1: in alone. Like those were the hardest parts. Is just
Speaker 1: like constantly trying not to get murdered on the road.
Speaker 1: But as far as like the industry, it's funny you
Speaker 1: say that about having doors closed by other women. I
Speaker 1: do think that there are male comics, not all male comics,
Speaker 1: but I do think there are male comics, male bookers
Speaker 1: who do this thing where they will compliment the female
Speaker 1: comic in front of them in a way that makes
Speaker 1: us feel like we are in competition with each other.
Speaker 1: Where they go, you're the best one, like you're the
Speaker 1: good one, like who can touch you? Of female comics,
Speaker 1: like even now, like I get male comics same, like
Speaker 1: you're the best female comic in this class of whatever.
Speaker 1: And you're like, why can't you just say you're a
Speaker 1: really good comic, Like why can't you just say like
Speaker 1: you're killing it, you're doing really well, Like they're always
Speaker 1: comparing us and not all male comics on all male
Speaker 1: bookers whatever. But there are certain certain people who do that,
Speaker 1: and women too, frankly in this business. And I do
Speaker 1: think because we're the smaller pool within this male dominated field,
Speaker 1: it just makes sense for them to go, you are
Speaker 1: doing better than this person, or you're doing as well
Speaker 1: as this person, or you're going to be the next
Speaker 1: this person, as opposed to just seeing us as a
Speaker 1: comedian without the added context. Yeah, well, I think I
Speaker 1: mean when we do it to ourselves. I remember coming
Speaker 1: up and when I had doors that were shut by
Speaker 1: other women, I was like, wait a second, this doesn't
Speaker 1: make any sense because all I wanted to do. It
Speaker 1: actually lit a fire under my ass. When I had
Speaker 1: an opportunity to help other women, it was the first
Speaker 1: thing I wanted to do, because I was like, oh, wait,
Speaker 1: this is a ship show out there. Our mindset has
Speaker 1: been structured in the same way it's It's like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's is there's only room for a certain amount of us.
Speaker 1: But now I just feel like there are so many
Speaker 1: female comics that are crushing it. The conversation must have
Speaker 1: shifted and must be changing. And do you think it is?
Speaker 1: I think so. I mean there's just so many more
Speaker 1: female comics, and I mean people like you who have
Speaker 1: been so successful and did kind of come up in
Speaker 1: a time where there may be less female comics. That
Speaker 1: has made a huge difference. And so yeah, I think
Speaker 1: it's definitely far easier and far better to come up
Speaker 1: in this business right now as a female comic. And
Speaker 1: it is still an advantage I think in my mind,
Speaker 1: I think that's the only aspect of it that still
Speaker 1: makes my skin crawl a little bit when people talk
Speaker 1: to me like you're one of the good ones, you know,
Speaker 1: like it's it's there's still some of that, and I
Speaker 1: think it's left over. I don't think it's I don't
Speaker 1: think it's the norm anymore. I think it's just left over.
Speaker 1: And how did you get together with your boyfriend Sam?
Speaker 1: Just doing comedy? I mean, I don't do anything else,
Speaker 1: so this this is what happens. I think he had
Speaker 1: sent me a couple of d m s just about
Speaker 1: like my late night sets, like, hey, you're very good
Speaker 1: and obviously he's an incredible joke writer and everyone respects
Speaker 1: him so much so getting messages from comics you respect
Speaker 1: is always very nice. And we just started talking and
Speaker 1: became friends and started dating a number of months before
Speaker 1: quarantine hit, and I feel like we've been together for
Speaker 1: a very long time because of that. I think if
Speaker 1: you were together during quarantine, you feel like you have
Speaker 1: a much longer history than you do. Yeah, exactly. I
Speaker 1: mean it's an extended period of time. On top of
Speaker 1: a period of time. It feels like twice the duration
Speaker 1: of what it was. I had never dated a comic
Speaker 1: before I started dating Jokeyd never once. I think I
Speaker 1: was going to ask you. Yeah, I think I slept
Speaker 1: with Tom Rhodes. He's a comic. That was the only
Speaker 1: comedian I slept with, Or maybe was there another one. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I didn't have a lot of experience with mail commas
Speaker 1: because I just found them to be gross quite frankly
Speaker 1: so funny. My cousin just sent me a text. She goes,
Speaker 1: I read this word today and it reminded me of you,
Speaker 1: and it said it's miss Andrews, somebody who despises men.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's so terrible. And she's like, I go, well,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't despise men, but I just can't
Speaker 1: stop fucking banging on about how much ship they've gotten
Speaker 1: away with, you know, and so, and the way that
Speaker 1: they've treated women, and you know, forced like, I hate
Speaker 1: that they've it's not even the fault. It's society's fault.
Speaker 1: You know, this whole construct is now nobody's fault. But
Speaker 1: I just want people, when you wake up to know
Speaker 1: the truth, you know what I mean, wake up to
Speaker 1: the reality of what's happening, don't resist what's happening now
Speaker 1: and saying this isn't true for women that they haven't
Speaker 1: been subjugated or treated unfairly. It is true, it's undeniable,
Speaker 1: it's indisputable, so shut up and say you're sorry. But
Speaker 1: I've never dated a comic, and people always like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, you and Joe Comus just laugh your asses off,
Speaker 1: laugh your ass off. I'm like, not quite. I go,
Speaker 1: we do laugh our ass off. But like when you're
Speaker 1: two comedians, it's like my comedies for when I'm on stage,
Speaker 1: Like at this point in my life, like I'm not
Speaker 1: sitting around being funny all fucking day long by myself.
Speaker 1: You know, you're just playing chess in the dark together
Speaker 1: hanseless always. I'm always playing chess by myself. And yeah,
Speaker 1: I've become much more serious as i've aged about like
Speaker 1: wanting my thirst for knowledge or reading the right books
Speaker 1: and making sure I know what's going on with that.
Speaker 1: I just read a book about the German War that
Speaker 1: was like eight hundred pages, and I was like, funk,
Speaker 1: I should have read this a lot sooner. But I
Speaker 1: have a I have a much greater sense of responsibility
Speaker 1: to like my fountain of knowledge, like I need to
Speaker 1: know more and I'm pursuing that always. But when people
Speaker 1: say like Oh, you guys must just laugh your asses
Speaker 1: off all the time. I just want to be like, no,
Speaker 1: it's not like you're sitting here writing jokes for each
Speaker 1: other all day long. Is it like that for you guys?
Speaker 1: Or how do you feel about that kind of comment?
Speaker 1: We work on jokes together, I mean, I think we
Speaker 1: make each other laugh a lot, but we're also very
Speaker 1: intense people, so we also complain a lot and bicker
Speaker 1: a lot. And yeah, when we're we're making fun of
Speaker 1: stuff and running jokes by each other, I think we
Speaker 1: probably laughed the least when we're running jokes by each other.
Speaker 1: And you know what you're like, is this funny? You're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's good. That's really good. You should write that down.
Speaker 1: And then when we are just hanging out or watching
Speaker 1: movies or watching TV shows or or whatever, that's when
Speaker 1: we laugh the hardest, when we're just being stupid, But
Speaker 1: when we're actually working on jokes, it's not funny at all.
Speaker 1: It's just like that will work, that's good. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: what do you like about being on the road, because
Speaker 1: I know, are you on tour right now? I am
Speaker 1: on tour right now. Yeah. We had to reschedule my
Speaker 1: new York shows this weekend. Unfortunately because of all the
Speaker 1: COVID stuff. So I was supposed to be doing town
Speaker 1: hall on the beak end this weekend, and we had
Speaker 1: to move them to April. But I'm back on tour
Speaker 1: after a few weeks off this weekend, so I'm going
Speaker 1: to be in Portland and Seattle, and then like I
Speaker 1: go to Michigan and I think, like, oh, mahan, all
Speaker 1: these other places. So I'm on tour until like May,
Speaker 1: and then I need a break because my next Netflix
Speaker 1: special is coming out in the next couple of months here,
Speaker 1: so I'm like, I need a minute after that, because
Speaker 1: I've also been on tour kind of NonStop since last year.
Speaker 1: I mean before I was vaccinated, I was doing clubs
Speaker 1: that were like very spread out, like full, and then
Speaker 1: once I was vaccinated, I was just back on the
Speaker 1: road and I was doing it every weekend. I wasn't
Speaker 1: doing the self care stuff I had been doing before
Speaker 1: or the pandemic where I was like, I'll do two
Speaker 1: or three weekends a month because I need to keep
Speaker 1: my sanity. I was like, put me on the road
Speaker 1: as much as humanly possible. So I have not had
Speaker 1: a ton of time off in the last nine ten months. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I think being on the road, it's like it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter at what level you're doing it. You know.
Speaker 1: I've been on tour for the last four or five
Speaker 1: months too, and just have this one month off and
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter if you're flying privately, if you have
Speaker 1: a tour bus. It just wears on you because you
Speaker 1: are exhausted every morning. You feel hungover, whether you've had
Speaker 1: a drink or not. That is how I feel on tour.
Speaker 1: It's like it is a wellness game, and then you
Speaker 1: just give up on the wellness, right, Yes, you're just
Speaker 1: getting through it. Like I kept thinking I had COVID
Speaker 1: every time I came back from a weekend and I'd
Speaker 1: get tests and they'd be negative. And then I realized
Speaker 1: it was because I was just living in survival mode
Speaker 1: for like three days where I got home and I
Speaker 1: took a minute to like unclench all my muscles, and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, you're not drinking four cups of
Speaker 1: coffee a day in anymore just to get by, Like
Speaker 1: you didn't wake up to get on a plane at
Speaker 1: six am after three hours of sleep, like you are
Speaker 1: recovering Monday and Tuesday, and then Wednesday or Thursday you
Speaker 1: have to go back out and start the cycle over again. Totally.
Speaker 1: It's just it is. And then what do you do
Speaker 1: during the day when you're on the road. Do you
Speaker 1: go out and about or do you just hunker down
Speaker 1: in your hotel room. It depends. I try to get out.
Speaker 1: I've been trying to be better about it. It It depends
Speaker 1: where you are obviously, Like if you're going back to
Speaker 1: one of those cities that you're like, I swore I'd
Speaker 1: never then you're like, I'm gonna stay in the hotel.
Speaker 1: But if you're in a cool place, like if you're
Speaker 1: in Chicago or wherever else, you're like, I want to
Speaker 1: go to the restaurant I like, or I want to
Speaker 1: go see something. My buddy, Dustin Nickerson, who goes on
Speaker 1: tour with me. That's made a huge difference having like
Speaker 1: one of my best friends with me on the road,
Speaker 1: because before it was just me by myself, and that's
Speaker 1: very isolating and draining, and it's hard to motivate yourself
Speaker 1: to go out and do anything. It's hard to motivate
Speaker 1: yourself to go find a cute coffee shop or a
Speaker 1: place to get breakfast. Like before I was just finding
Speaker 1: a grocery store and like bringing like bags of spinach
Speaker 1: and hummus back to my hotel room with a mini fridge,
Speaker 1: Like it was so sad. So now that I have
Speaker 1: like a buddy with me, it's much easier to motivate
Speaker 1: myself to get out and try to experience where I'm
Speaker 1: at in the country, because you know, it's this is
Speaker 1: so much of our lives. Like for a while, I
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, the road is my job and then
Speaker 1: I'm gonna come home and have my life. And now
Speaker 1: I try to treat the road with as much importance
Speaker 1: as I do my life at home, because it's fifty
Speaker 1: of my time, if not more. Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 1: You're right about that. I need to be better about
Speaker 1: that too. I used to be a lot better, and
Speaker 1: now I just I'm like, uh, I have to conserve
Speaker 1: my energy, you know. I have this idea that it's
Speaker 1: like I have. All I have is what I'm going
Speaker 1: to put on the show that night, you know, and
Speaker 1: I want to. But it is good for the soul
Speaker 1: to be out and about in these places and have
Speaker 1: a little bit of culture. It's good to get out
Speaker 1: there and like meet people and see what's going on
Speaker 1: in those cities. Even if it does if you do
Speaker 1: find it depressing or whatever, it all kind of adds
Speaker 1: up and it is a huge part of our lives.
Speaker 1: So there's really no disputing that. So on this podcast,
Speaker 1: we take callers they could zoom in and we give
Speaker 1: them our advice. So we're gonna go ahead, Katherine, right,
Speaker 1: and take our first call or zoom or I still
Speaker 1: don't know how this podcast works. Every every week it's
Speaker 1: the New Adventure. I'm like, wait, what is someone coming
Speaker 1: in live. I'm gonna make us take a quick break
Speaker 1: for ads and then we'll come back with an email
Speaker 1: in a color and we are back. I actually have
Speaker 1: something I wanted to tell Taylor. I'm sure we're not related,
Speaker 1: but my last name is law but I'm actually a Tomlinson. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my dad's biological father's last name is Tomlinson. So I've
Speaker 1: got lots of Tomlinson cousins and aunts and uncles. And
Speaker 1: according to the person who did our ancestry dot com,
Speaker 1: it's Illinois farmers back as far as the eye can
Speaker 1: see on that side, Tomlinson's. Yeah. Sometimes I get messages
Speaker 1: from people like any relation to Tomlinson's over here, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, but who knows? You never really know?
Speaker 1: I mean, how would we know who were related to? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess you put your spin in a vial and
Speaker 1: email it somewhere. I've never done like twenty three and me,
Speaker 1: but that's what it is, right. I have some uncles,
Speaker 1: so I'm sort of like, hmmm, should you be worried?
Speaker 1: I part of me is like, if I did do
Speaker 1: that and like caught a bad guy, even if I
Speaker 1: was related to said bad guy, what a thrill. I
Speaker 1: think I'll be thrilling. So our first question comes from
Speaker 1: just initial P and Taylor. Because of your background with
Speaker 1: religion and all that stuff, I thought this would be
Speaker 1: a good question for you guys to tackle together. P
Speaker 1: says Dear Chelsea. I'm writing to ask for help and
Speaker 1: explaining to my girlfriend why it's not the best idea
Speaker 1: for her to get baptized just because her grandmother wants
Speaker 1: her to. Her grandma believes she won't see her in
Speaker 1: the afterlife unless she's baptized. Neither my partner nor I
Speaker 1: grew up in religious households. We believe in higher powers,
Speaker 1: but certainly not the sweet baby Jesus, her grandma believes in.
Speaker 1: My girlfriend feels that getting baptized will make her grandma happy,
Speaker 1: but doesn't fully understand why folks get baptized, the personal
Speaker 1: choice behind it, the religious beliefs behind it. I'm no
Speaker 1: scholar in the subject, and I don't think you are either. However,
Speaker 1: I do believe you may have some great insight on
Speaker 1: why my girlfriend shouldn't get baptized just to appease grandma.
Speaker 1: P Well, Taylor, why don't you start and then I'll
Speaker 1: follow up. I mean, I don't know if this is
Speaker 1: a dumb answer, but I'm kind of like, how much
Speaker 1: do you love your grandma? Like does it matter really?
Speaker 1: Like if you get dunked in some water, if you
Speaker 1: don't believe in it, then it really just comes down
Speaker 1: to do you want to do your grandma favor and
Speaker 1: make her feel good? Because I don't think you should
Speaker 1: do anything that you're not comfortable with and you don't
Speaker 1: want to do because like I don't know that I
Speaker 1: could personally do something like that, Like I know that
Speaker 1: I've told my grandma, who I love more than anything
Speaker 1: in the world. Like I'm not a Christian and I'm
Speaker 1: scared I won't be a part of this family. And
Speaker 1: she was like, oh, my God, of course not. You'll
Speaker 1: always be a part of this family. And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but you do think I'm going to hell? And she's like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know what to say to that,
Speaker 1: and so it's comforting. It's it's just, it is what
Speaker 1: it is. Like, if you don't believe that being baptized
Speaker 1: means anything, then it's up to you if you feel
Speaker 1: comfortable doing that just to make your grandma happy, or
Speaker 1: if that feels not authentic to you and you don't
Speaker 1: want to lie. It's such a personal decision. I can't
Speaker 1: even say, like, this is what you should absolutely do.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean if my grandma wanted me to
Speaker 1: get baptized and I wasn't Christian, I would probably say, like,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't actually believe what you believe, and
Speaker 1: I understand that that's hard for you. I maybe would
Speaker 1: go I could get baptized if you want, but know
Speaker 1: that if I don't believe it, then it's probably not
Speaker 1: going to do anything. Right, Like, if you want me
Speaker 1: to get baptized, but you know, I don't believe in Jesus.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's gonna matter. It sounds like your
Speaker 1: grandma just wants you to be something you're not. She
Speaker 1: sounds like she just wants you to be religious, and
Speaker 1: if you're not, it's not gonna work. Yeah, I would say,
Speaker 1: I'm going to say something surprising, and I would say,
Speaker 1: first of all, if you really don't believe in it,
Speaker 1: then who gives a ship? Then do it for you?
Speaker 1: Like if you just want to make your grandmother happy
Speaker 1: so she can die peacefully knowing that she's having her
Speaker 1: believe she's going to see you in the afterlife, go
Speaker 1: get baptized. Like, if you don't believe in it, it's
Speaker 1: not it's no harm, no foul. Like if somebody in
Speaker 1: my life that I really cared about or respected wanted
Speaker 1: me to do that, I probably would just because it
Speaker 1: doesn't make a difference to me because I don't believe
Speaker 1: in that. So I have no problem getting dunk in
Speaker 1: water by a priest and eating that cookie or whatever
Speaker 1: happens afterward. It's not a big deal. And and I
Speaker 1: feel like I do have a soft spot for older people,
Speaker 1: like religious older people. They do believe they're not going
Speaker 1: to see their family again. And I almost have more
Speaker 1: compassion for that than being obstinate in your own belief system. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's kind of how I felt to It's it's
Speaker 1: more so just like, if you're gonna do it and
Speaker 1: feel bad about it, don't do it. But yeah, if
Speaker 1: you don't care, then just do it. Yeah. Peace. So
Speaker 1: there you go. I mean, you could do it or
Speaker 1: you cannot do it, but let us know what happens.
Speaker 1: Fantastic problem solved. We have a huge we have a
Speaker 1: great track record on this show, Taylor, so just watch out.
Speaker 1: We solve them all. Just about Okay. Our next question,
Speaker 1: and we have this color on the line comes from Shannon.
Speaker 1: I thought this would also be a great question for you, Taylor,
Speaker 1: because she's sort of having a quarter life crisis. Shannon says,
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I'm turning thirty next month, and looking back
Speaker 1: on my twenties, I wish I'd let myself have more fun.
Speaker 1: Money has been tight since graduating college, as my husband
Speaker 1: and I both have large amounts of student debt. Stress
Speaker 1: around money has been a big factor in our lives,
Speaker 1: affecting each of our personal happiness and sense of self
Speaker 1: worth and causing a lot of strain on our marriage.
Speaker 1: I think we also let money challenges stop us from
Speaker 1: having fun. What advice do you have for me going
Speaker 1: into my thirties? What are some ways that you put
Speaker 1: your stress aside and have fun, particularly that don't involve
Speaker 1: spending money? Shannon? Hi, Shannon, Hi, Hi, this is Taylor.
Speaker 1: Hi Shannon, Hi. Okay, So you're stressed about money all
Speaker 1: the time? That must be really that must take up
Speaker 1: a lot of your energy, right it does? Yeah? And
Speaker 1: so how do you guys manage the stress? Do you
Speaker 1: spend a lot of time budgeting? Do you spend a
Speaker 1: lot of time saying no to things? I I think
Speaker 1: that my husband and I have different methods, Like I
Speaker 1: think for him it's hard to even look at it.
Speaker 1: So I spend a lot of time I feel like
Speaker 1: almost just staring at it. I guess budgeting, but almost
Speaker 1: feeling like how do I move things around? You know, like, oh, great,
Speaker 1: I can balance transfer those and do this here or whatever,
Speaker 1: like trying to be strategic. And my husband, I think
Speaker 1: he just kind of shuts down. And for him it's intimidating.
Speaker 1: He's just like, well, we don't have enough money to
Speaker 1: do anything, so whatever, And I'm trying to be more
Speaker 1: solution oriented, so that becomes challenging. Yeah, I bet that
Speaker 1: is challenging, But I mean, I think there are so
Speaker 1: many things you can do without spending money and without
Speaker 1: taxing it. Hey, you probably have to open up a
Speaker 1: little better line of communication with your husband so that
Speaker 1: you guys can kind of handle it together, because for
Speaker 1: you to be spearheading it must be really stressful. Also, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, my boyfriend doesn't like to talk about anything negative,
Speaker 1: Like if anything bad in the world happens, he's just like,
Speaker 1: like the news, politics, anything like that, he shuts down,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, so I'm supposed to just deal with
Speaker 1: all of this myself, you know. So I can understand
Speaker 1: that there's that imbalance kind of creates a lot of stress,
Speaker 1: But there are so many things that you can do
Speaker 1: that not only you can do for free, but that
Speaker 1: will add to your like quality of life, to add
Speaker 1: to your distressing you know, just being outside in nature,
Speaker 1: going for hikes, going for long walks through the woods,
Speaker 1: you know, finding the areas around where you live where
Speaker 1: you can experience like nature in a nice, fun, cool way,
Speaker 1: and that it's like a double dose because it's free
Speaker 1: and it's going to lend to your happiness and level
Speaker 1: of happiness. And I think once you you just have
Speaker 1: to make a real effort each day to relieve that
Speaker 1: part of your day where you're where you're so hyper
Speaker 1: focused on the finances. You're gonna be okay. You've been
Speaker 1: okay this far. You have a track record to prove
Speaker 1: to yourself that you're going to be okay moving forward
Speaker 1: even if finances are type m hm. So what kind
Speaker 1: of stuff do you guys do together? Mostly watch TV?
Speaker 1: I mean in non COVID times, we like to go
Speaker 1: to the movies. Definitely. Lately we've been a little bit
Speaker 1: less active so and I think too, it's like another
Speaker 1: another struggle where my husband he does like to go
Speaker 1: hiking and stuff, but not as much and even something
Speaker 1: as simple as like oh, let's go walk the dogs,
Speaker 1: like he's just not always up for it. And sometimes
Speaker 1: that's frustrating. But I also have to remind myself, well,
Speaker 1: like I can go do that myself too. I'm still
Speaker 1: going to get value out of doing that on my
Speaker 1: own rather than just not doing anything. Yeah. Absolutely, And
Speaker 1: I think it's really important for you to do that
Speaker 1: on your own because sometimes the way to attract another
Speaker 1: person is just to enjoy yourself on your own, you know,
Speaker 1: by you going out and doing those things, coming back
Speaker 1: in a brighter mood and a happier kind of state
Speaker 1: of mind, and him being like, oh, I missed that.
Speaker 1: I mean, when I met Joe, he never worked out
Speaker 1: a day in his life, and I would just get
Speaker 1: up every morning and I'm serious about working out and
Speaker 1: being like healthy. And after a week He's like, I'm
Speaker 1: not doing this anymore. I'm not sitting here sleeping while
Speaker 1: you work out. I'm gonna level up. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I didn't even ask him to do that. I never
Speaker 1: expected him to work out. I didn't know. Meanwhile, now
Speaker 1: he's ripped after two weeks of it, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is a little bit uneven. But Taylor, what do
Speaker 1: you what do you have to say about that when
Speaker 1: you're struggling with finances because we've all been there, everyone's
Speaker 1: experience that, well not everybody, but most people. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: had a question, where do you live. I live in
Speaker 1: Las Vegas. Oh, so there's a lot of nature things
Speaker 1: you can do. Oh my god, that's I mean, the
Speaker 1: people watching in Vegas alone is because I'm not when
Speaker 1: I go to Vegas to perform. I'm not like a
Speaker 1: big I don't gamble or drink or anything. So I
Speaker 1: do a lot of just like people watching, which is
Speaker 1: very entertaining to me. Do you have kids, Oh, so
Speaker 1: that's great. So it's really just you and your husband.
Speaker 1: It sounds like the fact that you guys handle this
Speaker 1: stuff so differently. I so relate to that because I
Speaker 1: also have a partner who like doesn't like to plan
Speaker 1: ahead and if something is stressful, just kind of like
Speaker 1: doesn't want to deal with it right away. And it
Speaker 1: sounds like hearing you talk, it just sounds like you
Speaker 1: are feeling like it's kind of all on you right now.
Speaker 1: Is he bringing this stuff up as well? Like everything
Speaker 1: you wrote in like, is he communicating that he's feeling
Speaker 1: that too, or is it just kind of you feeling
Speaker 1: it on your own and wondering if he does too. No,
Speaker 1: I mean, we like kind of talked recently. I generally
Speaker 1: would say that our communication isn't great, but we did
Speaker 1: talk pretty recently and had like a more serious conversation
Speaker 1: and we've had in a long time, and so I
Speaker 1: know it's both on our minds and we're both trying
Speaker 1: to kind of figure out together, but also for ourselves,
Speaker 1: how do we we're definitely in like a slump just
Speaker 1: in general, and how do we kind of like pull
Speaker 1: ourselves out of that, because I mean, we are actually
Speaker 1: doing exciting things. We're buying a house right now, and
Speaker 1: you know, we didn't think that that was going to
Speaker 1: probably be possible for another several years, and so it's
Speaker 1: like we even have these positive things happening, and it's
Speaker 1: like we're so nervous something's going to happen and our
Speaker 1: loan is not going to go through or or whatever.
Speaker 1: So it's like just finding that way to like pull
Speaker 1: ourselves out of that and not being the greatest set
Speaker 1: of communicating along the way. Yeah, and I know you
Speaker 1: mentioned when we had our pre interview call as well
Speaker 1: you just started a new job. So that's very exciting,
Speaker 1: ding and congratulations on that. But I wonder if there
Speaker 1: are any free counselors in the area that you guys
Speaker 1: could go see just to talk through some of these things,
Speaker 1: because you know, it shouldn't all just fall to you.
Speaker 1: I know, like in my household, I manage most of
Speaker 1: the money, but it's not necessarily because my husband isn't
Speaker 1: there to talk about it. He would be happy too,
Speaker 1: but I don't know, maybe it's a little bit more
Speaker 1: than I'm like, Okay, I want to be the boss
Speaker 1: of this and make the decisions, and he kind of
Speaker 1: just goes with the flow, which is great, But it
Speaker 1: sounds like you need a little bit more support in
Speaker 1: that area. And I also wonder if you know, I know,
Speaker 1: you said it's a lot of college debt, and that
Speaker 1: can kind of feel like you're looking down the barrel
Speaker 1: of years and years of the same and it can
Speaker 1: feel really overwhelming. But I wonder if there's anybody that
Speaker 1: you can see who can help consolidate some of that,
Speaker 1: or if there's any changes that can be made to
Speaker 1: like how long you're paying it off, um, just to
Speaker 1: give you guys a little more breathing room. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: look at I actually look at that instantly. I've replanced already.
Speaker 1: Right now we're waiting to close on the house and
Speaker 1: then we're gonna try to look again at some of
Speaker 1: those options too. Yeah, and in a good way to like,
Speaker 1: you know, bring a little bit of like bright and
Speaker 1: lightness into your life. Like you have a new job, right,
Speaker 1: you have new people you're working with, like you can
Speaker 1: do things that cost nothing. You can have not that
Speaker 1: like this is something I've ever done, but I've heard
Speaker 1: about it. You know. You can have like group cooking
Speaker 1: classes with people from your work or friends. You can
Speaker 1: have a book club. You can just have these little
Speaker 1: kind of You could join a volleyball league. You could
Speaker 1: do any of these things that are going to add
Speaker 1: to your mental fitness and health and alleviate some of
Speaker 1: the stress. Because whenever we're stressed, we're lacking endorphins. That's
Speaker 1: what we're lacking, you know. Always it's their serotonin and
Speaker 1: it's our endorphins. And getting outside and being social with
Speaker 1: other people and taking your attention off of yourself. A
Speaker 1: lot of the time, you're already paying enough attention to
Speaker 1: yourself and your finances and your you know, your situation.
Speaker 1: So a lot of time our stress gets alleviated when
Speaker 1: we put our focus elsewhere, you know. And you can
Speaker 1: find ways to integrate your you know, your social life
Speaker 1: with your work life, or have a night of the
Speaker 1: week where everybody comes over and you have like a
Speaker 1: potluck dinner and you're socializing with people. That's always going
Speaker 1: to bring everybody up. Or your you join a softball
Speaker 1: league or whatever sport you find interesting, or a book club.
Speaker 1: You know, there's something for everybody. And it's just about
Speaker 1: when you said pulling myself out of this, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1: You're in charge of pulling yourself out of this. You're
Speaker 1: in charge of making your mood a little bit brighter,
Speaker 1: and you don't necessarily need him to do that. Sometimes
Speaker 1: when you lead, other people will follow. Start with yourself,
Speaker 1: and then you know, hopefully it will be a natural progression.
Speaker 1: In addition to finding a counselor you know, we do
Speaker 1: ads for better help all the time. That's like online
Speaker 1: cheap counseling where you can talk to somebody and bounce
Speaker 1: stuff off of them. But it's not a hopeless situation
Speaker 1: by any stretch of the imagination. And you're not alone.
Speaker 1: I mean, everybody is struggling with college debt. Luckily I
Speaker 1: didn't get into college, so that's not an issue for me.
Speaker 1: But everybody is strong going with this kind of stuff,
Speaker 1: and so you should take some solace also knowing that
Speaker 1: you're not alone. It's not unique to you. And remember
Speaker 1: that you got yourself this far, You're gonna get yourself
Speaker 1: through the next phase of your life and enjoy that
Speaker 1: you're about to buy a house like that's huge, right,
Speaker 1: instead of stressing about what can go wrong and operating
Speaker 1: out of fear, operating out of like abundance, like this
Speaker 1: is wonderful. What else are we going to be able
Speaker 1: to do? Try and take the negative lines of thinking
Speaker 1: and turn them into positives, like what if our loan
Speaker 1: doesn't go through? What if our loan does go through,
Speaker 1: and then this is such a success that we go
Speaker 1: get another house and then we start flipping houses. Whatever
Speaker 1: the dialogue is that's going to get you excited about it,
Speaker 1: I think is integral to like getting your mind into
Speaker 1: a happier state of being. Yeah. Yeah, I super relate
Speaker 1: to that feeling of like, oh, I'm so excited to
Speaker 1: be taking this next big step, but like what if
Speaker 1: something horrible happens? I just constantly live in that place.
Speaker 1: And something that my therapist always says to me is like,
Speaker 1: don't freak out about something until it's actually happening, because
Speaker 1: if it actually happens, it's not going to have served
Speaker 1: you to have been miserable up until the point it happened.
Speaker 1: You either can be positive until something bad happens and
Speaker 1: then deal with it once it's here, or you can
Speaker 1: be positive and maybe nothing ever happens that you're worried about.
Speaker 1: And so I just want to say completely get how
Speaker 1: you feel in that regard, and I know how hard
Speaker 1: it is to like stay present and stay excited and
Speaker 1: stay positive about what's going on in your life. But
Speaker 1: just know that, like if something bad happens, you can
Speaker 1: be upset about it. Then you know, like, don't get it,
Speaker 1: don't get ahead of the bad thing in this way
Speaker 1: of thinking of like, well, if I I am afraid
Speaker 1: of it, it won't happen, because it's gonna happen if
Speaker 1: it's going to happen, and you deserve to feel happy
Speaker 1: and excited about something great that's happening for you. You're
Speaker 1: so right because I spend so much time doing that
Speaker 1: now that you say it, like I live like that
Speaker 1: all the time. Yeah, same, it's brutal. Yeah. And it's
Speaker 1: the power of your thoughts, right, it's the power of
Speaker 1: positive thinking. That old book where it talks about your
Speaker 1: thoughts have an impact on your on the way you
Speaker 1: live your life, and it becomes a cycle. So the
Speaker 1: great news is it's easy to change your habits it's
Speaker 1: easy to like change your negative thinking over time into
Speaker 1: positive thinking, and then that brings in a little bit
Speaker 1: more positivity, and then it turns into a lot of positivity,
Speaker 1: and you realize how strong your mind is, you know.
Speaker 1: So you you're in charge of getting yourself kind of
Speaker 1: out of this little rut that you're in, which is
Speaker 1: not the end of the world. You recognize it. You're
Speaker 1: calling in talking to us today about it. So I
Speaker 1: think you're going to be all fine, you just have
Speaker 1: to switch your script a little bit, flip it. Thank you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and she'll say, I liked what you said to about
Speaker 1: doing stuff in groups because it is you that has
Speaker 1: to get you out of it, but not alone, like
Speaker 1: you don't have to be doing it alone. And a
Speaker 1: lot of what tells us suggest it was group activities,
Speaker 1: and I think that's really helpful. Yeah, And I think
Speaker 1: that makes sense too. For I didn't mention that my
Speaker 1: new job is also working with my husband and we
Speaker 1: work very well together, which is actually great, no problem,
Speaker 1: we've worked together before. It it's great, but it is
Speaker 1: definitely something that I want to focus on moving into
Speaker 1: this job, just finding ways to like, like you said,
Speaker 1: find a book club, or find other ways that I
Speaker 1: can make new friends, spend time with friends already have
Speaker 1: and I haven't seen in forever because my day to
Speaker 1: day is definitely not going to be there just won't
Speaker 1: be as many people in the picture as some of
Speaker 1: my previous jobs. Last Gey season, I remember I was
Speaker 1: up here. I'm in Canada, and I love to ski,
Speaker 1: and one day I just was in this terrible mood
Speaker 1: and I just I was supposed to ski with four
Speaker 1: of my friends and I just blew them all off
Speaker 1: and I said, no, I'm not skiing today. I lied,
Speaker 1: but I went out by myself and I ran into
Speaker 1: them and I was like, oh shout, I just got caught,
Speaker 1: you know, totally redhead. But the way that my mood
Speaker 1: elevated just by being around other people that I was
Speaker 1: going to shut myself away from. I was going to
Speaker 1: shut myself down from that, and then it just came
Speaker 1: at me and by the end of the day I
Speaker 1: was in a completely different spear it. So you really
Speaker 1: have to pay attention to being around other people and
Speaker 1: the benefit that that has on your mental space. Does
Speaker 1: that sound good, Channon? Do you feel like you've got
Speaker 1: some decent advice? I do I have a lot of
Speaker 1: things to think about, for sure. Yeah, and also start
Speaker 1: instilling like the positivity into your conversations with your husband,
Speaker 1: because it's infectious and when people are upbeat and fun like,
Speaker 1: it's catchy. Yeah, thank you, thank okay, thanks for calling.
Speaker 1: Thanks Shannon, Yeah, thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1: Bye bye, Well. Our next call comes from Christina. She's
Speaker 1: twenty five. She's an attorney in Miami. Oh. Well, ship,
Speaker 1: She's got her ship together. She's quite open, she says.
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I'm writing about a very close friend of
Speaker 1: mine who I love dearly but sometimes oversteps her boundaries
Speaker 1: by subtly opinionating on my relationship. For context, I recently
Speaker 1: became a lawyer. I'm a first generation college student and
Speaker 1: the first person ever in my family to go to
Speaker 1: law school. I worked my ass off until I graduated
Speaker 1: at the top of my class and passed the bar
Speaker 1: exam with flying colors. My boyfriend of three years works
Speaker 1: are respectable but mundane, job, doesn't really have any passion
Speaker 1: for work or career goals, and really enjoys playing video
Speaker 1: games and watching sports. Nonetheless, he loves me deeply. He
Speaker 1: is and has always been incredibly supportive, and he devotes
Speaker 1: himself to my happiness. He's a good man and I
Speaker 1: love him more than I've ever loved anything. My friend,
Speaker 1: who I met in law school, knows how hard I've
Speaker 1: worked and has told me many times how much she
Speaker 1: admires me as a person, and I to admire her.
Speaker 1: My boyfriend, on the other hand, she does not approve
Speaker 1: of I know, deep down, she's probably just protective of
Speaker 1: me and thinks I can do better, probably another lawyer
Speaker 1: or a banker or something. That's fine, She's entitled to
Speaker 1: her opinion, but I really dislike when she makes passive,
Speaker 1: aggressive comments about my relationship. For example, she sends me
Speaker 1: eames about lazy boyfriends with overachieving girlfriends and makes jokes
Speaker 1: about him to me. It really hurts me, and it
Speaker 1: hurts to know she thinks I'm settling, And in all fairness,
Speaker 1: she's never had a relationship in her entire life, so
Speaker 1: it also seems very hypocritical to judge mine. How do
Speaker 1: I tell her to back off without causing a rift
Speaker 1: in our friendship or coming off as condescending? Love? Christina, Hi, Christina, Hi, Hi,
Speaker 1: This is Taylor Hi. Okay, So well, First of all,
Speaker 1: congratulations of being such a badass and having your law
Speaker 1: degree at twenty five years old practicing in Miami. That's
Speaker 1: fucking cool, first generation college student. I love all of it.
Speaker 1: So congrats on all of that. Thank you so much. UM.
Speaker 1: I like that you recognize that your boyfriend likes to
Speaker 1: play video games and has no ambition and has no drive.
Speaker 1: That's also really sweet because you know what, you're not
Speaker 1: judgmental at all. You're not judging him, and not a
Speaker 1: lot of people are capable of not judging people. I
Speaker 1: know that I'm not. So have you spoken to your
Speaker 1: friend about this yet? Well, first of all, I want
Speaker 1: to say, I recognize that I'm known. I wanted to
Speaker 1: be a lawyers since I was twelve years old, and
Speaker 1: so I've worked for it. But that's a gift, and
Speaker 1: to him, a job is just a means to an end,
Speaker 1: and I think that that's really fine. I mean, he's
Speaker 1: still working, you know, I'm not like picking up the
Speaker 1: slack or anything like that, so it's fine. I haven't
Speaker 1: said anything to her for a couple of reasons. I
Speaker 1: know for a fact that it's nothing personal. You know,
Speaker 1: she doesn't just like him as a person. It's just
Speaker 1: that she really wants the best of the best for me,
Speaker 1: and so I guess in her mind, these few character
Speaker 1: traits that she doesn't mind takes him out of the running.
Speaker 1: But I do know that it's coming from a good place.
Speaker 1: And then I have to remind myself that she hasn't
Speaker 1: ever been in a serious relationship, so she just kind
Speaker 1: of still has this idea that, you know, love is
Speaker 1: like the movies, and you know, she somebody sweeps you
Speaker 1: off their feet and then they never didn't want you in.
Speaker 1: And I mean, and I, through my relationship, learns that
Speaker 1: that's not what it is. Relationships are work and nobody's perfect.
Speaker 1: But when you really love someone, you love them for
Speaker 1: their flaws and as long as they're the person and
Speaker 1: they treat you well, then you work through the rest.
Speaker 1: And so I've never really wanted to tell her, well,
Speaker 1: you know, you've never been in a relationship, so how
Speaker 1: would you know what the gifts and takes are because
Speaker 1: it comes off really condescending, and she can be a
Speaker 1: little bit fragile, so I don't want to hurt her either.
Speaker 1: So now I haven't ever talked to her about it.
Speaker 1: I kind of just like laugh it off. I think
Speaker 1: there's a really easy, nice like solution to just you
Speaker 1: can either send her an email and then follow up
Speaker 1: with a conversation, but a loving one, just saying listen,
Speaker 1: I love you so much. I cherish our friendship, but
Speaker 1: it really hurts my feelings when you are passively aggressive
Speaker 1: about my boyfriend, or you're making judgments or sending me
Speaker 1: memes like we both know who you're talking about. This
Speaker 1: is my relationship, not your is. No friend has ever
Speaker 1: decided their girlfriend's relationship for them, so that's a huge
Speaker 1: She should learn that lesson early on anyway, because you
Speaker 1: can't do that. You can't control who your sisters, your brothers,
Speaker 1: or your friends are gonna date. They're gonna date who
Speaker 1: they want, just like you're going to date who you want,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna love who you love. You can say
Speaker 1: this in a very tender way, like you both are
Speaker 1: so important to me. You know, he's never once said
Speaker 1: anything about you or I don't know if that's true
Speaker 1: or not, but it's not true, right of course not.
Speaker 1: He's probably like fuck her, But you just have to
Speaker 1: really just map it up because you're not giving her
Speaker 1: enough credit or respect by not addressing it. I've never
Speaker 1: thought of it that way. It's true, if someone's disappointing
Speaker 1: you and and they're not loving somebody that you love,
Speaker 1: you have to show her the amount of respect that
Speaker 1: you're going to show that you show your boyfriend, right,
Speaker 1: the amount of respect that you show yourself. You want
Speaker 1: to be respectful to her in your relationship and say
Speaker 1: this isn't cool with me, I'm so sorry, but it
Speaker 1: hurts my feelings every time you mention his lack of
Speaker 1: ambition or drive, like those might be important things to you,
Speaker 1: but what's important to me is my ambition, my drive.
Speaker 1: I'm not looking for that necessarily in this relationship or
Speaker 1: with my boyfriend. I supply that for myself. And you know,
Speaker 1: you don't have to mention that she's never been in
Speaker 1: a relationship, because that's a little judgmental. I think, Taylor,
Speaker 1: what do you think I mean? If she wants you
Speaker 1: to date another lawyer, when would you see another lawyer? Like,
Speaker 1: I'm sure your workload is insane. Like I know a
Speaker 1: few people who have gone through law school and I
Speaker 1: just like didn't see them for years, and then they
Speaker 1: had like a couple of months off and now they
Speaker 1: work very demanding jobs, Like, I think that a lot
Speaker 1: of relationships if one person is in a field that's
Speaker 1: like very demanding and high stress, it works very well
Speaker 1: to have somebody else who is like, yeah, I have
Speaker 1: a job. I like it, but like I like a job,
Speaker 1: I can leave at work and come home and relax
Speaker 1: and play video games and love my partner. Like, I
Speaker 1: think it sounds like you're in a great relationship with
Speaker 1: someone who balances you out. And I think it's really
Speaker 1: beautiful and actually pretty empathetic that you're like. I haven't
Speaker 1: talked to her about it yet because she's ever been
Speaker 1: in a relationship, and I understand that from her perspective,
Speaker 1: it probably looks like this, Like, I think you are
Speaker 1: an incredibly impressive, mature person. But yeah, I totally agree
Speaker 1: with Chelsea, Like, you know, trust your friend enough that
Speaker 1: she will be able to handle you saying very directly, Hey,
Speaker 1: I love you so much. I'm sure you don't mean
Speaker 1: anything by this, but it really hurts my feelings. This
Speaker 1: is my partner. It's okay if you don't understand, but
Speaker 1: I just can't keep acting like I'm okay with these
Speaker 1: comments because I know I laughed them off, but I'm
Speaker 1: really not, And they're also you know, because she hasn't
Speaker 1: ever had a relationship like that, they're also maybe a
Speaker 1: fair amount of jealousy there. So I think, you know,
Speaker 1: like they both said, coming at this from a place
Speaker 1: of kindness and a place of of and just like
Speaker 1: considering that she might be hating on him because she
Speaker 1: sees how happy you actually are, and like that's her
Speaker 1: place to nitpick when she's never really had that in
Speaker 1: her life, might be might be pretty big. I also
Speaker 1: think Taylor made a salient point like, Yeah, what if
Speaker 1: you were to date another lawyer, when the hell would
Speaker 1: you guys be getting together? Like that would be such
Speaker 1: an to Like people who are working their asses off.
Speaker 1: That doesn't make necessarily for a good match. You need
Speaker 1: somebody who's going to be there when you get home,
Speaker 1: that's gonna like support you and and have stuff waiting
Speaker 1: for you for dinner when you get home, and be
Speaker 1: there to snuggle with and all of the things that
Speaker 1: you want to make yourself feel better. So that's a
Speaker 1: great point to bring up to, like, that's what her
Speaker 1: idea of you is, not what your idea of what
Speaker 1: you want is. Yeah, I mean I actually went to
Speaker 1: law school with the idea that I wouldn't meet, you know,
Speaker 1: my future husband there, but I actually started dating him
Speaker 1: right before I got to law school, so that didn't
Speaker 1: work out, but it really was for the best because
Speaker 1: now I definitely don't ever want to date another lawyer
Speaker 1: after I'm done working, i't eople want to talk to
Speaker 1: other lawyers. Um, and he has always been the one,
Speaker 1: you know, to tell me basically, you're doing too much,
Speaker 1: Like you're fine, You've got this. You've studied hard, you know,
Speaker 1: for the last three and a half, you know, almost
Speaker 1: four years, and that to me is just way more
Speaker 1: important than you know, introducing him at coctial parties and
Speaker 1: saying what he does. Yeah, I know, it sounds like
Speaker 1: you know yourself and you're pretty secure and self assured,
Speaker 1: and those are really the most important qualities you can have.
Speaker 1: So yeah, it'll be an easier conversation than you think.
Speaker 1: And just remember when you're having it, or you're writing
Speaker 1: an email, however you decide to uh, you know, approach it,
Speaker 1: just remember like you're doing this out of love and respect. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's true. I definitely should give her some more credit,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure she knows deep down that it is
Speaker 1: hurtful because sometimes she does backtrack and she'll be like,
Speaker 1: sorry not to you know, do exactly what I'm doing,
Speaker 1: but not to di dig on him. But and also
Speaker 1: when you do have these conversations with your friends, like
Speaker 1: I want to remind everybody that more often than not,
Speaker 1: you become closer to them. That's true. I'm just non
Speaker 1: confrontational with her because she does tend to take things
Speaker 1: a little personally. But she's also pretty self aware, so
Speaker 1: I think that she would be able to recognize and
Speaker 1: as long as I, like you guys said, like tell
Speaker 1: her not mentioning that she hasn't been in a relationship,
Speaker 1: but just that this is somebody that I love, and
Speaker 1: you're somebody that I love, and it will be really
Speaker 1: awkward if I do marry this guy and your bride'smaid. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so yeah, I think I am going to have that
Speaker 1: conversation with her. And are you thinking about marrying your boyfriend?
Speaker 1: Is that a real thing? You know, we have definitely
Speaker 1: talked about it. I have no plans of knocking with
Speaker 1: him forever, Like, there's no reason I wouldn't want to
Speaker 1: marry him, but just that we're young and I just
Speaker 1: got out of school and this is my first year
Speaker 1: working and I kind of want to see, you know,
Speaker 1: where my career takes me and and all that stuff.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm not really running to walk down
Speaker 1: the Yeah. Yeah, I don't get married to just wait.
Speaker 1: That's just good advice from anybody and for anybody. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's been a long time, but um, I think that
Speaker 1: we'll both continue to grow. And I want to accomplish
Speaker 1: some more personal goals to me before I get married,
Speaker 1: and that requires some like you know, splitting up my attention.
Speaker 1: But we're good, well awesome, Well good, it sounds like
Speaker 1: the problem solved. So let us know what happens after
Speaker 1: you talk to your friend. Okay, I will all right.
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling in, Christina, Thanks bye bye. We had
Speaker 1: such genuine sweet women calling in today, Catherine, like really earnest. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I wish I was that nice when I was twenty five,
Speaker 1: I was such a cunt. Like they're so so sweet
Speaker 1: and this generation is just I mean, not this generation,
Speaker 1: that generation after mine. It is just feels like much
Speaker 1: more earnest, you know, in a good way. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: just like trying to look out for her friends feelings
Speaker 1: even while her feelings are getting hurt. Yeah. Yeah. The
Speaker 1: other thing that that makes me think of two is
Speaker 1: just like our job being our whole life or having
Speaker 1: to make our passion our job. I feel like it's
Speaker 1: a very not just American concept, but it is very cultural,
Speaker 1: Like not every culture has the ideal that your job
Speaker 1: has to be everything to you and like give you
Speaker 1: spiritual fulfillment and all this stuff. Like it's actually okay
Speaker 1: if someone's job is just a means to an end
Speaker 1: and they're pulling their weight and being good to someone
Speaker 1: in a relationship. Well, it was interesting because when Taylor
Speaker 1: was saying that earlier, you know, like more than fifty
Speaker 1: percent of your time is on the road, and you
Speaker 1: want to incorporate your life into your work and your
Speaker 1: work into your life. Like I when I was younger,
Speaker 1: I was like I worked work to work, to work
Speaker 1: to work to worked worked, and I was just like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do this my whole life, you know.
Speaker 1: And now that I take time and I take set
Speaker 1: time aside for long breaks and I treat myself to
Speaker 1: like the vacations that I always dreamt about going on,
Speaker 1: you know, I am able to give so much more
Speaker 1: to my work life when I'm doing it and to
Speaker 1: be so las or focused because I reward myself in
Speaker 1: these other ways, which is like, you know, personal growth
Speaker 1: and being able to become a great skier, which was
Speaker 1: important to me, and whatever is important to you, know,
Speaker 1: whoever you are, whatever is important to you. But it
Speaker 1: is a very Americana thing to be, like, my work
Speaker 1: is my life, and my life is my work. And
Speaker 1: when you're in the entertainment industry, it does bleed together
Speaker 1: because it's all about what you're doing. When you're not working,
Speaker 1: you know, it becomes the same thing. So I think
Speaker 1: a lot of us can relate to that too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: do you find that as well, Taylor? Oh? Absolutely. I
Speaker 1: think it's really beautiful that she has somebody in her
Speaker 1: life that is able to say, hey, slow down, appreciate
Speaker 1: how hard you've worked and recognize that you can take
Speaker 1: time for yourself now and it doesn't need to be
Speaker 1: this endless race to the vision like you did it
Speaker 1: you're a lawyer. It's it's amazing, Like I think that
Speaker 1: for high achieving people like her, it is so important
Speaker 1: to have people like that in your life to remind
Speaker 1: you to take care of yourself so you don't just
Speaker 1: become this slave to your career. Yeah, and like, I
Speaker 1: know she's not thinking about marriage yet, but if they
Speaker 1: were to have kids in the future, it's like if
Speaker 1: she has to work late night, it's he's there, you know,
Speaker 1: he's they're holding down the fort. Like I think Chelsea said,
Speaker 1: he's got dinner ready when you come home. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: the way of the world. That's the way it's going.
Speaker 1: Men are going to stay at home raise children until
Speaker 1: we can force them to birth them and then the
Speaker 1: tables are going to be reversed. So everybody just get ready, okay,
Speaker 1: And a lot of men are signing up for this.
Speaker 1: A lot of my friends are dating men that are
Speaker 1: stay at home dads that are killing it, that are
Speaker 1: great fathers, you know, and that have no problem with
Speaker 1: their women or their why they're women. They're women being
Speaker 1: more successful, you know, and being the breadwinners. Like that's hot.
Speaker 1: I see men doing that. I'm like, fun, that's sexy. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: our last mail comes from Jenny. She says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 1: my twenty one year old daughter and I are both
Speaker 1: big fans. I'm writing because my daughter is really angry
Speaker 1: with me due to the fact that she heard me
Speaker 1: having sex with a twenty seven year old rando. I've apologized,
Speaker 1: but she will not forgive me. She called me disgusting, perverted, slutty,
Speaker 1: and all kinds of terrible things, and now she won't
Speaker 1: speak to me. She seems most upset by the age difference.
Speaker 1: I'm forty six. I want to be a role model
Speaker 1: and teach her how to own her sexuality, be sexually positive, etcetera.
Speaker 1: So it's hard for me to acknowledge and validate her
Speaker 1: anger because I kind of feel like a badass. The
Speaker 1: man is not someone I will ever see again or
Speaker 1: ever ask her to meet. After being married and a
Speaker 1: mom for the past twenty five years, I'm ready to
Speaker 1: live my life on my own terms. But I feel
Speaker 1: super shitty about my adult daughter's vitriol. Have I traumatized her?
Speaker 1: Am I a monster for choosing myself? When is it
Speaker 1: okay for me to live? Most importantly, how can I
Speaker 1: get her to forgive me? Can you get her to
Speaker 1: forgive me? I think she'll listen to you. I miss her,
Speaker 1: I love her hugs and kisses. We both love you,
Speaker 1: so Jenny, Yes, absolutely, I want you to forgive your mother. Jenny,
Speaker 1: listen to me. You do not want to be sitting
Speaker 1: there angry at your mom. Just get over that part.
Speaker 1: I understand hearing your mother have sex is not ideal,
Speaker 1: so that's a separate issue. But you don't want to
Speaker 1: spend your time being mad at your mother. She loves you,
Speaker 1: you love her. It's unsettling what happened, but you can
Speaker 1: get past that. As for the mother, yeah, you want
Speaker 1: to live your best life, but you want to be
Speaker 1: respectful of your children and their feelings too. This is
Speaker 1: coming from a parent, and you want to make sure
Speaker 1: that you know you know that there are boundaries and
Speaker 1: letting your daughter here you have sex is not ideal.
Speaker 1: So you know that you made a mistake or a
Speaker 1: misjudgment and you've apologized. I would just say apologize again,
Speaker 1: mean it, and then give her her space for her
Speaker 1: to come back when she's okay to talk to you again,
Speaker 1: and don't push it anymore. Just let her come back
Speaker 1: and to the daughter when you are ready to do that,
Speaker 1: do that. I think it's a really tricky situation when
Speaker 1: women are coming into their own and going through divorces
Speaker 1: and they have children, and how do you balance your
Speaker 1: sex life. And because that's no one who wants to
Speaker 1: hear their parents having sex. I mean, I'm still scarred
Speaker 1: from walking in on my parents when I was eight.
Speaker 1: You know, I haven't gotten that image out of my mind,
Speaker 1: so I can only imagine what it's like as an
Speaker 1: adult to hear that. But these aren't life or death issues,
Speaker 1: you know, this is nothing to be serious, that's serious
Speaker 1: about seriously angry about Taylor. Yeah, I guess I'm just confused.
Speaker 1: I'd like more details on the situation, like why did
Speaker 1: she hear you? Like, did you have somebody? Oh, does
Speaker 1: your daughter live at home with you? Does she go
Speaker 1: to college? Like? Does she not live with you? Did
Speaker 1: she come home when you thought she wasn't going to
Speaker 1: be home? Did you have somebody over knowing she was home?
Speaker 1: Because if if you like had somebody over knowing she
Speaker 1: was home, that I could see is a little bit
Speaker 1: of like have some boundaries, you know, your kids home,
Speaker 1: but if you didn't know, Yeah, I did email back
Speaker 1: and forth a little bit with her, and it was
Speaker 1: unintentional and they do live together, So I don't know
Speaker 1: if if she came back home like while it was
Speaker 1: in progress, But that was kind of the vibe I
Speaker 1: got that she didn't think her daughter was coming right, yeah, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean if if she did her best to make
Speaker 1: sure that you weren't going to interact with her sex life,
Speaker 1: then why why are you really mad at your mom?
Speaker 1: Like I would, I would challenge you if you're listening
Speaker 1: to this. If you're not, I would tell your mom
Speaker 1: to ask you why are you really angry about this?
Speaker 1: Because it's not cool to like call your mom slutty
Speaker 1: and perverted for having sex with someone younger than her.
Speaker 1: I understand it making you uncomfortable, I like fully get that,
Speaker 1: but I'm just curious why you're so angry if if
Speaker 1: it is, like, how could you do that in the
Speaker 1: house while I'm there? I understand that, But if that
Speaker 1: was unintentional, then you might need to just process those
Speaker 1: feelings on your own and figure out what's underneath it
Speaker 1: for you. And it might just be that you're uncomfortable
Speaker 1: with it. But there's not anything technically wrong happening, you know,
Speaker 1: because there's plenty of things that I react to in
Speaker 1: a judgmental way that I know is not fair. So
Speaker 1: you know, I don't want to presume to know everything
Speaker 1: about the situation in your relationship with your mom. But
Speaker 1: it sounds like, based on a little information that I have,
Speaker 1: that you are just sort of like grossed out by
Speaker 1: what you heard by accident, and it's making you angry
Speaker 1: that you have to even see your mom that way
Speaker 1: when she's your mom. Yeah, and it's small sense of
Speaker 1: betrayal as like a child, you know, it's kind of
Speaker 1: a child it's a childlike reaction. It's and that's okay.
Speaker 1: But again, you know, it's not cool to call your
Speaker 1: mom slut or you know, she's not cheating on your dad,
Speaker 1: she's she's living her life. She thought you weren't home
Speaker 1: like that. You guys both just have to get past it.
Speaker 1: Except that it was an ideal. Nobody liked this situation,
Speaker 1: her included, and move on. You know, there are more
Speaker 1: important issues you're going to have to face in life
Speaker 1: than this. So the way you react to difficult situations
Speaker 1: is like, you know, character building. So remember that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and also these days, like it's not okay to call
Speaker 1: anybody's bloody, especially your mom. And like good for you, Jenny,
Speaker 1: Like I think it's great she's experiencing some new things,
Speaker 1: having some fun, I mean, have some fun quietly when
Speaker 1: your kid is home or maybe when they're out of town.
Speaker 1: But I mean, good for Jenny. Yeah, her daughter definitely
Speaker 1: doesn't want to hear that. We'll put it in a
Speaker 1: little disclaimer like mud, just like she didn't make you
Speaker 1: sit down enough breakfast with the guy she banged, like
Speaker 1: you accidentally heard her. It's you know, it sucks, as
Speaker 1: Chelsea said, it's not ideal, but and it's okay if
Speaker 1: you have to be like mom, I can't talk to
Speaker 1: you for a little bit, Like I'm not mad at you.
Speaker 1: You didn't do anything wrong. I know that. Logically, my
Speaker 1: skin is just crawling a little bit because I don't
Speaker 1: want to think of my mother having sex with someone
Speaker 1: I would also be trying to date in my age group.
Speaker 1: Like it's fine to just be self aware and be like,
Speaker 1: this is why it weirds me out. I know that
Speaker 1: technically you did nothing wrong and I have no right
Speaker 1: to be angry with you, but I just need to
Speaker 1: like put some space in between me and the noises
Speaker 1: you were making. Yeah, and get a white noise machine.
Speaker 1: Maybe also, that's actually great advice. That's great advice just
Speaker 1: for all the time, anytime. Maybe something with like seagulls, Yeah,
Speaker 1: seagulls or sirens either one. Well, we'll take a quick
Speaker 1: break right now and we'll be back to wrap up
Speaker 1: with Taylor. Well, Taylor, first of all, thank you for
Speaker 1: being a contributor to today's podcast, because I like your
Speaker 1: your very strong minded and you have solid advice and
Speaker 1: you're sure of yourself, which I think is just the
Speaker 1: best quality any woman could have. Oh, thank you. I
Speaker 1: was very nervous about giving advice, but I knew but
Speaker 1: I knew you'd be here. So I'm like, well, if
Speaker 1: I don't have any good advice, Chelsea can just take it. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: whether it's good or bad, at least, at least you
Speaker 1: give it with with the intention that it's crushing. You know,
Speaker 1: you're like, yeah, this is fucking awesome. It's like when
Speaker 1: you're bombing a TV taping and you're like, that'll sweeten it.
Speaker 1: It's okay. I know. It's like when I would interview
Speaker 1: people that were like duds on my shows. Whenever I
Speaker 1: would interview duds, I'd be like, Okay, how do I
Speaker 1: punctuate this with positivity so that not everybody knows how
Speaker 1: bored I was during that interview? And then I was like, wait,
Speaker 1: there's no way to do that. There's no way to
Speaker 1: fake an interview after you've already had did it by
Speaker 1: saying goodbye with a big smile on your face. Well, Taylor,
Speaker 1: do you have any advice that you'd like from Chelsea? Oh?
Speaker 1: My gosh, I mean so many questions. I guess the
Speaker 1: question that I would ask you, as somebody who's been
Speaker 1: very successful in this business is how do you separate
Speaker 1: We've touched on this a little bit in this episode,
Speaker 1: but how do you separate your self worth from your
Speaker 1: career so that it's not all just tied up in
Speaker 1: how your career is going. Was that something that you
Speaker 1: ever had to struggle with? Have you always been good
Speaker 1: about keeping who you are separate from what you do?
Speaker 1: Because I think my identity is wrapped up in my job,
Speaker 1: and part of it is that I've been doing it
Speaker 1: since I was a teenager, and part of it is
Speaker 1: just that I'm probably not as well rounded as I
Speaker 1: want to be. But that was something that I found
Speaker 1: during quarantine, is that outside of stand up, I didn't
Speaker 1: feel like I knew who I was or if I
Speaker 1: felt like I had much worth if I wasn't working
Speaker 1: all the time. So my question is, did you struggle
Speaker 1: with that. Do you struggle with that? And if you have,
Speaker 1: how do you combat that? Yeah? Absolutely, I mean that's
Speaker 1: one of the reasons I quit my show. I was like,
Speaker 1: this is all I am. Everyone just I didn't have
Speaker 1: a family, I didn't have children, I wasn't married. So
Speaker 1: I realized, I'm like, is this who I everything? Like
Speaker 1: my career because for me that that wasn't enough. I
Speaker 1: wanted to have a personal like life that was separate,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to like get more well rounded. Like
Speaker 1: you said, I've had this exact conversation with myself many times,
Speaker 1: and any time I've been there, I have just said
Speaker 1: no to things to make myself go to the places
Speaker 1: that I'm uncomfortable with going and existing where oh you're
Speaker 1: no longer the host of a TV show, Okay, well
Speaker 1: what are you now? It's like, well, me, now, this
Speaker 1: is what I'm doing now. And having the confidence in
Speaker 1: yourself to kind of explore that because we don't know
Speaker 1: all parts of ourselves yet. You know, I still don't.
Speaker 1: You certainly don't. We're always growing, we're always learning, and
Speaker 1: it's basically like how high you set the standard for yourself?
Speaker 1: I think when you can say no to things, and
Speaker 1: there's a period of time to do that, and there's
Speaker 1: a period of there's a building period, right you're building
Speaker 1: your career. You want to be lay the foundation so
Speaker 1: that when you do feel confident enough to take some
Speaker 1: time off or or go in a different direction, you've
Speaker 1: already laid the groundwork that any major hiccup or retreat
Speaker 1: isn't going to have a deleterious impact on your all
Speaker 1: over career. So I would say that it's just a
Speaker 1: constant process of you know, being really honest with yourself,
Speaker 1: which is really hard, especially in this industry, because half
Speaker 1: the time I feel like when I start to lose
Speaker 1: myself and I don't know myself well or I start
Speaker 1: to have self doubt, that's the time that I need
Speaker 1: to retreat and go do my own thing and like
Speaker 1: fill up my gas tank with other ship. So Okay,
Speaker 1: that's so comforting to hear because sometimes you feel like
Speaker 1: nobody else feels that way, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Where you're like, well, nobody else who has reached the
Speaker 1: level of success I'd like to reach feels that way.
Speaker 1: They're just more balanced than I am. Or there. Okay
Speaker 1: with it being that way, so it is so helpful
Speaker 1: to hear from someone like you that you have gone
Speaker 1: through periods of that and and just have to be
Speaker 1: constantly reassessing where you are at and how you feel
Speaker 1: about yourself and your identity. Absolutely, we all feel that way,
Speaker 1: and you know, nothing that's going through any of our
Speaker 1: brains is going through one person's brain. We're all in
Speaker 1: this like, we all have the same things. So yeah,
Speaker 1: definitely always remember that for sure, that everybody goes through
Speaker 1: periods of self doubt, insecurity, self worth, and then when
Speaker 1: you're successful, it's addictive. You want more and more and
Speaker 1: more and more, and so you just have to be
Speaker 1: mindful of that. And you're already in therapy, so that's
Speaker 1: always going to be your best kind of gift to yourself,
Speaker 1: right Absolutely, So, where can everybody find you? Taylor? I
Speaker 1: am at Taylor Tomlinson on Twitter and Instagram, Taylor Thomlinson
Speaker 1: Comedy on TikTok, my websites te tom comedy dot com.
Speaker 1: You can go there for all of my tour dates.
Speaker 1: I am fully on tour right now, and my Netflix
Speaker 1: special Quarter Life Crisis that came out in is streaming
Speaker 1: on Netflix. Awesome. Awesome, I had such a good time
Speaker 1: with you today, me too. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: having me. This was lovely. Sometimes you do a podcast
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh no, what did I what did
Speaker 1: I agree to? And this was like so nice and
Speaker 1: I was so excited to do it, so awesome, awesome. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm glad we finally spoke and hung out. I hope
Speaker 1: I see you again soon. Me too. Thank you so
Speaker 1: nice to meet you as well. Katherine. Likewise, nice to
Speaker 1: meet you. Taylor. Bye bye. And of course we can't
Speaker 1: forget show dates. So what do you have coming up? Okay? Yes,
Speaker 1: I have added more second shows to my stand up tour.
Speaker 1: We have two shows in Winnipeg, two show in Toronto,
Speaker 1: two shows in Kansas City, Missouri, two shows in Santa Rosa, California.
Speaker 1: We've added a second show in Los Angeles at the Wiltern,
Speaker 1: which is May five. I'm doing a late show in
Speaker 1: l A. We added a second show to Montclair, New Jersey,
Speaker 1: to Huntington, New York, to port Chester, New York. And
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be in Portland, Oregon February four, two shows.
Speaker 1: There are tickets available for the second show. Then I'll
Speaker 1: be in Eugene Oregon on February five, and then I'm
Speaker 1: coming to all these fun little cities like Las Vegas, Springfield,
Speaker 1: mass Honolulu, and Maui. So Maui's not a city, it's
Speaker 1: an island. And when I learned how to pronounce the
Speaker 1: city I'm performing in, I'll get back to you. Hey,
Speaker 1: do you have a question you want to ask Chelsea
Speaker 1: to get some advice right into Dear Chelsea Project at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. By