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Speaker 1: Hi, everybody, It's me Chelsea and Catherine. Hello. Hi, how

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Speaker 1: are you Catherine? Oh, I'm good. I actually got a

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Speaker 1: little chance to rest and relax over the weekend, which

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Speaker 1: was really nice, and watch some shows and hung out

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Speaker 1: with my husband and it was really lovely. I have

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Speaker 1: been watching yellow Stone because my girlfriend Wendy Grillo is

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Speaker 1: in it, and everyone in Whistler watches the show yellow Stone.

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Speaker 1: So I am on season two or three, and I

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Speaker 1: think there's four very very soap operatic. A lot of

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Speaker 1: soap opera stuff is happening on that show, and I'm

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Speaker 1: down with it. Awesome. I know, I've been thinking about

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Speaker 1: watching it. My parents really like it, but like my

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Speaker 1: dad's really into Western stuff anyway. I mean I like

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Speaker 1: Western stuff too, but everyone is talking about it. I'm

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Speaker 1: not as into Western stuff like my friends here was like,

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Speaker 1: I just love the landscape. I'm like, really, it just

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Speaker 1: seems like so fucking boring living on a ranch and

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Speaker 1: just drinking. I mean, i'd the drinking part, obviously, I

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Speaker 1: could down with. But the cattle and then the horse

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Speaker 1: breaking horses, I'm just like, oh, but speaking of breaking horses,

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Speaker 1: Joe isn't possibly bringing Burton Bernice back for ten days

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Speaker 1: sabbatical up here and Whistler because last year I had

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Speaker 1: them the whole season and they were not down with it.

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Speaker 1: They did not like being stuck in like a house

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Speaker 1: without access to the outdoors. They're used to their luxurious,

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Speaker 1: leisurely lifestyle in Los Angeles, and so we're thinking about

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Speaker 1: bringing them up for like ten days just so I

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Speaker 1: could see them and maybe give them a second shot

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Speaker 1: at SNOW. I feel like with Joe's co parenting, I

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Speaker 1: could really hit it out of the park because he's

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Speaker 1: been really helpful, like with the laundry, with the cleaning.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what I did last year, but he's

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Speaker 1: and if I had to take the dogs for a walk,

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Speaker 1: he would definitely be really helpful in that department. Two,

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Speaker 1: So I just feel like I'm a two I'm I'm

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Speaker 1: a member of a two person team now instead of

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Speaker 1: a one person team. Isn't that lovely? And Bird has

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Speaker 1: already started calling him dad. Let's say you guys aren't married,

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Speaker 1: but like he's your house spouse. He's like the guy. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and he's much better at things like domestic stuff than

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Speaker 1: I am. So it really works. Although I did make

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Speaker 1: him I make him scrambled eggs a lot in the morning,

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Speaker 1: and that's the one thing I can hit out of

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Speaker 1: the park. But every time I make them, he's like,

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Speaker 1: I can't believe it. You can do something, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: stop it. You know I can make a scrambled eggs. Well,

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Speaker 1: hold on a second, what are you looking for, honey? Oh,

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Speaker 1: you don't have it. I'd like to go on the

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Speaker 1: record and say that Joe is the only person that

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Speaker 1: would look for his passport twenty minutes before he's leaving

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Speaker 1: for something. If I was leaving, I would have my

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Speaker 1: passport the night before. Well, somebody would have it. Let's

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Speaker 1: be honest. I wouldn't find it. But I mean, he

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Speaker 1: is unbelievable. He probably doesn't even know he's going to

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Speaker 1: the airport in twenty minutes. Do you know you're going

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Speaker 1: to the airport, honey? And where are you going when

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Speaker 1: you get to the airport? Sorry? Uh? Yeah. I feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm definitely more powerful as part of a cup. Well,

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Speaker 1: then I am by myself in the parenting department, the

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Speaker 1: domesticity and parenting department. That's great, and it'll be just

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Speaker 1: nice to have the dogs there and Chelsea, I actually

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Speaker 1: have an update. A few weeks ago, we had an

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Speaker 1: email from someone who's child had kissed their friend without

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Speaker 1: consent and it created a huge rift between her and

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Speaker 1: her best friend, the mom and her best friend, and

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Speaker 1: between the children as well. But a dad wrote in

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Speaker 1: who has had similar experience, and he says, Dear Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: I just listened to your episode where you gave advice

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Speaker 1: to the mom with the son who is sexually inappropriate

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Speaker 1: with one of his friends. As a parent with a

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Speaker 1: child with behavioral issues, there is help out there. The

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Speaker 1: mom should find a therapist that specializes in family therapy

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Speaker 1: and problem sexual behavior. Even though the young boy has

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Speaker 1: committed the offense, her whole family is affected and needs

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Speaker 1: help not only working on the specifics of consent, but

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Speaker 1: also with helping to set boundaries and finding what the

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Speaker 1: underlying issues are that led to this situation. We used

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Speaker 1: some great workbooks specifically geared toward children. A quick Google

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Speaker 1: or Amazon search on consent for kids shows quite a

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Speaker 1: few resources. I would suggest the therapist has some go

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Speaker 1: to tools as well. Additionally, many therapists also use something

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Speaker 1: called restorative justice, which could include writing an apology letter

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Speaker 1: to the victim. This may help the mom with mending

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Speaker 1: her relationship with her friend if she shares and includes

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Speaker 1: her in the plan and the outcome of therapy. Lastly,

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Speaker 1: the mom may be concerned about what this means for

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Speaker 1: her son as he develops into a teen and adult.

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Speaker 1: There was a study done in by the Association for

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Speaker 1: the Treatment of Sexual Abusers that found that adolescents who

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Speaker 1: offended once and found treatment were highly unlikely to repeat

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Speaker 1: their offense. It's just so important for her to get

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Speaker 1: professional help for her son and her family so this

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Speaker 1: doesn't become a repeat behavior. Hope this is helpful. Don.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, well that's good to know. That's a good resource.

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Speaker 1: Thank you Don for writing in. Thanks, yeah, thanks for

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Speaker 1: paying attention. I would never want to be I mean,

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Speaker 1: that must be so hard to be a mother that

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Speaker 1: has to deal with that, and when it's your own

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Speaker 1: child doing that, you know, and I'm sure you just

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Speaker 1: feel from Don that he felt that isolating situation when

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Speaker 1: he went through it and wanted to reach out. So

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to share that with everybody. Oh, well,

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Speaker 1: thank you for sharing. Should we introduce our guest for today.

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Speaker 1: So our guest today is another stand up comedian. You

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Speaker 1: may know her from her Netflix special which is called

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Speaker 1: quarter Life Crisis. Her name is Taylor Tomlinson. She has

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Speaker 1: an Instagram series called New Couple Gets Quarantined with her

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Speaker 1: boyfriend Sam Burel, and she also has a podcast called

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Speaker 1: Sad in the City and a new Netflix special that

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Speaker 1: is coming out soon. So please welcome Taylor Tomlinson. Hi, Taylor, Hello,

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Speaker 1: it's nice to finally meet you. Nice to meet you.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. I know, I can't believe

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Speaker 1: we've never met. We have met so briefly when I

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Speaker 1: was much younger that you would not remember for any reason.

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Speaker 1: As my boy friend Joe Koy likes to remind me,

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Speaker 1: I don't have a memory past six weeks or six months,

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Speaker 1: depending on the topic and the person, so I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: remember anyway. But it's nice to see you. I know you,

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Speaker 1: and I loved your special, quarter Life Crisis on Netflix.

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Speaker 1: I loved that special, and I've been loving your series

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Speaker 1: with your boyfriend Sam. More real about am I saying

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Speaker 1: that right? Moral? Real morals. I'm just gonna call him

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Speaker 1: Sam Morals. Samurel. Yeah, which is called New Couple Gets Quarantined.

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Speaker 1: So you were in a new relationship. I know during quarantine,

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Speaker 1: which has now gone on for I don't know, almost

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Speaker 1: two years. Yeah, that was a little web series we

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Speaker 1: did during lockdown. That kept us busy during those first

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Speaker 1: few months of terror for sure, because we're both workaholics,

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Speaker 1: so we couldn't just stop and go, oh, look a break. Right. Well,

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Speaker 1: that's probably what a lot of couples should have done,

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Speaker 1: is just started recording themselves, right, so that there was

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Speaker 1: an eyewitness account to everyone's behavior. I think it's a

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Speaker 1: really solid idea. Uh, it is, it really is. Uh

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Speaker 1: And I mean we did a podcast too during that time.

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Speaker 1: I saw you had rosebud Baker on and she and

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Speaker 1: her husband Annie Haynes started one and they're still doing it,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, man, we craped out as soon

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Speaker 1: as the world opened back up again. We were like,

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Speaker 1: that was just a coping mechanism for us. They've really

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Speaker 1: they've really built something blasting. Yeah, they've really sunk it

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Speaker 1: into it because also I think her husband just got COVID, right,

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Speaker 1: and so she had to quarantine with him again. Oh yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: So they're just they just keep quarantining and quarantined in

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Speaker 1: with every new variant they have another they have another

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Speaker 1: ten days together. Yeah, we we have not gotten COVID

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Speaker 1: that we know of. I guess, did you get COVID?

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Speaker 1: I have not gotten COVID yet. Isn't that crazy? Are

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Speaker 1: you surprised? We're like, we don't know how we haven't

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Speaker 1: gotten it at this point. Normally I would consider myself

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Speaker 1: to be some sort of super spreader. So I am

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Speaker 1: very surprised by the fact that I haven't caught it

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Speaker 1: or given it to several people, because, especially in the beginning,

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Speaker 1: and now I've lost interest in even trying to protect myself,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like, I just want to

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Speaker 1: get it and get it over with so that I

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Speaker 1: have some higher level of immunity. But I got I'm

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Speaker 1: in Whistler, Canada right now. And I got here and

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend was just recuperating from COVID and I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm coming over. I don't care. She's like,

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Speaker 1: she goes, I might still be infectious. And I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: I have a test hit we'll we'll test you and

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Speaker 1: we get over there on Joe test already looks at me, goes, Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: She's positive. You're like, I know, like my face, I know.

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Speaker 1: We're like, who cares and we're in her garage. I'm

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Speaker 1: like on triple backs. I've got my booster. I'm like, whatever,

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Speaker 1: let's just get it already. And we're in her garage

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Speaker 1: and so we're all, you know, she's wearing a mask,

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Speaker 1: We're standing like far apart, the doors open. It was

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Speaker 1: so stupid. And then finally I was like, it's cold,

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Speaker 1: you know, because it's snowy and everything, and she put

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Speaker 1: on a space heater and then she shut the garage

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Speaker 1: door and shows like, hey, this is getting a little

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Speaker 1: bit much like now, we're just trying to It's just

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Speaker 1: like a culture swab of us trying to get sick.

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Speaker 1: But we still didn't get it. So I don't know

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Speaker 1: if there's blood types that are not getting it, like

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Speaker 1: I think, you know, oh blood type doesn't isn't as susceptible. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's what they said. I think that's the only thing

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Speaker 1: that I've been like, is that a thing, because I

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Speaker 1: think I'm oh, yeah, I think most people are. Oh

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Speaker 1: so that doesn't really add up either, But who fucking cares.

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Speaker 1: I normally I consider myself to be some sort of

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Speaker 1: medical doctor, so I should have more information on these things.

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Speaker 1: But I've my passion for COVID has lapsed. I don't

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Speaker 1: I don't have the same passion for it as I

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Speaker 1: used to. Yeah, I don't feel like actual doctors go

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Speaker 1: around going I'm a medical doctor. Yeah, they don't have

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Speaker 1: to introduce themselves the way that I do to get

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Speaker 1: people to take me seriously in the medical field. So

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Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about Well, let's talk

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Speaker 1: first about your stand up experience coming up. Because you're

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Speaker 1: from l A, right, I'm from California. Yeah, yeah, not

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Speaker 1: l A proper, but I'm from California where I grew

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Speaker 1: up up by like Sacramento until I was like ten,

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Speaker 1: and then I was in river Side County from the

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Speaker 1: time I was like ten till college. If you know

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Speaker 1: where Temecula is, unfortunately I do. I've performed there in Temecula,

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Speaker 1: I believe. Yes, of course, all casinos all the time. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: they've got a big they've got a big, beautiful theater there.

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Speaker 1: You've performed there too, I'm sure, right, not the theater.

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Speaker 1: I have not performed in the theater. I think I

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Speaker 1: did the club there, which I don't even know if

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Speaker 1: that's still open. I mean, I will never perform in

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Speaker 1: Temecula if I can help it. There are a lot

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Speaker 1: of places where I've performed once and said I'll never

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Speaker 1: perform there again, and then found myself there, either this

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Speaker 1: last year or the year before going Wait, I thought

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Speaker 1: I crossed this off the fucking list, you know, And

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Speaker 1: then you get there and you're like, you feel you

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Speaker 1: like because the audiences are so appreciative. When people come

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Speaker 1: through the kind of like less inviting cities, the audiences

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Speaker 1: are awesome. So you leave there with the feeling of like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I want to show up for these people, like yeah,

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Speaker 1: and then a month goes by and you're like, really,

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Speaker 1: can't go back there, right right? But to Mecula is

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Speaker 1: so funny because it's an hour drive from San Diego

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Speaker 1: and it's like two hours from l A. And I'm

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Speaker 1: kind of like, guys, drive to a cooler place, just exactly, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: just go, you know, It's it's not that far. But

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Speaker 1: I think Temecula is like it's like a great place

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Speaker 1: to have a family, I guess. But if you're like twenties,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, what are you doing here? Guys? Right, So

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Speaker 1: you came from a really like conservative background, is that

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Speaker 1: how you grew up religious. Yeah, I grew up super religious,

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Speaker 1: very Christian. Oh so how did that? How did that

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Speaker 1: all work out for you? As you came into your

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Speaker 1: own and your stand up career, when did you kind of, um, well, no,

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Speaker 1: you tell me. Did you break ties with religion? Absolutely? Yeah.

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Speaker 1: It's it's weird because the way I started doing stand

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Speaker 1: up is I started when I was a junior in

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Speaker 1: high school, and I actually started by taking a class

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Speaker 1: from like a Christian church comic, and so I was

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Speaker 1: like performing in churches before I could perform in clubs

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Speaker 1: because I wasn't eighteen yet. And then even once I

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Speaker 1: started performing in clubs, I did last comic standing and

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Speaker 1: they kind of like painted me as like a church

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Speaker 1: comic because it was a new thing they could do.

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Speaker 1: And so then I was doing churches a little bit

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Speaker 1: longer up until I was probably two is when I

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Speaker 1: did like the last couple and the last church gig

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Speaker 1: I had was like opening for some huge church comedian

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Speaker 1: and they fired me for a tweet, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm never doing this again. Like I don't care what

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Speaker 1: the offer is. I don't care what the money is,

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Speaker 1: because there's a lot of money in church comedy and

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Speaker 1: I was like, I can't. I can't pretend to be

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Speaker 1: this person because church comedy they want you to be

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Speaker 1: a Christian, like they want you to be that thing

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Speaker 1: all the time. There's no like, here's my church set

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Speaker 1: and here's my club set, like you gotta be that always,

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Speaker 1: and I just wasn't. I just didn't think I was

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Speaker 1: a Christian. And I was dealing with how I grew

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Speaker 1: up and and my relationship with my parents and whatnot.

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Speaker 1: So that was kind of the moment I think I

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Speaker 1: cut ties with all of it at once. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: would think performing a comedy and a church is very limiting. Yes,

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Speaker 1: you can't do that joke about how your dad didn't

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Speaker 1: want to fuck you, right exactly. That was not super

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Speaker 1: church friendly. And that's why I left. I wanted to

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Speaker 1: talk about my dad not wanting to suck me, and

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Speaker 1: they just weren't cool about it. And I said, this

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Speaker 1: is the last straw for me. Well, yeah, exactly. I

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Speaker 1: mean you're not the only one. I mean, that's where

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Speaker 1: I think that's where all comedians start. Somebody in the

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Speaker 1: family wanted to fuck you and we weren't down with it,

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Speaker 1: and that's where our humor comes from. So what's your

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Speaker 1: relationship now, like with your parents because they're still religious, right,

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Speaker 1: there's still religious. I my mom died when I was

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Speaker 1: a kid, and my dad and my step mom. I

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Speaker 1: don't speak to them anymore, but they're still very religious. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: they're still very religious. And do not speak to them

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Speaker 1: because of this, because of your career and because of

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Speaker 1: you leaving the church. No, that's a that's definitely an

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Speaker 1: aspect of it. I mean, you know, it's it's hard

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Speaker 1: to to go into because you know, you never want

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Speaker 1: to like put people on blast in your life no

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Speaker 1: matter what they've done, because they're not in this world

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Speaker 1: and they're not in this public space and they're not

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Speaker 1: public figures like we are. But yeah, there were there

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Speaker 1: are things beyond that that were issues that I was

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Speaker 1: finally like, oh I have to cut ties with this person.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, it all comes from a place of like,

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Speaker 1: this is a person who grew up with religion is

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Speaker 1: sort of a slave to that belief system in a

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Speaker 1: way that is not healthy. I think a lot of people,

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Speaker 1: a lot of people in my family are religious and

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Speaker 1: are like incredible, loving, forgiving, amazing people who use religion

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Speaker 1: in a way that is beautiful and they they love

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Speaker 1: other people in the way that I think Christianity at

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Speaker 1: its best is meant to encourage. But then there are

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Speaker 1: other people who don't use religion in that way, and

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Speaker 1: they use it to intimidate and scare people and quite frankly,

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Speaker 1: abuse people. So I would never want it to sound

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Speaker 1: like I'm painting with this broad brush about anybody who

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Speaker 1: is religious, because I know it. It is such a

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Speaker 1: lifeline for so many people and and something that makes

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Speaker 1: a lot of people better human beings. But that was

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Speaker 1: not the case with my specific parental situation. Understood understood well,

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Speaker 1: it's both moved to cut ties with any family members.

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Speaker 1: It's not an easy thing to do. And we discuss

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Speaker 1: it on this show all the time because people are

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Speaker 1: always calling in like and I'm always like, yeah, fuck

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Speaker 1: your family. You know, they don't deserve you. I mean,

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Speaker 1: and that's coming for somebody who has really close ties

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Speaker 1: with my whole family. I've never been in a situation

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Speaker 1: where my family judged me in that way. You know,

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Speaker 1: I would have been out the door a long time

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Speaker 1: ago had that been the case. So I think it is.

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Speaker 1: It's it's got to be a painful thing, and it's

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Speaker 1: got to be. It's a strong decision, so I respect it.

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Speaker 1: Let's talk about your because when I came up as

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Speaker 1: a female, this is the question that I always got asked,

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Speaker 1: which was so annoying at the time, but upon reflection,

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Speaker 1: and now that I'm older, I'm in my forties, I

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Speaker 1: get it. Because people would always ask me how difficult

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Speaker 1: it was to be a woman, you know, in a

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Speaker 1: male dominated field, which is basically every field, and I

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Speaker 1: always just thought, I didn't see it that way, you know,

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Speaker 1: I thought as an advantage, it was sparser for women,

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Speaker 1: so it was easier to stand out, especially if you

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Speaker 1: were cute, and if you were out you know, outspoken,

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Speaker 1: and you were allowed and you kind of had all

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Speaker 1: of that going for you. It was easy to get

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Speaker 1: recognized and it was easy to get noticed. And I

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Speaker 1: always I didn't have any regard for what the male

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Speaker 1: comics were doing, or what they thought of me, or

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Speaker 1: any of that, you know, And I I did feel

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Speaker 1: that there was a lot more competition or kind of

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Speaker 1: doors shut from other women rather than from the men,

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Speaker 1: you know, women in powerful positions, women in booking positions

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Speaker 1: or an executive positions. So I'm curious to know since

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Speaker 1: you're a lot younger than me. What your experience was

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Speaker 1: like coming up after you left doing church comedy. How

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Speaker 1: did you see it? It's interesting because I feel the

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Speaker 1: same way you do. I felt like being a female

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Speaker 1: was something that helped you stand out. I was also

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Speaker 1: clean for like the first five years or something, so

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Speaker 1: that helped me stand out as well. I want to

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Speaker 1: say Amy Schumer said this. I might be misquoting her,

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Speaker 1: but somebody said this where somebody asked is it harder

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Speaker 1: to be a female comic? And she was like, it's

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Speaker 1: just harder to be female, Like, it's it's not that

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Speaker 1: it's hard to be a female comedian, it's just harder

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Speaker 1: to be a female. And I think the hardest parts

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Speaker 1: about being a female comedian just came from like being

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Speaker 1: on the road and it being unsafe, Like having people

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Speaker 1: try to like break into your hotel rooms because they

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Speaker 1: see that you're twenty one and you're in this hotel

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Speaker 1: that's like in the middle of nowhere and you checked

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Speaker 1: in alone. Like those were the hardest parts. Is just

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Speaker 1: like constantly trying not to get murdered on the road.

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Speaker 1: But as far as like the industry, it's funny you

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Speaker 1: say that about having doors closed by other women. I

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Speaker 1: do think that there are male comics, not all male comics,

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Speaker 1: but I do think there are male comics, male bookers

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Speaker 1: who do this thing where they will compliment the female

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Speaker 1: comic in front of them in a way that makes

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Speaker 1: us feel like we are in competition with each other.

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Speaker 1: Where they go, you're the best one, like you're the

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Speaker 1: good one, like who can touch you? Of female comics,

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Speaker 1: like even now, like I get male comics same, like

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Speaker 1: you're the best female comic in this class of whatever.

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Speaker 1: And you're like, why can't you just say you're a

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Speaker 1: really good comic, Like why can't you just say like

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Speaker 1: you're killing it, you're doing really well, Like they're always

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Speaker 1: comparing us and not all male comics on all male

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Speaker 1: bookers whatever. But there are certain certain people who do that,

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Speaker 1: and women too, frankly in this business. And I do

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Speaker 1: think because we're the smaller pool within this male dominated field,

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Speaker 1: it just makes sense for them to go, you are

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Speaker 1: doing better than this person, or you're doing as well

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Speaker 1: as this person, or you're going to be the next

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Speaker 1: this person, as opposed to just seeing us as a

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Speaker 1: comedian without the added context. Yeah, well, I think I

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Speaker 1: mean when we do it to ourselves. I remember coming

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Speaker 1: up and when I had doors that were shut by

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Speaker 1: other women, I was like, wait a second, this doesn't

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Speaker 1: make any sense because all I wanted to do. It

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Speaker 1: actually lit a fire under my ass. When I had

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Speaker 1: an opportunity to help other women, it was the first

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Speaker 1: thing I wanted to do, because I was like, oh, wait,

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Speaker 1: this is a ship show out there. Our mindset has

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Speaker 1: been structured in the same way it's It's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: it's is there's only room for a certain amount of us.

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Speaker 1: But now I just feel like there are so many

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Speaker 1: female comics that are crushing it. The conversation must have

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Speaker 1: shifted and must be changing. And do you think it is?

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Speaker 1: I think so. I mean there's just so many more

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Speaker 1: female comics, and I mean people like you who have

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Speaker 1: been so successful and did kind of come up in

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Speaker 1: a time where there may be less female comics. That

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Speaker 1: has made a huge difference. And so yeah, I think

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Speaker 1: it's definitely far easier and far better to come up

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Speaker 1: in this business right now as a female comic. And

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Speaker 1: it is still an advantage I think in my mind,

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Speaker 1: I think that's the only aspect of it that still

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Speaker 1: makes my skin crawl a little bit when people talk

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Speaker 1: to me like you're one of the good ones, you know,

399
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Speaker 1: like it's it's there's still some of that, and I

400
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Speaker 1: think it's left over. I don't think it's I don't

401
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,600
Speaker 1: think it's the norm anymore. I think it's just left over.

402
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Speaker 1: And how did you get together with your boyfriend Sam?

403
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Speaker 1: Just doing comedy? I mean, I don't do anything else,

404
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:39,399
Speaker 1: so this this is what happens. I think he had

405
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,160
Speaker 1: sent me a couple of d m s just about

406
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Speaker 1: like my late night sets, like, hey, you're very good

407
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Speaker 1: and obviously he's an incredible joke writer and everyone respects

408
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,479
Speaker 1: him so much so getting messages from comics you respect

409
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,879
Speaker 1: is always very nice. And we just started talking and

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Speaker 1: became friends and started dating a number of months before

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Speaker 1: quarantine hit, and I feel like we've been together for

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Speaker 1: a very long time because of that. I think if

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Speaker 1: you were together during quarantine, you feel like you have

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Speaker 1: a much longer history than you do. Yeah, exactly. I

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Speaker 1: mean it's an extended period of time. On top of

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Speaker 1: a period of time. It feels like twice the duration

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Speaker 1: of what it was. I had never dated a comic

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Speaker 1: before I started dating Jokeyd never once. I think I

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Speaker 1: was going to ask you. Yeah, I think I slept

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Speaker 1: with Tom Rhodes. He's a comic. That was the only

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Speaker 1: comedian I slept with, Or maybe was there another one. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I didn't have a lot of experience with mail commas

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Speaker 1: because I just found them to be gross quite frankly

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Speaker 1: so funny. My cousin just sent me a text. She goes,

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Speaker 1: I read this word today and it reminded me of you,

426
00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:43,000
Speaker 1: and it said it's miss Andrews, somebody who despises men.

427
00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:46,720
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's so terrible. And she's like, I go, well,

428
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 1: you know, I don't despise men, but I just can't

429
00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:53,119
Speaker 1: stop fucking banging on about how much ship they've gotten

430
00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:55,919
Speaker 1: away with, you know, and so, and the way that

431
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 1: they've treated women, and you know, forced like, I hate

432
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,520
Speaker 1: that they've it's not even the fault. It's society's fault.

433
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:04,320
Speaker 1: You know, this whole construct is now nobody's fault. But

434
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 1: I just want people, when you wake up to know

435
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:08,000
Speaker 1: the truth, you know what I mean, wake up to

436
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,880
Speaker 1: the reality of what's happening, don't resist what's happening now

437
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,720
Speaker 1: and saying this isn't true for women that they haven't

438
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:17,360
Speaker 1: been subjugated or treated unfairly. It is true, it's undeniable,

439
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:20,119
Speaker 1: it's indisputable, so shut up and say you're sorry. But

440
00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:22,360
Speaker 1: I've never dated a comic, and people always like, oh

441
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 1: my god, you and Joe Comus just laugh your asses off,

442
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,159
Speaker 1: laugh your ass off. I'm like, not quite. I go,

443
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,320
Speaker 1: we do laugh our ass off. But like when you're

444
00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:33,120
Speaker 1: two comedians, it's like my comedies for when I'm on stage,

445
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:35,159
Speaker 1: Like at this point in my life, like I'm not

446
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,920
Speaker 1: sitting around being funny all fucking day long by myself.

447
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 1: You know, you're just playing chess in the dark together

448
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:46,040
Speaker 1: hanseless always. I'm always playing chess by myself. And yeah,

449
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:49,359
Speaker 1: I've become much more serious as i've aged about like

450
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,760
Speaker 1: wanting my thirst for knowledge or reading the right books

451
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,880
Speaker 1: and making sure I know what's going on with that.

452
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,199
Speaker 1: I just read a book about the German War that

453
00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,359
Speaker 1: was like eight hundred pages, and I was like, funk,

454
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:01,359
Speaker 1: I should have read this a lot sooner. But I

455
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,119
Speaker 1: have a I have a much greater sense of responsibility

456
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 1: to like my fountain of knowledge, like I need to

457
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:10,359
Speaker 1: know more and I'm pursuing that always. But when people

458
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,600
Speaker 1: say like Oh, you guys must just laugh your asses

459
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,239
Speaker 1: off all the time. I just want to be like, no,

460
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 1: it's not like you're sitting here writing jokes for each

461
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:20,040
Speaker 1: other all day long. Is it like that for you guys?

462
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,399
Speaker 1: Or how do you feel about that kind of comment?

463
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 1: We work on jokes together, I mean, I think we

464
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:28,080
Speaker 1: make each other laugh a lot, but we're also very

465
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:32,080
Speaker 1: intense people, so we also complain a lot and bicker

466
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:35,280
Speaker 1: a lot. And yeah, when we're we're making fun of

467
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,480
Speaker 1: stuff and running jokes by each other, I think we

468
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 1: probably laughed the least when we're running jokes by each other.

469
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:44,600
Speaker 1: And you know what you're like, is this funny? You're like, yeah,

470
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 1: that's good. That's really good. You should write that down.

471
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 1: And then when we are just hanging out or watching

472
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:52,920
Speaker 1: movies or watching TV shows or or whatever, that's when

473
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,919
Speaker 1: we laugh the hardest, when we're just being stupid, But

474
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,359
Speaker 1: when we're actually working on jokes, it's not funny at all.

475
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,359
Speaker 1: It's just like that will work, that's good. Yeah, And

476
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,520
Speaker 1: what do you like about being on the road, because

477
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:05,639
Speaker 1: I know, are you on tour right now? I am

478
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,680
Speaker 1: on tour right now. Yeah. We had to reschedule my

479
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 1: new York shows this weekend. Unfortunately because of all the

480
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,000
Speaker 1: COVID stuff. So I was supposed to be doing town

481
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:14,520
Speaker 1: hall on the beak end this weekend, and we had

482
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:17,439
Speaker 1: to move them to April. But I'm back on tour

483
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 1: after a few weeks off this weekend, so I'm going

484
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,240
Speaker 1: to be in Portland and Seattle, and then like I

485
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,120
Speaker 1: go to Michigan and I think, like, oh, mahan, all

486
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,560
Speaker 1: these other places. So I'm on tour until like May,

487
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 1: and then I need a break because my next Netflix

488
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:34,960
Speaker 1: special is coming out in the next couple of months here,

489
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 1: so I'm like, I need a minute after that, because

490
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 1: I've also been on tour kind of NonStop since last year.

491
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:47,720
Speaker 1: I mean before I was vaccinated, I was doing clubs

492
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:51,880
Speaker 1: that were like very spread out, like full, and then

493
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:54,080
Speaker 1: once I was vaccinated, I was just back on the

494
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,679
Speaker 1: road and I was doing it every weekend. I wasn't

495
00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 1: doing the self care stuff I had been doing before

496
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:01,920
Speaker 1: or the pandemic where I was like, I'll do two

497
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:03,800
Speaker 1: or three weekends a month because I need to keep

498
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,399
Speaker 1: my sanity. I was like, put me on the road

499
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:08,120
Speaker 1: as much as humanly possible. So I have not had

500
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:12,240
Speaker 1: a ton of time off in the last nine ten months. Yeah,

501
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:13,679
Speaker 1: And I think being on the road, it's like it

502
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 1: doesn't matter at what level you're doing it. You know.

503
00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:18,200
Speaker 1: I've been on tour for the last four or five

504
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 1: months too, and just have this one month off and

505
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter if you're flying privately, if you have

506
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 1: a tour bus. It just wears on you because you

507
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 1: are exhausted every morning. You feel hungover, whether you've had

508
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 1: a drink or not. That is how I feel on tour.

509
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:34,679
Speaker 1: It's like it is a wellness game, and then you

510
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 1: just give up on the wellness, right, Yes, you're just

511
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:41,320
Speaker 1: getting through it. Like I kept thinking I had COVID

512
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,880
Speaker 1: every time I came back from a weekend and I'd

513
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:46,800
Speaker 1: get tests and they'd be negative. And then I realized

514
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,920
Speaker 1: it was because I was just living in survival mode

515
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 1: for like three days where I got home and I

516
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:57,119
Speaker 1: took a minute to like unclench all my muscles, and

517
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,119
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, you're not drinking four cups of

518
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:01,840
Speaker 1: coffee a day in anymore just to get by, Like

519
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:04,239
Speaker 1: you didn't wake up to get on a plane at

520
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,040
Speaker 1: six am after three hours of sleep, like you are

521
00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 1: recovering Monday and Tuesday, and then Wednesday or Thursday you

522
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:14,360
Speaker 1: have to go back out and start the cycle over again. Totally.

523
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,159
Speaker 1: It's just it is. And then what do you do

524
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 1: during the day when you're on the road. Do you

525
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:19,359
Speaker 1: go out and about or do you just hunker down

526
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:22,800
Speaker 1: in your hotel room. It depends. I try to get out.

527
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:24,719
Speaker 1: I've been trying to be better about it. It It depends

528
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 1: where you are obviously, Like if you're going back to

529
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,800
Speaker 1: one of those cities that you're like, I swore I'd

530
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,440
Speaker 1: never then you're like, I'm gonna stay in the hotel.

531
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:33,879
Speaker 1: But if you're in a cool place, like if you're

532
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 1: in Chicago or wherever else, you're like, I want to

533
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:38,879
Speaker 1: go to the restaurant I like, or I want to

534
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:42,119
Speaker 1: go see something. My buddy, Dustin Nickerson, who goes on

535
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 1: tour with me. That's made a huge difference having like

536
00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:46,680
Speaker 1: one of my best friends with me on the road,

537
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 1: because before it was just me by myself, and that's

538
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 1: very isolating and draining, and it's hard to motivate yourself

539
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:54,719
Speaker 1: to go out and do anything. It's hard to motivate

540
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,560
Speaker 1: yourself to go find a cute coffee shop or a

541
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:00,639
Speaker 1: place to get breakfast. Like before I was just finding

542
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:05,400
Speaker 1: a grocery store and like bringing like bags of spinach

543
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:09,359
Speaker 1: and hummus back to my hotel room with a mini fridge,

544
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,520
Speaker 1: Like it was so sad. So now that I have

545
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 1: like a buddy with me, it's much easier to motivate

546
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 1: myself to get out and try to experience where I'm

547
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:21,480
Speaker 1: at in the country, because you know, it's this is

548
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:24,359
Speaker 1: so much of our lives. Like for a while, I

549
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:25,919
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, the road is my job and then

550
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:27,920
Speaker 1: I'm gonna come home and have my life. And now

551
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:31,399
Speaker 1: I try to treat the road with as much importance

552
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,679
Speaker 1: as I do my life at home, because it's fifty

553
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 1: of my time, if not more. Yeah, I like that.

554
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 1: You're right about that. I need to be better about

555
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:40,680
Speaker 1: that too. I used to be a lot better, and

556
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:43,320
Speaker 1: now I just I'm like, uh, I have to conserve

557
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,240
Speaker 1: my energy, you know. I have this idea that it's

558
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:47,239
Speaker 1: like I have. All I have is what I'm going

559
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,239
Speaker 1: to put on the show that night, you know, and

560
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 1: I want to. But it is good for the soul

561
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:54,080
Speaker 1: to be out and about in these places and have

562
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:56,200
Speaker 1: a little bit of culture. It's good to get out

563
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 1: there and like meet people and see what's going on

564
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: in those cities. Even if it does if you do

565
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 1: find it depressing or whatever, it all kind of adds

566
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,399
Speaker 1: up and it is a huge part of our lives.

567
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:09,120
Speaker 1: So there's really no disputing that. So on this podcast,

568
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:11,680
Speaker 1: we take callers they could zoom in and we give

569
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,159
Speaker 1: them our advice. So we're gonna go ahead, Katherine, right,

570
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:17,400
Speaker 1: and take our first call or zoom or I still

571
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 1: don't know how this podcast works. Every every week it's

572
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:21,920
Speaker 1: the New Adventure. I'm like, wait, what is someone coming

573
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:24,200
Speaker 1: in live. I'm gonna make us take a quick break

574
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,359
Speaker 1: for ads and then we'll come back with an email

575
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:33,919
Speaker 1: in a color and we are back. I actually have

576
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,240
Speaker 1: something I wanted to tell Taylor. I'm sure we're not related,

577
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 1: but my last name is law but I'm actually a Tomlinson. Yeah,

578
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 1: my dad's biological father's last name is Tomlinson. So I've

579
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 1: got lots of Tomlinson cousins and aunts and uncles. And

580
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 1: according to the person who did our ancestry dot com,

581
00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:54,040
Speaker 1: it's Illinois farmers back as far as the eye can

582
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 1: see on that side, Tomlinson's. Yeah. Sometimes I get messages

583
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 1: from people like any relation to Tomlinson's over here, and

584
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:04,959
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, but who knows? You never really know?

585
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:08,120
Speaker 1: I mean, how would we know who were related to? Yeah,

586
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 1: I guess you put your spin in a vial and

587
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 1: email it somewhere. I've never done like twenty three and me,

588
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 1: but that's what it is, right. I have some uncles,

589
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:18,680
Speaker 1: so I'm sort of like, hmmm, should you be worried?

590
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:22,000
Speaker 1: I part of me is like, if I did do

591
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 1: that and like caught a bad guy, even if I

592
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:27,680
Speaker 1: was related to said bad guy, what a thrill. I

593
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 1: think I'll be thrilling. So our first question comes from

594
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 1: just initial P and Taylor. Because of your background with

595
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:38,600
Speaker 1: religion and all that stuff, I thought this would be

596
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,680
Speaker 1: a good question for you guys to tackle together. P

597
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:45,200
Speaker 1: says Dear Chelsea. I'm writing to ask for help and

598
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:48,000
Speaker 1: explaining to my girlfriend why it's not the best idea

599
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 1: for her to get baptized just because her grandmother wants

600
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:53,480
Speaker 1: her to. Her grandma believes she won't see her in

601
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 1: the afterlife unless she's baptized. Neither my partner nor I

602
00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:00,480
Speaker 1: grew up in religious households. We believe in higher powers,

603
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:03,240
Speaker 1: but certainly not the sweet baby Jesus, her grandma believes in.

604
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:07,560
Speaker 1: My girlfriend feels that getting baptized will make her grandma happy,

605
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:10,760
Speaker 1: but doesn't fully understand why folks get baptized, the personal

606
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 1: choice behind it, the religious beliefs behind it. I'm no

607
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 1: scholar in the subject, and I don't think you are either. However,

608
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 1: I do believe you may have some great insight on

609
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 1: why my girlfriend shouldn't get baptized just to appease grandma.

610
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 1: P Well, Taylor, why don't you start and then I'll

611
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,720
Speaker 1: follow up. I mean, I don't know if this is

612
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 1: a dumb answer, but I'm kind of like, how much

613
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 1: do you love your grandma? Like does it matter really?

614
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 1: Like if you get dunked in some water, if you

615
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 1: don't believe in it, then it really just comes down

616
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 1: to do you want to do your grandma favor and

617
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 1: make her feel good? Because I don't think you should

618
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:54,720
Speaker 1: do anything that you're not comfortable with and you don't

619
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:56,200
Speaker 1: want to do because like I don't know that I

620
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:59,040
Speaker 1: could personally do something like that, Like I know that

621
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 1: I've told my grandma, who I love more than anything

622
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:04,040
Speaker 1: in the world. Like I'm not a Christian and I'm

623
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 1: scared I won't be a part of this family. And

624
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,000
Speaker 1: she was like, oh, my God, of course not. You'll

625
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:08,560
Speaker 1: always be a part of this family. And I'm like, yeah,

626
00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:11,480
Speaker 1: but you do think I'm going to hell? And she's like, well,

627
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:13,760
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know what to say to that,

628
00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:18,400
Speaker 1: and so it's comforting. It's it's just, it is what

629
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:23,120
Speaker 1: it is. Like, if you don't believe that being baptized

630
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:27,520
Speaker 1: means anything, then it's up to you if you feel

631
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 1: comfortable doing that just to make your grandma happy, or

632
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:36,560
Speaker 1: if that feels not authentic to you and you don't

633
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:39,360
Speaker 1: want to lie. It's such a personal decision. I can't

634
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,000
Speaker 1: even say, like, this is what you should absolutely do.

635
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean if my grandma wanted me to

636
00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 1: get baptized and I wasn't Christian, I would probably say, like,

637
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:53,280
Speaker 1: you know, I don't actually believe what you believe, and

638
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:57,320
Speaker 1: I understand that that's hard for you. I maybe would

639
00:31:57,360 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 1: go I could get baptized if you want, but know

640
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 1: that if I don't believe it, then it's probably not

641
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 1: going to do anything. Right, Like, if you want me

642
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:12,240
Speaker 1: to get baptized, but you know, I don't believe in Jesus.

643
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:14,719
Speaker 1: I don't think it's gonna matter. It sounds like your

644
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,920
Speaker 1: grandma just wants you to be something you're not. She

645
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 1: sounds like she just wants you to be religious, and

646
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 1: if you're not, it's not gonna work. Yeah, I would say,

647
00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 1: I'm going to say something surprising, and I would say,

648
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:27,959
Speaker 1: first of all, if you really don't believe in it,

649
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 1: then who gives a ship? Then do it for you?

650
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:32,360
Speaker 1: Like if you just want to make your grandmother happy

651
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 1: so she can die peacefully knowing that she's having her

652
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 1: believe she's going to see you in the afterlife, go

653
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 1: get baptized. Like, if you don't believe in it, it's

654
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 1: not it's no harm, no foul. Like if somebody in

655
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,440
Speaker 1: my life that I really cared about or respected wanted

656
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:46,640
Speaker 1: me to do that, I probably would just because it

657
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 1: doesn't make a difference to me because I don't believe

658
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:50,680
Speaker 1: in that. So I have no problem getting dunk in

659
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:53,240
Speaker 1: water by a priest and eating that cookie or whatever

660
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:56,239
Speaker 1: happens afterward. It's not a big deal. And and I

661
00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:58,920
Speaker 1: feel like I do have a soft spot for older people,

662
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:02,239
Speaker 1: like religious older people. They do believe they're not going

663
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:04,960
Speaker 1: to see their family again. And I almost have more

664
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:10,280
Speaker 1: compassion for that than being obstinate in your own belief system. Yeah, yeah,

665
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 1: that's that's kind of how I felt to It's it's

666
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 1: more so just like, if you're gonna do it and

667
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 1: feel bad about it, don't do it. But yeah, if

668
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 1: you don't care, then just do it. Yeah. Peace. So

669
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 1: there you go. I mean, you could do it or

670
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 1: you cannot do it, but let us know what happens.

671
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 1: Fantastic problem solved. We have a huge we have a

672
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 1: great track record on this show, Taylor, so just watch out.

673
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:37,840
Speaker 1: We solve them all. Just about Okay. Our next question,

674
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:40,760
Speaker 1: and we have this color on the line comes from Shannon.

675
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:44,240
Speaker 1: I thought this would also be a great question for you, Taylor,

676
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:47,480
Speaker 1: because she's sort of having a quarter life crisis. Shannon says,

677
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I'm turning thirty next month, and looking back

678
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 1: on my twenties, I wish I'd let myself have more fun.

679
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 1: Money has been tight since graduating college, as my husband

680
00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:59,959
Speaker 1: and I both have large amounts of student debt. Stress

681
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,240
Speaker 1: around money has been a big factor in our lives,

682
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 1: affecting each of our personal happiness and sense of self

683
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 1: worth and causing a lot of strain on our marriage.

684
00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 1: I think we also let money challenges stop us from

685
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 1: having fun. What advice do you have for me going

686
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:15,839
Speaker 1: into my thirties? What are some ways that you put

687
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,880
Speaker 1: your stress aside and have fun, particularly that don't involve

688
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 1: spending money? Shannon? Hi, Shannon, Hi, Hi, this is Taylor.

689
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:27,759
Speaker 1: Hi Shannon, Hi. Okay, So you're stressed about money all

690
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 1: the time? That must be really that must take up

691
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:33,080
Speaker 1: a lot of your energy, right it does? Yeah? And

692
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 1: so how do you guys manage the stress? Do you

693
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 1: spend a lot of time budgeting? Do you spend a

694
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 1: lot of time saying no to things? I I think

695
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 1: that my husband and I have different methods, Like I

696
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 1: think for him it's hard to even look at it.

697
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:48,360
Speaker 1: So I spend a lot of time I feel like

698
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:51,840
Speaker 1: almost just staring at it. I guess budgeting, but almost

699
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:54,919
Speaker 1: feeling like how do I move things around? You know, like, oh, great,

700
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 1: I can balance transfer those and do this here or whatever,

701
00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:00,239
Speaker 1: like trying to be strategic. And my husband, I think

702
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 1: he just kind of shuts down. And for him it's intimidating.

703
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:05,279
Speaker 1: He's just like, well, we don't have enough money to

704
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:07,919
Speaker 1: do anything, so whatever, And I'm trying to be more

705
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 1: solution oriented, so that becomes challenging. Yeah, I bet that

706
00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:15,719
Speaker 1: is challenging, But I mean, I think there are so

707
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:18,280
Speaker 1: many things you can do without spending money and without

708
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,880
Speaker 1: taxing it. Hey, you probably have to open up a

709
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 1: little better line of communication with your husband so that

710
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:25,719
Speaker 1: you guys can kind of handle it together, because for

711
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:29,520
Speaker 1: you to be spearheading it must be really stressful. Also, yeah,

712
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 1: I know, my boyfriend doesn't like to talk about anything negative,

713
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 1: Like if anything bad in the world happens, he's just like,

714
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 1: like the news, politics, anything like that, he shuts down,

715
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:40,200
Speaker 1: And I'm like, so I'm supposed to just deal with

716
00:35:40,239 --> 00:35:43,680
Speaker 1: all of this myself, you know. So I can understand

717
00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:46,600
Speaker 1: that there's that imbalance kind of creates a lot of stress,

718
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 1: But there are so many things that you can do

719
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:51,920
Speaker 1: that not only you can do for free, but that

720
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:55,000
Speaker 1: will add to your like quality of life, to add

721
00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 1: to your distressing you know, just being outside in nature,

722
00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 1: going for hikes, going for long walks through the woods,

723
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,239
Speaker 1: you know, finding the areas around where you live where

724
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:07,080
Speaker 1: you can experience like nature in a nice, fun, cool way,

725
00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:10,120
Speaker 1: and that it's like a double dose because it's free

726
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,959
Speaker 1: and it's going to lend to your happiness and level

727
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,920
Speaker 1: of happiness. And I think once you you just have

728
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:20,040
Speaker 1: to make a real effort each day to relieve that

729
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 1: part of your day where you're where you're so hyper

730
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:25,839
Speaker 1: focused on the finances. You're gonna be okay. You've been

731
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:28,279
Speaker 1: okay this far. You have a track record to prove

732
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:30,560
Speaker 1: to yourself that you're going to be okay moving forward

733
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 1: even if finances are type m hm. So what kind

734
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 1: of stuff do you guys do together? Mostly watch TV?

735
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:40,480
Speaker 1: I mean in non COVID times, we like to go

736
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 1: to the movies. Definitely. Lately we've been a little bit

737
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:48,960
Speaker 1: less active so and I think too, it's like another

738
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:51,120
Speaker 1: another struggle where my husband he does like to go

739
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:55,840
Speaker 1: hiking and stuff, but not as much and even something

740
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:58,680
Speaker 1: as simple as like oh, let's go walk the dogs,

741
00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:03,320
Speaker 1: like he's just not always up for it. And sometimes

742
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 1: that's frustrating. But I also have to remind myself, well,

743
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:09,399
Speaker 1: like I can go do that myself too. I'm still

744
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:11,480
Speaker 1: going to get value out of doing that on my

745
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 1: own rather than just not doing anything. Yeah. Absolutely, And

746
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 1: I think it's really important for you to do that

747
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,040
Speaker 1: on your own because sometimes the way to attract another

748
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,799
Speaker 1: person is just to enjoy yourself on your own, you know,

749
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:25,319
Speaker 1: by you going out and doing those things, coming back

750
00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 1: in a brighter mood and a happier kind of state

751
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,040
Speaker 1: of mind, and him being like, oh, I missed that.

752
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,799
Speaker 1: I mean, when I met Joe, he never worked out

753
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:34,279
Speaker 1: a day in his life, and I would just get

754
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:36,520
Speaker 1: up every morning and I'm serious about working out and

755
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:39,839
Speaker 1: being like healthy. And after a week He's like, I'm

756
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:41,960
Speaker 1: not doing this anymore. I'm not sitting here sleeping while

757
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:44,520
Speaker 1: you work out. I'm gonna level up. And I was like, oh,

758
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,239
Speaker 1: I didn't even ask him to do that. I never

759
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 1: expected him to work out. I didn't know. Meanwhile, now

760
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,799
Speaker 1: he's ripped after two weeks of it, and I'm like,

761
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 1: this is a little bit uneven. But Taylor, what do

762
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 1: you what do you have to say about that when

763
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 1: you're struggling with finances because we've all been there, everyone's

764
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:03,719
Speaker 1: experience that, well not everybody, but most people. Yeah. I

765
00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:05,719
Speaker 1: had a question, where do you live. I live in

766
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:09,400
Speaker 1: Las Vegas. Oh, so there's a lot of nature things

767
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:11,840
Speaker 1: you can do. Oh my god, that's I mean, the

768
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 1: people watching in Vegas alone is because I'm not when

769
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:17,319
Speaker 1: I go to Vegas to perform. I'm not like a

770
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:20,360
Speaker 1: big I don't gamble or drink or anything. So I

771
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:22,400
Speaker 1: do a lot of just like people watching, which is

772
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:25,359
Speaker 1: very entertaining to me. Do you have kids, Oh, so

773
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:28,200
Speaker 1: that's great. So it's really just you and your husband.

774
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 1: It sounds like the fact that you guys handle this

775
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:35,279
Speaker 1: stuff so differently. I so relate to that because I

776
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,760
Speaker 1: also have a partner who like doesn't like to plan

777
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,439
Speaker 1: ahead and if something is stressful, just kind of like

778
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 1: doesn't want to deal with it right away. And it

779
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 1: sounds like hearing you talk, it just sounds like you

780
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 1: are feeling like it's kind of all on you right now.

781
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:53,480
Speaker 1: Is he bringing this stuff up as well? Like everything

782
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 1: you wrote in like, is he communicating that he's feeling

783
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:58,720
Speaker 1: that too, or is it just kind of you feeling

784
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 1: it on your own and wondering if he does too. No,

785
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:05,840
Speaker 1: I mean, we like kind of talked recently. I generally

786
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:08,080
Speaker 1: would say that our communication isn't great, but we did

787
00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:11,880
Speaker 1: talk pretty recently and had like a more serious conversation

788
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:14,719
Speaker 1: and we've had in a long time, and so I

789
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:17,040
Speaker 1: know it's both on our minds and we're both trying

790
00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:20,200
Speaker 1: to kind of figure out together, but also for ourselves,

791
00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:23,000
Speaker 1: how do we we're definitely in like a slump just

792
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:26,719
Speaker 1: in general, and how do we kind of like pull

793
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 1: ourselves out of that, because I mean, we are actually

794
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,959
Speaker 1: doing exciting things. We're buying a house right now, and

795
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 1: you know, we didn't think that that was going to

796
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:37,920
Speaker 1: probably be possible for another several years, and so it's

797
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 1: like we even have these positive things happening, and it's

798
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:43,440
Speaker 1: like we're so nervous something's going to happen and our

799
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:45,760
Speaker 1: loan is not going to go through or or whatever.

800
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:48,960
Speaker 1: So it's like just finding that way to like pull

801
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,839
Speaker 1: ourselves out of that and not being the greatest set

802
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 1: of communicating along the way. Yeah, and I know you

803
00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:56,480
Speaker 1: mentioned when we had our pre interview call as well

804
00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:59,960
Speaker 1: you just started a new job. So that's very exciting,

805
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:03,720
Speaker 1: ding and congratulations on that. But I wonder if there

806
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:07,080
Speaker 1: are any free counselors in the area that you guys

807
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,720
Speaker 1: could go see just to talk through some of these things,

808
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:12,239
Speaker 1: because you know, it shouldn't all just fall to you.

809
00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:14,880
Speaker 1: I know, like in my household, I manage most of

810
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:18,480
Speaker 1: the money, but it's not necessarily because my husband isn't

811
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:21,279
Speaker 1: there to talk about it. He would be happy too,

812
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,359
Speaker 1: but I don't know, maybe it's a little bit more

813
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:24,840
Speaker 1: than I'm like, Okay, I want to be the boss

814
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:27,440
Speaker 1: of this and make the decisions, and he kind of

815
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 1: just goes with the flow, which is great, But it

816
00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 1: sounds like you need a little bit more support in

817
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 1: that area. And I also wonder if you know, I know,

818
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:38,759
Speaker 1: you said it's a lot of college debt, and that

819
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 1: can kind of feel like you're looking down the barrel

820
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:45,120
Speaker 1: of years and years of the same and it can

821
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:48,400
Speaker 1: feel really overwhelming. But I wonder if there's anybody that

822
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:51,279
Speaker 1: you can see who can help consolidate some of that,

823
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:53,440
Speaker 1: or if there's any changes that can be made to

824
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 1: like how long you're paying it off, um, just to

825
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 1: give you guys a little more breathing room. Yeah, I

826
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 1: look at I actually look at that instantly. I've replanced already.

827
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:04,840
Speaker 1: Right now we're waiting to close on the house and

828
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:06,840
Speaker 1: then we're gonna try to look again at some of

829
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,799
Speaker 1: those options too. Yeah, and in a good way to like,

830
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:11,880
Speaker 1: you know, bring a little bit of like bright and

831
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:14,959
Speaker 1: lightness into your life. Like you have a new job, right,

832
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:17,359
Speaker 1: you have new people you're working with, like you can

833
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 1: do things that cost nothing. You can have not that

834
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:22,439
Speaker 1: like this is something I've ever done, but I've heard

835
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:24,600
Speaker 1: about it. You know. You can have like group cooking

836
00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:27,520
Speaker 1: classes with people from your work or friends. You can

837
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:29,439
Speaker 1: have a book club. You can just have these little

838
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:31,759
Speaker 1: kind of You could join a volleyball league. You could

839
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:33,319
Speaker 1: do any of these things that are going to add

840
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:36,400
Speaker 1: to your mental fitness and health and alleviate some of

841
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,759
Speaker 1: the stress. Because whenever we're stressed, we're lacking endorphins. That's

842
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:42,560
Speaker 1: what we're lacking, you know. Always it's their serotonin and

843
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 1: it's our endorphins. And getting outside and being social with

844
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,640
Speaker 1: other people and taking your attention off of yourself. A

845
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 1: lot of the time, you're already paying enough attention to

846
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:54,239
Speaker 1: yourself and your finances and your you know, your situation.

847
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:57,239
Speaker 1: So a lot of time our stress gets alleviated when

848
00:41:57,239 --> 00:42:00,319
Speaker 1: we put our focus elsewhere, you know. And you can

849
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:03,560
Speaker 1: find ways to integrate your you know, your social life

850
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:05,840
Speaker 1: with your work life, or have a night of the

851
00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 1: week where everybody comes over and you have like a

852
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:11,279
Speaker 1: potluck dinner and you're socializing with people. That's always going

853
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:14,360
Speaker 1: to bring everybody up. Or your you join a softball

854
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 1: league or whatever sport you find interesting, or a book club.

855
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,640
Speaker 1: You know, there's something for everybody. And it's just about

856
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:24,160
Speaker 1: when you said pulling myself out of this, that's exactly right.

857
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:26,680
Speaker 1: You're in charge of pulling yourself out of this. You're

858
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:28,880
Speaker 1: in charge of making your mood a little bit brighter,

859
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:32,360
Speaker 1: and you don't necessarily need him to do that. Sometimes

860
00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 1: when you lead, other people will follow. Start with yourself,

861
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:38,840
Speaker 1: and then you know, hopefully it will be a natural progression.

862
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:41,799
Speaker 1: In addition to finding a counselor you know, we do

863
00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 1: ads for better help all the time. That's like online

864
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:46,800
Speaker 1: cheap counseling where you can talk to somebody and bounce

865
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,799
Speaker 1: stuff off of them. But it's not a hopeless situation

866
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:52,120
Speaker 1: by any stretch of the imagination. And you're not alone.

867
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:55,800
Speaker 1: I mean, everybody is struggling with college debt. Luckily I

868
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 1: didn't get into college, so that's not an issue for me.

869
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 1: But everybody is strong going with this kind of stuff,

870
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:04,279
Speaker 1: and so you should take some solace also knowing that

871
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:07,920
Speaker 1: you're not alone. It's not unique to you. And remember

872
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 1: that you got yourself this far, You're gonna get yourself

873
00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:13,880
Speaker 1: through the next phase of your life and enjoy that

874
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:16,839
Speaker 1: you're about to buy a house like that's huge, right,

875
00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:20,200
Speaker 1: instead of stressing about what can go wrong and operating

876
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:23,759
Speaker 1: out of fear, operating out of like abundance, like this

877
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:25,839
Speaker 1: is wonderful. What else are we going to be able

878
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:28,560
Speaker 1: to do? Try and take the negative lines of thinking

879
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:31,200
Speaker 1: and turn them into positives, like what if our loan

880
00:43:31,239 --> 00:43:33,120
Speaker 1: doesn't go through? What if our loan does go through,

881
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:34,960
Speaker 1: and then this is such a success that we go

882
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:37,960
Speaker 1: get another house and then we start flipping houses. Whatever

883
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:40,840
Speaker 1: the dialogue is that's going to get you excited about it,

884
00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:43,799
Speaker 1: I think is integral to like getting your mind into

885
00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:47,840
Speaker 1: a happier state of being. Yeah. Yeah, I super relate

886
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:50,320
Speaker 1: to that feeling of like, oh, I'm so excited to

887
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 1: be taking this next big step, but like what if

888
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:55,920
Speaker 1: something horrible happens? I just constantly live in that place.

889
00:43:56,520 --> 00:44:00,319
Speaker 1: And something that my therapist always says to me is like,

890
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 1: don't freak out about something until it's actually happening, because

891
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:07,240
Speaker 1: if it actually happens, it's not going to have served

892
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:10,480
Speaker 1: you to have been miserable up until the point it happened.

893
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:15,160
Speaker 1: You either can be positive until something bad happens and

894
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 1: then deal with it once it's here, or you can

895
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:21,920
Speaker 1: be positive and maybe nothing ever happens that you're worried about.

896
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:25,120
Speaker 1: And so I just want to say completely get how

897
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 1: you feel in that regard, and I know how hard

898
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:30,480
Speaker 1: it is to like stay present and stay excited and

899
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:33,399
Speaker 1: stay positive about what's going on in your life. But

900
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:36,879
Speaker 1: just know that, like if something bad happens, you can

901
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 1: be upset about it. Then you know, like, don't get it,

902
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:42,359
Speaker 1: don't get ahead of the bad thing in this way

903
00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:45,000
Speaker 1: of thinking of like, well, if I I am afraid

904
00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:46,840
Speaker 1: of it, it won't happen, because it's gonna happen if

905
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:50,480
Speaker 1: it's going to happen, and you deserve to feel happy

906
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:53,960
Speaker 1: and excited about something great that's happening for you. You're

907
00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:56,120
Speaker 1: so right because I spend so much time doing that

908
00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 1: now that you say it, like I live like that

909
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:02,000
Speaker 1: all the time. Yeah, same, it's brutal. Yeah. And it's

910
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 1: the power of your thoughts, right, it's the power of

911
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:06,600
Speaker 1: positive thinking. That old book where it talks about your

912
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:08,880
Speaker 1: thoughts have an impact on your on the way you

913
00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 1: live your life, and it becomes a cycle. So the

914
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:14,160
Speaker 1: great news is it's easy to change your habits it's

915
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:17,239
Speaker 1: easy to like change your negative thinking over time into

916
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:19,600
Speaker 1: positive thinking, and then that brings in a little bit

917
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:22,600
Speaker 1: more positivity, and then it turns into a lot of positivity,

918
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:24,920
Speaker 1: and you realize how strong your mind is, you know.

919
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:27,640
Speaker 1: So you you're in charge of getting yourself kind of

920
00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 1: out of this little rut that you're in, which is

921
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,040
Speaker 1: not the end of the world. You recognize it. You're

922
00:45:32,040 --> 00:45:35,120
Speaker 1: calling in talking to us today about it. So I

923
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 1: think you're going to be all fine, you just have

924
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:40,319
Speaker 1: to switch your script a little bit, flip it. Thank you. Yeah,

925
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:42,280
Speaker 1: and she'll say, I liked what you said to about

926
00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:44,799
Speaker 1: doing stuff in groups because it is you that has

927
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:46,920
Speaker 1: to get you out of it, but not alone, like

928
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:49,080
Speaker 1: you don't have to be doing it alone. And a

929
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 1: lot of what tells us suggest it was group activities,

930
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:53,640
Speaker 1: and I think that's really helpful. Yeah, And I think

931
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:56,520
Speaker 1: that makes sense too. For I didn't mention that my

932
00:45:56,600 --> 00:45:59,319
Speaker 1: new job is also working with my husband and we

933
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:02,960
Speaker 1: work very well together, which is actually great, no problem,

934
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:05,319
Speaker 1: we've worked together before. It it's great, but it is

935
00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 1: definitely something that I want to focus on moving into

936
00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:12,080
Speaker 1: this job, just finding ways to like, like you said,

937
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,600
Speaker 1: find a book club, or find other ways that I

938
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:17,680
Speaker 1: can make new friends, spend time with friends already have

939
00:46:17,719 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 1: and I haven't seen in forever because my day to

940
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:22,719
Speaker 1: day is definitely not going to be there just won't

941
00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 1: be as many people in the picture as some of

942
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:29,080
Speaker 1: my previous jobs. Last Gey season, I remember I was

943
00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:32,120
Speaker 1: up here. I'm in Canada, and I love to ski,

944
00:46:32,239 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 1: and one day I just was in this terrible mood

945
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:35,759
Speaker 1: and I just I was supposed to ski with four

946
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:37,560
Speaker 1: of my friends and I just blew them all off

947
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:40,320
Speaker 1: and I said, no, I'm not skiing today. I lied,

948
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:42,799
Speaker 1: but I went out by myself and I ran into

949
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:44,600
Speaker 1: them and I was like, oh shout, I just got caught,

950
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:48,359
Speaker 1: you know, totally redhead. But the way that my mood

951
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:52,279
Speaker 1: elevated just by being around other people that I was

952
00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:54,239
Speaker 1: going to shut myself away from. I was going to

953
00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:56,600
Speaker 1: shut myself down from that, and then it just came

954
00:46:56,640 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 1: at me and by the end of the day I

955
00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:01,400
Speaker 1: was in a completely different spear it. So you really

956
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:04,279
Speaker 1: have to pay attention to being around other people and

957
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:07,319
Speaker 1: the benefit that that has on your mental space. Does

958
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:09,080
Speaker 1: that sound good, Channon? Do you feel like you've got

959
00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:11,960
Speaker 1: some decent advice? I do I have a lot of

960
00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:15,240
Speaker 1: things to think about, for sure. Yeah, and also start

961
00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:18,200
Speaker 1: instilling like the positivity into your conversations with your husband,

962
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:21,799
Speaker 1: because it's infectious and when people are upbeat and fun like,

963
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:26,719
Speaker 1: it's catchy. Yeah, thank you, thank okay, thanks for calling.

964
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:29,879
Speaker 1: Thanks Shannon, Yeah, thank you so much for having me.

965
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 1: Bye bye, Well. Our next call comes from Christina. She's

966
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:41,680
Speaker 1: twenty five. She's an attorney in Miami. Oh. Well, ship,

967
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:49,000
Speaker 1: She's got her ship together. She's quite open, she says.

968
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:52,000
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I'm writing about a very close friend of

969
00:47:52,040 --> 00:47:55,680
Speaker 1: mine who I love dearly but sometimes oversteps her boundaries

970
00:47:55,719 --> 00:48:00,560
Speaker 1: by subtly opinionating on my relationship. For context, I recently

971
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:03,600
Speaker 1: became a lawyer. I'm a first generation college student and

972
00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:05,440
Speaker 1: the first person ever in my family to go to

973
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:08,320
Speaker 1: law school. I worked my ass off until I graduated

974
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:10,319
Speaker 1: at the top of my class and passed the bar

975
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:14,160
Speaker 1: exam with flying colors. My boyfriend of three years works

976
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:17,760
Speaker 1: are respectable but mundane, job, doesn't really have any passion

977
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:20,840
Speaker 1: for work or career goals, and really enjoys playing video

978
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:24,839
Speaker 1: games and watching sports. Nonetheless, he loves me deeply. He

979
00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:28,280
Speaker 1: is and has always been incredibly supportive, and he devotes

980
00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:31,120
Speaker 1: himself to my happiness. He's a good man and I

981
00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:33,960
Speaker 1: love him more than I've ever loved anything. My friend,

982
00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 1: who I met in law school, knows how hard I've

983
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:38,840
Speaker 1: worked and has told me many times how much she

984
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:41,239
Speaker 1: admires me as a person, and I to admire her.

985
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:44,560
Speaker 1: My boyfriend, on the other hand, she does not approve

986
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:47,600
Speaker 1: of I know, deep down, she's probably just protective of

987
00:48:47,640 --> 00:48:50,800
Speaker 1: me and thinks I can do better, probably another lawyer

988
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:53,719
Speaker 1: or a banker or something. That's fine, She's entitled to

989
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:56,360
Speaker 1: her opinion, but I really dislike when she makes passive,

990
00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:59,959
Speaker 1: aggressive comments about my relationship. For example, she sends me

991
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:03,960
Speaker 1: eames about lazy boyfriends with overachieving girlfriends and makes jokes

992
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 1: about him to me. It really hurts me, and it

993
00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:09,920
Speaker 1: hurts to know she thinks I'm settling, And in all fairness,

994
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:12,799
Speaker 1: she's never had a relationship in her entire life, so

995
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:15,880
Speaker 1: it also seems very hypocritical to judge mine. How do

996
00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:18,000
Speaker 1: I tell her to back off without causing a rift

997
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 1: in our friendship or coming off as condescending? Love? Christina, Hi, Christina, Hi, Hi,

998
00:49:25,680 --> 00:49:31,160
Speaker 1: This is Taylor Hi. Okay, So well, First of all,

999
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:33,879
Speaker 1: congratulations of being such a badass and having your law

1000
00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:36,879
Speaker 1: degree at twenty five years old practicing in Miami. That's

1001
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:40,359
Speaker 1: fucking cool, first generation college student. I love all of it.

1002
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:45,360
Speaker 1: So congrats on all of that. Thank you so much. UM.

1003
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:47,360
Speaker 1: I like that you recognize that your boyfriend likes to

1004
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:51,560
Speaker 1: play video games and has no ambition and has no drive.

1005
00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:54,680
Speaker 1: That's also really sweet because you know what, you're not

1006
00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:57,960
Speaker 1: judgmental at all. You're not judging him, and not a

1007
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:00,239
Speaker 1: lot of people are capable of not judging people. I

1008
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:02,920
Speaker 1: know that I'm not. So have you spoken to your

1009
00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:05,799
Speaker 1: friend about this yet? Well, first of all, I want

1010
00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:09,880
Speaker 1: to say, I recognize that I'm known. I wanted to

1011
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:12,440
Speaker 1: be a lawyers since I was twelve years old, and

1012
00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:15,440
Speaker 1: so I've worked for it. But that's a gift, and

1013
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:17,920
Speaker 1: to him, a job is just a means to an end,

1014
00:50:18,400 --> 00:50:20,480
Speaker 1: and I think that that's really fine. I mean, he's

1015
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 1: still working, you know, I'm not like picking up the

1016
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:26,120
Speaker 1: slack or anything like that, so it's fine. I haven't

1017
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:29,520
Speaker 1: said anything to her for a couple of reasons. I

1018
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:31,600
Speaker 1: know for a fact that it's nothing personal. You know,

1019
00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:34,040
Speaker 1: she doesn't just like him as a person. It's just

1020
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:35,719
Speaker 1: that she really wants the best of the best for me,

1021
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:39,160
Speaker 1: and so I guess in her mind, these few character

1022
00:50:39,239 --> 00:50:41,680
Speaker 1: traits that she doesn't mind takes him out of the running.

1023
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:43,960
Speaker 1: But I do know that it's coming from a good place.

1024
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:46,640
Speaker 1: And then I have to remind myself that she hasn't

1025
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:50,759
Speaker 1: ever been in a serious relationship, so she just kind

1026
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:53,480
Speaker 1: of still has this idea that, you know, love is

1027
00:50:53,560 --> 00:50:56,360
Speaker 1: like the movies, and you know, she somebody sweeps you

1028
00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:58,279
Speaker 1: off their feet and then they never didn't want you in.

1029
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:03,759
Speaker 1: And I mean, and I, through my relationship, learns that

1030
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:07,480
Speaker 1: that's not what it is. Relationships are work and nobody's perfect.

1031
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:09,640
Speaker 1: But when you really love someone, you love them for

1032
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:11,680
Speaker 1: their flaws and as long as they're the person and

1033
00:51:11,719 --> 00:51:14,719
Speaker 1: they treat you well, then you work through the rest.

1034
00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:18,439
Speaker 1: And so I've never really wanted to tell her, well,

1035
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:21,359
Speaker 1: you know, you've never been in a relationship, so how

1036
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:25,080
Speaker 1: would you know what the gifts and takes are because

1037
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:28,800
Speaker 1: it comes off really condescending, and she can be a

1038
00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:32,040
Speaker 1: little bit fragile, so I don't want to hurt her either.

1039
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:34,440
Speaker 1: So now I haven't ever talked to her about it.

1040
00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:37,239
Speaker 1: I kind of just like laugh it off. I think

1041
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 1: there's a really easy, nice like solution to just you

1042
00:51:40,080 --> 00:51:42,560
Speaker 1: can either send her an email and then follow up

1043
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:45,440
Speaker 1: with a conversation, but a loving one, just saying listen,

1044
00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:48,200
Speaker 1: I love you so much. I cherish our friendship, but

1045
00:51:48,280 --> 00:51:51,360
Speaker 1: it really hurts my feelings when you are passively aggressive

1046
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:55,359
Speaker 1: about my boyfriend, or you're making judgments or sending me

1047
00:51:55,360 --> 00:51:58,239
Speaker 1: memes like we both know who you're talking about. This

1048
00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 1: is my relationship, not your is. No friend has ever

1049
00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:05,000
Speaker 1: decided their girlfriend's relationship for them, so that's a huge

1050
00:52:05,040 --> 00:52:08,319
Speaker 1: She should learn that lesson early on anyway, because you

1051
00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:11,200
Speaker 1: can't do that. You can't control who your sisters, your brothers,

1052
00:52:11,440 --> 00:52:13,680
Speaker 1: or your friends are gonna date. They're gonna date who

1053
00:52:13,719 --> 00:52:15,640
Speaker 1: they want, just like you're going to date who you want,

1054
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:18,160
Speaker 1: and you're gonna love who you love. You can say

1055
00:52:18,160 --> 00:52:20,359
Speaker 1: this in a very tender way, like you both are

1056
00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:22,960
Speaker 1: so important to me. You know, he's never once said

1057
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:25,560
Speaker 1: anything about you or I don't know if that's true

1058
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:28,160
Speaker 1: or not, but it's not true, right of course not.

1059
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 1: He's probably like fuck her, But you just have to

1060
00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:33,839
Speaker 1: really just map it up because you're not giving her

1061
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:36,759
Speaker 1: enough credit or respect by not addressing it. I've never

1062
00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:40,120
Speaker 1: thought of it that way. It's true, if someone's disappointing

1063
00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:42,680
Speaker 1: you and and they're not loving somebody that you love,

1064
00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:45,360
Speaker 1: you have to show her the amount of respect that

1065
00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:47,680
Speaker 1: you're going to show that you show your boyfriend, right,

1066
00:52:47,840 --> 00:52:50,319
Speaker 1: the amount of respect that you show yourself. You want

1067
00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:52,879
Speaker 1: to be respectful to her in your relationship and say

1068
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:54,960
Speaker 1: this isn't cool with me, I'm so sorry, but it

1069
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:58,360
Speaker 1: hurts my feelings every time you mention his lack of

1070
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:01,359
Speaker 1: ambition or drive, like those might be important things to you,

1071
00:53:01,440 --> 00:53:03,960
Speaker 1: but what's important to me is my ambition, my drive.

1072
00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:07,120
Speaker 1: I'm not looking for that necessarily in this relationship or

1073
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:10,719
Speaker 1: with my boyfriend. I supply that for myself. And you know,

1074
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:12,279
Speaker 1: you don't have to mention that she's never been in

1075
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:15,560
Speaker 1: a relationship, because that's a little judgmental. I think, Taylor,

1076
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:17,920
Speaker 1: what do you think I mean? If she wants you

1077
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:21,880
Speaker 1: to date another lawyer, when would you see another lawyer? Like,

1078
00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:25,640
Speaker 1: I'm sure your workload is insane. Like I know a

1079
00:53:25,640 --> 00:53:28,600
Speaker 1: few people who have gone through law school and I

1080
00:53:28,680 --> 00:53:31,640
Speaker 1: just like didn't see them for years, and then they

1081
00:53:31,640 --> 00:53:33,879
Speaker 1: had like a couple of months off and now they

1082
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:37,719
Speaker 1: work very demanding jobs, Like, I think that a lot

1083
00:53:37,760 --> 00:53:42,439
Speaker 1: of relationships if one person is in a field that's

1084
00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:46,799
Speaker 1: like very demanding and high stress, it works very well

1085
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:49,840
Speaker 1: to have somebody else who is like, yeah, I have

1086
00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:52,719
Speaker 1: a job. I like it, but like I like a job,

1087
00:53:52,760 --> 00:53:55,000
Speaker 1: I can leave at work and come home and relax

1088
00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:58,040
Speaker 1: and play video games and love my partner. Like, I

1089
00:53:58,040 --> 00:54:00,920
Speaker 1: think it sounds like you're in a great relationship with

1090
00:54:00,960 --> 00:54:05,000
Speaker 1: someone who balances you out. And I think it's really

1091
00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:09,000
Speaker 1: beautiful and actually pretty empathetic that you're like. I haven't

1092
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:10,839
Speaker 1: talked to her about it yet because she's ever been

1093
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:13,400
Speaker 1: in a relationship, and I understand that from her perspective,

1094
00:54:13,440 --> 00:54:16,319
Speaker 1: it probably looks like this, Like, I think you are

1095
00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:20,080
Speaker 1: an incredibly impressive, mature person. But yeah, I totally agree

1096
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:24,120
Speaker 1: with Chelsea, Like, you know, trust your friend enough that

1097
00:54:24,200 --> 00:54:28,759
Speaker 1: she will be able to handle you saying very directly, Hey,

1098
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:31,759
Speaker 1: I love you so much. I'm sure you don't mean

1099
00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:37,319
Speaker 1: anything by this, but it really hurts my feelings. This

1100
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:40,640
Speaker 1: is my partner. It's okay if you don't understand, but

1101
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:44,359
Speaker 1: I just can't keep acting like I'm okay with these

1102
00:54:44,400 --> 00:54:46,839
Speaker 1: comments because I know I laughed them off, but I'm

1103
00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:50,640
Speaker 1: really not, And they're also you know, because she hasn't

1104
00:54:50,640 --> 00:54:52,880
Speaker 1: ever had a relationship like that, they're also maybe a

1105
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:56,200
Speaker 1: fair amount of jealousy there. So I think, you know,

1106
00:54:56,440 --> 00:54:58,560
Speaker 1: like they both said, coming at this from a place

1107
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:00,640
Speaker 1: of kindness and a place of of and just like

1108
00:55:00,760 --> 00:55:03,840
Speaker 1: considering that she might be hating on him because she

1109
00:55:03,960 --> 00:55:06,960
Speaker 1: sees how happy you actually are, and like that's her

1110
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:09,719
Speaker 1: place to nitpick when she's never really had that in

1111
00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:12,719
Speaker 1: her life, might be might be pretty big. I also

1112
00:55:12,760 --> 00:55:15,719
Speaker 1: think Taylor made a salient point like, Yeah, what if

1113
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:17,839
Speaker 1: you were to date another lawyer, when the hell would

1114
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:19,919
Speaker 1: you guys be getting together? Like that would be such

1115
00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:22,839
Speaker 1: an to Like people who are working their asses off.

1116
00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:25,879
Speaker 1: That doesn't make necessarily for a good match. You need

1117
00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:27,680
Speaker 1: somebody who's going to be there when you get home,

1118
00:55:27,719 --> 00:55:31,080
Speaker 1: that's gonna like support you and and have stuff waiting

1119
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:33,520
Speaker 1: for you for dinner when you get home, and be

1120
00:55:33,600 --> 00:55:35,880
Speaker 1: there to snuggle with and all of the things that

1121
00:55:35,920 --> 00:55:38,759
Speaker 1: you want to make yourself feel better. So that's a

1122
00:55:38,760 --> 00:55:41,799
Speaker 1: great point to bring up to, like, that's what her

1123
00:55:41,840 --> 00:55:44,120
Speaker 1: idea of you is, not what your idea of what

1124
00:55:44,160 --> 00:55:48,480
Speaker 1: you want is. Yeah, I mean I actually went to

1125
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:51,680
Speaker 1: law school with the idea that I wouldn't meet, you know,

1126
00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:54,279
Speaker 1: my future husband there, but I actually started dating him

1127
00:55:54,400 --> 00:55:56,640
Speaker 1: right before I got to law school, so that didn't

1128
00:55:56,680 --> 00:55:59,560
Speaker 1: work out, but it really was for the best because

1129
00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:02,160
Speaker 1: now I definitely don't ever want to date another lawyer

1130
00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:03,960
Speaker 1: after I'm done working, i't eople want to talk to

1131
00:56:03,960 --> 00:56:08,080
Speaker 1: other lawyers. Um, and he has always been the one,

1132
00:56:08,280 --> 00:56:11,000
Speaker 1: you know, to tell me basically, you're doing too much,

1133
00:56:11,080 --> 00:56:14,080
Speaker 1: Like you're fine, You've got this. You've studied hard, you know,

1134
00:56:14,120 --> 00:56:16,680
Speaker 1: for the last three and a half, you know, almost

1135
00:56:16,680 --> 00:56:20,120
Speaker 1: four years, and that to me is just way more

1136
00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:24,279
Speaker 1: important than you know, introducing him at coctial parties and

1137
00:56:24,600 --> 00:56:26,640
Speaker 1: saying what he does. Yeah, I know, it sounds like

1138
00:56:26,680 --> 00:56:29,080
Speaker 1: you know yourself and you're pretty secure and self assured,

1139
00:56:29,120 --> 00:56:31,680
Speaker 1: and those are really the most important qualities you can have.

1140
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:34,399
Speaker 1: So yeah, it'll be an easier conversation than you think.

1141
00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:36,720
Speaker 1: And just remember when you're having it, or you're writing

1142
00:56:36,719 --> 00:56:39,759
Speaker 1: an email, however you decide to uh, you know, approach it,

1143
00:56:39,920 --> 00:56:43,560
Speaker 1: just remember like you're doing this out of love and respect. Yeah,

1144
00:56:43,760 --> 00:56:47,560
Speaker 1: that's that's true. I definitely should give her some more credit,

1145
00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:50,040
Speaker 1: and I'm sure she knows deep down that it is

1146
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:52,400
Speaker 1: hurtful because sometimes she does backtrack and she'll be like,

1147
00:56:52,600 --> 00:56:55,479
Speaker 1: sorry not to you know, do exactly what I'm doing,

1148
00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:59,160
Speaker 1: but not to di dig on him. But and also

1149
00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:01,400
Speaker 1: when you do have these conversations with your friends, like

1150
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:03,560
Speaker 1: I want to remind everybody that more often than not,

1151
00:57:03,719 --> 00:57:07,880
Speaker 1: you become closer to them. That's true. I'm just non

1152
00:57:07,960 --> 00:57:13,040
Speaker 1: confrontational with her because she does tend to take things

1153
00:57:13,080 --> 00:57:16,160
Speaker 1: a little personally. But she's also pretty self aware, so

1154
00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:19,480
Speaker 1: I think that she would be able to recognize and

1155
00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:21,960
Speaker 1: as long as I, like you guys said, like tell

1156
00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:25,200
Speaker 1: her not mentioning that she hasn't been in a relationship,

1157
00:57:25,240 --> 00:57:26,760
Speaker 1: but just that this is somebody that I love, and

1158
00:57:26,800 --> 00:57:30,000
Speaker 1: you're somebody that I love, and it will be really

1159
00:57:30,040 --> 00:57:33,760
Speaker 1: awkward if I do marry this guy and your bride'smaid. Yeah,

1160
00:57:34,440 --> 00:57:36,600
Speaker 1: so yeah, I think I am going to have that

1161
00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:40,280
Speaker 1: conversation with her. And are you thinking about marrying your boyfriend?

1162
00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:44,320
Speaker 1: Is that a real thing? You know, we have definitely

1163
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:46,880
Speaker 1: talked about it. I have no plans of knocking with

1164
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:49,040
Speaker 1: him forever, Like, there's no reason I wouldn't want to

1165
00:57:49,040 --> 00:57:52,680
Speaker 1: marry him, but just that we're young and I just

1166
00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:54,520
Speaker 1: got out of school and this is my first year

1167
00:57:54,560 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 1: working and I kind of want to see, you know,

1168
00:57:57,360 --> 00:57:59,840
Speaker 1: where my career takes me and and all that stuff.

1169
00:57:59,880 --> 00:58:03,919
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm not really running to walk down

1170
00:58:03,920 --> 00:58:07,760
Speaker 1: the Yeah. Yeah, I don't get married to just wait.

1171
00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:11,560
Speaker 1: That's just good advice from anybody and for anybody. Yeah,

1172
00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:15,640
Speaker 1: it's been a long time, but um, I think that

1173
00:58:15,800 --> 00:58:21,360
Speaker 1: we'll both continue to grow. And I want to accomplish

1174
00:58:21,400 --> 00:58:24,800
Speaker 1: some more personal goals to me before I get married,

1175
00:58:24,840 --> 00:58:28,560
Speaker 1: and that requires some like you know, splitting up my attention.

1176
00:58:29,160 --> 00:58:31,920
Speaker 1: But we're good, well awesome, Well good, it sounds like

1177
00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:34,120
Speaker 1: the problem solved. So let us know what happens after

1178
00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:37,400
Speaker 1: you talk to your friend. Okay, I will all right.

1179
00:58:37,440 --> 00:58:42,720
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling in, Christina, Thanks bye bye. We had

1180
00:58:42,760 --> 00:58:49,600
Speaker 1: such genuine sweet women calling in today, Catherine, like really earnest. Yeah,

1181
00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:51,640
Speaker 1: I wish I was that nice when I was twenty five,

1182
00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:54,960
Speaker 1: I was such a cunt. Like they're so so sweet

1183
00:58:55,160 --> 00:58:58,640
Speaker 1: and this generation is just I mean, not this generation,

1184
00:58:58,800 --> 00:59:02,840
Speaker 1: that generation after mine. It is just feels like much

1185
00:59:03,200 --> 00:59:06,480
Speaker 1: more earnest, you know, in a good way. Yeah, and

1186
00:59:06,600 --> 00:59:09,080
Speaker 1: just like trying to look out for her friends feelings

1187
00:59:09,120 --> 00:59:12,840
Speaker 1: even while her feelings are getting hurt. Yeah. Yeah. The

1188
00:59:12,840 --> 00:59:14,600
Speaker 1: other thing that that makes me think of two is

1189
00:59:14,640 --> 00:59:17,760
Speaker 1: just like our job being our whole life or having

1190
00:59:17,800 --> 00:59:19,920
Speaker 1: to make our passion our job. I feel like it's

1191
00:59:19,920 --> 00:59:24,080
Speaker 1: a very not just American concept, but it is very cultural,

1192
00:59:24,320 --> 00:59:27,600
Speaker 1: Like not every culture has the ideal that your job

1193
00:59:27,720 --> 00:59:29,960
Speaker 1: has to be everything to you and like give you

1194
00:59:30,040 --> 00:59:33,520
Speaker 1: spiritual fulfillment and all this stuff. Like it's actually okay

1195
00:59:33,600 --> 00:59:35,840
Speaker 1: if someone's job is just a means to an end

1196
00:59:35,880 --> 00:59:38,520
Speaker 1: and they're pulling their weight and being good to someone

1197
00:59:38,520 --> 00:59:41,360
Speaker 1: in a relationship. Well, it was interesting because when Taylor

1198
00:59:41,400 --> 00:59:44,000
Speaker 1: was saying that earlier, you know, like more than fifty

1199
00:59:44,040 --> 00:59:45,840
Speaker 1: percent of your time is on the road, and you

1200
00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:48,080
Speaker 1: want to incorporate your life into your work and your

1201
00:59:48,120 --> 00:59:50,800
Speaker 1: work into your life. Like I when I was younger,

1202
00:59:50,880 --> 00:59:52,400
Speaker 1: I was like I worked work to work, to work

1203
00:59:52,440 --> 00:59:53,920
Speaker 1: to work to worked worked, and I was just like, no,

1204
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:55,800
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do this my whole life, you know.

1205
00:59:56,160 --> 00:59:58,760
Speaker 1: And now that I take time and I take set

1206
00:59:58,800 --> 01:00:02,320
Speaker 1: time aside for long breaks and I treat myself to

1207
01:00:02,440 --> 01:00:05,200
Speaker 1: like the vacations that I always dreamt about going on,

1208
01:00:05,640 --> 01:00:07,760
Speaker 1: you know, I am able to give so much more

1209
01:00:07,840 --> 01:00:09,720
Speaker 1: to my work life when I'm doing it and to

1210
01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:12,560
Speaker 1: be so las or focused because I reward myself in

1211
01:00:12,600 --> 01:00:15,200
Speaker 1: these other ways, which is like, you know, personal growth

1212
01:00:15,240 --> 01:00:17,360
Speaker 1: and being able to become a great skier, which was

1213
01:00:17,400 --> 01:00:20,000
Speaker 1: important to me, and whatever is important to you, know,

1214
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:22,680
Speaker 1: whoever you are, whatever is important to you. But it

1215
01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:25,720
Speaker 1: is a very Americana thing to be, like, my work

1216
01:00:25,840 --> 01:00:27,360
Speaker 1: is my life, and my life is my work. And

1217
01:00:27,400 --> 01:00:30,080
Speaker 1: when you're in the entertainment industry, it does bleed together

1218
01:00:30,200 --> 01:00:33,200
Speaker 1: because it's all about what you're doing. When you're not working,

1219
01:00:33,280 --> 01:00:36,040
Speaker 1: you know, it becomes the same thing. So I think

1220
01:00:36,080 --> 01:00:38,400
Speaker 1: a lot of us can relate to that too. Yeah,

1221
01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:41,280
Speaker 1: do you find that as well, Taylor? Oh? Absolutely. I

1222
01:00:41,280 --> 01:00:44,280
Speaker 1: think it's really beautiful that she has somebody in her

1223
01:00:44,360 --> 01:00:48,120
Speaker 1: life that is able to say, hey, slow down, appreciate

1224
01:00:48,280 --> 01:00:51,840
Speaker 1: how hard you've worked and recognize that you can take

1225
01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:54,560
Speaker 1: time for yourself now and it doesn't need to be

1226
01:00:55,200 --> 01:00:58,480
Speaker 1: this endless race to the vision like you did it

1227
01:00:58,640 --> 01:01:02,200
Speaker 1: you're a lawyer. It's it's amazing, Like I think that

1228
01:01:02,360 --> 01:01:06,040
Speaker 1: for high achieving people like her, it is so important

1229
01:01:06,080 --> 01:01:10,040
Speaker 1: to have people like that in your life to remind

1230
01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:12,080
Speaker 1: you to take care of yourself so you don't just

1231
01:01:12,120 --> 01:01:16,040
Speaker 1: become this slave to your career. Yeah, and like, I

1232
01:01:16,040 --> 01:01:18,000
Speaker 1: know she's not thinking about marriage yet, but if they

1233
01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:20,600
Speaker 1: were to have kids in the future, it's like if

1234
01:01:20,640 --> 01:01:22,960
Speaker 1: she has to work late night, it's he's there, you know,

1235
01:01:23,160 --> 01:01:26,200
Speaker 1: he's they're holding down the fort. Like I think Chelsea said,

1236
01:01:26,320 --> 01:01:28,280
Speaker 1: he's got dinner ready when you come home. Yeah, that's

1237
01:01:28,320 --> 01:01:29,919
Speaker 1: the way of the world. That's the way it's going.

1238
01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:32,040
Speaker 1: Men are going to stay at home raise children until

1239
01:01:32,080 --> 01:01:35,000
Speaker 1: we can force them to birth them and then the

1240
01:01:35,120 --> 01:01:38,960
Speaker 1: tables are going to be reversed. So everybody just get ready, okay,

1241
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:40,640
Speaker 1: And a lot of men are signing up for this.

1242
01:01:40,760 --> 01:01:42,360
Speaker 1: A lot of my friends are dating men that are

1243
01:01:42,400 --> 01:01:45,160
Speaker 1: stay at home dads that are killing it, that are

1244
01:01:45,240 --> 01:01:48,000
Speaker 1: great fathers, you know, and that have no problem with

1245
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:51,200
Speaker 1: their women or their why they're women. They're women being

1246
01:01:51,200 --> 01:01:55,160
Speaker 1: more successful, you know, and being the breadwinners. Like that's hot.

1247
01:01:55,440 --> 01:01:59,160
Speaker 1: I see men doing that. I'm like, fun, that's sexy. Yeah. Well,

1248
01:01:59,160 --> 01:02:03,280
Speaker 1: our last mail comes from Jenny. She says, Dear Chelsea,

1249
01:02:03,560 --> 01:02:05,479
Speaker 1: my twenty one year old daughter and I are both

1250
01:02:05,480 --> 01:02:09,120
Speaker 1: big fans. I'm writing because my daughter is really angry

1251
01:02:09,160 --> 01:02:11,200
Speaker 1: with me due to the fact that she heard me

1252
01:02:11,280 --> 01:02:15,800
Speaker 1: having sex with a twenty seven year old rando. I've apologized,

1253
01:02:15,840 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 1: but she will not forgive me. She called me disgusting, perverted, slutty,

1254
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:22,240
Speaker 1: and all kinds of terrible things, and now she won't

1255
01:02:22,240 --> 01:02:25,840
Speaker 1: speak to me. She seems most upset by the age difference.

1256
01:02:25,960 --> 01:02:28,600
Speaker 1: I'm forty six. I want to be a role model

1257
01:02:28,760 --> 01:02:32,840
Speaker 1: and teach her how to own her sexuality, be sexually positive, etcetera.

1258
01:02:33,040 --> 01:02:35,120
Speaker 1: So it's hard for me to acknowledge and validate her

1259
01:02:35,160 --> 01:02:38,200
Speaker 1: anger because I kind of feel like a badass. The

1260
01:02:38,240 --> 01:02:40,520
Speaker 1: man is not someone I will ever see again or

1261
01:02:40,560 --> 01:02:43,280
Speaker 1: ever ask her to meet. After being married and a

1262
01:02:43,360 --> 01:02:45,520
Speaker 1: mom for the past twenty five years, I'm ready to

1263
01:02:45,560 --> 01:02:47,600
Speaker 1: live my life on my own terms. But I feel

1264
01:02:47,640 --> 01:02:51,560
Speaker 1: super shitty about my adult daughter's vitriol. Have I traumatized her?

1265
01:02:51,680 --> 01:02:54,520
Speaker 1: Am I a monster for choosing myself? When is it

1266
01:02:54,560 --> 01:02:57,480
Speaker 1: okay for me to live? Most importantly, how can I

1267
01:02:57,520 --> 01:02:59,640
Speaker 1: get her to forgive me? Can you get her to

1268
01:02:59,680 --> 01:03:02,840
Speaker 1: forgive me? I think she'll listen to you. I miss her,

1269
01:03:02,880 --> 01:03:05,440
Speaker 1: I love her hugs and kisses. We both love you,

1270
01:03:05,520 --> 01:03:09,840
Speaker 1: so Jenny, Yes, absolutely, I want you to forgive your mother. Jenny,

1271
01:03:10,200 --> 01:03:12,800
Speaker 1: listen to me. You do not want to be sitting

1272
01:03:12,840 --> 01:03:15,640
Speaker 1: there angry at your mom. Just get over that part.

1273
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:18,520
Speaker 1: I understand hearing your mother have sex is not ideal,

1274
01:03:18,960 --> 01:03:22,760
Speaker 1: so that's a separate issue. But you don't want to

1275
01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:25,560
Speaker 1: spend your time being mad at your mother. She loves you,

1276
01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:28,320
Speaker 1: you love her. It's unsettling what happened, but you can

1277
01:03:28,320 --> 01:03:31,160
Speaker 1: get past that. As for the mother, yeah, you want

1278
01:03:31,160 --> 01:03:32,560
Speaker 1: to live your best life, but you want to be

1279
01:03:32,600 --> 01:03:35,120
Speaker 1: respectful of your children and their feelings too. This is

1280
01:03:35,120 --> 01:03:37,600
Speaker 1: coming from a parent, and you want to make sure

1281
01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:40,280
Speaker 1: that you know you know that there are boundaries and

1282
01:03:40,640 --> 01:03:43,120
Speaker 1: letting your daughter here you have sex is not ideal.

1283
01:03:43,240 --> 01:03:45,480
Speaker 1: So you know that you made a mistake or a

1284
01:03:45,520 --> 01:03:49,920
Speaker 1: misjudgment and you've apologized. I would just say apologize again,

1285
01:03:50,040 --> 01:03:51,800
Speaker 1: mean it, and then give her her space for her

1286
01:03:51,840 --> 01:03:53,920
Speaker 1: to come back when she's okay to talk to you again,

1287
01:03:53,960 --> 01:03:56,680
Speaker 1: and don't push it anymore. Just let her come back

1288
01:03:57,160 --> 01:03:59,760
Speaker 1: and to the daughter when you are ready to do that,

1289
01:04:00,200 --> 01:04:02,440
Speaker 1: do that. I think it's a really tricky situation when

1290
01:04:02,440 --> 01:04:05,760
Speaker 1: women are coming into their own and going through divorces

1291
01:04:05,760 --> 01:04:08,040
Speaker 1: and they have children, and how do you balance your

1292
01:04:08,080 --> 01:04:10,320
Speaker 1: sex life. And because that's no one who wants to

1293
01:04:10,320 --> 01:04:12,720
Speaker 1: hear their parents having sex. I mean, I'm still scarred

1294
01:04:12,720 --> 01:04:14,400
Speaker 1: from walking in on my parents when I was eight.

1295
01:04:14,800 --> 01:04:17,080
Speaker 1: You know, I haven't gotten that image out of my mind,

1296
01:04:17,680 --> 01:04:20,080
Speaker 1: so I can only imagine what it's like as an

1297
01:04:20,120 --> 01:04:22,880
Speaker 1: adult to hear that. But these aren't life or death issues,

1298
01:04:22,920 --> 01:04:25,520
Speaker 1: you know, this is nothing to be serious, that's serious

1299
01:04:25,560 --> 01:04:31,280
Speaker 1: about seriously angry about Taylor. Yeah, I guess I'm just confused.

1300
01:04:31,960 --> 01:04:35,240
Speaker 1: I'd like more details on the situation, like why did

1301
01:04:35,360 --> 01:04:38,200
Speaker 1: she hear you? Like, did you have somebody? Oh, does

1302
01:04:38,240 --> 01:04:41,520
Speaker 1: your daughter live at home with you? Does she go

1303
01:04:41,600 --> 01:04:44,160
Speaker 1: to college? Like? Does she not live with you? Did

1304
01:04:44,200 --> 01:04:46,600
Speaker 1: she come home when you thought she wasn't going to

1305
01:04:46,680 --> 01:04:49,920
Speaker 1: be home? Did you have somebody over knowing she was home?

1306
01:04:50,280 --> 01:04:53,600
Speaker 1: Because if if you like had somebody over knowing she

1307
01:04:53,760 --> 01:04:57,720
Speaker 1: was home, that I could see is a little bit

1308
01:04:57,760 --> 01:05:00,240
Speaker 1: of like have some boundaries, you know, your kids home,

1309
01:05:00,720 --> 01:05:04,040
Speaker 1: but if you didn't know, Yeah, I did email back

1310
01:05:04,080 --> 01:05:06,560
Speaker 1: and forth a little bit with her, and it was

1311
01:05:06,640 --> 01:05:09,480
Speaker 1: unintentional and they do live together, So I don't know

1312
01:05:09,520 --> 01:05:11,600
Speaker 1: if if she came back home like while it was

1313
01:05:11,640 --> 01:05:13,920
Speaker 1: in progress, But that was kind of the vibe I

1314
01:05:13,960 --> 01:05:19,080
Speaker 1: got that she didn't think her daughter was coming right, yeah, okay, yeah,

1315
01:05:19,120 --> 01:05:23,120
Speaker 1: I mean if if she did her best to make

1316
01:05:23,120 --> 01:05:27,280
Speaker 1: sure that you weren't going to interact with her sex life,

1317
01:05:28,440 --> 01:05:32,720
Speaker 1: then why why are you really mad at your mom?

1318
01:05:32,880 --> 01:05:36,120
Speaker 1: Like I would, I would challenge you if you're listening

1319
01:05:36,160 --> 01:05:38,360
Speaker 1: to this. If you're not, I would tell your mom

1320
01:05:38,400 --> 01:05:42,440
Speaker 1: to ask you why are you really angry about this?

1321
01:05:42,480 --> 01:05:45,480
Speaker 1: Because it's not cool to like call your mom slutty

1322
01:05:45,560 --> 01:05:49,320
Speaker 1: and perverted for having sex with someone younger than her.

1323
01:05:50,040 --> 01:05:53,280
Speaker 1: I understand it making you uncomfortable, I like fully get that,

1324
01:05:54,080 --> 01:05:58,560
Speaker 1: but I'm just curious why you're so angry if if

1325
01:05:58,600 --> 01:06:02,040
Speaker 1: it is, like, how could you do that in the

1326
01:06:02,080 --> 01:06:05,280
Speaker 1: house while I'm there? I understand that, But if that

1327
01:06:05,360 --> 01:06:09,840
Speaker 1: was unintentional, then you might need to just process those

1328
01:06:09,880 --> 01:06:13,040
Speaker 1: feelings on your own and figure out what's underneath it

1329
01:06:13,120 --> 01:06:15,640
Speaker 1: for you. And it might just be that you're uncomfortable

1330
01:06:15,680 --> 01:06:20,560
Speaker 1: with it. But there's not anything technically wrong happening, you know,

1331
01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:24,720
Speaker 1: because there's plenty of things that I react to in

1332
01:06:24,920 --> 01:06:28,840
Speaker 1: a judgmental way that I know is not fair. So

1333
01:06:29,360 --> 01:06:32,240
Speaker 1: you know, I don't want to presume to know everything

1334
01:06:32,280 --> 01:06:35,040
Speaker 1: about the situation in your relationship with your mom. But

1335
01:06:35,760 --> 01:06:37,920
Speaker 1: it sounds like, based on a little information that I have,

1336
01:06:38,080 --> 01:06:41,520
Speaker 1: that you are just sort of like grossed out by

1337
01:06:41,560 --> 01:06:46,280
Speaker 1: what you heard by accident, and it's making you angry

1338
01:06:46,280 --> 01:06:48,880
Speaker 1: that you have to even see your mom that way

1339
01:06:49,240 --> 01:06:52,280
Speaker 1: when she's your mom. Yeah, and it's small sense of

1340
01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:54,840
Speaker 1: betrayal as like a child, you know, it's kind of

1341
01:06:54,880 --> 01:06:58,880
Speaker 1: a child it's a childlike reaction. It's and that's okay.

1342
01:06:58,920 --> 01:07:01,160
Speaker 1: But again, you know, it's not cool to call your

1343
01:07:01,160 --> 01:07:04,040
Speaker 1: mom slut or you know, she's not cheating on your dad,

1344
01:07:04,160 --> 01:07:06,520
Speaker 1: she's she's living her life. She thought you weren't home

1345
01:07:06,640 --> 01:07:09,040
Speaker 1: like that. You guys both just have to get past it.

1346
01:07:09,080 --> 01:07:12,360
Speaker 1: Except that it was an ideal. Nobody liked this situation,

1347
01:07:13,240 --> 01:07:16,440
Speaker 1: her included, and move on. You know, there are more

1348
01:07:16,440 --> 01:07:18,600
Speaker 1: important issues you're going to have to face in life

1349
01:07:18,600 --> 01:07:22,160
Speaker 1: than this. So the way you react to difficult situations

1350
01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:25,400
Speaker 1: is like, you know, character building. So remember that. Yeah,

1351
01:07:25,480 --> 01:07:27,160
Speaker 1: and also these days, like it's not okay to call

1352
01:07:27,200 --> 01:07:30,720
Speaker 1: anybody's bloody, especially your mom. And like good for you, Jenny,

1353
01:07:30,960 --> 01:07:34,560
Speaker 1: Like I think it's great she's experiencing some new things,

1354
01:07:34,760 --> 01:07:38,000
Speaker 1: having some fun, I mean, have some fun quietly when

1355
01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:40,040
Speaker 1: your kid is home or maybe when they're out of town.

1356
01:07:40,080 --> 01:07:43,240
Speaker 1: But I mean, good for Jenny. Yeah, her daughter definitely

1357
01:07:43,280 --> 01:07:47,560
Speaker 1: doesn't want to hear that. We'll put it in a

1358
01:07:47,600 --> 01:07:50,080
Speaker 1: little disclaimer like mud, just like she didn't make you

1359
01:07:50,120 --> 01:07:53,280
Speaker 1: sit down enough breakfast with the guy she banged, like

1360
01:07:54,680 --> 01:07:58,360
Speaker 1: you accidentally heard her. It's you know, it sucks, as

1361
01:07:58,480 --> 01:08:02,000
Speaker 1: Chelsea said, it's not ideal, but and it's okay if

1362
01:08:02,000 --> 01:08:03,720
Speaker 1: you have to be like mom, I can't talk to

1363
01:08:03,720 --> 01:08:06,120
Speaker 1: you for a little bit, Like I'm not mad at you.

1364
01:08:06,120 --> 01:08:09,160
Speaker 1: You didn't do anything wrong. I know that. Logically, my

1365
01:08:09,240 --> 01:08:11,520
Speaker 1: skin is just crawling a little bit because I don't

1366
01:08:11,520 --> 01:08:14,600
Speaker 1: want to think of my mother having sex with someone

1367
01:08:14,680 --> 01:08:18,320
Speaker 1: I would also be trying to date in my age group.

1368
01:08:18,479 --> 01:08:21,120
Speaker 1: Like it's fine to just be self aware and be like,

1369
01:08:21,200 --> 01:08:23,679
Speaker 1: this is why it weirds me out. I know that

1370
01:08:24,760 --> 01:08:29,320
Speaker 1: technically you did nothing wrong and I have no right

1371
01:08:29,360 --> 01:08:31,800
Speaker 1: to be angry with you, but I just need to

1372
01:08:31,880 --> 01:08:35,240
Speaker 1: like put some space in between me and the noises

1373
01:08:35,280 --> 01:08:39,600
Speaker 1: you were making. Yeah, and get a white noise machine.

1374
01:08:39,640 --> 01:08:44,040
Speaker 1: Maybe also, that's actually great advice. That's great advice just

1375
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:50,200
Speaker 1: for all the time, anytime. Maybe something with like seagulls, Yeah,

1376
01:08:50,400 --> 01:08:57,320
Speaker 1: seagulls or sirens either one. Well, we'll take a quick

1377
01:08:57,360 --> 01:08:59,400
Speaker 1: break right now and we'll be back to wrap up

1378
01:08:59,400 --> 01:09:07,200
Speaker 1: with Taylor. Well, Taylor, first of all, thank you for

1379
01:09:07,320 --> 01:09:10,320
Speaker 1: being a contributor to today's podcast, because I like your

1380
01:09:10,640 --> 01:09:13,320
Speaker 1: your very strong minded and you have solid advice and

1381
01:09:13,360 --> 01:09:15,800
Speaker 1: you're sure of yourself, which I think is just the

1382
01:09:15,800 --> 01:09:19,240
Speaker 1: best quality any woman could have. Oh, thank you. I

1383
01:09:19,280 --> 01:09:22,160
Speaker 1: was very nervous about giving advice, but I knew but

1384
01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:23,680
Speaker 1: I knew you'd be here. So I'm like, well, if

1385
01:09:23,720 --> 01:09:27,920
Speaker 1: I don't have any good advice, Chelsea can just take it. Yeah, exactly,

1386
01:09:28,280 --> 01:09:30,760
Speaker 1: whether it's good or bad, at least, at least you

1387
01:09:30,840 --> 01:09:33,720
Speaker 1: give it with with the intention that it's crushing. You know,

1388
01:09:34,280 --> 01:09:37,559
Speaker 1: you're like, yeah, this is fucking awesome. It's like when

1389
01:09:37,600 --> 01:09:40,559
Speaker 1: you're bombing a TV taping and you're like, that'll sweeten it.

1390
01:09:40,560 --> 01:09:43,679
Speaker 1: It's okay. I know. It's like when I would interview

1391
01:09:43,720 --> 01:09:46,439
Speaker 1: people that were like duds on my shows. Whenever I

1392
01:09:46,439 --> 01:09:48,519
Speaker 1: would interview duds, I'd be like, Okay, how do I

1393
01:09:48,600 --> 01:09:52,879
Speaker 1: punctuate this with positivity so that not everybody knows how

1394
01:09:53,040 --> 01:09:56,000
Speaker 1: bored I was during that interview? And then I was like, wait,

1395
01:09:56,040 --> 01:09:58,080
Speaker 1: there's no way to do that. There's no way to

1396
01:09:58,240 --> 01:10:00,360
Speaker 1: fake an interview after you've already had did it by

1397
01:10:00,400 --> 01:10:06,879
Speaker 1: saying goodbye with a big smile on your face. Well, Taylor,

1398
01:10:06,920 --> 01:10:10,360
Speaker 1: do you have any advice that you'd like from Chelsea? Oh?

1399
01:10:10,439 --> 01:10:13,640
Speaker 1: My gosh, I mean so many questions. I guess the

1400
01:10:13,800 --> 01:10:17,200
Speaker 1: question that I would ask you, as somebody who's been

1401
01:10:17,320 --> 01:10:22,760
Speaker 1: very successful in this business is how do you separate

1402
01:10:23,120 --> 01:10:25,080
Speaker 1: We've touched on this a little bit in this episode,

1403
01:10:25,080 --> 01:10:29,040
Speaker 1: but how do you separate your self worth from your

1404
01:10:29,080 --> 01:10:32,640
Speaker 1: career so that it's not all just tied up in

1405
01:10:32,760 --> 01:10:34,920
Speaker 1: how your career is going. Was that something that you

1406
01:10:35,040 --> 01:10:37,320
Speaker 1: ever had to struggle with? Have you always been good

1407
01:10:37,360 --> 01:10:40,320
Speaker 1: about keeping who you are separate from what you do?

1408
01:10:40,400 --> 01:10:45,120
Speaker 1: Because I think my identity is wrapped up in my job,

1409
01:10:45,240 --> 01:10:46,559
Speaker 1: and part of it is that I've been doing it

1410
01:10:46,600 --> 01:10:49,040
Speaker 1: since I was a teenager, and part of it is

1411
01:10:49,080 --> 01:10:51,479
Speaker 1: just that I'm probably not as well rounded as I

1412
01:10:51,520 --> 01:10:53,360
Speaker 1: want to be. But that was something that I found

1413
01:10:53,920 --> 01:10:59,679
Speaker 1: during quarantine, is that outside of stand up, I didn't

1414
01:10:59,720 --> 01:11:01,640
Speaker 1: feel like I knew who I was or if I

1415
01:11:01,680 --> 01:11:04,920
Speaker 1: felt like I had much worth if I wasn't working

1416
01:11:04,960 --> 01:11:07,559
Speaker 1: all the time. So my question is, did you struggle

1417
01:11:07,600 --> 01:11:10,160
Speaker 1: with that. Do you struggle with that? And if you have,

1418
01:11:10,400 --> 01:11:13,160
Speaker 1: how do you combat that? Yeah? Absolutely, I mean that's

1419
01:11:13,400 --> 01:11:15,360
Speaker 1: one of the reasons I quit my show. I was like,

1420
01:11:15,400 --> 01:11:17,479
Speaker 1: this is all I am. Everyone just I didn't have

1421
01:11:17,520 --> 01:11:20,439
Speaker 1: a family, I didn't have children, I wasn't married. So

1422
01:11:20,560 --> 01:11:23,800
Speaker 1: I realized, I'm like, is this who I everything? Like

1423
01:11:24,040 --> 01:11:27,360
Speaker 1: my career because for me that that wasn't enough. I

1424
01:11:27,400 --> 01:11:30,799
Speaker 1: wanted to have a personal like life that was separate,

1425
01:11:31,200 --> 01:11:33,920
Speaker 1: and I wanted to like get more well rounded. Like

1426
01:11:33,960 --> 01:11:37,839
Speaker 1: you said, I've had this exact conversation with myself many times,

1427
01:11:38,240 --> 01:11:42,000
Speaker 1: and any time I've been there, I have just said

1428
01:11:42,160 --> 01:11:45,879
Speaker 1: no to things to make myself go to the places

1429
01:11:45,920 --> 01:11:50,160
Speaker 1: that I'm uncomfortable with going and existing where oh you're

1430
01:11:50,160 --> 01:11:52,439
Speaker 1: no longer the host of a TV show, Okay, well

1431
01:11:52,439 --> 01:11:54,599
Speaker 1: what are you now? It's like, well, me, now, this

1432
01:11:54,640 --> 01:11:57,200
Speaker 1: is what I'm doing now. And having the confidence in

1433
01:11:57,240 --> 01:12:00,400
Speaker 1: yourself to kind of explore that because we don't know

1434
01:12:00,479 --> 01:12:03,160
Speaker 1: all parts of ourselves yet. You know, I still don't.

1435
01:12:03,280 --> 01:12:06,640
Speaker 1: You certainly don't. We're always growing, we're always learning, and

1436
01:12:06,680 --> 01:12:10,080
Speaker 1: it's basically like how high you set the standard for yourself?

1437
01:12:10,160 --> 01:12:12,760
Speaker 1: I think when you can say no to things, and

1438
01:12:12,760 --> 01:12:14,439
Speaker 1: there's a period of time to do that, and there's

1439
01:12:14,439 --> 01:12:17,559
Speaker 1: a period of there's a building period, right you're building

1440
01:12:17,560 --> 01:12:20,160
Speaker 1: your career. You want to be lay the foundation so

1441
01:12:20,200 --> 01:12:23,479
Speaker 1: that when you do feel confident enough to take some

1442
01:12:23,560 --> 01:12:27,160
Speaker 1: time off or or go in a different direction, you've

1443
01:12:27,200 --> 01:12:31,840
Speaker 1: already laid the groundwork that any major hiccup or retreat

1444
01:12:32,000 --> 01:12:35,599
Speaker 1: isn't going to have a deleterious impact on your all

1445
01:12:35,640 --> 01:12:38,439
Speaker 1: over career. So I would say that it's just a

1446
01:12:38,479 --> 01:12:41,400
Speaker 1: constant process of you know, being really honest with yourself,

1447
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:44,240
Speaker 1: which is really hard, especially in this industry, because half

1448
01:12:44,240 --> 01:12:46,839
Speaker 1: the time I feel like when I start to lose

1449
01:12:47,160 --> 01:12:51,000
Speaker 1: myself and I don't know myself well or I start

1450
01:12:51,040 --> 01:12:53,120
Speaker 1: to have self doubt, that's the time that I need

1451
01:12:53,160 --> 01:12:55,760
Speaker 1: to retreat and go do my own thing and like

1452
01:12:56,040 --> 01:13:00,280
Speaker 1: fill up my gas tank with other ship. So Okay,

1453
01:13:00,360 --> 01:13:03,880
Speaker 1: that's so comforting to hear because sometimes you feel like

1454
01:13:04,200 --> 01:13:06,639
Speaker 1: nobody else feels that way, do you know what I mean?

1455
01:13:06,640 --> 01:13:10,240
Speaker 1: Where you're like, well, nobody else who has reached the

1456
01:13:10,320 --> 01:13:13,679
Speaker 1: level of success I'd like to reach feels that way.

1457
01:13:13,720 --> 01:13:17,759
Speaker 1: They're just more balanced than I am. Or there. Okay

1458
01:13:17,800 --> 01:13:19,639
Speaker 1: with it being that way, so it is so helpful

1459
01:13:19,720 --> 01:13:22,280
Speaker 1: to hear from someone like you that you have gone

1460
01:13:22,280 --> 01:13:25,360
Speaker 1: through periods of that and and just have to be

1461
01:13:25,479 --> 01:13:29,400
Speaker 1: constantly reassessing where you are at and how you feel

1462
01:13:29,520 --> 01:13:32,720
Speaker 1: about yourself and your identity. Absolutely, we all feel that way,

1463
01:13:32,720 --> 01:13:34,760
Speaker 1: and you know, nothing that's going through any of our

1464
01:13:34,800 --> 01:13:37,800
Speaker 1: brains is going through one person's brain. We're all in

1465
01:13:37,840 --> 01:13:40,559
Speaker 1: this like, we all have the same things. So yeah,

1466
01:13:40,720 --> 01:13:44,599
Speaker 1: definitely always remember that for sure, that everybody goes through

1467
01:13:44,600 --> 01:13:48,720
Speaker 1: periods of self doubt, insecurity, self worth, and then when

1468
01:13:48,760 --> 01:13:52,000
Speaker 1: you're successful, it's addictive. You want more and more and

1469
01:13:52,080 --> 01:13:54,240
Speaker 1: more and more, and so you just have to be

1470
01:13:54,280 --> 01:13:56,800
Speaker 1: mindful of that. And you're already in therapy, so that's

1471
01:13:56,800 --> 01:13:59,240
Speaker 1: always going to be your best kind of gift to yourself,

1472
01:13:59,760 --> 01:14:03,760
Speaker 1: right Absolutely, So, where can everybody find you? Taylor? I

1473
01:14:03,840 --> 01:14:08,120
Speaker 1: am at Taylor Tomlinson on Twitter and Instagram, Taylor Thomlinson

1474
01:14:08,200 --> 01:14:12,720
Speaker 1: Comedy on TikTok, my websites te tom comedy dot com.

1475
01:14:12,760 --> 01:14:15,000
Speaker 1: You can go there for all of my tour dates.

1476
01:14:15,240 --> 01:14:19,040
Speaker 1: I am fully on tour right now, and my Netflix

1477
01:14:19,040 --> 01:14:22,719
Speaker 1: special Quarter Life Crisis that came out in is streaming

1478
01:14:22,720 --> 01:14:25,920
Speaker 1: on Netflix. Awesome. Awesome, I had such a good time

1479
01:14:25,920 --> 01:14:28,200
Speaker 1: with you today, me too. Thank you so much for

1480
01:14:28,240 --> 01:14:30,839
Speaker 1: having me. This was lovely. Sometimes you do a podcast

1481
01:14:30,840 --> 01:14:33,360
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh no, what did I what did

1482
01:14:33,400 --> 01:14:36,599
Speaker 1: I agree to? And this was like so nice and

1483
01:14:36,720 --> 01:14:39,559
Speaker 1: I was so excited to do it, so awesome, awesome. Well,

1484
01:14:39,560 --> 01:14:42,200
Speaker 1: I'm glad we finally spoke and hung out. I hope

1485
01:14:42,200 --> 01:14:44,960
Speaker 1: I see you again soon. Me too. Thank you so

1486
01:14:45,040 --> 01:14:48,000
Speaker 1: nice to meet you as well. Katherine. Likewise, nice to

1487
01:14:48,000 --> 01:14:51,200
Speaker 1: meet you. Taylor. Bye bye. And of course we can't

1488
01:14:51,240 --> 01:14:54,040
Speaker 1: forget show dates. So what do you have coming up? Okay? Yes,

1489
01:14:54,240 --> 01:14:57,160
Speaker 1: I have added more second shows to my stand up tour.

1490
01:14:57,680 --> 01:15:00,800
Speaker 1: We have two shows in Winnipeg, two show in Toronto,

1491
01:15:01,360 --> 01:15:05,720
Speaker 1: two shows in Kansas City, Missouri, two shows in Santa Rosa, California.

1492
01:15:06,160 --> 01:15:08,840
Speaker 1: We've added a second show in Los Angeles at the Wiltern,

1493
01:15:09,320 --> 01:15:12,000
Speaker 1: which is May five. I'm doing a late show in

1494
01:15:12,160 --> 01:15:15,000
Speaker 1: l A. We added a second show to Montclair, New Jersey,

1495
01:15:15,040 --> 01:15:18,560
Speaker 1: to Huntington, New York, to port Chester, New York. And

1496
01:15:18,600 --> 01:15:22,400
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be in Portland, Oregon February four, two shows.

1497
01:15:22,400 --> 01:15:25,000
Speaker 1: There are tickets available for the second show. Then I'll

1498
01:15:25,040 --> 01:15:28,720
Speaker 1: be in Eugene Oregon on February five, and then I'm

1499
01:15:28,720 --> 01:15:32,880
Speaker 1: coming to all these fun little cities like Las Vegas, Springfield,

1500
01:15:32,920 --> 01:15:37,720
Speaker 1: mass Honolulu, and Maui. So Maui's not a city, it's

1501
01:15:37,720 --> 01:15:39,600
Speaker 1: an island. And when I learned how to pronounce the

1502
01:15:39,640 --> 01:15:42,719
Speaker 1: city I'm performing in, I'll get back to you. Hey,

1503
01:15:42,960 --> 01:15:45,599
Speaker 1: do you have a question you want to ask Chelsea

1504
01:15:46,080 --> 01:15:50,240
Speaker 1: to get some advice right into Dear Chelsea Project at

1505
01:15:50,320 --> 01:15:53,320
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. By