Speaker 1: Oh God is dead. I'm Robert Evans, Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 1: Were first episode of Spooky Week try to figure out
Speaker 1: who murdered God and come to the conclusion that it
Speaker 1: was almost certainly will Weep. I'm pointing my finger at
Speaker 1: someone else. Actually, Robert, I'm fingering Bigfoot. And wow, you're
Speaker 1: definitely okay. Now now, Daniel, Daniel, I'm gonna need you
Speaker 1: to just cut that audioline out of the episode so
Speaker 1: that everyone on the team can play it as a
Speaker 1: drop whenever we need to. James admitting to fingering Bigfoot. Um, alright,
Speaker 1: that's gonna be an episode everybody of a good week.
Speaker 1: God bless you. This is it could happen here. This
Speaker 1: is Spooky Week, right, we're recording our first spook crazed
Speaker 1: b two God, Um, all right, what do we what
Speaker 1: do we have for the ladies and not not the gentleman.
Speaker 1: This one's just for the ladies. I'm gonna say that
Speaker 1: right now, says hers and slurs. It's it's yeah, we
Speaker 1: where we got today? What we got today? Robert Garrison
Speaker 1: is some stories about cryptids. So I want to start
Speaker 1: in the autumn of Garrison was not alive and Robert.
Speaker 1: Now we're much younger, and I want to start in
Speaker 1: northern California, where one night, three men set out to
Speaker 1: execute a pretty routine We trade right, dropsyself, get some money,
Speaker 1: come home. And it's not exactly a secret that at
Speaker 1: that time and in that place there was a lot
Speaker 1: of illegal girl operations and it's not exactly a secret. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: have you heard about this? I don't know. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, like it's number one once you hit about
Speaker 1: anywhere in like the coastal northern caliph Fornia from like
Speaker 1: and a cruise on up. Uh, bigfoot is like a
Speaker 1: topic not even not even really of discussion. But there's
Speaker 1: just big foot ship all over the goddamn place. Um,
Speaker 1: from ARCADEA to like Grants Pass is probably the biggest
Speaker 1: density of bigfoot ship. But it's all throughout or again,
Speaker 1: all throughout Washington. You get a decent amount in Idaho,
Speaker 1: I think too. Um, but yeah, people make a lot
Speaker 1: of money of big foot. It's even a bigfoot highway
Speaker 1: up there. But yeah, I was listening to a dogship
Speaker 1: podcast recently. It's not very good. It's called wild Thing
Speaker 1: and it's by some former NPR reporter the Squatches podcast. Right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's doing like a Bigfoot thing. It's just not very good.
Speaker 1: Like there's bits in there where she'll like quote one
Speaker 1: guy who's like, there's a lot, there's so much evidence
Speaker 1: for Bigfoot. If you type big foot into Google, there's
Speaker 1: like a eleven million results, and that an actual scientist
Speaker 1: will be like, there's no evidence for Bigfoot, and she
Speaker 1: just as like, what are we to think? What? Both sides?
Speaker 1: Both sides? Yeah, yeah, I did not find it very edifying.
Speaker 1: I was listening to it while I was alone on
Speaker 1: the mountain this weekend. There are two sides to a
Speaker 1: Bigfoot story, Robert. It doesn't matter if one of them
Speaker 1: is wrong. No, um, it's very fun. But yeah, because
Speaker 1: I also, the parts of the West Coast that are
Speaker 1: Bigfoot country are also the parts of the West Coast
Speaker 1: that grow like more pot than anywhere else on planet Earth. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: which is interesting, isn't it, Because these two things may
Speaker 1: or may not overlap. Yeah, I think they do. But
Speaker 1: please continue. Yes, so Hulu made I will use to
Speaker 1: loosely use the word documentary here. Yeah, loose is is
Speaker 1: good for this, So I again to use a few
Speaker 1: words loosely here. So, according to David Holt house journalist,
Speaker 1: which is again a word I'm using maybe loosely. He
Speaker 1: does a pretty good job in what he's fine hold house.
Speaker 1: So the interesting thing about him and what I do
Speaker 1: kind of like about him, is he's like he worked
Speaker 1: as a trimmer. Like so the pot industry. The there's
Speaker 1: the people who moved the marijuana around the country, including
Speaker 1: smuggle it into places where it's still fully illegal. There's
Speaker 1: the people who sell it, either illegally or at dispensaries. Um.
Speaker 1: There's the people who grow it. And then the largest
Speaker 1: by number chunk of the weed trade, or the trimmers.
Speaker 1: And those are the people every season, usually in the fall,
Speaker 1: come down for three or four months, northern California's southern
Speaker 1: Oregon mostly and they take raw marijuana that's been like
Speaker 1: bucked and cut off of the plant and they trim
Speaker 1: it into the kind of buds that you buy. UM.
Speaker 1: And this guy was doing that back in the nineties,
Speaker 1: and he ran into these stories about a big foot
Speaker 1: murdering two or three Mexican guys. Yeah, that's exactly it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I think he actually has a really good job
Speaker 1: in this documentary. Yeah. I I actually didn't think it
Speaker 1: was was bad. No, I was ready for it to
Speaker 1: be bad, but I always quite impressed with So what
Speaker 1: happened is, Yeah, like Crobert says said, they are these
Speaker 1: probably migrant probably undocumented workers, right who come well, a
Speaker 1: lot of them, there's a good chunk of them, probably,
Speaker 1: I don't know by my estimates. Maybe are like mostly
Speaker 1: white kids from various parts of the country. A lot
Speaker 1: of them are folks who are either kind of seasonally unhoused.
Speaker 1: Many of them like live in camp basically in places
Speaker 1: like Arcada a big chunk of the year and then
Speaker 1: we'll live on farms while they trim. Um. There are
Speaker 1: a decent chunk who are undocumented. A lot are mong um,
Speaker 1: Like a lot of are like first, like particularly older
Speaker 1: among people who like came here after Vietnam and started
Speaker 1: businesses and then like their kids and grandkids got into
Speaker 1: the pot trade. And we're like, well, my you know,
Speaker 1: grandma and my aunts retired, and they like they living
Speaker 1: in the woods and are good at trimming, Like we
Speaker 1: can make a bunch of extra money this way. Um,
Speaker 1: it's all sorts up there. Yeah, it's kind of fascinating.
Speaker 1: So these guys set out to do this deal, right
Speaker 1: that they're three of the people who fall into the
Speaker 1: undocumented labor category, and they never come back, and a
Speaker 1: whole house is sitting in one of these farmhouses or
Speaker 1: in a trailer or something, when when gouvern guys come
Speaker 1: in and say, hey, those those dudes never came back
Speaker 1: and they've been killed, right, they seem to have been
Speaker 1: sort of pretty brutally murdered, but the we that they
Speaker 1: were carrying was still there, so it wasn't like somebody
Speaker 1: shook them down and stole the weed. Right. And yeah, you,
Speaker 1: by the way, if it was a weed industry thing,
Speaker 1: you probably wouldn't because everyone's got a lot of fucking weed.
Speaker 1: I mean, people do steal weed, but if you're out
Speaker 1: there doing a murder, it's probably because somebody's fucking with
Speaker 1: your business in a bigger way than whatever they happen
Speaker 1: to have on the fucking farm. Like, I wouldn't be
Speaker 1: surprised if a pot murder would not result in whatever
Speaker 1: ship they had in their trailer actually getting jacked. Okay,
Speaker 1: right then, yeah, because the weeds the thing that everyone has,
Speaker 1: so at the time, their deaths are largely, if not entirely,
Speaker 1: factually attributed to bigfoot, right, it's put out there that
Speaker 1: these people were murdered by Bigfoot. Now they are not
Speaker 1: the only people whose deaths have been blamed on bigfoot.
Speaker 1: Earlier this year, duly Seminole County Sheriff's Office reported the
Speaker 1: murder of Mr Jimmy Knighton and the press release they said,
Speaker 1: Larry Sanders has reported killing Mr Jimmy Knighton by the
Speaker 1: South Canadian River. Sanders and Knighton had been noodling in
Speaker 1: the river on July. Okay, now, yeah, so give it
Speaker 1: to me, Robert, you're you're you're from this part of
Speaker 1: the world. It's when you stroke a catfish you don't
Speaker 1: stroke well, yes, basically, it's when you use kind of
Speaker 1: your fingers as bait and you catch a catfish by
Speaker 1: the mouth. Right, we call it what a country? Yes,
Speaker 1: I mean James C. Robert to the kids these days,
Speaker 1: catch a catch a catch a catfish by the north
Speaker 1: being something very different. So does noodling, Yeah, or as
Speaker 1: the Mormons call it, soaking. Sure, there's a great story.
Speaker 1: This is off topic, but there was just an outbreak
Speaker 1: in South Lake City of armpit crabs because so many
Speaker 1: Mormon kids are having having armpit sex and protection it's awesome.
Speaker 1: It's so funny. Really, it's not. That's just wow, we're
Speaker 1: still doing this. We're still doing this, Gere. We're gonna
Speaker 1: be doing this the rest of your natural life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: never getting past this ship. This is what the future
Speaker 1: halls feed decades of arm fucking. So, uh, sand Is
Speaker 1: a knighting with They were old school noodling. They weren't online,
Speaker 1: of course. Yeah, that's that's the best kind of noodling
Speaker 1: in my opinion. That's what I've heard. So they're at
Speaker 1: they're at. At some point, Mr sand Is becomes convinced
Speaker 1: that Knighton has summoned Bigfoot to kill him. Now, that's interesting.
Speaker 1: You don't hear that a lot. You don't because I
Speaker 1: didn't Bigfoot was summonable. That wasn't on the table of
Speaker 1: things that I thought one could do to a Bigfoot.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've always thought Bigfoot was summonable, but not
Speaker 1: for murder. For sex, sure, Okay, yeah, that's why his
Speaker 1: armpits are so crabby. Well, that's what everyone says about Bigfoot,
Speaker 1: so you can identify him in a crowd. So at
Speaker 1: some point Sounders becomes convinced that Bigfoot is on his
Speaker 1: way and he's going to kill him, and so he
Speaker 1: unfortunately strangles his noodling partner to death. Well that's tragic,
Speaker 1: and then noodling partly tragic. Well, guess gonna leave it.
Speaker 1: We're it's gonna leave it. We're just gonna move straight on. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: So yeah, it does sound rather tragic. It does sound
Speaker 1: rather sad. But he seems to have reported pretty openly
Speaker 1: that he believed that Bigfoot was on its way and
Speaker 1: if he didn't stop this ritual, that Bigfoot will kill him.
Speaker 1: And a lot of as it turns out, things that
Speaker 1: people can't really expla rain. Often the times when people
Speaker 1: are in human to other humans tend to be explained
Speaker 1: as the actions of monsters. Right, And I want I
Speaker 1: want to quote from the documentarian, the director Joshua Rope,
Speaker 1: who made that film. He says, the thing that people
Speaker 1: should be afraid of is not the boogeyman in the woods.
Speaker 1: It's our next door neighbors who will usually commit acts
Speaker 1: of violence that will then terrify, you know, everybody on
Speaker 1: the block or in the neighborhood. Said that working in
Speaker 1: northern California was very scary. We did enter a sort
Speaker 1: of underworld. You know, for lack of a better term,
Speaker 1: and you know, we were really mindful to try and
Speaker 1: not overstay our welcome there. So I want to get
Speaker 1: into cryptichs a little bit, and I want to get
Speaker 1: into some some of the more famous ones as well
Speaker 1: as a curse. I've got a curse here. Yeah. The
Speaker 1: curse is great because it's invented by the California Park Service.
Speaker 1: But I want to explain kind of the social functions
Speaker 1: that they sometimes serve as well as just having some
Speaker 1: fun talking about cryptids. So the one that I thought
Speaker 1: might serve a social function, and probably the most famous
Speaker 1: cryptid aside from Bigfoot, is our friend the chupacabra, right
Speaker 1: and yeah yeah In English, that translate to goat soccer,
Speaker 1: which is okay, yeah, yeah, we're staying we're staying on
Speaker 1: this bit. I see, yeah, yeah, we're on themes. Not
Speaker 1: a bit garrison. Its culture, yeah, corporate, not a costume.
Speaker 1: I'll say this. I'm reading a great book right now
Speaker 1: about the goat soccer. No it's it's called The Last
Speaker 1: Emperor of Mexico, and it's about that Habsburg who tried
Speaker 1: to become the Yeah yeah, and they hung his assid
Speaker 1: in like three weeks. It's very funny. Um yeah, good stuff.
Speaker 1: Huge respect to the people of Mexico. So actually that
Speaker 1: chupacabra doesn't come from Mexico, comes from Puerto Rico. But
Speaker 1: oh I didn't know that. Actually, yeah, we get a
Speaker 1: little bit about the chubercabra. The perhaps the best source
Speaker 1: for this, as far as I can find, is this
Speaker 1: guy Benjamin Redford, who has written a book about the
Speaker 1: tuber carbre and he shows that nearly all of the
Speaker 1: eyewitness accounts can be traced back to this one, the
Speaker 1: first account, which was this woman called Madeline Tolentino in
Speaker 1: the ninety nineties in uh in Puerto rican Right. So
Speaker 1: it's also much more recent than I thought. Like, the
Speaker 1: tuber Cabra is twenty seven years old. It is said
Speaker 1: it's younger than me, which is quite remarkable given how
Speaker 1: much cultural impact has had. Yeah, I thought I thought
Speaker 1: it was much older. Yeah, be too. I thought it
Speaker 1: was this like an old tiny border legend, and you're
Speaker 1: a forty nine James, that's correct. Yeah, yeah, okay, just
Speaker 1: making it No, Yeah, I'm just I'm just kicking here
Speaker 1: for a couple more years before I can claim that sweet.
Speaker 1: I heeart media Hitchen, get that air p go to
Speaker 1: the be able to go to the fucking the Sizzler
Speaker 1: and get five percent off. That's it, man. I'm got
Speaker 1: to be issued in my nineteen eleven, which you get
Speaker 1: when you're sixty years old. You get a you get
Speaker 1: a nineteen eleven and you get a Loui's Gift card
Speaker 1: and you get to evoke the Second World War whenever
Speaker 1: anyone is rude to you, even if you weren't in it,
Speaker 1: and you're you're allowed to drive your car into a
Speaker 1: farmer's market in the state of California up to twice.
Speaker 1: You have to try. After that, you have to move
Speaker 1: to Oregon. M that's right. So yeah, I'm until my retirement.
Speaker 1: They I want to talk a little bit about this
Speaker 1: is tuper copter. So uh, they're fascinating because like with Bigfoot,
Speaker 1: right there are, as you have mentioned, eleven million Google results,
Speaker 1: but no actual bigfoots right now, no one's ever found
Speaker 1: a big foot. No one can present to biggs feet
Speaker 1: a big big feet? Is that? Yeah? It takes an eye, right,
Speaker 1: So it's it's from the Italian big feet. That's ready.
Speaker 1: That's right. Yeah, Okay, so there are a big feete.
Speaker 1: But there are tuper carputers um. And the reason there
Speaker 1: are tuperbras is that what people a chapter right, the
Speaker 1: name goat sucker. And this this will shock you, Garrison,
Speaker 1: especially that the way that they are sucking goats is
Speaker 1: perhaps not the way you would expect. Interesting. Yeah, they're
Speaker 1: very innovative in this regard. What is happening is people
Speaker 1: are finding their goats, their chickens, their live stock, with
Speaker 1: their throat ripped out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, so it
Speaker 1: is the way you would most animals need throats, right,
Speaker 1: it's one of the parts that yeah, they're not interchangeable,
Speaker 1: they're not. Yeah, they're really it's good to know. This
Speaker 1: is all really important information. Yeah, so throat free goats, cattle,
Speaker 1: cheap chickens tend not to survive very long. So a
Speaker 1: lot of a lot of times people come out in
Speaker 1: the morning find their animals throatless and dead. Yeah, you could.
Speaker 1: You could call it a deep throating. That's where they
Speaker 1: get it right deep in the throat. So they these
Speaker 1: animals are dead, and the people claim that they're drained
Speaker 1: of blood, which isn't quite true. But of course there's
Speaker 1: there's only there's only two possible explanations, one obviously being
Speaker 1: vampires um, the other being this being this cript creature.
Speaker 1: Well only possible things that could be that Subercabra is
Speaker 1: a vampire. It's okay, okay, okay, so yeah, that's where
Speaker 1: the ven diagram overlaps. It's this kind of it's it's
Speaker 1: got goat like legs actually, but then it's bipedal. It
Speaker 1: has kind of a human torso and a sort of
Speaker 1: lizard meets wolf face. It's okay, so we're we're virgin
Speaker 1: and like Jersey devil vampire terror. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but it prefers warmer climate. It doesn't like Jersey and frankly,
Speaker 1: I mean me neither. So ye who doesn't think? Yeah, look,
Speaker 1: I don't go east to New Mexico, and I don't
Speaker 1: think anyone else should either. No, it doesn't. It doesn't
Speaker 1: care for Bruce Springsteen, and it doesn't want to live
Speaker 1: in New Jersey, so it stays out west. But it's
Speaker 1: been reported all over the world. Actually. Now, the couple
Speaker 1: of interesting things about these supercabra is one is that
Speaker 1: people have found them, especially in Texas. Right, are you
Speaker 1: familiar Robert with Texas blue dogs? No? Okay, I'll go
Speaker 1: tell Robert something about Texas. So this lady, I don't
Speaker 1: have her name right down here, she was a Texas nutritionist.
Speaker 1: And but we do by the way, I will say,
Speaker 1: when it comes to like cryptids people taught me about
Speaker 1: in Texas, it was the chopercabra. Oh well yeah, we we.
Speaker 1: I mean we're basically Mexico like yeah, yeah, not Ted Cruz,
Speaker 1: who is the other famous Texas cripted Yeah, but unlike
Speaker 1: Ted Cruz, this this tuper cabra had actually been to
Speaker 1: a farm and it had been ripping out the throats
Speaker 1: of these animals, right, And this lady had a problem
Speaker 1: with with the animal's throats being ripped out. And then
Speaker 1: one day she finds a corps of which she presumes
Speaker 1: to be a chuper cabra. It is hairless, it looks
Speaker 1: kind of like a dog, but it has pronounced glands
Speaker 1: on its bumps, on its back, I guess, and it
Speaker 1: has thick blue skin. Sorry, what why would you do,
Speaker 1: Robert if you, if you were living in Texas you
Speaker 1: come across a dead chuper cabra, I mean, fry it
Speaker 1: up a little, you know. I hadn't even even some
Speaker 1: green chili throw that ship on there and just kind
Speaker 1: of friar. I haven't even makes sense that one didn't
Speaker 1: even hit me, but yeah, having yeah, I know, there
Speaker 1: was a couple of taco spots we went to in Texas,
Speaker 1: which that might have been what was going on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you just get whatever can of me done man or
Speaker 1: meets meat. Yep, so that's not what the study did.
Speaker 1: She was a nutrition it is, perhaps so she was
Speaker 1: a little little worried about nutritional content. She had it
Speaker 1: stuffed and it's in her living room today. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: it's just like a coyote, like what like what what
Speaker 1: is it? Well, that's an interesting question, isn't it. Garrison
Speaker 1: is an interesting questions? Yes, what the what the blue
Speaker 1: dog seems to be. It's some kind of hybrid of
Speaker 1: a Mexican wolf and a coyote that has some kind
Speaker 1: of mange which has made all its fall off. Nearly
Speaker 1: all of the chupa cabras are are some sort of
Speaker 1: canine with mange, because mange makes it look like a
Speaker 1: fucking monster. Yeah, so like if you saw a giant
Speaker 1: sphinx cat, you would also think that's the criptace. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: and especially if they've been ripping the throats. Are you animals? Right?
Speaker 1: Because these poor coyotes and feral dogs and search is
Speaker 1: so weakened by the main so they can't prey on
Speaker 1: wild animals, and so they tend to come. Okay, right,
Speaker 1: it's pretty easy to catch chickens. You can get into
Speaker 1: the coop, right, because they've got nowhere to go or
Speaker 1: to catch goats. And so unfortunately, what's happening is that
Speaker 1: these dogs, these various canids are getting mange and they
Speaker 1: are unfortunately too weak to hunt, and so they're killing
Speaker 1: things like captive goats and chickens. And that is where
Speaker 1: the tupercarbra miss comes from. Going back to the bipedal
Speaker 1: tupercarbra though, it's very interesting. That sounds a little bit
Speaker 1: more fun. Yeah. So, in the year before the tuper
Speaker 1: Carbra was seen, there was a film made in Puerto
Speaker 1: Rico and it was called Species Oh man, Yeah, okay, okay.
Speaker 1: So unfortunately, the the original eyewitness reports which began the
Speaker 1: year after that film was released, Yeah, this I've heard,
Speaker 1: they all perfectly described the creature. It's got the spines
Speaker 1: on its back. Radford. Radford is a person doing right
Speaker 1: in the book Radford said, the resemblance between the creature,
Speaker 1: which is called Sill in the film, and the tuper
Speaker 1: cabra is really impressive. So yeah, the the old quadrupedal
Speaker 1: tuper cabra, it's a dog with Maine. The bipedal tuper
Speaker 1: cabra seems to be exclusively explained by this this movie
Speaker 1: and people's feelings about United States colonialism in Puerto Rico,
Speaker 1: specifically the number of defense facilities and labs in the
Speaker 1: un k Rainforest, and their feelings that maybe something like
Speaker 1: this ship could come out of one of these US labs,
Speaker 1: because if the US was developing a terrible creature that
Speaker 1: sucked the blood of people, it would absolutely do it
Speaker 1: in one of its colonial properties. Right, Yes, that entirely
Speaker 1: makes sense. So there's there's in a sense, to chupa carbra,
Speaker 1: according to Radford's theory, gives a physical manifestation of this
Speaker 1: feeling of disgust with the the United States. And I
Speaker 1: got a couple of other cryptids. I was going to
Speaker 1: talk very briefly about the Beast of Procter Valley, and
Speaker 1: then I want to talk about the Curse of Body,
Speaker 1: which is a curse, not a cryptid, but First, Robert,
Speaker 1: do you know which what will not ambush your lifetock
Speaker 1: and rip its throat out? Um? I mean like a
Speaker 1: like a good sheep dog wouldn't do that. That's right,
Speaker 1: and that's why this episode is presented by border colleagues. Wow,
Speaker 1: finally we finally got the big deal with the border collie. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's as real complex. That's good. Yep. Just use promo code,
Speaker 1: Robert Evans when you're buying your border collie attempt and off.
Speaker 1: Just walk up to a border collie and shout my
Speaker 1: name in its face. Try to grab its food away
Speaker 1: from it rapidly too. That's a good way to get
Speaker 1: their attention and see what happens. Ye used to be herded. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so see if it likes that. All right, we're back.
Speaker 1: I hope you've all got your border collies because this
Speaker 1: this next, this next crypted is it's a little local one. Okay,
Speaker 1: So they're a crypted a bit like the Trouper carbro
Speaker 1: all across the country. But the one that we have
Speaker 1: closest to San Diego is called the Proctor Valley Beast.
Speaker 1: And now to understand the Proctor Valley Beast, I think
Speaker 1: you've got to understand Proctor Valley. Proctor Valley is exactly
Speaker 1: the sort of dirt road that you go down when
Speaker 1: you're sixteen years old when you want to go somewhere
Speaker 1: with your date, pound a few beers and get away
Speaker 1: from your parents. Right, these kind of exist all over
Speaker 1: the country, all over the world probably, and there a
Speaker 1: little closer. They're close enough to know about, but far
Speaker 1: enough away to seem weird and distant. Right, And Proctor
Speaker 1: Valley is a gravel road and you can drive down
Speaker 1: at a regular carb. It's pretty washboarded. There's no lights,
Speaker 1: there's no street lights, nothing like that. Right, these days,
Speaker 1: your greatest danger when you're driving, riding a bike, or
Speaker 1: walking or driving down Prompt Valdy Road is the Border
Speaker 1: Patrol absolutely hauling ass in one of their Ford Raptors,
Speaker 1: which they seem to have obtained. And I will never
Speaker 1: understand their love for the Ford Raptor. Yeah it is.
Speaker 1: I don't know how much those costs, but it is
Speaker 1: an obscene amount of money to spend on a pickup truck. Well,
Speaker 1: it's also like, look, if I'm going to be out
Speaker 1: in the in the middle of nowhere and trusting an
Speaker 1: off roading vehicle, my first pick is not going to
Speaker 1: be the Ford goddamn rap. Well you've got to buy
Speaker 1: American robot. Yeah. But the Border Patrol, of course they're
Speaker 1: driving for it's unbelievable. Yeah. Well they always have a
Speaker 1: predator drowne hanging out. It can come rescue him. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the Border Patrol and steroid abusers in my old neighborhood
Speaker 1: in West l A. Shaking hands over the Ford Raptors. Yea,
Speaker 1: Ford Raptors with illegal things. Yeah, Ford Raptors. The car
Speaker 1: you can only drive if you have adult onset acne
Speaker 1: caused as a result of actually hormones into your fucking
Speaker 1: thigh every night. Yeah. They sell a lot of them
Speaker 1: in the l A. Coming to Deny. Yeah, well you
Speaker 1: already need one for, you know, getting down Beverly Hills.
Speaker 1: But not the good hormones, like the ones you you
Speaker 1: steal from the horses blood. Yeah. Yeah, the hormones you
Speaker 1: take when you're wanting to be more match of but
Speaker 1: maybe not quite, not quite achieving your gender insecurities. Okay,
Speaker 1: So legend has it that young couple headed off down
Speaker 1: Proctor Valley Road one night and their car broke down,
Speaker 1: so the young man gets out this is a male
Speaker 1: female couple, and he's going to fix the car, right,
Speaker 1: And he says to the lady in a very chivalrous
Speaker 1: way that she should lock the doors so she's safe. Right.
Speaker 1: That's the last she hears him. So she assumes he's
Speaker 1: gone off to get some help, and she nods off.
Speaker 1: She's got the doorstops very safety knots off and she's
Speaker 1: a welcome by a kind of scratching sound and the
Speaker 1: winds howling. Every time the wind blows is a little
Speaker 1: scratch on the roof. Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch scratch, right,
Speaker 1: wind noise. I'm not going to do the wind noise.
Speaker 1: And she starts shooting herself right. She's very scared now.
Speaker 1: Scratch scrat, scratch, win, win win, scratch scrat scratch. And
Speaker 1: she stays there till sunshine when she's son up. When
Speaker 1: she's woken up by the good people of the San
Speaker 1: Diego Sheriff's Department, San Diego Sheriff's Department of shouting their
Speaker 1: point of guns that they're doing their thing. Why are
Speaker 1: they doing that? Because her boyfriend is hanging upside down,
Speaker 1: dismembered from the tree above her and his nails are
Speaker 1: catching the top of the car every time the wind
Speaker 1: blows him. Right, he's been killed by the Procter Valley beast.
Speaker 1: Now the producta valley beast is an animal of kind
Speaker 1: of nondescript shape and size. The in the local radio
Speaker 1: DJ organized a search for the Proctor Valley beast. Right,
Speaker 1: people went out at night. Previously, the Proctor Valley beast.
Speaker 1: Most of the stories it kind of looked like a
Speaker 1: kind of winged, bipedal, half human, gobbling creature. It changed
Speaker 1: in form in the seventies when people conducting it's just
Speaker 1: kind of a teen radio thing. In the seventies, right,
Speaker 1: people conducting the search reported finding a deranged cow. Okay,
Speaker 1: the cow was probably not directed. The cow is just sleeping. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I've known more cows than most people. I grew up
Speaker 1: on a cow farm. I've seen them behave in a
Speaker 1: variety of ways. I've never seen one appeared deranged. That's
Speaker 1: because they're moving very quickly. Sometimes they're scared, sometimes they're sick.
Speaker 1: Deranged is an interesting because cows don't really have enough
Speaker 1: going on up there to be deranged. Because you didn't
Speaker 1: grow up in the United Kingdom in a certain period
Speaker 1: of time, Robert, when our cows became mad. Well, but
Speaker 1: that's still I've I've seen cows that have mad cow
Speaker 1: disease and they're like, they're ill, but they're I don't know, yeah,
Speaker 1: they're they're not like yeah, yeah, that's they're like getting
Speaker 1: the name of their eldest daughter, and like as they
Speaker 1: lose their way home going on violent rampages, they're not
Speaker 1: asking where their husband, who died twenty three years ago
Speaker 1: is when they wake up in the middle of the
Speaker 1: night anyway, a senile cow that they have to go.
Speaker 1: They go and live on a farm when they get
Speaker 1: all the cats. Why you haven't seen him, Robert, I
Speaker 1: sure do like that, young Rodal Reagan. My cowboys. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: they they get they get, Oh, they forget things. They
Speaker 1: vote for Donald Trump, they do a fascism. That's what
Speaker 1: happens to cows is the only ways cows can die.
Speaker 1: Otherwise they live very happy and fulfilled lives in the countryside.
Speaker 1: So why why do we have this proct valley bes right?
Speaker 1: Why is there a mad cow that murdered a young
Speaker 1: man who was it was out late that with a
Speaker 1: young woman. No one, No one knows who this young
Speaker 1: man is right. I did trauma best to find reports
Speaker 1: of any murders in Prompt Valley. And of course it
Speaker 1: won't surprise you to learn that we have in fact
Speaker 1: discovered dead bodies in Promptic Valley, because unfortunately, Proptic Valley
Speaker 1: is just a few miles from the border, and and
Speaker 1: I've spent quite a lot of time out in that area,
Speaker 1: and that unfortunately, the people that we are finding their
Speaker 1: Proctor Valley haven't been killed by deranged cow or a
Speaker 1: bipedal beast, but in fact by the elements rights people
Speaker 1: trying to cross the border and find a better life
Speaker 1: for themselves and not making it as far as the
Speaker 1: dirt road which leads to a small town, which leads
Speaker 1: to a big road, which leads to a big town
Speaker 1: that is close to there. And so what the Proctor
Speaker 1: Valley Beast is a myth that serves to tell kids
Speaker 1: to not drive down dirt roads late at night on
Speaker 1: their own, right. It's two kids, fun your parents. Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: fucking send it. Your mediata can handle it, Get off road,
Speaker 1: do some drifting. What's the worst that could happen? Maybe,
Speaker 1: if you're out there, take a gallon of water, and
Speaker 1: maybe maybe I'm not going to say that because there
Speaker 1: might be a crime. Yeah, we can cut that. I
Speaker 1: was going to say, a hand down with a single
Speaker 1: bullet in case you get stuck off road, a silver
Speaker 1: bullet and yeah, and a nail to hit it with.
Speaker 1: So the last, the last case I want to get
Speaker 1: to you is the Curse of Body State Historic Park.
Speaker 1: Do you know, Joe, what at is? Robert? No, When
Speaker 1: you said Body, I thought immediately about the movie Point Break. Okay,
Speaker 1: I haven't seen it. Oh well that's okay, that Garrison
Speaker 1: you've seen it. Point I'm sorry, I forgot this is
Speaker 1: the Point Break. This is an audio medium. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: can't shake my head. No, No, I'm not seen Point Break.
Speaker 1: You haven't seen Point Break? Oh my god, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: I watched the filmmaker's previous, far superior film that will
Speaker 1: not be named. This is that like one person will
Speaker 1: get who Well, we're gonna have to watch Point Break.
Speaker 1: But there's a guy named Body on it and he
Speaker 1: is kind of a crypted interesting so there Body has
Speaker 1: a bit of a problem, right, Body is robbing all
Speaker 1: those those banks anyway, this story does involve some robbing.
Speaker 1: Oh good, Yeah, but I have a bit of theft
Speaker 1: on the podcast. So what happened in Body is Body's
Speaker 1: got a problem, right, But he has a problem specifically
Speaker 1: with mail, because almost every week when the rangers from
Speaker 1: Body travel into town to get the mail, they have
Speaker 1: to collect half a dozen or so little packages containing
Speaker 1: little things like rocks, pizzas of wood, fragments of pottery,
Speaker 1: or coins. And all of those little packages have letters
Speaker 1: attached to them, and I'm going to read from some
Speaker 1: of those letters. Please find enclosed one weather beating an
Speaker 1: old shoe. The shoe was removed from Body during the
Speaker 1: months of August. My trail of misfortune is so long
Speaker 1: and depressing it can't be listed here. Another one. You
Speaker 1: can have these god forsaken rocks back. I've never had
Speaker 1: so much rotten luck in my life. Please forgive me
Speaker 1: for ever testing the curse of Body. Okay, so what
Speaker 1: we got here, what we got here is a curse, right,
Speaker 1: just a good old fashioned If you steal something from
Speaker 1: the town, the town will come back and hurt you, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: And so Body popped up in the late nineteenth century
Speaker 1: gold Rush rights in between Mono Lake a Lake Tahoe.
Speaker 1: They it's it's named after a gold prospector, there was
Speaker 1: some gold found there. In fact, at its height, body
Speaker 1: hosted around ten thousand people, right, And for those ten
Speaker 1: thousand people, there were sixty saloons, which is a pretty
Speaker 1: good ratio. There's multiple documented gunfights on the main street.
Speaker 1: But it seems like the stereotypical wild West town that
Speaker 1: after the gold rushers are over, it wasn't such a
Speaker 1: great place to live, so people abandoned it. And it's
Speaker 1: now managed by the California Park Service, right, And the
Speaker 1: California Park Service curates this ghost town in arrested decay
Speaker 1: so that people can come and see this little slice
Speaker 1: of history. And there's a lot we can learn from these,
Speaker 1: like these places that have been abandoned, right, we can
Speaker 1: learn a lot about the history of everyday life, like
Speaker 1: what things do people have in their kitchen? Why with
Speaker 1: this next to that? Why is there a knife here?
Speaker 1: Why is why the beer bottles kept here? There's a
Speaker 1: lot that historians can learn over time that they might
Speaker 1: not find initially. So it's important to keep these things
Speaker 1: in really pristine condition. Right. The problem that they had
Speaker 1: was once they opened the park, you could just walk
Speaker 1: around town, right, It's not like a museum there aren't
Speaker 1: a little ropes that there aren't plexiglass dividece keeping you
Speaker 1: away from stuff, and people took that as an invitation
Speaker 1: to steal ship, and steal ship they did so. The
Speaker 1: park's ranger, who I cannot find the name of anywhere,
Speaker 1: but at some point a park ranger giving the walking
Speaker 1: tours around Body, started telling people about this legendary curse.
Speaker 1: And this curse, he said, made it so that anyone
Speaker 1: who took anything from Body would be pursued by bad
Speaker 1: luck for the rest of their life. Didn't really think
Speaker 1: anything which didn't want people to steal ship, right, And
Speaker 1: as a result, hundreds of people who had stolen things
Speaker 1: from Body started returning them in their mail. Right. They're
Speaker 1: blaming everything from cellulitis, cancer, failed relationships, so on the
Speaker 1: thing that they stole from body. That this would just
Speaker 1: be funny if it wasn't for the fact that every
Speaker 1: single one of these items has been stolen from a
Speaker 1: protected site. Right. The Park Service has now set itself
Speaker 1: up with this huge administrative burden, which is reporting a
Speaker 1: theft for every single shoe or piece of glass or
Speaker 1: button that's stolen from body, So it's taking up a
Speaker 1: huge in order amount of their time, and they no
Speaker 1: longer will speak. I've tried to reach out. I didn't
Speaker 1: get a response. I did. I did drop them a
Speaker 1: Facebook message on their page trying to trying to talk
Speaker 1: to someone about this. But they no longer talk about
Speaker 1: the curse because it's created such a burden for them,
Speaker 1: filing police reports and all these buttons. This is the
Speaker 1: actual curse that they did themselves. Like this is this
Speaker 1: is how most curses actually work. That you just actually
Speaker 1: like the effect is what you turned the thing into
Speaker 1: and now you're forced to all the police reports and
Speaker 1: that's the actual effect of the curse. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: it's wonderful. I think it's great that they made just
Speaker 1: this rod for their own bag. You know, you know
Speaker 1: what won't curse you with cancer or sell you litis? Garrison,
Speaker 1: I cannot There's there's a lot of weird stuff that
Speaker 1: Excellent mobile will give you cancer. Yeah. Well, the gold
Speaker 1: that we're about to plug, that's totally totally said. You
Speaker 1: can huff that gold, you can melt it down, dip
Speaker 1: your hand in, get a gold plate at hand, totally fine,
Speaker 1: lick it, lick it, pop it. You know, it's that
Speaker 1: to Garrison, sure. Shame was incredibly popular when I was
Speaker 1: a kid. It was like everywhere. Alright, we're back and
Speaker 1: having well received our little bags of gold for that
Speaker 1: plug we did. Yep, I have mine right here. I
Speaker 1: like to keep it with me in case the ship
Speaker 1: hits the fan. I'm buried. I've buried mine in the
Speaker 1: middle of the Organ desert. Smart, I've buried a couple
Speaker 1: of things in the middle of the Oregon desert, none
Speaker 1: of them gold. Well, that was a big sense on
Speaker 1: your definition of gold. Bigfoot to arm pit, that's what
Speaker 1: you buried out in your definition of that guy started
Speaker 1: a barbershop in whatever. Continue Okay, yeah, yeah, we don't
Speaker 1: need to talk about that on the podcast. Thanks Dan.
Speaker 1: We don't want any more Robert's felonies on on Maine,
Speaker 1: since only a felony if the police find the body,
Speaker 1: that's true, But maybe you could put put some sh
Speaker 1: it out there about a curse related to the body. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I give it some Maine, yeah, and then stuff it.
Speaker 1: So why why do we have curses encrypted? Obviously partly
Speaker 1: because it's just fucking fun, and partly because some of
Speaker 1: our beliefs, right, like if we if we look at
Speaker 1: Dirk him or what Dirk him thought religion worth Religion
Speaker 1: is kind of an outgrowth of society that unites people
Speaker 1: based on a moral code. Right, and functionalists more broadly
Speaker 1: in sociology, believe that these beliefs serve and function in society.
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of these things help us
Speaker 1: explain things that we can't otherwise explain, or give a
Speaker 1: more palatable explanation for things that we don't care to explain, right,
Speaker 1: or things and and like in nearly all of these cases,
Speaker 1: there are things that ripped children away from their mothers.
Speaker 1: There's another Mexican like shape shifting, which that ripped children
Speaker 1: away from their mothers. Right. Unfortunately, there are things that
Speaker 1: RiPP children away from their mothers, and your taxpayer dollars
Speaker 1: pay for them. Right, But it it works a little
Speaker 1: better to explain things that we don't that don't fit
Speaker 1: with our other systems of belief through Like if we
Speaker 1: fundamentally believe right that that I know that that the
Speaker 1: world is good in capitalism is wonderful, and that gradually
Speaker 1: things will trickle down so that everyone gets richer of
Speaker 1: the rich get richer first, it can become very hard
Speaker 1: to explain the state of the world unless you are
Speaker 1: a member of the Conservative and Union As Party of
Speaker 1: Great Britain and Northern Ireland of course, And so instead
Speaker 1: we create these external things, right, these things that go
Speaker 1: bump in the night, So sometimes they can be a
Speaker 1: proxy for external forces, right. The chuper Cabra in a
Speaker 1: way kind of explains as we get closer to nature
Speaker 1: and nature pushes back on us a little bit, that
Speaker 1: why that happens, right, rather than just saying what funk
Speaker 1: we've given all these cooties Maine? How that? How on
Speaker 1: earth are we in a state where there's a blue
Speaker 1: dog walking around the The tuper caabre also serves as
Speaker 1: a way to kind of personify for people in Puerto Rico,
Speaker 1: either consciously or unconsciously, that the terrible impact of the
Speaker 1: United States colonialism there right, which it's not very hard
Speaker 1: to see, and even the Proctor Valley beast right that
Speaker 1: says stay away from this dark road near the border
Speaker 1: late at night. There were reasons to stay away from there,
Speaker 1: but unfortunately there are there are also reasons to go
Speaker 1: there and try and help people who are genuinely suffering,
Speaker 1: and lots of people I know going go and leave
Speaker 1: water out there. So these curses, they kind of let
Speaker 1: credit scores right. They're not real, but they can sometimes
Speaker 1: ruin your life, and so sometimes it's just easier to
Speaker 1: pretend that it's magic doing that rather than its overarching
Speaker 1: global system, which is not very nice. And that's kind
Speaker 1: of where I want to finish up. I guess is this.
Speaker 1: These are ways to explain things that we can't always explain,
Speaker 1: and that's that's sometimes okay, because sometimes it can be
Speaker 1: hard to confront these things. You've got anything else you
Speaker 1: want to say about cryptids, Robert, I don't know. Um.
Speaker 1: I think if you're in an industry that's adjacent to
Speaker 1: illegal drugs and you murder someone in the woods, it's
Speaker 1: probably a good idea to blame it on Bigfoot. So
Speaker 1: that would be my advice for our listeners is to
Speaker 1: blame your crimes on bigfoot. M hmm, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Do you guys believe in Bigfoot? Let's let's end by
Speaker 1: talking about that, like like actually like believe in the
Speaker 1: physical ape like thing that's been dustly undiscovered that rooms
Speaker 1: in force, say ape like Garrison primate, I think doesn't
Speaker 1: necessarily mean ape like sure primate probably, and I do
Speaker 1: I do do not do not think that there's a
Speaker 1: physical one exists. Now. I think, like we've mentioned before,
Speaker 1: like the words you know, you can say like a
Speaker 1: curse isn't really, but it can still have effects based
Speaker 1: on how we talk about it and how like we
Speaker 1: can kind of make it real by our own actions.
Speaker 1: And the same thing like I don't think bigfoot of
Speaker 1: the primate exists, but as a cultural symbol that has
Speaker 1: impact based it is real in some way. Um, but
Speaker 1: it's not like not like except for I would say
Speaker 1: it is real in a physical way. Um. And uh,
Speaker 1: have you seen a big foot robber? Are you gonna
Speaker 1: this is this way you drop in your big foot?
Speaker 1: I actually I actually have. I've seen a couple. I've
Speaker 1: seen a couple of large animals out in the woods.
Speaker 1: I seen weird in the woods. I don't think I'm
Speaker 1: not comfortable calling it a bigfoot, but well I am
Speaker 1: weird weird things in the woods certainly. Certainly. Yeah, I've
Speaker 1: seen a lot of weird things in the woods and
Speaker 1: all of them were bigfoot, as far as has anyone
Speaker 1: has ever been able to convince me. Um. And you know,
Speaker 1: when you get right down to it, isn't that what
Speaker 1: Christmas is all about Yes, half Happy Halloween, and Happy
Speaker 1: Halloween everybody. It Could Happen Here as a production of
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