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Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew mcarry and I'm David Roth and

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Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together

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Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new

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Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this very podcast which has

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Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now, available every rust.

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Speaker 1: Get your podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right

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Speaker 1: now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. Go

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Speaker 1: listen to see by If one more person asked me

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Speaker 1: if I'm trying for a girl, I might lose it.

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Speaker 1: Facts nobody else Aska. Hey, I'm Cadeine and we're the Ellis.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos without boring

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Speaker 1: and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.

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Speaker 1: I'm making need derby most days. And one more important

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Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married. Yes, so we are. We

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Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of the

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Speaker 1: live's most taboots, things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: The lens of a millennium Mattie couple. Dead ass is

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Speaker 1: a term that we say every day. When we say

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Speaker 1: dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth,

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Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. We're about to take Pillow's

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Speaker 1: off to a whole new level. Dead As starts now,

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Speaker 1: the clocking of my uterus is real. And I say

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Speaker 1: that because you know, I actually have a funny story

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Speaker 1: to tell y'all. It was around the time I had

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Speaker 1: had Cairo and he was six months old. I got

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Speaker 1: pregnant with Cats. I went to my local Caribbean spot,

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Speaker 1: Jamaican spot in Brooklyn, right felt for some jerk chicken.

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Speaker 1: You know how it is when you're pregnant, you got

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Speaker 1: you just want what you want, right, So I walk

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Speaker 1: into the spot, I see my girl, and I say,

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Speaker 1: she's my girl because when I see her, she knows

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Speaker 1: what I want. She knows I want extra sauce. I

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Speaker 1: want the hot sauce on the side, and I have

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Speaker 1: to have my hard old bread to go with my chicken. Right.

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Speaker 1: So she sees me when I'm now pregnant with Kaz,

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Speaker 1: and she looks at me because I don't you know,

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Speaker 1: there's a counter so sometimes you may not to see

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Speaker 1: the stomach right away or whatever. So when I stepped

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Speaker 1: to the side to give her a little hug, I

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Speaker 1: don't put little tip in the tip drawer. She looked

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Speaker 1: at me and she was like, wit, you'll breathe again.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, I mean, I guess my husband

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Speaker 1: bred me again, Like what does that even mean? This like?

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Speaker 1: And she looked at me with like a bit of

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Speaker 1: confusion and also with the sense of helplessness, like this

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Speaker 1: can't be like another baby. So I was like, actually,

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Speaker 1: this is the third this is the baby, and um

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Speaker 1: so I'm like postpartum and I'm like prenatal at the

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Speaker 1: same time, and just give me my chicken. Sess I

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Speaker 1: saw from behind her was hands in the air and

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Speaker 1: I see me clapping and I'm seeing gunshots. You can't

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Speaker 1: ask people questions like that. And she was just like,

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Speaker 1: oh lord, I'm sorry. Come come get me your hog. Come, come,

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Speaker 1: come get me a hug. You want more chicken. I'm

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Speaker 1: watching all this from the car. I was like, no,

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Speaker 1: but I'm gonna take a coll of champagne. And you

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Speaker 1: ain't getting no tip today? Sis? How about that? There

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Speaker 1: was like an embrace, and I think she genuinely like

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Speaker 1: felt sorry for me, Like, Sis, you're you about to

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Speaker 1: have like two under two and what happens? I got

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Speaker 1: extra chicken though, I got extra chicken, and she got

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Speaker 1: no tip that day. But it's that right, I made

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Speaker 1: up for the next time I saw her because she

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Speaker 1: hooked it up. The tip is what got us in

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Speaker 1: this trouble anyway, Mind your funking business, Mind your funking business.

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Speaker 1: Leave me alone, and when you're seeing me, leave me alone.

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Speaker 1: Where you're going, where you're from, where your mother. Don't

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Speaker 1: ask about my mother, don't ask about me being a

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Speaker 1: mother in how about that shout out to Femba Funky business.

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Speaker 1: It was one of my sco songs back in the day.

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Speaker 1: But the moral of the story is my your funking business.

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Speaker 1: How about that? All right? I don't know why don't

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Speaker 1: ask me when I'm having a whole another baby. I

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Speaker 1: got three already. You was mad and were looking at

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Speaker 1: me no more promise you close this person to me.

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Speaker 1: And I don't want to scare our guests away today

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Speaker 1: because they might just leave you already scared accord. This

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Speaker 1: whole segment just got me all. I'm sweating, like my guys.

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Speaker 1: The idea of another baby just makes me so sweaty.

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Speaker 1: So on today, I'm gonna read from the script on

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Speaker 1: the show today to represent for team No More Babies.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna give also your stage name Angel. Angel the

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Speaker 1: key to more Y a k A. That chick Angel

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Speaker 1: on Instagram? Right, and what's your Instagram handle? Mark, Marcus?

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Speaker 1: Ain't that what it is? That's what it? It was

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Speaker 1: rarely on the ground, friend, because I did not have it.

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Speaker 1: I didn't have no social media when we did love it, Marcus,

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Speaker 1: how do you not have Instagram? Like? All right, so

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Speaker 1: Marcus ain't on the ground. I was just like, screw it.

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Speaker 1: So we actually had a chance to sit down with

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Speaker 1: YouTube for a segment on couch conversation. Did you actually

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Speaker 1: have social media that or no? Black? Yeah, black black.

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Speaker 1: They had the analog computer at that point. It was

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Speaker 1: when it was Macintosh so much. But Angel, you're hilarious comedian. Yes,

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Speaker 1: hilarious comedian. Um, your reading about crazy diets is one

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Speaker 1: of my favorites. Okay. Angel. It's also a wife, mother

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Speaker 1: of four whole boys, and has a podcast called is

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Speaker 1: this going to Cause an argument? Yes? That's me and

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Speaker 1: Marcus podcast. Is this going to cause an argument? Nice? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: So yeah, before I speak myself, right, you just don't

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Speaker 1: ask anyways, what's my favorite thing to say before like

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Speaker 1: I'm coming to her and I kid you not, She'll

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Speaker 1: be doing something. I'll be like, not that I want

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Speaker 1: to argue, because I don't, but then I'll go into

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Speaker 1: what I'm thinking, and because already know, you really know

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Speaker 1: it's gonna happen, right that right, So tell us a

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Speaker 1: little bit about the Tanksley family. Oh goodness, there are

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Speaker 1: six of us now, we are a family of six.

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Speaker 1: We have four whole boys, all right? Yes, shooting the club,

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Speaker 1: you know, I go in without a plane and reckless.

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Speaker 1: We had our last baby six months ago. He's six

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Speaker 1: months Be careful because you heard about my story with

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Speaker 1: the jury. What's annoying about that is when you have

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Speaker 1: so many kids and people find out you having another one,

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Speaker 1: they act like it's a mistake, Like what how am

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Speaker 1: I supposed to take that? That's not our friends. They

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Speaker 1: find out Kate was pregnant, they were like, damn, are

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Speaker 1: we not friends? Like you be able to go out

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Speaker 1: to drink over again? You're gone about yourself, but you

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Speaker 1: need your diaper? Chance right exactly? What's happening then? And

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Speaker 1: I think that's the main reason why Devour wants a girl,

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Speaker 1: because he feels like the three boys that we have

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Speaker 1: will leave him and then I'll be not wanting to

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Speaker 1: change his diaper. So you'll have a daughter to help him.

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Speaker 1: The boys are gonna be gone. Boys leave, boys leave

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Speaker 1: the house. Do not look back, look back for their

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Speaker 1: like me, I know I'm that ages ages of your boys.

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Speaker 1: We have a ten year old. We have four year

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Speaker 1: old twins and six month old. Okay girl, he had

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Speaker 1: three pregnancy yeah, I only had three, thank the Lord,

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Speaker 1: and so I got one of them twins. He might

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Speaker 1: have my back and one he's the one right now,

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Speaker 1: like he just kind of tolerates my presence. He just man,

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Speaker 1: I know that ten year old. That ten year old.

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Speaker 1: Every time you're walking the room, he just be lying.

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Speaker 1: He again, No, he already know the game though, because

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Speaker 1: he knows that daddy is actually the one that will

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Speaker 1: spoil him. So now he knows like if Daddy come in,

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Speaker 1: you better put on a show if you want, if

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Speaker 1: you want the things, you're good at faking it though.

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Speaker 1: I'm just like like like whatever, So you're trying for

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Speaker 1: the girl for this last one. The twins was trying

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Speaker 1: for a girl. We tryed for a girl for the

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Speaker 1: twins in for this last one. So when we found

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Speaker 1: out with twins, were like, okay, one of them has

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Speaker 1: to be right, wouldn't do that? He was like, he

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Speaker 1: was like, are the identical? No? I and the fraternal

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Speaker 1: at that? So they definitely one could have definitely definitely.

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Speaker 1: They don't even look like they look like cousins. Looks

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Speaker 1: like dang. Yeah yeah, so listen, I understand that's not

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Speaker 1: going back. Yeah no, I'm not gonna be There's something

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Speaker 1: dope about four boys. Yeah, like even coming from like

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Speaker 1: she was even saying that, she was like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I kind of like this, like I can say I

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Speaker 1: got four boys four kings. Yeah right now, I'm like yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: later and I'm like, what am I going to do

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Speaker 1: the later on? There? Like, Yo, did y'all see the

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Speaker 1: movie Waves? No? No, we watched this movie Waves with

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Speaker 1: um Sterling K. Brown. He's I just love him. The

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Speaker 1: entire cast was good. But it really is a story

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Speaker 1: about a father and how he um he was really

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Speaker 1: really hard on his son, and his son didn't take

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Speaker 1: that the right and end up going through something. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to spoil the movie, but I saw so

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Speaker 1: much of myself in this movie because the father was

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Speaker 1: a wrestler. They grew up in a prominent white town.

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Speaker 1: Um he was a construction worker for him, and so

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Speaker 1: they lived a really good life. But his thing was,

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Speaker 1: my son is not going to grow up with the

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Speaker 1: spoils of life. And I understand the purpose of hard work.

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Speaker 1: And I noticed every time that he walked in the room,

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Speaker 1: the sun would immediately like straighten up, but also have

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Speaker 1: that look of like like this is gonna come a point,

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Speaker 1: but it's gonna go. Yeah. He was training him to

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Speaker 1: be a wrestler. So the son was eighteen and now he,

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Speaker 1: you know, hunting ninety pounds. And they end up squaring off,

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Speaker 1: and I'm saying to myself, I got three boys, bro,

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Speaker 1: I am. I'm in the gym constantly, I'm throwing, jumping

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Speaker 1: on boxes, I'm pushing sleds. I'm just like did I

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Speaker 1: ain't trying to break up no fights later. Do you

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Speaker 1: know which one of your boys, if need one, just

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Speaker 1: based on their personality, that would be the one to

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Speaker 1: test your market? That Twins's already tried me a couple

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Speaker 1: of times. Yeah, he's got he's got a fire in

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Speaker 1: him that is unexplainable. He has no fear about the child.

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Speaker 1: That looks like because who's going to challenge me? It

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Speaker 1: looks just like me just like everything. He's athletic. The

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Speaker 1: minute I say something he's only two. The minute I

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Speaker 1: say something to him that, hey go down, he looked

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Speaker 1: up like this. And then I walk over he's just

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Speaker 1: shaking his head. I'm like, when you turn sixteens, but

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Speaker 1: I'm letting you know you see there back. He probably

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Speaker 1: loves me. He's like shows me the most attention. But

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Speaker 1: at the same time, it's like, you want me to

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Speaker 1: come at you, don't you fear he has That's the problem.

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Speaker 1: He does not have any fear. It's like, I don't

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Speaker 1: know how to get it anything. I don't think they're

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Speaker 1: gonna get it because as don't have any fear either.

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Speaker 1: He fights his brothers. He's the youngest. Jackson is sweetheart.

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Speaker 1: Jackson has his mom's spirit and it's going for the spirit.

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Speaker 1: So Jackson is just like, hey, Dad, you know, whatever

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Speaker 1: you need me to do, I got you. And then

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Speaker 1: Kay still trying to figure him out. But that's the

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Speaker 1: one because it's like when he's so aloof when it

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Speaker 1: comes to me, he's just like, you're working on something.

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Speaker 1: The way you just described the pecking order in your

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Speaker 1: house is very similar. Two hours. Because Jackson is sweet

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Speaker 1: Cairo was the middle one. Kyra was the one that

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Speaker 1: we can't figure out. He's emotional but very mischievous. He

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Speaker 1: knows like he always asked him questions like he's like,

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Speaker 1: you're going to the gym, Yeah, what time are you

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Speaker 1: coming back? And I'm like why, Yeah, I have nothing

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Speaker 1: to do? Yeah, why do you want to know these things?

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Speaker 1: And he's just like he's gonna be that one asking later, Oh,

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Speaker 1: mom and dad, y'all going out, So what time are

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Speaker 1: you're coming back? Trying to like size out the situation.

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Speaker 1: I can have my friend come back for like hours,

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Speaker 1: you know. So we know from early right, So they

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Speaker 1: say it first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes

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Speaker 1: to baby carriage. But you know that real life is

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Speaker 1: not that simple. Things go out of order for some folks,

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Speaker 1: you know, some decide that they're ready for children. They

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Speaker 1: aren't ready children and sprang on them, you know. Um,

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Speaker 1: and so people even have trouble conceiving. People don't realize

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Speaker 1: that asking that question like when are you going to

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Speaker 1: have kids can totally throw people off all together. And

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Speaker 1: it's funny because it's like a vicious cycle. It's like

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Speaker 1: you get mad, you know, you're dating or whatever. For

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Speaker 1: us at least then we got married and it's like,

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Speaker 1: oh you got married, great, or even before that you're dating,

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Speaker 1: it's like when you're gonna get engaged, like oh, when

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Speaker 1: you get married, okay, great, you're married, when you're gonna

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Speaker 1: have kids, and then it's like it's never stopped. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I gotta know something. Right for women, once you decide

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Speaker 1: you want to get married, you want to have kids,

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Speaker 1: isn't it like exciting? Because absolutely, at what point and

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Speaker 1: why did people asking you if you want to have

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Speaker 1: kids become an issue? Because I'm remember when we first

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Speaker 1: got married, when she was pregnant, it was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm pregnant. Look at me, I'm pregnant. You know, when

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Speaker 1: you got the big belly and you can everybody gives

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Speaker 1: you all the attention. Women love that. I don't want

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Speaker 1: a man explaining anything. So I want to know from

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Speaker 1: you guys, at what point did that type of reverence

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Speaker 1: that you have from being a mom and being pregnant

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Speaker 1: become a burden to where it's just like, don't ask

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Speaker 1: me no more about kids. Well, you know, I feel

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Speaker 1: like it brings on a lot of anxiety, like because

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Speaker 1: even if you do want to have kids, right, it's

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Speaker 1: still you're trying to like figure out how everything is

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Speaker 1: gonna work, Like, okay, if we add another one, like

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Speaker 1: do we have enough room? Who's going to help us

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Speaker 1: when we both have to work. So while we might

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Speaker 1: be excited about the notion of getting pregnant, I don't

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Speaker 1: want to have to contemplate all those things right there

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Speaker 1: in front of you, you know what I'm saying. Like

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Speaker 1: it's I mean, because it's not a small feat. Like

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Speaker 1: even if people make it look easy, it is still difficult.

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Speaker 1: And I think when people, especially when you already got kids,

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Speaker 1: like god dang, and people keep trying to add I'm like,

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Speaker 1: are you gonna add to my budget? What what are

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Speaker 1: you gonna do? Are you gonna come watch this child

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Speaker 1: that you want me to have? So I think there's

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Speaker 1: like some of the for me, it's some of the

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Speaker 1: anxiety that like I get of like okay, oh, and

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Speaker 1: then I got to think about actually berthing this baby

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Speaker 1: and not dying in the hospital. You know, there's just

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Speaker 1: so much stuff attached to it other than the decision

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Speaker 1: of I'm gonna have a child and I want you

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Speaker 1: to know about it, that's for sure, exactly I mean

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Speaker 1: also too. I was looking through some articles recently, and

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Speaker 1: according to a two thousand and six or two thousan's

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Speaker 1: tend national survey done by the CDC, and it's a

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Speaker 1: little dated, but still I think it's prevalent. One in

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Speaker 1: eight married couples who want to have children struggle with fertility.

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Speaker 1: Everyone's story about how they arrived at having a child

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Speaker 1: is different, and I think that it's a very touchy subject.

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Speaker 1: Um someone who just gets married, if you're the next

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Speaker 1: question is when the children coming, These people may not

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Speaker 1: even know how easily they will be able to concede.

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Speaker 1: So that's a little bit of a sore topic, I think,

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Speaker 1: and just out of respect for people and their privacy

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Speaker 1: and respect for like not knowing what their struggle. Maybe

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Speaker 1: if you see a couple that's been married a year

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Speaker 1: or two or three and just keep asking when's the

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Speaker 1: baby coming, how do you know they haven't been trying

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Speaker 1: all that time, They've been having some struggles I've never

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Speaker 1: thought of. I never really thought about that because we

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Speaker 1: had a honeymoon baby, so I never thought about what

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Speaker 1: it could be like to be trying to have a

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Speaker 1: child and not getting anything and then someone asking you

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Speaker 1: when you're going I never really thought about for sure,

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Speaker 1: And for me, I always feel like it's just people

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Speaker 1: like to get invasive on couples, like when you're dating.

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Speaker 1: It's like when y'all getting married. We used to snap

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Speaker 1: at people, whether it's her family, my family is like,

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Speaker 1: none of your business. I remember her like snapping and

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Speaker 1: be like, don't worry about when he's gonna proposed right

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Speaker 1: stuff together before you come right thing. When you're gonna

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Speaker 1: have a baby, it's note if you have been I

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Speaker 1: don't understand, like your a couple of people love y'all

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Speaker 1: love to see you together, but at the same time,

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Speaker 1: I don't think they realize how invasive it is. It's like,

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Speaker 1: let us work at our own pace. But people are

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Speaker 1: just curious and excited. They want to see something new,

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Speaker 1: but at the same time, it can't come out very invade.

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Speaker 1: That's I always felt it was. It's to Candein's point,

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Speaker 1: there was a couple that we were talking to and

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Speaker 1: I had just had twins, so we were talking about babies.

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Speaker 1: So in the natural progression of the conversation, I was like,

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Speaker 1: do you all plan on having more? And they kind

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Speaker 1: of looked at each other and they were like in

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Speaker 1: God's timing, I didn't know at the time they had

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Speaker 1: just had a miscarriage, so like, wow, I didn't mean

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Speaker 1: anything by it, and I thought, so it was open

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Speaker 1: for you to maybe just have the reciprocation of conversations. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: And it wasn't like they tried to make They didn't

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Speaker 1: make me feeling type of way. I end up finding

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Speaker 1: out through a video that they end up posting. But

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Speaker 1: I obviously felt like an ass because I was just like,

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Speaker 1: I had no idea, but to what you're saying is

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Speaker 1: just people's story of fertility, of having a child. It

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Speaker 1: could go so many different ways, and unless you are

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Speaker 1: a partner in that couple, you never know you know

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Speaker 1: what they've gone through. Absolutely, you know what I wonder, because, um,

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Speaker 1: we're now in a different time where people share so much.

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Speaker 1: So I feel like, has it become comforting for people

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Speaker 1: to feel like, well, they always share if I asked,

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Speaker 1: it's really not that big a deal, you know, because

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Speaker 1: I mean for me personally, I don't get offended when

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Speaker 1: people ask. Of course it's not my body, so I

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Speaker 1: can't get offended for my wife. But I do realize

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Speaker 1: that I do share a lot so if if I share,

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Speaker 1: people are going to be entire tice to ask a question.

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Speaker 1: And I mean naturally two people have the engagement with

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Speaker 1: us constantly joke about wanting another child. Loki seriously joke

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Speaker 1: about one. There is no maybe very very clear, but

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Speaker 1: I do understand. Like Angel said, it's not my body,

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Speaker 1: and I don't. I don't have that stress to worry about.

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Speaker 1: You could possibly die. We talked about this all the

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Speaker 1: time with Jackson. She had to have emergency surgery in

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Speaker 1: the hospital. She lost a ton of blood, she had

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Speaker 1: a lacerated survey, so the fear of losing someone on

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Speaker 1: the table is real to us. So I don't ever,

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Speaker 1: even though I make jokes about want to have another child,

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Speaker 1: if we die with three boys, I'm probably the most excited.

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Speaker 1: I have three boys. So it's not a thing where

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Speaker 1: it's like, oh, this is gonna break our marriage if

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Speaker 1: we don't have another child. But right, yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: and I don't take it, you know, personally, when people

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Speaker 1: ask that peoples are good, we're sharing that information, sharing

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Speaker 1: on and that he wants another baby, and I can

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Speaker 1: be like, well, my job business, but okay, he's not

354
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Speaker 1: gonna get one. Okay, so you know, it's funny because

355
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,199
Speaker 1: it becomes an engagement with our followers and support us

356
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Speaker 1: and stuff like that. And I don't think it comes

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Speaker 1: from a mean place. No, no, no, no, you know

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Speaker 1: you understand that. Have you guys had that? Now that

359
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,400
Speaker 1: you have four boys and you still don't have a girl,

360
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,960
Speaker 1: they know he had affect me, you know it. You

361
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Speaker 1: can have a girl, pant, but they're still everybody's still like,

362
00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:30,960
Speaker 1: y'all need to try for the girl, Like how many

363
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Speaker 1: you got, so how about you catch up? Like opposite

364
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Speaker 1: of y'all, Like I didn't want to have the next one,

365
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Speaker 1: and Angel was like, no, I want to try for

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Speaker 1: this girl because we had I mean, it wasn't that bad,

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Speaker 1: but we had the situation when the twins um we're born.

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Speaker 1: It was like we had this whole big thing in

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Speaker 1: the hospital. It was like terrifying. Yeah, and the day

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Speaker 1: before we literally lost our best friend. It was just

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Speaker 1: like what is going on? You know, they brought in

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Speaker 1: the crash cart and everything ain't So that was the

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Speaker 1: one thing I'm like, I don't want to live that again.

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Speaker 1: To the rest of my reasons. Why yeah, when you yea,

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Speaker 1: when you like, I'm never going through this, Yeah, I'm like,

376
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:10,640
Speaker 1: ain't no way. But then the rest of my reasons

377
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,240
Speaker 1: were completely vain, like I don't want to change the

378
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:13,800
Speaker 1: more divers I don't want to more car and seats.

379
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Speaker 1: I don't want to be carrying this baby everywhere like

380
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Speaker 1: I was like, she was like, why do you honestly

381
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,560
Speaker 1: don't want to have another one? That was the top

382
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Speaker 1: and everything else. I'm like, I'm being serious about the

383
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,720
Speaker 1: rest of this stuff, right, did you guys trying to

384
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,720
Speaker 1: like old wives tales methods of like how to get

385
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:31,360
Speaker 1: the girl and whatnot. Absolutely none of them change my diet. Yeah,

386
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,240
Speaker 1: that one you're talking about how I'm supposed to go in?

387
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:41,119
Speaker 1: How far? How I'm like, yeah, we tried everything right there,

388
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,359
Speaker 1: You're doing too much, like this is what I do,

389
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:48,720
Speaker 1: this is what works. I know what I'm doing over here,

390
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:52,280
Speaker 1: Like you want to have what movie was that the

391
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,639
Speaker 1: wife want to get pregnant? So she hadn't. He was

392
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Speaker 1: just like stop, stop, no, don't keep gonna get right

393
00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:02,840
Speaker 1: there right there, you finished, Okay, get off me. And

394
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:08,760
Speaker 1: he was just sitting there like, yeah, I heard that

395
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:12,000
Speaker 1: had to stop working out, cut dairy out of his diary,

396
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:16,120
Speaker 1: all this stuff and I'm just like and still, yeah,

397
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:18,920
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't wish for anybody's chance. It made

398
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:20,560
Speaker 1: it so bad as I knew so many people who

399
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:22,720
Speaker 1: had three boys and then the girls. So for me,

400
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,480
Speaker 1: I was just like, I'm gonna try it one more time,

401
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:28,920
Speaker 1: because yeah, like the clock is a ticket, I'm about

402
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,920
Speaker 1: to have a milestone birthday this year. And I was like,

403
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,320
Speaker 1: I don't want to be that that broad that's oldest

404
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:35,680
Speaker 1: hell still having kids. I know people in Holly would

405
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:38,320
Speaker 1: do it, it ain't for me. I was like, it's

406
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:48,399
Speaker 1: now or never, and he was like A right, and

407
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 1: he is so cute, Oh my goodness. So then that

408
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:57,760
Speaker 1: brings me to my next topic is contraception and how

409
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:01,159
Speaker 1: as a married couple you talk about that and we

410
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:07,600
Speaker 1: decide who's doing what are you trying your tubes getting Marcus,

411
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 1: as we know, Yeah, I told to my boys about this.

412
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Speaker 1: I got two of my boys cover sections. Marcus. I'm

413
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 1: straight up. It was easy. Okay, it was easy. It

414
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,520
Speaker 1: was said, it was quick. It was look at the face,

415
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:26,879
Speaker 1: He's like, I don't recommend it that I was reading.

416
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:29,800
Speaker 1: I saw of a sect of me and my nuts

417
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:35,160
Speaker 1: started team game. Even I just saw the v here's

418
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,680
Speaker 1: what that is natural, Like, there's no I didn't want

419
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,000
Speaker 1: to do it, even before we had the twins, even

420
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:43,040
Speaker 1: after after the It took me forever to fainily go

421
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 1: get the procedure, and finally I was like, it ain't

422
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:49,000
Speaker 1: even going through the procedure. It's the fact that that's

423
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:52,680
Speaker 1: part of me. I'm super sperm. That's what I do. Exactly.

424
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:57,639
Speaker 1: I got poke, exactly, got warning science, keep away exactly.

425
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:04,280
Speaker 1: Don't even see the same swimming pool with me, that's who.

426
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 1: So after getting over the ego as clearly what it was,

427
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,560
Speaker 1: um so the other thing, I was like, all right,

428
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 1: what are the what are the repercussions of this? Because

429
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 1: I'm only seeing, oh, you know this procedure, does this?

430
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:21,280
Speaker 1: Does that? So I had to purposely go seek out

431
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:26,320
Speaker 1: negative and like the horrible things because I couldn't find any.

432
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,040
Speaker 1: So once I went to see goes At, I'm like,

433
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:30,040
Speaker 1: none of this sounds official. So I talked to the

434
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,200
Speaker 1: doctor who was in there in the yearage. Just google it.

435
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 1: That's my phone right now. Google to be the first

436
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:41,000
Speaker 1: thing up. Whatever I was research, like, Marcus, you wanted

437
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:45,240
Speaker 1: to know about the earthquake that just but so I

438
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,119
Speaker 1: was talking to him and he just he's laughing, shook

439
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:48,639
Speaker 1: his head. He was like, what did you do? I

440
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,679
Speaker 1: was like, I googled it because I couldn't find anything negative,

441
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 1: like broh man, I'll just be nervous, Like like we

442
00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:56,639
Speaker 1: talked about it, and I know it's easier for us

443
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 1: to do it than for her to have it. His

444
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,800
Speaker 1: directed me, So that's not a whole uterus rip. It

445
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:08,159
Speaker 1: all about even get two stide. But also I was

446
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,520
Speaker 1: thinking about it because as a man, I feel like,

447
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:12,800
Speaker 1: you know, and she put her life on the line

448
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 1: three times to have kids. The least I could do

449
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,160
Speaker 1: is get the snip. But then when I see any

450
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 1: word that begins with V, my nuts run into right

451
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 1: now like they're not coming out, like the doc's gonna

452
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,639
Speaker 1: be let him drop, and they be like, we're not

453
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,879
Speaker 1: coming out, but actually you're a post on that Just

454
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,159
Speaker 1: how like easy and simple it was. It was. It

455
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,880
Speaker 1: was like in and out, and I refused to I've

456
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 1: had I did birth control, which I don't do well with.

457
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 1: I've had two different i ug s, and I was like,

458
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 1: for as long as we've been together for sixteen years,

459
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:46,200
Speaker 1: I have been in control of our birth control. I'm done.

460
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 1: I'm not doing it each time. It's like we noticed

461
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:53,080
Speaker 1: the difference, you know, in that relationship, like when she's

462
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,720
Speaker 1: on versus when we trying to get pregnant. It's like

463
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:58,399
Speaker 1: sexes are always better when we try when I'm not

464
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:08,399
Speaker 1: going anything, because yeah, we've been struggling with that too.

465
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:13,119
Speaker 1: I mean, did you see any changes performance, Like not

466
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 1: not performance, but like just I don't know, like gets

467
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,680
Speaker 1: to stop him at lower like do you feel any No, No,

468
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,359
Speaker 1: I talked to I think the count is up to

469
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,920
Speaker 1: like twelve. Now. Different dudes I've talked to they had

470
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,440
Speaker 1: it and like, you know, dudes are real reluctant, like

471
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 1: yeoh yeah, yeah it's cool. But I talked like people

472
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 1: I know, like dudes that will tell me like yeah, man,

473
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:35,400
Speaker 1: it shoots out my air. Now I don't tell nobody else.

474
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 1: You know. Everybody was like now I don't, he said,

475
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,480
Speaker 1: I know, um one of my friends he he head

476
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:42,920
Speaker 1: is how long ago? I know people aheading for like

477
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:47,760
Speaker 1: fifteen years. Now they're just like you know what I asked,

478
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,639
Speaker 1: if the wife hears me, it's wonderful, Oh my god,

479
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,159
Speaker 1: Like they are all like, oh yeah, this is like

480
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:56,159
Speaker 1: what it is. Because they don't and she don't. She

481
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 1: don't have nothing affecting the hormones. That dude don't either.

482
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:04,359
Speaker 1: Fifteen minutes. Oh, it was so quick. They don't put

483
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:11,359
Speaker 1: you to sleep. I was having a conversation with the urologist.

484
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:13,680
Speaker 1: He's like, what are you into? I was like, I

485
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 1: don't know him. In the car, Oh, you gotta call Yeah,

486
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,159
Speaker 1: we started talking about cars next ding. I know, I

487
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,080
Speaker 1: feel something calm, Like what's it? He's like, We're done.

488
00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:23,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, what, so then? What are you into? Cutting

489
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:28,800
Speaker 1: nuts in the cutting nuts? Literally, it was like minutes

490
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 1: from from walking in the most nervous. I was going

491
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:33,280
Speaker 1: up in the elevator because she was parking and I'm

492
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 1: riding up in the olevator but by myself, and I'm

493
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 1: about to freak out, and I'm like I'm about to

494
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 1: lose it to park and come back. He was done

495
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:44,159
Speaker 1: pretty I mean, we sat in waiting room for a

496
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,159
Speaker 1: little bit, but when I came in, he was walking

497
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:49,280
Speaker 1: like his nuts hurt that I was walking like. I

498
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:50,880
Speaker 1: was in so much because I was scared to move

499
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:55,560
Speaker 1: because I'm like something down there. It's yeah. He was

500
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,359
Speaker 1: walking like he just had a baby, you know. How

501
00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:01,159
Speaker 1: like you kind of a big path. I was like,

502
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,240
Speaker 1: taking it easy. I had on my little special drawing

503
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 1: screen draws these drawers. Dude, if you do it, make

504
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:07,679
Speaker 1: sure you get I'll send you to lie there on Amazon.

505
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:13,160
Speaker 1: She's like, You're getting on side. You're getting on the side.

506
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:16,879
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you how this is gonna work. Exactly

507
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 1: how this is gonna work. I'm agreed to do this.

508
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,160
Speaker 1: Codine is not gonna drive up to this. She's gonna

509
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 1: drop me over the front. Codine gonna go park, she's

510
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,240
Speaker 1: gonna come out of the car. Cut to Codeine walking

511
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:30,280
Speaker 1: to the doctor's office, me running out of there with

512
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:37,800
Speaker 1: the drawing up the screen with me in the whole

513
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 1: ballet costume, like, oh, I'm going to see the Nutcracker.

514
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:48,119
Speaker 1: That's not funny. It's not funny. I'm not laughing. But

515
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:51,199
Speaker 1: when you up there like ye. He he's so relaxed

516
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 1: about it because he does like five six of these

517
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,680
Speaker 1: a day. He's been doing it for the past thirty years.

518
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:57,920
Speaker 1: So I'm sitting there like, all right, so what about this?

519
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: He's like yeah. So I'm like, so, what negative things

520
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,200
Speaker 1: have happened? It was like everything I've heard negative happening

521
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 1: has been temporary. It's like I've heard of guys getting

522
00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 1: it done. It's like they, you know, snipped something wrong.

523
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:10,480
Speaker 1: They get swelling down there for maybe a week or two.

524
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:13,240
Speaker 1: So you can't keep telling me nothing worse than that.

525
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:16,200
Speaker 1: I'm like looking for any reason to be like alright, no,

526
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:19,639
Speaker 1: thanks by, But it was just like I was like, Marcus,

527
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,480
Speaker 1: is either if you don't get it done, it's gonna

528
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 1: be condoms or pull out. And I was like, what's

529
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 1: gonna happen? The worst was like pulling out is like

530
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 1: you just spent all your time making the best cookies

531
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 1: of entire life, and you're smelling them and then throwing

532
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 1: them in the trail. Somebody just rubbed the passion mouth.

533
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 1: You just throw it in the trash time. It's like,

534
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 1: what's the point why torture yourself? And I can't imagine condom?

535
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 1: I was like that we just ain't gonna be doing it.

536
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 1: So he was like all right. I was like, you

537
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:56,680
Speaker 1: gotta get I can't imagine condoms. And to be honest,

538
00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:58,719
Speaker 1: after cars, I think I got air sperm. So if

539
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 1: I tried to pull out, I wait, you're breastfeeding, right,

540
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 1: do you notice or did your doctor tell you or

541
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,440
Speaker 1: have you heard that you won't get your period or

542
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 1: pregnant when you're breastfeeding that. My doctor has never said that.

543
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 1: I know people who think that, but I have One

544
00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 1: of my sorority sisters has children that are a year apart.

545
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:27,200
Speaker 1: She went off of that. She was like, I was

546
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:31,080
Speaker 1: still breastfeeding, so I thought that I wasn't gonna I said, girl, yeah,

547
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:33,480
Speaker 1: well devout somebody devout heard that from whether in d

548
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 1: probably or Marcus or pregnant if she breastfeeding taking chances,

549
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 1: you know, and too many here we are so taken

550
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:52,480
Speaker 1: too many? Yeah, no, no more chances. I was like,

551
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 1: we got to get this cut. So we have kids,

552
00:29:57,640 --> 00:30:01,400
Speaker 1: contrary to popular believe that there's more come in unless

553
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 1: the Good Lord has plans for us that I have

554
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 1: unbeknownst too, because we didn't have that little talk with Jesus. Um,

555
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 1: what do you appreciate about parenting now? As your boys

556
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:15,120
Speaker 1: are here and they're growing? What's probably that one thing

557
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 1: you appreciate the most about parenting? Uh? I go first, Um,

558
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 1: one thing I appreciate is being able to pass on knowledge. Um,

559
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:25,320
Speaker 1: because I got all this stuff and I was telling

560
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 1: Angel this a couple of weeks ago. I'm like, I'm

561
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:30,480
Speaker 1: still learning stuff from my daddy and passing that on

562
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:32,560
Speaker 1: and right now, especially my oldest you know, they ain't

563
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 1: at the age of like let me set you down

564
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 1: and you know, talk to you. But I'm telling him

565
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 1: stuff and it's just like right now he's like all right, daddy,

566
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 1: Like he didn't really pay that much attention. But then

567
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:44,120
Speaker 1: every now and then he'll come back and repeat something

568
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 1: I told him, like yeah, yeah, you okay, so you

569
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 1: ain't just ignore me. Um. But that That's one thing

570
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,800
Speaker 1: I do appreciate being able to do is pass on

571
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,840
Speaker 1: to them um anything I can give them and see

572
00:30:56,960 --> 00:31:00,080
Speaker 1: and hopefully seeing that flourish and turn into something that

573
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:02,200
Speaker 1: I wasn't able to turn to. All the knowledge that

574
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 1: I was giving into your more turned it into more UM.

575
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 1: For me, it's uh, it's made me realize quicker what's

576
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 1: really important. Like, prior to kids, there'd probably stuff that

577
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:14,800
Speaker 1: I would get like hung up on, stuff that would

578
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,920
Speaker 1: probably upset me that are actually miniscule when you look

579
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:21,040
Speaker 1: at the bigger picture of life. So having these kids,

580
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:23,880
Speaker 1: there's stuff that just if stuff don't go right, I'm like,

581
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 1: whatever if I can't do something that I really you

582
00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,160
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, because I'm like, I got four

583
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:33,520
Speaker 1: healthy boys, a beautiful marriage. Uh, And I think with parenting,

584
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:36,600
Speaker 1: it just keeps me from wearing about stuff that really

585
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 1: don't mean much of anything. And I look at uh,

586
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 1: not to judge my friends, but I look at my

587
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:44,960
Speaker 1: friends who don't have kids, and I see when they

588
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 1: get hung up on something and I'm just like, sis, yeah, yeah, yeah,

589
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 1: really that's what it is gives that give me a

590
00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:59,520
Speaker 1: great perspective. And I'm glad because there are so many

591
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 1: things actually living out in Los Angeles that could have

592
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 1: you chasing the wrong thing, and um, just having kids

593
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 1: has me going like, not is this important? No, Okay,

594
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 1: I ain't worried about it. In is there anything that

595
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 1: you're looking forward to or not looking forward to as

596
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 1: parents or just as a family? Oh? So many? I

597
00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 1: know angel not looking. I know what I'm not looking

598
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:21,080
Speaker 1: because I know what is not looking forward to good looking.

599
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:25,920
Speaker 1: I'm not looking forward girls coming around. That's I'm looking

600
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,800
Speaker 1: forward to, looking forward to them girls coming around. No,

601
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:34,840
Speaker 1: not not what she looked like? What do mama look like?

602
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:46,480
Speaker 1: What the father do? What was hold on? What's his name. Yeah,

603
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 1: what's your mama's name? Could be a real awkward meeting.

604
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 1: Right that being said, Angel, I have a proposition. What's

605
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:58,680
Speaker 1: the as we continue to grow and flourish in our

606
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:02,000
Speaker 1: careers and whatnot. I feel like we should go in

607
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:05,960
Speaker 1: on a space with me and you can just get

608
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,240
Speaker 1: to get the girl and hide. Yeah where we have

609
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:13,280
Speaker 1: our own bathroom that's clean and smiling, spotless, and right

610
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:15,960
Speaker 1: there's about to try to throw me under the other

611
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,920
Speaker 1: this morning. Maybe the guys visit every now and again,

612
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:20,200
Speaker 1: or we don't even have to tell him to add

613
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 1: your shower. We can just meet you you you would

614
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:29,160
Speaker 1: be face time and me what you do and don't

615
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:30,880
Speaker 1: and don't let you face on me call me and

616
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:33,479
Speaker 1: I'm having fun because then you bring your ass right

617
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 1: back home. You already market, so we can at least

618
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:41,800
Speaker 1: go there to pee and piece room and come back.

619
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:43,560
Speaker 1: I got I got a little touch of O C D.

620
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:48,560
Speaker 1: So cleanliness is not the thing with me. Don't don't

621
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:53,360
Speaker 1: see she's gonna make me slappy more so than my

622
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 1: wife is. Um. So I would love to come visit

623
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 1: you'll there. I want to see so what has angel

624
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 1: at you through? I want products everything white everywhere when

625
00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:09,440
Speaker 1: you kids will go there, hold on, hold on. I

626
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:12,320
Speaker 1: love that you guys talk about how bad our bathroom is,

627
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:17,239
Speaker 1: but historically the women's public bathroom, it's way worse than

628
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:21,000
Speaker 1: the men. It seem like they always usually put like

629
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 1: a little fake little flower up in the areaway as

630
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:25,640
Speaker 1: you're walking in to make it seem like you're walking

631
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 1: into this lounge. We don't be looking seable at a club. Yeah,

632
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 1: when I want to. I stayed with Kate in college.

633
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:35,840
Speaker 1: One time in came in college, I was staying with

634
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 1: She had three roommates, three women, And I walked into

635
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 1: the bathroom and I walked out of that bathroom and

636
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:45,719
Speaker 1: I said, Kay, there's some things going on that I

637
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:53,520
Speaker 1: cannot said. I don't know what's going on. She was

638
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:57,439
Speaker 1: just like, who's whose parents raised you? Like, oh my god.

639
00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 1: And that's why the next semester I became a resident assistant.

640
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:03,000
Speaker 1: Have my own listen, I did this became one of

641
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:05,520
Speaker 1: my freshman year. They needed somebody, and I was like,

642
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 1: I'm doing it. Give me, give me out here. I

643
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 1: get my own four walls, y'all get y'alls on bathroom.

644
00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 1: We get our own den or living room I'm with it.

645
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 1: Let's do it. We just gonna hustle, me, gonna work

646
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:23,319
Speaker 1: with at the same time. Exactly. Listen, we'll go down

647
00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:26,400
Speaker 1: then y'all go to your bathroom, don't come to the

648
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:28,480
Speaker 1: then with me and do it. As long as I

649
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 1: got some champaign, y'all gonna say s they sold full

650
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:39,719
Speaker 1: of ship Bro Champagne pop it is the truth. Let

651
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:41,840
Speaker 1: me be away from k and post something on Instagram

652
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 1: around instant Oh, you just having a good time friend

653
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 1: having all sorts of fun. Huh, y'all were awesome people.

654
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 1: One more time where they can find you your podcasts Instagram,

655
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 1: so you can find me at that Chick Angel across

656
00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:09,399
Speaker 1: all platforms as well as you Tube want that Chick

657
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 1: Angel TV. And then my husband is Marcus ain't on

658
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,439
Speaker 1: the gram on Instagram and Marcus ain't on the book

659
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:18,719
Speaker 1: on Facebook. We have our podcast so when it comes

660
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:23,400
Speaker 1: to you ain't on the TikTok definitely. I don't know

661
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:26,279
Speaker 1: how they're doing all of this stuffing else I gotta

662
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:30,520
Speaker 1: learn the struggle. Yeah, I'm like, I'm gonna get one

663
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 1: soon to him and dedicated like the twenty year old

664
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:36,520
Speaker 1: Cadine like a little ratchet. Yeah, any platform for the head.

665
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:40,840
Speaker 1: I'm nervous. Did you say going to the podcast and

666
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 1: our podcast is this is going to cause an argument?

667
00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:47,120
Speaker 1: You can follow us there as wonderful. I think I've

668
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 1: coming and don't because we got to do some listener letters.

669
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:58,680
Speaker 1: So people right in every season, like you are so nosy,

670
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:01,560
Speaker 1: know when people send me, send me scenarios and they

671
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 1: just want my two heads. People nosy. People watch the

672
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 1: news and come in and report to you, and you

673
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:10,640
Speaker 1: in a different room and tell you everything was going on.

674
00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:26,920
Speaker 1: She's coming in now with something. Oh, we're gonna take

675
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:29,319
Speaker 1: a quick break and move into listening to letters after

676
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:38,480
Speaker 1: we get into some ads. So stick around this for

677
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:46,759
Speaker 1: the record, there it is. Tiger Woods is one of

678
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:51,520
Speaker 1: our most inspiring sports icons. In his story, it comes

679
00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 1: with many chapters. I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible

680
00:37:56,400 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 1: and selfish behavior. But here it is the return to glory.

681
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 1: This is All American, a new series from Stitcher hosted

682
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:12,320
Speaker 1: by me Jordan Bell. You realize Tiger Wis doesn't know

683
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 1: who he is best in the history of golf, no

684
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:19,839
Speaker 1: question in my mind. And this season, with the help

685
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:24,240
Speaker 1: of journalist Albert Chen, we're asking what if the story

686
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:28,200
Speaker 1: of Tiger Woods that the media has been telling, what

687
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 1: if it's been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out

688
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 1: now listen and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app. Alright,

689
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 1: we're back with Angel and Marcus and we are going

690
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 1: to be doing some listener letters. All right, now, what

691
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 1: do we have? Two? Three? Today? Is it too? Oh?

692
00:38:55,680 --> 00:39:01,400
Speaker 1: That's a long one, so all sign it. We got

693
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,720
Speaker 1: a little high cool here. Alright. So hey, y'all, thanks

694
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:06,960
Speaker 1: for thank you for blessing the world with your podcast.

695
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,160
Speaker 1: I admire your relationship and the rawness y'all share with

696
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 1: your listeners. Thank you, thank you. I'm pregnant with my

697
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:17,239
Speaker 1: first and his fourth. He's been showing some rawness too.

698
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:23,879
Speaker 1: I've always been very attracted to my man and love

699
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:26,359
Speaker 1: the sex we have, which is how I got here.

700
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:30,120
Speaker 1: Being pregnant literally has me annoyed whenever he tries to

701
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:33,800
Speaker 1: touch me or be lovy. I've been there too. I

702
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 1: enjoy when he's out late, I get to fall asleep.

703
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:40,239
Speaker 1: Isn't bet alone. I just overall find myself wanting to

704
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:42,759
Speaker 1: be in a bubble shield around him so he can't

705
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,400
Speaker 1: touch me. This makes me feel terrible because he's very

706
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:47,520
Speaker 1: much like devow and that he wants to have sex

707
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:51,200
Speaker 1: with me like every other day and knowing it makes

708
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:55,399
Speaker 1: him feel upset and also unwanted when we go days

709
00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 1: without it because I literally cannot get in the mood.

710
00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:01,239
Speaker 1: I was woke with him about a little about how

711
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:03,440
Speaker 1: I feel, and I don't think he completely understands or

712
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 1: he still wants what he wants anyway, Um, continue felt

713
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,080
Speaker 1: this during any Have you felt this during any phases

714
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 1: of your pregnancy? And do you know anyone who has?

715
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:14,759
Speaker 1: And for both of you, how do my man and

716
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:16,759
Speaker 1: I compromise where I feel like I have the space

717
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:19,120
Speaker 1: I need and he can also get what he wants,

718
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:24,840
Speaker 1: which is sex more consistently. This is the lifelong question.

719
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:30,000
Speaker 1: I mean, I definitely dealt with that. It's like, I

720
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:31,840
Speaker 1: think I've said this before, and it was funny, and

721
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:36,759
Speaker 1: we just came across a little video on Instagram where

722
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:40,120
Speaker 1: it's like a mom like a mother dog and she

723
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:44,880
Speaker 1: had nursing and then the daddy dog is behind her

724
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 1: trying to get some too, and that's and that's literally

725
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:51,799
Speaker 1: how I felt. I'm like, it came a point where

726
00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:53,840
Speaker 1: I felt like there was just either somebody in me,

727
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 1: whether it be a baby or devot, somebody touching me,

728
00:40:57,480 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 1: hanging off my boobs. Like there was a went where

729
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:03,480
Speaker 1: I was just like, nobody touching me again because it's

730
00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:05,239
Speaker 1: just my person, Like I just wanted to have my

731
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 1: person and being pregnant, I mean, the body internally is

732
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 1: going through so much. Sometimes my body just did not

733
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:16,400
Speaker 1: want sex. My body did not want to be penetrated.

734
00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:18,399
Speaker 1: My body did not want to be touched. And it's

735
00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 1: something that was not explainable and we had to really

736
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:23,799
Speaker 1: find a way to like maneuver that where he can

737
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:26,839
Speaker 1: get a little something. So if it required me using

738
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 1: other body parts to get him what he needed, like

739
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 1: I had to do it. Have you felt that way

740
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:33,560
Speaker 1: with any of your pregnancies? No pregnancies. I was my

741
00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:36,600
Speaker 1: horniness cranked all the way. I got cranked up all

742
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 1: the time for the majority of it, not the first

743
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:43,919
Speaker 1: trimester when I was like nonsense and stuff like. But yeah,

744
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:47,840
Speaker 1: once we got past that, it was more so okay,

745
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:58,719
Speaker 1: you don't. After having the baby is when I was

746
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:02,279
Speaker 1: just like, okay, he just be asking at inopportunity times

747
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,719
Speaker 1: you want to do something. There's a baby hanging off

748
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:10,040
Speaker 1: my titty. No, absolutely, not. I don't. Eventually we don't

749
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 1: do it now. Usually different putting it out there like

750
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 1: you know, just so you know, just in case, Hey,

751
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 1: hey you got to do that. You know that. Hey

752
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:24,480
Speaker 1: if you if you with it, I'm I'm you know,

753
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,719
Speaker 1: I'm with it. I'm with it. You know. I was

754
00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 1: with it nine months and I'll put in my work.

755
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:32,600
Speaker 1: So what time for you? It's like marks, it ain't

756
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:34,360
Speaker 1: been along enough. Doctors, we can't. He don't know what

757
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:38,520
Speaker 1: he's talking, don't. There's always a path they put on it.

758
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:43,520
Speaker 1: That's six weeks, ain't real? Was we probably more like three?

759
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:47,600
Speaker 1: You had a water birth, so you was good. It

760
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:52,359
Speaker 1: wasn't a lot of trauma. But I think I think,

761
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,320
Speaker 1: you know, it's a natural party I would imagine for

762
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:56,360
Speaker 1: a woman and not feel like she wants to be touched.

763
00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:57,800
Speaker 1: I mean, like you said, that's a lot going on

764
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:03,960
Speaker 1: as a dude, especially he's on his you know, but

765
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:06,640
Speaker 1: I think he but he probably because it was probably different.

766
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 1: It depends on It depends on the pregnancy. Because if

767
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:13,120
Speaker 1: he had four in his previous relationships she was horny

768
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 1: during pregnancy, he might not realize. He might be like,

769
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 1: wait a minute, well because this is what guys do.

770
00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:20,759
Speaker 1: You only go with what you know and you don't

771
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:22,839
Speaker 1: know the female body. So he was with someone else,

772
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:24,880
Speaker 1: you have four kids. They were pregnant and they were horny.

773
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:27,279
Speaker 1: Now you're pregnant and you're not horny. He's probably like,

774
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:29,840
Speaker 1: what's going on here? She was horny and pregnant, was

775
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:38,680
Speaker 1: you know, like, given excuse? He cannot say that. If

776
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:41,880
Speaker 1: he says that, it is the worst. But but one

777
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 1: thing I do know is that men sometimes, like I

778
00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:47,440
Speaker 1: knew I was insensitive to certain things, even with Cadine,

779
00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 1: because my mom had three kids, and she had natural births,

780
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:53,400
Speaker 1: and her mom had three kids in natural births, and

781
00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:56,400
Speaker 1: right after pregnancy they went straight back to work because

782
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:58,680
Speaker 1: you know, we would bless that Ky didn't have to

783
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:00,759
Speaker 1: go back to work. So when and Kay was that

784
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 1: the six months postpartum and we were still having issues,

785
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 1: and she's like, you don't know what it's like to

786
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:08,680
Speaker 1: have a baby. My thought process used to be my

787
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:10,759
Speaker 1: mom had three, your mom had to be run back

788
00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:13,439
Speaker 1: to work. You're six months out of it, you haven't

789
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:14,800
Speaker 1: been back to work, and you're making it seem like

790
00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:16,600
Speaker 1: you're the only woman in the world that had been

791
00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 1: I could have suf anytime you said that to me,

792
00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:21,759
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, what you're not gonna do? Right?

793
00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:25,560
Speaker 1: And the chances are your mom didn't have those conversations

794
00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:28,600
Speaker 1: with you about what her service and her vagina the

795
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:31,920
Speaker 1: parts of her body felt after that, you know, and

796
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:37,719
Speaker 1: unfortunately having to rush back. My thing is nobody has

797
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:40,800
Speaker 1: these conversations with a man, So how was he supposed

798
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:45,320
Speaker 1: to know? And that's my podcast unless they have a conversation.

799
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:48,279
Speaker 1: She said, she did, She did. He just has to

800
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:50,759
Speaker 1: be more receptive that, like, this is not his body,

801
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:53,120
Speaker 1: it's her body. And if she's not able to like

802
00:44:53,719 --> 00:44:55,800
Speaker 1: not that she doesn't. It's not so much that she

803
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:57,719
Speaker 1: wants him to be unhappy because she says that she

804
00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,920
Speaker 1: feels bad, but like, sometimes you can't make your body

805
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:03,719
Speaker 1: do what it don't want to do. It just is

806
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:08,720
Speaker 1: what it is. That support the woman and said, especially

807
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:12,800
Speaker 1: when she's pregnant. I learned that with her second pregnancy.

808
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,000
Speaker 1: My first pregnancy. I was her first pregnancy. I was

809
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:17,000
Speaker 1: with twenty seven. I had no clue. I was just

810
00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:19,560
Speaker 1: kind of winging it. I was our first child. I

811
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:21,880
Speaker 1: oh yeah, so yeah. When we talked about that, we

812
00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:24,239
Speaker 1: just go in and with Cairo, from the minute she

813
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 1: told me she was pregnant, I said, until this baby

814
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:29,680
Speaker 1: is here and healthy and you want whatever you want.

815
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:35,200
Speaker 1: I didn't argue or complain, just whatever you want. I'm

816
00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:37,800
Speaker 1: not gonna win what I'm saying. I don't have to

817
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:40,359
Speaker 1: grow a human. I want my child to come out

818
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:44,080
Speaker 1: happy and healthy, so boom, you know. And the thing

819
00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:46,399
Speaker 1: is she's gonna have to explain to him, and he's

820
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:49,480
Speaker 1: gonna have to practice that. I didn't always do, even

821
00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:50,840
Speaker 1: though I said that, there were times when I was

822
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:53,080
Speaker 1: still a little selfish. But it comes to reps where

823
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:55,440
Speaker 1: you learn how to you know, Okay, I want to

824
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:57,360
Speaker 1: be selfish in this moment, but let me just let

825
00:45:57,440 --> 00:45:59,480
Speaker 1: me just suppress this right now and just whatever you

826
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:02,640
Speaker 1: want to be like that. With Kaz it was cool, briefe.

827
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:04,840
Speaker 1: I didn't even ask for nothing. This is also her

828
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:09,080
Speaker 1: first pregnancy to so she's probably unaware, you know, So

829
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 1: she's probably that's probably why she feels badly, because she's

830
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:13,880
Speaker 1: probably thinking like she would I would normally want to

831
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,439
Speaker 1: happen right but right now I don't. So I would

832
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:18,040
Speaker 1: say the fact that they spoke about it is good.

833
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 1: Finding a way to compromise might be good where it

834
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:23,279
Speaker 1: may not be through like actual intercourse, but maybe she

835
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:25,520
Speaker 1: can do other things like make sure he's good and

836
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,279
Speaker 1: you know from there. So I mean, that's important that

837
00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:30,160
Speaker 1: you said that, because it is important that they compromise.

838
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:32,480
Speaker 1: So often it's told to men that you just have

839
00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:35,000
Speaker 1: to just shut your mouth and accept everything. And that's

840
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 1: not good either. It's not it's not fair for people

841
00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:38,880
Speaker 1: to tell men you got to be quiet and deal

842
00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:40,920
Speaker 1: with on your own, because if they start to be

843
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:42,920
Speaker 1: quiet and deal with on their own and they start saying, well,

844
00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:45,439
Speaker 1: you don't share it with me, and you don't say

845
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:48,359
Speaker 1: what you need brothers, say how you feel, and y'all

846
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:50,680
Speaker 1: compromise on it, you'll both have to give and take right.

847
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:52,280
Speaker 1: I know that's something. I know. You guys are veteran

848
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 1: married you know folks, and we are veteran married folks too,

849
00:46:55,120 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 1: So that's talking again. A whole lot doesn't lot. It

850
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:02,160
Speaker 1: can save a whole lot of heartache in the end.

851
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 1: All right, we got womo. My wife and I have

852
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:08,879
Speaker 1: been married for one year now. Before having our first child.

853
00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 1: We were always happy in joining each other's company. Now

854
00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:13,520
Speaker 1: that she's a stay at home mom, and I'm active

855
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:16,879
Speaker 1: duty military. Things have changed. Our marriage feels like I'm

856
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:18,960
Speaker 1: just a roommate. Late at night, she goes into the

857
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:21,320
Speaker 1: other room, stays on her phone all night. She doesn't

858
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:24,560
Speaker 1: want to communicate any longer. I listened to y'all's podcast

859
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:27,960
Speaker 1: with Judge Maybelline, and I don't want to divorce. I

860
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:30,239
Speaker 1: love my wife, I love our family. I just need

861
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,839
Speaker 1: advice on how to fix the marriage. PS. We don't

862
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 1: have sex anymore. Yeah, I kind of already know no

863
00:47:40,120 --> 00:47:42,880
Speaker 1: what this is. I watched Caden go through this, right,

864
00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:45,880
Speaker 1: She wasn't a stay at home mom, and then she

865
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:48,480
Speaker 1: became a stay at home mom. I think by her

866
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:51,960
Speaker 1: becoming a stay at home mom, she probably has lost

867
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:55,480
Speaker 1: her sense of purpose and there's something deep within her

868
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:58,240
Speaker 1: that has nothing to do with him that she doesn't

869
00:47:58,320 --> 00:48:01,520
Speaker 1: know how to find her happy. And since she's at

870
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:04,040
Speaker 1: home all day, he's active duing the military, he's out,

871
00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:07,480
Speaker 1: she's probably seeking some sort of happiness and can't find

872
00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:10,160
Speaker 1: it anywhere. So she's probably spiraling into a little bit

873
00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:13,040
Speaker 1: of a depression. And the statute is that he's probably

874
00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:15,279
Speaker 1: taking it on himself, like what am I not doing?

875
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:17,799
Speaker 1: Which is the worst thing you can do. I think

876
00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:20,840
Speaker 1: that he she has to find an outlet. Being a

877
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:23,320
Speaker 1: working woman to a stay at home mom or working

878
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 1: dad to a stay at home dad is probably one

879
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:28,440
Speaker 1: of the hardest transitions for human because you went from

880
00:48:28,520 --> 00:48:31,160
Speaker 1: having a purpose to just be at home, and that

881
00:48:31,239 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 1: can be unfulfilling. Everybody don't take that being at home

882
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:38,640
Speaker 1: when you when you were weren't doing that. They don't

883
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:42,120
Speaker 1: take that as important, right, yeah, actually, but it is.

884
00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:44,719
Speaker 1: It is very significant to do that. And a lot

885
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:47,360
Speaker 1: of people assume that most women want to be hit

886
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:49,440
Speaker 1: home with their kids. I know people who love their kids,

887
00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:52,880
Speaker 1: but they don't want to be at home with the seven.

888
00:48:53,040 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 1: They have other dreams and aspirations that they don't really

889
00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:57,960
Speaker 1: feel the need to put on hope, because a lot

890
00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:00,600
Speaker 1: of men don't have to put their dreams and aspirations

891
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:03,920
Speaker 1: on hold just because they have kids. So there's like this, uh,

892
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:08,360
Speaker 1: this assumption. That's the word that a lot of women

893
00:49:08,520 --> 00:49:11,320
Speaker 1: have put on them. And that's probably the case for her, Like,

894
00:49:11,719 --> 00:49:14,239
Speaker 1: I didn't want to do this, and maybe she thought

895
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:17,160
Speaker 1: she did and then realized I don't want to do this.

896
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:20,279
Speaker 1: That was kind of me, actually, that was I was

897
00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:22,640
Speaker 1: just like, man, I want to be home with my baby.

898
00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 1: It's my first baby. I don't want to miss anything.

899
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:26,879
Speaker 1: Like That's how I felt. That wasn't even two thousand seven,

900
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:28,840
Speaker 1: But tell your story. I'm oh, well, I felt with

901
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:30,279
Speaker 1: Jackson's like I don't want to miss anything, and I

902
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:31,880
Speaker 1: want to miss anthing, and and being home with him

903
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:33,800
Speaker 1: for that little bit, I was just like, damn, I

904
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:35,520
Speaker 1: had to go back to work. So then when I

905
00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 1: did go back to work, I was like, I miss

906
00:49:37,080 --> 00:49:39,200
Speaker 1: being at home. And then when I decided that I

907
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:41,879
Speaker 1: was at home with him, and I was unhappy being

908
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:43,400
Speaker 1: home with him because I'm like, shoot, I don't have

909
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:46,960
Speaker 1: any time to just like be around adults and have

910
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:48,800
Speaker 1: adult conversation. And I felt like it made me a

911
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:50,959
Speaker 1: better mom if I was able to just step away

912
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:53,600
Speaker 1: from a little bit do yourself for myself, and then

913
00:49:53,680 --> 00:49:56,279
Speaker 1: come back feeling a little bit more refreshed. Like it's

914
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:58,480
Speaker 1: kind of like a cycle that you kind of get

915
00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:00,680
Speaker 1: at least being a parent or having a child, and

916
00:50:00,719 --> 00:50:02,320
Speaker 1: then deciding if you want to be at home or not,

917
00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:04,120
Speaker 1: or if you have the luxury of even be able

918
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:08,000
Speaker 1: to do that. Yeah, I feel like too, outside of

919
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:10,600
Speaker 1: just being a parent, I remember when Cadine had just

920
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:13,520
Speaker 1: got she just graduated with her master's. She was stressed out.

921
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:15,680
Speaker 1: Her hair was thinning because she was stressed out from school,

922
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:17,680
Speaker 1: and she was just you know, she was just done

923
00:50:17,760 --> 00:50:19,880
Speaker 1: with being a school and being a resident director. I

924
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,840
Speaker 1: was playing in the NFL, so in my mind, I'm like,

925
00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:24,600
Speaker 1: this is an opportunity for me to be the man.

926
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:27,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, you can stay at home, be the

927
00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:30,520
Speaker 1: kept woman. I'm out here and making really good money.

928
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:33,279
Speaker 1: I remember I came home one day. She was in

929
00:50:33,360 --> 00:50:36,680
Speaker 1: the worst mood, and I'm like, you're at home. I

930
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:39,840
Speaker 1: took you shopping. You got this nice place you're staying in,

931
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:41,960
Speaker 1: Like what is the problem. And she was just like,

932
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:46,759
Speaker 1: I don't want to be at home and this is

933
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:48,719
Speaker 1: before kids, And I was like, what do you mean.

934
00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:50,800
Speaker 1: She's like, I got my master's degree, Like I should

935
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:52,320
Speaker 1: be out there working. I should be doing this, doing this,

936
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:54,480
Speaker 1: doing this, And I'm just like, for me, of course,

937
00:50:54,520 --> 00:50:56,120
Speaker 1: it was my ego. I'm like, I'm providing you with

938
00:50:56,200 --> 00:50:58,239
Speaker 1: this lifestyle, you know what I'm saying. And then her

939
00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:00,320
Speaker 1: husband could probably be doing the same thing. You know,

940
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:02,520
Speaker 1: I'm an active military, I'm fighting for the country. I

941
00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:04,080
Speaker 1: have an opportunity for you to be at home, you

942
00:51:04,080 --> 00:51:07,319
Speaker 1: should be happy. That could cause an issue, because that's

943
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:09,880
Speaker 1: how I felt with her until I realized, like, yo,

944
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:12,560
Speaker 1: she did go to school for mad long, graduated, have

945
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:15,560
Speaker 1: good grades to be at home. That had nothing to

946
00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:17,759
Speaker 1: do with kids. Everything to do with the fact that

947
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:20,719
Speaker 1: she didn't know what the purpose was and she was

948
00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:23,879
Speaker 1: we struggled in our sex life at that point. Every

949
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:25,759
Speaker 1: time she looked at me, she kind of blamed me,

950
00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:28,640
Speaker 1: like he's the one that got me here. So when

951
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:30,520
Speaker 1: when you look at somebody and that person making you mad,

952
00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:32,520
Speaker 1: you don't want to have sex with that person, you know.

953
00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:34,920
Speaker 1: And I could imagine him saying, you know, you know,

954
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:37,120
Speaker 1: I'm a military you know, you my wife. You should

955
00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:39,040
Speaker 1: be at home. She's not gonna want to have sex

956
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:41,839
Speaker 1: with you. If that's the case, we don't know. I'm

957
00:51:41,880 --> 00:51:44,520
Speaker 1: just saying based on what he wrote here, you know,

958
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:46,560
Speaker 1: I know, it seems like that could be an issue.

959
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:52,400
Speaker 1: And they're still learning each other, you know, like we

960
00:51:52,480 --> 00:51:55,399
Speaker 1: had we talked recently, like the same person you start

961
00:51:55,520 --> 00:51:57,680
Speaker 1: dating is not the same person that you married to

962
00:51:57,840 --> 00:52:00,640
Speaker 1: two years. We are so different and when we met

963
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:03,879
Speaker 1: sixteen years ago, it's not we're not the same to people. Yeah,

964
00:52:03,880 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 1: but being that early on, they got a lot to

965
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:07,880
Speaker 1: learn about each other and they just gotta keep that

966
00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:10,520
Speaker 1: communication open. Now often do you'll have those talks? I

967
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 1: feel like for us, it's like every week we have

968
00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:14,600
Speaker 1: that talk of this is who I am right now?

969
00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:17,400
Speaker 1: Work with me. How often do we just have that,

970
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:22,600
Speaker 1: like for the first time, like of who we've become.

971
00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:25,560
Speaker 1: I feel like we've been having it more often recently,

972
00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:29,480
Speaker 1: just because Marcus is having a like a shift in life,

973
00:52:29,600 --> 00:52:33,480
Speaker 1: so like our responsibilities to each other, like what we

974
00:52:33,600 --> 00:52:36,480
Speaker 1: do for each other is kind of shifting. So like

975
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:38,919
Speaker 1: because we're in it, I feel like we're talking about

976
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:42,239
Speaker 1: it all the time. But up until that point, it wasn't.

977
00:52:42,640 --> 00:52:44,400
Speaker 1: It was never really a conversation. But like end of

978
00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:46,799
Speaker 1: last year, the beginning of this year, it's like, dude,

979
00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:53,600
Speaker 1: I hit like a mouthstone in life, like something else. Yeah,

980
00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:58,040
Speaker 1: the beginning of ten to nineteen, like completely different person,

981
00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:02,040
Speaker 1: like completely different. And I realized that later on in

982
00:53:02,080 --> 00:53:04,800
Speaker 1: the year, I'm like, dude, what happened to me? Like

983
00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:07,879
Speaker 1: that's when the conversation started. So we started talking about

984
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:09,759
Speaker 1: it more and more. So It's funny, y'all, say that

985
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:13,480
Speaker 1: because they talked about there's a shift. She said there was.

986
00:53:13,719 --> 00:53:16,640
Speaker 1: She was a wife, they were both working. He's acting military,

987
00:53:16,719 --> 00:53:18,400
Speaker 1: she's a stay at home and then the shift happens.

988
00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:20,600
Speaker 1: It's probably a shift in one of their lives. Then

989
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:24,000
Speaker 1: they have to communicate about communicate go into a different

990
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:26,759
Speaker 1: room and not talking about it, that's only gonna lead

991
00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:29,239
Speaker 1: to a separate paths. They got to talk about it

992
00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:32,960
Speaker 1: and be honest for sure. That was dope to listener

993
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:36,279
Speaker 1: letters down And if you want to be featured for

994
00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:38,440
Speaker 1: one of our listener letters, be sure to email us

995
00:53:38,640 --> 00:53:42,480
Speaker 1: at dead as Said Advice at gmail dot com. Thank

996
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:44,800
Speaker 1: you guys so much for giving your two cents or

997
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:46,560
Speaker 1: your four cents and it's too we all thank you.

998
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:51,719
Speaker 1: Look at my mask. So before you guys dip um,

999
00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:54,120
Speaker 1: we normally at the end of every episode to a

1000
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:56,279
Speaker 1: moment of truth. So that's pretty much like whatever your

1001
00:53:56,280 --> 00:53:59,000
Speaker 1: takeaway was from the episode, and it can be about

1002
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:01,640
Speaker 1: anything because we spoke about so much um, you know,

1003
00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:04,040
Speaker 1: with people clocking uterus is or isn't you the right

1004
00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:09,279
Speaker 1: when it's want to put an eye on how you

1005
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:12,640
Speaker 1: say that? Good laugh at me about people try to

1006
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:17,160
Speaker 1: be too intelligent stop talking out how is it university?

1007
00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:18,879
Speaker 1: You're right, I don't know look it up, but y'all

1008
00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:22,239
Speaker 1: at me. You might be right. Though alumnus is alumni.

1009
00:54:23,280 --> 00:54:27,080
Speaker 1: I'm saying we're gonna go with that. You and remember

1010
00:54:27,120 --> 00:54:31,480
Speaker 1: if it's not you to ride codeine s I always

1011
00:54:31,520 --> 00:54:33,319
Speaker 1: make up words. It was the last one I made

1012
00:54:33,320 --> 00:54:37,360
Speaker 1: it last season. Epicity like epics of the Oh. I

1013
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:40,839
Speaker 1: love it though. We're gonna put that in our wall,

1014
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:46,920
Speaker 1: in our Spacespicity of the moment, the two of them,

1015
00:54:47,200 --> 00:54:52,479
Speaker 1: they all these degrees, They just like making stuff. People

1016
00:54:52,560 --> 00:54:54,040
Speaker 1: be out here making up all sorts of ships. So

1017
00:54:54,160 --> 00:54:57,440
Speaker 1: he one little takeaway, one little moment of truth for

1018
00:54:57,520 --> 00:55:00,680
Speaker 1: today's episode. I guess my one moment men of truth

1019
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:04,239
Speaker 1: is that, Um, everybody gets to the side when they

1020
00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:06,799
Speaker 1: just want to start and stop a family and it's

1021
00:55:06,880 --> 00:55:09,439
Speaker 1: it's okay. Like for some people that might be seven

1022
00:55:09,520 --> 00:55:12,520
Speaker 1: kids in for others it might be none. And uh

1023
00:55:13,040 --> 00:55:17,839
Speaker 1: nobody should have a problem with that. Uh my moment

1024
00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:20,600
Speaker 1: the truth I want to go back to. People just

1025
00:55:20,680 --> 00:55:36,120
Speaker 1: need a manly business. You took my markets business. I

1026
00:55:36,239 --> 00:55:39,799
Speaker 1: learned something today you did. Yes, Um, there's nothing that learning,

1027
00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:41,919
Speaker 1: but it makes more sense you don't know what people

1028
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:44,680
Speaker 1: have gone through before you asked that question, so be

1029
00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:47,440
Speaker 1: sensitive to the fact that this question you're asking there

1030
00:55:47,480 --> 00:55:50,160
Speaker 1: may be a story behind it. So before you call

1031
00:55:50,239 --> 00:55:52,399
Speaker 1: the woman out or not having kids or saying whether

1032
00:55:52,480 --> 00:55:54,680
Speaker 1: you want to have more kids, be cognizant to the

1033
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:58,480
Speaker 1: fact that she may be going through something. Right did

1034
00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:02,480
Speaker 1: you go? Be sure to follow us on social media, folks, cadein,

1035
00:56:02,680 --> 00:56:06,759
Speaker 1: I am on Instagram and i and if you're listening

1036
00:56:06,800 --> 00:56:10,239
Speaker 1: on Apple podcasts, please please please be sure to rate,

1037
00:56:10,440 --> 00:56:18,400
Speaker 1: review and subscribe. Dead as dead Ass is a production

1038
00:56:18,520 --> 00:56:22,360
Speaker 1: of Stitcher. We are produced by Jackie Sogico and Dinor Opinion.

1039
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:26,280
Speaker 1: Our executive producer t Square. Our associate producers are Triple

1040
00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:30,080
Speaker 1: and Kristin Torres. Our chief content Officer is Chris Bannon,

1041
00:56:30,239 --> 00:56:33,480
Speaker 1: our studio engineer and original music is by Brendan Burns

1042
00:56:33,719 --> 00:56:36,320
Speaker 1: and Last but not least, we are mixed by Andy

1043
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:44,080
Speaker 1: Kristen's We'll Back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth.

1044
00:56:44,239 --> 00:56:46,200
Speaker 1: We have a podcast going on right now as part

1045
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:49,480
Speaker 1: of the Stitching network called Substraction that's available everywhere. Get

1046
00:56:49,560 --> 00:56:53,719
Speaker 1: a podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right now

1047
00:56:53,800 --> 00:56:56,200
Speaker 1: to the distraction right now, it's out do it. Please,