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Speaker 1: Motherfucking many years. So minyo, motherfucking many years. So yep, yep, yep,

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Speaker 1: there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome

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Speaker 1: to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me Mini

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Speaker 1: episode of goddamn motherfucking mini episode. That's a lot of custom,

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Speaker 1: but you know what, it's the podcast where we dive deep,

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Speaker 1: deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we

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Speaker 1: finally worked to proof that theories that you the listeners

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Speaker 1: have at home. It is your dumb sluts. So you

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Speaker 1: better be coming with some new hot conspiracy theories for

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Speaker 1: me to mill over some some new fun shit that

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Speaker 1: that's that's worth unpacking. You know what I mean, that

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Speaker 1: this is a chance for us to be to be

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Speaker 1: getting into the heat of things. In come with that

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Speaker 1: new futuristic ship I'm trying to hear. I'm tired of

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Speaker 1: hearing about conspiracy, you know, conspiracies about COVID and and

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Speaker 1: I believe the new one is flew Roma funk all that.

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Speaker 1: Give me some futuristic ship. I want to know about

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Speaker 1: anal beads turning into robots, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Let's get weird on this motherfucker mom your host, Lankston Kerman,

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Speaker 1: And yeah, it's it's a new year, but I haven't changed,

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Speaker 1: not not a new me at all. I've made no

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Speaker 1: progress as far as the year or my personality is concerned.

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Speaker 1: And with that, I'm excited to dig into a brand

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Speaker 1: new And I say brand new. But this message actually

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Speaker 1: came to me quite a while ago, and I wasn't

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Speaker 1: really quite sure how to approach it originally. But this

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Speaker 1: is a message of voicemail that came to me from

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Speaker 1: a person named Hamda. I hope I'm saying that name right.

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Speaker 1: It could be Hammed. I'm not uh savvy in reading

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Speaker 1: names correctly. Sometimes I sunk up, but I think it's

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Speaker 1: it's Hamda or Hamda. But either way, this dub person

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Speaker 1: dub person sent me a message and I want to

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Speaker 1: play it for you all now. Hello Langston. I love

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Speaker 1: the podcast, and I'm just going to dive straight into

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Speaker 1: my conspiracy, which is my mom told me good looking

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Speaker 1: people cannot be funny. There is a divine balance in

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Speaker 1: this world whereby one simply kind of had it all,

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Speaker 1: you can't be conventionally hot, and I have a sense

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Speaker 1: of humor. It just throws the scales off you see,

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Speaker 1: it can't work. And now, if a man is Peter

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Speaker 1: Pant's funny, maybe he's like medium ugly, like a little

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Speaker 1: bit goofy um. Maybe his teeth or crookid, or the

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Speaker 1: nose has a little deviation to it, the nostrils lean

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Speaker 1: into the side. Maybe he's five ft six, maybe he

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Speaker 1: has a funky hairline. Whatever. But you know, because he's

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Speaker 1: got that sense of humor, a few drinks in big goggles,

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Speaker 1: he could be pretty fine. But he will never be

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Speaker 1: People Magazine color sexiest Man Alive. And that's just that,

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Speaker 1: you know. Anyway, I said all that to say this.

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Speaker 1: After getting into the podcast, I actually googled Langston because

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Speaker 1: I wanted to put a face to the voice. Now

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Speaker 1: I don't know what this man looks like, and to

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Speaker 1: my surprise, he was actually pretty hot. That's suspiciously hot,

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Speaker 1: I must say, which brings me to my new conspiracy.

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Speaker 1: Langston Carman has a ghostwriter, and I know there's a

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Speaker 1: drake over a sweatshop situation happening behind the scenes. I

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Speaker 1: just know it. Nobody can tell me otherwise. And because

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Speaker 1: like I said, no man is both fine and funny,

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Speaker 1: God will simply not allow it. So yeah, that's my conspiracy.

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Speaker 1: Thank you very much. Okay, well, first of all, thank

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Speaker 1: you Hamda Hamda for for sending this message. And I

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Speaker 1: would like to start off by saying that you're absolutely right.

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Speaker 1: You know, you're absolutely right. You caught me. I do,

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Speaker 1: in fact have a ghostwriter for all of my jokes,

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Speaker 1: and that ghostwriter is Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.

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Speaker 1: That's right. I prayed to him every single day and

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Speaker 1: he comes down. He comes down with clever set up

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Speaker 1: punchlines about Anna lingus. God is always working through me,

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Speaker 1: and God is hilarious and disgusting. Thank you, sweet Jesus,

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Speaker 1: for for all that you do for me. That said,

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Speaker 1: I wanted to look up. I'm honored that you think

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Speaker 1: that I am suspiciously handsome. It means the world to me.

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Speaker 1: Uh please notify my wife, who has is never once

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Speaker 1: called me handsome ever. But that said, I wanted to

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Speaker 1: look up the legitimacy of your claim. And as it

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Speaker 1: turns out, this is odd because I've long maintained similar feelings.

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Speaker 1: I thought that that only uh you know, a certain

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Speaker 1: type of ugo could really be the top of the

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Speaker 1: tops as far as the funniest concerned. But a a

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Speaker 1: study that I read, and a few of the studies

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Speaker 1: that are read, there's a fair amount of articles that

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Speaker 1: actually argue the exact opposite. That's right, they are saying

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Speaker 1: the opposite of what you're you're suggesting, dub person. They're

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Speaker 1: they're saying. A study at the University of Stirling in

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Speaker 1: the UK, that's your people, you know, that's you. You're

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Speaker 1: in the UK actually suggests that more attractive people rate

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Speaker 1: higher on the funniness scale than their mere average counterparts.

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Speaker 1: That this is what your scientists are suggesting now. In

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Speaker 1: the study, they had participants consumed clips of undergrad students

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Speaker 1: saying what two items they would bring with them to

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Speaker 1: a desert island and why, basically introducing this prompt, having

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Speaker 1: them respond to these prompts and uh. Some of the

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Speaker 1: responses obviously were were funny or witty or whatever it was.

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Speaker 1: And then the participants were asked to rate the funny

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Speaker 1: of the clip, and then later the person's attractiveness as

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Speaker 1: both long and short term partners, long and short term

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Speaker 1: meaning would you be with them for life or would

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Speaker 1: you just like to to bone moan and head on home?

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean? That's a new phrase that

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Speaker 1: I'm working on and hoping picks up this year is

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Speaker 1: bone moan and head on home. That's just me. That's

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Speaker 1: that's I'm I'm working on. Anyway, The research found that

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Speaker 1: handsome men rated higher on the funny scale just by

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Speaker 1: virtue of being handsome, and they also found that attractive

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Speaker 1: men were treated considerably funnier when they could see them

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Speaker 1: versus when they were just hearing them through an audio medium. Now,

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Speaker 1: research found that while for both the sexes, attractiveness is

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Speaker 1: a sign of genetic superiority, humor is instead less of

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Speaker 1: a signal of survival. Right that Like, basically, to put

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Speaker 1: this in layman's terms, and I assume you're very layman,

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Speaker 1: uh Hamda, I think you are the most layman. Now.

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Speaker 1: I'm joking, but I do think that that essentially what

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Speaker 1: they're saying is we look at attractive people as people

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Speaker 1: who are who are sturdy, who are going to be

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Speaker 1: able to survive genetically, They're gonna be able to survive

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Speaker 1: longer because their genes are just set up better. Right

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Speaker 1: in that and ugo us home also is going to

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Speaker 1: be a little sickly or a little less equipped for survival.

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Speaker 1: That said, while we all are seeking somebody who is

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Speaker 1: attractive and seems to have the best quality genes. In

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Speaker 1: terms of humor, humor is instead a signal of sexual receptiveness, Okay,

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Speaker 1: especially to a short lived encounter. Right, So they're saying, like, look,

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Speaker 1: hey for jenes, I look at the face. But if

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Speaker 1: I think somebody is gonna be down to clown, then

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Speaker 1: I I gotta see how funny they are. If they're

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Speaker 1: gonna be down to the bone, moaning head on home,

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Speaker 1: I gotta see if they have a sense of humor. Now,

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Speaker 1: the problem for me with this study is that and

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Speaker 1: and listen this, I think it's it's a nice suggestion

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Speaker 1: that may be attractive people can also be funny. I

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Speaker 1: don't know that. I'm I'm fully buying it. And and

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Speaker 1: part of the reason I'm not buying it, part of

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Speaker 1: the reason I I tend to get a little skeptical

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Speaker 1: about this here study is that the study is using

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Speaker 1: undergrad students as the control for what is and isn't funny.

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Speaker 1: That's a problem for me. Undergrads are basically old ass

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Speaker 1: high school students, And as the person who ONTs taught

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Speaker 1: high school, I can tell you with absolute certainty that

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Speaker 1: young people in general are not funny at all. They're

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Speaker 1: not in the least bit humors. They've never made me laugh.

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Speaker 1: There's nothing they say or do that should make people laugh,

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Speaker 1: and they should certainly shouldn't be the measure of what

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Speaker 1: we find funny in the world. And anybody who is

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Speaker 1: as ring it that way is a fool. If you

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Speaker 1: are in a room of a bunch of unfunny young

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Speaker 1: people and you are naturally still going to think that

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Speaker 1: someone in that group is funnier than someone else, So

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Speaker 1: it stops being what is funny, but rather what is

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Speaker 1: funniest right now, or what is funny given these circumstances,

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Speaker 1: right and that doesn't make them actually funny. It just

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Speaker 1: makes them closer to the standard of funny than their counterparts. Similarly,

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Speaker 1: horny always trumps funny, So the fact that you're laughing

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Speaker 1: at these jokes does not make them better jokes. It

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Speaker 1: just makes you think you might hit and therefore I'll

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Speaker 1: laugh at the jokes for the The the possibility of

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Speaker 1: sucking on them sweet old ditties, or mouthing on that penis,

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Speaker 1: you know, mouth, you gotta mouth that penis is another

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Speaker 1: phrase that I'm working on this year. You gotta mouth

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Speaker 1: that penis young lady out I I gotta get out

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Speaker 1: of the house, and these variants are not helping it anyway.

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Speaker 1: As a reasonably a I could person myself. I am

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Speaker 1: all for supporting my community, right. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: feel like a like a handsome cone here. I support

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Speaker 1: the handsome community. However, I'd be lying if I said

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Speaker 1: that I don't think uggles aren't just naturally way funnier

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Speaker 1: than us. I do. I think the uglies, the uglies

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Speaker 1: got it ma, and the motherfucker's just be funny with

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Speaker 1: their weird eyes and there their pouches, you know, their

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Speaker 1: kangaroo pouch bodies. Uh, the motherfucker's are funny. I work

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Speaker 1: hard every day and this is important to keep up

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Speaker 1: with some of these ghoulish men with their slump noses

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Speaker 1: and and goiters, you know what I mean. I take

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Speaker 1: great pride in the fact that I I am funny

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Speaker 1: and and because I could easily just do light skin

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Speaker 1: squinting at the camera and get similar amounts of attention online.

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Speaker 1: And I work hard to be funny, and I don't

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Speaker 1: want to belittle that by just saying that handsome people

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Speaker 1: can easily uh out funny the Uggles. I think that

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Speaker 1: the Goes actually have it. That said, the premise does

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Speaker 1: bring up the question of the ways that our beauty

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Speaker 1: standards are determined, and even more important, who is allowed

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Speaker 1: on television to set the standards of what is beautiful

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Speaker 1: and what is funny. Now, there's no way. If you

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Speaker 1: asked me, and I'm not a fan of the show,

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Speaker 1: I have to have brought this up a few times.

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Speaker 1: There's no way. The cast of Friends, that's the six

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Speaker 1: funniest actors that they could find at the time. Right,

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Speaker 1: it's not possible. You're not gonna fucking convince me otherwise

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Speaker 1: that Matt LeBlanc was the funniest motherfucker to exist. But

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Speaker 1: they were the six most attractive people with some comedic

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Speaker 1: timing of that era, and so they became the standard

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Speaker 1: for what's funny. We hear so much about white beauty standards,

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Speaker 1: but not dissimilar we are also constantly bombarded with white

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Speaker 1: standards of comedy on television, which then influences who and

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Speaker 1: what we are trained to find attractive in completely different ways.

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Speaker 1: Right that this isn't just attractive in the genetic sense,

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Speaker 1: but attractive in the short term, consensual sense, willingness sense.

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Speaker 1: So it is, it is a full spectrum of attractiveness

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Speaker 1: being shaped by the white devil. And my point is

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Speaker 1: that until we reform beauty and comedy standards, we're all

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Speaker 1: going to be stuck pretending like a bunch of puffy faces.

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Speaker 1: Whites are the funniest people on the planet. That is

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Speaker 1: my big takeaway from this premise. And and I don't

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Speaker 1: know hamda hamda the person if if this fully answers

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Speaker 1: the question of whether or not ugos or the Gorgo's

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Speaker 1: are are are which one's funnier? I but I do

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Speaker 1: think we got to change the way that we we

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Speaker 1: talk about beauty and funny if we're ever going to

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Speaker 1: fully figure this thing out. So that's that's where I

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Speaker 1: live in this bad boy That's what I got. Okay,

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Speaker 1: If you want to send me your conspiracy theories about

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Speaker 1: the way that I look and how I potentially might

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Speaker 1: also be running a big ruse on my listeners every week,

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Speaker 1: please send those conspiracy theories to my mama pot at

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Speaker 1: gmail dot com. I would love to hear from you,

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Speaker 1: and please follow me at Lengthston Kerman And and that's

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Speaker 1: about it. You could, like, you could subscribe to the podcast,

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Speaker 1: you could write reviews. We finally hit that one thousand mark,

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Speaker 1: and so I'm at piece. I'm resting like Dano's my

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Speaker 1: hands all burnt up. But that's unrelated. I was jerking

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Speaker 1: off in front of a stove. Huh, didn't No ghostwriter

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Speaker 1: could have written that. I thought of that all by myself, Right,

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Speaker 1: that's a pretty fun joke, the idea of a man

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Speaker 1: just jerking off in front of a stove and his

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Speaker 1: hands getting hot. But but he's got finished beating that meat.

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Speaker 1: I gotta finish beating that meat. I should name the

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Speaker 1: episode Gotta Finish beating at meat, But nobody would know

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Speaker 1: what this is about anyway. Okay, we did it by bitch,

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Speaker 1: motherfucking many years. So many years, so, motherfucking many years. So,

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Speaker 1: motherfucking many years, so many years, motherfucking many years. So